Qualitative Analysis of Spousal Bereavement in Later Life

Dionne Angela DonnellyPSYC222: Research Methods & Statistics

Scored: 80

Introduction

Almost all people tell stories. The stories that people tell are not chance occurrences. Rather they

often recount important events in the teller’s life - births, marriages and deaths (Bruner, 1990, 1991;

Gersie, 1991). For example, Bruner (1991) suggests that stories are told about events which are

departures from the ordinary, so it is possible to argue that major life-events are worthy of

storytelling because they are not everyday occurrences (Labov & Waletsky, 1967). Other people

have examined the functions of narrative (Bauman, 1977, 1986; Nicolaisen, 1984, 1991).

Nicolaisen (1984, 1991) has also discussed the functions of narrative and encapsulates them well:

“They show events to have structure and meaning and not simply sequence. They selectively

duplicate, belatedly rehearse and retrospectively mediate the past for us ...” (1984, p. 176). In the

fields of socio-linguistics, ethnography of communication and narrative folklore there are rich

discussions of definitions and approaches to informal oral narrative (see for example: Bauman,

1986; Bennett, 1986; Hymes 1981; Polyani, 1979). Whilst there is less to be found within the

psychological literature it does not mean that narrative does not have psychological importance. For

example, McLeod (1997) working from a counselling perspective suggests that narratives convey

meaning, a sense of self, and the emotional context. In a similar vein there has been research which

has examined life review and reminiscence (Butler, 1963, 1980-1; Merriam, 1980; Molinari &

Reichlin, 1984-5). In their review Molinari and Reichlin (1984-5) argue that life review

reminiscence is personal and intense and represents an active attempt to come to terms with the

past.

One life-event where there appears to be value in relating events in the form of a narrative is around

bereavement (Gersie, 1991; Pennebaker, Mayne & Frances, 1997; Riches & Dawson, 1996a & b;

Walter, 1996)). For example, in the work of Riches and Dawson (1996a, 1996b) they show the

importance of narratives following the deaths of children, often in most distressing circumstances.

They argue that the opportunity to ‘tell it like it is’ (1996, 357) enables parents to explore painful

events whilst keeping control over their own narratives. Studies introduced by Folkman (1997) in a

special issue of Journal of Personality and Social Psychology around the use of narratives of

bereaved gay men whose partners died of AIDS also provides interesting insight. For example,

Stein, Folkman, Trabasso and Richards (1997) found a positive relationship between the appraisals

made in the narratives of bereaved caregivers and their levels of wellbeing. The work of Pennebaker

and his colleagues, in the above issue and elsewhere, suggests that those people who have discussed

or written about traumatic events have more positive physical and emotional outcomes than those

who did not (Pennebaker & Beall, 1986; Pennebaker & Francis, 1996; Pennebaker, Mayne &

Francis, 1997). In a different literature, Gersie (1991) uses traditional stories to illustrate aspects of

bereavement and argues that traditional stories may help people come to terms with their loss. So,

there is a body of evidence to suggest that narratives may play an important role in bereavement.

Spousal bereavement in later life is a particularly common event, and this is especially so for

women (Morris, 1997). However, there have been relatively few studies of widowhood in later life

and yet there is evidence to suggest that the experience of widowhood is as important to older

people as it is to people widowed off-time, and also that the challenges of widowhood in later life

may be different from those widowed earlier (Bennett, 1996, 1997; Thuen, Reime & Skrautvoll,

1997; Zisook, Shucter, Sledge, Paulus & Judd, 1994). There is also evidence to suggest that men

and women in later life experience widowhood differently (Stroebe & Stroebe, 1983). There have

been even fewer which have explored the stories and narratives that widowed people tell with

respect to the deaths of their partners (Ducharme & Corin, 1997; Pickard, 1994; van den Hoonaard,

1999). For example, van den Hoonaard (1999) found that women, unasked, recounted their

experiences of their husbands’ deaths. She suggested that these narratives provided a transition from

wife to widow.

The present paper discusses the narratives of four people (2 male and 2 female) widowed in later

life. The focus is specifically on the events surrounding the deaths of their partners - a central aspect

of the experience of widowhood (Bennett & Bennett, 1999; van den Hoonaard, 1999).

