Restorative Practices

What it means and why it works for everyone!

AIM OF RESTORATIVE PRACTICE IN SCHOOL COMMUNITIES

To manage conflict and tensions by repairing harm and strengthening relationships as a way of building community.

What Restorative Means

Restorative means ‘making things new again’

What do you need to do to ‘restore’ your relationship if you hurt somebody or make that person feel sad?

To be ‘restorative’ you need to say sorry, not do it again and make things right by talking about it so you can still be friends.

Explaining The Practice People often ask the following question:

“When people do the wrong thing, how do you challenge them so they stop and think about what they did, take responsibility for their behaviour, and importantly not be resentful towards you?”

Relationships and LearningBasic Concepts:• Good relationships are the basis for learning.• Anything that affects relationships [such as

inappropriate behaviour] impacts on learning.

• Challenging inappropriate behaviour needs to be experienced as an opportunity for learning.

“Learning is enhanced by challenge and is impeded by threat.”

As a society when someone does the wrong thing, what is our most usual response?

Blame & PunishmentWhat is the first question we ask when someone does the wrong thing?

If we ask ‘why’, what answers do you expect to get?

What is the problem with the ‘why’ question?

How does blame impact on learning?

Simple Contrast

Adversarial (Blame) approach:“What happened, who is to blame, what punishment or sanction is needed?”

Restorative approach:“What happened, what harm has resulted and what needs to happen to make things right?”

Adversarial RestorativeFocus is in the pastFocus is in the past

Preoccupied with blamePreoccupied with blame

Deterrence linked to Deterrence linked to punishmentpunishment

Focus in past, present & Focus in past, present & futurefutureEmphasis on resulting Emphasis on resulting harmharmDeterrence linked to Deterrence linked to relationships and relationships and personal accountabilitypersonal accountability

‘‘Consequences [may include punishment] are Consequences [may include punishment] are an important part of Restorative Practice. This an important part of Restorative Practice. This involves dialogue and respectful challenge.’involves dialogue and respectful challenge.’

So,what does Restorative Practice look like?So,what does Restorative Practice look like?

Restorative Practice Checklist

• The practice would need to be respectful and fair

• It would focus upon repairing harm and restoring or building relationships.

• It would help develop empathy, responsibility and accountability.

• It would promote the likelihood of positive behavioural change.

LOWLOW

HIGHHIGH

HIGHHIGHRESPECT FAIR RESPECT FAIR

Adapted from Social Discipline Window - Adapted from Social Discipline Window - Paul McCold and Ted Wachtel - 2000Paul McCold and Ted Wachtel - 2000

TOTO WITHWITH

NOTNOT FORFOR

MeanMeanRudeRude

RestorativeRestorative

SlackSlack Too SoftToo Soft

Great Great

LazyLazy WeakWeak

RulesRules

FirmFirm

Fair ProcessFair Process

What What needs to happen for fair process needs to happen for fair process to be experiencedto be experienced??

Clue:Clue:Think of an experience in which you felt Think of an experience in which you felt

you were treated you were treated unfairlyunfairly.. What was What was missing or was needed to make it a ‘fair’ missing or was needed to make it a ‘fair’ experienceexperience..

Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997

Fair Process PrinciplesFair Process Principles

1.1. EngagementEngagement - Opportunity to have a say. - Opportunity to have a say.

2.2. ExplanationExplanation- - Understand the reasons for Understand the reasons for the decision.the decision.

3.3. Expectation ClarityExpectation Clarity - Shared understanding - Shared understanding on what is expected in terms of behaviour and on what is expected in terms of behaviour and rules.rules.

Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997

• Consensus or to seek harmony.

• Compromise to accommodate every individual’s opinions, needs or interest.

• Democracy in the school (or any group process)

• Teachers, parents or others forfeiting their prerogative to make decisions, establish policies and procedures.

What Fair Process Isn’tWhat Fair Process Isn’t

Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997

Fair process builds:

• trust

• commitment

• co-operation

This enhances learning, creativity, moralThis enhances learning, creativity, moral

development and helps build strongerdevelopment and helps build stronger

relationships.relationships.

What Fair Process AchievesWhat Fair Process Achieves

Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997

• What happened?What happened?• What were you thinking at the time?What were you thinking at the time?• What have you thought about since?What have you thought about since?• Who has been affected by what you did?Who has been affected by what you did?• In what way?In what way?• What do you think you need to do to What do you think you need to do to

make things right?make things right?

