AUDIENCE APPLAUSE, WITH A 70's-STYLE GAME SHOW THEME SONG PLAYING. FRED WALSH IS SLIGHTLY DISTORTED WHEN COMPARED TO THE OTHER VOICES TO SHOW HE IS THE ANNOUNCER IN A SOUND BOOTH, SEPERATE FROM THE ACTION.

FRED WALSHHello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to RAISE THE STAKES, your pulse pounding, teeth clenching adrenaline rush! Every week we raise the stakes on what you thought was possible from a game show and tonight will be no different! Tonight we will meet Tip Swinden, a model train enthusiast and father of 9 from Middle Northsure, Kansas, Jim Kennings, food scientist from Salt Lake City, Utah, and Monica Tucci, college student from Gettysberg, Iowa. I'm Fred Walsh, join me in saying hello to your host, Dick Tweed!

LOUD APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDThank you everybody, and thank you Fred Walsh. Welcome to Raise the Stakes! That's right folks, I'm Dick Tweed, and I couldn't be any happier about it.

AUDIENCE ROARS WITH LAUGHTER AT HEARING MR TWEED'S FAMOUS CATCHPHRASE, BUT HE CONTINUES OVER THIS.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)This week, like every week, the jackpotsare unimaginable and the challenges nearly indescribable but I will do my best. Besides, you all know how it's played by now! We've got two great contestants tonight, so let's get right to it. Our first lucky competitor is Monica Tucci, so let's say hello to her!

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

MONICA TUCCI

Hello Dick, I'm so happy to meet you!

DICK TWEEDCan't say I can blame you, sweetheart.

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDSo Monica, the folks at home are wondering about your last name! Are you related to the famous actor?

MONICA TUCCIYes I am! My uncle Stanley is out there in the audience with my mom and dad and grandparents, he flew us all in when he heard I was going to be on Raise the Stakes!

DICK TWEEDThere they are, waving! What a lovely family. I bet they couldn't be prouder of you, Monica. Are you ready to get started?

MONICA TUCCISure, Mr Tweed, but I may need some helpremembering how the games work. I haven't watched the show in a while.

DICK TWEEDCall me Dick, darling, all the ladies do.

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER.

DICK TWEEDWe'll start on round one, since that seems to be the right way to do things. In round one on Raise the Stakes, you have a choice of a few different games. You can flip tiles to spell words, throwballs at targets, guess survey results, wrestle bears, spin a wheel, or roll thedice for the highest rewards but the worst odds.

MONICA TUCCIWow, a lot of that stuff sounds complicated, Mr Dick. I think I'll just stick with spinning the wheel.

DICK TWEEDAll right Monica, play it safe, that's agood strategy. Bring out the wheel!

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE, SHUFFLING SOUND OF THE WHEEL BEING BROUGHT OUT.

DICK TWEEDHere we go Monica, give the wheel a goodhard spin, it's time to RAISE THE STAKES!

AUDIENCE CHEERS, MONICA GRUNTS, SPINNING WHEEL SOUNDS AND THEN STOPS, FOLLOWED BY A TURKEY GOBBLE SOUND.

DICK TWEEDAwww, you hate to see that on the first spin, that old turkey. You only win one dollar, and that ends your time here on Raise...

FRED WALSHHold on Dick, I'm getting word from The Executive. He hates to see a contestant end their game like that, he says to letMonica pick an envelope!

WILD AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.

MONICA TUCCIOh my, thank you Mr Executive! So I pickfrom the 5 envelopes on the side of the wheel there?

DICK TWEEDThat's right, pick one out and show whatyou've won to the camera.

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE, SOUND OF PAPER RUSTLING.

MONICA TUCCILook at that! 4 times my current prize,

and a free spin!

WILD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDFour dollars isn't much, but that free spin gets you back in the game. Let's see how much more you'll win tonight!

MONICA TUCCIOk!

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE, SPINNING SOUND

DICK TWEEDWell done! Five dollars and a free spin!You're at nine dollars, let's keep it going!

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE, SPINNING SOUND.

DICK TWEEDHey, even better! Ten dollars and a freespin! You're up to nineteen dollars, don't stop now!

MONICA TUCCII won't! I'll spin this wheel all night if you'll let me!

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. SPINNING SOUND.

DICK TWEEDOh boy, you got the fifty dollar stopper. That means you get to keep all the money you've won so far no matter what, but now you get to move on to round two. What has she won so far, Fred?

FRED WALSHMonica Tucci from Gettysberg Iowa has won sixty nine dollars, Dick!

DICK TWEEDSixty nine, huh?

MONICA TUCCII guess that sixty nine is my lucky number now, Dick!

DICK TWEEDHey, watch it, your uncle will be thinking I'm trying to corrupt his niece! That's just the way the wheel spun, Mr Tucci!

