Prom Perfection (1st ed. - 06.17.08) - promperfection8jr Copyright © 2008 Jane Steiner

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To Steve, who loved to laugh

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Cast of Characters

KARA GIRL#1 CORY GIRL#2 TINA HARVEY ALICIA DEAN BOY LEWIS MAURICE EMMA JESSICA MOM MIKE AUNT DENISE NEIL NANA TERRANCE DADDY BENNY ADAM GIRL JASMINE GARY GIRL #1 ANNOUNCER BOY #1 SALESWOMAN MONICA STELLA TASHA LAUREN JOSH TIFFANY ANGELA RANDALL KELLY MRS. PETERSON CANDICE MR. PETERSON LIZ HEATHER PRINCIPAL BRANDON GLORIA TAYLOR RAY ANNIE

Acknowledgments

Prom Perfection was first produced in May 2005, by the Mt. Healthy High School Theater II classes. Thanks to those students, whose enthusiasm for drama inspired the script and made the production, well, perfect.

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PROM PERFECTION by Jane Steiner

Scene 1: The Invitation

(CORY approaches KARA after several false starts. He carries a briefcase along with his presentation poster and tripod.)

KARA. Oh hi Cory. I didn’t see you there. What’s up?

CORY. (Clears throat.) Kara, would you go to prom with me?

KARA. Actually—

CORY. Before you answer, I do need to point out that I am fully aware that John Morris asked you yesterday. I am also fully pre-pared to convince you that in choosing me to be your date, (Presents a large poster of a bar graph with the following percentages clearly la-beled:) you are 37.6% more likely to have a good time, 48.9% more likely to have your meal paid for, and 67% more likely not to be groped in the back of the limo. Unless, of course, you want that, be-cause we could negotiate those terms under section 12B of the con-tract… (Presents a thick contract and begins flipping through the pages.)

KARA. Contract?

CORY. Yes. All partnerships must be entered into under the best of legal scenarios. This isn’t just pizza and a movie. Formalwear is in-volved, as well as extended curfews and slow dancing.

KARA. Cory, if you would just—

CORY. Let me just read to you from subsection 8G. It contains an outline of my business plan—I have a copy for you—for earning enough money for the price of our tickets, a suitable corsage—an-other negotiable item—and of course the tuxedo rental, though that contract is supplemental and provided by Bruce Formal. (Reading:) Party A, in agreement with Party B—

KARA. Cory, I don’t think a contract—

CORY. If you feel uncomfortable, please take the opportunity to consult with your legal representation before signing. Of course, at

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seventeen, you are still a minor, so any signatures on your part must be made in the presence of a legal guardian. Oh, and the terms of the contract are valid for the next three business days.

KARA. Cory, please listen to me! I really don’t think any of this is necessary.

CORY. I disagree. John Morris is a sensible choice of prom date. He’s tall, gets decent grades—

KARA. What do grades have to do with going to the prom?

CORY. Everything! You deserve to have a date who’s just as smart as you are.

KARA. You think I’m smart?

CORY. Well, yeah, and pretty and graceful and funny. That’s why I would be honored to be your date.

KARA. Why didn’t you just say that to begin with?

CORY. Because John Morris—

KARA. I told John Morris no.

CORY. No?

KARA. Yes. He may be tall and smart, but he’s not the one that I want to go with.

CORY. Whom do you want to go with?

KARA. You, silly. For someone intelligent enough to calculate that graph, you sure aren’t very smart. Oh, and my terms for going to prom are that you tear up that silly contract. Agreed? (Extends hand to shake.)

CORY. (Rips contract, shakes KARA’s hand, then kisses it.) Agreed!

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Scene 2: It Must Be Torture

(TINA and ALICIA enter and stand before a very bright sign counting down the days to prom. They watch as CORY and KARA agree to go to prom as Scene 1 ends. The couple happily leaves to-gether.)

TINA. This whole prom thing is getting ridiculous.

ALICIA. No kidding.

TINA. We just saw that perfectly nice couple agree to a night of pure torture. They might as well just gather all the money they earned working at Burger King this summer into a big pile, light it on fire and roll around in the flames. The experiences are about the same.

ALICIA. Do you really think it’s that bad? I mean, it looks kinda fun.

TINA. Don’t look directly at the sign, Alicia. All that glitter and sparkle hypnotizes you into believing that a strapless dress, an ex-pensive dinner and a ruined reputation make for a magical night.

ALICIA. I really have no idea what you’re talking about.

TINA. Okay, it’s all about finding a date. First, you have to humili-ate yourself by asking some boy to be your date. Some boy you may not even like by the time prom rolls around. Plus, your first choice is most likely going to say no. See, watch. (Approaches a random boy and aggressively speaks:) Wanna go to prom?

BOY. Uh. No?

