Catholic Attachment Parenting Corner www.catholicap.com kim@catholicap.com

Tender TidingsTender TidingsTender Tidings

WINTER

2012

Anticipation & our life-long Advent Playing with Our Kids on Their Terms The trap of the picture-perfect home Super SOUPS for Your Troops

Quarterly Newsletter for Catholic Attachment Parenting Corner

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03 Editor’s Greeting 04 CAPC Mission & Parenting Model 08 Live Well: Anticipation

14 Play: Playing with Our Children on Their Terms

This Issue:

20 Marriage Matters: Building The Communion of Saints

24 Family of Faith: Worthy of a Child When Feeling Like a Dumb Ox . . . 33 Nourish: Soups On!

Tender TidingsTender TidingsTender Tidings Quarterly Newsletter for Catholic Attachment Parenting Corner

WINTER 2012

Tender Tidings Spring 2013

The Self-Care Issue

COMING March 1!

Tender Tidings copyright 2011-2012 Kim Cameron-Smith, all rights

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Winter has come. As the earth drifts off to sleep, as the days contract

with darkness, as weary creatures burrow down for the chilly months

ahead, we Christians awaken to possibility and hope. Given the state of pol-

itics and the continuing encroachment of government on family life -- on its

definition, values, and authenticity -- this may seem an odd announcement

on my part. However, as we enter the great season of Advent, we watch and wait for Christ-

mas Day on which we celebrate the birth of the Savior.

The Christ Child is a sign of a possibility and hope, bundled in a contradiction. In the weakest,

most vulnerable human form -- a newborn infant -- came the God-Man, the King, who would

defeat darkness and crush evil, even in his smallness. Yes, even because of his smallness. As

we huddle with family around our hearths, witness the wonder of our children gazing at the

simplicity of candlelight, and gather as a community of believers with our parishes during Ad-

vent and the Christmas season, let’s remember that every act of evil is directed at Christ and

through our unfailing commitment to love, we resist those blows with Christ. Love is re-

sistance.

There’s much to explore in this beautiful issue of Tender Tidings. Emma Piazza, teenage

daughter of CAPC writer Angela Piazza, wrote a lively essay on Saint Thomas Aquinas for the

“Winter Saints” section. Don’t miss it! We also have articles on marriage, anticipation, playing

with our kids, being honest with ourselves about our decorating standards, and a whole section

on SOUPS! We hope you’ll find something that speaks to your heart.

Pray for our families, as we do for yours, and don’t forget to visit us at www.catholicap.com!

Kim Cameron-Smith

Winter Greetings from Kim

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CONTRIBUTORS

Kim Cameron-Smith Kim lives in Northern California where she homeschools her 4 children. She and her husband Philip embrace the principles of attachment-based parenting as they seek to live a family-centered lifestyle. Kim believes that Catholic theology perfects what is already just and beautiful in secular insights about how children thrive.

Kim is a licensed attorney and a member of the California State Bar. She holds a B.A. in English from Wellesley College, an M.Phil. in Medieval Literature from Oxford Univer-sity, an M.T.S. (theology) from Harvard University, and a J.D. from U.C. Berkeley. Kim is a catechist in her parish and a leader of her local Little Flowers Girls Club. She is a regular contributor on the topic of “conscious Catholic parenting” on Greg & Lisa Pop-cak’s radio program More2Life,.

Marcia Mattern Marcia and her husband Steve live in Central Illinois where they homeschool their six children. They first met attachment parenting when teaching and promoting NFP for Couple to Couple League in 1997. Marcia is a Registered Dietitian, a Doula, and Catechist for Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. She embraced the Catholic Faith in 1997 after a childhood of Protestantism.

Angela Piazza Angela resides in Northern California with her husband Danielo and their eight chil-dren. The principles of attachment parenting aptly describe their approach to rais-ing a large, dynamic, Catholic family. They continue to learn about love and joyful service right alongside their children. Angela’s interests include distance running, music and theatre arts, reading, homeschooling, and helping her family grow in vir-tue. She serves on the Board of Directors of San Jose Youth Shakespeare, a non-profit organization which produces full-length Shakespearean plays in original lan-guage.

Before focusing full-time on raising her children, Angela provided rehabilitative therapy in both pediatric and adult clinical settings. She holds a B.S. degree in thera-peutic recreation, with graduate studies in speech and language pathology.

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Concept, design, layout, editing:

Kim Cameron-Smith

Emma Piazza Emma Piazza is 16 years old and the oldest in a family of 8 children. A homeschooled jun-ior, she loves literature, theatre, and music. Her mother is Angela Piazza, regular contrib-utor to CAPC.

Charisse Tierney Charisse Tierney lives in Kansas with her husband and four children. She’s expecting her fifth child in March 2013. She has lived the attachment parenting lifestyle throughout her eight years of mothering. Charisse and her husband, Rob, teach Natural Family Planning for the Couple to Couple League. They also teach Theology of the Body for Teens to high school and middle school students through their parish in Kansas. Charisse holds a Bach-elor of Music Performance degree in clarinet from Wichita State University and a Master of Music Performance degree in clarinet from the New England Conservatory of Music. A professionally trained clarinetist and pianist, Charisse has also always held a deep love for writing and her Catholic faith.

Lisa Stack Lisa lives in New York with her husband, daughter, and son. Lisa practices Catholic attachment parenting while living a natural lifestyle. She also answers Pope Benedict XVI’s call to stewardship and human ecology by planting seeds of both faith and harvest for her children on their 180 year-old farm. Lisa graduated from the University of Notre Dame with a degree in theology. She is currently developing a method of mothering in Mary’s image.

Tender Tidings Concept, design, layout: Kim Cameron-Smith

Advertising: Contact Kim Cameron-Smith at kim@catholicap.com.