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDSince you needed a little help with the game, I'll give you your options. You can go in to the lightning round, choosean interrogation challenge, draw a picture for our resident psychoanalyst Dr Friend to interpret, sing for the Judgment Panel, or answer the question of the day.

MONICA TUCCIHmmm, I'm afraid of lightning, so I think I will skip that one....interrogation challenges always look so scary on TV, I could never do that....uh...I'm a good doodler, but I don't want Dr Friend telling your audience any of my secrets!

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER.

MONICA TUCCII'm too shy to sing on TV. I guess that means I'll have to try my luck with the question of the day.

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDAll right, I'm going to ask you the question of the day, then the band will give you ten seconds of music for you tothink of the answer. When the music stops, you'll tell us your guess, and ifit's right you'll win the question of

the day prize package of a lifetime! Areyou ready?

MONICA TUCCIAs ready as I'll ever be! I'm so nervous, I've got butterflies in my stomach, butterflies in my chest, I'm just chock full of butterflies all over the place!

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDStudio audience, I remind you to keep quiet and let Monica think about her answer. Folks at home, feel free to scream at your screens! Here we go, let's RAISE THE STAKES! Monica Tucci, what famous Hollywood actor played the news producer who learns a valuable lesson about life in 1993's Groundhog Day?

THE AUDIENCE IS QUIET WHILE MUSIC PLAYS FOR TEN SECONDS.

DICK TWEEDTime's up, Monica! That means it's time to answer. What do you think?

MONICA TUCCII definitely know it, this is probably my favorite actor, he's so funny! Is it Bill Murray?

DICK TWEEDYou've got it! I just hope your uncle doesn't disown you after hearing who your favorite actor is!

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.

MONICA TUCCII'm sorry uncle Stanley! I meant my favorite actor in that movie, you're thebest!

AUDIENCE "AWW'S", APPLAUSE

DICK TWEEDWell then, let's hear what she's won! Tell her, Fred!

FRED WALSHMonica Tucci, you've won the prize package of a lifetime! This beautiful living room set provided by Royal Furniture, a 62 inch television from Vizio, and a lifetime subscription to Netflix, courtesy of Netflix! This prizepackage is valued at twenty five thousand dollars!

WILD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AND CHEERING.

MONICA TUCCIWow, that's amazing! I'll store it all with my parents until I get done with school!

DICK TWEEDAnd of course you get that sixty nine dollars from round one. The Judgment Panel has let me know where you stand for round three, are you ready to chooseagain, Monica?

MONICA TUCCISure!

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDAs you folks at home know, Raise the Stakes is the best game show on television because of all the variables.No two games are ever the same! Here's agood example of that. The Judgment Panelhas made you an offer, Monica. If you walk away right now, they'll multiply your cash winnings ONE HUNDRED TIMES! You can go back to school with sixty nine hundred dollars and the biggest TV on your floor in the dorms!

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDOr you can really raise the stakes and put everything you've won so far up in agamble on the round three physical challenge. What do you say?

MONICA TUCCIOh, I don't know, it's a tough choice...

AUDIENCE YELLING.

MONICA TUCCII think I'll pick...I'm going to take the money and my prizes, Dick, that physical challenge looks tough.

AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDThat's a good choice, a college student can always use some money, and sixty nine hundred dollars is nothing to sneeze at. If it were, that's the kind of cold I'd like to get!

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER.

DICK TWEEDAll right Monica, any last words before we say goodbye to you?

MONICA TUCCIYeah, you'd better move over a seat uncle Stanley, I can't wait to see the rest of the show!

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEED(chuckling)

What a great contestant! She played it safe, but that's a good thing to see in a college kid like her! That was a quickround, so we're all set to go with our next contestant, Jim Kennings. Come on

in, Jim, let's RAISE THE STAKES!

MORE AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

JIM KENNINGSHello Mr. Tweed, I'd like to roll to begin with.

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER.

DICK TWEEDWhoa whoa whoa Jim! Hold your horses! Let the folks get to know you first.

JIM KENNINGSOh, I'm sorry about that Mr Tweed, I'm just so excited to get started.

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDCall me Dick, Jim. And of course you're excited! The folks at home would all like to get to know you a little before we begin. I heard from Fred a moment agothat you're a food scientist, is that right? Do you have any creations out there we may have tasted?

JIM KENNINGSWell, a lot of my work never makes it out of the focus testing phase, but if you've ever had a grey-flavored soda I played a big part in that. I was also part of the team that invented the value-sized french fry during the recession. I'd say that was the most famous thing I've worked on.

DICK TWEEDThe fries are small, but the idea was big! What an accomplishment! And I see you're from Salt Lake City?

JIM KENNINGSThat's right Mr Tweed. I am a devout Mormon.

DICK TWEEDHie to Kolob.

