Ref mentoring snapshot log 7

REFMentoringSnapshotsFrom: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, April 20, 2011 1:40 PM DearMentors,Inanefforttokeepeveryonebetterinformedandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFwillfromtimetotimeprovideshortwrite-upsonmattersrelatedtoourmentoringprogramme.These“snapshots”willtakenomorethana5-minuteread.Wehopethatyouwillmakethetimeforthis.Regards,

YL Yee

Here’sthefirstone…

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20110420

DidyouknowthattheobjectivesoftheREFare:1. Assistunderprivileged15-19yearoldstudents(“thestudents”),byprovidingfinancial

assistanceandpersonaleducationalsupport,e.g.mentoringandtrainingcourses.

2. Assistthestudentstostayinfulltimeeducation;improvetheirgrades;makeappropriatecareer/tertiaryeducationchoicesandprovidethemwithaccesstoappropriate“lifeskills”trainingopportunities.

3. Providethestudentsandtheirfamilieswithanetworkofopportunitiesandcontactssoastoexposethestudentstoarangeofcareerchoicesthattheymaynototherwisebeexposedinordertoassessfutureopportunitiesproperly.

4. Developthestudentstotheirfullpotentialby“beingthebesttheycanbe”.

5. Nurturethestudentsintogoodcitizenswhowillmakeausefulcontributiontosocietyandwhowillintimeinvolvethemselvesinactivitiesforthebettermentoftheircommunities.

FormoreinformationonthebackgroundoftheREFpleaseseetheenclosedattachment“REFMissionandObjectives"andkeepacopyofitinyourmentorfile.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Friday, April 22, 2011 3:11 PM

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20110422

WhatIsMyRoleasaMentor?Itseemssimpleatfirst,thenotionofbeingamentor:someonewhospendstimewithayoungperson.Butonceyouareinthementorrole,youmayfindyourselfinsituationswhereyouareuncertainaboutyourpartintherelationship.Isitappropriatetoprovidedisciplinewhenshe’soutof line?What if I suspecthe isexperiencing troubleathome—what ismy responsibility?Howcan Ihavethemostpositive impactonmymentee?There isnooneanswerconcerningwhatyourroleisorisnot.

PAUSEANDREFLECT:Clarifyingyourroleasamentor.Askyourself,

1. WhatroledoestheREFexpectmetoplayasamentor?

2. WhatroledoIexpecttoplayasamentor?

3. WhatroledoIthinkmymenteewillexpectmetoplayasamentor?

4. WhataresomepossibleroleconflictsandwhatdoIthinkmightbedonetoresolvetheseconflicts?

Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Thursday, April 28, 2011 9:59 AM Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - Journaling

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Whatisajournal?

Writing and keeping a journal holds the possibility of deepening our self-understanding,andtomakingaddedsenseofourlivesandwhatwebelieve.Itcanalso help us to entertain, contain and channel troubling emotions and gainperspective.Wemayalsodevelopagreaterawarenessofdailylife;becomemorealive towhat is happening to, and around, us in the daily round. At a practicallevel,writingandkeepingajournalcanbothhelpuswithadministrativetasks(likereportingwhat happened,when andwhy) andwith theprocess of setting goalsandmanagingourtimeandpriorities.

Enclosedherewithisasetofslideswhichyou,asamentor,cansharewithyourmenteeon“WritingandKeepingaJournal”.Makeacopyforhim/her.


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, May 03, 2011 4:09 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - Mentoring is Serious Business

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MentoringisSeriousBusinessThe mentee must enter therelationship with the profoundhumility of the novice seekingwisdom, while the mentor mustenter with the even profounderhumilityofthesagewhoknowshowtruly little he or she knows. Whenoneteaches,twolearn.

Mentoringisseriousbusiness.Itrequiresself-knowledgeandconviction.Ifyoucan’tdoanythingexcept to just listen,youarealreadyagoodmentor.But ifyou are going to give advice, be careful. You are handling a young andimpressionablemind.Don’ttakethingstoolightly.Youcandoit,butknowyourlimitations.Bemindfulandbehumblethatyoumaynothavetheanswers,solistenfirst.It’salrighttosayyouwillthinkaboutitandgetback.Thendoyourhomework.Neverbeafraidtosay,“Ineedhelp”.

Mentoringcanmakethementorabetterpersontoo.

“Ittakestwoofustodiscoverthetruth;onetoutteritandonetounderstandit.”

KhalilGibran

RotaryClubofBukitKiaraSunrise

NB:Inanefforttokeepeveryonebetterinformedandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFwillfromtimetotimeprovideshortwrite-upsonmattersrelatedtoourmentoringprogramme.These“snapshots”willtakenomorethana5-minuteread.Wehopethatyouwillmakethetimeforthis.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, May 10, 2011 12:31 PM To: 'YL Yee' Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - The Role of an REF Mentor

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20110510

TheRoleofanREFMentorTheroleofamentoristhreefold.Helpthementeediscoverwhoheis.Helpthementee“bethebesthecan”, to reach his full potential. Finally, help thementeelearntotakeresponsibilityforhisfuture.

Whatdoesthismean?Itmeans,§ Makingtimeforthementee§ Beingarolemodel,livingandsharingnoblevalueswiththementee§ Providingthementeewithsupport,exposureandcareerguidance§ Attimes,takingthementeeoutofthecomfortzonetostretchtohis/her

potential§ Encouragingthementeetowriteandkeepapersonaljournal§ Keepingthementeeinschoolandconstantlyimproving

“Themiraclepowerthatelevatesthefewistobefoundintheirindustry,

application,andperseverance,underthepromptingsofabravedeterminedspirit.”

MarkTwain

RotaryClubofBukitKiaraSunrise


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2011 10:53 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - Values Eduaction

ValuesEducationIntoday’sopensociety,thereisamultitudeofbothpositiveandnegativeinfluences.Itisimpractical, if not impossible, to protect achild from all the negative influences byphysically isolating him from them withoutat the same time shutting out importantexperiencesandpositiveinfluencesaswell.

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Yetthesolutiontothisdilemmaistoexposethechildprogressivelytolifebutatthesametimebuildinhimastrongvaluesystem.Thisistheonlyrealistic“protection” he canhave fromnegative influences,while at the same timeenablinghimtopickuppositiveinfluencestoo.Itcanbeveryconfusingattimes,withthemyriadofvaluesoneissupposedto instil in a child. Fortunately, this process can be kept simple. Themostimportant consideration in building a strong value system in a child is toremember two things; give him plenty of love, and be a goodexample tohim.Teachyourchildnoblevalues,largelybysimplylivingthemyourself.

“Openyourarmstochangebutdon’tletgoofyourvalues.”TenzinGyatso


TheREFrunsaValuesEducationProgrammeforstudentseachyearexploringnoblevaluessuchasSelf-confidence,Honesty,Responsibility,CompassionandHumility.Thenext½-dayworkshopwillbeon18June2011.Pleasearrangeforyourmenteetobepresent.


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, May 24, 2011 4:02 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - Discovering Who You Are

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DiscoveringWhoYouAre“Theroleofamentoristhreefold.Helpthementeediscoverwhoheis.Helpthementee“bethebesthecan”,toreachhisfullpotential.Finally,helpthementeelearntotakeresponsibilityforhisfuture.”

Attheheartoftheself-discoveryprocessistheunderstandingofwhatvaluesmeananddiscoveringthevaluesthataremostimportanttoyou.Becauseultimatelyyouaredefinedbythevaluesyoubelievein,that’swhoyouare.Don’thaveanyillusionthatthisiseasywork.It’salifetime’swork.Butyouhavetomakeastartnow.

Successfulmentoringinvolveshelpingthementeediscoverwhoheis,histruenature.Thementor’sroleistohelpprovidetheenvironmentandtheopportunityforthistonaturallyoccur.Hedoesthisbybeingaconfidant,ateacher,arolemodel,afriend,anurturerofpossibilitiesandmostimportantly,bymaintainingconfidenceinthementee,constantlynurturingthementee’sbeliefinhimself.

"Thevalueofidentityisofcoursethatsooftenwithitcomespurpose."RichardGrant


NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These“snapshots”willtakenomorethana5-minuteread.Wehopethatyouwillmakethetimeforthis.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, May 31, 2011 11:49 AM To: 'YL Yee' Subject: Mentoring Snapshot - Reaching Your Full Potential

YMP-SNAP0008 ReachingYourFullPotential“Theroleofamentoristhreefold.Helpthementeediscoverwhoheis.Helpthementee“bethebesthecan”,toreachhisfullpotential.Finally,helpthementeelearntotakeresponsibilityforhisfuture.”

Wetendtohangaroundwithourfriendsbecausetheyacceptusthewayweare.Friendsmakeusfeelcomfortableandseldomtrytotellusrightfromwrong,theyusuallydon’tjudgeusonwhatwedoordon’tdo.Friendsneverpushustoourpersonallimits.Mentorsontheotherhand,willoftenencourageustogobeyondourcomfortzone.Thiswillhelpusstretchtoourfullpotential.

“Ashipinportissafe,butthatisnotwhatshipsarebuiltfor.”BenazirBhutto


NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These“snapshots”whichtakesnomorethana5-minutereadisalsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, June 08, 2011 3:21 PM To: [email protected] Subject: Mentoring Snapshot - Taking Personal Responsibility for Your Future – Part 1/2

TakingPersonalResponsibilityforYourFuture–Part1/2“The role of a mentor is three fold. Help thementeediscoverwhohe is.Help thementeebethe best he can, to reach his full potential.Finally, help the mentee learn to takeresponsibilityforhisfuture.”

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Awardee Darshinii at the “flying-fox”

Manypeopleassociate responsibilitywithdutyandobligations,which in turnare thoughtof asburdens.Butpersonal responsibility isnotaburden. It is ablessing.Thisbecomesclearwhenweunderstandthatpersonalresponsibilityisnothingotherthanthefreedomtocreateourownlives.Yes,responsibilityisequatedwithfreedomandpower.Onceweawakentothistruth,webecomeliberatedandempowered.Weshedourvictimmentalityandgainthepowertotransformourselves.

“Whenwetakeresponsibility,weadmitwearetheonesresponsibleforthechoiceswemake.We,nototherpeopleorevents,areresponsiblefortheway

wethinkandfeel.Itisourlife,andweareinchargeofit.”



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 4:45 PM To: [email protected] Subject: Mentoring Snapshot - Taking Personal Responsibility for Your Future - Part 2/2

TakingPersonalResponsibilityforYourFuture–Part2/2It isamainobjectiveoftheREFprogrammestohelp thementee learn to take responsibility forhis future. This will essentially involve anawakeningforhim.

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PremanathattheLeadershipCamp

What isthis“awakening”? It isthediscoverythatwearemorethanwethinkweare.Itistherealizationthatwehavetakenonanidentitythatincorrectlyorinadequately expresses our essential being. It is as though we have beendreamingandsuddenlyweawakenfromthedream,lookaround,andbecomeawareofatotallydifferentreality.The challenge for amentor is to provide the opportunity for thementee tocrystallize this awakening.Notby imploringbut insteadbypatientlyworking,through the magic of question*, with the mentee to help him realize his“blessing” of personal responsibility. Together with providing example andexposure,thementorcancreateanenvironmentwherebythequestionsariseby themselves in thementee.Amenteeonceawakenedwill naturally realizehispurpose.Hewillthenbemorefocusedandknowhispriorities.

“Theobjectofeducationistopreparetheyoungtoeducatethemselvesthroughouttheirlives.”

RobertMaynardHutchins



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2011 10:13 AM To: [email protected] Subject: The REF Mentoring Snapshot

*TheMagicofQuestionThrough an almostmagical process bornof asking questions and listening, theSocraticMethod helps you discover yourinborn ability to create, think and solveproblems.

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Responding at an REF camp debriefing

Somethingalmostmagicalhappenswhensomeoneasksusaquestionandthentrulylistenstoourreply.Liketheproverbialkeytoachestfilledwithincredibleriches,questionsseemtounlockourbrains,helpusmakeconnections,inventnewideas,seean issuefromdifferentperspectives,anddiscoversolutionstoproblemsthatweneverknewweknew!Becausesuchknowledgecomesfromwithinus,notfromtheoutsideworld,itistruly“ours.”Itquicklybecomespartofourconsciousknowledge; it isnotsomething thatwehave to“stuff in” toourbrainsorcramforinordertolearn.

“Greatmentors,unliketeachers,almostneverprovideanswers.Theyratherseektoprovidetheirmenteeswiththequestionswhichtheybelievewillbest

leadtothelearningthatisuniquetotheindividualbeingmentored.”J.E.Hughes


NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Thursday, June 30, 2011 10:52 AMTo: [email protected]: Mentoring Snapshot - The REF Values

TheREFValues

TakingthePledgeattheRotaryclub

No man is an island. We do not existindependently but are interconnected to andinterdependentononeanother.Therefore,onlyinthewell being of all canwe hope to achieve ourowncompletewellbeing.

Yetwearenousetoothersunlesswefirsthelpourself.TheREFprogrammesthereforeaim tohelp studentswhodesire tohelp themselves, firstlydiscoverwhotheyareandthentohelpthemunlocktheirpotential–givethemabetterstarttoabetterlife.Butwecanfullyunlockourpotentialonlywhenwerealizethatwearemeantforahigherpurpose,apurposebeyondjustselftoonewitharegardforothers.Onlybyunderstandingthatwearesomethinggreaterthanourindividualselfandthatthroughselflessnesswecanaccessallofhumanity,willwebeabletounlockwhatwearefullycapableof–ourfullpotential.Then,willwebeabletoleadacomplete,usefulandfulfillinglife.

Learningtohelponeanotherachieve

Those behaviours that are associated withdeveloping selflessness and love for all, such as“LoveOthersasYourSelf”and“ServiceAboveSelf”,arecallednoblevalues.HenceintheREF,studentsare taught to embrace noble values; not just inorder to create a better life for themselves but tocreateabetterlifeforall–abetterworld.

“Educationisultimatelybeyondthedevelopmentofselftosomethingfarnobler,thedevelopmentofselflessness;thatwhichlinksuswithallhumanity.”



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, July 06, 2011 12:26 PM ToSubject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Mentor Visits

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HaveYouVisitedYourMenteeLately?REFMentorObligationsToprovidethebestguidancetothementee,amentorundertheREFYouthMentorshipProgrammehasthefollowingmainobligations:

MentorTengYoong(L)withstudentChyeSoon

andhismotheratamentorvisit

AttendthePresentationoftheAwardeeand1stmentorbriefingattheRotaryclubmeeting

Visitthementeeideallyonceamonth(setthenextmeetingdateateachvisit),submitthevisitreport,collect&submitmenteeschoolresultswhenavailableanddevelopagoodrelationshipwiththementee

AttendthequarterlyMentorSupportGroupMeeting Attendthe1-dayAnnualYouthMentorshipTrainingWorkshoporganizedbytheREF

BefamiliarwithREFMentorManual–itsPolicies&Guidance GetthementeetoattendatleastsomeoftheRotaryclubserviceprojects EscalateanycomplicatedproblemstoRotaryclub Bearolemodeltothementee,alwaysbeingconsciousthatthementor’scommitmentandvaluesarebeingobservedbymentee

Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, July 12, 2011 1:16 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Mentee Performance

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HasyourMenteebeen“performing”?REFMentee/AwardeeObligationsAchieving the desired objectives of theREF Mentorship programme is an end.Alongtheway,agoodmenteeisonewhoappreciates that fulfilling his/herobligations under the programme willimprove the chances of achieving thedesired outcome. S/he is expected tofulfillthefollowingobligations:

REFAwardeesattherecentValuesEducation

Workshopheldon25June2011

Mandatory: LiveuptotheAwardeePledge Maketimeformentorvisits BepunctualforMentorvisits/meetingsandappointments Honourcommitments,e.g.returnmentorphonecallsandprovideinformationpromptlywhenrequested

Keepexpenditurereceiptsandaccounts KeeptheAwardeePassbookandJournalupdated AttendtheannualREFLeadershipCampandValuesWorkshop/s AttendtheREFlife-skillstrainingseminarswhenorganized

GoodtoDo:Ø ParticipateinRotaryserviceprojectswheninvitedØ InteractwithandgettoknowtheRotariansandothervolunteermentors



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, July 19, 2011 2:15 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Begin with the End in Mind

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BeginwiththeEndinMind

If you want to go somewhereyou musthave the outline planned. You don't needevery single detail because you can’t seeinto the future. Simply thinkbeyond todayand decide what direction you want totake,sothateachstepyoutakeisalwaysintherightdirection.

VolunteermentorRichardHoywithmenteePremanath

Greatmentorspreparethewayfortheendingoftherelationshipinthesameway that great chessmasters are always looking three to fourmoves ahead.For the mentee this process is often opaque and should be, if the ongoinglearning process is not to be interrupted before its proper conclusion.Acknowledgingthetransitorynatureofthisrelationshipatthebeginninggivesthe greatest promise for its successful conclusion.Mentorship requires thatbothpartiesbeginbyagreeingonhowitwillend. “Ifyoudon’tknowwhereyouaregoing,thanyouprobablywon’tgetthere.”–ForrestGump



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, July 26, 2011 11:56 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - What is a Role Model?

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WhatisaRoleModel?

The term role model is considered in thewidest sense from an individual simply“perceived as exemplary, or worthy ofimitation”, to the inspirer “throughpersonalcontact”and“relationship”.Thus,mentors are seen as one type of rolemodel, and mentoring programs aresubsumed under the broader category ofrolemodelprograms.

MentorVeivenGoonwithmenteeSharipah

Whocanbearolemodel?Youngpeopleperceivearangeofindividualsaspotentialrolemodels,includingcelebrities and other famous people, family members, adult communitymembers,teachersandpeers.Theymayseedifferentgroupsasrolemodelsindifferentkindsofways.As anREFmentor, be keenly aware that you are also privileged to be a rolemodelandthatyoushouldnotonlysharenoblevalueswithyourmenteebutlive them as well. Remember that your behavior and actions are constantlybeingobservedbyyourmentee.Letitnotbelike“acrabteachingitsyoungtowalkstraight.” Ithasbeensaid;“themediocreteachertells,thegoodteacherexplains,thesuperiorteacherdemonstratesbutthegreatteacherinspires.”“Thereisnoteachingtocomparewithexample.”–SirRobertBaden-Powell



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, August 03, 2011 1:25 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Instilling the Spirit of Volunteerism

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InstillingtheSpiritofVolunteerismOneof theobjectivesof theREF is tohelpcreate awareness among our Awardees(mentees) that we live in aninterdependent world and that we shouldbehelpingotherstoo.Thinkingbeyondself.

AwardeeYuXinattheTreePlantingProjectbytheRotaryclubheldon23Apr2011

Additionally,aninterdependentworlddoesnotonlymeanhelpingotherfellowhuman beings in need but also ensuring that our environment is clean andsustainableforfuturegenerationstocomeandindoingso,makingourworldabetteroneinwhichtolive.Tothisendandtoinstillthespiritofvolunteerism,whenever the opportunity arises, we encourage our Awardees to come forsomeofthecommunityserviceprojectsweorganizeasaRotaryclub,togivethem this exposure and appreciation. It is not compulsory, but it is animportantpartofoureducationassistancetothem. Whilewe are striving to achieve our potential, we remember that it is ourresponsibilitytohelpothersachievetheirstoo,givingvalueandmeaningnotjusttoourlifebuttothelivesofothersaswell.“How can we expect our children to know and experience the joy of givingunlesswe teach themthat thegreaterpleasure in life lies in theartofgivingratherthanreceiving?”–JamesCashPenney



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, August 09, 2011 11:49 AM To: 'YL Yee' Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Humility

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HumilityMentorship starts with humility. To be ahighly successful mentor, you must firsthumble yourself like a little child and bewilling to serve others. Nobody wants tofollow someone who is arrogant. Behumble as a child. Always curious, alwayshungryandthirstyforknowledge.

Forwhatisexcellencebutknowledgeplusknowledgeplusknowledge-alwayswantingtobetteryourself,alwaysimproving,alwaysgrowing.

Whenyouarehumble,youbecomegenuinelyinterestedinpeoplebecauseyouwanttolearnfromthem.Andbecauseyouwanttolearnandgrow,youwillbea farmoreeffective listener,which is the#1mentorshipcommunication tool.When people sense you are genuinely interested in them, and listening tothem, theywill naturallybe interested in youand listen towhat youhave tosay.

Unfortunately,manymentorstreatmentoringasanegotripwherebytheytalkaboutnothingbutthemselves.Theprocessofmentoringsomeoneisnotaboutthementor-itisaboutthestudent.Agreatmentorisabletoputhisownegoto one side and make it about the student. A mentor is in the business ofhelpingothersandpassingonhisknowledge.



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, August 16, 2011 11:59 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: Help Your Self to Help Others – The Awardee Pledge

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HelpYourSelftoHelpOthers–TheAwardeePledge

One of the most important qualities an REFAwardee must have is “the desire to helponeself”.Thisisnottosaythatthosewhocan’thelpthemselvesdonotneedhelpbuttheREFis not the right party to render such helpbecauseasagroupofpart-timevolunteers,wearelesseffectiveathelpingthosewhowillnothelpthemselves.

AwardeeJenNeetakingthePledge

ForapotentialAwardee,thedesiretohelponeself isassessedbyastudent’sacademicresultsandherparticipationinextra-curricularactivities.Yetadesiretohelponeselfalonedoesnotmakeoneausefulperson.Beingusefulrequiresone to make a positive contribution to society. And so, to complement thefinancialassistanceprovided,theREFprogrammestogetherwithparticipationin some of the voluntary community service projects of the Rotary club areaimed at instilling awareness that in the larger context, being useful meansbeingabletohelpothersinneed.IndeedtheREFexistsonlybecauseothers–Rotariansandvolunteers–haveregardeditastheirservicetothecommunity.Awardeesaretaughtthatinordertobeuseful,theyhavetohelpothers;andinorder to help others, they have to first help themselves. Finally, that if theymake it their aim to be a usefulmember of society, theywill in turn have ameaningful and fulfilling life. Understanding these aims for the Awardeeformally begins with the taking of the Awardee Pledge at a meeting of theRotaryclub.Toremindusofourvisionforthementee,“TheAwardeePledge”isattachedherewithandinyourmentorfile.Pleasefindtimetoreviewitindetailtogetherwithyourmentee.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Thursday, August 25, 2011 10:27 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: Only When We are One

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OnlyWhenWeareOne

Throughout the REF Youth MentoringProgramme, two dedicated mentors areassigned to visit the student (mentee).Especially in the initial phase of theprogramme, these visits are done in thepresence of the parents/guardian. The roleof Rotary and the objectives of thementoringprogrammeareclearlyexplainedin thebeginningof thementorship tobothstudentandparents

AwardeeJoshuawithmentorsFrancesPo(L)

andLeeHooiChengIn time, only after confidence and trust have developed with theparents/guardian, thementorsmayspendsometimewiththestudentalone.In the REF, mentors are deployed in pairs as back-ups for one another, forsafetyandsecurity,andtoimprovementoringqualitybybeingabletoprovidemutualfeedback.Howeverwemustalwaysbesensitivetothefact thattheappearanceof twoolderadultindividualsasmentorscanbeadauntingexperiencefortheyoungstudent. The mentee may be overawed during the mentoring sessions,experiencing difficulty expressing herself and becoming withdrawn. Mentorsmustrecognizethisaspect,andthereforehavetogotheextramiletotryandmakethementeeascomfortableaspossible.AlwaysbeconsciousofthisfactthatasREFmentors,youare“two”andthementee is“one”.Yet in theend,thementoringprogrammecanonlybesuccessfulbyovercomingthischallenge,whenmentorsandmentee“becomeone”,inpursuitofthecommonobjectiveofdevelopingthementeetoherfullpotential.


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, August 31, 2011 11:33 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: An Everyday Mentor

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AnEverydayMentor:VertulieFerdinandF.

“Shewasmyrock.Sheopenedherdoorin1971tomewhenIwas2yearsold.Shetaughtmemoralvaluesandwithhernurturing love, Ibecameanurse,abusinesswoman,most of all a philanthropist. I opened a school for childrenand adults, 4 clinics and an orphanage in Haiti. Vertulie taught me to loveothers and to share. She instilled in me the faith in myself, education anddetermination.JustbywatchinghereverydayIamabletobewhoIamtoday.”

…VertulieFerdinandwasborninLaVallee,Haiti.Shediedin1996.



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2011 11:16 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: The Types of Mentors

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TheTypesofMentors The first is the “pleaser”. This kind of mentorjust wants to please the student and won'tcauseanywaves.This typeofmentor isdeadlytoastudent'sprogress.Amentorisnottheretobeastudent'sbestfriend;heistheretogetthestudenttoreachhisfullpotential-andthatcanoften mean confronting and challenging thestudent. If a student's work is not good, heneedstoknoworhewillneverimprove.

MentorKongwithstudentPuiYee

Thenextisthe“dinosaur”.Thisisamentorwhohasbeenteachingfor100yearsandhas lost touchwith youngpeople. Thementor hasworkedwith studentssince1895.Hemayhave some insightsof valuebuthehasn’t keptpacewithcurrentdevelopmentsandchanges.Thelastisthe“truth-teller”.Thiskindofmentorwilltellitlikeitis-wartsandall.Hedoesitnottooffendbuttocreatepressurewherebythestudentpusheshimselftohisfullpotential.Butbesidesconfronting,thementoralsonurtures.Thestudentshouldbeawarethatthementorhashisbestinterestatheart,toensuretoothatwhenthedifficultcritiquesarisethestudentisabletodealwiththem.Therecouldbeafourth,the“destroyer”.Thisisthekindthatonlyconfrontsandtearsastudentdownbutdoesn'tbuildhimbackup.Thisiscounter-productiveandwon'tallowthestudenttomoveon.Enclosedherewithisacopyofthenewlyissued“MentorSelfAssessment”form.Pleasemakeacopyforyourmentorfileandfindsometimetodotheassessmenttoimprovethequalityofyourmentoring.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 2:55 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: Leadership Development

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LeadershipDevelopment

We are something far greater than ourindividual self. Our interrelatedness andinterdependence on one another meansthat we have access to the rest ofhumanity.Anability to tap into the restofhumanity means that we can achieve fargreaterthanwhatweareabletojustbyourselfalone.

Studentsnegotiatinganobstaclecourse

attheREFLeadershipCamp

Developing leadership skillsmeansdeveloping theability to communicate, toexpressourthoughts(andattimesevenourfeelings)clearlytobuildeffectiveteams bymotivating and inspiring the best out of others. It is to be able towork with each other to achieve a common objective and that meansunderstanding that the whole is far greater than the sum of the individualparts.And therefore the quality of our relationshipswith one another has a directimpact on what we are capable of doing – achieving our full potential. Ourleadership qualities enable us to effectively tap into the rest of humanity. Inother words, to reach our full potential we must develop our qualities ofleadership.Leadershipisnotgoingaroundtellingeveryone,“Iamaleader”oreventhat,“Iampreparedtolead”.ThephilosopherLaoTzusaid,“Ofthebestleaders,whentheworkisdone,thepeoplesay,‘Wediditourselves.’”Leadership is but one of the noble values taught in the REF. It is importantenoughthatadedicatedprogrammeisdesignedjustforthisvaluealone.



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, September 20, 2011 11:04 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Inner Peace

YMP-SNAP0024

InnerPeaceIampassingthisontoyoubecauseitdefinitelyworkedformeandweallcouldusemorecalmin our lives. By following the simple advice Iheard on a Medical TV show, I have finallyfoundinnerpeace.

Adoctor proclaimedthe way to achieve innerpeace is to finish all the things youhavestarted.

AwardeePremwithRotarianPoayLim

InalightmomentattheLeadershipCamp

SoIlookedaroundmyhousetoseethingsI'dstartedandhadn’tfinished,and,beforeleavingthehousethismorning,IfinishedoffabottleofMerlot,abottleofshhardonay,abodleofBaileys,abutleofvocka,apockageofPrunglies,thamainderofbotalProzicandValumscriptins,theresoftheChesesckeanaboxachoclits.YuhafnoidrhougudIfeal.PeasshadistodemyufeeARinnedovinrpis.

Somethinglightthisweekyoudidn’texpect?Haveaniceday.



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 12:18 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Guiding Students and Training Parents

YMP-SNAP0025

GuidingStudentsandTrainingParentsEducatingchildrenismostlyabouteducatingparents on their conduct. In turn, theconduct of parents is an education to thechildren.

“Thevalueofamarriageisnotthatadultsproducechildren,

butthatchildrenproduceadults.”–PeterDeVries,novelist

L-R:MentorsMayLim,MunYeewithAwardeeNoelandhismotherSharon

A child isgenerallybornemotionallywellbalancedand fullof self-confidence.Oftenovertimeandthroughbadhabits,parentsunwittinglyerodehis/herself-confidence,adverselyaffectinghisemotionalwell-being.Inachild’seducation,theresponsibilityofparents is three fold:Provide thechildwithagoodsetofvalues (environment), create the space and opportunities (exposure) for thechildtodiscoverhimself,andforbearerodinghisself-confidence.

Likeeducatingchildren,mentoringtoo isa lotabouttrainingparents/guardianontheir“conduct”.AnREFmentormayspendabout2-3hoursinamonthwiththestudent.Whereasparentsspendmuchoftheavailableformativetimewithhim. They are his real guides and greatest influence. Amentor can teach thestudent good values only to have thework undone by parents if they do notbelieveinorfullyappreciatethepurposeofthementoringprogramme.

Helpparentsunderstandthephilosophyoftheprogrammeandhowitisagoodpath for their child. Request that they be present at thementoring sessions,especiallyinthebeginning.Inbetweenmentorvisits,haveparentsreinforcethemessagesyouaretryingtoconvey.InviteparentstoourREFactivities.Parentsmustnotdoanythingthatmaysabotagetheprocess.Foranystudentmentoringprogramme to succeed, parents must subscribe to the values being taught,workinghand-in-handassupportivepartnerstothementor/s.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, October 04, 2011 4:18 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Identity vs. Role Confusion – Pt 1/2

YMP-SNAP0026

Identityvs.RoleConfusion–Pt1/2(Adolescence,12to18years)As they make the transition fromchildhood to adulthood, adolescentspondertherolestheywillplayintheadultworld. Initially,theyareapttoexperiencesome role confusion - mixed ideas andfeelings about the specific ways in whichthey will fit into society - and mayexperimentwithavarietyofbehaviorsandactivities (e.g. tinkering with cars, baby-sitting for neighbors, affiliating withcertainpoliticalorreligiousgroups).

AwardeeKushalliniduringabreakatthe

LeadershipCamp2011

Eventually,most adolescents achieve a sense of identity regardingwho theyareandwheretheirlivesareheaded.Erikson*iscreditedwithcoiningtheterm"Identity Crisis”. This turning point in human development seems to be thereconciliation between “the person one has come to be” and “the personsocietyexpectsonetobecome”.Thisemergingsenseofselfwillbeestablishedby“forging”pastexperienceswithanticipationsofthefuture.WhatisuniqueaboutthestageofIdentityisthatitisaspecialsortofsynthesisof earlier stages and a special sort of anticipation of later ones. Youth has acertainuniquequality inaperson's life; it isabridgebetweenchildhoodandadulthood. Youth is a time of radical change—the great body changesaccompanyingpuberty,theabilityofthemindtosearchone'sownintentionsand the intentionsofothers, the suddenly sharpenedawarenessof the rolessocietyhasofferedforlaterlife. –AnextractfromtheWikipedia*ErikEriksonwasarenownedDanish-German-Americandevelopmentalpsychologistandpsychoanalystknownforhistheoryonsocialdevelopmentofhumanbeings.

Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, October 11, 2011 2:26 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Identity vs. Role Confusion – Pt 2/2

YMP-SNAP0027

Identityvs.RoleConfusion–Pt2/2(Adolescence,12to18years)Adolescents "are confrontedby theneed tore-establish boundaries for themselves andtodothis inthefaceofanoftenpotentiallyhostileworld."Thisisoftenchallengingsincecommitments are being asked for beforeparticular identityroleshaveformed.Atthispoint,oneisinastateof'identityconfusion',but society normally makes allowances foryouth to"find themselves,"and this state iscalled'themoratorium'.

StudentsdebriefingattheLeadershipcamp2011

Theproblemofadolescence isoneof roleconfusion—areluctance tocommitwhichmayhauntaperson intohismatureyears.Given therightconditions—and Erikson* believes these are essentially havingenough space and time, apsychologicalmoratorium,whenapersoncanfreelyexperimentandexplore—whatmayemergeisafirmsenseofidentity,anemotionalanddeepawarenessofwhoheorsheis.Nomatterhowonehasbeenraised,one’spersonalideologiesarenowchosenfor oneself. Oftentimes, this leads to conflict with adults over religious andpolitical orientations. Another area where teenagers are deciding forthemselves is their career choice. If parents or society is too insistent, theteenager will acquiesce to external wishes, effectively forcing him/her to“foreclose”onexperimentationand,therefore,trueself-discovery.AccordingtoErikson,when an adolescent has balanced both perspectives of “What have Igot?” and “What am I going to do with it?” he or she has established theiridentity.–AnextractfromtheWikipedia*ErikEriksonwasarenownedDanish-German-Americandevelopmentalpsychologistandpsychoanalystknownforhistheoryonsocialdevelopmentofhumanbeings.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 3:27 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Goal Setting

YMP-SNAP0028

GoalSetting

You are all packed and ready to go onyour first cross country drive. You aregoingtoseeitall.Youputthecaringearand you are off the blocks. First stopBentong and then Gua Musang andeventuallytoKotaBaru.Anhourintothedrive you come across an unfamiliarintersectionandyouhavetopulloutthemapforthefirsttime.Youpanicwhenyou realize that themap isoutofdateanddoesnot list theintersection.Youareconfusedandyoumuttersomeexpletives.Youturnright,change the radio station andpress on. You say theheckwith it because youknowwhereyouaregoing.By theendof theday,andmanyexpletives later,youfinallyarriveatJerantut.Unfortunately,youneverreachKotaBaru.

Toomanyofus treat goal setting the sameway.Wedreamaboutwherewewanttogo,butwedon’thaveamaptogetthere.

Whatisamap?Inessence,thewrittenword.Whatisthedifferencebetweenadreamandagoal?Onceagain,thewrittenword.Butweneedtodomorethansimply scribble down some ideas on a piece of paper. Our goals need to becompleteandfocused,muchlikearoadmap.

Tohelpyouandyourmenteereachthedestination,theREFprovidesasetoftemplates to help you set out the longer term goals of thementorship, theimmediatementoringsessiongoals(whichshouldbeconsistentwiththelongertermgoals)andtoreviewthegoalseverysixmonths.Ifyoudon’talreadyhavethempleaseaskforthemfromtheYMPLead.

“Ifyoudon'tknowwhereyouaregoing,you'llendupsomeplaceelse.”

–YogiBerra



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, October 25, 2011 3:53 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Not Deciding for but Supporting the Mentee

YMP-SNAP0029NotDecidingforbutSupportingtheMentee

Itisneverthetaskofthementortoresolveall the mentee’s challenges with a magicwand. It isnevertheroleofthementortomakedecisionsforortodotheworkofthestudent or his family. If that were tohappen, laziness would triumph and thementee would never gain the necessaryknowledgeorexperiencetoberesponsible.

VolunteerMentorMunYeewithAwardeeNoel

The project to help and educate the student is based on the studentunderstandinghisstrengthsandweaknesses;understandinghisownerrorsandontheefforthemakestoovercomeandavoidthemin future.Andsoagoodmentor cannot force help onto thementee. Thementeemustwant it. As anoutsider,thementorisnottheoneexperiencingthechallengingsituationofthementee and his family. So her role cannot be to decide for thementee. Thementorisanadvisorandimpressesthatimportantdecisionsmustrestwiththementee (andhis family).Thementor listens, sharesherexperience,andhelpsthementeeidentifyalloptionsavailabletohimsothathe(mentee)canmakeaquality decision and understands the consequences of his choice. Sometimesthementormayhelpsecuresomerelevantresources.Knowing that hemust take full responsibility and that hemust live with theconsequences of his decisions, thementee (and his family) has ownership ofimportantdecisions.Andonceadecision ismade in thisway, a goodmentormustthenfullysupporthismentee.



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, November 01, 2011 3:30 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: A Compassionate Individual

YMP-SNAP0030

ACompassionateIndividual:Dr.HariniP.While the majority of physicians in our suburb refuse to treat patients onMedical Assistance, Dr. Harini P. is a dedicated pediatrician who not onlyacceptsthesepatients,butgivesthemexcellentmedicalcareandtreatsthemwithdignityandrespect.Sheisalwaysaccessibletoherpatients,nevertoobusyfortotakeacallfroma concerned parent or to spend extra time during a visit to providereassurance.Patient care isherpriority, fromstaying late to seea sick childbroughtinwithoutanappointment,totreatingachildwhohasnoinsuranceandcan'tpayforservice.Sheisasthoughtfulandconsiderateofcolleaguesandassociatesassheisofpatients,whetherit'smakingtimetoseeapharmaceuticalrepwho'sdroppedby,orallowingheremployeesflexibilityintheirworkschedules.Agentlesoft-spokenwoman,shehasprovidedlovingcareforthechildreninthiscommunity foralmost20years.Hercompassionateandnurturing touchcombineswithherdedicationtostayingabreastofcurrenttrendsinpediatricmedicinetomakehertheembodimentofagenuine"Dr.Mom."Shecertainlydeserves recognition for her extraordinary efforts on behalf of children andfamilies.



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Thursday, November 10, 2011 4:32 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot:When You are Speaking More than I

YMP-SNAP0031

WhenYouareSpeakingMorethanI

Typically,atthebeginningofthementoringprogramme, communication betweenmentor and mentee is a one way street,with thementordoingmoreof the talking.Thismaybenecessaryinitiallyasthementorgoes about setting the parameters of thementorship being obliged to do a bit ofdefining,explainingand“teaching”.

AwardeeThenmolipresentingat

theLeadershipCamp2011

However it is an intention of thementoring programme that over time, thementeeeventually learnstoexpressherselfclearlyandeffectively.Hencethementee must be given the opportunity to not just speak for the sake ofspeaking, but to speak when expected to, and to speak with substance. Hemustfeelthefreedomtoexpress,reflectingahealthyrelationship.Andsothementormusteventuallytransitionfromatalkingmodetoalisteningmode.Howeverthiscanonlyoccurwhenthementeelearnstotrustthementorandunderstandsher good intentions. Soworkonbuilding trust and letting goof“lecturing”. The mentoring sessions should be one where the mentee looksforward to with excitement and is bursting to share with the mentor herthoughts and experiences that happened since the last session. Thementeeshouldbe“speakingmorethanthementor”,withthementorquietlylistening.Whenthishappens,thementorhasbecomeafriend.Be conscious of this from the beginning. It is one of the key objectives of agoodmentorship.


NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors..

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Friday, November 18, 2011 11:15 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Origins of the Mentor

YMP-SNAP0032 OriginsoftheMentor

TelemachusandMentor

InGreekmythology,MentorwasthesonofAlcimusorAnchialus. InhisoldageMentorwas a friend of Odysseus who placedMentor and Odysseus' foster-brotherEumaeus in charge of his son Telemachus,andofOdysseus'palace,whenOdysseusleftfortheTrojanWar.

When Athena visited Telemachus she took the disguise of Mentor to hideherself from the suitors of Telemachus' mother Penelope. As Mentor, thegoddessencouragedTelemachustostandupagainstthesuitorsandgoabroadto find outwhat happened to his father.WhenOdysseus returned to Ithaca,Athena appeared briefly in the form of Mentor again at Odysseus' palace.BecauseofMentor'srelationshipwithTelemachus,andthedisguisedAthena'sencouragementandpracticalplansfordealingpersonaldilemmas,thepersonalnameMentor has been adopted in English as a termmeaning someonewhoimpartswisdomtoandsharesknowledgewithalessexperiencedcolleague.

The first recorded modern usage of the term can be traced to a 1699 bookentitledLesAventuresdeTelemaque,bytheFrenchwriterFrançoisFénelon.Inthe book the lead character is that of Mentor. This book was very popularduringthe18thcenturyandthemodernapplicationofthetermcanbetracedtothispublication.Thisisthesourceofthemodernuseofthewordmentor:atrustedfriend,counselororteacher,usuallyamoreexperiencedperson.Someprofessions have "mentoring programs" in which newcomers are paired withmore experienced people, who advise them and serve as examples as theyadvance. Schools sometimes offer mentoring programs to new students, orstudents having difficulties. Today mentors provide expertise to lessexperienced individuals to help them advance their careers, enhance theireducation,andbuildtheirnetworks.–AnextractfromWikipedia


NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors..

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, November 23, 2011 10:00 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Community-Based Mentoring

YMP-SNAP0033

Community-BasedMentoringMany relationships between Bigs andLittles fall under our Community-Basedprograms. These are one-to-one outingsand activities, doing things they enjoytogether,like:

1. Takingawalkinthepark2. Goingtomuseum3. Inspiringeachother4. Listeningtomusic5. Hangingoutandtalking

SomeBigsmeet their Littles on theweekends.Others get togetherwith theirLittlesintheevenings.Eachmatchisuniqueanddevelopsaschedulethatworksforthem.

Rolemodelsmakeanimpact

Studiesshowthatchildrenwhohaverolemodelsaremorelikelytoimproveinschooland in their relationshipswith familyandfriends,and less likely toskipschooloruseillegaldrugsoralcohol.Studentswhoaresuccessfulinschoolareless likely to drop out, abuse drugs or commit crimes. In fact, the success ofchildren enrolled in Big Brothers Big Sisters was proven in anationwiderandomizedstudy.–AnextractfromBigBrothersBigSisters



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, November 30, 2011 3:33 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Youth Mentors Make a Positive Difference

YMP-SNAP0034

Youthmentorsmakeapositivedifference–JerauxMakataandDavidMcGrath

JerauxandDavidcouldn'tbemoredifferent.

"IamthePakehadad,marriedwiththreekidsandlivinginaMtEdenvillaandworkinginanindustrywhere it seems like every second guy drives aPorsche911,"saysDavid,whoworksinITSalesfortechnology vendor Cisco and as their accountmanagerforTelecomGroup.

"Jeraux is the young Polynesian living in South Auckland with his dad andyounger brother. They don't have internet at home and he hasn't seen hismotherorsisterforsevenyearsbecausetheymovedtoAustraliaandhecan'taffordto flyoverthere.But I thinkcomingfromsuchdifferentbackgrounds iswhatmakestheexperiencesointerestingforbothofus."

Daviddescribeshis17-year-oldhighschoolprotegeasarockstaronthebrinkofstardom: intelligent, good-looking and charismatic. A prefect at De La SalleCollege, Jeraux says his dad was always encouraging him to think about hisfuture; David is a neutral sounding board helping him to crystallise what hewants.

"I think themost awkward part was meeting Jeraux's dadMack for the firsttime,becauseIimaginedhewasthinking'Jerauxalreadyhasadad,sowhothehellareyoutocomearoundactinglikeMrKnow-It-All?"'saysDavid."ButMackisagreatguyandaftergettingtoknoweachotherIthinkherealisedIamnotarrogant,IamjustanothervoiceinJeraux'slife-onewhohopefullycanbringauseful perspectiveparticularly arounduniversity and careerspaths andwheretheycanlead."

After yearsworking in thebanking and ITworlds inNewZealand andBritain,Davidfeltitwastimetogivebacktothecommunity,andtosharesomethingof

whathe'dlearnedfromhislife.

When he and Jeraux first met they talked about their favourite hobbies andsports. "It later moved on to highlighting my direction and intentions afterleavingschool,"saysJeraux."WhichunidoIwanttoattend?WhatdoIwanttostudy?HowdoIgetin?WhatdoIneed?"

Whilehe'sstillnotentirelycertain,Jerauxhasappliedfordegreeprogrammesinarchitecture and engineering, and says David has opened his eyes to thepossibilityofITengineering,somethinghe'dneverconsidered.ThepairarealsohopefultheycanworkonaplantogetJerauxtoAustraliatovisithismumandsister.Throughouttheprocessthey'vemadetimetogettoknoweachotherbyvisitingeachother'sfamilyandpaintballshooting.

Amonth after he startedmentoringDaviddiscoveredhis 2-year-olddaughterhadautism."Itisgoodtostepoutsideyourownlifeandseetheworldthroughsomeoneelse'seyes,"Davidsays.

"Itgivesyouamorebalancedandcompassionateperspectivebecauseitmakesyourealisetherearemanypeopleinthisworldwhoarehugelytalentedandfullofpotential,butlifedoesn'talwaysgivethemanevenbreak."

–AnextractfromaNZHeraldarticleontheFirstFoundation

Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara SunriseNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, December 07, 2011 11:43 AM To: 'YL Yee' Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Mentoring Performers- Learning to Express Effectively

YMP-SNAP0035

MentoringPerformers–LearningtoExpressEffectively

AwardeePremmakingapointatthe

REFLeadershipCamp2011

There is littlemore amentor can do to get the“performer”student–onewhoisalreadygettinggoodgrades–toworkhard.He(orshe)isalreadymindful and taking responsibility for his studies.However,withgoodgradesthestudentisaprimecandidate for a scholarship. Here a mentor canplayanimportantrole–preparingthestudentforthescholarshipinterview.Many students with excellent grades have faltered at their scholarshipinterview.Thereasonfor this is that theywerepooratexpressingthemselvesclearly.Somethatcouldspeakwerenotequippedwith“substance”andwerenotroundedindividuals.Interviewersgenerallylookforagoodabilitytoexpressthoughts and exposure beyond the technical and examination subjects. Anexcellentstudentmusthavetheability toconvincethe interviewersthathe istherightcandidateforthescholarship.What’srequiredinlearningtoexpressclearlyandeffectively?Opportunities to speak, developing the reading habit and having the rightexposure.Encourageyourmenteeto:

§ Readwidely;beyond schoolbooks toe.g.newspapersand currentaffairsmagazines

§ Participate in discussions; especially at opportunities offered in the REFLeadership Camp, Values Workshop and other seminars/talks, andvolunteertomakepresentationswheneverthereisachance

§ Participate in school extra-curricular activities and take up positions ofleadership

§ InteractwhentakingpartinRotaryclubcommunityserviceprojects

§ Speakupduringmentoringsessions§ Behumble

A “performer” must not neglect or avoid learning the above. (Indeed allstudents,notjustperformers,mustlearnthem.)Inthisway,helearnstospeakwith confidence and substance. We should encourage the student to learnindependent, critical and analytical thinking. Then he should also develop theabilitytoexpresswhat is inhismindtogetherwiththeabilitytospeakclearly.Ashismentor,startencouraginghimnow,todeveloptherighthabitsbecausefillingthemindwith“substance”isanon-goingprocessandnotsomethingthatcanhappenovernight.


Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2011 12:58 PM

YMP-SNAP0036

Whoseneedareweservinganyway?From“It’sallaboutme”to“I’mallaboutit”

Child discipline is much about parentdiscipline. The child learns from theparents by example. It is easy sometimesto lapse into playful indiscipline whenspendingtimewithhim(orher).Fore.g.asaparent,itisfuntofeedyouryoungchildfromyourplate.Butifyoudoit,verysoonthe child will refuse to eat from his/herplateandwillonlyeatfromyours.

REFAwardeeNorizaBteKemi(2ndright)fromCareyIslandwithherfamily

Thechildabsorbsallthesesignals.Beverydisciplinedaboutconveyingtherightmessages all the time. For parents, setting a good example is a discipline thattheyhavetoimposeonthemselves.Askourselfeachtimewetakeanactioninrespectofthechildwhetherwearedoingittofulfillaneedofthechildorarewedoingittofulfillaneedofourown.If it is justforourownneed,beverycareful.E.g.soonafterthechildisborn,aparentmaydecidetoputa“teddy”bearnexttothesleepingbabyevenbeforethebabyhasleftthehospital.Isthisactiontofulfillaneedofthechildortofulfillaneedoftheparent?The interventions and support a mentor can provide are not unlike that of aparent. In the sameway,each timewe interveneandsupport thementee,weshouldaskourselfhonestly,“AmIfulfillinganeedofthementeeoramIfulfillingoneofmyownneeds?”Iftheansweristhelatterthenthinkagain,asthisactionislikelytostemfromselfishnessandegoratherthancompassionandgenerosity.Bedisciplinedaboutthis.



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, December 21, 2011 3:31 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Freedom from Poverty is a Human Right

YMP-SNAP0037

Freedomfrompovertyisahumanrightandnotamatterofcompassion,sayUNleaders10 December 2006 – TheUniversalDeclarationofHumanRightsringshollowto the millions of people around theworld who have to struggle in extremepoverty, Secretary-General Kofi Annansaid today as he called for progress onhumandevelopment togohand inhandwith advances in security and humanrights.

AwardeePremwithhisfatherKavuthaman

andfamilymembers

InamessagemarkingInternationalHumanRightsDay,whosethemethisyearisthat fighting poverty should be a matter of obligation and not charity, Mr.Annan said that “if we are to be serious about human rights, we mustdemonstratethatweareseriousaboutdeprivation.”Mr.Annansaidtheworld'spoorestarethepeopleleastcapableofachievingordefendingrights–suchastoadecentstandardoflivingortofoodandessentialhealthcare–thatotherstake for granted. “We must all recognize that wherever families eke out anexistence,theDeclarationhas,atbest,ahollowring,”hesaid.

Poverty is both a cause and a product of human rights violations, UN HighCommissionerforHumanRightsLouiseArboursaid.“Wereaffirmthatfreedomfromwant is a right, notmerely amatter of compassion,” she said. “Fightingpoverty is aduty thatbinds thosewhogovernas surely as theirobligation toensurethatallpeopleareabletospeakfreely,choosetheirleadersandworshipastheirconscienceguidesthem.”

General Assembly President SheikhaHayaRashedAl Khalifa said, “Being poormakes it harder to finda jobandget access tobasic services, suchashealth,education and housing. Poverty is above all about having no power and no

voice.” She added that history is littered with well-meaning but unsuccessfulschemes for eradicating poverty, and called for fresh programmes that tackletherootcauses,suchasdiscriminationandsocialexclusion.



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Thursday, December 29, 2011 1:09 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Teaching Awareness – The Role of the REF

YMP-SNAP0038

TeachingAwareness–TheRoleoftheREFA child is generally born pristine,emotionallywell adjustedand fullof self-confidence. Parents mayunwittingly erode away his (orher)self-confidenceovertimeandhence affect his emotional wellbeing. The responsibility ofparents towards a child is threefold:§ Providethechildwithagood

setofvalues,§ Provideopportunitiesforthe

childtodiscoverhimself,and§ Refrainfromerodinghisself-

confidence.

While the conduct of the child, “good” or “bad”, may generally be due tonurturing (or lack thereof)of theparents, yet somewherebetweenadolescentandadulthood,theindividual(child)mustlearntostopblaminghisparentsandstart taking responsibility forhis actionsand forhis future.Or inotherwords,developtheabilityto“helphimself”.Whenhedecidestomakethischoice,hematuresintoanadult.Thedifferencebetweenmaturityand immaturity is largely the “awareness”oftaking this responsibility. The parents’ role is to support this developmentthroughthethreefoldresponsibilitymentionedabove.Whileitmaybearguablewhether the development of this awareness can be hastened, it is certainlypossibletohinderitbynotprovidingtheappropriatesupport.Mentoringisanhonour,aprivilegeandaresponsibility.Fewpeoplegetachanceto do it, yet (or because) it only requires volunteering. The interventions and

supportamentorcanprovidearenotunlikethatofaparent.AndsothemainroleoftheREFistohelpthestudentdevelopawareness.Besidestheawarenessof responsibility, through the REF the student will gain awareness of otherhumanitarianvaluesaswell.Andinsuccessfullydoingso,heturnsintoausefuladultandaresponsiblecitizenofhiscommunity.Over the next eight weeks, the REF Mentoring Snapshot will introduce animportant series on “Teaching Awareness”. We hope you will find it bothinterestingandhelpfulinyourmentoringwork.HappyNewYear!



