SEINFELD: Season 10, Episode 1. The Un-Commitment

Seinfeld: Pilot. “The Un-Commitment.” Season 10, Episode 1 Written by Luis Herrera, 2009

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SEINFELD: The Chronicles. “The Un-Commitment,” Season 10, Episode 1.

ACT I

[Scene 1.A: Set: Comedy Club. Jerry is up on the stage in his usual coat and tie, doing a bit. Traditional Seinfeld

music, roll opening credits]

Jerry: Ever notice how depressed people look when they’re standing around, online in a bank? Most of ‘em

look like they are about to get their teeth pulled. You know, just kinda standin’ around – with a look

of nervous anticipation. Like a patient preparing to hear the worst diagnosis from a physical. And in a

way, it is kinda like they’re pullin’ your teeth out, isn’t it? “Three dollars?! What do you mean there’s

a 3-dollar ATM fee? Why don’t you just pull one of these puppies out instead? [Holding his mouth

open with his hands] Look! There’s metal in that one!”

[Scene 1.B: Set: Traditional shot of Jerry’s building from outside the apartment, daytime]

[Scene 1.C: Set: Jerry’s apartment. Jerry is standing before the couch and facing George who is standing in the

kitchen, with his left hand on the counter and his right on his hip, looking at Jerry expectantly, lightly

tapping his right foot on the floor. Seinfeld is holding a glass of water in his left hand and gesturing up in

an aloof fashion with his right]

Jerry: I don’t know about this, George… It’s been awhile since we’ve decided to do anything like this.

George: Like what?! Come on, Jerry; it’s gorgeous! We cannot, not be successful!

Jerry: But this whole idea, this committing to not committing thing… I gotta tell ya; it’s kinda dumb. I don’t

think it’s gonna stick.

George: You leave the sticking to me. I’ll make sure it sticks! Remember, “it’s not you – it’s me?,” that line was

all me – baby!

Jerry: [Walking to and sitting on the single couch, facing the kitchen] And… there’s your “baby’s.”

George: [Coming over to sit on the front-facing couch] …And, there’s my “baby’s.” But I gotta have your

commitment on this. Last time you reneged on a pact and I ended up almost getting married to Susan

because of it. [Shooting Jerry a sharp look]


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Jerry: Yeah, that’s a shame. Alright – I’ll do it! Just get off my case about this already. [Briskly standing up

and walking towards the entrance] Now come on, we’re supposed to meet Elaine and Kramer for lunch

down at the coffee shop. We can run this new idea of yours by them and see what they think.

[Seinfeld reaches for his jacket and makes for the door]

George: [Getting up off the couch] Oh, perfect! We can stop by Sharon Besser’s house afterwards and drop off

all the stuff she left in my apartment.

Jerry: Did you ever figure out who she was cheatin’ on you with?

George: No, she wouldn’t tell me.

Jerry: Man, that’s gotta be tough. I don’t think that’s ever happened to me.

George: She would only say that I’m not half the man that she’s seeing now. Says that he’s poetic, dark,

disturbed. Intriguing. All the things that I’m not. [Adding, sarcastically] And thanks for not rubbing it in,

by the way. [Briskly changing tone] But boy, committing to NOT commit… it’s brilliant Jerry, brilliant!

Hoo, hooo! [George eagerly follows behind Jerry and shuts the door behind them as they exit the room.

Lights out]

[Scene 2.A: Set: Outside shot of Monk’s Diner, early afternoon]

[Scene 2.B: Set: Monk’s Diner. The four are sat at their famous booth, Elaine and Kramer opposite Jerry and

George. Elaine and Jerry both sit on the inside of the booth with Elaine facing the entrance door]

Kramer: No. I don’t see it happening.

Elaine: [Laughing wildly] Well… I’d hate to bring up a sticky point; but you two are getting to the age where

being single will no longer be by choice, but by decree.

