Seeking Unicorns

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Seeking Unicorns: A Reality Show Proposal By: Melissa Meyer

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Transcript of Seeking Unicorns

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Seeking Unicorns:A Reality Show Proposal

By: Melissa Meyer

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WHAT’S THE DEAL??OK, here’s the thing, y’all. I was watchin’ this show on Animal Planet in which a bunch of retarded rednecks go searching for sasquatches and screaming that every squirrel fart is the sound of a ‘squatch ‘round the corner. Now this show is obviously built on bullshit, so I thought of a show that would be much more informative and realistic. It’s called: Seeking Unicorns.

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I know what you’re thinkin’— “Wait a minute!!!! Unicorns don’t exist!!!!” Well, if this is what you’re thinking, then you’re a freaking moron! Yeah, that’s right. Unicorns do exist. How do I know? Because I’m a unicorn expert. I built up my expertise on unicorns through years of research….

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I’ve Studied Ancient Artistic Replicas

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Analyzed TONS of Video Evidence

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And I’ve even SEEN them—for realz!!!

Yeah, that’s totally me. Really.

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So… Now that I’ve established my credibility, you’re probably wondering why you’ve never seen one. Well, the answer is pretty simple, they don’t want you to see them. Think about it, people discover them, there’s a bunch of “Ooohs” and “Awws” and then it’s off to petting zoos where they’ll be ridden all day by screaming poopy pants toddlers.

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Here’s the facts:Unicorns are super duper real and their lives are very mysterious, but allow me to lift some of the mystery for you. The most important thing to note is that unicorns, in spite of their appearance are NOTHING like horses.

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Unicorn AnatomyHorn

Mane

Face

Tail

Feet

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Their DietMost people don’t know that unicorns are not herbivores, like their cousin the horse, they are equipped with a singular large horn that they use to ruthlessly impale smaller creatures which they then devour savagely.

Their favorite tasty treats are:BunniesPuppies KittensButterflies Human babies

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Where they live….

Believe it or not, unicorns can be found ANYWHERE!!! Actually, as a general rule, unicorns are so prevalent you are never more than 8 feet away from a real, live unicorn.

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How they remain unseen…Unicorns utilize a variety of camouflage techniques that allow them to remain hidden from the untrained eye.

There’s one hiding in the fog! Look! There’s one hiding

behind that web address!!

Sometimes they dress up like people, but somehow they never look quite right…

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The Death of a UnicornNow, if you’re like a cynical, know-it-all douchebag, then you’re probably thinking “Well, gee… if unicorns existed we’d have found their bones or something at some point.”

This is yet another misconception. When a unicorn dies, it does not fall to the earth to rot and be eaten by vultures and maggots. Actually, in yet another attempt to disguise their existence they’ve adapted to leave little trace evidence of ever having lived—even when they die.

Even most unicorn experts do not know for sure what happens to them. Luckily, I DO know! When a unicorn dies they explode into confetti and glitter!! I even caught this phenomenon on tape—unfortunately, I can’t show you that because I lost it. But it looks something like that.

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I’m sure by now, you’re all very curious to witness a real unicorn. Well, being the only person on earth who can do that , the purpose of my show Seeking Unicorns is to share them with the world. Through this program I will combat the moronic, misleading shows about imaginary creatures and give people intelligent, informative, REAL footage of ACTUAL unicorns.

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The End?