“Breakaway”

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WordsandMusicbyBridgetBenenate,AvrilLavigne,andMatthewGerrard.

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“TimeAfterTime”

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“WhyGeorgia”

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“LoveCanBuildaBridge”

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“That’sAmore”

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TableofContents

Chapter1CausingAnExperienceChapter2ExposingTheArtistPerspectiveChapter3TwoTypesOfDetailChapter4RhymeChapter5ReflectionsOfMusicFormAndStructureChapter6WritingTheVerseChapter7TheChorusChapter8ContrastChapter9TheContentCompassChapter10FinalTouchesChapter11TenStepsToWritingASong

PREFACE

Whenwewritelyrics,weholdthepenofanartist.Whetherwearewritingforourselvesorforsomeoneelse,theobjectiveisalwaysthesame—tocauseasignificantexperienceinthemindandheartofourlistener.Aswriters,wehavethepowertodeterminetheintensityoftheexperiencewecause.Memorablesongsconnectartiststotheiraudiences.Plotsvary,buttheirabilitytoevokelaughter,elation,freedom,sorrow,regret,hope,orloveremainsthesame.Thereisnothingmoresatisfying,inmyopinion,thantoreachlistenersattheircore—togainaccesstothevaultsofemotionbybreathinglifeintoasinglechord,phrase,ormelody.Afterall,emotionsarethecolorofexperience.Theyburnourlivesintothedepthsofourmemory.Withoutthem,events—likesongs—lackpurpose.

Therearemanywaystowritesongs,fromthedeliberateuseoftime-testedtechniquestosimplylettinginspirationguidetheway.Buteventhebesttoolsdon’tguaranteeagreatsong,andinspirationissometimespatchy.Somesongsreachaudiencesregardlessoftheirpoorrhymeschemes,unparticularrhythms,andscantlyricalgenius.Sointhepagesahead,Iamnotattemptingtowritetheconclusivebookonsongwriting.Iaminsteadattemptingtooutlinetoolsforwritingwithintention.Intentionallowsustotransferouruniqueideaseloquentlytopaper.Ithelpsustoidentifywhenarhythm,arhymescheme,achord,oramelodyfeels“off,”andthenputitrightagain.Ithelpsustolearnwhatitisaboutourownartisticidentitythatmakesourwritinguniqueandmarketable.Somesongwriterscansinganylyricandmakeitsoundconvincing.Ifthat’syou,thenyoumighthavetheraretalentofdrawinganaudienceinsimplythroughyourvoice,yourmusicalstyle,yourimage,andevenyouraura.Butifyou’relikeme,you’vegottoworkalittlehardertogainanaudience’sattention.I’veactuallycometoappreciatemyinabilitytopassaclichéforanoriginalthought,andIbelievethatveryhandicaphasforcedmetobecomeabetterwriter.

Ihearmanywritersandperformingartistsalikeexplainthatthey’renotinterestedinwritingforthemainstreammarket.Butthereisareasonwhysomesongmelodiesarerememberedlonger,andwhysomelyricsseemtoconnectwithouremotionsstrongerthanothersongswehear.Itismybeliefthatbeforewecanwritememorablesongsoutsidethemainstreammarket,or“outofthebox,”sotospeak,we’vegottoknowwhatitmeanstowrite“insidethebox.”Wealsoneedtofindoutwhytheboxhasprovedoverandoveragaintobeso

Wealsoneedtofindoutwhytheboxhasprovedoverandoveragaintobesoeffective.Frompunk,rock,reggae,andjazztofusion,adultcontemporary,pop,folk,andbebop,thetoolsthatfusetheboxtogetherareallthesame.Themorewebecomeawareofthetoolsavailabletous,themoreflexibleandeffectivewebecomeaswritersandartists.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ThereareafewpeopleIwishtothankwhohaveplayedanirreplaceableroleinthewritingofthisbook.IthankPatPattisonforhismentorshipandhisextremeinsightintothecraftoflyricwriting.Withouthim,Iwouldnotbewritinglyricstoday.IthankJimmyKachulisforsharinghistalentformakinghitsongwritingaccessibletowritersatalllevels.Ithankmyparents,MarkandJanDebe,fortheirunwaveringencouragementandfinancialbackingwhentimeswererough.Let’snotdothatagain,shallwe?AndIthankJanStolpeforhistoughlove,hisvision,andhisbelief.Withoutthem,I’dstillbestuckinchapter1.

CHAPTER1CausinganExperience

THEARTIST’SOBJECTIVE

Youmaynotrememberthird-gradepicturedayingrammarschool,butIrememberitverywell.Irememberpullingatmynavy-bluecottonjumper,thehighcollarscratchingtheskinonmynecktobrightred.Mylongredhairwasyankedupinaclipontopofmyhead,alastattempttosavewhatwasleftofabadcurlingironexperience.Mybangssaggedtotherightlikesunken-cakefrosting,loopingunnaturallyundertheweightofallthehairspray.Irememberwaitinginlinewhilethechildreninfrontofmefiledacrossthegymfloortowardstheblackvelvetcurtain,whereaman’svoiceloftedupanddownonapillowofair.Hesoundedmuchtoohappytobethere,insistingeachofussay“cheesycheesypizzaweezy”beforesnappingthebrightstrobelight.Amomentlater,hisassistantquicklyescortedusoffstageandspitusbackoutintothehalltowardsourclassroom.Icouldn’twaittochangebackintotheshortsandT-shirtI’dsmuggledfromhomeinmybookbag.TheembarrassmentofthatAmish-inspiredcottonnumberIwaswearingwasalmosttoomuch,butIknewtheshameIwouldfaceathomeiftwoweeksfromnowIcamebackwiththisyear’sphotoinmydirtywhiteT.

Yes,Irememberthatdayverywell,becauseofthestrongfeelingsofembarrassment,frustration,andlongingtoescape.Now,maybeyoualwayshadgreatpictures,ormaybeyouneverevenhadthemtakenatall.Butthroughthehonestanddetaileddescriptionofmyexperience,IhopeI’vesparkedanexperiencewithinyou.Perhapsyousmiledoryourheartracedalittle.Maybeyoushuffledyourfeetuncomfortablyacrossthecarpet,nervouslypickedataholeinyourjeans,rememberingatimewhenyoufeltsimilarlyhumiliated.Whateveryourresponse,itwasnottheplotthatgotyouthere.Itwastheemotionalconnectioncausedbydetailthatforamoment,weshared.

Inthepagesahead,we’llexplorehowitisnotsoimportantwhatwewriteaboutbuthowwewriteit.Anyideacansucceedorfailincausinganexperiencewiththelistener.Theeffectivenessisnotcontainedwithintheplotitself,butintheabilityofthestorytoconnectemotionally.

Effectivenessisnotcontainedwithintheplot,butintheabilityofthestorytoconnectemotionally.

Inthechaptersahead,we’lluseaten-stepprocesstogatherideasandpresenttheminawaythatcausesanintenseexperience.We’llalsoexposeanglesofourownartistrythatmakeeachofusuniqueandinimitableassongwriters.Sogatheryourpencilandnotepad,andgetreadytobareyoursoul.

MAKINGPEOPLECARE

Imagineadimlylitclub,astagewarminginthelimelight,andthelowdroneofanaudiencewrappedupintheirownFridaynightconcerns.You’reabouttoperformoneofyoursongs.Youwalkonstage,guitarinhand,takeyourplaceinfrontofthemicrophone,andurgeyourrighthandtobeginstrumming.Eyesdivertfromtheirshadowedtablesandbegintosizeupyourhaircut,yourlooseT-shirt,andyourfadedjeans.Yousingyourfirstline,“Babybaby,whenyouleft,ithurtsobad.”Youkeepstrumming,gainingmomentumasyousingthesecondline,“WhatdidIeverdotomakeyousomad?”Bythispoint,theinitialshiverofwalkingoutinfrontoffiftystrangershasrunitscourse,andyou’refeelingprettygoodaboutyourself.Butline-by-line,eyesreturntotheirtablesandthedullmurmurrisesagainasconversationspickupwheretheyleftoff.Bythetimeyoufinishyourfirstchorus,youmightaswellbepracticingaloneinyourlivingroom.So,whathappened?

Inordertocare,youraudiencehasgottofeelsomething.Whateverthatfeelingis,it’sgottobestrongerthanthesmelloftheburgerandfriesjustlaidonthetableinfrontofthem.Somewherebetweentheanticipationofyourfirstnoteandtheendofthefirstchorus,theaudiencelostinterest.Thesongfailedtoconvincethelistenertocareenoughtopayattention.Youmaythink,“ButI’msingingaboutmylastbreakup!Myheartwastornintwo!Whatmoredotheywant?”Quitefrankly,theywantyouandyourtruestory.Thetroubleis,thereisadisconnectbetweenthewordsyou’resingingandtheemotionyoumeantoconvey.Theaudiencedoesn’tbelieveyou’regivingthemthewholetruth.Theydon’tfeelyou’regivingthemyou.Butifyoudescribehowwhensheleft,youcrumbledtothefloor,thepitofyourstomachburning,andhottearswellingupinthelidsofyoureyesasyouburiedyourfaceinyourclammyhands...then,

inthelidsofyoureyesasyouburiedyourfaceinyourclammyhands...then,theymightactuallypaysomeattention.Thelistener’sexperiencematchestheintensityoftheevent.Andifitreallywasn’tthatintenseinthefirstplace,whyareyoubotheringtosingasongaboutit?

Youmightconsiderthesetwoideaswhenevaluatingyourconnectionwiththeaudience.

First,determinetheexperienceyouwishtocause.Areyougettingglazedlooksorintenseconcentration?Isthereaconstantconversationgoingonintheroom,orareeyesandearshangingonyournextlines?Ifyou’renotsurewhatexperienceyouwishtocause,thenchancesare,you’renotcausingone.Takeanemotionalinventory.Areyouconnectingwithyourlistenersorprovidingbackgroundmusictotheirbusylives?

Second,getreal.Onceyoucanputintowordstheexperienceyouwishforyouraudience,youcanbegintakingstepstowardsrecreatingthatexperience.Memorablesongscauseintenseexperiences.Unmemorablesongsdon’tcauseanyexperienceatall.Considerwhetheryoustayintherealmofgeneralitiesatthecostofconnection.Thenaskyourself,whatwouldIlosebybeingmorespecific?

Inordertocare,youraudiencehasgottofeelsomething.They’vegottofeelwhatit’sliketobeyouinthatmoment.Tellingthemtocarewon’tmakethemcare.You’vegottoallowthemtofeelwhatyoufeel,toseewhatyousee,tocometobelievewhatyou’vecometobelieve.

Let’slookatafewdifferentapproachestocapturingouraudience’sattentionthroughourlyrics.Ihopethisinformationwillinspireyoutobelieveit’snotsocriticalwhatyouwriteabout,buthowyouwriteaboutit.Let’sbegintappingintothatvaluableperspectivethatisuniquelyandsolelyyourown.

CHAPTER2ExposingtheArtistPerspective

BUILDINGBLOCKSOFCONNECTION

“Objectwritingiswritingfromyoursenses.Itswholepurposeistoconnectyourwritingtowhatyousee,touch,taste,smell,andhear;tothewayyourbodyresponds—increasedbreathing,heartrate,pulse,muscletension;and,finally,toyoursenseofmovement.Itprovidesyoursongswiththeirpicturesandexperiences.”

—PATPATTISON,WRITINGBETTERLYRICS

Sense-boundwritingwillbethefoundationofallconnectionthroughoutthisbook.Thisexplosionofthoughtiscrucialtogettingtotheheartofwhatconnectswithinourideaandexpressingitvividlyandefficientlytoourlistener.Dailyobjectwritingisagreatwaytobecomeskilledatusingsense-boundlanguage.

Forthepurposeofcomingupwithsonglyrics,Iuseatypeofobjectwritingcalleddestinationwriting.Destinationwritingissense-boundfreewritingdirectedataplace,aperson,oratimeinsteadofanobject.Thekeytobothdestinationwritingandobjectwritingisinvolvingthesensesoftouch,taste,smell,sight,sound,andalsomovement.Whenthosesensesareinvolved,thewritingspringstolife.

Agoodwaytovisualizewhatwe’redoingwhenwedestination-writeistoimagineourselvesasacameralens.Thecloserwezoomin,themoredetailwesee.Thebulkofourwritingwillbespentzoomedinsoclosethatwewillseetheveryporesandveinsofaplace,person,ortime.

Butonceinawhile,we’llalsozoomoutandcommentonthelandscapeandbigpicture.Let’simaginewe’redestinationwritingaboutaplace,suchasabusysidewalkinNewYorkCity.Zoomedin,wemightdescribe“handbagsslappingagainstpassingelbowsandtherhythmoflegslikewindmillspropellingbodiesthroughamassofdrivenfaces...”Butzoomedoutonthesamescenario,wemightwrite,“Asidewalkfullofpeopletryingtogetsomewhere,allworryingabouttheirschedules,theirrelationships,andscurryingfordirectioninlife.”Detailallowsourlistenertostepintoourshoes,knowwhatweknow,andfeelhowwefeel.Toolittledetailandwegeneralizetheexperience,losingintensity.Toomuchdetailandweruntheriskofdelvingsodeepintotheabyssofdescriptionthatweonlyemergewithsomethoughtfulpoetry.

Sowhatdoesdestinationwritingactuallylooklikeonpaper,andhowdowetapintothedepthofdetailweneedwhenwe’rewriting?Ifindithelpfultolistthesensesatthetopofthepage,beforeIbeginwriting.Thesesixkeysofconnectionkeepusfocused,andourwritingpoisedforapowerfulexperience.

SIXKEYSOFCONNECTION:1.Taste2.Touch3.Sight4.Sound5.Smell6.Movement

Inthedestinationwritingbelow,payspecialattentiontothesenseeachdetaildescribes.Considerhowdescribinganexperienceintermsofoursensesallowsustoimagineandbecomepartoftheeventitself.

KEYWORD:Airport

IslumpeddownonthecoolplasticchairinfrontofgateB14.Thecrackintheseatexhaledastheweightofmyduffelbagsanklikeabarbellontop.AsIlookedaround,thewomannexttomewasreadingawornromancenovel,herbifocalsrestingontheballofhernose,herwristspoisedonherlapassherigidlyheldthebookupright.Themanbesideherglancednervouslyaround,pattinghisrightshirtpocketforcigarettesandmurmuringexpletivesashefoughtwiththebuttonthatkepthimfromhishabitualrelief.ThesmallofmybackachedasIshiftedinmychair.Icombedmyhairwithmyfingers,feelingthefutilityofsiftingthroughmybagforabrush.Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodays,beingtrappedonabus,thenatrain,thenanotherbus,untilfinallyIwasspitoutinthehustleofanairportcrowd,misshapenandgenerallydisgustedwiththelinesatsecurity.Theintercomrangthroughtheterminal,muffledandwashedoutbythebuzzoftravelers.Mynosecaughtthepungentodorofahamburgerandfrenchfries...

Eachsentenceinthisparagraphcontainscriticaldetailsthatprovidethereaderwithanexperienceratherthanjustplot.Atthispointyoumaybethinking,“Itsoundsgood,butIjustcan’twritelikethat.”Well,I’mgoingtoletyouinonasecret.Ready?Youcan.Theanswerliesintinypowerhousewordsthatmeanthedifferencebetweenaboredaudienceandonethatishangingonyoureveryword.Letmeillustratebyrewritingthesameparagraph,replacingoneparticulargroupofpowerhousescalledverbs,withamoregenericsubstitution:

IsatdownonthecoolplasticchairinfrontofgateB14.Therewasacrackintheseatandtheweightofmyduffelbagwaslikeabarbellontop.AsIlookedaround,thewomannexttomewasreadingawornromancenovel,herbifocalsontheballofhernose,herwristsonherlapassherigidlyheldthebookupright.Themanbesideherlookednervouslyaround,touchinghisrightshirtpocketfor

Themanbesideherlookednervouslyaround,touchinghisrightshirtpocketforcigarettesandspeakingexpletivesashetriedthebuttonthatkepthimfromhishabitualrelief.ThesmallofmybackhurtasImovedinmychair.Icombedmyhairwithmyfingers,feelingthefutilityofgoingthroughmybagforabrush.Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodays,beingtrappedonabus,thenatrain,thenanotherbusuntilfinallyIwasletoutinthehustleofanairportcrowd,unhappywiththelinesatsecurity.Theintercomwentthroughtheterminal,muffledandwashedoutbythenoiseoftravelers.Mynosesmelledthepungentodorofahamburgerandfrenchfries...

Youmightfeelthattheparagraphhaslostsomeofitsabilitytocauseastrongexperience.Theintensityoftheoriginalverbscertainlyhelpedtogarnersomevaluableattention.Butatthispoint,itstillhassomeredeemingqualitiesfoundinanothertinypowerhouse,theadjectives.Let’sexperimentbydeletingtheadjectivesandevensomeadverbsthatcoloroureverydaynouns:

Isatdownonthechairinfrontofthegate.Therewasacrackintheseatandtheweightofmyduffelbagsatlikeabarbellontop.AsIlookedaround,thewomannexttomewasreadingaromancenovel,herbifocalsonhernose,herwristsonherlapassheheldthebookupright.Themanbesideherlookedaround,touchinghisrightshirtpocketforcigarettesandspeakingexpletivesashetriedthebuttonthatkepthimfromhisrelief.ThesmallofmybackhurtasImovedinmychair.Icombedmyhairwithmyfingers,feelingthefutilityofgoingthroughmybagforabrush.Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodays,beingtrappedonabus,thenatrain,thenanotherbusuntilfinallyIwasoutintheairportcrowd,unhappywiththelinesatsecurity.Theintercomwentthroughtheterminal,overthenoiseoftravelers.Mynosesmelledtheodorofahamburgerandfrenchfries...

Atthispoint,mydestinationwritingisreallysuffering.Itseemsthatallthatisleftarebasicplotideas.Theexperiencecausedbythisparagraphisfarweakerthantheexperiencecausedbytheoriginal.Fromthisexercise,wecandrawafewconclusionsaboutwhatturnsaplotintoanexperienceandhowmuchattentionwecanexpectfromouraudience:

Experienceiscausedthroughverbs,adjectives,andadverbs.

Thewaytheideaiswrittenmattersmorethantheideaitself.

Ideasinthemselvesareneithergoodnorbad.They’rejustsimplyideas.It’swhat’sinbetweenthoseideasthatisthesecrettoconnection.Generalizeddetailcausesgeneralizedemotion.Specificdetailcausesstrong,specificemotion.Youdecidewhatyouwantyouraudiencetoremembermore—theirburgerandfries,oryou.

EXERCISE2.1.GettingSenseBoundPracticeusingyoursensestodescribethedestinationkeywordlistedbelow.Besideeachquestion,describethesituationinasmuchdetailaspossible.

KEYWORD:BusStation

TasteTouchSightSmellSoundMovement

Onwhatareyoustandingorsitting?

Whatdoyousmell?

Whatdoyoutaste?

Whataroundyouismoving?

Whataroundyouismoving?

Whatdoyouhear?

Whatclothes,jewelry,andhairdoareyouwearing?

Whatareyoufeelingandthinking?

Lookbackoveryourdescriptionsfromthisexercise.Compareyourverbsandadjectiveswiththoselistedbelow.Ifyoufindduplicates,youmaynotbegettingspecificenough.Tryreplacingthosegenericplaceholderswithsomealternatesandcomparetheresults.Also,locateanynounsstandingalonewithoutthehelpofdescriptiveadjectivesandgivethemafriend.

GenericVerbs,Adjectives,andNouns:

Good,bad,food,walking,sitting,sad,smell,taste,hear,big,small,pants,shoes,shirt,dress,earrings,necklace,suitandtie,smile,face

EXERCISE2.2.GeneratingPowerhouseVerbsInthelistbelow,you’llfindcommonverbsandadjectivesusedineverydayconversation.Totherightofeachgenericwordisalistofspecificwordsthatcanbeswappedoutforourone-ortwo-syllablesleepingpill.Forhelpcomingupwiththeselists,justlooktoyourthesaurus.Everytimeyoufeelyourselfrevertingbacktogeneralizedactionwords,refertothesmorgasbordofsynonyms.Tryfillinginyourownideasintheblanksbelowandcompletethelist.

Walk:wander,stroll,march,step,strut,shuffle

Put:lay,set,store,place,plant,fix

Said:utter,breathe,blurt,pronounce,stammer,stutter,mouth,jabber,muffle

Shine:glint,glare,sparkle,radiate,shimmer,flash,blaze,beam,flicker

Realize:discover,find,determine,unravel,interpret,unearth,disclose,recognize

EXERCISE2.3.DailyDestinationWritingSixminutesisallyouneedtobegindestinationwriting.Reserveanotebookespeciallyforyourlyricgems,andsetatimerorwatchtheclocksoyoudon’trunover.Usingthelistofplaces,people,andtimesinappendixA,letyourstreamofconsciousnessflowoverthepaper.Remembertopostthesixkeysofconnectionsomewherethatyoucanrefertothemoftenwhileyouwrite.

WRITINGFROMTHESUBJECT

Muchofourdestinationwritingwillflowfromakeywordplaceor“where.”Butsometimes,you’llfindthatapersonortimeasyourkeywordwillyieldsomegreatmaterial.Whetheryou’rewritingfrombusstation,TVevangelist,orjustaftermidnight,you’llusethesamesixkeysofconnectiontotapintothatgreatsense-boundlanguage.

sense-boundlanguage.

I’dliketotakethisopportunitytotellyouaboutmyAuntLouise.Ifyourfamilyisanythinglikemine,you’llunderstandthatafterThanksgivingdinner,she’sgotherhandsinthedishwaterwhileherhusbandofthirty-nineyearsretireshisbulgingbellytotheliving-roomeasychair.Now,let’ssaymyAuntLouiseisthekeywordthatsparksmynextdestinationwriting.ThereareafewwaysIcanapproachthissubject,soI’lljuststartfromtheshoesofAuntLouise:

KEYWORD:AuntLouise

Igazeddownatmydry,roughfingersswishinginthemurky,lukewarmdishwater.Theyweren’tattractiveanymore,Ithought.Thehandsofaworkinggirl.Athinfilmofgreasefloatedoverthesurfaceofthewaterastinysoapsudspoppedanddissipatedintonothingness.Thedrainactedlikeafunnel,suckingsmalldosesoftheparticledwaterwithawheezyslurringsound.Ismiledasthelaughterfromthelivingroomdriftedunderthedoorintothekitchen.Familymeanteverythingtome,thekids,thegrandkids,theexes,andthein-laws.Totakecareofthemwasmyjoyinlife.

Wecanseethepowerhousesatworkwithspecificverbsandadjectiveslikeswishing,wheezy,slurring,andpopped.Thosedetailsallowourlistenertoexperiencethiseventratherthanjustwatchitfromadistance.Butthereissomethingelseatworkhere.YoumayhavenoticedthatinsteadofwritingaboutAuntLouise,IbecameAuntLouise.Using“I”insteadof“she”providedanintimacythatmaynothaveotherwiseoccurred.Thisiscalledfirstpersonpointofview.Whendestinationwritingfrom“who,”itisoftenhelpfultowritefromfirstpersonpointofview,assumingtheroleofthemaincharacterofthesong.

Whendestinationwritingfrom“who,”itishelpfultoassumetheroleofthemaincharacterofthesong.

Thatway,thedetailshavetheopportunitytobecomeasintimateaspossibleandtheexperienceasauthenticasitcanbe.Lateron,wecanchangeourpointof

andtheexperienceasauthenticasitcanbe.Lateron,wecanchangeourpointofview,ifwecan’tseehowAuntLouisewouldmakethetop-tenlistforournextrecord.