TINA. (Turning back to ALICIA:) See. Rejected.

ALICIA. I don’t think that counts. Was he really your first choice?

TINA. It doesn’t matter. Girls like me just don’t get the magic. (Starts to gaze at the sign as if slowly getting hypnotized:) I mean, who wants to spend $200 on the fabulous midnight blue dress I saw at the mall last weekend. Or ride in the back of a limo for the first time. Or dance one perfect slow dance with Maurice Adams— Wait! What am I saying?

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ALICIA. I think you’re saying you want to go to prom with Mau-rice.

TINA. I think I am, too.

ALICIA. Oh that’s so great. I think you should ask him.

TINA. Did you listen to anything I just said?

ALICIA. Yup. I heard a bunch of excuses from a girl who’s scared to ask a guy she likes out for a really great date. So, here he comes now. Go! (Pushes a reluctant TINA towards an approaching MAU-RICE.)

TINA. (Nervously:) Hi Maurice.

MAURICE. Hey.

TINA. Sodoyouwanttogotoprom?

MAURICE. What?

TINA. (Breathes deeply, collecting herself.) Would you like to go to prom with me?

MAURICE. Yeah, sure.

TINA. Great. I’ll call you this weekend.

MAURICE. All right. See ya. (Exits.)

ALICA. So, what did he say?

TINA. He said yes. I can’t believe it. He said yes. I’m going to prom. Oh, Alicia, what about you? What will you do prom night?

ALICIA. Girl, I told Ron Morgan I would go with him three days ago.

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Scene 3: The Suitors

(As JESSICA speaks, the SUITORS should be unaware of her asides, though they should be acting out the various descriptions with ex-pressions, gestures, sounds, etc. Each suitor should also be increas-ingly nerdy.)

JESSICA. Prom is in twelve days, six hours, forty-three minutes, which gives Gary Kline (GARY steps onto stage right next to her.) ex-actly four hours and thirteen minutes to ask me to be his prom date. Any later than that and it will be really hard for us to coordinate the color of my dress with the ordering of his tux and the appropriate corsage. I decided last November that Gary would be the perfect es-cort for prom. He has great teeth, limited acne, and a super cool car. I really don’t understand why he’s taking so long.

(MIKE enters stage left of JESSICA, as do the rest of the SUITORS.)

MIKE. Jessica, would you make me the happiest guy ever by being my date to prom?

JESSICA. (Aside:) Mike has turned into a supreme hottie this year, but I just can’t forget the day in first grade when I saw Mike pick a booger and wipe it on his pants. (MIKE mimes picking a booger and wiping it. JESSICA shudders.) Some things just can’t be forgotten, (Speaking to MIKE:) so the answer, Mike, is no.

(MIKE exits. NEIL takes his place.)

NEIL. Hi Jessica. I was just wondering if you would maybe like to go with me to the prom?

JESSICA. (Aside:) That’s my neighbor, Neil. He’s a nice enough guy, kinda cute, but he totally snorts when he laughs. (NEIL laughs and snorts.) Besides, Gary still has three hours and twenty-eight minutes to ask me. Sorry, Neil.

(NEIL exits. TERRANCE takes his place.)

TERRANCE. Yo, Jess. Wanna go to prom?

JESSICA. Total metal head, always working on some rusty pile of junk. You won’t be touching my four hundred dollar dress with those greasy hands, Terrance.

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(TERRANCE exits. BENNY takes his place.)

BENNY. W-w-will y-y-you g-g-go—

JESSICA. No, Benny! (BENNY exits. GARY continues to pose and smile as JESSICA yells.) What is taking Gary so long? I’m right here. Why don’t you just ask me already? (An attractive GIRL enters and approaches GARY.) Hey, who’s that? Get away from him. He’s my prom date. He still has fifty-five minutes to ask me to prom. Go ask Neil. He still needs a date.

GIRL. Hi Gary. So have you thought about who you’re going to prom with?

GARY. Not really, well not until this moment.

GIRL. And who did you think about this very moment?

JESSICA. Me! He thought about me!

GARY. You. Want to go to prom?

GIRL. Yes. (The two link arms and exit.)

JESSICA. No! No, no, no! Where are you going? You still have twelve minutes left. You can change your mind. (Beat.) He was supposed to ask. Oh well. (Turns opposite direction and calls offstage:) Hey Mike! (Beat.) Neil! (Beat.) Terrance? (Beat.) Okay, fine. Benny.

(BENNY runs onstage, leaping for joy.)

BENNY. Th-th-thanks.

Scene 4: One Dress

(STELLA and LAUREN are browsing in the dress section of a de-partment store. At the same time, they notice a pretty dress on a mannequin. As the announcement is made, the saleswoman ap-proaches.)

