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Change your family through prayer

Praying menJericho Walls International Prayer Network

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[VOLUME 1/2010]

Jericho Walls International Prayer Network

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GUIDELINES FOR PRAYER FOR THE WHOLE FAMILYPraying men

Table of Contents

Introduction..................................................................................................1

THINGS MEN SHOULD PRAY................................................................21. What does a spiritually responsible man look like?................................22. Men praying for the world.......................................................................43. Doing battle on your knees for your children..........................................64. How to pray for single fathers.................................................................75. How to deal with losing your job..........................................................116. How do you pray for your son?.............................................................147. Men can say 'no'.....................................................................................158. Restoring the family altar......................................................................189. What men must pray for men................................................................2010. When my wife and I misunderstand each other!.................................21


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IntroductionThe purpose of this booklet is to provide some guidelines in leading groups of men or individuals in prayer for our country, their families and men-issues.

This booklet is a compilation of articles that were published the past 5 years in the Jericho Walls Prayer Guide. Its aim is to serve as a guideline and to set the Christian on a road of praying Scripture for and over different issues such as their interpersonal relationships, families, our country, its people and everything to do with South Africa. When we learn the language of the Bible, we can pray with much more confidence, since we know that the words we use are from Scripture and God promises that His words will never return void.

We trust that this booklet will inspire you to teach others to also pray from the Word of God.

Jericho Walls International Prayer NetworkP.O. Box 3683, Tygervalley, 7536Tel.: 021-919 7988 Website: www.jwipn.comE-mail: [email protected]


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THINGS MEN SHOULD PRAY1. What does a spiritually responsible man look like?It was C.S. Lewis who said, "There is no problem with the Statue of Liberty on the east coast of the USA, just as long as there is also a Statue of Responsibility on the west coast of the USA." Wouldn't we all like to share in all advantages that are available, enjoy freedom? It is so marvellous to receive, be attended to and enjoy good service. It is however not always such a marvellous thought that I also have the responsibility to live in such a way that, through my life and conduct, I will make the same things that I take for granted in my life possible for others.

It is interesting that there are many languages in the world that do not have a word for the concept of responsibility. Many cultures and several religions do not include the concept of responsibility, or it is very poorly developed.

This concept of responsibility is brought to every believer through the Scriptures: God also makes us His representatives on earth (Gen.1:27-28; 2:15; Heb.2) and gives us very specific duties. He commands us to do certain tasks and in doing those things, it implies that we must take responsibility.

Assuming responsibility always costs me. It will take my time. It will expect me to give my time, money and labour to make life better for others. It expects from me to make time to pray for others and not only for my own needs. It expects me to crucify myself and put the interests of others before mine.

How can one tell that a man is a Christian man who takes responsibility?

Daniel was a man who, from within his position in the government, took spiritual responsibility for the situation in his country and commanded authority and respect because he lived a life of integrity. In prayer he took responsibility for the future of the Jewish people, and a study of the book Daniel makes it clear that his prayers can be summarised in Jesus' words, "Let


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Your kingdom come". Samuel took responsibility for the people by saying that he would certainly not sin against the Lord by failing to pray for them (1 Sam.12:23). Joshua was a man who took responsibility for his family and made sure that his whole household served the Lord (Josh.24:15). Boas took responsibility for his family and social commitments by marrying Ruth, in this way obeying God's commands (Ruth 3:13).

– A man who takes responsibility is someone who provides for and takes care of his family and who regards them as a priority.

– God makes the man responsible for his wife: To love her, to take care of her, to provide guidance, to protect her, to see to it that she will develop her full potential and entire being.

– God makes the man responsible as a father to his children: To provide for them and protect them, to give them love and guidance, to teach and discipline them, to be available and raise his children so that they will be "godly offspring" (Mal.2:15; Eph.6:4).

– A man who takes responsibility is a man who takes his role as priest in the family seriously, by standing before God in prayer for them.

– A man who takes responsibility is a man who stands before God as priest to pray for the needs of the world around him: The poor, the wronged and victimised, the political situation in the country, the salvation of the unsaved.

– A man who takes responsibility is a man with integrity, who puts into practice the principles of the Scriptures towards the world and in the world. He is a man who does not tolerate injustice or act unjustly.

– A man who takes responsibility is a man who assumes responsibility for his own faults and sins. He confesses his sins and gives them up. He admits to his faults or mistakes and puts things right. He asks forgiveness for his wrongdoings and forgives when others have wronged him.

– A man who takes responsibility is a man who makes time to listen to the voice of God so that he may hear what God


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expects from him; and when he has heard, he goes out and does God's will.

– A man who takes responsibility is someone who speaks out and acts when the rights of the poor and of orphans and of those who have no say are denied.

– A man who takes responsibility is a man who is not impressed by human honour and recognition, who does not seek the approval and praise of the world; who sees himself less than the least of God's people and the greatest of all sinners (Eph.3:8; 1 Tim.1:15-16); for whom the praise of people, titles, position, learning and popularity do not weigh up to God's commandment to do the work of God in the power of God.