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)All right then, usually in the first round you'd have the choice between spinning the wheel, answering a trivia question, or rolling the dice but since you've already chosen it's straight to the dice.

FRED WALSHDick, The Executive says Jim gets Panache Points for choosing so soon.

DICK TWEEDThat choice paid off for you big time, Jim! The Executive really took a liking to you! Of course we all know what Panache Points mean, so this roll is suddenly much more important. They skip you right ahead from a roll for $100 up 2 slots to a roll for $10,000!

JIM KENNINGSOh my stars! I can't believe my luck!

DICK TWEEDWell then here you are Jim, give it a good hard roll and see where you end up.

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE. THE SOUND OF DICE SHAKING AND RATTLING AROUND. THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)The Executive had the right idea about you, Jim! I can't believe it, a pair of ones, exactly what you're looking for ona first roll. You know what that means, it's time to RAISE THE STAKES!

THE AUDIENCE GOES ABSOLUTELY APESHIT.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)

That roll would have been worth $10,000,but double ones takes you up two more notches. You don't win $10,000, you don't win $25,000, you win your own homeright here in sunny California, tax free, free and clear! How does it feel, Jim? Are you ready to move the family out here?

JIM KENNINGSOh heavens no, I wouldn't bring my family to this Godless Gomorrah. I"ll have to sell the house. I'm feeling a little shaky for round two though, so I think I will be interrogating an audience member.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE.

DICK TWEEDCome on Jim, calling the game before I have the chance to ask you again? Yes, home audience, now is when I'd usually remind you that round two is the lightning round where Jim would have to survive several bolts of lightning whileregaling our Judgment Panel with embarrassing stories from his childhood,but instead he will be spending our commercial break interrogating a random member of our studio audience. Who will that be, Fred?

FRED WALSHAudience member 13B, Dick, 13B.

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. THE THEME SONG STARTS AGAIN.

DICK TWEEDAlright, security is whisking away the man in seat 13B. As you can see, Jim hashad a black bag placed over his head andis being escorted to the interrogation room, but of course you'd never hear a peep of protest from that Raise the Stakes pro. We'll be back in two and two, after this word from our sponsors.

APPLAUSE AND THE THEME SONG FADE OUT, AND ARE REPLACED BY BACKGROUND MUSIC AS FRED WALSH READS THE AD COPY.

FRED WALSHWhen you need to fill a prescription, find an over the counter remedy when you're feeling bad, or get just the right shade of lipstick for the big date, where can you turn? Walgreens has been helping folks like you with problems like these for more than 100 years. Sure, you may have to hunt a salesclerk down in order to pay when it would be so much easier to just walk outthe door instead, but once you do snatcha hold of one they will be sure to tell you all the corporate catchphrases you've grown to love as they ring up your items. With over 1000 easy to use locations right across the street from aRite Aid or CVS, it's easy to be well atWalgreens! Stop in today!

APPLAUSE AND THEME SONG RETURNS.

FRED WALSH (CONT'D)Welcome back to Raise the Stakes! Here'syour host, Dick Tweed!

DICK TWEEDI don't think they'd have forgotten already, Fred.

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)Jim Kennings has made quite the killing in round one, skipping straight to the big prize, a California dream home. Herehe is now, fresh from his audience interrogation lifeline. His knuckles arebruised and his shirt is bloody, but he's no worse for wear. What do you say Jim, did you learn what you needed to know?

JIM KENNINGSI'll say I did, Mr Tweed. I'm ready for the trivia round.

A LOUD BUZZING SOUND IS HEARD.

DICK TWEEDI never would have guessed it, but you know what that sound means. Jim Kenningshas pleased The Executive yet again, andwill be receiving another Panache Point!That may be a new record! Instead of improving on that house and lifestyle, we're going to RAISE THE STAKES!

APESHIT APPLAUSE RETURNS.

JIM KENNINGSThat's fine with me Mr Tweed, I didn't want to live in this land of sodomites anyway.

LOUD BUZZING SOUND AGAIN

DICK TWEEDI personally don't care for that sort ofopinion Jim, but it seems The Executive loves it. We'd better move on to trivia time before we have to give you MY job!

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER.

DICK TWEED(Somberly)

All right folks at home, as you can see the Head of Judgment has passed this stack of cards to me to ask Mr Kennings here about the life of audience member 13B, who I am told did not survive the interrogation round. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his surviving relatives. I want to let you folks at home know that they will be receiving anall-expense paid weekend trip to Sea World in beautiful San Antonio, a brand new Scion xB, and the Raise the Stakes home game to enjoy for years to come.

JIM KENNINGSRest assured that I will be praying for him.

DICK TWEEDThat's sweet to say, Jim. Now, let's get60 seconds on the clock, it's time to start the game!

TICKING SOUND AND TENSE MUSIC STARTS.