George: What are you saying here? First of all, it’s not “you two,” ok, it’s us four! And secondly – if you’re

implying that I’m getting too old to play the field, then let me tell you that you’re dead wrong, dead

wrong! I’m vital. I’ve got charisma. And, I’ve got charm – comin’ out the wazzooo…!

Elaine: Oh, you’ve got something comin’ out your wazzu, alright.


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Kramer: Let me get this straight. You’re in your forties and never been married. You can’t seem to hold down a

relationship long enough to make anything serious of it, so now you’re committing to staying

uncommitted?

Jerry: Committing to not commit! We’re hoping it’s gonna be the new thing, kinda like the Low-carb diet.

Elaine: But the Low-carb diet is almost obsolete! The new craze is the High-fiber diet.

George: [Glaring keenly at Elaine, holding his palms face-up] …As I was saying, by committing to not commit,

you are both not committing, and at the same time, showing your partner that you’re not afraid of

commitment. You see, not committing is a commitment.

Kramer: [Rolling his eyes and leaning back in the booth, with this right hand up in the air, looking unconvinced]

Ah-ha. Well. Yeah. That’s the problem with your idea: It doesn’t make any sense.

Jerry: [Leaned forward on the table with his arms folded in front of him, looking amusedly at George] Told you

this wasn’t gonna stick, Biff.

Elaine: Alright. I’ve had about enough of this. [Taking her purse] Good luck with your new boneheaded idea.

Kramer… [Awaits for Kramer to stand up and make room to let her out] thank you. [Exits out front door]

Jerry: I should get going too. I’m meeting Penelope for our 2-month anniversary tonight and I promised her

a surprise, I gotta come up with something.

Kramer: Whoa, two months! Little boy George, looks like your plan is already in trouble.

[Seinfeld stares blankly at Kramer]

George: [Addressing Jerry] Can you still take me uptown to Sharon’s?

Jerry: [Taking his coat] Yeah, I’m going that way anyway.

[All get up to leave, waitress pokes-in and sets the bill on the table]

Kramer: Ooh. The bill. [Jerry and Kramer both put down more than their share] George – you got a five?


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[George reluctantly pulls out wallet and hands Kramer a few bills. He pauses, then takes one back. They

walk out. Slap-bass segment music, End scene]

[Scene 3.A: Set: Jerry’s car, night driving. George is in the passenger’s side]

George: Tell me what you think of this – So I meet this girl in line at the bank the other day…

[Scene 3.B: Set: Cut to storytelling sequence of George sitting in a chair at the bank, with a young attractive

woman sitting on his right. They smile shyly at each other. George’s hands are folded together and

resting on a book in his lap, with his legs crossed, touching the floor with his toes. The girl nods and

smiles eagerly, laughing. Cut back to present scene, George in the car]

George: So I start up some small chatter, I mentioned how I was very good at going in reverse in my car… and

anyway, she found that to be very amusing. So, we got to talkin’: it turns out that she’s into polo.

She’s a real polo-freak. Anyway, I’d been thinking about taking up a new hobby so I told her we

should go together sometime.

Jerry: But George – you’ve never been on a horse in your life, polo?! This has disaster written all over it.

George: That’s not even the worst part… get this; when I asked to take down her phone number…

[Scene 3.C: Set: Back at the bank. George starts, gingerly]

George: Well Rochelle, I can’t begin to tell you what an honor it has been to meet you. Tell you what; why

don’t you give me your phone number, and maybe we can get together for a polo match sometime?

Rochelle: Sure, that sounds great…

George: [Feeling his coat up and down] Oh, I don’t have a pen. Just tell me your number and I’ll memorize it.

Rochelle: Memorize it?! I don’t think so. [Playfully] You won’t memorize anything. [Brief Pause] How about I

write it down on the receipt when I’m up at the bank-teller, and then I’ll hand it to you?

George: Ok! I’ll wait right here.