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A special prayer for fathersI kneel before You Father, from whom Your whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name (Eph.3:14-15). Father, as a human father, I ask that You will help me not to exasperate my children; that they will become embittered and discouraged, but instead, help me to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Eph.6:4; Col.3:21). Father, will You reconcile the fathers and the children and turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers (Luke 1:17; Mal.4:6). Father, as their earthly father, I bless my children like Isaac and Jacob blessed their children (Gen.27&49). In Your Name I declare to my children; "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace (Num.6:23-27). Father, help me to have pity and compassion on my children as You have pity and compassion on me (Luke 16:23-26). I pray that my children will honour their father and mother, so that they may live long in the land the Lord their God has given them (Ex.20:12). Lord, You made husband and wife one; You had a plan with marriages, because You were seeking godly offspring. Help my wife and I to succeed in your plan for us (Mal.2:15). As father I confess that I was unfaithful to my marriage vows in many ways. I confess that success, my own desires, the striving after money and glory are often the cause that I neglect my children. I confess that I often treated my wife and children in such a way that they were hurt and humiliated. I confess that I failed as father to the extent that my children often cannot experience your fullness and cannot fully understand your Fatherhood. In Jesus Name I ask that You will forgive me.

2. Men praying for the worldIt is very interesting to see how many new prayer initiatives have evolved in the country over the past few months. In Pretoria a group of six men started praying together in January 2007. Now, once a week, 200-250 men attend this meeting and it is starting to spread to other towns. In Centurion a large group of Believers across denominations and a number of organisations came together at the beginning of January to pray


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for the country. It was a very special occasion. There are many more examples of people that gather to pray with all kinds of prayers (Eph.6:18).

As an outflow of these initiatives, the need was expressed to continue encouraging men to gather on a regular basis to pray about issues of concern, not only personal, but also as priests of their families, people of influence in the workplace and in obedience to God who calls us to stand in the gap for our nation (Ezek.22:30). From this month onwards we will try to at least set down some ideas to put you on course so that you may lay hold of God through His Holy Spirit in prayer and intercession for different issues.

Will you not consider praying about some of these issues some time during the day on a regular basis, e.g. every Thursday? Remember it is not necessary to gather only on the days as set out here. What is more important than anything is that men across our country will begin to take up their position in prayer and do so on a regular basis. Try to fast for one day a week or skip one meal a day for three days a week, as the Lord leads you. Set yourself before God in this way to show that you are serious to see His kingdom come on earth.

Global Bridegroom Fast (Matt.9:15) Millions of Buddhists, Hindus and Muslims are praying and fasting with intensity unknown to the Western church. Jesus desires the church globally to rise up, lovesick in her bridal identity. He desires for His bride to be abandoned in purity, fasting wholeheartedly, praying and worshipping to more effectively preach the gospel, heal the sick and serve the poor. The Bridegroom Fast takes place annually, for forty days and is set out as follows: The first Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of each month – that is three days a month, and then seven days in December.

What are we praying for? 1. Fullness of the Holy Spirit and unity in the church (John

17:2-23). Jericho Walls International Prayer Network

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2. Spiritual breakthroughs in the church world-wide with unprecedented unity, purity and power (1 Chron.14:11b).

3. The Great Harvest (Matt.24:14). Ask for over one billion souls to be converted by the power of God.

4. Revival amongst the youth (Mal.4:6). Ask for a world-wide revival, especially among the poor.

5. Revival to Israel (Rom.9-11). Ask for the fulfilment of all the prophetic promises to Israel and the Houses of Prayer in Israel (Isa.62:6-7).

6. The release of "grace for fasting" with worship and prayer, to establish 24-hour-a-day houses of prayer in the cities of the earth (including Israel) (Luke 18:7-8).

7. Wealth of the nations (Hag.2:7-9). Release of finances for the Harvest, the prayer movement and the poor.

8. The wall of fire (Zech.2:5). Divine protection of all that is birthed through prayer: "For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth and deep darkness the people; but the Lord will arise over you and His glory will be seen upon you" (Isa.60:2).

9. The Persecuted Church (Eph.3:10). Ask for favour for the church to remain faithful, grow in truth and take up their position in the Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed them in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Him (Eph.1:3).

10. Give thanks to the Lord, call on His Name; make known among the nations what He has done (1 Chron.16:8). Continue to give thanks to God who is faithful in answering prayers.

3. Doing battle on your knees for your childrenIn her book, The Power of A Praying Parent, the author, Stormie O'Martian says, 'The battle for our children's lives is waged on our knees. When we don't pray, it's like sitting on the sidelines watching our children in a war zone getting shot at from every angle. Whenever you pray for your child, do it as if you are interceding for his or her life – because that's exactly what you are doing. There is nothing like a parent, especially a father, praying for and with their children.'


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Except for praying for our children, we need to teach them how to pray from Ephesians 6:11-17 (NKJ) for their own protection by putting on the armour of God daily. Teach them how to guard their minds with the Word of God! Stir up a love for the Word in their hearts. Be diligent in your prayers. Be consistent in your teaching of the Word and in your personal study and devotion. Most of all, be a godly example for your child to follow as he or she matures in Christ.

