Resolving Resolving ConflictsConflicts……How to How to friends friends

By Cara BaldreeBy Cara Baldree

You Will Learn…You Will Learn…

What a What a conflictconflict is is Why it happensWhy it happens If anger is badIf anger is bad How to resolve How to resolve conflictconflict Communication SkillsCommunication Skills How to have healthy relationships How to have healthy relationships

with otherswith others

Why Is This Important?Why Is This Important?

So you can be HAPPY!So you can be HAPPY! So you can have a lot of friends.So you can have a lot of friends. So you can learn to So you can learn to compromisecompromise.. So you can have healthy, lasting So you can have healthy, lasting

relationships.relationships. So you don’t get into trouble.So you don’t get into trouble.

What Is A What Is A ConflictConflict??

a fight, battle, or struggle a fight, battle, or struggle a collision between ideasa collision between ideas a disagreement between peoplea disagreement between people a quarrela quarrel

Why Does Why Does ConflictConflict Happen?Happen?

There are MANY reasons!!! Some examples are:There are MANY reasons!!! Some examples are:

1. Someone takes something from you that is 1. Someone takes something from you that is yours.yours.

2. Someone teases you.2. Someone teases you.

3. A misunderstanding happens.3. A misunderstanding happens.

4. Plans change.4. Plans change.

5. Someone was dishonest.5. Someone was dishonest.

6. Feelings were hurt.6. Feelings were hurt.

7. Talk to your table about a 7. Talk to your table about a conflictconflict you you remember.remember.

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Is Anger Bad?Is Anger Bad?

No, no, no….unless it is No, no, no….unless it is inappropriately acted out (i.e. angry inappropriately acted out (i.e. angry words or touch, etc.)words or touch, etc.)

It is NORMAL to feel angry.It is NORMAL to feel angry. What makes YOU angry?What makes YOU angry? I feel angry when…I feel angry when…

How Do You How Do You ResolveResolve ConflictConflict??

Resolve means to fix or find a solution for Resolve means to fix or find a solution for something.something.

COMMUNICATE!!COMMUNICATE!! NegotiateNegotiate (bargaining with someone) (bargaining with someone) CompromiseCompromise Walk Away/ Find helpWalk Away/ Find help

CommunicateCommunicate Be Be assertiveassertive (speak up respectfully about (speak up respectfully about

your feelings!) your feelings!) DON’TDON’T be aggressive! be aggressive! No name calling.No name calling. Take turns talking. Don’t interrupt.Take turns talking. Don’t interrupt. Use “I” messages. Use “I” messages. What’s this??What’s this?? Examples:Examples:

**You never let me play basketball at recess!You never let me play basketball at recess! I feel hurt when you don’t let me play basketball at I feel hurt when you don’t let me play basketball at

recess.recess.*Stop teasing me about my weight, or I’ll bust your face!*Stop teasing me about my weight, or I’ll bust your face!

I feel embarrassed when you tease me about my I feel embarrassed when you tease me about my body.body.

Role Play “I” Messages!!Role Play “I” Messages!!

The teacher needs to assign each table The teacher needs to assign each table one one conflictconflict to act out in front of the to act out in front of the class. (e.g. Someone butts you in the line, class. (e.g. Someone butts you in the line, or someone left you out from playing.)or someone left you out from playing.)

Pick someone from each group to play Pick someone from each group to play the bully/bullies.the bully/bullies.

Take turns practicing saying the “I” Take turns practicing saying the “I” message.message.

PRACTICE and look the bully in the eye. PRACTICE and look the bully in the eye. Use a calm voice, but be firm.Use a calm voice, but be firm.

NegotiateNegotiate This is like making a bargain.This is like making a bargain. For this to happen, you must come up For this to happen, you must come up

with a plan.with a plan. Example: You borrow a book from the Example: You borrow a book from the

library and put it on your desk. The library and put it on your desk. The person next to you grabs it and begins person next to you grabs it and begins to read it. You try to be to read it. You try to be assertiveassertive and and say, “I would like to have my book back. say, “I would like to have my book back. Please get your own book to read,” but Please get your own book to read,” but the person refuses.the person refuses.

You need a plan!!!You need a plan!!! Talk about a Talk about a negotiation with your table.negotiation with your table.

The PlanThe Plan Examples you might say to him/ her:Examples you might say to him/ her: I’ll let you read it when I have finished.I’ll let you read it when I have finished. Read it first and then give it back.Read it first and then give it back.

* The other person might agree with your * The other person might agree with your plan, ending the plan, ending the negotiationnegotiation. If they . If they disagree, keep disagree, keep negotiatingnegotiating. Sometimes, the . Sometimes, the other person comes up with a plan. You other person comes up with a plan. You can agree or disagree with this. You may can agree or disagree with this. You may be able to go to the next step: be able to go to the next step: compromisecompromise..

CompromiseCompromise

This is like giving something up in This is like giving something up in order to both get at least part of order to both get at least part of what you wish to have.what you wish to have.

A good A good compromisecompromise will leave both will leave both students feeling that the solution students feeling that the solution was fair, even if they didn’t was fair, even if they didn’t completely get what they wanted.completely get what they wanted.

CompromiseCompromise is a part of growing up. is a part of growing up.

PROBLEM!!!PROBLEM!!!

What do you do if a What do you do if a compromisecompromise isn’t isn’t made??made??

Sometimes people won’t Sometimes people won’t compromisecompromise. .

What now???What now???

Walk Away/ Find HelpWalk Away/ Find Help

Walk away and find something new.Walk away and find something new. Ignore bad behavior from others.Ignore bad behavior from others. Find help if there is a big problem, Find help if there is a big problem,

but it is best to learn to use your but it is best to learn to use your words to solve conflicts.words to solve conflicts.

ALWAYS SHOW SELF-CONTROL.ALWAYS SHOW SELF-CONTROL.