ANNOUNCER. (Voice is heard over a loudspeaker.) Attention Spencer Department Store Shoppers. For the next ten minutes all prom dresses purchased with a Spencer Credit Card are twenty five per-cent off.

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SALESWOMAN. Hello ladies. I’m sure you just heard our special announcement. Is there something I can help you with today?

STELLA. I’d like to try this dress on.

LAUREN. Actually, I would like to try this dress on. I was here first.

STELLA. That’s not true! I saw the dress first.

SALESWOMAN. Ladies…

LAUREN. I don’t have time for this. Just give me the dress.

STELLA. No. Give it to me!

SALESWOMAN. We have several lovely dresses just the—

STELLA / LAUREN. NO!

SALESWOMAN. I’m just going to let the two of you work this out. (Exits.)

LAUREN. Right. Let’s work this out.

STELLA. Okay, prom is a totally big deal at my school. Way bigger than Homecoming or Winterfest. I should have the dress.

LAUREN. Well, at my school, we only have prom. No Homecom-ing or Winterfest. The dress is way more important for me.

STELLA. But I was nominated for prom queen. This is the perfect dress.

LAUREN. I was already named prom queen. The first dance is dedicated to me. (Looking STELLA up and down:) I don’t think you’ll need to worry about that though.

STELLA. Just like you don’t need to worry about trying to fit into a dress this size.

LAUREN. Hey! Don’t even go there. My boyfriend’s favorite color is _________. (Fill in according to dress.) He’s gonna love this dress, which I will have no problem fitting into.

STELLA. No, he’s not because I’m buying it, for my boyfriend. He also enjoys the color ___________, and since he’s leaving for the

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Army six weeks after prom, I need the perfect dress. After all, he’ll be serving our country. It’s like I’m wearing the dress for America.

LAUREN. My boyfriend only has three months to live. His last wish is to go to prom with me wearing this dress. Are you going to deny a man his dying wish?

STELLA. Well, my mother died last year and her last wish would have been for me to wear this dress.

LAUREN. Oh yeah, well, my dead grandfather came to me last night in a dream to let me know about this sale because it’s my des-tiny to wear this dress!

STELLA. That’s ridiculous.

LAUREN. So is wearing a dress for America. (Starts to take the dress off the mannequin:) Just give it to me. I want my twenty five percent discount!

STELLA. (Picks up the mannequin, snatching it away:) No, it’s mine!

(LAUREN tries to take the mannequin back, but only manages to pull off the arm. Slowly both begin circling each other, wielding their respective mannequin parts as weapons. LAUREN jabs the arm threateningly at STELLA.)

LAUREN. Don’t mess with me, girl. Just hand over the dress and no one gets hurt.

(SALESWOMAN enters.)

SALESWOMAN. What on earth? Give me that. And that. You’re fighting over a dress that neither one of you have even tried on.

STELLA. I would have.

SALESWOMAN. How do you even know you can afford this dress?

LAUREN. How much is it? (SALESWOMAN holds up the price tag for each girl to see.) Oh.

STELLA. Why don’t you just go ahead and try it on?

LAUREN. Oh no. I couldn’t. Your dead mother and all.

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ANNOUNCER. Attention Spencer Department Store Shoppers. For the next ten minutes all prom shoes purchased with a Spencer Credit Card are twenty five percent off.

(LAUREN and STELLA look at each other before rushing off stage, pushing and shoving.)

Scene 5: The Ugly Dress

TIFFANY. This dress is quite possibly the ugliest creation ever known to man. For four years, I’ve dreamt about going to prom. The boy. The dinner. The dancing. And of course, the dress. When I was a freshman, the dress was black satin with roses embroidered at the bodice and along the hem. By sophomore year, it was red with silver sequins on the skirt. Junior year was sapphire lace with cap sleeves and a matching shawl. And this year, senior year, the dress was pale, pink perfection. Satin and lace. Sequins and em-broidery. Cap sleeves and a matching shawl. (Sigh.) I was going to be so beautiful. I started looking in September, just to give myself enough time. Every weekend I went to the mall, department stores, thrift stores, church rummage sales, any place that sold fancy dresses. I never even tried anything on because I would know the dress when I saw it. (Beat.) I just never saw it. So tonight is prom, and this morning I found myself with no dress. Not the dress of my dreams, not any other dress either. Every place in town is sold out, not one single dress in my size. I checked them all. Only size ones or twenty eights. Randall was set to pick me up in two hours and I had no other options. So my mom said, “Why don’t you wear the bridesmaid’s dress you wore in your Cousin Dana’s wedding?” For a spilt second I thought about not going. I mean it’s only (Voice cracking:) prom. (Composes self.) But I can’t imagine graduating from high school without the flowers, and the limo, and the slow dance at midnight. At least it will be dark out on the dance floor. (Knocking from offstage:) Oh, there’s Randall.