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Thursday, January 05, 2012 11:23 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: To See Clearly and to Do the Right Thing

YMP-SNAP0039REFValue-Humility“ToSeeClearlyandtoDotheRightThing”(Part1ofan8-partserieson“TeachingAwareness”)Inlifewewantto“dotherightthing”;notjust the things that we like. Forsometimes the things that we like maynotbemoralor legal.Soit isnotenoughjust to pursue what we are passionateabout but to pursue what we arepassionateaboutthatisalsoright.Buthowdoweknowwhatisright?

HelpyourMenteeseeclearly

It isnotenoughtospeakthetruth;weneedtoalsoworkonbeingabletoseethe truth. For far too often, honest people have been cheated, unable to seethatothersaretellingthemlies.Soweneedacompass,awaytojudgerightandwrong.Weneedawaytotelltruthfromlie,awaytoseethetruthclearly.Whatisthecauseofourinabilitytoseethetruth?Itisoftenself-interest.Self-interestobstructsourvision.Inordertoseethetruthclearlywemustfreeouractions(andthoughts)frombeingtaintedbyself-interest.Putthewell-beingofothersaheadofus.Wecanandshouldstillthinkofself-developmentandself-improvementbut inthecontextofbeingbetterabletohelpotherseventually.TherelevantvaluetocultivatehereisHumility(orSelflessness).Throughthevalueofhumility,notobstructedbyself-interest,wegaintheabilitytoseeclearlyandwearelikelytorecognizewhatisright.Onceweknowwhatisright,wecanproceedtodowhatisright.Andthentrustthatpassionwillbetheconsequenceofdoingtherightthingandnottheotherwayround.

“Dowhatisright,notjustwhatyoulike.

Ifwhatyoulikeisalsowhatisright,thendoitwithallyourmight.”



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 11:58 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Awakening to Awareness

YMP-SNAP0040 REFValue-ResponsibilityAwakeningtoAwareness

(Part2ofan8-partserieson“TeachingAwareness”)Much of mentorship must focus on theobjective of kindling “awareness” in thementee. In the simplest sense, thismeansawakeninghim(orher)tobeingabletoseeclearly; and tobeing thepersonhe shouldbe. This is the basis of a values-basededucation.

MenteesandMentorsatthe2ndValuesEducationWorkshopon13Aug2011atSMKSriPermata

Whenachild isawakenedtoawarenessheunderstands to takeresponsibilityfor his actions and for his future. He appreciates that his actions come withconsequences;thatgoodconsequencesfollowgoodactionsandviceversa.Yetheacceptsthathis“failures”arenotattributabletoanyoneelseoreventohiscircumstances; thatwith awareness, failure in fact points theway to success.Withawareness,heknowsthatdespitehiscircumstancesheholdsthepowertochangeinhisownhands.Healwayshas.Heappreciatesthattheonlychangehehascontroloverischangetohimself,startingwiththeabilitytochangehowhelooksatthings.Andthathecannotcontrolwhat lifethrowsathimbuthecancontrolhowherespondstoit.Indeedtakingcontroloverselfistheonlycontrolhehasandtheonlycontrolheneeds.Withcontrolofself,hecan“control”ormastertheworld–bytakingchargeofhisownlifeandbybeinganexampletoothers.Whenapersonisawakened,hedoesnotblamehisparentsfornotdevelopingthereadinghabitinhimbecausehewasnotreadtowhenhewasaninfant.Hejustreadsnowbecauseheknowsits“good”forhim.Hedoesnotblamebeingborn intopoverty fornotbeingable toachieve.He justdoeswhat it takes tosucceed. He takes charge of the change necessary because that’s the “right”thingtodo.

“Youmustbethechangeyouwishtoseeintheworld.”–MohandasGandhi



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Thursday, January 19, 2012 11:37 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Challenge of Awakening

YMP-SNAP0041 REFValue-Honesty

TheChallengeofAwakening(Part3ofan8-partserieson“TeachingAwareness”)

How do we make a student aware of takingresponsibility for his future? Or moreimportantly;how dowemake him aware ofthe need to be aware? This is the morerelevantquestionasgoodsuggestions,suchasgetateacher,committoit,learn,showupandslowdown;arehelpfulonlyonce the studentisawakentoawareness.Theyarestepstotaketo“increase”awareness.

Mentorsinadiscussionduringanannual

REFMentorsWorkshop

Withtheawakeningtoawareness,thestudentfindshiscompassandwillknowtodotherightthingwithhislife.Ifwehavetheanswertothisquestionwecanthen develop an effective programme to help the student. So what is it thatcrystallizesthisinitialawareness?Whentheyconfrontthemselveswithhonesty,moststudentsknowthatdoingwell in theirstudies is important.Yetsomedonotputthenecessaryhonesthardworkintodoingso.Eventhosealreadydoingwell candobetter. But feware awakened to the fact that theyhave virtuallyunlimitedpotential.Isthemomentofawakeningfixedforaparticularindividualregardlessofwhatwe do? Is it possible to awaken the student before “his time”? Do we, as“teachers”,waitforthestudenttobereadybeforeweappear?Istherenowayof hastening the awakening to awareness?What is this awakening a functionof?Realistically,istheREFabletohelpthestudentawakentohisresponsibilityforhimselfandthusmakeapositivedifferencetohislife?


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2012 11:22 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: How Does Obstruction to Learning Arise?

Goodmorningandgoodnewbeginning.TheMentoringSnapshotmarchesonthisnewlunaryearwiththearticlebelow.Wehopeyoufinditinteresting.Bestwishes,

The REF

YMP-SNAP0042

REFValue-Humility

Howdoes“ObstructiontoLearning”arise?

Just talking to or instructing a student onawareness will have limited success inbringingaboutawareness.“Many young students are not ready tolearnaboutlifefromtheirelders,believingthattheirtimesaredifferentandthereforetheir needs aredifferent too,” observes aparent.

StudentsattheREFLeadershipCamp2011

“While they are happy to learn about technical subjects such asmathematicsand science, many students believe that older people are disconnected andthereforehavelittletoteachthemwhenitcomestolifeandvalues.Theydonotrealize that from time immemorial, good values remain as good values nomatterthetimeswelivein,”saysaschoolteacher.Thereasonforthisemergentnegativeperceptionbyanadolescentispartlyduetowell-intentionedparentsunwittinglyfillingtheirchildwithbadhabitsandlessthandesirablevaluesthroughtheirownexamples.Andso,asyoungastheyare,manystudentsarealreadyobstructedbytheiregofromlearning.

“Likethiscup,youarealsotoofullofyourownopinionsandspeculations.HowcanIshowyouwisdomunlessyoufirstemptyyourmind?”–ZenmasterNan-inYet,eventhisdrawbackmaybeovercomebythestudenthimselfifheisabletodevelopawareness.Throughawarenessofthevalueofhumility,notobstructedbyself-interest,thestudentcangaintheabilitytoseeclearlyandheislikelytorecognize what is right. Even if he may have had a difficult upbringing, withawareness, thestudentwill realizedoing the right thing forhisowngood.Hecantakechargeofthechangenecessarybecausethat’sthe“right”thingtodo.Thisisthepowerofawareness.(Theabovearticleispart4ofan8-partserieson“TeachingAwareness”)



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 12:00 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot:Hastening the Awakening

YMP-SNAP0043 REFValue-Compassion

HasteningtheAwakening How do we make a student aware of takingresponsibility for his future? If we have theanswer to this key question, we can thendevelop an effective programme to help thestudent.Dowe,asteachers(ormentors)waitforthestudenttobereadybeforeweappear?Isthereawayofhasteningtheawakeningofthestudenttoawareness?

StudentDwayneonthe“flyingfox”

Ifwetaketheviewthattheawakeningcanbea functionofnurture, itmeansthat the awakening depends on the amount of exposure and influence thestudent gets. Here the REF can play a role in providing experiential learningopportunities and mentoring guidance. In particular providing so to speak,“experiences of compassion”will help to humble a person and open him (orher)tolearning.WehaveheardhowtheallegoricalZenmaster teachesby firstbreakingdownthestudent,“killing”theego.Thestudentthen“surrenders”tothemaster.Yetjust“breakingdown”anindividualisnotthecompleteanswer.Themasterhasto thereafter rebuild the individual or else hewill leave the student “broken”andfarworsethanhestartedwith.Oncetheegoiskilled,thestudentisfound.Andthenthemaster,himselfwithoutanego–withcompassionandhumility–canbegintoteachthestudentwhonowhasabeginner’smind,i.e.open,emptyandreadytobefilledwithwisdom.

“Whentheegoiskilled,thestudentisready.

Whenthestudentisready,theteacherappears.”(Theabovearticleispart5ofan8-partserieson“TeachingAwareness”)

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2012 12:06 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Teaching Awareness

YMP-SNAP0044 REFValue-SelfBelief

“TeachingAwareness”

While some parents may feel that theteaching method of the allegorical Zenmaster-teacher is too radical for theirchildren,awarenessisoftencrystallizedwhenthestudentexperiencesa“personalcrisis”.Itis in crisis that the ego is set aside, at leastmomentarily, allowing the individualunobstructedvision, tosee things–his life–clearly.

EQTD’sShankarfacilitatinganactivityatthe2011REFLeadershipCamp

Whenthishappens,theindividualishumbledandeffectivelearningtakesplace.Itisacrisisthatforcesthestudenttogoinwards,intotheverycoreofhisbeingto ask the question, “who am I?” and to also ask where he is andwhere heshouldbeheading–“whoshouldIbe?”Indoingso,thestudentexperiencesarealizationandbecomes“awareoftheneedtobeaware”.Oftenthecrisiscanbe characterized as a “life-changing” experience. Teaching methods mustincorporate this aspect into their experiential learning model to awaken thestudent to awareness. Such methods incorporate simulated personal crisisexercisesinasupervisedenvironmentthattakethestudentoutofhiscomfortzone – often creating and overcoming fear – as a method of sharpeningawarenessresultinginincreasedselfbelief.Examplesoftheseexercisesincludewhite-waterrafting,junglewarfaregames,andsolo-camping.Awellchosenandmeaningfulcommunityserviceprojectcanjoltastudentoutofhiscomfortzoneandbringhimtoawareness.In all these exercises, the employment of a proper debriefing phase is a veryimportantaspectof the “rebuilding”of the student (and this isoftenhandledpoorly inbadlydesignedprogrammes).Suchexerciseswhenwellexecutedarethe most effective at hastening the development of awareness. Many high-

intensity sports have the same effect too. That iswhy besides learning aboutleadership, participating in sports and other extra-curricular activities areimportantinthedevelopmentofyoungpeopleandin“openingtheireyes”.

(Part6ofan8-partserieson“TeachingAwareness”)



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Friday, February 17, 2012 11:08 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Discovering Identity, Purpose and Meaning

YMP-SNAP0045 REFValue-Compassion

DiscoveringIdentity,PurposeandMeaningThe REF helps create awareness in thestudent that because he lives in aninterconnected world, his potential is fargreater if he learns to tap into the rest ofhumanity.Andthatmeansthinkingbeyondself and helping others. Relationshipswithone another are important. Humanitarianand noble values such as compassion,fairnessandcarefortheenvironment,helpdevelop quality relationships creating abetterworld.

StudentsinanactivityattheREFleadershipcamp

Withthe4-prongholisticprogramme,theREFaimstohelpthestudentachievethebesthecanbe,helpinghimreachhisfullpotential.Howdowedothis?ThroughaValues-basedEducationprogramme.Firstly, we help the student discover who he is. His self identity is definedlargelyby the valueshebelieves in.Wehelphimunderstand thatwith goodvalueshecanmovethroughlifewithconfidence,unlockinghispotential.Goodvalueswillalsosupport the improvementofacademicperformance.TheREFthen helps him discover his purpose. Not just any purpose, but a higherpurpose anchored on the appreciation of humanitarian values, of thinkingbeyondself.Withasenseofpurposehewillhaveasenseofdirection,knowingwherehewantstogoandwhathewantstodowithhis life.Hispurposeandhisvaluesmayevolveandimprovewithtime,ashegainsmoreknowledgeandexperience but by making a start now, he finds his compass. As he movesthroughlifepurposefully,equippedwithgoodvalues,hefindsmeaninghelpingothers.And so theaimof aValues-basedholistic EducationProgramme is to

helpthestudentdiscoveridentity,purposeandmeaning.Withabeliefsystembasedonhumanitarianvalues,asthestudentisstrivingto achievehis potential, he is aware that it is alsohis responsibility tohelpothersachievetheirstoo,givingvalueandmeaningnotjusttohisownlifebuttothelivesofothersaswell–creatingabetterworld.(Part7ofan8-partserieson“TeachingAwareness”)



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 3:40 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: As Mentor, You are Key DearMentor/Friend,Withthisweek’sconsignmentoftheMentoringSnapshotbelow,wefinishthe8-partseriesontheimportantroleoftheREFin“teachingawareness”totheawardees/mentees.Inparticular,yourroleasamentoriskeytoensuringthesuccessoftheREFprogramme.Wehopethatyoufoundtheseriesbothinterestingandhelpfulforyourmentoringwork.

REF

YMP-SNAP0046

AsMentor,YouareKey

As Mentor you hold one of the mostimportantkeystothesuccessfulfutureofyour Mentee, to unlocking his (or her)potential. Yet with a casual attitudetowards the task, this can amount tonothing or worse still, damaging theemotionalwell-beingofyourcharge.

AwardeeLenardwithMentorsGraham

andPoayLim

Mentoring is an honour, a privilege and a responsibility. Few people get achancetodoit,yet(orbecause)itonlyrequiresvolunteering.Neverforgetthatasanexampleofa“successfulperson”andarolemodelcomingintothelifeofyourMentee,youwieldenormouspowertochangehimeitherforthebetterorfor theworse.Oneof thethingsyoumustdo is toequipyourselfproperly forthe task. Understand your role and the goals of thementorship. Understandyour limitations.Knowthe toolsavailableatyourdisposal.Withall these,youcan make an impact. But the greatest impact will come from your attitudetowardsthetask.Yourhabitsareimportant.YouarebeingwatchednotbytheREF, butmost importantly by yourMentee. YourMenteewill learn from you

throughexample, someof thevalues thathewill adopt forhis life. If youarepunctual, hewill think that punctuality is important. If you care, hewill thinkthat caring is necessary to be successful. If you are committed, he will thinkcommitmentisavirtue.Asmentor, you also play the important role of following upwith thementeeafter the “life-changing” experiences of the REF leadership camp and the REFvalues education workshop. Without follow-up, these catalytic experienceswouldatbestbea temporary inspiration that lastsnotmore thana fewdays.Sustained reinforcementbymentors iswhatwill set theREFapart fromotherone-offmotivationalprogrammes.Mostofallasamentor,youareliketheallegoricalZenmaster-teacher.Justasthementeemustentertherelationshipwiththeprofoundhumilityofthenoviceseekingwisdom,thementortoomustenterwiththeevenprofounderhumilityofthesagewhoknowshowtrulylittleheorsheknows.Whenoneteaches,twolearn.Nobodywantstofollowsomeonewhoisarrogant.Whenyouarehumble,you become genuinely interested in people because you want to learn fromthem.Andbecauseyouwanttolearnandgrow,youwillbeafarmoreeffectivelistener. “Listening” is the #1 mentorship communication tool. When peoplesense you are genuinely interested in them, and listening to them, they willnaturallybeinterestedinyouandlistentowhatyouhavetosay.Theprocessofmentoringsomeoneisnotaboutthementor-itisaboutthestudent.Givethistaskseriousthought.Approachitwithawarenessandspontaneity;andsee how, with your precious time, you can teach your mentee the valuesnecessarytomakeapositivedifferencetohislife.Youarekey.(Part8ofan8-partserieson“TeachingAwareness”)



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, February 28, 2012 2:27 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Youth mentors make a positive difference

YMP-SNAP0047

Youthmentorsmakeapositivedifference–HazelTafaandMargaretMorgan

Hazel Tafa, 17 remembers the confusion she feltwhenshewastoldshehadtwomothers,andthatthe people she'd thought were her parents wereactually her grandparents. Growing up in herbrother's shadow with her biological mum andstep-mum, she became rebellious, and when hergrandfather passed away it drove her "to thewrongsideoflife".Butwhenherbrotherwentofftherailstoo,shedecidedtoturnthingsaround.

TheMcAuley High School student now dedicates all her achievements to herfamily. She's determined to get into the University of Auckland to studyaccounting,andlawfurtherdownthetrack.Herdreamistobecomeajudge.

Despiteherdetermination,sheconfessestofeelingabitunsurewhenshemether mentor, Margaret Morgan, who runs her own company, TriangleRecruitment."Shehadaserious facialexpression. I thought, 'Ohno,shemustberealstrictandbossy'."

Buttheyweresoonateaseineachother'scompanywhentheydiscoveredtheybothloverugbyandnetball,andlaughedatthesamethings.Evenso,Margaretsaysit'snotimportanttosharealotincommon.

"Weareallhumanandwantsimilarthingsoutoflife."

Herexperiencehelpingrecruitmentcandidatesprogresstheircareersmadethedecisiontobecomeamentoranaturalstep.Andit'spayingoff.HazelsaysshenowthinksofMargaretasher "best friend,motherandsister combined"andthatMargarethashelpedtokeepherontracknotjustwithherstudiesbutbyproviding access to contacts. She has even introduced Hazel to her sister, a

commerciallawyerwhostudiedatOtago.

Asa result,Hazel's resolve togetauniversityeducationhas increased."It isahugehonourtoreceiveascholarshipandsometimesIthinkittakessometimeto fully appreciate it," says Margaret. "She has worked hard for it and isthoroughlydeservingofit."

ThementoringprocesshasallowedHazeltotrustsomeoneoutsidethefamily,andthathaspushedheroutofhercomfortzone."Withtwomothersinmylifeit's sometimes difficult to decide who to listen to. So just having Margaretaroundgivingmethebestadvicemakesahugedifference.

"Nooffence,butIneverthought[one]dayIwouldbeopeningupandturningtoa white woman. From a Samoan perspective, working with a white womanchangeseverything,you justget realexcitedandwant to showheroff to therest of your Samoan family and friends." – An extract from aNZHerald article on the FirstFoundation


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, March 07, 2012 11:28 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Empathy vs. Sympathy - The Big Difference

YMP-SNAP0048

Empathyvs.Sympathy–TheBigDifference

AwardeeSitiNorHalimahwithhermotherandsiblings

Hereisanimportantdistinctionthatcanhelpus improve our people skills and make apositivedifferenceinmentoringourstudent.

Empathy:theabilitytounderstand,perceiveandfeelanotherperson’sfeelings.

Sympathy:thetendencytohelpothersinordertopreventoralleviatetheirsuffering.

Thesearenotexactdictionarydefinitionsbuttheyarepracticaldefinitionsthatwill serve to help us understand the difference and to emphasize some keyaspects.

1)Empathyisalwaysgood,sympathyiscontextuallygood.

Understanding the feelings of other people means to access very preciousinformationwhichwecanuseinmultipleways.

However, feelingtheneedtohelpothers issomethingwhichfromonecasetoanother canbegoodorbad. Sometimes it canmeanhonorandbuildingbridges,sometimes itcanmeanlying,beingfake,sacrificingourownneeds,not letting others learn on their own and other pointless people-pleasingbehaviors.

2)Wecanhaveone,withouttheother.

This is themost important part.We can have sympathywith only a vagueunderstandingoftheotherperson’sfeelings.Wecanalsounderstandexactlyhowbadapersonfeelsandstillbecapableofnothelpingher.

Wecanbeahighlyempathicpersonandstillhaveourfreedomtoactinthe

wayswethinkarebest,whethertheyinvolvehelpingothersornot.Wecanhaveempathyandhaveoptionsatthesametime.

Whyisthisdistinctionimportant?

It’s important becausewhen it comes to people skills,many believe that theabilitytobeempathicandthetendencytohavesympathyarethesamething.Thisisincorrect.

Asamentorofastudentfromthe lower incomegroup,wemayfeelempathyforourmenteebecauseofhis (orher) challenging circumstancesbutwemaynotbehelpinghimbyfeelingsympathyandtakinghimtofancyrestaurantsformealsjustbecausehisfamilycannotaffordtodoso.

Whenwehavea goodunderstandingof the fact that empathyand sympathyare related phenomena but they go in separate boxes, we can learn to haveempathy without always having sympathy, and we take our mentoring (andpeople)skillstothenextlevel.

(Reference–www.peopleskillsdecoded.com)


YMP-SNAP0049

REFValue:Compassion

In last week’s edition of the MentoringSnapshot, we talked about the distinctionbetweenempathyandsympathy.Thisweek,we bring forth the concept of compassion.Torecap,Empathy:theabilitytounderstand,perceiveandfeelanotherperson’sfeelings.Sympathy: the tendency to help others inordertopreventoralleviatetheirsuffering.

Compassion on the other hand, is not the same as sympathy or empathyalthough each of these plays a part. The compassionate person feels thesuffering of another and makes positive steps to alleviate that suffering.Compassionisastrongfeeling(consciousness)ofempathyandsadnessforthesufferingormisfortuneofothersandadesiretohelpthem(intherightway).Compassionawakensawarenessofwhere,who,andwhatweare.Experiencesandactsofcompassion(caringandhelpingothersinneed)humbleandmakeusappreciate how fortunate we are. Compassion allows gratitude, counting ofblessingsandnottakingthingsforgranted,whichthenenableapositiveframeof mind and right attitude. Compassion (or helping others) improvesrelationships and enables us to access all of humanity and to unlock our fullpotential.

Mother Teresa noted, “Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten byeverybody,Ithinkthatisamuchgreaterhunger,amuchgreaterpovertythanthepersonwhohasnothingtoeat.Eventhericharehungryforlove,forbeingcaredfor,forbeingwanted,forhavingsomeonetocalltheirown.”

“Compassionisamusclethatgetsstrongerwithuse.”–MahatmaGandhi

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 3:39 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: REF Value - Raise Kids Who Care

YMP-SNAP0050

RaiseKidsWhoCare

AwardeeLenardattheLeadershipCamp2012

Being a moral child includes beingresponsible, developing a conscience, andbeingsensitivetowardtheneedsandrightsofothers. A moral child has an inner code ofright and wrong that is linked to his innersense ofwell-being. Inside himself he knowsthat "I feel right when I act right, and I feelwrongwhenIactwrong."The rootofbeingamoral child is sensitivity toone's selfand toothers,alongwiththeabilitytoanticipatehowone'sactionswillaffectanotherperson—andto take that into account before proceeding. One of themost valuable socialskills you can help your child develop is empathy—the ability to consideranotherperson'srightsandfeelings.Children learnempathyfrompeoplewhotreatthemempathetically.Oneofthebestwaystoturnoutgoodcitizensistoraisesensitivechildren.Besides teaching children responsible behavior toward others and towardthings,also teach themto take responsibility for themselves.Oneof themostvaluabletoolsforlifeyoucangiveyourchildistheabilitytomakewisechoices.Youwant toplanta security systemwithin your child that constantly remindshim: think throughwhatyou'reabout todo.By learning to take responsibilityfortheiractionsinsmallthingschildrenpreparetomakerightchoiceswhentheconsequencesaremoreserious.Ourwishforyouistohelpyouraisekidswhocare.–AnextractfromDrBillandMarthaSears



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 1:25 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: REF Value - Teaching Failure and Not Just Success

YMP-SNAP0051

TeachingFailureandNotJustSuccess“Failureisthefoundationofsuccess,andthe

meansbywhichitisachieved.”LaoTzu

Theideaisnotonlytoteachthestudenthowto succeed but perhapsmore importantly toequip him/her for failure and how toovercome it – to “teach failure”. No matterhow good we are as teachers, we cannotguaranteethestudentwillnotfail.Itisbesttoassume that hewill occasionally andwise toequiphimtorespondpositivelytofailure.

StudentLenardtakingtheREFAwardeePledge.PresentnexttohimarehismotherandREFChairmanDrKong.

Therearemanyimportantlessonsthatcanonlybelearntthroughfailure,someofwhicharethemostimportantinlife.Hereare8ImportantLessonsofFailure:

1. Changeyourperceptionofandyourresponsetofailure–"Failureisthefoundationofsuccess,andthemeansbywhichitisachieved".

2. Inordertosucceed,youmustfirstbewillingtofail–“Failurepointsthewaytosuccess”.

3. Takeactiontoreduceyourfearanddoubt–“Itisnotfailureitselfthatholdsyouback;itisthefearoffailurethatparalyzesyou”.

4. Changeyourresponsetofailurebyacceptingresponsibility–"Yourfailureswon'thurtyouuntilyoustartblamingthemonothers".

5. Stickwithyourpassion–"Enthusiasmisoneofthemostpowerfulenginesofsuccess".

6. Findthebenefitineverybadexperience–"Failureissuccessifwelearnfromit”.

7. Workhardontheweaknessesthatweakenyou–"Whendefeatcomes,acceptitasasignalthatyourplansarenotsound,rebuildthoseplans,andsetsailoncemoretowardyourcovetedgoal".

8. Nevergiveup.Butgetup,getoveritandgetgoing–"Failureisnotthefallingdown,butthestayingdown”.

Andsoitisimportanttoteachthestudentthatfailureispartoflifeandthatwemusthavefaithinourselftopickourselfupintheaftermathoffailure.Indeedfailure (and mistakes) is one of our most valuable teachers. With the rightattitude,failurespointthedirectiontosuccess.

"Onlythosewhodaretofailgreatlycaneverachievegreatly."–RobertF.Kennedy



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, April 03, 2012 11:22 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: An Honour, a Privilege and a Responsibility

YMP-SNAP0052

AnHonour,aPrivilegeandaResponsibilityWhy is mentoring an honour, a privilege and aresponsibility?It is anhonour because you arewelcomed into afamilyandtrusted.Youtouchlivesandyouwillbeheldwithrespectandesteem.Youareperformingan honorable deed. The parents of the menteehaveplacedtheir trust in theREFandtheREFhasin turn deemed that you are qualified to be amentor.

GhaurrywithhermenteeKushalliniattheChampionGoalSettingWorkshopDec2011

Yettrustandrespectdonotcomeautomatically.Asamentoryourbehaviourwillbewatchedbythementeeandhisfamily.Trustandrespectwillcomeonlyifyoufulfillyourroleandresponsibility.ItisaprivilegebecauseitisanofficialappointmentgiventoyoubytheRotaryClubofBukitKiaraSunrisethroughtheREF.Itisspeciallygrantedtoyouandnotgiventojustanyonewhodesiresit.Rememberyouholdthefutureofayoungstudent in your hands and that you are an REF mentor only because RCBKSdeems that you have the ability to positively influence the direction of thestudent’sfuture.Andfinally,becauseitisanhonourandaprivilege,itcomeswithresponsibility.Youareintheresponsiblepositionofguidingyourmentee.Youmustthereforebe clearonyourobligations.Asamentor youmust take the jobon seriously.The roleandresponsibilitiesareclearlydefined in thementormanualwith itspolicies and explanations. You must familiarize yourself with it. Attend theannual mentor training programme and follow the policies of the REF.Importantly,befamiliarwiththeValuesoftheREFandbearolemodeltoyourmentee.

Wedo a unique and important job asmentors in the REF.While thework isvoluntary,destiniesofyounglivesdependonwhetherwetakeourjobseriouslyenough.RCBKSexpectsonlythatthejobofmentoringbedoneprofessionally.Bringtheprofessionalismthatyoudischargesowellintheofficetotheworkofcommunityservice(REF).That’showyouwillmakeagreatimpact.That’swhenyourmenteewill benefit enormously. And that’s all the Rotary club requests.Yourmenteeneedsyourpresence–bethereforhim/her.

“Asmentor,youareaconfidant,ateacher,arolemodel,afriendandanurturerofpossibilities.”



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:46 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Make a Positive Difference

YMP-SNAP0053

MakeaPositiveDifferenceIsyourmenteebetteroffwithyouashis(orher) mentor? Or does your involvementmake no significant difference to him?Worsestill,asamentor,areyouhavinganadverseeffectonyourmentee?Youmay be amentorwho feels that yourmentee isnotworkingwellwith youat allandthatperhapsyouarewastingyourtimementoring him. Thoughts of terminatingthementorshipmayoccurinyourmind.

StevenLimwithhismenteeNurHayati

Butyouneedtoconsider,ifyouterminatethementorshipnowwillthementeesuffer from the feeling of abandonment?Will he havebeenbetter off if youhadnotcomeintohislife?Willhehaveperformedbetterinschoolifyouhadnotinterfered?Ifso,why?Thesearecriticalquestions.Theremaybestudentsthat do not lend themselves to the type of mentorship we provide. In suchinstances it is important that we determine this quickly before we get toodeeply invested in the relationshipand risk increasing thenegativeeffectsofabandonment.Alternatively,youmayhaveacaseofamenteewho isdoingsowell inschoolthatthereseems littleelse foryoutodo.Doesthismean it isnotpossible foryoutoaddanyvalue?Haveyouchallengedyourselfsufficiently?Amentor’sroleistohelpthementee“reachhispotential”.Hemaybedoingwellinschoolbuthemaystillhavealotofpotentialyetunlocked.Youcangainaninsightintohispotential through, for example, the HELP University personality, aptitude andinterests testpackageandyou cando sobybeingpresent andobservinghimduring the Leadership Camp. And just like for him, in order to achieve hispotential you too may have to get out of your comfort zone and challengeyourselfashismentor.It’seasytonottemperwithsomethingthatisn’tbroken.Butintheend,youmustmakesureyouhavedoneallyoucan(orallyouwishto

do)tohelpthementee.Ifyoudecidetojuststayonthesidelines,willitmakeanydifferenceatallforyoutobehismentor?Theremaybenoclearcutanswersforallthesequestions.Buttheyneedtobeaskedand there are resources in theREF to assist us to findaway. Ifwearegoingtospendourtime(andthementee’stime)inmentorship,wemustmakesurethatthetimeiswellspent,makingapositivedifference.Amentorshipthatintheend,wecanlookbackandhonestlysaythatthementeeisbetteroffwithusthanwithoutus.“Makeapositivedifferencetoayounglifebyhelpingthosewhowanttohelpthemselves,andputtinghim/heronthestartoftheroadtoabetterlife.”

–TheREFVision



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, April 17, 2012 2:45 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Time Equals Love

YMP-SNAP0054

TimeEqualsLove

Onceuponatime,therewasanislandwhereallthefeelingslived:Happiness,Sadness,Knowledge,andalloftheothers,includingLove.Onedayitwasannouncedtothefeelingsthattheislandwouldsink,soallconstructedboatsandleft.ExceptforLove.Lovewastheonlyonewhostayed.Lovewantedtoholdoutuntilthelastpossiblemoment.

Whentheislandhadalmostsunk,Lovedecidedtoaskforhelp.RichnesswaspassingbyLoveinagrandboat.Lovesaid,"Richness,canyoutakemewithyou?"Richnessanswered,"No,Ican't.Thereisalotofgoldandsilverinmyboat.Thereisnoplacehereforyou."LovedecidedtoaskVanitywhowasalsopassingbyinabeautifulvessel."Vanity,pleasehelpme!""Ican'thelpyou,Love.Youareallwetandmightdamagemyboat,"Vanityanswered.SadnesswasclosebysoLoveasked,"Sadness,letmegowithyou.""Oh...Love,IamsosadthatIneedtobebymyself!"HappinesspassedbyLove,too,butshewassohappythatshedidnotevenhearwhenLovecalledher.Suddenly,therewasavoice,"Come,Love,Iwilltakeyou."Itwasanelder.Soblessedandoverjoyed,Loveevenforgottoasktheelderwheretheyweregoing.Whentheyarrivedatdryland,theelderwentherownway.Realizinghowmuch

wasowedtheelder,LoveaskedKnowledge,anotherelder,"WhoHelpedme?""ItwasTime,"Knowledgeanswered."Time?"askedLove."ButwhydidTimehelpme?"Knowledgesmiledwithdeepwisdomandanswered,"BecauseonlyTimeiscapableofunderstandinghowvaluableLoveis."

TimeandLoveareaninterrelatedpair.Teachwithlove.Usefearverysparingly.Someofthechild’sself-confidencemaybelosteachtimefearisused.Achildequates lovewithtimespentwithhim(orher). If indoubtaboutwhatlovemeans,justspendplentyoftimewithhim.Remember,

“Ourchildrenneedourpresence,notourpresents.”–MartinLutherKing,Jr.


YMP-SNAP0055

TheREFMentoringProcess

SharingatanREFmentorsupportgroupmeeting

Apoorlyplannedandunstructuredmentoringrelationship can be awaste of time. Using asystematic process, a mentor can become aconfidant, a teacher, a role model, a friendand a nurturer of possibilities. The REFmentoring process consists of SettingExpectations, Execution, Monitoring andControl. When each of the parts is doneeffectively, the mentoring expectations aremet,andthestudentbenefitspositivelyfromyourmentoring.

SetExpectationThe mentor is given a briefing at the inception of the mentorship and isexpected to familiarizehimself (orherself)with theMissionandObjectivesoftheREF.TheAwardee/menteegetsanideaofwhatisexpectedofhim(orher)intheAwardeePledgewhichhetakesataceremonywhereheispresentedataRotary clubmeeting. At this ceremony, thementor is also introduced to thementee.Toidentifythe“base-line”ofthementee’sneeds,itisnowmandatorythatthementorarrangeforthementeetotaketheHELPUniversity’sCareerTestpackage. Together with these, the mentor works with the fresh mentee ondeveloping his goals for the mentorship using the Mentee Goal Settingtemplate.Thisisideallydoneoverthefirstfewvisitswiththementee.

ExecutionDuringtheregularvisitstothementeebythementor,theOne-on-OneSessiontoolisusefultohelpidentifytheobjectivesofeachmeetingclearly.Overtime,thementormaygivea copyof the tool for thementee to fill up for thenextmeeting so that thementee can help definewhat it is that hewould like todiscusswiththementoraheadoftime.Besidesthese,theAwardeeJournalandPassbookaretoolstohelpthementeerecordhisthoughtsandtheREFactivitiesthathetakespartin.

MonitorIt isadvisabletorevieweverysixmonthstoseeifthementoringprocessison

trackversusthegoalssetatthebeginningofthementorship.Thiscanbedoneusing the Six-Monthly Check-up and Goal Review template. Once a year theAwardee/menteehastobeassessedbythementor/sastowhetherheistoberecommended for a renewal of the REF Award for another year. The EAAReview template is to be used for this purpose. The mentor himself is alsoadvised to do an assessment of himself using the Mentor Self-Assessmenttemplate once a year in order to ensure that he is providing the best qualitymentoringtothementee.

ControlFrom time to time and as required, the REF may issue instructions andannouncements. This may be based on feedback for improvement obtainedfrom mentors and during discussions at, for example the quarterly MentorSupportGroupMeetingsandtheAnnualMentorWorkshop.

OthermentoringtoolsandresourcesavailableTheWeeklyMentor Snapshots, theMentorManual –Guidelines andPolicies,andtheHELPUniversity,FacultyofBehavioralSciencesCounselingServiceareotherresourcesandservicesavailabletothementor (andmentee)shouldtheneedariseforfurtherassistance.

“TheMentoringProcess”isdescribedindetailinREFdocumentYMP-0010andisgiventoallREFmentors.PleasecontacttheREFforacopy.


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, May 02, 2012 4:59 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Help Your Mentee Build Self-Belief

YMP-SNAP0056

HelpYourMenteeBuildSelf-BeliefSelf belief is the most significant of allpersonal values. To beginwith, a personmustbelievehe(orshe)hasthepotentialto do something or the capacity to helphimselftoimprove.Fromselfbelief,otherknowledgeand skills canbe learnt. Fromselfbeliefalsocomesvalues likecourageanddetermination.

Itcanbesaidthatnothingiseveraccomplishedwithoutselfbelief.Self-esteemisyourmentee'spassporttolifetimementalhealthandsocialhappiness.It'sthefoundationofachild'swell-beingandthekeytosuccessasanadult.Atallages,howyoufeelaboutyourselfaffectshowyouact.Self-imageishowoneperceivesoneselfThe child looks in the mirror and likes the person he sees. He looks insidehimselfandiscomfortablewiththepersonhesees.Hemustthinkofthisselfasbeingsomeonewhocanmakethingshappenandwhoisworthyoflove.Parentsarethemainsourceofachild'ssenseofself-worth.Lackofagoodself-imageveryoftenleadstobehaviorproblemsMostofthebehavioralproblemscomefrompoorself-worth.Whyisonepersona delight to be with, while another always seems to drag you down? Howpeoplevalue themselves, getalongwithothers,performat school, achieveatwork,andrelateinmarriage,allstemfromstrengthoftheirself-image.Healthyself-worthdoesn'tmeanbeingnarcissisticorarrogant;It means having a realistic understanding of one's strengths andweaknesses,enjoyingthestrengthsandworkingontheproblemareas.Becausethereissuchastrongparallelbetweenhowapersonfeelsabouthimselfandhowapersonacts,helpingyourmenteebuildself-confidenceisvitaltodiscipline.

Throughoutlifeyourmenteewillbeexposedtopositiveinfluencebuildersandnegativeinfluencebreakers.Mentorscanexposetheirmenteetomorebuildersandhelphimworkthroughthebreakers.Self-belief is vital. How many things have we not done or tried because welacked belief in our self? Many fail to believe in themselves because othersdidn’t.ButasEleanorRooseveltsodeftlyputit:

“Nobodycanmakeyoufeelinferiorwithoutyourconsent.”



From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, May 08, 2012 12:02 PM Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Mentor networking - We need to support each other

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Mentornetworking–weneedtosupporteachother

At the last Mentor support groupmeeting, I suggested that we open theMentoring Snapshot to fellow mentorswhomayhavesomething interesting tocontribute to help each other in ourmentoringexperience. ImentionedthattheaimsofMentoringSnapshotareto:

§ Helpdefineourmentoringapproach

§ Sharementoringideas§ Remindmentorsoftheirduties§ Sharelightmomentsinmentoring

Theaimsofcoursesupportthelargermission,whichistoconstantlyimprovethequalityofourmentoring.AlthoughI’vebeenamentorwiththeREFforabout2½ years, it tookme sometime time to get a routine, get comfortable andnotstressedaboutwhattodo,whattosayorhowtofillupthetimeIspendwithmymentee. We created the resourceMentor Snapshot to talk about mentoringespeciallyunder theREF, forbusypeoplewhowanted tomakeadifference inthe lifeofayoungstudent. Itriedtocovereverythingthatwouldbehelpfultome.IalsoknowthatYOUasamentor,havelotsofideasofyourownthatothermentorscouldbenefitfrom.HowaboutswappingmentoringtipsandtechniqueswitheachotherthroughtheREFMentoringSnapshot?Ithinkongoingsupportandnetworkingisessential.Whatdoyouthink?SubmityourarticletomeandwewillpublishitundertheMentoringSnapshot.“Inthesweetnessoffriendshiplettherebelaughter,andsharingofpleasures.

Forinthedewoflittlethingstheheartfindsitsmorningandisrefreshed.” KhalilGibran

Haveaniceday!

YL Yee


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, May 15, 2012 3:35 PM Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Happiness is helping others - Transforming passion into compassion

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Happinessishelpingothers–Transformingpassionintocompassion

Passionistheenergythatgetsyouupinthe morning; it is the fuel that drivesyou to immerse yourself in your workand deliver results. Compassion is theenergy that you extend to others; it isthe manifestation of caring andconcern. Though these two conceptsmay not get equal time in thediscussion on values, they are equallyimportant.

Passionisspokenaboutfrequently,thoughprimarilyintheabstract,asinhavinga"passionforthejob"or"passionforresults."Bycontrast,compassiontakesabackseat;it'sconsideredanice-to-haveattributebutfewleadersspeakpubliclyabout it. In truth, ifyouwant todeliveronpassion; that is,use itasa lever toinspire others to achieve something sustainable, you must do so withcompassion-byrecognizinganddemonstratingyourbeliefthatwhatpeopledomatters.

Passion is often subjective. It is the zealwe feelwhenwe are doingwhatweenjoy andwhenwe see thepositive effects it hasonus aswell as thepeoplearound us. Compassion, by contrast, is nurtured from within -- but it doesn'thaveanyeffectuntilyouapplyittoothers.It'snogoodbeingcompassionateifyouneverdoanythingforanyone.

Neitheruniversalnorspecificcompassionateactsaretotallyaltruisticacts;theyarethesourceofourownwell-being.Seekingandfindingawayofservingothersis a powerful source of happiness. “Happiness is in the cultivation of one'sgarden,”saysVoltaire inCandide'svoice.Buttheultimateserenitycomesfrom

thecultivationofothers'gardens.


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 10:42 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Parable of the Pencil

YMP-SNAP0059

TheParableofthePencil

ThePencilMaker took thepencil aside, justbeforeputtinghimintothebox."There are 5 things you need to know," hetold the pencil, "Before I send you out intotheworld.Alwaysrememberthemandneverforget, andyouwill become the best pencilyoucanbe."

"One:Youwillbeabletodomanygreatthings,butonlyifyouallowyourselftobeheldinsomeone'shand.""Two:Youwillexperienceapainfulsharpeningfromtimetotime,butyou'llneedittobecomeabetterpencil.""Three:Youwillbeabletocorrectanymistakesyoumightmake.""Four:Themostimportantpartofyouwillalwaysbewhat'sinside.""AndFive:Oneverysurfaceyouareusedon,youmustleaveyourmark.Nomatterwhatthecondition,youmustcontinuetowrite."Thepencilunderstoodandpromisedtoremember,andwentintotheboxwithpurposeinitsheart.AsaMentor,equipyourselfandbepreparedtoholdyourMentee’shand.Helphim (orher): todiscoverwhohe is, to take responsibility forhis futureand tounlockhispotential.Justlikethepencil intheparable,yourmenteeisaspecialpersonandonlyhecanfindthepurposethatwillgivemeaningandvaluetohislife.Neverallowhimtogetdiscouragedandthinkthathislifeisinsignificantand

thathecannotmakeapositivechange.“Ibelievethatwhenyourealizewhoyoureallyare,youunderstandthatnothing

canstopyoufrombecomingthatperson.”–ChristineLincoln,Author


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012 3:34 PM Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Combining Theory with Practice

YMP-SNAP0060

CombiningTheorywithPractice

Rotariansandguestssharingobservations

onvalueswiththestudents

The old adage of “putting theory topractice” occurred this week at theidyllic country surroundings of PulauCarey. Having taught the importanceofgoodvalues inour lives for the lasttwo years in a class room setting, theREF realised that thisyear, there isanopportunitytoputitintopracticewithsomecorporateCSRsponsorship.TogetherwithREFAwardees (fromvarious schools), theREFValuesWorkshopthisyearinvolvedabigcityschool–SMKSriPermata(pop.1600students)andasmallcountryschool–SMKPulauCarey(pop.270students).Fortystudentsfromthe city were bused in to Pulau Carey during the first two days of their firstsemesterholidaystodoatwo-dayworkshoponValuesorganisedbytheRotaryclub and conducted by trainers EQ Training and Development. Together withfifteen students from SMK Pulau Carey, the students were asked what valueswereimportantintheirlivesandweretaughttheimportanceofcorelifevaluessuchasSelf-Belief,Honesty,Compassion,ResponsibilityandHumility.ExamplesofthelivesofgreathistoricrolemodelslikeNelsonMandela,MahatmaGandhi,MotherTheresa,AlbertEinsteinandAbrahamLincolnthatpersonifiedthevaluesweresharedwiththem.Inaddition,videoclipsofthevalueswithalocalflavor,fore.g.inthenationallanguageandofkamponglifewerealsousedtohelpthestudentsappreciatethevaluesbetter.Butmostimpactfulwastheopportunitygiventothestudentstodoacommunityservice project at the rural school. The students planted trees for SMK PulauCarey.Theopportunityenabledthemtolivethevaluesbeyondtheclassroomtoreal life. Successfully combining the values with a practical service projectallowedthestudentstoappreciatefirst-handthevalueof“thinkingbeyondself”.

StudentNoelPrincesaid,“Iliketheideaofthecommunityserviceproject.Itwassimple but it enabledme to do something compassionate formy friends fromthePulauCareyschoolwhichdoesnotevenhaveaconstantsupplyofelectricityorwater…”

Studentsfromcityandruralschoolsdoingtreeplanting

atSMKPulauCareyschool

For the city students, it was a chanceto feel gratitude that their own cityschool has all the basic facilities. Forthe rural students, it was a chance tofeel the compassion displayed by cityschool studentswhocameall thewaytodoacommunityserviceprojectwiththemfortheirschool.Thetrainerstookthe opportunity to discussed bothvalues in detail at the post-projectdebriefing.

Asamentor,donotunderestimatethepoweroflittlethingspackagedtogetherwith ameaningful lesson. It is sometimes themost powerfulmessagewe cansend.Keepcommunicatingsimplemessagestoyourmenteestohelpthem,mostofallthroughyourexample.Orasthepresentdayadageputsit,let’s“walkthetalk.”


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, June 05, 2012 10:50 AM To: [email protected] Subject: FW: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Promise

YMP-SNAP0061

ThePromise

ApromisingyoungmenteeRenHau

Afterashortwalk,thementorsatthementeenext to him on the park bench. Both gazingstraightaheadandsoaking in the sightof themagnificentkitesflutteringjustabovethetreetops, the mentor said, “Let’s talk about thevalue of responsibility. Can you give me anexampleofresponsibility?”The promising young mentee thought for amoment and said tentatively, “Responsibilitytodeliveronourpromise?”

“Verygood”,thementoraffirmedandthencontinued,“Therearemanytypesofresponsibility.Thereistheresponsibilityofyourteacherstoinspireyou.Thereisthe responsibility of your parents to support you. There is the responsibility ofyourgovernmenttoprovideeducationfacilitiesforyou.Butnoneofthesematterifyoudon’ttakepersonalresponsibility.Andonlyyoucandothatforyourowneducation.”“ButIcomefromapoorfamily?HowcanIaffordagoodeducation?”thementeeasked.The mentor then explained, “Your circumstance is no excuse for not takingresponsibility,noexcuseforneglectingyourhomeworkorhavingabadattitude,andno excuse for not tryingharder.”Hepointedout,“In fact nomatterwhatcircumstances you’re in, if you take responsibility, life will present you withopportunities. All you need are; a belief in your own abilities, the honesty toadmitwhatyoudonotknow,thecourage toaskquestionsandthehumility tolearnfromothers.Thenhelpwillbeonthewayandsuccesswillsoonfollow.”

Takingadeepbreath,thementorgushed,“Andwhileyouareachievingsuccess,always remember that it is your responsibility to be compassionate, to helpothers achieve it too. The human capacity to achieve good things and to helpothersachieveittooisunlimited,andisultimatelywhereourowntruehappinessresides.”Turningtofacethementee,thementorconcludedpassionately,“AndsowehelpREFAwardeesintheireducationbecauseweseethattheyarepreparedtohelpthemselves.That’s important.That’s theirpromise.Thatmeans takingpersonalresponsibility for their education. Because there isn’t a thing we can do forsomeonewhodoesn’ttakeresponsibility.Ifyoudon’ttakeresponsibilityforyourfuture,thenyouhavenofuture.”Itwasalottotakeinfortheyoungmentee.Turningskywardstothekitesagain,hethoughttohimself,ponderingsilentlyuponhisownfuture.As for the mentor, even as he boldly shared the lofty value, he wonderedprivatelytohimselfwhetherhecouldcompletelyliveuptoitandworriedabouthis responsibility of being a good example. An imperfect individual doing theseriousjobofamentor.Yethecouldrelatestronglytothevalueofcompassionandwasdeterminedtohonestlygivehisyoungchargehisbestcarepossible.Inthewordsofthementee…to“deliveronhispromise”.

© Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara SunriseNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, June 12, 2012 11:19 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Old Prophet

YMP-SNAP0062

TheOldProphetcontributedbyMohanG,Mentor

REFMenteeHarshini

Oneofthemostimportantlessonsonecanlearnisthatone’sfateismostlyinone’shands.Itisastruenowasithaseverbeen.Asmentors,thisisoneofthemostvaluablelessonswecanimparttoourmentees–ResponsibilitytoSelf.There is this story of an old prophet from theEast,whereallprophetsseemtocomefrom.Hewas known to be a wiseman who knewwhatothers did not andwho could seewhat otherscouldnot.

Oneday,abrashyoungman,outtoruintheoldman’sreputation,camebeforehimashewasaddressingalargecrowd.Holdingabirdinhishandsbehindhim,theyoungmanasked,“Owiseone,whatdoIhaveinmyhands?”Knowingwhatitwas,theprophetanswered,“Youhaveabirdinyourhands.”A slight laughter went through the crowd which realized the young man’signoble intent and was happy that the prophet had prevailed. A littleembarrassed,theyoungmansaid,“Yes,itis.Nowcanyoutellmeifthebirdisaliveordead?”Thewiseprophetknewthatthebirdwasaliveonebuthadhesaidso,theyoungmanwouldhavecrushedittodeathandshownadeadbirdtoprovethelearned

onewrong. Had he said the birdwas dead; the young challenger would haveshownalivebirdandagainprovenhimwrong.Sotheprophetreplied,“Whetherthebirdisaliveoritisdead,that,too,isinyourhands.”Inthisparable,thebirdrepresentsone’sdreamsandaspirations.Theysitinourhands,warmandexpectant thatwewill keep themalive,help themgrowandtakewingeventually.Ifwecandothatwecanfaceanychallenge.

© Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara SunriseNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Monday, June 18, 2012 12:08 PM Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Make a better world, one life at a time ...

YMP-SNAP0063

Makeabetterworld,onelifeatatime...Perhaps too busy, even to spend theminimum required time for yourpromisingmentee?You,asamentor,mustrealizethatyouare in aposition tomakeadifferenceto the future of a young life – asignificant positive impact. You cangiveself-beliefandrealhope.Be conscious and sensitive. Openyourselftotheopportunitybeforeyou.

EstherChong,mentee

Ofcourse,wearebusy.Yes,verybusy.Butwhatarewebusydoing?Arewetrulyinsearchofpersonalhappinessandgrowth?Arewereallybeingcompassionateandthinkingbeyondself?Youknow,intheREFvalueseducationworkshop,weteachstudentstothinkofa“higher purpose in life”, a purpose beyond self, so that they givemeaning totheirownlifeandtothelivesofothersaswell.Wetellthemforexample,thatwhen theyare “successful” –when theygraduate,when they finda good job,whentheycontributetosociety–theygivemeaningnotjusttotheirlife,buttothelivesoftheirparentsandthelessfortunateaswell.Canyouseethat?Yes!Andso,weteachthemthat,“inthewell-beingofall,wefindourowncompletewell-being”. Neither universal nor specific compassionate acts aretotallyaltruistic (selfless)acts; they are the source of our own well-being.Seeking and finding a way of serving others is a powerful source of our ownhappiness.

Weteachstudentsthatwhenweeducateourselves,webecomesuccessfulandthenwecanhelpothersmoreeffectively.Wesay,“helpyourselfinordertobebetterable tohelpothers”.Wecan’thelpothersunlesswehelpour self first,butwearenogoodtoanyoneifweonlyhelpourself.This,wepointout,mustbetheultimateaimofself-developmentandaneducation.Inallofthis,asamentor,youhaveanimportantroletoplay.Yourmenteeneedsyou.Takeastepbackonceinawhileandask,“WhatamIdoing?AmIdoingallthatIcantohelpmymenteedevelopandrealizehispotential?”Maketime,tofindyourownhappiness.Believethatwhenyoumentorwell,it’sasource of fulfillment. Put your heart into it, that the experience is one ofprofoundhappiness–andnotoneofsadnessandregret.Showyourmenteebyyourexample,thatrealhopeistakingresponsibilityandtakingactionwithself-belief.Helpyourmenteemakeabetterstart,abetterlife.Andyes,whenyourmentee’ssuccessful,itcanevenbeasourceofmeaninginyourlife…

“Ifyoucan'tfeedahundredpeople,thenfeedjustone.”MotherTeresa

© Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara SunriseNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 11:09 AM Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Give of your heart…A Tribute to Rotary

YMP-SNAP0064

Giveofyourheart…ATributetoRotarySince its formation, more than 100years ago, Rotary International hasenabled many good people to havegoodfriendshipsandfellowship.As a result of Rotary too, many goodmen and women, have built strongbridges of hope, in service to the lessfortunate.People like you,whoaren’tafraid to give. Give, not just of yourmoney but of your time and of yourcaringtoo.Inotherwords,giveofyourheart.