DICK TWEEDWhat was the name of audience member 13B?

JIM KENNINGSStanley Tucci!

DICK TWEEDWhat was his profession?

JIM KENNINGSHe was a professional character actor.

DICK TWEEDWhat was he doing here tonight?

JIM KENNINGSHe was here to support his niece, who did a fairly mediocre job earlier. He was disappointed by her final score, buthe had worried she wouldn't win anythingat all, so it was better than he expected. She would have been sitting inhis seat number if she hadn't made him move over.

PANACHE POINTS BUZZING SOUND.

DICK TWEEDMore info than you needed to give Jim, but that doesn't matter because The Executive liked it! Mr Tucci played the villain in a 1993 film about a wise-cracking team of ex-spies who just want to raise their baby together, but the

evil Muerte will not let them. What is the name of this film?

JIM KENNINGSI know this only because of the interrogation. I would never watch such a secular film. Mr Tucci was very clear to me though that the movie was called Undercover Blues.

DICK TWEEDCorrect! In this young adult film from 2013, the son of Poseidon and his friends embark on a quest to find the mythical Golden Fleece, and Stanley Tucci played the god of wine and merriment.

JIM KENNINGSMr Tweed, I know the answer to this question but I refuse to acknowledge anyother Gods but mine, so I will use my pass.

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE. A DIFFERENT BUZZER THAN THE PANACHE POINTS ONE PLAYS.

DICK TWEEDAll right then Jim, time is up. The Judgment Panel is totting up your points, taking those two Panache Points into consideration, so let's talk about your life away from Raise the Stakes some more. You were saying before the show that you like to travel?

JIM KENNINGSort of, Mr Tweed. I enjoyed my mission for my church quite a lot before college. I went to Ecuador and baptized 17 people, 4 of whom willingly!

DICK TWEEDThat's quite the accomplishment. Here weare, the Head of Judgment is passing me your scorecard for the trivia round.

RUSTLING PAPER, DRUMROLL.

DICK TWEEDMy my, that's quite the accomplishment. It's time to RAISE THE STAKES!

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AND CHEERING.

DICK TWEEDYou're skipping ahead quite a lot, Mr Kennings. You got 5 questions right including your free pass, so you're going up 5 steps on the Raise The Stakesladder! As you can see on this chart here, that means you're going over Mayorof Los Angeles, over State Senator, overGovernor of California, over President of the United States, and straight to King of the World!

WILD APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDThat's right ladies and gentlemen of theworld, say hello to Emperor Jim Kenningsthe First of that name, may he live for all eternity. You could go home to Salt Lake City right now Jim and lead the planet Earth until the end of your days or another contestant challenges your title, or you could go on to the final round of the show. To be honest, I'm notreally sure where we'd go from here. Usually folks are happy with the house and car.

JIM KENNINGSMr Tweed, I'm going on to the final round.

GASPS FROM THE AUDIENCE.

DICK TWEED(Gravely)

Have it your way, Jim. The final round is the Physical Challenge. You'll have to make your way through mud and flames

and dangerous animals on your way to theultimate prize. I will have to confer with the Judgment Panel to even know what your prize could be, but you can bet your life that prize will RAISE THE STAKES!

WILD APPLAUSE.

JIM KENNINGSI'm ready Mr Tweed, let's do this.

PANACHE POINTS BUZZER SOUNDS.

DICK TWEEDUh...Mr...Mr Executive...are you sure you want to do this?

PANACHE POINTS BUZZER RINGS AGAIN.

DICK TWEEDBut sir, we're already in to record breaking territory! There isn't even room on the chart for anythi...

PANACHE POINTS BUZZER RINGS SEVERAL MORE TIMES.

DICK TWEED(Shaken)

Uh...All right. You heard it folks, TheExecutive wants us to RAISE THE STAKES even more!

APESHIT AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDFred, you take it from here, I need to go talk to the Judgment Panel.

FRED WALSHAll right Dick. What an exciting round, folks! Our new emperor Jim Kennings, praise be unto him, has opted to submit himself to the Physical Challenge. As you can see, we have a course laid out for him with many obstacles for him to overcome. As our lord and king, I am

sure he will prevail, but some of the challenges in his way are the mud pit filled with poisonous vipers, the hot coal and flaming ring ordeal, the cage of tigers, the treacherous greased metalbar ascension, and the zipline to the Winner's Circle overlooking the JudgmentPanel.

SOUND OF RUSTLING PAPERS.

FRED WALSHI am receiving word that only one contestant has ever braved the physical challenge before. Marsha Stevens of Jacksonville Florida took her chances onit last season, and succumbed to the venom of vipers almost immediately.

AUDIENCE CHEERS. MUSIC AMPS UP.

FRED WALSHAh, that music can only mean one thing ladies and gentlemen. Jim Kennings is ready to begin the challenge!