RANDALL. (Enters wearing the ugliest suit or tuxedo imaginable.) Wow, Tiffany. I’ve never seen a dress like that before. It’s so unique.

TIFFANY. Thank you. You look unique, too.

RANDALL. Thanks. I wore this for my Cousin Brad’s wedding.

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TIFFANY. Well, I think together, we’re about to have a memorable night.

Scene 6: Intentions

(MRS. PETERSON should have two different voices, one for when she’s around her family, the other for when she’s alone with HEATHER.)

MRS. PETERSON. Hello. You must be Heather. So nice to meet you.

MR. PETERSON. Please come in and have a seat. Brandon will be down in a few minutes. You know how guys are.

HEATHER. Thanks. It’s nice to meet you, too.

MRS. PETERSON. I’m so glad you could drive at the last minute. We feel so bad about the mess with the car.

MR. PETERSON. Our mechanic says it’s the transmission, but he can’t get to it until Monday.

HEATHER. Oh, no problem. My mom was happy to lend me her minivan.

BRANDON. (From offstage:) Dad! I’m having trouble with my tie. Will you give me a hand?

MR. PETERSON. I’ll be right there! Excuse me. (Exits.)

(MRS. PETERSON sits down next to HEATHER on the couch. There is an awkward silence.)

MRS. PETERSON. So, Heather, Brandon tells me you’re a cheer-leader.

HEATHER. Yes. Well, I was for football and basketball. I’ve been on the prom committee this spring, and working on a community service project with my church.

MRS. PETERSON. (Voice changes:) Well, aren’t you just a busy one.

HEATHER. I guess.

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MRS. PETERSON. Let’s cut the crap, girlie. I don’t care what committee you’re on or what “church” project you’ve got going. What are your intentions with my son?

HEATHER. I’m not sure I understand.

MRS. PETERSON. Oh, I think you do. Just answer the question. What are your intentions with my son?

HEATHER. Um, we’re going to dinner with Jenny and Stan at the steakhouse. Then we’re going to the Grand Hotel.

MRS. PETERSON. Ah-ha! You never had any intention of going to the prom, did you? You’re planning to take advantage of my son in some hotel room.

HEATHER. But, the prom is at the hotel. In the Grand Ballroom. It says so right on the tickets. (Produces tickets from her purse.)

MRS. PETERSON. (Snatches the tickets away.) How do I know these aren’t fake? That you haven’t made counterfeit tickets as part of your little scheme?

HEATHER. There’s no scheme, Mrs. Peterson.

MRS. PETERSON. Do you plan on giving my son any alcoholic beverages?

HEATHER. What? No!

MRS. PETERSON. Do you have any illegal substances in your purse or on your person?

HEATHER. Of course not!

MRS. PETERSON. Would you mind if I searched you?

HEATHER. Yes, I would mind. This is ridiculous.

MRS. PETERSON. What I find ridiculous is that you think you can walk in here with your high heel shoes and fancy dress and take my son out for a night of wild debauchery. Well, let me tell you some-thing, you little hussy. I am a lioness hunting for any scent of wrong doing in the Serengeti of my son’s life. I will crush you if you hurt my son. Crush you into dust. (Makes a severe crushing gesture with fist.) Do you understand? (Wide-eyed, HEATHER nods her head.)

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Good. (Voice changes back as BRANDON and MR. PETERSON enter:) Oh, here come my boys. Oh, honey, don’t you look handsome.

BRANDON. Thanks Mom. Heather, are you ready to go?

(The couple makes their exit as HEATHER and MRS. PETERSON exchange one last glance, where MRS. PETERSON repeats her “crushing” gesture.)

HEATHER. More than you’ll ever know.

Scene 7: The Ugly Corsage

TAYLOR. Wow, Annie, you look so amazing.

ANNIE. Thanks, Taylor. I like your tux.

TAYLOR. Thanks. Oh, I almost forgot. I brought you a corsage.

(Pulls a corsage box out of a paper bag, box contains a large, ugly corsage that clashes horribly with ANNIE’s dress.)

ANNIE. Whoa. Wow. Yeah, this is a corsage.

TAYLOR. Do you like it?

ANNIE. Gosh, I don’t think “like” is the right word.

TAYLOR. When I saw it in the shop, it made me think of you.

ANNIE. Really. What did you think?

TAYLOR. (Looking nervous:) What do you mean?

ANNIE. When you saw the corsage, what exactly about it made you think of me?

TAYLOR. (Clears throat:) Well, this flower right here reminded me of your eyes.

ANNIE. My eyes are brown.

TAYLOR. I know. And obviously the flower is not, but, uh, the beauty of the petals made me think of the shape of your eyelashes.