ButthereisanotherwaytowriteinfirstpersonwithouttakingontheroleofAuntLouise.Icouldwritefromthepositionofanoutsider.MaybeI’marelative,afriend,alostlove,orevenastrangerpassingbyherkitchenwindow.WhoeverIam,I’mstillwritingwith“I.”Thedetailsaregivenstrongerpurposeandtheemotionsmademoreintensebecauseofmyintimaterelationshiptothestory.DistancingmyselffrommymaincharacterrisksweakeningtheintensityoftheemotionIamabletofeel.Thisdoesn’tmeanthatonlysongswritteninfirstpersonpointofviewsucceedinrelatingstrongexperiences.Butwhatwe’retryingtodointhisstageofourwritingisbecomeintimatelyacquaintedwithourstory.Ifwe’renotspecificwithwhatemotionwe’retryingtoevoke,thefeelingtheaudienceexperienceswillalsobeunspecific.Lateron,wecanplaywithperspective,oruseAuntLouiseonlyasametaphorandameansforconveyingourultimatechorusmessage.

Let’susethesamekeyword,onlythistime,takeontheroleofanoutsider:

KEYWORD:AuntLouise

Herhandsdelicatelydrewthetatteredwashclothoverthepan,dunkingthegriddlehalfwayintothedishwaterbeforedrawingitupagainandinspectingwhatwasleftofthegrease.Wispsofhairfelloverhereyesandshebrushedthemawaybehindherears.IthoughtIcouldhearherhumming,andoutofthecornerofmyeyeIsawherhipsswayalittle.AsIclearedtherestofthedishesfromthetable,IthoughtabouthowmanyThanksgivingswe’dsharedatherhouse.Evenwhenthingsweren’tgreatatmyownhome,shealwaysmanagedtomakethisfeelliketheplaceIbelongedandthefamilythatcouldn’tlivewithoutme.

Thedescriptionisjustasintimateandtheconnectionjustasbelievable,butmyrolehassimplymovedoutsideofAuntLouise.

Let’ssayI’dliketowriteasongtogoalongwiththatfantasticvideocollageyourcousinHernandohadbeenwhippingupforyourauntanduncle’sfiftiethweddinganniversary.TheexperienceIwanttocreateisoneofnostalgiaandrespect.Insteadofactingasamaincharacterinthesong,I’dliketofocusthe

respect.Insteadofactingasamaincharacterinthesong,I’dliketofocusthetunearoundthehappycouple.

KEYWORD:AuntLouise

Sheswishedherhandsinthemurkydishwaterandfeltfortherattedgreenspongesheusedtoscrubthedriedgravyfromthegriddle.Fromthelivingroomfloatedaheftychucklefromthegutofherhusbandofmoreyearsthanshecouldremember.Shesmiledtoherself,asthedroneoftheTVfilledthehousewithawarmthandglowthatsurroundedthemfornearlyalltheirmarriedlife.Itwasn’talwayssoeasy.Sheexaminedherfingernails,softandopaqueasifshehadrubbedherhandsinchalkdust.Thesmelloflemonandchlorinedriftedfromthedishwasherandshecouldalmosttastethedryheatescapingfromtherinsecycleintotheair.Shedrewtapwaterfromthekitchensinkandlitthegasundertheteapot.Itsparkedandhissedasdropletsdrippedfromthebottomedgeoftheceramicpotdownintotheelements...

Whenwritingfrom“who,”ithelpstoimagineanactionbeingperformed.Forexample,“middle-agedwoman”mightnotgiveyoumanyideas.But,“middle-agedwomanpaintinginthenude”wouldcertainlyarousesomequestions.Addinganactionhelpsustogetmorespecificwithourdetails.

Differentrolesyielddifferentdetails.Inallroles,thedetailswechoosetoincludearetheresultoftheintimateportrayaloftheexperience.Writingfrom“who”aswellas“where”canleadtosongideasweneverimaginedwehad.Andwhodoesn’twantmoreideas?

WRITINGFROM“WHEN”

Thereisonemoretypeofkeywordwecanuseasthetopicforourdestinationwriting.Wecanuseatimeor“when”tosparkspecificdetailsandcontent.Whetherornotwe’reawareofit,“when”alwaysplaysaroleinourdestinationwriting.Inthecaseof“airport,”“when”wasdefinedasamomentprobablynolongerthanaminutewhilewaitingandwatchingothersaroundme.ForAuntLouise,“when”wasafterdinnerwhiledoingdishes.Theinterestingthingabout“when”isthattheshorterthetimethatpasses,themorespecificthedetailswecanprovide.Conversely,thelongerthespanoftime,themoregeneralizedthe

canprovide.Conversely,thelongerthespanoftime,themoregeneralizedthedetailsendupbeing.Rememberthatconnectionwithouraudiencedependsonourabilitytocauseanexperience.Generalizationsdoverylittletograbandholdattention,soI’llsayitagain:

Thenarrowerthetimeframe,themorespecificthedetail.

ImagineyouandImeetfacetofaceforthefirsttime.Afteryouintroduceyourself,youpolitelyaskhowIam.Now,deepdown,Iknowthatit’ssimplyapleasantry,andyou’renotreallyinterestedinhearingaboutmydogbarkingat3A.M.,thehotwaterheaterthatalwaysseemstoprovideonlyenoughwaterformyupstairsneighbortotakealongrelaxingdip,andtheshirtIintendedonwearingthismorningtossedinaheapinthedirtylaundry.No,I’dprobablyjustsay,“Fine,thankyou,andyou?”Thepointis,totrulyexpectyoutounderstandandexperiencehowIwasfeeling,I’dhavetogointogreaterdetail.Grazingthesurfaceofthoseeventsforcesyoutostayontheoutsideofmyexperience.

Now,let’ssaywekneweachotherverywell,andyoucouldsensethatIwasunusuallyupset.Insteadofbombardingyouwiththehighlightsofmywholenight,I’dchooseamomentthatcapturesthetruefrustrationIexperienced:“Ican’tconcentrateandmythoughtsarescattered,nowthatmynewpuppyrespondstoeverythumpandtwitteroutsidemybedroomwalls.WhenIglancedattheclocklastnight,itwasjustafter3A.M.Mybedsheetswererumpledfromhisclawsshufflingthecottonintoathickballbeforehe’dthrusthisnoseunderneathandsnort.Thenhe’dperkhisearsandtailstraightoutlikeadart,andcatapultoffthebed.InStevieWonderstyle,he’dswayhisheadsidetosideandbarkaimlesslyuptowardsthewindow.”

Atthispoint,Ihavegivenyouenoughdetailthatyoucouldrelatetoandimaginemyfrustration.Thatexperiencecausesconnectioninawaythatgrazingthesurfaceofmorenumerouseventsnevercould.

Wecanthinkoftimeanddetailasacycle,eachonefeedingtheother.Themorespecificthetime,themoreconvincingthedetail.Inotherwords,themoredetails,thelesstimethatpasses.

Whenwetalkabouttheamountoftimethatpasses,we’renottalkingabouttheplotofthewholesong.Manyeffectivesongsdescribeeventsthattakeplacefromchildhoodtoadulthood,orbeforearelationshiptoaftertherelationshiphasended.Whatwe’reinterestedinisidentifyingwhathappenswithinasinglesongsection.Thosedetailsarethefruitsofourdestinationwriting.Theyaretheresultofaspecifictime,person,orplace.

LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS

Sting,“StolenCar(TakeMeDancing)”JoniMitchell,“ACaseofYou”MelissaEtheridge,“AllAmericanGirl”

MelissaEtheridge,“AllAmericanGirl”BobDylan,“BigYellowTaxi”

ChapterSummary

1.Destinationwritingisstream-of-consciousnesswritinginvolvingthesensesanddirectedaroundakeywordplace,person,ortime.2.Thesixkeysofconnectionaretaste,touch,sight,smell,sound,andmovement.3.Experienceisconveyedthroughverbs,adjectives,andadverbs.4.Howwewritemattersfarmorethanwhatwewrite.5.Theshorterthetimethatpasses,themoreconvincingthedetail.Thelongerthetimethatpasses,themoregeneralizedandlessconvincingthedetail.6.Whatexperiencedoyouwanttocauseforyourlistener?

CHAPTER3TwoTypesofDetail

HIDDENCLUESOFDESTINATIONWRITING

Nowthatyou’veintroduceddailydestinationwritingintoyourcreativeprocess,let’sexplorehowwecanusetheseburstsofdetailtocomposesonglyrics.Readingbackoverthefirstdestinationwritingon“airport,”wecancategorizeeachphraseofourwritingintotwodifferenttypesofdetail.Thiscategorizationwillhelptoorganizethesubjectmatterandrecombineitintosongform.

Therearetwotypesofdetail:externalandinternal.Externaldetaildescribestheactionsorobjectssurroundingthemaincharacterofthesong.Thedetailisconcreteandoftenprovokesanimageinthemindofourlistener.Internaldetaildescribesthethoughtsandemotionswithinthemaincharacterofthesong.Thedetailisabstract,sometimesmetaphorical,anddoesnotprovokeanimageinthemindofourlistener.

ExternalDetail InternalDetail

•Actionsandobjectssurroundingthemaincharacter •Thoughtsandemotionswithinthemaincharacter

•Abstract

•Concrete •Doesnotprovokeanimage•Provokesanimage

•Oftenmetaphorical

Tobetterunderstandthesetwotypesofdetail,let’srefertothe“Airport”destinationwriting.Eachsentenceismadeupofphrases.Phrasescanbetwoormorewordslongandwilloftenconsistofanadjectiveandnoun,anadverbandnoun,oraverbandnoun.Nowdon’tworry,youwon’tneedtohaveanin-depthstudyofgrammartodeterminethedifferenttypesofdetail.Allyouneedtobeabletodoisidentifyandisolatethosegroupsofwordsthatcreatethesephrases.

Phrase=Noun+Adjective/Adverb/Verb

Sometimesausefuldetailwillonlybeoneword—aspecificnounorverbthathelpstodescribethemoodandactionofthesurroundingdetail.Intheparagraphbelow,I’veunderlinedpotentiallyusefulphrasesandwordsinmydestinationwritingon“Airport.”

KEYWORD:Airport

IslumpeddownonthecoolplasticchairinfrontofgateB14.Thecrackintheseatexhaledastheweightofmyduffelbagsanklikeabarbellontop.AsIlookedaround,thewomannexttomewasreadingawornromancenovel,herbifocalsrestingontheballofhernose,herwristsrestingonherlapassherigidlyheldthebookupright.Themanbesideherglancednervouslyaround,pattinghisrightshirtpocketforcigarettesandmurmuringexpletivesashefoughtwiththebuttonthatkepthimfromhishabitualrelief.ThesmallofmybackachedasIshiftedinmychair.Icombedmyhairwithmyfingers,feelingthefutilityofsiftingthroughmybagforabrush.Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodays,beingtrappedonabus,thenatrain,thenanotherbusuntilfinallybeingspitoutinthehustleofanairportcrowd,misshapenandgenerallydisgustedwiththelinesatsecurity.Theintercomrangthroughtheterminal,muffledandwashedoutbythebuzzoftravelers.Mynosecaughtthepungentodorofahamburgerandfrenchfries...

NoticethatIunderlinedsinglewordsandgroupsofwords,avoidingconjunctionsandprepositionsthatconnectedphrasestoeachother.(Foralistofprepositionsandconjunctions,refertoappendixB.)Mygoalhereistograbonlytheessenceofthephrase,retainingmyoriginalideainthesmallestgroupingpossible.Inlatersteps,you’llseehowthisstreamlinestheprocess,eliminatingclutterwhileallowingmoreflexibilitywhenrecombiningthephrasesintolyricallines.

YoumayalsonoticethatthereareafewphrasesthatIhavenotunderlined.“AsIlookedaround,”“thatkepthimfromhishabitualrelief,”“generallydisgusted,”and“thenanotherbus”arephrasesIhaveintentionallyleftblank.Thereasonisthattheessenceofthosephrasesissimplycommentary.Theyareevaluationsmadebythemaincharacter,myself,abouttheeventshappeningaroundme.Theyexpressthoughtsoremotionsandarethereforeinternaldetails.Asyoumayhavesuspected,theunderlinedphrasesareexternaldetails.Theydescribetheactionsandobjectssurroundingthemaincharacterandevokeanimageinsteadofathoughtorfeeling.Whendeterminingifaphraseisexternalorinternal,itissometimeshelpfultoholditagainstthesetwodiscerningquestions:

Doesthephrasedescribewhat’sgoingonaroundthemaincharacter?

Ifso,thenthedetailisexternal.

Doesthephrasedescribewhat’sgoingonwithintheheartormindofthemaincharacter?

Ifso,thenthedetailisinternal.

Withoutthehelpofexternaldetails,internaldetailslieflatandremaintwo-dimensional.WesawtheeffectsofthatinchapterIwith“Baby,whenyouleft,ithurtsobad.”Aslyrics,theselinesresultinbored,fidgetingaudienceswhodon’t

hurtsobad.”Aslyrics,theselinesresultinbored,fidgetingaudienceswhodon’trememberoursongsorus.Butwhenweprecedethoseinternaldetaillineswithexternaldetail,thethoughtsandemotionscomealivelikeastainedglasswindowinaburstofsunlight.

Nowthatwehaveidentifiedthetwotypesofdetailwithinthedestinationwriting,wecanlistthemintwocolumnstogetanoverviewoftheircombinationpotential.

Verysimply,we’lltransferthephrasesexactlyaswe’veunderlinedthemintoanExternalcolumnontheleftandanInternalcolumnontheright:

External Internal

Slumpeddown Airportcrowd

KepthimfromhishabitualreliefCoolplasticchair Misshapen

GateB14 Wristspoised

Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodaysCrack Lap

Seatexhaled Rigidlyheldthebookupright

Generallydisgusted

Weight Thenanotherbus

Duffelbag Manbesideher

aGlancednervously Linesatsecurity

Patting Intercomrang

Rightshirtpocket Terminal

Cigarettes MuffledandwashedoutMurmuringexpletives

Foughtwiththebutton Buzzoftravelers

Nose

Smallofmyback Pungentodor

Ached HamburgerandfrenchfriesShiftedinmychair

Combedmyhair Fingers

Spitout SiftingthroughmybagHustle

Ballofhernose Brush

Womannexttome Trappedonabus

Sanklikeabarbell Train

WornromancenovelBifocalsresting

Sometimes,externaldetailcanbecomeinternal,asitisliftedoutofthedestination-writingparagraph.Thishappenswhenthephrasehasbeencuttoodrasticallyandtheessenceofthemeaningisdistilled.Anexampleofthisis“trapped.”IcaneithermovethewordintotheInternalcolumnandconsideritafeelingorthought,orIcanaddbackintherestofthephrase“onabus”to

feelingorthought,orIcanaddbackintherestofthephrase“onabus”tocompletetheimageandleaveitintheExternalcolumn.

Whenyoufirstbegindestinationwriting,youmayfindyouhavealongerinternaldetaillistthanexternaldetaillist.Butwithpracticeandrememberingtostayfocusedonthosesixkeysofconnection,you’llbegintothrowmoreweightontheexternalcolumn.

Ifyoufindyou’rehavingdifficultydiscerningwhetheraphraseisexternalorinternal,don’tloseheart.Referbacktothetwodiscerningquestions,andthenaskyourselfwhetherthephraseproducesastrongimage,orifitismoreabstractormetaphorical.Aphrasehereandtherethatslipsthroughthecracksandresidesinthewrongcolumnwon’tmeansuddendeathtoyourlyric.Aswecontinuetheprocess,yourabilitytoidentifytheusefulnessofeachphrasewillsharpen.

Withourdestinationwritingseparatedintotwocolumns,wecannowseetheexternalandinternaldetailsclearly.Here’swherethemagichappens.Listencarefully,becausethiscangetsoexcitingthatyou’llfindyourselfforegoingnecessarychoresandhygienehabitslikecleaningoutlastmonth’sleftoversfromthefridge,feedingRover,andmaybeevenflossing.

Theexternalcolumnisthemajorityofmaterialthatwillbecometheversecontent.Itisourimmediatetoolforconnectionandthesecretweaponinbanishingboredomfromouraudiences.

Theinternalcolumnisthematerialthatwillaeratetheverseandprovidepurpose.Itjumpstotheheartofthematter,summingupwhythesongisworthwritingandlisteningto.

Theexternalcolumnwillbecometheversecontent.Theinternalcolumnwillaeratetheversewhileprovidingpurpose.

Usingtheseguidelinesasthecompassforoursongdirectionwillhelpustowriteasectionthatsoundsasrivetingandalsoasnaturalaspossible.Sohowdoweknowwhatsoundsnaturalandwhatdoesn’t?Well,firstwecanuseourears

weknowwhatsoundsnaturalandwhatdoesn’t?Well,firstwecanuseourearsandinstincts.Butwealsohaveanothertoolcalled“weight.”No,don’tputdownthatjellydoughnut.Whenwetalkabouttheweightofasection,we’retalkingabouttheamountofessentialinformationthatispresentandthepaceatwhichthatessentialinformationisrelayed.

Weight=EssentialInformation+Pace

Readaloudthetwoversesbelow.Noticehowthefirstsectionisladenwithdetail,whilethesecondislightandmoregeneric.

Verse:ThemudfromourshoesleftprintsonthefloorandtherainonthestoopspilledinasitpouredtheshingleswereflappingthewindowswereclappingbutwestayedinsidesafeandwarmVerse:Babywecouldsaywhatwefeelanddowhatwesayrememberwhywe’retogetherandlookforwardtoforeverthennothingcanstopusnothingcantearusapartwiththesetwohearts

Aheavilyweightedsectionrequiresintenseconcentrationforthelistenertoprocess.Alightlyweightedsectionrequireslittleconcentrationandthereforereceiveslittleconcentrationtoprocess.Bothextremescanresultinalossofconnection.Abalancebetweenthesetwoextremesisthemostdesirableweightforasection.Sometimes,wecanfeelinstinctuallythatthescalesaredippingtoonesideortheother.Thoseinstinctsareavaluablegauge,andwiththetoolsofthenextchapter,we’lllearnhowtonotonlyidentifyheavyorflimsyareasbut

thenextchapter,we’lllearnhowtonotonlyidentifyheavyorflimsyareasbutalsofixthem.

EXERCISE3.1.DistinguishingDetailCircleEforexternalorIforinternalnexttoeachphrasebelow.Whenindoubt,applythetwodiscerningquestionspresentedinthischapter.

1. EorI

Considermegone

2. EorI

Crisp,brittleoakleaves

3. EorI

Onlythelonely

4. EorI

Coarselywoven,tatteredquilt

5. EorI

Thinblackerasercrumbs

6. EorI

There’snooneelselikeyou

7. EorI

IthoughtabouthowmuchImissedyou

8. Eor

Thedoorstuck

orI

stuckslightly

9. EorI

Coldrushofair-conditionedair

10. EorI

Butyou’renot

11. EorI

Draperiesfleckedwithgrease

12. EorI

Thiswouldallbebearableifyouwerehere

EXERCISE3.2.ApplyingIdentitiesPracticeidentifyingexternalandinternalphrasesinyourowndestinationwriting.Underlinetheexternaldetails,excludingprepositionsandconjunctions.Leaveinternalphrasesblank.

EXERCISE3.3.CreatingColumnsPracticelistingyourexternalandinternalphrasesintheirappropriatecolumns.Takeacleansheetofpaper,anddrawalinedownthecenter,markingtheleftcolumn“external”andtherightcolumn“internal.”Transferyourunderlinedandblankphrasesfromexercise3.2ontothenewsheet.

LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS

CountingCrows,“Mr.Jones”TheEagles,“HotelCalifornia”ToriAmos,“Winter”FaithHill,“OnaBustoSt.Cloud”

ChapterSummary

1.Thetwotypesofdetailareexternalandinternal.2.Externaldetaildescribeswhat’sgoingonaroundthemaincharacter.Internaldetailsdescribethethoughtsandfeelingsofthemaincharacterhimself.3.Aphraseisanounplusanadjective,adverb,orverb.4.Externaldetailsmakeupthebulkofversecontent.Internaldetailsaeratetheversewhileprovidingpurpose.5.Weightdeterminestheamountofconcentrationourlistenerneedstoprocessthesongdetail.

CHAPTER4Rhyme

ROLLER-SKATINGFORMATCHES

Inthesixthgrade,Itookafewfieldtripstothelocalroller-skatingrinkwithmybrotherandafewotherswhosemomsrememberedtoturnintheconsentforms.Smashedpeanut-buttersandwichesandatokenbagofcarrotsinourknapsacks,we’dskateuntiljustpastdinnertimebeforeloadingthebustoridebackhome.Itwasindeedaspecialtreat.ButIalsoremembertheterrifyingentranceofaslowsongpumpingthroughthetinnyspeakersovertherink.Thatusuallymeanttherewasahumiliatinggameofsnowballahead,wherepubescentboyswouldlineupononesideoftheovalandpretendthewholethingwassilly,andblushinggirlswouldresttheirarmsagainsttheoppositewallwonderingifandwhentheywouldbepluckedfromtherowtodance.Well,I’llspareyouthedescriptionofthehorroronthefacesofthoseleftstandingalongthewalls,butIwillusethewholeordealasametaphorforrhyme.

Imagineourcolumnedphrasesrepresentedthegirlsandboyslinedupalongsidetheirrespectivewalls.Ourjobistofindrhymepairsforourlyricsbothbetweenandwithinthesecolumns.Let’susethecolumnsfrom“Airport”andseesomeoftherhymesthatexist.

External Internal

Slumpeddown Airportcrowd

KepthimfromhishabitualreliefCoolplasticchair Misshapen

GateB14 Wristspoised

Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodaysCrack Lap

Seatexhaled Rigidlyheldthebookupright

Generallydisgusted

Weight Then

Weight upright Thenanotherbus

Duffelbag Manbesideher

Glancednervously Linesatsecurity

Patting intercomrang

Rightshirtpocket Terminal

Cigarettes MuffledandwashedoutMurmuringexpletives

Foughtwiththebutton Buzzoftravelers

Nose

Smallofmyback Pungentodor

Ached HamburgerandfrenchfriesShiftedinmychair

Combedmyhair Fingers

Spitout SiftingthroughmybagHustle

Ballofhernose Brush

Womannexttome Trappedonabus

Sanklikeabarbell Train

Wornromancenovel

Bifocalsresting

Comparingsomeofthesoundsoutloud,Icancomeupwithalistofrhymeslikethis:

RhymePairs:Slumpeddown/spitoutCoolplasticchair/combedmyhairSmallofmybackached/duffelbagweight/seatexhaled

Icanalsolookwithinthephrasesforrhymesinsteadoflimitingmyselftojusttheendsofthephraseslisted:

gate/twodaysmurmuringexpletives/spitcrack/smallofmybackduffel/buttonseat/habitualreliefdisgusted/buttonnervously/murmuringbus/nervous

Youmightbelookingatthislistandthinking,“Ididn’tknowthatnervouslyandmurmuringwererhymes.”Strictlyspeaking,theyarenot.Butrhymeasitpertainstolyriccanpushtheenvelope,ridingonrhythmsandtheebbandflowofmusicalphrasingtoconvinceourearsofaconnection.Sometimesalooseconnectionismoredesirable,aswe’llexploreinthenextchapter.

Fornow,practicestretchingyourimaginationandpairingupyourgirlsandboys,externalandinternal,untilyouarriveatalistofpossiblematches.Withsomanyoptionsbeforeweevenbegintowriteourlyric,wefindourselvesinauniqueposition.Ideaswewouldhavesearchedlongandhardforarenowright

uniqueposition.Ideaswewouldhavesearchedlongandhardforarenowrightinfrontofus.Rhymesthatmayneverhavesurfacedarenowavailable.Bestofall,ourlyricispositionedtosoundnaturalandutterlyoriginal.