A BELL RINGS. SOUNDS OF SQUELCHING MUD ARE HEARD. SOME GRUNTS FROM JIM KENNINGS.

FRED WALSHHe's making his way through the snake pit quickly, it seems the vipers must all be out viping vindows!

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER. SIZZLING SOUNDS, MORE JIM GRUNTS.

FRED WALSHI can't believe it ladies and gentlemen,if I didn't know you were right there with me seeing the whole thing I wouldn't believe my own eyes. He is passing over the coals so quickly they don't seem to have time to burn his feet!

JIM KENNINGSHup!

FRED WALSHAnd there he goes, up and through the flaming ring! He's barely smoking! His hair has been singed off, but there are no flames on his person!

AUDIENCE CHEERING. METAL SCRAPING SOUND, FOLLOWED BY ANIMAL GROWLING.

FRED WALSH (CONT'D)Such gamesmanship! I never would have thought of it!

AUDIENCE SCREAMING, ANIMAL GROWLING

FRED WALSH (CONT'D)(Excitedly)

Our Emperor, Jim Kennings, hallowed be his name, has opened the door of the tiger cage and hid behind it, releasing the tigers to feed upon the audience! This really raised the stakes, ladies and gentlemen. I've never been so happy to be up here in the soundbooth, away from all of the action. Now that the cage is empty and the tigers are occupied, he is running through the cageand out the other side, making straight for the metal bars. Wait, why is he stopping in the cage? He is stooping down...he seems to have picked somethingup...Can we get a close-up please? Oh, Isee, he has rubbed his hands with tiger dung.

SMATTERING APPLAUSE FROM AUDIENCE MEMBERS NOT BEING ATTACKED.

FRED WALSHI understand now. He's making his way upthe greased metal bars fairly quickly, using the meaty friction of tiger excrement.

METAL CLANGING.

FRED WALSHIt seems the animal control experts havemanaged to sedate all of the tigers withminimal loss of audience members. Emperor Kennings is surely a benevolent and generous ruler. He has made his way to the top, the only thing standing in his way from untold glory the likes of which this television program has never seen is a 200 foot zipline with no harnesses or nets, just his hands and upper body strength keeping him from falling to an agonizing death. If I thought any of us could tear our eyes away from this scene I would ask you to bow your heads in prayer, but keep your eyes on your screens ladies and gentlemen, here he goes!

A WHIZZING SOUND, FOLLOWED BY A LOUD LANDING SOUND AND FLOURISH FROM A BAND.

FRED WALSH(Yelling Excitedly)

He's done it! Ladies and gentlemen, home audiences around the world, our king forever and ever Jim Kennings has made the perilous zipline journey and now stands before the Judgment Panel, disheveled and muddy, with dirty hands but a champion's heart! What could a mangiven the world possibly win? I give younow your host once more, Dick Tweed!

AUDIENCE CHEERING. HEAVY BREATHING FROM JIM KENNINGS.

DICK TWEEDLadies and gentlemen, after close discussion between myself, the judgment panel, and Mr Executive himself, we havecome to a decision on this amazing victory. I don't know how well Emperor Kennings will take the news, but it's time to RAISE THE STAKES!

APESHIT APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDJim Kennings, you've already won the entire world. I hope you will show a humble citizen such as myself mercy whenI tell you that our ruling on winning the Physical Challenge after becoming King of the World is...GODHOOD!

AUDIENCE GASPS.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)You were a godly man during your time onEarth, but now you must ascend to the heavens and become that great I Am, our Lord and Savior, Jim Kennings!

WILD APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE. DRUIDIC CHANTING IS HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND WHILE JIM AND DICK TALK.

JIM KENNINGS(With lots of reverb)

Fear not, thou good and faithful game show host. I was a godly man on Earth, but there is no sacrilege in ascending to Godhood.

DICK TWEEDBut wait, there's more! Let's RAISE THE STAKES!

AUDIENCE GASPS FOLLOWED BY WILD APPLAUSE. THUNDER STRIKES.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)You heard that Panache Point buzzer before the physical challenge! That means we double the round!

JIM KENNINGSBut Dick, I don't understand, what is beyond Godhood?

DICK TWEEDBeyond the realm of man's knowledge and beyond the limits of reality, the Old Ones have slept, silent and senseless, for more eternities than can be numberedor rightfully be thought to exist!

Tonight, we're going to RAISE THE STAKES!

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE, MIXED WITH INTENSIFIED DRUIDIC CHANTING.

DICK TWEEDThat's right, Jim Kennings! You have wonentrance into the ranks of the Great OldOnes, incomprehensible to the human mind! You will be larger than the universe, stronger than any God, and beyond our recognition! RAISE THE STAKES!

