RogerWilliams

University

Saturday,April 2, 2005

Vol. IS, Issue 17

"Freak" Authoron Campus

pugel

SPORTS

The Phallic Drama

PhotOli by MicMlJe DorIlIbed

Meet Testaclese... In an effort to promote the "Penis Monologues," The College Republicans kicked offspring with Testaclese,who encouraged students to attend the April Slecture..Above left, ProIJOSl Edward Kavanagh exchanges words with theappendage; above n'ght, students become acquainted with the human penis.

Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!Ashley ErlingContributing Writer

. !t's Wednesday eveningand "crunch time" oncampus. While most stu­dents are writing papersand studying for finals,Jim Schnare, senior. hassomething very differenton his mind: dodgeball.

Schnare and seven ofhis friends have a dodge­ball playoff game thisparticular night, andwhile they could be writ­ing papers, they are tooexcited about their gameto focus on schoolwork.

"When we're not play­ing dodgeball we'rethinking about ii, andsome of us have haddreams about it," saidSehnare.

This is not your typi­cal sports enthusiasm,and the excitement is notexClusive to Schnare'sunbeaten "G FY" learn.Sinee the addition ofdodgeball as an intramu·ral sport at RWU thissemester. more than 30teams have joined in thefun. What might be evenmore surprising is that

-------

the obscure span hasbecome popular not onlyon campus, but nation­wide.

Dodgeball came toRWU tbis year by stu­dent suggestion. Overthe summer, MikeGallagher, intramuraladviser, was talking tosome of the school's ori·entation advisors (OAs)when Chris Poles, sen­ior, said that dodgeballshould be an intramuralsport. Gallagher thoughtabout it and decided itsounded like a goodidea. Gallagher lookedto the NationalIntramural RecreationalSports Association(NIRSA) (0 research thesubject further. He foundthat "several schools"either already haddodgebaU as an intramu­ral spon. or were aboutto introduce it. The listincludes ProvidenceCollege. ColoradoCollege. Ohio StateUniversity, UCLA andKeene Sate College. It

SEE DODGBBALL, PACE!. 3

...•

__ too

-

"Subtleties ofLife 2: "Master Shake"

From Providence,with love

Also, in the article aboutSteph Plaud, to clarify: her

boobs called Rib Tunes,andthe publishing company and

where to find the book, isPublish America, found atwww.PublishAmerica.com

Corrections:

In the 3/19 issue oftbe.'Herald, we mistakenly printedthat Shari Alvanas was a for­mer creative writing professorat RWU. She still teaches at

the University

think of a quick andfunny explanation for thescrew up.Typical Supplier: Thefault should be placedsquarely on lhe shouldersof the person whoattempted the regularshake-never regularshake your peers. Thisperson clearly has no ideawhat's up.The Rock, Paper,Scissors: A variation of"the Mistaken Identity,"this shake can't even beconsidered a shake. If itwere a professional boxerit would be called the"aberration of introduc·tions.'·Characteristics: Ohman, this is the worst.One guy goes for ANYkind of outstretched, nor·mal handshake while hiscounterpart throws ou.tthe pound fist (much likethe way paper beats rock,hence the name). There isno way to avoid the awk­wardness that is sure toensue this massive viola~

tion of handshake eti·quette.Typical Supplier: Anadult who is trying to becool or just someone whohas no clue what's goingon. This is common dur·ing sporting events whenthe fist pound is 1110st fre­quently used

You know what; I'mjust going to stop it atthat. This has gone on fartoo long and is starting totraumatize-me. If you tryto shake my hand at aparty, I'm just going to hityou with a salmon.

Here's a breakdown ofwhat I've had to deal withsince I came to college:The Dead Fish: Quitepossibly the most dreadedof all shakes.Characteristics: Thisclammy, lifeless slab oftuna destroys first impres­sions like the A-bomb.The receiver has to do allthe up & down work,wh..ile doing IUs best not 10

quickly withdraw hishand in disgust to wipeaway the sweat and scalesof his aquatic acquain­tance.Typical supplier: Younonnally find this nauti~

cal nuisance attacbed 10

someone who has givenup all hope of figuring outhow to shake hands inNew England. Or, onsomeone who is black-outdrunk, but still function·ing on a basic semi-con·scious level.The Mistaken Identity: Noone EVER sees this ollecoming.Characteristics: Thisoccurs when two peoplemistake the identit}, ofeach other's outstretchedhand during that split sec·and interval you have todetennine what's gettingthrown at you. One per­son goes for the MasterShake while the othergoes for the regularshake. Much like avolatile chemical combi­nation, this meeting iscatastrophic. Two handslost in translation endingin the realization that youeither have to pretend likethat never happened or

looking handshake withthem? Despite that factlhetwo are obviously fromdifferent sides of the track,it is no accident they canseamlessly connect (liter.ally and figuratively) onan introductory level.Everywhere else in thiscountry there's a commonhandshake or a "MasterShake," if you will.

Let me break it downfor you. II's a slap, gripand a slide. Not that com·plic:l.Ied bro.