Someone recently told me about her 16-year-old daughter asking her for a new Bible, though the old one was not really that old. Puzzled by this, her mother took extra care in finding her daughter a really nice-looking Bible, suitable for her age. A few days after she received her new Bible, the young lady complained to her mother how she realised she knew so little of the Word of God and if a life-time would really be long enough for her to come to know God on a deeper level! God poured out a hunger and thirst after Himself in this young girl's life that will not leave her unchanged! Here are some ways to pray the Word of God into the lives of your children or grandchildren: 1. Mind: Read Rom.8:5-8: Pray that their minds will be

controlled by the Holy Spirit so they will live a life pleasing to God and filled with joy and peace.

2. Will: Read Ps.26:2-3, 139:2, 23-24: Pray that they will continually be open and ask the Lord to show them the true state of their heart and mind so they will walk in truth and purity.

3. Seeking His face: Read Eccl.7:25:·Pray that they will become hungry and thirsty to understand and search out the wisdom of God. That they will be able to discern the foolishness of a life apart without God.

4. Trust: Read Isa.26:3-4: Pray that their minds will be steadfast as they trust in the Lord. Also that they will really learn to trust God completely.

5. God first: Read Matt.22:37: Pray that they will love the Lord with all of their heart, soul and mind. That God will be real to them and their greatest hero!


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6. Renewed: Read Rom.12:2:·Pray that they will not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but will be transformed by the renewing of their mind through spending time with the Word.

7. Christ in them: Read 1 Cor.2:16b, 2 Cor.10:5, Phil.4:8-9: Pray that they will always have the mind of Christ. That the persuasions of friends and the media will not sway them.

8. Peace: Read Phil.4:7: Pray that the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard the hearts and minds of your children in Christ Jesus. That they will be free from fear.

9. True treasure: Read Col.3:2: Pray that their minds will be set on things above–not on earthly things. Ask God to help you model a life like this.

10. Time-out: Read Ps.27:4-8: Pray that they will hear God's voice and love to read their Bible and spend time alone with God from a very young age. Ask for their friends to notice their love for the Word and to join them and do the same.

4. How to pray for single fathersBecoming a single father can be a life-changing experience. It requires massive adjustments and a host of coping skills, but many dads bravely do it alone. With the divorce rate at an unsettling 75% according to FAMSA figures, single fathers are now a common phenomenon, as in many instances they gain custody of the children after a divorce. Divorce is not the only reason for fathers raising their children on their own. The death or severe illness of a spouse rendering them unable to care even for themselves is another reason. How do you pray for yourself and your children as a single father? How can you as parents pray for someone in this situation? The following are a few practical hints for single fathers, with related Scripture verses:

1. You have to make the most of it when you have limited time with your children. Do not take time with them for granted when they live with you. Pray that God will give you wisdom how to spend the time you have with your children. Ask Him to show you small needs they do not necessarily express and


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wisdom on how to meet these needs. Ask the Lord to give you the capacity to be able to listen and relate to them in situations that are of concern to them.SIMPLE PRAYER: Out of heaven let me hear Your voice, instruct me concerning Your ways (Deut.4:36).

2. You have to change your lifestyle and learn to plan things carefully and in advance. The planning of your business life or career must revolve around your children and their school holidays. Pray that God will give you favour in your work situation so that it will be possible for you to be available to your children. Also ask God for wisdom in your job/career and how to organise it in practical and beneficial ways, to the advantage of both your work situation and your children.SIMPLE PRAYER: Show me Your way now, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight. And also consider my children Your children (Ex.33:13).

3. Children adore both parents because they know they are part of both. When one parent is angry or resentful towards the other, they feel guilty. After a divorce, parents will have a life-long relationship to negotiate, accommodating the children. Ask the Lord to bring peace between you as parents. Ask the Lord to help both of you to work out your differences and to find a peaceful way to live with each other. Pray without ceasing about this vitally important issue, not only for yourself, but even more so for your children. SIMPLE PRAYER: Father I pray that grace and peace be multiplied to us as parents in the knowledge of God and our Lord Jesus (2 Pet.1:2).

4. Often one parent cannot cope with the children due to chronic depression or self-destructive tendencies, addictions etc. In such cases this spouse still stays in the house, but is completely unable to care for the family. Sometimes there are no other relatives or family or support in this task which has now fallen on the other parent, e.g. the dad. Pray that God will show you in wisdom how to care for your incapable spouse in a really meaningful way, even if it means getting


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full-time help. Ask Him to show you how to minister to both your weakened spouse and your children in times such as these. Pray that most of all, they will have a revelation of their heavenly Father as they see you care for them in simple ways. SIMPLE PRAYER: I pray that they may have eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent (John 17:3).

