Pieces of T Poetry Collection

Allon Media Inc.

Table Of Contents

Introduction Beautiful

Dedication Urban Prophet

My Mind And Me Thought Break II

Wisdom Attention Whore

The World What’s Wrong With?

Why Won’t They Help Me? Thought Break III

My Purpose How Could I Ever

The Sillness By Myself

The Perfect Suicide Thought Break IV

Release Talk To Me

The Darkside Love

The Intercessor When The Magic Died

Strength Flow Right Through Me

That Man My Soul Cries

Dark Days If I Let You Change Me

Death Becomes Me The Mercy Rule

Courage Time With Me

Dark Love Peace

The Dream Messiah

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from the New King James Version, Holy Bible, Woman Thou Art Loosed Edition, © 1998 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Pieces of T

T. S. Freeman

ISBN: 9781626751323

Phone: 404-941-0006

Printed in the United States of America

© 2013 by T.S. Freeman

Allon Media, Inc.

Phone: 404-941-0006

Direct: 407.900.5007

Fax: 717-754-1118

Cover Design by: T.S. Freeman

Cover Revisions: Kali Jones

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission from the publisher.

INTRODUCTION

Dear Beloved Reader,

As I look back on my life I realize it wasn’t until I became an author that

my life started to truly change. The release of all I had been holding in my heart

was an experience like no other and not one that will be easily forgotten. The only

way I can maintain my sanity is to write. Although I have gone through many

nights of wondering why and how I got to this point, I’ve spent many more nights

knowing God will never leave me nor forsake me.

Even through my travail and countless imperfections, He still loves and

accepts me just the way I am so I do not try to be anything else. Although I’m

very blessed to have dodged many of life’s issues, that in no way excludes me

from all the other hell I went through due to illegal activity, custody battles and

dire financial stress. Still, the greatest issue in my life has been accepting God’s

plan (not mine) for my life. Sometimes that can be a very difficult task.

As I search my heart to become the woman God created me to be, I have

begun to look at all my problems as external variables instead of internal

setbacks. Although most people would have given up a long time ago if they had

to endure some of my situations, I choose to trust in what I know will always

stand; God’s Word. And with that being said, I hope you enjoy my poetry

collection.

- T. S. Freeman

DEDICATION

As with every book I have written, this book is dedicated to my beautiful

children, Kori (21), Kali (19), Kaisha (17), and Kaden (8). It is truly my hope that

you will take what I have written and apply it to your daily life. Just be who God

has created you to be and you will never fail at this thing called life. I love you all

and I thank you for your love and support. It is an unbelievable blessing to be

your mother.

My Mind And Me

My personal demons torment my mind & through the bloodshed I search for a sign

I hurt within & I’m dying in my pain, I can’t find peace & it’s driving me insane.

I live in darkness because I fear the light, addicted to the wrong & hate the right

The thrill of stealing was quick & clever, but when it’s wrong, it can’t last forever

My mind is destructive because evil resides, in the cracks & crevices is where it hides

Criminal minded, always one-sided, mentally divided & talented enough to hide it

I planted the seed of wealth and greed, gifted indeed, to get you before you get me

You see I played the part of having a heart, when all the time it was cold and dark

Empty in disguise is what I’d become, with no regrets of anything I’d done

No repentance and certainly no remorse; no love, no care, and surely no recourse

My selfish spirit was alive and well, & those who didn’t like it could go to hell

Those personal demons had me trapped for so long, until all my angels came along

One sat beside me & had seen my grief; the other was there for comfort and relief

They knew my pain from beginning to end; they knew the cycle I’d trapped myself in

I listened then cried, again & again I cried, but only from inside

Rekindling the pain I tried relentlessly to hide

Feeling the guilt of the when’s & why’s, trying to feel the love somewhere inside

I turned Him away & still He cares, now comes the test of truth or dare

Do I put away my anger, my hurt, and my pride?

Or do I continue to lie, harbor and hide?

27 years of burying the hurt

& now I don’t even know what it was worth

A lifetime of sin that burns within, a desire to change, a longing for an end

A need for redemption, a need for love, a void to be filled by the Lord above

So praise the Lord when He gives you a chance

To walk the walk and dance the dance

I love Him dearly for saving my life, no longer am I evil in disguise

Wisdom – 1 Kings 10:24

The whole world sought audience with Solomon to

hear the wisdom God had put in his heart.