Author submissions: We are delighted to receive proposals for articles and short sidebar pieces.

Drop a line with your idea to Kim Cameron-Smith at kim@catholicap.com.

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CAPC’s Mission & Vision CATHOLIC ATTACHMENT PARENTING CORNER supports Catholic parents interested in attachment-based parenting by providing education, resources, and advocacy. Our attachment parenting model is neither child-centered nor parent-centered; it is family-centered.

We believe Catholic theology perfects what is beautiful and just in secular insights about attachment parenting. In the daily life of the family, all family members learn to respond to the Church’s call to self-donative, empathic love — including children as they grow and mature.

When parents treat their children with respect and compassion, children learn to respond similarly to the needs of others. These children grow into adults who recognize suffering and feel compelled to respond, who are tender and merciful to those who are weaker than themselves, who are able to connect on a profound level with their loved ones, and who mirror in every facet of their lives the self-gift of Christ, the God-Man

CAPC’s 7 Building Blocks of a Family-Centered Home™

1. BABY BONDING

Your infant’s capacity for attachment is established early. She has an intense need for physical closeness, predictable com-forting, and a sense of safety. Meeting these needs has a direct impact on her early brain development and helps her develop a sense of trust in later babyhood and toddlerhood.

Explore different practices that encourage and strengthen the parent-child bond, such as breastfeeding on demand, staying physically close to baby at night by co-sleeping and during the day by wearing baby in a sling or other baby carrier.

Respond to baby’s cues consistently & tenderly (without resentment or anger).

2. EMPATHIC RESPONSE

Get to know each child as a unique human being. Understand what’s behind your child’s eyes and in her heart at each developmental stage.

Recognize any of your old wounds so that you can parent your child appropriately and with awareness, and not from a place of fear or anger unrelated to your child.

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3. PLAYING TOGETHER

Recognize that play is one of the most important ways children connect to us, work through their fears and frustrations, and build their self-confidence.

Enter a child’s play world on their terms. Be willing to be silly and goofy on occasion!

4. LIVING, RADIANT FAITH

Every family can enjoy a shared faith life that’s alive and downright fun! Such faith is a tremendous witness to other families, Catholic and non-Catholic alike.

Allow your home to reflect the abundant joy and hope of our Catholic Faith. Explore and celebrate Feast Days and Saints Days with crafts, special parties and teas, and sharing books together. Develop a family prayer plan and pray together regularly.

Children, especially young ones, will absorb our attitudes about attending Mass and growing in the Faith. If we’re excited and enthusiastic, it’ll be contagious! The heart of our Faith is love and hope, and the opportunity for transformation and renewal not a list of obligations we need to fulfill to be “good”.

5. GENTLE DISCIPLINE

The heart of gentle discipline is the connection between parent and child. Without a secure connection, discipline will be a frustrating power struggle.

The goal of gentle discipline is for the child to build a conscience and self-control, not to break the child’s will or to coerce obedience through threats. In an empathic, nurturing home a child is never humiliated and parents don’t use their superior size and authority to intimidate children into compliance.

Growing up can be confusing and frustrating. By learning what to expect at each developmental stage, you can empathize with your child better. We can’t expect a 3 year-old to have the self-control of 6 year-old. Each developmental age comes with its struggles and joys. If we educate ourselves about child development we can understand our child’s feelings and needs better, so the balance tips towards joy!

6. BALANCE

Balance work, play, and prayer in your home. Do all these things as a family. Each family member contributes to the upkeep of the home as is appropriate for their developmental age. Even very young children enjoy being included in the routine with small jobs, like helping unload the dishwasher, mopping, or dusting.

Every parent needs a little time alone to refuel. How much time you can spend alone and how frequently depends on various factors in your home, including the availability of your spouse or a babysitter and how young your children are, but remember that you will be parenting for many years. Don’t run out of gas early on!

Take time to exercise and eat well. This can involve the kids! Children love to ride their bikes with parents who might be run-ning or biking. Make a hiking plan and explore different hiking trails in your region. Children love to help with food prepara-tions, like making salads and kneading bread dough.

7. A STRONG MARRIAGE

If you treat your child will respect and affection, but fail to model such respect and affection with your spouse, your child may still enter adulthood with a relationship handicap. Your marriage models for your children how to treat others in close, inti-mate relationships. Speak about and to your spouse with deep regard and love; perform little acts of kindness to make his or her life easier. Be willing to serve even in small ways.

You and your spouse are called to help one another on your paths to heaven. See your spouse the way Christ does, as a pre-cious and priceless soul on a journey to a Divine Destination.

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Live Well

By waiting and by calm

you shall be saved;

In quiet and in trust your

strength lies.

Isaiah 30:15

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Anticipation by Lisa Stack

The excitement and wonder slowly building

within my preschooler as we enter Advent is almost

too much for her to handle. As if a 3 year old need-

ed another burst of energy, you can just see the an-

ticipation running wildly through her little body. It

first started with the cooler weather, then it began to

grow with the appearance of twinkling lights, and fi-

nally the floodgates opened with the beloved Christ-

mas tree. Her sense of wonder and mystery with

this holiday season is beautiful, as it isn’t intrinsical-

ly tied to the gifts under the tree. Of course, they

are welcomed with open arms, but this month-long

dance with anticipation is much more than that.

She is feeling the promise of the Sacred.

