You’ve spent months planning this amazing party. Every box has been checked, every flower

ordered, and every name card has a place, but there’s just one thing left to organize: the

rehearsal dinner. This is definitely a common tradition that cannot be skipped, unless you want

the groomsmen trying to figure out what they are supposed to be doing on the fly.

Rehearsal dinners are the perfect place to have a little fun and relieve some stress before the

big day. For once, someone else will be telling you where to go and how things should run.

At least for the rehearsal part.

Practice Makes PerfectA REHEARSAL DINNER GUIDE

WRITTEN BY LYNN TANGORRA • PHOTOGRAPHY BY SALVATORE CINCOTTA PHOTOGRAPHY

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Who does the guest list include?

First thing’s first: the guest list. Before

picking a venue or choosing a menu,

decide who should be a part of this

evening besides the bridal party.

There are no rules! Other than members

of the wedding party, who typically bring a

spouse or guest, out-of-town guests are

generally invited since they have traveled

for the special occasion. The officiant and

the immediate families of the bride and

groom also attend. Your guest list really

depends on the budget and on how big

of a soiree you would like. Have a con -

versation with whomever is footing the

bill to determine how large the guest total

should be.

Who pays?

Traditionally, the groom’s parents host the

rehearsal dinner. Nowadays, more and

more couples are deciding they can pay

for the dinner themselves with maybe a

little help from Mom and Dad. If the

families both feel strongly about helping

host the dinner, let them split the bill. Just

make sure they are aware of how many

guests you want to attend and the type of

venue you’ve chosen.

How formal should the dinner be?

It generally depends on the preference of

the couple. Never have your rehearsal

dinner compete with your wedding recep-

tion! Typically, if a couple is having a

formal wedding, the rehearsal dinner will

be a more casual, laid-back event. This

occasion is an opportune moment for the

families to spend some quality time together

before all of the excitement begins for the

big day.

“I see a more relaxed feel for the rehear-

sal dinner,” says Maddi Dill, lead event

manager for Cooper’s Hawk Winery and

Restaurant. “The rehearsal dinner can

still be a classic event without having to

out-do the wedding.”

Some couples opt for really low-key venues

such as someone’s backyard or even

a bowling alley. It will vary based on

how intimate you would like the atmos-

phere to be. You want your guests to be

relaxed and enjoy themselves, especially

since most of them won’t know each

other and it’s a smaller event than your

actual wedding.

What kind of invitations

should I send?

It’s not a bad idea, but it’s also not

required. Something as simple and informal

as an e-vite is considered proper etiquette,

but if you would rather have something a

little fancier, send out invitations three to

six weeks before the dinner. Remember,

never include a rehearsal dinner invitation

with your wedding invitation; they are con-

sidered two separate events!

Some couples send out video invitations

through email. You can record a brief

message inviting guests to join you for the

dinner and tell them all the details.

For those who are not so tech savvy,

sending cards may be the best route. If

you are on a tight budget but still want to

have invitations sent via snail mail, consider

postcard invitations. You can order a

variety of different styles and write out the

details on the back. Since stamps for

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postcards cost less than mailing a card,

this option will help you save money.

If you are having something as simple as

a get-together at someone’s house, any

sort of invitation may not be necessary.

Just give guests a call for headcount pur-

poses and make sure to have them RSVP

to you with who they will be bringing.

Where should I host the dinner?

Location may be one of the easiest choices

to make. Pick something that is the most

convenient for you and your guests. This

will make it less stressful on the bridal

party and immediate family. Most will want

to relax after the ceremony rehearsal and

not spend a good chunk of time carpooling

to the next location. Unless you are dead

set on hosting your dinner at a certain

venue, find some place within walking dis-

tance or a very short car trip of where the

ceremony will be held.

When should I start planning

the dinner?

To stay on schedule, have a general idea

of who is attending by about three months

out. And as soon as you can make a

reservation, do it. You can also start plan-

ning a menu that won’t conflict with what

you’re serving at the reception.

“I would recommend planning or booking

a rehearsal dinner space a few months

after the couple has chosen the wed-

ding venue,” says Amanda Michi, event

coordinator for Salvatore’s Ristorante.

“Many places that host rehearsal dinners

also host weddings, so it’s only a matter

of time before their dates will start to

book up.”

Should I serve cake?

How do I choose the menu?

