S. L. Viehl - Illumination
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Transcript of S. L. Viehl - Illumination
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FormyfriendJessie,
computergoddess,crashsavior,anddaydreambeliever,
whowantedtoheartheothersideofthestory.
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3EncryptedFile
092002573
ShesleepsasIwritethis.
Herquartersarefarfrommyown,butIhavenotplantedanyrecordingdronesto
watchher.CloseproximityandremotesurveillancehaveneverbeennecessaryIhave
beenawareofherfromthefirst,andtheconnectionbetweenusgrowsstrongereach
day.Sheisunawareofit,ordeliberatelyignoresit.
Icannot.Sheisalwayswithmenow.
Ihaveneverestablishedaconnectionasintenseorofsuchlastingdurationas
this.Thedetailisastonishing;whenIconcentrate,Icanfeeltheadrenalinpumpingin
herveinsandtheprecisefocusofherthoughtsassheworks.Mylimbsachewiththe
ghostweightofherexhaustionaftershefinishesadoubleshiftinMedical.Icancount
herbreaths,smellherscent,andoccasionallytomydismayeventastewhatshe
eats.
Throughher,IhavediscoveredneedsthatIneverknewexisted.Theytwist
insideme,thesepeculiar,foreigndemandsandIamalmostcertaintheyarenot
comingfromher.TheoldpriestArembel,whocaredfortheinjuredafterboutsinthe
arena,oncetoldmehowitcouldbe,butIdidnotexpectthis.
Ididnotexpecther.
Ireachedintohersubconscioustonight,andforthefirsttime,Isawwhatshe
dreams.Iassumedthatsuchadedicatedsurgeonwoulddreamofpatientsand
instrumentsandprocedures,andbracedmyselftobeill.Instead,Iwalkedwithher
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4underpurple-leafedtreesinthemoonlightthesamegroveswhereonedied,and
anotherwassaved.
Thegooddoctordreamsofme.
IhaveaccessedtheTerrandatabasedozensoftimes,andstudiedthepertinent
psychologicaldata.ContrarytooldArembelssuperstitions,itindicatesthatwhatIhave
felt,andwhatIcontinuetoexperienceistheproductofanemotionalfixation.Ana
Hansen,theempathicTerranadministratoronKevarzangiaTwo,alsobelievedthe
same.
Iamnotconvinced.Iamhuman,butIhaveneverpossessedhumanemotions.
IhavetriedeverymentaltechniqueIknowtoterminatethisconnectionbetween
us,butitcannotbesevered.Icannotridmyselfofher.
Imustdecidewhattodotonight.
#
IfIcouldchangeanything,Iwouldreturntothatmoment,morethantwoyears
agonow,whenthedecisionwasmadetosendmebacktospyonmykind.Iwouldgo
backandaskhimnottosendme.
Atthetime,however,Iwasmorethanwilling.
YoumustgotoKevarzangiaTwo,HalaVar.
Iwatchedmyreptilianbloodbrotherpacearoundthecommandconsole.
TssVarstailthrashedwithagitation,butIsuspectedthatwasduetotheemergency
signalfromthesub-Hanar,thesecond-mostpowerfulmemberoftheHsktsktFaction.
Signalsfromthehomeworldrarelybroughtgoodnews;politicians,almostnever.
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5"Indeed."Idislikedassociatingwithotherhumanoids,butifhewasplanningto
raidaheavily-populatedregion,Iwouldhavetogo.HowmayIserveusefulamong
fodder?
Yourtalents,alongwiththecredentialswehavefalsified,willenableyoutopose
asacoloniallinguist.Hisyelloweyesmetmine.Thereareconcernsaboutmilitary
activityintheregion.ThePmocQuadrantisheavilypopulatedbymulti-species
colonies.Commandwantsdataontheirstrengths,weaknesses,andpotentialdefense
capabilities.Leaguemembersareclaimingtoomanyworldsintheborderterritories
throughtradeandtreaty,andwherecolonistsplantthemselves,troopsfollow.
ThatwasextremelyunwiseoftheAlliedLeagueofWorlds,giventhattheHsktskt
hadbeenraidingjustoutsidethatQuadrantforsometimeandconsidereditpartoftheir
territory.Thesub-Hanarsuspectsamobilization?
Thesub-Hanarsuspectseverything.TssVarhandedmeadisc.Hereisthe
latestintelligence.Youleavetomorrow.
IexaminedthediscasIformulatedaproperlyreluctantresponse.Idonotknow
howeffectiveIwillprove.Ihavenotlivedamongwarm-bloodsfordecades.Theshort
timethatIhad,theyhadincarceratedme.
Youhavethegiftofadaptationthatourotherscoutslack.Isuspectyoumaybe
stationedawayfromusforsometime.TssVarbrieflyclampedatalonedhandonmy
shoulder,aHsktsktgesturethatexpressedfarmorethancommiserationorsympathy.I
willknowyourabsence,brother.
Heowedmehislife,andactuallytreatedmelikeatruesibling.Hewouldfeel
differently,hadheknownthatIwasthetraitorsabotagingHsktsktraidsandslave
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6transportsforthepasttenrevolutions.Iknewifheeverdiscoveredmyduplicity,TssVar
wouldtearoutmythroatwithhisownteethandclaws.
AndIyours.Irose,salutedhim,andwithdrewtomyquarters.
Ihadwaitedalongtimeforsuchanassignment.Operatingaloneoutside
Factionterritorywouldallowmeunparalleledfreedom,yetIfeltleeryofdwellingamong
humanoids.Ihadbeenisolatedfrommynativespeciesfrombirth,andhadservedasa
HsktsktLordandadoptedmemberoftheFactionsincemyadolescence.Everyother
speciesIencounteredwereeitherslavesorslavers,soinasenseTssVarandhisline
weretheonlyfamilyIhadeverknown.
TheonlyhumanoidsIknewwereslaves.
Ifeltnoloyaltytomybloodbrother,nortothefewofmykindwhomIhelped
escapefromtheFaction.Imerelysoughtbalanceforwhathadbeendonetome.I
betrayedtheHsktsktforthethreerevolutionstheyhadforcemetofightinslaverarenas.
SavinglivesseemedthemostadequateexpiationforthemanyIhadtaken.
Hala!Hala!
Myowner,acenturonwithaheavyfistwholikedtobeatherslavesasmuchas
sheenjoyedstarvingthem,hadgivenmethatnameafterIbegankillingonthesands.
HercroniessoontooktochantingiteverytimeIenteredthearena,andmyreputation
forefficiencybegandrawingcrowds.
HalainthereptilianstonguemeantDeath,anddeathiswhatIgavethem.
Ikilledanyoneandanythingtheyputonthesandswithme,untilthedaya
HsktsktLordfellbetweenmeandmyopponent.Withoutthinking,IshieldedTssVar
fromakillingblow.Bydoingso,Iinadvertentlythwartedarathercleverassassination
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7attemptbyoneofhismoreambitioussubordinates.TheHsktsktLordwasquickly
rescued,andlaterorderedthatIbebroughttohim.
Iexpectedtobeinterrogatedandperhapskilled,soseeinghimkneelbeforeme
toremovemychainswassomethingofashock.
YouwillbecalledHalaVar,hesaid,andbowedtome.Warriorofdeath.
TssVardidmorethanfreemeandgivemeaformalname.Hemademea
Factioncitizenandtookmeintohisownline,makingmeamemberofhisimmediate
family.Hetrainedmetoenterthemilitary,andhadmeassignedtohiscommand.My
questforbalanceandmypositionasTssVarsbloodbrotherhadtakenmefromthe
sandsofthearenaintotheranksofthemostpowerfulraiderdivisionwithintheFaction.
IhadnotanticipatedinfiltratingtheHsktskttosuchalevel,andIwasabletodomuchto
sabotagetheFactionfromwithin.Ihadevenbegunplanningwhattodoaboutthe
variousslaverdepotworldsunderFactioncontrol.
Plansthatwouldhavetowait,nowthattheyweresendingmebacktospyon
theirfutureslaves.
Therewasnoquestionofwhattodo.IfIwassuccessful,Iwouldmakeaplace
formyselfamongthewarm-blooded.Iwouldanalyzetheirdefensesandtheirarmed
forces,thenrelayenoughfalseinformationaboutbothtospareKevarzangiaTwoand
theotherinhabitedworldsinitssystem.
IfIfailed,Istillhadoneotheroption.
#
Idecidedtoresorttothatoptionayearlater.
Youshouldeatsomething,monami.
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8 IhadnotbeenlongonK-2beforeIencounteredLisetteDubois,afemaleTerranI
hadknownduringabriefenrollmentataneducationalfacilityonourhomeworld.She
madeitapparentthatshestillretainedtheoddaffectionshehaddisplayedtowardme
duringouryouth,whichpuzzledme.Thehumanpenchantfornostalgiaalwaysdid.
AlthoughconsumingTerranfoodsheldlittleappealformemypalatehadlong
agoadaptedtonon-humanfareIuseditasanexcusetostopatLisettescafseveral
timesperweek.Shehadprovedtobeanexcellentsourceofinformationaboutnew
transfers.
ShewasalsotheclosestthingIhadtoafriend.
Ionlyhavetimeforcafnoir.Isatatanemptytable,positionedbetweentwo
groupsoftransportworkerswiththeirsnoutsburiedinenormousbowlsofcolorful
choppedplants.DecidingwhereandhowIwouldcompletemymissionwouldonlytake
afewminutes.Didyouwishtospeakwithme?
Ihaveabettertimetalkingtomyselfthesedays.Shebroughtmeacupofbitter
darkliquid,oneofthefewitemsonhermenuIgenuinelyenjoyed.Manymaleeyes
followedher,asshewasquitetall,shapely,andattractivelycoloredforaTerran.If
youarenotcareful,Duncan,somedayyouwillopenyourmouthtosaysomethingand
onlydustwillflyout.
IshouldhavereviewedTerranconversationalstandardsmorecarefully,butnow
therewasnoreasontodoso.Irarelyhaveanythingofinteresttotellyou.Icouldnot
tellherwhatIwasplanningtodo.
Pffft,youseeitisalreadyhappening.Lisettewavedahandinfrontofmyface
andthenleftmetotendtoagroupofnewcustomers.
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9 Ifeltnohesitationattheprospectofmyfinaloption.Ididnotwishtoreturntothe
Faction;TssVarwouldeventuallydiscovermydeceptionandkillme.IfIsought
sanctuaryfromtheLeague,Iwouldlikelybecompelledtorevealmypreviousactivities.
Theywouldeitherimprisonme,orusemetospyontheHsktskt.SincecomingtoK-2,I
hadpassedonlyfalseorexaggeratedinformationtotheFaction,butIcouldnot
continuetodosoindefinitely.TssVarwouldsoonrecallmetoscoutanother,more
profitablesystem.
IhadnotachievedthebalanceIhadsought,butIcouldnotgoonpretendingthat
Iwould.IwouldneversaveasmanylivesasIhadtakeninthearena.WhatIhaddone
wouldhavetobeenough.
Itwastime.
ObtainingwhatIneededpresentedaminorproblem.Iownedseveralpulse
weapons,butusingthemwouldtriggerthecolonysurfacesecuritygrid.Subsequent
medicalattentionmightfoilmyattempt,soitwouldnotbeadvisabletouseanyweapon
whichmightsummonassistance.IdislikedthethoughtofusingabladeIhadseen
manydothesameintheslavecagesbeforearenagames,andittooktoolong.
Ipreferredsomethingmoreefficient.
Themostlogicalsolutionwaschemical,butasIhadnoknowledgeofdrugsor
accesstomedicalstores,itwouldbedifficulttoobtainthem.TheBartermenmight
possesswhatIneededtoaccomplishthetask,butIwasnotinclinedtotradewiththem
forwhatIcouldstealmyself.WhatIneededtoknowwastheprecisecompoundand
amountthatwouldbringaswiftresolution.Iwouldhavetoaccessthemedicaldatabase
andmakeadiscreetinquiry,thenvisittheFreeClinictoretrievethedrugs.
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10SatisfiedthatIhadfoundthepropersolutiontomyproblem,Ifinishedmycoffee,
andwaspreparingtoleavewhenIbecameawareofsomethingstrange.
Someonewasnear.Someonelikeme.
Myyearsinthearenahadhelpedmedevelopakindofproximitysense,a
defenseagainstunexpectedassaultsorattackswhileIwasasleep.Thiswaslikethat
sensation...butatthesametime,itwasnot.Iconcentrated,openingmymindinorder
tolocatethesource.
Hereweare,afamiliarfemalevoicesaid.LisetteDuboissfosterfamilyowned
arestaurantinParis.