EXERCISE4.1.FindingRhymePairsUsingoneofyourdailydestinationwritings,identifyasmanyrhymesasyoucanfromyourexternalandinternalcolumns.Listtheminthespacesbelow.

TORHYMEORNOTTORHYME

Thisisyourchancetousethegoodeducationonrhymingyoureceivedinyourpreschoolyears.Someofthefirstrhymesyouprobablylearnedwere“cat”and“hat,”“see”and“bee,”and“car”and“star.”Thatrhymetypeiscalledperfect

“hat,”“see”and“bee,”and“car”and“star.”Thatrhymetypeiscalledperfectrhyme,andrequiresthatboththevowelsoundsandtheendingconsonantsoundsmatch.Stickingtothatrhymetypealoneprettymuchensureswe’llneverbeabletofinishalinewith“orange.”

Butwhatsomeonefailedtotellusisthatthereisawholeworldofrhymeoutsideofcatsandhats.That’swhereotherrhymetypescomein.Theyallowustoexpressourselvesexactlyaswewouldinnaturalconversation.Andasyouremember,ourconnectionwithourlistenerdependsonourabilitytocreateastrong,believableexperience.

Therearefiverhymetypesyouwillfindyourselfusingoverandoverinyourlyrics.Formoredetailedbackgroundonthesetypes,refertoSongwriting:EssentialGuidetoRhymingbyPatPattison(BerkleePress,1991).

Forourpurposes,we’lltalkaboutrhymeinitsabilitytocreateabelievableexperience.Sometimes,aperfectrhymedoesnotlimitcontent.Inotherwords,sometimeswegetlucky,andtheperfectrhymeconveysexactlythemeaningweintend.Butothertimes,weareguiltyofchoosingawordforitsabilitytorhymeratherthanitscontent.Whatresultsisafeelingofcontrivance.Theaudiencemaynotbeabletoputintowordswhytheyemotionallycheckout,butitisoftenbecausetheyaresuddenlypayinglessattentiontowhatwe’resayingandmoreattentionto“how”we’resayingit.Choosingawordbasedsolelyonitsabilitytorhymerarelypaysoff.

Sohowdoweknowwhenwe’rehittingthemarkandwhenwe’retakinglongshots?Onewayistoconsidertheamountofclosurearhymeprovides.Closureisthedegreeofperfectiontowhichtherhymecausesfinality.Perfectrhyme(well,sell)providesthemostclosure.Consonancerhyme,describedbelow(bag,log),providestheleastclosure.Thestrongestdegreeofperfectionissometimesthebarestgiveawayofpoorcontent.Iftherhymeappearstooobvious,thelistenerismorelikelytodoubtthatwhatwe’resayingistrue.Thesamecangoforverylooserhymeaswell.Ifthematchistooawkward,itmaydrawattentionawayfromwhatwe’resayingandontohowwe’resayingit.Sotheanswerliesinourabilitytohearthedifference.Aswithallrhyme,thebeginningconsonantsmustbedifferentoritwouldqualifyasidentity,wherewefeelanawkwardrepetitioninsteadofclosure.

Type1.PerfectThestrongestdegreeofclosureisperfectrhyme.Perfectrhymemeansthatboththeendingconsonants(ifany)andstressedvowelsoundsoftwowordsmatchexactly.

Examplesofperfectrhymeare:well,sell;chase,face;saw,flaw;form,dorm.

Type2.FamilyThesecondstrongestdegreeofclosureisfamilyrhyme.Familyrhymeoccurswhenthestressedvowelsoundsmatchexactlyandtheendingconsonantsoundsarecloselylinked.Familyrhymesarelikecousinsofperfectrhymes.

Someexamplesoffamilyrhymeare:wet,deck;dame,grain;float,yoke;math,pass.

Type3.Additive/SubtractiveThethirdstrongestdegreeofclosureisadditive/subtractiverhyme.Likeitsname,additiverhymemeansthataconsonantendinghasbeenaddedtothematchingvowelsounds.Subtractiverhymemeansthataconsonantendinghasbeendeletedfromthematchingvowelsounds.

Examplesofadditiverhymeare:stow,hope;year,feared;down,found.

Examplesofsubtractiverhymeare:bake,stay;shout,now;roll,know.

Type4.AssonanceThefourthstrongestdegreeofclosureisassonancerhyme.Assonancerhymerequiresthatthestressedvowelsoundsmatch,butthattheendingconsonantsoundsbedifferent.Keepinmindthatassonancecaneasilybecomefamilyrhymeiftheendingconsonantsoundsarerelated.

Examplesofassonancerhymeare:rope,known;straight,fame;still,grip.

Type5.ConsonanceTheweakestdegreeofclosureisconsonancerhyme.Consonancemeansthatthevowelsoundsdonotmatch,buttheendingconsonantsarethesame.Youcanthinkofitastheoppositeofassonancerhyme.

Examplesofconsonancerhymeare:bag,log;ground,bond;stood,wade;sock,back.

Sometimesthepairwon’tstrictlyadheretoanyofthesedescriptions.“Nervously”and“murmuring”haverhymedbeginningsoundsof“ner-”and“mur-,”buttheendingsoundsdiffer.Accordingtoourdefinitions,thatmightseemmostlikeassonancerhyme.Thebottomlineisthatsometimesthefinaldecisioncomesdowntoourmostvaluabletool:ourears.

EXERCISE4.2.TheFiveRhymeTypes

For each word provided, supply a rhyme using each of the fiverhymetypes.

STRUCTUREANDSCHEME

Whenitcomestorhyme,therearetwootherimportantfactorsindeterminingamatchandtheamountofclosurethematchprovides.Theyare:

Positiontherhymeholdsintheline.Positiontherhymeholdsinthesection.

Letmeillustrateeachwiththelyricsbelow:“WhenSheThinksAboutLeavin’”

TheTVisflashingandblurredinthebackgroundassheclearstheplatesoffthetableAndsighsatthedishesthenslipsoutapicturetapedbythecupboarddoorhandle

Thesectionyou’vejustreadismadeupoftwogroupsofthreelines.Therhymeschemeinthefirsthalfmirrorstherhymeschemeinthesecondhalf.Whentwolinesrhyme,theyarerepresentedwiththesameletter.Linesthatdonotrhymewithanyotherinthesectionarenotatedwithan“X.”Uponlookingatthissection,itcanbedifficulttotellwheretherhymesoccur.Butifweareopentolooserhyme—thosethataresimilarinsoundbutnotexact—wecanbegintoseetherhymeschemeemergethatourearsalreadyhear:

TheTVisflashing A

andblurredinthebackground A

assheclearstheplatesoffthetable B

Andsighsatthedishes C

thenslipsoutapicture C

tapedbythecupboarddoorhandle B

Eventhoughlines1and2areaverylooseassonancerhyme,theyprovidea

Eventhoughlines1and2areaverylooseassonancerhyme,theyprovideadegreeofconnection,weavingthelyrictogetherwithacommonthread.Thesamerhymetypeoccursinlines4and5,anotherlooseassonancerhymecontinuingthepattern.Finally,line6closesdownthewholesectionwithaconsonancerhymefor“table.”

Sowhyisclosuresoimportant?Orinotherwords,whatwouldhappenifthislyricwerewrittenwithperfectrhymegivingmoreclosure?Howaboutiftherewerenorhymeatall,givingnoclosure?Andhowwoulditaffecttheoverallbelievabilityofthesectionandtheintensityoftheexperienceitcauses?Toanswerthesequestions,let’stakealookatthesectionrewrittenwithperfectrhymeinexactlythesamepositionsastheconsonanceandassonancerhymes.

TheTVisflashingpotatoesaremashingassheclearstheplatesoffthetableandsighsatthedishesandsilentlywishesshe’llfindawayoutwhenshe’sable

ThesectionisstillAABCCB,butthedegreeofclosureisextremelystronginlines1and2andlines4and5.Similarly,theconnectionsbetweenthethirdline“table”andtheclosingline“able”areequallyhardtoignore.Whathappenedtoourcontentwhenwelimitedouroptionstoperfectrhyme?Inthiscase,thecontentofline2dependedontheavailablerhymes“stashing,smashing,cashing,hashing,bashing,”etc.Thepossibilitieswereevensmallerwhenweconsideredperfectrhymesfor“table.”Whatresultsisalyricthatsettlesforlessthantheoriginalmeaningweintend.Ratherthanpreventmyselffromeverusingtheword“table”inasongagain,Icanlookoutsidetheobviousrhymes.Thatway,I’mneveraforegoneconclusionintheearsofacriticalaudience.Thereisastrongpossibilityherethattheperfectrhymesdrewattentionbecauseoftheirobviousquality.Sotherearesometimestwocommonproblemsassociatedwithperfectrhyme:

1.Limitedcontent2.Strongfinalitythatdrawsattention

Eachcaseisdifferent,butourearswilloftenletusknowiftherhymeistakingusdownoneofthosetwodead-endroads.Now,let’sseewhathappenswhenwedon’trhymeatall.Thecontentiscompletelyunpredictablewithnoclosureatanypointduringthesection:

closureatanypointduringthesection:TheTVisflashingAndblurredinthehallwayAssheclearstheplatesoffthetableAndsighsatthedishesAndslipsoutapostcardHidinthecanwiththecoffee

Especiallynowthatwe’refamiliarwithwheretoexpecttherhymes,thewholesectionsoundsawkward.Atnoplacedowehearanycommonthreadbetweenthelines.Wecouldconcludethenthatrhymestrengthensthesensethatcertaincontentandwords“belong”inthesong.

Thereisanotherimportantconclusionastothestructureofrhymeandhowitrelatestomusic.Inthenextchapter,we’llexplorehowthisrelationshipmakesitpossibletowritelyricsbeforewritingthemusicandstillarriveatasongthatachievesallourmusicalgoals.

Nowthatwe’vegottenalittlebackgroundonrhyme,let’sgatherthosetoolstohelpusmaximizethemusicalsettingofourlyrics.

ChapterSummary

1.Rhymepairscanbecreatedfromboththemiddleandtheendofexternalandinternalphrases.2.Thefivetypesofrhymefromstrongestdegreeofclosuretoleastareperfect,family,additive/subtractive,assonance,andconsonance.3.Thepositiontherhymeholdsinthelineandthepositiontherhymeholdsinthesectiondeterminetheamountofclosuretherhymepairprovides.4.Commonproblemsassociatedwithrhymearelimitedcontentandstrongfinalitythatdrawsattention.5.Bothstrictandlooserhymecanresultinalossofconnection.6.Ourmostvaluableassetisourears.

CHAPTER5ReflectionsofMusicFormandStructure

THELANGUAGEOFPHRASING

Aswriters,wemayfancyourselvespoetsorstorytellers.Butaslyricists,we’vegottokeepastrongholdonthosereinsoffree-flowingprose.Connectingwithourlistenerrequiressignals,keyingthemintowhensectionsbeginandwhentheyendandwhichphrasesaremostcentraltothemainpointandwhichare

not.

Imaginethatlyricsarelikethemapofathemepark.Nowimaginethemusicwastheactualthemeparkitself.Asyouwalkpastthecottoncandykiosk,aroundthegiantteacuprideand

overthewalkingbridgetotheTilt-a-Whirl,youfolloweachpointonyourmap.Butwhenyoufinallyarriveattherickety,ex-con-operatedthrillride,yourealizethatyourmapactuallyshowsa

foodcourtinitsplace.Thinkingthatyou’vemisreadthemap,youspendthenextmomentstryingtocoordinateyourselfwithotherlandmarks.Everythingelsechecksout,butyoucan’tshakethefeelingyou’renotwherethemapsaysyou’resupposedtobe.

Thesamegoesfortherelationshipbetweenmusicandlyrics.Justasalyrichasstructurethatismadeupoflines,musichas

structurethatismadeupofphrases.Thesignalsofstructureandrhymethatarepresentinalyricmustcoincidewiththesignalsofstructureandrhymeinthemusic.Evenbeforewecomposethemusic,wecangetanideaofwhatthemusicwilllooklikebecause

ofthelyricstructureandrhymeschemewechoose.

Sowhatarethesignalsofstructureandrhyme?Andwhyisitimportanttoheedthesignalsandfollowtheirdirection?

Toanswerthesequestions,wemustfirstbeabletoheara

Toanswerthesequestions,wemustfirstbeabletohearamusicalphrase.Songmelodiesaren’tjustmeanderingnotes

scatteredacrossanunpredictablenumberofbars.Theyarelargeideasmadeupofsmallerideascalled“phrases.”Thesephrasesaren’tanunpredictablestringofnoteseither,butarerelatedinrhythmandinterval.Therhythmsandintervalsthroughoutthemelodyandharmonyrepeatoverandover,givingthesonga

consistentidentityallitsown.

Consider“MaryHadaLittleLamb.”Let’susethebasicrhythmofthatnurseryrhymeasanexampleofafour-line

section.Feelthematchingrhythmsoflines1and3andlines2and4,asyoureadalong:Maryhadalittlelamb

whosefleecewaswhiteassnowandeverywherethatMarywent

thelambwassuretogo

Therearefourphrasesthatmakeupthelargersection.Eachphraseisagroupofnotesthatprovideonevaluablelinkinthe

wholetune’sentity.Again,wemightthinkofaphraseintermsofaroadmap.Let’ssayyouwanttotravelfromPittsburghtoNewYorkCity,soyouplotyourcoursealongHighway70.Andalongtheway,youplanonstoppingseveraltimes,justtomakesureyou’restilloncourse.ThedistancefromPittsburghtoyourfirststopisonemusicalphrase,orinournurseryrhyme,“Maryhadalittlelamb.”Thedistancefromyourfirststoptoyoursecondstopisanotherphrase,line2inourfour-linescheme.Thesecondstoptothethirdstopisanotherphrase,line3,andfinallythethirdstoptotheBigAppleisthefinalphraseofthetrip,line4.Now,

youmaybethinkingthatthisisutterlyelementaryandconsideringskippingaheadtothenextfewpages.Butinmy

experience,thereisnogreatermisunderstandingofyoungandoldwritersalikethanthewaywenotateourlyricalphrasesonpaper.Eachlinedenotesamusicalphrase.Eachmusicalphrasedenotes

Eachlinedenotesamusicalphrase.Eachmusicalphrasedenotesalyricalline.Theymustcoincideforthelyrictoultimatelybe

applicabletoamelodyandharmonyinawaythatmakesmusicalsense.

Let’stakeourroadmapanalogyonestepfurther.SayyoudecidetostopatasketchylittlegasstationbetweenPittsburgh

andyourfirststop.Becauseit’snotamajorcity,youfindyourselffeelinglost,pulledoverinanareawheretherereallyaren’tanysignsthatyou’restillontherightpath.Sowisely,yougetbackinyourcaranddrivetherestofthewaytoyourfirstscheduledstoptofillup.Putinmusicalterms,stoppingbeforeyougettotheendofaphrasewillalsoleaveyourlistenerlost,searchingforsignsthatthey’restillontherightpath.Let’slookatthisinanotherway.Stoppinginthemiddleofamusicalphrasewouldbeasifyoupausedmid-sentencewhilehavingaconversation.Your

listenerswouldlikelywonderiftherewassomeemphasis,somegreaterpointthatunfortunatelytheymissed.Undoubtedly,theywouldintuitivelyknowthatsomethingwaswrong.Theresult

wouldbeafewstrangelooksandaguaranteethatwhateveryouweretalkingaboutwouldbeovershadowedbythewayyouwere

talkingaboutit.

Becauseoftherhythmofthenurseryrhyme,weknowthephrasingisfourlines.Let’sdenoteonephraseasanarrow,

pointingusallthewaytotheendofthelinebeforestoppingandstartingagain.

Sofar,we’vetalkedaboutphrasesaslengthsoflines.Butwecanalsotalkaboutphrasingintermsofrhymescheme.Theverse

abovehasarhymeschemeofABAB.Whatdoestherhymeschemehavetodowithphrasing?Likewedidinourpreviouschapteronrhyme,let’sreplacetheexistingschemewitha

differentonetohearhowrhymeaffectstheoverallphrasingofthetune.

MaryhadalittlehorseWhosehairwasdarkasnightAndeverywherethatMarywentThehorsewouldfollowtoo

Thelengthofthelineshasremainedthesame,soweknowitisnotanissueofrhythmthatisthrowingusoff.Whenwechangetherhymescheme,somethinginterestinghappens.Thatlastlinesuddenlyfeelsawkward,asifitdoesn’tbelong.Thereasonisthatthemusicalphrasingsignalsthepresenceofarhymeschemethatdoesnotactuallycometopass.Themusicalphrasingisgivingus

doesnotactuallycometopass.Themusicalphrasingisgivingusroadsigns,butwhenwefinallyarriveatourdestination,thepromisesthosesignsmakearen’tfulfilled.Thisleadsustoan

importantconclusionabouttherelationshipbetweenrhymeandmusicalphrasing:

Rhymereflectsthelengthofamusicalphrase.Amusicalphrasesuggeststheplacementofrhyme.

FOUR-LINESECTIONS

Musicalphrasesaremarkersthatsuggestwhererhymesfall.Inafour-linesection,therearethreetypicalschemesusedoverandoveragaininpopularsong.Theyare:1.XAXA2.ABAB3.AABB

Whentheserhymeschemesarenotoccurring,somethingmustbeoccurringmusicallytoaccommodate.Forexample,thelastlinemaybebrokenintotwoshorterphrasesthatrhymewitheachother:

MaryhadalittlehorsewhosehairwasdarkasnightandeverywherethatMarywentthehorsewouldgowitheyesaglow

ThisschemewouldbewrittenasXAXBB,butissometimesmistakenforXAXA.Itisimportanttonotethattherhymebetween“go”and“aglow”iswhatbreaksthelineintwo.Rhythmically,thosetwophrasestogetherequalaslightlylongerphrasethanoneofthepreviouslines.Thelinecouldalsobeextendedwhereonlyonerhymeoccurs,butstilllaterthanexpected:

MaryhadalittlehorsewhosehairwasdarkasnightandeverywherethatMarywentthehorsewouldgladlyletyoungMaryride

ThisschemeisstillXAXA,butthelastlineislengthenedtoreflecta

ThisschemeisstillXAXA,butthelastlineislengthenedtoreflectalengtheninginthemusicalphrasing.Inbothoftheseverses,theplacementoftherhymereflectsthelengthofeachmusicalphrase.

Inthelasttwoexamples,thenurseryrhymehasencounteredalengtheningofthelastline.Let’slookatanothervariationoftheschemeXAXAinwhichthelastlineisshortened.

MaryhadalittlehorsewhosehairwasdarkasnightandeverywherethatMarywenthe’dhide

Nowtherhymeoccurssoonerthanweexpect,themusicalphrasingclosingwiththerhyme“hide.”Hereagain,themusicalphrasingsuggeststheearlyplacementoftherhyme,andtherhymereflectstheearlycloseofthemusicalphrase.

Wecansummarizethepossibilitiesforfour-linesectionsofXAXA,ABAB,andAABBasfollows:

1.Shortenedanddoubledlastline2.Lengthenedlastline3.Shortenedlastline

Byviewingsectionsasalterationsofafour-linestructure,wecanmoreeasilymakesenseofwhatisoccurring.

SIX-LINESECTIONS

Let’slookatanothercommonstructuretobetterunderstandtherelationshipbetweenlyricandmusic.Thisstructureusedinpopularsongsoverandoveragainissix-lines,oftenoccurringwiththefollowingrhymescheme:(“T”representsthetitlelineappearinginthesection.)1.XXAXXA2.AABCCB3.ABCABC4.XXTXXT5.AATBBT6.ABTABT

Noticethatnumber1andnumber4aresimilarwiththesubstitutionofatitle

Noticethatnumber1andnumber4aresimilarwiththesubstitutionofatitleline.Thesamegoesfornumbers2/5and3/6.

Justlikethefour-linesection,thesix-linesectionismadeupoftwohalves.Eachhalfisathree-linegroupfollowedbyanotherthree-linegroup.Inthesong“That’sAmore,”therearetwogroupsofthreelinesmakingupthesix-linesection.ThissectionhasarhymeschemeofAATBBT,thetitleappearinginthemiddleandlastlineofthelyric.

“That’sAmore”byJackBrooksandHarryWarren

Whenthemoonhitsyoureye A

likeabigpizzapie A

that’samore T

Whentheworldseemstoshine B

likeyou’vehadtoomuchwine B

that’samore T

Atfirstglanceitlooksandsoundslikeasimplesix-lineverse.Butlet’sseewhathappenswhenwechangetherhymescheme,shorteningthephrasesbyprovidingrhymehalfwaythrougheachline:

Ifyoujump A

ifyouspin B

ifyourun A

ifyougrin B

that’samore T

Nowthishalfoftheoriginalverselookslikeafour-linesectionplusatitleline.Often,thesectionthatiswrittenasABABTcanalsobewrittenasAAT.Thedifferenceisthelengthofthemusicalphraseswechoosetoreflectwithour

Thedifferenceisthelengthofthemusicalphraseswechoosetoreflectwithourlyricalphrases.

Whenwewriteourownlyric,itisonlyimportantthatweidentifywhichstructurewe’reworkingtowards:four-lineorsix-linewithsomealterationofeitherashortenedorlengthenedline.Thatway,we’llalwaysknowthatwhatwe’reaccomplishinglyricallycaneasilyberepresentedmusically.Forexample,I’llrewritethefirsthalfoftheverseinordertoreflectthesamephrasingpatternsasmyrewrite:

Whenthemoonhitsyoureyelikeabigpizzapiethat’samoreIfyoujumpifyouspinifyourunifyougrinthat’samore

Havingtheabilitytodistilleachsectionofyoursongtoasimplerstructurewillhelptoidentifyandfixproblemareas.Eventhemostcomplexmelodieshaveidentifiablepatternsandsomedegreeofpredictabilitythatispleasanttoourears.

EXERCISE5.1:CreatingFour-andSix-LineSectionsPracticecombiningthelinesbelowintoeitherfour-orsix-linesections.Youmayhavetoadd,subtract,andreorderthelinesinordertofulfilltherhymescheme.

Line1:Wheresounddisappears

Line2:Thelights,noise,andtraffic

Line3:Higherthanthunderandjetstreams

Line4:Wayupaboveallthestatic

Line5:Dustcaughtinsunbeams

Line5:Dustcaughtinsunbeams

Line6:Andthinatmospheres

PHRASINGANDCONTENT

Wenowunderstandhowlyricalphrasesrepresentmusicalphrasesandviceversa.Butthereisanothersubtlerrelationshipbetweenthemarriageofmusicandlyric.Sofar,we’vebeentalkingaboutstructureandrhymescheme—thearchitecturalplansofourlyric.Nowwe’regoingtotalkaboutthebuildingitselfinallitsspiresandawnings.Inthiscorrelation,we’regoingtoapplywhatweknowaboutphrasingtotheprogressionofcontentwithinthelyric.

Theclosingofalargerhymeschemeoftensignalstheclosureofalyricaltopic.Similarly,theclosureofalargermusicalphraseoftensignalstheendofalargerlyricaltopic.

largerlyricaltopic.