The World

See me as the world sees me; as an unknown

Love me as God loves me; as a whole

Breathe life into me; make me sound

Oh how I yearn to not be bound.

Mentally tortured, emotionally drained

Struggling for that which keeps me sane

Just love me and watch me change

Release me from my worldly chains

I bottle my tears and suppress my pain

In the hope that one day I’ll live again

Don’t judge me just love me and watch me change

Fly the skies and sail the seas and I bet you’ll find others just like me

The world is cloudy and full of fear

It’s God, not people, that’s always here

A kind word, a motivational speech

I was placed here to love; placed here to teach

Will the world ever love me and just let me be me?

Why Won’t They Help Me?

I hate me and I want to change and no one will help

Why won’t they help?

They watch me cry, they tell me lies and they wait for me to surely die

The pain, the gain and the everlasting rain of total despair

Why won’t they help?

If I run away, if I curse the day, will they help or will they turn me away?

Am I a lost cause or have I lost my cause, did I ever have a cause?

My mind is divided and disarrayed; my soul is empty with many voids

Not too young to die but way too young to try to make it on my own

Why won’t they help me?

I’m expected to live and let live but how do I live?

Can anyone reach me, can anyone teach me, can anyone even see me?

I seem to fade away into my problems, overwhelmed by what could be

Underestimated by everyone but me

I hate the me I am but love the me I could be and still no one will help me

Why won’t they help me?

The Stillness

The stillness of my thoughts is driving me into pain

With the never-ending “why” that constantly reigns

My parade is short with only a few minutes of fame

The isolation is like a constant rain

I was told I am rich even with nothing and I believe

Even though happiness is the desire I cannot perceive

I go against the grain to achieve my own greatness

Could that be why I have no patience?

I love being alone but I fear being lonely

I just want God to give me what I want

Temptation stirs in the pit of my mind

Impatience rears its head with the ticking of time

Lust tends to bury itself in the depths of my soul

Awaking the stillness that no one knows

All that shows now is the pain and hurt

I just want God to give me what I want

Trials and tribulation with divine appreciation

And a stillness in my heart with no variation

I lead not follow on an emotional trail

Set the example and do not fail

When I reached the still light at the end of the tunnel

The stillness of the pain became clear

And instantly disappear

The Perfect Suicide

Perfectly packaged and given to me

A gift from Satan to make me weak

As clear as water and harmless in look

No way to turn back from the step I took

A perfect way to die since there’s no way to live

A perfect way to end it when there’s nothing left to give

The door to hell actually comes in a bottle

And gives you the chance to be the model

An example for all who are seeking to see death

Looking to give up their very last breath

Hoping to go to Heaven knowing you’re going to hell

But a chance worth taking to release the spell

Demented thoughts from a morbid mind

Trying to fast forward when I should rewind

Trying to still look for that miracle sign

Trying to find peace in something so obscene…

A perfectly packaged death in a bottle of morphine

Release

I release my thoughts through my pen

Read what I wrote and am confused again

His soul is near but out of reach

I release him to prayer to set him free

I release my thought through my pen, withholding my desires deep within

Forsaken, forbidden and forever locked away, waiting on that one beautiful day

It’s really too bad the Lord can read my mind

He knows I want what can’t be mine

I release my energy into thoughts of you, strictly because He said pray for you

A spiritual love that will never be flesh

One sincere prayer and God does the rest

Intercession respected but not understood

Doing what I never thought I could

Constantly prayed for, my spiritual first love

Ordained from none other than the God I love

I release you into abundance, into the care of our Lord

So that you never waiver or fall by the sword

Thought Break

His Way or No Way

Since people differ in how they think and how they view themselves, it is very difficult to

say that there is a certain way we could all live in order for there to be peace and

equality. No matter how hard people have fought for impartiality over the decades,

there is still a lack of the one quality we must all take seriously in order to cope with the

differences of others and that quality is love. Love has been malformed into something

transitory; an unnecessary element of life and not worthy of working for.