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At the young age of 3, she doesn’t yet grasp the importance of preparation for our Sacred celebrations. Advent and Lent are exciting and filled with promise, but the faithful mindfulness that we practice doesn’t yet resonate with her. She does, however, notice more frequent trips to our parish, a change in the music we listen to, more items in the donations box, and a reverence that fills our home as we wel-come friends and family to celebrate. She is learning that this anticipation and prepa-ration is part of the journey, and lends to a greater celebration in the end. After a seemingly never-ending month of preparation, Christmas morning will start with a quiet excitement that grows into a blessed day of singing Happy Birthday Je-sus, attending a joyous Mass, and sharing a meal with our closest loved ones. The gifts are there, but they fall secondary to the greatest gift of the day: a family gather-ing to celebrate a very special birth. The Lord is here, and the world is just shouting with bliss! What great practice this is for the ultimate preparation we must take on for our birth in Heaven. This life-long Advent of which we must remain mindful is a journey Home that is reinvented every day. As Catholics, we must remain prudent in our preparation. The world around us offers daily challeng-es to our faith, and we must respond with the great anticipation and exuberance that a child has for the promise of Christmas morning.

It wasn’t until we lost a child of our own, that I felt such urgency to get to Heaven. I knew, within my heart, that Heaven held an inconceivable eternal joy, but it was exactly that - inconceivable. Almost too distant for me to imagine what could be within that wrapped present under the tree. But now, I’ve taken a peek into the hidden stash of gifts, and I know that there is not only a loving and mysterious Lord waiting for me, but beautiful child as well. I thought that I was looking forward to Heaven before, but now I am full of excited anticipation and mystery. Something glorious will happen at the dawn of my Heavenly birth, I won’t know what it is until I get there, but I will be happily preparing until then. This year, I am creating such great joy within our home, to foster an anticipation like our daughter has never before experi-enced. This is a practice for her to begin encountering the Sacred gifts within our world, and more importantly, the promise of the Sacred eternal life that she will re-ceive on her Heavenly Christmas morning. For me, I am learning to take on the excite-ment and anticipation of a 3 year old, as I prepare myself for the greatest gift of re-turning Home. Together, we are anticipat-ing inconceivable joy.

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“The world around us

offers daily challenges

to our faith, and we

must respond with the

great anticipation and

exuberance that a child

has for the promise of

Christmas morning.”

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Self-care is a virtue.

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"We all need an occasional period of extend-

ed physical, psychological, and spiritual rest.

Especially for those who live in large cities, it

is important that they immerse themselves in

nature for a while. For a vacation to be truly

such and bring genuine well-being, in it a per-

son must recover a good balance with self,

others, and the environment. It is this interior

and exterior harmony which revitalizes the

mind and reinvigorates body and spir-

it...Escape can be beneficial, as long as one

does not escape from sound moral criteria."

Blessed John Paul II,

In a Speech to Pilgrims, July 1997.

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PLAY

Playing with Our Children . . . on Their Terms

by Kim Cameron-Smith

arenting requires wise and consid-

ered leadership. Sometimes being an

effective leader means letting others take the

lead. Parenting consciously — with awareness

of what our child needs, feels, or fears — means

that we may at times choose to allow our child to

be in charge. Our children especially benefit

when we allow them to lead us in their play,

whether it’s playing pirates, with dolls, or engag-

ing in a game of chess.

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“Parenting consciously — with awareness of

what our child needs, feels, or fears — means that we may at

times choose to allow our child to be in charge while we follow

his lead.”

For most of us parents, playing isn’t our favorite or natural way

of spending time with our children. When we recognize our

child’s need or desire to connect with us, we might smile warmly

and invite them to join us in whatever we’re doing. If we’re in

the middle of making dinner, we can offer to show her how to

make lasagna; if we’re headed out to the store, we can invite her

along; if we’re reading the paper, we can ask her if she wants to

read the comics with us. Connecting in these ways is truly criti-

cal to our child’s development and our secure connection with

them. They give us an opportunity to mentor our child, spend

quiet quality time with her, and support her natural desire to learn

and grow.

However, play is one of the best ways for parents to connect with

their children, regardless their age, especially when they most

need us. At particularly sensitive, emotional times, kids may pre-

fer to connect with us on their terms, in their way. If your seven

year-old child has a tough day at school, she’s unlikely to sit

down in front of you and announce, “Mother, I’m quite melan-

choly. I could use your support right now.” Instead, she might

grump around the house for fifteen minutes, then invite you to

play on her Wii game with her or to play with her dollhouse.

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Sometimes we’re occupied with other children,

chores, or a dog’s dirty paws. It’s perfectly fine to

say no to some of our child’s invitations to play or

to teach them how to play alone or with siblings.

But conscious parents bring an attentiveness to or-

dinary interactions with their children. They are so

attuned to their child’s body language, facial ex-

pressions, and tone of voice, that they know imme-

diately when something isn’t right. If you sense

your child’s invitation to play is her way of asking

for help, is her way of opening dialogue, then ac-

cept the invitation if at all possible.

While you’re playing with your daughter and her

dollhouse, she may mention casually that she felt

her teacher was too hard on her for something or

that a friend was mean to her. While playing Wii

with your teenage son, he may mention that his best

friend has been bringing cigarettes to school. If

nothing comes up in conversation, ask your child if

he’d like to talk about anything. He may not use

this particular opportunity to open up about what’s

on his mind, but spending this time with you may

be his way of checking in with his safe harbor.

(Pssst, that’s you!)

In his terrific book Playful Parenting, play therapist

Lawrence Cohen alerts parents to a few situations

in which it’s especially useful to be an active par-

ticipant in your child’s play:

When your child struggles to connect with peers

in social situations: This time of year is filled with

large gatherings and parties, which are sometimes

overwhelming for our children. If you notice your

child sitting alone and not participating at parties or

family events, you may think he’s just shy, which

may be entirely true. However, it’s also possible

he needs your help to feel comfortable in social sit-

uations.