ANNIE. Uh-huh. And what about this big, thing, right here?

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TAYLOR. Ah, now that is something no other corsage had, so it is itself unique and like no other, like you.

ANNIE. Right. And this interesting ribbon?

TAYLOR. Matches your dress? (ANNIE shakes her head.) Compli-ments your shoes? (ANNIE raises her eyebrows.) Bright like your smile? Yeah, your smile.

ANNIE. Did you forget to order the corsage?

TAYLOR. What? No!

ANNIE. Taylor, just tell me the truth. I won’t be mad. I promise.

TAYLOR. Okay, okay. I forgot about the corsage until my mom reminded me on my way out the door. I did everything else I was supposed to though. I got the tux, rented the limo, bought the tick-ets. I’m sorry. By the time I got to the flower shop they didn’t have any more. They pulled this one together with extras from a funeral.

ANNIE. These flowers are for dead people?

TAYLOR. No, they’re for you.

ANNIE. But you didn’t pick them out for me. You settled for left-overs. I’m supposed to be able to press these flowers into a book and someday tell a daughter of my own about all the perfect details of my prom. (Holds up corsage:) This won’t even fit in any book I own.

TAYLOR. How about a Bible?

ANNIE. My prom memories do not belong in a Bible! Not that I’m saying we’re going to break any commandments or anything.

TAYLOR. A dictionary.

ANNIE. I don’t want my prom memories to remind me of English class either.

TAYLOR. English class is where we met though.

ANNIE. Fine, maybe the dictionary is better than the Bible, but I don’t even know if I want to keep this ugly thing.

TAYLOR. (Hurt:) Oh. I understand.

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ANNIE. Wait. That wasn’t very kind. It is the thought that counts.

TAYLOR. No, it’s not. Not when the thought comes at the last minute from your mom.

ANNIE. Okay, Taylor, so far our entire prom date has included dis-cussion about the Bible, your mom, and English class. Maybe we need to just start over.

TAYLOR. Good idea. (Beat.) Wow, Annie, you look so amazing.

ANNIE. Thanks, Taylor. I like your tux.

TAYLOR. Thanks. Oh, I almost forgot. I brought you, uh, just as second. (Takes a single rose from the center of the corsage:) This is for you.

ANNIE. Thank you. (Tucks flower behind ear:) It’s perfect.

TAYLOR. Just like you. Now, why don’t we get to dinner. We’re probably late for our reservation. What time did you make it for?

ANNIE. Um, about that reservation…

Scene 8: The Dinner

(Two couples are seated at a fancy restaurant.)

GIRL#1. We’re going to go freshen up.

GIRL#2. We’ll be right back.

HARVEY. Take your time ladies. (They exit as a waiter brings the bill.) Whoa, man. I didn’t realize this place was so expensive.

DEAN. Dang! This is way more than I planned. (Takes out wallet.) Yeah, I’m gonna be a little short. Can you spot me twenty bucks, dude?

HARVEY. (Checking his own wallet:) I don’t even think I have enough to cover my half.

DEAN. Let me see this. (Begins studying the bill:) What the hell is pâté and why does it cost twenty-seven dollars? Is it made from gold?

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HARVEY. I don’t know, man, but this fruit seltzer drink thingy costs nine bucks a glass, and she ordered two. At this price, I better get some act— Hey, baby. That was quick. (Both guys stand, covering the bill with a napkin as the girls return.)

GIRL#1. We still have a little time. Should we order dessert?

GIRL#2. Oooh. The baked Alaska sounds soooo good. Wanna split it?

GIRL#1. No way. I’m gonna get the chocolate mousse, but you go ahead.

HARVEY. Baby, maybe you should—

GIRL#1. What?

HARVEY. Uh, go back to the restroom. You have a little something in your teeth.

DEAN. Yeah, why don’t you go help her, honey. And check out that stain on your skirt. (Both GIRLS run out.)

HARVEY. What are we gonna do?

DEAN. I don’t know about you, dude, but I’m outta here.

HARVEY. You mean leave the girls?

DEAN. Yeah. Unless you want to stay and explain to them that we’re broke and might be spending prom night washing dishes. Either way, prom night is over and no one will be rounding second with a shot at third.

HARVEY. All right. I’m with you. Let’s make this quick. (The guys start to leave but are spotted by the GIRLS coming back.)

GIRL#1. Hey guys. Where are you going?

HARVEY. Um…

DEAN. To warm up the car?

GIRL#2. What about dessert?

HARVEY. You two go ahead. We’ll be right outside.

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GIRL#1. Don’t be silly. Let me just get the check and we’ll go with you.

HARVEY. The check?

GIRL#1. Yeah. My dad gave me his credit card. Dinner for four was on him.

DEAN. You know. Now that I think about it, dessert sounds good.

