Section 3, Module 14 Interpersonal Communication 14 - Interpersonal... · Section 3, Module 14...

Section 3, Module 14 Interpersonal

Communication

Foundations in Community Disability Studies

Section 3, Module 14

Contents Introduction ............................................................................................................................................................ 1

Learning Outcomes ....................................................................................................................................... 1

Unit 1: Verbal Communication ......................................................................................................................... 2

Introduction ..................................................................................................................................................... 2

Three Types of Communication ............................................................................................................... 2

Unit 2: Non-Verbal Communication ............................................................................................................... 8

Introduction ..................................................................................................................................................... 8

Physical (Personal) Space and Communication ................................................................................. 8

Forms of Non-Verbal Communication .................................................................................................10

Unit 3: Constructive Communications in Difficult Situations ............................................................14

Introduction ...................................................................................................................................................14

Process for Identifying Issues and Solving Problems ....................................................................14

References for Module 14: Interpersonal Communication ................................................................17

Self-Assessment ...................................................................................................................................................18

Answer Key for Self-Assessment ...........................................................................................................20

Module 14:

Interpersonal

Communication

Foundations in Community Disability Studies: Interpersonal Communication 1

Copyright © 2005, 2010, 2015 Alberta Council of Disability Services (ACDS) All Rights Reserved

Introduction As a Community Disability Services Worker, you will have many interactions every day. Well-developed communication skills are, therefore, essential. You will talk and listen, write and read, teach and learn. Your contacts will be with people with disabilities and their families, your supervisor, co-workers, other professionals, and members of the public. Effective communication will help you to make each of these interactions productive and positive. This module will lead you through some skills you need in order to have harmonious and professional relationships with everyone in your environment. Remember, learning involves practicing the things you know. Learning how to be an effective communicator will continue for your entire career as a human service professional.

Learning Outcomes

After completing this module, you will be able to:

1. Demonstrate active and effective listening skills. 2. Explain why non-verbal communication is important. 3. Demonstrate how to address workplace issues assertively and constructively.

Foundations in Community Disability Studies: 2 Interpersonal Communication


Unit 1: Verbal Communication

Introduction

Communication is about understanding meaning:

What is said (i.e., the words and their meanings).1 How it is said (i.e., the tone of voice, volume, and form).2 Behaviours that accompany the words (e.g., hand gestures, body language).3 Contextual or environmental clues (i.e., location and timing of the conversation, who

is or is not present).4

Good communication skills are important in both our personal and professional lives.5 Research has shown that one of the most important factors in creating a healthy work environment is communication, and that people who have good communication skills are more likely to be promoted.6

Unit 1 begins by describing the three types of communication and then focuses on verbal communication – what is said and how it is said. Non-verbal communication is discussed in more detail in Unit 2. Written communication is covered in Professional Communication Skills, the next module in the Foundations program.

Unit 1 Learning Outcomes

After completing this unit, you will be able to:

1. Describe three types of communication. 2. Describe four skills for effective listening. 3. Use verbal communication to ask effective questions. 4. List and follow ten tips for good listening.

Three Types of Communication

There are three forms of communication. It is possible for two types of communication to occur simultaneously. For example, someone who is speaking face-to-face with another person will also have observable body language, which is a form of non-verbal communication.

1 Ronald B. Adler et al, Looking Out, Looking In, 3rd Canadian ed. (Canada: Thomson/Nelson, 2006), 196.

2 Adler et al, 279-280.

3 Adler et al, 268-273.

4 Adler et al, 206-207.

5 Adler et al, 43.

6 Adler et al, 43.



1. Verbal or spoken communication can be: face-to-face (i.e., in person) or by telephone; one-to-one or in groups; formal or informal; and/or planned or spontaneous.

2. Non-verbal communication includes:7 body language (e.g., position, movements, facial expressions); voice quality (e.g., tone, volume, rate of speech); eye language (i.e., eye movements, eye contact); and hand gestures.

3. Written communication (non-verbal) can be: hand-written or typed; memos, notes, reports, proposals, or meeting minutes; formal (e.g., a business letter) or informal (e.g., a note to a co-worker); texted

(emoticons/coded abbreviations/text) and/or low tech (e.g., a card sent by post) or high tech (e.g., a card sent by e-mail).

