Rev. LoraKim Joyner, DVM UU Metro NY Right Relations Consultant Certified Trainer Nonviolent...
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Transcript of Rev. LoraKim Joyner, DVM UU Metro NY Right Relations Consultant Certified Trainer Nonviolent...
Rev. LoraKim Joyner, DVMUU Metro NY Right Relations Consultant
Certified Trainer Nonviolent Communication
Don't Just Dream it, Be It!
We all have dreams. But in order to make
dreams come into reality, it takes an
awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and
effort.Jesse Owens
Turn to person next to you and share a horror story of
conflict or drama in your congregation, and if possible, how the dream of living compassionately shone through in
that situation.
Emotional and Social IntelligenceEmotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself. Social intelligence is when you can do it with others.
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Emotional Health Restores Relationships and Builds Healthy Communities
Healthy communities and human flourishing works best when there is free expression and flow of emotion, and when we tell others how their actions impacted us.
Hiding our “hurt under a bushel” is not healthy, it “will come out.”
Emotional Health is Responsibility of Individuals •Healthy communities work well when we do things with people, and not for them, or to them• So in any conflict, we have to involve the effected parties and tell them what’s going on for us, and listen to what is going on for them•We seek to change ourselves, not others
Learning Emotional Intelligence (EI)This kind of learning is
implicit (not the thinking brain)
Happens in the limbic brain which is a slow learner – need practice, time, repetition
Skills include self confidence, EI, empathy, persuasion
The greater EI we have, the smarter and more effective the group is
Learning takes commitment and practice
“Hardwired” for collaboration as well as competition
Attention to emotions/status of others results in greater care delivered more quickly in more
ambiguous situations
Organizational Intelligence = Social Intelligence
Empathy a Prime Tool in Emotional Intelligence
Produces positive emotions which result in higher commitment to organization
Nurturing Your Organization with Emotional IntelligenceJudgment
undermines volunteer/staff performance
Blaming people makes it harder to understand issues
All labels, judgments, analyses are tragic expressions of unmet needs
Organizational SkillsMedical staffs
perform better in organizations that operate with a high level of social intelligence
Shift from producing results to producing growth of people who produce great results
Empathy in OrganizationsReduces
stress, burnout, and compassion fatigue
Leaders who “walk the talk” have greater influence
The Role of Nurturing Relationships in Congregations is About Awareness and Practice
All, and especially leaders, see their covenants, faith, and work as inviting them to work on emotional, social, and transspecies intelligence, and engage in faith development and spiritual practices
Nurturing Relationships is…Claiming and caring
for one’s identity, needs, and beliefs without degrading someone else in the process
Fostering self awareness and staying present among difference
Being willing to change
Hard work and takes practice
A mindfulness practice
The Basic PracticeTranslate everything into feelings and needs
The Basic PracticeTranslate everything into feelings and needs
In Relationships and Congregational Activities, Practice by ……
Translating Complaints into Needs/ValuesTranslating Judgments into Needs/Values Translating Gratitude into Needs/Values
Translating Complaints into NeedsThere are true
and precious needs behind the complaints
People who complain often want empathy
Empathizing with those who complain nurtures relationships and fosters connection
Nurturing Relationships Through Translating Complaints
What is the complaint?
What are the needs behind the complaint?
Translate the complaint into needs for others, make a guess, and then check with them
.
The services are so boring!
Stimulation? Meaning? Learning?
I’m guessing you might value meaningful experiences, is that right?
Practice Translating ComplaintsGet in groups of threeChoose a common
complaintMake a list of the
needs behind the complaint
Role play – have one person voice the complaint, and another person guess the needs
Follow naturally the conversation, guessing and sharing the needs
Practice empathy, not this:
Nurturing Through Translating JudgmentsWhat judgments are
explicitly or implicitly expressed?
What needs, values, or dreams are behind these judgments?
How can you reframe the practices in the congregation or in the conversation?
Empathizing with the “enemy”
Imagine any persons with whom you might be having judgment
What might they be feeling and needing?
Imagine being them. What are they thinking and feeling?
Gratitude – Connecting to Underlying Met NeedsGratitude is a choiceTraining the
unconscious brain to see that the tally of gifts outweighs exchanges
Happiness comes 50% from genes, 10% from circumstances, and 40% from intentional activity
Gratitude in One Moment
Sharing Our Gratitude - Slow down and pause….
Think of three things for which you are grateful
What are the universal needs met by these things?
Share this with a partner
Compassion is Catching and Good For Us
If you want to spread compassion in your organization, demonstrate compassion.If you want to be healthy, practice compassion.Set up intentional compassionate practices in your organization.
In Meetings/CommitteesShare the common
vision and shared needs
Translate complaints and judgments into needs
Leaders model empathy, kindness, and compassion (it’s catching)
Be honestShare gratitude and
affirmations
Emotional Health is Responsibility of Individuals..whose support is the responsibility of all individuals
(congregational practices, traditions, policies)
Resources
Practice Groups
We practice the components to shift our consciousness
Meet regularlyLots of formats
Next Steps?
Check-OutAny learnings?Any aha
moments?Celebrations of
needs met?Mourning of
needs unmet?
Closing Words -I’m Going Home – Rocky Horror Picture Show