5. If your spouse has passed away, you need a lot of wisdom with your children. Continue to pray for yourself until you experience a breakthrough that God will heal your own heart and that of your children in the loss and all you have suffered. Ask for grace to accept the situation and for strength to face each day ahead. Also ask God to protect you from rushing into another relationship with someone because of your own needs and to also provide care for your children. SIMPLE PRAYER: Keep my soul, and deliver me; let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You (Ps.25:20).

6. It is a major issue whom to entrust your children to when you as a single father are not around at times because of other responsibilities. Ask the Lord to show you trustworthy female mentors for your girls, whether it be their mother (if she is still alive), or the mother of a school friend, an aunt or someone from your church or work. Pray for a breakthrough in this area until you find individuals whom you respect and whose values are sound. This may be the greatest gift you can give your children.SIMPLE PRAYER: I ask that my children will know and rely on the love You have for them. You are love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him (1 John 4:16).

7. It is not so important to do everything perfect as it is to be available to your children. Communicate with your children when you are together as a family, but also individually. Negotiate some 'alone time' with them, both together and individually on a weekly basis. It needn't be an hour at a time, but it does need to be at least once a week. Make sure you


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ask them questions and get honest answers. After such a session, always try to end your discussion in prayer for them and with them. In this way you model to them to always take their problems to their heavenly Father, even when you are not available. Ask the Lord to make you sensitive at these times; not to be in a hurry, but to be able to make them feel completely 'heard' by you, giving them your full attention even in the short while available. SIMPLE PRAYER: Father, like Jesus, give me wisdom to explain Your ways to my children (Matt.13:36).

8. It is important that you spend time with friends who can build into and enrich your life too. Ask the Lord that your path crosses that of friends your age and if possible also in similar circumstances, who could also be prayer partners. If the opportunity arises, why not start a small group of three or four men to pray for each other and encourage each other on a regular basis. Be careful not to bury yourself in your work.SIMPLE PRAYER: Father grant me friends to pray with, because You say; when two or three come together in My Name, there am I with them (Matt.18:20).

9. Ask the Lord to show you a fatherly figure that you look up to. Consider asking this person to become your mentor or spiritual father. This is a wonderful opportunity to receive insight and wisdom from someone with more experience. Jethro was like this to Moses in the matter of ruling Israel.SIMPLE PRAYER: Lord I have many instructors in Christ, but lack a true spiritual father. Send someone my way that I can imitate as he imitates Christ (1 Cor.4:15,16).

10. Give thanks for what you have. We so easily get depressed and discouraged when we see what we lack or need. Nothing lifts one's heart so much as making a special effort to look at the things you do have and then to start thanking God for them. Even when you're driving your car or walking from one meeting to another, ask God to remind you to give thanks to Him.


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SIMPLE PRAYER: I give thanks to You o Lord, for You are good; Your love endures forever (Ps.118:1).

5. How to deal with losing your job Hearing "You are fired" or "We are laying off personnel" can be some of the hardest words for a person to hear. However, it does not have to be the end of the world. It can actually be the beginning of a new life for you. Still it is important to face the realities of life in practical ways.

The following are some guidelines on how to pray for someone (or yourself) who lost a job and has not yet found something else. While giving these guidelines, we realize that there are no quick solutions to this sensitive and often painful situation.

1. ACCEPTANCE. Give them time to adjust to the fact that they have lost their job. The shock and trauma usually hit home only a few days after they heard they lost their job.Prayer: Cover them in prayer in the days and weeks after getting the news of losing their job. Pray for God's protection over their hearts and minds and that they would take every thought captive in obedience to Jesus Christ (2 Cor.10:4-5). Ask that they will experience God's love and power and have a sound mind (2 Tim.1:7). Pray that they will be honest about their feelings and able to explain to their families what happened, how it might influence their immediate circumstances and not hide the truth from them. Pray that their families will be supportive.

2. EVALUATE. It is important for them to evaluate, as unemotionally as possible, the facts of the situation they find themselves in. What are their monthly responsibilities, etc.? They might experience feelings of worthlessness regardless of their true capabilities, qualifications and output they delivered. Prayer: Pray for them to be able to do a realistic evaluation. Ask for God to show them their true worth in His eyes. Pray for their protection against the fiery darts of the enemy (Eph.6:10-16) and that they will trust in God despite the


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circumstances of the moment. God is never surprised when something like this happens. Pray that they will spend time with God and be able to hear His voice on the purpose and plans of His heart for them; that He has hope and a future in store for them (Jer.29:11). Pray that they would trust God to do this.

3. PUT TOGETHER a CV/business plan, or consider further study. After assessing the current situation of unemployment and listening to God's voice and plan, it is important for them to write down what He is saying and then begin to walk the road He shows them. They need to keep learning and studying to stay in touch with what is happening in the world. Prayer: Pray for them to be able to hear God's voice during this time. Ask for friends to pray with them on a regular basis, who will also encourage them in God's plans for their lives. Also ask for wisdom on how to better equip themselves through further study. Pray that they will not become involved in money-making schemes or anything requiring large sums of money that may cause unnecessary debts. Ask that God will protect them and arrange for them to meet with those people He wants to connect them to. When they consider to start their own business, pray for them for wisdom and to tread carefully in spending money to start their business.

