Positive approaches to Conflict Management
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Transcript of Positive approaches to Conflict Management
Positive Approaches to Conflict Management
Nick BurnettNick Burnett CCP Pty Ltd
Barrack Obama (Acceptance Speech)
“I will listen to you, especially
when we disagree.
“
Four Dimensions to Conflict Thinking
#1 Fight
Winning is the goal
Four Dimensions to Conflict Thinking
#2 Negotiate
Suggests a compromise, whereby
the possibilities are limited to what
already exists, rather than envisaging something new
Four Dimensions to Conflict Thinking
#3 Problem Solve
Concerns theanalysis of
the problem,along with its causes
Four Dimensions to Conflict Thinking
#4 Design
Looks forwardat what
might becreated
“Conflict thinkingshould not be a
fight but adesign exercise.
De Bono, 1985
“
Is All Conflict Bad?
Ideal ConflictPoint
Constructive Destructive Mean-SpiritedPersonalAttacks
Conflict Continuum
Solution Focused– Principles of SF Interviewing– SF Tools
Restorative Practice– Managing the emotional dynamics
Managing body languageScripts
Positive Approaches toConflict Management
Solution Focused– Draws on the work of Fredrike Bannink
and others–Restorative Practice
– Draws on the work of Margaret Thorsborne and others
Positive Approaches toConflict Management
Differences Between Traditional & Solution-Focused Conflict Management
Focus Developmentof solution is
not necessarilyrelated to the conflict
Roleof
mediator
“ Every problemis an
opportunityin disguise.
Benjamin Franklin
“
Looking to the future Assumptions with an eye on solutions Acknowledgement & Possibilities Demo…
Solution-Focused Interviewing
IN PAIRS: Interviewee: identify a
time when you were involved in trying to manage a conflict situation
Interviewer: use the SF interview approaches to identify a way forward
SF Interviewing Practice
What worked well? What might be done differently next time?
Swap roles & repeat
Return to main group
SF Interviewing Practice
“People live in the
worlds ourquestions create.
David Cooperrider
“
SF Based Questions
SF Based Questions
“ People are generally better persuaded by the
reasons, which they themselves discovered than by those, which
have come into the minds of others.
Blaise Pascal
“
Hope The next step or sign of progress
Looking to the future
SF Questions
Respect – Contempt Pure Collaboration – Pure Conflict
Scaling Questions
Possible Questions: Building on what worksOn a scale from 1-10, where is 10? Where is 1? Where are you now?What’s helping you reach that level? What else? What would one step higher up the scale look like?What would be the first tiny signs of progress?What would take you one small step higher?
Scaling Questions
DeJong & Berg (1997)
E A R S
Eliciting the Question
E
Amplifyingthe exception
A
Reinforcing thesuccesses &
strengthsR
Start again by asking,
“What else?”
S
Focus on Positive Emotions
The focus in solution-focused conflict
management is on controlling negative
emotions & on promoting positive
emotions as soon as possible.
I see that your feelings are very strong about this topic. What would you like to feel instead in the future when the conflict is solved?
How will you know this meeting has been useful?
How will you know the conflict has been solved?
What has been working well? What is better?
Focus on Positive Emotions
SF Consensus Building
Can you describe how you want the situati on to be in about 1 year’s ti me (or any other relevant period), when everything goes well (or is bett er)?
What has been done to achieve this?
Who has helped to achieve this?
Whether anyone could reasonably live with the agreement
SF Consensus Building
What have they done exactly?
What have you done to get to
this point?
Where did you get
these good ideas?
What else have you done to
contribute to achieve this?
What did you worry about a year
ago, looking back on today?
What has helped to reduce or to
minimize these worries?
Restorative Practice (RP)Approach - Background
Viewing wrongdoing through a ‘relational’ lens
Understanding harm has been done to people & relationships
Understanding when such harm is done, it creates obligations & liabilities
Focusing on repairing the harm & making things right
Based on the philosophy & principles of restorative justice involves:
Restorative Practice - Principles
Outcomes Before Strategy:
Who has been hurt in this situation & what are their needs?
What obligations result from these hurts & needs? Whose obligations are they?
What are the causes of these hurts & needs? What can be done to address them?
Who has a stake in this situati on?What is the appropriate process to involve
these stakeholders in an eff ort to put things right & resolve the confl icts?
Restorative Practice - Principles
3 GOLDEN RULES:
“In the end, it’s the relationships that matt er.”Thorsborne & Vinegrad 2009
Reflect Repair Reconnect
Validation & acknowledgement of feelings are important
for allowing people to understand what has happened & why, come to terms with it & achieve some sense of
closure
Managing theEmotional Dynamics
Being understood is very powerful
When understanding happens & those who did ‘it’ accept responsibility for their behaviour & are genuinely remorseful,
forgiveness & reconnection become possible
Managing theEmotional Dynamics
The restorative approach can, therefore, be
described as transformative
I can see that you are still very angry. Is there something which we are not understanding yet?I know this is very difficult for you. What has been the worst of it?You’re saying that you think she is not truly sorry. What would need to happen to convince you?
Managing theEmotional Dynamics
If anger gets in the way of progress being made, some useful questions may be:
Use silenceAsk more open-endedquestions: Can you tell us some more
about that? Can you just explain what you
meant by that comment?What’s happening for you right at this minute?
Managing theEmotional Dynamics
Useful Strategies
Structure
IntroductionsPerson responsiblePerson affectedSupporters of those affectedSupporters of those responsibleAcknowledgement & apologyAgreement & closing of the conference
RP Scripts
Oft en run in the form of a conference with a facilitator but…
SIMILARITIES
They generate optimism & hopefulness for the future regardless of the pastThey address problem solving in positive waysThey aim to increase individual & communityself-efficacy & empowerment
Similarities & Differences
DIFFERENCES– Expression of emoti on is encouraged in RP –
‘What’s the worse of this for you?’– Greater structure in place in RP
Body Language
Personal space – the space dance Eye contactThe social gazeThe intimate gazeThe power gaze
Smiles The power of touch – ‘liquid trust’ Arm signals Hand gestures
Waggy fi ngersRolling eyesChasingCrowding &toweringStaringDismissive gestures
FrowningSudden movementsHovering (especially
aft er a parking problem)Three-way banterThreatening higher authorityRewarding persistence
(fruit machine)
What are possible difficult scenarios you can think might come up in relation to conflict
management?
Feed forward Activity
Scenarios & Solutions
KNOW:
your limitations
where to get additional support
Recognising the Need for Additional Support
Copy of the slides…[email protected] – nick_burnettLinkedIn – Nick BurnettWant to receive the monthly newsletter on coaching, leadership and behaviour support? Sign up at…www.nickburnettccp.com
Keeping in touch…