Sometimes young children feel out of place and

don’t know how to interact when they enter into

play with new children. Lure them into play. Ask

your child to show you how to do one of the party

games, offer to be his partner in a competition, or

stand behind him in line to whack the Piñata! Your

child will slowly gain more confidence because of

your support and mentorship.

When your child is having a hard time playing

freely or spontaneously: If you notice your child

storming off frequently, or being destructive or ag-

gressive during playtime with friends, he may be

stuck in emotions he doesn’t understand. He may

feel everyone is being unfair or he may not under-

stand basic boundaries in play. If you sense your

child is having a hard time letting go and losing

himself in play, then step in and provide the struc-

ture, rules, and enthusiasm that your child needs to

internalize in order to play freely. Talk to him

about his perceptions during play. If he’s thinks

others are cheating, taking his toys, or in some way

invading his space, he may need your guidance in

handling these feelings effectively.

“Sometimes young

children feel out of

place and don’t know how to

interact when they

enter into play with

new children.

Lure them into play.”

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During times of transition: New baby? Recent

move? Recent death in the family? We know these

transitional events stress out grown-ups, and it can

be even more difficult for the little ones who lack an

adult’s experience and perspective. It may be hard

to imagine how you can possibly give any more of

yourself when you are in the midst of these life

changes. However, if you take even five minutes a

day to get down on the floor and let loose with your

child — whatever that means to her — you are giv-

ing her a great gift. These moments work to ease

her tension and her attitude about the changes in her

life. And your efforts may have long-term benefits.

Connect with your child now through play during

this transition, and you make it more likely that

she’ll be able to navigate the vicissitudes of life lat-

er on when you’re not there to help her.

When your child is in danger: Sometimes kids get

into little squabbles or disagreements and we can

stand back and let them try to work it out. Howev-

er, if you sense that the children might hurt one an-

other, step in and help them by bringing their focus

back to play. Ask them to show you what they’re

doing, help them negotiate their problem if neces-

sary, and get on with the fun. Children can’t always

sort out their problems themselves, as much as we

wish they could.

Cohen is describing situations in which our children

feel isolated, powerless, or overwhelmed. I can’t

think of any better reason to let down our guard to

parent with love, tenderness, and understanding,

even when it means we have to try to kick a soccer

ball, dig in the dirt for pill bugs, or play a long

round of Monopoly!

“Connect with your

child now through play

during this transition,

and you make it more

likely that she’ll

be able to navigate the

vicissitudes of life later

on when you’re not

there to help her.”

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Winter came to our home one night,

Quietly pirouetting in on silvery-toed

slippers of snow,

And we, we were children once

again.

Bill Morgan, Jr.

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Late lies the wintry sun a-bed, A frosty, fiery sleepy-head; Blinks but an hour or two; and then, A blood-red orange, sets again. Before the stars have left the skies, At morning in the dark I rise; And shivering in my nakedness, By the cold candle, bathe and dress. Close by the jolly fire I sit To warm my frozen bones a bit; Or with a reindeer-sled, explore The colder countries round the door.

When to go out, my nurse doth wrap Me in my comforter and cap; The cold wind burns my face, and blows Its frosty pepper up my nose. Black are my steps on silver sod; Thick blows my frosty breath abroad; And tree and house, and hill and lake, Are frosted like a wedding cake.

Winter-Time by Robert Louis Stevenson

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Marriage Matters

Building the Communion of Saints by Charisse Tierney

My husband and I enjoyed a romantic two night get

away to celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary this past summer. We dined together, we shopped together, we were lazy together, and we simply soaked up every moment of the weekend as an opportunity to just be together. While we certainly treasured all of the time we had to focus on one another as a married couple, one of the best parts of the weekend was all of the glances and smiles directed our way as we went about our carefree days. I’d like to think these affirmative expressions were caused by the glow of love emanating from our clasped hands and loving glances at one another, or that perhaps we still bore some resem-blance to a young pair of newlyweds. But as I followed the gazes of our admirers, I quickly realized their attention was focused on the confident toddler walking jauntily just a few steps ahead of us. After all, how can people help but smile when they see a visible sign of a married couple’s love walking along beside them?

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In the words of Pope Paul VI’s Humanae Vitae, “To them [married couples] the Lord entrusts the task of making visible to men the holiness and sweetness of the law which unites the mutu-al love of husband and wife with their cooperation with the love of God the author of human life.” (HV 25) As Catholic attached parents, we have so many wonderful opportunities to live this out. In the Theology of the Body, Pope John Paul II explains that the marital union consists of both an openness to life, or procreative, intent, as well as the “reciprocal self-gift of the persons”, or unitive, element. (TOB 10:4) From the moment of the conception of our children to our own final days here on this earth, the procreative and unitive aspects of our marriages work togeth-er to proclaim the beauty and fullness of the sacrament. These two aspects are so intricately intertwined with God’s grace that when they are embraced fully as the inseparable components that they are, a deep sense of God’s love will flow freely between a married couple and their children and from the family to all they encounter. In this way, “The theology of the body, particularly as a pedagogy of the body, in some way plunges its roots into the theology of the family and, at the same time, leads to it.” (TOB 124:3) How wonderful that an openness to life and love within our marriage can provide such nour-ishment and grace for our entire family! This openness to life does not end once a child is conceived. By saying “yes” to God’s plan for our family size, we are also saying “yes” to caring for each of His children’s individual needs. From midnight feedings and diaper changes to a toddler who isn’t quite ready to be away from his parents for an entire weekend to an older child who needs an immediate conver-sation about a serious subject, we are called to constantly intertwine the unitive needs of our marriage with the needs of who that marriage has created.

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If we do not take care to always perceive our own children and fertility as a blessing, then how can we expect the rest of society to do the same? A couple happily toting along an infant in a sling or a toddler alongside them tells a spe-cial story. It is the story of how God created married life to reflect so much more than the love of two people. For it is by two becom-ing one that one then becomes many, and God’s love and grace are free to build His communion of saints.