Method

Interviewee one was 66 year old widow Mrs Jones. She was married to her husband for forty years

and had been widowed six years. She had a son in Australia and during her marriage she worked

part-time as a shop-assistant and her husband worked in a packaging factory.

Interviewee two was Mr Smith, a widower of two years, who was 63 and married for 35 years. He

had two daughters and four grandchildren. Mr Smith was a storekeeper during his marriage, and

was still working at the time of the interview, his wife worked part-time in a shop.

Interviewee three was an eighty year old widow called Mrs Green, she was married to her husband

for 49 years. She had been widowed for 13 years. Her marriage produced two children, eight

grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. Mrs Green never worked, whilst her husband worked

in an electronics factory.

Interviewee four was Mr Field, a retired engineer. He gave up his job to care for his wife of 26

years. Mr Field has been a widower for three years and has no children. He was also a widower

from a previous marriage.

Interviewees were questioned using semi-structured interviews as this allowed the interviewer to

gather rich, detailed data reflecting the interviewee's true opinions without leading them towards

preconceived choices (Zorn, n.d.) Despite allowing elaboration on a subject, and impromptu

questions from the interviewer, the semi-structured interview followed a set scheme of questions,

allowing for comparison of the data which would not be possible if the interviewee was allowed to

speak freely on the subject (ESDS Qualidata teaching resource, 2007). The interviews in this study

begin with factual questions about the interviewees and their spouses, such as their age and length

of widowhood, this is then followed by open questions relating to the circumstances of their

spouses' deaths and their feelings relating to this event.

Analysis of the transcripts was done using the inductive method of Grounded Theory. It was

developed by Glaser and Strauss (1967, cited by Borgatti, n.d.) to create theories that are thoroughly

grounded in the data they represent. In order to do this, unlike other methods, the literature review

comes at the end of the analysis so that the researcher has no preconceived ideas about the research

area. There are several stages which take place before this literature review. The first is line by line

coding, which involves looking at each line or sentence and identifying the most important word(s),

each code should be as close as possible to the original words used by the interviewee. This stage is

followed by focused coding, which involves looking at each transcript as a whole and identifying

the main categories which have emerged, this is done by taking all the codes and identifying which

are similar in order to create a particular category. Once this has been completed for each transcript

it is necessary to then look at all the categories created and combine those which are similar to

create 'super-categories'. Throughout this whole process, it is also necessary to write memos which

suggest possible relationships which appear to emerge from the codes. Odis Simmons (2008) states

that “memoing should take precedence, because it is the actual write-up of what is emerging from

the data and the analysis”. Once relationships between the super-categories have been established,

this can then be moulded into a theory. Finally, once this theory has been created it can then e

compared to wider literature to assess whether the theory supports or contradicts subsequent

research.

Analysis

Conclusion

Appendices

Interview 1: 9 September 2002 Mrs J

Thank you very much Mrs Jones for agreeing to talk about your experience of widowhood. I

am interested in your own personal experience which may be different from other people’s so

if you could tell me what it’s been like for you. The interview will probably last between one

and one and a half hours. I’d like to tape record it with your permission. We can arrange for

you to have the opportunity to hear the tape if you would like. Should you wish to stop the

interview at any time or take a break, please tell me. Because the topic of our discussion is

sensitive I can assure you that it will remain confidential.

First of all I’d like to ask you a few factual questions and then ask you some more open

questions about the experience of being both married and widowed.

So first of all can I ask how old are you? 66.

And when were you born? In 1936.

And where were you born? In Liverpool.

And how many years were you married

up until your husband died? 40.

So when would you have been married? 1956.

Right. You’ve been widowed how long? Six years.

Do you have any children? A son.

Just one son? Yes.

And does he live locally? No. He’s in Australia.

Any grandchildren? No.

What was your job? I worked in the little shop, just part-time.

And did your husband work? Yes, he worked in the packaging factory.

Yes. I’d like to ask you about the time leading up to when your husband died. If you could

just tell me what happened. I know this may be painful so we can take it slowly and we can

stop if you like.

Well my husband had always been very fit – very energetic.

Mm.