Loudspeaker: 96. Now serving number 96 at the second window…


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[Rochelle gets up and walks over to the teller. George gives out one of his joyful, playful laughs, “Eeehh,

he-heee!” and looks down on his book, holding it up to read it, looking very proud of himself and

satisfied with his performance. Rochelle walks back from the teller, around the outside of the chairs and

makes a b-line straight for the door]

Rochelle: [Half-way out the bank entrance] Ok, good-bye George! I’ll see you at the country club for polo

sometime!

George: [Looking suddenly terrified and bewildered, panting as he does] Wait! Rochelle! Ya phone number! I

didn’t get…

[Rochelle walks out front door. Camera pans into George’s face… his disappointment and confusion

clearly expressed on it. He loosens his expression. A relaxed, defeated look comes over him. End scene.

Cut back to Jerry and George in the car]

Seinfeld: Yeah, that’s a shame. [Slap-bass outtro, End scene]

[Scene 3.D: Set: Outside shot of Joe’s Fruit Market, night time]

[Scene 3.E: Set: Kramer is back at Joe’s Fruit Market, having reconciled with the moody owner, Joe, after having

been banned for complaining about the product]

Kramer: Aahh… it’s good to be here, Joe. I can’t begin to tell you the trouble I’ve had to go through looking for

a decent piece of fruit in the supermarkets. I’ve just about gone maaaaddd tryin’!

Joe: Ah, Kramer. You know I’ll always need your business… how could I turn you down? You’re one of my

best customers!

Kramer: [Pointing up and falling back comically] Gitty-up!! [Segment music, End scene]

[Scene 4.A: Set: Outside shot of Sharon Besser’s apartment complex, night time]

[Scene 4.B: Set: George and Jerry are standing outside Sharon’s front door, Apt. #9D. George rings the buzzer.

Sharon comes to and opens the door, hastily pulling a bathrobe over herself to cover up – her hair is

disheveled]

Sharon: George! Jerry? Oh, this is a bad time George.


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George: Nah, this is a fine time… I just came by to drop off your stuff, [Holding up an open cardboard box full of

loose articles, un-neatly arranged]

Newman: [In the background] Who is it, dear?

George: Oh my god, is that my replacement?!

Newman: [Stepping into the scene, behind Sharon, also wearing nothing but a robe – his hair dripping wet as if

stepping out of the shower] George?

George: Newman?!

Newman: Jerry?!

Jerry: [Clenching his fist and shutting an eye] “Newman!” [Traditional slap-bass musical outtro, surprised look

on everyone’s face. End scene]

ACT II

[Scene 5.A: Set: Inside Jerry’s apartment, the next day. George is sitting on the couch, looking disappointed and

of broken spirit. Jerry is in the kitchen fixing himself a bowl of cereal. Kramer makes his dramatic

entrance, the crowd cheers]

Kramer: You’ll never guess where I just came from… here Jerry; try this papaya. [Holds out a chunk of the sliced

fruit]

Jerry: [Graciously taking and eating it] That’s delicious! Don’t tell me… Joe’s?! You were allowed back at Joe’s

fruit stand?

Kramer: You got it, buddy!

George: [Holding his palms to his face, making a pathetic face and muffling the words] That’s wonderful.

Kramer: What’s with him?


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Jerry: Oh, you’re not gonna believe this…

George: [Directing himself to Jerry] Do you mind?!

Jerry: Oh, come on George. We’re not gonna tell Kramer? …That we found out who Sharon replaced you

with? [The buzzer rings, Jerry walks over to answer it] Who is it?

Elaine: [Her voice heard clearly over the intercom] It’s me.

Jerry: Come on up! [Hits the gate button]

Kramer: [Walking over to George, grinning as he speaks] Ah, you can tell me, George. Come on! It’s me; Kramer!

Jerry: [In his playful, jolly voice] The K-man! Go on, tell the K-man.

George: Alright! Alright! But you gotta promise not to mention this to anybody. Anybody! Ya hear?

Kramer: It’s going in the vault. I’m locking, [Mimes the gesture of a key going into and locking a make-believe

vault, and Kramer’s own sound effects] Shhhhttt. Kccchhh! the vault!

George: [Dryly] Sharon left me for Newman.

