Random Relinquish & Kurome Moment #14

Withered Mind

What happens when you take Kurome away from me? This happens.

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How do I spend a day without Kurome? That is an interesting question. One I frankly don't care to answer, but always have to eventually- such as today. Kurome is away with her elder sister at the moment, so that leaves me to myown devices, staring down the oh-so volatile monster that is myself.

It just so happened that today was also the beginning of spring break for the school children in the area, so I decided to do one of the few things in this world that can 'truly' amuse me- people watching in the local park. That doesn't make me perverted or weird, right?

Don't worry, it's not like I care anyway.

When I'm away from Kurome all my senses become dull. I become obtuse and ignorant to reality. Forget about things. Pain. Hunger. Rest. You could scold me. You could call me a 'Rotting piece of shit.' And I would just listen to your words with bland indifference. Why would I bother? There's no reason to.

Then again, Kurome tells me to stop thinking like that, or at least try to. So I suppose it's my job as her loyal Black Knight to carry out her orders without hesitation.

Oops. I disobeyed her orders again.

And once again by calling her request "orders."

Not the best Knight, am I?

Now lets see, how can I amuse myself? What's around me to take in? Daytime, morning sun. 10am. Sitting on a park bench with a random book inhand. Watching the humans converse with each other.

Ah, that's a good distraction.

I love humans, so, so much. Why do think I'm so social? Humans are my favorite animal. They are a fascinating species. They are truly what I call 'perfect contradictions.' They are strong, yet they are weak. They are pridefuland brave, yet fearful and cowardice. They are so intelligent, but I've seen and met some that are dumber than dogs.

My words are full hubris, aren't they?

Perhaps.

But like I told you before.

I don't care... At least not for now.

This leads me to another fascination about the species, their obsession with one dimensional metaphysical concepts as transparent as air. Lets take one example of this folly- laws. Yes, laws. The rules of society, and there are oh-so many of them.

Whats funny is that they are all pointless.

Even funnier.

They don't exist.

Not one law in this world exist. Not one rule in this world exist. Yet they are followed and 'broken' as if they are. A law is something you cannot touch. A law is something you cannot see, even with optical enchancements such as a microscope. Yet these 'laws' exist to keep the world in order.

What order?

There is none.

Order is just another meaningless concept. The world can never truly be at peace. Nor can it ever truly be in a state of chaos. This is because the world feels nothing. The world is nothing. It is not alive. It has no state of consciousness, at least a tangible one that we can grasp and or understand. Therefore, the world is just a rock- a very big one.

Sounds depressing, doesn't it?

But not exactly.

I find happiness in nothing. Even if happiness itself is nothingness. Since this world is nothing, that means you can become something. Not something'good' or 'evil.' Because once again, good and evil do not exist- they are other man made concepts as inconsequential as the rest. In an empty world, Ibelieve that you can be something beyond good and evil. Something not bound to petty laws. You can be... Yourself. You can be... Truth.

Have I reached truth?

Hmm...

I believe so, though others could argue differently.

For the longest time I never believed that truth existed in this world, it was

just empty and sporadic nonsense, no predictable motion, no solid rhythm, just a slush of unpredictable, insensible incoherency- something that makes absolutely no sense.

Like a bird spun from metal swimming in the ocean without sinking.

A fish flying in the air without the need for water in order to breathe.

I digress- oh. My apologies, that was a lie. Kurome told me to work on trying to stop doing that. What I should be saying is, 'I digress- or at least I try.' As I hate to admit it, but even with Kurome by my side, and even with her answering my many questions, I am still rather perplexed about the many things humans feel, how they behave, etc. Lets try talking about another defining trait of humanity.

Selfishness.

A bit of a taboo topic, is it not. You're taught to not be selfish- impossible. All humans are selfish. I'd go as far as to say inherently seflish, and there's nothing wrong with that. Then again I don't believe in the concept of right orwrong, but-... *Sigh* How I miss my gluttonous wittle flower, keeping the many sporadic thoughts of yours truly in check and on a straight line like bloody train tracks.

Ah. I just proved my selfishness by saying that, bringing me back to the topic. Even when she's not with me, it seems that just thinking about her may keep me in check. As I was saying.