NorizaKemi,PulauCarey

It issaidthat,“ifyougiveyourheart,youmustbepreparedforittobebroken.Andthatgrief isthepriceyoupayforlove.Yetforthosewhohavenotgivenoftheirheart,theyhavenotlived.Andforthosewhohavenotlived,theyhavenothappiness.”Withthegenerosityofmanyofyou,ourRotaryEducationFundisoneofmanyprojects that have allowed us to give of our hearts. Since the fund’s launch 3years ago, 39 students have received mentoring and financial assistance, andover 150 students have undergone leadership training and values education.Throughtheactivitiesof thefund,wehavealsobeenabletogivethevaluablegifts of Self-Belief and Real Hope to the promising lives of the young and theunder-privileged.Andsothismonth,onthe20thAnniversaryofourRotaryclub,wecelebratenotjust another dawning of a new club leadership but also the bountiful Spirit ofRotary,thatwhichhassustainedusalltheseyears.Thisspiritsimplystandsfor,

“FellowshipthroughService”and“ServiceaboveSelf”.ToRotaryInternational,agreatorganizationofover34,000clubsand1.2millionmembersworldwideandmayitlastanother100yearsandmore.

© Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara SunriseNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, July 03, 2012 11:32 AM Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Five Key REF Values DearMentors,ThisissueoftheMentoringSnapshotisparticularlyimportant.Haveagoodread.IalsoencloseforyourinformationthedetailedprogrammefortherecentlyheldValuesEducationWorkshop(atPulauCarey)sothatyouhaveanappreciationoftheactivitiesthattookplaceandcanaskyourmenteeatyournextmeetingfortheirviewsofandwhattheylearntthere.Rgds,YLYee

The REF

YMP-SNAP0065

TheFiveKeyREFValues

TheFiveKeyREFValues

This year, at the Values EducationWorkshop in Pulau Carey, the REFintroduced a new Values Educationcurriculum based on the experiencewe have accumulated over the lastthreeyears.To recap, the main objectives of theREF programme can be summarizedasfollows.To:§ Assiststudentstostayinfulltime

education, making appropriatecareer/tertiaryeducationchoices;

§ Nurture students into goodcitizens.

TheREFisavalues-basedholisticeducationprogramme.Thismeansitpromotesan educational philosophy that is based on valuing self, others and theenvironment throughthe teachingofhumanitarianandethicalvalues.TheREFhelps each person find identity, purpose, and meaning in life throughconnectionstothecommunity,tothenaturalworld,andthroughhumanitarian

valuessuchashumilityandcompassion.Self-belief isthemostsignificantofallpersonalvalues.Tobeginwith,apersonmust believe he (or she) has the potential to do something or the capacity toimprove.Withself-belief,othervaluescanbelearnt.WhiletheREFcansupportthestudentinhiseducation(andself-discovery),thestudenthimselfmusttakepersonalresponsibilityforit.Inotherwords,hemustbe “prepared to help himself”. If he does that, life will present him with thenecessary opportunities. To take this responsibility, he needs to have: thehonesty to admit what he does not know, the self-belief (or courage) to askquestionsandthehumilitytolearnfromothers.Andthen,helpandsuccesswillcome.Besides personal responsibility, an individual also has a responsibility to hisfamilyandcommunity,which too is fulfilled throughapropereducation.Here,togetherwiththeothervaluesmentioned, thevalueofcompassion (caring forothers)willhelpthestudentbecomeausefulmemberofthefamilyandagoodcitizen,andwillenablehimtoeventuallygainrealhappinessinlife.And so in order to achieve the programme objectives, the new REF valuescurriculum, besides covering values in general, focuses attention on the fivesimple and easy to understand values of Self-Belief, Responsibility, Honesty,HumilityandCompassion–the“5KeyREFValues”–tohelpeachstudentgetabetterstart,abetterlife.As an REF mentor, you too must emphasize and model these values to thementees.

© Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara SunriseNB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Thursday, July 12, 2012 1:03 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Customising the REF mentoring process

YMP-SNAP0066

CustomisingtheREFmentoringprocess

NoelPrince,SMJKVivekananda

In an effort to provide structure tothe mentoring process, the REF hasprovided several tools to be usedwith the mentee throughout thementorship. (Refer to MentoringSnapshot0055forabriefdescriptionoftheREFmentoringprocess.)However, different mentees mayhave different circumstances andneedswithregardstotheireducationatthepointintimewhenthementorentershis(orher)life.Some better mentees may have reached a certain level of maturity andappreciateamorefreeflowingapproachtomentoringwhileotherweakeronesmay be still struggling with basic discipline and will therefore require a morestructured approach. The tools are meant to provide this structure whenrequired.Because a mentor normally only spends about two hours a month with thementee, there is littleopportunity toget toknowhimwell initially.That’swhythe REF requests that thementee undergoes theHELP University’s Career Testpackage(Aptitude,PersonalityandIntereststests)todeterminethe“base-line”so that among others, a more rational approach to his mentoring can beestablished. Thereafter, the REFmentoring processmay be customised to suitthementeebyusingallorsomeofthetoolsprovided.It isuptotheindividualmentortodecidethisasbesthecan,withinputfromthetestsandtheon-goingexperiencewiththementee.

In order to determine the most appropriate approach (i.e. more or lessstructure), thementorneedstobeveryhonestwithhis (orher)assessmentofthe mentee’s circumstances and needs, and not himself display a lack ofdiscipline by reducing the number of tools arbitrarily, when that’s not what’sbest for the mentee. Remember, the mentee’s needs and his properdevelopmentaretheprimeconsiderationshere.As amentor,when in doubt about howdetailed or structured you should be,always apply the illuminating mentoring litmus test, i.e. ask yourself thequestion,“whenIlookbackattheendofthementorship,hasmypresenceinthelifeofthestudentmadeapositiveimpact,noimpactoranegativeimpactonhisdevelopment?” If the answer is the first, then you have passed thementoringlitmus test. If it is the 2nd or 3rd, then you need to immediately reassess theprocess you are using. Apply this litmus test regularly in your mentoring.Remember,ifyouareunsure,youcanalwaysrefertoREFresourcessuchastheYouthMentoringProgramme (YMP) leadwhowill beglad to callonadditionalsuitableassistancetosupportyou.


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2012 4:02 PM Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Mentoring Litmus test DearMentors,Inthisissue,IhavereissuedMentoringSnapshotno.YMP-SNAP0053as“TheMentoringLitmusTest”.Iamsureyouwillagreewithmeofitsimportance.Rgds,YL

YMP-SNAP0067

TheMentoringLitmusTest

Isyourmenteebetteroffwithyouashis(or her) mentor? Or does yourinvolvement make no significantdifference to him? Worse still, as amentor, are you having an adverseeffectonyourmentee?You may be a mentor who feels thatyour mentee is not working well withyou at all and that perhaps you arewasting your time mentoring him.Thoughtsofterminatingthementorshipmayoccurinyourmind.

StudentHarshinibeingmentoredbyKarenandYokeLeong

But you need to consider, if you terminate the mentorship now, will thementeesufferfromthefeelingofabandonment?Willhehavebeenbetteroffifyouhadnotcomeintohislife?Willhehaveperformedbetterinschoolifyouhad not interfered? If so, why? These are critical questions. There may bestudentsthatdonotlendthemselvestothetypeofmentorshipweprovide.Insuchinstancesitisimportantthatwedeterminethisquicklybeforewegettoodeeply invested in the relationshipand risk increasing thenegativeeffectsofabandonment.Alternatively,youmayhaveacaseofamenteewho isdoingsowell inschool

thatthereseems littleelse foryoutodo.Doesthismean it isnotpossible foryoutoaddanyvalue?Haveyouchallengedyourselfsufficiently?Amentor’sroleistohelpthementee“reachhispotential”.Hemaybedoingwellinschoolbuthemaystillhavealotofpotentialyetunlocked.Youcangainaninsightintohispotential through, for example, the HELP University personality, aptitude andinterests testpackageandyou cando sobybeingpresent andobservinghimduring the Leadership Camp. And just like for him, in order to achieve hispotential you too may have to get out of your comfort zone and challengeyourselfashismentor.It’seasytonottemperwithsomethingthatisn’tbroken.Butintheend,youmustmakesureyouhavedoneallyoucan(orallyouwishtodo)tohelpthementee.Ifyoudecidetojuststayonthesidelines,willitmakeanydifferenceatallforyoutobehismentor?Theremaybenoclearcutanswersforallthesequestions.Buttheyneedtobeaskedand there are resources in theREF to assist us to findaway. Ifwearegoingtospendourtime(andthementee’stime)inmentorship,wemustmakesurethatthetimeiswellspent,makingapositivedifference.Amentorshipthatintheend,wecanlookbackandhonestlysaythatthementeeisbetteroffwithusthanwithoutus.That’sthe“mentoringlitmustest”.Applythetestregularlyinyourmentoring.“Makeapositivedifferencetoayounglifebyhelpingthosewhowanttohelpthemselves,andputtinghim/heronthestartoftheroadtoabetterlife.”

–TheREFVision


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, July 24, 2012 12:26 PM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Two Frogs

YMP-SNAP0068

TwoFrogs

“Agroupoffrogsweretravelingthroughthe woods, and two of them fell into adeeppit.When theother frogs sawhowdeepthepitwas,theytoldthetwofrogsthattheywereasgoodasdead.Thetwofrogsignoredthecommentsandtried to jump up out of the pit with alltheir might. The other frogs kept tellingthemto stop, that theywereasgoodasdead.Finally, one of the frogs took heed towhat the other frogs were saying andgaveup.Hefelldownanddied.Theotherfrogcontinuedtojumpashardashecould.Onceagain,thecrowdoffrogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder andfinallymadeitout.Whenhegotout,theotherfrogssaid,"Didyounothearus?"Thefrogthoughttheotherswereencouraginghimtheentiretimeandthankedthemfortheirencouragement.Thefrogwasdeaf.”Thereispoweroflifeanddeathinthetongue.Anencouragingwordtosomeonewho is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day. Adestructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them.Asamentor,becarefulofwhatyousay.Speaklifetothosewhocrossyourpath.The power of words. It is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging

wordcangosuchalongway.Anyonecanspeakwordsthattendtorobanotherofthespirittocontinueindifficulttimes.Special isthe individualwhowilltakethetimetoencourageanother.


From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Tuesday, July 31, 2012 10:28 AM To: [email protected] Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Staying focused on the Big Picture

YMP-SNAP0069

StayingfocusedontheBigPicture

Letchumanan,SMKBandarUtama

Howcanwetrulyhelpourmentee?Isourrolejusttovisithim(orher),to let him know that there issomeonewhocares,justincaseheneeds help? Not completely. Wecandomuchmore than that. Yourmentee has been identified assomeone with potential. He has adesire to succeed. But hemay notknow how to or what successmeans.Here’swhereyoucanmakeapositivecontribution.

Weneedtohelphimseethebigpicture,sothatheisnotcaughtupanddraggeddownwiththeday-to-dayroutine.If,basedonasoundassessment,wecanhelphim discover what his true career ambition is then he can focus on achievingthat.Wecanhelphimdevelopandsetgoalsonthewaytothebigpicture(the“ultimategoal”).Importantly,heneedstorecognisethatalongtheway,hemaysometimeshave todo some things thathe “maynot like”. For instance, if thementeewantstobeanarchitect,hewillhavetodochemistryfornow,whileinhighschool,even ifhemaynot likethesubject.Hehasto learnaboutdelayedgratification,i.e.notonlytodothethingsthathelikes,butalsotodothethingsthatare right.Weneed topointout tohim thathedoesn’thave to likeeveryintermediatesacrifice,solongashelovestheultimategoal.Bystayingfocusedon the big picture when the going gets tough, he can complete that difficultbuilding block in order to reach the ultimate goal. That’s the way of topperformers.

“TigerWoodshitsathousandballseachpracticesession.Doesheenjoyit?No.ButheenjoysbeingNumber1.”

What is the “big picture” for yourmentee? Asmentor, you need to help himdiscover that.Fora start, youneed tohelphimunderstandwhathis strengthsandweaknessesare–whoheis.Forthis,besidesgettingtoknowhimthroughthe visits, there is the HELP University career test package to assist you inidentifying his career options.With that, help him develop a “roadmap”withclearly defined, achievable milestones or intermediate goals. Work ondevelopinghisstrengthsandaddressingthose“successpreventing”weaknesses.Youarementoringarealperson.It’sseriousbusiness.Ifyoureallywanttohelphim,you’vegottoknowhimwell.Butdon’tmakehisdecisionsforhim.Helphimwiththeinformationgathering,theexposureandtheanalysis.He(togetherwithhisfamily)hastodecide,simplybecauseheknowshiscircumstancesbetterandhehastolivetheconsequencesofhisdecisions–notthementor.The road map can change over time, with new discoveries, experiences andlearnings,provideditisforthebetter.Evencareerambitionscanchange.Sostayopentothis.Butdon’tjustchangewithoutasoundbasis.Finally,don’tforgettoaddsomefun totheroadmaptoo.Studentsdolearnbetterwhentheyenjoyit.


Sent: Tuesday, August 07, 2012 3:02 PM

YMP-SNAP0070

Co-MentoringandtheImportanceofAlignment

The REF mentoring system is onethatrequiresmentorstobepaired,i.e. a “co-mentoring” system.Generally an experienced mentoris paired with a new or lessexperienced mentor. The reasonfor having a co-mentoring systemare:

§ Bettersafetyandsecuritywhenmentorshavetovisitchallengingneighbourhoods

MentorsJamesCheongandJunieYeohwithmenteeJaasjit(ctr)

§ Opportunitytocomparenotes,providingmutualfeedbacktoimprovementoringquality

§ Availabilityofaback-upincaseoneisnotavailable§ Presenceofawitnessincaseofunfairorwrongfulaccusationsbymentee§ Itmakesforamoreinterestingexperiencethangoingalone

Whiletherearemanyadvantages,thebiggestriskinco-mentoringoccurswhenboth mentors are not communicating well with one another, leading toineffectiveness.Thisresultsinthementeereceivingconflictingsignalsandmixedmessages.Toovercomethisissue,theconceptofgoalandstrategyalignmentisimportant. Agree betweenmentors what the emphasis and the results of thementoringought tobeandbekeenlyaware that theprocessmaygooff trackduetolackofcoordination.Becauseofthis,it isimportanttosetthegoalsandstrategiesclearlyandexplicitlyasearlyonaspossible,sothatmiscommunicationbetween mentors (and the mentee) can be minimized, if not altogethereliminated.Stepbackonceinawhileanddoa“realitycheck”byasking,“Arewemeeting theobjectives thatweset forourselves in thebeginning?”And ifnot,ask,“whynot?”

© Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Wednesday, August 15, 2012 12:20 PM Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: It’s our constraint, not their lack of potential

YMP-SNAP0071

It’sourconstraint,nottheirlackofpotential

The roleofREFmentoring is tohelpthose who already have a desire tohelp themselves (the “desire”),achieve their potential. It is not tosay that those that do notdemonstratethatdesiredonotneedhelp - that’s a job for trainedprofessionals such as teachers,counselors and psychologists (notREFmentors).WhileREFmentorsareworking professionals who are part-time volunteers prepared to sharetheirtimeandexperiencetonurturea student we are however nottrained to help such challengingcases.

MentorChianKhaiwithstudentSonia

Because we have to match our strengths with student needs, it immediatelyconstraints us to selecting only from the group of students that are able to behelpedeffectivelythroughourtypeofmentoring.Whatkindsofstudentscanwehelp?Studentscomeinall“shapesandsizes”.Someare currently doingwell in their studies, somearenot.Doingwell academically*coupled with a good attitude** are strong indicators that a student has alreadybegun to take responsibility for his (or her) future – already has a demonstrabledesire.SuchastudentisaprimecandidateforREFmentorship.Yetpresentamongthosethatarenotcurrentlydoingwell intheirstudiesmaybethosewhomayyeteventuallyfindtheirwaytosuccessthroughacademicsorotherwise,becausetheydiscover their calling later in life. But the REF is less effective at uncovering andnurturingsuchcandidates.

REFmentoring is thereforeadevelopmentalprocess tosupportstudentswhoarealreadystrongacademically.AnREFmentorthenproceedstomouldsuchastudenttogreaterheights,toachievehispotential.Inparticular,theREFmakessurethatastudentdoesn’tgoofftherailsbecauseheisinfinancialdifficulty.Thementoractsas a “compass” for thementee, guidinghim in the rightdirectionbyhelpinghimdevelop strong values, most effectively through role modeling. But the menteemustunderstandthathehastodothehonesthardworknecessarytosucceed.ItisnottheroleofanREFmentortohelpaweakstudentbecomeastrongone,butitishis(orher)roletohelpastrongstudentstaystrongorbecomeastrongerone.Compassion and good intention on our part are not sufficient to nurture aweakstudent to success.While our strength is inmoulding young peoplewho alreadyhavethe“desire”andnurturingthisspark intoa flame,wehavetorecogniseourconstraints andwemust therefore not bite offmore thanwe can chew. It’s ourconstraint,nottheirlackofpotential.AnREFmentormust ensure thathe attends all support sessionsprovidedby theREF in order to equip himself well for the serious business of mentoring. Neverforgetthatwearedealingwitharealpersoninthementeeandourperformanceasamentorhasastrongbearingonhisfuture.Recognisingourconstraintsalongwithutilisingourstrengthsarehowwedefineourniche,andhowwecanbestdelivervaluetothecommunity.*TheREFAwardeeSelectionGuidestipulatestheminimumacademicqualifications.**Goodattitudeheremeans that theyarealready subscribingorare likely to subscribe to theREFValues,namelySelf-confidence,Honesty,Responsibility,HumilityandCompassion.


Sent: Wednesday, August 22, 2012 2:42 PM

YMP-SNAP0072

Helpnow–thetimeisright

When is the right timeandwhen isthe wrong time to deliver help tosomeone inneed?Tobe sure,withREF mentoring, the right time isalwaysnow.Seize the day before it slips away.Doitnowandrealizethatfewthingsareas importantandasmeaningfulas helping a promising young lifefindhis(orher)way.Andyouknowwhat?Youhavethekeytothisone.

AwardeeRenHau(Form4)attheValues

EducationWorkshop2012

Givethatbirthdaypresentwhenyouhavethechanceto,visithimoftenwhenheisstill around and mentor him when you can still make a difference. Most otherthingscanwait.Challengeyourselfalways,“AmIdoingthebestwithinmyconstraints?”Walkwithhim now. You are ready and you must do what you should with urgency andpurpose. Reveal to him the secrets as you know them. You have chosen and inturn, youaregiftedwith theopportunity. It is tooeasy to find yourselfdelayingyour help and discovering later that when you are “ready”, your student is notwhereheshouldbebecauseyouwerenottherewhenitcountedmost.Mentoringbears a similarity to parenting; be there (and do all you should) nowwhen thementeewillrespond,forlaterhemaynot,evenifheneedsyoustill.“ItisindeedmiserywhenIstretchanemptyhandtomenandreceivenothing;but

itishopelessnessifIstretchafullhandandfindnonetoreceive.”KahlilGibran



YMP-SNAP0073

Developingfocusandavoidingdistraction

There is a positive and a negativeaspect to daydreaming. The positiveaspect is thatdaydreamingcanbeafountain of creative ideas. Thenegative aspect is that when itoccursatthewrongtime itcanbeabad distraction, when the mindwonders while somebody else istalking to you or when you aresupposed to be concentrating oncompleting your work or meeting adeadline.

Daydreamingisacommonfeatureamongchildrenwhohavenotyetlearnttofocuscompletelyonataskathandorwhensomeoneistalkingwiththem.Theyhavenottrainedtheirmindssoasnottojumprandomlyfromonesubjecttoanother,oftenleadingtoalackofconcentration.Thisiscalledthe“monkeymind”atplay–likeamonkeyjumpingfromtreetotree.Aswegrowolderandmoremature,welearntotrainourmindtofocusbetteruntilthebestamongusreachesthestageofhaving“single focus”.That’swhenwegetpeakperformance.Thisrequirestrainingthemind,deliberatetraining.Butbeforethat, it needs the awareness, the keen observation and the acceptance that theuntrainedmindbehaveslikethat,jumpingaroundallthetime,evenwhenwedon’twantitto.Thenitrequiresdeliberatepracticetotrainourmindtofocus.Itrequirespracticing constantly so that one day, (single) focus becomes second nature,becomesaworkethic.Thenthemindbecomesdisciplined.Yetwemustnot loseour ability todreamanddaydream,because that’s howwediscoverourvision,setstretchgoalsandcreativelyfindourwaytoachievingthem.Butwithadisciplinedmindweareabletodreamwhenwe’resupposedtoandfocuswhenwe should be focusing. It is called being deliberate in our thinking and not“daydreamingwhenweshouldbefocusing”.

Findarightopportunitytosharethisthoughtwithyourmentee.

“WhenIwasachild,Ispokelikeachild;Ithoughtlikeachild,Ireasonedlikeachild.

WhenIbecameaman,Igaveupchildishways.Fornowweseeinamirrordimly,butthenfacetoface.

NowIknowinpart;thenIshallknowfully,evenasIhavebeenfullyknown.”1Corinthians13:11-12*

© Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara SunriseNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.*Sometimesaselectedquotationmaybefromareligiousbookorareligiousleaderandduerecognitionisgiven.Thequotationisselectedpurelybecauseof itsqualityandrelevancetothesubjectmatterbeingpresented. It isnotthe intentionof thewriter toteachorspreadthatreligion.Unlessexpresslystated,allopinionsinthearticlearepurelythatofthewriterandnotnecessarilythatoftheREF.

Sent: Tuesday, September 04, 2012 11:33 AM

YMP-SNAP0074

HittingaHomeRun

AwardeesEstherChongandLauSiewWeiatthetheRotaryclub’srecentTreePlantingProject,

RajaMusaForestReserve

For those who have not had theexperienceofplayingbaseball,hittingahome runhas to beoneof the greatestimmediate feelings of accomplishments.Most times, you do not feel any impactof the bat on the ball in your handsbecause you hit the ball right on thesweetspotofthebat.Yet hitting a home run does not justhappenbychance.Therightpreparation,the back swing, the hit (impact), thefollow-throughandultimately the finish,have all got to be properly coordinatedandexecuted.Similarlymentoringhasitscomponentstepstobedonerightbeforesuccesscanhappen. Using the base ball home run as an analogy, the correspondingcomponentsofREFmentoringare(forexample):

Preparation Newmentortraining,HELPCareerTesting(baseline)ofmentee

Backswing Settingthevisitdates,mentoringgoalsettingHit Mentoringvisits,one-on-onementoringsession

objectives,menteejournalingFollow-through Visitreport,6-monthlyreporttoSponsor,mentoring

goalreview,mentorsupportgroupmeetingsFinish StudentdoeswellforexamsandgoestoUniversityor

CollegeorVocationalSchoolofchoiceUnlessallofthesecomponentsareinplaceandproperlyexecuted,successwillnot follow. For example, some mentors may be good at scheduling visits

regularly and communicating with their mentee. But unfortunately, they arepoorintheir“follow-through”work,suchasfillingandsubmittingthe6-monthlyreporttothe(financial)sponsor–consequently leavingthesponsorinthedarkand disappointed. As a result the sponsor may not provide a renewal of thesponsorship, leaving the REF short of funds it would otherwise have. If suchfunds are not forthcoming, some students may not receive the funding theyshould,orsomeREFactivitymayhavetobecurtailed,leadingpossiblytoapoormentoring“finish”.REF mentoring is a team effort, some of which may be transparent to thementor,especiallythe(equally)importantbackroomadministrativesupportandfundraisingwork.Butifanycomponent,oftheprocessfalters,thesuccessofthewholementorshipisjeopardized.Justlikeinbaseball,youandyourteammustmutuallysupporteachothertoensuresuccess.Thisappliestoteammoraletoo.As a volunteer mentor (Rotarians included), ensure that your part, yourresponsibilities and obligations, as required by the REF are all fulfilled. Oncethesecomponentsareproperlyexecuted,youcanbesurethatyouhit theballrightonthesweetspotofthebatandthena“homerun” inyourmentoringofthestudent.

“Bethorough;preparation,execution,follow-through,FINISH.Ifyouhavethecouragetostart,thenhavethecommitmenttofinish."


Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2012 11:05 AM

YMP-SNAP0075

TheRoseWithin

“A man planted a rose and watered it faithfullyandbeforeitblossomed,heexaminedit.He saw the bud that would soon blossom, butnoticed thorns upon the stem and he thought,‘Howcananybeautiful flowercomefromaplantburdenedwith somany sharp thorns?’ Saddenedby this thought, he neglected to water the rose,andjustbeforeitwasreadytobloom...itdied.”

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-likequalitiesplantedinusatbirth,growamidthethornsofourfaults.Manyofuslookatourselvesandseeonlythethorns,thedefects.Wedespair,thinkingthatnothinggoodcanpossiblycomefromus.Weneglectto water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize ourpotential.Somepeopledonotseetherosewithinthemselves;someoneelsemustshowittothem.Oneofthegreatestgiftsapersoncanpossessistobeabletoreachpastthethornsofanother,andfindtherosewithinthem.Thisisoneofthecharacteristicsoflove...tolookataperson,knowtheirtruefaults and accepting that person into your life... all thewhile recognizing thenobility in their soul.Helpyourmentee realize she (orhe) canovercomehershortcomings. Ifwe showher the "rose"within herself, shewill conquer herthorns.Onlythenwillsheblossommanytimesover.

© Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise


Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2012 4:14 PM

YMP-SNAP0076

Choices,ActionsandConsequences

JaasjitKaur,SMKBukitBandaraya

“You didn’t sms me last night when youcamehomelate?”“Iforgot.Dad,Iknowit’sgoodtosmswhenIhavetocomehomelatebutsometimesinthemidstofworkIcan’trememberallthosethings.”“I would never do that to your mum. I’llalwayscallwhenIhavetocomehomelate.That’swhywehaveagoodrelationship.It’sthekindofpersonyouchoose tobe. Itwilldetermine the quality of relationships youhave.Forme,itisfamilyfirst,worksecond.It’s your choice. But remember, theconsequencesofyourchoicesarealsoyourstolive.J”“Pointnoted,Dad.Butyouknow it is family first formetoo. Just ‘causeof thisdoesn’tmeanitisworkorplayfirst.Ican’tbeexpectedtobeperfect.”“Yes, I know. But the closer you get to the ideal, the higher the quality of arelationship. I know you are not perfect. But be careful not to make that anexcuse.”“I’lltryhardernexttime,Dad.J”Thedecisiononanypersonalactionisalwaysourchoice.Andtherefore,thekindofpersonwewishtobeisalsoourchoice.Everyactionhasconsequences.Andwe have to live the consequences of our choices. Good actions have goodconsequencesandbadactionshavebadones.Weareallinterdependentononeanother,evenonthosethatwemaynotknowandonourenvironment.Futuresareforgedbyeventherippleswemaketoday.

Andsointhewellbeingofall,wefindourowncompletewellbeing.That’swhyrelationshipsareimportantandthereforethequalityofthoserelationshipstoo.Notice how, if we are “happy” but the people around us areunhappy or ourenvironmentispolluted,wecannotbecompletelyhappy.Valueslikebeing“caring”and“present”enoughtocallwhenyouaregoingtobelate bode well in a relationship. And so are REF values like self-belief,responsibility, honesty, humility and compassion. Our values determine thequalityofourrelationships.Ifwebaseourdecisionsandactionsongoodvalues,thechancesarewewillhavegoodrelationshipsandgoodconsequences.

“Nobodyeverdid,oreverwill,escapetheconsequencesofhischoices.”AlfredA.Montapert,writer

© Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara SunriseNB: To help define our approach and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

Sent: Tuesday, September 25, 2012 12:06 PM

YMP-SNAP0077

IndependenceandFreedom

AwardeeLenardwithMentorPoayLim

atthetheRotaryclub’srecentTreePlantingProject,RajaMusaForestReserve

What’s the difference betweenindependence and freedom? Dictionarydefinitions typically state the following:Independence is being free from thecontrol, influence, support, aid,or the likeofothers;whereasfreedomisthestateofbeing free or at liberty rather than inconfinementorunderphysicalrestraint.Holistically though, one interpretationwould be to view independence as beingfree from the oppression of outer forceswhereas freedom is being free from theoppressionofinnerforces.When you are a child, independence means being able to do things withouthavingtogetpermissionfromyourparentsoryourteachers.Itmeansreachingalevelofresponsibilitywhenotherscantrustyoutodotherightthingwhenyouare left to your own devices. When you are an adult, independence typicallymeansdevelopingthecapacitytobefinanciallyindependent.Itmeansthatyoursavingsprovideincometocoveryourlifestylewithouttheneedforyoutoworkforapaycheck.Freedomontheotherhandisastateofmind.Itmeansachievingastateoftruepersonal happiness. Freedom begins with the understanding of who you are,learning to take responsibility andeventuallybeing thebest you can. Freedominvolvesappreciatingwhatgoodvaluesmeanandadoptingthemtoguideyourperceptions and actions. Values like the 5 key REF values of self-belief,responsibility,honesty,humility and compassion. Itmeans feeling that youareempoweredtofreeyourselffromself-imposedlimitations,personaldemonslikegreed,fear,worry,guilt,angerandselfishness,the“innerforcesofoppression”thatarerestrictingyoufromachievingyourrealpotential.Freedombeginswithgettingagoodeducation,learningtohaveabetterunderstandingoflife.

Looking at it this way, independence and freedom are clearly different.Independence is the lesser virtue, if it is even a virtue at all. It is neithernecessarynorsufficientinordertobefree.Indeed,it ispossibletobefreeandyetwhollydependent.Fore.g.wewillneverbefullyindependentofoursociety,yetwhenweareable tobe responsibleanddisciplined,weare free topursueourpersonalhappiness.Achieving freedom requiresmental discipline along with work to be sure wecleanhouseofthe issuesofthe innerforcesofoppression,barriersthatcrowdandcloudourthinking.What dowedowith freedomwhenwehave it?Wewill cover this in a futureissue.

“Educationisthekeytounlockthegoldendooroffreedom.”GeorgeWashingtonCarver


Sent: Thursday, October 04, 2012 10:13 AM

YMP-SNAP0078

Eaglesinastorm

Didyouknowthataneagleknowswhenastormisapproachinglongbeforeitbreaks?Theeaglewillflytosomehighspotandwaitforthewinds to come. When the storm hits, it sets itswings so that the wind will pick it up and lift itabovethestorm.Whilethestormragesbelow,theeagleissoaringaboveit.Theeagledoesnotescapethestorm.Itsimplyusesthestormtoliftithigher.Itrisesonthewindsthatbringthestorm.Whenthestormsoflifecomeuponus-andallofuswillexperiencethem-wecan rise above them by setting our minds and our belief in our self and ourabilities.Wedonothavetoavoidthestormsnordotheyhavetoovercomeus.Wecanallowourself-belieftoliftusabovethem.Self-beliefenablesustoridethewindsofthestormthatbringsickness,tragedy,failure and disappointment in our lives. We can soar above the storm.Remember,

“Itisbettertosleeponwhatyouplantodothantobekeptawakebywhatyou'vedone.

It'snottheburdensoflifethatweighusdown;itishowwehandlethem.

Neverbendyourhead.Holdithigh.Looktheworldstraightintheeye.”

HelenKeller


Sent: Tuesday, October 09, 2012 10:47 AM

YMP-SNAP0079

FindingHappiness

AwardeeLauSiewWeiatthetheRotaryclub’srecent

TreePlantingProject,RajaMusaForestReserve

Everyonehastheabilitytounderstandbetterwhatlifeisallabout,iftheyareprepared to make the effort.Unfortunately, many do not take thetroubletodoso.What is more important may not bewhether there is anafterlifebutwhatwedowiththelifethatwehavetoday.Areyouhappynow?Formany,theaimoflifeisto“livehappily”orjustsimplytobehappy.Whatdoesthismeanandhowdoweattainthis?Whilewemaybe the result ofourpast,wehave thepower todetermineourfuture.Thedecisiononanypersonalactionisalwaysourchoice.Andtherefore,the kind of person we wish to be is also our choice. Every action hasconsequences. And we have to live the consequences of our choices. Goodactionshavegoodconsequencesandbadactionshavebadones.Thedistinctionbetweengoodandbadmaybeviewedas:allactions thathavetheir roots in values such as greed, selfishness, anger and hatred are bad. Allactionsthatarerootedinnoblevalues(or“virtues”)suchasgenerosity,honesty,responsibility, humility and compassion are good. Or to put it another way,generally actions rooted in self-centeredness are bad while actions rooted inselflessnessaregood.If we persistwith bad actions,wewill experience bad consequences. Thiswillinvariably lead to“suffering”, theoppositeofhappiness.Therefore theway to“end” suffering and find happiness is to practice good actions; cultivate goodqualities. It begins with understanding what good values are; in other words,gettingagood“valueseducation”.Gainingabetterunderstandinginthiswayisgainingwisdom,andthisrequireseffort.

We have control over our present life now; on the choices wemake and theactionswetake.PresidentAbrahamLincolnoncesaid,“Mostpeopleareaboutashappyastheymakeuptheirmindstobe.”Weareallinterdependentononeanother,evenonthosethatwemaynotknowandonourenvironment.Futuresareforgedbyeventherippleswemaketoday.Andso inthewellbeingofall,wefindourowncompletewellbeing.That’swhyrelationshipsareimportantandthereforethequalityofthoserelationshipstoo.Ifwe are happy but the people around us areunhappy or our environment ispolluted,wecannotbecompletelyhappy.“Real happiness” is a happiness that does not violate the happiness of others,and one that is also helpful. In fact it supports the happiness of others; anunselfishhappiness thathelpsothers gain it too.Nomatterwhatpredicamentyoumay find yourself in today, there is always someonewho is less fortunatethanyou.Learntocountyourblessingsandthenhelpsomeone.Thatway,youwillfindyourhappiness.

“Ifyouwanthappinessforanhour—takeanap.Ifyouwanthappinessforaday—gofishing.

Ifyouwanthappinessforayear—inheritafortune.Ifyouwanthappinessforalifetime—helpsomeoneelse.”

ChineseProverb

Findarighttimetosharethisthoughtwithyourmentee.


Sent: Wednesday, October 17, 2012 11:15 AM

YMP-SNAP0080

WherewearewiththeREF

AwardeeLetchumananatthetheRotaryclub’srecent

“LearntoFly”Project–FlightSimulator,TelekonMuseum

ThebeautyofRotaryisinbeingabletobridgegreatresourceswithgreatneeds.Thank you. Your support has givenevery member involved, especiallythe working committee, inspirationand faith thatwith the REF,we aredoing the right thing.Nowwith theYayasan Rotary collaboration, weare even more convinced. We seethe seeds of everyone’s hard workand commitment beginning tobloomintoflowers.In the REF, we have something special and significant. Many dream of acommunityserviceprojectwithapotentiallikethis,buttogetherwearemakingitreal.Youareimportant.Yourcontributionhasmadethispossible.Ifyouarenotparticipatinginthisprojectyet,wecontinuetowelcomeyoutothisjourney.Ofcoursedespitethenobilityofthisproject,thoseofusasmembers,mustnotandwillnotforgetabouttherestoftheclubagenda.Indeedwemustdivideourresourcesaccordingly,ensuringeverypartoftheclubgetsourattention.Notwithstandingthis,nowwiththeYayasanRotarycollaboration,weareatthedoorstepofagreatopportunity.Indicationsareanumberofclubswilljoinusinstarting their own REF with our help. It is early days yet, and we must wellmanage our expectations. Let those of us who can, drive harder to help theotherclubsgetthisbenefittomoreneedystudentsandfamilies.

“Somemengiveuptheirdesignswhentheyhavealmostreachedthegoal.

Whileothers,onthecontrary,obtainavictorybyexerting,atthelastmoment,

morevigorouseffortsthaneverbefore.”Herodotus,TheHistories

Wewillcontinuetoneedyoursupport.

© Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara SunriseNB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF provides shortwrite-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.


YMP-SNAP0081

Self-Belief

TheProfessorstoodbeforehisclassoftwenty senior organic biologystudents, about tohandout the finalexam."Iwanttosaythatit'sbeenapleasureteaching you this semester. I knowyou'veallworkedextremelyhardandmanyofyouareofftomedicalschoolaftersummer.So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have beencelebratingabit toomuchthisweek,anyonewhowould liketooptoutof thefinalexamtodaywillreceivea'B'forthecourse."Therewasmuchrejoicingintheclassasstudentsgotup,walkedtothefrontoftheclass,andtooktheProfessoruponhisoffer.As the last taker left the room, the Professor looked out over the handful ofremainingstudentsandasked,"Anyoneelse?Thisisyourlastchance."Onefinalstudentroseupandoptedoutofthefinal.The Professor closed the door and took attendance of those studentsremaining."I'mgladtoseeyoubelieveinyourself,"hesaid."Youallget'A's."



YMP-SNAP0082

RealPeople

“Theyslidetheirpatchedupwounded

intotheambulance,likeloavesintoabreadtruck.Yettheyneverforgetthatthose

packagesarepeople…”M*A*S*H,Episode7,Season5

In the hustle and bustle of our busylives, we must rememberthat ourmentee is a real person.We lapse anddonotmeethim (orher) at theendofthemonth.Sometimeswesay,“It’sok”.

Weneglect topre-arrange thenextmeetingat theendof thepresent sessionand say that “I’ll call you to make the next appointment, next month”. Nextmonthcomesalongandwedonotmaketheappointment.Nothighinourlistofpriorities.Prettysoon,twomonthspassandbeforeweknowit,itislate.Bythetimetheexamcomesalongitistoolate;toolatetomakeanimpact,thepositivedifferencewearecapableof.Notthatthestudentdoesn’tneedusanymore.Buthehasnowlostfaithinourabilitytobeserious,abouthisfuture.Hesoldiersonnevertheless, without us. Or maybe, he has settled for another guide; oneperhapsnotas“qualified”asus.Ifonlywehadbeenmorepresent.

Mentoring is a serious business. We aredealingwitharealperson,whowillrespondpositivelytoourcompassion.Compassionisthemosteffective–someevensaydivine–intervention in a person’s life to help himonto and along the road to success. Thisperiodinhislife,12-18yearsold,istermedby psychologists as the period of “Identityvs. Role Confusion”, as he makes thetransition fromchildhood toadulthood;he

ponders the roles hewill play in the adultworld. During this period, you as mentorplayapivotalrole.

Just likethedoctorsandmedics in theM*A*S*Hunit, letusalwaysrememberthatourmentee isa sensitive, realperson inneed;duringhismostvulnerableandimpressionabletime.Approachyourworkwiththeplanning,dedicationandmeticulousnessofasurgeon;with theawareness,careanddeliberatenessofagood companion–with compassion,withmindfulness – and yourmenteewillhave a bright future. That’swhy youwere engaged. Finally, remember to addspontaneity.Youngpeoplelearnalotbetterifit’sfuntoo.NB:M*A*S*HstandsforMobileArmySurgicalHospital.

© Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara SunriseNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

Sent: Wednesday, November 07, 2012 2:19 PM

YMP-SNAP0083

Lethappinessfindyou

StudentsplantingtreesattherecentREFValuesWorkshopinMay2012

A few weeks ago, we talked abouthappiness and how we cannot becompletely happy unless the peoplearoundusarealsohappyandthatweatleastmakeasincereefforttohelpthembehappy. Becausewe are notperfect, our compassion or servingthe community in general, is notpurely altruistic. It has an ultimateconnection to our own personalhappiness.Butthat’sallright,solongaswearealsodeterminedtolearntoreduce the tracesof selfishnessovertime,weareontherightpath.Everyonecandosomethingtohelpothers.Evenyoungstudentscandoso.InourValuesEducationworkshop,wesaytothestudentsthat if theystudyhardandbe successful in the future, they will not only be helping themselves but alsotheirparentsattaintheirhappiness in life–givingmeaningtothe livesoftheirparents. Or that if they take theworkshop seriously and then dowell in theirexams, the workshop sponsor will be impressed and will continue with thesponsorshipnextyear.Ifthepresentbatchsucceedindoingwellthisyear,theyare already helping the students of the next batch bymaking the funding andhencetheworkshopavailableagain.Oftenwearealreadyhelpingotherswithoutrealizingit.Andlikewise,wemaybeadversely affecting others without knowing it. The mathematician andmeteorologist Edward Lorenz coined that, “the flapping of the wings of abutterflyinSouthAmericacanaffecttheweatherinCentralPark”.But is life really so complicated? Must we be always analyzing every actionbefore taking it, keeping an eye on its consequences in order to lead ameaningful and happy life? Fortunately no. There is an easier way; byunderstanding the “value of Values”. Good consequences have their roots in

goodvalues.Whenall ouractionsarise fromgoodvalues, theneverythingelsewill take care of itself. In our Values Education Programme, we teach noblevaluessuchasSelf-Belief,Honesty,Responsibility,HumilityandCompassion.Weteach students that so long as they ensure their actions originate from noblevalues,theywilleventuallybehelpingsomeoneandthensuccessandhappinesswillfollow.But focusing directly on attaining happiness will only make it more elusive.Happiness is not an end. It is a by-product of good actions from good values.Don’tworryaboutchasingafterit.Playthegameoflifebyconstantlylivingnoblevaluesandhappinesswillnaturallyfindyou.

“Truthwillcomewithoutyourinvitation.Thenitwillcomeswiftlyasthewindandtheunbeknown.Itcomesobscurely,notwhenyouarewatchingorwanting.

Itisthereassuddenassunlight,aspureasthenight.Buttoreceiveit,theheartmustbefullandthemindempty.”

JiddhuKrishnamurthy



YMP-SNAP0084

Mentoringandcareerguidance–aholisticapproach

TheREF’sHolisticApproachtoEducation

As mentors charged with theresponsibility of helping students gainan education and choose a career; wecannotapproach this task competentlywithout adopting a holistic approach.This means the student needs to firstfigure out who he (or she) is – hisidentity. And then he needs to ask,“whatdoIwantinlife?”Toanswerthelatter question, besides discovering hisidentity, heneeds to know (or at leastmake a start on finding out) what his“purpose”inlifeis.Whenheembarksonthis,hewillrealizethatinordertohaveafulfillinglife,hemust have a “higher” purpose, one that requires him to thinkbeyondhimself.Invariably he has to include the value of “compassion” in his life. Withcompassion, he will then find meaning in his life. In fact, he will also givemeaningtothelivesofothers.Underpinningallthese,i.e.identity,purposeandmeaningis“values”.Thevaluesyousubscribetodefinesyou.Ahigherpurpose,orbeingcompassionate, isavalue.Finally,actionsstemmingfromnoblevalueswillgivemeaningtoone’slifeandtothelivesofothers.Findingoutyouridentityistoknow“whereyouare”,whileyourpurposedrivesyou to “where you want to go”. These are indeed big questions. But once astudenthasanunderstandingofthisprocess,wecanhelphimidentifyacareerthatisinalignmentwithwhathewantsinhislife.Asmentor,havinghelpedhimask the question, “What do you want?” we can then proceed to ask theremaining two questions; “What’s preventing you from getting it?” and “Howcanwehelpyoutogetit?”The career choice is but a milestone, albeit an important one, in one’s life

journey.Helpyourstudentunderstandhis life journeyandchancesare,hewillchooseacareerthathewillfindfulfilling.Ofcourse,thismaynotallbecastinstone.Aperson’sideaofwhathewantsinlifecanchangeovertimewithexperience.Wecanonlyhelphimestablishwhathewantsnow.Theimportantthingisthatwehavemadehimawareofareliablemethodology, aholistic approachof looking at thingswhichhe can thenapplywithconfidencefortherestofhislife.NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2012


YMP-SNAP0085

Whyco-curricularactivities?

ElementsofCo-curricularActivities

“WhymustIstillneedtotakepartactivelyinco-curricular activities if I am already doing well inmyexams?”asksthebrightyoungmenteetohismentor.“There are many lessons one can learn throughco-curricular activities that are not available instudies alone. You see, when you graduate andjointheworkforceinthefuture,youwillfindthatthere are other tools you will need besides theknowledgeyougainfromstudiesalone,”saidthementor, noticing that the mentee seemssomewhatskewedmoretoacademics.Non-academic activities in school used to be called extra-curricular activities – oractivities outside of the school curriculum. Because the knowledge and life-skillsgained from these activities are as important as academic knowledge, it has beenrenamedco-curricularactivities,i.e.anintegralpartofaschoolcurriculumthataimstodevelopthestudent’stotalhumanpotential,bothacademicandnon-academic.Insteadofbeingde-emphasized, co-curricularactivities (CCA)areemphasized in thebestschoolsoftheworld–schoolsthatproduceleaders;futurePrimeMinistersandPresidents. CCA is a means to enhance social interaction, leadership, healthyrecreation,self-disciplineandself-confidence. Itisanout-of-classactivity,supervisedand/or financed by the school, which provides curriculum-related learning andcharacterbuildingexperiences.Withinleadershipskills,astudentwilllearncommunication,teambuilding,empathy,motivationandpeoplemanagement.Mostimportantly,he(orshe)willlearnhowtoputtheseinaction;testingandexperimentinginanenvironmentthatisforgivingandthatfosterslearning.Suchanenvironmentmaynotbeeasilyavailableonceheentersthe“realworld”infuture.

Values education is at the core of the CCA framework and drives all characterdevelopment.Astudent is taughtskillsandknowledgeanchoredonvalues. ThroughCCA,hewillgettheopportunityto:expresscompassiontoothers;learnhowcourage,practice,patience,persistenceanddeterminationwillleadtoproficiencyandsuccess;getoutof the comfort zone toenablehim to taphis potential; andunderstandhisownbehaviorunderphysicalandemotionalstress.CCAaimstoawakenthestudent’sawareness;ofhimselfandoftheworldaroundhim.For those who have a chance at getting a scholarship for their tertiary studies,meaningfulparticipationinCCAwillhelppreparethemfortheimportantscholarshipinterview.Thementorcontinued,“Whenyouentertheworkforce,topamongtheskillsyouwillneedistheabilitytocommunicatewithyourcolleagueseffectively.Andasyouclimbthe corporate or social leader, you will need leadership skills too. In short, as youprogressinlife,youwillfindthatbesidesacademics,youwillneedinterpersonalskills,theabilitytointeractandbuildconstructiverelationshipswithotherseffectively.”

“Happinessliesforthosewhocry,thosewhohurt,thosewhohavesearchedandthosewhohavetried.

Foronlytheycanappreciatetheimportanceofpeoplewhohavetouchedtheirlives.”

VictorHugoPleasesharethisinformationwithyourmentee.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2012


YMP-SNAP0086

“Adesiretohelpyourself.”

AwardeeLenard,SMKStJohn

One of the most important guidingprinciples in selecting a student for theREA/REF programme is that he (or she)mustbepreparedtotakeresponsibilityforhis own development. We ask thequestion,“Doesthementeedemonstrateadesiretohelphim/herself?”While the REF can support the student inhis (or her) education and self-discovery,the student himself must take personalresponsibilityforit.

Infactnomatterwhatcircumstancesastudentisin,ifhetakesresponsibilityforhis own education and doesn’t blame his circumstances, life will present himwith the necessary opportunities that will eventually lead him to success. Aresponsible student will benefit from the mentoring, leadership training andvalueseducationthattheREFprovides.Howdowedeterminethatastudentpossesses“thedesiretohelphimself”?Firstofall,a recommendation letter fromhis school is important.Besides this,weassessthestudentonanessayweaskhimtowriteentitled,“MyDream”.Attheinterview,thestudentmustalsoshowapositiveattitudetowardshisstudiesandparticipation in co-curricular activities, all thebetter if it is in a leadershipposition.However,thereisonlysomuchaletterorashortinterviewassessmentcan show. In the context of the award, themost reliable indicator of personalresponsibilityhastobeencouragingacademicresults.AstudentapplyingfortheREF Awardmust demonstrate that he understands the importance ofworkinghard to achieve a good education.While he has to be from the lower incomegroup, he need not be a “straight As” student although this will help; but hemustbeabletodemonstratethatheisalreadygettinggoodresultsinatleastafew subjects. Then there is a demonstrable desire to help one self. Then the

REA/REFprogrammecanmakeadifferencetohisperformance.However, even “straight As” do not automatically translate to a positiveoutcome. The guidance provided by the REA/REF programme will help toimprovetheprobabilityofsuccessforthesestudentstoo,especiallywhentheyarefromlowerincomefamilieswithfewopportunities.Determiningamentee’sdesire tohelphimself isassessingwhetherhehas theright attitude to benefit from REF mentoring, leadership training and valueseducation.NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2012

Sent: Thursday, December 06, 2012 12:49 PM

YMP-SNAP0087

Hopeandthecommitmenttoamentoringplan

RCSerembanREFAwardeesLeannaTsenandSanthiKrishnanwithPresidentAlfred(2ndleft)andmentors,IPPKesh,RtnTonyPing

andPPAnthonySamy

Wikipedia defines Hope as beingtheemotionalstatewhichpromotesthe belief in a positive outcomerelatedtoeventsandcircumstancesin one's life.Despairis the oppositeof hope.Hope is the "feeling thatwhat is wanted can be had or thateventswillturnoutforthebest".The term "false hope" refers to a“hope” based entirely aroundafantasyor an extremely unlikelyoutcome.

Psychologist, C.R. Snyder says that hope is cultivatedwhenwe have a goal inmind, determination that a goal can be reached, and a plan on how to reachthose goals.Hopeful people are like the little engine that could, because theykeep telling themselves "I think I can, I think I can". Hope is the sum of thementalwill-power(“thedrivingforceinhopefulthinking”)andway-power(“thementalplansorroadmapsthatguidehopefulthought”)thatyouhaveforyourgoals.The difference between hope and optimism (or positive thinking) is that hopeentails pathways and thoughts to an intended goal. Optimism leads one to“expect thebest, but it doesnot necessarily provideany critical thinkingabouthowwe are going to arrive at this improved future”.With the sense of hopecomepositiveemotionssuchashappinessandjoy,courage,andempowerment.WhenanREFmentorcomesintothelifeofastudent,he(orshe)bringswithhimgreatoptimismof abetter future.Whetherornot this translates tohope,willdependonwhetherthereisamentoringplan(the“way-power”);fullycompletewith goals, strategies and actions. Where there is no plan, success is anextremelyunlikelyoutcome.

Letusnotbeapartytojustoptimismandanemptypromise–afalsehope.Yourcommitmenttoamentoringplaniswhatgivesrealhopetoyourmentee.“Theinnerholdaprisoner(person)hasonhisspiritualselfreliesonhavingahopeinthefuture,andthatonceaprisoner(person)losesthathope,heisdoomed.”

ViktorFrankl,Holocaustsurvivor,authorandpsychiatrist

NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2012

Sent: Wednesday, December 12, 2012 2:05 PM

YMP-SNAP0089

Self-Discipline

A man observed a woman in thegrocerystorewitha three-year-oldgirlin her basket. As they passed thecookie section, the child asked forcookiesandhermothertoldher,“No.”The little girl immediately began towhine and fuss and the mother saidquietly,“NowEllen,wejusthavehalfofthe aisles left to go through; don’t beupset.Itwon’tbelong.”HepassedtheMotheragaininthecandyaisle.Ofcourse,thelittlegirlbegantoshoutforcandy.Whenshewastoldshecouldn’thaveany,shebegantocry.Themothersaid,“There, there,Ellen;only twomoreaisles togo,and thenwe’llbecheckingout.”Themanagainhappenedtobebehindthepairatthecheck-out,wherethelittlegirlimmediatelybegantoclamorforgumandburstintoaterribletantrumupondiscoveringtherewouldbenogumpurchasedtoday.Themotherpatientlysaid,“Ellen,we’llbethroughthischeckoutstandinfiveminutes,andthenyoucangohomeandhaveanicenap.”The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman tocomplimenther.“Icouldn’thelpnoticinghowpatientyouwerewithlittleEllen…”Themotherbrokein,“Mylittlegirl’snameisTammy…I’mEllen.”


©RCBKS2012

Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2012 11:24 AM

YMP-SNAP0090

OfPraiseandGratification

MenteesChyeSoonandLetchumananwith

RotaryMentorJeremyattheTelekomMuziumvisitrecently.