“Serve something that is completely dif-

ferent from the wedding menu,” says

Michi. “We always recommend family style

because it is a little more relaxed and

casual, which is usually the mood of a

rehearsal dinner. Family style also does

not require guests to choose their meal

ahead of time, which can often feel like

hosting another wedding.”

Most couples have cake at their wedding,

so the dinner could be a good time to try

something different. Depending on the

menu and venue, dessert may be included.

If not, make sure to contact the location

and see if you can bring in outside food.

Chocolate could be a good idea (something

small and not too heavy), or you can bring

in cookies or small finger desserts.

“Our couples always serve some sort of

dessert, but it is never a cake so that they

are not competing with the cake at the

wedding,” said Hilary Saurer, director of

sales at River Roast. “We see more mini

desserts and a larger assortment than

one type of dessert per person.”

What about toasts and gifts?

The rehearsal dinner is a perfect place

for the couple to address friends and

family to thank them for the time spent

in helping make the upcoming day so

special. This is also a great time to thank

the bridal party for their involvement. If the

groom’s family is hosting, it’s expected

that they will give a speech. The bride’s

parents can also say a few words if they

feel prompted.

If you don’t have time to add a little some-

thing extra to the schedule for the wedding,

get creative and set aside some time to

have it at the rehearsal dinner. This could

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include slideshows of the couple, any sort

of readings, or just fun stories family and

friends want to share.

Most couples choose this time to hand

out bridal party favors and sometimes a

gift of appreciation for Mom and Dad.

Bridesmaid gifts can be as simple as

jewelry or as elaborate as a bridesmaid’s

bag, which includes essentials like tissues,

lip gloss, flip-flops, and a bathrobe for

getting ready. Groomsmen gifts can range

from cufflinks to a grooming kit. It is up to

the discretion of the bride and groom on

how much they want to spend on their

respective parties.

What about decorating the venue

for the rehearsal dinner?

Again, the décor should not compete with

your reception, but if you like to decorate,

decorate away! There are plenty of ways

to get creative and incorporate themes or

color palettes for the dinner.

“The rehearsal dinner is typically the time

for the story of the couple to be honored,”

says Saurer. “We see a lot of personal

decorations instead of décor companies.

For instance, we often see pictures of the

couple in frames as centerpieces, and

each table is a place they traveled.”

If you choose to host it outside, hanging

lights could be an intimate, classic option.

Long tables are recommended to encour-

age a family-style meal setting. If your

event is very casual and the venue is

already beautiful, you won’t have to prepare

any decorations or spend the time setting

up. Place cards are unnecessary unless

you would like to ensure people mingle

with guests they don’t know.

What about alcohol?

Should we pay for an open bar?

Alcohol can be expensive, so it depends

on who is paying for the evening. You can

choose not to have an open bar, and if

you would like to offer alcohol to your

guests, you can speak with the venue to

see about packages.

Some hosts will offer to pick up the tab

for beer and wine while guests are respon-

sible for purchasing mixed drinks if they

want them. Never feel obligated to provide

alcohol. Don’t forget, you are already

paying for their meal tonight. Some may

choose to not have alcohol because they

don’t want things to get too rowdy, espe-

cially with the bridal party who have to be

up and at ‘em early the next day.

Should my photographer attend

the rehearsal dinner?

If you have a little extra wiggle room in

your budget, you may choose to have the

photographer capture some precious

moments of family and friends at the

rehearsal dinner. Some photographers

prefer to attend the rehearsal because it

gives them a chance to find the best

angles to shoot the bridal party, especially

the bride and groom. It is also nice to

have more candid photos of the dinner

and guests mingling as extra mementos.

Plus, if you have a large family, you can

get photos with everyone with the extra

time. Yes, even Uncle Stan! That way you

don’t have to spend too much time

worrying about scheduling all of the photos

during the reception when you are trying

to visit with everyone. Not many couples

choose to do this, but if it’s something

you can afford, go for it.

While a great time-saver, this strategy

isn’t a common one. “I think most couples

prefer to use the budget toward the

wedding,” says Dill. “I also think many of

the guests end up taking their own pic-

tures and then are able to post on social

media with the couple’s personalized

wedding hashtag.”

Remember, the night before your wedding

should be relaxed and stress free. The

dinner is meant to be a time for family

members and friends to come together to

celebrate the joining of two families. Take

the time to plan something that feels right

for you and your significant other without

trying to top what you have planned for

the big day.

To find the perfect rehearsal dinner venue,

visit chicagostyleweddings.com.