The Selfish Gene: A theory in biology that states that all animals, including humans, are inhernetly driven to pass their genes on to the next generation via procreation in order to further the survival of their own species for as long as possible. This inherent drive manifest into what we call 'selfishness.' This theory does not condemn selfishness, on the contrary- it almost embraces it. That's what I like about it.

I rather respect those who know who they are. Who accept who they are. Who do not try to deny it. They give in to the human animal to show how really feel deep down inside... But is that really who they are? Is that truth? Or is it just their truth? Is this the fate of all mankind? Is this who we really are deep down inside? Monsters who blindy give in to self indulgence, hate

those who have what they do not, strike them down with extreme prejudice, feast on their corpse, rape their wife, laze in their victims house, and move on to the next bloody kill?

You know I used to believe that was true. That we are all monsters deep in our hearts, we all just put on a facade out in the open to be accepted by our fellow man.

I used to believe that.

Until I met her.

Now I've come to a new conclusion. Perhaps everything I said before, perhaps that is truth, but not mine. Each person is different- I theorize that means each persons 'truth' is different as well. So what is my truth...?

.....

I don't know.

.... Dear Reader, who am I? I truly do ask myself that question sometimes.

What is my name?

What is my favorite color?

What is my favorite sport?

What is my favorite passtime?

What's my favorite cut of meat?

What is... Who am... What is the point of... Why are there tears streaming down my face? A Knight shouldn't cry, should he? And I feel no pain- perplexing.

"Relinquish?" I heard a familiar voice call to me from behind. To my surprise it was... Kurome. Holding a few shopping bags in her hand, that were of course filled with more sweets rather than clothes. "What are you doing out here, I thought you were going to stay in the house all day?"

I was so surprised and happy to see her, yet I held my excitement and began

to remember what she instilled to me, while also wiping a few tears from myeyes.

'Don't lie unless you have to.' That was one her tenants she told me to followas best as I possibly could. Very well.

I held up a single finger as she began to take a seat next to me, while giving a look of curiosity. "Permission to lie, my lovely?"

"Denied." She answered without delay.

Meh. At least I asked first.

"Now what are you doing out here?" She asked again.

I skimmed through a few pages of my book while crafting my answer. "I found the house to be too dull and empty for my liking after you had left, so I decided to go to the park, while reading my book on the side."

"Another book, didn't you just get through reading one yesterday?" She looked down to try and read a few pages of the book I skimmed through. "Itslike you're a minature version of Run now."

"Odd. You call me 'miniature', yet I am two centimeters taller than him."

She rested her palm against her face with a sigh before answering, along with a slight smile. "Its a hyperbole, Relinquish."

I gasped with excitement and the bloodiest of joys! Congratulating her. Ruffling her hair a bit with my hand before bring her close for a hug, engulfing her in my arms, and rubbing my face against her own.

"What are you doing, Relinquish?!" She loudly questioned. I do hope nobody in the park thinks I'm harming her.

"Do you know what you just did, Kurome?" I wanted to give her such a big kiss on the cheek, but halted myself before realizing that we were still in public. "You finally used that word right Congratulations!"

"...."

No resistance from her. Just another sigh and a look of indifference. Is she mad at my statement, I don't know why? She's been trying to use the word 'hyperbole' right in a sentence for months. Why isn't she happy? ... Does she think I'm underestimating her intelligence, or calling her simple? I assure

you that's not the case, Kurome!

Still, I eventually released her from my grip before our conversation continued.

"Now that I think about it, Kurome." I put my arm around her shoulder as I continued. "How did you know it was me sitting on the park bench?"

She began to take out one of the sweets from her bags. "Easy. You're the only person I know who'll wear a long coat like that when its over 80 degrees outside." The sweet was gone. "... How are you not hot at all?" She placed her hand against the side of my face, discovering that I was actually rather cool.

"Oh, my lovely. Surely you must know by now that nothing less than that of you or the sun could melt my cold dark heart." Was my answer.

I believe this is what some refer to as 'meta-humor.' A joke and or parody of one's self. I previously thought I was good at these jokes, that opinion changed when Kurome rolled her eyes and flicked my forehead.

"So what's this one about?" Kurome grabbed my book, inspecting the cover and the back as well.