IsawAdministratorAnaHansenescortinganunfamiliarTerranfemalethrough
thecaf.Thestrangewomanwasquiteshort,barelyfivefeetinheight,andverythin.
Sheworeherdarkhairinawovencable,clippedagainstthebackofherhead.Herhair
appearedclean,ifsomewhatinneedofbettergrooming,andtherewasanovercasttoit
afaint,silversheenIhadonlyseenamongelderlyTerrans.Yetfromthetextureofher
skin,Iassumedshewasquiteyoung.Herfeaturesbetrayedsomeelusiveethnic
ancestryIcouldnotidentify.
ThelittleTerranfemalenoticedagroupnearmytable,andasshewatchedthem
thecornersofhermouthwentupshesmiled,Icorrectedmyselfbeforeshe
encounteredmyowngaze.
Ididnotfindherparticularlyattractiveinanyphysicalsenseshehadasmuch
allureasamalnourishedchildandAdministratorHansenspresenceindicatedshewas
anewtransfertothecolony.Ialwaysavoidedhumanslikeher,butIfeltacompulsion
tocontinuewatchingher.Iwantedtospeaktoherandlearnhername.
YetIhadnojustificationfortheinterest.
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11Herexpressionchangedasshereturnedthevisualassessment.Ofallher
physicalcharacteristics,herdarkblueeyeswerethemostremarkable.Hergazewas
directandintent,almostfearless.Sheappearedperfectlyatease,incommandofthe
situation.However,shedidnotfeelasconfidentbehindthatcarefullyschooled
countenance.
Sheisafraid.
Shemayhavebeenunconsciouslyprojectingheremotions.TheonlywayIcould
besurewouldbetogotoherandplacemyhandsonher.Ionlytouchedanotherbeing
toestablishatelepathiclinktothatindividualsspeechcenter,andIalreadythoroughly
comprehendedallTerrannativelanguages.IdoubtedIcouldactivelyprobehermind.I
hadnotbeensuccessfulwiththeHsktskt,butIhadneverhadmuchopportunityor
desiretolinkinsuchanintimatemannerwithotherhumanoids.PerhapsifIcould
strengthentheinvoluntaryconnectionbetweenus,itwouldhelpmeunderstandwhat
shewas,andwhyshewasafraid.
Myownthoughtsbewilderedme.Thereisnoreasontoforthis. Ididntcarehow
shefelt.Ourpresentsituationdidnotjustifyeventhemostlimitedphysicalcontact.
Shecouldgivemenothingofuse.EvenasIacknowledgedthat,IstillwonderedWhy
issheafraid?AmIfrighteningher?
Thatwaswhenastrangevisioncametome.
IsawthesmallTerran,dresseddifferently,standingbeforeme.Wewerealone
inanagriculturalareawhereIhadoftenworked.Allofmyattentionwasfocusedonher.
Aviolentdeterminationfilledme,andItookherwristsinmyhands.Icouldfeelthethin
delicatebonesshiftasIliftedherhandsuptomyface.Iwasfocusingonher,reaching
intogather
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12Thevisionvanished,andIreturnedtothepresent,intimetoseetheTerran
femalereactwithasmallstartofastonishment.InthatmomentIknewshewasnota
telepath,orevenawareofherprojectedemotionsandyetsomehow,shehadshared
thevision.Itseemedprecognitive,aglimpseintothefuture,asifwewerebothseeing
whatwouldhappenbetweenus.
Ifso,itseemedthatIwouldnotbecommittingsuicidetoday,afterall.
#
IremainedatadistanceandlistenedasAnaperformedintroductionsbetween
myfriendandthenewcomer.
ThisisDr.CherijoGreyVeil,theadministratortoldLisette.
CherijoGreyVeil.Irepeatedthenamesilently,severaltimes,searchingthrough
thethousandsoflanguagesIhadlearnedforanycorrelation.Mosthumanoidspecies
areonlycapableofacertainrangeofsounds,anddespitethediversityofthegalaxy,
oftenusedthesamearrangementsofsoundstoformwords.Thevarietyandcontrastof
meaningsfromracetoraceweremyriad,butIhadneverheard cher-ee-joh-greh-vael
usedbefore.
Forsomereasonthatannoyedme.
However,hertitleincreasedmyinterest.CherijoGreyVeilwasaphysician,and
physicianshadaccesstounlimitedamountsofdrugs.Givenmypresentneed,that
wouldproveuseful.AsfortheunprecedentedhallucinationIhadexperienced,Idecided
todismissitasamomentaryaberration.Ididnotbelieveinprecognition,andIwould
killmyselfwhenIchose.Itwouldhavenothingtodowiththisstrangefemalebeyond
coercinghertogetmethechemicalcompoundsIrequired.
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13ThedoctorseemeddauntedbyLisette,forallsheofferedasagreetingwasa
simple,Hello.Hervoicewasevenlypitchedbutnotparticularlymelodic.
IcouldseethatLisettedidnotlikeher,buttheFrenchwomandislikedmost
humanfemales.Particularlythosewhoremindedherofhowtallshewas.Youworkat
theFreeClinic?
Dr.GreyVeilwasasurgeonbackonTerra,Anasaid.
Thedoctorslipscurleduponcemore.Yes,it'ssafetogivemeaknife.
Ittookamomentformetoregisterherremarkasajoke.Irarelyfoundhuman
humoragreeable,buthersseemedfarlessoffensivethanthethinly-disguisedalien
bigotryIdheardmostTerransindulgein.Whywassheresortingtoitnow?Wasitto
maskherunease?
Itdoesntmatterhowshefeels,Iremindedmyself.AllIneedtoverifyiswhere
shehasbeenassigned,andifIcanuseher. Irosefrommychairandmademyway
overtothewomen.
IwastellingDr.GrayVailaboutyourincomparablecroissants,Anawassaying
asIjoinedthem.
Perhapshumorwouldbethebestmethodwithwhichtoentertheconversation.
Hasthecouncilinstitutedahealthboard?Iasked.
Allthreewomenregardedmewithvaryingdegreesofsurprise.Lisettes
expressionswiftlyturneddarkandunwelcoming.AnaHansenlookedfrommetothe
othertwowomen,andseemedsomewhatconfused.
Theobjectofmyinterestshowedlittleoutwardreaction.Shetiltedherhead,and
hereyelidsnarrowedafraction,butthatwasall.Thisclose,Icouldclearlysensemore
ofheremotionsanger,discomfort,andsomethingmore.EvidentlyIwasirritatingher
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14asmuchasshewasannoyingme.However,Ididnotfrightenher.Somethingelsehad
donethat.
No,Duncan,Dr.GreyVeilisanewlytransferredphysician.Anaturnedtoher
companion.Cherijo,thisisDuncanReever,ourchieflinguist.
IglancedatLisette,whonowviewedmeasthechiefcauseofherdispleasure.
Duncan,goaway.Shereturnedtohercounter,callingbacktoAna,Sitdown,Iwill
bringyoucafaulait.
Thedoctorseemedpoisedtoleave,soImadeanotherhumorousremark,hoping
itwouldtempthertoenterintoconversationwithme.Don'tmindLisette.Shedislikes
competition.
Anabecamemoreconfused.Competition?
Cherijosattentiondriftedawayasshestudiedthelandscaping.Sincethere
werefewphysicianswillingtoworkintheterritories,itwaspossibleshewasonlyhere
forashortperiodoftime.IwouldhavetobemoredirectifIwantedtoobtainthe
informationIneeded.
Lisetteconsidersanyoneunderthirtyandbreathingcompetition,Anna,Isaid,
quitetruthfully.Doctor,whendoyouestimateyou'llreturntoTerra?
Idon't.Herslimhandmovedinthedirectionofanemptytable.Shallwesit
down,Ana?
Ijoinedthemwithoutwaitingforaninvitation.Myproximityseemedtobe
disturbingtheadministrator,whoselimitedmentalabilitiesIdencounteredonthefew
occasionsshedtriedtosensemyemotions.IhadneverinformedherthatIpossessed
none.
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15ChieflinguistReever,apleasuretomeetyou.Thedoctorgavemeasmile,but
itwasnotaswelcomingastheoneshehadofferedLisette.Shedidntlikeme.Please
excuseus.
Ihadanirrationaldesiretohearhersaymygivenname.CallmeDuncan.Her
irritationintriguedme;Irarelyprovokedanyreactionfromotherhumansbeyondthe
usualindifferenceordisgust.Herfaceseemedunremarkable,buttheunderlyingbone
structurewasfascinating.Eventhisclose,Icouldnotpreciselyclassifyhersubspecies.
You'renotCaucasian,areyou?
MypatriarchalgenealogyisendemictoNorthAmerica,shetoldme.Apache,
someNavajo,aswell.MymatriarchoflineageislistedasCaucasian.
Shehadnotknownhermother,andshewashidingsomething.Listedas?
Myfathercontractedaprofessionalsurrogate.SheseemedangrythatIhad
compelledhertoadmitwhatwas,amongTerrans,anacceptedformofreproduction.
Irecalledthathumansusuallyformedemotionalattachmentstotheirparents.
Perhapssheregrettedthelackofamaternalinfluenceinheryouth.Terransplaced
greatvalueinthepurityoftheirDNA,soitseemedoddthatshedidnotknowfrom
whomshehadinheritedhalfherchromosomes.Apityyourmatriarchallineis
undefined.
Mymaternalancestry,andmylackofknowledgeaboutit,hasnoeffectonmy
life.Moreangerandoddly,thatindefinablesecrecychangedhervocaltone.It
doesn'tmatter.
Hownaveshewastothinkasshedid,toleavethesafetyofherhomeworldfor
regionscompletelyunknowntoher.Therewereplanetsshecouldnevervisitwithout
seriousrisktoherlife.Onthisworld.
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16Sheliftedherchin.Idon'tunderstandwhatyoumean.
Duncan,wedohavealimitedintervalhere.Theadministratorsounded
apologetic.
IthoughtoftheTganru,whoseiriseschangedcolorwhentheybecameinfected
byacertaincerebralparasite,whichalsodrovethemmad.Onthefifthplanetofa
systemtwolightyearsaway,you'dberituallysacrificedforhavingthoseeyes.
Really?Shepaled.Howinteresting.
Yes.Theoldscarsonthebacksofmyhandsburnedasanotherspontaneous
needsurfacedinsideme.ButIwouldneverallowthattohappentoyou. Ihadtoget
awayfromherbeforeIsaidsomethingfoolish.Irosetomyfeet.Excusemyintrusion,
Ana.Dr.GreyVeil.
LisetteinterceptedmebeforeIlefttheTradingCenter.So,Duncan,youhave
finallyfoundawomanwhointerestsyou.Ihadnotthoughtitpossible.
Thephysician?Sheisshortanddisagreeable.
Youaretallanddisagreeable.Itisthematchmadeinheaven.Shesounded
sulky,butshelookedverydistressed.Iwouldbehappyforyou,youknow,monami.
IhadnotrealizedhowdeepLisettesaffectionformehadbecome.Shehadno
ideawhatIwas.Itouchedhercheek,andliedtoher.Youwillalwaysbemyfriend.
Lisettereturnedtohercounter,andIturnedmyheadtoseethelittledoctorstill
watchingme.
Ididnotwanttoleave.Nothingwouldhavepleasedmemorethantoreturnto
thetable,andtakeherarm,andforcehertoaccompanymetoamoreprivatelocation.I
wouldquestionheraboutthedrugsIneeded,thenmakehertellmehowshehad
inducedthatvisionorhallucinationorwhateveritwasthatwehadshared.Iwouldfind
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17outwhateversecretsshewashidingfromme.Therewouldbenoonetointerfere,and
noonetostopmefromputtingmyhandsonher.
Lisetteservedalightmealtothetwowomen,thenfrownedatme.Asmy
behaviorwasbeginningtodrawattentionfromothersaswell,Iturnedandwalkedback
tomyoffice.
Ihadtofindoutexactlywhoshewas.
#
IperformedathoroughinvestigationofDr.CherijoGreyVeil.Whataccessible
datatherewasonthecolonialdatabasewasscant,andtoldmenothingabouther
reasonsfortransferringtoK-2.Shehadpurchasedpassageonaprivatetraders
vessel,whichwassomewhatunusual,andhadtraveledalone,withnoother
passengers.IcheckedthepilotsregistrationandrecognizedtheOenrallianwhohad
providedtransportforherDhreenfrequentedtheRecreationCentermostnightsatthe
sametimeIwenttoexercise.
Hemightknowmoreaboutthedoctor.
