BY DANIEL PIPESStaff Eater

SEPTEMBER 28, 2006

InsideTHIS ISSUE

FLOGGING MOLLY SINCE 1948

YOM MARIJUANA

VOLUME #2 ISSUE#3

Following a miscommunication in which the meaning of the term “High Holidays” was tragically misconstrued, a new demographic expressed interest in coming to cam-pus: the Rastafarians. “They contacted me a few days ago, quite disappointed that they had already missed a two-day holiday last week-end,” said President Jehuda Reinharz. “They seemed so interested, for some reason, in our celebrations. I didn’t quite understand why, but I tried to explain as well as I could.” Reportedly, the Rastaman were very excited about Jehuda’s descriptions, especially when he explained the possible uses of the Shofar and mentioned that Jews smoke salmon, “which goes great with moist bagels.” “They were very friendly and we got to talking about the Brandeis campus,” said Reinharz. “I mentioned the quality of our new grass and they started yelling ‘Ganja! Ganja! Ganja!’ which I assumed was some Jamaican form of praise.” Indeed, it was, Jehuda, indeed, it was…

High Holidays Attract Thousands of Rastafarians to Brandeis Campus Brandeis Stoner-in-Residence Ed Callahan caught wind of the conversation and immediately began prepara-tions for the masses of Rastafarians expected to arrive during the weekend leading up to Yom Kippur. An excited Callahan proclaimed, “In order to make room for this monumental event, we will prohibit stu-dent use of any parking lot on campus. Even J-lot. Only those with hemp stickers, dreadlocks, and lots of weed may park near Brandeis this weekend.” Spaces in A Lot have already been reserved for the Sociology and Art departments, who plan to conduct “research” during the

upcoming holiday. When asked where students would be able to keep their vehicles, Callahan answered, “We will have underground parking available for students by the year 2018.” Although the hordes of

Rastafarians expected to migrate to Brandeis in the coming days may cause problems in terms of the Jewish religious services,

“Judaism has a long tradition of substance use. Pot kugel is not a new phenomenon.” - Rabbi Shlomo McEpstein

Student Events Announces ADD-Friendly Fall Concert Series

On Tuesday, Student Events announced its annual Fall concert in the Independent Student Newspaper at Brandeis University - the Justice. According to the an-nouncement, this fall’s concert will take the form of a two-day festival consisting of five different bands and will be called Bonnajoo. Student events spokesperson, O.A. Reinstein told the Blowfish that the decision to break up the traditional fall concert into five separate acts was made to accommodate students’ needs. Towards the end of last semester, Student Events held a poll giving students a chance to request bands. Apparently, though, the question-naire had to be approved by the administration, and therefore was required to include the “If-you-have-a-documented-disability” paragraph that appears on all syllabi. The Student Events office was swamped with doctors notes and proof-of-disability forms. “We received more documented-disability forms than requests for bands,” explained Reinstein, “so we were forced to take that into account.” The most reported disability was ADD, ac-cording to an anonymous source dressed in a giant Owl Costume. This was the main reason that Student Events decided to change the format. “I mean, if everyone’s goin’ all ADD, there’s no way they can sit through a regular length set,” explained Student Events

spokesman Zach Proust ’07. “By breaking up the show into a couple different acts, we can hold their attention long enough to throw Student Events t-shirts at them.” Students are thrilled with this announcement. Lynn Rit-tal ‘09 was one of the students who submitted a disability

form. In a series of three 7 minute interviews, Rittal told the Blowfish “I’m pretty excited that they’re gonna have a bunch of different acts. I mean, this will ensure that I don’t get bored of any of them. And, with more bands... woah! Is that a butterfly?” Of the bands that are playing, the most well-known is an Irish-influ-enced band called Flog-ging Molly. According to the Student Events public-ity coordinator, Adam Rawl ‘07, “Student events picked Flogging Molly because we just wanted to see the band’s name writ-ten in the Justice. It seems

to fit with their theme-of the-year.” Bonnajoo is scheduled to take place in Levin Ballroom, a place that only fills up when fellow students paint their bodies with latex and perform provocative dance moves )that only look good because most undergrads have never

seen the opposite sex without shirts on). According to Proust, Flogging Molly wanted to play its set on the tennis courts, but the athletics depart-ment could not in-sure that the courts would be clean. “We’re still excited about the show,” said Prouse. “We know that everyone will Mos-Def enjoy the shows. At least for a few minutes.”