This meeting of theextremities is done toimply that, 1) you'reunder the age of 30, 2)that you do not hold a fulltime job in "the realworld," 3) you're in louchwith the youth culture ofAmerica and 4) that ingeneral. you're dOli'".Basically this is a way ofsaying "what up:' On theother hand, lhe full grip,three pump standard shakeis a way of saying, "HelloSir .. or Madam, I ampleased to make youracquaintance;' and is nor­mally reserved for adults.

Throughout middleschool and high school Icould operate the MasterShake with ease, and evenwield slight variationswith different cliques. Butnow, thanks to NewEngland, I'm at a pointwhere] fear meeting newpeople simply based onthe fact that I have no ideawhat they're going tothrow at me. Half the timeI'm appalled at what Ireceive when I'meet newpeople.

·Dedicaled 10 the entire WcstsKle

Crew and CboIlI Hwsc*

"Real friends hug. "Steve King

"New England thedesrroyer"-that's whatI'm going to sIan callingthis place now.

On one hand, this foul­weathered region can beproud of its destruction.Congrats, you now holdthe longest NFL singleseason winning streak andin the same year managedto break "the curse of theBambino." (Both of whichhave done wonders forNew England pride.)

But on the other hand,(Ijrerally), you're killingme Smalls!

Thanks to living in thisplace 1 can no longershake another man's handfor the rest of my lifeunless 1endure long hoursof therapy (continue rearl­ing and it will becomemOfC than obvious).

New England has com­pletely destroyed thehandshake for me. BUlwait, before you start say­ing lhings like "Chris, wedidn't destroy anything,it's not our fault you can'tshake hands like a nonnalhuman being," listen towhat I have to say.

Don't you find it oddthat in every episode of''Pimp My Ride," featur­ing a scrawny white guy,rapper Xzibit always man·ages to nail a complicated

the Hawk's Herald

Chris ViI/anoContributing Writer

Editor: Blaine MoffaManaging Editor: Allisyn'DeyoSports Editor: Timothy MannionStien<e Editor: Heather Kord"!.

Let Your Voice Be Beard!!RWU Student Senate Elections

Vote for Student Senators andClass Officers

•

April 6 and 711:00-2:00 p.m., 4:30-6:00 p.m.

Dining Ball

Ifyou wish to run for an elected position, please pick up anapplication form at the Student Senate Office in the Rec Center.

---,~..~

Nails

Hairs

Tanning

again with all types andages. There is actually achain of dodgeball cen­tcrs opening nationwide.The center goes by thename Dodge-it and theirmotto is "strike withouthesitation." Dodge-itdoes not however caterjust 10 children; adultsarc also welcome andencouraged to partici~

pate. Dodge-it centersinclude indoor and out­door arenas, leaguesrunning throughout theyear and tournaments onspecial occasions. Theyeven offer specials forcorporate events andbirthday panies.

Likewise, even adults

here on campus arc get~

ting back into the child­hood favorite. Gallaghersaid he has been askedon numerous occasIOnsby different RWU facul­ty to borrow the dodge·balls for tournamentswith their staff.

And celebrities can'tget enough. Ben Stillerand Christine Taylor co­chaired a celebritydodgeball tournament.The tickets averaged$75 and the tournamentincluded Matthew Perryand The BackstreetBoys. All proceeds wentto benefit the ElizabethGlaser Pediatric AIDSfoundation.

Dodgeball hasreturned to the intramu­ral roster this spring:games began March 28.

Spa Pedicures

future.The game even has

health benefits."The sport teaches

great hand·to-eye coor·dination and is an excel~

lent aerobic exercise,"says IDF. It is also avery safe SpOTt. The"gator·skin" dodgeballsmost commonly used arccomparable to nen balls.They are the ones nor­mally used in grammarschools, unlike the rub­ber balls used in themovie «DodgeBall." Thegator-skin ones are muchsafer and lightweight,and there have not yetbeen any ball-relatedinjuries at RWU.

But it's more than justa comeback within col­leges. Since the releaseof the movie, dodgeballhas become pop~lar

, ", , ,"

girls can legitimatelycompete with andagainst boys."

Gallagher agrees, "~It's

something everyone cando. You don't have to bea super athlete, and it'sfun!" Gallagher was alsohappy to see femalesturnout for the sport. Hesays he is always look­ing for anything he cando to increase femaleinterest in intramuralsand is open for sugges­lions. He is hopeful thatdodgeball may be thekey (0 increasing femaleintramurals, and willhopefully be able toinclude an all-girlsdodgeball league in the

- _... ­~_......._.._-. .....

Dodgeball(cont'd.jrom page J)

proved to be an increas­ingly popular trend. or asGallagher put it, "thenext big thing."

In!ramurals kicked offtheir fall season at RWUwith a viewing of themovie "Dodgeball"before it had beenreleased 10 video.Immediately followingthe movie a tournamenttook place, DodgebaU,both the movie and thegame, were hiis. The stu­dents couldn't getenough.