Effective Verbal Communication

Becoming an effective communicator requires mastery of both speaking and listening skills.8 It has been said we were given two ears and one mouth because we should listen twice as much as we should talk. Listening, it would seem, is also twice as difficult as talking! There are many distractions that make listening difficult. Some of these are in the outside environment (e.g., background noise, two people speaking at once), and some distractions are in our own heads (e.g., thinking about something else while someone is speaking to us).9

Active Listening

A key listening skill is to become an active, rather than a passive, listener. A good listener is actively engaged in the conversation with another person. A good listener also:

pays attention to what the person is saying; cares about what is being said; asks questions to make sure she or he understands the message; and is sensitive to non-verbal messages as well as verbal messages.10

You need four active listening skills in your good communicator tool kit. Like all tools, these must be used at appropriate times in a conversation and must not be over-used because they will seem insincere, or not genuine.

7 Adler et al, 268-280.

8 Adler et al, 303.

9 Adler et al, 11.

10 Bob Shebib, Choices: Interviewing and Counselling Skills for Canadians, 3rd ed. (Toronto: Pearson Prentice Hall, 2007), 95.



1. Paraphrasing11 Using your own words to re-state the speaker’s message or points. Asking a question that confirms understanding (“So, you are saying that…?”).

2. Clarifying12 Asking for clarification (“Please tell me more about….”). Asking questions (“What do you mean when you say…?”). Checking your assumptions or conclusions (“So, are you saying…?”).

3. Summarizing13 Using your own words to draw together one or more ideas (“I hear three

main concerns, Bob.”). Asking questions (“Let’s see if I’ve got this right. You think…. Is that right?”).

4. Empathetic reflection14 Using your intuition and observational skills to get the whole message. Describing the emotions or feelings of the other person (“You sound

frustrated because….”). Asking questions to confirm understanding (“It seems you are angry about….

Is that right?”).

You may have realized that these four skills can be used together when the time is right. It is important for you to practice active listening skills until they become a natural part of your listening pattern. Using any of them insincerely can make the speaker feel patronized, belittled, or manipulated.

11 Adler et al, 321

12 Valerie Nash Chang, Sheryn T. Scott, and Carol L. Decker, Developing Helping Skills: A Step-by-Step Appproach (USA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning, 2009), 113-114.

13 Chang, Scott, and Decker, 88-89.

14 Chang, Scott, and Decker, 86-87.



Learning Activity

1. Poor Listening Exercise15 In pairs, take turns being the worst listeners you can be. One person takes the role of the person being counselled and the other plays the part of the counsellor. When the person being counselled is speaking, the counsellor deliberately violates all the principles of effective listening by interrupting, not maintaining eye contact, fidgeting, showing disinterest, asking irrelevant questions, etc. Do this for five minutes then switch roles. Discuss with each other what it felt like to be in the two different roles.

2. Active Listening Exercise Identify a topic that interests you. Ask a co-worker to join you for a 10-minute conversation. Practice using each of the four listening skills at least once during the 10 minutes. Stop the conversation and ask your co-worker how she or he felt when you used each skill. Did you use it naturally? Did your co-worker feel comfortable when you used it? Did it trigger positive or negative emotions? Could you have done anything better or differently that would have improved the conversation?

3. Learning To Listen Better Exercise Go to the following web site for an interesting exercise on active listening: http://www.community4me.com/listenexercise.html.

Good listening is 5 percent skill and 95 percent attitude.

Learning to Ask Great Questions

Each of the four listening skills described above uses questions to help clarify and confirm the listener’s understanding of the speaker’s message. Three types of questions can be used in this process:

1. Open questions.16 Are phrased so there is no expected or implicit answer. Cannot be answered with a simple yes or no. Are intended to generate discussion and continue the conversation. Example: “Tell me, how do you think we could solve this problem?”

2. Closed questions.17 Offer a limited range of choices. May be answered yes or no in some cases. Example: “We have identified three possible solutions for this problem.

Which is the best, in your opinion?” 3. Hypothetical questions.

15 Shebib, 119.

16 Bianca Cody Murphy and Carolyn Dillon, Interviewing in Action in a Muliticultural World, 3rd ed., (USA: Thompson Brooks/Cole, 2008), 155-156.