BY GLEN GRYZMISHFan of “The Sandlot”

After discovering that the Campus Bookstore had sold Him the incorrect version of the Book of Life, God disclosed this week that He has delayed Yom Kip-pur, the Jewish holiday of repentance and forgiveness, while He looks for the correct edition at booksoncam-pus.com. The Book, essential to God’s role on the most holy of Jewish holidays, is a roster of all human beings worthy of life in the year to come. This is not to be confused with Santa Claus’s list of “Naughty and Nice Children,” or Lucky the Leprechaun’s St. Patrick’s Day Pot O’ Whiskey. God was reportedly accidentally issued The Rock’s Big Book of Life. While the Campus Bookstore was unavailable for comment, God spoke to the Blowfish over the phone, saying “their return policy dost suck mightily. They giveth but one week in which I may return a book to them! And why wouldst they order a HARDCOVER edition? That thing costeth me, like, $200!” When He tried to return the book a few days later, He was reportedly turned away for not having proof of schedule change. God commented, “I am the Lord, your God. I am all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-good, yet without a valid UNet ID and password, I cannot access SAGE to receiveth a printout of my schedule!” It is unclear at this time why God simply did not turn back time (a la Superman). Despite His wrath at the bookstore, God still chose to sell back last year’s Book, for which He received $4.75. God

used the cash to pay for half the cost of a spiral-bound Brandeis notebook. He also purchased a sweater that said “Brandeis” in Hebrew, explaining, “because I thought it was cute,” and a Brandeis shot glass “for Manischewitz on Shabbos.” Unfortunately, He was not able to sell back the paperback “Study Guide to the Book of Life.” God also reportedly spoke with Alwina Bennett, Asst. Dean of Student Life, saying, “Thou shalt send an all campus email entitled, ‘If it’s a Thursday, God has revealed Himself to humanity and delayed His Ho-liest day of the year.’” It is expected that the majority of students will delete the e-mail without reading it.

Brandeis clergymen do not seem worried. “You have to remember,” said Rabbi Shlomo Moses Goldberg McEpstein, “that Judaism also has a long tradi-tion of substance use. Pot kugel is not a new phenom-enon. The Hebrews were huge hippies. Forty years of

living in tents and walking around in circles. If they hadn’t been high they would have realized they just had to walk straight for about two days. And look at all those guys who had visions of God. Jesus, I just wish that shit was around now…” Rabbi McEpstein had noth-ing more intelligible to say. In light of the recent de-velopments in the Yom Kip-pur schedule, there will also be a change in the services’ location. Reform and Con-servative services are now in Sherman, and the Orthodox will hotbox the C-store.

Wrong ‘Book of Life’ sent to Bookstore

“Their return policy dost suck mightily. They giveth but one week in which I may

return a book to them!”

BY KELLEN HELLERVentriloquist

Thomas Friedman arrested boarding his lecture flight: Moustache mistaken for

WMD. Page B-11.

Willie Nelson celebrates Rosh Hashanah:

“I bring new meaning to High Holidays.” Page I-29.

Harvard stops accepting students:

“It’s time we became more selective.” Page N-free.

Survivor introduces Man v. Machine: In-spector Gadget ruled ineligible. Page G-62.

Blacks v. Whites. Good TV. Page 2.Freaky F-Board Requests. Page 2.

E. Coli infects Popeye. Page 3.A brand new, homemade crossword. Page 4.

“We picked Flogging Molly be-cause we wanted to see it written in the Justice. It seems to fit in

with their theme-of-the-year.” - Adam Rawl ‘07

Matisyahu ‘07 and the Rastafarians got together for some smoked salmon, and smoking some Ganja.

Photo Poll:

YO, GET THIS:The Blowfish is not a real newspaper, and as such con-tains completely fictional articles. No articles or quotes are truthful by any means and should not be conceived as such. All photos courtesy of the Internet (public domain) and staff.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR THE HIGH HOLIDAYS?

opinionPAGE2

Blacks v. Whites?