As we travel and visit friends and family this holiday season, may all who encounter us recognize the joy and love flowing from our families as a reflection of the innermost truth of our marriages--the truth that pro-claims God’s wonderful plan for unifying love with children because “The one is real-ized together with the other, and, in a certain way, the one through the other.” (TOB 123:6)

Great Websites for

Catholic Couples: Couple to Couple League International

(www.ccli.org) natural family planning in-

formation and support

Pastoral Solutions Institute

(www.exceptionalmarriages.com) support

for Catholic couples seeking to enhance

and enrich their marriages

Retrouvaille Retreats

(www.retrouvaille.org) intensive help for

couples in trouble; weekend retreat fol-

lowed by couples counseling.

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Need marriage support? Trained counselors sensitive to our Faith are available for phone counseling

through Pastoral Solutions Institute: www.exceptionalmarriages.com or 740-266-6461.

The Secret of Divorce-Proof Marriage

“There is only one reason for marrying that guarantees the lifelong

happiness and relevance of a marriage, only one reason that even

comes close to addressing the true meaning of a Christian marriage.

More than love and companionship, the real function of a Christian

marriage is for a husband and wife to help each other become the people God created them to be.”

Dr. Gregory Popcak, For Better . . Forever

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Family of Faith

Worthy of a Child by Angela Piazza

Imagine that first Christmas so long ago. It was a

night when the ordinary transformed into the ex-

traordinary. In a city bustling with activity, an ex-

pectant couple searched for shelter, wondering where

they might find rest after an exhausting day of travel.

It was an ordinary night that would forever change

the world.

The simple, modest accommodation of a stable wel-

comed Our Savior. Shepherds, engaged in their regu-

lar routine of night watching, had the privilege of be-

ing the first to behold God incarnate. Poverty was

the setting and commoners were His guests.

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Wouldn’t we be surprised, and a bit perplexed, had Mary

worried about how the stable was decorated when her Son

was born? Yet, every day holiday catalogs and magazines,

featuring a vastly different Christmas ideal, manage to find

their way into my mailbox. From cover to cover, I can im-

merse myself in the beautiful images of perfectly set tables,

magnificently decorated mantels, and artistically wrapped

gifts which grace the pages. Exquisite photographs capture

the attention of the hostess living within me, and almost im-

mediately creative thoughts begin to flow. I, too, want to

surround my loved ones with beauty and lavish unexpected

delights upon them.

Aesthetics irresistibly draw me in. I’m sure that this appeal

suits the desires of Williams-Sonoma and Martha Stewart,

but how much influence should it have in our lives? Does

pursuing loveli-

ness in our

homes nurture

the spiritual

health of our

families? Are we

competing with

expectations of

t h e se cu la r

world, or truly

hoping to speak

to the depths of

the human heart through beauty? If our inspiration stems

from an authentic desire to serve our families and guests,

then yes, we are doing more than beautifying our environ-

ment, we are sharing warmth and welcome. Artistic expres-

sion is distinctively human and “to the extent that it is in-

spired by truth and love of beings, art bears a certain likeness

to God’s activity in what he has created” (CCC 2501). Mo-

tives tainted with vanity, however, allow our actions to de-

ceive us.

I know that deception all too well. Preoccupied by my vi-

sion, I used to devise plans for picture perfect gatherings. I

didn’t want the children involved in decorating the house or

“Poverty was

the setting and

commoners were

His guests.”

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the Christmas tree. I had my theme and my requirements, and if the decor didn’t look like it be-

longed in Nordstrom, well, there was little satisfaction. Satisfaction, I mean, for me. Quite literal-

ly, my little ones wanted to spread festivity and visual joy all throughout our home. I knew that

their hearts were in the right place, and their enthusiasm was undeniably adorable, but somehow I

thought they needed guidance in determining what qualified as beautiful. Not to mention that it

seemed almost a criminal offense to see a tree decorated solely on the lower limbs. I didn’t want

my children to feel badly or unimportant; I felt incapable of including them while attaining my

perceived standard.

Consequently, do you know where Jesus was as I went about my impressive holiday preparation?

He was busy rejoicing with my children. My little ones didn’t let this perfection-driven Mama

stand in the way of their goal. One particular year, they readied for Christmas by decorating their

own spaces – places where they could express their joyful anticipation of the Christ Child. Unex-

pectedly, their rooms filled with homemade ornaments and paper chain garlands counting down

to the birth of Our Creator. For weeks, they secretly constructed a nativity scene fashioned out

of a cardboard box, wooden pegs, paper cuttings and various items salvaged from the recycling

bin. Then one special evening, they unveiled their masterpiece. Five tender faces lit up with pure

delight, and honestly, I had never seen anything so beautiful. In their poverty, they gave riches.

My heart was transformed that Christmas nearly a decade ago, and our holiday preparations

have never been the same. To meet Christ in the manger is to “humble ourselves and become

little,” for “only when Christ is formed in us will the mystery of Christmas be fulfilled in

us” (CCC 526). God made that point very clear to me through the example of my sweet chil-

dren. This doesn’t mean that we must forego elegance or aesthetic charm, but I believe we need

to carefully think about the genuineness of our plans. And while I still advocate for sparkling

white lights and cascading ribbons on the tree, I quietly allow my preferences to be overruled.

Our construction paper, chenille-stem ornaments will weaken and fade, but their humble mes-

sage will remain. Underneath those uniquely adorned branches, gifts wrapped with copious

amounts of tape and embellished with uncoordinated bows communicate thoughtfulness, effort

and love. It’s a priceless, incredible love most worthy of a Child.