"More and more peo~

pie kept coming to signup, Lnever expected it tobe so popular," saidGallagher. Olher popularintramural sports, suchas soccer and baskelball.generally carry about 30tearus. Dodgeball has 32teams in all. Twentyteams makc up themen's league and 12teams create a coedleague.

Wh<lt is it about thesport that has suddenlymade it so popularagain? Undoubtedly, therelease of the movie,which' stars Ben Stiller,has sparked the interestof childhood dodgeballfans nationwide. Themovie appeals to theunderdog in us all, and,like the movie, it is thesport's vast appeal thatdraws crowds.

"It's because it's sosimple, and it bringsbaek the g09d old play­ground days," said JustinHuber, senior and aviddodgeball participant .The game reminds stu­dents, who are at thebrink of the "realworld," how much fun itis to be a kid.

The internationaldodgeball federation(IDF) said, "It is a veryinclusive sport withregard to height, weight,and sex of participants.You don't have to be [6·foot 5] to play, you don'thave to be able to benchpress 250 pounds, and

338 Metacom Ave.• Bristol, RI 02809 • 253-0TAN(0826)

AP~RI~cr10~are popular in differentcultures. As listenersdisclosed their own per­sonal favorite candies,such as Ring Pops and

. even Japanese candy, welearn thai we all have anobsession, or at least astrong preference, forsome kind of sweetIreat.

Almond con-cluded the lecturewith a shan readingfrom his most recentbook, The Evil BBChow and OtherStories, a collectionof short stories. Thc

R~ story he read, "AHappy Dream," wasabout two people ona "circwnstantial"blind date. Onceagain, Almond'squirky, descriptivehumor is evident.

We learnedfrom Almond the rei·

evance of something assimple as capdy in ourculture. Even if youdon't think you havemuch of a sweet tooth,candy is ''the sex, drugs,ftnd rock-and-roll of ourchildhOOd," and that issomething we can allrelate to.

cHic and a little bitnutty'" He went on toexplain the importanceof candy, that whichmany overlook. Welearn from Almond thatcandy is a "good way 10

examine life in the U.S.in the 20th century:' asdifferent types of candy

and comparing the tex·ture of the coconut in aMounds bar to "eating acuticle." His imagerymade some of the mem­bers of the audiencecringe, while alberslaughed at the humorousdescriptions.

Almond described hisbook as "sensually spe·

Utis l'candy-oriented" tu confront his Pa&t inmemoir. One example of order to describe thecraft found in Candy period in his life whenFreak is the lJRiquc. the. book. was wrinen..hlQllOlOUS tone of Almond san:asli<alIyAlmond.. lI.IlTalioll., uti W<d,1~F~III-.hout tho course of _ at a time I

his "Candy land" jour- cIoprellsod; not '"""..y. Thi' wry, '!iBht lit d my bed all day'__ ofholDar dopictod dq: 'i,IM '''''''1Itill IU6 memoir is .. a of..,. bed b' 2O'i 5tneeD5 of -.pism ia boc:aw the.~' 2 is.J'OI8fd 10 Ibe.' moJe !bedIB roam" dI:p :I d"poiDliII and -'Usiaa He do~ firier .....__ ofJlia Iifo,..... his "dopIased" _cioIIy Ilia ...... /UrI_ wIIo& he ... , t 1'.....A__ ......." 'Jill' •• 91" 'Iapply b.m...t...... _.. lDIlbI _ ......-.-....... " ~1I!Il!'Jf

pIotI.l~ f.'li'H"...... ~.. ,~ ..

.......Ill -.r _OfRia ..... ~. _ ;Ip~c..)_' ......UUmbor.· (..~.,r* "-.iIl """. .-tIJ!!---.. ...... ... ......' , . "I!lr~ '. liltlll: .'.~"" .,....... of 011 , iII~'

D I 1f1I ~, .1 ...",. _ ill ......A~~.;...i:!.......od _aud.. _," _AImGlI4. _aOl1•., C\1illdlIllIld_rry !Ida i " ...pIiod in "It" crod<. It', a~ disouaioa" .his _ lIII<I iIopIoiIlod lUI ..... for _." ......... tbaI, "A111lcl\M1(in a similar urcutic FwtheQnorc, ai,.... ......,. is oGIU.M .iato.. used in Catuly .. times rhrouabout _ ... it sIIoukl ho."FrWI) dle __ tbot the hoar, tho~lriggered him to write Freak King wfllllclJllat ,~ .

Elizabeth Liedermanaoatributllla Writei'

. ,To say Stev. Almond',~e and adorationtoward candy is anobRssion might be awee bit ofan dIldeaSbde~

-m; in all of its dift'er.oat 1Orms, <OIldy-cB.inti i~ playiDa _ ir.and _ mnIy .......".

iaJ _is dle _inti...... 1lIr allofA~tbouIktI- riR.

RWU ......l.t\>•".1 _ AlnnlIJ!ta'l "1•• II1I~ J6,...........'"'