AfterIcompletedmydayshiftatAdministration,Iwenttothecenterandtook
controlofoneofthefreechallengewhump-balltables.TheOenrallianarrivedand
watchedwithinterestasIdefeatedseveralconsecutiveopponentsbeforehestepped
uptothegloverack.
Attractedtoabout?heaskedmeinstanTerran.Hemighthavepassedforone
ofmykind,haditnotbeenforhisorangehair,redhorns,andyelloweyes.
Imattractedtofemales,Irepliedinhisnativelanguage.ButIwouldnotmind
acontestofskills.
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18 Sorry,Imeantnooffense.Dhreengrinned.Ididntknowyouspokemylingo,
andTerranis...herolledhiseyes.
Difficult,Iknow.Themetaphorsandanalogiesareendless.Ihandedhimthe
positionerandnoddedtowardthegloves.Rackthemup.
TheOenrallianwasanenthusiastic,ifsomewhatnoisyandimpulsiveplayer.I
allowedhimtowinthefirstgame,thentookthesecondwithwhatappearedtobeonlya
matterofluckwithmyfinalshot.Asweplayed,herelatedanecdotesofhisroutes,his
passengers,andsomeexceptionallyprofitabletrades.Hehadahealthyinterestin
females,soImadetheappropriate,slightlyribaldmaleresponsesandguidedthe
conversationtoanavenuewhichwouldinducehimtospeakofthedoctor.
WhenisyournextjauntbacktoTerra?
Idgobackinalungbeat,buttradethereislimited.Theywontlicensenon-
humansformasstrans,youknow.Hegavemeaspeculativelook.Youarentlooking
toreturn,areyou?
No.Iperformedaslightlycomplicatedshot,missedthepointonpurpose,and
setupthenextshotforhimtotaketheleadwithoutmucheffort.Ihavealreadyseen
thehomeworld.Thewomenarebeautiful,buttheyspittoomuch.
IjustbroughtinaTerranfemaletransfer.Hewaggledhisorangebrowsupand
down.Abitverbal,buteasyontheeyes.ShesadocoverattheFreeClinic.
Ipretendedtothink.Ihaveheardofhershehasanoddname,doesntshe?
ItsCherijo.Dhreentookpositionandsankhisshot.CherijoGreyVeil.Kindof
aprettyname,likepoetryorsomething.
IrecalledthetermsforrelationshipsamongtheOenrallian,butIdoubtedthepilot
wasinapositiontoformapermanentattachment.Doyouplantopursueheryourself?
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19Who,thedoc?HemadetheOenralliansoundofmirth,whichwasmuchlikea
humanhiccup.Idbewilling,butsheprobablywouldntevennoticemymoves.He
rubbedoneofhishorns.Youinterested?Icouldarrangeanintroduction.
Oenralliantradersneverdidanythingforfree,butIsuspectedthepilothad
reasonsotherthanprofitfortheoffer.Whywouldyoudothat?
Igetthefeelingthedocislonely,andIknowshesneverbeenaroundaliens
much.Oneofherownkindmightbegoodforher.Hestudiedthetable,thenme.
Shesspecial,youknow.NotlikeanyfemaleIveevermet.Shedeservessome
happiness.
Soshewasinneedofmalecompanionship.Icouldprovidethat.Tellmemore
abouther.
DhreenrelatedhowCherijohadfoundhiminatavern,andherquickagreement
topayaheftysumtobetransportedtoK-2.Hehadheardofherfather,afamous
medicalresearcher,andsuspectedshewastryingtogetawayfromhim.Hespokeof
theweekstheyhadspenttogetheronhisvessel,andhowquicklytheyhadbecome
friends.
Youknowwhenyoumeetafemale,youusuallyknowherlifestoryinsideofa
blip.Cherijoisntlikethat.Youneedprybarstogetanydetailsoutofher.Hetookhis
lastshot,andcrowedalittleashemadeitvirtuallyimpossibleformetowin.Ialsogot
thefeelingthatthedocscarryingsomeserioustroublesonhershoulders.Itriedtoget
hertoopenuptome,butshesnotmuchonconfiding.
Indeed.Itookposition,andexecutedthefinalshotofthegame,sinkingthree
spheresandtakingthewinandtheset.AsDhreensputteredinshock,Istrippedoffmy
glove.PerhapsIwillhavebetterluck.
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20 Thetransmissionimplantundermyforearmsentafaintpulse,warningmethata
messagefromTssVarwaswaitingbackinmyquarters.IthankedtheOenrallianforthe
gameandlefttheRecreationCenter.
#
TheencryptionusedbytheHsktsktOverLordcouldnotbebroken,butwhathe
hadrelayedhadmadenosense.
Ihaveleftthefleet.Ibringmymatewithme.Meetusatthesecoordinates.
Ialwayskeptasmalltransportshuttleonstandby,andwasabletoobtaina
launchslotwithoutmuchdifficulty.MakingtherendezvouswithTssVarononeofthe
moonswithouttriggeringthecolonialorbitalgridrequiredmorefinesseandanillegaltap
intoColonialSecuritysdatabase,butIslippedinunderthesatellitesensors.Themoon
wasthefifthlargestaroundtheplanet,heavilyscarredfromancientvolcanicactivityand
providedexcellentgroundcoverinwhichtohideashuttle.
Butwhyhadmybrothercomehere?Andwhyhadhebroughthismate?
Usingtheprearrangedcoordinates,Ilocatedandlandednexttohisshuttle.I
armedmyselfbeforemovingthroughthedockingportal,andenteredtheship.Itwasa
smallgstekclassraider,notthetypeoftransportusuallyprovidedforanOverLord.
Nsseerok!
IfoundmybloodbrotherandhismateUgessValockedinafiercestruggle.The
Hsktsktneverwrestledoutofplay;whentheyfoughttheyintendedtospillblood.Idrew
myweaponandleveleditatthejunctionbetweenUgessVasspineandherbrain.
BeforeIfired,Isawherabdomenripple,thenbulgeoutbeneathherthermaltunic.
Shewasbreeding.
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21OverLord.QuicklyIholsteredmyweaponandgrabbedtwoofthefemales
limbsfrombehind.TryingtoholdherwasmuchliketryingtowrestleaTerranelephant,
butthedistractionallowedmybloodbrothertobreakherholdaroundhisneckand
overpowerherremaininglimbs.Wedraggedhertoarestrainingharnessandlocked
herdownintoplace.UgessVacursedbothofuswithpromisesofvicious,slow
dismemberment.
Istaredatherripenedbelly.Youdidnotknow?
No.Sheconcealeditfromme.Herblooddrippedfromhistalonsashestared
downather.WhenIdiscoveredherruse,Iremovedherfromtheflagshipand
attemptedtoputherintosleepsuspension.Shefoughtme.
Iamterm!shescreamedathim,baringallthejaggedrowsofhersharpteeth.
Youwillkillthebrood!
Betterthebroodthanwatchmymatefilletedalive!heshoutedbackather.
Hsktsktfemalesonactivemilitarydutyareforbiddentobreedandwerebeaten
todeaththemomenttheywerediscoveredtobepregnant.Breedingfemalesoften
resortedtoinstinctiveprotectivebehaviorduringdelivery,whilenewbornHsktsktinfants
willattackanythingaliveafterbirth.Bothmotherandyoungcouldonlybeattendedwith
greatcareandattentionthekindthatcouldnotbeprovidedonmilitaryvessels.
ItmadenodifferencethatUgessVasmatewasthecommanderofthefleet,the
lawwasthelaw.Therewerenoexceptions.
Exceptone.Ifshesuccessfullydeliversthebrood,Isaid,recallingthe
regulationsIhadmemorized,shewillbedismissedfromdutyandreturnedtothe
homeworld.
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22Yes.ThatiswhyIbroughtherhere.TssVarclampedahandonmyarm.You
musthelpme.
Againhebroughthislifetome,andplaceditinmyhands.Notonlyhislifethis
timethatofhismate,andhisyoung.Foramoment,IdespisedhimsomuchthatI
wantedtousemyweapononhim.
Haveyoueverdeliveredabrood?Idemanded,andhemadeanegative
gesture.NeitherhaveI.Ithoughtforamoment.IfTssVarorhismatewereharmed,it
wouldbringthefleetheretoK-2.Histroopswouldkillmostofthepopulation.Iknewof
noonewhocouldhelpexceptThereisoneontheplanet.ATerranphysician.
TssVarmadeacontemptuoussound.Mymateisnotthathungry.
No,sheismorethanfodder.Ibelieveshecandeliverthebrood.Whenmy
brothermadenocomment,Iadded,Iplantotakeherasmymate.
What?hebellowed.Havethewarm-bloodssuckedthebrainmatteroutof
yourskull?
Doyouwishyourbroodtolive?Whenhenodded,Igesturedtowardthe
controls.Thenyoumusttrustmeonthissheistheonlyonewhowillhelpyou.Follow
medowntothesurface,andlandatthesecoordinates.
IguidedTssVarsshuttleinthroughtheorbitalgridandbrokeawayatthelast
moment,landinginanunoccupiedagriculturalfieldbehindtheFreeClinic.Thesightof
theHsktsktvessellandingclosertothefacilitysentthepassingcolonistsfleeingin
terror.
Iopenedasecurechannelbetweenourshuttles.Thewayisclear.Itoldhim
howtoenterthefacility,andwhotolookfor.Iwillsafeguardyourvesseluntilyou
return.Killnoone,andtheywillnotattackyou.
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23Ihopeyouarecorrect,brother.Onmypanelscreen,TssVararmedhimself,
releasedhismate,andhauledherwrithingformupunderhisarm.Ifsheormybrood
dies,Iwillwipeeveryspeckoflifefromthisplanet.Heterminatedthesignal.
Itookupadefensivestationnearbyandcheckedmyweapons.Ididntwantto
killanyone,butifsecuritytriedtorushthefacilityImighthaveto.Asignalcameinover
mywristcomfromAdministration.Irespondedtoitaudio-only.Reever.
Chief.Itwasmyassistant,Fargas.SomeoneoverattheFreeClinichas
requestedaHsktskttranslator.
Ishouldhavethoughtofthat.TssVarwouldnotuseatranslationdevicethe
Hsktsktconsideredspeakingtothewarm-bloodedbeneaththem.Ikeptaneyeonthe
entrancetotraumaandthoughtoftheinterpreterscurrentlyassignedtome.Onewasa
formerslaveandwouldknowhowtobehavearoundTssVar.SendKurenii.
Fargasclearedhismucousmembraneswithanervousblastofair.Uh,shouldI
tellhimwhy?
No.
Right.
HourspassedasIwaited.Kureniiwouldbenervous,buthisslavetrainingwould
keephimfromoffendingTssVar.IwishedIcouldsaythesameaboutCherijoGreyVeil.
Still,ifshewasclever,shewouldsurvivethedeliveryandpreservethelivesofthe
OverLordsbrood.Ifshedidnot,TssVarsangerwouldmakeherdeathquick.
Ididnotwanttothinkofherdead.
Securityforcessurroundedthefacility,butnoonetriedtogoin.Atlength
TssVar,hismateandhisbroodreemergedfromtheFreeClinic.Althoughdisheveled
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24andpale,Cherijoaccompaniedthem,andevensnappedatthesecurityforces,telling
themtostayback.
Shehadsurvived.
Isawbloodonherarmandmovedforwardwithoutthinking.TssVarcaughtsight
ofme,andmadeasmallgestureindicatingIshouldkeepmydistance.Withgreateffort,
Iremainedconcealed.Beforeheboardedtheshuttle,helookedbackatCherijo,and
madeanothergesture,onethatwouldmeannothingtoher.
Itwasawordlessfarewellthatofoneequaltoanother.
#
IwasunabletospeakwithCherijoatthescene,butIfoundaPsyorannurse
namedEclainTraumawhowasmorethanwillingtofillmeinonthedetailsofthe
delivery.
Sheevenhadatranslatorsentinsoshecouldtalktothemwhileshewas
deliveringthelittlemonsters.Eclaflutteredhercurlyupperdermallayers.Canyou
believethat?
IcouldnotbelievemybrotherconsideredaTerranfemaleasanequal.Shemust
havedonesomethingoutrageous.Imsurprisedtheydidntkillher.
TNliqsaiditlookedliketheywouldatfirst,butthedoctookoverandhandled
everything.Shedidsuchagreatjobthatthemothernamedoneofthemafterher.
Wasitthelastborn?
Idontknow.Herfloweryfacewrinkledasshethoughtforamoment.Ithinkit
wasthelargestone.Isntittoobizarreforwords?Imean,justwhenIthinkIveseen
everything...