Well one day he came home from work and I remember it distinctly because it was a really wet day

and he came in and he looked grey, really grey, and I can just remember being taken aback and I

said to him I said George what’s the matter you look terrible. And he said I feel really odd – I just

feel odd, I haven’t got any energy. I’m just going to go off to bed so he went off to bed. Bit later on

I brought him a cup of tea and he said he was feeling OK but still a bit strange. He couldn’t put his

finger on what it was. It wasn’t that he’d got a headache, stomach-ache or anything he just felt odd.

So I said well if you’re not feeling right in the morning, if you still look terrible and you still don’t

feel well we’ll make an appointment for you to see the doctor. So we went to bed and got up the

next morning and I asked if he was feeling OK and he said he was. Well I wasn’t sure but you

know what men are like – they don’t want to go to the doctor. So um he went off to work and he

came back at the end of the day and he still didn’t look right – he was still looking grey – and this

went on for a couple of weeks you know when he just wasn’t right. He wasn’t right. He wasn’t

himself. So eventually I made an appointment with the doctor and I went with him because I knew

he wouldn’t go on his own and er the doctor looked at him and he said you look terrible Mr Jones.

He said I’ve never seen you look like that.

Really?

Mm. The doctor was ever so concerned and he said I’m going to take some blood and then see

what – and about a week later we heard from him and he said will you come in and see me in my

surgery so we went in straight away. And the doctor said well there’s something that’s not that’s

just not right so I’m going to make an appointment for you to see somebody at the hospital. That

appointment took forever – it – you’d think when something seemed so serious you’d get an

appointment straight away – it was like two months before we got the appointment and then it was

another two months later and I was really worried and he was just getting worse. Hadn’t got the

energy to go down the allotment. Didn’t even feel like going for a drink with his mates on Friday

night.

Was that unusual?

Yes cos he always went down the allotment and he always went for a drink with his friends on a

Friday night. That was what he’d always done all the way through our marriage. So we went to the

appointment and they took some more blood and they didn’t say what was wrong – we knew there

was something wrong but you know you don’t know how to be pushy.

Yes. How did you feel about that?

Well angry although at the time I didn’t feel angry. I felt angry later. Helpless. I felt helpless – I’d

always looked after him – I’d always done everything that I could for him and there was nothing I

could do for him – I didn’t know what was wrong and I didn’t know how to deal with it. You know

I couldn’t tell (…) he was so far away so I couldn’t. And the doctor was OK but you know the

doctor wasn’t – you know our GP wasn’t sort of pushy – but he kept going back and eventually they

said you’ve got cancer. And I remember saying to the doctor well what can we do, what treatment

is there, and he said oh nothing – there’s nothing you can do.

That must have been awful.

Yes it was. We just sat there – you know usually they tell you - he wasn’t … I just watched…. We

went home – we got a taxi home rather than the bus. We sat at home thinking what do we do now.

We’d not even asked how long he’d got. We’d just heard the word cancer and then that was it – it

was a life sentence.

How did you feel then?

Um nothing really. I mean we were left with no information – we didn’t know – we couldn’t even

remember you know what kind of cancer it was – just cancer. I remember sitting there that evening

not knowing what to say and not knowing what to do; not knowing how long we’d got, not knowing

if it was going to be painful. I mean at that point he said he just felt odd – he was really tired

without any energy, not feeling any pain

Yes.

but we didn’t know what it was going to be like.

I’m sorry this must be painful for you but I would like to know what happened then.

We had an appointment with the GP and then we went and the GP phoned and got a bit more

information about what it was you know and really it was just a very slow process. He just

gradually faded away and it was as if he’d given up so that he’d given up before the cancer got him

really. You know – it wasn’t that, not the pain, he just faded away. And I had to do more and more

for him. You know it’s – he got to the point where he didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to go out,

he didn’t want to get up, to go to bed, he couldn’t be bothered. Think he got depression and he just

gave up.

And what about you, how did you feel?

Well you know he was my childhood sweetheart – I couldn’t imagine what life would be like

without him. My son came over from Australia - he was very good – he did what he could – he

helped me and did the shopping and bits of things around the house George would have done. But

we couldn’t talk about it. I mean after that day when we saw the GP we didn’t talk about it.

Did you have anyone you could talk to?