"Mythology." I answered as she began skimming through the pages for herself, just like I did before, moving on to a further explanation. "Its a very good one, actually. Multiple stories collected into an omnibus. Its very seldom that I'm taken back at such a scale by literature. The story of Zeus and his two sons, Apollonian and Dionysian fighting for his favor. The beautiful tale of the god Loki, and his wife Sigyn. Loki was punished for his treachery by staying still in one spot for enternity, while a vipers acetic venom dripped down from its fangs on to Loki's face. His loyal wife, Sigyn, held a bowl crafted from the gods over Loki's head, catching the venom from the viper's fangs, and saving Loki from harm. The two would stay there, together, for all eternity. One enduring the exile and punishment alongwith the other. The story of the Orianna. The offspring of an angel and a human, false gods. Abominations stripped of their wings, and killed by god'smighty flood along with their mother's and father's."

Kurome closed the large book, placing it to her side before resting her head in my lap. "You sure do like this stuff..."

I had a slight snicker on my face, I couldn't help it. And I lightly rubbed the head of her hair before replying, she did not push me away this time- what joy! "Indeed I do, Kurome. Books are... So special to me. Even the bad ones.They are a gateway into another persons thoughts. I can get lost in them forever. One could be a chilling thriller, while another a touching romance. They are beauty, and horror of the human mind made to literary flesh- like the finest of wine sent into space, every single drop moving unpredictably, gravity all nonsense, a bloody cluster of thoughts begging to make some coherent sense. In my eyes, books are one of the greatest extensions of humanity itself."

Another flick to my forehead. "Calm down, Relinquish. Why don't you let your brain a rest sometimes." I could hear her laughter after I went through my lengthy, rather cryptic explanation now that I think about everything I just said.

"If I were to give my brain a 'rest', it would simply move faster." I lightly poked her cheeked while she continued to rest her head in my land.

And it was brushed away by her before she grabbed her bag of sweets, bringing it towards her. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Of course it doesn't. Thats why it makes sense." I reached to grab a sweet from her bag, followed by a quick glance towards me. "... Oh, may I?"

"... Go ahead." She allowed me to take one of the cookies for the bag.

"One sweet out of dozens lost from my bag, oh the horror!" I said with such sarcasm while I placed the sweet in my mouth. No reply from her, at least one I could hear. Just slight muttering to herself. Oh, wait. I think she just called me 'Dummy' under her breath.

I love that title.

I had finished my sweet, it was rather good. Tasted of white chocolate.

"Welly, well, well, Kurome." I began. "I didn't see Akame with you, so I assume your shopping spree with her is over?"

"She had to go home early." She answered while munching a sweet in her mouth. "You know how long getting dinner started for her is, right?"

"No need to remind me..." I had a flashback of when we invited her over to dinner once. It took us 7 hours to prepare all that meat- it only lasted on

Akame's plate for 10 minutes.

"How long have you been out here anyway?" Kurome questioned.

"55 minutes, approximately." I answered.

"People watching?"

"People watching." One of my favorite hobbies. "How I love mankind."

"Such a people person..." Kurome and I watched a group of 4 people walk infront of us, seems they are planning on walking the trail.

"Yeppity yep yep." I replied with such joy. "Humans are full of so many colors, Kurome."

She finally looked up at me, still resting her head in my lap. "Colors?"

"Mhmm." I began. "Black. White. Pink. Purple. Yellow. Gold. Every color has a counter, a darker version of it, and a lighter one working in vice versa... And you wanna know what the really funny thing is, this is the killer!" Its odd... I almost felt the tone of the conversation change once I started speaking about this. "You can only know someones true colors when you have none, when you viddy them on a screen like a cartoon show, when there is nothing to lose. When you become something beyond good and evil.When you become something beyond black and white! When you can be... When you can be...." I couldn't finish my sentence.

It felt like everything around me had... Stopped. Kurome finally brought her hand up from my lap, grabbed my face, and turned my head towards her. I felt... Disappointed, for some reason. I think I relasped. All the work she's done to try and make me a better person, I made her feel like it was all for nothing... At least I think so.

"When you can be what, Relinquish?" She asked of me, looking me in the eyes and making sure to not keep her gaze off me.

"... Permission to lie, Kurome?" A terrible last resort.