Let’sgobacktoMaryandherlittlelamb.Earlierwetalkedaboutthefour-lineversebeingmadeupoffourequallylongphrases.Butwhenwetalkaboutcontent,we’regoingtolookatthebiggerpicturewiththecompositeofsmallerphrasesintolargerphrases.Thenurseryrhymecanbedescribedastwolargephrases,eachonelinelong.Thesephrasescannotbecombinedanyfurthertoachieveanevenlargerphrasebecausethemelodyattheendofeachlineresolvesandrepeats.TheyarethelargestrepresentationofthephrasingofMaryandherlamb:

MaryhadalittlelambwhosefleecewaswhiteassnowAndeverywherethatMarywentthelambwassuretogo

Nowifyou’llentertainmeforamoment,let’sanalyzethecontentofthesetwolines.Thefirstthingwenoticeisthateachlargephraseisonesentenceorcompletephrase,notafragmentofasentenceorphrase.Thataloneisalyricalcluesuggestingthesetwolinesarethelargestpossiblephrases.Wealsonoticethatatthecloseofthefirstlargephrase,thecontentprogressestoanothertopicratherthancontinuingtheinitialfocus.Letmeillustratewhatwouldhappenifthecontentofline1werecontinuedthroughline2:

MaryhadalittlelambwhosefleecewaswhiteassnowWithhoovesblackandpolishedcleanandeyesblueandbold

Bycontinuingthecontentofthefirstline,wearecreatingasectionthatiswrittenaboutone“topic.”Bothvariations,eitheronetopicortwo,mayserveouroverallmessageofthesong.

Nowlet’sseewhathappenswhenthecontentchangestopicbeforethephrasingcloses.

Justasweestablishedinpreviouspagesthatmusicalphrasesrepresentthelengthoflyricalphrases,thesameappliestocontent.Amusicalphraseislikeasentence.Startinganewtopicmid-sentencewilldrawattentiontohowyou’respeakingratherthanwhatyou’respeakingabout.Yourlistenerwilleitherlookatyouwithconfusionandaskyoutorepeatwhatyoujustsaid,orkindlybutquicklyexcuseherselffromtheconversation.

quicklyexcuseherselffromtheconversation.

Theeffectofclosingalyricalphrasedownbeforethemusicalphraseclosesdownisevenmoreawkwardattheendofasection.Intherewritebelow,we’releftwithasentencefragmentthatrequiresustoholdonuntilthenewsectionbegins:

Attheconclusionofthefirstverse,we’releftpausingon“found,”asking“foundwhat?”Thebrokenphrasetakesourfocusoffofthemeaningofthelyricandontohowawkwardit’sbeingsaid.Instead,we’ddobettertofindanotherwayofsayingthesamethingwhilekeepingtothephrasingsetbythemelody:

Nowlet’sexperimentwithchangingthecontentmidwaythrougheachlargerphrase,adheringtothesignalsofclosurethesmallerphrasesprovide.Inotherwords,let’strycombiningfourseparatecontentideasforeachofthefoursmallerphrases:

Eachlineintroducesanewthought.Andjustaswebegintopicturethenewthought,wearequicklyusheredontothenext.Theresultofusingsmallermusicalphrasestodictatetopicmovementisjerky,surface-orientedcontent.Asyoucansee,themoretopicsthatareintroduced,thelessthetimethatcanbegiventoconvincingdetail.Asartists,we’retryingtocreateaconnectionwithourlistener.Ourgoalmustbetoidentifytheexperiencewe’retryingtocause.Ifitisanexperienceoflight-heartedfun,skimmingthesurfacemaybeappropriateforcausingthatexperience.Butifweareaimingforauthentic,deep-feltemotion,thensurfacedetailjustwon’tdo.

Thechartbelowoutlinesthenumberoftopicstypicallyintroducedinasectionoffourorsixlines.Likeourtypicalrhymeschemessuggestinthebeginningofthischapter,thesesectionsarecommonlymadeupoftwoequalhalves.Inafour-linesection,wetypicallyhavetwochoicesforcontent:

1.Allfourlinescontinueoneidea.2.Twolinesofoneideaarefollowedbytwolinesofanotheridea.

LISTENINGSUGGESTIONSFORFOUR-LINESECTIONS

MarcCohn,“WalkinginMemphis”Nickelback,“Someday,Somehow”DonHenley,“BoysofSummer”

Inasix-linesection,somecommonchoicesare:

Inasix-linesection,somecommonchoicesare:1.Allsixlinescontinueoneidea.2.Threelinesofoneideaarefollowedbythreelinesofanotheridea.

LISTENINGSUGGESTIONSFORSIX-LINESECTIONS

AvrilLavigne,“I’mwithYou”FaithHill,“YouStaywithMe”MarkWills,“Don’tLaughatMe”

NumberofLines RhymeScheme

Numberof

Topics

2XX

1-2AA

XAXA

4 ABAB 1-2

AABB

XXAXXA

6 AABCCB 1-2

ABCABC

ABCABC

Youmightseeapatternemerginghere.Evenifthesectionisanoddnumberoflines,thecontentconsistsofeitheroneortwotopics,withtheaddedlinecontinuingthetopicintroducedwiththesecondhalfofthesection.Youmayfindthischartsummarizingsometypicalstructures,rhymeschemes,andtopicmovementshelpfulasareferencewhenconstructingyournextsong.

ChapterSummary

1.Justaslyricshavestructurethatismadeupoflines,musichasstructurethatismadeupofphrases.2.Rhymeschemereflectsthelengthofmusicalphrases.3.Musicalphrasessuggesttheplacementofrhyme.4.Twoverycommonversestructuresarefourandsixlines.5.Theclosingofalargemusicalphrasesuggeststheclosingofalargelyricalidea.

CHAPTER6WritingtheVerse

SECRETSOFSTRUCTURE

Upuntilthispoint,we’vetalkedaboutrhyme,phrasing,andcontent.We’veevenlearnedtodistinguishexternalphrasesfrominternalphrasesandhowtoidentifyandcombinenaturallyoccurringrhymesintopairedideas.Throughoutthesechapters,Ihopeyou’vebeenexercisingyourdestination-writingmuscles,usingthewhere,who,andwhenlistsfromappendixAasyourkeywords.

Now,we’regoingtogettotheheartofthesongwritingprocess.Ihavefoundithelpfultobreakdowntheprocessofsongwritingintotensteps.You’realreadyfamiliarwiththefirsttwosteps,destinationwriting/creatingcolumnsandfindingrhymepairs,aswellastheimportanceverbsplayintheoverallstrengthoftheexperience.

Step1.Destination-writeandcreatecolumnsStep2.FindrhymepairsStep3.ChoosearhymeschemeandtogglingpatternStep4.AddprepositionsandconjunctionsStep5.ChooseaplotprogressionStep6.Destination-writeagainusingthought/feelinglanguageStep7.LookfortitlesandwritethechorusStep8.WriteasecondverseandprechorusStep9.WritethebridgeStep10.Verbs,tense,pointofview,andconversationalquality

Nowwe’regoingtoapplysteps3and4,combiningourinternalandexternalrhymepairstocreatesongsectionsweneverwouldhavecomeupwithotherwise.

Weknowthatsonglyricsfollowpatternsofrhythm,rhyme,andcontent.Thesepatternsappearoverandoveragaininalldifferentstylesofmusic.Wealsoknowwecanusethesepatternsasmodelsforourownsongs.ButthisnextpatternI’mgoingtoproposetoyouresultsinatoolfordevelopingcontentratherthanstructure.ItisaprocessIcall“toggling.”Togglingisastrategyfororganizingsongcontent.Itisameansofcombiningexternalandinternaldetailtoarriveataskillfullywrittensection.

Therearemanydifferenttogglingpatterns,butrhymeschemeandnumberoflinesinaparticularsectionoffergreatcluesastowhichpatterntouse.Crafting

linesinaparticularsectionoffergreatcluesastowhichpatterntouse.Craftingoursongsectionswithtogglinghelpsusachieveafewimportantresults:

•Aproperlyweightedsection•Contrastbetweensections•Amoreintenseexperience•Presentationofourbestideas

Let’svisualizetheprocessoftogglingbylookingatthefirstverseofthesong“WhyGeorgia”byJohnMayer.

“WhyGeorgia”

Iamdrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoonjuststuckinsidethegloomFourmoreexitstomyapartmentbutIamtemptedtokeepthecarindriveandleaveitallbehind

YoumighthavealreadyanalyzedthisverseashavingsixlinesandarhymeschemeofXAAXBB.Ifyoudidn’tnotice,cutyourselfabreak.Thisisalearningprocess,andyou’llgetthehangofitthemoreyouactivelytrytolookforthesecharacteristics.Now,whataboutcontent?Aretherepatternswithinthecontentofthelinesthatyieldcluestohowwecouldwriteourownverse?

Theanswer,asyoumaynowsuspect,isyes,therecertainlyis.Wealreadydiscussedoneclueinthepreviouschapter:asectionbeingmadeupofoneoreventwotopics,changingmidwaythroughthesectionastherhymeschemerepeats.Inthisverse,thecontentreflectsthatpatternwitheachthree-linegroupmakingupacompletesentenceorthought.Butthereisanotherevenmoreusefulpatternpresentwithinthissection.Ithastodowiththemovementbetweenexternalandinternaldetail.Inmanysongs,thismovementcanfeelabitlike“toggling”betweenthetwotypesofdetail.Toidentifythetogglingpattern,wefirstneedtoidentifythefunctionofeachlineaseitherinternalorexternaldetail.Let’sreturntothosediscerningquestionsfromchapter3:

Doesthephrasedescribewhat’sgoingonaroundthemaincharacter?

Ifso,thenthedetailisexternal.

Ifso,thenthedetailisexternal.

Doesthephrasedescribewhat’sgoingonwithintheheartormindofthemaincharacter?

Ifso,thenthedetailisinternal.

Now,goingbacktothisverse,let’sassigneachlineanidentity:externalorinternal,orinsomecases,both.

“WhyGeorgia”byJohnMayer

Iamdrivingup85 External

inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoon External/Internal

juststuckinsidethegloom Internal

Fourmoreexitstomyapartment External

butamtemptedtokeepthecarindrive External/Internal

andleaveitallbehind Internal

Wecanseeherethatlines2and5havebothexternalandinternalqualities.Inline2,theideaofamorninglastingallafternoonismoreabstractandmetaphoricalthanamorningthatlastsuntil11:59A.M.Thatqualityshiftsthedetailfromconcreteexternaltoslightlymoreinternalandabstract.Similarly,line5shiftstheexternaldetailofkeepingthecarindrivetoslightlyinternalwhenthefeelingofbeingtemptedcomesintoplay.

Thismultipleidentityistypicaloflineslaterinasong.Asasongprogresses,thelinesoftenbecomemoreinternalandabstract.Thestrongerthefoundationofconcretedetailwehavetobuildon,themoreabstractinternaldetailcanadddimensionlateroninthesong.It’sallamatterofvalue.Withoutaparticular

dimensionlateroninthesong.It’sallamatterofvalue.Withoutaparticularimagetogivevalueto,theinternaldetailfailstocauseanexperience.

Agoodwaytofindoutifalineismoreexternalorinternalistotryswitchingoutthelineinquestionforapurelyexternalorpurelyinternaldetail.Ifthesectionfeelsheavyandcluttered,amoreabstractlinewillalleviatetheproblem.Butifthesectionbecomesweakandflimsy,thenamoreconcretelineisneeded.Wecanthenmakeeducateddecisionsonhowtocombinetheexternalandinternalcharacteristicstoarriveatasectionwiththeproperweight,keepingthefocuscenteredonthecontentandnotonhowwe’representingit.

Nowthatwe’vegotaprettygoodhandleonthetypeofdetailofeachline,wecantakealookattheoverallpattern.Whatdoyounoticeabouttheorderofexternalandinternaldetail?Theycreateapatternthatestablishesitselfinthefirsthalfoftheverse,andrepeatsinthesecondhalf.ThatpatternisExternalExternal/InternalInternal,ExternalExternal/InternalInternal.Atthepositionthemusicalphrasesbeginandclose,thetogglingpatternalsobeginsandcloses.Whatemergesisaroadmapforcontentthatwecanapplytoourownsongsections.

ThetogglingstructureforthisverseiswrittenasEE/IIEE/II,averyeffectivepatternforsix-lineverses.Tounderstandwhythispatternissopopular,let’strychangingit.Whatdoyouthinkwillhappentotheflowofcontent?Orbetteryet,howwillitaffecttheexperienceandconnectionwecauseourlistener?Let’sexperimentwiththisideabyfirstreplacingthelastthreeexternaldetailswithinternaldetails.

Iamdrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoonjuststuckinsidethegloomI’vebeenthinkinghowsadnesscomesaroundeverytimethatmyhopesgetuptoosoonandthere’snothingIcando

It’snotbad,butwelosesomevaluableinformation.Withinternaldetail,weareineffect“telling”ouraudiencehowthesubjectfeelsinsteadofcreatinganexperienceofthatfeeling.Thefirsttwolinescreateagooddealofimagerythatsustainsthroughthesecondhalf,butIwonderiftheabstractnatureoflines3and4compromisetheabilityoftheversetocreateanexperience.The

and4compromisetheabilityoftheversetocreateanexperience.Theexperienceitselfwillalwaysbemorepowerfulthantherelationofthatexperience.Now,let’strytheoppositeapproach,thistimeloadingthelastthreelinestothebrimwithexternaldetail.Youmayalsothinkabout“weight”whenyoureadandexperiencethissection:

Iamdrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoonjuststuckinsidethegloomFourmoreexitstomyapartmentandwhitelinesdottingadistantstretchofroadwithtreeshanginglow

Nowtheeffectisdramatic.Insteadofkeepinganintimateconnectionwiththelistener,thesongcontinueswithexternaldetailthatfailstorelatebacktothesubject.We’releftwithaheavinessinthatlastline,wonderingwhat“treeshanginglow”hastodowiththemainpointofthesong.

Let’stryonemorevariationonthistogglepattern,thistimeplacingtheinternaldetailrightupfrontinthefirstthreelines:

I’vebeenthinkinghowsadnesscomesaroundeverytimethatmyhopesgetuptoosoonandthere’snothingIcandoI’vebeendrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoonjuststuckinsidethegloom

Theexternaldetailsthatsobeautifullycapturedtheexperienceintheoriginalfirstthreelinesaredelayeduntilhalfwaythroughtheverse.Thethoughtsandfeelingsthatnowbegintheversecan’tcolortheexternaldetailwehaven’tyetheard,andsoaredifficulttorelateto.Iliketocomparethistypeofresulttosaltingasteakafteryou’veeatenit.Saltinganemptyplateafterthatlastbiteofcowdoesn’tdoanythingtomaketheT-boneinyourstomachtastebetter.It’sthesamewithexternalandinternaldetail.Externaldetailpresentedearlyonwillcolortheexperienceoftheinternaldetailtofollow.Internaldetailcan’tmaketheexperienceofexternaldetailtofollowmoreauthentic,nomatterhowtrueourintentionsmaybe.

Internaldetaildoesawonderfuljobofbringingpurposetodetail.Afterwe’vedescribedanimage,wecangivethatimageapointinthesongbycommentingabouthowwefeelorthinkaboutthatimage.JohnMayerdoesthiswith“juststuckinsidethegloom”and“andleaveitallbehind.”Thisbringsupan

stuckinsidethegloom”and“andleaveitallbehind.”Thisbringsupaninterestingpointregardingthelastlineofasection,sittinginapositioncalledthe“powerposition.”Frequently,thispowerpositionreceivesitsinfluencefromitsability,orratherresponsibility,tosumupthemeaningofthewholesection.Justbyshiftingthecontentofthislastlinefromexternaldetailtointernalthoughtsandfeelings,wecansumupthesongandbringclosuretotheideaspresented.

Manytogglingpatternsendwithaninternaldetail,regardlessoftheinitialhalfoftheversepatternrepeatingitself.Withouttheculminationofthecontentsummedupinthatlastline,thecontenthasnopurpose.

Wecanthinkofsummarizingasectionwithinternaldetailinanotherway.ImagineIwastellingyouhowthismorningIrosearound5A.M.,thumbedacabridetotheairport,andsweatedinmyovercoat,asIranthroughthecrowdedsidewalksdraggingmytwooverstuffedsuitcasesandbulkycarry-onbehindme,thenblewintotheticketcounterbeforeracingdownthehallstosecurity.You’dlookatmewithanexpressionof“thenwhat?”Ormaybeeven“whyareyoutellingmethis?”Ouraudienceisnodifferent.Theydesireapointtoourstories,too.

Therearedifferenttogglingpatternsthatprovetobeeffectivefordifferentrhymeschemes,butmuchoftheireffectivenessdependsonourabilityto“feel”or“sense”theproperweightofthesection.Sometimes,thetogglingpatternisrepeatedhalfwaythroughasection.Sometimesthepatternlaststhroughoutthesection.Wemerelyneedtoopenourearsandeyesandbecomeawareofthepatternsweseeworkinginothersongs.Thenifinourownsongwefeelwecouldstrengthentheexperiencebysubstitutinganexternaldetailforaninternaloneorviceversa,wecan.Butthesebasictogglingpatternscanbelifechangingforasongwriter,givingusaspringboardfromwhichtoorganizeourideasandachievethegreatestflexibilitywiththoseideas.

Belowisachartofcommontogglingpatternsandtheirtypicalrhymeschemepartnersoftenfoundinhitsongs.Themorefluentyoubecomewiththepatternsandschemeslistedhere,thegreatersuccessandflexibilityyouwillfindinalteringthesepatterns.

NumberofLines TogglePattern

RhymeScheme

2EI XX

II AA

EEEI XAXA

4 EIEI ABAB

IEII AABB

EEIEEI XXAXXA

6 EIEEII AABCCB

IEIIEI ABCABC

Onceinawhile,beginningwithinternaldetailcansufficeingrabbingtheattentionofouraudience.Theversebelowbeginswithinternaldetail,savingtheexternalforlater:

HerlovewasaTilt-a-Whirlspinningmearoundshehadmerunningcirclestillthedayshetossedmeout

It’snotuntillines3and4thatwegetsomeconcretedetail;however,theword“Tilt-a-Whirl”carriessomeweightasanimage.Manysongsthatuseimmediateinternaldetailemployametaphor.Here,thatmetaphorisathemeparkride,continuingthroughouttheverseandlaterthroughthewholesong.Metaphoraloneissometimesstrongenoughtogivethesongaflavorthatcreatesalastingimpression.It’salsoagreatwaytostayawayfromgeneralitieswhenwewrite.ThissameversewithouttheuseofmetaphorcouldeasilyfallintoNever-NeverLand,blandandlackingconnection:

Herlovewascapriciousspinningmearoundshehadmerunningcirclestillthedayshetossedmeout

Thegreatestpowerofametaphorisoftenitsabilitytopaintapictureinourminds.Whenwepresentthatpictureearlyoninthesongandbuildonit,we

minds.Whenwepresentthatpictureearlyoninthesongandbuildonit,wekeepaddingdimensionandconnectiontothesong.Shiftingfrommetaphortometaphorwithinthesamesongcaninhibitconnectionbykeepingthelisteneronthesurfaceofmanyideasinsteadofdeeplyrootedinasingleidea.

EXERCISE6.1.TogglingInActionPracticetogglingthelinesbelowintotwo-,four-,andsix-linesectionsusingthefollowingtogglingpatterns:EEII,EIEI,IIEE,andEIEEIE.

Ibrushedawaythecobwebs E

anddusted‘roundthedoor E

asmustymemoriesfilledmymind I

Ipulledbackthecurtains E

andletsunlightfloodthefloor E

andallthatsleptwithinmesighed I

PossibleAnswers:

Ibrushedawaythecobwebs E

anddusted’roundthedoor E

asmustymemoriesfilledmymind I

allthatsleptwithinmesighed I

Ibrushedawaythecobwebs E

asmustymemoriesfilledmymind I

E

IpulledbackthecurtainsE

andallthatsleptwithinmesighed I

Mustymemoriesfilledmymind I

allthatsleptwithinmesighed I

andasIdusted‘roundthedoor E

Iletthesunlightfloodthefloor E

Ibrushedawaythecobwebs E

asmustymemoriesfilledmymind I

anddusted’roundthedoor E

Ipulledbackthecurtains E

andallthatsleptwithinmesighed I

Iletsunlightfloodthefloor E

Whichoftheseversesfeelsmostnaturaland,inyourestimation,producesthestrongestexperience?

EXERCISE6.2.AppliedTogglingWriteanoriginalversefromanyofyourdailydestinationwritings.Usingyourexternalandinternalcolumns,toggleeitherafour-orsix-linesectionusingtherhyme-schemeandpatternpossibilitieslistedinthetogglingchart.

FILLINGINMISSINGLINES

Sometimes,whenwe’retoggling,wefindwe’remissinganexternalorinternaldetailtocompletetherhymescheme.Ifourdestinationwritinghasnotsupplieduswithalltherhymesorcontentweneed,wesimplypluginthephraseswedohaveandthenwriteanewline.Aslongaswefollowthetogglingpatternwithournewline,theideawillworknomatterwhatitis.

ournewline,theideawillworknomatterwhatitis.

Let’sassumewe’vegotthreelinesofafour-linesectionandwishtowriteafourththought/feelingline(aninternaldetail).Sofar,thesectionlookslikethis:

TogglingPattern

RhymeScheme

Thereweretrashcansbydriveways External X

andlawnchairsinthesnow External A

asIdrovepastthehouses External X

? Internal A

Itdoesn’tmatterwhatdetailwewriteforthatlastline,aslongasitdealswiththethoughtsandfeelingsofthecharacter.Itshouldbeabstractasopposedtoconcrete:

TogglingPattern

RhymeScheme

Thereweretrashcansbydriveways External X

andlawnchairsinthesnow External A

asIdrovepastthehouses External X

1feltsoalone Internal A

Icouldeasilyinsertacompletelydifferentthought/feelingdetail:

TogglingPattern

RhymeScheme

Thereweretrashcansbydriveways External X

andlawnchairsinthesnow External A

External X

asIdrovepastthehouses External X

IthoughtI’doutgrown Internal A

Thesameistruefortheexternallines.Anyconcretedetailcanbereplacedwithanyotherconcretedetail:

TogglingPattern

RhymeScheme

Thereweretrashcansbydriveways External X

andsquaresonthelawns External A

wherelightspilledfromwindows External X

andmymemoriesweredrawn Internal A

Allweneedtodoismakesurewe’rechoosingourrhymeseffectively,matchingtheleveloforiginalityoftherestofourdestination-writing-inspiredsection.

CONNECTINGATOGGLEDSECTION

Gainingtheabilitytocombineourphrasefragmentsintoeffectivesectionsisahugestep.Butnow,we’regoingtolearnhowtoconnectthosephrasessotheynolongerseemlikeseparatepiecesofalargerpuzzle.Thesecrettoconnectionliesintinywordscalledprepositionsandconjunctions(foralist,refertoappendixB).Afterwe’veinsertedthephrasesfromourcolumnsintoourrhymeschemeandtogglepattern,wecanaddprepositionsandconjunctionswhereverneededtomakecompletesentences.Theabilityofoursectiontocreateanexperiencewilldependonourabilitytomakethesectionasconversationalaspossible.Themoreconversationalandnaturalthesectionsings,thestrongertheconnectionouraudiencewillfeel.