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St. Lucy St. Lucy

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The liturgical season of Advent makes present the expectancy of Christ’s first coming, “for by sharing in the

long preparation…the faithful renew their ardent desire for his second coming” (CCC 524). Although peni-

tential in tone, these four weeks are a time of wonder and peaceful waiting. The final eight days of prepara-

tion, known as the Octave before Christmas, are brimming with hopeful anticipation.

The third Sunday of Advent begins a tradition dating back to the seventh or eighth century: recitation of the

O Antiphons. Each evening, from December 17 through December 23, attention is prayerfully directed to

one of the seven titles of the coming Messiah referenced in the prophecies of Isaiah. The Benedictine

monks carefully arranged the prayers such that in reverse order, the first letter of each title – Emmanuel,

Rex, Oriens, Clavis, Radix, Adonai, and Sapientia- forms the Latin expression, “Ero Cras,” meaning,

“Tomorrow, I will come.”

There are no firm rules for incorporating the O Antiphons into a personal Advent tradition. These extraordi-

nary prayers of longing for the Savior can be sung, spoken, or even pondered while listening to them set to

Gregorian chant. Introducing the O Antiphons into our homes encourages our families to contemplate the

yearning, magnificence, and mystery of Christ’s birth.

The Great O Antiphons by Angela Piazza

O Wisdom, who came from the mouth of the Most High,

reaching from end to end and ordering all things mightily

and sweetly: come, and teach us the way of prudence.

December 17 O Sapientia

December 18 O Adonai

O Lord and Ruler of the house of Israel, who appeared to

Moses in the fire of the burning bush and gave him the law

on Mount Sinai: come, and redeem us with outstretched

arms.

O Root of Jesse, you stand for the ensign of all mankind, be-

fore whom the kings keep silence and unto whom the Gen-

tiles shall make supplication: come, to deliver us, without

delay.

December 19 O Radix Jesse

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O Key of David, and scepter of the house of Israel, you open

and no man closes; you close and no man opens: come, and

bring forth the captive from his prison, who sits in the dark-

ness and in the shadow of death.

December 20 O Clavix David

December 21 O Oriens

O Rising Dawn, radiance of light eternal and sun of justice:

come, and enlighten those who sit in darkness and in the

shadow of death.

December 22 O Rex Gentium

O King of the Gentiles, desired of all, you are the corner-

stone that makes both one: come, and deliver man whom

you formed of out the dust of the earth.

December 23 O Emmanuel

O Emmanuel, God with us, our king and lawmaker, the ex-

pected of the nations and their Savior: come and save us, O

Lord our God.

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Winter Saints

When Feeling Like a Dumb Ox . . .

By Emma Piazza

or many, St. Thomas Aquinas

brings to mind unapproachable great-

ness. A renowned Doctor of the Church from the

13th century, he chased temptation away with a

firebrand, escaped a prison tower, and wrote

countless volumes on the Catholic faith. Scholars

around the world study his Summa Theologica, and

his ideas form the basis for modern theological

study. However, this impression of Thomas Aqui-

nas, while technically accurate, takes away from the

point of his sainthood.

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The Triumph of St. Thomas Aquinas

by Benozzi Gozzoli

Imagine a large, hefty man. The belt around his mid-

dle can scarcely hold his massive girth. He wears an

oversized, Dominican habit which envelops him like

a sheet. The dark brown hair on his large head is

tonsured, making his face appear even heavier than it

already is. His soft, shy eyes twinkle and a smile

plays around the corners of his mouth. A gentle gi-

ant, he moves slowly and speaks simply. He has

trouble grasping concepts, and must be tutored by

another student just to keep up with his classes. He

is very quiet, and does not engage in conversation

very often, preferring to read a book. Behind his

back, peers call him “the dumb ox.”

This is Thomas Aquinas: quiet, shy, unobtrusive.

This man, whom today the world reveres for writing

some of the greatest defenses of the Catholic faith,

was once labeled as “stupid.”

Too often, we are distracted by the glories of the

saints: their great deeds, their legendary miracles,

their titles. We forget that at the core, these people

were no different from us. They too had quirks

and fears. In many ways, their humanity was more

tangible than ours, because they allowed God to use

their uniqueness for His glory.

Bert Ghezzi says in Voices of the Saints, “We remem-

ber Thomas Aquinas most as a high-powered theolo-

gian, whose stature we could never equal. But Aqui-

nas is a saint, not because of his accomplishments,

but because he lived a committed Christian life of

humble prayer and service.” When St. Thomas set

out to write about God, he never intended to write

masterpieces. Heaven knows his fellow monks did

not think him capable of anything great. His only

goal was to know and serve God better. The beauty

is that offering himself to God resulted in some of

the most awe-inspiring books the Western World has

ever known. In the words of St. Albert the Great,

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Thomas Aquinas: philosopher,

theologian, doctor of the Church

Feast Day: January 28

Patron saint of universities and students

Symbols: sun, dove, ox

“Too often, we are distracted by the glories of the saints: their great deeds, their legendary

miracles, their titles. We forget that at the core, these people

were no different from us.”

“The bellowing of this dumb ox [has been] heard all over the world.”

Appropriately, St. Thomas Aquinas’ feast day falls on January 28th, around the time when many families

experience burnout and cabin fever. As a homeschooled junior, I definitely

struggle during the beginning of the second semester. Facts just don’t absorb

readily, and studying takes a conscious, physical effort - an effort I can feel in

the pit of my stomach. Learning loses its appeal, homework drags on and on,

and even my favorite subject – literature – is sometimes relegated to the same

rank as math. Distractions are most welcome. As the weeks crawl along, I

start blaming myself and imposing my irritability on my family, instead of tak-

ing a mental step back and attributing my difficulties to a tired mind and rest-

less body. I choose to dwell on my shortcomings as a person when I should

be focusing on the task at hand. Of all saints, Thomas Aquinas certainly un-

derstands this. At times, he probably asked himself why God made him large

and slow. But, he didn’t let this hinder his mission or conquer his desire to write about God.