[At this juicy bit of information, Kramer reacts by abruptly coughing out a piece of the papaya he was

snacking on and spraying the debris over Jerry’s couch and onto George’s shirt. Enter Elaine, with an

oversized handbag hanging off her shoulder, as usual]

Elaine: You are not gonna believe who I ran into down at Pendant Publishing.

Jerry: Pendant? You’re back at Pendant? Whatever happened to J. Peterman?

Elaine: The old man finally kooked-out again and left the company in the care of his 19-year old bikini-model

girlfriend. You can fill in the blanks…

Jerry: Oh.


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George: Hey wait a minute, I thought we were talking about ME! Why, why must it always be about you,

Elaine?!

Elaine: [Getting in George’s face, and aggressively pointing a finger right into it] You see! This, is why you’re not

getting married!

Kramer: [Coming to, recovering from choking on the papaya] Newman?! Newman stole your girlfriend?!

Jerry: Newman! [Breaking-in and volunteering the answer, although not the one asked] Apparently he’s quite

the lover. [Crunches into a big spoonful of cereal, holding the bowl right up to his face; milk comically

dripping from his chin]

Kramer: Whewff, you’re tellin’ me! I’ve never been able to look at my mother the same since I walked-in on

her and Newman going at it on his couch that one time.

Elaine: [Amusedly chiming in] Sharon left you for Newman?!

George: Yes, go ahead – have a laugh. What do I care? I always knew I’d die alone and miserable. [Holding a

fist up to his mouth, and looking up blinking – as if fighting back tears]

Elaine: …Speaking of alone and miserable; I never told you who I ran into…

George: Again, we’re back on you?!

Elaine: Just shut the f…

Jerry: …David, David Puddy! I saw him down at the car dealership when I took it down for a tune-up this

morning, and he told me all about your encounter.

Elaine: [Pushing Jerry with both hands in her abrupt fashion] Get. Out! [The cereal is knocked right out of Jerry’s

bowl. Brief pause for comic relief, Elaine continues] So anyway, he’s taking me out tomorrow night and

I’m really excited about seeing him again. You know, he’s not the brightest bulb in the circuit – but so

what? I’m smart. If we ever have kids, I’d be happy to have them inherit his rugged-good-looks and

my witful charm and intelligence. [Smiles brightly] So how about you, Jerome? How’d it go with

Penelope?


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Jerry: [Mopping up some of the mess off the counter with a towel, and pouring himself a glass of orange juice]

Oh, I couldn’t see her. Had to reschedule for tonight.

Elaine: Why? What happened?

Jerry: Well, after taking Biff here [Signaling to George] to see his girlfriend – and the revelation of the round,

curly, menace – I couldn’t bring myself to drop George back off to sulk in his grief alone… so we went

out for a few drinks.

Kramer: A drinking man are we? Why Jerry, I never thought I’d see the day.

George: We had virgin margaritas.

Jerry: Yes. No alcohol, but the effect was the same. [Turning to Elaine] So just what was “Drill-bit David”

doing down at Pendant anyway?

Elaine: Oh, get this! He’s written a book critiquing the Pharmaceutical Industry. And apparently he’s really

dealt them a blow, making arguments against their unregulated monopoly practices.

Kramer: Go Puuddyy! Alright, I’ll see you guys later… [Makes for the door and exits scene]

George: Last year the man was painting giant block letters on his chest, [Mimicking Puddy’s face and tone of

voice] “trying to support the team,” …You got’im write’n books now?

Elaine: What can I tell you? You can’t keep a good man down. [Turning to look at George] On the other hand…

George: Well this is it. It’s all over for me, Jerry. I might as well pack up my things, get some white slippers,

move down to Florida and wait to die with everybody else. I have completely missed out on all the

best life has to offer…

Jerry: Oh, I wouldn’t go that far. You have managed to date some very good looking women.

George: Yes, I have. Like who, particularly?

Jerry: Oh, I don’t know. There’s been a few. And, you were the assistant to the traveling secretary for none

other than the New York Yankees.