HARVEY. I agree.

DEAN. You know, I’m going to have the chocolate mousse and the baked Alaska. Throw in a little pâté on top, one of those fruit thingies and I’ll be just fine.

Scene 9: Pretty As A Picture

(EMMA and LEWIS enter the prom, which is in full swing.)

LEWIS. I’m having a really great time tonight.

EMMA. Me too, Lewis. Should we get our pictures taken?

LEWIS. Sure, though I think our parents took enough back at the house to last us a lifetime.

EMMA. Oh, I know. My mom never went to prom, so she wanted to record every second she could. It was all I could do to keep her from buying a ticket. (Laughs.)

LEWIS. (Laughs nervously:) Um, Emma, isn’t that your mom over there?

(A woman in an outdated prom dress waves exuberantly from across the room. She is taking pictures and should continue taking pictures through the dialogue of the entire scene.)

EMMA. Oh my god. Please excuse me a minute. Mom, what are you doing here?

MOM. Oh honey, I just thought I’d come to take a few more pic-tures. Don’t mind me.

EMMA. Are you kidding me? You cannot be here. This is my senior prom. (Beat.) Are you wearing a prom dress?

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MOM. Yes. I’m trying to blend in with the young folks.

EMMA. The fact that you wore that dress and used the phrase “young folks” proves you do not, nor will you ever, blend in. Please go.

MOM. Oh don’t get that face. You’ll look sick in all the candid shots.

EMMA. What candid shots?

MOM. I’ve been taking pictures since we left the house. Turn a little to the left for me.

EMMA. What!? You’ve been following me and Lewis?

MOM. From a distance. You didn’t even know I was there, so no harm done.

EMMA. Oh, Mom, there is plenty of harm done, but we are going talk about this at a more appropriate time, which is any other time besides right now.

MOM. But you look so beautiful in this light. Give me a big smile.

EMMA. No! Go get back in the car and go home.

MOM. We won’t bother you at all though. I promise we’ll leave in a few minutes.

EMMA. Wait a minute. We? Who is we? Tell me you did not bring Daddy.

MOM. Oh no honey. I wouldn’t embarrass you by bringing your father up here. It’s just Aunt Denise and Nana. They went to park the car. Oh here they come now.

(AUNT DENISE and NANA enter wearing ugly, outdated prom dresses.)

AUNT DENISE. Ooh! Look at the pretty decorations.

MOM. Aren’t they just lovely?

NANA. Where are we?

AUNT DENISE. And they have punch.

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NANA. I’m cold.

MOM. Pull up your stockings then, Nana. We’re at the prom.

AUNT DENISE. Where’s the DJ? I’m going to request the Electric Slide.

NANA. I like that Booty Call better. (Begins to dance.)

EMMA. STOP! (The rest of the prom goers, including LEWIS, stop their activities and stare. Continues with next line in a loud voice:) Oh thanks for the safety pins, Mom. Crisis averted. (The prom goers go back to what they were doing.) This is unacceptable! This is my prom, Mom, my life, and I will not let you ruin it just because you never got to experience your own. This is my life!

MOM. (To DENISE and NANA:) She says this is her life.

AUNT DENISE. Uh-huh. She sure did.

MOM. She says this is her life. Well, let me tell you, on the night of my prom I was taking care of my sick grandfather while Nana worked her second job.

AUNT DENISE. Yes you were.

MOM. While my friends were out on the weekends, yes, I stayed home and studied, but it was so I could get my college degree, which by the way, paid for that dress and those shoes.

AUNT DENISE. That dress and those shoes.

NANA. Where are my shoes?

AUNT DENISE. You’re wearing them, Nana.

MOM. The life you live is a direct result of the way I lived mine. You don’t have to sacrifice because I did. All I wanted to do was preserve this night for you, and for me, because I am so proud of you.

EMMA. I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t realize how important this was to you. Listen, why don’t you stay and dance the next one. All of you.

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(EMMA and MOM exchange a hug as AUNT DENISE and NANA begin dancing. Just then an older man in an ugly suit comes in with arms wide open.)

DADDY. There’s my baby. I brought you extra film. Woo! This is my song!

(EMMA looks toward LEWIS, then to her family and, making her choice, begins to dance off stage with them.)

Scene 10: The Wild Dancer

(ADAM’s dancing in this scene should be increasingly wild and spastic as he progresses through the dances. The actor should create his own choreography based on whatever his interpretation of the dance “titles.” Popular dance music should be playing softly in the background.)

ADAM. Hi Jasmine. Would you like to dance?

JASMINE. Sure.