Let’susethesectionbelow,takenfrommycolumnson“Airport.”Eachlinefeelslikeaseparatefragmenteddetailwhenpluggedintothetogglingpatternandrhymescheme:

Chairexhaled,Islumpeddown External X

Abarbell,atthegate External A

Combedmyfingersthroughmyhair External X

Giveintothewait(newline) Internal A

Whentheconnectorwordsareadded(indicatedinbold),theversetakesonlife:

ThechairexhaledasIslumpeddown External X

likeabarbellatthegate External A

andcombedmyfingersthroughmyhair External X

andgaveintothewait Internal A

Simplyaddingwordslike“the,like,as,and,but,with,while,”andpronounslike“I,”wecanturnastackofphrasesintoaconversationalsection.Noticethattheverseadherestoourideasonphrasing.Inthiscase,thewholesectionisonetopicsimplybecauseoftheword“and.”Conjunctionsandprepositionshavethepowertoeitherinsertapauseorkeepthesentencegoing.Here,I’vedividedthesectionintotwohalves,eachhalfacompletethoughtonitsown:

ThechairexhaledasIslumpeddown External X

likeabarbellatthegate External A

Icombedmyfingersthroughmyhair External X

andgaveintothewait Internal A

Sometimestheeffectsofconjunctionsandprepositionsaredramaticenoughtocreateafeelingofstoppingandstartingwithinasection.Ifthosestopsandstartsdon’tcorrespondwiththebeginningsandendingsofthemusicalphrasing,werunintoMaryandherlittlelamb’sproblemagain.Thegoodthingisit’softensimpletoreconnectphrasestomatchourmusicalphrasing.

oftensimpletoreconnectphrasestomatchourmusicalphrasing.

Let’slookatanotherexampleofhowaddingprepositionsandconjunctionsturnsafragmentedstackofdetailsintoasingablesection.Thistime,let’suseAuntLouisefromchapter2asoursubject.I’vedrawnexternalandinternaldetailsfrommydestinationwritingtoconstructthesectionsbelow:

Verse1:DrewthetatteredwashclothPanwithgreaseWispsofhairfellinhereyesBrushedthembehindherearsVerse2:ClearedthedishesfromthetableHearherhummingthingsweren’tgreatatmyownhomeplaceIbelonged

HereI’veconstructedtwofour-lineverseideaswithalooserhymeschemeXAXA.ThefirstversefollowsatogglingpatternofEEEE,thenthesecondversechangesthelasttwolinestointernal.Becauseoftheheavyexternaldetailthroughoutthefirstandsecondverse,thoselastfewlinesareextremelyimportantingivingbothsectionsvalue.Asitreadsnow,thereseemstobeastrongdisconnectbetweentheideas.ButwhenIaddinsometinyconnectors,thestorybeginstoemerge:

Verse1:ShedrewthetatteredwashclothoverthepanwithgreaseaswispsofhairfellinhereyesandshebrushedthembehindherearsVerse2:AndasIclearedthedishesfromthetableIlistenedtoherhumEventhoughthiswasn’tmyrealhomeshemademefeelthatIbelonged

Inthesecondlineofverse2,Iwantedtoaccentuatethesoundof“-um”and“-ong”toreallygrabthatlooserhyme.ThatmeantIhadtochangethetenseoftheverb“humming.”Ikepttheideaforthecontentofthatline,butrearrangedthewordingtoachievetherhythmandrhyme.ThenIaddedthepronoun“I”tobenefittheconversationalqualityoftheverse.

EXERCISE6.3.UsingConjunctionsandPrepositionsPracticeaddingconjunctionsandprepositionstothefour-linesectionsbelow.Usethelistof

prepositionsandconjunctionsinappendixBforideas.Experimentwithdifferentconnectorstohearhowtheyeachchangethemeaningofthecontent.

standingintheplaceIstartedfromroomIspentmylifeescapingfrompainteddresserandasinglebedcurtainshanginglikeahighschoolpromdress

PossibleAnswer:I’mstandingintheplaceIstartedfromintheroomIspentmylifeescapingfromwithapainteddresserandasinglebedandcurtainshanginglikeahighschoolpromdress

THETHREEELEMENTS

Inthepagesahead,we’regoingtolookatanothercharacteristicofgreatsongs.Onceyou’reawareofthistoolatwork,youcandecidehowthesongsyouwritewouldbenefitfromitsapplication.

Animportantaspectofcontentwecanlearnfromourfavoritesongsisthepresenceof“who,”“where,”and“when.”Inmostsongs,thesethreecharacteristicsgounnoticed,justtakenforgrantedaspartofthenaturalflowofthelyric.Butthesimpleomissionofjustoneoftheseelementscanseriouslyjeopardizeourconnectionwithouraudience.Let’sfirstlookatwhatwemeanwhenwelookforthepresenceofthesethreeelements.

Inthelyricbelow,wecaneasilyidentifywho,where,andwhen:“TimeafterTime,”byCyndiLauperandRobertHyman

LyinginmybedIheartheclocktickandthinkofyou

caughtupincirclesconfusion

isnothingnew

Thislyriciswritteninfirstpersonperspective.“Who”is“my/I.”“Where”is“inmybed.”“When”issometimesmoredifficulttoidentify,becauseitisrarelyfoundstatedas“sixo’clock”or“thismorning.”Instead,itisreflectedintheformofbeing“lying.”Becauseofthepresentformofbeing,the“when”is“rightnow,”or“asthesongisbeingsung.”

Sometimes,thesethreeelementsaresubtler.Inthefollowinglyric,“when”isstillreflectedinthetenseoftheverbs,but“where”isrevealedinthedetailasearlyasline2,placingussomewhereonabusysidewalk.Westillget“who”rightupfrontinline1withthepronoun“L”

Nomatterhowsubtlethepresenceoftheseelements,theyclearlygivethelisteneratime,aplace,andasubjectearlyoninthesong.Thinkofthesethreeelementsaslegsofatripod.Ifanyoneofthemismissing,thesonglosesitsfootingandtheaudiencefeelsit.Nomatterhowhardwetrytoconvinceouraudiencethattheyshouldunderstandwherewe’recomingfrom,theywon’tquitebuyit.Let’sseewhathappenswhenweomitthepresenceoftheseelements:

IpulledmycoatintightAnddriftthroughtheconfusionSlippingbytheprintedlinesAndbreatheintheillusion

Anyoneofthelinesarejustfineontheirown,evengreatintheappropriatecontext,butasawhole,theexperiencethislyriccausesisconfusing.I’vemadeafewminorchangestosabotagethislyric.Thefirstwasplayingwiththetenseoftheverbs,creatingconfusionwith“when.”Thefirstlineisaboutaneventthathappened,butthesecondlineisacommandformofsomethingthatis

happened,butthesecondlineisacommandformofsomethingthatishappening.Nowthatwe’renotsurewhetherthiseventishappeningorhashappened,we’respendingourattentiontryingtomakesenseofthedetailratherthanexperiencingthedetail.I’vealsoremovedasenseof“where”fromthelyric.Thisomissionleavestheartistfloatingoutintheworldoffeelingsandthoughtswithoutanimageforthelistenertograbonto.

Imagineafriendtellingyouthatshejustbrokeupwithherboyfriend.Knowingwhenandwhereithappenedwouldcertainlyallowyoutoconnectbetterwithherheadandheart,imaginingtheexperienceshemusthaveencountered.Themoredetailyougatheraboutwhereshewaswhenithappened,themorepersonalitfeelstoyou.Youcangiveyouraudiencethatsamepersonalrelationshipbycluingthemintowhereandwhenyoursongtakesplace.

EXERCISE6.4.IdentifyingtheThreeElementsIdentifythethreeelementsineachofthefirst-versesectionsbelow.

“WhyGeorgia,”byJohnMayer

Iamdrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoon

juststuckinsidethegloomFourmoreexitstomyapartment

butIamtemptedtokeepthecarindriveandleaveitallbehind

HowisWHOestablished?——————————

HowisWHEREestablished?—————————

HowisWHENestablished?——————————

“Breakaway,”byBridgetBenenate,MatthewGerrard,AvrilLavigne(I)grewupinasmalltownandwhentherainwouldfalldownI’djuststareoutmywindowDreamingofwhatcouldbeandifI’denduphappy

Iwouldpray

HowisWHOestablished?——————————

HowisWHEREestablished?—————————

HowisWHENestablished?——————————

Whatdoyounoticeaboutyouranswers?Doyoufindthatthethreeelementsmostoftenoccurwithinthefirstfewlinesofthesong?Ifyoudid,thenyou’reontherighttrack.Aswithmanysongwritingtechniques,thiscommonalityisaguidebutwillletusdownasarule.

Let’sseewhathappenswhenoneormoreoftheseelementsoccurlaterinthesong,perhapsnotuntilthelaterhalfoftheverseratherthanthefirsthalf:

Herfearshadkeptherconfusedinamazebutherheartwasintentonbelievinghe’dchangesoshestayedaroundwhenmostwouldgiveupbutthedaythatshetossedallherclothesinabagandspunoffwiththescreechofburntrubberandpainwasthefifteenthofJunebutherownlndependenceDay

It’snotuntilline4thatwereceiveaclearindicationof“where”with“clothesinabag”and“spunoffwiththescreechofburntrubber,”allowingustoimaginefirstabedroomofsortsandthenacar.“Who”and“when”arestillpresent,buttheyalonedon’tseemtoconvinceustoconnect.Now,withoutlookingbackatthisverseyoujustread—Imeanit,don’tlook—doyourememberwhatthosefirstthreelineswereabout?Ifyoudon’t,thenyou’rerighttherewiththebestofus.Perhapsthemostimportantelementinasongis“where.”It’sanaudience’slifelineofconnectiontoanartist.Itallowsthelistenerstoexperiencetheeventratherthanjustsitonthesidelines.

EXERCISE6.5.ApplyingtheElementsChooseadestination-writingexample,andseparateyourexternalandinternaldetailsintotwocolumns.Toggleafour-andsix-linesectionusingyourcolumns,followingtherhymeschemeandtogglingpatternsfromthischapter.Thengobackandanalyzeifwho,where,andwhenwereestablished.Ifanyofthoseelementsare

missing,gobackandputtheminbyeither:•addingI,you,he,orshe•conformingverbstothesametense,eitherpast,present,orfuture•insertinganexternaldetailtoclearlydescribe“where”

LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS

AvrilLavigne,“I’mwithYou”KennyRogers,“TheGambler”FaithHill,“YouStaywithMe”DonHenley,“BoysofSummer”MichaelJackson,“Thriller”Tonic,“MyOldMan”GreenDay,“BoulevardofBrokenDreams”

ChapterSummary

1.Togglingisastrategyfororganizingcontentbymeansofcombiningexternalandinternaldetail.2.Effectivetogglingpatternscreatestrongexperiencesinthemindsandheartsofthelisteners.3.Anyinternaldetailcanbeexchangedforanotherinternaldetail,andanyexternaldetailcanbeexchangedforanotherexternaldetail.4.Themoreconversationalthelyric,thestrongertheexperiencethatiscaused.5.Alyriccanbemademoreconversationalbytheadditionofconjunctionsandprepositions.6.Thethreeelementsofastrongconnectionarewho,where,andwhen.

CHAPTER7TheChorus

INVENTING“WHY”

Sofarwe’vebeenfocusingon“what”towrite.Nowthetimehascomewhenwe’lldecideon“why.”“Why”isthereasonwewrotethesong.Itistheculminationofourdetailintoonecompletesolitarythought,producingthe“ah-hah”momentwesongwriterslustafter.Asongwithoutapurposeislikeajokewithoutapunchline.Andwe’dbeamazedhowoftensongwritersmissthatall-importantquestion,“Why?”

Upuntilthispoint,we’vefocusedondetail.We’veestablishedthatthemoresense-boundourwriting,thestrongertheexperiencewecreateforourlistener.Weknowhowtocombinethatdetailwithprepositionsandconjunctionssothatthesectionsconnectwithourlistener.Nowwe’regoingtoexploresteps6and7ofour10-stepprocess,broadeningourfocustothebigpicture.Infact,that’sjustwhatthechorusis:thebigpicture.

Step1.Destination-writeandcreatecolumnsStep2.FindrhymepairsStep3.ChoosearhymeschemeandtogglingpatternStep4.AddprepositionsandconjunctionsStep5.ChooseaplotprogressionStep6.Destination-writeagainusingthought/feelinglanguageStep7.LookfortitlesandwritethechorusStep8.WriteasecondverseandprechorusStep9.WritethebridgeStep10.Verbs,tense,pointofview,andconversationalqualityImagineagainthatyourverseislikeaclose-upofaleaf.Youdescribetheveins,thepores,andthechlorophyll.Youdescribethecool,coarsesurfaceandjaggededgesagainstyourfingertips,thefreshgreensmell,bitterandearthylikejuicedwheatgrassatthehealth-foodscounterinthegrocerystore.Now,youpanouttotakeinnotjusttheleaf,butthewholetree.Andsurroundingthetreeisapatchofgrassatopasmallhill.AndbehindthatisthesunslowlysinkingintheWest.Thatscene—theone-treehillanditssunset—isthecontentofthechorus.Itsfunctionistogiveeverytiny,experientialdetailofthesongpurposeandvalue.

Thefunctionofthechorusistogiveeverytiny,

Thefunctionofthechorusistogiveeverytiny,experientialdetailpurposeandvalue.

TWOTYPESOFCHORUSES

Let’simaginewhat“why”lookslikeintermsoftwodifferenttypesofchoruses:abstract/metaphoricalandlist.

Abstract/metaphoricalisthemostcommontypeofchorus,consistingofmainlythoughtandfeelingdetailthatweknowasinternal,sometimeswithafewexternaldetailsthrownin.Belowisanexampleofthistypeofchorus.

“TimeAfterTime”byCyndiLauperandRobertHymanIfyou’relostyoucanlookAndyouwillfindmeTimeaftertime

IfyoufallIwillcatchyouI’llbewaitingTimeaftertime

Wedon’tgetaclearsenseof“where,”and“when”isvagueaswell.Ratherthanbeingrootedinaparticulartimeandplace,thedetailservesasabroadconclusiontotheversecontent.

Listchoruseshavequiteadifferentfunction.Theyalsoassignpurposeandvaluetopreviousexternaldetail,buttheydoitthroughsnapshotsofexternaldetail,likethehighlightsofthestory.Thechorusbelowisanexampleofalistchorus.

WehadpipesburstinginthedownstairsbathaleakintheroofandafreewayoutbackFridaynightsandabottleofwinewasallwecouldaffordButwehadafrontporchswingandasettingsunahandfulofhopeandtwoheartsfulloflovewewerelowerthanhighbuthigherthansomeandweweren’tkeepingscore

backwhenlifewasallwewerelivingfor

Listchorusesprovidelaundrylistsofconcreteimages,whileabstract/metaphoricalchorusesusefeelings,thoughts,andmetaphorstodrivemessageshome.

Inthepagesahead,we’llspendourtimewritingabstract/metaphoricalchoruses.Fromthere,thejumptolistchorusesdependsonmoreexternaldetailtogetthejobdone.Inbothcases,thestrengthofthesectionmostoftencomesdowntothecentralpoint,thetitle.

GREATTITLESAREBORN,NOTFOUND

Titlesdon’toftenjumpoutscreaming“Pickme,I’mobvious!”Titlescanbehardtocomeby,especiallythosethatareoriginalandspecific.

Butwedon’thavetoflyblind,hopingtoarriveatthebiggerpictureatjusttherightmomentinthesection.Wecanreturntoourten-stepstrategyanddestination-writeuntilthepurposeisborn.

Destinationwritingforchorusmaterialisdifferentthandestinationwritingforverses.Insteadofsense-boundmaterial,thistimewe’regoingtofocusoninternaldetail,thosethoughtsandfeelings.Thisdetailisthemeatandpotatoesofthechorus,spikedwithafewexternalideasforseasoning.Therearetwoimportantconsiderationswhendestinationwritingduringthechorusstage.First,we’llneedtowritefromfirstpersonpointofview,or“L”Writingfromanotherpointofviewmightkeepusdistancedfromouremotions.Second,weneedtoconsiderthetimeframe.Writingastheeventishappeningwilloftenresultinstrongeremotionsthanwritingabouttheeventafterithashappened.

Writeinfirstpersonpointofview.Writeastheeventishappening.

Theparagraphbelowiswrittenfromthekeyword“hotelroom.”BeforeI

Theparagraphbelowiswrittenfromthekeyword“hotelroom.”BeforeIbegindestinationwritingforthechorus,I’lldestination-writeusingthesixkeysofconnectionandentertainasmanysensesaspossible.Atthispoint,I’mjustgatheringideasandgettingintothescene:

KEYWORD:HotelRoom(Verse)

Iswipedmycardandwaitedforthelittlelighttoturngreen.ThedoorstuckslightlyandexhaledasIunsealedthevacuumandrolledmyluggagebehindmeintotheroom.Itsmelledmustyandold,eventhoughtherewasthenauseatingscentoflemoncleanerusedtodisinfectthebathroom.Nursinghomeshavethatsamesmell,mixedwiththetangofpermsolutionandinstantcoffee.IthoughtabouthowmuchImissedyou,howthiswouldallbebearableifyouwerehere.Butyou’renot.Thesoursmellmadethehairsinmynosecurl,andIfeltthecoldrushofair-conditionedairthathadundoubtedlybeencrankedonhightodispelthemoldinthecarpetandthedraperiesfleckedwiththegreasefromresidentsbeforemecookingtheirmeals.ThosewerethesamesmellsIcaughtrollingdownthehall,breathinginthestaleairthathunginthehallwaysfromlackofventilationandtheownerrefusingtospendmoneyonheatingandcoolingthesetransitionalareas....

Afterthisfirstdestinationwriting,wearereadytobegindestinationwritingagain,reachingforchorusmaterial.I’llwritewithmainlythoughtsandemotionsinmind,rememberingtousefirst-personperspectiveandcontinuingasiftheeventisstillhappening.Imaystartoutwithsomedescriptionandthenslowlyeaseintointernaldetail,lettingwhateverthoughtsandemotionsIcanimagineflowthroughtheendofmypen.

KEYWORD:HotelRoom(Chorus)

Islumpeddownonthebedandglancedatthealarmclock.Istillhadfivehoursbeforegoingtowork.Ifeltsooutofplacehere.Iwonderedwhatyouweredoingrightnow,ifyouwerethinkingofme.Maybeyouwerestuckintrafficorshovelingthesnowfromthewalkway,checkingyourwatchandcalculatingwhenmyflightwouldgetin.Maybeyouweretellingsomeoneaboutme,howwetalkaboutwhenthisjobendsandIdon’thavetospendmostofmyweeksontheroad.SometimesIwonderifthat’swhatkeepsusgoing.We’realwayslookingaheadtosomething,believingitwillcomebutneverreally

alwayslookingaheadtosomething,believingitwillcomebutneverreallyknowingwhen.Iwonderwhatwouldhappentousifitdid.IftomorrowIquitwoulditreallybeeverythingIthoughtitwouldbe?OrwouldIbeletdownknowingthatI’vejustgivenupthebesthopewe’vegot.Alwayshavetoleavesomethingaside,likeacatleavingalittlefood.Justincasetherecomesadaywhenthereisn’tanythingelse.Sowesavealittlebit,wehidealittlepieceofourselvestomakesureit’sgonnabealright.

NoticethatIdidn’tpreventimagesandexternaldetailstocomeoutwhenIthoughtofthem.IjustallowedideastoflowandtriedtocomebacktothoughtsandfeelingswheneverIrealizedIwasgettingofftrack.

NowthatIhavemyseconddestinationwriting,thenextstepistoisolatesomephrasesthatIlike.WhatI’mlookingforarephrasesthatresonatewithme—ideasthathavetheability,ifeversoslight,tostandaloneinthelimelightofthetitleline.

BelowI’velistedthephrasesthatcatchmyearsandeyes.

You’renotStuckintrafficLookingaheadtosomethingWhatkeepsusBelievingitwillcomeEverythingIthoughtLeavesomethingHidealittlepieceSometimesIwonderWhenthisjobendsIfitdidHowwetalkNeverreallyknowingThebesthopewe’vegotSavealittlebit

Sometimes,unlikelyphrasesturnouttobegreattitles.Sometimes,theydon’t.Unearthingoriginalideasthroughdestinationwritingwillalwaysyieldsomegreatlinesweneverwouldhavecomeacross,titlesornot.

greatlinesweneverwouldhavecomeacross,titlesornot.

Sowe’vegotsomephrasesforatitle,butwe’restillstaringataparagraphformofideasandhopingtobuildachorusoutofit.Thenextstepistoorganizemyphrasesintotwocolumns,externalandinternal,justaswedidwithourfirstdestinationwritingtoorganizeversematerial.Imightcreatetwocompletelynewcolumns,orImightjustaddthenewmaterialontotheoldcolumnstoarriveatevenmorerhymepossibilitiesandtogglingoptions.

External Internal

swipedmycard soursmell howmuchImissedyou

littlelight hairinmynosecurl

thiswouldallbebearable

turngreen coldrush you’renot

doorstuckslightly air-conditionedair

sometimesIwonder

exhaled crankedonhigh

stuckintraffic

unsealedthevacuum dispelthemold

lookingaheadtosomething

rolledmyluggage carpet

room draperiesflecked

whatkeepsus

mustyandold grease believingitwillcome

nauseatingscent residents everything

nauseatingscent residents everythingIthought

lemoncleanser cooking leavesomething

disinfect staleair hidealittlepiece

bathroom hallways whenthisjobends

nursinghomes lackofventilation

ifitdid

tangofpermsolution ownerrefusing

howwetalk

instantcoffee spendmoney

Ineverreallyknowing

healingandcooling thebesthopewe’vegot

savealittlebit

Fromthesetwoexpandedcolumns,wecanseethatsomerhymepairsmightbeend,ahead;thought,not,talk;bit,did;piece,leave.Andthosearejustwithinthenewinternalphraseideas.Asmorepairsemerge,moreideasforthedirectionofcontentwillemergealso.

POWERFULPOSITIONS

Beforewebegintogglingachorus,weneedtodecidewheretoplacethetitle.Thetitleisthepunchline.It’sthereasonwewrotethesong.Ineverychorus,

Thetitleisthepunchline.It’sthereasonwewrotethesong.Ineverychorus,therearestrongplacementpositionsforthatattention-grabbingphrase.Theplacementofthetitlecanmeanthedifferencebetweenanaudiencethatstayswithusforthesecondverseandanaudiencethatflipstotheoldieschannelinstead.Inchapter4,wetalkedaboutthelastlineofaversesectionthatgivestheexternaldetailvalue.Thatlineisoftenathoughtorfeelingline.Itisthesamewithchoruses.Thelineisapowerfulstatementbuiltaroundstrongmetaphorsorintensefeelingsthatgetrighttotheheartofthematter.Buttheirvalueisonlyworthwhattheirverseandprechorusareabletoawardthem.Alone,theycarryveryweakarguments.

Thechorussectiontypicallyoffersthreepositionsthatareperfectforthatone-in-a-millionmoment.Theyareattheback,thefront,andsometimesthemiddleofthechorus.Justasthepowerpositioninothersongsectionsistheclosinglineofthesection,thelastlineofthechorusalmostalwaysgetsthelimelight:

powerposition → Wehadpipesburstinginthedownstairsbath

aleakintheroofandafreewayoutback

Fridaynightsandabottleofwinewasallwecouldafford

Butwehadafront

porchswingandasettingsun

ahandfulofhopeandtwoheartsfulloflove

wewerelowerthanhighbuthigherthansome

andweweren’tkeepingscore

powerposition → backwhenlifewasallwewerelivingfor

Somechoruseshaveanadditionaltitlelinehalfwaythroughthechorus:

“LoveCanBuildaBridge”byJ.Jarvis,NaomiJudd,PaulOverstreet

powerposition → Lovecanbuildabridge

Betweenyourheartandmine

powerposition → Lovecanbuildabridge

Don’tyouthinkit’stime

Don’tyouthinkit’stime

Butthereisanotherimportantpositioninthechorus:thelinedirectlybeforethepowerposition.Itsjobistosetupthetitle.Moreoftenthannot,thatbodyguardtothetitlewillbethoughtandfeelingorientedaswell,ratherthansenseboundanddetailoriented.Justlikethepowerposition,thepurposeofthatlineistozoomouttoapointwherethewholelandscapeisviewable.Inthechorusbelow,thelinedirectlyprecedingthetitleisanabstractthoughtdetail:

Lovewon’ttakechancesanymoreitleavesanopendoorjustincasethefeelingfadesandlovedon’thavefaithanymoreitturnsandwalksawaydoesn’tevenstaysowhatdoesanybodybotherfallingforiflovewon’ttakechancesanymore?