Restorative Questions 1Restorative Questions 1When challenging behaviour, why would When challenging behaviour, why would

the following questions consistently the following questions consistently achieve ‘fair process’?:achieve ‘fair process’?:

Nathanson’s Compass Of ShameNathanson’s Compass Of Shame

NATHANSON 1994

WITHDRAWALWITHDRAWAL

AVOIDANCEAVOIDANCE

ATTACK OTHERSATTACK OTHERS ATTACK SELFATTACK SELF

NATHANSON 1992NATHANSON 1992

POLAR RESPONSES TO SHAME

WITHDRAWAL : isolating oneself; running WITHDRAWAL : isolating oneself; running and hiding. and hiding.

AVOIDANCEAVOIDANCE : denial; drugs and alcohol; : denial; drugs and alcohol; work alcoholism. work alcoholism.

ATTACK OTHERS: lashing out verbally or ATTACK OTHERS: lashing out verbally or physically; blaming others. physically; blaming others.

ATTACK SELF: self put-down; masochism.ATTACK SELF: self put-down; masochism.

How Parents Deal With ShameHow Parents Deal With Shame

What would it be like for the parent who receives a call from the school in relation to their child’s behaviour?

What emotions would they experience?

How do they usually deal with the painful emotions?

A mother recently responded in the following way……….

A Mother’s Response to the Dreaded Call

““I have to get out of the house, away from I have to get out of the house, away from everybodyeverybody!”!” [ [WITHDRAWALWITHDRAWAL]]

““When I come back I have to eat chocolate to feel When I come back I have to eat chocolate to feel okayokay!” [AVOIDANCE]!” [AVOIDANCE]

““Then I think, the bloody school is always picking Then I think, the bloody school is always picking on my kid!”on my kid!” [ATTACK OTHERS] [ATTACK OTHERS]

““By the time I have arrived at the school, I feel like By the time I have arrived at the school, I feel like I’m a really bad parentI’m a really bad parent!” [ATTACK SELF]!” [ATTACK SELF]

““I realise however that when I go to defend my kid, I realise however that when I go to defend my kid, it is all about how I deal with my painful emotions, it is all about how I deal with my painful emotions, and has nothing to do with my kid’s behaviour!”and has nothing to do with my kid’s behaviour!”

Responding Positively To The CallResponding Positively To The Call

What would a positive response for parents look like?

Try saying the following:

“I really appreciate the call. I think this is a wonderful growth opportunity for my child and myself!”

Possible Answer “Mrs Smith, I am ringing about an incident involving Paul. He has

admitted to stealing an iPod from another student. You may be aware that at our school we deal with anything that goes wrong in Restorative ways. This means we focus on three things. What happened? Who has been harmed or hurt? And, what is needed to make things right? In talking with Paul he now understands the hurt he has caused and also mentioned that you will be very disappointed. The good news is that he is keen to make things right and wants you to be part of this happening. Paul is not a bad student. It is his behaviour we are concerned about. This is an opportunity for learning, one that Paul will look back on and feel good about, because he took responsibility by making things right with everyone. ”

11.Share and reduce negative emotions (.Share and reduce negative emotions (best achieved by best achieved by

listening and acknowledginglistening and acknowledging))

2.Share and promote positive emotions (2.Share and promote positive emotions (achieved by affirming)achieved by affirming)

3.Encouraging the venting of emotions as a way of experiencing 3.Encouraging the venting of emotions as a way of experiencing

1 & 2.1 & 2.

4. Doing more of 1, 2 and 3 (4. Doing more of 1, 2 and 3 (essential for building and essential for building and

maintaining good relationshipsmaintaining good relationships).).

GOOD RELATIONSHIPSGOOD RELATIONSHIPS

Are Experienced When We:Are Experienced When We:

Nathanson 1992

Restorative Practice Checklist

Is My Practice?

• Respectful (Distinguishing behaviour from the person)

• Fair (Engaging, with Explanations & clarify Expectations)

• Restorative by repairing harm and building relationships

Does My Practice?

• Develop Empathy (through reflection, insight & learning)

• Enhance responsibility and accountability

• Promote positive behavioural change