4. ENCOURAGE THEM TO ALSO GET PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. Think along entrepreneurial lines: Do not just look for a regular job where you are sure of a salary. Think also of starting something totally new. Prayer: Ask the Lord for His creative Spirit to guide them. Ask that they do not give up after one or two efforts. It normally takes 3.8 efforts on average to have some success. They must persevere, pray and seek God's guidance and not listen to people's negative remarks. They must trust God and move forward.


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5. PENSION/LUMP SUM PAYOUTS. Often, when someone is laid off, companies pay out the person's pension and two or three months' salary. Prayer: Do not inquire about their personal matters if they do not tell you. More importantly, do not tell others private information you have been told. Pray for them to spend their money wisely and immediately pay off any outstanding debt, so they will not have the worry of monthly payments on their minds. Also pray that they will consider investing some of the money wisely and not spend everything at once or blow it on quick-rich schemes. Ask the Lord for favour so that they will receive money owed to them when leaving the company, and consequently not have outstanding accounts or bad debt.

6. QUALITY TIME. They need to work on relationships that are important such as relationships with their spouse, children and family. Prayer: Pray that they will not withdraw from healthy personal relationships. Ask God to help them respond to and embrace the love and friendship of friends and family without feeling suspicious of their intentions. Continue to ask God to connect them with good friends who will pray with them on a regular basis. Pray also that they would never consider suicide.

7. RIGHT DECISIONS. When invited for an interview, they need to be ready and willing to do things differently. Prayer: Pray for courage and self-confidence for them as they go for interviews, as being laid off does influence your self-esteem whether inwardly or outwardly. Ask that they will be at peace with the outcome of their interviews and continue to trust God for the right position in the right circumstances. E.g. send a SMS to friends, asking them to pray for the interview.

8. THE FAMILY. Family members feel sorry for the parent who lost a job. Children might retreat, feel angry or ashamed when this happens. A spouse will definitely feel the


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responsibility to carry the family emotionally and financially if possible. This might once more influence the selfworth of the spouse who lost his or her job. Prayer: Pray for each family member in families where one parent lost their job. Especially if couples are divorced and it has an influence on paying monthly allowances and school fees for the children. Ask the Lord to show you how to reach out to them in practical ways without letting them think you feel sorry for them. Just be their friend, listen to their stories and apart from praying for them, take time and opportunity to pray with them, OFTEN!

9. CELEBRATE. There will come a time again that they find a job, or start a business and get back on track. Make sure to make a special occasion of it, giving thanks to the Lord for carrying them through and for answering so many prayers!

6. How do you pray for your son?There should be a special bond between father and son. Boys cannot develop into men and fathers, without a father's presence. A father's life, example and prayers determine to a great extent their sons' lives. I recently read this quote somewhere: "My child, you will need to climb over the mountains and valleys of my prayers and swim through the rivers of my tears if you want to end up in hell." I would also like to add: "… and to destroy your life." TIME. A father needs to spend time with his son to know

what to pray for the child. He must learn how his son thinks, what his hopes and dreams are, what his strong and weak points are. He must understand his child's heart. A father must never force his will on his son. A boy should always feel that his father allows him freedom to be himself. It is of the utmost importance that the son will realise that his father thinks he is worthy. He must experience that his father approves of him and accepts him.

BLESS. When a father starts praying for his son, he must first of all start by blessing his son. Note how Jacob blessed


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his sons in Genesis 49. The father must call out the Name of the Lord over his child and ask the Lord to bless his child with the blessings we find in Numbers 6:24-26. Do it regularly. It is not something that is done once only. In Jewish culture a father blesses his children once a week on the Sabbath!

SALVATION. Pray for your child's salvation. There is nothing more important than your son being reconciled with God. All the other things flow from this.

GRACE. A father must pray with grace and mercy. His child is not perfect. His son will be rebellious at times, make mistakes, be ignorant, sometimes shy away from challenges and sometimes behave irresponsibly. At such times a father must be compassionate and pray with grace. Don't be judgmental when you pray. Don't accuse your child before God. Remember that you were also a child.

SHOW IT. A father must live in such a way that he can pray. You cannot pray for your child if you do not live in such a way that you can pray – you must live a holy life, in love and patience, and set an example that is worth following. You cannot live with a sin-filled heart and then try to pray for your son.

WORD. Pray the promises of God. Read the Word of God and ask the Holy Spirit to show you the promises in the Word that are applicable to your child and pray those promises for your child.

PURPOSE. Pray that your son will understand God's purpose for his life, the purpose he was created for, and that he will live toward it. Thus pray that he will understand why he is on earth, what contribution he must make, what influence he must have, what God's purpose is with his life.

RELENTLESS. A father never stops praying for his son, regardless of whether the father is 25 years old or 60. Your son is and stays your responsibility up until your death.

ATTITUDE. Learn to understand God's heart for the your son and ask the Father to work the same attitude in your heart.

PROTECTION. Evil is a reality. Ask God to protect your son from evil and temptations and attacks from the Evil One.