You’llfindthatitisverydifficulttosetupthebigpictureusingthemicroscopiclensweuseforconcreteexternaldetail.Therevisionbelowchanges

microscopiclensweuseforconcreteexternaldetail.Therevisionbelowchangesthelinedirectlybeforethetitletoaconcreteexternaldetail.Theeffectisanawkwardmomentthatdoesverylittletosupportthebroadideaofthesong.

powerposition → Lovewon’ttakechancesanymore

itleavesanopendoor

justincasethefeelingfades

powerposition → andlovedon’thavefaithanymore

itturnsandwalksaway

doesn’tevenstay

itjustgetssweptunderthe

carpetsofthesefloors

powerposition → iflovewon’ttakechancesanymore

Thischaracteristicofzoomingoutwardforthepowerpositionsandtheirbodyguardsistrueforlistchorusesaswellasabstract/metaphoricalchoruses.

Greatchoruses,likeothersongsections,don’thavetobelongorcomplex.Sometimes,theyareassimpleasonelinerepeatingfourtimes.Othertimes,linestakendirectlyfromtheseconddestination-writingcometogethertocreateawholesectionofthoughtandfeelingphrases.Thechorusbelowiscomprisedofphrasesfrommyseconddestinationwriting,with“SometimesIWonder”asmytitle.

SometimesIwonderwhenI’mstuckintrafficifthisjobwilleverend’cuzthere’ssomethingaboutneverreallyknowingthatmakesiteasiertolookaheadwouldwemakeitifitdid?SometimesIwonder

Ichosetosandwichthischoruswiththetitleonthefrontandbackofthesection.Icouldhavechosentoplacethetitleatthebeginningandmiddleofthesectioninstead:

SometimesIwonderwhenI’mstuckintrafficifthisjobwilleverendAndsometimesIwonder

ifneverreallyknowingmakesiteasiertolookahead

Istillfeellikethelastlineishangingoutinnowhere,notstrongenoughtobringclosuretotheidea.SoI’llrepeatthetitlelinetocarrytheweightofthepowerposition:

SometimesIwonderwhenI’mstuckintrafficifthisjobwilleverendAndsometimesIwonderifneverreallyknowingjustmakesiteasiertolookaheadSometimes!Iwonder

Icouldevenarrangeasimplefour-linechoruswiththetitlerepeatedinthefirstthreelines:

SometimesIwondersometimesIwondersometimesIwonderifthisjobwilleverend

Orifthelastlineseemstooweak,Icanrearrangethetitletositinitsplace:SometimesIwonderifthisjobwilleverendsometimesIwonderyeahsometimesIwonder

Beingflexibleenoughtocut,add,shorten,lengthen,andrearrangelinesarmsuswitheverythingweneedtoachievethelyricandmusicstructurewewant.Anyandallofthesechoruseswouldeffectivelyconveythe“why”ofasong.Theyonlyneedtopresentthoughtsandfeelingstovalidatetheexternaldetailspresentedintheprevioussongsections.

TOGGLINGACHORUSSECTION

Thesametechniquesoftogglingweappliedtoversescanbeappliedtochoruses.Infact,thepatternwechooseforthechoruswilloftenlookalittleliketheinverseoftheverse.(Interestinghowthatbitofwordplayworksout.)Forexample,ifourversehasatogglingpatternofEEIEEI,ourchorusmightbeIIEIII.(Whereverthetitlelineappears,itismostoftenmoreofaninternaldetail

IIEIII.(Whereverthetitlelineappears,itismostoftenmoreofaninternaldetailbecauseofitsabilitytosummarizeupthebroadoverviewofthesong.)Thepointtoremember,whenitcomestoabstract/metaphoricalchoruses,isthattheyareheavieroninternaldetailthanverses.Externaldetailisstillusefulingivingtheinternaldetailrelevancewithinthechorus.Butthedifferenceisthatinthechorussection,externaldetailmerelyrefocusestheabstractdetail,returningtothosethreeelementsofwhere,who,andwhenwhenevernecessary.Let’sseehowthisideaplaysoutinthechorusof“Won’tTakeChances.”

Lovewon’ttakechancesanymore I

itleavesanopendoor E

justincasethefeelingfades I

andlovedon’thavefaithanymore I

itturnsandwalksaway E

doesn’tevenstay I

sowhatdoesanybodybotherfallingfor I

iflovewon’ttakechancesanymore I

Lines2and5bothintroduceaconcreteimage,thoughusedasametaphor.Inthecaseofline2,it’sanopendoor,andinthecaseofline5,it’stheimageofturningandwalkingaway.Thetogglingpatternforthesecondthree-linegroupisamirrorimageofthepatternofthefirstthree-linegroup.Theexternaldetail,thoughnotasliteralandconcreteastheversedetail,isagreatwaytosparktinyvisualsandkeepsaltingthesteak.

Justlikeversesections,thetogglingpatternforchorusescanbeviewedastwohalves,eachamirrorimageoftheother.Thesametopicrulesthatapplytoothersectionsapplytochorusesaswell.

EXERCISE7.1.ToggleaChorusPracticerearrangingthelinesbelowintoafour-,five-,andsix-linechorus.Trythefollowingtogglingpatterns:TTIT,ITIT,TITI,IIIT,IIITT,IITIIT.

Ican’tquitebelievesometimesit’ssointensethewayyoulookatmeit’sjustamysteryLovemakesnosense

PossibleAnswers:

TTITLovemakesnosenseLovemakesnosenseit’sjustamysteryLovemakesnosenseITITThewayyoulookatmeLovemakesnosenseIcan’tquitebelieveLovemakesnosenseTITILovemakesnosenseIcan’tquitebelieveLovemakesnosensethewayyoulookatmeIIITIcan’tquitebelievesometimesit’ssointensethewayyoulookatmeLovemakesnosenseIIITTIcan’tquitebelievesometimesit’ssointensethewayyoulookatmeLovemakesnosense

LovemakesnosenseIITIITThewayyoulookatmesometimesit’ssointenseLovemakesnosenseIt’sjustamysteryIcan’tquitebelieveLovemakesnosense

FOUR-STEPCHORUSES

Weknowhowtocomeupwithchorusmaterial,howtoexcavateatitle,andwheretopositionthetitleinachorus.Buthowdoweputthoseideastogether?Howdowearriveatsomanychoruspossibilitiesfromjustafewchosenphrases?

I’mgoingtobreakdowntheprocesshereusingthesamestepsweusedforverses.

Step1.Destination-writewiththoughtsandfeelingsThefirststepistodestination-write,beginningwithoneofyouroriginalsense-bounddestinationwritings.Forthechorus,thismeansfocusingonthoughtsandfeelingsinsteadofimagesandclosedetail.

Step2.Parenthesizechorusphrases,andlistpotentialtitlesNext,rereadthedestinationwritingandparenthesizeanyphrasesthatresonatewithyou.Anythingthatpopsoutasatitlecontenderwillemergeatthispoint.Besuretoidentifylinesthatcanbeshortenedintotwosmallerphrases.Trytocompilealistoftenormorephrases,thenaddthemtotheoriginalexternalandinternalcolumns.

Step3.LookforrhymepairsNowjustaswedidwithourinitialversecontentcolumns,lookforrhymesbetweenthenewphrases.Ifyoufindyou’relackinginrhyme,addintheinternalcolumnfromtheoriginaldestinationwriting.Thenexplorerhymepairsbetweentheexternalandnewadditionstotheinternalcolumn.

Step4.Chooseatogglepatternandrhymescheme,andpluginphrasesNowyou’rereadytochooseatogglingpatternandrhymeschemeandbeginplugginginthephrases.Whereyoufindyouaremissingalinetocompletethetogglepatternorrhymescheme,looktoyourexistingphrasesforcontentideas.Rememberthattosharpentheconversationalqualityofthechorus,weonlyneedtoemploythoseusefulconjunctionsandprepositionswetalkedabout.

Topracticetheprocessoftoggling,it’shelpfultotryyourchoruswithmultipletogglingpatterns.Tryafour-linesection,andthenexpandittosixlines.Trythetitleatthefrontandback,thenonlyattheback.Addaseventhlinetoasix-linesectionjustbeforethetitlerepeats,orrepeatthetitleastheseventhlineattheend.Flexibilityisthekey,asyouexperimentwithyourphrases.

EXERCISE7.2.,ChorusPracticePracticewritingafewchorusesofyourown.Chooseanydestinationwritingandfollowsteps1through4ofthischaptertowriteyourchorus.Combineyourphrasesusinganytogglepatternandrhymeschemeyoufeelproducesthestrongestchorussection.

LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS

SixpenceNonetheRicher,“KissMe”JamesTaylor,“SweetBabyJames”TimMcGraw,“SomethingLikeThat”TomPetty,“FreeFalling”

ChapterSummary

1.Thefunctionofthechorusistogiveeverytiny,experientialdetailpurposeandvalue.2.Thetwotypesofchorusesareabstract/metaphoricalandlist.3.Thethreemostcommonplacementsforthetitlearethefirstline,lastline,andmiddleofthechorus.4.Thejobofthelinedirectlybeforethetitleistosetupthetitle.

CHAPTER8Contrast

THEBOREDOMBLOCKER

Asyou’retogglingaway,I’dliketotakeamomenttodwellonanimportantpartofchoosingapatternandrhymescheme.Whetherwe’reawareofitornot,whenwewrite,wechoosearhythm,arhymescheme,andatogglingpattern.Evenwhenwedriftcreativelyfromsectiontosection,wearesettlingonalengthandpatternthatjustfeelsright.Butwhataboutthosetimeswhenitdoesn’tfeelright?Whatdowedowhenthesongjustisn’tmovinginthedirectionwe’dlike,andouraudiencehasdriftedbacktotheirasparagussalad?

Howwechooseourtogglepatterndoesn’thavetobechance.Infact,it’softenbetterifitisn’t.Whenwetakecontroloverthestructureoursectionstake,wealsotakecontrolovertheirindividuality.Wecanchoosetomakethesectionssoundidenticalinrhymescheme,rhythm,andtogglepattern,orwecanchoosetocreatecontrastbetweenthesongsectionsbystructuringthemdifferently.Varyingthesedifferentaspectsofasectionyieldsfreshnessandnewreasonforourlistenerstopayattention.Thatdifferenceinstructureiscalled“contrast.”Ittellsourearsthatnewcontentisbeingdeliveredandrefocusesourabilitytoreceivethemainpurposeofthesong.Inshort,itkeepsusfrombecomingbored.

THEIMPORTANCEOFCONTRAST

Imagineifeverysectionofasonghadthesamenumberoflines,thesamerhymescheme,thesamerhythm,andthesametogglingpattern.Itwouldbepredictableatbest,andinfinitelyboring.Justaswecanplancontentusingtechniquesliketoggling,wecanplanthestructureofthesongwithcontrastinmind.

Thereareafewwaystoprovidecontrast.Inthischapter,we’llfocusonfourmajorways:

1.Changingtherhymescheme2.Changingtherhythm3.Changingthenumberoflines4.Changingthetogglingpattern

I’mgoingtohavetogobacktomynurseryrhymeaboutMaryandherlittlelamb.Whatifweweretowriteanewsectionthatcontrastedwiththeold?Howwouldweensurethatitsoundnewandnotjustcontinuethemonotonysofar?

wouldweensurethatitsoundnewandnotjustcontinuethemonotonysofar?Let’sapplysometechniquesofcontrasttodesignachorus:

MaryhadalittlelambwhosefleecewaswhiteassnowandeverywherethatMarywentthelambwassuretogoLaughing,playinghiding,strayingnooneeverhadsuchfunskipping,runningspinning,tumblingfriendsasbestasbestfriendscome

Whatwehavehereisasix-linesection.Butyou’llnotice,asyoureaditdown,thattherhythmhasalsochanged.Beginningwithline1,thenewrhythmprovidesanimmediatesignalthatnewmaterialhasarrived.Therhymeschemehasalsochanged.InthenewsectiontheschemeisAABCCB,contrastingwithXAXAoftheversesection.Thecombinationofusingbothrhythmandrhymecreatesaboldercontrastthanjustoneofthesetoolsalone.

Thechorusismostoftenthepointofhighestintensityinasong.Themelodyoftenreachesitspeak,theharmoniestendtosettleontotheirrootforms,andwhateverlyricalpointwe’redrivingatcomestoaconclusion.Whenwechooseourtogglepatternsandrhymeschemesforthechorussection,wecandeliberatelychoosethosethatcontrastwiththeonesusedintheverseandprechorussections,optimizingthepowergiventoourchorus.Verysimply,ifourverseconsistsoffourlines,wemightchooseasix-linepatternforourchorus.Ifourverseconsistsofsixlinesfollowedbyatwo-lineprechorus,ourchorusmightbeafour-linepattern.Whateverwechoose,itisonlyimportantthatthenewpatternbringsfreshnessandrenewedattentiontothesong.

CONTRASTANDTOGGLING

Solet’sseehowthesetoolsplayoutwhenwe’replanningoursongstructure.Inchapter5,wetalkedabouthowlyricsandmusicbondwithphrasing.Theyareeachmadeupofphrasesthatdictaterhymeandstructure.Whenamusicalphrasecloses,thelyricalphraseshouldalsoclose.

Considerafour-linesectionofEIEI.Let’ssaythatsectionalsohasarhymeschemeofABAB.Let’salsoassumethatsectionisafirstverse.

schemeofABAB.Let’salsoassumethatsectionisafirstverse.

Verse1:

ExternalDetail A

InternalDetail B

ExternalDetail A

InternalDetail B

Nowlet’ssaywe’regoingtowriteaprechorusthatintroducesanewtopic.Ourfirstinclinationistokeepplayingandsingingwiththesamelovelyrhythmandmelodywe’vesettledonforthefirstverse.However,wewanttokeepouraudienceontheedgeoftheirseats,andasimplewaytodothatistotakethemawayfromwhat’spredictable.So,let’sfirsttrytochangethenumberoflinesofthesection.Wecanchooseanynumberoflinesbutfourfortheprechorus:eitherone,two,three,five,orevensixlines.Sincethissectionissupposedtocreateabuildintothechorus,weprobablydon’twantitlongerthantheverse,solet’schooseeitherone,two,orthreelines.Here’swhatwe’vegot:Verse1:

ExternalDetail A

InternalDetail B

ExternalDetail A

InternalDetail B

Prechorus:

Line ?

Line ?

Line ?

Next,let’stryalteringtherhymeschemeandrhythm.InsteadofABAmatchingthefirstthreelinesoftheverse,we’llchooseAAAorAAB.We’llalso

matchingthefirstthreelinesoftheverse,we’llchooseAAAorAAB.We’llalsochangetherhythmofthelinestomakesurethey’reshorterinlengththanthoseoftheverse:Prechorus:

LineShortened A

LineShortened A

LineShortened B

Last,let’schooseatogglingpattern.Rememberthatthepowerpositionisoftenathoughtorfeelingline,solet’schooseEEIorEll,IEI,orevenIII:

Prechorus:

InternalDetail A

ExternalDetail A

InternalDetail B

Wecanusethesameprocesswhenitcomestothechorusandbridge.Onlythistime,wemaybeabletoreturntothefour-lineschemeforthechorushavinghadaprechorustotakeouraudienceawayfromthepredictable.

Whenwe’recreatingcontrast,it’simportanttorememberthatthesoonerthevariationoccurs,thestrongerthecontrastwillbe.IfwesimplyfollowaverseofABABwithaprechorusofABA,thesubtractionofalinewon’tappeartohaveanyeffectuntilthebeginningoftheomittedfourthline.But,ifwefollowthatsectionofABABwithtwolonglinesofAAorthreeshortlinesofXAA,contrastbeginsimmediatelyinthatnewsection.

Wedon’thavetoemployallfourwayssimultaneouslyeverytimewewanttoachievecontrast.Justchoosingoneortwoatatimecanprovideallthefreshnessweneedtokeepthesonginteresting.

Thesoonerthevariationoccurs,thestrongerthecontrastwillbe.

EXERCISE8.1.ContrastinActionChooseatogglingpatternforthenewsectionthatcontrastswiththecurrentpattern.Useanynumberorcombinationofthefourwaystocreatecontrast.

■Changingtherhymescheme■Changingtherhythm■Changingthenumberoflines■Changingthetogglingpattern

Example1

Verse1:

ExternalDetail X

ExternalDetail A

ExternalDetail X

InternalDetail A

Prechorus:

Chorus:

InternalDetail A

InternalDetail A

Title T

InternalDetail B

InternalDetail B

Title T

Example2

Verse1:

ExternalDetail

X

ExternalDetail

X

InternalDetail

A

ExternalDetail

X

ExternalDetail

X

InternalDetail

A

Prechorus:

InternalDetailLengthened

A

InternalDetailLengthened

A

Lengthened

Chorus:

Example3

Chorus:

Title T

Title T

InternalDetail

X

Title T

Bridge:

(RepeatChorus)

LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS

BenFolds,“StillFightingIt”Mike&theMechanics,“TheLivingYears”BrianAdams,“Summerof’69”

BrianAdams,“Summerof’69”MarcCohn,“WalkinginMemphis”

ChapterSummary

1.Therearefourmajorwaystoachievecontrast:•changetherhymescheme•changetherhythm•changethenumberoflines•changethetogglingpattern

2.Thesoonerthevariationoccurs,thestrongerthecontrastwillbe.

CHAPTER9TheContentCompass

IDEASTHATSIMPLIFY

Sofar,we’vetalkedabouthowtograbourlistenerswithintensedetail,andhowtobringthatdetailtoapointbywritingachorusthatgivesthedetailvalue.We’vealsoidentifiedthecriticalpowerpositionsofsongsections.Inthischapter,we’llintegratesteps5,8,and9intoour10-stepprocess.Thesethreestepsinvolvetheprogressionofthestory.Aswetalkaboutthevariousoptions,we’lllookforcluesthathelpusdecidewhichdetailsbelongwhere.

Step1.Destination-writeandcreatecolumnsStep2.FindrhymepairsStep3.ChoosearhymeschemeandtogglingpatternStep4.AddprepositionsandconjunctionsStep5.ChooseaplotprogressionStep6.Destination-writeagainusingthought/feelinglanguageStep7.LookfortitlesandwritethechorusStep8.WriteasecondverseandprechorusStep9.WritethebridgeStep10.Verbs,tense,pointofview,andconversationalquality

PYRAMIDING

OurfirstcluetoorganizingsongcontentcomesfromaprocessIcall“pyramiding.”

Pyramidingdescribestheprogressionofasongideafromnarrowtobroad,fromzoomedintozoomedout.Wecanthinkofpyramidingintermsofourcameralensmetaphor,orwecanvisualizetheideaofpyramidingliketheshapeofaChristmastree.Eachsectionofthesongutilizespyramidingonasmallscale,whiletheoverallstructureofthesongutilizespyramidingonalargescale.

Imagineeachofthethreetierswasasongsectionwiththetoptieraverse,themiddletieraprechorus,andthebottomtierachorus.Wecanseethatthelastlineofeachsectionisbroaderinscopethanthefirstlineofthatsection.Thiscorrespondswiththeideathatthelastlineisaninternaldetail—athoughtandfeelingline.Itsjobistozoomoutandgiveallthepreviousdetailvalue.Wecanalsoseethatthetitleline,likelythelowestlimbofthetree,isthebroadest.Aseachsectionprogresses,thescopeofthesongbecomesbroader,untilthetitlelineconcludesthesongpurpose.

Whatthismeansforusaswritersissometrickswecankeepupoursleeves.Ateveryjunctionofoursongsections,wecanreferbacktoourtreeandconsiderwhetherornotourcontentismovinginthetree-shapeddirection.Ifattheendsofoursections,ourcontentisrefocusingtoexternaldetail,wearelackingtherelationshipofthedetailtothemainmessageofthesong.Orifwebeginasectionwithtoomuchlandscapeinview,weareunabletobroadenthecontentfurtherbytheendofthesection,andwearenotcreatingastrongenoughexperience.Ifourchorusseemstozoominfurtherthanourversesections,wemaybehavingtroubleconvincingourlisteneritisthemainmessageofthesong.Keepingthetreeshapeinmindservesasaguideforthegeneralandspecificprogressionsofoursongidea.

EXERCISE9.1.PyramidinginActionChoosethreeofyourfavoritesongs.Explaininyourownwordsifandhowpyramidingappearsintheverseandchorussections,aswellastheoverallshapeofthesong.

PLOTPROGRESSION

OneplacidmorninginJuly,IwascreepingalonganL.A.freewaylisteningtothelatestpopmusichits.Duringoneparticulardrive-timeditty,itoccurredtomethatIcouldactuallyusethesesongstogetoutofthecurrentwriter’sblockIwasin.Besidesbeingcatchy,theytendtouseaformatthathastimeandagainproventosatisfyourstructuralneeds.Thecontentofeachsectioncanbesummarizedbyashortdescriptionandappliedtootherideasandstillwork.Thoughtherearevariationsontheseformats,theyserveasexcellentmodelsfromwhichtostartbuildingourownmasterpieces.

Let’slookatwhatthiskindofcontentallboilsdownto.

CommonPlotProgression

Thesecondhalfofthesongmaygoontofollowaformatlikethis:

Thebridgethattypicallyfollows,ifthereisone,oftenanswersthisquestion:

Nowlet’sseehowthatappliestoasonglyric.

“Breakaway”byBridgetBenenate,MatthewGerrard,AvrilLavigne

Verse1:GrewupinasmalltownandwhentherainwouldfalldownI’djuststareoutmywindow

dreamingofwhatcouldbeandifI’denduphappy

IwouldprayVerse2:TryinghardtoreachoutButwhenIdtrytospeakoutFeltlikenoonecouldhearme

WantedtobelonghereButsomethingfeltsowronghere

SoI’dprayIcouldbreakaway

Chorus:I’llspreadmywingsandI’lllearnhowtoflyI’lldowhatittakes’tilItouchthesky

AndI’llmakeawishTakeachanceMakeachangeAndbreakaway

OutofthedarknessandintothesunButIwon’tforgetalltheonesthatIlove

I’lltakeariskTakeachanceMakeachangeAndbreakaway

verse3:WannafeelthewarmbreezeSleepunderapalmtreeFeeltherushoftheoceanGetonboardafasttrain

Travelonajetplane,faraway(Iwill)Andbreakaway[Chorus]

Bridge:BuildingswithahundredfloorsSwingingaroundrevolvingdoors

MaybeIdon’tknowwherethey’lltakemebutGottakeepmovingon,movingon

Flyaway,breakaway

[Chorus]

Thisfirstversecontainsdetailsaboutaspecificevent,time,orplace.Thosedetailsareallfocusedaroundonecentralidea:mainly,theproblemindetail.

Afterthefirstverse,weenterintotheprechorus.Thesetwolinesarecriticalinsettingupthechorussectioncontent.Theybegthequestion,“Istherehope?Doesithavetobethisway?”Thisisespeciallytrueofthelastlineoftheprechorus,“Icouldbreakaway.”

