Reminding “Seasoned Citizens” to continue to laugh, learn and love their lives…

October is 1 of the 12 best months for loving,

living and laughing. Take a seat…

Clean yourself up… Enjoy!!!

Here are a few facts you may not know (and may never need to know, either!)

1. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

2. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". 3. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. 4. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. 5. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. 6. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. 7. "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and

"lollipop" with your right. 8. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters

only on one row of the keyboard. 9. The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are

read left to right or right to left (palindromes). 10. There are only four words in the English language which end in

"dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. 11. There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewable Vitamins. ~ unknown (Oops… gotta add that to the list!) Thanks Joyce S/CT

AND ONE YOU SHOULD KNOW: THIS IS THE 100TH ISSUE OF THE GOLDEN BRICK ROAD!!!

AIR SHOW DISASTER AIRCRAFT HITS FOUR BUILDINGS

This is tough to see. It just shows the dan-gers of attending these events. Amazing photo below shows great detail. The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft. It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings. One can only imagine the horror of the occu-pants inside those buildings. No one was killed, but it probably scared the crap out of them.

Bought vs Homemade Six year old Annie returns home from school and says that today she had her first family planning lesson at school. Her mother, very interested, asks: "Oh... How did it go" "I nearly died of shame!" she answers. "Sam from down the street says the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage. Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital." Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed." "No... But I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves. ~ Unknown (Rights for sale…) Thanks Joyce S/CT

The Biggest Lie Two boys were arguing when the teacher en-tered the room. The teacher said, "Why are you arguing"? One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the big-gest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

A Silent Bomb in Church An elderly couple were in church. The wife leaned over and whispered to her husband, "I just let out a long silent fart... what should I do?" The husband replied, "Replace the batteries in your hear-ing aid."

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the wom-an asks, 'Are you a stranger here?' He replies, 'I lived here years ago.' 'So, where were you all these years?' 'In prison,' he says. 'Why did they put you in prison?' He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.' 'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?'

Bumper sticker of the year: 'If you can read this, thank a teacher - and, since it's in English, thank a soldier' And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “My dear child, why are you crying?” The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires. “Is this your thimble?“ the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, “No. “ The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble stud-ded with rubies. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked. Again, the seam-stress replied, “No.” The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, “Yes.” The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy. Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, “Why are you crying?” “Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!” The Lord went down into the water and came up with Denzel Washing-ton. “Is this your husband?” the Lord asked. “Yes,” cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!” The seamstress replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said “no” to Denzel Washington, you would have come up with George Clooney. Then if I said “no” to him, you would have come up with my hus-band. Had I then said “yes,” you would have given me all three. Lord, I’m not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT’S why I said “yes” to Denzel Washington. And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it’s for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it.

Signed, Women

Knock, Knock I knocked at Heaven’s door this morning. God asked me, “My child, what can I do for you?” And I said, “Father, please protect and bless the person reading this message.” God smiled and answered, “Request granted.” Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

- unknown author (not really)

Dead Cow Lecture

First-year students at the Auburn Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, “In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body.” For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now, learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid.” ~ Unknown Thanks Joyce S/CT

OCTOBER IS LIVER CANCER AWARENESS MONTH And please focus on the word ‘Awareness.’ Illness is not our birthright; health is. Cancer can be treated by exploring the source of health challenges and working on that and how, with some lifestyle or dietary changes, people can get well. This 2nd color is in honor and memory of my mother, Mary Louise King, who died of Liver Cancer in January 2007. I will always donate $2 from the purchase of each Green Tease, to The American Liver Foundation, where the information is about understanding your Liver, not cancer.