17 Murphy and Dillon, 155-156.

http://www.community4me.com/listenexercise.html



Ask for a speculative response. Are usually phrased as “What if…” or “Let’s suppose…” questions. Example: “What if we decided to do…. What would the result be?”

There is a mistaken belief that closed questions are always bad questions. In fact, closed questions can be useful and powerful when they are used properly. For example, you may ask an individual a closed question, such as “Would you like to have dinner before or after the movie?” This question gives the individual a choice and is respectful even though it is closed. You may ask your supervisor, “Do you want me to take my three banked overtime hours off this week or next week?” This opens the door to conversation and, if necessary, negotiation about when the time off should be taken.

A fourth type of question should be avoided during verbal communication because it is not at all helpful. It is called a counterfeit question.18 Counterfeit questions are really attempts to send a message to the person rather than to hear what they have to say.19 When a person asks this type of question, he or she usually has a hidden agenda. There is often an implied right or wrong answer. Many times, it is not a question at all. It is a statement or opinion masquerading as a question (hence the name “counterfeit”).20 For example, a parent “asks” a teenage son, “Will you have your room cleaned up by supper time?” What is the real message? “Clean up your room before supper, son.” Good questions are real questions.

Learning Activity

Choose one hour in your working day. Make sure this is a time when you will be in active contact and communication with other people. Get a small piece of notepaper and a pen. Put each of the four (including counterfeit) types of questions as headings on the paper. Make a tick mark (/) on the paper each time you use one of the types of questions in

your interactions with others. If you find yourself using counterfeit questions, think about how you can use other types of questions to replace these in future conversations.

Tips for Effective Listening

1. Talk less and listen more.21 2. Control distractions in your environment.22 3. Be aware of and control internal distractions that interfere with listening23 (e.g.,

physiological, such as illness or fatigue; psychological such as anger or stress).

18 Adler et al, 319.





23 Adler et al, 11.



4. Be present in the moment; care about what the other person is saying.24 If your own personal concerns are interfering with your ability to listen, re-schedule your appointment or let someone else take over.

5. Listen intuitively for what is really being said. This means being sensitive to the emotional tone, non-verbal communication, and the words being spoken.25

6. Clarify and check your assumptions by asking questions26 (e.g., “It sounds like you were very upset by that person’s presence in the room. Have I got it right?”)

7. Do not be critical or judgmental about the other person’s opinions.27 8. Plan to allow enough time to listen properly, especially when conversations may be

emotional. 9. Use positive body language to convey interest and understanding, such as nodding

your head and leaning forward.28

You will find additional tips for effective listening at http://www.drnadig.com/listening.htm.

Learning Activity

1. Go to http://maselli-assets.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Active-Listening-2012.pdf to find an effective listening skills checklist designed to help you develop your active listening skills. Website accessed on February 2015. 2. After a meeting, use the effective listening skills checklist to rate your

listening behaviour. You could also do this as a group or team. Look at areas for improvement and make a conscious effort to improve your listening behaviours in the future.


25 Shebib, 95.

26 Shebib, 113.


28 Chang, Scott, and Decker, 61.

http://www.drnadig.com/listening.htm

http://maselli-assets.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Active-Listening-2012.pdf




Unit 2: Non-Verbal Communication

Introduction

When we communicate verbally with someone, we also engage in non-verbal behaviours that are part of the whole communication package. These non-verbal messages are sometimes intentional and sometimes unintentional.



1. Describe how body language can help or hinder verbal communication. 2. Describe the concept of physical space and how it affects communication. 3. Discuss the role of non-verbal communication.

Physical (Personal) Space and Communication

Each of us requires both closeness and physical distance in our daily lives. When you are communicating with people you support, their families, co-workers, supervisors, and other professionals, consider how close you should be to communicate effectively. Being too close to someone can make the other person uncomfortable and can interfere with the conversation.29 It can distract the person from what you are talking about. Each person has a different standard or expectation about personal space and how close or far someone else should be when communicating.30 It is important for you to be able to read the other person’s body language to find out how much personal space he or she needs. If you have doubts, you should ask: “Am I standing too close to you?” or “Am I too far away from you for us to talk easily?”

An anthropologist by the name of Edward T. Hall identified four zones which describe different degrees of personal space and comfort.31 These are outlined in the table on the next page.