I talked a bit to my sister. I mean she was very good but George and I didn’t talk about it. I mean

for a while before he got sort of really low he taught me how to sort out the money and showed me

how to do things. And my son did things around the house. I mean we all – we all became a bit

knowing that he was going to die but we didn’t you know we didn’t talk about it. And we didn’t

have any help so at the end you know he had no energy, he didn’t want to get up, he didn’t want to

eat anything you know I was more or less feeding him and doing everything for him. Nobody

offered. The neighbours – maybe they didn’t know but they didn’t ask so how would they know.

You don’t go round telling people you know shouting to all and sundry you know George has got

cancer, he’s dying – you know you don’t do that.

So how did that make you feel?

Bitter. You know I’ve done everything for my neighbours – I’d always helped them when they

were in trouble. I think people are embarrassed and they don’t know what to say.

People do say that, yes.

And then one morning I got up – you know by that time we weren’t sleeping in the same room – I

got up and went through to George and he’d died in his sleep.

How did you feel then?

Well it was unexpected completely. When I’m being sensible about it and thinking about George

and not thinking about how I feel then ……but if I think about how I feel it was the worse day of

my life.

Thank you very much.

Interview 2: 9 September 2002 Mr S

Well thank you for coming Mr Smith and agreeing to talk about your experience of

widowhood. I am interested in your own personal experience of widowhood and that may be

different from other people’s – what it’s like for you. The interview will probably last between

one and one and a half hours. And if you don’t mind I’d like to tape-record it. If you’d like

to hear the tape then we can arrange that for you. Should you wish to stop the interview at

any time or take a break, please tell me. Because the topic of our conversation is sensitive I

can assure you that it will remain confidential.

First of all I’d like to ask you half a dozen factual questions and then ask you some more open

questions.

Right.

So how old are you? I’m 63.

And when were you born? I was born in 1939.

And where? I was born in Birkenhead.

For how many years were you married Um now then let’s see. up until your wife died? I was married in 1965 – so 35 years.

And how long have you been widowed? I’ve been widowed – its two years now.

Do you have any children? Yes I do. I’ve got two daughters.

And do you have any grandchildren? Yes I’ve got four grandchildren – two little girls and two little boys.

And what was your job? Oh I’m a storekeeper.

You’re still working? Oh yes still working. I’m a storeman over in Birkenhead.

And did your wife work? Yes she worked too. She only worked part-

time because you know of looking after the

daughters – she worked in a shop part time.

I wonder whether you could tell me about the week around the time that she died, what

happened. I know it may be painful so we can take it slowly if you like and we can stop the

tape.

No it’s alright.

Can you tell me what happened?

Well um where shall I start. Well we’d been away um we’d been down – one of the daughters lives

down south, married somebody from down there, so we’d been down to see her one weekend and

um – oh I don’t know we were coming back – we were coming back in the car and you know the

wife wasn’t very well. I didn’t think it was anything - nothing serious you know – just that she

hadn’t been very well on the way back. Anyway we got back and carried on you know doing what

we would do at home after the weekend, getting ready for the next week, going to work, that sort of

thing, but she wasn’t well that night at all. I mean the next day I came back to work but she was

really quite sick.

Was she actually sick?

Yes. She was really sick and – so anyway we went to see the doctor – well she went to see the

doctor I didn’t.

Why was that, because you were working?

Yes I was working – I was working full time then and I couldn’t take time off work – I mean I did

take time off work later - anyway no she went to the doctor – and things went on from there

really. It started off she was going to the doctor and then going to the hospital.

Were you still working then?

Yes, I was working. I’m still working. I had to take a lot of time off but you know I’ve got good

daughters and they were a great help.

What sort of things did they do?

The daughters? Oh they helped a lot with you know, they came and helped – well I’ve got one

daughter lives nearby – she came and she virtually lived in our house. Looking after the missus.

She took her to the hospital. They just seemed to be going backwards and forwards to the hospital.

Was she staying in hospital?

Yes she stayed in for a few days and then she’d be a bit better and she’d be home – well she’d be

sick when she came out but after that she seemed a bit better. But then she’d go back.

Did you know what it was?

Well I don’t know – you know you thought – they didn’t really say what it was exactly. But you

know you could see on her that she wasn’t well. We all knew she wasn’t well. Well the daughter

was there – you know I had to go back to work. My other daughter, the one from down south she

kept coming up now and then. We all knew she wasn’t well.

How did you feel?