Many,includingsignificantsponsors,havesaidthattheyappreciateusfordoing this project. It is one thing todoacommunityserviceproject,itisquiteanothertodoalongtermoneinvolvingeducationofyoungsters.Inthecontextofthecurrenttimes,thisis an extremely important project,teaching students to be self-sufficient and equally vital, helpingthem understand why they shouldonedaybeserving.Manyacknowledgeusfordoingyouthmentoringwhichdistinguishesourprojectfromothersinvolvedingivingoutfinancialscholarships.Yetothersadmireusforbeing so organized despite doing this on a voluntary and part-time basis.Wehavemanydedicatedindividualsresponsiblefor,andwhoseethevaluein,this.If the REF has not said this enough, we thank all involved; the Rotarians, thevolunteers,thesponsors,theteachersandthepartners-in-service.Nottheleast,aretheresponsivestudents,someofwhomhavealreadysuccessfullycompletedtheirawards.Ultimately,theyareourproof.Andthentherearethosewhohavenotonlycompletedit,buthavecomebacktogivetestimonytothose,studentsandhelpersalike,inneedofmotivationandinspirationtoreachthenextlevelofcommitment or achievement. There is nothingmore convincing and gratifying,thensuccessfulawardees.Theystillhavetheirlivesaheadofthem.Beyond the praise and the gratification though, as mentors, we must remindourselves constantly of the importance of our work; the impact that we canmake when we give our time and commitment selflessly to this cause. Andconcurrently,thecaretoowemustgivetoourwordswhenengagingwithyoungandimpressionableminds.Educationanditsmultipliereffect–itisbig.Itiswhywe are here. Those providing the infrastructure support for this project have

done the best they can; but onlywe, as on-the-ground-frontlinementors, canengageandprovidethehumantouchthatwillcrystallizethepositivedifferencethattheprogrammeaimstoachieve.ItiseveningandIamwritingthisarticlewhilewaitingformyspouse,avolunteermentor,whowillbebackhomelatebecauseshewillbevisitingandmentoringherstudent.It’saFridaynightandtheweekendisuponusagain.SheandIcouldbe out shopping or dining or just watching TV. But insteadwe volunteer onlyabouttwohoursofourtimewillingly;hopingthatthetimeinvestedwillmakeadifferencetoayounglife,ifnotnowthenmaybesomeday.Whatmorecanweask?NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2012

Sent: Wednesday, December 26, 2012 1:48 PM

YMP-SNAP0091

AParent’sLettertohisadolescentchild

LauSiewWeireceivingherREFAward

fromRCBKSPresidentGhaurryinJuly2012

Mydearchild,

NewYearisuponusagain.Asyougrowoldereachyearandasyouare gaining more independence andhopefullyabitmorefreedom*too,itisagoodtimeformetopenafewwordstoyou about what it means to begin totake personal responsibility of your life.AndIdon’tmeanjustkeepingyourtableand room clean or hanging up theclothes;foryouarenowbeyondthese.Youarenowatacrossroad.Atthismomentinyourlife,yourbiggestchallengeishowtoallowyourtrueselftosurface.Thisyoucandobyengaginginhonest,hardwork.Youwilldiscoverthatyourtrueselfisallgoodandthatyouhaveunlimitedpotential.Itexistsineveryoneofus.Believeit.Life may not be a smooth journey but you have the power to make it easier.Discoverthatpowerandstrengthareonthesideoftruthandhonesty.Dishonestyerodesourcredibilityandourabilitytoachievesuccess.It isthethiefofourself-confidence.Andwithoutself-confidencewecannotachieveanythingmeaningfulorworthwhile.Inyourjourney,youwillexperiencefailuresometimes.Weallhaveto.Faceitheadon honestly, and you will have the strength to overcome it. When you takeresponsibilityofyourlife,failureisoneofyourbestfriendswhowillguideyoutosuccess. In failureexists lessonstosuccess.Successor failuremaynotalwaysbeyour choice. But remember, when you fail, you don’t have to fail to learn thelessontoo.Thatisyourchoice.Keep looking for inspiration and know that it can be found in the simplest of

things.Whenyouexperienceinspiration,letitigniteahigherpurposewithinyou,apurposebeyondself.Byallmeansenjoythelittlethingsinlife;theclothing,thejewelry, etc., and yes, even themoney. But keep them in perspective. It is yourpurposethatyoushouldalwayskeepyoureyeon.Once you become aware of your purpose, youwill become passionate about it.Thenthesacrificestoachieveitdonotseembig.Andwhileyouareachievingthat,alwaysrememberthatitisyourresponsibilitytohelpothersachieveittoo.Thehumancapacitytoachievegoodthingsandtohelpothersachieveittooisunlimited.HappyNewYear!Love,Dad *Freedomisastateofmind. NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2012

Sent: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 11:06 AM

ThetalkativemouseYMP-SNAP0092

A talkative mouse, a rat, and a smallshrew were trapped in a flood,desperately clinging to the side of a lilypad-andsinkingfast!Ahelpfulowlcameto their rescue, first telling the rat toclamp its teethonto its talonsas theowlflew to safety and then returning for theshrew, who receivedsimilar instructions.Finally, as the tides rose ever higher, theowlcamebackforourtalkativemouse.

“You are rescued andwill live!” said the owl. “But I’ve noticed you talk a lot.Promiseme you’ll keep yourmouth closed aroundmy legs and on no accountopenit,oryou’llfalltoyourfate!”“Of course!” said the mouse, who proceeded to clamp his mouth onto hisfeatheredrescuer’slandinggear.They tookoff and flewacross the floods. Theowlwas about to landon somehighground,butthemousedecidedhewantedtoalightsomeotherplacetogetdry.“Notthere…”shoutedthemouse,butthosewerethelastwordsheeverspokeashefellintotheswirlingwatersbelow.We can all laugh at such a silly tale because we never behave in such self-destructiveways,ordowe?Ofcoursewedo-althoughperhapsnotasobviously-butwhy?

“Self-sabotageiswhenwesaywewantsomething,Andwegoaboutmakingsureitdoesn’thappen.”

AlyceP.Cornyn-Selby

The mouse in our story failed to observe the bigger picture when he feltcompelledtotalk,butyou’renotamouse-soyoushouldn’tlivelikeone.*Extractedfrom“UncommonHelp”byMikeTyrell

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonits

programme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.©RCBKS2012

Sent: Wednesday, January 09, 2013 1:28 PM

Self-sabotageYMP-SNAP0093

WhenweareindifficultyandagoodSamaritancomes toouraid,wemaysometimesthinkthatitistoogoodtobe true or we may believe that weare unworthy of being helped. Yethelp is what we need. And so,particularly when that person tryingto help is someone close to us, weshould not be suspicious and ask,“What’sthetraphere?”Ifwedo,itiscalled self-sabotage and we willeventually spiral to unhappiness, ifnotfailure.

Takeastepbackandobservewhatwearedoing–observeourself.Getoutofthenegativeandviciousself-sabotagethoughtcyclebyasking,“Doesthispersonhave the knowledge and experience to help?” If the answer is “Yes”, then sayinstead, “I want to learn from him (or her).” And if this person is initially anacquaintance,ask too,“Doeshehavea reason tohavebad intentions?Does itbenefit him to have bad intentions?” If the answers are “no”, then we mustchangeournegativeperceptionof things.Believe that thehelp is genuineandgoodforus.Acceptitwithgraceandthenlearnfromit.Countitasablessing.Don’tbearroganttothink,“He’steachingmebecausehehasto.”Noonehasto.Nor be self-absorbed to think, “I don’t need help.” Ifwe have these attitudes,whothenisevergoingtobeabletohelp(orteach)us?Behumble.Whoelsecanwetrusttohelpusifwecannottrustthepeopleclosesttous?Sometimesthehelpmaynotcomeintheformthatweexpect.Don’tsay,“Idon’tlikethewayheisteachingme.”Thisisstillself-sabotageandself-destructive.Wemusthavethepersonalhonestytorealizetheneedforhelpandwelcomeit; ifit’srightandgoodforus,evenifit’snot“perfect”.Andafterthehelp(oradvice)is given, don’t be selfish; show appreciation by sharing our true feelings ofgratitudetothepersonthatsincerelyandgenerouslytriedtohelpus.

Imagine if theuglyducklinghadconcluded that itwasn’t “goodenough” to flywiththeswans.Weneedtobeopenandexplorethepossibilitiesof life.Don’tworryaboutthe“processofdelivery”.Bemoreconcernedaboutthe“content”ofthehelp(oradvice)andthe“intention”ofthehelper.Thesearethequalitiesofanenlightenedlearner.Wemusthavetheself-confidencetobelievethatwearegoodenoughtodeservehelp,especiallybysomeoneclosetous.Andsoitistoofromsomeonewhohasnoreasontohavebadintentions,evenifinitiallyheisanacquaintanceandseemsnotclosetous(likeanewmentor);theyareoftenthosewhoactuallywanttohelpandcanhelp.Wejusthavetobelieveit.Someofourmenteesmayhavesuchfeelingswithrespecttoourhelp.Asafirststep,realizethisandempathizewiththem;andthenseehowwecanworkwiththemtodeveloptrustandovercomesuchfeelings.


©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, January 15, 2013 3:26 PM

YMP-SNAP0094

It’sourconstraint,nottheirlackofpotential

The roleofREFmentoring is tohelpthose who already have a desire tohelp themselves (the “desire”),achieve their potential. It is not tosay that those that do notdemonstratethatdesiredonotneedhelp - that’s a job for trainedprofessionals such as teachers,counselors and psychologists (notREFmentors).WhileREFmentorsareworking professionals who are part-time volunteers prepared to sharetheirtimeandexperiencetonurturea student we are however nottrained to help such challengingcases.

MentorChianKhaiwithstudentSonia

Because we have to match our strengths with student needs, it immediatelyconstraints us to selecting only from the group of students that are able to behelpedeffectivelythroughourtypeofmentoring.Whatkindsofstudentscanwehelp?Studentscomeinall“shapesandsizes”.Someare currently doingwell in their studies, somearenot.Doingwell academically*coupled with a good attitude** are strong indicators that a student has alreadybegun to take responsibility for his (or her) future – already has a demonstrabledesire.SuchastudentisaprimecandidateforREFmentorship.Yetpresentamongthosethatarenotcurrentlydoingwell intheirstudiesmaybethosewhomayyeteventuallyfindtheirwaytosuccessthroughacademicsorotherwise,becausetheydiscover their calling later in life. But the REF is less effective at uncovering andnurturingsuchcandidates.REFmentoring is thereforeadevelopmentalprocess tosupportstudentswhoare

alreadygoodacademically.AnREFmentorthenproceedstomouldsuchastudenttogreaterheights,toachievehispotential.Inparticular,theREFmakessurethatastudentdoesn’tgoofftherailsbecauseheisinfinancialdifficulty.Thementoractsas a “compass” for thementee, guidinghim in the rightdirectionbyhelpinghimdevelop strong values, most effectively through role modeling. But the menteemustunderstandthathehastodothehonesthardworknecessarytosucceed.ItisnottheroleofanREFmentortohelpaweakstudentbecomeagoodone,butitis his (or her) role to help a good student stay good or become a better one.Compassion and good intention on our part are not sufficient to nurture aweakstudent to success.While our strength is inmoulding young peoplewho alreadyhavethe“desire”andnurturingthisspark intoa flame,wehavetorecogniseourconstraints andwemust therefore not bite offmore thanwe can chew. It’s ourconstraint,nottheirlackofpotential.AnREFmentormust ensure thathe attends all support sessionsprovidedby theREF in order to equip himself well for the serious business of mentoring. Neverforgetthatwearedealingwitharealpersoninthementeeandourperformanceasamentorhasastrongbearingonhisfuture.Recognisingourconstraintsalongwithutilisingourstrengthsarehowwedefineourniche,andhowwecanbestdelivervaluetothecommunity.*TheREFAwardeeSelectionGuidestipulatestheminimumacademicqualifications.**Goodattitudeheremeans that theyarealready subscribingorare likely to subscribe to theREFValues,namelySelf-confidence,Honesty,Responsibility,HumilityandCompassion.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, January 22, 2013 12:24 PM

YMP-SNAP0095

TeachingAwareness–TheRoleoftheREFA child is generally born pristine,emotionallywelladjustedandfullofself-confidence. Parents may unwittinglyerode away his (or her) self-confidenceovertimeandhenceaffecthisemotionalwell being. The responsibility of parentstowardsachildisthreefold:§ Providethechildwithagoodsetof

values,§ Provideopportunitiesforthechildto

discoverhimself,and§ Refrainfromerodinghisself-

confidence.

Whiletheconductofthechild,“good”or“bad”,maygenerallybeduetonurturing(or lack thereof) of the parents, yet somewhere between adolescent andadulthood,the individual(child)must learntostopblaminghisparentsandstarttakingresponsibilityforhisactionsandforhisfuture.Orinotherwords,developtheabilityto“helphim/herself”.Whenhedecidestomakethischoice,hematuresintoanindependentadult.The difference between maturity and immaturity is largely the “awareness” oftakingthisresponsibility.Theparents’roleistosupportthisdevelopmentthroughthethreefoldresponsibilitymentionedabove.While itmaybearguablewhetherthe development of this awareness can be hastened, it is certainly possible tohinderitbynotprovidingtheappropriatesupport.Mentoringisanhonour,aprivilegeandaresponsibility.Fewpeoplegetachanceto do it, yet (or because) it only requires volunteering. The interventions andsupportamentorcanprovidearenotunlikethatofaparent–helpingthechildtosucceedby“awakeninghimtoawareness”.AndsothemainroleoftheREFistohelpthestudentdevelopthisawareness.Besidestheawarenessofresponsibility,throughtheREFthestudentwillgainawarenessofotherhumanitarianvaluesas

well.And in successfullydoing so,he turns intoausefuladultanda responsiblecitizenofhiscommunity.


©RCBKS2013


YMP-SNAP0096

Whatisajournal?

Writingandkeepingajournalholdsthepossibility of deepening our self-understanding, and to making addedsenseofourlivesandwhatwebelieve.Itcanalsohelpustoentertain,containand channel troubling emotions andgainperspective.We may also develop a greaterawareness of daily life; become morealive to what is happening to, andaround, us in the daily round. At apractical level, writing and keeping ajournal can both help us withadministrativetasks(likereportingwhathappened,whenandwhy)andwiththeprocess of setting goals and managingourtimeandpriorities.

UndertheRotaryEducationAward,menteesaregivenahard-covernotebookandencouragedtouseitasajournaltocapturetheirthoughtsandquestionssothattheymay discuss themwith theirmentors. They are also encouraged to recordimportant“lessons”fromthementoringsessionsinthis journalsothattheymayconveniently review them later. Such a process of discipline will help menteeskindleawarenessnotonlyofbetteracademicperformancebutequallyimportant,ofanappreciationoflifeingeneral.Enclosedherewithisasetofslideswhichyou,asamentor,cansharewithyourmenteeon“WritingandKeepingaJournal”.Pleasemakeacopyforhim(orher).NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF from time to time provides shortwrite-ups on itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, February 05, 2013 1:26 PM

YMP-SNAP0097

Whenoneteaches,twolearn

As a “teacher” (or mentor), there islittleyoucandoifthestudent isnotready.Itisfutiletoimposeyourideasonthestudent.Butwhatyoucandoas a good teacher is to always beavailable. Because sometimes, youmay not realize the moment thestudentisready.Butbyalwaysbeingavailable,when the student is readythetransmissionwillbegin.

DGMansoor(2ndleft)withRCPantaiValleypresentingtheirfirst(4)REAawardeesandtheirmentorson4Feb2013

“Ifyouwanttobeagoodteacher,makeyourselfalwaysavailable.Ifyouwanttobeagoodstudent,makeyourselfalwaysreadytolearn.”

The mentee must enter the relationship with the profound humility of thenoviceseekingwisdom,whilethementormustenterwiththeevenprofounderhumility of the sagewho knowshow truly little heor she knows.Whenoneteaches,twolearn.Mentoringisseriousbusiness.Itrequiresself-knowledgeandconviction.Ifyoucan’tdoanythingexcept to just listen,youarealreadyagoodmentor.But ifyou are going to give advice, be careful. You are handling a young andimpressionablemind.Don’ttakethingstoolightly.Youcandoit,butknowyourlimitations.Bemindfulandbehumblethatyoumaynothavetheanswers,solistenfirst.It’salrighttosayyouwillthinkaboutitandgetback.Thendoyourhomework.Neverbeafraidtosay,“Ineedhelp”.



KhalilGibran


©RCBKS2013

Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 12:44 PM

YMP-SNAP0098

GuidingStudentsandTrainingParents

Educating children is mostly abouteducating parents on their conduct. Inturn, the conduct of parents is aneducationtothechildren.



REFMentors(L)withanAwardeeandhisparent(R)

A child is generally born emotionally well balanced and full of self-confidence.Oftenovertimeandthroughbadhabits,parentsunwittinglyerodehis(orher)self-confidence,adverselyaffectinghisemotionalwell-being.Inachild’seducation,theresponsibilityofparents isthreefold:Providethechildwithagoodsetofvalues,create the space andopportunities for the child todiscoverhimself, and forbearerodinghisself-confidence.

Likeeducatingchildren,mentoringtooisalotabouttrainingparents/guardianontheir “conduct”.AnREFmentormay spendabout2-3hours inamonthwith thestudent.Whereas parents spendmuchof the available formative timewith him.They are his real guides and greatest influence. Amentor can teach the studentgoodvaluesonlytohavetheworkundonebyparentsiftheydonotbelieveinorfullyappreciatethepurposeofthementoringprogramme.

Helpparentsunderstand thephilosophyof theprogrammeandhow it is a goodpath for their child. Request that they be present at the mentoring sessions,especially in the beginning. In betweenmentor visits, haveparents reinforce themessages you are trying to convey. Invite parents to our REF activities. Parentsmustnotdoanything thatmaysabotage theprocess.Foranystudentmentoringprogrammetosucceed,parentsmustsubscribetothevaluesbeingtaught,workinghand-in-handassupportivepartnerstothementor/s. NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013


YMP-SNAP0099

Speakinwordsthatyourstudentcanunderstand

Makeyourselfunderstood.Communicate ina language that the other can understand.Even the most profound truths aremeaningless to those who do notunderstandyourlanguage.“Much as Iwould like to give you the rightwords, in order for them to take effect onyou, the words must mean something toyou. You have to ‘own’ the words. MakethemYOURwords,” said theMaster to thestudent.That’swhytheMasterseemstobeasking questions rather than providinganswers.

SimilarlywiththeteachingofValues.Thereisnoavoidingaskingyourmenteetostate for himself (or herself) what values are important to him and then startfromthere.Intheendwhathecreatesmaynotbeidealbutatleasttheyareinhisownwords.That’sallwecandoforhimnow,at“hisstageofdevelopment”.Goingfasterwillnotmakeadifference.Asmentoryoumusthavepatience.Don’tworryfornowifhiswordsmayberoughorhisideassimplistic.Atleastheunderstands them. That’s what’s important. Because they are his ownwords,theyresonatewithhim.Whenthewordsmeansomethingtostartwith,hewillowntheideabehindthem.Intimeandwithyourguidance,hewillimproveonit.Iftheydon’tmeanmuch,hewilltakenonoticeofthemandwillsoonabandontheidea.Soifthewordsaregoingtomeananything,theymustfirstcomefromhim.Resistancewillbeminimal.Then suddenlyandhopefully sooner thanyouexpect,thestudentisready.Theteacherhasappeared…andthetransmissionofwholesomevalueshasbegun.Positivechangestartstakingplace.

“Ifyouwanttocommunicatewithsomebody,youhavetostartfromwherevertheyare,notfromwhereveryouare.

Yougotowherevertheirunderstandingisandyoutakelittletinystepsoneatatimetohelpthemreachabetterunderstanding.

Youcannotcommunicateunlessyoustartwhereyouraudienceexists.”ThomasW.Campbell,physicistandauthor

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013


YMP-SNAP0100

Youthmentorsmakeapositivedifference–TeAwhiahuaHillmanandBurnetteO'Connor

The next item on Te Awhiahua andBurnette's to-do list is to go to agaragesaletogether.Alreadythey'vebeen to the zoo, an art gallery, thebeach - Awhi has even stayed atBurnette's place in Warkworth. Thepairplantobelifelongfriends,yet,ifit wasn't for the First Foundation,thesetwomightneverhavemet.Awhiisa19-year-oldMtWellingtonmumwith12siblings.Afterthebirthofherdaughter,Teanahera,fouryearsago,Awhispenttwoyearsathomecaringforher, before returning to school.Now that she's graduated fromOne TreeHillCollege, Awhi hopes to study psychology, Maori studies and criminology atuniversity.Hermentorisaresourceandenvironmentalplannerwhostartedherownsuccessfulcompany,O'ConnorPlanningConsultants.BurnettehashelpedAwhiestablishastudyroutine,andsuggestedtherightpeopletocontacttotalkaboutjobopportunities."Burnieisalwaysencouragingandneverjudgmental,"saysAwhi."She'saneasyphone call away if ever I need advice and is always supportive of me andTeanahera.Shemakesusfeelcomfortablearoundherandherfamily.Iwanttobe able to have a stable job inwhatever profession I end up in and set up abrighterfutureformydaughter."Thepartnershiphasn'tjustbenefitedAwhi,whosaysBurnette'spresenceinherlifehasgivenheranewperspective.Burnettetoosaysshe'slearnedalotaboutthepressuresfacingyoungpeopleinAwhi'ssituation."I'mamazedathowpoliticallysavvysheis,muchmoresothanIwasatthatage.There'squiteanawarenessofhowthingswork,ofgovernmentservices,social

policy issues.Awhiamazesme,she isverycapable,knowledgeable,confident,friendlyandstrong.She isalsoopenandhasanamazingperspectiveofmanyissues."Burnette got involved with the First Foundation through friends who'd beenthroughthementoringprocess."I thinkaspectsofourpersonalitiesaresimilarandthishelps,especiallywhenyou'rediscussingbiglifechangeslikeleavingschoolandgoingontouniversity.There are laughs and joyful moments and moments when the differentperspectivesmakeyourealisehowyourownideasandexperiencesarejustthat- your own - and they don't necessarily apply to others. No two people'sexperienceswillbethesameandmanyaspectsofthetransitionfromschooltouniversityareasmallpartinamuchgreaterjourney.""Thingshavechanged,"addsAwhi,"becauseIhaveafriendtocallwhenIneedhelpwithsomethingorwiseadvicethatisdifferenttomyparents'."AnextractfromTheNewZealandHeraldontheFirstFoundationNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Thursday, March 07, 2013 11:22 AM

YMP-SNAP0101

AwakeningtoAwareness

Much of mentorship must focuson the objective of kindling“awareness”inthementee.Inthesimplest sense, this meansawakening him (or her) to beingable to see clearly; and to beingthe person he should be. This isthe basis of a values-basededucation.

Studentsatthe1stREFLeadershipCampMarch2010

Whenachildisawakenedtoawarenessheunderstandswhatitmeanstotakeresponsibility forhisactionsandforhisfuture.Heappreciatesthathisactionscomewithconsequences;thatgoodconsequencesfollowgoodactionsandviceversa.Yetheaccepts thathis “failures”arenotattributable toanyoneelseoreventohiscircumstances;thatwithawareness,failureinfactpointsthewaytosuccess.Withawareness,heknowsthatdespitehiscircumstancesheholdsthepowertochangeinhisownhands.Healwayshas.Heappreciatesthattheonlychange he has control over is change to himself, starting with the ability tochangehowhelooksatthings.Andthathecannotcontrolwhat lifethrowsathimbuthecancontrolhowherespondstoit.Indeedtakingcontroloverselfistheonlycontrolhehasandtheonlycontrolheneeds.Withcontrolofself,hecan“control”ormastertheworld–bytakingchargeofhisownlifeandbybeinganexampletoothers.Whenapersonisawakened,hedoesnotblamehisparentsfornotdevelopingthereadinghabitinhimbecausehewasnotreadtowhenhewasaninfant.Hejustreadsnowbecauseheknowsits“good”forhim.Hedoesnotblamebeingborn intopoverty fornotbeingable toachieve.He justdoeswhat it takes tosucceed. He takes charge of the change necessary because that’s theresponsiblethingtodo.

“Youmustbethechangeyouwishtoseeintheworld.”–MohandasGandhi


©RCBKS2013

Sent: Wednesday, March 13, 2013 10:46 AM

YMP-SNAP0102

Dowhatittakestoachievethebigpicturegoal

How do you motivate a studentwho says he doesn’t like aparticular school subject? Answer:Get him to see the next level up,biggerpicture–askhim ifhe likesto get a good scholarship toUniversity? Does he wish to haveunlimited opportunities? Then tellhimthatgettinggoodresults inallsubjectswill open thedoor to thescholarship(andopportunities).

Bymovingup to thenext levelbigpicture, thequestionofwhetherhe likesaparticularsubjectbecomesirrelevantwhenhesayshelikestobesuccessful.Hejusthasto“dowhat it takes”tobesuccessful.Hehastodowhat is right,notjustwhathelikes(atthesmallpicturelevel).Thisiscalledbeingself-disciplined.Dowhatittakestogetitdone.Inotherwords,JUSTDOIT!JustDoIt–SeeingandanchoringyourapproachonthebigpictureLikingordislikingat the lower levelbecomesan irrelevantquestion,onceyousee the big picture and you’ve decided you like the big picture goal. In thisexample,whatyoudolikeistobesuccessful.Andinordertobesuccessful,youhave to get good results in all subjects. So, just do it. In fact if you still keepasking whether you do like a subject or not, once you have decided to besuccessful, you are just distracting yourself (unfocused) and sabotaging yourchancesofachievingthebigpicturegoal.Atthehighestlevel,thebiggestpictureis:“Whatdoyouwantinyourlife?”i.e.whatmeaningdoyouwanttogivetoyourlife?WhenTigerWoodsdecidedthathe wants to be the No. 1 golfer in the world (big picture), he doesn’t askwhetherhe likes topracticehittinga thousandballseveryday (smallpicture).No!Hejustdoesitbecausethat’swhatittakestobeNo.1.

Withthisapproach,thestudentwillrealizethatwhilehedoesn’talwaysgettodowhathelikesatthesmallpicturelevel,hegetstobewhathelikesatthebigpicturelevel.

“Youshouldn’tbeaskingwhatyouliketodo.Youshouldbeaskingwhatyouwanttobe.

Andonceyouhavedecidedwhatyouwanttobe,youjustdowhatittakestogettowhatyouwanttobe.”


©RCBKS2013

Sent: Wednesday, March 20, 2013 1:31 PM

YMP-SNAP0103

Awareness-Listening-AskingQuestions

“Power” is transmitted to thestudent through thecommunication of knowledge froma “teacher”, e.g. an experiencedindividual. This knowledgerepresents power because for thestudent, it empowers him (or her)with the ability to open doors, togetthingsdoneinthefuture.Thisispart of what’s called gaining aneducation.

Suchmomentsoftransmissionoccurmanytimesduringtheday.Besidesbeingaperson,the“teacher”maysimplybeanoccurrence,anexperienceorevenathought.Thequestioniswhetherthestudentisawarethatsuchpowerisbeingtransmittedatthatmoment.Ifthestudent’slevelofawarenessishigh,hewillbeabletocapturemostoftheinformation.Ifitislowhewillmissmost,ifnotallofit.What is this “awareness”? It is taking responsibility for learning. It is beingconscious.Putsimply, it isbeingobservant, listeningwellandaskingquestionswhenthingsarenotclear.Howcanthestudentsharpenthisawareness?Hecando so by learning the right values; values such as humility, honesty,responsibility,self-beliefandcompassion–the5KeyREFValues.Howdoweteachthekeyvalues?Asamentor,wedoitbyfirstlylearningthem(mentorawareness).Wedoitalsobyhumblypointingthemouttothestudentattherightmoments.Butmostofall,wedoitbybeingalivingexampleofthevalues. In other words, by being a good compassionate role model to thementee.Finally, we mustn’t overlook that while most times the mentor may be theteacherandthementee,thestudent;sometimesthesituationmayrequirethat

thementorstepsintotheshoesofastudentandletthementeebehis(orher)teacher.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013


YMP-SNAP0104

AwakeningMentorAwareness

Automatic mentoring strikes again.Mentorsmustrealizenottoberunningon "automatic" mode without anyseeming awareness as to how crucialyourwords,actionsandbehavioraretoyouryoungmentee.Wearenotlookingfor perfection but we do wish to seementors operating from a positivementoringstyle.Thismeanslessuseof“profanities”, less threateningmenteeswith “punishment” and lessdiscouragement. It is mentoring froman informed optimistic, encouragingandconsciousplace.

Sowheredoesthisleaveus?Eachofusonaregularbasisneedstostep-backandtakeareviewofour: Words -Wordshavethepowertopropelayoungperson’s lifeordiscouragehis(or her) dreams. Be careful in your words. Not perfect but thoughtful. Andadolescentsfullyacceptapologiesaswellasmostcanextendalevelofforgivenessandcompassionforyou. Actions-Doyourwordsandactionsmatch?Theoldsaying,"doasIsay,notasIdo" never made sense, yet it is still sometimes used by some of us with ourchildren.Amentor’swordsandactionsshouldbeinalignmentsothatthementeetruly can learn how to become authentic and trust that it is not only okay, butsupportedinthisworld.Hencetheimportanceofbeinganeffectiverolemodel. Feelings-Feelingsreallyare indicators. Ifyouarefeeling incrediblyfrustratedorangrywithyourmentee- itmightbeatimeforyoutotakea"timeout."Really.Yourfeelingsmatterandasyoutakebettercareofyourownemotionalwellbeingsuchgainsnaturallyspillintoyourmentoringstyle.

Thoughts-Ourthoughtstrulycreateourworlds.Sobeingmindfulofhowwethinkaboutourmenteeisessential.Inotherwords,don'tlabelhim(orher)eveninyourmind (i.e. the smart one, the quiet one, the badmath student, the slow one).Focus upon your mentee's unique and positive qualities (i.e. excellent painter,mechanicallyskilled,giftedsinger)aswellasthinkingpositivethoughtsabouthimwill be a priceless gift. Itmay not be easywhen yourmentee fails to take your“instructions”---buttry,justalittlebitharder. Words, actions, feelingsand thoughts that convey similarencouragingmessagesareattheheartofpositivementoring.Itismentoringwithadeepenedawarenessasyousupportthesehighlyintelligentstudents.NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF from time to time provides shortwrite-ups on itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, April 02, 2013 4:15 PM

YMP-SNAP0105

Areyouinterestedtobesuccessful?Self-DisciplineThe good news is:we don’t havetobe“smart”tobesuccessful.Weneed only have averageintelligence. If we have that,success is determined by havingself-discipline; the self-disciplinetodowhat is right,not justwhatwe like. The more self-disciplinewe have, themore successfulwewillbe.

Rotary District 3300 Governor Mansoor Saat with students at the REF Youth Leadership Camp 2013 in Port Dickson

Wemusthavethehonestytorecognizeandconfrontour“criticalweaknesses”,and address them. Like leaks in a boat, critical weaknesses must be pluggedbeforedoinganythingelsebecausenomatterhowmuchwe strengthenotherpartsofaleakyboat,leaksifleftunplugged,willeventuallysinkthewholeboat.Thelackofself-disciplineisonesuchleak(criticalweakness).Besidesthis,forself-disciplinetobeeffectivelongterm,weneedthewill-power(determination) to sustain it, to stay the course doing the right things. Will-power is dependent on having amission in life that resonates with our corebeliefsor values; amission that resonateswithourheart.Whenwearedownand distracted, recalling a mission statement that resonates will effectivelyremindusofwhatweareheretodoandgivesusthewill-powertogetbackoncourse.Wehavetobeself-disciplined inordertoachieveourgoals.Andwhenweachieveourgoals,weachieve“success”.

“Disciplineisthebridgebetweengoalsandaccomplishment.”JimRohn

Self-discipline is the ability to do what we should do, when we should do it,whetherwelikeitornot,i.e.doingwhatisrightandnotjustwhatwelike.

Pleasefindanopportunitytosharethiswithyourmentee.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Wednesday, April 10, 2013 12:34 PM

YMP-SNAP0106

TheREFValues



Yetwearenousetoothersunlesswefirsthelpourself.TheREFprogrammesthereforeaim tohelp studentswhodesire tohelp themselves, firstlydiscoverwhotheyareandthentohelpthemunlocktheirpotential–givethemabetterstarttoabetterlife.Butwecanfullyunlockourpotentialonlywhenwerealizethatwearemeantforahigherpurpose,apurposebeyondjustselftoonewitha regard for others. Understanding that we are something greater than ourindividualselfandthatthroughselflessnesswecanaccessallofhumanity,willwebeabletounlockwhatwearefullycapableof–ourfullpotential.Then,willwebeabletoleadacomplete,usefulandfulfillinglife.


Those behaviours that are associated withdevelopingselflessnessandloveforall,suchas“LoveOthersasYourSelf”and“ServiceAboveSelf”,arecallednoblevalues.HenceintheREF,students are taught to embrace noble values;not just in order to create a better life forthemselves but ultimately, to create a betterlifeforall–abetterworld.



©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, April 16, 2013 10:59 AM

YMP-SNAP0107

TheFiveKeyREFValues

TheFiveKeyREFValues

TheRotaryEducationAward(REA)isavalues-based holistic educationprogramme. This means it promotesan educational philosophy that isbasedon valuing self, others and theenvironment through the teaching ofhumanitarian and ethical values(noble values). The Rotary EducationFund (REF) helps each awardee findidentity,purpose,andmeaning in lifethrough connections to thecommunity,tothenaturalworld,andthroughnoblevalues.Self-belief isthemostsignificantofallpersonalvalues.Tobeginwith,apersonmust believe he (or she) has the potential to do something or the capacity toimprove.Withself-belief,othervaluescanbelearnt.While the REF can support a student in his education (and self-discovery), thestudenthimselfmusttakepersonalresponsibilityforit.Inotherwords,hemusthave a “desire to help himself”, to take the necessary action to overcome hischallenges.Totakethisresponsibility,heneedstohave:thehonestytoacceptandfacehisreality,theself-belief(orcourage)toaskquestionsandrealizethathe has the ability to succeed.Hemust also have thehumility to acknowledgethathedoesn’tknoweverythingandthathehasto learnfromotherswhoareabletohelp.Andfinally,hemusthavethecompassiontoforgivehimselfwhenhemakesmistakesandtorecognizethatmistakes (or failure)merelypointthewaytosuccess.Ifheequipshimselfandbelievesinthesevalues,lifewillpresenthimwiththenecessaryopportunitiestosucceed.Educationisthekeytogetfromdifficultcircumstancestosuccess.Developtherightvaluesandthestudentwilleffectivelygainaneducation.Besidespersonalresponsibility,anindividualalsohasaresponsibilitytohisfamilyandcommunity,whichtooisfulfilledthroughapropereducation.Here,thevalueofcompassion

(caringforothers)willhelpthestudentbecomeausefulmemberofthefamilyandagoodcitizen,andwillenablehimtoeventuallygainrealhappinessinlife.And so in order to achieve the REA programme objectives, the REF valuescurriculum besides covering values in general, focuses attention on the fivesimple and easy to understand values of Self-Belief, Responsibility, Honesty,HumilityandCompassion–the“5KeyREFValues”–tohelpeachstudentgetabetterstart,abetterlife.As theirmentors,weareencouraged toemphasizeandmodel thesevalues totheawardees.

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachand toprovidegoodmentoring toour students, theREF fromtime to timeprovides shortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, April 23, 2013 11:25 AM

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KnowThySelf–TheREFStudySkillsSeminar2013A total of 17 REF Awardees(accompanied by 10 mentors and aparent)attendedthe½-dayStudySkillsSeminar conducted by the Rotary Clubof Bukit Kiara Sunrise on the Saturdayafternoon of 13April 2013 to giveREFawardees aboost in their preparationsfor the year-end exams. Besides fromRCBKS’sREF,4studentscamefromtheRotaryClubofPantaiValley’sREF.

TopREFstudentsL-RChyeSoon,LenardandMalanie

sharingtheirownstudytechniqueswithotherREFstudentsMore than 2500 years ago, the words “Gnothi Seauton” was inscribed at thelintel of the entrance to the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, the site of themostimportant oracle of the ancient Greeks. It is themost fundamental commandandthesolepurposeforourexistencehere, itwassaid. It isa journeybacktoour centre and to what awaits us there. The oracle is also said to haveproclaimedSocratesthewisestmaninGreece,towhichSocratessaidthatifso,thiswasbecausehealonewasawareofhisownignorance.ThisclaimisrelatedtowhatSocratessaidhelearnedatDelphi,GnothiSeautonor"KnowThySelf".Now,thisisnotasuperficialunderstandingofwhothepersoninthemirrorisallabout; your vices, your goals, your dreams or your past. This is understandingwhatyouare,whereyoucamefrom,whereyouaregoing,whyyouarehereandwhatyourpurposeis.

FormerschoolprincipalMrOngHockThye talked about different learningstyles and that a studentmust knowwhathisownlearningstyleisinorderto study effectively. REF AwardeesMalanie Palaniandy, Lenard Loh andSiong Chye Soon talked personally

Across-sectionofthestudents(REFAwardees)presentattheStudySkills

Seminarwithmentorssittingattheback

about honestly acknowledging andpractisingwhatworkedforthemandavoidingwhatdoesn’twhenitcomesto studying. The outcome:spectacularresultsfortheirexams.

Inconfrontingthepersonalchallengeofchoosingacareer,DrYeeemphasizedaholistic approach which explored the inter-relationship of personal values,identity (Who am I?),mission and deriving realmeaning in life. Indeed it waspointedoutthatknowingyour“missioninlife”isverymuchthebiggerpictureofthe subject of study skills.When you know yourmission in life youwill knowwhat career to chooseand youwill then take theaction to find thenecessarystudyskillstosucceed.Yetknowingwhereyouaregoingmustnecessarilystartby knowing first where you are – Know Thy Self – know your strengths,weaknessesandthevaluesyoubelievein.Heady subjects for teenagers? Maybe. But nevertheless, it is important andtimelytoaddresstheminamannerthattheycanappreciate,asmanyareattheagewhentheyarefacedwiththechallengeofhavingtochooseacareer.AndsobesidesthetalksoflearnedmenlikeMrOngandDrYee,gettingyoungsterslikeMalanie, Chye Soon and Lenard to share their thoughts and experiences firsthandintheir“ownlanguage”washopefullyjustwhatthestudentsneeded.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachand toprovidegoodmentoring toour students, theREF fromtime to timeprovides shortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Thursday, May 02, 2013 10:11 AM

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Toomanyformstofill?ThinkagainCustomisingtheREFmentoringprocesstotheneedsofthementee

In an effort to provide structure to thementoring process, the REF has providedseveral tools to be usedwith thementeethroughout the mentorship. These toolsoften appear as forms or templates thatare to be filled to guide both thementorand mentee through the mentoringprocess. However, not all templates needbe used. Different mentees may havedifferent circumstances and needs withregards to their education at the point intimewhen thementor enters his (or her)life.

Some better mentees may have reached a certain level of maturity andappreciateamorefreeflowingapproachtomentoringwhileotherweakeronesmay be still struggling with basic discipline and will therefore require a morestructured approach. The tools are meant to provide this structure whenrequired.Because a mentor normally only spends about two hours a month with thementee, there is littleopportunity toget toknowhimwell initially.That’swhythe REF advises that the mentee undergoes the HELP University’s Career Testpackage(Aptitude,PersonalityandIntereststests)todeterminethe“base-line”so that among others, a more rational approach to his mentoring can beestablished. Thereafter, the REFmentoring processmay be customised to suitthementeebyusingsomeorallofthetoolsprovided.It isuptotheindividualmentortodecidethisasbesthecan,withinputfromthetestsandtheon-goingexperiencewiththementee.In order to determine the most appropriate approach (i.e. more or less

structure),thementorhastobeveryhonestwithhis(orher)assessmentofthementee’scircumstancesandneeds,andnothimselfdisplayalackofdisciplinebyreducing the number of tools arbitrarily, when that’s not what’s best for thementee. Remember, thementee’s needs and his proper development are theprimeconsiderationshere.Yourobjective is tobeaneffectivementorbasedontheeffortyoucanafford,the needs of the student and your desire to achieve a positive outcome. Thetemplatesaremeant tohelpyou,not to constrainyou.Certainly theobjectiveisn’t to fill forms. Use only the ones that you think are helpful. Very few areactually mandatory. As a mentor, when in doubt about how detailed orstructuredyou shouldbe,alwaysapply the illuminatingmentoring litmus test,i.e.askyourselfthequestion,“whenIlookbackattheendofthementorship,hasmy presence in the life of the studentmade a positive impact, no impact or anegative impactonhisdevelopment?” If theanswer is the first, thenyouhavepassed the mentoring litmus test. If it is the 2nd or 3rd, then you need toimmediatelyreassesstheprocessyouareusing.Applythis litmustestregularlyinyourmentoring.Remember,ifyouareunsure,youcanalwaysrefertoavailableREFresourcesatthe Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise who will be glad to call on additionalsuitableassistancetosupportyou.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, May 14, 2013 11:41 AM

Self-Acceptance YMP-SNAP0111

Some of us define ourselves by howothersthinkofus.Weconstantlyseektheir approval and validation abouthowwearedoing.Whenweobtained8As (andnot 9As) for our exams andwe didn’t meet their expectations,they express disappointment. We inturn feel disappointedwith ourselvesbecause we have “let them down”.Our self-worth seems dependent onothers.

Othertimeswesetourownexpectationtoohigh.Whenwefail tomeet it,weare also disappointed. Here, we set ourselves up for failure naturally with anunrealisticexpectation.Whatshouldwedothentofeelsuccessandhappiness?Sagesofmanytraditionshaveadvisedusto,“knowandbeyourself”and“havenoexpectations”.Whatdothesereallymean?Manypeoplearenotlivingtruetothemselvesbecausetheyareafraidthattheirrealselveswouldnotbeacceptedbyothers.Outoffearofrejection,theyputonmasksandtakeonvariousroles.Theytakeonpersonasthatdonottrulyreflectthemselves,failingtotakeresponsibilityforwhotheyareandfailingtotakethenecessarilyrisksassociatedwithbeingwhotheyare.Asnegativeassomerolesmaysound, the focushere isnot topinpointpersonality flaws. Instead, it is toencouragepeopletolookintothemselves.Takeoffourmasksandbeourselves.Weshouldjustfocusourattentiononhonestlydoingourbestineveryimportantendeavor. That’s the only expectation we should have of ourselves. Learn tohavenoexpectationoftheresult.Whenwedoourbest,theoutcomeisthebestwecanhopefor;“weleavetheoutcometotheoutcome.”Ifwedoourbestandtheresultis8Asandnot9As,then8Asisallwecouldhaverealisticallyhopedfor,

regardlessofwhomightbeexpectingwhat.Andtherealtreasureis,inrealizingthis(bynotbeingdisappointed)wewillbeabletoseethepositivelessonarisingfromgettingthe8As–wejustneedtoopenourselvestoit.Afullygrownperson,isonewho,“haslistenedtohimself(orherself),andknowsthatnothingthathehearsabouthimselffromothersisevilorfrightening”.Ifonerejectshisownfeelingsandthoughts,hewouldonlybindhimselfwithguiltandself-pity.Itcouldevenleadtoself-punishmentwhichmaycontributeeventuallyto depression. Uncovering your true self (doing your best) and practicing self-acceptance is the key to gaining realistic self-esteem, personal growth andeventuallyourownhappiness.Bebrave,listenandacceptthetruevoicewithin.In the REF, we say the objective ofmentoring is to help ourmentee discoverhimself,takeresponsibilityforhisfutureandbethebesthecan.Inotherwords,helping him accept his true self to put himon the path to success…Abetterstart,abetterlife.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, May 21, 2013 12:26 PM

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UnitythroughNobleValuesThroughcompassionforallandtherealizationthatindiversityweareinfactblessedwithgreaterstrength,wecanhaverealunity.

Whenacountry isunited, itpossessesgreat strength. While strength cancome from being culturallyhomogeneous,greaterstrengthcomesfrom being culturally diverse. Indiversity, we benefit from a biggermelting pot of creative ideas. Whenonecommunity isabletocomplementits strength with another's, ultimatelythis summates into an enormouscompetitiveadvantageforthenation.

Lasting unity in a multi-racial country comes from recognizing each other'sdifferencesandacceptingeachother'suniquecharacter.Letusbehonest*.Wecannotpretend therearenodifferencesbetweenus, yetwecannotdeny thatdeepdownweareallthesame.In a multi-racial country, unity will not come from one community accusinganotherof ingratitude.Norfromathreattoeliminateacommunity'scharacterby trying forcibly tomake thecountrycommunallyhomogeneous.Norcananycommunitybemadetodisappear.Itisnotpossibletosucceedthisway.Indeedsuchstrategieswill forevermeetwithcontemptandresistance,andeventuallyresult infailureandresentment.Acommunitythathasevolvedoverthousandsor even hundreds of years cannot change its character overnight much lesssubmit itself to another's will. Any such forced and unnatural change will besuperficial andwill ringhollow. Itwill only createa seething timebombwhichwillonedayexplode.Real and lasting unity can only spring from andwell in the ground of positiveidealism,fromthesharingandpracticeofnoblevalues.Notfromthenegative

gutterpoliticsof fear andguilt. Itmust stir naturally andmovewillingly in theheartsofallcommunities.Everycommunityhastheirweakthatneedhelp.Wherethereisweak,letusallhumbly*helptheweakandtheweakinturntakeresponsibility*toimprove.Letus shine the light on the weakness and not mistakenly blame it on a wholecommunity.Andletusalltogetherwithcompassion*helpallwhoareweakinallour communities. For only through compassion by every one of us for all willthere be unity. Only in the wellbeing of all will we find our own completewellbeing.Let each community not be arrogant but instead strive to be self-confident*.Treateachotherwithfairnessanddignity.Letusneitherfearnorlookdownononeanotherbutinsteadrespectandcelebrateeachother'sdifferences.Onlyinthisway,asatrulyconfidentnation,willrealunityemergeandwillwehavethebest chance toprevail. There is greathope forourmulti-racial countrybutwecanonlyrealizethisifwebelieveinandpracticenoblevalues.YYL*Honesty, Humility, Responsibility, Compassion and Self-Confidence are the 5 Key Rotary Education Fund (REF) Values. The REF ValuesEducationWorkshopforstudentswillbeheldonthe27-28May2013.


©RCBKS2013


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ThePowerofHumility

We are using education to help studentsfrom low income families to overcometheir difficult circumstances. The studentmust first have the honesty toacknowledge and face his own reality.Theninthecontextofeducation,effectivecommunication between teacher andstudent is a pre-requisite. Besides thelearnerneedinghumility(theattitudeof“Idon’t know it all and I need help”),meaningful communication cannot takeplace without the teacher also havinghumility(theattitudeof“Idon’tknowitalland it’s not about me”) and compassion(theattitudeof“generousgiving”).

Evenwhenyouarepreparedtogivebutyoupresentyourselfasarrogant,therewill be resistance to your gift no matter how good it is. It takes a highlyenlightenedlearnerwithastrongsenseofawareness,andaresponsibilityforhisown learning, to accept a gift that is good for him despite it being given by aperson who presents himself as being arrogant. In other words, besidespossessinghumility, thegood learnermusthimselfalsobeable to“dowhat isright, not just what I like” – i.e. have discipline. Most students are not thatactualizedandthereforewill resist,even ifonlypartly. Interestingly, ifyou feelthat you are not that actualized, then you already possess the awareness andthereforethepotentialtobeactualized.Allyouhavetodoistostopbeinglazyand “Just Do It!” The light of awareness will liberate potential. That is whyteachingawareness(oftakingresponsibility)isimportant.Awarenesswillleadtowisdom,andwisdomwillhelpdevelopmorecompassion.Withcompassion,thestudent will learn to give generously, i.e. “to contribute” meaningfully to hiscommunity.

“Atthesecondaryleveltherearedistinctionsofrace,age,gender,incomelevel,educationetc.,butatthemostfundamentallevel,weareallhumanbeings.”

DalaiLama*

At this fundamental level, communication is through the heart, i.e. throughservice and compassion. Through this language, there is no barrier tocommunication. Can we get to this fundamental level? Yes we can – throughhumility.*Sometimes a selected quotation may be from a religious book or a religious leader and due recognition is given. Thequotationisselectedpurelybecauseofitsqualityandrelevancetothesubjectmatterbeingpresented.Itisnottheintentionofthewritertoteachorspreadthatreligion.Unlessexpresslystated,allopinionsinthearticlearepurelythatofthewriterandnotnecessarilythatoftheREF.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, June 04, 2013 12:22 PM

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Morehumblewords…

Astory is toldaboutamanwhoaskedhis religious teacher why peoplecouldn't see the face of God*. Whathad happened that they could nolongerreachhighenoughtoseeGod?The teacher, a very old man, hadexperienced a lot in his life and wasvery wise. "My son," he said, "that isnot theway it isatall.Youcannotseethe face of God because there are sofewwho can stoop that low. How sadthisis,butitisthetruth.Learntobend,tobow,tokneelandstoopandyouwillbeabletoseeGodface-to-face."

Itisnotenoughtospeakthetruth(honesty);weneedtoalsoworkonbeingabletoseethetruth(humility).Forfartoooften,honestpeoplehavebeencheated,unable tosee thatsomeothersare telling them lies.Soweneedacompass,awaytojudgetrueandfalse.Weneedawaytotelltruthfromlie,awaytoseethetruthclearly.Whatisthecauseofourinabilitytoseethetruth?It isoftenself-interest.Self-interestobstructsourvision,puttingouregobetweenusandthetruth.Inorderto see the truth clearly we must free our actions (and thoughts) from beingtaintedbyself-interest.Putthewell-beingofothersaheadofus.Indeed,wecanand should still think of self-development and self-improvement but in thecontext of being better able to help others eventually. The compass here isHumility.In the recent REF values educationworkshop,we teach students to think thatwhenweeducateourselves,webecomesuccessfulandthenwecanhelpothers

more effectively. We say, “help yourself in order to be better able to helpothers”.Wecan’thelpothersunlesswehelpourselffirst,butwearenogoodtoanyoneifweonlyhelpourself.This,wepointout,mustbetheultimateaimofself-developmentandaneducation.

“Humilityistruth.”DesideriusErasmus

*Sometimesaselectedwordmayhavereligiousconnotation.Thewordisselectedpurelyforthepurposeofillustrationonly.Itisnottheintentionofthewritertoteachorspreadanyreligion.Unlessexpresslystated,allopinionsinthearticlearepurelythatofthewriterandnotnecessarilythatoftheREF.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, June 11, 2013 11:32 AM

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EquippingyouthswithalifecompassREFValuesEducationWorkshop,27-28May2013

Few projects, indeed few things inlife,areasrewardingandassatisfyingas spending time with a group ofyoungsters helping and preparingthemforthechallengesoflifeahead.One such project is the RotaryEducation Fund (REF) ValuesEducation Workshop. It certainlywasn’t a “pieceof cake” for thoseofus who actively participated in theprogramme as trainers. It requiredpreparationanda littlebitof anxietywaiting our turns to make ourpresentations.