Available in sizes Small through 3X. SHIPPING INCLUDED ON ALL ORDERS!!! www.sportyking.com

Your Fate in a Horror Movie

First letter of your first name + A Eaten N Ripped Apart B Chopped Up O Cut In Half C Boiled P Cooked D Beaten Q Shoved E Dismembered R Wacked F Chain sawed S Drowned G Hacked up T Suffocated H Run over U Bitten I Strung up V Knocked off J Choked W Sliced up K Stabbed X Disemboweled L Cut up Y Kicked M Electrified Z Punched

Month of your birth + JAN by Carrie FEB by Dracula MAR by Freddy Krueger APR by Frankenstein MAY by Jason Voorhees JUN by a Zombie JUL by Chucky AUG by Michael Myers SEP by a Witch OCT by Leatherface NOV by Pinhead DEC by a Serial Killer

Your Zodiac Sign Libra while at a drive thru. Leo while on the toilet. Pisces while trying to run away. Taurus while taking a bath. Sagittarius in a run down old house. Scorpio in a graveyard. Virgo in a haunted house. Cancer while trying to text for help. Gemini while camping alone. Aries at a cabin on the lake. Aquarius because I was drunk. Capricorn because I forgot my flashlight. Sample: Sporty was drowned by Michael Myers in a haunted house.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

OCTOBER

Outward Celebration Of Testimonies Optimally

Bring Everyone Rewards

I’m sure you can find a person to talk to your people about being positive. When you choose to hire me, I’ll speak with them about how

to maintain it. www.sportyking.com

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts. "Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely. "Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hun-gry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?" At this moment, the wolf man started growling and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage. Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

Below is a picture of my wall sitting at my desk. The signs we have in our home feed our spirit. They should make us laugh. They should make us think. They

should make us feel good. Here are some of my signs and their location: KITCHEN: A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him (Refrigerator magnets) Sometimes it feels like all I’m doing is rearranging

chairs on the deck of the Titanic. It’s more fun to get up early when the day has a destination (Given to me by my mother as a souvenir… to be placed on rim of your

glass) Gone to dance… Leave this drink alone Gone to pee… Leave this drink alone BATHROOM: Good morning, this is God. I will be handling all of your prob-

lems today. I will not need your help. Have a nice day. (Ash tray)I love you Not just for what you are, but for who I am when I’m

with you

We’re all in this together. Be together while you’re in it. And we might need to remember that right now. The turmoil and negativity surrounding you is doing just that: “surrounding you!” When you’re surrounded that means you’re the nucleus and the essential piece of the puzzle. When life closes in on you and you allow it to beat you down or eat you up, you become a connection that holds those closest to you back. When life closes in on you and you embrace its lessons, you become a connection that reassures those closest to you to hold on and you’ll help them keep it together. Anger is a controlling emotion. Whoever can keep you angry can control you. The nonsense before your eyes is often a dis-traction from the real issue and solution… neither of which can be seen when you’re angry. Keep your calm in this storm so that you can get to the next storm. We’re gonna need you!

We all need to keep our spirit in check for whomever we're supposed to reach... yet don't recognize. You save who you can, by being who you are. Who can you help when you don't see yourself as having the power to help? I’m taking care of me so I can be useful to you. Don’t hide from the formula, use it. If you feel you have to work twice as hard, why are you only will-

ing to work ½ and then complain? Patience isn’t a formula. It’s a result. How you respond while you're on "HOLD" is a reflection of what you'll do when your window of op-

portunity opens. This is a period where God is signing people up for his team. The faithful & patient will win. We just don't know where the Finish Line is.

Gems of Ongoing blessings ~ Sporty King

Stress Busting Strategies

1. Journal about your stress and worry … to help you identify the regular stressors in your life and the way you deal with them. Each time you feel stressed keep track of it in your journal. Make sure to track what caused the stress, how you felt physically and emo-tionally, how you responded, what you did to make yourself feel better.

2. Limit worry to a specific time of day … do your most unpleasant or most difficult task at the beginning of the day when you are fresh, thereby avoiding the stress of last minute preparation. Pro-crastination feeds stress!

3. Postpone worry when you are busy … Schedule your day, if possi-ble, so that stressful scenarios don't overlap, reducing the number of stressors you must juggle at any one time. Stagger deadlines for large projects.

4. Tolerate and understand uncertainty … when deadlines approach and calamities at home arise, remember to take a time out and take a moment to address the situation. See if there really is something you can change or control in the situation.

5. Focus on the present, all else is illusion … Admitting to yourself that there's nothing you can do about a particular issue will go a long way in helping you adjust.

~ Georgia Southern University

Please feel free to stress the need when it’s time to book me for speaking engagements! www.sportyking.com