Well, it was hard really – it was hard – working hard you know, trying to keep going, coming home,

seeing her like that, you know I didn’t know what to do really for the best.

Yes. So what happened then?

Well the daughter was looking after her. She’d virtually moved in completely by then, she was

doing all the work, looking after her and cooking – all that sort of thing. You know she was getting

worse and worse. I didn’t think she could cope – she’d got young children herself as well and she

had them to look after. And then in the end – we’d had some help – you know we’d had quite a lot

of help from social services and the nurses but in the end they said well she’ll have to go into this

hospice.

Yes

and you know um we thought that maybe she’d just go in to give my daughter a rest or something

and she’d be back home. Well she wasn’t in there for a couple of days and that was it like.

And you still don’t know ..?

Well you know you think don’t you you think to yourself you can put it down to maybe the Big C.

But you don’t know?

Well we didn’t talk about it in - you know I’m not one for bothering the doctors and talking to them

and really I didn’t see them that much – it was the daughter who went with her.

Do you think your wife knew?

Um well.

How did she feel?

How did the wife feel?

Yes.

Oh she was brave really you know. She never complained. You know, maybe she knew – I don’t

know. We didn’t talk about it. Maybe she talked more to the daughter.

Do you wish you’d talked more?

Well looking back, yes, yes. But you know it wouldn’t have helped would it. Would it have

helped? I don’t think so. Some things you know inside you but you don’t talk about them. You

know she never talked to me about it.

Were you with her when she died?

Yes - yes I was with her. I used to go in – well you could go in whenever you wanted to there and I

did spend a lot of time in there with her – I was off that last week cos they kept saying – well they

said that she was bad and they said I could come and go and I felt I wanted to be up there. And I

was with her when she died.

Yes.

She went peacefully in the end.

Was she in pain beforehand?

Well you know they done a good job in that place – I think they kept the pain down.

So you were able to say goodbye?

Yes. Yes. Well yes in a way. I was holding her hand and she just seemed to slip away.

Thank you.

Interview 3: 9 September 2002 Mrs G

Hello Mrs Green.

Hello.

Thank you very much for coming in to talk about your experience of widowhood. I am

interested in your own personal experience which may be different from other people’s. The

interview will probably last between one and one and a half hours. I’d like to tape record the

conversation if that’s alright with you.

Mm.

And if you want to hear the tape then we can make arrangements for you to do that. If you

want to stop the interview at any time or take a break please tell me. Because the topic of our

discussion is sensitive I can assure you that it will remain confidential.

So first of all I would like to ask you a few factual questions and then go on to ask some more

open questions.

First of all, how old are you? I’m eighty.

Eighty. And when were you born? 1922.

And where were you born? Oh I was born in Birmingham.

And how many years were you married Well I was married 49 –

up until your husband died? we’d almost got to our Golden Wedding.

It was terrible – terrible that he died when he

did I mean I just don’t understand – you know

we got married in the War very quickly after

we’d met you know cos it was the War and it

was just oh true love really. We were just

starting to plan what we’d do for our Golden

Wedding – just – but it wasn’t to be.

No. Can I just carry on asking you a few Oh, well he died in 1989 so it’s thirteenfactual questions. Can you just tell me how thirteen yes.long you’ve been widowed?

So it’s quite a little while ago. It is but it feels like yesterday.

Does it? Yes. Mm.

Do you have any children? Yes. Got a girl and a boy.

And any grandchildren? Well I’ve got eight.

Really? Well my son’s got five children; my daughter’s got three. But they’re all grown up now.

Are they? Mm.

Any great grandchildren? I’ve got two great grandchildren. I’ve got one oftwo a little girl, and a little boy that’s just six monthsold. And they’re lovely. And they live close by – I see a lot of them.

Can you tell me, did you work? No. I never worked.

And what about your husband, Yes he worked as a – I’m not quite sure what he diddid he work? really – he worked for that electronics factory but I

don’t know what he did. Long hours.

Can I ask you what it was like in the time leading up to his death. I know it may be painful for you and if you want to stop or have a break just say.

Well we’d both retired so we’d been having – he’d been retired for quite a while – he’d worked till

he was 65 – he’s a couple of years older than me so he’d been retired four years and I’d never

worked so we had four years doing things together. For the first time in our lives.

What sort of things did you do?