"Denied." I knew the risk of asking.

I hesitated before answering, afraid of how she would react. "... Truth, Kurome." I let my head fall down in shame. "When I can become truth."

I felt terrible. I was so scared to see how she would react. Would she hate me

for ruining her months of hard work, and leave me behind? Would she leave me to walk the abyss again, on my own? Would she curse my name, and say that she never wanted to see me again? So many things went through my head. Tens. Dozens. Hundreds, maybe. I couldn't take this silence. It was killing me! I felt like I was starting to shake. And then...

She laughed.

That's right. She just laughed.

And she smiled.

I was so confused.

She brought my forehead closer to her's, having them touch against each other, while I still had no idea what was going on. I just did my best to submit, and play as the guilty party. Perhaps I would get mercy from her?

"... I'm sorry, Kurome." I truly was. "I've disappointed you, haven't I?"

"Nope." She brought raised my head up, having our gazes meet again. "Not at all."

I paused before I answered, still perplexed. "... You're not?"

She continued to smile, and lightly move her head side to side. I believe I got the message clearly.

"To be honest," She began. "I'm actually a little mad at myself now, because this just means I haven't been spending enough time with you. Leaving my darling all alone, stuck talking to himself all day." She playfully and lightly moved my face back and forth before letting go, and resting her hands on herlap.

She really does know me well...

"I apologize for being so high maintenance..." I began to calm myself a bit.

"Don't worry about it, Relinquish... And come on." She stood up from the bench, reaching for the bags to her left on the ground. "Lets go home. I have alot of sweets you can make for us later!"

I hesitated before lifting myself off from the bench.

"Relinquish?" She questioned me with curiosity in her eyes, urging me to

follow her.

"... Kurome." I began. "Have you ever wondered why you're with me in the first place? Why you continue to help me even if you don't gain much of anything from it?-

She cut me off before I could continue. "Relinquish, I love being with you. And I don't need to 'gain' anything from it but happiness... And you know what- why does everything have to have a 'point' to have 'value' in your eyes? Why do you always to gain something from it? Why do you always have to... Question things so much?"

"..."

"... I don't even know myself, Kurome." I confessed.

"And you don't have to." She let go of her bags. Walking in front of me, and offering her hand for me to take. "Not everything needs to have a purpose, Relinquish. Now take my hand. I'm going to give you something better than truth."

"And just what could that be, Kurome?" I questioned.

"A friend." She answered. "Someone you can hold hands with. Someone youcan hug during a thunderstorm. Someone who you can talk to with on a bad day. Someone... You can love."

... You know. I must admit... She does make a good point. All my life I've longed for a purpose, but denied that there was one... Until I met her.

"... Interesting." I said with a smile... Perhaps a true one, before taking her hand and standing up from the bench. "With you by my side this is going to be a hell of a fun journey... Wonder how long it will last though."

"Forever, Relinquish." Another famous answer from her. "... Now why don't you be a good boy and get the bags."

I didn't hesitate in the slighest, quickly reaching for them. "Of course, Kurome. It's my job as your loyal Knight, right?"

I was almost in fear of how she would respond, as she doesn't like me making myself too submissive to her.

"As long as you don't take it too far, darling." She finally called me my nickname today.

"But I'm filled with such zeal, my lovely! I can't help following your every command!" I proclaimed with a smile.

"You're doing it again, darling." And you just said it again, Kurome! "So are we going to go home now, or..."

"Of course, Kurome." I said to her with a smile as we began to exit the park... I wish I could hold her hand though, but escorting her home is satisfactory.

You know I must admit... I've always wondered what I would ever do if I ever reached truth, what pleasure I would gain from it... Recently I've been thinking I don't need truth anymore, not with Kurome by my side. But what will I do the next time she leaves me on my own?

That's another question.

And just like before, one I don't care to answer.

But history is doomed to repeat itself.

I will face the monster again.

Until that day comes... I'll enjoy every second of my time with Kurome. Andtry not to give her too much trouble. Maybe it would be best to give my brain a break sometimes.

Yet when I give my brain a rest.

It just moves faster.

END

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Kurome: If this is how you react when I'm not around you for a few hours, imagine what a week without me would be like! XD

Relinquish: I don't want to, my lovely! :(