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George: Yes, I suppose that’s true. It is kind of a dream job for a baseball fan…

Jerry: Perhaps, this all happened just to prepare you for your new role in life as a committed bachelor.

George: Yes, you’re right – you’re right, you’re absolutely right! Here’s to the Un-Commitment! [Jumps onto

couch in a mock toasting gesture, loses balance and falls back over the seat of the couch and onto the

floor… Pause for comic relief]

Elaine: You know, suddenly I get the feeling that I will have to be the one committed, if I stand around here

and listen to any more of this. I’ll see you guys later. [Throws purse over shoulder, Exits scene]

George: [Readjusting his lenses and recomposing after the fall] I should get going also, I gotta go and apply for a

new membership at the country club.

Jerry: Oh, the one that got away?

George: Ho-ho! Not for long! [Makes for the door in a determined fashion. End scene]

[Scene 6.A: Set: Outside shot of Mendy’s Fine Dining, that evening]

[Scene 6.B: Set: Inside Mendy’s. Jerry is sitting at the table with Penelope, leaning into his plate and scooping up

some pasta with a fork]

Jerry: How’s the soup?

Penelope: It’s good… have you ever had the lobster bisque?

Jerry: I hear it’s delicious.

Penelope: So what’s this big surprise you have for me, huh?

Jerry: The surprise! That’s right – I said I’d have a surprise for our anniversary, didn’t I?

Penelope: I’m sooo excited! I love surprises!


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Jerry: Here’s the thing… the surprise is… that you get to pick out whatever it is you want to do, and we’ll do

it this weekend!

Penelope: Oh, Jerry! That’s wonderful! You know, it’s my parent’s 50th anniversary on Saturday and I’d love for

you to meet them – can you imagine us in fifty years? To think, we only have 49 years and 10 months

to go!

Jerry: Aahh, [Wiping his mouth with a napkin and squinting, slightly] I don’t see that happening.

Penelope: Do you mean you don’t see it happening with me, or altogether?

Jerry: Altogether.

Penelope: [Noticeably disappointed, in a hushed tone of voice] Oh. Well, I’m glad you’re coming out with this

now. [Suddenly changing tone and raising her voice] What are you – some kind of commitment-phobe?

Jerry: Actually, it’s exactly the opposite. You see, I’m committing to not commit – ever! It may be hard to get

your head around it at first – but you’ll see, it makes perfect sense. It takes a real commitment to

decide that you’re never going to commit.

Penelope: Huh. I’ve spent so much time imagining myself being married to one person my whole life – I’ve never

considered making a commitment to staying uncommitted. You know, you may have something here.

Jerry: [Smiling wide, obviously proud of himself] Oh, I’ve got something. So, about this weekend… [Jerry cuts

into his plate. Slap-base outtro, End scene]

[Scene 6.C: Set: Outside shot of Manhattan Country Club, evening]

[Scene 6.D: Set: Inside MCC, the registration lobby. George is at the counter in his finest golf attire and hat,

talking with the receptionist]

Receptionist: May I help you?

George: Yes. I would like to become a member, I understand you have a polo program?

Receptionist: The best in the city!


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George: That’s great, that’s wonderful.

Receptionist: Very good. I’ll need you to fill out this personal information form… and a check for the $5,000 deposit.

George: Excuse me, five? Did you say five thousand dollars?

Receptionist: Yes. That’s correct. It’s a way to filter out some of the lower-class Manhattanites who might otherwise

aspire to join our club, if you know what I mean.

George: {Thinking to himself: $5,000! From where will I get $5,000?} Oh yes, I know, I know very well. The last

thing we need is to have a bunch of broke people running around, taking up all this valuable space.

Receptionist: [Smiling brightly] That’s right.

[At this moment Newman enters the lobby after having come in from a round of golf, a caddy is holding his heavy bag of

clubs]

Newman: George! I didn’t expect to see you here. Welcome to our ranks of society. [Letting out his trademark,

maniacal laugh]

George: You?! How’d they let you in here?