Well we went um – we did the garden and we went on bus trips you know coach trips to places like

Blackpool and Llandudno and stately homes and we went to um – well we were very involved in

the church so we went to lots of things in the church. We were really very busy and then we went to

see our children and to visit grandchildren. So no we were very busy.

Did you do most things together?

Oh we did everything together.

You did?

Yes. I mean throughout all the time we were married did everything together. Mm everything.

Except you know in the War but everything outside of that it was together. Never had – I mean

apart from during the War – never had a night apart.

Really?

Mm I know. So er and he was very fit, very fit, very healthy, nothing wrong with him at all.

He’d not had any previous ill health?

Nothing. Nothing. It was just completely out of the blue. He went to bed one night. We’d had a

nice day – we’d been – we’d been to Chatsworth on a coach trip – really nice day it was and

everyone was saying how nice it was and I’d made a nice picnic. And we’d got back in time just for

a late you know for a late tea. And we watched the telly – what did we watch – well we watched

the lottery cos it was Wednesday and then some drama and then we went to bed about ten o’clock as

we usually do. Made a cup of tea, went to bed. You know you don’t think being married all those

years. And I woke up about five o’clock and I just felt strange. I wasn’t sure..

In what way?

Just cold really cold. And it took me a few minutes to realise that it was Frank – Frank wasn’t cold

he was always warm and we’d usually wake up in the morning you know back to back. But he was

really cold and then I realised that he wasn’t breathing. And I leaned over him and shook him and

nothing and I screamed. And I must have screamed loud because my neighbour heard -the walls are

very thin – they’re very thin between us and I woke up my neighbour and she came to the back door

and when she came she was banging on the door and I just – I was just by Frank. I just couldn’t - I

couldn’t get and open the door or anything.

What happened then?

My neighbour she went back inside her house – she’s got a key you know for when we’re away and

that’s how. She came and held me and sat me down and put a blanket round me.

How were you feeling?

Shocked. I don’t think I could believe it. So she got her husband and he phoned the ambulance,

they came - it was cold it wasn’t that the room was cold it was cold. And the ambulance came but

they didn’t come with the siren on. I think – well it was early in the morning I suppose they didn’t

want to wake people. Maybe my neighbour had said he thought he was dead. He’d been dead a

long time. The ambulancemen were very good they really were. But it was all automatic – all a

blur - and I don’t know how I got through the next week really.

Did your family help?

Yeah, yeah, I mean although they – you know they lived a long way away they all came. My

neighbours have been marvellous too – you know this one here she’s helped with all sorts – and I

can talk to her you know. She’s helped me - and I’d never done anything – I’d never even looked

at a bank statement in my life. Now I can do all of those things but at that time I couldn’t do

anything.

You said it was a blur at the time …

I can’t remember what happened – no can’t think. You know I can remember clearly, vividly up to

finding him dead but after that as I say it’s a blur. You just don’t think something like this is going

to happen. You just think you’re going to be together. It’s like losing half of yourself.

Interview 4: 9 September 2002 Mr F

Thank you for agreeing to talk to me Mr Field about your experience of widowhood. I’m

interested in your own personal experience which may be different from those of other people

so tell me what it’s been like for you. The interview will probably last between one and one

and a half hours. If you don’t mind I’d like to tape-record the interview.

No that’s fine.

If you wanted to listen to the tape then you’d be very welcome. And if you wish to stop the

interview at any time or take a break please tell me. Because the topic of our conversation is

sensitive I can assure you that it will remain confidential. I’d like to start off by asking you

half a dozen factual questions, and then ask you some more open questions.

Can I ask you how old you are? I’m seventy.

And when were you born? I was born in 1932.

And can I ask you where you were born? Yes I was born up in the north, near Newcastle way.

How many years were you married up Well I’ve been married twice you know.until your wife died?

Oh have you, I didn’t know. Yes. Mm. Well the first time I was married well we weren’t married long – she died – she wasn’t well when I married her but is it the second time you want to know about?

Yes. OK. Well I was married oh when was I married

– I think it was about 1973. And she died in 1999 so that’s 26 years is it, something like that.

And how long have you been widowed? I’ve been widowed since 1999 so it’s coming up three years now. Oh I don’t know I’ve had bad luckreally with these women.