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25WhenIaskedwheretheTerrandoctorhadgone,Ecladirectedmetothe
FreeClinicsAdministrativeoffices.Ithankedherandwalkedtotheothersideofthe
facility,tryingtofathomthestrangeturnofevents.HowhadsheconvincedtheHsktskt
tonameherDesignate?Itwasunprecedented.Ihadtoknow.
WhenIreachedthecorridoroutsidehisoffice,Iheardhervoiceclearly.
Iwillfollowthatmethodoftreatmentwhich,accordingtomyabilityand
judgment,Iconsiderforthebenefitofmypatients,andabstainfromwhateveris
deleteriousandmischievous,Iwillgivenodeadlymedicinetoanyoneifasked,nor
suggestanysuchcounsel.
Irecognizedthewords;shewasrecitingtheHippocraticoath,anarchaicvowall
Terranphysicianssworetouphold.WhywassherecitingittotheChiefofStaff,who
wasalsohumanandobviouslyknewithimself?AndwhycouldIfeelherangerasifit
wereabankofstormclouds,preparedtoburst?
Excuseme,Dr.Mayer.
Ipositionedmyselfinfrontofthedoor,andasshestrodeoutshecollidedwith
me.Shemadeastartledsoundandjerkedbackward,butMayersdoorpanelwas
alreadyclosed.Shecouldnotretreat.
Dr.GreyVeil.Hercheeksturnedpink,andshenudgedmeasideandwalked
awaywithoutresponding.Doctor?
Shekeptgoing.Ifollowedherassheleftthefacility,butsheseemedtohaveno
destinationinmine.CautiouslyIdecreasedthedistancebetweenus.
Cherijoglancedbackatmeandmadeasoundwithairandherlips.Whatdo
youwant,chieflinguisticReever?
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26I'llwalkwithyou.Humansbondedemotionallyduringmomentsofstress,
perhapsshewouldspontaneouslyformanattachmenttome.
I'mnotgoinganywhere.Sheattemptedtoseparateherselffrommeagain,butI
pacedher.Shehaltedforasecondtime.Reever,goaway!
Thefutilityofheractionsannoyedme.Youarewalkingincirclesaroundthe
FreeClinic.
Iknow.
You'reupset.
There'sakeenobservation.Sheusedherhandtobrushsomeloosehairback
fromherface.Anythingelse?
OneofmysubordinateswaspresentduringyourtreatmentoftheHsktskt
raiders.IdidntcareaboutKurenii,butitwasaplausiblereasonformypersistence.
Yes,ofcourse.Shelookeddownatherfootgearandshuffledthemagainstthe
pavement.Hewaswonderful.
I'mpleasedtohearthat.
Morethanwonderful.Tobehonest,oursuccesswasbeinginlargeparttohis
excellentskillsandperformanceunderadverseconditions.Youshouldgivehimaraise
incompensation.Shelookedatthewaywehadcome,thenatme.
Shewishedmetoleaveher.Whydidshewishtobealone?Whywouldshenot
confideinme?ItriedagaintocoaxtheinformationIwantedfromher.Itwasreported
thatthefemaleHsktsktnamedyouasdesignatetothedominaryinfant.
Sheonlyblinked.So?
Youinvitedasignificanthonoronyourself.Andhadnoconceptofwhatit
meant,apparently.Shewaslikearecklesschild.
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27Invited?Hechindroppedforamoment.Believeme,chieflinguist,Ididn'task
hertonameherkidafterme.
Shedidntknowthatthehonorwasnotsomethingthatwasrequested,only
granted.InTerranterms,suchadistinctionwouldrankwiththatofagodmother,
Doctor.AndmadehermyequalintheeyesoftheFactionperhapsthatwaswhy
UgessVahadDesignatedher.
MyOverLordsmatewasplayingmatchmaker.
Shemadeatappingsoundonthegroundwithherfoot.I'mstillmissingapoint
here.Ifthereisone.
Beingthatinfant'sdesignatevirtuallyguaranteesyou'llneverbetakenasa
Hsktsktslave.AndIwouldneverhavetokillhertosaveherfromit.
"Forgod'ssake,Reever,Iwasn'tgivenachoiceatthetime!
Weren'tyou?Ihadtoknowhowshefeltaboutthedeliverywhatitmeantto
her.YoubroughtfivemoreHsktsktkillersintoexistence.
Itreatedafemalegivingbirth.Shedrewherselfup,tryingtolooktallerthanshe
was.Underextremeduress,Imightadd,butthatdoesn'tmatter.
Itdoesn't?
"No,Reever.Itdoesn't."Shesteppeduptome,hersmallhandscurledintofists.
Ibelieveinthatmomentshewishedtostrikeme."Iwouldhavetreatedhernomatter
whathappened.Threatornothreat.Whilethecolonywasunderattack.Evenifher
matebeganexecutingtheothers."Shebalancedonhertoes,puttingherfacecloserto
mine."Withmylastbreath,Reever,IwouldhavedeliveredthosefiveHsktsktkillers.
Thescentofherfilledmyhead,andIdidntcareabouttheHsktsktortheLeague
anymore.Icouldonlywonderatthefiercelightinhereyes.Whatmadeherthisway?
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28ShewasunlikeanyfemaleIhadeverencountered.Whyhadshecomehere?Why
wasshebecomingsoimportanttome?
Ihadsentherdeath,andshehadturneditintolife.
TheoldslavepriestArembelhadtakentosermonizingabouthisfaithashe
tendedtomymanyinjuriesafterIfought.Hispeoplebelievedinbalanceinallthings.
Foreveryevil,therewasgood.Foreverydarkness,therewaslight.WhatIwas
compelledtodo,hetoldme,wouldonlyberesolvedwhenIcountereditwithawilling
commitmenttolifebutnotuntilIfoundmypersonalbalance.Forhiskindalsobelieved
thatnoonewasmeanttobealone.
Whenyoufindyourcounterpart,itwillchallengeallyouknow.Itwillshapeall
youdo.Andnothingwillcomebetweenyouexceptdeath.
Icouldnottellher,ofcourse.Shewouldnotunderstandthebalanceorwhatit
meant.HerhairwasfallingdownoverhereyesagainIsuspectedshenevertookthe
timetoproperlygroomit.Iskimmedmyfingertipsoverthedarkfallofit,wishingIcould
tidyitforher.
Youwouldbeunyieldingtotheend.AsIwouldbe.Iwasawarriorofdeath.
Shewasawarrioroflife.
Shewasmybalance.Ididnothavekillmyself,notnowthatIhadfoundher.
Herpupilsdilatedforaninstant,thenshemovedaway.Leavemealone,
Reever.
Iwatchedherstrideaway.IfArembelhadbeenalivetowitnessthis,hewould
havelaughedatme.
#
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29 ThesignalIexpectedfromTssVardidnotarriveforseveralrotations.Whenit
did,Ididnotknowwhattomakeofit.
Reportindicatesmilitarymobilizationimminentinyourquadrant.Investigateand
relayjustification.Wereturnthebrood.
TssVarhadanewsourceofintelligence,andhewastakingthefleetbacktothe
Hsktskthomeworld.Bothrevelationswerewhollyunexpectedandalarming.Itookmy
shuttleandleftK-2ssystembeforeIresponded.Theencryptedrelaysweusedwere
secure,butgiventhenatureofhismessageandtheincreasedamountofsecurityonthe
colony,Iwastakingnofurtherchancesofbeingdiscovered.
OverLord.Iformallysalutedhisimagewhenitappearedonmyscreen.Your
mateandbrood,theyarewell?
Asoftenastheyfeed,theyshouldbe,hesaid.Therewerefreshwoundsonhis
head.Duringourbriefabsence,twoofmyLordsconspiredtotakecontrolofthefleet.
Theywerenotpleasedatmysafereturn.Iamobligedtomakeanexampleofthem.
Isee.Althoughself-promotionthroughassassinationwascommonenough
amongtheFaction,iftheattemptfailed,theperpetratorsdiedanextended,painful,and
verypublicdeath.Itwasadisplayofpower,todiscourageothersfromdoingthesame.
Thatdidnotvalidatereturningtheentirefleettothehomeworld,however.TssVarcould
easilybeatthetraitorstodeathonhisownship.Itwasimpolitetoaskwhydirectly,but
therewereotherwaystogleantheinformation.Willyoubelongthere,brother?
Acycle,perhaps.Histongueflickedwithagitation.Thesub-hanarbelieves
theLeagueispreparingtolaunchanaggressivecampaignagainstourborder
territories.
Sohehadbeensummonedtoreturn,toprepareforwar.
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30Thehomeworldhasreceivedreportswhichevidentlysubstantiatethat,butIwill
needspecificdeploymentdatatroopstrength,fleetnumbers,patrolroutesinthese
regions.TssVarsuperimposedastarchartonthescreen.Youwillgetthisinformation
forme,HalaVar.
Asyoucommand.Ithoughtquickly.MayIknowwhoprovidedthepreliminary
intelligence?Iwouldmakeuseofsuchasourcemyself.
Hemadeacasualgesturewithonelimb.AnAkkabarranarmsdealertraveling
throughtheterritories.Heandhisconvoyhavesinceleftthequadrant.
Apity.MoreofareliefIdidnotneedanyonewhocouldcontradictmyown
reports.
Hisuppereyelidslowered.MymatenamedyourfemaleTerranDesignatetomy
brood.Ididnotagreeatfirst,butsheprovedherself.Youspokeoftakingherasa
mate.Isshematureenoughtobreed?
IthoughtofmakingCherijopregnant.Theimageofherbellyswellingwithmy
childcreatedanew,unfamiliarsensationinsideme.Yes.ThenIthoughtofthe
Hsktskt,preparingforwar.Intime.
Shewillnurturethemwell.Therewasnohighercomplimenthecouldhave
givenher.Reporttomewithwhatyoulearnandwatchyourback,brother.The
Leaguemaybeanallianceoffools,buttheirleadersknowwearewatchingthem.
IdelayedmyreturntoK-2inordertoscoutthevariousmilitaryportswithinthe
immediateregion.TssVarsinformanthadbeencorrect;anumberoflargetroop
freightersandweaponstransportshadbeenrecentlyreassignedtothequadrant,and
noonewasmakinganyattempttoconcealtheirpresence.
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31YetIhadthesensethatitwasmorethanmerelyashowofaggression,madeto
provoke.
Leagueinfantrytroopsonplanetaryleavewerethemostreadysourcesof
information,andIpaidvisitstotavernsandbrothelsonseveralworldstolearnwhatI
could.Mostcomplainedincessantlyabouttheirduties,theircancelledleaves,ortheir
superiors.Afewblamedanunexpectedseriesofordersthathadbeenhandeddown
fromLeagueHeadquarters;ordersthatonlyseniorofficershadbeenpermittedtoview.
Theyrecalledtwentythousandofus,oneintoxicatedAkloppointedoutafterI
boughthimaseventhround.Andtheresnothingoutheretodefendbutsome
insignificantagri-coloniesandabunchofbobbleandbodysellers.
Despitemyefforts,Icouldnotlearnmorespecificsaboutthemobility,orthe
mysteriousordersbehindit.Seniorofficerswereeithernottakingornotbeinggranted
planetaryleave.IwouldhavetocultivateothersourcesofinformationfromK-2beforeI
decidedhowmuchIwouldtellTssVar.
NoonecouldstoptheLeagueandtheHsktsktfromgoingtowar,butImightbe
abletodelayitlongenoughtoevacuatethecoloniesandthendisappearmyself.
WhenIdid,IdecidedthatCherijoGreyVeilwasgoingwithmeIhadearnedher.
Iwouldtakeher.
#
IreturnedtoK-2anddecidedtorenewmyacquaintancewiththegooddoctor.
UnfortunatelyCherijodidnotreturnmysignals,andIwasforcedtoreturntothe
FreeClinictoseeherinperson.OncemoreIwasdirectedtoDr.Mayersoffice,where
shehadbeensentforameeting.
AssoonasIreachedthedoorpanel,Ifeltheranger.
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32AreyousayingIcan'thandlemyjob?IheardCherijosay.
Mayersresponsewasmuchcalmer.I'msuggestingthatisindicated,yes.
Ihadmeanttointerruptthem,inordertosavetime.InsteadIfoundmyself
listeningastheyarguedoverapatient.
Tellmesomething,Dr.Mayer.Hervoicehadturnedsharp,thewayithadwhen
shehadspokentomeabouttheHsktskt.Whyareyoudoingthis?
Idon'tknowwhatyoumean.
No?I'mnotacompleteidiot,youknow.You'vehaditinformefromdayone.
Rememberwhenyouthreatenedmewithdismissalforincompetence?