Newman: Oh, didn’t you hear? I was fortunate enough to invest in some cache pharmaceutical stocks before

they hit the big-time; now I’m rollin’ in dough! How do you think I was able to conquer Sharon – I

mean, besides my obvious good looks and sturdy physique? [Posturing upright, as if for a picture]

George: Yeah, sturdy. That’s a good word for it. [Leaning in to him and speaking softer] Listen, I’ll tell you what:

I’d be willing to look past this whole situation and renew our friendship, if you did me a small favor.

Newman: A favor, huh? I suppose I may be able to take some time off my busy day to help one of the lowly folk.

Pray tell, what might this favor be?

George: [Hardly above a whisper] I need to borrow $5,000.

Newman: Five-thousand dollars! You must be out of your mind… [In an imagination sequence, Newman pictures

George calling up Sharon to tell her that he, Newman, was too broke to let him borrow the money. In


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this fantasy she laughs, “What, he didn’t have $5,000? What a clown! Maybe we should get back

together…” He suddenly snaps back into reality] Ok. I’ll do it! Mason, my checkbook please!

Mason: Yes sir, Mr. Newman. As you wish, Mr. Newman sir! [Hands Newman the checkbook from out of his

caddy bag]

Newman: Who should I make it out to?

George: Make it out to “The M.C.C.”

Newman: Sure thing, buddy. [Quickly scribbling on the check and tearing it out to hand to George] Here you go. I

trust this will patch things up between us. [One of his short, evil laughs]

George: It will certainly help. Now if you’ll excuse me… [Turning back to the receptionist]

Newman: Toodle-doo, sweetcakes! Hahahah… [Newman turns to leave, his caddy follows behind. End scene]

ACT III

[Scene 7.A: Set: Outside shot of Joe’s Fruit Market, daytime]

[Scene 7.B: Set: Joe’s Fruit Market. Kramer is inside browsing, enter David Puddy]

David: Kramer!

Kramer: Hey, buddy! You know, I heard all about your new book deal… I gotta tell you [Stepping up to him and

putting a hand on his shoulder] I couldn’t be prouder. It’s about time somebody socked-it to the drug

companies. They’re getting away with murder over there!

David: You’re telling me. It all started when I threw out my back working on an old German luxury sedan…

those transmissions are almost impossible to work around. I went to see my doctor and without so

much as looking at an x-ray, he prescribed 800-milligram horse tranquilizers – they could take out a

‘roided Mike Tyson on game day. Brutal. After just a couple days I began coughing up blood. I’ve been

off pills ever since. It’s all about the natural herbs. That’s why I’m shopping for my fruit fresh. Life’s

too short, you know?


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Kramer: You know what we should do… make a national campaign. These drug companies must be stopped!

This friend of mine, Bob Sacameno? He specializes in media and public affairs consulting for all kinds

of people looking to launch their platform. Yeah, he’s real good. He’s actually an aspiring anchorman

and newscaster. Anyway you, you could be the next Martin Luther King! [ David nods and rubs his chin

in quiet consideration, while Kramer smiles cheerfully and sways his head from side to side while lighting

up a cigar. Slap-base outtro. End scene]

[Scene 7.C: Set: Outside shot of Giuliano’s Italian Cuisine, night time]

[Scene 7.D: Set: Giuliano’s Italian Cuisine. Elaine and David are sitting at table, looking over the menu]

David: Go ahead and order whatever you want, I feel like celebrating.

Elaine: Whatever I want? My, aren’t we confident this evening…

David: Yeah, that’s right. Spoke to Kramer earlier, and got a call back from Mr. Lippman as well. He says the

wheels are in motion and I should have the book published by the end of the year. Feeling pretty good

about everything… says I may have a big hit on my hands.

Elaine: [Clearing her throat, looking noticeably perturbed] Hm-umm, Kramer? You talked to Kramer, you said?

David: That’s right. I ran into him at Joe’s fruit stand. Thinks he can help me out launching a national anti-

pharmaceutical platform.