Almond candy-coats classroom

Danielle BaldassiniContributing Writer

Jf what you eat is areflection of who you

- are, Steve Almond hasus all beat in the sweet­ness depanmenl.

This dark, lankyauthor with a biting witand a huge obses~on

with candy of all shapesand sizes, was a guest ~ _speaker on March 15.

Almond, the authorof My Life ill HeavyMetal and morerecently, Ihe oh-sosuitably titledCandy/reale, is a for­mer journalist fromSomerville, Mass.,who teaches atBoston College.

He began his lec­ture with a readingfrom COlldyfreak. awitty, sarcastic lakeon some of his,favorite candies as achild. such as BubbleYum and Pop Rocks.His clever metaphorshad everyone in theroom chuckling, com·paring being seen trick­or-rfcanng Wifh his par­ents when he was a kidto "admitting that youlike Barry Manilow,"

the Hawk's R:.,";aIdiCl:wli

Sugar-high writershares love of junk food

~

...------,

the Hawk s Herald page 4

raIsesaway, where 350 stu­dents donated one mealfor this semester.

Thc $1,977 raised wasmatched by the VicePresident of StudentAffairs John King, aswell as President RoyNirsche!.

The Relief. Effortwould like to especiallythank Mary Abate, whoworks at Jazzman's andorganized for herselfand her co-workers Lodonate all of their tipsfor the fvll three weeksof fundraising. They'dalso like to thank thosewho wrote generouschecks to World Vision,and dining services forworking with them onthe meal sign away.

Finally. they wouldlike to thank DanielleMcKay al the DesigRCenter of CampusPrograms, who createdthe beautiful banners.

•Tsunami Relief

$2kStudents, faculty and

administration involvedin the Tsunami ReliefEffort raised 52,000 forWorld Vision, an inter­national relief organiza­tion that sought torebuild homes, schoolsand water tanks 10

Thailand, as well asSoutheast Asia.

The Relief Effort wasorganized by a group ofstudent leaders repre­senting student senate,IRHA, athletics, MSU,TEAM Care theNewman Club, as wellas the student body atlarge.

Fundraising began inmid~Febnlary and ranfor three weeks.Monetary donationswere placed in waterjugs thai were displayedall around campus.

Sodexho and DiningServices workcd withthe Effort to organize ameal donation sign

What to submit Please send manuscripts electronically in Mjcrosoft Word to eitherProfessor Roben Engvall at rengvall@rwu.edu or Professor Kate Mele atkmele@rwu.edu .

On the manuscript include your name, department or major, e-mail address, and localphone number. In addition, do not forget to attach the .DOC file extension to the file­name.

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONSDeadline May 15,2005

a__II. JOURNAl OF CIVil DISCOURSE AT ROGEl WilliAMS UNIYUSln

Reason and Respect: A Journal of Civil Discourse at Roger Williams University invitessubmissions for the upcoming issue, which will address the broad theme of tolerance,with a speci.fic request for cs.says describing the linkages between tolerance and faith,free speech, and/or justice. All members of the Roger Williams University communityare invited to submit essays, book reviews, or film reviews that focus upon the broadtheme and various linkages. We. specifically encourage those in various disciplinaryfields including education, business, liberal arts, the law, and justice studies to answerthis call by placing specific emphasis upon the relationship between the tbemes men­tioned above, in the context of their individual disciplines. The editors will also consid­er all essays addressing and exploring ideas of civility, reason, and respect in a civilsociety. Contributors should use the documentation style appropriate to their discipline.Deadline: May 15, 2005.

Joan Roth: A Singirig Inspiration

Joan Roth, choir director at RWU, has been teach­ing for 25 years. Students who had Roth years agostill keep in contact with her. "I haue made lastingfriendships with many," said Roth.

...... ' .. ,

. .- •

Meghan RothschildContributing Writer

As she walks towardthe ccnter of the room,the once noisy crowdturns into an obedient,and somewhat intimidat­ed, group of students.Soon, the piano is play­ing, and without ques­tion the class beginssinging "boa, boa, bow."This frequent warm-upfor the Roger WiUiamsUniversity chorus mem­bers is grilled ioto theirheads.

Joan Roth, choir direc­tor at RWU, has beenteaching for 25 years andany student of hersknows she means busi­ness.

"I love working withthe students and havemade lasting friendswith many," she said. "Istill hear from some whograduated in the 80s."

Although Roth hasbecome a householdname around campus,RWU isn't the only placeshe has expressed hermusical talent.

"I was a music special­ist for the LittleCompton, Rhode Island,school department when1 came to RogerWilliams College," shesaid. "I had also taughtAmerican History and

English, grades sixthrough II in the BristolSchools."

In 1985, Roth retiredfrom Little Compton andbegan teaching part-timein Our Lady of FatimaHigh School.

"It was music twodays a wee~ for a coupleof years, while I wasteaching at RWU," Rothsays, thinking back a fewyears. "I also taught aca­demic courses [during]nights, summers andinter~sessions, bothJanuary and June."

Roth, who was bornand raised in Bristol,stumbled upon a teach­ingjob at RWU in 1981.