Asians v. Hispanics?

I’m watching that

THANK YOU FOR READING

David KlaskoJonathan Krisch

Sam RoosJoshuaLouisSimon

Editors

Jessica AxelDaniel Baron

Michael CarnowJudah Druck

Leor GalilPat Garofalo

Josh Gondelman

Sean Patrick HoganJay JudahJonathan KayBen KussDaniel LevyAnthony ScibelliDerek Tesser

Staff

Slice of Apple PieBY JOHN Q. PUBIC

American

Contributors

“I imagined the Asian team building Playstations, the black team dominat-

ing sports, and the Hispanic team winning the race to the border.”

Derek Jeter was declared ineligible for Survivor: Race Wars, because he’s multi-racial, and because he’s a douchebag.

Alex BraverBecca Freifeld

Marianna Faynshteyn

Jordan GoodnoughEthan PalmerJeremy Shuman

“Fasting. Wait... what are High Holidays?”~ Kate Moss

COURTESY OF JACKIE’S

TALKING JOKE MACHINE

JOKE OF THE WEEK:

What city has the most cows?

Moo York.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s professional acting and writing. Nothing irritates me more than a direc-tor trying to create some sort of “art” or an actor trying to “be” someone else. That’s why I was so pleased when Survivor first aired. I didn’t have to worry about following a storyline, or understanding jokes. TV had finally reached its pinnacle. Now however, all of that has changed. When I first heard about Survivor Race Wars, I was ecstatic. As a Carlos Mencia fan, I am well aware of differences between races. For example, I know that white people cannot dance, Asian people cannot drive, and black people cannot hail a taxi. I

could not wait to see this long awaited battle of the races, this new television spectacular. Now don’t get me wrong; I’m no racist. Some of my best friends are members of other (inferior) tribes. But let’s face it - stereotypes are funny. I was salivating just thinking about it. I imagined the Asian team building Playstations, the black team dominating sports (lucky for them it’s not hockey season), and the Hispanic team winning the race to the border. Unfortunately, what I got instead were four generally indistinguishable groups and a show forcing me to analyze each person as an individual as opposed to following more entertaining pre-conceived notions. Thanks a lot, Survivor. You’ve ruined the one oasis in the feces desert that is televi-sion. But perhaps most surprising was the lack of a Jewish presence. Naturally, I assumed the Jewish tribe would lose quickly. But to be not mentioned

at all? Maybe they were part of the white team, I asked myself, growing a bit skeptical. But alas, the Caucasian team, consisting of Kevin Kennington, Mont-gomery Worthing-worths, Dick “Spike” Pinkerton, and Thor Squatthrust speaks for itself. Of course, once the credits began rolling, it be-came clear where the

members of the Jewish tribe had been playing. At least they got that right.

blowfish@brandeis.eduwww.brandeis.edu/~blowfish

Clubs that got F’d

Yachting ClubRequest: While we have raised enough money through weekly bake sales to pay for matching gold-buttoned blue blazers, khaki shorts, and a variety of single malt scotch-es, we are requesting $300,000 for a fiberglass Contessa 32 Schooner. We will use this to flaunt our snootiness as we roar down the Charles.FBoard Comments: Can’t you just ask your daddy?

The Christmas ClubRequest: Twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.FBoard Comments: Allocated: Two drummers drum-ming, a swan, and a menorah. You’re at Brandeis. We don’t do that partridge in a pear tree shit. And turtle doves? That’s so Home Alone 2.

Oregon Trail II ClubRequest: (2) oxen, (1) mule, and (1) axle. (3) bottles of brandy, and (6) bottles of Epsom salts for Ezekiel’s dysentery.FBoard Comments: Jezebel has died of exhaustion. Your wagon is 2,500 lbs too heavy.

Dog Walking ClubRequest: (1) pooper scooper; (3) leashes; (3) collars; (3) dogs + immunizations.FBoard Comments: Allocated: (3) Tamagotchis.