Elaine: Well, David. It’s one thing to write a book, it’s entirely another to launch an all-out aggressive

campaign against the pharmaceutical companies… you realize they practically own Washington, right?

I mean, via their heavy lobbying and sweetheart deals with Congress.

David: I realize it’s a bit of a David vs. Goliath situation, but after all… I am David.

Elaine: Well yeah… your name is David, but you are not “David.”

David: What do you mean I’m not David? Of course I’m David.

Elaine: That’s what I said; you’re David, you’re David! But you’re not thee David, the one from the bible.


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David: Of course I’m not from the bible. I’m real. The guy in the bible is just a character in a story… it’s the

difference between reality and make-believe, Elaine. I thought you were smarter than that.

Elaine: Are you saying that the bible is all “make-believe?”

David: No – I’m not a pagan, like you.

Elaine: Excuse me? I’m not a pagan. I don’t even know what that means, pagan.

David: Do you believe in Jesus?

Elaine: I believe he was a nice guy… probably very good at making friends… what, with the healing and all.

David: Ah-hah. There you have it. You don’t believe in god, and therefore you’re a pagan.

Elaine: Well, what do you believe?

David: I believe in just retribution. Beginning with the drug companies… those homicidal bastards are going

down with the ship. [Turning to look for the waiter] Waiter, hey waiter?! Who do I have to grease to

get some service around here? You know, man cannot live on bread alone.

Elaine: {Thinking to herself: My god, what am I doing here? I can’t be with this fanatic! Rugged-good-looks will

only take you so far. What’s he gonna come up with next, the Sermon on the Mount?}

Waiter: [Making his way over to their table] You’ll have to forgive me, we’re extremely busy and short-handed

tonight.

David: That’s ok, patience is a virtue. I’ll have the surf & turf combo, but instead of the stake I’ll have a

double-thick pork chop covered in cheese, with a side of jumbo shrimp.

Elaine: [Eyeing David with a grim smile on her face] You know David… what you just ordered is forbidden by

the bible. [Pause] …That’s right. What you got to say about that? [Laughs triumphantly, as she

munches on a piece of bread]


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David: If God didn’t want us to eat pig, he wouldn’t have made it so porky and delicious. Besides, Jesus died

just so I could enjoy a Giuliano’s surf & turf combo, without guilt, and still go to heaven. But you

wouldn’t know anything about that. [Squints and glares in her direction. Transition music, End scene]

[Scene 8.A: Set: Outside shot of Manhattan Country Club, daytime]

[Scene 8.B: Set: Outside stables of country club. George is all clad in Polo attire and hat, carrying a whip. He’s

leisurely strolling through the stable and checking out the horses, caressing their snouts and chatting

them up]

George: [Stopping before a large, handsome black stud, he thinks to himself] {Aren’t you a beauty! [Stooping to

check his name on the barn door] …Windhammer. Windhammer Gladdenfield. A horse with a first and

last name? That’s a first. What’ll they come up with next, social security numbers for chicken and

cattle?} [Rochelle enters the scene, and bumps into George at the stable]

Rochelle: George! What a pleasant surprise, I thought I’d run into you here.

George: Rochelle! Good to see you… I wasn’t sure I’d see you again once you took off without giving me your

phone number.

Rochelle: [Laughing and reaching out to touch George’s forearm] Haha, I’m sorry about that George. It’s just that

I have this funny thing: Whenever I meet someone I think will be special in my life, I always make

away without leaving a trace of follow-up information. This way, I know that if I’m meant to see that

person we will inevitably run into each other again – and if we don’t, it’s because it wasn’t meant to

be.

George: Really. I believed in Santa Claus ‘til I was 13. The Easter Bunny until I graduated from high school. I

figured there was no way adults would make up a story about a colorful-egg-laying bunny unless

there was some truth to it.

Rochelle: So, you ready to hit the course – I see you got your polo gear and are about to take. Windhammer is

quite the horse… most people are intimidated by his speed. You must really know what you’re doing

out there.