Shewentontocomplainabouthisreactionstoherwork,butIstoppedfollowing
theconversation.Thethoughtofherbeingdismissedfromherpositionhadnever
occurredtome.Itmightbeonewaytobringherundermycontrolandkeephersafe.I
couldhastenMayersdecisionbyfilingacomplaintmyselfIhadarrangedtobe
appointedasCherijoscommunityservicesupervisor;perhapstomorrowIcoulddo
somethingtosabotageherefforts.Onceshewasdismissed,shewouldneed
assistance.
Iwouldbetheonetoprovideit.
ShewasstilldemandinganswersfromMayer.What'stherealreasonI'mhere?
Nowapersecutioncomplex.Heseemedpleasedbythat.Ifthesetirades
continue,IwillrecommendP.Q.S.G.O.instigateacompletere-evaluationofyour
contract.
Cherijodidntsayanythingforalongtime.Then,finally,"I'vegotthemessage."
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35Waitaminute,Iheardhercalloutoverthecompanel.Shemumbled
somethingelsebeforesheopenedthedoor.Comein,Reever.I'malmostready.
Shehaddressedappropriatelyinold,shabbygarments,butwasstillconsuming
hermorningbeverage.Asmall,four-legged,silver-furredmammalapproachedme.It
wassomethinglikeaferalVuktafromCarscaVII,butsmallerandwithoutthevenom-
filledspinefrills.
Ihadfoughtanumberoffelinesinthearena,andtheywereefficientkillers.A
domesticatedanimal?
Uh-huh.Shefinishedherdrink.
Thecreaturewasquitebolditsniffedmyfootgear,thenbeganrubbingitself
againstmycalvesandankles.Theoddsoundsitproducedfromitsthroatwerequite
plaintivebutsoweretheVuktas,justbeforetheypouncedandstabbedtheirpreyto
death.Ifshehaddomesticatedit,shehadlikelyformedanemotionalattachmenttothe
creaturesoshewouldnotappreciatemeshootingit.
Whatdoesitwant?
HisnameisJenner,shetoldme.Hewantsyoutopethim.
Why?
Didn'tyouevershehalted,thenbegansecuringherhair.That'swhythey're
calledpets,Reever.Youpetthem.Sheboundtheendofherbraid.Mostalien
cultureshavedomesticatedanimals,don'tthey?
No.Ithoughtofmyformerowner,whohadkeptmenaked,collaredand
chainedtohersidewhenevershetraveled.However,thereareseveralspecieswho
consumesuchsmallmammalsastheirprimarydietary
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36Nevermind.ForgetIasked.Shecroucheddownandstrokedtheanimalwith
herhands.Thecatdidntappeartowantherattention,andcontinuedtoentreatmewith
itsmenacingyowls.Ithadblueeyes,likeherperhapsitwascontrolledbyamind-
eatingsadisticparasite.Comeon.Let'sgo.
Sheseemedimpressedwithmyglidecar.Whodidyoubribetogetthis?she
askedassheenteredthepassengerside.
Noone.Iwonderedifshetrulycaredtohearthetale,orifshewasmerely
makingwhathumanscalledpoliteconversation.Itwasagift.
Isee.
Idoubtit.
Okay,whogaveittoyou?
AgratefulFurinacwhohadbeenunabletocommunicatewithcolonialmilitia
duringanunauthorizedtransport.
Hemusthavebeenreallygrateful.Shetrailedherfingersoverthesoftseat
covering.Whatexactlydidyoudoforhim?
Thatrequiresaratherlengthyexplanation.Hermoodswereerraticand
unpredictable,andthatannoyedme.Thatshewouldhaveanyinterestinmyactivities
seemedunlikelyorwassheatlasttakinganinterestinme?Haveyoutouredthe
BotanicalProjectAreayet?
Someofit.Herinterest,andsomeofhercolor,abruptlydisappeared.
Youredisturbed.Whatisit?
Sheclosedhereyesandleanedbackagainsttheseatcushions.Thewayshe
satmadeherlookveryyounganddefeated.Ilostapatientlastnight.
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37Surelyaphysiciangrewaccustomedtowatchingapercentageofpatientsdieit
wasonlylogicalthatsomewould.Yetsheseemedgenuinelydistraught.Terransoften
avoideddiscussingpainfultopics,althoughIneverquiteunderstoodwhy.Suppressing
emotionsappearedtobemoredamagingthanhavingnoneatall.
Wewillbeworkinginthehybridcultivationareatoday,Itoldher,changingthe
subject.Thereareanumberofoffworldspecimensbeingcrossbredwithnativeplants
inproduction.
Sheyawned.Excuseme.
Youdidnotgetyourfivehourssleep.
No.
ThatMayerwouldverballyabuseherwhenshedevotedsomuchofhertimeto
hisFreeClinicmademythoughtsdarken.ChargenurseTNliqinaratoldmeyou've
workedfourextrashiftsthisweek.
Uh-huh.Sheavoidedmygaze.
IsDr.Mayerawareofyourextendedworkhours?Ifhewasnot,perhapsI
shouldinformhim.Amongotherthings.
Shesnorted.Dr.Mayerprobablyspitswheneverhehearsmyname.Dropit,all
right?
Anotherpainfultopic.Iwouldneedhelpdeterminingwhattomakethenext.
Whatwouldyoucaretotalkabout?
Nothing,chieflinguist.Shemadeanegligentgesturewithherhand.Youcan
betheconversationalnavigator.
Verywell.Ihaltedtheglidecarnearourassignedworkarea.Tellmewhatyou
knowaboutagriculturalcultivation.
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38Absolutelynothingoutsideofafewrequiredbotanycoursesduringsecondary
school.Anotheryawn.AllofwhichIgavelittleornoattentionto.
Wellbeginwassomethingbasic.Ithoughtofthevariousprojectsrequiring
immediateattention.Hydroponicsrequiredtoomuchexplanation,andgrafting
somethingthatasasurgeonshewouldlikelybeverygoodatwasrestrictedto
experiencedcultivatorsonly.Perhapsplantingsomeseedlings.
Iretrievedseveralflatsofseedlingsalreadyremovedfromtheirhydroponicspods
andpreparedfortransfertothesoil.Thehybridswereparticularlyvaluable,andthe
seniorsitebotanistexpressedhisconcern,butIfeltthedoctorcouldperformthesimple
taskwithoutdifficulty.Isethertoworkononesideofthehybridfieldandwenttowork
ontheothermyself.
IdiscoveredhowmuchIhadmisjudgedCherijowhentheseniorbotaniststopped
atherrowanhourlaterandbeganshoutingather.Iwentovertofindthatshehad
placedtheseedlingsexactlywhereIhadindicated.
Andeverysinglespecimenwasplantedwrong.
Doyouseethis?Thebotanist,aPsyoran,wassoagitatedthathehadturned
monochromaticandhaddistendedveinspoppingfromhismultiplefrilllayers.Ittook
twocyclestogerminatetheseseeds!Twocycles!
Thisisherfirstassignment.Ikneltdownandcarefullyremovedonespecimen.
Shewillnotmakethesamemistakeagain.
NotaslongasIworkthisfield,thebotanistpromised.
Youknow,youshouldwaterthemmore,Cherijotoldhim.Theymightgrowa
littlefaster.
Theyregrowninwater,youyouthePsyoranbecameincoherent.
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39Really.Sheeyedtheseedlings.Thenmaybeyoushouldsticksomelabelson
themfortherestofusnon-plantlife-forms.Youknow,likethissideup?
HestaredatherbeforeresortingtolanguagethatIhadnotprogrammedintothe
coloniallinguisticdatabase,andslightedeverythingfromhermentalcapacitytoher
geneticorigins.
Ohyeah?Shedidntunderstandthewords,butsheclearlygraspedhis
meaning.Andwhatwasyourmother?Atumbleweed?Poisonivy?
Beforethebotanistcouldsaymore,Isteppedbetweenthem.Thereappearsto
benopermanentdamage.Iwillpersonallycorrecthererror.
Shesnottotouchanotherpod.Keepherblackthumboutofmyspecimens.
Heflappedashestalkedbacktothecultivationcenter.
WhatdidIdo?shedemanded.
Ibegandiggingoutthenextseedling.Youplantedthemupsidedown.
Shescowled.HowwasIsupposedtoknowthethingsaretheroots,andthe
brownpartissupposedtobeabovetheground?
Icouldnotfathomhowsomeonesointelligentcouldhavedonesomethingso
ridiculous.IfyouhavelistenedwhenIexplainedtheproceduretoyou,youwouldhave
known.
Reever,youneveroncesaidtherootswerethewhitethings.
Ipausedforamoment,wishingbrieflythatIcouldexpressafewwordsnot
containedonthecoloniallinguisticdatabase.IwasnotawareIhadtospecifythat
fact.
Well,Ididn'tkillanyofthem.Sheleanedovermeandpeeredattherow.Did
I?
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40They'llsurvive.
Great.Sheglancedbacktowheretheseniorsitebotanistwasstillpacingback
andforthandcomplainingtoanotherofhiscolleagues.Tellme,whatdidthatraving
maniacmeanwhenhesaidIhadablackthumb?
Hemeantyouneedtobeassignedtoanotherproject.
Evenbetter.Shesniffed.WhatwouldyourecommendthatItrynext,chief
linguist?
Igavethemattersomeconsideration.Workingwithsomethinginanimate.
Veryfunny.
IbrushedtheloosesoilfrommyhandsasIstoodandcheckedthetime.Were
finished.
Sheeyedtheflatofseedlingslefttooneside.ButI
Iraisedonehand,imitatingoneofherfavoritehabitualgestures.You'vedone
enough.
Notyet,shesaid.Hearmeout.
ShewentontoexplaintheunusualcircumstancesregardingAlunKaras,the
patientwhohaddiedattheFreeClinicthenightbefore.Hehadevidentlyaspirated
someresinafteracollectiondevicehadexploded,andshethoughtthesapmightbe
responsiblefortheinfectionthathadkilledhim.Iagreedthatitmighthelptovisitthe
sitewherethebotanisthadbeencollectingsamples.
Sheseemedtohavenorecollectionofthevisionwehadsharedonthedaywe
met,forsheshowednohesitation,evenwhenIindicatedshewouldhavetoenterthe
gnorragroveswithme.
HerlackoffearwouldmakewhatIwantedtodoeasierforbothofus.
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41Iamfamiliarwithhisworkassignment.Hewasoverinasectionadjoiningthe
southrange.Ikeptmyvoicebland.Wecanreachitfromhereonfoot.
Cherijowasquietaswemadeourwayintothegnorragroves.Iopenedmy
mind,gatheringinwhatIcouldofherthoughtimagesandfeelings.Heremotions
radiatedovereverything,andIsensedadistinctdivisioninthemshefeltdespondency
overthelossofherpatient,andhappinessoversomethingcompletelyunrelatedand
unidentifiable.Shedemonstratedlittlepleasureinsharingmycompany,sowhatwas
creatingthewarmthbehindthesadness?
Perhapsshewouldtellme.Thinkingofpleasantmemories?
YourecertainlyinterestedinwhatI'mthinkingallthetime.
Occupationalhazard.
Bythattimewehadleftthefieldsandwerewalkingthroughsomedensegrowth
intotheuncultivatedareas.Shewasntpayingattentiontowhereshewasstepping,
however,andIhadtocatchherasshestumbledoverahiddentangleofroots.I
stoppeduntilsheregainedherbalance.
Touchingherstrengthenedtheconnectionbetweenusahundredfold.Iknew
whatshewasthinking,andwhohadbroughtherhere.Whomadeherhappyand
excited.Itwasntme.
Itwasanotherman.Analien.
Itookholdofherotherarm,thenbroughtmyhandstoherwristsassheraised
theminadefensivegesture.Herwrists,infrontofmyfaceitwasexactlyasithad
beeninthevision.ButIcouldnotthinkofprecognitionortheconnectionweshared,not
inthatmoment.
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42Shehadbeenbusymakingnewfriends.Friendswhoweremale,andmadeher
happy,andexcitedher.Friendswhowerenothuman.Friendswhowerenotlikeme.I
increasedmygrip.
Whatareyoudoing?shewhispered.
Iprobedherthoughts,determinedtoknowallofit.Hewasherewithyou.
What?
Thepilot,Torin.Isawhisfaceinhermind.Hewasherewithyou,wasnthe?
Iwantedtoknowwhathehaddonetoher,andwhatshehadgivenhim.Ifshewould
nottellme,Iwouldlocatethememoriesmyself.
Howdoyouknowshewrenchedawayfrommyhands,breakingthetentative
connectionbetweenus.Whatwasthat?Whatdidyoudotome?
Ilinkedwithyou.Andwouldagain,assoonasIcouldputmyhandsonher.
HadshebeenintimatewiththeJorenian?Howlonghadthisbeengoingon?