TheREFValuesEducationWorkshop2013

Yet no real satisfaction can come without doing some serious work. A fewbutterfliesinthestomachsthoughbeforeour“acts”forestalledcomplacency.AndsoitbeganontheMondaymorningwhenabout56studentsfromSMKSriPermata,SMKPulauCareyandourREAawardeesfromvariouspilotRotaryclubsandschoolsturnedupatthemeetingplace(SriPermata)promptlytoboardthebusforGloryBeachResort,PortDickson.Theirenergylevelsremainedhighafterthe3-dayleadershipcampinMarchatthesameplaceinanticipationofanotherexciting programme by trainer Shankar Santhiram and his team from EQTDConsulting. The values education programme was to be more talks and lessoutdoor physical activities, as there was to be a lot of serious “wisdom” toabsorbinthe1½-dayworkshop.Rotarians and volunteer mentors got to participate actively in the valuesworkshop giving talks on Self-Belief (Mike Carr), Honesty (Anthony Pinto andLeela Singham), Compassion (EQTD team), Responsibility (Steve Robinson) andHumility (YL Yee). Besides giving a thorough introduction to the programme,

Shankarwasalwaysaroundtointroducethespeakersandtobringcontexttothevarious talks. Our presentations with a good mix of styles, kept the studentsconstructivelyengagedthroughouttheworkshop.Astay-inworkshoplikethisallowedstudentsandtrainerstoformstrongbonds,having meals together and informal discussions late into the night. The firstnight’sprogrammefinishedatabout11pm.Thestudentswerewarnedthattheworkshop was not a holiday but an important opportunity packed withknowledgethatwilllastalifetime,asitwere.Agoodvaluesprogrammesuchasthe one we run is meant to provide a strong foundation for a better start, abetter life for the youngsters. Indeed “values” is the compasswithwhich onewadesthroughlifelookingfortheultimatedestinationofsuccessandhappiness.AndtheREFValuesEducationWorkshopaimedtoequiptheyoungsterswithahighqualitylifecompass.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013


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Areté Excellence is a talent or quality which is unusuallygoodandsosurpassesordinarystandards. It isalsoanaimedforstandardofperformance.TheAncientGreeks had a concept of Areté which meant anoutstanding fitness for purpose. Areté, in its basicsense,means excellence of any kind. In its earliestappearance inGreek, this notionof excellencewasultimately bound up with the notion of thefulfillment of purpose or function: the act of livingup to one's full potential. Areté in ancient Greekculture was courage and strength in the face ofadversityanditwastowhatallpeopleaspired.

StatueofAreteinCelcius’

LibraryInEphesus

ThemostarticulatedvalueinGreekcultureisAreté.Translatedas"virtue,"theword actually means something closer to "being the best you can be," or"reachingyourhighesthumanpotential."

In theHomeric poems, Areté is frequently associatedwith bravery, butmoreoften,witheffectiveness.ThemanorwomanofAretéisapersonofthehighesteffectiveness; they use all their faculties: strength, bravery, wit, anddeceptiveness, to achieve real results. In the Homeric world, then, Aretéinvolvesallof theabilitiesandpotentialitiesavailabletohumans.Theconceptimpliesahuman-centereduniverse inwhichhumanactionsareofparamountimportance;theworldisaplaceofconflictanddifficulty,andhumanvalueandmeaningismeasuredagainstindividualeffectivenessintheworld.

Aretéisexplicitlylinkedwithhumanknowledge,wheretheexpressions"virtueisknowledge"and"Aretéisknowledge"areusedinterchangeably.Thehighesthuman potential is knowledge and all other human abilities are derived fromthiscentralcapacity.-ExtractfromWikipedia

“Whoaimsatexcellencewillbeabovemediocrity;whoaimsatmediocritywillbefarshortofit.”

–AnoldBurmesesaying


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SomeonecaredenoughtosponsorDarshinii

DarshiniiPannirSelvamRCBKS’sAwardee2009-2011.SponsoredbyN.H.LiuofRCChungliChungShing,Taiwan.DarshiniiisnowstudyingforaDiplomainAccountancyunderaSEGiUniversityCollege–InnerWheelofKLScholarshipProgramme

“I will always bear in mind that my life has turned out well despite all the difficulties because there are wonderful people like all of you to extend a helping hand when I needed it the most.” DarshiniiP.S.,RotaryClubBulletin,28April2012

A number of Rotary Clubs have an active mentoring programme to guide promising highschoolstudentsfromlowincomefamilies.WecalltheprogrammetheRotaryEducationAward(REA). The REA is a values-based holistic programme administered by the club’s RotaryEducationFundthatgivesstudentsassistanceinfourmainareas:

§ Financialassistance§ Mentoring§ Leadershiptraining§ Valueseducation

Our assistance can last up to five years depending on when the student first joins ourprogramme.ForaslittleasRM2,000youcansponsorastudentforayearandhelpusnurtureoneofourawardeesintoafutureleader.ContactyourRotaryClubformoreinformation.

BeaSponsorToday!*Theaboveispublishedwithpermission.

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREF fromtimeto timeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Thursday, July 04, 2013 3:36 PM

TheMagicofQuestion YMP-SNAP0118

Through an almostmagical process born ofasking questions and listening, the SocraticMethod helps you discover your inbornability to create, think and solve problems.Something almost magical happens whensomeone asks us a question and then trulylistens to our reply. Like the proverbial keyto a chest filled with incredible riches,questionsseemtounlockourbrains,helpusmakeconnections, inventnewideas,seeanissue from different perspectives, anddiscover solutions to problems that weneverknewweknew!

Responding at an REF camp debriefing

Becausesuchknowledgecomesfromwithinus,notfromtheoutsideworld,itistruly “ours.” It quickly becomes part of our conscious knowledge; it is notsomethingthatwehaveto“stuffin”toourbrainsorcramforinordertolearn.“Greatmentors,unliketeachers,almostneverprovideanswers.Theyratherseektoprovidetheirmenteeswiththequestionswhichtheybelievewillbestleadto

thelearningthatisuniquetotheindividualbeingmentored.”J.E.Hughes


©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, July 09, 2013 11:22 AM

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ADesiretoHelpYourselfInselectingstudentsfortheRotaryEducationAward, we say that we want to have thosewhodemonstrateadesiretohelpthemselves.Wewanttohelpthosewhoarefromdifficultcircumstances(lowerincomegroup)andwhodream of a better life; who have a tangibledesiretohelpthemselvesgettoabetterlife.Yet while we have a rough idea, what thisnebulousqualityreallymeanshasneverbeenclearlydefined.What is this qualitywe call a “desire to helpyourself”?

In theAnnualREFMentorWorkshopof January2013,we set out to explorethisbysetting“ADesiretoHelpYourself”asthecentralthemeoftheworkshop.40mentors and potentialmentors where present and theywere asked fromtheirexperience,what thisqualitymeans to them. Inoneexercise, theywereeach given 2x4in cards to write down in one word, what “A desire to helpyourself”means.Thefloodofthewordsthatcameforth included:Hardwork,motivation, courage, focused, engaged, ambitious, hunger, faith, disciplined,open-mindedness,beingthebest,giveall,communicator,proactive,willingnesstolearn,drive,franknessanddream.Howcanweclassifythem?AcluecameintheformofaForbesMagazinearticleof April 2012 which talked about a survey of 1200 of the world’s leadingorganizations on what they thought were the top 5 personality traits thatemployers hire most. The results of the survey were that 86% of therespondentssaidProfessionalism,78%saidHighEnergy,61%saidConfidence,58%saidSelfMonitoringand57%saidIntellectualCuriosity.Interestingly, theoutputof theREFworkshopexercisemaybegroupedunderthefollowingheadings:

Theseheadingsresemblethetraitsmostsoughtafterbythetop1200 leadingorganizationsintheworld.

Whilethisisundoubtedlyasimplecomparison,neverthelessthelessonwecanlearnfromthis isclear.Thequalitiesthatresemblea“desiretohelpyourself”are the same qualities that top organizations look for in their employees. Ifstudents learn to develop these qualities, they will ensure that their future(employability)isbright–theywillbesoughtafterbytopemployers.Finally, in termsof implicationsonourwork in theREF, ifweareable to findstudentswiththesefivequalities,wewillbeabletoobtainstudentswithhighpotential, we can employ an enabling (vs instructive) approach to ourmentoring, the time required to mentor will be less and we are likely tomaximizethesuccessrateofourprogramme.Inconclusion,whatwearelookingforwhenwesaywewantstudentsthathavea“desiretohelpthemselves”,arestudentswhoshowacademicachievement,enthusiasm,confidence,responsibilityandcuriosity.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Wednesday, July 17, 2013 12:17 PM

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NoFishToday,TryAgainTomorrowTheNobleFishermanThefishermanprepareshimselfeachdaytogoouttofish.Heknowsheisnotassuredofcatchinganyfishonagiven day and therefore he is betteroff having no expectations. He goestoalocationwherehethinksthefishare; readies himself by baiting hishook,castinghislineandthenhejustwaitsforfishtobite.

Thefishermandoesnotandcannotchaseafterthefishbecauseheknowsthat’snotthewaytocatchfishandthereforehislineandequipmentarenotgearedforachase.Allthathecandoistopreparehimselfandthenjustwait,beingsilentandbeingstill.The fisherman cannot be too eager to catch the fish. Both the surroundingenvironmentandthebehaviouroffishhavetobefullystudiedandunderstood.Knowledge,experience,skillandgreatpatiencearerequiredandoncethe“trap”is fully laid, insteadofchasingafterthefish,hewaitsand letsthefishcometohim.Hisfocusisontheritualofmeticulouslypreparingatraptocatchthefishasopposed to literally chasing after the fish. The fisherman realizes that often achase posturewill only allow him to catch small fishwhereas allowing fish to“cometohim”resultsincatchingthebigone.Andsowhenabigfishbitesandputsupafight,thefishermanwillnotresistbutinstead gives the fish as much line as it wants. But each time the fish tires,withoutmuchfussthefishermanwilljustreelhislineinalittleuntilfinally,thebigfishgivesupwhereuponthefight isoverandthefishermanhascaughtthefish.Iffishdoesn’tbitethatday,thefishermanreturnshomecontentinghimselfwith

the thought that there is, “no fish today, try again tomorrow”. Thinking anyotherwaywilljustbesettinghimselfupforpotentialdisappointment,somethingthathecandowithoutifheintendstocatchfishthenextday.Fishcomeandfishgo.Thefishermanrealizestoothatnomatterhowgoodheis,sometimesa fish is just too smart tobe caught. In that casehe just lets it go,acknowledging his match with a smile and a slight tip of his cap. On somechallenging days, the fishermanmay battle against thewaves but he is awarenevertofightthetide.Yetevenasthetidegoesout,heknowsitwillsurelycomebackthenextday,bringingwith ita freshsupplyof fish toharvest–yes,evensomeofthefishhetriedsohardbutfailedtocatchthepreviousday.Allmaynotbelost.Butwhilehemaycatchasmanyfishashelikes,hebringshomeonlywhathewilllegitimatelyuse,setting therest free. In thatway,he feelshewillalwayshavefishtocatch.Howmanynoblevaluescanyouspotinthisshortstoryaboutanobleprofession?Can you spot the following?: Faith, Honesty, Patience, Open-mindedness, Discipline, Hard Work,Preparedness, Self-Belief, Perseverance, Determination, Contentment, Equanimity, Humility,Compassion,Fairness,Courage,Acceptance,Optimism,Responsibility,Temperance…


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Sent: Tuesday, July 23, 2013 1:20 PM

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ProvidingCareerGuidanceLetusreviewourobjectivesasmentorsto the REF awardees. On the highestlevel,wewanttohelpthementee:§ Discoverwhohe(orshe)is§ Bethebesthecanbe–discovering

hispotential§ Learntotakepersonal

responsibilityforhisownfuture

Onaday-to-daygroundlevelbasis,wewanttohelpthementee:§ Stayinschool§ Improvehisgrades§ Withhiscareerdecision(and

tertiaryeducationdecisions)

Factorsaffectingthechoiceofcareer

Inalltheabove,wemustalwaysremembertobeagoodrolemodeltohim.Inparticular,animportantroleasamentoristohelpyourmenteewithcareerguidance and to connect himwith opportunities thatwill help himdecidehischoice of career. These may come in the form of in-depth discussions,recommended reads and introductions to peoplewho are in professions thatthementeemaybeinterestedin.Manystudents,amongourmentees,knowhowtostudyhard,yethavelittletonoideawhatcareerstochoose.Theyhavebecome“professionalstudents”whoknowhow to get goodgradesbuthave spent little tono time thinking abouttheir careers.Whatdoesoneneed to considerwhen thinking about a careerchoice?

Helpyourmenteegobacktothebasicsandask:

1. WhatkindoflifedoIwant?(Yourmission)2. WhatamIpassionateat?(Yourinterests)3. WhatamIpotentiallygoodat?(Youraptitude)

andalsoimportantbuttoalesserextent,

4. Whataretheopportunitiesrelatedtothechosencareer?(Youremployability)

Thesequestionsrelatetowhoyou(thementee)areandwhereyouwanttogo.Onceyouknowwhereyouwanttogo,thenthingswillstarttomove,thingswillhappenforthebetter.Otherswillcometoyourhelp.Youwillbeabletofindtheway and pick up the skills and resources necessary to succeed. But youmustfirstfigureoutwhereyouwanttogo…byfirstknowingwhoyouare.Andsoinourmentoring,wecanneveravoidthehigherobjectivesmentionedabove.Animportantconsiderationinchoosingacareeristounderstandthedifferencebetween your interests and your aptitude. Many students confuse a hobbyinterestwithacareerchoice.The lattershouldbebasedonboth interestandaptitude. A hobby interest can be pursued concurrentlywith a career choice.But thechoiceofcareermustdeliver theability toearna living thatwill thendeliver the life that one wants. A hobby can be pursued separately, withoutthinking of its ability to earn an income. Students who confuse the two willoftenpicksomethingwhichtheyoughttopursueasahobbyinsteadofacareer.“Untiloneiscommitted,thereishesitancy…Whateveryoucando,ordreamyoucando,beginit.Boldnesshasgenius,power,andmagicinit.Beginnow.”

WilliamHutchinsonMurrayScottishmountaineerandwriter,1913-96


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ChoosingaCareer–InterestversusAptitudeTheysaythat,“Foryoungpeopletolearn,you’vegottomakeit interestingforthem. But for adults to learn, you’ve got to make it important for them. Foradults, if it’s importantthey’llmakeit interestingforthemselves.”Manythingscanbe interesting forusbut fewer thingsare important.Andeven fewer,wearegoodat.Thereinliesthedifference.Thosethingsthatwehaveapotentialtobegoodatarethosewhichwecallwehavean“aptitude”for.Andtheretendtobefewerofthem.Theuniverseofthethingsthatyouareinterestedin(or“WhatamIpassionateabout?”),willnotcompletelycoincidewiththeuniverseofthingsthatyouarepotentiallygoodat (youraptitudeor“Whatam Igoodat?”),even ifyoutriedyour hardest. That’s because for some things, youmay not have that inborntalentforit.Fore.g.youmaylikemusicbutmaybetonedeaf,soit isunlikelythatyoucanmakeacareeroutofbeingamusician.However,where thetwouniverses coincide are the things that you are passionate about and have apotential to be good at. That’swhere you should consider seriously choosingyourcareerandyourfieldoftertiarystudy.Makeyourcareerchoice fromthe listof things thatyouare interested inandhaveanaptitudefor,byponderingoverthequestionof“WhatkindoflifedoIwant?”(MyMission*)

But before youmake your final choice from that list, think seriously too thatwhichyouaremostpassionateaboutandhavethestrongestsetof(potential)skillsin.

Manystudentsconfuseahobbyinterestwithacareerchoice.Thelattershouldbe based on both interest and aptitude. A hobby interest can be pursuedconcurrently with a career choice. But the choice of career must deliver theabilitytoearnalivingthatwillthendeliverthelifethatonewants.Ahobbycanbe pursued separately, without thinking of its ability to earn an income.Studentswho confuse the twowill oftenpick somethingwhich theyought topursueasahobbyinsteadofacareer.*LookoutforaforthcomingMentorSnapshotarticleon“YourMissionStatement”andchoosingthelifethatyouwant.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, August 06, 2013 11:20 AM

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DevelopingYourMissionandSettingClearGoalsChoosingacareer–Startbyfiguringoutthelifethatyouwant

"He who has theWhy to live for, canbear with almost any How," said thephilosopher Nietzsche. Varying thisslightly we say that, "He whounderstands the Why to live for, willfindtheHow."Many who have lost their will to livesay, "I have nothing more to expectfrom life." This unfortunately is thewrongattitude towards life.A lifewelllivedisnotamatterofwhatweexpectfrom life but rather, it is a matter ofwhatlifeexpectsofus.

YourGoalsandMissionarebuiltonafoundationofValues

Wemusttakeresponsibilityforourownlife.Don’taskforthemeaningoflifebutaskinstead,whatmeaningwegivetoourlife(andtothelivesofothers).Lifeisabout giving, not about taking. Life is about compassion, and living a higherpurpose.Onlythenwillwegivemeaningtolife.Onlywhenwegivemeaningwillwefindmeaninginourlife.Andsoanyattemptathelpingsomeone identifyandachieveagoaleffectively,hastodowithhelpinghimfindmeaningforthegoal(the"Why").Withmeaningcomes hope. With hope comes motivation and inner strength to soldier ontowardsthegoal.An individual's mission in life has to therefore be meaningful. The process ofdevelopingamissionhastobeginwithdiscoveringandunderstandingwhoyouare,gainingan insight intoyourown identity.Thismaybedefinedbythe(5-6)valuesorbeliefsthataremostimportanttoyou,thosethathavemeaningtoyou.Yourvaluesdescribewhatyoubelievein.

Once you have established the values that are important to you, proceed todevelopthenextlayer,yourmission.Apersonalmissionstatementwilldescribequalitativelywhatkindoflifeyouwantandconsistsof3parts:1.Whatdoyouwant to do? 2. Who do you want to help? 3. What is the value you wish tocreate?Keepyourmissionstatementshort,simpleandcrisp;aonesentencestatementthatdrivesyouinyourlife.It'simportantto"anchor"themissiononvaluesthatreallymean something to you.Once themission is properly created,workoutwhatthismeanstothevarious(4-5)rolesyouplayinyourlife,suchasindividual,friend,son(ordaughter),studentandcommunitymember.Aligntheactionsyoutake foreachroleyouplaywithyourvaluesandmission.Misalignmentcreatesunhappinessandconflictsbetweenhowyouseeyourselfandhowyouactuallyare. Finally, for each of the actions or activities in turn, identify the 2-3measurable goals youwish to achieve,noting that themore tangible the goalsare, the more likely you will be of actually achieving it. The goals are thequantitativepartofyourmission.Ameaningfulmissionbecomesthepowerfulmotivation(orthe"Why")foryoutoachieveyourgoals.Amission statement isdynamic. Itmaychangeasyougainmoreknowledge,experienceandskillsinlife.Reviewitregularly.One of the common mistakes students make in a mission statementdevelopmentexercise is that theydonotmakeenougheffort to figureout thevalues that are important to them.When that happens, the resulting personalmission statement does not "resonate"with the individual and therefore lackspower.YourGoalsandMissionarebuiltonafoundationofValues.TheymustbeYOURvalues.Ultimatelythough,thevaluesthatreallymeansomethingprofoundto an individual are altruistic and noble values. The purpose of a missionstatement istoactaseffective"headlights"or inspirationtodirectapersononhis journey towhere he needs to go. If themission statement lacks power ormeaning,itwillnotachieveitspurpose.

Whenthestudenthasfiguredouthis"missioninlife",hewillfindfromitthe"willtosucceed"

*Thisisthefinalpartofa3-partseriesonCareerGuidance.Seealsoarticles0121&0122NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute"snapshots"arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

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TrustintheMentorBeingabletohelpthementeemakeimportantanddifficultdecisionsConfrontedwith importantdecisions such aswhich stream (scienceor arts) totake in Form 4 or which career to pursue, many REF mentees have difficultydeciding. Additionally, time may not favour them. In such instances, mentoradvice can be very helpful. Yet some students are hesitant to take the advicewholeheartedlybecausetrusthasnotdevelopedsufficientlyintheirrelationshipwiththeirmentors.Becauseofthis,amenteemayappearto“notlistenwell”totheadvice,endingupinmakinga“wrong”decision.Howdoestrust(andrespect)developinamentor-menteerelationship?Here, theHoward Jackson Modelforsystematically building trust andrespect is helpful. It is a repeatableseriesofstepsthatbuildonfromeachother in sequence to establish bettercollaboration.

StraightTalk-Openanddirectcommunicationisthefirstbuildingblockfortrustandrespect.ListeningforUnderstanding–Focusyourattentiononunderstandingthemeaningbehindwhatyourmenteeissaying.Thereisabigdifferencebetweenwaitingforyourturntospeakandreallylistening.Hear,Understand,Interpret,andthenRespond.MakingCommitments–Beclearaboutwhatyouwilldo.AgreeontheWhat,ByWhen,ByWhom,andHowsteps.Communicateyourintentionsandsticktothem.

Reliability–Dowhatyousayyouwilldowithoutfail.Ifcircumstanceshavechangedanditnolongermakessensetodowhatyousaidyouwoulddo,communicatebackandexplainwhy,anddiscussandagreeonthenewsteps.Followthroughover-and-over;bereliable,unfailinganddependable.Trust–Trustresultsfromthefirmbeliefthatanotherpersoncanbereliedupon.Trustistheresultofstraighttalk,makingsureyouunderstandandareunderstood,andkeepingconfidencesaswellascommitments.Respect–Althoughtherearemanylevelsofrespect,therespectthatfollowstrustleadstodeepesteemforanotherperson.Yourmenteevaluesyourthoughtsandinput,andheknowshecancountonyoubecauseyouhaveprovenyourselftohim.

Asamentor,youmayencounteroccasionswhenthementeeisnotlisteningwelltoyou.Itcouldbethatthereisanissueoftrust.Ifhe(orshe)trustsyou,hewilllistenandrespondtotheadviceeffectively.Realizetoothattrusttakestimetobuild. That iswhy, among other factors,mentoring requires thementor to bewiththementeeforatleast1-2yearstobeeffective.Onlythenwillthementee(and his family) be familiar enough to begin to really trust you. Besidesdemonstrating that you are competent (knowledgeable, skilled andexperienced),onlywhen thementee feels that youhave lookedafterhisbestinterestandthatyouarecommitted tohelpinghimwillhebeginto listenandtrustyouradvice.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

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GobeyondyourComfortZone…GrowEveryday(a.k.a.EmbracingChange)

Youhave togetoutofyourcomfort zonetodiscoversomethingnewandsignificant.This iswhat'scalled learning.Youneedtodothis too inorder todiscoverandreachyour full potential. Growing into yourpotential is anotherwayof saying gainingthe full wisdom you are capable of.However, gettingoutof thecomfort zonedoes not have to mean being over-competitive and rude. Rather, it meansbeingcompassionateandbeing respectfulofothers.Itmeanseventuallybecominganenlightenedindividual.

AyoungstudentsteppingoutofhercomfortzoneandmakingapresentationattheREFLeadershipCamp

Yourattitudetowardsgettingoutofthecomfortzoneisimportant.Ifyouhaveapositiveattitude,yourexperiencewillbebothinterestingandeye-opening.Yourrewardwill always outweigh the costmany times over. The experiencewill infact not feel too uncomfortable although you may be nervous. Like anadventure,youhaveanexpectationtodiscoverandlearnsomethingnew,oftenaboutyourself.Thentheboundaryofyourcomfortzoneexpandswhileanxietyandstressreducemagically.It'salltodowithawarenessandattitude.Now,way beyond the comfort zone is an area called the “panic zone”,whereyou are totally unfamiliar with everything. In this zone, because you arepanicking, your performance level will come down. But somewhere betweenyourcomfortzoneandthepaniczoneisanareacalledthe“growthzone”.Thisliesattheouteredgeofandjustbeyondyourcomfortzone.Itiswhereyoutakecalculatedrisksanditiswhereyourpersonalperformancepeaks.So here’s the thing.Meeting and engagingwith a good teacher thatwants tohelpyouachieveyourpotential isnevercomfortablebecausebydefinition,he(or she)will have to get you out of your comfort zone to the growth zone to

reach your potential. Once you realize this, you may feel a healthy dose ofnerves,butyouwon’tfeeltoouncomfortableanymore.Andsoasamentor,youmustgetyourmenteeoutofhis(orher)comfortzoneonceinawhile,tohelphimdiscoverhispotential–itmayrequireyoutogetoutofyourowncomfortzonetoo.That’showREFactivities,suchastheleadershipcamp and the values education workshop, are designed. That’s much of thephilosophybehindlearningandachievingone’spotential.Justbeforethecampand workshop, be sure to prepare your mentee and encourage him toparticipate, even if it may be uncomfortable, in order for him to grow andbenefitfullyfromtheprogramme.“Lifeisanongoingprocessofchoosingbetweensafety(outoffearandneedfor

defense)andrisk(forthesakeofprogressandgrowth).Makethegrowthchoiceadozentimesaday”

AbrahamH.MaslowNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

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WisdomoftheAges

We fear our highest possibility. Wearegenerallyafraidofthatwhichwecan glimpse in our most perfectmoments. Life is an ongoing processof choosing between safety out offear,andriskforthesakeofgrowth.Make the growth choice a dozentimes a day. If you deliberately setout to be less that you are capable,you’llbeunhappyfortherestofyourlife. With realization of one’s ownpotentialandselfconfidenceinone’sability,onecanbuildabetterworld.

SunriseatMountEverest

To findyourself, think foryourself.Aman(orawoman) isbutaproductofhisthoughts.Whathethinkshebecomes.Whetheryouthinkyoucan,oryouthinkyoucan’t–youareright.Mistakesarealwaysforgivable,ifonehasthecouragetoadmitthem.Itisneithergoodnorbad,butthinkingmakesitso.Happinessisnotanotherplacebutthisplace;notforanotherhour,butforthishour.Whenonedoorofhappinesscloses,anotheropens;butoftenwelooksolongatthecloseddoorthatwedonotseetheonewhichhasbeenopenedforus. Reflect upon your present blessings, ofwhich everyman hasmany; not ofyourpastmisfortunes,ofwhichallmenhassome.Wearenotheldbackbythelovewedidnotreceiveinthepast,butbythelovewearenotextendinginthepresent.Thereisnopathtohappiness;happinessisthepath.Whenangerarises,thinkofthe consequences. For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds ofhappiness.Remember,happinessdoesnotdependonwhoyouareorwhatyouhave; it depends solely upon what you think. Happiness is not achieved byconsciouspursuitofhappiness; it isgenerallytheby-productofotheractivities.Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are inharmony. But happiness is no respecter of persons. Happiness is a butterfly,whichwhenpursued,isalwaysjustbeyondyourgrasp,butwhich,ifyouwillsitstilldownquietly,mayalightuponyou.You can’t create experience, you undergo it.We think toomuch and feel toolittle. We seldom realize, for example that our most private thoughts andemotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages andimageswhichwedidnotinvent,butwhichweregiventousbyoursociety.Takeawayparadoxfromthethinkerandyouhaveaprofessor.Ifyouspendtoomuchtimethinkingaboutathing,you’llneverget itdone. Icanfeelguiltyaboutthepast,apprehensiveaboutthefuture,butonlyinthepresentcanIact.Taketimetodeliberate,butwhenthetimeforactioncomes,stopthinkingandgoin.The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mentalwellness. The secretofhealth forbothmindandbody isnot tomourn for thepast,nortoworryaboutthefuture,buttolivethepresentmomentwiselyandearnestly.Thisistherealsecretoflife–tobecompletelyengagedwithwhatyouaredoinginthehereandnow.Andinsteadofcallingitwork,realizeitisplay.*Thisessayiscomposedentirelyofquotationsby:MohandasGandhi,Socrates,HenryFord,AbrahamMaslow,BruceLee,DalaiLama,Buddha,WilliamShakespeare,StephenFry,NathanielHawthorne,AldousHuxley,WaltWhitman,CharlesDickens,MarianneWilliamson,AlanWatts,Charlie Chaplin, Albert Camus, Soren Kierkegaard, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Confucius, Dale Carnegie, Helen Keller, Napoleon Bonaparte,DouglasAdamsandSalvadorDali.


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TakingOwnership(a.k.a.TakingResponsibility)Every day, many good ideas comeyourway.Theyoftencomebywayofothers.ButyouwillnottakeactiontopracticethemunlessyouOWNthem.How do you take ownership? Theeasiestway isbydiscoveringthe ideayourself. But what if the good ideacame from someone else? Are youpreparedtoownit?Theonlywayisifyour mind has been preparing itselffor the idea all this while. Then youwillbeopentoit.Thenitbecomeslikeacceptingapreciousgift.

REFMenteeLetchumananwithhismentors,Ong(L)andJeremy

“Opportunityfavoursthepreparedmind.”Theremustbeaneedforit.Howdoyou know if you have a need? By actively, honestly and humbly developingegoless self-awareness aboutwho you really are andwhat you really need toimprove yourself, to gain success in the things you do. Actively assess yourstrengths and your weaknesses. Ask yourself what values (e.g. “open-mindedness”) represent youandwhatother values youwish todevelop. Thenyouwillknowwhatyouneed.Thenyouwillbeabletosee,acceptandtakethenecessaryactionongoodideasthatcomeyourway,likeapreciousgift.What happenswhen you takeownershipof an idea? Youbegin to get excitedover it, you find out more about it, you take responsibility for it. You takeresponsibility formakingsure it succeeds.Youtakeaction.Youspread it.Mostimportantly,youchargeitwithenergyandenthusiasmsothatothersthatcomein contact with the idea also get excited over it. It “catches fire”. Takingownership and responsibility is aboutboth individual leadership (self-discoveryandtakingchargeofyourownfuture)andgroupleadership(takingchargeofateam).Andonemore thing about taking action; youneed the self-belief (courage) to

take the calculated risk so that you carry out the good idea through tocompletion–“Fortunefavoursthebrave.”Pleasehelpyourmenteewiththisrealization.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

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Sent: Tuesday, September 10, 2013 2:09 PM

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TheObjectivesoftheREFDidyouknowthattheobjectivesoftheREFareasfollows?:

1. Assist underprivileged 15-19 year oldstudents(“thestudents”),byprovidingfinancial assistance and personaleducational support, e.g. mentoringandtrainingcourses.

MenteeKushallini(2ndL)andherfamily

withMentorPPGhaurry(R)

2. Assistthestudentstostayinfulltimeeducation;improvetheirgrades;makeappropriatecareer/tertiaryeducationchoicesandprovide themwithaccesstoappropriate“lifeskills”trainingopportunities.

3. Providethestudentsandtheir familieswithanetworkofopportunitiesandcontactssoastoexposethestudentstoarangeofcareerchoicesthattheymay not otherwise be exposed in order to assess future opportunitiesproperly.

4. Developthestudentstotheirfullpotentialby“beingthebesttheycanbe”.5. Nurturethestudents intogoodcitizenswhowillmakeausefulcontribution

to society and who will in time involve themselves in activities for thebettermentoftheircommunities.

“ABetterStart.ABetterLife.”TheRotaryEducationFund


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WhatIsMyRoleasaMentor?It seems simple at first, the notion ofbeing a mentor: someone who spendstime guiding a young person. But onceyouareinthementorrole,youmayfindyourself in situations where you areuncertain about your part in therelationship. Is it appropriate to providedisciplinewhenshe’soutofline?WhatifI suspect he is experiencing trouble athome—what is my responsibility? Howcan I have the most positive impact onmy mentee? There is no one answerconcerningwhatyourroleisorisnot.

MenteeShaminiswary(L)withherbrotherPara

andmotherMrsThilagam

Clarifyyourroleasamentor.Askyourself,1. WhatroledoestheREFexpectmetoplayasamentor?

2. WhatroledoIexpecttoplayasamentor?

3. WhatroledoIthinkmymenteewillexpectmetoplayasamentor?

4. WhataresomepossibleroleconflictsandwhatdoIthinkmightbedoneto

resolvetheseconflicts?


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TheRoleofanREFMentorThe role of a mentor is threefold.Helpthementeediscoverwho he is. Help the mentee“be thebesthecan”, to reachhis full potential. Finally, helpthe mentee learn to takeresponsibilityforhisfuture.Whatdoesthismean?Itmeans,

§ Makingtimeforthementee§ Beingarolemodel,livingandsharingnoblevalueswiththementee§ Providingthementeewithsupport,exposureandcareerguidance§ Attimes,takingthementeeoutofthecomfortzonetostretchtohis/her


“Themiraclepowerthatelevatesthefewistobefound

intheirindustry,application,andperseverance,underthepromptingsofabravedeterminedspirit.”

MarkTwain NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Wednesday, October 02, 2013 4:31 PM

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WhenThingsareNotWorkingMenteeDelinquency–Part1Mentoring isnotabedof roses.Nomatter how rigorous the selectionprocess for amentee is, sometimesthe mentorship can still run intodifficulties. There can be manycauses. Some of these include poormenteeattitude,lackofbuy-infromparents/guardian and mentor-menteemismatch. In part 1 of thisarticle, we explore what actions totake when we encounter thechallengeofMenteeDelinquency.

Doesthementeecontinuetodemonstrateadesireto

helphimself?

When a mentee is not responding positively to mentoring and becomesproblematic (“delinquent”) and termination of the REF award becomes aconsideration,thenthefollowingneedstobeconsidered/done:

1. Mentors must escalate the issue to the Club REF Working Committee(RWC)–throughthementoringlead

2. Thementorshipmovesintoa“specialmonitoringphase”3. MentorsmustkeeptheRWCinformedofprogress/lackofprogress4. Mentorsmustprovideandagreewiththementeewhatwewanttosee

fromhimduringthis“specialmonitoringphase”5. Mentors must document the timeline and any warnings given to the

student6. A“final”decision(bytheRWCwithrecommendationsfromtheMentors)

isthenmadeastothefurtheractionattheendofthisperiod.

Timelineduringthe“SpecialMonitoringPhase”The purpose of the timeline containing milestones/deliverables during thespecialmonitoringphaseisessentiallytoassessthementee’sattitude.Herewearegivingthementeesomesimpleassignmentsandmeasuringwhetherhe(or

she)ismakingprogressagainstthedimensionsof:

1. AcademicAchievement2. EnthusiasmandEnergy3. Confidence4. Responsibility5. IntellectualCuriosity

Thesedimensionsessentiallymakeupthequalityof“adesiretohelponeself”.Rememberthatthementeewasoriginallychosenbecausehewassupposedtopossess this quality. The timeline and action plan during this phase aredevelopedtoassessifthisisstillpresentin(orrecoverableby)him.Theperiodofthisphaseistypicallyabout2monthsandmentorsareaskedtosupervisethementeemorefrequentlyandcloselyduringthisphase.The timeline may include the following actions depending on the mentee’sperformance:

1. Talkingtotheperson/swhorecommendedthementee,e.g.theteacher2. LetterofwarningfromtheREF3. OfferHELPUniversity’sprofessionalcounselingresourcesifthefamilyand

thementeecanagreetoitNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

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WhenThingsareNotWorkingMenteeDelinquency–Part2Mentoring is not a bed of roses. Nomatter how rigorous the selectionprocess for a mentee is, sometimesthe mentorship can still run intodifficulties. There can be manycauses. Some of these include poormenteeattitude, lackof buy-in fromparents/guardian and mentor-mentee mismatch. In part 2 of thisarticle on Mentee Delinquency, weexplore two possible causes andwhattheobjectiveofdisengagementorterminationshouldbe.

Istherebuy-inofthementoringobjectivesandprocess

fromtheparentsofthementee?

Parent/GuardianBuy-inA most important aspect of mentoring is that parents/guardian must be onboardwith theaimsandtheprocessofmentoring.Assess if this isoneof thecauses resulting in the delinquency. Be on the lookout especially forparents/guardian paying “lip service”, when actions do not align with words,indicating undermining of the mentorship. Only when it is assessed that theproblem is not with parents’ ownership of the overall mentorship, can weconsiderstudentattitudeasapossiblecauseofthedelinquency.Mentor-MenteeMismatchA possible cause for the delinquencymay be due to us asmentors. Havewedoneallthatisexpectedofusasmentors?Wecannotassumethatthementee(andhis family)will immediatelywelcomeourhelp, nomatter hownoblewethinkourwork is. Like entering any relationship,we cannot take anything forgranted.Fore.g.havewespentenoughtimewiththementeetogainhistrust?Sufficientcontacttimeisakeyforeitherpartytogettoknoweachother.Thebasicsof relationship and trustdevelopmentmust apply.Or areweproviding

the“correct”approach?Wemaybetoo“controlling”orweare“notdoingwhatwe preach” (poor role modeling). Are we speaking in a language that thestudentunderstands?Arewesufficientlyempathetic towards thementeeandhispresentcircumstances?Itisobviousthattherecanbemanyreasons.Atthisjuncture, it is important to cast our ego aside and thendo anhonestmentorself-assessment.As mentors, we have to utilize the ample opportunities the REF provides tospend time with the mentee, such as the Rotary club’s community serviceprojects (e.g. Tree Planting project), leadership camps and values workshops.Findtimetopickthestudentupandhavebreakfastwithhimpriortoanevent.Allthesecounttowardsshowingempathyandcompassion.Timespentwiththementeeisofteninterpretedbythementeeaslove.DisengagementorTerminationSometimesterminationof theawardmaybethebest lessonwecangive toadelinquent mentee, although this must be left as a final option. Thedisengagement must be done with the objective of making it a constructivelesson to the mentee and not have it become another experience ofabandonment for him (and the family). Terminationmust (wherever possibleandtothebestofourability)bedonewiththeaimofcrystallizingawarenessinthementee that thementorship is amissed golden opportunity. Somentorsmustpreparethementeeandthefamilyappropriatelyforthisevent.Finally,beforea termination,ask thementeewhathe isgoing todoafter thetermination.Ifpossible,advisehimregardinghisoptions.If thedisengagement isdoneproperly, thementeegainsarealizationandwillgo forward mindful of not wasting future opportunities given to him. If thisprocess is handled badly, we could leave an indelible scar of abandonment,failureanddisappointment inthementeeandhisfamily.Alwayskeep inmindthat in thementee, we are dealing with a personwith feelings – and in thisinstance,mostlikelyasensitivepersontoo.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, October 15, 2013 12:51 PM

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TheSearchforMeaninginLifeWhatmeaningdowegivetoourlife?It is a feature of an intelligentindividual’s life that at some point he(orshe)willaskthequestion“What isthemeaningof life?”or“HowdoIgetfulfillment in my life?” It is whatpsychologists call an individual’s“existential crisis”. To be sure, thequestion should not be what themeaning of life is as much as whatmeaningdoIgivetomylifeandtothelife of others. Not, “Why do I exist?”butrather,“WhatdoIexistfor?”

“Youwillneverliveifyouarelooking

forthemeaningoflife.”AlbertCamus

Volunteermentoringbyprofessionalsprovidesan

opportunityforgivingmeaningtothelivesofayoungindividualandhisfamilyfromthelowerincomegroup.

Lifewill bemore fulfilling, less emptyandmoremeaningful only if youhaveapurpose beyond yourself –move away from self-centeredness. Only if you domorethantakingcareofyourownneeds,totakingcareoftheneedsofotherswillyoufeeltrulyhappy.Thisisbecauseweliveinarealityofaninterconnectedandinterdependentworld,aworldwherewecannotavoidmakingconnectionsandhavingrelationships.Infact,aworldwherewefindmorefulfillingwhenwedo have relationships with others and with our environment. No man is anisland.Andbecausewehavetohaverelationshipsinordertoliveourlives,thequalityofourrelationshipsbecomesimportant.Howfulfilledwefeeldependsonthisquality.Humanbeingsaresocialcreatures.Wehavetocareforothersandwehavetofeelcaredfor.Loveandbe loved.Tohaveatrulyfulfilling life,wefindthatwehavetomakeadifferencetosomeoneelse’slifeotherthanthatofourown.Tomakeapositivedifferencetosomeoneelse’slifeistogivemeaningtothelifeof

another. When we make a small positive difference we feel a little fulfilled.Whenwemakeasignificantpositivedifference,wefeelmorefulfilled.Whenweare constantly making a difference to the lives of others, we feel constantlyfulfilled.And so in Rotary, the types of projects we do impact our own personalfulfillmentdifferently.Projectssuchasone-timeparties(cheersessions)foroldfolks and underprivileged children giving happiness to them for a fleetingmomentwillmakeusfeelalittlefulfilled.Butprojectssuchasbuildingabetterhome for old folks improving the quality of their lives or providing long termeducation opportunities to youths, such as the Rotary Education Fund andAward,givingthestudentsabrighterfuturewillgiveuslongerlastingfulfillment.Wetalkof“ServiceaboveSelf”butinfactthetruthisweserveothersinordertogaintruepersonalhappiness.Theparadoxisthatonlybyservingotherscanwetrulyserveourself;andonlybyservingourselfcanweserveotherseffectively.And sowe say,help yourself first inorder tobebetterable toultimatelyhelpothers,andthenyouwillgainpersonalhappiness (which in theendhasaself-servingelement).Whatwearesayingisthatyoucan’tbetrulyhappy,fulfilledorfindmeaninginyourownlifewithoutservingothers,withoutcaringforothers,withoutmakingadifferencetothelivesofothers,withoutgivingmeaningtothelivesofothers.“Human beings—through theirconsciousness—create their own values anddetermineameaning for their lifebecause, in thebeginning, thehumanbeingdoes not possess any inherentidentityorvalue. By posing the acts thatconstitute him or her, he or shemakes his or her existencemore significant.”This,inthefinalanalysisishowmanorwomaniswired.

“Existenceprecedesessence.”Jean-PaulSartre


©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, October 22, 2013 12:48 PM

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TheSearchfortheElixirofLifeEmbraceChange“Theelixiroflife,alsoknownaselixirofimmortalityandsometimesequatedwiththephilosopher'sstone,isalegendaryormythicalpotion,ordrink,thatwhendrankfromacertaincup,atacertaintime,grantsthedrinkereternallifeandoreternalyouth.Manyalchemistspursuedit.Theelixiroflifewasalsosaidtobeabletocreatelife.ItisrelatedtothemythsofThothandHermesTrismegistus,bothofwhominvarioustalesaresaidtohavedrunk"thewhitedrops"(liquidgold)andthusachievedimmortality.ItismentionedinoneoftheNagHammaditexts.”Wikipedia

InteractPresidentJayneattherecentRCBKSTreePlantingoutingattheRajaMusaForestReserve–a

perfectpictureofcharmandvibrantyouth.

Fromtimeimmemorial,manhassearchedforthiselusiveelixir,alsosometimesknownasthefountainofyouth.Yethehasnotfoundit…orhashe?Maybetheelixirorfountainisnotsomeobviousphysicalsubstance.Maybeinstead,itisaframeofmind?Perhaps it is just a combination of spending timewith youth and refusing tocloseone’smindtolearningnewthingsthatwillkeepusforeveryoung?Itmaybe simply retaining a willingness to adapt to change; and to change for thebetter.Lifeisever-changingandso“adaptationtochange”hastobethewaytoameaningfulexistence.We “grow old” when we stop learning or when we claim to already “knowenough” or when we think we “know better” or when we can convenientlypigeon hole our self thatwe can saywe are notmeant to learn this or that.

Whenweretiretoourcomfortzonespermanently,wearepreparingourselfforthe grave. It’s thebeginningof the end.Gettingout of the comfort zone andembracingchangeiswhatwillkeepuschallenged.Ourbody,ourbrainandourspirit atrophies through insufficient use. The only way to keep ahead of thiseffectistostayoutofthecomfortzone.Liveinthe"growth"zonejustbeyondthecomfortzone,wherewecontinuetotakecalculatedrisks.Yes,takingsomerisknourishesour"lifeforce".Itmakesusfeelalive!

“AllmylifeIusedtowonderwhatIwouldbecomewhenIgrewup.Then,aboutsevenyearsago,IrealizedthatIwasnevergoingtogrowup

–thatgrowingisaneverongoingprocess.”ScottPeck

Andsotheelixiroflifeisnotavitamin,asupplementorsomeexoticherbwhichmany of us are constantly seeking. It is an attitude. Embrace change. Keeplearning.Spendtimewithyounglives.Keepanopenmind.Feelblessed.Trytounderstandyoungsters insteadof trying to get youngsters tounderstandyou.Allowyourselftobefilledwithwonderandamazement.Ifweare alert,we seemanyof suchpeople around; always radiatingenergy,showing a smiling face, and lighting up the whole room whenever they arearound.Oldoryoungisnotmeasuredinyearsbutitisanattitude.Youngstersembracechangenaturally;that’swhytheyareyoungsters.Yetwhilewemaybeyoung in age but if we choose to stop learning, we will manifest all thesymptomsofageing.Mentoring gives us the opportunity to embrace change. Indeed, we can onlymakeapositivedifferencetoyounglivesifwearepreparedtoembracechange.Mentorwiththerightattitude–withempathyandunderstanding.Youngstersarealwayschallengingustothinkdifferentlyandtolearnnewthings.“EmbraceChange”maywellbetheelusiveelixiroflifewehavealwaysbeenlookingfor.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013


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UnderstandingtheRealSignificanceoftheREF–ReplicationToallstakeholdersinvolvedintheREFproject, not onlymembers of RCBKS.Every once in a while we have anopportunitywherethestage issetbythe work of some earlier dedicatedmembersoftheteam.Allwehavetodo is to take the baton (project) andrun with it as fast and as far as wepossibly can ... and with relativelylittle effort, we will make an impactfar greater thanwe can imagine. TheREF in its present form is one suchopportunity (and project) – the boldobjectivesalreadyframed,thesystemand processes already set up, theawards already won and thefoundationalreadybuilt.

Bridginggreatresourceswithgreatneeds.SponsorNHLiu(“Win”)fromtheRotaryClubofChungli-Chung

Shing,TaiwanwithhissponsoredREFstudentDarshinii(right)andherfamilyataclubfunction.Harshini(left)is

alsoasuccessfulREFAwardee.

In short, a track record and credibility have been established in the last fouryears. However, the greatest impact is not in carrying out the project in onelone club, although that's important in itself. As professionals in communityservice, we should always be searching for the “multiplier effect” in theimportantprojects thatwedo.Ask, “howdoweget themaximum impact foroureffort?”Thegreatestimpactwillcomeinreplicatingtheproject(“extension”)withmanyclubsandorganizations,bringingthebenefitmoreeffectivelytomorestudentsinneed.Wearenowinthis"second"evenmoreimportantphaseofourworkandbuildingonthegoodworkofthefirst.Takethegoldenbatonandjointheworkof the“extensionteam”.Togetherwedowhatweeachcan,sharingthemessage with as many Rotary clubs as we can, the message of "making a

differencetolivesoneatatime".Andinsodoing,createanimpactfarbeyondourwildestdreams.Beapartofthisfascinating,andpossiblyonceinalifetimejourneyofmeaningandfulfillment,righthere.To be sure, the REF is not an easy project to carry out.We have no illusionsaboutthat.Butwemarvelatandareinspiredbytheinterestshowneverywherewego.AttendeesattheREFworkshopsandtalksareexcitedbytheenergyandprofessionalism in the presentations and in the carrying out of the project atclub level. Todate, 8 clubshave already started their ownREFs.We canonlyhopemanymorewilldoso.Intime,itmayspreadtoneighbouringdistrictsandwho is to saywhere thiswillall go thereafter?For theextension team, this iswhat Rotary work and community service are all about. And just like REFmentoring,weseeitasanhonour,aprivilegeandaresponsibility.Wewillkeeptryingtogetmoreteammembersandvolunteersinvolvedontheroadshows.Your presence and support will make a difference, besides providing theopportunity for you to share your first hand experiences. Do join us and beinspired,notjustbythepresentationsbutbytheresponsesfromtheattendeesat thepresentations. It is a sight tobehold anda great feeling toexperience.Whatever may your reasons be for being a Rotarian (or a volunteer in thisproject), know that this project has the potential of, and is already, creatingenormous value. Be there and be able to fully experience it. It is a time forgivingandintheREF,wereallydohavesomethingverymeaningfultoshare.Theplatformhasbeencreated,tobridgegreatresourceswithgreatneeds.Theeffort henceforth is relatively little for the impact to bemade that awaits us.Join us, if you can, to take the next step forward. Your support can helpaccomplish this “second” phase of spreading and teaching other interestedclubs tostart theirownREFs.Whenaskedwhatpersonal fulfillment is,awisemanoncerepliedsimply,

“Perhapsitisjusttoteachaninterestedsomeonehowtobeabletodosomethinggood.”


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Whoseneedareweservinganyway?From“It’sallaboutme”to“I’mallaboutit”

Child discipline is much about parentdiscipline. The child learns from theparents by example. It is easy sometimesto lapse into playful indiscipline whenspendingtimewithhim(orher).Fore.g.asaparent,itisfuntofeedyouryoungchildfromyourplate.Butifyoudoit,verysoonthe childwill refuse to eat from his plateandwillonlyeatfromyours.

REFAwardeeNorizaBteKemi(2ndright)fromCareyIslandwithherfamily

Thechildabsorbsallthesesignals.Beverydisciplinedaboutconveyingtherightmessages all the time. For parents, setting a good example is a discipline thattheyhavetoimposeonthemselves.Askourselfeachtimewetakeanactioninrespectofthechildwhetherwearedoingittofulfillaneedofthechildorarewedoingittofulfillaneedofourown.If it is justforourownneed,beverycareful.E.g.soonafterthechildisborn,aparentmaydecidetoputa“teddy”bearnexttothesleepingbabyevenbeforethebabyhasleftthehospital.Isthisactiontofulfillaneedofthechildortofulfillaneedoftheparent?The interventions and support a mentor can provide are not unlike that of aparent. In the sameway,each timewe interveneandsupport thementee,weshouldaskourselfhonestly,“AmIfulfillinganeedofthementeeoramIfulfillingoneofmyownneeds?”Iftheansweristhelatterthenthinkagain,asthisactionis likely to stem from selfishness and ego, rather than compassion andgenerosity.Bedisciplinedaboutthis.When a mentor says, “I’m sure I know what I want to get out of the REFprogramme,”letitbelessaboutthe“I”butinstead,moreaboutthementee.

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonits

programme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.©RCBKS2013

Sent: Tuesday, November 12, 2013 4:41 PM

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TheFalconsfromArabia

Once therewasa kingwho receivedagift of two magnificent falcons fromArabia. They were peregrine falcons,the most beautiful birds he had everseen.Hegavethepreciousbirdstohisheadfalconertobetrained.Months passed and one day the headfalconerinformedthekingthatthoughone of the falcons was flyingmajestically,soaringhighinthesky,theother bird had not moved from itsbranch since the day it had arrived.

The king summoned healers and sorcerers from all the land to tend to thefalcon, but no one could make the bird fly. He presented the task to thememberofhiscourt,butthenextday,thekingsawthroughthepalacewindowthat thebirdhad still notmoved from itsperch.Having triedeverythingelse,the king thought to himself, "May be I need someonemore familiarwith thecountryside tounderstand thenatureof thisproblem." Sohe criedout tohiscourt,"Goandgetafarmer."In themorning, thekingwas thrilled to see the falconsoaringhighabove thepalace gardens. He said to his court, "Bring me the doer of this miracle."Thecourtquicklylocatedthefarmer,whocameandstoodbeforetheking.Theking asked him, "How did you make the falcon fly?" With head bowed, thefarmersaidtotheking,"Itwasveryeasy,yourhighness.Isimplycutthebranchofthetreewherethebirdwassitting."Weareallmadetofly-torealizeourincrediblepotentialashumanbeings.Butinstead of doing that, we sit on our branches, clinging to the things that arefamiliar to us. The possibilities are endless, but for most of us, they remainundiscovered.Weconformtothefamiliar, thecomfortableandthemundane.

So for themost part, our lives aremediocre instead of exciting, thrilling andfulfilling.Soletuslearntochopoffthebranchofcomfortorfearweclingtoandfreeourselvestothegloryofflight.

*TheaboveshortstoryiscontributedbyMentorTanPoayLimNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Wednesday, November 20, 2013 11:59 AM

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CreatingtheabilitytodeliverreallongtermvalueREFturns4yearsold

LastSunday,volunteermentorMunYeeand I walked into Kampong Chempaka,PJ armed with an interview guide, aninterview form, a camera and an REFbrochure; to interview a shortlistedcandidate. I realized a strong feeling ofbeing able to do something real. Ihonestly felt empowered to be able to"make a difference" to a young lifebecausewehavedevelopedtheprojectsothoroughlythat Iwasconfident Icanactually deliver real help to someonewhoreallyneedsit.

VolunteermentorMunYeeinterviewingShahmuniand

hersinglemotherMdmSuppulatchumy

StandinginfrontofthehouseinwhichShahmuniandhermother

rentaroom.Theylivewith10othersinthesmallhouse.

And "I" can make a differencebecause we have the support todeliver it to her on an ongoing basisfor the next 3-5 years. I know weprobablyoverusethisphrase"makeadifference" but there really isn't abetterwaytodescribeit.Ihavebeenin Rotary for more years than I canrecall and have never come acrossanything like this in thecountry.Theauthenticityoftheproject.