When you got ahold of a copy of the Blowfish that you’re reading right now, you probably thought “Woah, I just totally got away with not paying for this paper. I’m so slick.” Well, you’re dead wrong. You see, if you’re a student, you have paid for this paper. That’s right. Your student activities fee pays for the Blowfish. Of course, the Blowfish has to deal with a bunch of bureaucratic hullabaloo before your money pays for alcohol and printing costs. Like every other student club on campus, the Blowfish must go through a rigorous process known as marathon, where we tremble nervously in front of the Finance Board in the hopes that we can get a small piece of the pie that Jenny Feinberg and her cohorts so gracefully crafted. The point is, every club tries to get money, but there are some clubs that just don’t impress the F-ers. For various reasons, F-Board members often do what their middle-school teachers told them to do – they Just Say No!Who are these unfortunate clubs, you may ask. Well, ask and ye shall receive. The Blowfish got ahold of the list of club requests that the F-Board shot down. Ya, we’re slick. Here’s a bunch of ‘em.

Modern Cannibalism ClubRequest: Although we are the “Modern” Cannibalism Club, we have been using the same giant pot since the 1950s. Also, Aramark has been getting pretty upset that we’ve been jacking a bunch of their silverware. So, it’d be really cool if we could get (1) huge, human sized pot like they use to cook the macaroni in Sherman, (1) set of forks, (1) set of Cutco knives.FBoard Comments: Allocated: (1) giant pot; Use your hands you filthy cannibals.

STANDRequest: (300,000) UN troops for peacekeeping mis-sions in Sudan, (1) box of t-shirts.FBoard Comments: Allocated: (300,000) troops. T-shirt allocation vetoed by F-Board’s Russian and Chinese delegates.

Scarface ClubRequest: First we’ll get the money. Then we’ll get the power. Then we’ll get the woman. Oh, and we also need cocaine.FBoard Comments: Allocated: (1) world chico, every-thing in it.

Callahan Appreciation ClubRequest: (14) “tobacco glass pipes,” (8) “tobacco water-pipes,” (1) “tobacco gravity bong,” (118) bags of Funyuns.FBoard Comments: Allocated: Everything except Fun-yuns. F-Board will not fund food.

BRAINSTORMING MTGTUESDAY, OCT 3 - 11pm

Village TV Lounge

“Celebrating the birth of our savior. Suri Cruise.”~ L. Ron Hubbard

“Dipping the apple in the Guiness.”~ Flogging Molly

“Getting blown! Oh - wait, by this guy? Come on!”~ The Shofar

“Reading The Good Book... Mine.”~ Thomas L. Friedman

“The High Holidays? Isn’t that on April 20th?”~ Ed Callahan

Coup staged; Men everywhere shield themselves

campusPAGE3

Thai army forces staged a coup last week by attack-ing weak spots within the Thai government while Prime

Minister Thaksin Shi-nawatra was at a U.N. conference on torture. Sources say that the army’s takeover of the country’s capital of Bangkok was accom-plished quickly as the soldiers resorted to unethical means.

According to one bystander, “The soldiers simply asked government representatives what the capital of Thailand was. When the answer was given, the soldier would respond with a quick jab to the scrotum.” The only government official who was spared was General Tso, who speculated that the capital of Thailand was Pad Thai. He was later appointed ambassador to Three Fortunes. After what experts are calling a “bas-ackwards version of every oth-er revolution ever,” the coup leaders have placed Bhumibol Adulyadej, the country’s King, back in power. Citizens who cannot pronounce his name have been issued a swift “lecture” on the onomatopoeia-tic aspects of the country’s capital. In protest of the coup, former Prime Minister Shinawatra has asked the U.N. to rename the country’s capital Bukkake. Sources in Thailand are unsure of what will happen next; many people are quickly becoming anxious, afraid of the quick arm of the Thai military. Others are just slightly perturbed, wishing that the Prime Minister would

be brought back to power, stating, “the joke is getting a little old.” Similar hijinx have spread to other nations. Back in New York, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has started an international insult competition with the Bush administration, calling the U.S. president a

“devil.” Administration of-ficials are waiting to see what Chavez will say about Bush’s momma. The Bush admin-istration currently plans to address these issues by panty raiding Pakistan sometime in the near future, according to the former deputy secretary of state Richard L. Armitage.