"President Bill Rizzinihired me at the sugges­tion of Betsy Argo oftbedrama department," shesaid.

"She thought it wouldbe helpful for those stu­dents who were intercst- .ed in musical theater tohave a place to use theirvoices when the depart­ment wasn't doing amusical."

Since then, Roth basprovided students with aplace to cltpress them­selves vocally, and achance to get in touchwith the surrounding-community.

"She's very dedicat-

ed," says Brett Hobson,a junior internationalbusiness major. "Shedefinitely bas compas­sion for what she does."

Jeff Fraser, a juniorcriminal justice major,feels the same way.

"She's a little devil,"he says. "I've been inchorus with her for twosemesters and she's oneof the hardest workingwomen I've ever met."

Roth isn't the only onein her family who ismusicaUy gifted. She hastwo daughters, Joanna,47, and Kathryn, 43,who have both chosen topractice music. Joanna isa research biologist inFairbanks, Alaska, andplays the harp.

Kathryn lives inProvidence as a psycho­therapist and also is aprofessional musician.She plays a wooden,eighteenth centurybaroque nute. Both aregraduates of BrownUniversity.

When Roth isn't con­ducting a music class,she's participating insome of her favoritehobbies.

"I have been a sailorall my life," she says."And 1 have seen muchof Europe and been toAlaska six times."

Almost evcry studentof Roth's is thankful forthe 25 years she's dedi­cated to making theRWU chorus a recog­nized part of campus.Every fall semester, herstudents prepare forwhat pas been referred toas one of the most"established nights" inBristol.

"In December 1981,the choruses of RogerWilliams College andProvidence College,along with tbe BristolCounty Interfaith Choir,united to present the firstin a series of holidayconcerts," Rothexplained.

"This almost immedi­ately became anesteemed Bristol tradi­tiar\."

Originally there wasone perfonnance, but in1986 a massive audi~

ence, an overcrowdedchurch and an angry firechief forced the choir toadd a second perfonn­ance.

Over the years, theconcert has gained popu·larity and allowed stu­dents at RWU to contin­ue to be part of theBristol coqununity.

"It's a good opportuni-

SEE JOAN PAGB 6,

the Hawk's Herald page 5

1:00-3:30

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---~..- .. -_..__... _~~ .... -.. ,. ~ - --lhe Hawk's Herald page 6

Journalism Professor winsNew England book awardCommunications Professor Edward J. Delaney has

been awarded the 2005 L.L. Winship/PEN NewEngland Award. Delaney's second book, Warp andWeft, won in the fiction category. The award is givenannually to an author from ew England. Past recipi­ents include: E.B. White, Andre Dubuis, SusanCheever, Tracy Kidder and Anita Shreve. The L.L.Winship/PEN Award honors Boston Globe editor,Laurence L. Winship and is sponsored by the BostonGlobe and PEN/New England.

•

Wyclef Jean toheadline spring

Joan(cont'd.jrom page 4)

ty for the audience tosee and hear RWU stu­dents," she said."There is also a goodrelationship developedbetween communitychorus members andRWU students duringrehearsals. -,

Although Roth hasloved her time spent atRWU, her experiencesdon't come withoutcomplaint.

"The only thing thatI really don't like is alack of facilities andspace with which towork, and it's been 25years. "

Roth, who hasbecome extremelydedicated to the cho­rus, has been requiredto provide practicespace at her ownhome...It says some­thing about the com­mitment of the univer­sity to music perform­ance," she said. "'If weare a university, thestudents deserve a uni­versity experience."

Roth may have con­cerns with the musicfacilities, but she

couldo'l be happier ,::::::::::;::==:::::::::::::=:::::::~;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;=====:::::;:;;;;;.;:=~with her students."1 am conlent that

the chorus gives itsvery best with themusic we choosetogether." she said."Their holiday cooeenat Blithewold was oneof the finest I'veheard. I was burstingwith pride and theaudience loved it."

Bryenne Libby, ajunIor communica­tions major, recognizesRoth's hard work andher ability to run atight class.

"I was in Joan's classlast semester," shesays. "She's tough, butin the end you can seeit in the performance."

Roth agrees thathard work and dedica­tion is the key to a suc­cessful performance.

"One person whodoesn't know what heor she is doing candestroy a perform-ance," says Roth."Choral singingdemands that ev~ryonebe in the same place atthe same split second,and that takes prac­tice."

OL _Is ttirFI111_of."eta­.... Is~ de -"""""8 girl Inde""{4.~, ",.,., to be like, IiIMg "'" ""1/1 .." / ... __ aM _ her.y cell QIM/...4JJ/-. .AI • rault slte is Itl·erIIIJy-. .... I got IJ/s ewry liMe I'....,}bu! aM ijT."",DllillteIget apirone CtlILI was jtul trying 10 be "ju! W1Ial can I dewtllwul Itm1trtg tile f-U. of Ihis socia/Jychallenged girl?