From commencement of the award to follow through to completion; thestudent support, thementor support, the sponsor support andultimately theobservable and tangibleoverall success, I only read aboutprojects like this inmagazinesandwebsites,donebyothersoverseas.Butweareactuallydoingithereandcreatedittogether!IincludeallotherREFRotaryclubswhenIsaythis.All thisbecauseenoughofuscare,havetheself-beliefandput theeffort intomaking this infrastructure real. I have been involved in this project from the

beginningandIcontinuetofeelenergizedbyit.Myblessedfriends,wedolivein blessed times. Be very aware of this moment and avail yourselves to it.Besidesgivinghopetostudentsinneed,thisprojectequipsvolunteerswiththeconfidencetodeliver.IhopetheREFsurvivesforalongtimetocome.Butitwillonlydosowiththeinvolvementofmanyofus.Last week, the RCBKS Education Fund turned exactly 4 years old. It waslaunchedatacharitydinnerwith200guestsatTheSaujanaKualaLumpuron14Nov2009.Muchhashappenedsincethen.So,mayIhumblywish...

“HAPPYBIRTHDAYREF!”IalsowishtheREFsinallotherRotaryclubssuccess.

*ArticlebyYLYeeoftheRCBKSRotaryEducationFundNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013

Sent: Friday, November 29, 2013 12:41 PM

ValuesEducationIn today’s open society, there is amultitude of both positive andnegativeinfluences. It is impractical,if not impossible, to protect a childfrom all the negative influences byphysically “ring fencing” andisolating him from themwithout atthe same time shutting outimportant experiences and positiveinfluencesaswell.

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Yet the solution to this dilemma is still to expose the childprogressively tolife,butatthesametimebuildinhimastrongvaluesystem.Thisistheonlyrealistic“protection”hecanhavefromnegativeinfluences,whileatthesametimeenablinghimtopickuppositiveinfluencestoo.Itcanbeveryconfusingattimes,withthemyriadofvaluesoneissupposedto instil in a child. Fortunately, this process can be kept simple. Themostimportant consideration in building a strong value system in a child is toremember two things; give him plenty of love, and be a goodexample tohim.Teachyourchildnoblevalues,largelybysimplylivingthemyourself.


The REF runs aValues EducationWorkshop for awardees each year exploring noble values such as Self-confidence,Honesty,Responsibility,CompassionandHumility.Thenext2-dayworkshopwillbeintheMayschoolholidays2014.Pleasearrangeforyourmenteetobepresent.


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DiscoveringWhoYouAre“The role of an REFmentor is three fold.Helpthementeediscoverwhohe(orshe)is.Help thementee “be thebesthe can”,toreachhisfullpotential.Finally,helpthementee learn to take responsibility forhisfuture.”At theheartof the self-discoveryprocessistheunderstandingofwhatvaluesmeanand discovering the values that aremostimportant toyou.Becauseultimatelyyouare defined by the values you believe in,that’swhoyouare.Don’thaveanyillusionthat this is easy work. It’s a life time’swork.Butyouhavetomakeastartnow.

Successfulmentoring involveshelping thementeediscoverwhohe is,his truenature. The mentor’s role is to help provide the environment and theopportunity for this to naturally occur. He (or she) does this by being aconfidant,ateacher,arolemodel,afriend,anurturerofpossibilitiesandmostimportantly,bymaintainingconfidenceinthementee,constantlynurturingthementee’sbeliefinhimself.



©RCBKS2013


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ReachingYourFullPotential“The role of amentor is three fold.Helpthementeediscoverwhohe is.Help the mentee “be the best hecan”, to reach his full potential.Finally,helpthementeelearntotakeresponsibilityforhisfuture.”

Wetendtohangaroundwithourfriendsbecausetheyacceptusthewayweare.Friendsmake us feel comfortable and seldom try to tell us right fromwrong,theyusuallydon’tjudgeusonwhatwedoordon’tdo.Friendsneverpushustoourpersonal limits.Mentors on theotherhand,will oftenencourageus to gobeyondourcomfortzone.Thiswillhelpusstretchtoourfullpotential.


NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachand toprovidegoodmentoring toour students, theREF from time to timeprovides shortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2013


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TakingPersonalResponsibilityforYourFuture“The role of a mentor is threefold. Help the mentee discoverwho he (or she) is. Help thementee be the best he can, toreach his full potential. Finally,help the mentee learn to takeresponsibilityforhisfuture.”

Manypeopleassociate responsibilitywithdutyandobligations,which in turnare thoughtof asburdens.Butpersonal responsibility isnotaburden. It is ablessing.Thisbecomesclearwhenweunderstandthatpersonalresponsibilityisnothingotherthanthefreedomtocreateourownlives.Yes,responsibilityisequatedwithfreedomandpower.Onceweawakentothistruth,webecomeliberatedandempowered.Weshedourvictimmentalityandgainthepowertotransformourselves.ItisamainobjectiveoftheREFprogrammestohelpthementeelearntotakeresponsibilityforhisfuture.Thiswillessentiallyinvolveanawakeningforhim.What isthis“awakening”? It isthediscoverythatwearemorethanwethinkweare.Itistherealizationthatwehavetakenonanidentitythatincorrectlyorinadequately expresses our essential being. It is as though we have beendreamingandsuddenlyweawakenfromthedream,lookaround,andbecomeawareofatotallydifferentreality.The challenge for amentor is to provide the opportunity for thementee tocrystallize this awakening. Not by imploring but instead by patientlyworkingwith the mentee, through the magic of question, to help him realize his“blessing” of personal responsibility. Together with providing example andexposure,thementorcancreateanenvironmentwherebythequestionsariseby themselves in thementee.Amenteeonceawakenedwill naturally realizehispurpose.Hewillthenbemorefocusedandknowhispriorities.

“Whenwetakeresponsibility,weadmitwearetheonesresponsibleforthechoiceswemake.We,nototherpeopleorevents,areresponsiblefortheway



©RCBKS2013

Sent: Thursday, January 02, 2014 3:03 PM

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GuidingStudentsandTrainingParents

Educatingchildrenismostlyabouteducating parents on theirconduct. In turn, the conduct ofparents is an education to thechildren.



RotarianGrant(R)explainsthedetailsoftheREFprogrammeto

thewholefamilyofaprospectiveawardee

Achild isgenerallybornemotionallywellbalancedand fullof self-confidence.Oftenovertimeandthroughbadhabits,parentsunwittinglyerodehis/herself-confidence,adverselyaffectinghisemotionalwell-being.Inachild’seducation,theresponsibilityofparents is three fold:Provide thechildwithagoodsetofvalues (environment), create the space and opportunities (exposure) for thechildtodiscoverhimself,andforbearerodinghisself-confidence.

Likeeducatingchildren,mentoringtoo isa lotabouttrainingparents/guardianontheir“conduct”.AnREFmentormayspendabout2-3hoursinamonthwiththestudent.Whereasparentsspendmuchoftheavailableformativetimewithhim. They are his real guides and greatest influence. Amentor can teach thestudent good values only to have thework undone by parents if they do notbelieveinorfullyappreciatethepurposeofthementoringprogramme.

HelpparentsunderstandthephilosophyoftheREFprogrammeandhowitisagood path for their child. Request that they be present at the mentoringsessions, especially in the beginning. In between mentor visits, have parentsreinforce the messages you are trying to convey. Invite parents to our REFactivities.Parentsmustnotdoanythingthatmaysabotagetheprocess.Foranystudentmentoringprogrammetosucceed,parentsmustsubscribetothevaluesbeingtaught,workinghand-in-handassupportivepartnerstothementor/s.

“Inorderforthementorshipofthestudenttosucceed,

parents/guardianmustworkinpartnershipwithyouasmentor.”


©RCBKS2014


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Identityvs.RoleConfusion–Pt1/2(Adolescence,12to18years)As they make the transition fromchildhood to adulthood, adolescentspondertherolestheywillplayintheadultworld. Initially,theyareapttoexperiencesome role confusion - mixed ideas andfeelings about the specific ways in whichthey will fit into society - and mayexperimentwithavarietyofbehaviorsandactivities (e.g. tinkering with cars, baby-sitting for neighbors, affiliating withcertainpoliticalorreligiousgroups).

AwardeeKushalliniduringabreakata

LeadershipCamp

Eventually,most adolescents achieve a sense of identity regardingwho theyareandwheretheirlivesareheaded.Erikson*iscreditedwithcoiningtheterm"Identity Crisis”. This turning point in human development seems to be thereconciliation between “the person one has come to be” and “the personsocietyexpectsonetobecome”.Thisemergingsenseofselfwillbeestablishedby“forging”pastexperienceswithanticipationsofthefuture.WhatisuniqueaboutthestageofIdentityisthatitisaspecialsortofsynthesisof earlier stages and a special sort of anticipation of later ones. Youth has acertainuniquequality inaperson's life; it isabridgebetweenchildhoodandadulthood. Youth is a time of radical change—the great body changesaccompanyingpuberty,theabilityofthemindtosearchone'sownintentionsand the intentionsofothers, the suddenly sharpenedawarenessof the rolessocietyhasofferedforlaterlife. –AnextractfromtheWikipedia*ErikEriksonwasarenownedDanish-German-Americandevelopmentalpsychologistandpsychoanalystknownforhistheoryonsocialdevelopmentofhumanbeings.


©RCBKS2014


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Identityvs.RoleConfusion–Pt2/2(Adolescence,12to18years)Adolescents "are confrontedby theneed tore-establish boundaries for themselves andtodothis inthefaceofanoftenpotentiallyhostileworld."Thisisoftenchallengingsincecommitments are being asked for beforeparticular identityroleshaveformed.Atthispoint,oneisinastateof'identityconfusion',but society normally makes allowances foryouth to"find themselves,"and this state iscalled'themoratorium'.

StudentsdebriefingatanREFLeadershipcamp

Theproblemofadolescence isoneof roleconfusion—areluctance tocommitwhichmayhauntaperson intohismatureyears.Given therightconditions—and Erikson* believes these are essentially havingenough space and time, apsychologicalmoratorium,whenapersoncanfreelyexperimentandexplore—whatmayemergeisafirmsenseofidentity,anemotionalanddeepawarenessofwhoheorsheis.Nomatterhowonehasbeenraised,one’spersonalideologiesarenowchosenfor oneself. Oftentimes, this leads to conflict with adults over religious andpolitical orientations. Another area where teenagers are deciding forthemselves is their career choice. If parents or society is too insistent, theteenager will acquiesce to external wishes, effectively forcing him/her to“foreclose”onexperimentationand,therefore,trueself-discovery.AccordingtoErikson,when an adolescent has balanced both perspectives of “What have Igot?” and “What am I going to do with it?” he or she has established theiridentity.–AnextractfromtheWikipedia*ErikEriksonwasarenownedDanish-German-Americandevelopmentalpsychologistandpsychoanalystknownforhistheoryonsocialdevelopmentofhumanbeings.


©RCBKS2014


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MeetingStudentsWhereTheyAreThe5thREFAnnualYouthMentoringWorkshop

ParticipantsbeingwelcomedbyFrancesPoattheworkshop

organizedbyRCBKSatHELPUniversity

Helping students from low incomefamilieswiththeircareerchoicesisina sense the REF’s raison d'être. TheREF addressed this important subjectfor mentors when it held this year’sAnnual Youth Mentoring Workshopon 12 Jan 2014, with the theme,“Interconnectivity –Mentees& TheirCareerChoices”.After thewelcomingwords by RCBKS’s REF ChairpersonFrances Po, the Sunday workshopfocusedontalksandpanelsharingtoequipmentorswithanunderstandingon how to help mentees decide ontheircareerchoicesthemselves.The key concept here is empowering the student to “decide for himself (orherself)”.Foracareerchoiceisnotsomethingsomeoneelsecandecideforyou.Mentors (andparents/guardians) canassistbyproviding information,exposureandguidancebutonlythestudentshoulddecide.Thereasonforthisis“ownership”oftheimportantdecisionwhichintheendhastobeexecutedbythestudent.Thestudentknowsbestwhatheisinterestedin,hehastotakeresponsibilityforhischoiceandhehastolivetheconsequencesofhisdecision.“Meetingthestudentswheretheyare”ismakingtheefforttolistentotheirstory,theirpassionsanddiscoveringtheir latentabilities.Not imposingon the studentwhat his career ought to be but empowering him tomake aninformeddecision.Thementor’s(andalsotheparents’/guardian’s)roleisnottojudgethestudentbuttoguideandsupporthimalongthisjourney,especially ifhehasnotchosenanything“morally”or“legally”undesirable.Asinpreviousyears,theworkshopwastheresultofanimportantcollaboration

withHELPUniversityandconductedbyEricAmaladas,headof theUniversity’scareercounselingdepartment–[email protected]“ApplicationtoLife:HowtohaveaConversationaroundCareerChoices.”Besidesprovidingknowledgeaboutcareerguidance,theworkshopalsoprovidedan insight into the mind and thinking of the growing adolescent with HELPUniversity’s clinical psychologist Alex Lui speaking on “Meeting the StudentsWhereTheyAre”.HelenaMichaelofHELPMatriculationtogetherwithpanelistsMikeCarr (REFmentor),OngHockThye (former schoolprincipal)andAnthonyPinto(REFmentor&professionaltrainer)sharedtheirin-depthexperienceswithyouthandthedevelopmentofhumanpotential.About 51 mentors and would-be mentors were present for the whole dayworkshop,a record turnout in the5yearswehaveconducted it.Besides fromRCBKS’sREF,mentorscamefromotherRotaryclubREFs.Presentwerementorsfrom far awayRC Seremban, Temerloh, Kulimand Sg Petani aswell as nearbyPantaiValley,Gombak,BangsarandShahAlam.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


YMP-SNAP0147

JudgmentalvsDiscerning

MentorKingsleywithAwardeeNuramiza

“Saroja is a very pleasant officecolleague.Sheneverhasanythingbadto say about anyone and is alwayshappy and friendly to everyone. Infact, many friends regard her as a‘non-judgmental’ person. However,whenconfrontedwithanissue,Sarojais the last person to be able to helpseek a resolution because she alwaysseems to have difficulty making adecision. Saroja also seems stuck ather level in termsofpromotion in theoffice.”Manyofusknowsomeone likeSaroja,agoodpersontogo towhenyouneedsomeone to listen to your problems. She won’t judge you. So you won’t feelthreatened with opinionated view points. Yet Saroja seems to have difficultygoingfarinhercareer.Yousee,whileSarojaisnotjudgmental,shehasalsonotdevelopedherabilitytobediscerning.What’sthedifferencebetweenthetwo?Discerningisatraitthatisrequiredinmakingdecisions,whichwedoeveryday(roughlyabout200timesjustinthecontextoffoodalone!).Weneedtobediscerningindeterminingthequalityofthings,suchaswhethersomethingislongorshort,sweetorsouretc.Wenormallydon’thavemuchdifficultywith that.Butwealsoneedtodiscernwhen it comes to human traits, such as whether the person is arrogant orhumble,honestordishonestetc.Thedifficultyariseswhenindiscerningonetrait,weprojectandextrapolate,andmakeajudgmentorconclusionaboutaperson’sentireworthiness,whetherhe(or she) is a goodpersonor a badperson.Oncewepigeon-hole a person likethat,wewillblindourselves toother (goodorbad)qualitiesandtraitshemayhave.That’sbeingjudgmental.Whenwearejudgmental,wewillfailtoidentify

andhencedevelopthefullpotentialofthosewhoareputunderourcare,suchas our mentee (besides severely curtailing our ability to communicate withhim/her).Andsoinmentoring,wetakeextracaretobea“non-judgmentaldiscerner”.Bediscerning and give feedback on a particular behavior (if appropriate) but notmakeajudgmentontheoverallworthinessoftheperson.Apersonmaynotbegoodatoneparticulartask,butmayimproveorbegoodinothertasks.Whenwerecognizethis,wewillbeabletogainthetrustandconfidenceofourmentee.Wewillbeabletoobjectivelyidentifythestrengthsofourmenteeandhelphimdevelophispotentialtothefullest.“Whenwebelieveaperson’spotentialisunlimited,werealizehowimportantitisforusnottobejudgmentalsothatwedonotblindourselvesfromthelimitless

possibilitiesthepersonhastobegoodatsomethingorsomethingelse.”TheREF


©RCBKS2014


YMP-SNAP0148

TheSteward

Live life like an airline steward (flightattendant)tryingtosurviveanaircraftcrash. You free yourself first beforetryingtohelpothers.Youarenogoodtoanybodyifyougetyourselftrappedtrying to saveothers. Yet asa trainedsteward, theaim is to tryandsaveasmany passengers as you reasonablycan.Life’slikethat.Youareasteward.Helpyourself first, so that you caneventually be better able to helpothers.

Not all of us are expected to be captains. Yetwe are not expected to be onlypassengers.Butasstewardsyouareexpectedtobeabletohelpguideyourfellowhumanbeingsinneed,byfirsttakingresponsibilityforyourself.“Personal stewardship” is the responsibility of the individual to take care ofhimself(orherself)andothersusinghisgiftsandtalents.“Mentorstewardship”isthe development and care of human potential forwhich one has responsibilitybutnoownership.

“Teachyourmenteepersonalstewardship,whileyoucarryoutyourstewardshipdutyasamentor.”

TheREF

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachand toprovidegoodmentoring toour students, theREF from time to timeprovides shortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


YMP-SNAP0149

AreWeCommunicating?BuildingTrustandRespect

REFMenteesattendingarecentconcert

sponsoredbyBentleyMusic

How can we help our mentee if wecannot even communicatewithhim (orher)? Communication in mentoring ismorethanjustgettingamessageacrossclearlywhenyouhavesomethingtosay.It is alsomore than thementee tellingyou his strengths. Beyond these, thementee must be comfortable enoughwith you to communicate (and notalways verbally) his concerns, hisvulnerabilitiesandhisweaknesses.Amentorisapersonwhoguidesalessexperiencedpersonbybuildingtrustandmodelingpositivebehaviours.Aneffectivementorunderstandshis(orher)roleis to be dependable, engaged, authentic and tuned into the needs of thementee. Therefore, a mentor-mentee relationship is first and foremost aboutbuildingtrustandrespect.What isTrust? It is thebelief theotherpersonhasyourbest interestatheart.WhatisRespect?Itisafeelingofdeepadmirationforsomeoneelicitedbytheirabilities,qualities,orachievements.In a mentoring relationship, focus on building enough trust and respect willfollow. Thementeemust trust you enough to communicate his needs and hemustrespectyouenoughtofeelthatyouareabletohelphim(withhisneeds)."Trustinyou"enablescommunicationfrommenteetoyouand"respectforyou"enablesthementeetoacceptcommunicationfromyoutohim.Withrespect,hevaluesyourthoughtsandinput,andheknowshecancountonyoubecauseyouhaveprovenyourselftohim.You help, not by fulfilling hismaterial needs, but by empowering him throughhelpinghimrealizethathehasunlimitedpotentialandbytakingresponsibility,

hecanliberatethisunlimitedpotential; i.e.youhelphimdiscoverhimself,takeresponsibilityandbethebesthecanbe.

"IfItrustyou,Iwillsharewithyoumysecrets;butonlywhenIrespectyou,willIalsolistentoyouradvice."

A caution about trust. There is no way to assure a person that you aretrustworthyoutsideofyouractions.Brokentrustcantakeyears,evendecadestorepair.*PleasereferalsotoYMP-SNAP0124on“TrustintheMentor”fortheHowardJacksonModelonbuildingtrustandrespect.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Tuesday, February 25, 2014 11:33 AM

YMP-SNAP0150

MentoringversusParenting–TheDifference

Freshlycleanedschoolshoeslinedup

neatlytodryatafosterhome

There is a story told by a caregiverPastor of a foster home. Many yearsago, when he was new to the job, hehadafosterchildnamedMoses.Moses’motherwasunabletocareforMosesontop of two other children she had, andsoshegavehimuptothe fosterhome.Moseswas5yearsoldwhenthePastortookhiminfromthesinglemother.ThePastor treated Moses as if he was hisown child. He gave him all the food,shelterandcaring thathecould.Moseswas loved and soon grew into a happyandresponsibleboy.WhenMoseswas15yearsold,hismother turnedupsuddenlyanddecided totakeMosesbackwithher.ThePastorhadnochoicebuttoletMosesgowithhismotherashewasnothislegalparent.ThePastorfeltasifhehadlostoneofhisveryownchildren.Devastatedandunabletoworkproperlyforseveralmonths,thePastorlearnedaverypainful lesson:Tomaintainhissanityandtocontinueto be an effective caregiver, he would in future only care for the children asmuch as he should and nomore. He could not bear the devastation again oflosingachildinthisway.TodaythePastorcontinuestorunthesuccessfulfosterhome.He ismuchmore informed of his role as a caregiver; detached but yetprovidingasmuchlovetothechildrenasheshould.ThePastorrealizesnowthatthechildrenarenothisownandthatheoncehadthe unrealistic expectation that he could keep them for as long as one couldkeep one’s own children. Instead once Moses left, the Pastor never saw himagain. Such an unrealistic expectation caused suffering both to himself and toothers around him, leading to ineffectiveness in relation to his ownresponsibilitiesandactionsasacaregiver.

One difference between mentoring and parenting may be in the area ofexpectations.Withourchildrenwehavecertainexpectations: to see that theyreceive an education; to teach them to behave in certain ways; to introducethemtosports,music,andotherbeneficialactivities;toteachthemthevaluesofworkandresponsibility;andsoon.Butinmentoring,it’simportanttokeepourexpectations low and simply to be available to help thementeespursue theirownobjectives.Our only expectation shouldbe for their personal growth, buteventhenwecan’tcontrolhowtheygrow.Mentorscaninspire,encourage,raisequestions,andfacilitatelearning,buttheycannotchangepeople.Ultimately,thementees’motivationhastocomefromwithin.It’shardtowait forthemtohurryupandbeamazing.But it reallywon’tworkunlessweletthemchoosetheirownpathsandtheirowntimetables.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


YMP-SNAP0151

AttitudeisEverything

Good is an inherent quality ofthings. It is only through ourjudgmental eye that bad emerges.There are no inherently badsituations or experiences.With theright attitude, all situations andexperiences are for one’s personalgrowth – and are therefore good.Evenfailurecanbeafoundationforsuccess. Sowhenwe fail, wemustnotfailtolearnthelessontoo.Similarly, when we believe a person's potential is unlimited, we realize howimportantitisforusnottobejudgmentalsothatwedonotblindourselvesfromthe limitlesspossibilities thepersonhas tobegoodatsomethingorsomethingelse.Wecannotcontrolwhatlifethrowsatusbutwecancontrolhowwerespondtoit.Wemaynothaveachoiceofcircumstancesbutwedohaveachoiceofwhatattitude toadopt.Always remember tomake thebestofourpresent situationandexperience.Ourattitudewilldetermineourgrowthandourfreedom.“Youmaynotbeabletochangeyourfatebutyoucanchangeyourattitude.”The5REFValuesIntheREF,wesay,nomatterwhatcircumstancesyou’rein,ifyouhavetherightattitude, lifewill present youwith opportunities. Helpwill be on theway andsuccesswillfollow.Allyouneedisthe:

1. Honestytoacceptandfaceyourreality2. Responsibilitytotakeactiontoovercomeyourchallenges3. Self-belief to ask questions and to realise that you have the ability to

succeed

4. Humility to acknowledge that you don’t know everything and that youhavetolearnfromotherswhoareabletohelp

5. Compassion to forgive yourself when you falter and to recognize thatfailuremerelypointsthewaytosuccess

Findtheopportunitytosharethiswithyourmentee.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREF fromtimeto timeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Thursday, March 13, 2014 4:03 PM

YMP-SNAP0152

PreparingtheMenteeMentallyforCamp

TheYouthLeadershipCampconductedbyEQTDConsulting

The upcoming REF YouthLeadership Camp will be mostbeneficial to thementee ifwe canalso prepare him (or her)mentallybefore thecamp.Thecampshouldnot be just viewed as a 3-dayholidaywherethestudentcantakea back seat while proceedings ofthe camp are going on. On thecontrary, it is an opportunity forself-discovery and self-development.Thiswillonlyoccurifhetakesthecampseriously.Thecampwillfocusongettingstudentstofunctionasacoherentteamaswellastoencourageandguidethemtoembarkonanactionplanofself-developmentsothat they will achieve their potential. Re-Education and Motivation are twocomponentsthatarethefoundationsofthecampprogramme.Herearesomegoalsthatthecampwillcover.Studentsattendingthecampwill:

§ Understandtheirroleinlifemoreclearly§ Beawareofhowtodevelopthe“winningteam”attitude§ Leavefeelingempoweredwithself-awareness§ Beabletoresolveconflictsconstructively§ Understandhowtoworkunderpressurewithoutlosingteamspirit§ Becomeenergygivers§ Learnlisteningskillstobetrulyeffectiveleaders§ Leavewiththeabilitytomotivatetheirteammembers§ Develop and be aware of the concept of leadership andwho can become

leaders§ Understandtheimportanceofcharacterandselflessnessinaleader,andthe

techniquestodevelopthesequalities§ Recognizethatmindandbodyaswellasspiritualhealthareprimesustainers

ofleadershippotentialMentorscanpreparetheirstudentsbycommunicatingthefollowingtothem:

§ Go to the camp with the attitude that you are there to learn, especiallyaboutleadership

§ Be ready to participate in the activities. See it as an opportunity for self-discoveryandself-improvement

§ Volunteertotakeonkeyrolesintheactivitieswhenyouareaskedto§ Taketheopportunitytopracticeexpressingyourselfduringtheactivities§ Workwithothersandparticipateactively in the teams. Leada team if you

gettheopportunity§ Careforyourteammembers

Communicate to yourmentee the concept that in the end, howmuch he gainsfromthecampisdirectlydependentonhowmuchheispreparedtoputintoit.Finallyhelpthementeebeawarethathehasaspecialresponsibilitytothosewhowill follow him. He holds a special key. If he canmake this camp a success forhimself,hewillcontributetoensuringthatthecampwillberunagainforothersfollowinghimintheyearstocome.Sohemustthinkbeyondhimself.Usedproperly, this campwill help yourmenteemakeabetter start toabetterlife.Mentorscanhelptheirmenteesbenefitmorebypreparingthemandmakingthemawareofwhatthecampstandsforaheadoftime…Goingforthtolearn.NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF from time to time provides shortwrite-ups on itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


YMP-SNAP0153

MentoringPerformers–LearningtoExpressEffectively

AwardeeTasha(foreground)withhermotherandsister

There is littlemoreamentor candotogetthe“performer”student–onewhoisalreadygettinggoodgrades–to work hard. He (or she) is alreadymindful and taking responsibility forhis studies. However, with goodgrades the student is a primecandidate for a scholarship. Here amentorcanplayan important role–preparing the student for thescholarshipinterview.Many students with excellent grades have faltered at their scholarshipinterview.Thereasonfor this is that theywerepooratexpressingthemselvesclearly.Somethatcouldspeakwerenotequippedwith“substance”andwerenotroundedindividuals.Interviewersgenerallylookforagoodabilitytoexpressthoughts and exposure beyond the technical and examination subjects. Anexcellentstudentmusthavetheability toconvincethe interviewersthathe istherightcandidateforthescholarship.What’srequiredinlearningtoexpressclearlyandeffectively?Opportunities to speak, developing the reading habit and having the rightexposure.Encourageyourmenteeto:

§ Readwidely;beyond schoolbooks toe.g.newspapersandcurrentaffairsmagazines

§ Participate in discussions; especially at opportunities offered in the REFLeadership Camp, Values Workshop and other seminars/talks, andvolunteertomakepresentationswheneverthereisachance

§ Participate in school extra-curricular activities and take up positions ofleadership

§ InteractwhentakingpartinRotaryclubcommunityserviceprojects

§ Speakupduringmentoringsessions§ Behumble

A “performer” must not neglect or avoid learning the above. (Indeed allstudents,notjustperformers,mustlearnthem.)Inthisway,helearnstospeakwith confidence and substance. We should encourage the student to learnindependent, critical and analytical thinking. Then he should also develop theabilitytoexpresswhat is inhismindtogetherwiththeabilitytospeakclearly.Ashismentor,startencouraginghimnow,todeveloptherighthabitsbecausefillingthemindwith“substance”isanon-goingprocessandnotsomethingthatcanhappenovernight.


©RCBKS2014


YMP-SNAP0154

WritingaJournal


UndertheRotaryEducationAward,menteesaregivenahard-covernotebookandencouragedtouseitasajournaltocapturetheirthoughtsandquestionssothattheymay discuss themwith theirmentors. They are also encouraged to recordimportant“lessons”fromthementoringsessionsinthis journalsothattheymayconveniently review them later. Such a process of discipline will help menteeskindleawarenessnotonlyofbetteracademicperformancebutequallyimportant,ofanappreciationoflifeingeneral.

JournalingmakesaThinkingIndividual

Howtodo§ Observe§ Unfreezethemind§ Thinkandthinkindependentlyand

critically

Benefits§ Improvespowerofobservation

becauseyouneedtorecord§ Unfreezesthemind§ Forcesthinking

§ Focus§ Analyse§ Movebeyondrecordingfactsto

askingandrecording“Why”§ Sortoutandorderthoughtsbefore

writing§ Writeyourthoughtsdownclearly

§ Enables“natural”thinking–liberatesthetrueself

§ Improvesfocus§ Developsindependent,criticaland

analyticalthinking§ Developsabilitytoexpress

effectively§ Improveswritingandlanguageskills§ Understandinghowyourmind

works§ Recordsyourfeelings§ Captures(creative)ideas§ Captureswisdomthatyougenerate§ Discoverself§ Developsamatureindividual

Pleasesharethisarticlewithyourmentee.NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF from time to time provides shortwrite-ups on itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


YMP-SNAP0155

TheREFYouthLeadershipCampGloryBeachResort,PortDickson,24-26March2014

REFAwardeesfromRCPantaiValley,TemerlohaswellasBukitKiaraSunriseatthecamponDay1

This year 68 unsuspecting studentsembarkedontheannualjourneytotheLeadership Camp. Battle-hardenedmembers of EQTD Consulting, RCBKS,mentors,andRCSerembanpreparedtoengage. Although the numbers ofawardees was down against previousyears,thearrivalofStudentsfromSMKVivekananda,besidesSMKSriPermata,provedtobeagoodcatalystforamoreparticipativegroup.

EQTDConsulting’sShankarinspiringtheattendees

Once again this coming together wasproved to be a successful encounterdue to the charismatic presence ofShankarSanthiram(EQTD),hisstaffandan enlightened special guest inShanthini Venugopal. The whole eventwasactivelysupportedbyRotariansandvolunteer mentors, Karen Chong,Mohan G, Gina Chan, Margaret Teoh,Max Missbichler (from RC Seremban),TanPoayLimandJennyQuahwithdayvisitsfromJamesCheong,FrancesPo,

Anthony Pinto, Alvin Tan, S Nagalingam, Yee Yoke (David Bailey) Leong and anumberofotherguests.For 2014, EQTD Consulting had undertaken a revamp of the programmewithsomenewelements and rescheduling of older successful ones. The revampofthebeachandthesupportfromtheHotel(providingaturtleawarenesssession

andfilmevening)aswellastheircustomaryproactivesupporthelpedtocreateapositivelearningenvironmentandmakeourcampsomethingdifferentfromtheusualfaredisheduptothestudents.Although,thisyeartherewasalreadyaverypositive starting level of enthusiasm, we ended with an even higher level aswitnessed by the challenge of getting everyone back on the buseswhilst theywereallexchangingtwitter,facebook,emailandphonecontacts.RollontheValuesEducationWorkshoponJune2ndand3rd!...ByRtnMikeCarr*TheREFwouldliketoexpressitsappreciationstoEQTDConsultingwhichisamajorsponsoroftheevent.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


YMP-SNAP0156

OurUnlimitedPotential

RCBKSPresidentJamesCheongpresentingtheRotaryEducation

AwardtostudentRamalinggaminJanuary2014

Many of us equate intelligence withanalytical, mathematical, and verbalintelligence – IQ. However, severalresearchers, have found thatintelligence comes in many varieties:social intelligence (the ability to getalong with people),emotionalintelligence(an important aspect ofwhichistostaymotivatedinthefaceof obstacles), musical intelligence,kinesthetic intelligence (which isimportant for athletes and dancers),spatial intelligence (important forarchitects),etc.

Justassomepeoplearehigher in IQthanothers, there isvariation in termsoftheother typesof intelligences aswell. As it turnsout, there is no correlationbetweenonetypeofintelligenceandanothertype,whichistosaythatapersonwithhighIQisnotnecessarilyhighintheothertypesofintelligences.What this translates into is this: given that there is no limit to the number ofdimensions of intelligence, no one person dominates any other person on alldimensions of intelligence. In other words, no human being is "superior,"overall,toanyother.Indeed,onecouldevengosofarastoarguethat,whenalldimensions of intelligences are considered, everyone is equally gifted in theirownparticularway.But if everyone is equally gifted,why are some peoplemore successful in lifethanothers?Whydosomepeople (e.g.TigerWoods inGolf)masteradomainwhileothersflounderatanythingtheydo?There are two reasons for this. First,most of us never get to realizewhatourspecific intelligenceor "God-given" talent is. This is partly becausewepay too

muchattentiontowhatothers(parents,teachers,andespeciallypeers)sayweshoulddo,andpartlybecauseourschoolsanduniversitiesdon'tfocusonhelpingus discover our true talents. Second,success depends to a large extent onchanceoccurrencesandcircumstancesthatputusinthe"rightplaceattherighttime"totakeadvantageofourtalents,andmostofusarejustnotluckyenoughtohavegottentherightbreaks in life…breaksthat,hadtheyoccurred,wouldhaveallowedourspecialtalentstoblossom.

“Toknowyourlimitsisastateofselfdelusion.”BillPurdin


©RCBKS2014

Sent: Tuesday, April 15, 2014 3:30 PM

YMP-SNAP0157

OurUnlimitedPotential…Part2Whatcanwedoasmentors?

AwardeeShahmuni(left)attheLeadershipTrainingCamp2014

But if everyone is equally gifted,whyare some people more successful inlifethanothers?Whydosomepeople(e.g. Tiger Woods in Golf) master adomain while others flounder atanythingtheydo?There are two reasons for this. First,most of us never get to realize whatour specific intelligence or "God-given"talent is.This ispartlybecausewe pay too much attention to whatothers(parents,teachers,mentorsand especially peers) say we should do, and partly because our schools anduniversitiesdon'tfocusonhelpingusdiscoverourtruetalents.Second,successdependstoalargeextentonchanceoccurrencesandcircumstancesthatputusinthe"rightplaceattherighttime"totakeadvantageofourtalents,andmostofusare justnot luckyenoughtohavegottentherightbreaks in life…breaksthat,hadtheyoccurred,wouldhaveallowedourspecialtalentstoblossom.Toamentorwhorecognizesboththeseaspects,namelythatnooneissuperiortoanyoneelseintermsofoverallintelligence,andthatsuccessdependscriticallyonchanceevents;itispossibletobebothdiscerningandnon-judgmentalatthesame time. Please refer also to YMP-SNAP 0147 on “Judgmental versusDiscerning”.Amentorwholearnstobebothdiscerningandnon-judgmentalwillexperiencetremendous freedom in expressing his true, authentic, opinions about thementee since he (or she) will not feel weighed down by the worry that he isbeingjudgmental.Further,suchamentorwillexhibitthetwinqualitiesofbeingmotivatedto look for thementee’s true–butperhapshidden– talentsandofcompassion towards the mentee who hasn't had the luck to make them

successful,beingmindfulofintroducingappropriate“breaks”oropportunitiestothementeewhenhe(thementor)doescomeacrossthem.Andfinally,thementeewillfinditeasiertotakenegativefeedbackfromsuchamentor since he (or she) will recognize that the feedback is notmeant to beunconstructiveormalicious.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Thursday, April 24, 2014 3:39 PM

YMP-SNAP0158

DerivingMeaningfromGivingandReceivingREFMentoring

AwardeeTasha(centre)attheLeadershipTrainingCamp2014

Asamentor, thefeelingyouget fromasuccessfulmentorshipcannotbeclearlyandcompletelyexpressedinwords.Youare able to help someone who thenresponds positively, capturing andexecuting the essence ofwhat you hadhopedforher(orhim).Fewfeelingscansurpassthisespeciallywhenthementeefinally says, “thank you” to you forhelping her along for 3-5 years of herlife,andforhelpingputheronaroadtoabetterlife.Yet,itisnotcompletetodescribeitasjustgratitudealonefromthepersonthatyou have helped, although gratitude is part of it. It has to dowith you beingpresentandtowitnessherdevelopherdesiretohelpherself. Ithastodowithhersucceeding.Itisnotthatshecouldnothavedonesowithoutyou,indeedsheprobably could have. It has to do with feeling that your effort has made adifferencetoher.Butmostofall,itisanalignmentofminds,aclearconnectionthat’smadeandtheonenessthat’sexperiencedtogetherwithanotherperson.DareIsaythefeelingof“love”developedforeachother?It’sthispositiveconnectednessthatsustainsandnourishesourspiritashumanbeings.It’scalledaconstructiverelationship.Itiswhatgivesmeaningtoourlife.Whenthementoringisdonewholeheartedly,thementeefeelsanimpactonherlife; an impact that arises from her feeling despite her difficult circumstances,therearepeoplewhowill extendahelpinghandwhen sheneeds it themost.Youwillhavehelpedrestoreoptimismbackinherlife.When you experience this, you realizewhat humans seek to get fulfilled. Thementee may not follow everything you say but because of your committed

presence, shemanages to achieve the goal set out togetherwith her. In fact,that’s all that’s important; that she has been able to think independently,criticallyandanalytically,becauseyouhaveallowedhertodoso.Youhavebeenabletohelpherunderstandthe“why”andnow,shehashelpedherselfbytakingresponsibilityandfindingthe“how”tosucceed.Thereceiverhastowantthe“gift”andmusthavethedesiretodoherbesttohelp herself before receiving help from the giver. Only such receiving willsucceedandwillgivetruemeaningtobothgiverandreceiver.Yet,gettingthispositive responsehasasmuchtodowith thegiveras thereceiver.Frustrationcan originate not just from the attitude of the receiver but equally from theattitudeofthegiver.Inordertosucceed,thegivinghastobegenuineandfreefromtheneedforreward,andevengratitude.That’stheparadox.Instead,ithasto be completely focused on what’s best for the receiver and totallycompassionate.The degree to which you, as a mentor, are selfless and compassionate willdeterminethedegreeofsuccessandoffulfillmentyougetfromtheexperience.Likeallexperiencesincommunityservice,howmuchyou“getoutofit”intermsof fulfillment, is exactly howmuch you put into it. Now,we begin to feel thewordsofMotherTeresa,“ifwehavenopeace, it isbecausewehaveforgottenwebelongtoeachother,”and“ifwecan’tfeedahundredpeople,thenjustfeedone.”Ifyoucannothelpmany,thenjusthelponeatatime,wholeheartedly.It’swhatweareherefor.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2014 5:38 PM

YMP-SNAP0159

TheMentorSupportGroupMeetingBecomeabetterpersonbysharingandlearningrealmentoringexperiences

REFMentorsmeetingataquarterlymentorsupportgroup

meetingsharingexperiencesandlessonslearnt

Very early on, it was recognized thatthere is a need for the REF to keep intouchwithmentorsandnothave themfeel isolated in their work of guidingtheirmentees.Thisisimportanttokeepmentors motivated and to help themdevelop thesolutions required tobeaneffective mentor. While we can beexperienced adult professionals,mentoring can very quickly becomeoverwhelming for mentors if they arenotadequatelysupported.This is compounded by the reality that we are mentoring students from thelowerincomegroupwhodespiteourbesteffortstoselectthem,mayescapethescreeningatentryandcomewithsocialissues.For this reason, the REF teamed with HELP University’s Department ofBehavioural Sciences from the beginning to provide professional support tomentors,ifnecessary.TheREFhasalsoestablishedseveralotherfeaturestohelpitsmentors.Theseinclude,the3-hourNewMentorTrainingSeminar,the1-DayAnnual Youth Mentoring Workshop with HELP University and having mentorsworkinteamsoftwo.OneofthemostimportantpillarsofthementorsupportsystemisthequarterlyMentorSupportGroupMeeting(MSGM).TheobjectivesoftheMSGMare:

§ Helpmembersfeellessisolatedwiththeirchallenges§ Providehelptomentorsregardingspecificchallenges§ Improvementors’mentoringskillsbysharingexperienceandlessonslearnt

- Sharewhatworkswithothermentors- Warnothermentorsofpitfallsandthingstoavoid

§ Disseminate,explainandfollow-uponadministrativematters§ ImprovecommunicationbetweenREFandmentors§ AforumforfeedbacktotheREF

- Examinehowmentorinteractionswithmenteecanbeimprovedandif“scripts”needtobechanged

- Examineifadditionalresourcescanbeincludedinthementorprogrammetoassistmentees

- Discusseffectivenessofmilestoneeventsandseehowthesecanbeimproved

Lastweek,RCPantaiValleykicked-off theirownMSGMand invitedparticipantsfromREFsofothernearbyRotaryclubstojointhem.Inthisway,theyencouragedothers to hold regular MSGMs too. About 20 mentors and potential mentorsattendedthismeeting.Besideshelpingstudents,mentoringisalsoaboutourownpersonaljourneytobeabetterpersonbysharingand learningrealexperiencesatsessionssuchastheMSGMsaswellasbeingapractitionerwithourmentees. It'saboutdiscoveringthebestversionofourselfandhopefully,becominganenlightenedperson.

“Formentors,attendanceattheMSGMisstronglyencouraged;notjustformentorswhohavedifficultiesbutalsoformentorswhohavesolutionstooffer.”

REFNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


YMP-SNAP0160

ThesecrettoreachingGenerationY

MichaelMcQueenisa leadingauthorityonyouth trends, a best-selling author of twobooksonbridgingthegenerationgap,andamemberoftheRotaryClubofCrowsNews,New South Wales, Australia. He recentlyspoke to RI (Rotary International) NewsaboutbridgingthegapwithGenerationY.RINews:HowdoyoudefineGenerationY?McQueen: Numerically, Generation Y isbetween the ages of 12 and 30. Butculturally, they are globally minded.Through online social interactions, manymembersofthisgenerationhavenetworksoffriendsaroundtheglobewhoareonlyaclickaway.RINews:HowcanRotariansbestreachouttoGenerationY?McQueen:Startsmall.Ratherthanapproachingyoungpeoplebyaskingthemtojoin, engage them with short-term projects. Build relationships with them sothey get a sense of Rotary’s DNA.When Rotarians are asked about Rotary byyounger people, often they answer with how Rotary works — the rules,traditions,andrituals.Rotariansneedtoexplainthe“why”ofRotary.GenerationY is outcome focused.Have a clear answeronwhy theoutcomeof projects isimportant.RINews:WhatkindofbenefitscanGenerationYbringtoRotary?McQueen:Thenext generation represents anenormously excitingopportunityforRotary.Therearethreereasonswhy.One,havinggrownupwiththeInternetand being so interconnected, young people are acutely aware of global issuesandconcerns.Theybelievethatsuchasmallworldreallycanbechanged.Two,they are socially engaged. Recent studies have shown that 70 percent ofGenerationYactivelyvolunteersonaweeklybasis.Notonlydoesthisgroupfeel

itcanmakeadifference,itgenuinelywantsto.Three,theyareambitious.Youngpeople today are desperate to get ahead in their careers and are looking formentorsandnetworkingopportunities.RI News: Generation Y seems to be very busy, perhaps busier than previousgenerations.HowcanRotaryovercomethischallenge?McQueen:Yes,thedemandsontheirtime,energy,andattentionareenormous.Butwhenyoungpeoplesaytheydon’thavetimeforRotary, theyarestatingapriority rather than a fact. Young people simply perceive Rotary as a lot ofrestrictiverulesandtime-consumingwork.Rotary’schallengeistocommunicatetoyoungpeoplethecompellingreasonsandbenefitsofjoiningRotary.RI News: How should Rotary be using technology to its advantage to attractyoungpeople?McQueen: Use more multimedia. For instance, nobody under the age of 35reallyknowswhatpoliois.Theirparentsdo,andtheycanbetoldhowcripplingthis deadly disease is. But that onlymeans young peoplewill be intellectuallypulled in, notemotionally.Use video toeducate themaboutpolio.Also,moreclubsshouldhavewebsitesthatengageyoungpeople.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


YMP-SNAP0161

Empowerhim,sotheanswertowhathewantstobeemergesfromhimThePhilosophyofREFMentoring

MenteeJoshuaChongattheStudySkills

Workshop2014

There is very little information a growingGen Y (or Z) adolescent cannot find outgrowing up in the current technologicalage.Sohis(orher) learningandthereforehis growth is accelerated compared withprevious generations. Yet because of hisself-centered and impatient character (ageneralization),hisopportunitytodevelopstrong human relationships may besomewhat curtailed. Asmentors, we cansupport him here – with the 5 REFvalues*.Heislikeanadultyetattimes,hehas child-like needs. He is growing, he isdiscoveringandsohewillbesensitivetoo.Avoidbeingcondescendingtohim.Beawareofhisneedsbutdon’ttreathimlikeachild.Whenindoubt,treathimmorelikeanadultinstead.Hewillappreciateandrespondpositivelytothis.In termsof control, “less ismore”. Instead, teachhim values and the valueofwhathe is doing– the "why".Whenhe knows thewhy,hewill figureout thehowbyhimself.Teachnotbytellingbutbyshowing–byexposinghim,bybeingarolemodelyourself.Heseeksauthenticity.Notjust,"doasIsay"but"doasIdo".Wecanonlygivehimaglimpseofhispotential.Oncewecanachievethat,thepassiontodevelopthatpotentialwillemergefromhim.Ourjobisto"empower"himso thathe canmake thedecisiononhis futurebyhimself. Thiswill fosterownership.Thekeyhereistoequiphimwelltodoso.

Tobeabletoempowerhim,hehastofirstdeveloptrustandrespectforus.Thiswecanachievebyshowingand livingthe5REFvalues.Oncetrustandrespectare developed, we will have two-way communication. We can then help himthrough the process of self-discovery by exploring with "why" questions andthenbypatientlylisteningnon-judgmentallytohisresponses.Whenwearenotjudgmental, he will reveal more of himself and we will be more effective athelpinghimdiscoverhimself.We support him by helping him identify options and explaining theconsequences of each. We may sometimes bring resources to bear, ifappropriate.Butwemustletthementeedecidewhichoptiontotake.Majorlifedecisions are for the mentee to make. Why? Because by having it "inventedhere" by the student himself,we get hisbuy-in (commitment) to the decisionandthenhispassiontocarryitoutsuccessfully.Inthismentoring journey,therewillhavetobecompromisesbythementor inordertobeabletohelpthementeegettoabetterplace.The“betterplace”is–succeeding in helping the student discover himself, develop his potential andtakeresponsibilityforhislife.The"compromise"isthatwemayhavetodevelopour own self-confidence in order to let go of some control, to allow him thefreedom to growand to choose (decide); by empowering (and equipping) himwithconfidencetomakeinformedqualitydecisionsonhisownfuture.

“Cometotheedge,”hesaid.Theysaid,“Weareafraid.”“Cometotheedge,”hesaid.

Theycame.Hepushedthem…andtheyflew.GuillaumeAppollinaire

*The REF promotes the 5 values of Self-Belief, Honesty, Responsibility, Humility and Compassion in its ValuesEducationprogrammeandMentoringprogramme.PleaseseeYMPSNAP-0065orareprintinaforthcomingissue.


©RCBKS2014

Sent: Tuesday, May 27, 2014 11:08 AM

YMP-SNAP0162

OnChildrenfrom“TheProphet”byKhalilGibran

Marianna, Kahlil's Sister. Painting by Kahlil Gibran

Today,wegettoenjoyapiecefromthegreatLebaneseAmericanartist,poetandwriter.Yourchildrenarenotyourchildren.TheyarethesonsanddaughtersofLife'slongingforitself.Theycomethroughyoubutnotfromyou,Andthoughtheyarewithyouyettheybelongnottoyou.Youmaygivethemyourlovebutnotyourthoughts,Fortheyhavetheirownthoughts.Youmayhousetheirbodiesbutnottheirsouls,Fortheirsoulsdwellinthehouseoftomorrow,whichyoucannotvisit,noteveninyourdreams.Youmaystrivetobelikethem,butseeknottomakethemlikeyou.Forlifegoesnotbackwardnortarrieswithyesterday.Youarethebowsfromwhichyourchildrenaslivingarrowsaresentforth.Thearcherseesthemarkuponthepathoftheinfinite,andHebendsyouwithHismightthatHisarrowsmaygoswiftandfar.Letyourbendinginthearcher'shandbeforgladness;ForevenasHelovesthearrowthatflies,soHelovesalsothebowthatisstable.


©RCBKS2014

Sent: Wednesday, June 04, 2014 1:28 PM

YMP-SNAP0163

InfluencethroughTrustandRespectHelpingtocrystalliseastudent’srealisation

StudentsfromSMKVivekananda,KLgettingreadytogofor

theREFValuesWorkshop2014

Everyone is born with (the same)potential. Yet some get early in lifethe realisation that they mustdevelop thispotential inorder tobehappy and successful, while othersnever get this or get it much later.We can tell youngsters that theyhave“god-given”potentialbuttheseare justwords.Howdowegetthemtobelievethis?Once the students get a glimpse oftheir potential, they have to thentake charge and develop thatpotential into success. We call this“takingresponsibilityforyourfuture”orthe“desiretohelpyourself”.Aglimpseofyourpotential isnotyet reachingyourpotential.Youhave tostilldevelopitthereafterbytakingresponsibility.Wehelpthestudentsgetaglimpseby for e.g., putting them through a leadership training camp and a valueseducation workshop, and then working with them to develop it throughmentoring.Wegivethemexposurefocusedonthequestionof“howwecanhelpthemgetaglimpse”.Weopentheireyestotheirpotential(andhelpthemdevelopit)throughthe5REF values. Through Honesty they can accept and face their reality, throughtaking Responsibility take action to overcome challenges, through Self-Beliefthey can ask questions and realise they have the ability to succeed, throughHumilitytheycanacknowledgethattheydon’tknoweverythingandtheyneedto learn fromotherswho can help, and throughCompassion they can forgivethemselveswhentheyfalterandrecognisethatfailuremerelypointsthewayto

success.CredibleMentorsIfa studentcancatchaglimpseofhis (orher)potential,hewill thenhave thepassiontodevelopitsuccessfully.It isuptoustodevelopourinfluenceonthestudentsothatheopenshimselftothisattemptbyustohelphim.Wedevelopthis “influence” by being credible mentors, by working on developing mutualtrustand respectwith thementee inourmentoring relationshipbuilding.Thisinfluenceisachievednotbyjustwords(telling),butmustbedevelopedbyrolemodeling,e.g.bydrawinghisattentiontosuitablerolemodelsorbetterstill…byusasmentors,beinganexampleofthevalueswearetryingtocommunicate.

“Ourchildrenareoftenareminderofthepurepotentialofthehumanspirit…ifonlyweallowourselvestoseethat.”

REFNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2014 2:45 PM

YMP-SNAP0164

EquippingyouthswithalifecompassREFValuesEducationWorkshop,2-3June2014

The3RCTemerlohREFAwardeesattheValuesWorkshop2014

ItbeganonaMondaymorningwhenabout 60 students from SMK SriPermata, SMK Vivekananda and REAawardees (14) from various Rotaryclubs(RCPantaiValley,TemerlohandBukit Kiara Sunrise) and schoolsturned up at collection points (SriPermata and Vivekananda) promptlyto board buses for the Glory BeachResort, Port Dickson. Their energylevels remained high after the 3-dayleadership camp in March at thesameplaceinanticipationofanotherexcitingprogramme.The values education programme was more talks and less outdoor physicalactivities, as there was a lot of serious “wisdom” to absorb in the 1½-dayworkshop. The students were given a series of talks beginning with anintroduction onwhat values are and how they can unlock one’s vast personalpotential. Values also form the foundation of one’s identity, purpose andhappiness.Rotarians were involved actively in the values workshop giving talks on Self-Belief (Mike Carr), Honesty (Tan Poay Lim), Compassion (Steve Robinson),Responsibility (AnthonyPinto)andHumility (YLYee).Besidesgivinga thoroughintroductiontotheprogramme,EQTDConsultingwasathandto introducethespeakersandtobringcontexttothevarioustalks.Thepresentationswithagoodmix of styles, kept the students constructively engaged throughout theworkshop.