CHANTING INTENSIFIES EVEN MORE, THEN STOPS SUDDENLY WHEN THERE IS A LOUD POPPING SOUND.

DICK TWEEDWell, there he goes, ladies and gentlemen. We need to take a quick breakto get the Physical Challenge reset and get some new living audience members in here. We'll be back after this break with your second contestant, Tip Swinden. You come on back now.

APPLAUSE AND THEME SONG FADE IN TO DIFFERENT BACKGROUND MUSIC AS FRED WALSH READS THE SECOND AD.

FRED WALSHDid you once yell at a pharmacist at Walgreens about your vicodin prescription that you REALLY NEED and you aren't SOME KIND OF JUNKIE, and now you're too embarrassed to show your facein there any more? Do you like the concept of a drug store, but want the items inside of it to be arranged in a slightly different way? Are you sick of cosmetic counter ladies following you around and asking lots of nosy questionsabout the nail polish you just put in your purse? Would you have to cross the street to go to another pharmacy and you'd really rather not? Then I have great news, friends and neighbors, CVS Pharmacy is just what you've been

looking for! I mean, let's be real here,drug stores are all the same, so if it'sany more convenient in any way, why NOT pick CVS? We're right there, across the street. We YEARN to fill your prescriptions and sell you candy bars for 3 times what they're worth. It makesour hearts ache when we see you step inside that pit of villainy across the street. Walgreens can never love you like we love you. We know you. Come backhome to us at CVS.

WE COME BACK TO THE THEME SONG AND AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

FRED WALSH (CONT'D)We're back! I hope you're ready for more, because here we go! Let's RAISE THE STAKES!

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDThat was quite a first round, wouldn't you say folks?

AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEEDOur next contestant is Tip Swinden, a model train enthus....

TIP SWINDENRoll the dice.

DICK TWEEDWhat's that, Tip?

TIP SWINDENI want to roll the dice like the last man did. He won a lot of things for rolling the dice very fast, so I want toroll the dice.

AUDIENCE GASPS.

FRED WALSH

Dick...I'm getting word from The Executive...he isn't happy with Mr Swinden, Dick.

DICK TWEEDWell, you heard the man Tip, Jim Kennings won big being excited to play, but you can't just ride his coat tails in to Panache Points.

TIP SWINDENThat isn't fair. The other man won a lotby being rude and jumping ahead. I want to win a lot. I want a house and I want to be God.

THE SAD TROMBONE SOUND OR A FOGHORN OR SOMETHING PLAYS.

DICK TWEEDUh-oh Tip, you've really made The Executive angry. You've received double reverse AntiMoxy points. We'd better getyou rolling before you lose any more.

TIP SWINDENDon't you want to hear about my trains? I also have many more children than mostpeople have. And if I don't get more better prizes I would like to spin the wheel, the odds for dice rolling are very bad.

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER.

DICK TWEEDI'm sorry Tip, you already chose the dice, so let's see that roll.

DICE ROLLING SOUND. AUDIENCE GASPS.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)Oh no, you hate to see that come up. As you folks at home all know, double threes are the worst possible roll here on Raise the Stakes.

TIP SWINDEN

This isn't fair, I wanted to spin the wheel.

DICK TWEEDIt was your choice, Tip. Double threes would take you back from $100, past $10,000, and straight to negative $25,000. As the rules you agreed to clearly state, you are now in debt to Raise the Stakes $25,000. Then we factorin your double reverse AntiMoxy points, and it seems you will now be evicted from your home, and the studio owns yourcar.

TIP SWINDENThis isn't fair! I wanted to spin!

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER

DICK TWEEDOh come on Tip, it's not so bad! There'sstill plenty of show for you to RAISE THE STAKES!

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

TIP SWINDENAll right, interrogation I guess.

SAD TROMBONE.

DICK TWEEDNow now Tip, we've been over this, you can't just say the things the previous contestant said and expect to win in exactly the same way. That's no way to earn Panache Points.

AUDIENCE BOOS.

DICK TWEEDBesides, you said "interrogation", not "audience interrogation", so our security team will be whisking you away for questioning in the interrogation room now.

SOUNDS OF A STRUGGLE, AND GROANING FROM TIP SWINDEN.

DICK TWEEDNo time for a full commercial, how abouta quick word from a sponsor, Fred?

FRED WALSHAny time is a great time to hear from our sponsors, Dick! Tonight Raise the Stakes is brought to you by Rite Aid Pharmacies! Rite Aid: If for some reasonyou don't want to go to Walgreens or CVS, or your local WalMart doesn't have a pharmacy, or there is literally no other possible place for you to go, why not go to Rite Aid? Rite Aid: With us, it's personal.

DICK TWEEDWhat a great message, Fred. All right, the security team is wheeling Mr Swindenback in in a wheelchair provided to us by the good folks at Rite Aid, as a matter of fact. How are you feeling, Tip?