-Always AllrtrCu Lo.en

O·COM

laneclo_We'd tint like to.y daaDb for the invite; we do like to think of ourselves .s

........,. UnforllllWdy,"" can', accepI pm... invilloli_: -.we we'd beIbclrc iD • heart bear! Now~ 01lIO your problem:~ tink it', time you sat down_..ad your parIDeI' Ibe trud1. He deserves to bow about your situation. He will_ the dilli<Ully ofcom'" out of die cbd, Iioc:e be bas pe l!lrougbit himself. If you doa't have a heart to heart, bc~ lOin&: to be suspicious whenyou k.eep trying to hide him from your friends. He'll probably think you'recheating or ashamed of him. That's the last thing you want 10 do to someone youlove. Next, you should try and figure OUI why you haven't told anyone you'resay. We Imow this il a huge step, but it may be extremely helpful if you can getthiRgs out in the open. Besides, if you tell your friends and they flip, lhcy're not

worttJ it in tbe first. place. There is a chance that those closest to you have alreddysuspected you are gay. They may totally support you and W3nt to meet your guy.In which case" your guy should try to speak English in order for everyone 10communicate most effectively. Whatever you decide, don't tty and hide yourpartner, it's hurtful to him and it will end up damaging your relationship.lfhe isQne of your major priorities, than you know what you have to do. We wish youluck and confidence!

Got a qun:tion for Meg & Asb? Send an tmail to:ll.Skml!L.a$h~botmail.eom

A_We have heard this story. million times! We'd just like to thank you for try­

ing to be nice to your socially awkward peer. kuOOs to you for being-a good per·500. Tbese situations sometime$ result in developing not a friendship, but geningto know 8 clingy weirdo. She needs to learn to make other friends, so maybe youcould sir her down and talk to her. Tell her that she tends to be a bit overbearingand it turns people off. Perhaps all-she needs is an anitude adjustment. lfshe isstill annoyingly petSistent. block her from AJM. She will have no idea you aren'tjust signed off. Or you coWd stop responding to lMs or tell her that you're busywith homework.. You can do the same thing with the phone calls, but if il gets outof hand either report her to public safety or call tb~ phone company. You canprobably get her number blocked. She will continue [0 be a nuisance if you don'ttake these SlCps. Whatever you do, don't be afraid ro put her in her place. Ifshe'sbecoming intrusive you have a right to put an cnd to it.

Good luck!

Hi Meg and Ash!.'!!Firsl·time en/oiler, 10llg lime reader ofall your cotunms. I probabty shoul

Slart offby saying I'm a junior guy here at RWU. Everything has been goingsensor;onalthis spring and t om exciledfor the slimmer 10 start so I ("tm see myboyfriend. The tJu'ttg is "one ofmyfriends know I am a.homosexual and myparr­'leI' wants to visit sometime after spring break. I've been himing (Jlvlmd the idea0/gelting a morel ill Newport for lhe weela!nd. hit! he insisu on meetillg all 0/myfricmls (including my slraight gUYfriends, YIKES!) I rea/~v think l'm in lowwith my partner but I'm so scon!d ofwhat my friends will say. especialty sincemy PfJrtller thinks I aurw ali 'he 14vJ' out of the closet "'im tn'cryon€' floW!. inreality I'm so IIRICIt ill I1Je dJJsel, excqJl wMn I'm with Itilll. Evnyone I knowIteNmaknjutt o/IM 'ct/use! $peQJ: F1'f!rICItjlWlll/y. My parlMr is/rom France.(1 met hi'" while ski'" In the Alps) and has 1¥'Ce1IIfy moved to Ihe U,s. (New

HmnfMltire). I don ~ want allY 0/my friends 10 not like him because Ire speaksMtlre1lllW...... '1_ Jf'" If'... more comfort·abk 10 him I. why should lie $peok EJrglls" toplm~ lifer, righ, girls? WellgirU. I hope J'OfI C'aII MIl' 1M OWl. I WOIIJd a!$0 love to hang out with 'he (M.'O ofyou _1IigIu ''''' , .... '" spuMy aNI/rill Iow.g.

In 1lte Cia'" In A1trteIda

....

dancers, perfonningdunccs from differemcultures, including atribute piece to MichaelJackson, honoring whatI assume is Americanculture. Although thedaf!ces were good, theywere performances pre­viously seen in. MSU'sTalent Showcase in thefall.

The final fashion cate­gory was InternationalWear with traditionalclothing from Syria,Singapore, Gambia,Kenya and Hawaii. Thefinal perfonner tapdanced to ';Harder toBreathe'· by Maroon 5.Sadly, the music was tOOloud so the audience wasunable 10 hear the tap­ping.

Although the showwas riddled with irrele­vant and questionabletalent. the one savinggrace of the whole showwas The Hot Sextet, ajazz ensemble thatplayed incredibly andactually captivated theaudiences' attention.Their sextel's eoergyonstage revived a veryrestless audience. Theywere a refreshing burstof talent in an otherwiselifeless show.

onstage, greeted by con­fusion from the hosts, todemonstrate what not towear.