The administration responded to this leak by quickly informing Armitage of the capital of Thailand; Armit-age has since been complacent.

BY BOBBY BROWNWhitney Houston fan

BY PENELOPE POLLACKThree times a lady

Popeye joins Irwin as latest hero deathOptimus Prime, Shaq fear for their lives

Fans across the world were shocked Tuesday over the death of Popeye, sailorman. Autopsies showed that Pop-eye contracted the E. Coli virus from a contaminated can of spinach. The incident occurred Monday evening in the home of Ms. Olive Oyl. “We were getting a bit freaky,” said Oyl, “and he decided to eat some spinach, y’know,

to keep his stamina up.” She added, “I mean, it’s not all that bad. Now I can start the career I’ve always wanted --- making babies.” The publicity from Popeye’s death has drawn the attention of some very powerful people. Upon hear-

ing that Popeye had been ingesting the spinach in order to receive superhuman strength, Major League Baseball, the Tour de France and President of the world doping as-sociation Dick Pound (yes, that’s his real name) launched full scale investigations.

“Sadly, the death was easily avoidable,” Dr. Nick Zhivago told the Blowfish. “Ms. Oyl brought Popeye to the hospital in plenty of time for treatment, but he refused any real medicine. He just kept shoveling down that spinach and flexing his biceps. A sad sight.” The sailor expired at 7:11 AM, nearly two full weeks after initially ingesting the tainted spinach. His last words were reported to have been “I yam what I yam, and that’s all that...oh shit...” J. Wellington Wimpy, a friend of the deceased, had little to say about the death, though he assured the Blow-fish that he would “gladly pay Tuesday for a hamburger today.” Popeye’s sworn enemy, Bluto, currently serving out his 37-year jail term for Colombian drug smuggling, could not be reached for comment. News of the famed sailorman’s demise, which came on the heels of the death of fellow pop culture icon Steve “Fucking Stingray” Irwin, has left people to wonder, who’s next? Many of America’s greatest heroes hope it’s not them. Optimus Prime, leader of the hardcore De-troit-based crew the Autobots, is one of many concerned icons. “He’s been really reclusive lately,” confided fellow hero Sparkplug. “Ever since the Popeye incident, he’s been worrying a lot. No more ‘rolling out’ for him, if ya get my drift.” The Blowfish did not, in fact, receive any

kind of drift. Many others are getting ready to protect themselves. Reports say Shaq has been teaching the en-tire Miami Heat team “begin-ner’s Shaq-fu” with a dash of “Kazaam magic,” in hopes of preventing any other unwar-ranted deaths. Whether any of this will help stop this deadly string of attacks on Ameri-ca’s greatest heroes remains to be seen, though we can only hope.

“We were getting a bit freaky and he decided to eat some spinach, y’know, to keep his stamina up.” - Ms. Olive Oyl

An intense discussion between members of the ad-ministration and the Student Union was finally resolved when Assistant Director for Recreation Tom Rand realized that the current argument was over funding for club SPORTS and not a club SANDWICH. “Everyone was debating about giving more money to a Squash club, and I just wouldn’t have it,” said a ticked-off Rand. “I feel very strongly about Pastrami Reuben. How do you make a Squash club anyway? Even Russian dressing wouldn’t make that shit taste good,” he bitched. The discussion bounced from the Volleyball club to the Ski Team to the Tae Kwon Do club. At that point, Rand stormed out of the room, mumbling “Tae Kwon Do, nigiri, edamame...” The Blowfish spoke with Rand’s Jewish mother, who explained that “Tommy was kvetching about food because he needs to eat something. You know Tommy, he’s just such a workaholic. I mean, even at his bris...” Mrs. Rand rambled on that Tom was even hungrier because he’d fasted on Rosh Hashana. Because 100% of the Blowfish staff are Brandeis