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND CHEERS.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)All right, I am being passed a stack of cards from the Judgment Panel full of information we've found out from you during the interrogation round. Are you ready?

TIP SWINDEN(A wet, toothless moan)

DICK TWEED(with a chuckle)

Let's begin then! Put 60 seconds on theclock, it's time for the trivia round!

TICKING SOUND AND TENSE MUSIC PLAYS.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)What did you have for breakfast this morning?

TIP SWINDEN(sobs)

DICK TWEEDWe'll have to go to the Judges on that one. Question 2, where do you keep your most prized possession?

TIP SWINDEN(Very slurred but comprehensible)

I don't want to tell you that.

DICK TWEEDIs that your pass then?

TIP SWINDENYes, pass.

DICK TWEEDAll right, which of your nine children do you love the most?

TIP SWINDENPass.

DICK TWEEDAh ah ah, you've already used your pass Tip, that means we've reached the end ofthe trivia round. The Judgment Panel is bringing your score...

AUDIENCE CHEERS, DRUMROLL SOUNDS.

DICK TWEEDWith a score of zero out of five questions answered correctly tonight, things are not looking good, Tip. Let's see, that takes you down quite a lot...Your family will be disowning you,your pets will be given to other, more loving homes with nicer houses and will forget you even existed within the

month, you will be infected with leprosy, and your name will be considered a curse by anyone who hears it hereafter. Tip Swinden,

THE AUDIENCE BOOS LOUDLY.

FRED WALSHWhoa there Dick, watch the language. This is a family show.

DICK TWEEDI'd like to apologize to my viewing audience. Ahem, contestant number two, would you like to take what you've won tonight and get on with your life, or would you like to try the Physical Challenge round? If you do, we will waiton your leprosy infection until after you've completed the obstacle course. I have to remind you though, if you fail you will surely die, and there will still be consequences to be had.

TIP SWINDENI will take the Physical Challenge, Dick.

AUDIENCE CHEERS. PANACHE POINTS BUZZER IS HEARD.

DICK TWEEDYou heard that, contestant! You've finally made The Executive happy! Of course, at this stage in the game, doubling could be a real problem if you lose, but I think you could see some real benefits if you can make it through!

FOR THE FIRST TIME, THE AUDIENCE CHEERS AS HARD FOR TIP SWINDEN AS THEY DID FOR JIM KENNINGS.

DICK TWEEDWay to go, contestant! They're loving you! Let's get to it, and RAISE THE STAKES! Take it away Fred!

FRED WALSHGladly, Dick! As you folks at home can see, the Physical Challenge obstacle course has been reset and restocked fromthe history-making run made by Jim Kennings, that great unthinkable being so far beyond our understanding. The vipers are ready to bite, the fire is ready to burn, the tigers are ready to pounce, the bars are ready to slip, and the zipline is ready to fall. The contestant, whose name is painful to my ears, has made his way to the beginners circle. A pox be unto him.

BEGINNING BELL IS HEARD.

FRED WALSHAnd he's off! He jumps in to the viper'spit and is sloshing his way through!

SOUND OF SNAKES HISSING LOUDLY, AUDIENCE CHEERING

FRED WALSHHis arms seem to be heavy with biting snakes, but he is making his way through. There he goes, out of the pit! The obstacle crew are ripping the snakesoff of his body to keep them contained in the pit. They don't seem to want to see a repeat of the earlier run!

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.

FRED WALSH (CONT'D)He's made it to the coals...

AUDIENCE GASPS.

FRED WALSH (CONT'D)Oh my, he has...it seems the contestant has tripped and fallen, but he is continuing...he is crawling through the fiery coals. He has reached the flaming ring and...Ladies and gentlemen, contestant number two is shimmying up the pole of the flaming ring. He let

himself fall through the other side, andhe is rolling on the floor of the courseoutside of the coals, putting out the fire that has engulfed him. Will he be able to stand to brave the tiger's cage?

THE AUDIENCE GIVES A CHEER.

FRED WALSH (CONT'D)He did it! He made it to his feet! I could almost say this contestant's name without wanting to vomit! He is approaching the tiger's cage, flanked bymembers of the obstacle crew to make sure none of the tigers escape.

METAL CREAKING SOUND.

FRED WALSH (CONT'D)He is inside the cage, but the tigers are not paying any attention to him! Either they've had their fill of audience members, or they don't like cooked meat, but either way they don't seem to be interested in our contestant.He's at the door, but he will have to get that tiger in front of the exit to move if he wants to get out. My god, is he? He is! He's shoving the tiger bodilyout of the way to get to the door!

AUDIENCE CHEERS, ONE TIGER GROWL.