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IDENTITY. Pray that your son will not give in to peer pressure, but make his own choices and live his own values, irrespective of the situation. Pray that the Lord will give your son friends who will not keep him away or drive him away from God, but who will support him and be able to strengthen him in tough times.

HUMILITY. If God convicts you of something wrong you said or did to your child, ask forgiveness from God and your son.

AFFIRM. See your child's potential, no matter what it is, and encourage him to give expression to it. Don't force your will on your child, for example by expecting him to become a doctor because you are one.

LOVE. Ask the Lord to change your heart in such a way that you will love your son like He loves him.

FUTURE. Pray for your son's future wife. Praying for your son's salvation is the most important thing, but praying for his future wife is probably the next most important matter in your son's life.

7. Men can say 'no'(This article is equally applicable to women, but we focus here on men)Men who live pure and holy lives are urgently needed in our society today. The problem is not really just with non-Christians. Sad to say, it is unfortunately true that so many Christian men live impure lives. The appeal to people to live pure and holy lives is quickly brushed aside, accompanied by reproaches that you are quick to judge, that you are hypocritical, that you should not think you are better than others and also, who are you to judge?

This is however not about one person who judges another. The Scriptures make it very clear that we must live pure and holy lives. When men live pure and holy lives, according to God's standards, it is reflected in their marriages. It makes their families holy, it spills over into the congregation and influences their workplace and ultimately also society. In 1 Thessalonians 4:7 we read: For God did not call us to be


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impure, but to live a holy life. Holiness destroys immorality and impurity. The opposite is also true. Jesus explains in Mark 7:21-22 what things make us impure: evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.

Pure lives lead to the restoration and preservation of marriages, prevent divorce which then drastically reduce the violent influence of divorce on families, and especially children (Mal.2:16). A pure life sets a spiritual standard in the community – it makes a choice against the impure things mentioned in Mark 7:21-22. And it is when we live like this that peace settles in our hearts, our homes, workplaces and the country. It sets us free and blesses other people. And it starts with men who choose to live pure lives. Men can say no to impure relationships. Men are not 'victims' of their urges and of women who tempt them to become involved in impure relationships. Men make their own choices and become impure by getting involved in extramarital and sexually impure relationships, pornographic reading matter, visiting pornographic web pages and watching films showing nudity and sexually provocative scenes. Men can choose not to do impure things like the ones Jesus mentions in Mark 7:22.

In our society today we are seeing more and more households devastated by violence, and here we are not referring to violence from outside. The violence is from the inside, and a result of divorce. Malachi 2:16 says that God hates divorce and that it is nothing but violence. If we as Christian men feel strongly about God's Word and want to put an end to the violence resulting from divorce that is destroying our children's lives, we will have to start by obeying God's command to live as holy men.

How do I, as a man, achieve a holy life? The following are a few guidelines and thoughts to consider: Confess your sins. Read Mark 7:22, Galatians 5:19-21

and 1 Corinthians 6:9-10. Ask the Holy Spirit to point out specific sins to you and write them down. Divide the different


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time periods in your life into sections: preschool, primary school, high school, after school, university, married life, etc. When you have confessed these sins and put them into writing, destroy the page(s). Plan to spend time to stand before the Lord daily and ask Him to show you the things that have to be confessed. Don't go digging for sins – allow the Holy Spirit to show you. Carry on with this until there is nothing more to confess. Afterwards, before you go to bed you can ask the Lord to point instances out to you where you behaved in an impure way.

Choose a lifestyle that keeps you from temptation and sin. Find one or two people that you can be accountable to. People with whom you can share things in your life, whose help you can ask and who can speak to you when they see things in your life that are impure and not according to the will of God. Make an agreement with at least one person you can trust to ask you on a regular basis if you are still living a pure life in your contact with other women (as far as your conversations go and also what is going on in your thoughts).

Be wise. Don't travel somewhere by car alone with your secretary or another woman (and if it can't be helped, find someone else to go along.) Don't counsel or help other women behind closed doors. Try to put a glass panel in the door in your office so that anyone can at any time see what is going on inside. However, as far as possible try to maintain an open door policy. When the 'guys' start telling dirty jokes that belittle women, leave, or make it clear that it is not acceptable to you (normally it then stops immediately). Don't make remarks to women that can be misunderstood and/or discuss your domestic and emotional problems with another woman. Some of the things mentioned here may seem impractical to you, unheard of and even ridiculous or absurd, and yet they will protect you against a myriad of temptations. It is exactly in these situations that many men have been tempted and have sinned (Eph.5:15). Our lives should be examples to those watching us (children and non-Christians) and be of good reputation to the Christian faith.

Be pure with things and money. Reflect before the Lord on your attitude towards money, things in your business that are


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not 100% in line with the laws of our country or that God could see as fraud or theft, any slander or pride in your heart. Ask the Lord to help you make practical arrangements that will help you avoid every one of these snares.

Choose to follow God radically. Take your Bible and start underlining all the commands God gives us and make sure your life is in line with these instructions or commands. Start with the New Testament – it is sure to give you a good foundation.