When life seems to drag, ask St. Thomas for help. Maybe a new tradition of family story time (perhaps

starting with the Vision Book St. Thomas Aquinas and the Preaching Beggars), would help to ease the winter

doldrums. Whatever the approach, don’t hesitate to ask for his intersession. St. Thomas Aquinas -

Patron Saint of Students, Doctor of the Church, and “Dumb Ox”- understands.

Emma Piazza is 16 years old and the oldest in a family of 8 children. A homeschooled junior, she

loves literature, theatre, and music. Her mother is Angela Piazza, regular contributor to CAPC.

Apropos for this time of year: Thomas is

the (unofficial) patron saint of dieters!!

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NOURISHNOURISHNOURISH

Soups On! By Marcia Mattern

As the weather gets cooler, the warmth around the family dinner

table becomes twofold. Nourishing meals and stimulating conversa-

tion encourage connection and deepen attachment be-

tween family members. Taking time to share a meal with all the

members in your household has been shown to increase communica-

tion. As we nourish and refresh ourselves, we can share family sto-

ries from the past, what we did during the day while we were all

apart, or how our Catholic faith has an impact on our view of the

world.

This month our contributors dug into their recipe boxes to share some

of their families’ favorite soups. So grab your favorite soup pot and

start cooking up some love for your family to share at the dinner table

tonight!

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Ingredients: 2 medium-large butternut squash (approx. 3 lbs. each) 2 large onions, halved and cut into 1/4” slices 4 tablespoons unsalted butter 1 teaspoon kosher salt 1 teaspoon sugar 6 cups homemade or low sodium chicken broth 2 teaspoons dried thyme ¼ cup cream sherry ¼ cup heavy cream Italian parsley (optional)

Directions:

Cut unpeeled butternut squash into 2” thick pieces, remove seeds, and place in a large stockpot. Cov-er squash with water and simmer 15-20 minutes until fork tender. Drain and cool squash pieces in large colander. Using a metal spoon, remove pulp from peel, and set aside. Discard peel. In another large stockpot, melt butter over medium-low heat. Add onion slices, sprinkle with salt and sugar. Stir occasionally, allowing onions to caramelize (this should take about 20 minutes). Add but-ternut squash and saute for 2-3 minutes. Add chicken broth and simmer for 5 minutes. Puree soup, and return to stockpot. Add thyme and sherry. Adjust salt and pepper to desired taste. Stir in heavy cream. Garnish with Italian parsley. Enjoy!

From the Piazza Kitchen

Butternut Squash Soup Butternut squash is rich in phytonutrients and anti-oxidants, making it a worthwhile addition to your winter table. It’s rich enough to make a filling soup, especially when coupled with cream as in this one offered by Angela.

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From the Cameron-Smith Kitchen

One-Pot Seafood Soup

Ingredients: 1 tablespoon olive oil 1-2 onions, diced 4 cloves garlic, crushed 1 cup each: dry white wine, fish stock*, tomato sauce Herbs: 1 bay leaf, 1/2 tsp thyme, 1/8 tsp fennel, pinch saffron 1 tablespoon sugar, optional 2 pounds assorted seafood: skinned and boned whitefish, scallops, mussels, squid rings, shrimp (Use whatever is on sale or on hand. Presentation is beautiful with shrimp tail-on and mussels in shell, but my family prefers that I remove the barriers first!)

Directions:

Heat oil in a pot and add onions. Cook on low heat until soft; stir in garlic.

Add wine, fish stock, tomato sauce, herbs, and sugar. Bring to a boil; reduce heat and simmer, covered, for 5 minutes.

Cut fish into 1-inch pieces. Add to soup; simmer for 2 minutes. Add remaining seafood and simmer a further 3-5 minutes.

Serve immediately with crusty bread.

*For fresh and fast fish stock: bring to a boil 2-3 fish heads, various fresh herbs on hand (parsley, basil), onion, and water to cover. Simmer 20 minutes. Cool, then strain. Freeze what you don’t use for above recipe. You can also find seafood stock at most good groceries.

“This soup is a favorite in my kitchen! It’s a com-bination of a recipe I found in Jan Bilton’s Dinners on the Table and Julia Child’s recipe for classic Bouillabaisse.” Kim Cameron-Smith

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Ingredients: 2-4 tablespoons butter 2 pounds stew beef 4 garlic cloves, diced 2 large leeks, chopped 1/2 head cabbage or 1c shredded kale 4 large carrots peeled and diced 2 parsnips peeled and diced 6-8 red potatoes cubed 6-8 cups beef broth or water with 2-3 beef bouillon cubes. You want the contents to be well covered. 2 tablespoons thyme 2 tablespoons parsley 2 bay leaves Salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

In a large pot, brown the beef in 2tbs butter. Add leeks and garlic to soften, careful not to burn. Then, add carrots, potatoes, spices, and broth. Bring all to a boil and then turn down simmering. After 30 min or so, add the cabbage or kale. Test broth to check spices, and adjust as needed. Soup is done when vegetables are soft and meat is cooked through. Remove bay leaves before serving.

From the Stack Kitchen

Family Beef Stew “This is a very relaxed recipe, in that it is easily adapted to the vegetables that you have avail-able. Goes great with soda bread, or a crusty bread slice.” Lisa Stack

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Ingredients: 1/2 cup dry red quinoa 1.5 pounds ground beef 1 onion, diced 1 tablespoon olive oil 2 cans red kidney beans 3 cans fire roasted diced tomatoes 1 teaspoon cumin 1 teaspoon (plus) chili powder 2 cups water (beef broth can be substituted) Directions:

Cook ground beef with onion in the oil. Puree one can of tomatoes.

