Scrolls - A Confession
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Transcript of Scrolls - A Confession
8/3/2019 Scrolls - A Confession
http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/scrolls-a-confession 1/4
Scrolls - A Confession
Scrolls and scriptswere written long agofor me to love youfrom when I saw my mom
in a dashiki dress to rocking a froto daddy with his full beard,bright colors and paintbrush
the family trips, nature walksYosemite, across the country, Gulf Coast to PeninsulaArt festivals, art classes, recording songs together
Taking pictures, lots of picturesof the skies, flowers, trees,my sister and meWe were flowersour cornrowed hair matched as did our clothesMom and daddy loved each other but problems growedSummer camps, graffitti, hip hop musicDaily watching Rap City and emulating the rappersI wanted to be Big Lez dancing, contorting my dark long limbsdelicately and gracefully to musicI was always an artistSought after and praisedFrom drawing, to writing, to singing, to dancingAnd I was bound to be magnetically drawn to an artistTogether we’d make a compilationOf jazz and blues, of hip hop and be bopTo Quincy Jones’ Back on the BlockTo Maxwell’s Urban Hang Suite
I felt music and color pulsating through my bodyBa bump, ba bump, ba bumpand when I met you it was like high hats and cymbals clashedYou were like the soul in my musicYou’re thoughts were like weed lifting me highI wanted to breathe your air and taste your caramel coffee
trickling down my throat
Wanted your beard to scratch my neck at you kissed it
I wanted your graffiti to spray my walls
and color them with your name
I wanted your poetry, your bass lines
to send me to chorusTo rise and fall with you
To paint the mountains of the Southwest
and create a civilization
ancient, deep oranges and burgundy colored,
spiritual, elevated physics
because of the physical act of
planting and bearing your seed
8/3/2019 Scrolls - A Confession
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Your words and your word and your words
Kept hitting my eyes and ears in a way
none had ever hit them before
some made sense, some didn’t
I know not whether you’re illogical or
I’m dense but I’m captivated either wayYou were the person I always saw life with
All my dreams were you
All of them
From the moment I laid eyes on rich hues and textures
From the moment I heard the baritone voice from the east coast
From the moment I heard Arrested Developments Everyday People
I saw you being the man that would love me
and the man that I’d respect, honor, bow down to, serve
My children would have your face stamped on them
Your eyes, nose, lips
it was just supposed to happen like that
connected though not connected
i’m afraid to love and afraid to be hurt
though my deep waters trickle into a pool of affection for you
I wish for you to swim in them
baptized and immersed in that which will push you to stand
Make you king, make you reign, support your flight
you make me better, you teach me
humbled by all that you are and everything that you will be
wishing to kneel and pray with you
to see God with youinterlace ideas and thoughts like threads and fabric with you
glued together in mutual support like barnacles and a ship
becoming one with you
unity, union, community, family
i chuckle at the lack of logic
it doesn’t make sense to me now
but like my genetic code was penned before
my parents even met its like God and his immense
universe conspired for you and I to cross paths
and even when I try to go on a different road
I see you brush past me
your scent in my nose like frankincense and myrrh
i feel and act in irrational ways because I’m trying to make sense
of that which doesn’t
reconciling lust, love with belief
trying to reprogram one of those areas to make the peg fit the hole
it may even be humorous
8/3/2019 Scrolls - A Confession
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to watch me perform in much of a circus act of back and forth on the trapeze
up and down like the ebb and flow of life
the problem may not be that I lack deep emotion and respect for you
but my insecurity that its not reciprocated
not demonstrated
and the books say he’s just not into you and I wonder if it’s morethat he doesn’t care at all
does not his scroll read the same as mine
do not his pages turn at the same time
does the alphabet translate line by line
does his love for other women equate
to his inability to learn true love for me
and though its commonly said that I shouldn’t feel this way
I can’t help but to wonder how I could compare
or if I compare
if in your eyes you would find the same value
would I be enough, if she wasn’t enough
is there a such thing as enough?
and whether little white lies hide bigger uglier ones
or maybe more appropriately if non disclosure shields me from truths
that would free me from captivity to passion for you
I accept your imperfection if you accept mine
i will hear you if your would openly strum the guitar before me
no tune would be off key
just play openly, with your heart, honestly
i want to sing your song
be the canvas to your brushbe the record to your needle
to be the verse to your track
to be the clay to your hands
to be the subject of your photos
for my back to be the stage on which you perform
to be your flower in a garden of them
i feel you running through my veins
call out and I’ll respond
I’m reading what’s written
Hoping my glasses are clear
hoping that it’s really you supposed to be here
melted down in total vulnerability and humility
so you can see I come in peace
am I stupid for this?
perhaps, but I don’t want
pride or having been socialized to believe I’m
supposed to be this way or that to prevent me
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from being completely frank about
what is pulling on my emotions and womb
yearning for you and your attention and affection
unreasoning maybe even obsessively
I cry for what I envisioned and what has gone unfulfilled
offer up prayer and entreaty to bless my womband clarity on why it seems like it’s to be you
I do not know but hunches and instinct tell me to run as much
as it tells me to stay
I pray for patience with myself and with you as I learn you
As I navigate the fields of your heart, mind, and mission
I want to fight beside you, not with you
Rally as your partner
Cheer you on
Do for you and with you
Work to please you
Work to make your dreams work
Give completely of myself without reservation or bribe
It would make me happy to make you happy
And to feel secure in your love
Entreating for you to work equally as hard this and with my well being in mind
True unity
True companionship
Making a melodious symphony
Of blissful odors rising in praise of the One who created us
and gave us each other as a gift
To add a brilliant spectrum in an empty skyComposed, recorded, mastered
Jasmine Powersabout.me/jasminepowers@jasminepowers