Stand up for who you are in God. Don't compare yourself with others and reason that this or that person does or does not do a specific thing. Only the Word sets your standards. Nothing else.

8. Restoring the family altarStatistics show that 81% of married couples who read the Bible together daily, stay together. These families also live together in greater peace. This percentage changes drastically where Christian couples do not do it.

In the business world and society today, it is quite challenging to get a family together for prayer and to discuss and meditate on the application of the Word. The most difficult place to be a Christian (with a few exceptions), is within your own family. Yet, our home is a place where we should feel safe and be ourselves. If it can work here, it can work more easily 'out there'. The following are a few guidelines to help you restore your family altar.

FIND TIME. Try to find at least two opportunities per week to gather for a time of prayer. It will not happen by itself. It is a choice. Some families find it easy to meet almost on a daily basis. Others prefer gathering in the morning and yet others in the evening. In the same way you plan your holiday in such a way that everything works out for everyone, you have to make decisions for your family altar to work!

BIBLES. Make sure each family member bring his/her Bible when you come together.


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READ OUT LOUD. Usually the head of the home will read a part from Scripture and then present an opportunity for the others to share their thoughts. Family members can take turns to read from Scripture and facilitate a time of discussion. It helps if the responsible person for that day does a little preparation beforehand.

DISCUSS. When discussing a Scripture verse, try to ask practical questions on how it is applicable to real life. Often something will become clear that has been an issue that you as family or members in your family have struggled with in their own lives. This can become a point of prayer when concluding your time together.

BE CREATIVE. It is not wrong to have a special reading from another Christian book or a Daily Devotional, but reading from Scripture must remain central. We can easily shirk our responsibility of reading the Bible ourselves by relying on what others think and write about it.

PRAY. Give opportunity for prayer. First discuss some issues you want to pray about. It can be personal, about school, concerning a parent's work, an issue taken from the newspaper or praying for the country. Do not forget to pray for other countries, for the unreached and their needs. Each one can choose something to pray for to make sure all have a chance to pray.

LOOK OUTWARDS. Pray for your local congregation, the spiritual leaders, for revival in the church, government, missionaries and the increase of God's Kingdom.

KEEP RECORD. It is a good idea to keep a prayer journal where you as a family can write down your prayer requests during the course of one year. Write down the request and the date on which you prayed. You will be surprised when going through these notes at the end of the year, how many of your prayers God has answered.

CRISIS. Sometimes relationships in the family can be strained because of something that may have happened. First sit down and try to talk about those things causing stress and distance. Pray about it. Try not to accuse or preach to each other in prayer. No family can function properly without the words "I am sorry" and "Forgive me". Forgiveness is part of


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the essence of the gospel. Even when you differ and do not find a solution, pray and ask the Lord to show you a solution through the Holy Spirit.

SALVATION. In many families there are one or two members who may not be fully committed to the Lord. Some may even be unsaved or very rebellious. Do not force them to pray or even read from the Bible, but do ask them to join the meeting. Do not judge them. They must never feel they are inferior or unworthy sinners that will end up in hell. Show them that you love them. If they ask questions just to be difficult, listen to them and if you do not have a good answer, admit it. Do not try to have all the answers. Do not become involved in an argument. Say that you will think and pray about it. Show compassion for them in the same way God shows mercy to you, and be patient.

DO NOT REPLACE, SPACE. Remember, the family altar and times of prayer never replace your personal quiet time.

9. What men must pray for menWe often see women praying for us as men, but there is a place and time when we men should pray for each other. God is undoubtedly busy doing something among the men in our country. I am thinking of Angus Buchan's Mighty Men conferences, the Daniel conferences presented at Moreleta Park, the smaller Daniel conferences all over the country, and also the numerous networks, initiatives and congregations that present camps for men. Literally hundreds of thousands of men are reached in this way every year and the stories in the wake of these gatherings are absolutely amazing. I would also like to encourage every man to watch the film Fireproof and read the book The Love Dare, and to put into practice what they gain from the content. God is busy with a restoration process among the men in our country; let us men pray for our men.

1. RECALL. Pray that every man will recall the covenant made with his wife before God, and honour his marriage vows.


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2. RESPECT. Pray that men will treat their wives with respect, and love them so much that they will even be prepared to die for their wives like Christ was prepared to die for the Church (Eph.5:25).

3. POSITION. Pray for men to take their place as priests in the home: to pray for their wives and children – to pray as if they are the only ones praying for them. That men will not make excuses why they can't pray for their wives and children (no time, don't know how, etc.)

4. CONDUCT. Pray that the conduct of men in the workplace will be ethical and that they will be men with integrity. Ask that they do not continue with practices that are not in line with the Word of God, and that they will make a choice for God, irrespective of the consequences.

5. HOLY HANDS. Ask that men will "pray with holy hands lifted up to God" all over, everywhere, wherever they assemble (1 Tim.2:8). This is God's will. Pray that men will start prayer groups in congregations and in their workplace to pray for the congregation, the workplace and the country.