Place all ingredients into a crock pot. Cook on low for 4-6 hours. Add chili powder to taste.

Serve topped with cheese, sour cream, avocado or crackers.

From the Mattern Kitchen

Quinoa Chili Quinoa comes from the Andes Mountains in South America. When it cooks, the grain opens creating tiny spirals. Red Quinoa has the highest protein con-tent of all the grains and is rich in essential minerals and vitamins.

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Faster Than a Speeding Bread Machine from The Tightwad Gazette

Mix 4 cups of the flour with the yeast, sugar, and salt. Pour in hot water and beat 100 strokes, or 3 minutes with a mixer. Stir in the remaining flour until the dough is no longer sticky. Hand knead 8 minutes. (Alternatively, use a food processor with a dough blade. Combine dry ingredients in the processor. As the machine is running, drizzle in water until the dough forms a ball. Spin the ball 20 times.) Place the dough in a greased bowl, and cover with a damp towel. Let rise 15 minutes. Punch down. Divide into two pieces. Shape into two round loaves, and place on a baking sheet. Cut an X 1/2 inch deep on top with a sharp knife. Brush with water, and sprinkle with seeds. Place on the middle shelf of a cold oven. Place a cake pan of hot water on the lowest shelf. Heat the oven to 400 degrees. Bake 40-50 minutes until deep golden brown. This dough can be shaped to make anything: cheese bread/rolls, cinnamon rolls, bierocks, pizza dough.

Don’t Forget BREAD! What’s soup without good bread? Here are few beautiful rustic

breads that pair nicely with soup.

5-6 cups all-purpose flour (you can substitute whole-wheat flour for 1 or 2 cups) 2 tablespoons dry yeast 2 tablespoons sugar 1 tablespoon salt

2 cups hot water (120-130 degrees) 1 tablespoon sesame or poppy seeds

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Rustic Potato Bread from the kitchen of Angela Piazza

Thoroughly scrub and quarter unpeeled potatoes. Place potatoes in a 2

-quart pot, cover with water, add 2 teaspoons of salt, and boil until the

potatoes are easily pierced with a fork. Reserve ½ cup of potato water,

then drain potatoes in a colander. Allow potatoes to cool and air-dry

for 20 to 30 minutes. Potatoes must be dry before they’re mashed.

While the potatoes are cooling, add yeast to the reserved potato water

and allow it to rest for 5 minutes or so. Then, once the potatoes have air-dried, place them into the

bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment (such as a KitchenAid) and mash them. Add

dissolved yeast and olive oil, mixing on low speed until liquid is incorporated.

Replace paddle attachment with dough hook and add 4 ¾ cups flour and remaining 2 teaspoons of

salt to mixing bowl. Mix on low speed for several minutes, then increase to medium speed for 10-

11 minutes. At first, the dough will appear very dry and crumbly, but as it is worked, it will change

dramatically. If after mixing for 10 minutes the dough appears wet, then incorporate the remaining

¼ cup of flour.

Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and allow dough to rise for 30 minutes. Meanwhile, position the

oven rack to its lowest possible position. If you have a baking stone, place it on the rack and begin

preheating the oven to 375⁰ F.

Once dough has finished its first rise, turn it onto a lightly floured surface and divide in half. Shape

each portion into a ball, flatten into a disk, then roll and shape into a torpedo. Slightly stretch the

free end of the dough, dust the edge with flour, and continue to form into loaf.

Allow loaves to rise at room temperature, seam side down, on a floured towel or baking sheet for

20 minutes.

When ready to bake, either transfer loaves directly to baking stone or leave on baking sheet. Bake

until crust is golden brown and the loaves sound hollow when tapped, about 45-50 minutes. An

instant read thermometer should measure 200⁰ F when inserted into the center of the bread. Re-

move from oven and cool for 20 minutes before slicing.

3-4 russet potatoes (approx. 1 ½ pounds) 4 teaspoons kosher salt ½ cup reserved potato water (80⁰F-90⁰ F) 1 tablespoon active dry yeast 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 4 ¾-5 cups unbleached all-purpose flour

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“Oh, God above, if heaven has a taste it must be an egg

with butter and salt, and after the egg is there

anything in the world lovelier than

fresh warm bread and a mug of

sweet golden tea?”

Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes

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Catholic Attachment Parenting Corner is looking for conscious Catholic parents to

write articles for our website www.catholicap.com or for the Tender Tidings newsletter. Share your experiences, wisdom, successes, and even failures with other families! We’re also eager to receive articles from Catholic parent-ing and marriage professionals.

Topic ideas:

1) Explore one of CAPC’s 7 Building Blocks to a Family-Centered Catholic Home. Offer your personal expe-

rience, lessons you’ve learned, books you’ve read.

2) Parenting & development: Conscious attachment-based parenting isn’t only for babies. What have you learned about the importance of rapport and empathy when parenting your older child?

3) Real v. Ideal: Attachment parenting is a wonderful ideal, but we all fail at times to achieve this ideal. We learn much about ourselves and our children in the process. What have you learned from tough times being an attach-ment parent? How has a rough patch affected your faith?

These are just suggestions! If you’d like to write on the above topics or have one of your own, put together a very brief summary of your idea (one paragraph is fine) and shoot an email to Kim Cameron-Smith. She will give you the green light or will help you refine your topic.

For more information or to submit article ideas, contact Kim Cameron-Smith at kim@catholicap.com.

Write for CAPC!

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CATHOLIC ATTACHMENT PARENTING CORNER Community & Inspiration As We Gather Our Children