Linked?Shesteppedback.Whatthehelldoesthatmean?
Iestablishedamentallinkwithyou,whenItouchedyou.Ihavetriedbefore,but
youdidnotrealize
Herchinsaggedforamoment.Youdidthisbefore?
Thefirsttimewemet,atthetradingcenter.Itookholdofherwristsoncemore
andraisedtothem.ThisimagewasoneIsharedwithyou.BeforeshehadmetTorin
beforeshehadeverseenhim.Ihadpriorclaimonher.
ReeveryouAngerreducedherspeechcapacitysignificantly.Ineversaid
youcouldtouchmeoror
Didntsheunderstand?Couldntshefeeltheconnectionbetweenus?DidIhave
toexplaineverythingtoher?Idon'thavetotouchyou.
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43Idroppedherwrist,andsheswiveledandbegantowalkaway.
No.
Whathappenednextwasasmuchasurprisetomeasitwastoher.Ireached
outtohermindtolink,butdeterminationtostopherchangedtheprobeandallowedme
controloverherphysicalbody.
Stop.
Herbodyhalted,asiftimestoodstill.Shebegantocryout,butIstoppedthat
impulseaswell.Quiet.
ThenIwentafterher.
Imovedaroundher,holdinghermindwithmineasIinspectedher.Shewas
tryingtospeak;Icouldseeherthroatmoving.ButIcontrolledherspeechcenter,and
blockedallsoundimpulses.Icouldcontroleverythingshedid.
HerthoughtswerefranticshewaswonderinghowIcouldbedoingthis,what
typeofpsychicabilityIhad.Evenexperiencingmylinkholdoverher,shecouldnot
believeitwaspossible.
Ilookedintohereyes,andattemptedadirectthoughttransfer.Yes,itis.
Reever?Shewasevenmoreshockedthanbefore.Canyouhearme?
Yes.Ihearyou.Imovedcloser,enjoyingmypoweroverher.Whowouldnot
wishcontrolsuchasthisoveranotherbeing?EspeciallyoneIwantedsomuch?
Ifeltnoguilt.Shewasmybalance.Shebelongedwithme.Shebelonged to
me.Andifshedidnotrecognizeitnow,intimeshewouldunderstand.
Youarereallydoingthis.Shedidntwanttobelieveit,buthermindwaslogical,
andshewasnotacoward.Why?Whyareyoudoingthistome?
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44HowcouldIexplaintheneedssurginginsideme?Shewouldnotbelievethem.I
didnotmyself.You'retheonlyoneI'veneverhadtotouch.
Hermindwasasnarlofcontradictionsandemotionscuriosity,outrage,fear,
andsomethingelse,somethingshewouldntrevealtome.Sheheldupbarriersthere
whichIcouldnotpenetrate.Beyondheremotions,hermindwasorderlyandruthlessly
organizedhercognitiveknowledgeofmedicinealonewasastoundingandIrealized
thatwhatshehadlearnedduringherbriefyearswouldhavetakenanotherTerran
decades,perhapsevenalifetimetocomprehend.
Imovedbackintowhatshewasunconsciouslytryingtoconcealhermemory
center.EverywhereIsawshadowsuponshadows,suppressingandobscuringherlife
beforeshecametoK-2.Therewasonlyone,veryclearmemoryIcouldmakeoutthat
ofanotherTerranfemale,olderthanCherijo,withvividredhair.
Lightenup,Joey.Youdoanymorestudyingandyoureyeswillfalloutofyour
head.Comeon,letsgoshopping.
Joey.Ofcourse,adiminutiveofCherijo.Ilikedthesoundofitverymuch.
Imagesofmyownbody,injuredandinahospitalberth,pushedmeback,trying
toforcemefromhermind.Enough,Reever.Hersubconsciousdrewstrengthfrom
thoseshadows,eventhoughIsuspectedsheherselfwasnotawareofthem.The
combinationwasquitepowerful.Getoutofmyhead!
Mywarrioroflife.ShehadyettorecognizethatIwasherbalance.
Wait.Itookherhandinmine,entwinedmyfingerswithhers.Ihadtomakeher
understandwhoIwas,whatIwas.Shedidnotunderstandthatshewouldbesafewith
me,thatIhadasmanyshadowsanddarkplacesinsideme.ShedidnotknowthatI
wouldkillanythingthatharmedher.There'smore.
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45Morewhat?
Iopenedmymindtoher,sendingbriefburstsofimagesfrommyownpast.Ihad
neverrevealedmyselftoanotherwithsuchcandor,andIwasnotsureifshewouldeven
comprehendmymotivefordoingso.IfoundIdidnotcareevenifitmeantnothingto
her,Iwantedtoshowhermylife,everythingaboutme.
ThisiswhoIam.ThisiswhatIwas.
Ithoughtofthefirstplanetonwhichmyparentshadleftme.Therehadbeenno
sapientinhabitants,soIhadspentseveraldaysalone,actingrecklessly,injuringmyself
asIlookedformymotherandfather,eventhoughIknewtheyhadtakentheshipand
leftmethere.IfIkeptlooking,myyoungerselfreasonedthatIwouldfindthem,andnot
havetofacetheprospectoflivinganddyingaloneonthatbarrenworld.
Myparentshadbeenverydisappointedwhentheyhadreturnedseveraldays
later.Ihadfallenill,andnearlydiedfromthefeverandaninfectedwoundonmyleg.
Thecontempttheyhadfeltastheyrepairedthedamageandbroughtmebacktohealth
hadbeenonlytooclear.
IhadbeenevenmoreterrifiedwhileenduringmytrialofdisciplineonTarvasc.I
madeherseethat,watchthefirsttimeanexaminerhadslashedthebackofmyhand
withhisblade.Themanyweeksofhungerandpunishmentthathadfollowedhad
purgedmeofmyyouthfulinsubordination,andtemperedmeintoanobedientchild.My
parentshadneverhadcausetocomplainaboutmybehavioragain.
IwantedtoshowhereverythingIhadexperiencedovermylifetime.Ibegan
sendingacontinuousstreamofmemory,alltheworldsandbeingsIhadencountered
untiltheHsktskthadtakenmefromSvcitaandenslavedme.
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46Ididnotshowhereverything,however.Ikeptfromhermyyearsinthearena;I
didnotwanthertoseethatthingthatIhadbecomeonthekillingsands.HowIhad
suffered,andwhattheyhaddonetome.Howithadchangedandshapedmeintothe
manIhadbecome.PerhapssomedayIwouldtellher,butnotnow.NotuntilIwas
assuredofherloyaltytome.
Letmego.
Shestillresistedme,andIcouldfeelsomethinggrowinginsidehermindshe
wasreachingforherown,unusedmentalresources.Thatalarmedmeifsheused
themincorrectly,oneorbothofuscouldendupwithbraindamage.
Althoughitwasliketearingawoundinmyself,Iendedthelinkhold.
Assoonassheregaincontrolofherbody,shefelldownonherknees,withsuch
forcethatshetorehertrousers.WhenIreachedtohelpher,shecrawledbackaway
fromme.Don'ttouchme!
Cherijo.Thewayshecoweredperplexedme.Hadsheseennothing?Iwon't
hurtyou.Ihelpedhertoherfeet,andheldherassheregainedherbalance.Thesmell
ofbloodalarmedme.Areyouinjured?
Sheblinked.Injured?
Iglanceddown,sawtheredstainsonhertrousers,feltmystomachclench.Ihad
madeherbleed.Yougrazedyourknees
Youjusttookcontrolofmymindandbody,againstmywill,andyouwantto
knowifmykneeshurt?Sheshovedmyhandsawayandstaggeredback.Getaway
fromme!
Ihadtocalmher.Iapologize.
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47 Cherijostaredatmeforalongmoment.Takeyourapologyandstuffit.She
bentoverandbrushedoffthedirtandleavesclingingtohertrousers.
Obviouslyshethoughtofourconnectionassomeformofassault.Imeantno
harm.
Right.Sheutteredasoundofmirth,butIdidnotthinkshewasamused.Do
youdothisalot?
No.Ididnotlikehertone,orherinsinuation.Neverwithanotherhuman.
Alltheexpressionleftherface,andshecametowardme.Herbehaviormadeno
sense,untilshehitmeinthefacewithherfist.Thesurpriseblowknockedmebackward
totheground.IstaredatherasIcheckedmyjaw,butshehadnotbrokenit.
Don'tever,evertouchmeagain!Shestalkedaway.
Igotupfromtheground.Cherijo,wait.
Gotohell!sheshoutedwithoutlookingbackatme.
AccordingtomostTerranbeliefs,Iwould.Accordingtomyown,Idalready
arrived.You'regoinginthewrongdirection.IthurttotalkandIcheckedmyjawagain.
Shehadastrongarmforsuchasmallfemale.Iwouldhavetorememberthat.
Damn!Sheturnedbacktome.Whereisit?
Ipointedtoaspotafewyardsaway.There.Wherethatthegnorratreesare.
Ifollowedhertothesmallclearing,whichstillcontainedAlunKarassruined
equipment.Therewerehardenedsapsprayscoveringathreeyardradius.Cherijo
examinedthecentralcollectioncontainerandgazedaroundthebenignlookingplant
life.Shealsosneezedseveraltimes.
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49Don'tcallmeJoey.
#
IsentseveralencryptedreportsbacktotheHsktskthomeworldforTssVar,
describingthemilitarybuildupintheregion.Iadjustedthenumbers,grossly
underestimatingthemsothatthemobilitywouldnottriggerafleetattack.Iwasordered
tocontinuetomonitorthequadrantandmakeweeklyreportsonanychanges.
ThelinkholdIestablishedwithCherijohadanunusualphysicalsideeffectonme.
Icouldnotstopthinkingabouther,orhowitfelttohavecontroloverherbodyforthat
shortperiodoftime.Enteringhermindhadbeenasintimateassex,moresoforIcould
senseherfeelingsaswellasreadherthoughtsandcontrolherbody.Allofthis
contributedtocreatealingeringphysicaldesirethatdespitemyconcentratedefforts,
plaguedmewithoutcessation.
Iwantedher.
Therewerefemalesonthecolonywhowerewillingtoaccommodatemyphysical
needsIhadmadeinfrequentuseoftheminthepastbutIfoundmyselfcuriously
reluctanttoresorttothem.
Itwasasifnoonewoulddonow,exceptCherijo.
Becomingsexualpartnersseemedlogical,butconvincingtheTerrandoctorto
shareherbodywithmewouldbedifficult.Unfortunately,Ihadneverbeenwithanother
human.Thedatabaseindicatedthatcautioussincerity,combinedwithacertainamount
ofstimulation,mightresolvemydilemma,buttherewasanaggravatinglackofspecific
detail.Iwasconsideringhowbesttoapproachthematterwithherwhenarequestfora
translatorcameinfromtheFreeClinic.ItookthesignalandtoldmyassistantFargas
thatIwouldseetoitmyself.
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50Thankyou,Chief,Fargassighedwithrelief.HewasasensitiveYturi,andhada
tendencytowiltwheneverexposedtostrongpersonalities.Thatlittlehumandoctor
overtherescaresme.
Ireportedtoassessment,andwasdirectedbythechargenursetoatrauma
room,whereaBinderlayonanexamtable.Icouldnotmakethetraditionalgreeting
itsmatewasnowheretobeseenbutIalertedittomypresenceandpolitelyrelayedmy
name.Itseemedunresponsive,itonlyliftedafewtendrilsinacknowledgment.BeforeI
couldaskwhatwaswrong,Cherijohurriedintotheroom.Shesawmeandskiddedtoa
halt.Shelookedflushedanduntidy.
Iwantedtotossherovermyshoulderandcarryheroff.Dr.GreyVeil.
EverytimeIturnacorner,shesaid,thenwenttoexaminethepatient.
SeeingtheBinderandthedoctortogethermademelookatCherijodifferently.
Shewasnotassmallorlightweightasherpatient,buttheybothhadaunique
symmetrytotheirphysicaldesignsandcountenances.Lightglimmeredoverherdark
hair,drawingthesamesilverylightfromitasitdidfromtheBinderstranslucenttendrils.
Perhapsmyphysicaldesireforherwasdueinparttoherappearance.Ihadnot
consideredTerranfemalesattractivebefore,butitcouldbeasubconsciousresponseto
hershapeandcoloring.
Sheseemedcompletelyunawareofmeandonlysmileddownatthepatient.
Justlikeafairy.
Excuseme?Iwasnotfamiliarwiththeterm.
Afairy,chieflinguist.Hergazemetmine.Didn'tanyoneevertuckyouinand
tellyouabedtimestory?