Thechorusthenfollowswithatitledescribingwhat“different”wouldlooklike:“I’llspreadmywingsandI’lllearnhowtofly.”Thechorussectiondeclarestheanswertoourprechorusquestionanddescribeswhat“different”wouldfeellike.

Versesthatfollowthechorusinthistypeofplotprogressionoftendescribewhatthefuturewilllooklike,involvingmoreexternaldetail.Here,KellyClarksonsingsaboutwhatshedesiresforthefuture—howshevisualizestheyearsahead.Thentheprechorusfollows,askingagainifitcanindeedeverbethatway.Aswehitthechorusforthesecondtimearound,we’vegainedintensity,gatheringamoredetailedpictureofwhatfinallybreakingawaymightlookandfeellike.Thebridgesectioninthisplotprogressiontypeprovidescontrast.Ittakesusoffofourhighforjustamoment,examiningthestrugglesthatwillhavetobeovercome.Bridgesliketheseareespeciallypowerfulbecausetheyaddnewdimensiontothechorus,exclaimingthatnomatterwhatthestruggles,thesingerwillsurvive.

Whetherfollowingthissongformatexactlyorjustusingitasastartingpointtoorganizecontent,wecanbeassuredthattheverseswillcarryenough“evidence”tosupportthe“claims”ofourchorus.Furthermore,itcansimplifythesongwritingprocessandhelpkeepouraudiencerighttherewithusateverynewidea.

Thereisanotherwaywecandescribetheprogressionofoursongcontent.Wecanfocusontheelementof“when.”Themostobvioususeof“when”istheprogressionofeachsectionofthesongalongatimeline.Withthisstrategy,thefirstversemaydescribeanevent,suchastwopeoplemeetingandfallinginlove.Thesecondversemaydescribetheirweddingandthebirthoftheirchild.Thenthelastversemightprogresstothechildgrownup,repeatingthecycleofmeetingandfallinginlovewithsomeoneelse.Thisstrategyissometimeseffective,butoftenfallsshortofcreatingareallybelievableexperienceforthelistener.Theamountofdetailthatcanbeincludedissmallwhensomuchtime

listener.Theamountofdetailthatcanbeincludedissmallwhensomuchtimemustpasswithineachsection.Whatresultsisasortofcookie-cutterlyric,predictableforthelistenerandyieldingfeweroriginalideasforthewriter.

AdifferentstrategythatIfindmorehelpfulistoconsiderthethreetimeframesasaninstigatorforcontent:thepast,thepresent,andthefuture.Forexample,Imightbeginmyfirstverseaboutthefuture,describingthewaymymaincharacter,orI,wouldlikethingstobe.Thechorusthatfollowsmightcontrastthatwithadescriptionofthepresent,thewaythingsare.TheninthenextverseIcanmovemymaincharacterbackintothepast,givingthelistenerbackgroundonwherehe/she/Icamefrom.Thechorusfollowsagainwiththewaythingsarenow.Finallyinthebridge,IcanmakeamoreglobalstatementabouthowthingsmightstarttochangeandbecomethatfutureofwhichIdream.Ultimately,IonlyneedtobeawareofwhichtimeframeIhavewrittenmyfirstversein.Then,Icanchooseoneoftheothertwotimeframestomoveintoforthenextsection.

Byusingtheseprogressionpossibilitiesasprompts,youcanorganizeandpaceyourcontentforthegreatestpossiblepayoff.

Ineffectiveplotprogressions,thereismotiveforwritingthesongthatgivesitpurpose.Sometimesthatmotiveispresentedintheformofaproblemthatwillberesolved.Sometimesthatmotiveispresentedasacontrastbetweenthewaythingsareandthewaywe’dlikethingstobe.Eitherway,thecontrastgivesthesongamoresignificantreasonforhavingbeenborn.Italsogivesouraudienceasignificantreasontolistentowhatwehavetosay.

EXERCISE9.2.ApplyingPlotProgressionsDecidehowtheplotprogressesineachsongbelow.Explainhowthatparticularprogressioniseffectiveinconnectingwiththelistener.

“HowItGoes”

Verse1:SoI’mstandingintheplaceIstartedfromintheroomIspentmylifeescapingfromwithapainteddresserandasinglebedandcurtainshanginglikeahighschoolpromdressVerse2:WellIknowI’mnotthekidIusedtobebutIwonderhowIcamesofarfrommeIdidn’tknowthatIwasgrowinguptillIlookedbackandthenthedoorwasshut...but

Chorus:That’showitgoeswhenyou’refightingforsurvivalyeahIguessthat’sjusthowitiswhenyou’redestinedforsomethinggoodbutwekillourselvestryingtobuildourselvesintosomeonewithsomethingmorewhenthetruthiswewerefinebefore

Verse3:Wegrowupwithaplanofwhat’sgonnabeandweslowlycometotermswithrealitythenwegetangryorwejustgonumb

andspendourthirtiesgettingbacktoone...but(Chorus)

Bridge:NoIwon’tletthesetearsofminefallandforgetwheretheygoWitheveryyearthatpassesbyI’llcomefurtherintomyintomyown(Chorus)

“WhenSheThinksAboutLeavin”’

Verse1:TheTVisflashingitblursinthebackgroundassheclearstheplatesoffthetableandsighsatthedishesthenslipsoutapicturetapedbythecupboarddoorhandle

Prechorus:It’sjustsand,surf,andairandshedon’tknowwhereshejustlikeshowthewavesseemtotumble

Chorus:Whenshethinksaboutleavingthat’swhereshegoestoaplaceshecanbreatheandthefuture’sunknowneveryoneneedssomewherefarofftogososhethinksaboutleavingbutthat’sallsheneedstocomehome

Verse2:OnMondaysthruFridaysit’sschoolbooksandlunchbagsandmovingthreekidstothebusstopThencellphoneandbriefcaseakissinthedrivewayandwatchwhilehiscarroundsthestreetblockPrechorus:Andit’sallthatshehopedandit’slessandit’smorebutit’sfarfromherownprivateEden

Bridge:Sometimessheclingstothesheetsontheirbedandsinksintheplacewherehesleepsandstaresatthepicturesofthemandtheirkidsandfeelssomuchjoythatsheweeps(RepeatChorus)

“Kaleidoscope”

Verse1:IwentwalkinglatethiseveningwonderingifIshouldstaywithyouandinthesilenceofthestreetlightsIfiguredoutwhatIshoulddo

Prechorus:AllofmylifeI’vebeenchangingtowhateveryonewantsmetobe

Chorus:ButnotanymoreI’mlettinggoI’mnotgonnabeakaleidoscopeI’msavingmylifeorwhat’slefttoloseandtakingitbackfromyouIwasafraidofsomekindofchangebutnotanymore

Verse2:IwaswaitingforlifetohappenthoughtitbeganwithsomeoneelseIthoughttheanswersweresomewhereouttherebutthey’reinsideofmyself

Prechorus:You’dneverbelieveallthecolorsthatspunmeandspunmearound

(Chorus)

Verse3:Beenshatteredandscatteredtopiecesdeniedthemandliedtheywereme

(Chorus)

FUNCTIONSOFTHESECONDVERSE

Manywritersexpressdifficultywhenitcomestowritingsecondversesandbridges.Ihavepersonallybeenknowntoavoidbridgesatallcosts,sparingmyselfthefrustrationofsuchadelicatesection.But,sadly,sometimestheyareneeded,andthatsecondverseafterthefirstchorus—well,it’salmostneveroptional.

Agreatbenefitofstayingdetailedinthefirstverseisthateverythinghasn’talreadybeensaidbythesecondverse.Thereisawholeworldofplacestoexploreafterthatfirstchorus,especiallyifwe’vestucktoaplotprogression.

Secondverseshavesomecommoncharacteristicswecanrevertbacktowheneverwe’reindoubt.Theyoftencontainabroaderpicturethanthefirstverse.

Rememberpyramidingonalargescale?Here’swhereitcomesintoplay.Secondverseszoomoutinrespecttofirstversesandarenotnecessarilysetinspecificeventsortimeframes.Let’slookatthedifferencebetweenverses1and2below,ofthesong“LoveWon’tTakeChances.”

Verse1:MydadproposedtoMommaupatFallCreekFallsinoneweektheysignedthepapersdownatCityHallandDadstilllikestojokehewastooyoungthentoknow

buthestillcomesrunnin‘whenshecalls

(Chorus)

Verse2:IknewthatyouneededmetosayitfirstandIwasstillsomadIbarelymouthedthewordsButit’sanincrediblethingwhatforgivenessbringsevenwhenwe’vesunkdowntoourworst

Thissecondversecontainsmoreabstractmaterialinlines3through5thanverse1.Thefirsttwolinesjustsetthestagewith“who”and“when.”Thesecondchoruswillthentakeondeepermeaning,notbecauseofanyspecificeventthatisdescribed,butbecauseoftheinternalthoughtsandfeelingsthatbroadenthepurposeofthesong.Aswriters,bythesecondverse,we’resortofletoffthehookintermsofincludingexternaldetail.Allthoseimagesinthefirstverseandthesenseof“who,”“where,”and“when”havealreadycreatedaframeworkfromwhichourlistenercanrelatetohowwefeel.Aslongasthefirstverselaidthatstrongfoundation,wecanrideonthewingsofitsconnectingpower.

CommonCharacteristicsofSecondVerses:•Moreheavilyinternal•Deepenthemeaningofthechorus

Sometimes,theverseafterthefirstchorusstillcontinuesexternaldetailtorefocusthelistener’sattention.Inthesong“WhenIt’sOver,”thisverseprovidesasnapshotofaneventlikethefirstandsecondverses,movingbackintimeandsheddingmorelightonthestory.

“WhenIt’sOver”

Verse1:TherearetrashcansbydrivewaysandlawnchairsinsnowthereareChristmaslightshangingfromsixweeksagotherearedogbarksandstalledcarsbutallthatIfeelhereiscoldIshouldgo

Prechorus:butI’mstoppedinyourdrivewaythecarinreverseandallIhavetodoisrolldowntothecurbbut

Chorus:I,Idon’tknowmuchaboutwalkingawaybutIknowwhenit’soverandI,don’tknowwhenlovebeginstochangebutIknowwhenit’sover

Verse2:Therewaschangeonthedressertherewereclothesonthebedtherewasnothingunusualbutthat’showlovegetsandwejustletitgountilwecouldn’tsavewhatwasleftnowhereIam

Prechorus:I’mstoppedinyourdrivewaythecarinreverseIdon’twanttoleavebutIdon’twanttohurt...’cuz(Chorus)

Byeithermovingtothepastorthefutureforthesecondverse,wecanaddvaluableinformationthatwillrecolorthemeaningofournextchorus.Followingtheplotprogressionstrategyisonegreatwaytoachievethis.

FUNCTIONSOFTHEBRIDGE

Whenitcomestobridges,we’vereallygottobringthemessagetoaclimax.Theultimatesectiontorecolor,rekindle,rediscover,andunravelmysteryisinthat

ultimatesectiontorecolor,rekindle,rediscover,andunravelmysteryisinthatbridge.Hereareafewcommoncharacteristicsofbridges:•Providecontrastusingrhymescheme,rhythm,numberoflines,and/ortogglingpatternwiththeothersongsections•Providenewmeaningtothelastchorus•Resolveanissueoreventwithinthecontentofthesong

Thebridgeof“WhenIt’sOver”usesallofthesecharacteristicstotieupthemeaningofthesong.Itconsistsoftwolonglines,offersanewrhythm,utilizesasimpleAArhymescheme,andprovidesnewmeaningtothesongbysayingthatdespitethepain,thesingerhasheartthatsomedaythepurposewillbecomeclear:

Bridge:IknowthatsomethingsjustruntheircourseandsomedayI’llknowwhatthehurtwasfor

Whateverourstory,theoverallmessageofthebridgetrumpsthatofthechorusandcertainlytheverses,leadingtheaudiencebackintothelastchoruslikeacaravanintothesettingsun.

EXERCISE9.3.IdentifyingFunctionsInasinglesentence,describethefunctionsofthebridgeandverseafterthefirstchorusoftendifferentsongs.Howdotheyadheretotheplotprogressionsinthischapter?Howdotheydiffer?Howmightyourewritetheprogressionofcontenttostrengthenthesong?

LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS

WhitneyHouston,“Didn’tWeAlmostHaveItAll”MichelleBranch,“TuesdayMorning”KellyClarkson,“AMomentLikeThis”Judds,“LoveCanBuildaBridge”MatchboxTwenty,“RealWorld”

ChapterSummary

1.Pyramidingdescribestheprogressionofasongideafromnarrowtobroad,fromzoomedintozoomedout.2.Wecanusecommonplotprogressionstoorchestratethecontentofourownsongs.3.Thecharacteristicsofasecondverseare:•Utilizesinternaldetail•Deepensthemeaningofthechorus

4.Thecharacteristicsofabridgeare:•Providescontrast•Providesnewmeaningtothelastchorus•Resolvesanissueoreventwithinthecontentofthesong

CHAPTER10FinalTouches

THEFIRSTDRAFTPHYSICAL

Withsomanyideasstarted,it’stimetostartgettingaccustomedtorewriting.Thelaststepofourten-stepprocesswillfine-tuneourlyric’sabilitytocreateastrongexperience.We’llshiftbetweendifferenttensesandpointsofview,andimprovetheconversationalqualityofthelyricaseasilyaswechangehats.

Step1.Destination-writeandcreatecolumnsStep2.FindrhymepairsStep3.ChoosearhymeschemeandtogglingpatternStep4.AddprepositionsandconjunctionsStep5.ChooseaplotprogressionStep6.Destination-writeagainusingthought/feelinglanguageStep7.LookfortitlesandwritethechorusStep8.WriteasecondverseandprechorusStep9.WritethebridgeStep10.Verbs,tense,pointofview,andconversationalquality

Ifyou’vebeendestination-writingeveryday,youhavesomegreatfirstdraftstoworkwith.Herearesometoolstooilthegearsandtakethosedraftstothenextlevel.

Youalreadyknowfromyourdestinationwritingthatverbsholdthekeytoconnection.Youalsoknowthateachofthethreeelementsof“who,”“where,”and“when”helptocreateconnectioninthatfirstverseofyoursong.Inthischapter,we’lllookathowwhatyouknowcanhelpyourewrite,andwe’llalsoaddinsomeexercisesdealingwithtense.Somesimplealterationsandtheabilitytostayflexiblewillshineallthedullareas.

VERBSGETALLTHEACTION

Inthefirstfewchaptersofthisbook,wetalkedaboutspecificandgenericverbs.Specificverbshavetheabilitytovaultourlistenersintoourworld,emotionsandall.Genericverbsleaveouraudiencedisconnected—ourtunesasmemorableaswhattheyatelastnightfordinner.

Aswerewrite,ourgoalwillbetoidentifyandstrengtheneachverbinthelyric.Asyoupassovereachverb,considerwhetheritishelpingtoemphasize

lyric.Asyoupassovereachverb,considerwhetheritishelpingtoemphasizetheemotionyouwanttoevoke,orifit’sjusttakingupspaceinthephrase.

EXERCISE10.1.VerbAlternativesForeachphrase,findatleastfiveverbalternativesthatcaptureastronger,morespecificemotion.

Example:Herwholebodymovedasshewept.

Verbalternatives:Shook,pulsed,contracted,cringed,collapsed

Youtryit:

ThedoorclosedandIknewshewasgone.

Verbalternatives:

Thecat’sclawsstucktothecarpet.

Verbalternatives:

Shestoopeddowntogatherherdirtylaundry.

Verbalternatives:

Applythisprocesstoyourownsongsbyidentifyingeachverbinyourfirstdrafts.Substitutesomealternatives,andlistentothedifferencetheymakeinthestrengthofyourstory.

POINTOFVIEW

Sometimes,weunconsciouslyassumeapointofviewwhenwewrite,butsometimesitisintentional.Whateverpointofviewweuse—firstperson,directaddress,orthirdpersonnarrator—itshouldstayconsistentthroughoutthesong.Youmayfindthatyou’veused“he/she”inyourfirstverse,and“you”inyourprechorus.Ineffect,yourrolehaschangedfromthirdpersoninverse1todirectaddressintheprechorus.Theproblemisthatyouraudienceisnowunclearwhothesubjectofthesongis,andoneofthosethreeimportantelementsisgone:

thesubjectofthesongis,andoneofthosethreeimportantelementsisgone:“who.”Anytimeyouraudienceisdistractedby“how”you’resinging,they’renotpayingattentionto“what”you’resinging.Makingsureyourrolestaysthesamefromthefirstlinetothelastensuresthegreatestpossibilityofconnection.

EXERCISE10.2.JustOnePointofViewidentifywherethepointofviewchangesinthelyricsbelow,andrewritetocorrecttheproblem.

Example1:“LoveWon’tTakeChancesAnymore”

Verse:MydadproposedtoMommaupatOldCreekFallsinoneweektheysignedthepapersdownatCityHallandDadstilllikestojokehewastooyoungthentoknowbuthestillcomesrunnin’whenshecalls

Prechorus:SometimesIwonderhowyoueverpulledthroughwhensomanytrybutfeweverdo

Example2:“Colin’sSong”

Verse1:ColindrovetoConeyIslandandboughtatickettoaridethoughtheneededsomethingviolenttoscarehimaliveVerse2:Soyouclimbedintoaboxcarandwatchedthegroundrunoutbelowhewasdyingtofeelsomethingoutofcontrol

TENSE

Inchapter6,weexperimentedwith“when”andfoundthatitplaysanextremely

Inchapter6,weexperimentedwith“when”andfoundthatitplaysanextremelycriticalroleinhelpingourlistenergetonboardwithourstory.Thatmeansthatwhatevertensewechoose,wejustneedtostayconsistentthroughoutthesection.Buttenseoffersanotherusefulsideeffectoutsideofdeterminingpast,present,orfuture.Tensecanofferflexibility,addingortakingawaysyllablestofitamelodyordesiredrhythm.Sometimes,moresyllablesareneededtomatchamelodicorrhythmicphrase,andplayingwithtensecanstretchthelineouttofillthosespaces.Sometimes,changingthetenseomitstongue-twistingprepositionsandconjunctions.Eachsituationisdifferent,soit’simportanttoknowyouroptions.

Inthefollowingexercises,you’llbeabletopracticeswitchingbetweentensestoachieveadifferentwayofsayingthesamething.Applythesedifferentvariationstoyourownlyrics,experimentingwithpast,present,andfuture.

EXERCISE10.3.PlayingwithTenseRewriteeachsectionbelow.Ifthesectionisinpresenttense,rewriteitinpasttenseandagaininfuturetense.Ifthesectionisinpasttense,rewriteitinfutureandagaininpresenttense,etc.

*Hint:Youmayneedtoaddaconjunctionorprepositiontomakethetensework.

Section1:Iwaswalkingonthebeachwiththesandundermyfeetandtheskylikeastageabovemyhead

PresentTense:

FutureTense:

PossibleAnswers:

Iwalkonthebeach(or)Iwillwalkalongthebeach

Section2:WhenyoutoldmeyouwouldleavesomewheredeepwithinmymindIstilldidn’tquitebelieveyoumeantitthistime

PresentTense:

FutureTense:

PossibleAnswers:WhenyoutellmeyouwillleaveIstilldon’tquitebelieveyoumeanitthistime

Section3:SinkinglikeasaucerinawarmEgyptianskythesunlaysdownitsarmorandgivesintothenight

PastTense:

FutureTense:

PossibleAnswers:ItsunkjustlikeasaucerinawarmEgyptianskythesunlaiddownitsarmorandgaveintothenight

Evenbetter:AsthesunlaiddownitsarmorandgaveintothenightitsunkjustlikeasaucerinthewarmEgyptiansky

ChapterSummary

1.Exchangingspecificverbsforgenericverbsstrengthenstheexperienceforourlistener.2.Whateverthepointofview,itshouldstayconsistentthroughoutthesong.3.Whatevertensewechoose,itshouldstayconsistentthroughoutthesection.

CHAPTER11TenStepstoWritingaSong

Throughoutthisbook,youhavelearnedvarioustechniquestostrengthentheexperienceyoucauseyourlistener.Themoreyouwrite,themoreeasilyyou’llbeabletoincorporatethesetechniquesintoyourlyrics.

Inthefollowingchapter,we’llrevieweachstepofourten-stepprocess.Aswemovethroughthesteps,I’lldevelopasongusingthetechniquesinvolved.Inthebeginning,you’llwanttostickcloselytothisplan.Overtime,youmightfindthatyoucanintegratevariousstepsandstillnaturallyarriveattheeffectyouwant.Let’sgetstarted.

TENSTEPS

Step1.Destination-WriteandCreateColumnsThisisthemostimportantstepofall.Taketenminutesanddestination-writefromeither“where,”“who,”or“when.”Makesuretostayfocusedonthesixkeysofconnection:

sightsoundtastetouchsmellmovement

*Hint:Themorespecificyourverbs,themoresense-boundyourobjectwritingwillbe.

Ihavechosentowritefroma“who”keyword,“hotelmaid.”

KEYWORD:HotelMaid(Verse)

Shecomesaroundafterthepartiesareover,aftertheromanceofcitylightsandnightlifehavedieddownandallthatisleftaretherumpledKleenexesandmangledwrappersbesidethebedsandemptybottlesleftabovetheminibar.Her

mangledwrappersbesidethebedsandemptybottlesleftabovetheminibar.Hercartcreaksasthewheelswobbledownthehallway.Hairtiedbackinaneatbun,herapronstarchedandherstockingsplungingintoblackloaferscushioningherexhaustedarches,sherefillsthesoaps,thetoiletpaperrolls,andtheshowercapsnooneeverseemstoreallyuse.Shedriftsalongunnoticed,unlesshertinyknockinterruptssomeunsuspectingguestwhobarrelstothedoorandpouncesitshutasiftosay,“Howdareyoucomeinandtrytodoyourjobonmytime?”Maidstousarelikeschoolteacherswerewhenwewerechildren.Withoutthinkingweassumetheysimplydisappearwheneveningfalls,oractuallyliveatthehotelwheretheyleadhiddenlivesthatrevolvearoundbetteringours....

Step2.IdentifyExternalandInternal/CreateRhymePairsDrawalinedownthecenterofacleansheetofpaper.Atthetopoftheleftcolumn,write“External.”Atthetopoftherightcolumn,write“Internal.”

Thenunderlinealltheexternalphraseswithinyourdestinationwriting.Leavetheinternalphrasesblank.Rememberthatexternaldetailsprovokeanimageandinternalphrasescontainonlyathoughtorfeeling.Somephrasesrideathinlinebetweenexternalandinternal.Justdothebestyoucan,keepinginmindthatthemorespecifictheverb,themoreacutethesense-boundactionandthestrongertheimage.

Shecomesaroundafterthepartiesareover,aftertheromanceofcitylightsandnightlifehavedieddownandallthatisleftaretherumpledKleenexesandmangledwrappersbesidethebedsandemptybottlesleftabovetheminibar.Hercartcreaksasthewheelswobbledownthehallway.Hairtiedbackinaneatbun,herapronstarchedandherstockingsplungingintoblackloaferscushioningherexhaustedarches,sherefillsthesoaps,thetoiletpaperrolls,andtheshowercapsnooneeverseemstoreallyuse.Shedriftsalongunnoticed,unlesshertinyknockinterruptssomeunsuspectingguestwhobarrelstothedoorandpouncesitshutasiftosay,“Howdareyoucomeinandtrytodoyourjobonmytime.”Maidstousarelikeschoolteacherswerewhenwewerechildren.Withoutthinkingweassumetheysimplydisappearwheneveningfalls,oractuallyliveatthehotelwheretheyleadhiddenlivesthatrevolvearoundbetteringours....