ADAM. Great. (He escorts her to the dance floor, where two other couples should be slow dancing in a mild, nondescript way. ADAM and JASMINE begin dancing in a similar, awkward manner. ADAM steps on JASMINE’s foot. It should become apparent that neither ADAM nor JASMINE are having a good time. The slow song ends and a song with a faster beat begins playing. The other couples should continue dancing a lit-tle bit faster.) So, do you want to keep dancing?

JASMINE. I don’t know.

ADAM. I’m sorry I’m not that good at slow dancing. I’ve never had a partner to practice with. But I am really good at the fast songs. I’ve been practicing these by myself for weeks now. Wanna see?

JASMINE. I guess so.

ADAM. Okay. I like to start off with a little dance called “Partly Cloudy, Slight Chance of Rain.” (ADAM dances.) Pretty cool, huh?

JASMINE. Wow, Adam. I don’t know what to say about what you’re doing there.

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ADAM. I know. It’s like nothing you’ve seen before. Watch this. I call it “Turkey Leg with a Side of Gravy.” (ADAM dances new dance. The other couples on the floor should begin subtly noticing and reacting to ADAM.) This one really gets the party started.

JASMINE. (Flinching at the wild movements:) Yeah, sure. If you’re party involves poultry, I guess.

ADAM. Now prepare yourself for one that impresses them every time.

JASMINE. Do you really need to impress “them”? Whoever “they” are?

ADAM. This is “Kick the Field Goal with a Broken Leg.” (ADAM dances and runs into one of the dancing couples. JASMINE hangs her head in embarrassment.)

BOY #1. Watch it, Freak.

GIRL #1. Yeah, go take your seizure meds, Spazz. (Both couples start laughing. ADAM starts to leave dance floor, dejected.)

JASMINE. (Advancing on the couple:) Hey! I’ve got a little dance I’d like to show you. It’s called “Why Don’t You Shut Your Mouth Be-fore I Kick Your—” (ADAM grabs JASMINE’s hand and pulls her away before she can finish.)

ADAM. Thanks, Jasmine, but they’re right. I don’t know anything about dancing and I just really embarrassed us both. I’m sorry. It’s just that I knew you would be here, and I wanted to impress you with something different.

JASMINE. Trust me, Adam. You are different, without having to impress me. You were brave enough to ask me to dance in the first place. Not many guys could do that.

ADAM. Well, if you wouldn’t mind, I do have one more dance move I’d like to show you. It’s called “Guy Gets the Girl.”

(ADAM pulls JASMINE in towards him and drops her down into a smooth dip, kissing her softly on the mouth. JASMINE smiles up at him as a slow dance begins to play and she starts to teach him how to properly slow dance. The two couples in the background attempt to

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repeat ADAM’s last move. BOY #1 drops GIRL#1 onto the floor. BOY #2 hurts his back and/or tangles his hand in GIRL#2’s hair.)

Scene 11: The Note

MONICA. Do you see him? What time is it?

TASHA. That’s the fifth time you’ve asked me that. No, I do not see him. And it is still 10:57. Could you please chill?

MONICA. I’m just so excited.

TASHA. Why are you excited? I’m the one here to meet the mys-tery man.

MONICA. I know. It’s so romantic. Read the note again.

TASHA. I’ve already read it to you a thousand times.

MONICA. Please.

TASHA. Don’t you have your own date to be with right now?

MONICA. My loser date Phil was wasted before we even made it to dinner. For all I know he’s still in the back of the limo trying to roll down the window with the ashtray.

TASHA. This just doesn’t make sense. I’m not the kind of girl guys notice.

MONICA. Don’t even begin that garbage. You are pretty and funny and kind. Any guy would be lucky to have you for his date.

TASHA. What if this is just a joke? What if someone is trying to make me look bad? Maybe this is some elaborate “Carrie” moment. If a bucket of pig blood drops on me, I’m so over prom.

MONICA. No one our age even knows who Carrie is anymore.

TASHA. What if it’s some lame?

MONICA. What if it is? Obviously someone really wanted you as his date. Why he chose an anonymous note is beyond me, but whatever guy sees how great my best friend is can’t be that bad.

TASHA. Thanks, Monica.

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MONICA. Read the note one more time.

TASHA. (Pulls a crumpled, well read note out of her purse:) “Tasha, I know this is last minute, but it’s taken me all this time to get up the nerve to ask you to meet me on the dance floor at 11:00 at the prom.”

MONICA. Oh my God! I think that’s him.

TASHA. (Turning away from the dance floor:) I can’t do it. This is dumb. Who is it?

MONICA. I have no idea. But I think he sees you. (MONICA leaves as a boy approaches.)

TASHA. Monica, don’t— (Turns back around to face the mystery man, JOSH:) Hi.

JOSH. Hi. Thanks for meeting me here. I’m Josh.

TASHA. Nice to meet you, Josh. I’m Tasha.

JOSH. Yeah, I know. We have study hall together.