The next fashion cate·gory was BusinessCasual: outfits moreappropriate if you don'twork in an office. Theladies wore green orkhaki suits paired withmatching pocketbooksand stilettos. They alsopaired light trench coatswith noral print skinsand matching solid tops.The guys wore V·necksweaters over buttondown shirts with anoptional tie.

The next talenl portionof the night was MSU

•

.>•

daled and unhcard of.Guys wore their usualbutton. down shirts anddistressed jeans whilethe ladies wore darkjeans and lighter lOpSadorned with sequins orbeads. Next was the NeoSoul category. This wasmore of a hippie lookwith tie..<Jyed clothing"fading from dark tolight. They also worenowy skins with looseshins.

Getting back to the lal­ent showcase. SpecialDelivery came backonstage to ruin the song--nl Be- by EdwinMcCain. Once again. thechoice in song was irrel­evant only this time itwas highlighled by noharmonization and thedire need of a micro·phone. Fortunately forthe audience, this wasthe perfect opportunityto visil the refreshmentstable.

In the Formal catcgo·ry, the guys modeledrented tuxes provided byOur Place Tuxedos. Theladies wore whatappeared to be their oldprom dresses from highschool with the usuallace-up backs, unevenhandkerchief hems andlong, fitted trUmpetskirts. In between fash­IOns. Debra came back

Broadway tunc. Thesong was irrelevant tothe show and dido'lpump up the audience. Itactually had the oppositeaffect and seemed todepress those who hadchosen DOl to leave yet.Luckily though, Debra'sshan dress distracted lheaudience from her off·key singing.

Getting back to fash­ion, the show moved onto Club Wear. At a cru­cial moment involvingthe audience, tbe DJfailed miserably. Insteadof playing the appropri­ate techno or hip hop,the DJ opted to playdisco songs that are out-

_...._..- ... ..... ~ ..

-.;::..,::,.........,......

definitely capris pairedwith stilelto heels or lay·ered t-shirts over boy-cuttanks for a layered, butpuHogether look forgirls. The guys dressedin oversized Polo and G­Unit shirts paired withbaggy pants. Both girlsand guys can wear fadedjeans and wife-beatersfor more of a dressedd6wn, everyday look.

ext up was theBusiness Apparel cate·gory. Although the hostsannounced what themodels were wearing,they were too busylaughing at each otherand the audience (for noreason) to explain whallhese outfits were appro­priate for, so I will.Business fonnal looksare for interviews, meet­ings with a boss or work­ing in an office. The menwore darker suits withpinstripes and metalliclies. The girls wore light·colored suits in shades ofkhaki with pearl beltsand wide·leg pants.

In ao unsuccessfulattempt to hold the audi·enee's auention, thefashion show turned intoa fashion and talentshow, showcasing a realtalent show's rejects. Inberween runway modelswas a perfonnance byDebra Brenner, singing a

Unfortunately forCEN, MSU and theCareer Center, thisyear's Fashion Showwas definitely a miss.

It started out with aperformance by S~ial

Delivery, the a cap~llagroup. singing thenational anthem. Next upwere the MSU dancerswith a hip hop danceperformance. prev;ous!yseen at their lalent show~case in the fall. Afterthai, the fashion part ofthe show started.

For Urban Wear. thelook of the moment is

Koitlin EvansContributing Writer

In an unsuccessful attempt to hold theaudience's attention, the fashion showturned into a fashion and talent show,showcasing a relll talent show's rejects.

Fashion should havestayed in closet

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- .---. ---~­...-" .--~---.. -­,.--*"'-'""'* '"---- "'-"'-..._--- ,- ..+;0' _ .... '"

the Hawk's Herald page 8

Field of Dreams and Screams

Men's baseball alreadyin mid-season swing

Christopher ParishContributing Writer

Students at ActonMiddJe School III

Massachusetts are peti­tioning the Red Sox andYankees to shake handsbefore their gameSunday. The proposal,which included a PowerPoint presentation ofprevious brawls betweenthe two teams and stu~

dents mocking the sce­narios, was a heart-feltgesrure that intends 10display sportsmanshipand professionalism.How touching.

I don't like it.Is nothing sacred any­

more? Has the worldbecome so immersed inpolitical correClness thatnow these teams aresupposed to be friends?How does that lead ,tothe thrills of competi~

tion? The teams thriveon the greatest rivalry inprofessional sports, andit is fueled on hatred. Wewatch the Sox and' theYankees play becausethe games are great andthe learns hate eachother.

We watch because atany miuute, Varitekcould jump A-Rod wilhanother mitt to the jaw,Schilling could throwone of those 95-mphheaters and bit Posadasquarely in the back. orManny could startswinging his bat reck~

lcssly at anyone whomoves.

Remember tbatnobody watches theHeatlLakers gamesbecause it's interesting;we watch becauseeveryone's waiting forKobe to talk trash toSbaq while Shaqunloads a right-hook toKobe's whcel~maker.

We live for this stuff.Why take it away fromone of the biggesthotbeds of confronta­lien?