31 Edward T. Hall, The Hidden Dimension (Garden City, NY: Doubleday, 1966; reprint 1990), quoted in Adler et al, 289.



Zone Distance Who and When

Intimate 0 to 45 centimetres

People who are very emotionally close to us (e.g., family members, intimate partners, pets); when providing personal care, during some sports, while giving CPR or First Aid, and/or during emotional moments such as giving a hug for support.

Personal 45 centimetres to 1.2 metres

Contacts who are reasonably close but not as close as the intimate zone (e.g., friends, co-workers, people you are supporting); during meetings, workshops, casual conversation, at meals, at social activities, and/or riding in a car.

Social 1.2 to 3.6 metres For more formal and impersonal situations (e.g., anyone at work, other professionals, families of those you are supporting); during outdoor activities, and/or at large meetings or workshops.

Public 3.6+ metres and beyond

Any members of the public at almost any time.

Learning Activity

Personal Space Exercise32

In pairs, stand facing one another at opposite sides of the room.

Now begin to speak to your partner, while walking very slowly toward him or her. Continue to carry on the conversation as you gradually move closer and

closer. Try to note your feelings throughout this process.

Continue moving toward each other until there is only a few meters between you (intimate zone).

Take a moment to discuss your feelings and thoughts throughout this exercise.




Forms of Non-Verbal Communication

You have just learned that physical personal space is one form of non-verbal communication. There are several others, including body language,33 eye contact and expression,34 and hand gestures.35 The full communication message is a combination of the following elements:36

what is said; tone of voice, volume (e.g., speaking softly or loudly), and speed (e.g., speaking

slowly or quickly); gestures; facial expressions; body language; physical appearance (e.g., clothing, grooming, hairstyle); and eye contact and eye movements.

When communicating with anyone, you need to be aware of what your whole message is. Your voice may be quiet and your words may be well chosen, but you may not make eye contact, and physically you may appear very tense. Your non-verbal communication suggests that what you are saying may not be everything you want or need to say. A close observer may notice this and ask you a few questions so see if you would like to say more or if you have something else on your mind.

While you are listening to someone else, it is a good idea to observe her or his non-verbal communication. This is also true when you are with individuals who have limited expressive verbal skills. Many people with disabilities are very skilled at using non-verbal communication strategies to get their messages across. Learn how each person you work with uses gestures, eye movements, and body language to communicate.

There are no universal rules for reading body language and are different from culture to culture. 37 For example, several years ago, students in colleges and universities were often taught that people who sit with their arms folded across their chests and their legs crossed at the thigh were communicating a “closed” or even “resistant” message with their bodies. While this may be true for some people in some communication situations, it could also mean many other things:

People are chilly and are folding their arms for warmth. People are sitting in chairs without armrests and crossing their arms to be

comfortable.




36 Adler et al, 268-288.




People are more comfortable sitting with their legs crossed at the thigh rather than sitting flatfooted, especially if their chairs are too high for them.

Another important example of differences in non-verbal communication is the use of eye contact in many First Nations and Asian cultures. Caucasians generally expect that direct eye contact will be made during conversations. However, direct eye contact is a sign of disrespect within many other cultural communities. As a result, you may find that Aboriginal and Asian individuals are reluctant to look directly at you.38 You should be sensitive to and accepting of these cultural differences.

Non-verbal communication may be different for the following groups:

men and women;39 people of different ages; people from different cultural and language backgrounds;40 people with different abilities and disabilities; and people with different types and levels of education and training.

The best ways to determine what people’s non-verbal messages mean:

Get to know them well. Gently ask questions about what they are saying and doing. Clarify your

interpretations of their behaviour. Don’t judge, criticize, or assume that your interpretations are correct.

38 Big Sisters of BC Lower Mainland, Cultural Awareness Tips for Volunteers Working with Little Sisters of a First

Nations Culture, accessed as reference on October 18, 2010, http://www.bigsisters.bc.ca/site-bbbs/media/BCLowerMainland/Working_with_a_First_Nations_Little_Sister.pdf ; Adler et al, 265.