Oh dear. Both of them weren’t well women at all. And um Elsie she wasn’t – she wasn’t well really either fromthe time we got married.

Oh - why? Well you know she had arthritis – she started off with arthritis - she was young really to start with arthritis and then I don’t know one thing after another, she had a hysterectomy, and then they said she had osteoporosis I think they call it and really she became quite disabled. I had to give up my job to look after her. It got to the point where I couldn’t leave her – you know she couldn’t do that much for herself. I used to have to …

Can I just go back a bit and ask you if No. No. you have any children?

How old was your wife? Well she was a bit younger than me – five years younger than me I should think. So she was in her early sixties when she died.

When you were working what Well I was an engineer – I had a good job you know did you do? – a good job which paid well but as I say I had to

give it up. It was difficult – you know we lost the money – it was a bit difficult to manage at times.

So how old were you when you stopped I had to give up quite a long time ago. It must haveworking? been in 83, 84 – I’m not good on dates. Anyway

you know I could do most things in the house and um you know I liked being with her – I loved her – and I wanted to be with her and do all I could for her. She couldn’t do it and um you know I was brought up in the way – my mam used to say you know give a hand in the house – not like these youngsters now – we used to have to help, so I could do it – you know do the washing. I can iron too. I’m a good ironer.

What about cooking? Oh yes I’m quite good at cooking yes. I can do anything. I can do a joint and two veg – yes – Sunday dinner’s no trouble.

So was she in a wheelchair? Oh she was yes. Yes. She was in a wheelchair for a long long time. I can hardly remember when she wasn’t but you know we used to go out – I used to take her out and we used to go – she was very keen on

music – we used to go along to the Philharmonic – do you know that?

Mm. They’ve got good wheelchair access there. Very good. We used to go twice a week sometimes – they have concessions for pensioners. She was very keen on – now what’s that fella called – Handel is it.

Yes. Oh yes she liked the music. And we had lots of music at home – had a stereo thing so we listened to music a lot. I think it helped her you know because she was so housebound the music seemed to calm her, soothe her.

Can you tell me about the time you know immediately before she died, can you remember?

Really she was just fading away you know how they are when osteoporosis takes hold. She just

shrivelled up. Well – no – she hadn’t been particularly unwell. She was as she normally was but

then all of a sudden oh …(upset).

Do you need a break? (tape paused)

OK if you’re ready to carry on.

Yes I’m sorry about that. Sometimes it just gets to me.

I know of course.

It’s only three years and you know I miss her. I do.

Yes I’m sure. Perhaps you could, if it’s OK with you, could you tell me you know what happened?

Well as I say nothing really happened – it was just a normal day. You know it took a while to get

her organised in the morning as it usually does. Getting her up and dressed and once she’s washed

she liked to sit in the chair there for a while in the morning and then after lunch we usually go out in

the afternoon and we went out that afternoon. We went round the park – it was a nice day. Yes I

remember the bulbs were coming through in the park and she was you know – she seemed pretty

happy really – she was pretty good. We both like being outside in the fresh air. Yes it was a nice

warm day. Anyway we came in and I settled her in the back room and went through to start to

make the tea and I brought her in a cup of tea and then I went back to find something for the tea and

um – oh (sighs) peeling potatoes and um – heard a funny noise and er didn’t think much, carried on,

got the potatoes on. Um – anyway something made me go through to the other room and she’d

gone – just like that – she was just there and then she’d gone.

So what did you do?

I called the ambulance and they came but it was too late. It was just too late. You know there was

no warning at all. I just couldn’t believe what happened. I couldn’t believe it. You know one

minute she’d been there, she was there and I was doing the tea and the next minute she’d …

Did they say what it was?

Well they said it was a heart attack – massive one and couldn’t do ‘owt but she’d not had one

before.

Did she have heart trouble?

No, not so far as I knew – she had all these other problems but it was mostly to do with the bones.

Oh it was a terrible shock.

So what did you do?

Well um – well of course I had all the things to see to. The doctor came and he was very good but I

don’t know – it was a terrible shock really. I don’t know what I did. You know I didn’t have any

close family. I’ve got a brother but he lives up in Newcastle – he was on the phone telling me I

had to do this that and the other but I wasn’t really sure what to do. Anyway he came down in the

end with his daughter and they stayed for a while.

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