The Newest JokesSome scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog. For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs. For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs. For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. Howeer, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg. !s a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after haing three legs cut off. Submitted by"#drissi $ouhssine%hat is the longest word in the &nglish language' S$#(&S" there is a mile between the first and last letters)* Submitted by" +ein ,ennerTeacher" $aria please point to !merica on the map. $aria" This is it. Teacher" %ell done. -ow class, who found !merica' .lass" $aria did. Submitted by" +mankoolman! Scotsman who was driing home one night, ran into a car drien by an &nglishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologi/e and offered the &nglishman a drink from abottle of whisky. The &nglishman was glad to hae a drink.*0o on,* said the Scot, *hae another drink.*The &nglishman drank gratefully. *1ut don't you want one, too'* he asked the Scotsman. *,erhaps,* replied the Scotsman, *after the police hae gone.* Submitted by" 2gur 3au/turk!" !ren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger'1" 3es # am, # married the wrong woman. Submitted by" !nonymous! man was pulled oer for driing too fast, een though he thought he was driing just fine.4fficer" 3ou were speeding.$an" -o, # wasn't.4fficer" 3es, you were. #'m giing you a ticket.$an" 1ut # wasn't speeding.4fficer" Tell that to the judge) 5The officer gies man the ticket.6$an" %ould # get another ticket if # called you a jerk'4fficer" 3es, you would.$an" %hat if # just thought that you were'4fficer" # can't gie you a ticket for what you think.$an" Fine, # think you're a jerk) Submitted by" -ick Henry, &S( teacher in +orea%hat are the three 7uickest ways of spreading a rumour 5or gossip6. Telegram Telephone Tell a woman,erhaps not ery politically correct in the times we lie in, but worth a slight chuckle. Submitted by" 8ae 9 1rendan &8#T4:'S -4T&" $aybe you could teach your students the phrase *politically correct* and discuss it.#f you gie a man a fish, he eats for a day.#f you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.#f you gie a man a fire, he's warm for a day.#f you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life. Submitted by" !nonymous!" 8id you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.1" That's impossible. %hose baby'!" !n elephant's. Submitted by" 2gur 3au/turk*!m # the first man you hae eer loed'* he said.*4f course,* she answered *%hy do men always ask the same 7uestion'*. Submitted by" 2gur 3au/turk%hen # was young # didn't like going to weddings.$y grandmother would tell me, *3ou're next*Howeer, she stopped doing that after # started saying the same thing to her at funerals. Submitted by" .hris Fisher!" #'m in a big trouble)1" %hy is that'!" # saw a mouse in my house)1" 4h, well, all you need to do is use a trap.!" # don't hae one.1" %ell then, buy one.!" .an't afford one.1" # can gie you mine if you want.!" That sounds good.1" !ll you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.!" # don't hae any cheese.1" 4kay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.!" # don't hae oil.1" %ell, then put only a small piece of bread.!" # don't hae bread.1" Then what is the mouse doing at your house') Submitted by" 0enti 1iraci! ery drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another ery drunk man.He looks up in the sky and says, *#s that the sun or the moon'*The other drunk man answers, *# don't know. #'m a stranger here myself.* Submitted by" !nonymous! man is talking to 0od.The man" *0od, how long is a million years'*0od" *To me, it's about a minute.*The man" *0od, how much is a million dollars'*0od" *To me it's a penny.*The man" *0od, may # hae a penny'*0od" *%ait a minute.* Submitted by" Freshteh SadeghiFred is ;< years old and he is still single. 4ne day a friend asked, *%hy aren't you married' .an't you find a woman who will be agood wife'* Fred replied, *!ctually, #'e found many women # wanted to marry, but when # bring themhome to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them.* His friend thinks for a moment and says, *#'e got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother.* ! few months later they meet again and his friend says, *8id you find the perfect girl' 8id your mother like her'* %ith a frown on his face, Fred answers, *3es, # found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. 3ou were right, my mother liked her ery much.* The friend said, *Then what's the problem'* Fred replied, *$y father doesn't like her.*!n elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.*#f you promise not to beliee eerything your child says happens at school, # will promise not to beliee eerything your child says happens at home.Submitted by" %illaim 0reaes!" 8octor, will # be able to play the piano after the operation'1" 3es, of course.!" 0reat) # neer could before) Submitted by" Fred%hy couldn't .inderella be a good soccer player' She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin. 5:e7uires basic knowledge of the .inderella story and that both ball and coach hae double meanings.6 Submitted by" =illian H.Teacher" Tell me a sentence that starts with an *#*. Student" # is the...Teacher" Stop) -eer put 'is' after an *#*. !lways put 'am' after an *#*.Student" 4+. # am the ninth letter of the alphabet. Submitted by" $onirul HassanTwo factory workers are talking.The woman says, *# can make the boss gie me the day off.*The man replies, *!nd how would you do that'*The woman says, *=ust wait and see.* She then hangs upside>down from the ceiling.The boss comes in and says, *%hat are you doing'*The woman replies, *#'m a light bulb.*The boss then says, *3ou'e been working so much that you'e gone cra/y. # think you need to take the day off.*The man starts to follow her and the boss says, *%here are you going'*The man says, *#'m going home, too. # can't work in the dark.* Submitted by" Tshifhiwa :ambauTwo cows are standing in a field.4ne says to the other *!re you worried about $ad .ow 8isease'*The other one says *-o, #t doesn't worry me, #'m a horse)* Submitted by" $ichael TrewTeacher" How can we get some clean water'Student" 1ring the water from the rier and wash it. Submitted by" ?einab &ltayb@. %hat do you call a ginger bread man with one leg' !. (imp 1i/kit. 5limp biscuit6 5!lternate" %hat do the 1ritish call a cookie that got wet'6 Submitted by" &mily $ileski5#f you don't know what (imp 1i/kit is, see the results of a 0oogle search for (imp 1i/kit.6! guy says to his friend, *0uess how many coins # hae in my pocket.* The friends says, *#f # guess right, will you gie me one of them'* The first guys says, *#f you guess right, #'ll gie you both of them)* Submitted by" $attyThis is a good one to follow the following preiously submitted joke.!" %hat do you call a deer with no eyes' 1" -o idea. 5-o &ye 8eer.6!" %hat do you call a dead deer with no eyes' 1" Still no idea.!" $eet my new born brother.1" 4h, he is so handsome) %hat's his name'!" # don't know. # can't understand a word he says.Submitted by" (anda &ugene@" %hen does the 5&nglish6 alphabet hae only a shock as a hiccup cure appears to be an international thing.Submitted by" =enny $itchell@" %hat do you call a deer with no eyes' !" -o idea.5-o>eye deer6Submitted by" ,ablo 4rtega =uHre/&S( teacher" 3ou must neer begin a sentence *# is ...*. .leer student" ,lease sir, what's wrong with *# is a owel*.