40 Adler et al, 263-266.

http://www.bigsisters.bc.ca/site-bbbs/media/BCLowerMainland/Working_with_a_First_Nations_Little_Sister.pdf




Learning Activity

People Watching Exercise41 Go to a public place of your choice and observe a conversation between two people. Watch for the following non-verbal communication and write down what you see, using behavioural descriptions. Behavioural descriptions are explanations of exactly what you observed the individuals saying and doing

(e.g., she got up from the table, turned her back to the person she was talking to, and walked quickly away) rather than assumptions about or evaluations of the behaviour (e.g., she seemed angry with the conversation and went away mad). In this exercise, where possible, consider:

Facial expressions. Eye movements and eye contacts. Body position and movement. Gestures. Breathing and muscle tone. Skin tone changes.

Share your observations with a friend or colleague.

Propose to your team members that you will all choose partners and observe each other’s non-verbal communications during a team meeting. When you see something that seems to send a message that is different from your partner’s verbal message, make a note of it for future clarification. Don’t interrupt the meeting; just let the agenda flow as it normally would. At the end of the meeting, each pair of partners will meet for 15 minutes to share their observations. Ask your partner what her or his non-verbal communications meant, and answer your partner’s questions about your own behaviour. Don’t be surprised if you

41 Chang, Scott, and Decker, 60.



and your partner are unaware of your non-verbal messages. Be careful not to be judgmental when you are doing this exercise. If you are critical, expect a defensive and not very receptive response!



Unit 3: Constructive Communications

in Difficult Situations

Introduction

When you are working with individuals and their families, co-workers, and supervisors who may have different backgrounds, values, and beliefs about supporting people with disabilities, you will probably find yourself in some difficult situations. This is when your interpersonal communication skills will be put to the test.



1. Describe 12 steps for professionally and assertively identifying an issue and working out solutions.

Process for Identifying Issues and Solving Problems

When you have a concern or become aware of a problem, follow these steps:42

1. Clarify in your own mind what the issue is and what is making you dissatisfied. Be aware that your perceptions, training, and history affect the way you interpret situations and, as the one who has the concern, recognize that the problem is yours. By realizing that the problem is yours, “you’ll be more likely to state your problem in a descriptive way which will not only be more accurate but will also reduce the chance of a defensive reaction.”43

2. Decide whether the issue should be discussed and, if so, with whom. 3. Practice (or at the very least, think about) what you will say and how you will say it.

Role plays could be done with your supervisor or a trusted colleague. 4. Approach the other person directly, professionally, and tactfully. Say there is

something you would like to discuss and ask him or her to suggest a day, time, and place for a conversation. Choose a place that is comfortable and also private.

42 Adler et al, 483-488.




5. Describe your problem as specifically as you can. Make points, not speeches. In only a few minutes, you should be able to do the following:

Tell the other person what you think the problem or issue is. Give one example. Make it short and specific. Explain how the issue affects you and/or others. Explain how you are feeling about the situation. Acknowledge your responsibility for part of the situation. Indicate your willingness to explore solutions.

Example: I have a problem. It is about you cleaning up after yourself when you have had something to eat. Several times this month, I have come home from work and found dirty dishes left in the sink. It is frustrating to me to have to clean your dishes before I can make dinner and the consequence is that we eat later. I’m getting more and more resentful about this, and sometimes I get short with you when you get home from school. What can we do to resolve this situation so that I don’t have to nag you?

6. Stop talking and ask the person to respond. Listen without interrupting or arguing, in order to understand the other person’s point of view and needs in the situation.

7. Encourage the other person to work with you to think of as many solutions as possible and decide what ideas would work best.

8. Come to an agreement about how either or both of you will work to put the solutions into action. Decide how to hold each other accountable for doing what you have agreed to do.

9. Set a date for a follow-up meeting to assess progress and change your solutions, if necessary.



Learning Activity

Ask your supervisor or a co-worker to do a role-play with you on an issue that could come up (or has come up in the past) in your work or team. Use the steps above, and keep the role-play short (5–10 minutes). At the end of the role-play, ask the other person for some feedback about how you handled the situation. Were you assertive enough? Did you name the issue directly but also professionally? Did

you ask the other person for his or her perceptions and ideas?

Variations on the theme: If you are feeling brave, you could do the role-play several times, as follows:

First time: Ask the other person to be open, responsive, and willing to listen to your concerns.