Astay-inworkshoplikethisallowedstudentsandtrainerstoformstrongbonds,having meals together and informal discussions late into the night. The firstnight’sprogrammefinishedatabout10pm,withthefinalsessionbeingapanelsharing sessionwhere students can ask any questions of experienced panelistconsisting of Rotarians, EQTD Consulting staff, the hotel generalmanager,MrIsaacRajanduniversityscholarshipstudentMsGraceChong.Thestudentswerewarned that the workshop was not a holiday but an important opportunitypackedwithknowledgethatwilllastalifetime.Agoodvaluesprogrammesuchas theonerunby theREF ismeant toprovidethe youngsters with a strong foundation for a better start and a better life.Indeed “values” is the compasswithwhichonewades through life looking fortheultimatedestinationofsuccessandhappiness,andtheREFValuesEducationWorkshopaimedtoequiptheyoungsterswithahighqualitylifecompass.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Wednesday, June 18, 2014 12:25 PM

YMP-SNAP0165

Isthereagenerationgap?Meetingthementeewhereheis

ThelegendarycomedianGeorgeCarlin,1937-2008

Mentoring is a lot aboutcommunicating with and meetingthe mentee where he (or she) is.One of the big challenges for thementor in guiding a youngster is“bridging” the age difference andovercomingtheobstaclesposedbythe“generationgap”.Here’swhatcomedianGeorgeCarlinhadtosayonthesubjectof“StayingYoung”.His words may hold some muchwelcomewisdomforsomeofusinthisarea…HOWTOSTAYYOUNG1.Throwoutnonessentialnumbers.Thisincludesage,weightandheight.Letthedoctorsworryaboutthem.Thatiswhyyoupay'them'.2.Keeponlycheerfulfriends.Thegrouchespullyoudown.3.Keeplearning.Learnmoreaboutthecomputer,crafts,gardening,whatever.Neverletthebrainidle.'Anidlemindisthedevil'sworkshop.'Andthedevil'snameisAlzheimer's.4.Enjoythesimplethings.5.Laughoften,longandloud.Laughuntilyougaspforbreath.6.Thetearshappen.Endure,grieve,andmoveon.Theonlyperson,whoiswithusourentirelife,isourselves.BeALIVEwhileyouarealive.

7.Surroundyourselfwithwhatyoulove,whetherit'sfamily,pets,keepsakes,music,plants,hobbies,whatever.Yourhomeisyourrefuge.8.Cherishyourhealth:Ifitisgood,preserveit.Ifitisunstable,improveit.Ifitisbeyondwhatyoucanimprove,gethelp.9.Don'ttakeguilttrips.Takeatriptothemall,eventothenextcounty;toaforeigncountrybutNOTtowheretheguiltis.10.Tellthepeopleyoulovethatyoulovethem,ateveryopportunity.ANDALWAYSREMEMBER:

Lifeisnotmeasuredbythenumberofbreathswetake,butbythemomentsthattakeourbreathaway.Andifyoudon'tsendthistoatleast8people-whocares?Butdosharethiswithsomeone.Weallneedtolivelifetothefullesteachday!!NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Wednesday, June 25, 2014 12:10 P

YMP-SNAP0166

Toomanyformstofill?ThinkagainCustomisingtheREFmentoringprocesstotheneedsofthementee

In an effort to provide structure to thementoring process, the REF has providedseveral tools to be usedwith thementeethroughout the mentorship. These toolsoften appear as forms or templates thatare to be filled to guide both thementorand mentee through the mentoringprocess. However, not all templates needbe used. Different mentees may havedifferent circumstances and needs withregards to their education at the point intimewhen thementor enters his (or her)life.

Some better mentees may have reached a certain level of maturity andappreciateamorefreeflowingapproachtomentoringwhileotherweakeronesmay be still struggling with basic discipline and will therefore require a morestructured approach. The tools are meant to provide this structure whenrequired.Because a mentor normally only spends about two hours a month with thementee, there is littleopportunity toget toknowhimwell initially.That’swhythe REF advises that the mentee undergoes the HELP University’s Career Testpackage(Aptitude,PersonalityandIntereststests)todeterminethe“base-line”so that among others, a more rational approach to his mentoring can beestablished. Thereafter, the REFmentoring processmay be customised to suitthementeebyusingsomeorallofthetoolsprovided.It isuptotheindividualmentortodecidethisasbesthecan,withinputfromthetestsandtheon-goingexperiencewiththementee.In order to determine the most appropriate approach (i.e. more or less

structure),thementorhastobeveryhonestwithhis(orher)assessmentofthementee’scircumstancesandneeds,andnothimselfdisplayalackofdisciplinebyreducing the number of tools arbitrarily, when that’s not what’s best for thementee. Remember, thementee’s needs and his proper development are theprimeconsiderationshere.Yourobjective is tobeaneffectivementorbasedontheeffortyoucanafford,the needs of the student and your desire to achieve a positive outcome. Thetemplatesaremeant tohelpyou,not to constrainyou.Certainly theobjectiveisn’t to fill forms. Use only the ones that you think are helpful. Very few areactually mandatory. As a mentor, when in doubt about how detailed orstructuredyou shouldbe,alwaysapply the illuminatingmentoring litmus test,i.e.askyourselfthequestion,“whenIlookbackattheendofthementorship,hasmy presence in the life of the studentmade a positive impact, no impact or anegative impactonhisdevelopment?” If theanswer is the first, thenyouhavepassed the mentoring litmus test. If it is the 2nd or 3rd, then you need toimmediatelyreassesstheprocessyouareusing.Applythis litmustestregularlyinyourmentoring.Remember,ifyouareunsure,youcanalwaysrefertoavailableREFresourcesatthe Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise who will be glad to call on additionalsuitableassistancetosupportyou.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


YMP-SNAP0167

ServiceAboveSelf

AsthewheelofRotaryturnsandanewRotaryYearbeginsonthe1stofJuly,letus take a moment to honour theorganization.It is said that the satisfaction a Giverexperiences from a successful givingcannot be clearly expressed in words.Heisabletohelpsomeonewhointurnresponds positively. Few feelings cansurpass this, especially when theReceiver finally says, “thank you” forhelpingherontheroadtoabetterlife.Yet, as a Giver, it is not accurate to describe this feeling simply as experiencinggratitudefromtheReceiver. IthastodowithbeingabletoseetheReceiversucceedbydevelopingherdesire tohelpherself. It has todowith feeling thathis effort hasmadeadifference toher.Butmostof all, it is a strong connection that’smadewithanotherperson.DareIsaythefeelingof“love”foreachother?It is this connectedness that sustains and nourishes our spirit as human beings. It’scalledameaningfulrelationship.Itiswhatgivesmeaningtoourlife.GettingthispositiveresponsehasasmuchtodowiththeattitudeoftheGiverasithasto do with the Receiver. TheGiver has to be genuine and free from the need forreward or even gratitude. Only then will he experience true fulfillment. That’s theparadox…thegivinghastobeselfless.Now,weappreciatethewordsofMotherTeresawhooncesaid,

“Ifwehavenopeace,itisbecausewehaveforgottenwebelongtoeachother.”And so we learn that in giving, give genuinely and wholeheartedly because we allbelongtooneanother.

“Onlyinthewellbeingofall,willwefindourowncompletewellbeing.”Ourfounder,PaulHarrisgavelifetotheseprinciplessoonafterhefoundedthisgreatorganizationmorethan110yearsago.Today,wehonourRotary forprovidingustheopportunityformeaningfulservice…andpledgetoliveuptothemotto,

“ServiceAboveSelf.”NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Thursday, July 10, 2014 3:04 PM

YMP-SNAP0168

OnValueandSuccess

AniconicsnapshotofEinsteinwithscreenlegendCharlieChaplin

Albert Einsteinonce said, “Try nottobecomeamanofsuccess,butamanofvalue.”Being successful isn't always thehardest thing in the world. It isequal parts luck and hard work.Butaddingvaluetosomethingisalot harder,which iswhy Einstein'squote is a good reminder if youfind yourself blinded by the huntforsuccess.There'snothingwrongwithsuccess,butoftenitiseasytolosesightofwhoyouarewhenyou'resuccessful.Ifyoukeepyoureyesonyourownvalues,you'llendupbothsuccessfulandagoodperson,whichisaprettygoodcombination.Thefocusshouldbeondeliveringvaluethroughdevelopingandnurturingnoblevalues. This will eventually bring “success”.Whereas focusing on success as aprimary goal may bring the wrong set of results. Success is not a goal but aresult,notaninputbutanoutput.WhatEinsteinwastryingtosayhereisthatsuccessismoreself-centered,asin“personal success” and “I don’t care what others think”. For some, success istakentomeanmoneyandpower.Whereasvaluehereismorepeople-centered,moreselflessandcompassionate,as in“whatvalueam I toothers?”or“WhatamIabletodotohelpothersachievetheirdreams?”Whenwethinkofthevalueweprovidetoothers,wemustthinkoffairnessandequityasinreceivingsomethingbygivingsomethingofvaluetotheothers.JohnD.Rockefeller,the3rd richestmaninhistory adjusted for inflation, neverjustmindlesslyearnedforthesakeofhavingthemost.Itwasalwaysaboutgiving

back,tohischildren,tohischurchandtothecommunityasawhole–creatingvalueforothers. It isthatattitudethat ledtohissuccess.Heneverquestionedthatwhathewasdoingwas right,becausehewasmotivatedbynoblevalues.Thathegotwealthyintheprocesswasaby-productandsecondarytohim.Einsteinfurthersaid,“Lookaroundathowpeoplewanttogetmoreoutoflifethantheyputin.Amanofvaluewillgivemorethanhereceives.Becreative,butmakesurethatwhat

youcreateisnotacurseformankind.” NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


YMP-SNAP0169

Lifeisbeautiful…takenoteofit

The beautiful turquoise waters of Lake Yamdrok in Tibet.

Have you ever experienced lookingat a photograph, taken by aprofessionalofaplacethatyouhavebeen to, say in Tibet, and saying toyourself how beautiful it is; yetwhen you were there it didn'tappear quite as beautiful as whatthe photographer had managed tocapture?Clearly, that's not becauseyou never saw the scene. It'sbecauseyoudidn'tallowyourselftobe present enough at thatmomenttotakethatscenein,thatway.Inthehustleandbustleofatour,wetendtobusilyshoveourselffromoneplaceto thenext,oftennot "stopping" tonotice thebeauty that isbeforeoureyes.Sometimesitcouldalsobebecauseweweretooexhaustedwiththetravel.

And so it is toowith somany other aspects of our life.We tend to just walkthroughthemasifourlifewereanexhaustingtour,feelingjadedandjusttryingto finish it as soon as we can, failing to stop and "live in the moment", toappreciatethebeautyandtofeelluckytobepresentthereatthatinstant.Don’ttake things for granted but instead observe and count our blessings, feelgrateful.Ifweareabletodothat,wegetaccessintoawellsourceofimmensehappiness.Yes, happiness can be found as "easily" as that. Just by remembering to bepresentandbegrateful,wewillthencome"alive". It issaidthat,"Happiness isanattitudethatcanbecultivatedwithgratitude",i.e.cultivatedbycountingourblessings.Livinginthemomentisn'taboutlivingasdangerouslyaswecansothatwecangetthat"adrenalinefix"andendingupgettingindeeptroubleifthingsdon'tgo

ourway. Instead it's simply about stoppingand savouringeach instant as it is,withnotempering.Beawareandfeelthedeeppeacethateachperfectmomenthastooffer,everymoment.That,infact,iswhat'sreallymeantby"livinginthemoment".Similarlyinmentoring,bepresentwhenyouarewithyourmentee.Mentoringisa beautiful experience. Feel grateful and take the opportunity to supportchanging a life for the better. Don't be jaded but constantly be creative,searchingforbetterideastohelphim(orher).Sharewithyourmenteetoowhat"livinginthemoment"reallymeanssothathetoocandevelopahigherlevelofawareness.Withthatattitude,youwill findtruehappinessand itwill translatepositivelyintomakingarealdifferencetothelifeofyourmentee.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Thursday, July 24, 2014 12:53 PMREF WORKING COMMITTEE (RWC) 2014-2015

CHAIRMAN TAN POAY LIM DEP CHAIRMAN STEVE ROBINSON SECRETARY MOHAN G TREASURER EDMUND DADSON YOUTH MENTORSHIP [YMP] KINGSLEY WEBER ROTARY EDUCATION AWARD [REA] SUNNY KHOO CANDIDATE SELECTION [CS] ONG HOCK THYE LEADERSHIP TRAINING /VALUES EDUCATION [LTP/VEP] ANTHONY PINTO SPONSOR-A-STUDENT [SASP] WAN MUN YEE REF EXTENSION & SUPPORT [RES] GRAHAM BENNETT PUBLICITY & DOCUMENTATION [P&D] YEE YOKE LEONG PleasedonothesitatetocontactanyoneofusforREFrelatedsupport.Thisweekenclosedbelow,yourregularMentoringSnapshotisawriteuponouractivitieslastRotaryYearbyoutgoingREFChairpersonFrancesPo.WetakethisopportunitytowishyouSeason’sGreetingsandtoourMuslimfriends,SelamatHariRayaAidilfitri.BestRegards,TheREFWorkingCommitteeRCBukitKiaraSunrise

YMP-SNAP0170

RotaryClubofBukitKiaraSunriseEducationFundWhatHaveWeDoneOverThePastOneYear?ByPastPresidentFrancesPo,RCBKSREFChairperson2013-14

IntroductionTheideafortheRotaryEducationFund(REF)startedin2009,duringmyyearasPresident of RCBKS. I was particularlykeen on the theme of youthdevelopmentandeducationasIamoftheview thateducation is anexcellentempowering tool in this modern dayandage.Andwhatbetterwaytostartthan with the youths, who need ahelping hand and encouragementwith

theiracademicdevelopment.

MenteesDhevisha(L)andKushalliniattheStudySkillsWorkshop2014

The REF programme came to life thanks to the dedication and efforts ofnumerous Rotarians who have been passionate about the REF. We also setourselvesthechallengeofmakingsurethatthisprogrammewassustainableandcapable of being replicated. Over the past 5 years, the REF programme hasgrownfromstrengthtostrength,takingonanidentityofitsownasasignatureprojectofRCBKS,andotherRotaryClubshavealsoadoptedthisprogramme.Ithas gone on to win numerous awards at both District 3300 level and RotaryInternationalovertheyears.REFhaspassedalltestswithadoubletick!FortheRotaryYear2013-14,Iamhappytoreportthatwehaveagreatreport.Wehaveachievedmuch,asevidencedbythescorecardbelow:MenteesandMentors

§ Newstudentselectionwascarriedout inOctober2013whichculminatedin23CVssecuredfrom5schools.Weshortlisted10studentsforinterviewsandfinallyselectedandoffered5newawardeesfortheschoolyear2014.

§ BentleyMusicsponsoredaneveningoffoodandentertainmentfortheREFawardeesinDecember2013.Theawardeesenjoyedanewexperienceandnetworkedamongthemselves,withRotariansandotherguests.

§ 3MentorSupportGroupmeetingswereheldandwehadgoodattendanceforeachsession.Opensharingandtechnicalknowledgewereimparted.

§ HELPUniversity’sFacultyofBehaviouralSciencehelpedtoconductthe5thAnnual Youth Mentoring Workshop in January 2014. The theme of theworkshopwas“Interconnectivity:MenteesandtheirCareerChoices”.

§ Aworkshopfornewmentorswasheldtobetterequipnewvolunteersforthetaskahead.

§ The Leadership Camp (5th) was held at Glory Beach Resort, Port Dickson(PD)from23-25March2014.Thetotalnumbersthisyearwasarecordof69participants(includingmenteesfromRCPantaiValley,RCSerembanandRCTemerloh).ShankarSanthiramandhisteamfromEQTDConsultingranandco-sponsoredthe3-dayprogramme.

§ RotarianAnthonyPintoorganisedthe fulldayStudySkillsWorkshoponaprobonobasisforawardeestoenablethemtoachievetheirpotential.The

workshopaptlytitled“GettingtoMyVersion10.0–BecomingtheBestofMe”.

§ TheValuesEducationWorkshop(5th)washeldatthesamePDvenueon2-3June 2014. The full event was organised and sponsored by EQTDConsultingwithtrainersfromRCBKS.

REFsatotherRotaryClubs

§ Various RCBKS Rotarians volunteered at speaking assignments at otherRotaryClubstopromoteREF.TherearenowREFs in6otherRotaryClubs(RCs), viz. RCs of Seremban, Temerloh, Pantai Valley, Kulim, Bangsar andGombak.Altogether40 students (17RCBKS, 23Non-RCBKS) are currentlybenefittingfromtheREFprogramme.

§ REF workshops were organised at various strategic locations by REFs ofother Rotary Clubs in theNorthern region (RCKulim); Eastern region (RCTemerloh);Southernregion(RCSeremban)inadditiontoanumberoftalksatRotaryClubsbyRCBKSintheCentralRegion.

TheStatistics–REFaccomplishmentssince2009

§ ThefirstyearwestartedinNovember2009–wehad4awardees.§ By30 June2014– accumulated total of 51 studentshave joined theREF

programmeunderRCBKS.§ Almost all the REF awardees have been sponsored under the Sponsor-A-

Student programme (SASP); thanks to generous donors. Many of thesedonorsrepeattheircontributionintheSASPastheywitnessthegoodworkoftheREFandimprovementintheperformanceoftheawardees.

§ TheLeadershipTrainingCampandValuesEducationWorkshopwere fullysponsoredbycorporationsformostoftheyearssinceinception.

§ Currentlytherearemorethan40mentorswhohavevolunteeredtheirtimeandservicestomentortheawardees.

TheNextStepsWecannotrestonour laurels.There isurgencytomarchonandcontinuethegoodworkoftheREF intheyearstocome.Whatwearedoing isanobletaskwhichwillhelptomakeadifferencetooneindividualatatime.Andit isclearthattherewillbemultiplierimpactonthementee’s immediatecircle–his/herfamily,localcommunity.AcknowledgementsIwishtoplaceonrecordthegenerouscontributionoftimeandmoneybywell-wishers, friends and mentors of the REF. I also acknowledge the valuablecontribution and support from the REF Working Committee members who

workedhardattheirvarioustasks.Withoutthem,wewouldnothaveachievedsomuchtobenefitthestudentawardees.“Abetterstart.Abetterlife.”NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Thursday, July 31, 2014 11:41 AM

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StoptellingandstartaskingEncouragingexplorativeandcriticalthinking

OneofRotaryClubofTemerloh’sfournew

REFAwardees,CheongWengHuiwithherfather

Helping youngsters explore theconsequences of their choices ismuch different from imposingconsequences on them. Exploringinvites the participation ofyoungsters to think for themselvesand figure things out forthemselves, and to decide what isimportant to them and to decidewhat they want. The end result isfocusing on solutions to theprobleminsteadofconsequences.Imposingconsequencesofteninvitesrebellionanddefensivethinkinginsteadofexplorativeandcriticalthinking.Thekeytohelpingyoungstersexploreistostoptellingandtostartasking“curiosity”questions,atechniquesometimesreferredtoastheSocraticMethod.Toooftenadultstellchildrenwhathappened,whatcausedittohappen,howthechildshouldfeelaboutit,whatthechildshouldlearnfromit,andwhatthechildshould do about it. It ismuchmore respectful and encouragingwhenwe askwhat happened, what the child thinks caused it, how the child feels about it,whatthechildhaslearned,whatideasthechildhastosolvetheproblem,orhowthechildcanusewhatshehaslearnedinthefuture.Thisisthetruemeaningofeducation,whichcomesfromtheLatinwordeduco,meaningtodrawforth.Toooftenadultstrytostuffininsteadofdrawforth,andthenwonderwhychildrendon’tlearn.Close-endedquestionscanbeansweredtypicallyinoneword(e.g."yes"or"no")oravery shortphrase.Curiosityquestionson theotherhandareopen-ended,whichmeanstheyrequirearesponsewithmoredepthandlength.Open-endedquestions are also helpful in finding out more about a person or a situation,

whether it's during an interview, at a party, or when getting to know a newfriend.Typicalcuriosityquestionsare:

§ Whatwereyoutryingtoaccomplish?§ Howdoyoufeelaboutwhathappened?§ Whatdidyoulearnfromthis?§ Howcanyouusewhatyoulearnedinthefuture?§ Whatideasdoyouhaveforsolutionsnow?

Thesearetypicalcuriosityquestionsbecauseitisimportantnottohaveascript.Thepointistogetintotheyoungster’sworld.Noticethat"Why?"isnotoneofthe suggestedquestions. The reason is that "Why?" usually sounds accusatoryand invitesdefensiveness. The challenge foramentor is tohelp theyoungsterunderstand “Why?” without being accusatory and causing defensiveness."Why?"workswhenyoungstersfeelthatyouaretrulyinterestedintheirpointofview. And so authenticity together with developing trust and respect areimportant here. The following guidelines will help when using curiosityquestions:

1. Don’thaveanagenda.Youaren’tgettingintotheyoungster’sworldifyouhaveanagendaabouthowtheyoungstershouldanswerthesequestions.Thatiswhytheyarecalledcuriosityquestions.

2. Don’taskquestionsifeitherofyouareupset.Waituntilyouarebothfeelingcalm.

3. Askcuriosityquestionsfromyourheart.Useyourwisdomtoshowyouhowtogetintotheyoungster’sworldandshowempathyandacceptance.

Whenthesolutionscomefromtheyoungster,orarebrainstormedtogetherandtheyoungsterchooseswhatwillbemosthelpful,shelearnsthatshecanmakeavaluable contribution when using respectful decision-making skills. Theyoungsterlearnsthatmistakesaren’thorribleifyoudon’tbeatyourselfupaboutthemandifyoulookatmistakesaswaystolearn.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

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Helpnow–thetimeisright

When is the right time and when isthe wrong time to deliver help tosomeone in need? To be sure, withREF mentoring, the right time isalwaysnow.Seizethedaybeforeitslipsaway.Doitnowandrealizethatfewthingsareas important and as meaningful ashelping a promising young life findher (or him) way. And you knowwhat?Youhavethekeytothisone.

RCPantaiValley’sREFAwardeeRathikaatthe

ValuesEducationWorkshop2014

Givethatbirthdaypresentwhenyouhavethechanceto,visitheroftenwhensheis still around andmentor herwhen you can stillmake a difference.Most otherthingscanwait.Challengeyourselfalways,“AmIdoingthebestwithinmyconstraints?”Walkwithher now. You are ready and you must do what you should with urgency andpurpose.Revealtoherthesecretsasyouknowthem.Youhavechosenandinturn,you are giftedwith the opportunity. It is too easy to find yourself delaying yourhelpanddiscovering later thatwhenyouare “ready”, your student isnotwheresheshouldbebecauseyouwerenottherewhenitcountedmost.Yesyouhavetobe patient but don’t procrastinate.Mentoring bears a similarity to parenting; bethere(anddoallyoushould)nowwhenthementeewillrespond,forlatershemaynot,evenifsheneedsyoustill.“ItisindeedmiserywhenIstretchanemptyhandtomenandreceivenothing;butit

ishopelessnessifIstretchafullhandandfindnonetoreceive.”KahlilGibran


©RCBKS2014

Sent: Thursday, August 14, 2014 11:37 AM

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Loveishavingcouragetoshare

Today,weshareapieceofpoetry.Howoftenwejustcritique,Missinghereandthereaspot.Whileourlifeisunique,Ournatureisnot.Arewereallysospecial?What’sinaname?Differencessosuperficial,Yetdeepinsidethesame.Loveiscaring,Thatgrowswithsharing.Andwhensharingislacking,Well,thenlovejustgoesmissing.Whereveryouare,Bethereanddon’tscare.Forifyoureallydocare,Youmustdaretoshare.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Thursday, August 21, 2014 12:30 PM

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What'sourpurpose?Equippingmenteestomakeinformeddecisions

Maybeitistobethebestwecan,liveas long aswe can andhelp asmanypeople as we can who desire ourhelp. Younger, less educated, lessexperienced and less fortunatepeople need our help. It is by beingthe best we can that we can bearound longest and be most helpfulto the most number of people whodesire our help. Knowledge, skills,and experience are in general,gathered with time. Looked at thisway, then seeing our purpose as a"Responsibility"becomesimportant.Yet this responsibility cannot be effectively discharged without “Humility”.Nobody,especiallyintelligentyoungsterstoday,likestolistentosomebodytalkabout how great they are. So, don’t start a mentoring engagement with thestudentbytalkingaboutourselvesandourachievements.Mentoringisn’taboutus,it’saboutthementee.Evenincommunicatingourexperience,wehavetodosocarefully,withhumility.Start firstbydevelopingtrustandrespect.Theywillthen open channels of communication with the young mentee. Thencommunicatebywalkingthetalk,bymodelingthevalues.

“Thebestteachersarethosewhoshowyouwheretolook,butdon’ttellyouwhattosee.”

AlexandraK.TrenforWhatthenisourpurposeorroleasmentors?Itistoequipourmenteetomakeaninformedhighqualitydecision,andthenlether(orhim)decidewhatfutureshewants.That’sthevalueweprovide.Wehopebyfocusingonthatwewillbesuccessful.Onceourworkofequippingthementeeisdone,wehavetolearnto

acceptherforwhosheisandthentoletgo,allowinghertomakeherdecision.

"Yourroleasmentoristohelpthementeesothatsheisconfidentmakingdecisionsherselfregardingherfuture."

Afinalnoteofcaution.Weareworkingwithtenderimpressionablemindswhenwementoryoungsters.Equipyourselfwellandhandle themwithutmostcare.Do take your role seriously. The REF supportsmentors with resources and byrunning regular trainingprogrammesonmentoring.Domakeuseof themandcontinuouslyimproveyourselfinthissubject.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Wednesday, August 27, 2014 5:09 PM

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FroginaMilk-Pail

A frog was hopping around afarmyard, when it decided toinvestigatethebarn.Beingsomewhatcareless, and maybe a little toocurious, he ended up falling into apailhalf-filledwithfreshmilk.As he swam about attempting toreach the top of the pail, he foundthat the sides of the pail were toohighandsteeptoreach. Hetriedtostretchhisbacklegstopushoffthebottomofthepailbutfoundittoodeep.But this frog was determined not to give up, and he continued to struggle.Hekickedandsquirmedandkickedandsquirmed,untilat last,allhis churningabout in the milk had turned the milk into a big hunk of butter.Thebutterwasnowsolidenoughforhimtoclimbontoandgetoutofthepail!"NeverGiveUp!"Youcannotandmustnotgiveuponyourselfandyourgoals.Believeinyourselfand believe that you can andwill succeed.Keep trying – keep doing differentthingstoachieveyourgoals.Mostpeopleneverachievetheirgoalsbecausetheyoftenquit justwhentheyareonthevergeofreachingtheirdream.Rememberthe saying “success lies just beyond failure”.Let’s face it, if you give up onsomething– it’sover,andnothingchangesforyou.Thosewhoquitalwaysfail.Thosewhosucceednevergiveup.

Trysohardbeforeyourest,Keeponworking,doyourbest.Don’tgiveuntilyou’redone,

Don’tgiveupuntilyou’vewon!Pleasefindanoccasiontosharethisstorywithyourmentee.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


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TeachingFailureandNotJustSuccess

“Failureisthefoundationofsuccess,andthemeansbywhichitisachieved.”

LaoTzu,PhilosopherThe idea is not only to teach the studenthow to succeed but perhaps moreimportantlytoequiphim/herforfailureandhowtoovercomeit–to“teachfailure”.Nomatter how good we are as teachers, wecannotguaranteethestudentwillnotfail.Itis best to assume that he will occasionallyandwisetoequiphimtorespondpositivelytofailure.

REFAwardeeNuramizaAzzyematakingpartatthe2-dayREF

ValuesEducationWorkshop2014

Therearemanyimportantlessonsthatcanonlybelearntthroughfailure,someofwhicharethemostimportantinlife.Hereare8ImportantLessonsofFailure:

1. Changeyourperceptionofandyourresponsetofailure–"Failureisthefoundationofsuccess,andthemeansbywhichitisachieved".

2. Inordertosucceed,youmustfirstbewillingtofail–“Failurepointsthewaytosuccess”.

3. Takeactiontoreduceyourfearanddoubt–“Itisnotfailureitselfthatholdsyouback;itisthefearoffailurethatparalyzesyou”.

4. Changeyourresponsetofailurebyacceptingresponsibility–"Yourfailureswon'thurtyouuntilyoustartblamingthemonothers".

5. Stickwithyourpassion–"Enthusiasmisoneofthemostpowerfulenginesofsuccess".

6. Findthebenefitineverybadexperience–"Failureissuccessifwelearnfromit”.

7. Workhardontheweaknessesthatweakenyou–"Whendefeatcomes,acceptitasasignalthatyourplansarenotsound,rebuildthoseplans,andsetsailoncemoretowardyourcovetedgoal".

8. Nevergiveup.Butgetup,getoveritandgetgoing–"Failureisnotthe

fallingdown,butthestayingdown”.Andsoitisimportanttoteachthestudentthatfailureispartoflifeandthatwemusthavefaithinourselftopickourselfupintheaftermathoffailure.Indeedfailure (and mistakes) is one of our most valuable teachers. With the rightattitude,failurespointthedirectiontosuccess.

"Onlythosewhodaretofailgreatlycaneverachievegreatly."RobertF.Kennedy

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

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InstillingtheSpiritofVolunteerism

MenteeJoshuaChongwithRotarianJamesCheongat

theRajaMusaForestReserveTreePlantingproject2013

OneoftheobjectivesoftheREFistohelp create awareness among ourAwardees (mentees) thatwe live inan interdependent world and thatwe should be helping others too.Thinking beyond self. Additionally,an interdependent world does notonly mean helping other fellowhuman beings in need but alsoensuring that our environment isclean and sustainable for futuregenerationstocomeandindoingso,making our world a better one inwhichtolive.To thisendand to instill thespiritofvolunteerism,whenever theopportunityarises,weencourageourAwardeestocomeforsomeofthecommunityserviceprojects we organize as a Rotary club, to give them this exposure andappreciation. It isnotcompulsory,but it isan importantpartofoureducationassistancetothem.While we are striving to achieve our potential, we remember that it is ourresponsibilitytohelpothersachievetheirstoo,givingvalueandmeaningnotjusttoourlifebuttothelivesofothersaswell.

“Howcanweexpectourchildrentoknowandexperiencethejoyofgivingunlessweteachthemthatthegreaterpleasureinlifelies

intheartofgivingratherthanreceiving?”JamesCashPenney


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GivingmeaningtotheREFValuesTheStickManExercise

On the finaldayof themost recentValuesEducationWorkshopthatweconducted for students and REFawardees, we did a stick manexercise. We asked students whatpart of the human body bestrepresent each of the 5 REF Valuesthat they learntover theoneandahalf days of theworkshop.We alsoasked them why that part of thebodywaschosen.Thepictureontheright is what some of the studentscameupwith.The annual REF Values Education Workshop for students focuses on 5 KeyValues. In our sessions with the students, we share what each of the valuesrepresents.The5REFValuesandwhattheymean…

1. Self-Belief:Self-Beliefisfaithortrustinyourownabilities,yourpositivecharacteristics.Confidenceinyourownjudgment.Thebeliefthatyoucandothingswell.

2. Honesty:Withouthonestytoyourself,youareconstantlyfoolingyourself(denial),notfacingreality.Thispreventsyoufromseeingthetruthaboutyourself.Honestytoyourself,especiallyaboutyourweaknesses,shortcomingsandmistakesleadstotakingresponsibilityandself-improvement.Withouthonestytoothers,youareuntrustworthyandunreliable.Withouthonesty,youcan’testablishyour“base-line”forlearningandfewpeoplewillbeabletohelpyou.

3. Responsibility:Responsibilityissomethingthatisyourjobtodoordutytodealwith.Responsiblemeansbeingabletoanswerforone’sconductandobligations,abletochooserightfromwrong.Withresponsibility,youarealsopreparedtotakeactiontoovercomeyourchallenges.

4. Humility:Humilityenablesyoutoseethingsclearly.Whilehonestyenablesyoutospeak/actthetruth(andseethetruthaboutyourself),humilityenablesyoutoseethetruthabouteverything.Humilitybringsopen-mindednessandtheabilitytolearnnewthings,especiallyfromothers,notjustfromorbyyourself.Humilityleadstowisdom.Humilityalsoenablesyoutocommunicateeffectivelyandtosharewithotherswisdomlearnt.

5. Compassion:Compassionisastrongfeeling(awareness)ofempathyandsadnessforthesufferingormisfortuneofothersandadesiretohelpthem.Compassiontowardsselfmeansforgivingyourselfformistakesyoumakeandthenpickingyourselfupandmovingforward.Compassiontowardsothersiscaringforothers.Asanunintendedconsequence,helpingothersalsomeansthatothersarelikelytohelpyouinyourhourofneed.

The above values (the 5 REFValues) serve to bring success, givemeaning andhappiness toone’s life.REFmentorsare taught to shareand rolemodel thesevaluestotheirmentees.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Thursday, September 25, 2014 3:25 P

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ADesiretoHelpYourself

In selecting students for the RotaryEducation Award, we say that wewant to have those whodemonstrate a desire to helpthemselves.Wewant tohelp thosewhoarefromdifficultcircumstances(lower income group) and whodream of a better life; who have atangible desire to help themselvesget to a better life. Yet while wehave a rough idea, what thisnebulous quality is needs to bedefined.

Whatisthisqualitywecalla“desiretohelpyourself”?In theAnnualREFMentorWorkshopof January2013,we set out to explorethisbysetting“ADesiretoHelpYourself”asthecentralthemeoftheworkshop.40mentors and potentialmentors where present and theywere asked fromtheirexperience,what thisqualitymeans to them. Inoneexercise, theywereeach given 2x4in cards to write down in one word, what “A desire to helpyourself”means.Thefloodofthewordsthatcameforth included:Hardwork,motivation, courage, focused, engaged, ambitious, hunger, faith, disciplined,open-mindedness,beingthebest,giveall,communicator,proactive,willingnesstolearn,drive,franknessanddream.Howcanweclassifythem?AcluecameintheformofaForbesMagazinearticleof April 2012 which talked about a survey of 1200 of the world’s leadingorganizations on what they thought were the top 5 personality traits thatemployers hire most. The results of the survey were that 86% of therespondentssaidProfessionalism,78%saidHighEnergy,61%saidConfidence,58%saidSelfMonitoringand57%saidIntellectualCuriosity.

Interestingly, theoutputof theREFworkshopexercisemaybegroupedunderthefollowingheadings:

Theseheadingsresemblethetraitsmostsoughtafterbythetop1200 leadingorganizationsintheworld.

Whilethisisundoubtedlyasimplecomparison,neverthelessthelessonwecanlearnfromthis isclear.Thequalitiesthatresemblea“desiretohelpyourself”are the same qualities that top organizations look for in their employees. Ifstudents learn to develop these qualities, they will ensure that their future(employability)isbright–theywillbesoughtafterbytopemployers.Finally, in termsof implicationsonourwork in theREF, ifweareable to findstudentswiththesefivequalities,wewillbeabletoobtainstudentswithhighpotential, we can employ an enabling (vs instructive) approach to ourmentoring, the time required to mentor will be less and we are likely tomaximizethesuccessrateofourprogramme.Inconclusion,whatwearelookingforwhenwesaywewantstudentsthathavea“desiretohelpthemselves”,arestudentswhoshowacademicachievement,enthusiasm,confidence,responsibilityandcuriosity.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


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ThePromise

AwardeeMuhamadHaiqalwithhisMentors

RotariansEdmundandDrKong

Afterashortwalk, thementorsat thementeenexttohimontheparkbench.Bothgazingstraightaheadandsoakingin the sight of the magnificent kitesflutteringjustabovethetreetops,thementorsaid,“Let’stalkaboutthevalueof responsibility. Can you give me anexampleofresponsibility?”The promising youngmentee thoughtfor a moment and said tentatively,“Responsibility to deliver on ourpromise?”“Verygood”,thementoraffirmedandthencontinued,“Therearemanytypesofresponsibility.Thereistheresponsibilityofyourteacherstoinspireyou.Thereisthe responsibility of your parents to support you. There is the responsibility ofyourgovernmenttoprovideeducationfacilitiesforyou.Butnoneofthesematterifyoudon’ttakepersonalresponsibility.Andonlyyoucandothatforyourowneducation.”“ButIcomefromapoorfamily?HowcanIaffordagoodeducation?”thementeeasked.The mentor then explained, “Your circumstance is no excuse for not takingresponsibility,noexcuseforneglectingyourhomeworkorhavingabadattitude,andno excuse for not tryingharder.”Hepointedout,“In fact nomatterwhatcircumstances you’re in, if you take responsibility, life will present you withopportunities. All you need are; a belief in your own abilities, the honesty toadmitwhatyoudonotknow,thecourage toaskquestionsandthehumility tolearnfromothers.Thenhelpwillbeonthewayandsuccesswillsoonfollow.”Takingadeepbreath,thementorgushed,“Andwhileyouareachievingsuccess,always remember that it is your responsibility to be compassionate, to help

others achieve it too. The human capacity to achieve good things and to helpothersachieveittooisunlimited,andisultimatelywhereourowntruehappinessresides.”Turningtofacethementee,thementorconcludedpassionately,“AndsowehelpREFAwardeesintheireducationbecauseweseethattheyarepreparedtohelpthemselves.That’s important.That’s theirpromise.Thatmeanstakingpersonalresponsibility for their education. Because there isn’t a thing we can do forsomeonewhodoesn’ttakeresponsibility.Ifyoudon’ttakeresponsibilityforyourfuture,thenyouhavenofuture.”Itwasalottotakeinfortheyoungmentee.Turningskywardstothekitesagain,hethoughttohimself,ponderingsilentlyuponhisownfuture.As for the mentor, even as he boldly shared the lofty value, he wonderedprivatelytohimselfwhetherhecouldcompletelyliveuptoitandworriedabouthis responsibility of being a good example. An imperfect individual doing theseriousjobofamentor.Yethecouldrelatestronglytothevalueofcompassionandwasdeterminedtohonestlygivehisyoungchargehisbestcarepossible.Inthewordsofthementee…to“deliveronhispromise”.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors. ©RCBKS2014


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Happinessishelpingothers–Transformingpassionintocompassion

AwardeeSatheswithREFChairmanPoayLimat

the2014ValuesEducationWorkshop

Passion is the energy that getsyou up in the morning; it is thefuel that drives you to immerseyourself in yourwork anddeliverresults.Compassion is theenergythatyouextendtoothers;itisthemanifestation of caring andconcern. Though these twoconceptsmay not get equal timein the discussion on values, theyareequallyimportant.Passionisspokenaboutfrequently,thoughprimarilyintheabstract,asinhavinga"passionforthejob"or"passionforresults."Bycontrast,compassiontakesabackseat;it'sconsideredanice-to-haveattributebutfewleadersspeakpubliclyabout it. In truth, ifyouwant todeliveronpassion; that is,use itasa lever toinspire others to achieve something sustainable, you must do so withcompassion-byrecognizinganddemonstratingyourbeliefthatwhatpeopledomatters.Passion is often subjective. It is the zealwe feelwhenwe are doingwhatweenjoy andwhenwe see thepositive effects it hasonus aswell as thepeoplearound us. Compassion, by contrast, is nurtured from within -- but it doesn'thaveanyeffectuntilyouapplyittoothers.It'snogoodbeingcompassionateifyouneverdoanythingforanyone.Neitheruniversalnorspecificcompassionateactsarealtruisticacts;theyarethesourceofourownwell-being. Seekingand findingawayof servingothers is apowerfulsourceofhappiness.“Happiness is inthecultivationofone'sgarden,”says Voltaire in Candide's voice. But the ultimate serenity comes from thecultivationofothers'gardens.


©RCBKS2014

Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2014 6:05 PM

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HittingaHomeRun

AwardeesTanChieuYieattheStudySkillsWorkshop

inApril2014

For those who have not had theexperienceofplayingbaseball,hittingahome runhas to beoneof the greatestimmediate feelings of accomplishments.Most times, you do not feel any impactof the bat on the ball in your handsbecause you hit the ball right on thesweetspotofthebat.Yet hitting a home run does not justhappenbychance.Therightpreparation,the back swing, the hit (impact), thefollow-throughandultimately the finish,have all got to be properly coordinatedandexecuted.Similarlymentoringhasitscomponentstepstobedonerightbeforesuccesscanhappen. Using the base ball home run as an analogy, the correspondingcomponentsofREFmentoringare(forexample):

Preparation Newmentortraining,HELPCareerTesting(baseline)ofmentee

Backswing Settingthevisitdates,mentoringgoalsettingHit Mentoringvisits,one-on-onementoringsession

objectives,menteejournalingFollow-through Visitreport,6-monthlyreporttoSponsor,mentoring

goalreview,mentorsupportgroupmeetingsFinish StudentdoeswellforexamsandgoestoUniversityor

CollegeorVocationalSchoolofchoiceUnlessallofthesecomponentsareinplaceandproperlyexecuted,successwillnot follow. For example, some mentors may be good at scheduling visitsregularly and communicating with their mentee. But unfortunately, they are

poorintheir“follow-through”work,suchasfillingandsubmittingthe6-monthlyreporttothe(financial)sponsor–consequently leavingthesponsorinthedarkand disappointed. As a result the sponsor may not provide a renewal of thesponsorship, leaving the REF short of funds it would otherwise have. If suchfunds are not forthcoming, some students may not receive the funding theyshould,orsomeREFactivitymayhavetobecurtailed,leadingpossiblytoapoormentoring“finish”.REF mentoring is a team effort, some of which may be transparent to thementor,especiallythe(equally)importantbackroomadministrativesupportandfundraisingwork.Butifanycomponent,oftheprocessfalters,thesuccessofthewholementorshipisjeopardized.Justlikeinbaseball,youandyourteammustmutuallysupporteachothertoensuresuccess.Thisappliestoteammoraletoo.As a volunteer mentor (Rotarians included), ensure that your part, yourresponsibilities and obligations, as required by the REF are all fulfilled. Oncethesecomponentsareproperlyexecuted,youcanbesurethatyouhit theballrightonthesweetspotofthebatandthena“homerun” inyourmentoringofthestudent.

“Bethorough;preparation,execution,follow-through,FINISH.Ifyouhavethecouragetostart,thenhavethecommitmenttofinish."


©RCBKS2014

Sent: Friday, October 24, 2014 12:31 PM

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Choices,ActionsandConsequences

StudentsparticipatingattheREFValuesEducation

Workshop2014

“You didn’t whatsapp me last nightwhenyoucamehomelate?”“I forgot. Dad, I know it’s good towhatsapp when I have to come homelatebutsometimesinthemidstofworkIcan’trememberallthosethings.”“Iwouldneverdothattoyourmum.I’llalwayscallwhenIhavetocomehomelate. That’s why we have a goodrelationship.It’sthekindofpersonyouchoose to be. It will determine thequality of relationships you have. Forme, it is family first, work second. It’syour choice. But remember, theconsequences of your choices are alsoyourstolive.J”“Pointnoted,Dad.Butyouknow it is family first formetoo. Just ‘causeof thisdoesn’tmeanitisworkorplayfirst.Ican’tbeexpectedtobeperfect.”“Yes, I know. But the closer you get to the ideal, the higher the quality of arelationship. I know you are not perfect. But be careful not to make that anexcuse.”“I’lltryhardernexttime,Dad.J”Thedecisiononanypersonalactionisalwaysourchoice.Andtherefore,thekindofpersonwewishtobeisalsoourchoice.Everyactionhasconsequences.Andwe have to live the consequences of our choices. Good actions have goodconsequencesandbadactionshavebadones.

Weareallinterdependentononeanother,evenonthosethatwemaynotknowandonourenvironment.Futuresareforgedbyeventherippleswemaketoday.Andsointhewellbeingofall,wefindourowncompletewellbeing.That’swhyrelationshipsareimportantandthereforethequalityofthoserelationshipstoo.Notice how, if we are “happy” but the people around us areunhappy or ourenvironmentispolluted,wecannotbecompletelyhappy.Valueslikebeing“caring”and“present”enoughtocallwhenyouaregoingtobelate bode well in a relationship. And so are REF values like self-belief,responsibility, honesty, humility and compassion. Our values determine thequalityofourrelationships.Ifwebaseourdecisionsandactionsongoodvalues,thechancesare,wewillhavegoodrelationshipsandgoodconsequences.

“Nobodyeverdid,oreverwill,escapetheconsequencesofhischoices.”AlfredA.Montapert,writer

NB: To help define our approach and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Thursday, October 30, 2014 2:34 PM

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TheMountain

I went to the mountain because Iwished to experience naturedeliberately, away from the usualcomforts, to face life directly, and tosee if I could learn what it had toteach, and not, when I die, discoverthat I had not lived. I gatheredcourage, went out towalk, and thenrealised that I was really going in. Itwas not the mountain that waswaitingtobeconqueredbutmyself.

Everyone wanted to quickly reach thetopofthemountainyetallthediscoveryactually happened while walking to thetop.ItwasnotthatIcouldfinallyseetheworld at the top, but that itwas in thewalkingupthatIcouldfinallyseemyself.Inthemountain,IgotlostinnatureandwhenIfinallyemerged,Ifoundmyself.Ilearned that nature is in fact, theoutward sign of the inward spirit or asRalph Waldo Emerson wrote, "theradical correspondence of visible thingsand human thoughts". I came to thisrealizationonlybecause I gotoutofmycomfort zoneandovercamemy limitingbeliefs.

NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF provides shortwrite-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014

Sent: Thursday, November 06, 2014 7:27 PM

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Community-BasedMentoringActivities for mentor and mentees incommunity-based mentoring, such asthe REF programme, can take onvarious forms. These include one-to-oneoutingsandactivities,doingthingsthe mentor and mentee enjoytogether,like:

1. Takingawalkinthepark2. Goingtoamuseum3. Inspiringeachother4. Listeningtomusic5. Hangingoutandtalking

Somementorsmeettheirmenteesontheweekends.Othersgettogetherwiththeirmentees in theevenings. Eachmatch isuniqueanddevelopsa schedulethatworksforthem.


Studiesshowthatchildrenwhohaverolemodelsaremorelikelytoimproveinschooland intheir relationshipswith familyandfriends,and less likely toskipschooloruseillegaldrugsoralcohol.Studentswhoaresuccessfulinschoolarelesslikelytodropout,abusedrugsorcommitcrimes.


©RCBKS2014

Sent: Wednesday, December 03, 2014 3:53 P

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ABetterStart,ABetterLifeHELPUniversity signs a cooperativememorandumofunderstandingwith theRotaryClubofBukitKiaraSunrisetosupportcommunityyouthmentoring

L-RSeated:DrGohCheeLeong,DatukDrPaulChan,PresidentCecelia,REFChairmanPPTanPoayLim

L-RStanding:DGESitiSubaidahAdil,DGKirenjit,DGNDarulAbdullah

8TH November, 2014 KL – The Rotary Clubof Bukit Kiara Sunrise (RCBKS) inpartnership with HELP University istransforming the lives ofunderprivileged youth through itsRotary Education Fund (REF)mentoringprogramme.The REF project, begun in 2009,comprises mentorship, leadership,training, values education and financialassistance. Members and volunteersmeetwithstudentsaged15-19yearsona monthly basis, providingencouragement and support for thestudents to complete their secondaryeducation.Throughthisprogramme,40-50mentorsaretrainedannuallybyHELPthroughaonedayworkshop.In addition, HELP also supports REF in the areas of fall back counselling formentees who face problems and also career testing services throughCareerSense@HELPshouldtheyrequireit.Tofurthercementandstrengthentheproject,aMemorandumofUnderstanding(MOU)betweenHELPandRCBKSwassignedtodaytodefinethenextphaseoftheirpartnershiptogether.RCBKS President Cecelia Matuya said, “This MOU gives us the opportunity to

mapoutourco-operationoverthenextthreeyears,”saidCeceliaatthesigningceremony today. REF Chairman Tan Poay Lim added, “With the broadening ofourcooperation,RCBKShopestoprovidemorevaluetostudentsespeciallyfromthelowerincomefamilies,longmissingonkeyopportunitiesineducation.”InadditiontothecurrentpartnershipfortheREFprojectthetwoorganizationswillbroadenanddeepentheirco-operationtoinclude;§ Encouraging research collaboration between the university’s students and

staffatRCBKSonREF.§ Providing an annual career guidance talk to the mentees and making

availablespecialHELPscholarshipsandfinancialaidtomenteeswhoqualifythroughaselectionprocess.

§ Exploring other potential areas of co-operation between RCBKS and HELPforREF.

§ Working with HELP graduates and lecturers to volunteer as mentors andeventuallyworktowardsREFbecomingapilotresearchproject.

§ RCBKS and HELP to work together on youth development projects in thefuture.

The President and Vice-Chancellor of HELP, Datuk Dr Paul Chan said, “Ourmissionistohelppeoplesucceedinlifeandtolivealifeofsignificancethrougheducation.ThusHELPUniversityiscommittedtosupportingcommunityprojectsthatprovideyouthdevelopment,especiallyinthiscase,theREFtransformslivesofunderprivilegedyouththrougheducation,“saidDrChanatthesigningoftheMOU today. Also present was Dr Goh Chee Leong, Dean of the Faculty ofBehavioralStudiesatHELPUniversity,whowasalsoasignatoryoftheMOU.Indeed, testimony to the success of the REF project is its replication by sevenother Rotary clubs inMalaysia, RC Pantai Valley,Gombak, Bangsar, Seremban,Temerloh, Kulim and Pahang West benefitting 95 students. There are alsoprojectswithprofessionaltrainerstoorganizeannualyouthworkshopsaspartoftheactivitiesofREF.TheoccasionwasalsoattendedbyDistrictGovernorKirenjitKaurwhowitnessedthe signing of the MOU between the two parties. Present together with theGovernorwasDGESitiSubaidahAdilandDGNDarulAbdullah.DGKirenjitsaid,“TheREFprojecthasalwaysimpressedmewiththecommitmentofmembersofRCBKStocarryitouttothefullestextent.ThisisthekindofprojectthatbringshopetothelowerincomecommunityandIampleasedthatanumberofRotaryClubshavestartedtheirowneducationfundsbasedonthesamemodelandwiththesupportofRCBKS.”

InconjunctionwiththesigningoftheMOU,attheweeklyrotarymeeting,RCBKSalso expressed their appreciation to mentors and other partners-in-service,includingsponsors,whocontributedtothesuccessoftheprojectoverthepast5years.


©RCBKS2014

Sent: Friday, December 12, 2014 5:12 PM

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Equip,EmpowerandSupportTheREFApproach

MenteeShahmuniwithhermotherLacthmyandREFinterviewer

MunYee

"It seems that every life form on thisplanet strives toward its maximumpotential...except human beings. Atreedoesnotgrowtohalfitspotentialsizeandthensay,'lguessthatwilldo.'A tree will drive its roots as deep aspossible. It will soak up as muchnourishmentas itcan,stretchashighandaswideasnaturewillallow,andthen look down as if to remind us ofhowmucheachofuscouldbecomeifwewouldonlydoallthatwecan."JimRohnItseems,becauseahumanbeingcanthink, feelandhave"choice",he(orher)oftenprefers to stay inhis comfort zone.Asa result,he fails togrowproperlyanddevelophis full potential. And so asmentors,wehelp ourmenteewith afoundationofrightvaluessothatherealizesandmovesoutofhiscomfortzoneand overcome his limiting beliefs to discover himself, find his purpose andachievehispotential. Intheprocesshefindsmeaningandhappiness inhis life.Wecallthisa"values-basedholisticeducation".It'stheapproachwetakeintheREF.

Whatisourroleasamentor?It is to Equip ourmentee tomakewise decisions, Empower her to decide onwhatfutureshewantsandSupporthertogettowhereshewantstogo.