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51EvidentlythatwassomethingfromanimmatureTerranslifeexperience.Icould
notimagineeitherofmyjoylessparentswastingpreciousresearchtimewithsuch
attentiontome.No.
Yourloss.Shereachedtoturnthepatientontoitsback,thensniffedseveral
times.Whatisthatsmell?
Ibreathedin,andfrowned.OddthatIhadnotnoticedthestrongchemicaltrace
intheairbefore.Bindersdonotexudethatodornaturally.
Cherijowentoverandtappedtheroomenvironmentalcontrols,thenwentvery
still.Afteraslighthesitation,sherelayedsomethingthenturnedtolookbackatthe
examtable.
Herfacehadgonecompletelywhite.Cherijo,what
DoyouknowanythingaboutKleeFourteen?
Fertilizer?Iknowwhatitis.
That'sgood,becauseyou'restandinginaroomwithtwentytimesthesafelimit
dispersedintheair.Shesealedtheexamroomdoors.Trynottobreathedeeply,and
dontmakeanyunnecessarymovements.
Shemovedslowlybacktotheexamtable,activatedascannerandpasseditover
thebinder.Ourfriendherehasingestedit.
NowIunderstoodwhyshewassoafraid.DigestionchangedKleeFourteenintoa
highlyvolatile,explosivecompoundthatdestabilizedwhendisturbedinanyway.Skin
seals
Sheshookherhead.It'salreadysaturatedandbegunthetransdermalprocess.
Askitexactlyhowmuchswallowed.
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52Iattendedtothepatient,usingitscomplexverbal/physicallanguage.Thedoctor
hasdetectedKleeFourteeninyoursystem.Shewishestohelpyou.Howmuchdidyou
ingest?
Onehalfcontainer.Theysaidthatwouldkillme.TheBinderwasinsuchdeep
distressthatitcouldbarelyrespond.WhyamIstillbreathing?
Idontknow,Isaid,thentoldCherijo,Halfastanlitre.
Shemetmygaze.That'senoughtodothejob.
Iwatchedherasshepreparedacountermeasure.Herhandsmovedso
smoothlytheynearlyblurred.Webothlookedasadisplay-onlysignalappearedonthe
roompanel,informingCherijothattheentirefacilitywasintheprocessofbeing
evacuated.
Whydidyouorderanevacuation?Iaskedher.
Giventheamountinthebindersystem,theblastradiuswillbeclosetoone
kilometer.Sheliftedthesyrinpressandcalibratedit.IfIdon'tdothatright,thatis.
Youhavesufficienttimetostoptheprocess?
Idon'tknow.Shegnawedatherlowerlip.Ifyoupray,Reever,doitnow.
Iftherewasenoughtime,Iwouldknockheroutandcarryherfromthefacility.
Howlongtocompletetheexudation?
Shecheckedherwristcom.Twominutes.Canyouholdyourbreaththatlong?
Notenoughtime,itseemed.InoddedasIwatchedhercoverherhandswith
gloves.KleeFourteenisveryefficient.
Youdon'tsay.CherijogentlyslidrestrainingclaspsovereachoftheBinders
limbsandtightenedthemtoimmobilizeit.
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53Youareboundtoher,theBindermurmuredtome.butshedoesnotrealize
this?
Youaremistaken,Itoldit.
Yourbondsaresostrongtheynearlybecomevisiblewitheachwordyouspeak.
ItglancedatCherijo.Youshoulddeclarethemtoher.
Cherijolookedatmewithherbrowsraised,andItoldhertheBinderwas
expressingsincereregretsforitsactions.Shenoddedandfinishedsettingtheroom
controlstodischarge,thenspoketotheBinder.Youmustnothavewantedtodietoo
badly,ifyoucameforhelp.
TheBinderwaspoliteandimitatedhersmile,thenglancedatme.Sheshows
compassiontotheweakandtheguilty.Sheisbeautiful,linguist.Mymate,TwoofBind
02376,ismuchthesame.Youshouldrevealyourbondassoonaspossible,before
anotherclaimsher.
Beforeshecouldask,ItoldCherijo,Ithadsecondthoughtsaftertheact.Twoof
Bind02376willnotsurvivewithoutit.
Lovetriumphsoverdespair,shesaidasshegentlytouchedoneoftheBinders
tremblinglimbs.Holdthearmstillforme,Reever.Likethis.Imgoingtoinjectatthe
bicepularjoint.Ihavetogetthisnexttotheplasmastream,orweareallgoingtobe
vaporized.Shecarefullypositionedthesyrinpressandadministeredthecounteragent.
Now,takeadeepbreath,chieflinguist,andshutup.
Holdingmybreathandremainingimmobilewasnotdifficult.Ihadfoughtmany
underwaterboutsduringmyslavedays.Iwasmoreworriedabouthermoving
inadvertentlyshewasneverstill.Infact,Ihadneverknownhertoremaininonespot
formorethanafewseconds.
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54Isawherwatchingthereadoutontheroomconsole.Herthoughtsdarkened,
andthebleaknessrolledoffherintangiblewaves.Therewasatonetothemthat
echoedinsideme.Shesthinkingofherparent.Ihadonlycollectedavagueimageof
themanfromourlinkinthegnorragroves,buthehadleftapowerfulimpressiononher.
Whatevershefeltforherfather,itwasnotahappyemotion.
Ifeltacorrespondingdarknessspreadthroughmyownthoughts. Didhemake
hersuffer,asIsuffered?Ihadanirrationalurgetofindthisparentofhersandcrushhis
windpipeinslowincrements.
Shecaughtmygaze,andmetitwithherown.Herexpressionchangedfrom
gravetocurious,andthebleaknessofherthoughtsevaporated.
Sheisbeautiful.
Whentheevacuationunitsswitchedoff,wereleasedourheldbreath,andI
watchedherwipehereyeswiththebackofherhand.
Tearswerefallingfromhereyes,butshesmiledatme.Itwasthetypeoffacial
expressionIhadobservedotherTerranssharewithcloseassociates,orlifemates.An
acknowledgementofsharedcamaraderie,unspokenconfidences.Hersmilepromised
thingsthatwedidnotshare.
Wordsroseinsideme,wordsthatIsensedwouldbeextremelyunwisetospeak.
Doyouneedanythingelse,doctor?
Icanhandleitfromhere.
Good.Iexitedtheexamroomwithoutlookingback.
#
Ibroodedovermysituationwiththedoctorfortheremainderoftheday.Itwould
havebeenwisertoremainattheFreeClinic,givenherfavorablemoodaftertheBinders
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56Iexcusedmyselfandfollowedtheeastpath,catchingsightofCherijojustbefore
sheenteredtheHallofArtandExpression.Itseemedanoddplaceforhertovisit,until
IsawtheJorenianpilotfollowherin.Perhapstheyhadarrangedtomeethere,to
discusstheexhibits.Jorenianswereknowntobesomewhatconservativeinregardto
colorandform;Idoubtedhewouldhaveanyopinionsofgreatinteresttosharewithher.
Ornot.
Iwaitedforafewmomentsoutside,butwhentheydidnotreemergeIwent
inside.Icouldhearthepilotsdeepvoiceandhersofter,higher-pitchedtoneasthey
conversedattheotherendofthehall.IstayedintheshadowsasIdrewcloseenough
tohearwhattheyweresaying.CherijowastellingKaoTorinaboutanunpleasant
encounterwithanotherTerran.Notme,butapilotnamedSpringfield.
MydesireebbedasIlistened,andmyhandscurledintofists. IfthisTerran
harmedher
Cherijo,didheharmyou?Torinasked.
ThefactthattheJoreniangavevoicetomyexactthoughtsstartledme.His
specieswasnottelepathic,althoughitwassaidtheysharedacertainproximityempathy
withtheirlifemates.
Ofcoursenot,shesaid.
TheJorenianwasnotconvinced.Didhethreatenyou?
No.Hedidntdoanythingtome.Stopit.
Iknowthisman.Torinsoundedgrim.Hehasacarelessmouth.
HewasjustbeingTerran.Shesighed.
Isteppedouttoseehimtouchherface.MyknifewasinmyhandbeforeI
realizedIhaddrawnit.
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57Therearemanydifferencesbetweenourpeople.Torinwasmorethantwice
hersize,soheseemedtobeloomingoverher.Doyouregretbeingassociatedwith
me?
No.Idontcarewhatanyonesaysaboutus.
Iwentverystill.Shecaredforhimdeeply.Icouldseeitonherface,inhereyes.
Icouldhearitinhervoice.
IcanneverbeTerran,Healer.
IllneverbeJorenian.Shefrowned.Springfieldisajerk,Terraiswelcometo
him.
Tellmewhatisinyourheart.
Ilistenedasshebanteredwithhim.Sheresortedtohumortoavoidemotional
confrontations,butthistimesheseemedtobesincerelyconcernedaboutthedisparity
betweentheiroccupations.Torinmatchedherwit,whichwasprobablywiseofhim,
thenspokeofbonding.
IhadnotconsideredthatCherijomightwishtoestablishintimacywithanother
maleparticularlyamaleofadifferentspecies.Shehadbeenbredonthehomeworld,
andIhadthoughtshemightcarryatleastsomeofthenativeprejudices.
Yethereshewas,inlovewithanalien.
Shespokeseriouslyfromthatpoint,andtheyexchangedtheirviewson
interspeciesrelationships.Torinwasputtinghishandsonher,touchingherskinand
herhairwithgrowingintimacy.Thenhespokeofit,indicatingwithsomefinessethathe
hadstrongsexualdesireforher.
JoreniansdidnotshareintimacieswithanyonebutaChosenbondmate.He
wouldhavetoclaimhertotakeher,andaJorenianbondedforlife.
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58ItwastimeIinterrupted,beforeCherijofoolishlypledgedherselftothismale.He
hadnotexplainedittoheradequately,shehadnoideaofwhatshewasbeingdrawnto
do.YetbeforeIcouldspeak,thepilotgatheredherinhisarmsandkissedher.
Toseethemlikethat,tofeelthestrengthofherarousalprojectinglikearadiant
corona,banishedmostofthedesireandtheviolenceIfelt.Allthatwasleftwasavoid
insideme,oneIhadnotfeltsincethedayIhadmetCherijo.
Shewasnottobemine.Shewouldneverbemine.
IlefttheHalljustbeforeagroupofstudentsentered,andwalkedbacktomy
glidecar.AlthoughIhadbeenalonemostofmylife,forthefirsttimeinmemory,Idid
notenjoymysolitarystate.
#
Intheweeksthatfollowed,IavoidedCherijoGreyVeil,immersedmyselfinwork
andbeganmakingtentativepreparationstoleaveK-2.Iwouldnotbereturningtothe
FactionorcollaboratingwiththeLeague,andwhilecommittingsuicidestillhadits
merits,Ifoundmyselfstrangelyreluctantattheprospectofendingmylife.It
seemed...cowardly.
Ibegansearchingstarchartsinanattempttolocatearemote,non-Leagueworld
freeofslaversandopentooffworldimmigrants.Inarrowedmyinquiriestomulti-
speciescolonies,andpreparedalist.Wherevermorethanonespecieslivedtogether,
alinguistwouldfindwork.
IfIfoundonefarenoughawayfromK-2,intimeImightbeabletoforgetabout
her.
AdministratorHansenrequestedameetingwithme,butIdidnotrespond.
SeeingherremindedmeofCherijoandthatfirstdayattheTradingCenter,andIknew
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60 Idontunderstandwhatyoumean.
Shemadeacircleonthearmofherchairwithoneofherslim,manicuredfingers.
Iveknownyouforalongtime,andIveneversensedanyofyouremotions.
Idonthaveany.
Sheseemedsurprised.Whywouldyouthinkthat?
Irosefrommychairandturnedmybacktoher,discipliningmythoughtsand
concentratingmyfocusontheviewofthebusyglidepathoutsidemyoffice.Iwas
neverexposedtohumanemotions.BythetimeIbecameawareofthedeficiency,my
personalityhadalreadybeenformed.
Yourparentswerehuman.
Iglancedbackather.Myparentswerededicatedscientists,Ana.Theywere
concernedwithinvestigatingaliencultures,notwithmypsychologicalwellbeing.They
hadnotbeenconcernedaboutmeintheleast,butstatingthatseemedunnecessary.
ThusIhavenoemotions.
Isee.Shehesitated.Itmaynotbemyplacetotellyouthis,Duncan,butIm
afraidyouhavethemnow.
Ireturnedtomydesk.Thatishighlyunlikely.
AndifIbringCherijoGreyVeilhere?
IimaginedCherijoinmyoffice.Iwouldsecurethedoorpanel,andclearoffthe
topofmyconsole.ThenIwouldconvincehertoforgetabouttheJorenian.Iwould
enjoydoingthat.