FRED WALSHWell, he almost made it through without a scratch, until he got one. A scratch, that is. Or more of a gash really. He isbleeding quite a lot from his thigh. He has made his way to the greased bars andis making his way up, fairly quickly fora man as full of poison and with burns covering his entire body and a huge tiger claw mark on his leg. I would liketo TIP my hat to him. Please note that while I was making a roguish joke, and it could be considered off-color, I did not technically use his name to refer to

him, so please do not send any letters to the FCC.

A METAL CLANGING SOUND.

FRED WALSH (CONT'D)Wow, he lost his grip for a moment thereand fell several yards, but caught himself by the groin on those metal bars. Usually we try not to resort to such base and common humor on Raise The Stakes, but when it actually happens there isn't anything you can do about it. The simple fact of the matter is that that real ball-cruncher of a fall saved this contestant's life just now. He has continued his climb. I can't evenimagine the single-mindedness required to continue on after the injuries he's sustained. If he makes it through this ordeal, I would imagine the Judgment Panel and our beloved Mr Executive will reward him beyond his wildest imagination.

WILD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

FRED WALSH (CONT'D)He's made it to the top, and the audience couldn't be happier for him! What is that he's doing? He's raised himself up on the girders of the tower and...Oh, I understand. He hooked his elbows around the bars of the zipline. His hands must be ruined after crawling through the coals and climbing the tower. Grabbing the bar with his arms has gotten the zipline moving, there he goes.

WHIZZING SOUND, FOLLOWED BY A MEATY CLUMP AS HE FALLS.

FRED WALSH (CONT'D)Ladies and gentlemen, he was almost there. He almost made it to the winner'scircle. He fell. He must surely be dead.But...Wait...He is crawling again!

SCREAMS FROM THE AUDIENCE AND CHEERING.

FRED WALSH (CONT'D)He was only a short way from the winner's circle, and he's made it! He's climbing the twelve feet or so...and there! He slumped himself over the edge and rolled in to the center of the star.His breath is coming in great gulping gasps, I can see it from here. His arms are inflamed with viper bites, his leg is still losing blood in lazy spurts, his skin is blackened with burns and ash, but he has made it to the end! We go now to Dick Tweed, it's time to RAISETHE STAKES!

THE AUDIENCE GOES WILD. THE THEME SONG PLAYS BRIEFLY. IT DIES DOWN AND AN INCOMPREHENSIBLE WHISPERING SOUND IS HEARD.

DICK TWEEDWow, that was something, wasn't it ladies and gentlemen?

SCREAMS, CHEERS, AND APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE.

DICK TWEEDHe made it to the end, there's no takingthat away from him. The Executive has decreed this, contestant: Your name is no longer a curse! Congratulations, Tip Swinden!

MORE RAUCOUS APPLAUSE.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)Unfortunately, he has also decided that falling from the zipline before making it to the winner's circle does NOT countas a real win.

AUDIENCE BOOS.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)Now now, folks, we've got to have rules!This is the best game show in the

country! This is RAISE THE STAKES!

AUDIENCE APPLAUDS AGAIN.

DICK TWEED (CONT'D)So, taking in to account your loss on the Physical Challenge, Tip, and your Panache Points that would double your prize, and your previous standings, it'stime to RAISE THE STAKES!

AUDIENCE CHEERS, TIP SWINDEN TRIES TO TALK OVER THEM.

TIP SWINDENNo, No, just kill me, or let me do the challenge again, I don't care, this is crazy...

DICK TWEEDHe's getting his wish, ladies and gentlemen! Your prize tonight, considering the gravity of the losses you've racked up, is a total dissolutionof our plane of existence!

AUDIENCE WAILS, DRUIDIC CHANTING RETURNS.

DICK TWEEDAnd if you think about it, that's an even bigger win for our first contestantthis evening, the Old One beyond our universe, Jim Kennings! As a being of solidified madness in a plane of hate, tearing apart our vision of reality would be the biggest jackpot imaginable!That guy broke all the records tonight, and there won't be any more record keepers after this, so good bye ladies and gentlemen! Hold your family close asreality drifts apart around you.

AUDIENCE CHEERS, INTENSE CHANTING, THE THEME MUSIC PLAYS.

FRED WALSHO Absalom! Thank you for tuning in tonight to RAISE THE STAKES! Guests of the program stay at the Hyatt Regency

Hotel. O Discordia! This program was filmed in front of a live studio audience, and almost 85% survived the taping. Well, for a few minutes, anyway.No animals were hurt in the making of this program, except for a few vipers. Vipers are not good animals, you shouldn't worry about them. In these final moments, worry only for yourselves. All hail the Great Mad Old Ones, all hail Jim Kennings.

DURING THESE CLOSING STATEMENTS, THE AUDIO WARPS AND THEN FADES OUT.

CUE AUDIO CREDITS OF THE PEOPLE WHO WORKED ON THE EPISODE.