6. SALVATION. Pray for the salvation of hundreds of thousands of men from all population groups in our country. Start by writing down the names of 3-5 men and to pray for their salvation. Persist in this; don't stop in a few weeks or months' time. Persevere. Plead with God for the salvation of these men as if you are pleading for your own salvation.

7. PURE HEART. Make sure when you pray, that there is no bitterness inside you towards your wife, children and the people at your place of work. You cannot pray for them from a judgmental heart filled with bitterness. Ask God to give you faith – faith comes from reading the Word and praying God's promises (Rom.10:17).

8. PERSEVERE. Don't pray sporadically, but pray continually. Pray from the heart and regularly. Ask the Holy Spirit to keep on reminding you constantly. The earnest prayer of a righteous man has great power and wonderful results. Remember: Elijah was as human as we are and when he prayed earnestly, God performed extraordinary wonders (James 5:16-18).


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9. SET APART. Pray that more men will make themselves available to go out to the mission fields of the world and to bring the gospel to the unreached in other countries. More than 1.9 billion people are currently regarded as unreached.

10. When my wife and I misunderstand each other!This surely is be one of the most sensitive topics a person could broach! Yet it is such a fundamental reality in many marriages. Sometimes two people are almost constantly at cross purposes, so much so that they don't even want to talk to each other, let alone pray together; they don't know what to pray anymore! How do I pray when my wife and I have reached this point? The following guidelines might help you disentangle yourself from this mare's nest.

1. Don't defend yourself! One thing that never works is hurling arguments, 'proof' and 'logical reasoning' at each other. Keep quiet and wait, but remember there's a vast difference between a brooding silence and simply saying nothing and waiting. This is most probably the most difficult of all – not defending yourself and not pointing out your partner's faults to her all the time. Arguments don't work; they simply rehash old patterns that you are both only too familiar with. Pray and ask the Lord to help you keep quiet – long enough for you to hear your wife's heart and emotions through everything, and not only the words that come from her mouth. Only the Holy Spirit can show you this. Don't decide for yourself what is in her heart and what she should be experiencing emotionally. Allow her to express herself in her own way and ask the Holy Spirit to help you understand her.

2. Learn to say you're sorry sooner! One of a man's greatest challenges is to say we're sorry. We normally think once we do that our wives are going to start ruling over us. Actually just the opposite happens if we do it the right way. If your wife experiences the way you behave towards her in a certain way, your intention is not important. If you want to do things the right way, you must focus on how she experiences your behaviour. It is in cases like these that


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you should explain very clearly to her that you are sorry she experienced it in such a way. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you specifically what it is you do that make her misunderstand your intentions. Make sure your intentions are pure.

3. Allow her to lean on you. Don't try to change your wife into someone you want her to be. God made her unique. Don't begrudge her the privilege of being her own person. Ask the Lord to show you how to support her. Support her in the things she dreams about, and become involved in a practical way to help her achieve what is important to her. Ask the Lord what things you should pay attention to and what things are important to her.

4. Crucify the 'self' in you. A big stumbling block in a marriage is our so-called 'rights'. We men readily argue that we also have the right to do this or that – golf, rugby, watching the news and other things we enjoy doing. Often however this is at the expense of our wives and the rest of the family. Ask the Holy Spirit to point out to you the things in your life that are so important to you that you see them as a 'right' and won't budge an inch, no matter what the consequences on the relationships in your family. If you can't first die to yourself, how can you expect your wife to do it?

5. Bless her. When there is conflict between the two of you, don't ask God to show your wife everything she does wrong. Simply start blessing your wife. It sounds like a hopeless task and something that can't really change anything. But simply start praying and say, "Lord I bless my wife." And keep it up. Go and pray it there where you are alone. Pray over and over again until you can pray it with all your heart. Allow the Holy Spirit to work in you.

6. Don't complain to God about her. When the sins of our wives are very obvious, we can tend to 'bring charges' against them to God. We tell Him everything they do wrong, or rather what we think they do wrong. As priests it is not our task to blame and accuse our wives, but to plead with God for grace and mercy for them. If we do this only to


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make life easier for us, our motives are wrong. Pray for your wife for the sake of your wife.

7. First put your own house in order. In times of conflict it is best to first of all ask God to show you, through His Holy Spirit, any sin and any thoughtless act from your side. You will find (almost) without exception that there are also a number of things in your own heart that you will have to put right.

8. Ask for God's love for you and your wife! Ask the Holy Spirit to pour the love of God into your heart so that you may love your wife with God's love. God's love is love that loves in spite of what the other one has done, love at your own expense and to the other person's advantage.

9. Set your judgment aside. Don't appoint yourself as judge. God is the judge. Do not condemn. The judgment is God's. Your task as husband is firstly to love unconditionally, as priest to kneel in supplication before God for your wife, to bless her and to call out the Name of the Lord over her (Num.6:24-26).

10. Patience! Read 1 Pet.3:7: Be patient with your wife. Very patient!

Only when we worked through all these issues in prayer, we are ready to enter into a meaningful discussion with our wife.


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