George: You have no idea. [Slap-bass, End Scene]

[Scene 8.C: Set: Outside shot of Monk’s Café, daytime]


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[Scene 8.D: Set: Inside Monk’s. Jerry is sitting at their table alone. George walks in and sits opposite Jerry, facing

the main entrance. His head is in a bandage and an eye-patch covers his left eye. His left arm is bound

up and rests in a sling]

Jerry: I thought I had an interesting story, but you better go first.

George: I saw Rochelle at the country club. She caught me eyeing the wildest horse in the stable and was

immediately impressed with my supposed level of expertise, for even considering to ride it. I had no

choice.

Jerry: Uh-huh. Did she get to see you playing Zorro?

George: Yeah.

Jerry: …And?

George: It’s not good. She thinks I took up membership at the club just to ask her out. Says she doesn’t believe

in forced encounters and told me to go to hell…

Jerry: [Sipping his coffee] That was bound to happen.

George: What about you – did you tell Penelope about your new dating policy.

Jerry: I did. I did. She took it pretty well, actually. In fact, she swore an oath of un-commitment herself…

thinks it’s revolutionary.

George: You see, you see! I told you it’d catch on. [Enter Kramer. He joins them in the booth, sitting next to

Jerry]

Kramer: Well, hello! Boy have I got some news for you…

Jerry: Oh yeah, what’s up?

Kramer: Just got off the phone with my friend, Bob Sacameno? We’re having a meeting right here later this

evening to discuss joining forces with Pendant Publishing and going after the pharmaceutical


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companies. Even Jackie Chiles is onboard with us – thinks this will make up for the potential losses of

both the hot coffee and tobacco company settlement fiascos.

George: Is that right? You know, Newman supposedly cleaned up on some drug stock swap not too long ago…

it’s how he can afford the country club membership. It’s probably the whole reason Sharon dumped

me for him in the first place!

Kramer: Ohh…. Yeah! [Slap-bass outtro, End scene]

[Scene 8.E: Set: Outside shot of Monk’s Diner, later that evening]

[Scene 8.F: Set: Inside café. Kramer, David Puddy, Jackie Chiles and Bob Sacameno {cast for the first time ever as

Harlan Williams} are sitting at the famous booth, strategizing their attack against the pharmaceutical

companies]

Bob: [In a dry, monotone voice] Now, let’s turn this over to Kramer – Dr. Cosmo Kramer, in your opinion,

are FDA approved anti-depression pills potentially homicidal?

Kramer: [Taking a puff and then removing the pipe from his mouth, he is wearing a brown smoking jacket and a

scarf around his neck] Why, I’m glad you asked Mr. Sacameno, indeed, they are!

Bob: Very well, moving on now to Mr. Puddy. Mr. David Puddy – I understand you now have a book

underway, being published by Pendant. What’s the title of the book?

David: It’s called Killing You Softly: The Untold Story Behind America’s Health Industry. It’s about…

Bob: [Breaking in and interrupting Puddy] Now, just a second. Mr. Puddy – It appears the busboy is coming

to clear the table [busboy does so], and oh – yes he is. Ok, we’ll stand-by momentarily while he clears

some dishes. Does anyone want more coffee? [The other three stare at each other in disbelief]

Jackie: Ok. I have to go back to the office [taking up his briefcase and getting up to leave] Kramer, you call me

with the notes of this meeting, if you ever go beyond ordering desert. [Exits scene]

Bob: [Holding a hand to his ear, as if receiving a live transmission and leaning in, upright] We have breaking

news everybody, this just in: Jackie has left the premises, I repeat, Attorney Jackie Chiles has left the

building! [Freeze frame and End scene; Traditional closing music, roll closing credits]


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THE END.

STORY AND SCREENPLAY BY LUIS F. HERRERA, 2009.

SEINFELD: Season 10, Episode 1. The Un-Commitment

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Transcript of SEINFELD: Season 10, Episode 1. The Un-Commitment