TASHA. We do? How come I’ve never seen you there?

JOSH. Well, it’s hard to see someone like me.

TASHA. I can see you just fine right now.

JOSH. I’m not exactly the kind of guy girls notice.

TASHA. Really. So what’s the deal with the note?

JOSH. Oh, about that—would you like to dance?

TASHA. I don’t know. Is a bucket of pig blood going to fall on me?

JOSH. Ah, you’re a fan of Stephen King.

TASHA. Not really. I’m not about to become the sequel, am I?

JOSH. No, of course not.

TASHA. So, about that note…

JOSH. Listen, this is a little embarrassing, but my dad just lost his job and I needed to give all the money I had saved for prom to help

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pay some bills. What kind of guy asks a girl to prom if he can’t pay for it?

TASHA. Why does the guy have to pay for everything? It is the new millennium.

JOSH. A guy doesn’t have to pay for everything, but he should pay for something. I had to get some money from my granddad just to pay for the ticket.

TASHA. Don’t be embarrassed. Lots of people go through hard times.

JOSH. Thanks…so how come you don’t have a date tonight.

TASHA. I do. Now.

JOSH. (Disappointed:) Oh. Well, I’ll let you get back to him.

TASHA. Wait. I mean you. You can be my date.

JOSH. Great.

TASHA. Now about that dance.

Scene 12: You Deserve It

ANGELA. Candice or Kelly, one of you is going to win. I just know it.

CANDICE. No way. It’s going to be one of you.

KELLY. It won’t be me. You two deserve to be prom queen. I’m so nervous; my mouth is dry. I’m going to get some punch. (KELLY leaves.)

ANGELA. She’s right it ain’t gonna be her. Did you see how tight Shamu’s dress was?

CANDICE. Everyone in a three-mile radius can see her thunder thighs squeezed into that ugly rag.

ANGELA. And she went straight for the refreshment table, didn’t she? Shh. Here comes Liz.

(Enter LIZ.)

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LIZ. Hi girls. I predict a tie between you two.

ANGELA. Girl, everyone is voting for you after all the work you put into the decorations.

LIZ. Whatever. It will be one of you.

CANDICE. Yeah right. Oh, there’s Kenny. I’ll be right back. (CAN-DICE leaves.)

LIZ. When I said it would be one of you, I really just meant you. Candice is such a slut; you know that no one is going to be voting for her.

ANGELA. Only reason she came with Kenny is that she’s already worked her way through the rest of the basketball team.

LIZ. And she really has to be desperate to get with Kenny.

ANGELA. Here she comes. I need to freshen up my make-up be-fore the announcement. I’ll be right back. (ANGELA leaves, passing CANDICE and KELLY as they return.)

KELLY. Let me guess. Angela went to the bathroom.

LIZ. To freshen up.

CANDICE. More like puke up. Girl actually ate six calories at din-ner, so we know what happens next.

KELLY. She spends the rest of the night with nasty vomit breath.

LIZ. That’s probably why her date hasn’t been within ten feet of her.

CANDICE. Plus you’ve seen how she dances. Girl looks like she’s being electrocuted.

(GLORIA enters. GIRLS greet her.)

GLORIA. Isn’t this so exciting? One of us is going to be prom queen. Kelly, I love your dress, and Candice, you and Kenny make such a cute couple. Angela, you look so pretty tonight. Well, good luck, Liz. (Moves farther down to her date, away from the girls.)

CANDICE. She is always so nice.

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LIZ. She looks pretty good tonight, too.

ANGELA. She’s totally going to win.

CANDICE & LIZ. Yeah.

(All three sigh as the scene immediately moves into the next. PRIN-CIPAL enters and the prom-goers begin to gather.)

Scene 13: The Last Dance

PRINCIPAL. Attention, Everyone! It’s time for the announcement you’ve all been waiting for. (Polite applause.) This year’s prom king is Ray Murphy! (RAY and friends exchange high fives as a crown is placed on RAY’s head.) And the prom queen is Gloria Anderson! (GLORIA and friends hug and laugh as crown and sash are placed on GLORIA.) Now it’s time for your king and queen to lead us in a dance.

(A slow song begins playing softly as the lights go down and a spotlight hits the couple. As they dance, various prom-goers come to take pictures, in which the couple must change their demeanor into an instant smile and general togetherness.)

GLORIA. Murphy.

RAY. Anderson.

GLORIA. So here we are.

RAY. Yup.

GLORIA. Well, everyone expects us to dance, so let’s just get it over with.

RAY. Fine. (They dance as far apart from each other as possible.)

GLORIA. How’s Katie?

RAY. It’s Kelly.

GLORIA. I know. (They get close and smile for a picture, then immedi-ately separate.)

RAY. She’s fine. We’re having a good time.

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