Ultimate Frisbee, hold the pickleBY GUY GERSTENZANG

40-year old Virgin Records Producerstudents (read: Jewish), they knew something was up. With the help of Leroy “Encyclopedia” Brown, the Blowfish’s investigative reporters dis-covered that Jews don’t fast on Rosh HaShana. And neither did Thomas Rand!For just 25 cents/day (plus expens-

es), Encyclopedia helped the Blowfish discover that Rand’s mother had been DHLing him his favorite Pastrami Sandwiches and Matzoh Ball soup every day. Encyclopedia helped the Blowfish dig a bit deeper (Running Total: 50 cents, plus two meals at the Stein). The Stu-dent Union Secretary, who agreed to talk on condition of not being

named, said that “after the smoke cleared, I wasn’t convinced he had just been fasting. The meeting kept being inter-rupted by fits of laughter. Don’t print this, but I think he was helping Ed

Callahan celebrate the High Holi-days.” In a related incident, Cappy’s reports its best sales ever.

“How do you make a Squash club anyway? Even Russian dressing wouldn’t make that shit taste good.” - Tom Rand

Popeye’s last words were reported to have been “I yam what I yam, and that’s all that... oh shit...”

Each New Year (the Jewish Year, that is) the Blowfish awards its most prestigious honor: Man of the year. Although many this year ex-hibited the characteristics which the Blowfish looks for in a Man of the Year honoree, only one man is sexy enough for the crown. Only one man makes Catholic girls lift up their skirts and turns the other cheek on pedophile priests. Only one man can quote from 13th century scrip-tures and piss off 21st century humans. There’s only one man whose words are sanctioned by the Big Guy, who still has the courtesy to issue an apology. No, not Dubya - he doesn’t apologize. The Pope. The Blowfish selects The Pope formerly known as Joseph Ratzinger, Pope Benedict Arnold XVI as 5767’s Man of the Year. There are so many reasons for this prestigious appointment: his goofy hat, his pope-mobile, his Nazi past… but perhaps his most noble attribute is his deep appreciation and understanding of all religions. The Pope hit the headlines this year, proving that he really is the Supreme Pontifficator, with his divine remarks regarding Islam and violence. His statement that Arabs have only brought evil and inhuman things to society couldn’t have been more right. Algebra sucks, al-cohol is evil, al-manacs are useless, and Al Bundy is…well, ok, we’ll give them Al Bundy. As the Blowfish Man of the Year, The Pope joins a prestigious group which includes such respectable men as Mark Paul Gosselaar (5739), Rasputin (5668), Elian Gonzalez (576-uno) and Sharon, Lois, and Bram (5741).

MANOF THEYEAR

5767

The only govern-ment official who was spared was General Tso, who speculated that the capital of Thailand was Pad Thai.

The soldiers simply asked what the capital of Thailand was.

When the answer was given, the soldier would respond with a

quick jab to the scrotum.

p.s.PAGE4

Screen PassThe NFL is on your tube and coming soon to a theater near you!

Squeeze in those Course Requirements T E A R S S P P R O M N A V S

A L B E E C O S E C T A R A A P I E

I L O V E H I T C H H I K E R U N N

E R E D I T U T A H E G I S A Y S

I N T R E P I D O P S D A N I E L L E

B R A K E S E A T N A N A

T B P E R E M O T E E S

R A I S I N S A P O G E E E R N E S T

O N A W H I M M I N I N G T H E T A

D E S P O T I C C E N O N N A R A T

P R R R H I Y A

A A C O K I A Y M E A H I L E

H I T E M M D A M S C L A I E R

E N T O M B E P I S C O E A R P L U G

M T A C A I N E H A M S I D O

M I N H S A L A U R O R A

J O Y R I D E S M I B V E N E R E A L

O R E B A A T A G O G Y T H M E

N A T O G R E E N H O U S E N U T T V

A T T N E D N T O N I C D R A H E

H E A D S A E D G M T S O B E R

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Across1. “You had ____ day...”5. Hollywood Agcy.8. Like McCoy on Law & Order11. “Waterfalls” group14. Aide, abbr.18. “Harrison Ford and Tom Brady pair up in this thriller of a game...”21. Ann Arbor school, ____M22. After antenna, before sat.23. “Mike Vick and Humphrey Bogart are on the case this afternoon...”25. Ear cleaner26. Fixes27. Use your tongue28. Taking to court29. Essay errors33. “I just can’t wait to be Barry Sanders...”36. Elderly org.37. Campus dance club41. Greek house42. “Delhoume stars as a bumbling french detective, tonight at 9...”47. Shark or panic51. Major ISP