©RCBKS2014


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Lethappinessfindyou

Awardeesparticipatinginatreeplantingproject

ataREFValuesWorkshop

Happiness is helping others. Because wearenotperfect,ourcompassionorservicetoothers isnotpurelyaltruistic. Ithasanultimate connection to our ownpersonalhappiness. But that’s all right. So long aswearealsodeterminedtolearntoreducethetracesofselfishnessovertime,weareon the right path. Everyone can dosomething to help others. Even youngstudents can do so too. In our ValuesEducation workshops, we say to thestudents that if they study hard and besuccessful, they will not only be helpingthemselves but also their parents attaintheirhappinessinlife–givingmeaningtothelivesoftheirparents.Orthatiftheytaketheworkshopseriouslyandthendowellintheirexams,theworkshopsponsorwillbeimpressedandwillcontinuewiththesponsorshipnextyear. If the present batch succeed in doing well this year, they are alreadyhelping the students of the next batch by making the funding and hence theworkshopavailableagain.Oftenwearealreadyhelpingotherswithoutrealizingit.Andlikewise,wemaybeadversely affecting others without knowing it. The mathematician andmeteorologist Edward Lorenz coined that, “the flapping of the wings of abutterflyinSouthAmericacanaffecttheweatherinCentralPark”.But is life really so complicated? Must we be always analyzing every actionbefore taking it, keeping an eye on its consequences in order to lead ameaningful and happy life? Fortunately no. There is an easier way; byunderstanding the “value of Values”. Good consequences have their roots ingoodvalues.Whenall ouractionsarise fromgoodvalues, theneverythingelsewill take care of itself. In our Values Education Programme, we teach noble

valuessuchasSelf-Belief,Honesty,Responsibility,HumilityandCompassion.Weteach students that so long as they ensure their actions originate from noblevalues,theywilleventuallybehelpingsomeoneandthensuccessandhappinesswillfollow.But focusing directly on attaining happiness will only make it more elusive.Happiness is not an end. It is a by-product of good actions from good values.Don’tworryaboutchasingafterit.Playthegameoflifebyconstantlylivingnoblevaluesandhappinesswillnaturallyfindyou.



JiddhuKrishnamurthyNB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2014


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EnlightenedServiceTheAnnualREFYouthMentoringWorkshop

Mentorsatthe2014AnnualREFYouth

MentoringWorkshop

Serve wisely. Service is not just aboutserving"withaclearconscience"orthat"as long as I am doing good, that's allthat counts". Besides having goodintention, educate and skill yourself sothat you are competent in providingyourservice.Theoldsaying,"theroadtohell is paved with good intention"appliestoallofusasmentors.Whenwelack the necessary understanding andcompetency,wecandomoreharmthangood,evenwiththebestofintentions.Fortunately, the REF works closely with HELP University’s Department ofBehavioural Sciences (HELP) to provide support and training to our mentors.After5yearsofservice,theREFnowalsohasapoolofexperiencedmentorswhoact as a valuable resource to new and inexperienced ones. Mentoring is notdifficult once youappreciate the keyprinciples. Equip yourself by attendingallthe training and up-skilling opportunities provided by the REF, especially theAnnual YouthMentoringWorkshop (on 18 Jan 2015) organised together withHELP. Enlightened service is serving competently (in addition tocompassionately),nothurtingothersandgetting ina"mess"whiletryingtodogood.

“It’snotjusthelpingothers;it’sequippingyourselftodosotoo.Togainsuccess,besidesgoodintention,wisdomisnecessary.”

TheREF


©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, January 09, 2015 2:30 PM

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Love,Time...andExcuses

REFMenteeTashaatthe

2014ValuesEducationWorkshop

If you want someone, you mustmaketime for them.Andwhenyoureally matter to them, they willmake time for you. Don't forcesomeone to make time for you. Iftheyreallywantto,theywill.Thinkofhowyoucanbeofvaluetobe important to someone. If you'rereallyimportanttothem,they'llfindthe time for you. If not, they'll findexcuses.Alwayshavetimeforsomeonewhoisimportanttoyou.Itisworth,evenifyouhavetomakethefirststep.When someone gives importance to you, youmay think they are always free.You may not realise that they are making themselves available for you everytime.Respectthosewhofindtimeforyouandlovethosewhoalwayshavetimeforyou,neverevenseemingtohavetodeliberately"find”itforyou.“Trynottobecomeamanofsuccess,butrathertrytobecomeamanofvalue.”

AlbertEinsteinNB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015


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MentoringYoungPeople

Mentoring is a powerful way to change lives for the better. It gives you aneffectivewaytobeapositiveinfluenceonyounglives,thefutureofoursociety.Youmaythinkyoudonothavetheskillstomentortodaybutwecanteachyou.Tomorrow,youwillbemakingadifferencetosomeyounglifeorbetterstill,youmaybeable to share yourmentoringexperiencewithothernewmentors andcreateanendlessrippleofpositivedifference.Letusteachyou.Allyouneedistohaveawillingnesstolearnandacaringheart.

YouthMentoringisacentralprogrammeoftheREF,TheRotaryEducationFund


©RCBKS2015


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KindlingCuriosity

Mentorsatthe2015AnnualREFYouth

MentoringWorkshopon“NurturingtheCreativeMind”

"Iamlearningnowthateducationisaboutinstillingagenuinesenseofcuriosityandanappreciationfor

wonder."RightBrainPartnerTeacher

We are teaching or attempting tospark and ignite curiosity, themainingredient to a "desire to helponeself". To do so successfully,mentors must exhibit (and rolemodel)curiositythemselves.The best manifestation of curiosity is the willingness to ask questions, to beinterested. Sowe educate not by imposing ideas but by asking questions. Beinteresting by being interested. Nurture creativity by being creative. Be anexampletoyourmentee.Modelthevaluesyouwanttoseedevelopinginyourmentee. In doing so,we allow the power fromwithin the youngster to comeforth,allowinghimtorevealhimselfandbehimself.Drawhimoutthroughthe“magic of asking questions” and then listening to his answers, without beingjudgmental. Show him not only the habit, but also the advantage and joy ofaskingquestionsandyouwillkindlehiscuriosityandnurturehiscreativity.

"Itisamiraclethatcuriositysurvivesformaleducation."

AlbertEinstein


©RCBKS2015


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ProvidingCareerGuidanceLetusreviewourobjectivesasmentorsto the REF awardees. On the highestlevel,wewanttohelpthementee:§ Discoverwhohe(orshe)is§ Bethebesthecanbe–discovering

hispotential§ Learntotakepersonal

responsibilityforhisownfuture

Onaday-to-daygroundlevelbasis,wewanttohelpthementee:§ Stayinschool§ Improvehisgrades§ Withhiscareerdecision(and

tertiaryeducationdecisions)

Factorsaffectingthechoiceofcareer

Inalltheabove,wemustalwaysremembertobeagoodrolemodeltohim.Inparticular,animportantroleasamentoristohelpyourmenteewithcareerguidance and to connect himwith opportunities thatwill help himdecidehischoice of career. These may come in the form of in-depth discussions,recommended reads and introductions to peoplewho are in professions thatthementeemaybeinterestedin.Manystudents,amongourmentees,knowhowtostudyhard,yethavelittletonoideawhatcareerstochoose.Theyhavebecome“professionalstudents”whoknowhow to get goodgradesbuthave spent little tono time thinking abouttheir careers.Whatdoesoneneed to considerwhen thinking about a careerchoice?

Helpyourmenteegobacktothebasicsandask:

4. WhatkindoflifedoIwant?(Yourmission)5. WhatamIpassionateat?(Yourinterests)6. WhatamIpotentiallygoodat?(Youraptitude)

andalsoimportantbuttoalesserextent,

5. Whataretheopportunitiesrelatedtothechosencareer?(Youremployability)

Thesequestionsrelatetowhoyou(thementee)areandwhereyouwanttogo.Onceyouknowwhereyouwanttogo,thenthingswillstarttomove,thingswillhappenforthebetter.Otherswillcometoyourhelp.Youwillbeabletofindtheway and pick up the skills and resources necessary to succeed. But youmustfirstfigureoutwhereyouwanttogo…byfirstknowingwhoyouare.Andsoinourmentoring,wecanneveravoidthehigherobjectivesmentionedabove.Animportantconsiderationinchoosingacareeristounderstandthedifferencebetween your interests and your aptitude. Many students confuse a hobbyinterestwithacareerchoice.The lattershouldbebasedonboth interestandaptitude. A hobby interest can be pursued concurrentlywith a career choice.But thechoiceofcareermustdeliver theability toearna living thatwill thendeliver the life that one wants. A hobby can be pursued separately, withoutthinking of its ability to earn an income. Students who confuse the two willoftenpicksomethingwhichtheyoughttopursueasahobbyinsteadofacareer.“Untiloneiscommitted,thereishesitancy…Whateveryoucando,ordreamyoucando,beginit.Boldnesshasgenius,power,andmagicinit.Beginnow.”

WilliamHutchinsonMurrayScottishmountaineerandwriter,1913-96


©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, February 06, 2015 5:41 PM

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NurturingtheCreativeMindThe6thREFAnnualYouthMentoringWorkshop,18Jan2015byREFChairmanTanPoayLim

The60ParticipantsattheworkshoporganizedbyRCBKSatHELPUniversity

After weeks of preparation withHELP University’s Faculty ofBehaviouralSciences,weheldthe6th REF Annual Youth MentoringWorkshop at the university’sCareerSense,thedepartmentthathelps students find the careerbest suited to them. CareerSensedirector, Eric Amaladas, has beenoverseeingtrainingforourmentorsthesepastyearsandweareindeedprivilegedtohavehimasourcoachin Mentorship. This year’s theme is ‘Nurturing the Creative Mind’. We cameupon it quite spontaneously as we were getting concerned that our schoolsystem was producing students who were rewarded for memorizing theirtextbooks.Wethoughtsuchaworkshopwouldallowusmentorstoconsiderourownattitudetowardscreativityaswell.Wearepleased to report thatwehada full-houseof60participants. ErichadinvitedHELPInternationalSchool’sArtist-in-Residence,MichaelQuah,tobethelead trainer.So itwas thatMike tookus throughaspectsofcreativitywehavetakenforgranted.Thesimplequestionheposedthatstumpedmanyamonguswas‘Howcreativewereyouasaparent?’Thelinkbetweenthisandourattemptatmentoringanawardeeisclear.

“Itdoesnotmatterwhatexperiencewehadbutwhathastheexperiencedoneforus”

He set us through exercises that made us consider what are crucial to beingcreative likebeingreceptivetonewideas.Thiswasaftermakingusawarethatnot all of us share the same intelligence – he raised for our attention the

‘Multiple Intelligences’ as proposed by HowardGardner. Then the exercise onwhatwecancreatewithapieceofA4paper tookus througha lotof creativedesign and much symbolism. For example, a paper boat was a participant’ssymbolofpurpose,strengthandhelpfulness.The longest discussionwe had revolved about a checklist of qualities that wethoughtwerethemostimportanttobeingagoodmentor.ItachievedwhatMikewantedwhichwastostimulateouranalysisofourselves.Clearlyeveryoneofthetraitsisasimportantasthenext.

“Imaginationisbeingabletoseewhentheeyeshavenotseenyet.”Besidesmanypotentialmentors,wearesopleasedthatsomanyREFextensionclubsand some intendingones sent representatives.Notonlydid theybenefitfromtheworkshop,italsoallowedustostrengthenourbondwiththemthroughour programme. We thank HELP University, the REF organizing team underMentorshipLeadsKingsleyWeberandYLYee,andallwhoattended.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, February 13, 2015 5:12 PM

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TheSpiritofHappiness

Once again, as the lunar new yearapproaches, it is theseason towishandgreetoneanother“Happiness”“Happinessisthemeaningandthepurposeoflife,thewholeaimand

endofhumanexistence.”Aristotle

Yet, focusing directly on attaining happiness will only make it more elusive.Happinessisnotanend.Itisaby-productofgoodactionsfromgoodvalues.



JiddhuKrishnamurthyLike truth,don’tworryabout chasingafterhappiness. Play thegameof lifebyconstantlylivingnoblevaluesandhappinesswillnaturallyfindyou.Season’sGreetingsandHappyLunarNewYearfromallofusattheREF

andtheRotaryClubofBukitKiaraSunrise! NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, February 27, 2015 11:10 AM

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ChoosingaCareer–InterestversusAptitudeTheysaythat,“Foryoungpeopletolearn,you’vegottomakeit interestingforthem. But for adults to learn, you’ve got to make it important for them. Foradults, if it’s importantthey’llmakeit interestingforthemselves.”Manythingscanbe interesting forusbut fewer thingsare important.Andeven fewer,wearegoodat.Thereinliesthedifference.Thosethingsthatwehaveapotentialtobegoodatarethosewhichwecallwehavean“aptitude”for.Andtheretendtobefewerofthem.Theuniverseofthethingsthatyouareinterestedin(or“WhatamIpassionateabout?”),willnotcompletelycoincidewiththeuniverseofthingsthatyouarepotentiallygoodat (youraptitudeor“Whatam Igoodat?”),even ifyoutriedyour hardest. That’s because for some things, youmay not have that inborntalentforit.Fore.g.youmaylikemusicbutmaybetonedeaf,soit isunlikelythatyoucanmakeacareeroutofbeingamusician.However,where thetwouniverses coincide are the things that you are passionate about and have apotential to be good at. That’swhere you should consider seriously choosingyourcareerandyourfieldoftertiarystudy.Makeyourcareerchoice fromthe listof things thatyouare interested inandhaveanaptitudefor,byponderingoverthequestionof“WhatkindoflifedoIwant?”(MyMission*)

But before youmake your final choice from that list, think seriously too thatwhichyouaremostpassionateaboutandhavethestrongestsetof(potential)skillsin.

Manystudentsconfuseahobbyinterestwithacareerchoice.Thelattershouldbe based on both interest and aptitude. A hobby interest can be pursuedconcurrently with a career choice. But the choice of career must deliver theabilitytoearnalivingthatwillthendeliverthelifethatonewants.Ahobbycanbe pursued separately, without thinking of its ability to earn an income.Studentswho confuse the twowill oftenpick somethingwhich theyought topursueasahobbyinsteadofacareer.*LookoutforaforthcomingMentorSnapshotarticleon“YourMissionStatement”andchoosingthelifethatyouwant.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, March 06, 2015 12:42 PM

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DevelopingYourMissionandSettingClearGoalsChoosingacareer–Startbyfiguringoutthelifethatyouwant

"He who has theWhy to live for, canbear with almost any How," said thephilosopher Nietzsche. Varying thisslightly we say that, "He whounderstands the Why to live for, willfindtheHow."Many who have lost their will to livesay, "I have nothing more to expectfrom life." This unfortunately is thewrongattitude towards life.A lifewelllivedisnotamatterofwhatweexpectfrom life but rather, it is a matter ofwhatlifeexpectsofus.

YourGoalsandMissionarebuiltonafoundationofValues

Wemusttakeresponsibilityforourownlife.Don’taskforthemeaningoflifebutaskinstead,whatmeaningwegivetoourlife(andtothelivesofothers).Lifeisabout giving, not about taking. Life is about compassion, and living a higherpurpose.Onlythenwillwegivemeaningtolife.Onlywhenwegivemeaningwillwefindmeaninginourlife.Andsoanyattemptathelpingsomeone identifyandachieveagoaleffectively,hastodowithhelpinghimfindmeaningforthegoal(the"Why").Withmeaningcomes hope. With hope comes motivation and inner strength to soldier ontowardsthegoal.An individual's mission in life has to therefore be meaningful. The process ofdevelopingamissionhastobeginwithdiscoveringandunderstandingwhoyouare,gainingan insight intoyourown identity.Thismaybedefinedbythe(5-6)valuesorbeliefsthataremostimportanttoyou,thosethathavemeaningtoyou.Yourvaluesdescribewhatyoubelievein.

Once you have established the values that are important to you, proceed todevelopthenextlayer,yourmission.Apersonalmissionstatementwilldescribequalitativelywhatkindoflifeyouwantandconsistsof3parts:1.Whatdoyouwant to do? 2. Who do you want to help? 3. What is the value you wish tocreate?Keepyourmissionstatementshort,simpleandcrisp;aonesentencestatementthatdrivesyouinyourlife.It'simportantto"anchor"themissiononvaluesthatreallymean something to you.Once themission is properly created,workoutwhatthismeanstothevarious(4-5)rolesyouplayinyourlife,suchasindividual,friend,son(ordaughter),studentandcommunitymember.Aligntheactionsyoutake foreachroleyouplaywithyourvaluesandmission.Misalignmentcreatesunhappinessandconflictsbetweenhowyouseeyourselfandhowyouactuallyare. Finally, for each of the actions or activities in turn, identify the 2-3measurable goals youwish to achieve,noting that themore tangible the goalsare, the more likely you will be of actually achieving it. The goals are thequantitativepartofyourmission.Ameaningfulmissionbecomesthepowerfulmotivation(orthe"Why")foryoutoachieveyourgoals.Amission statement isdynamic. Itmaychangeasyougainmoreknowledge,experienceandskillsinlife.Reviewitregularly.One of the common mistakes students make in a mission statementdevelopmentexercise is that theydonotmakeenougheffort to figureout thevalues that are important to them.When that happens, the resulting personalmission statement does not "resonate"with the individual and therefore lackspower.YourGoalsandMissionarebuiltonafoundationofValues.TheymustbeYOURvalues.Ultimatelythough,thevaluesthatreallymeansomethingprofoundto an individual are altruistic and noble values. The purpose of a missionstatement istoactaseffective"headlights"or inspirationtodirectapersononhis journey towhere he needs to go. If themission statement lacks power ormeaning,itwillnotachieveitspurpose.

Whenthestudenthasfiguredouthis"missioninlife",hewillfindfromitthe"willtosucceed"

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute"snapshots"arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015


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TheFiveKeyREFValues

TheFiveKeyREFValues

TheRotaryEducationAward(REA)isavalues-based holistic educationprogramme. This means it promotesan educational philosophy that isbasedon valuing self, others and theenvironment through the teaching ofhumanitarian and ethical values(noble values). The Rotary EducationFund (REF) helps each awardee findidentity,purpose,andmeaning in lifethrough connections to thecommunity,tothenaturalworld,andthroughnoblevalues.Self-belief isthemostsignificantofallpersonalvalues.Tobeginwith,apersonmust believe he (or she) has the potential to do something or the capacity toimprove.Withself-belief,othervaluescanbelearnt.While the REF can support a student in his education (and self-discovery), thestudenthimselfmusttakepersonalresponsibilityforit.Inotherwords,hemusthave a “desire to help himself”, to take the necessary action to overcome hischallenges.Totakethisresponsibility,heneedstohave:thehonestytoacceptandfacehisreality,theself-belief(orcourage)toaskquestionsandrealizethathe has the ability to succeed.Hemust also have thehumility to acknowledgethathedoesn’tknoweverythingandthathehasto learnfromotherswhoareabletohelp.Andfinally,hemusthavethecompassiontoforgivehimselfwhenhemakesmistakesandtorecognizethatmistakes (or failure)merelypointthewaytosuccess.Ifheequipshimselfandbelievesinthesevalues,lifewillpresenthimwiththenecessaryopportunitiestosucceed.Educationisthekeytogetfromdifficultcircumstancestosuccess.Developtherightvaluesandthestudentwilleffectivelygainaneducation.Besidespersonalresponsibility,anindividualalsohasaresponsibilitytohisfamilyandcommunity,whichtooisfulfilledthroughapropereducation.Here,thevalueofcompassion

(caringforothers)willhelpthestudentbecomeausefulmemberofthefamilyandagoodcitizen,andwillenablehimtoeventuallygainrealhappinessinlife.And so in order to achieve the REA programme objectives, the REF valuescurriculum besides covering values in general, focuses attention on the fivesimple and easy to understand values of Self-Belief, Responsibility, Honesty,HumilityandCompassion–the“5KeyREFValues”–tohelpeachstudentgetabetterstart,abetterlife.As theirmentors,weareencouraged toemphasizeandmodel thesevalues totheawardees.The2015REFValuesEducationWorkshopwillbeheldon16&17March2015.Please contact RCBKS Rotarian Anthony Pinto at [email protected] fordetails.

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachand toprovidegoodmentoring toour students, theREF fromtime to timeprovides shortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015


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WritingaJournal


UndertheRotaryEducationAward,menteesaregivenahard-covernotebookandencouragedtouseitasajournaltocapturetheirthoughtsandquestionssothattheymay discuss themwith theirmentors. They are also encouraged to recordimportant“lessons”fromthementoringsessionsinthis journalsothattheymayconveniently review them later. Such a process of discipline will help menteeskindleawarenessnotonlyofbetteracademicperformancebutequallyimportant,ofanappreciationoflifeingeneral.

JournalingmakesaThinkingIndividual

Howtodo§ Observe§ Unfreezethemind§ Thinkandthinkindependently

andcritically

Benefits§ Improvespowerofobservation

becauseyouneedtorecord§ Unfreezesthemind§ Forcesthinking

§ Focus§ Analyse§ Movebeyondrecordingfactsto

askingandrecording“Why”§ Sortoutandorderthoughts

beforewriting§ Writeyourthoughtsdown

clearly

§ Enables“natural”thinking–liberatesthetrueself

§ Improvesfocus§ Developsindependent,critical

andanalyticalthinking§ Developsabilitytoexpress

effectively§ Improveswritingandlanguage

skills§ Understandinghowyourmind

works§ Recordsyourfeelings§ Captures(creative)ideas§ Captureswisdomthatyou

generate§ Discoverself§ Developsamatureindividual

Pleasesharethisarticlewithyourmentee.NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF from time to time provides shortwrite-ups on itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015


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HappinessandRotaryInternational

WhatisHappiness?Areyouhappynow?Formanyofus,theaiminlifeisto“livehappily”orjustsimply“tobehappy”.What does this mean and how do weattainthis?“Happiness” is the feeling that we areexperiencingameaningfullife.

Whatwillbringaboutforusa“meaningfullife”?Itisgoingthroughlifewithapurpose–apurposebeyondself.Noman is an island.We are all interdependent on one another, even on thosethatwemaynotknow.Futuresareforgedbyeventherippleswemaketoday.Inthewellbeingofall,wefindourowncompletewellbeing.Andso,ifwetrulywanttobehappy,wehave togobeyondour self-interest tobeingconcerned for thewellbeing of others – in other words, believe in and practice the value of“Compassion”.No matter what predicament you may find yourself in today, there is alwayssomeonewho is less fortunatethanyou.Learntocountyourblessingsandthenhelp someone. That way, you will find your “real happiness”. An old Chineseproverbsays,

“Ifyouwanthappinessforanhour—takeanap.Ifyouwanthappinessforaday—gofishing.

Ifyouwanthappinessforayear—inheritafortune.Ifyouwanthappinessforalifetime—helpsomeoneelse.”

Rotary International is a values-based organization that has at the heart of itscharter,thevalueofcompassion.Nowordscanbetterexpressthisthanourmotto–“ServiceAboveSelf.”RotaryInternationalgivesusallanopportunitytoserve,toexpress our compassion meaningfully and in the process helps us attainHappiness.Andsotoday,weofferatoasttoRotaryInternational.Letustogethermakeonestrong resolution in our hearts too – “that we will always act compassionatelytowardsothers.”

…“ToRotaryInternational.”NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF from time to time provides shortwrite-ups on itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, April 03, 2015 7:26 PM DearReader,ThankyouforstayinginterestedintheweeklyMentoringSnapshot.Therewillnoissuesforthenext2weeksasIwillbeawaytravelling.TheweeklyMentoringSnapshotwillresumeontheweekof20Apr2015.Inthemeantime,Ihopeyouenjoythisweek’sissue.Rgds,YLYeeREF

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ASelflessAttitude

Today,weshareapieceofpoetry.

Letnotyourmeditation,Noryourprayer,Turnyouintovegetation,Ormakeyouanaysayer.Withallyoucanmuster,Workonyourattitude.Quietlybuildingcharacter,Youscalegreataltitude.

Evenatyourtenderage,Youcanshareofyourself.Andlearntobeasage,Thinkandactbeyondself.Freefromangerandrage,Nottimidnorfrightened.Youstepontothestage,Readytobeenlightened!NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents, theREFfromtimetotimeprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.These5-minute“snapshots”arealsosharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, April 24, 2015 12:00 PM

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REFMentoring–aholisticapproach

TheREF’sHolisticApproachtoMentoring&Education

As mentors charged with theresponsibility of helping students gainan education and choose a career; wecannotapproach this task competentlywithout adopting a holistic approach.This means the student needs to firstfigure out who he (or she) is – hisidentity. And then he needs to ask,“whatdoIwantinlife?”Toanswerthelatter question, besides discovering hisidentity, heneeds to know (or at leastmake a start on finding out) what his“purpose”inlifeis.Whenheembarksonthis,hewillrealizethatinordertohaveafulfillinglife,hemust have a “higher” purpose, one that requires him to thinkbeyondhimself.Invariably he has to include the value of “compassion” in his life. Withcompassion, he will then find meaning in his life. In fact, he will also givemeaningtothelivesofothers.Underpinningallthese,i.e.identity,purposeandmeaning is“values”.Thevaluesyousubscribetodefineswhoyouare.Ahigherpurpose,orbeingcompassionate,isavalue.Actionsstemmingfromnoblevalueswillgivemeaningtoone’slifeandtothelivesofothers.Findingoutyouridentityistoknow“whereyouare”,whileyourpurposedrivesyou to “where you want to go”. These are indeed big questions. But once astudenthasanunderstandingofthisprocess,wecanhelphimidentifyacareerthat is inalignmentwithwhathewants inhis life.Asamentor,havinghelpedhimaskthequestion,“Whatdoyouwant in life?”wecanthenproceedtoasktheremainingtwoquestions;“What’spreventingyoufromgettingit?”and“Howcanwehelpyoutogetit?”The career choice is but a milestone, albeit an important one, in one’s lifejourney.Helpyourstudentunderstandhis life journeyandchancesare,hewill

chooseacareerthathewillfindfulfilling.Ofcourse,thismaynotallbecastinstone.Aperson’sideaofwhathewantsinlifecanchangeovertimewithexperience.Wecanonlyhelphimestablishwhathewantsnow.Theimportantthingisthatwehavemadehimawareofareliablemethodology, aholistic approachof looking at thingswhichhe can thenapplywithconfidencefortherestofhislife.

“IntheREF,studentsaretaughtthattheycangivetheirlife(andthelivesofothers)meaningbylivingitwithapurposebeyondself.

Theydothisbyfirstrealizingself(discoveringtheiridentity),whichislargelydefinedbythevaluestheybelievein.”


©RCBKS2015


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TheDutyofExperience

REFMenteeTashabeingmentoredbyRtnWillaWong

As a Rotarian or a volunteerexperienced professional, whatvalue can we bring to a student?What resources can we readilyprovide? We can volunteer sometime.Wecanprovidesomemoney.We can provide some exposurethrough our network of contacts.But most of all we can share ourexperience. We can shareexperience by rolemodeling noblevalues with the aim of helpingstudentsbuildcharacter.However,aswearenotprofessionalcounselorsorteachers,weareonlyabletohelpstudentswhohaveadesiretohelpthemselves.Thisisnottosaythatthosestudentswhodonotpossessthisdesiredonotneedhelp.Butbecausewearenot trained professional counselors or teachers, we are not the right party toprovidehelptosuchstudents.TheREFprovidesbasicmentortrainingtovolunteersandequipthemwithtoolsto help students. Besides this and critically, regular mentor support groupmeetingsareheldamongmentors toshare learningsandtosurfacechallengeswhich require the attention of more experienced mentors who can providepossiblesolutions.Through the process ofmentoring, the REF provides a convenient platform tobridge great and ready resources from volunteer professionals to eager youngstudentswithgreatlearningneeds.Wedon’tteachstudentshowtostudybutbysharing experiences, we can teach them how to succeed through characterbuilding.AndsointheREF,wesaythatwecan’tturnaweakstudentintoagoodonebutwecanhelpagoodstudentbecomeabetteronethroughtheenabling

processcalledmentoring.

“Wewereonceinexperienced.Webecameexperiencedasaresultoftheexperiencedteachingus.

Now,itisourturntoteachtheinexperiencedsothatinturn,theybecomeexperienced.Thisishowwehonourthosewhocamebeforeus,

byteachingthosethatcomeafterus.”REF


©RCBKS2015

Sent: Monday, 18 May 2015

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MentoringisSeriousBusinessThe mentee must enter therelationship with the profoundhumility of the novice seekingwisdom, while the mentor mustenter with the even profounderhumility of the sage who knowshow truly little he or she knows.Whenoneteaches,twolearn.Mentoring is serious business. Itrequires self-knowledge andconviction.Ifyoucan’tdoanythingexcept to just listen, you arealready a goodmentor. But if youaregoingtogiveadvice,becareful.

Mentee Vaisnavi volunteering at the Rotary Medical Camp in Port Klang, March 2015

You are handling a young and impressionable mind. Don’t take things toolightly.Youcandoit,butknowyourlimitations.Bemindfulandbehumblethatyoumaynothavetheanswers.So listenfirst. It’salrighttosayyouwill thinkaboutitandgetback.Thendoyourhomework.Neverbeafraidtosay,“Ineedhelp”.



KhalilGibranNB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.While these 5-minute “snapshot reads” aremainly for ourmentors, they are also sometimes shared withfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, 22 May 2015

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WhatIsMyRoleasaMentor?It seems simple at first, the notion ofbeing amentor: someonewho spendstimewithayoungperson.Butonceyouare in the mentor role, you may findyourself in situations where you areuncertain about your part in therelationship.Isitappropriatetoprovidedisciplinewhenshe’soutofline?WhatifIsuspectheisexperiencingtroubleathome—what ismy responsibility?Howcan Ihavethemostpositive impactonmymentee?

PAUSEANDREFLECT:Clarifyingyourroleasamentor.

Askyourself,

§ WhatroledoestheREFexpectmetoplayasamentor?

§ WhatroledoIexpecttoplayasamentor?

§ WhatroledoIthinkmymenteewillexpectmetoplayasamentor?

§ WhataresomepossibleroleconflictsandwhatdoIthinkmightbedonetoresolvetheseconflicts?

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.While these 5-minute “snapshot reads” aremainly for ourmentors, they are also sometimes sharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015

Sent: Thursday, 5 June 2015

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TheRoleofanREFMentorTheroleofamentoristhreefold.Helpthementeediscoverwhoheis.Helpthementee“bethebesthecan”, to reach his full potential. Finally, help thementeelearntotakeresponsibilityforhisfuture.

Whatdoesthismean?Itmeans,§ Makingtimeforthementee§ Beingarolemodel,livingandsharingnoblevalueswiththementee§ Providingthementeewithsupport,exposureandcareerguidance§ Attimes,takingthementeeoutofthecomfortzonetostretchtohis/her


“Themiraclepowerthatelevatesthefewistobefoundintheirindustry,

application,andperseverance,underthepromptingsofabravedeterminedspirit.”

MarkTwain

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachand toprovidegoodmentoring toour students, theREFprovides shortwrite-upson itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, 12 June 2015

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TheREFLeadershipTrainingCamp,5-7June2015

Appreciatingteamworkthroughthechallenging“picturecounting”activity

Itwasawonderful Fridaymorningasthe bus left Bukit Kiara EquestrianClub at 8.45am, headed to LembahAzwen Resort at Hulu Langat for theannualREF LeadershipTrainingCamp(or LTC). There were 32 excitedMentees fromRCBukitKiaraSunrise,RCPantaiValley,RCTemerlohandRCWestPahang.TheLTCwas framedtoreinforce the Values EducationWorkshop held in March 2015 andalso to give Mentees an insight intothe qualities of being an outstandingleader, grounded on values and highself-belief.Helena Michael, Camp Lead Facilitator from HELP University, guided themthroughtheexpectationsandcontributions,andassignedthemintotheirgroupsfortheweekend.Theywentthroughanoutdoorobstaclecoursethatchallengedtheirself-beliefanddidanexerciseondesigningtheirpersonalcoat-of-arms.Thenextday,theyjungletrekkedandwerethentakenthroughareviewoftheworkthey did from the Values Education Workshop. There were also teamperformancesatnight,whereMentorswereinvitedtobetheaudience.On the final morning, the participants pulled together their experiences andlearnings and recorded them in their Camp Journals. Theywere also asked towritea “Letter toMentor”describing their “WOWs!” fromtheCampand theircommitmentstoaction.NB: To help define our approach and to provide goodmentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015


ValuesEducationIntoday’sopensociety,thereisamultitudeofbothpositiveandnegativeinfluences.Itisimpractical, if not impossible, to protect achild from all the negative influences byphysically isolating him from them withoutat the same time shutting out importantexperiencesandpositiveinfluencesaswell.

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Yetthesolutiontothisdilemmaistoexposethechildprogressivelytolifebutatthesametimebuildinhimastrongvaluesystem.Thisistheonlyrealistic“protection” he can have from negative influences,while at the same timeenablinghimtopickuppositiveinfluencestoo.Itcanbeveryconfusingattimes,withthemyriadofvaluesoneissupposedtoinstill in a child. Fortunately, this process can be kept simple. The mostimportant consideration in building a strong value system in a child is toremembertwothings;givehimplentyoflove,andbeagoodexampletohim.Teachyourchildnoblevalues,largelybysimplylivingthemyourself.



©RCBKS2015


YMP-SNAP0209

DiscoveringWhoYouAre“The role of a mentor is three fold. Help thementee discover who he is.Help the mentee“bethebesthecan”,toreachhisfullpotential.Finally, help the mentee learn to takeresponsibilityforhisfuture.”

At theheartof the self-discoveryprocess is theunderstandingofwhat valuesmean and discovering the values that are most important to you. Becauseultimately you are defined by the values you believe in, that’s who you are.Don’thaveanyillusionthatthisiseasywork.It’salifetime’swork.Butyouhavetomakeastartnow.

Successfulmentoring involveshelping thementeediscoverwhohe is,his truenature. The mentor’s role is to help provide the environment and theopportunity for this to naturally occur. He does this by being a confidant, ateacher,arolemodel,afriend,anurturerofpossibilitiesandmostimportantly,by maintaining confidence in the mentee, constantly nurturing the mentee’sbeliefinhimself.



©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, 3 July 2015

YMP-SNAP0210 ReachingYourFullPotential“The roleof amentor is three fold.Help thementeediscoverwhohe is.Help thementee“be the best he can”, to reach his fullpotential. Finally, help the mentee learn totakeresponsibilityforhisfuture.”

Wetendtohangaroundwithourfriendsbecausetheyacceptusthewayweare.Friendsmake us feel comfortable and seldom try to tell us right fromwrong,theyusuallydon’tjudgeusonwhatwedoordon’tdo.Friendsneverpushustoourpersonal limits.Mentors on theotherhand,will oftenencourageus to gobeyondourcomfortzone.Thiswillhelpusstretchtoourfullpotential.



©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, 10 July 2015

TakingPersonalResponsibilityforYourFuture–Part1/2“The role of a mentor is three fold. Help thementeediscoverwhohe is.Help thementeebethe best he can, to reach his full potential.Finally, help the mentee learn to takeresponsibilityforhisfuture.”

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Manypeopleassociate responsibilitywithdutyandobligations,which in turnare thoughtof asburdens.Butpersonal responsibility isnotaburden. It is ablessing.Thisbecomesclearwhenweunderstandthatpersonalresponsibilityisnothingotherthanthefreedomtocreateourownlives.Yes,responsibilityisequatedwithfreedomandpower.Onceweawakentothistruth,webecomeliberatedandempowered.Weshedourvictimmentalityandgainthepowertotransformourselves.“Whenwetakeresponsibility,weadmitwearetheonesresponsibleforthechoiceswemake.We,nototherpeopleorevents,areresponsiblefortheway



©RCBKS2015

Sent: Wednesday, 15 July 2015

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TakingPersonalResponsibilityforYourFuture–Part2/2

MenteeTashaattheLeadershipCamp2015

ItisamainobjectiveoftheREFprogrammesto help the mentee learn to takeresponsibility for his future. This willessentially involve an awakening for him.Whatisthis“awakening”?Itisthediscoverythatwearemorethanwethinkweare.Itisthe realization that we have taken on anidentity that incorrectly or inadequatelyexpressesouressentialbeing.The challenge for amentor is to provide the opportunity for thementee tocrystallize this awakening. Not by imposing but instead by patientlyworking,through the magic of question*, with the mentee to help him realize his“blessing” of personal responsibility. Together with providing example andexposure,thementorcancreateanenvironmentwherebythequestionsariseby themselves in thementee.Amenteeonceawakenedwill naturally realizehispurpose.Hewillthenbemorefocusedandknowhispriorities.

“Theobjectofeducationistopreparetheyoungtoeducatethemselvesthroughouttheirlives.”

RobertMaynardHutchins

Wishing you …Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri andthankyouforyoursupportoftheREF.*PleaseseethenextarticleYMP-SNAP0213NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, 24July 2015

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*TheMagicofQuestion

Through an almost magical processborn of asking questions and listening,theSocraticMethodhelpsyoudiscoveryour inbornability to create, think andsolveproblems.

Somethingalmostmagicalhappenswhensomeoneasksusaquestionandthentrulylistenstoourreply.Liketheproverbialkeytoachestfilledwithincredibleriches,questionsseemtounlockourbrains,helpusmakeconnections,inventnewideas,seean issuefromdifferentperspectives,anddiscoversolutionstoproblemsthatweneverknewweknew!Becausesuchknowledgecomesfromwithinus,notfromtheoutsideworld,itistruly“ours.”Itquicklybecomespartofourconsciousknowledge; it isnotsomething thatwehave to“stuff in” toourbrainsorcraminordertolearn.“Greatmentors,unliketeachers,almostneverprovideanswers.Theyratherseektoprovidetheirmenteeswiththequestionswhichtheybelievewillbest

leadtothelearningthatisuniquetotheindividualbeingmentored.”J.E.Hughes


©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, 31July 2015

YMP-SNAP0214 TheREFValues



Yetwearenousetoothersunlesswefirsthelpourself.TheREFprogrammesthereforeaim tohelp studentswhodesire tohelp themselves, firstlydiscoverwhotheyareandthentohelpthemunlocktheirpotential–givethemabetterstarttoabetterlife.Butwecanfullyunlockourpotentialonlywhenwerealizethatwearemeantforahigherpurpose,apurposebeyondjustselftoonewitharegardforothers.Onlybyunderstandingthatwearesomethinggreaterthanourindividualselfandthatthroughselflessnesswecanaccessallofhumanity,willwebeabletounlockwhatwearefullycapableof–ourfullpotential.Then,willwebeabletoleadacomplete,usefulandfulfillinglife.


Those behaviours that are associated withdeveloping selflessness and love for all, such as“LoveOthersasYourSelf”and“ServiceAboveSelf”,arecallednoblevalues.HenceintheREF,studentsare taught to embrace noble values; not just inorder to create a better life for themselves but tocreateabetterlifeforall–abetterworld.



©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, 7 August 2015

YMP-SNAP0215

FriendswhoCare

Sometimes we don't realise howluckywe are to have the friendswehave. Even with imperfections andall, they are good friends. Goodrelationships are the basis of ourhappiness. Relationships andexperiencesoftendefineus.Weneedtoentereachoneof themequippedwith noble values so that we comeout of them emotionally welladjusted.

OnedayinJune,thewriter(ctr)wartsandall,withtwodedicatedRotariansandREFMentorsWillaandEdmundinKotaKinabalu,hopingtodosometrekkinguntiltheearthquakeprecededus.

Wemaybefromadifferentplaceandadifferenttimebutdeepinside,wearethesame.Appearancesmaychangebutvaluesaresharedandpermanent. Inthe well-being of all we find our own complete well-being. Caring, sharing,helping, giving, and even sacrificing ... are values that convey connectednessandactionsthatultimatelybringrealhappinesstoone'slife.Unlessweopenourhearts,oureyesmaynotseehowmuchwecare.Caringisrootedincompassion.Showyourmentee,throughyourcaring,howarelationship based on the 5 REF Values of honesty, responsibility, self-belief,humilityandcompassionwillleadtosuccessandameaningfullife.


©RCBKS2015


YMP-SNAP0216BeginwiththeEndinMind

Ifyouwanttogosomewhereyoumusthave the outline planned. You don'tneed every single detail because youcan’t see into the future. Simply thinkbeyond today and decide whatdirectionyouwanttotake,sothateachstep you take is always in the rightdirection.

NewREFAwardeeFrancisNgZhiWeitakingtheawardeepledgeattheRotaryClubmeeting

Greatmentorspreparethewayfortheendingoftherelationshipinthesameway that great chessmasters are always looking three to fourmoves ahead.Forthementeethisprocessisoftentransparentandshouldbe,iftheongoinglearning process is not to be interrupted before its proper conclusion.Acknowledgingthetransitorynatureofthisrelationshipatthebeginninggivesthe greatest promise for its successful conclusion.Mentorship requires thatbothpartiesbeginbyagreeingonhowitwillend.“Ifyoudon’tknowwhereyouaregoing,thanyouprobablywon’tgetthere.”

–ForrestGump NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachand toprovidegoodmentoring toour students, theREFprovides shortwrite-upson itsprogramme. While these 5-minute “snapshot reads” are mainly for our mentors, they are also sometimes shared withfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015


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WhatisaRoleModel?

The term role model is considered in thewidest sense from an individual simply“perceived as exemplary, or worthy ofimitation”, to the inspirer “throughpersonalcontact”and“relationship”.Thus,mentors are seen as one type of rolemodel, and mentoring programs aresubsumed under the broader category ofrolemodelprograms.

Whocanbearolemodel?Youngpeopleperceivearangeofindividualsaspotentialrolemodels,includingcelebrities and other famous people, family members, adult communitymembers,teachersandpeers.Theymayseedifferentgroupsasrolemodelsindifferentkindsofways.As anREFmentor, be keenly aware that you are also privileged to be a rolemodelandthatyoushouldnotonlysharenoblevalueswithyourmenteebutlive them as well. Remember that your behavior and actions are constantlybeingobservedbyyourmentee.Letitnotbelike“acrabteachingitsyoungtowalkstraight.” Ithasbeensaid;“themediocreteachertells,thegoodteacherexplains,thesuperiorteacherdemonstratesbutthegreatteacherinspires.”

“Thereisnoteachingtocomparewithexample.”SirRobertBaden-Powell

NB: Tohelp defineour approachand toprovidegoodmentoring to our students, theREFprovides shortwrite-upson itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015


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InstillingtheSpiritofVolunteerismOneof theobjectivesof theREF is tohelpcreate awareness among our Awardees(mentees) that we live in aninterdependent world and that we shouldbehelpingotherstoo.Thinkingbeyondself.

Additionally,aninterdependentworlddoesnotonlymeanhelpingotherfellowhuman beings in need but also ensuring that our environment is clean andsustainableforfuturegenerationstocomeandindoingso,makingourworldabetteroneinwhichtolive.Tothisendandtoinstillthespiritofvolunteerism,whenever the opportunity arises, we encourage our Awardees to come forsomeofthecommunityserviceprojectsweorganizeasaRotaryclub,togivethem this exposure and appreciation. It is not compulsory, but it is animportantpartofoureducationassistancetothem. Whilewe are striving to achieve our potential, we remember that it is ourresponsibilitytohelpothersachievetheirstoo,givingvalueandmeaningnotjusttoourlifebuttothelivesofothersaswell.

“Howcanweexpectourchildrentoknowandexperiencethejoyofgivingunlessweteachthemthatthegreaterpleasureinlifeliesintheartofgiving

ratherthanreceiving?”JamesCashPenney


©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, 2 Sep 2015

YMP-SNAP0219

Community-BasedMentoringMany relationships betweenmentors andmentees fall under Community-Basedmentoring programs. These are one-to-one outings and activities, doing thingstheyenjoytogether,like:

1. Takingawalkinthepark2. Goingtomuseum3. Inspiringeachother4. Listeningtomusic5. Hangingoutandtalking

Somementorsmeettheirmenteesontheweekends.Othersgettogetherwiththeirmentees in theevenings. Eachmatch isuniqueanddevelopsa schedulethatworksforthem.


Studiesshowthatchildrenwhohaverolemodelsaremorelikelytoimproveinschooland in their relationshipswith familyandfriends,and less likely toskipschooloruseillegaldrugsoralcohol.Studentswhoaresuccessfulinschoolareless likely to drop out, abuse drugs or commit crimes. In fact, the success ofchildren enrolled in student mentoring programme is proven in a number ofstudies.NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFprovidesshortwrite-upsonitsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015


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WhoamI?

TheancientGreeks said that you should "know thyself". Someof us thinkweknowwhowewanttobe.Yetwhoyouareisnotaboutbecomingsomeoneelse.Becoming"thebestyoucanbe", isaprocessof slowlypeelingawaywhoyouarenotandeventuallyrevealingwhoyoureallyare,yourtrueself.Bereadythatthisjourneyofselfdiscoverymaytakealifetime.

"Whenablockiscarved,itbecomesuseful."LaoTzu


©RCBKS2015


YMP-SNAP0221

ThePowerofCourtesy

Noone is obliged tobe kind to you.Never forget manners whensomeone extends you a helpinghand.Youmaynotbeinapositiontoreturnthefavourorkindnessatthatinstant, yet you can always extendcourtesy.To thekindand truegiver,it's already more then he expects.Nothing isever lostbycourtesy. It isthe cheapest of pleasures andconveysmuch.

Have the self confidence toextend it. Life is shortbut there isalwaysenoughtimeforcourtesy.Power comes from being in high service to others, in being friendly, and indemonstratingcourtesy.Thiscreateswillingfollowerswhoappreciatethehelpthathasbeengiven.Thepersonwholeadswithcourteous,friendly,andhelpfulbehavioristheoneothersvalue.

"Courtesy...Don'tletyourpredicamentrobyouofeventhatwhichempowersyou."


©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, 7 Oct 2015

YMP-SNAP0222

TheSecrettoGreatRelationships-CommittoCommunicate

Treasure your relationships withgood people. But even suchrelationships may sometimes facechallenges.Letuspromisenevertolose our good friendship becauseof amisunderstanding. Commit tomaintaining communication comewhat may, because goodrelationships are often forged outoftribulation.

More so when even noble intentions can sometimes be misunderstood,especially when we ourselves can be judgmental. As long as we maintaincommunication,eventhebiggestproblemcanbesolved.Oftenallthat'sneededaresometimeandsomespace.Butifwechoosetobreakcommunication,theneventhesmallestproblemcannotbesolved.Believeincommunicatingbecauseitwill improveyourrelationshipsand itcouldalsosaveyoufrommakingabigmistake.

"Betweenwhatissaidandnotmeantandwhatismeantandnotsaid,mostofloveislost."

KhalilGibran


©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, 23 Oct 2015

YMP-SNAP0223

Co-MentoringandtheImportanceofAlignment

The REF mentoring system is onethatrequiresmentorstobepaired,i.e. a “co-mentoring” system.Generally an experienced mentoris paired with a new or lessexperienced mentor. The reasonsfor having a co-mentoring systemare:

§ Bettersafetyandsecuritywhenmentorshavetovisitchallengingneighbourhoods

§ Opportunitytocomparenotes,providingmutualfeedbacktoimprovementoringquality

§ Availabilityofaback-upincaseoneisnotavailable§ Presenceofawitnessincaseofunfairorwrongfulaccusationsbymentee§ Itmakesforamoreinterestingexperiencethangoingalone

Whiletherearemanyadvantages,thebiggestriskinco-mentoringoccurswhenboth mentors are not communicating well with one another, leading toineffectiveness.Thisresultsinthementeereceivingconflictingsignalsandmixedmessages.Toovercomethisissue,theconceptofgoalandstrategyalignmentisimportant. Meet regularly (without the mentee) and agree between mentorswhattheemphasisandtheresultsofthementoringoughttobeandbekeenlyawarethattheprocessmaygoofftrackduetolackofcoordination.Becauseofthis, it is importanttosetthegoalsandstrategiesclearlyandexplicitlyasearlyon as possible, so thatmiscommunicationbetweenmentors (and thementee)canbeminimized,ifnotaltogethereliminated.Stepbackonceinawhileanddoa “reality check” by asking, “Are we meeting the objectives that we set forourselvesinthebeginning?”Andifnot,ask,“whynot?”

NB:Tohelpdefineourapproachandtoprovidegoodmentoringtoourstudents,theREFprovidesshortwrite-upson itsprogramme.Whilethese5-minute“snapshotreads”aremainlyforourmentors,theyarealsosometimessharedwithfriendsofREFwhomaynotbementors.

©RCBKS2015

Sent: Wednesday, 28 Oct 2015

YMP-SNAP0224

MentorshipPlanningandReviewMeetings

The mentoring meeting must bewell planned in advance andreviewedafter.Asdiscussed in thelast issue,co-mentoringhaswith itelements of complexity andassociated risks that are unique.Chiefamongthecomplexitiesisthepossible misalignment of goalsbetweenmentors.Besidesthisrisk,mentors also bring with themdifferingstrengthsandweaknessesthat need to be identified andmanagedcarefully.

So it is important forco-mentors tomeet regularly toevaluateandcoordinatetheir efforts, before (andafter) themeetingswith thementee.Hereare somequestions that need to be considered in the planning and review meetings.Assess:

§ Whereyouarenowvis-à-visthementorshipofthestudent?§ Areyouheadingintherightdirection?§ Whatareyoursharedgoals?§ Arebothofyoualignedinyourgoalsandexpectationsofthementorship?§ Whatareyourstrengthsandweaknesses?§ Whatroleshouldyouplaybasedontheindividualstrengthsyoucanoffer?§ Regardingyourweaknesses,whatarepotentialriskareasinrelationtothe

mentoringprocess?When co-mentors aremindful and deliberate about coordinating their efforts,co-mentoring can bring a lot of inherent advantages to thementorship of thestudent.


©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, 6 Nov 2015

YMP-SNAP0225

Millennials

AnarticlebyRotarianKennethLeowoftheRotaryClubofBugisJunction,SingaporeRID3310

I shared the stagewith a 22 yearold bright young man to co-presentonthetopic“Bridgingthegap between Millennials andManagement”recently.I’velearntmany lessons from him on thethinkingoftheyoungtoday.Herearesome“gems”.

1. Impact–AbilitytoContribute.Millennialslovetoknowwhattheydomatters.Theyalsowanttoknowthe“why’s”ofthings.Yettoomanyofusmanagethembytellingthemthe“what’s”&“how’s”.Soifyouwanttoretainthem,alwaysexplainthewhy’sfirst.

2. Learning–OpportunitytoLearn&Grow.Mostofusthinkthatcompanytrainingprogramsaresufficientforthem.No!Millennialsmostlywanttolearninformallythroughyourcoaching,mentoringandespeciallytheexperiencesofothers.

3. Family–BepartofaFamily&Mission.Yourcompanymustmakethemfeelthattheyarepartofanextendedfamily.There’snowork-life.Justlifeforthem.Theystriveontransparency.Soofficepoliticsreallyfrustratesthembecauseinformationsharingisstifled.

A Deloitte study showed that in 10 years time, 75 percent of the worldwideworkforcewillbeMillennials (peoplenow in their twentiesandearly30s).So,likeitornottheyareheretostay.Learntomanagethemwell.


©RCBKS2015

Sent: Friday, 13 Nov 2015

YMP-SNAP0226

FromConceptualisationtoRealisation-ConfessionsofaMentor

When I first became a mentor,Ithoughtandconceptualisedmentoringas, "what I can teach the mentee".Now, six years on and somewhatwiser, I lookat itas,"whatIcanlearnfrom thementee". It’s quite a u-turnand an eye-opener. I have come torealisementoringasapartofmyowngrowth,aspartofmylife-longjourneyof self-discovery and learning how tobeabetterperson.

NowIrealisethatthementee'sgoalsandmypersonalgoalsasamentor,areinfactoneandthesame!Andthatis,todiscovermyselfasapersonandtobethebest I canbe.With this realisation, I foundhumility, improved communicationwith the mentee and ultimately, and most important of all, I believe I haveearnedthetrustofthementee.Truly,asmentorandmentee,weareinthementorshiptogrowtogether.


Ref mentoring snapshot log 7

Education

Transcript of Ref mentoring snapshot log 7