Second time: Ask the other person to be a little confused or perhaps a little resistant to your concerns.

Third time: Ask the other person to be defensive or perhaps argumentative.

Each of these variations will allow you to practice higher-level skills as the role-play becomes more difficult. Discuss your performance with your partner after each variation. Carefully consider her or his suggestions for improving your communication skills in difficult situations.

Learning Activity

Find instructions for playing the Stone Game. This is a very intriguing game about interpersonal communication that was developed by Joe Schaefer. It is played in a small group. You can find information about it at www.tamarackcommunity.ca/downloads/engage/volume14.pdf

http://www.tamarackcommunity.ca/downloads/engage/volume14.pdf



References for Module 14:

Interpersonal Communication Adler, Ronald B., et al. Looking Out, Looking In. 3rd Canadian ed. Canada: Thomson/Nelson,

2006.

Big Sisters of BC Lower Mainland. Cultural Awareness Tips for Volunteers Working with Little Sisters of a First Nations Culture. Accessed as a reference on February 17, 2015. http://www.bigsisters.bc.ca/site-bbbs/media/BCLowerMainland/Working_with_a_First_Nations_Little_Sister.pdf.

Chang, Valerie Nash, Sheryn T. Scott, and Carol L. Decker. Developing Helping Skills: A Step-by-Step Approach. USA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning, 2009.

Hampton, Jerry. “A Listening - Emptiness Group Exercise.” Group Dynamics and Community Building. http://www.community4me.com/listenexercise.html.

Masselli Group, The. “Active Listening Skills: Professional Communication Skills.” Accessed as a reference on February 17, 2015 http://maselli-assets.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Active-Listening-2012.pdf.

Murphy, Bianca Cody, and Carolyn Dillon. Interviewing in Action in a Multicultural World, 3rd ed. USA: Thompson Brooks/Cole, 2008.

Nadig, Larry Alan. “Effective Listening.” http://www.drnadig.com/listening.htm. Schaeffer, Joe. “Tamarack Community Life – The Stone Game.” Tamarack. www.tamarackcommunity.ca/downloads/engage/volume14.pdf Shebib, Bob. Choices: Interviewing and Counselling Skills for Canadians, 3rd ed. Toronto: Pearson Prentice Hall, 2007.



http://www.community4me.com/listenexercise.html



http://www.drnadig.com/listening.htm



Self-Assessment This activity will help you to determine whether you have accomplished the learning outcomes of Interpersonal Communication. Please answer the following questions and then compare your responses to the answer key that follows the self-assessment.

1. List the three types of communication and give an example of each.

2. What are the four active listening skills discussed in this module?

3. What are the three types of questions you should ask?

4. What type of question shouldn’t you ask?

5. List at least five tips for effective listening.



6. Describe why personal space is important in effective communication.

7. List four of the components of a communications message.

8. Review the steps for identifying issues and working out solutions. In what types of situations would you ask for help from your supervisor or manager in order to discuss and solve a problem?



Answer Key for Self-Assessment

If your answers do not include most of the following points, you may want to review this material before taking the test on Interpersonal Communication.

1. The three types of communication are verbal, non-verbal, and written. Your examples should be similar to the examples on page 3.

2. The four active listening skills discussed in this module are paraphrasing, clarifying, summarizing, and empathetic reflection.

3. The three types of questions you should ask are open, closed and hypothetical. 4. You should not ask a counterfeit or loaded question. 5. Compare your answer with the tips for effective listening on page 6. 6. Personal space is important in effective communication because being too close to

people makes them uncomfortable and affects their ability to hear your message. Being too far away makes it difficult for them to hear and speak to you and observe your body language.

7. Correct answers include any four of the following components of a communications message: what is said; tone of voice, volume (speaking softly or loudly), and speed (speaking slowly or

quickly); gestures; facial expressions; body language; physical appearance (clothing, grooming, hairstyle); and eye contact and eye movements.

8. You should ask for help from your supervisor or manager if an issue is very emotional or if conflict could occur if the issue is raised without proper preparation or facilitation.

Section 3, Module 14 Interpersonal Communication 14 - Interpersonal... · Section 3, Module 14...

Documents

Transcript of Section 3, Module 14 Interpersonal Communication 14 - Interpersonal... · Section 3, Module 14...