52. It comes after Lane K53. Tree truncater54. Native Israeli55. “...____ to the merchant ships”57. 525,600 minutes59. Siegfried’s pet62. Staff writer Galil63. Average65. Distinct territories, perhaps culturally68. Knee lig.69. “Nazi’s are no match for the treasure hunting skills of Warren Sapp and Randy Moss...”75. Mother’s sister’s daughter, informally76. Immediate price quote of a commod-ity, and Econ term77. Pull78. The blame80. Seuss’s tree hugger81. Tevye term, abbr.85. Baker’s clay89. Iraq city91. Japanese drink92. Old calculators94. Author George, in a class room95. “Instead ____, which is what I am.”97. “Terrell Owens gives an X-rated performance with Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman...”101. Swindle, trick103. Satellite car service104. Opera solo

105. “Kellen Winslow can’t ride straight even with direction from Quentin Taran-tino...”110. Animal forehead111. Former Massachusetts governor Elbridge112. Shakespeare King113. Enter ____ (as in court)117. “____ will always love you!”118. “Vince Young and Kerry Collins face off in a quarterback controversy of mythi-cal proportions...”125. Nose-raiser126. Parking place127. “Not even a Disney Channel psychic can predict the moves of Ray Lewis...”128. Fire pile129. “The ____ and outs...”130. Time at the Merid.131. NESN competitor132. Part of NFL

Down1. Appropriate, suiting2. “____ humbug!”3. Consumed4. H.S. theatre class5. Nat or Porter6. Memo header7. Grew up8. One of myself9. Actor, artist, Brandeis canceller Mos10. Car dealer’s goal: Make -----11. Actor Stanley12. “The ____ love is in...”13. NFL grouping, backwards14. Not guilty verdict15. Silky material16. Chief of The Police?17. Moderate tube rating19. Dog food brand20. Donkey (that’s all it means)24. Rapper Kim28. Mimics an instrument, as in jazz29. Fun goodbyes30. Major search engine31. Old shampoo brand32. “____, yeah you know me!”33. Some foil34. Brandeis tap org.35. Charleton Heston org.37. Santa ____38. Donna’s fashon label39. “I gotta take ____!”40. Ball43. Homeric epics44. Small axe45. Banish, expatriate46. Royal48. Fuzzy Wuzzy was ____49. Cooking pot50. Marx, to his friends56. Printer meas.58. Sent data old school, again60. Darwin’s theo.61. Musical break64. To copy, shortly

66. Something with a real existence, in internet speak67. ____ 60 on the Sunset Strip69. “____ the mill...”70. Pentecostalism street71. Certain marsupial, briefly72. Guitar action73. “Oh, I’m only joking..._____?”74. Star Wars intro word75. “Oye ____ Va”79. Order (a magazine)82. Washing things83. Rabbinical sage ____’alyon (Anagram of BATH)84. Star Trek android character86. Soccer shorts company87. Private area88. Georgetown ballers (like Ewing and Iverson)90. Some charms93. “Fortunate Son” band96. ____ Tai98. Female rights org.99. Hotel100. What is it good for?102. Honey dew or water105. Craig of weight loss106. Passion, fervor107. Hits108. CAs at other schools109. “Was that UTC show BET ____? Which one?”110. Not foul111. Shock sound113. Telecom giant114. 8th grade sci.115. “____ is more.”116. Famous English prep school118. “151,” to Rex119. Electrical unit120. Weird Al’s Jackson parody121. Soak up the sun122. Actress Gardner123. Fisherman’s tool124. Poehler’s NBC show

The 2007 Ethics Center Student Fellowshipwww.brandeis.edu/ethics/ecsf

$3,500Great internships abroad.Exciting new places to live.A chance to change the world, working for an international organization of your choice.

money, cash, ethics.

†

† Pending submission of actual application.