Now,listyourexternalphrasesintheexternalcolumnandyourfavoriteinternalphrasesintheinternalcolumn.

internalphrasesintheinternalcolumn.

External Internal

Shecomesaround apronstartched

afterthepartiesareover

citylights stockingsplunging

nightlife blackloafers aftertheromance

rumpledKleenexes exhaustedarches

allthatisleft

mangledwrappers refillsthesoaps

nooneeverseemstoreallyuse

besidethebeds toiletpaperrolls

emptybottles showercaps maidsarelikeschoolteachers

abovetheminibar driftsalongunnoticed

cartcreaks tinyknockinterrupts

withoutthinking

wheelswobble unsuspectingguest

assumetheydisappear

downthehallway barrelstothedoor

hairtiedback pouncesitshut

wheneveningfalls

neatbun theyliveatthehotel

leadhiddenlivesthatevolvearoundours

Lookforrhymepairswithinandbetweentheexternalandinternalcolumns.Therhymetypesfrommostclosuretoleastare:

1.Perfect2.Family3.Additive/Subtractive4.Assonance5.Consonance

Frommycolumns,Iseethat“bottle”and“wobble,”“cart”and“minibar,”“creaks”and“wheels”couldbepossiblerhymepairs.Lookforrhymesbetweenyourexternalandinternalcolumnsaswell.“Showercaps”and“hairtiedback”couldbestructuredasrhymedphraseswithinmysection.

Step3.ChooseaRhymeScheme,TogglePattern,andPlotProgressionBeginthinkingaboutapossiblerhymeschemeandtogglepatternforeachsection.Youmayveerfromthatschemeaseachsectiondevelopsuniquemusicalphrasing;however,keepinmindthatcontrastiskey.Forexample,ifyouchooseanABABrhymeschemeforyourverse,youmightchooseanAABCCBschemeforyourchorus.Evenmoresimplyput,ifyourverseisfourlineslong,tryfollowingitwithatwo-lineprechorusandasix-linechorus.Youcanmixandmatchfromtheschemesandpatternsbelow.Besuretostickwithonetotwotopicsperfour-andsix-linesection,usingtheinnerlinestoadequatelyexpoundonthetopic(s).

NumberofLines TogglePattern

RhymeScheme

2El XX

II AA

EEEI XAXA

4 EIEI ABAB

4 EIEI ABAB

IEII AABB

EEIEEI XXAXXA

6 EIEEII AABCCB

IEIIEI ABCABC

Formysong,Ichooseasix-lineversefollowedbyafour-lineprechorusandasix-linechorus.Myrhymeschemeandtogglepatternwillbeasfollows:

TogglingPattern

RhymeScheme

Verse: E A

I X

E B

E A

I X

E B

Prechorus: I X

E A

I X

I A

Chorus: Title T

Title T

Title T

I A

VariationonTitle

T

Title T

Thenreviewtheplotprogressionquestions,andchooseastrategytodevelopyourstory.Choosefromthesetwocommonforms,includingoromittingasecondversebeforethefirstchorus,and/orprechorus.Keepinmindthatyoumayalsochooseaverse/refrainform.Inthiscase,youmightalsotryfollowinganyoftheformatsbelowthroughthefirstchorus.Forexample,thefirstverse/refrainwoulddescribetheproblemindetail,thesecondverse/refrainwouldofferhope,andthethirdverse/refrainwoulddescribethefutureasyou’dlikeittobe.Anotherwaytolookatthisismovingeachverse/refrainchronologicallyforwardintimesothatthefirstverseisaboutthepast,thesecondaboutthepresent,andthethirdaboutthefuture.Thentryflippingverses1and2,makingthenewverse1aboutthepresentandthenewverse2reminiscingbacktothepast.

PlotProgression1

Verse1:Whatistheproblemindetail/Whatwasthepastlike?OptionalVerse2:Describemoreoftheproblemindetail.OptionalPrechorus:Canitbedifferent/Doesithavetobethisway/Istherehope?Chorus:Whatwoulddifferentfeellike?Bridge:Whatstrugglesmustbeovercome?

PlotProgression2

Verse:Thewaythingsusedtobe/ThewayI’dlikethingstobePrechorus:Istherehope?Chorus:ThewaythingsareBridge:Everything’sgonnabeokay.

Ichoosethefirstcommonplotprogressionformysong.

Step4.ToggletheVerseandPrechorus/AddConjunctionsandPrepositionsBegininsertingexternalandinternalphrasesaccordingtoyourrhymescheme,untilyouhavetheskeletonofthesection.Rememberourthreeelements?Yourfirstfewlinesshouldestablishthe“who,”“when,”and“where.”Youmaynothavealltherhymedphrasesyouneedwithinyourcolumnstocompleteafullsection.Inthiscase,insertanynewideaswhereneeded.Ifyouneedaninternalphrasethatfollowstwoexternalphrases,thatinternalphrasemaysimplybeacommentonorfeelingderivedfromthoseexternallines.Don’tworryaboutachievingtheperfectphrasing,atthisstage.Simplygetaroughidea,usingthedetailsthatbestdevelopthestoryandallowustoconnectwithyoursubject.

Herearemyphrasespluggedintomychosentogglepatternandrhymescheme:

Verse:Shedriftsalongafterthepartiesareovercollectsthetrashandwrapperslyingrumpledbythebedhairtiedbackhermindisfarawayhercartcreaksandwobblesdowntheselonelyhallsinstead

I’mnotcompletelysatisfiedwiththatlastrhyme“instead.”Rememberthatthelastlineofthesectionisthepowerposition.Here,thelimelightshinesmostbrightlyonmymostforcedrhyme.SoI’lltryadifferentconfigurationofmyexternalandinternaldetails.Feelfreetogowheretheimagestakeyou,rearrangingyourtogglingpatternasneeded.HereI’veusedEEIEEI.

Verse:ShedriftsalongcollectstheemptybottlesafterallthepartiesandtheromancefadeawayShewalksbehindhercartcreaksandwobblesdisappearsagainuntilthenextnightturnstoday

Therearemanywaystowritethissameverse.Thetrickhereisnottosettleonsomethingjustbecauseittookyouthreehourstoconstruct.Ifyouneedtimeto

somethingjustbecauseittookyouthreehourstoconstruct.Ifyouneedtimetobeobjective,puttheverseawayovernightandcomebacktoitthenextdaywithfreshears.Ifyouwroteonegoodsection,youcandoitagain.Don’tsacrificecontentforrhyme.

NowI’llmoveontomyprechorus,afour-linesectionwithatogglepatternofIEIIthatposesthequestion,“Istherehope?”

Prechorus:Sheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgotriestosmoothherhairtiredbutshedoesn’tletitshowsheknowsthatthere’s

Rememberthatthelastlineoftheprechorusisalsoapowerpositionandagreatplaceforathoughtorfeelinglinesettinguporwrappingintothechorus.

Whenyouaddyourconjunctionsandprepositions,yourgoalwillbetoconnectthephraseswithconversationallanguage.Itcanbeassimpleasaddingconjunctionslike“and”or“but,”orfillinginslightlywithsomeinternallanguagetocompletethethought.Thentakeastepbackandreviewyourlyricsofar.Readitonceoutloud.Youmightnoticethatyourfirstverseisfullofcommasbutlackingfullphrases.Yourlyricalphrasingshouldmatchthemelodicphrasing.Whenamelodicphraseclosesdown,soshouldyourlyricalphrase.Fragmentedsentencesanddisjointedtopicspreventyouraudiencefromsinkingcompletelyintoyourworld.Reviseanylanguagethatdrawsmoreattentiontohowitissaidratherthanwhatissaid.Here’smylyricinamoreconversationalform:

Verse:ShedriftsalongandcollectstheemptybottlesafterallthepartiesandtheromancefadeawayShewalksbehindacartthatcreaksandwobblesanddisappearsagainuntilthenextnightturnstoday

Prechorus:Sheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgososhetriestosmoothherhairandshe’stiredbutshedoesn’tletitshow’cuzsheknowsthatthere’s

Step5.Destination-WriteAgainUsingThought/FeelingLanguageYou’relookingfortitlesandchorusmaterialthistime.Destination-writeagain,onlythistime,talkaboutyourthoughtsandfeelings.Startbyreadingthroughyouroriginaldestinationwritingandbeginwhereyouleftoff,speakingfromthemindofyourmaincharacter.Heregoes:

KEYWORD:HotelMaid(Chorus)

She’sunappreciated.Nooneknowssheexists.Iwonderwhatshethinksaboutwhenshecleansmyroom.Doesshethinkofallthechoicesshemadethatbroughtherhere?Anddoesshethinkofallthestrugglesshe’sovercomejusttogethere?IwishsheknewhowIrespecther,howIthinktheworldofwhatshedoesforme.Shedoesn’tknowit,butohhowshehumblesme.Doesherbosstreatherwell,ordoeshedespisehisownreflectionwhenhespeakstoher?Iwonderifshe’lleverfindherwayout,climbpasttheinvisiblelinethat’sholdingherdown....

Step6.LookforTitlesandRhymePairs/WritetheChorusBywritingwithinternallanguage,Icanfindmorethoughtsandfeelingsthatmightbegoodtitlematerial.Frommyparagraph,Ilikethesoundof“aninvisiblelineshecan’tseemtocross.”Ialsolikethemetaphorofaninvisiblelineforarace,astatus,orafinancialpositionthatisdifficulttoriseabove.Sowiththatinmind,I’llwritetowardsthetitle,“InvisibleLine.”Followyourtogglingpatternandwritethechorus,positioningyourrhymedphrasesintheappropriatepositionsinthescheme.Rememberthebodyguardandpowerposition.Addconjunctionsandprepositions.

I’lluserepetitiontocomeupwithasimplechorusaroundmytitle,“InvisibleLine”:

Chorus:Alineinvisiblelineinvisiblelineshe’llgetbythere’salineinvisibleline

NowI’lladdappropriateconversationalconjunctionsandprepositions:Chorus:Aline

aninvisiblelineaninvisiblelinethatsomedayshe’llgetbythere’salineaninvisibleline

*Hint:Tryexchangingthetenseofyourverbs.Forexample,“Shedriftsalongcollectingemptybottles”insteadof“...collectsemptybottles.”Keeptheverbformsconsistentthroughoutyourverse.Ichosenottodothatherebecauseinline5,“creaksandwobbles”wouldbecome“creakingandwobbling,”throwingofftherhythmofthelyric.

Step7.ConstructtheSecondVerseandPrechorusFollowthechosenplotprogression,andusepyramidingtowriteyoursecondverseandprechorus.Usethetogglingpatternofyourfirstverse,butfeelfreetoinvolvemoreinternaldetailthistime.Youmaychoosetousethesameprechorusorwriteanewone.Addconjunctionsandprepositions.

Hereismysecondversefollowedbyasecondprechorus:Verse:ShesitsaloneandshewatchesthroughthewindowasthecitybuscollectsandspitsheroutontoherstreetShe’sfinallyhomeandflipshershoesoffonthefloorherburningheelsarescreamingandsheneedstogetsomesleep

Prechorus:Butsheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgo’cuzthenightshift’sstartingsoonandshe’stiredbutshedoesn’tletitshowsoshetriesherbesttomove

Step8.ConstructtheBridgeFollowyourplotprogressionandpyramidingtotoggleabridge.Chooseatogglingpatternthatcontrastswithyourchorusandverseformaximumeffect.Considerhowyoursectionwilladdnewmeaningtothelastchorus.Addconjunctionsandprepositions.

Hereismybridge,writtenaroundtheideaofwhatstrugglesmustbeovercome:

Bridge:Somedayshe’lldefeattheoddsbreakthewallsandceilingsdownandshewon’thavetofightanymore

Step9.Verbs,Tenses,andPointsofViewCheckthetenseandthepointofviewofyourlyric.Haveyouswitchedbetweenfirstandthirdperson?Isthetenseconsistentthroughouteachsection?Reviewyourlyriconcemore,andcirclealltheverbs.Considerwhethertherearemorespecificverbsthataccuratelydescribetheactiontakingplace.Thecloseryouzoomin,themorespecificthedetailandstrongertheexperience.Refertoyourthesaurusforbetterwordchoices.

Myweakestverbhereis“walks.”SoI’llgotomythesaurusformorechoices.SinceIwantthebackhalfofmysectiontomatchupwiththefronthalf,Ineedaone-syllablewordtoreplace“walks.”Thatlimitsmyoptionstoafewgoodwordslike“slips,”“slides,”“steps,”ormaybe“rolls.”Inthisinstance,I’llchoose“slides.”Repeatthissearchforeveryverbthatisn’tpullingitsweightwithinyoursection.

Step10.CheckConversationalQualityReadthroughyourlyricoutloud.

Arethereanyfragmentedphrases?Canyouexchangeconjunctionsandprepositionstobetterconnectphrases?Do“who,”“where,”and“when”allappearwithinthefirstfewlinesofthesong?Rewritewhereneeded.

Hereismyfinishedlyric:Verse1:ShedriftsalongandcollectstheemptybottlesafterallthepartiesandromancefadeawaySheslidesbehindacartthatcreaksandwobblesanddisappearsagainuntilthenextnightturnstoday

Prechorus:Sheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgososhetriestosmoothherhairandshe’stiredbutshedoesn’tletitshow’cuzsheknowsthatthere’s

Chorus:Alineaninvisiblelineaninvisiblelinethatsomedayshe’llgetbythere’salineaninvisibleline

Verse2:ShesitsaloneandshewatchesthroughthewindowasthecitybuscollectsandspitsheroutontoherstreetShe’sfinallyhomeandflipshershoesoffonthefloorherburningheelsarescreamingandsheneedstogetsomesleep

Prechorus:Butsheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgo’cuzthenightshift’sstartingsoonandshe’stiredbutshedoesn’tletitshowsoshetriesherbesttomove

Chorus:Alineaninvisiblelineaninvisiblelinethatsomedayshe’llgetbythere’saline

aninvisiblelineBridge:Somedayshe’lldefeattheoddsbreakthewallsandceilingsdownandshewon’thavetofightanymore

Chorus:Alineaninvisiblelineaninvisiblelinethatsomedayshe’llgetbythere’salineaninvisibleline

Afterword

Ihopethatyoufindthisprocessusefulindevelopingyourownideasintosongsyoulove.Withpersistenceanddedication,youwillseegreatimprovementinyourwriting.What’sevenmoreexcitingisthefingerprintthatwillemergeasyouexposeyourlifethroughstrongexperiences.Thereisn’tandneverwillbeanothersongwriterlikeyou,aslongasyouuseyourstrength—youruniqueperspective.Withit,youcanlookforwardtoalifetimeoffreshideasanddedicatedaudiences.Butmostofall,youcanbesatisfiedthatyoubroughtsomethingworthwhileintotheworld—yourself.

—AndreaStolpe

APPENDIXA

DestinationWritingKeywords

PEOPLE,PLACES,ANDTIMES

“Who”

barmaidpolicemanmiddle-agedwomandiplomatshopaholicconstructionworkerpriestactorBMWdriveronhiscellphonehanggliderOlympicswimmerorphanwidowarchitectchainsmokerdrugaddictfamilybusinessownerhairdresserdentisthusbandandfatheroffour

“When”

justaftermidnightwhilebrushingyour

whilebrushingyourteethpullingintoyourdrivewayjustbeforefallingasleepjustwakingupdrivingtoworkinthemorningwhilewaitingfortestresultsjustafterakisswhileputtingonmakeupwhilerunningthegarbagedisposalrunningthroughtheairportjustbeforeacarcrash

“Where”

coffeeshoppolicestationinsideastolencarahotelroomunemploymentlinealibraryalleyinNYCairportontheinterstateawinecellaraschoolgymanofficecubicleontopofMt.Evereststandinginfrontoftheopenrefrigeratoryourbedroomthelastpewofa

thelastpewofachurchthebottomoftheGrandCanyonyourlivingroomwiththelightsoutafineartgallerygazingthroughabakerywindowintherain

APPENDIXB

PrepositionsandConjunctionsPrepositionsshowrelationshipsbetweennounsandpronounsandotherwordsintermsofspace,time,andothersenses.Listedbelowareusefulprepositionsforoursongs.

aboutaboveacrossafteralongamongaroundatbecauseofbeforebehindbeneathbesidebetweenbeyondbyduringexceptforforfromininspiteofinsideinsteadoflikenearnexttoofonontoout

outoutofthroughtotowardunderuntilupuponwith

Conjunctionsconnectwords,phrases,andclauses.Listedbelowareusefulconjunctionsforoursongs.

afteralthoughandasasifasthoughbecausebeforebutevenifeventhoughforifinorderthatonceorratherthansincesosothatthanthatthoughunlessuntil

untilwhenwheneverwherewhereverwhileyet

AbouttheAuthor

AndreaStolpeisaperformingartist,songwriter,andeducator.Throughouthercareer,shehasworkedasastaffwriterforEMI,Almo-Irving,andUniversalMusicPublishing,andhersongshavebeenrecordedbyFaithHill,DanielLeeMartin,andothers.SheistheauthoroftheonlinecourseCommercialSongwritingTechniques,partofBerkleemusic’ssongwritingprogram.Andreacontinuestotourasasoloartistandleadsongwritingworkshopsaroundthecountry.ShecurrentlylivesinLosAngeleswithherhusband,ProducerandRecordingEngineerJanStolpe.

SelectsongsAndreausedasexamplesinthisbookarerecordedonherCDBreakingEven.OrderitfromherWebsitewww.andreastolpe.com,whereyouwillalsofindadditionalsongwritingresources.

INDEX

A

abstract/metaphoricalchorusadditive/subtractiverhymeadjectives

genericimportanceofinphrases

adverbsimportanceofinphrases

airportdestinationwritingexampleartist’sobjectiveartist’sperspectiveassonancerhymeAuntLouisedestinationwritingexample

B“bodyguardposition,”“Breakaway”(Benenate,Gerrard,andLavigne)bridge

contrastandfunctionsofplotprogressionand

Cchorus

abstract/metaphoricalbodyguardpositioninbridge’srelationto

ascontrasttoversesdestinationwritingforfour-stepprocessforfunctionoflistplotprogressionand“powerpositions”inpyramidingandsimplicityintogglingpatternsinclosure

musicalphraseandrhymesand

“Colin’sSong,”conjunctions

listofusing

consonancerhymecontent

bridgeandemotionalconnectionandlyricpatternfor,metaphorsandorganizingphrasesandplotprogressionandpyramidingprocessforinsecondversetimeframeandtogglingstrategyfororganizingwho,where,andwhenelementsand

contrastbridgesandexercisesforimportanceofnumberoflinesandprovidingtimingandtogglingpatternsandbetweenverseandchorus

Ddestinationwriting

airportexampleAuntLouiseexampleforchorusmaterialdefineddetailandexercisesforasfirstdraftshiddencluesofhotelmaidexamplehotelroomexamplekeywords“when,”“where,”“who,”

detail.Seealsoexternaldetail;internaldetaildestinationwritinganddistinguishingemotionalconnectionandtimeframeandtogglingpatternsfortypesofweightofwho,where,andwhenelementsand

Eemotionalconnection

contentandconversationallyricsanddetailandimportanceofmetaphorsandrhymeandsense-boundwritingandspecificityoftitleplacementandweightandwho,where,andwhenelementsand

exercisesappliedtogglingapplyingidentitiesapplyingplotprogressionsapplyingthethreeelementscontrastinactioncreatingcolumnscreatingfour-andsix-linesectionsdailydestinationwritingdistinguishingdetailfindingrhymepairsidentifyingbridgeandversefunctionsidentifyingthethreeelementsplayingwithtensepointofviewconsistencypowerhouseverbspyramidinginactionsense-boundwritingsupplyingrhymestogglingachorustogglinginactionusingconjunctionsandprepositionsverbalternativeswritingchoruses

experience,causinganasartist’sobjectiveconversationallyricsanddetailandmusicalphrasesandpurposeandrhymeandthroughverbs,adjectives,andadverbswho,where,andwhenelementsand

externaldetail

externaldetailinchorusesdefinedexchangingfindingrhymesinidentifyinglistchorusesandmakingcolumnsoftogglingpatternsforasversecontent

Ffamilyrhymefirstpersonpointofviewfour-linesections

contentchoicesforcreatingprovidingcontrastinrhymeschemesfor

Hhotelmaiddestinationwritingexamplehotelroomdestinationwritingexample“HowItGoes,”

Iidentityrhymeinternaldetail

inchorusesdefinedexchangingfindingrhymesinidentifyingmakingcolumnsofmetaphorsandinsecondverseassectionsummarytogglingpatternsforasverseaerationandpurpose

K“Kaleidoscope,”

Llistchoruslisteningsuggestions

chorusescontentandplotprogressionforcontrastdestinationwritingfour-linesectionsinternal/externaldetailsix-linesectionsthreeelements

“LoveCanBuildaBridge”(Jarvis,Judd,andOverstreet)“LoveWon’tTakeChances,”

M“MaryHadaLittleLamb,”metaphorsmusic/lyricsrelationship

contentandfour-linesectionsphrasingandsix-linesections

Nnouns

genericinphrases

Oobjectwriting.Seealsodestinationwritingoutsiderpointofview

PPattison,Pat

Songwriting:EssentialGuidetoRhymingWritingBetterLyrics

perfectrhymephrases,lyrical

forchorusmaterialconnectingcontentandcontrastandfindingtitlesinfour-linesectionsisolatinglanguageofmatchingmusicwithsix-linesections

phrases,musicalcontentandfour-linesectionshearingmatchinglyricswithrhymeschemeandrhymesandsix-linesections

plotprogressionapplicationofchoosingcommonexercisesforinsecondverseandprechorus

pointofviewchoosingchorusandconsistencyinidentifying

“powerpositions”inchorusinprechorusinverse

prechoruscontrastandplotprogressionand“powerposition”inpyramidingand

prepositionslistofusing

usingpyramiding

definedprocessofsecondverseand

Rrhyme

contrivanceandearsasassetforfindingpairsproblemswithtypesof

rhymeschemesforbridgecontrastandfour-linesectionsmusicalphraseandsix-linesectionstogglingpatternsand

rhythmadjustingverbtenseforcontrastandphrasingandrhymeandrhymesand

roadmapanalogy

Ssecondversesense-boundwriting.Seealsodestinationwriting

exerciseforsixkeysofconnectionsix-linesections

contentchoicesforcreatingprovidingcontrastinrhymeschemesfortogglingpatternsfor

Songwriting:EssentialGuidetoRhyming(Pattison)

Tten-stepsongwritingprocesstense

exchangingmaintainingconsistency

“That’sAmore”(BrooksandWarren)“TimeafterTime”(LauperandHyman)titles

additionallineforfindingplacementof

togglingpatternsinbridgeinchorusconnectingsectionscontentandcontrastanddefinedexercisesforfillinginmissinglinesprocessofrhymeschemeandinverses

Vverbs

importanceofinphrasespowerhousestrengtheningtenseof

verseschorusascontrasttodetailinfour-linesectionsplotprogressionand“powerposition”inpyramidingandsecond,functionsofsix-linesectionsstructurefortogglingpatternsinwriting

Wweight

defineddetailand

“when”destinationwritingidentifyingplacementinlyricsplotprogressionandpresenceinlyricsinsecondversetenseconsistencyand

“WhenIt’sOver,”“WhenSheThinksAboutLeavin’,”“where”

destinationwritingidentifyingplacementinlyricspresenceinlyrics

“who”destinationwritingidentifyingplacementinlyricspresenceinlyrics

“why”aschorusfunction“WhyGeorgia”(Mayer)WritingBetterLyrics(Pattison)

Zzoomingin

chorusanddefinedpyramidingandverseand

zoomingoutchorusanddefinedpyramidingand