Apparently, teachersin Acton were worriedabout Yankees fans, whowere being taunted onthe playground foc wear~

ing Yankees hats.because their sacredtcam finally losl. Wherewere these teacherswhen Red Sox fans weretaking their 86 years ofbcatings from Yankeesfans on the swing-SCI, Iask? Just another exam~

pie of Yankees fans whocan dish it out but can'tever take it.

Sports,My Way

money you could proba~

bly buy a big mattress tosleep on.

Now we gel to the bestpart-spring training.Mets, Red Sox, Yankees.East Coast bias in fulleffect. So wha!'? It's thebest baseball in America.This Sunday is openingday for Yankees vs. RcdSox on ESPN. Baseballexecs arc really milkingthis thing dry.

A note to Bostonfans-these openinggames don't mean any·thing. Don't take themtOO seriously. Ba<>ebalJ iswon in the fall. youmight know a thing ortwo aboul that.

Top, Men's recreational basketball team.Above, Co-Ed competitive soccer team.Below, Co-Ed recreational soccer team.Bottom left, Men's competitive basketballteam.

Commissioner BudSelig was repeatedlyharassed by the commit­tee to answer questionsabout the punishmentfor a player caught withsteroids. You think hewould have a decentanswer. We ask for toomuch.

The steroid scandalhas also weighed heavi­lyon Barry Bonds.Apparently he's tired.Tired of all this steroidtalk. Tired of the media.Tired orthc game. Tired.of his family. Jusl tired.Here's a thought: don'tcheat. [fyou're so tired,go home, ~njoy yourmansion and sil on Ihemillions of doUars youmade. With all that

posted a 3~2 recordovcrall while Tyler is 2~

I. Tyler has an impres~

sive 2.61 ERA whileBernacki has posted 20of the team's 55 totalstrikeouts already thisseason.

The Hawks are I~I inlhe conference, havingsplit the home gamesagainst Wentworth. -Noother team in the ccehas played a game in theconference, but RWUhas the best overallrecord at 7~6.ln fact, theHawks are the only teamin the conference with' arecord ovcr .500(Endicott. at 3-3, is sec­ond).

The Hawks look tocontinue their successfulseason with a stretch ofconference games in thecoming week, includinga home gm:ne Saturdayversus conference focAnna Maria College.

added nothing to theconversation. Peoplewasted time and moneytrying to hook up theconnection only to seehim say 10 words. CurtScbilling. This is thepart I don't get.Schilling has nothing todo with the steroiddebate other than thefact that he's a majorleague player with a bigmouth.

After the players tooktheir tum to speak. thecommissioner and base­ball executives weregrilled on thc topic.What started off as aslim hunk of beef wasnow a piece of burntjerky. Jt only got worsefrom there.

where John Frizzellpaced the team going J.6 with 6 RBI. MatiBernacki shut down theWentworth offense witha four~hit perfonnance,striking OUl two.

The team has a solidbalance of offense,defense and pitching.Bryce Dumond's .426average in I 3 gamesheading into the week­end IS outstanding.Frizzell leads the teamin RBis with IJ, whileBobby Criscuolo andAndrew Dillon aren'tfar behind with II each.Dillon has already hittwo of the team's threehome runs (Frizzell tal·lied the other).Criscuolo is perfect instolen base attcmpts at)-).

Bernacki and MattTyler have each startedfour games for theHawks. Bernacki has

'<What's up." Well, letsjust say the kid is stillthere. Congress calledupon1he great sluggersoftbe game to give theirside of the story.

From first glance­Jose Canseco must gotanning a 101. I mean,this guy almost lookedlike a rotten carrot.Sammy Sosa speaksEnglish; he does notneed a translator. MarkMeG wire slimmeddown so now he lookslike he could only eat 25pancakes in one sining.Man. he gal burned.That finger pointingRafael Palmeiro did 10prove his innocencc wasscripted. Frank Thomas.via satellite, really

Christopher POlishContributing Writer

RWU baseball is infull swing.

The tcam has highexpectations for whatmay prove to be a suc~

cessful year. At 7-6, theteam has had a solidopening; especially con~

sidering the tcam onlyhad three home games(two of which came in adoublc~header againstWentworth).

During the team'sspring break tri.p 10

Chandler, AZ, theyplayed nine games andfinished a respectable 5­4. The team has sincereturned and played .500ball (2-2), including asplit in their conferencematch-up lasl weekendagainst Wentworth.After dropping. the first

game 12-4, the tcamrebounded for animpressive 15-1 win,

Timothy MannionSports Editor

Spring has finallyrolled around.

F h ··/or some, t e antlCI~

pation of wann weatherand barbecues couldeasily send them drift­ing into an unconsciousstate during class. Butwarm days and wannhotdogs mean only onetbing: baseball. Notwann baseball. though.Really heated baseball.

Lel's take a look at

what happened duringthe off-season.

The steroid debate hascrept up like Qne ofthose kids back in highschool who used to sidleup next 10 you in thehallway just to see

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