Anacaughtherbreath.Oh,my.Forgiveme,Duncan,Ididntknow.
Isatdown,annoyedwithmyself-indulgentfantasy.Youdidnotknowwhat?
Hercheeksturnedpink.Isuspectedyouhadaninterestinher,but
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61not...nothingasintenseasyourefeeling.
Continuingtodenyitservednopurpose.Iamphysicallyattractedtoher.
Yes,Ican...tell.Shepressedthetipsofherfingerstohertempleandmadea
circlingmotion.Haveyouspokentoher?Toldheranyofthis?
No.IthoughtofTorin,andthemanywaysIhadplottedhisdeathformyown
amusement.Heraffectionsarepresentlyengagedelsewhere.
IknowshesbeenseeingaJorenianpilot,butshesnotbondedtohim.WhenI
didntreply,sheadded,Duncan,youstillhaveachance.
Iarchedabrow.Iprefernottocompete.
Well,youlljusthavetogetoverthatandtry.Anagotupandcamearoundthe
desk,andofferedoneofherhands,palmout.Wouldyouallowme?
Iglanceddown.Ididnotknowyouusedtouch.
Imnotatelepath,butcontacthelpsstrengthenmyprojection.Shesmiled.I
wontintrudeonyourmemories.Ionlywanttorelaysomethingtoyouthatwordswill
notexpress.
Itookherhand,andfeltthegentlebrushofherthoughtsassheopenedhermind
tome.Iheldmyguardsinplace,buttherewasnoneedforthem;shekeptherword
anddidnottrytointrudeonmythoughts.Instead,sherelayedwhatshehadnothad
thewordstodescribe.
IsawayoungerversionofAnaonwhatappearedtobealunarcolony.Shewas
standinginanobservationdome,lookingoutatthestars.Irecognizedthetall,thin
malebesideherfromaphotoscanshekeptonherdesk.
ThatisElarswithme,shethoughttome.Hewasmymate.
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62 Elarssmixedparentagewasevident,giventhepurplishtingetohisskinand
irregularityofhisfeatures.LikeallVenyar,hehadtwomouths,oneabovehischin,and
theotherbelowit.HespokefrombothtotheyouthfulAna,andtheharmonyofhistwin
voiceswasquiteunique.
DoyoumissTerra?hesaid.
Sometimes.Shewrappedherarmsaroundherself.Imissthesmall,familiar
things.Beingabletofeelthesunonmyface,hearthewindrustletheoakleaves
outsidemybedroomwindow.Thesmellofwildflowers.Shegrimaced.SometimesI
thinkIwouldkillforapoundofrealchocolate.
Elarsrestedoneofhishandsaroundedappendagewithseveralabbreviated
digitsonhershoulder.Youwillbereturningsoon.Yourcontracthereisnearly
completed.Hesoundedsad.Thenitwillbemyturntomissonesmall,familiarthing.
Shepressedherhandoverhis.Imnotgoingbackwithoutyou.
Myresidencypermitswerenotapproved,hesaid.
Iknow.Shelookedupathim.ThatswhyImnotgoingback.Ifwecantbe
togetheronmyhomeworld,wellfindsomewhereelsetolive.
Hedrewherclose.Ana,please.Thinkwhatyouaredoing.Ihaveseenfor
myselfhowdifficultamixedspeciesrelationshipcanbe.
Iminlovewithyou,andIwanttobewithyou.Thehellwiththedifficulties.She
reachedupashebenttoher,andtheykissednotaltogetherintheTerranfashion,
givenElarssadditionalmouthbutwithgreataffection.Anarelayedthesensationsand
emotionsshestillrememberedfromthatmoment,thenslowlywithdrewfrommymind.
Yousacrificedeverreturningtoyourhomeworldforhim.
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63Yes.MyrelationshipwithElarswasworthit.Shesteppedback.Iwouldhave
donealmostanythingtostaywithhim.Doyouunderstand,Duncan?
Inodded.Ana,Cherijodoesnotloveme.Icannotloveher.
Nonsense.Shetappedherfingeragainstmychest.Whatyoureexperiencing
whatyouredismissingasphysicaldesireisthebeginningoflove.And,unlessyou
nurtureit,itwillnevergrow.
HernaivetwascriminalifonlysheknewwhatIwas.Shedoesnotcarefor
me.
Cherijowillnotadmitit,butIhavesensedaverystrongattractiononhersideas
well.Anascolordeepened.Pleasedontrepeatthattoher,shewouldntappreciate
it.
Verywell.Ifoundtherevelationsomewhatencouraging.Howdoyoupropose
Inurturethisprematurelove?
Youneedtospendtimealonewithherawayfromthecolony,awayfromwork.
Shethoughtforamoment.WilliamMayerandIhavehadseveralconversations
recentlyaboutCherijo.Icanarrangeforyouandthedoctortotakeahiatustogether,
offplanet.Twodaysshouldbesufficient,Ithink.
ThethoughtofspendingthatmuchtimealonewithCherijowasexcitingand
dangerous.IamtoobusytoleaveK-2.
Sheproppedherhandsonherhips.Duncan,youeitherspendafewdaysoff
planetorIhaveyouundergoapsych-eval.
Cherijowillnotagree.
Cherijowonthaveachoice.Anapointedtomyconsole.Now,turnthatoff
andgopack.AndDuncan.
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64Imethergaze.
Tellherhowyoufeel,orIwill.
#
Truetoherword,theadministratorarrangedfortheOenrallianpilotDhreento
transportCherijoandItoaresortmooninaneighboringsystem.ThelasttimeIhad
visitedCaszariasMoon,IhadbeenanalyzingitforsecurityandviabilityasaHsktskt
target.NaturallyIhadexaggeratedtheresortworldsdefensesystemsand
underestimatedthestaticpopulation,makingitappearunworthyofaraiderattack.
Goodmorning,Dhreen,IgreetedtheOenrallianasIboardedhisship.
Goodtoseeyou,chief.Youcanstowyourcaseoverthere.Heindicateda
cargobinandcheckedhiswristcom.IftheDocdoesntarrivesoon,wemayhaveto
sendoutareconnaissancesquad.
Isecuredmycaseandthenstudiedtheinterioroftheship.Itresembleda
transportdisposalsite.Itakeityoureagreatbelieverinsalvageparts.
Whybuyitnewwhenyoucanscroungeitused?Hegrinnedatme.Youlook
prettynervous.Bigdate,huh?
Perhaps.Idohaveafavortoaskofyou.Iglancedattheentranceramp.
Whileweareonthissojourn,willyouremainwithusasmuchaspossible?
Yeah,sure,ifyouwantmeto.Hescratchedoneofhishorns.Anyparticular
reasonwhy?
Iwasafraidofbeingalonewithher.Iamnotusedtobeingincloseproximity
withotherhumans.
Theyrenotsobad,whentheydontspitonyou.Andthedoccanbealaugha
minute.Hesquintedatme.Okay,Illstickaround.Haventtakenanytimeoffina
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65traderscycle,mightaswellkickback.Hiswristcomchimed,andheansweredit.
Someoneneedstoseeyoubeforewetakeoff.
IlefttheshipandreturnedtoMainTransport,whereawhite-hairedTerranmale
waswaitingforme.Heworeaphysicianstunic,andhisgazewassharpandshrewd.
Hedidnotoffertoshakehands,butindicatedIproceedhimintoasmallmeetingroom.
ChiefLinguist,Idontbelievewevemetbefore.ImDr.WilliamMayer.
Irecognizedthevoice,ofcourse.DuncanReever.
Iknowyourshipisscheduledtolaunchshortly,soIllgetrighttothepoint.Dr.
GreyVeilisthebestphysicianIhaveonstaff.Hisbrowslowered.Shesalsoayoung
womanwithverylittleexperienceoflifeoutsidehermedicalpractice.
Ihavenoticedthat,sir.OddthathisopinionofCherijohadimprovedso
dramaticallyandwhywasheactinglikeaparent,checkinguponanadolescent
daughter?
Good.Hisbrowslowered.Thenyoullhavenoobjectiontokeepingclose
watchoverherwhileyoureattheresort.
Olderhumanmalesoftenfeltprotectivetowardyoungerfemalemembersofthe
speciespossiblybecauseoftheirownlatentfeelingstowardthembutIsensed
somethingmorebehindhiswarning.Youbelievehertobeindanger?
Shewillbemorevulnerable,awayfromthecolony.Heglancedouttheview
panelatthedockpads.Herfatherisaverypowerfulman,andhewisheshertoreturn
tothehomeworld.Shewillnotdosowillingly.
Iunderstand.Notentirely,butperhapsIcouldlearnmorefromCherijowhilewe
wereattheresort.Isthereanythingelse?
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67Whenshemoved,Ilookedup,andsawherbrushingherbraidbackoverher
shoulderinanabsentgesture.Therewasanoddmarkonthesideofherneckwhich
hadnotbeentherethelasttimeIhadseenher.Andshewasnotthinkingofmeatall
herthoughtswerefocusedontheJorenian.
YoucansignalPilotTorinwhenwereachCaszariasMoon,ItoldherasI
studiedthewing-shapedsymbol.ItwasnotlikeanyartificialdermalenhancementIhad
everseen.
Shecoveredthemarkwithherhand.Don'tdothat.
Whywasshetryingtohideitfromme?Iwouldhavetolearnwhatthemark
meant.Dowhat?
Readmythoughts!
Theywereapparentwithoutneedofthetelepathiclink.Whichshouldhave
madethemimpossibleformetoread.IhadnotrealizedIwaspickingupherrandom
thoughtpatternsatallandIwasnttouchingher.
Clearlyshedidnotbelieveme.DidAnaHansenhavesomethingtodowithyou
beingontheshuttle?
Herexactwordswere,Duncan,youeitherspendafewdaysoffplanetorIhave
youundergoapsych-eval,Irespondedtruthfully.
I'llgetevenwithher,shepromisedwithdarkpleasure.TheremustbeaRilken
conventionIcansteerherwayinthenearfuture.
IdidnotrespondtothatasIwasstillcontemplatingthefactthatIcouldknow
whatshewasthinkingwithoutalink.Myabilitieshadnotchanged;perhapsherswere
growingstronger.Itmayhavebeenduetoourisolationaswellwithoutsomanyother
mindsaroundustodistractme,Icouldfocussolelyonher.Orsheonme.
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68Itwasextremelypuzzling.
Shefoldedherhandsandrestedthemonherknee.Haveyoueverbeento
Caszaria'sMoon?
Yes.
Asparkofinterestglowedinhereyes.What'sitlike?
Theasteroidisonethousand,fourhundredTerranstandardkilometersin
diameter,Itoldher.Artificialdomecontainedatmosphere,fivevisitorcenterswhich
offer
Sheheldupherhand.Okay,okay.Didyouhavefun?
Ithoughtofthesurvey.ComposingreasonableliesfortheHsktskthadnotbeen
veryenjoyable,butIcouldnottellherthat.TheTerranconceptoffunhadnever
seemedverylogicaltomeinthefirstplace.Somehumansthoughttravelacrosstheir
worldtoexoticlocationswasfun.Othersthoughtwatchingprofessionalathletesbeing
electrocutedforgamepenaltiesbeforealiveaudiencewasjustasentertaining.
Didyoulikeitall?
Ifoundittobeasuitablelocationfortheparticularsoftheassignment.Indeed,
myprevaricationregardingthemoonhadaddedconvincingweighttomyargumentthat
thequadrantwastoopoorandwellguardedtobeofvaluetotheFaction.Ithadnot
entertainedme,exactly,butIhadtakengreatsatisfactioninmyaccomplishment.
Youwentthereisalinguist,then.
Thatiscorrect.
Shestudiedmeforamoment.Reever,haveyoueverlivedonTerraforany
lengthoftime?
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69Irecalledmytimeatschool,mostofwhichIspentintheadjunctjuvenile
correctionfacility.NoonehadbelievedIwasdefendingmyselfwhenIdisabledolder
andmuchlargerstudentswhohadtriedtobeatme.Ithadbeenarelieftoleavethat
miserableplace.Fourpointtworevolutions.
DidyoudecideyouhatedTerranssomuchthatyouwoulddoeverythingwithin
yourpowernottobelikethem?
Ihadtried.Duringthefirstmonthsattheeducationfacilityinwhichmyparents
hadcastme,Iattemptedtoformacquaintanceswithothersofmyspecies.Theyearsof
livingamongalienshadlefttheirmarkonme,however,andtheonlythingTerrans
hatedmorethanalienswasoneoftheirspecieswhodidnt.Notarotationha