Many of us want God to give to us according to what we believe our needs and desires

are and yet some of what we long for has absolutely no place in His plan for our lives. It

takes much time and an increasing amount of willingness to accept wanting for

ourselves what God wants for us. It almost seems trivial to even try to wrap our minds

around it because it proves that we really don’t know half of what we think we know and

we must recognize that His way will always be the right way. Just because it doesn’t feel

right to do it His way doesn’t mean it isn’t right.

Sometimes that uneasy feeling in our spirit is our mind battling with our heart trying to

figure out why we can’t figure it out. At the end of our troubles, once God has given the

solution, we finally come to the conclusion that it was never our battle in the first place.

We spent all that time and wasted so much energy wanting it our way instead God’s way

and He still prevails because when we do it the wrong way, we still end up coming to

Him to fix it.

Note to self: It doesn’t always feel good to do it God’s way…..but it will prevent me from

repeating the same mistakes.

Talk To Me

As I cry out in pain I think you hear me but You don’t respond

I sit in my own darkness with no sight of dawn

I need You to talk to me I need You to hear

I need to know You’ll quiet my fears; I need to know the God I serve

I need You to talk to me and calm my nerves

Talk to me now …please just talk to me now; Tell what to do and tell me how

How to be a servant and how to be Kingdom

How to be a good mom, how not to be single

I know You are there because of what’s in Your Word

You’re not just based on something I’ve heard

Manifest Your listening ear and rescue me from the world

It’s me Lord, you know… Your little Kingdom girl

I praise You through my pain but even that’s not enough

I still feel too worthless to smooth out the rough

My life isn’t the greatest but it’s still up to me

I can get it right Lord, if You just talk to

Strength – Exodus 15:2

The LORD is my strength and song, He has become my salvation; He is

my God, and I will praise Him; My father’s God, and I will exalt Him.

Past

I met a woman named Past today

She seemed so familiar to me like an old friend

She smiled and shook my hand and said there were things she wanted to share

She had my eyes and even my hair but she wasn’t like me

A devilish grin and very well dressed, she almost caught me off guard

She spoke of secrets that only God would know so I found myself listening close

She whispered in my ear that she thought we should be friends

I leaned back in disgust and said I’d had enough

She was terribly offended and said I’d see her again

And that she’d never go away because she was a part of me

As she walked away I felt a piece of me leave

A tiny bit of grief and a piece of the pain

Disappeared into the daylight with a woman named Past

I wonder if I’d let her in would she have betrayed me or been a good friend

Her name fits her well because she cannot survive in my future

So I let her go away with no questions asked, and now I live my life without a woman

named Past.

Courage – Joshua 1:9

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for

the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Dark Love

If you hit me again I promise I’ll leave

Every time you yell my heart begins to bleed

My mind screams for you to go and for me to get some help

Because I’m losing all of the love I felt

You’ve become so dark

Like a nightmarish dream

Now we’re opponents

On opposite teams

Loving you is like the setting of the sun

The light goes out and I wait for daylight to come

You were supposed to love me back

You were supposed to have my back

You were supposed to use tact

But you stabbed me in my back

Your love is so dark

Will I see the sun again?

Will you be the covering for a multitude of sin?

I want you to be what was sent from above

But I must learn not to be in love with love

The Dream Messiah

As I close my weary eyes You come and speak to me

You tell me to fear nothing, You tell me to just breathe

The dream Messiah You are to me

You hold my future

You help me see

Fantasies become natural as I close my eyes

My life becomes real as soon as I switch sides

From good to evil and back again

Because behind closed eyes is the only place I win

Never a loss, never a shed tear

Because the dream Messiah says, “Have no fear.”

I thirst for Your approval in the natural and spirit

And I listen for Your love but I can’t seem to hear it

You said You’d comfort me and give me hope

You said Your love would help me cope

You’re the dream Messiah so I got to see my future

My past and my present formed a spiritual suture

When I open my eyes it needs to be real

I need something more

Than just what I feel

Beautiful

Your beautiful dark skin; your God-given smile

Angels surround you and light up your life

To ease the pain and release the strife

The Lord’s love for you makes you worthwhile

Years ago you crossed my path, but only for a while

How could I have missed you, what do I do?

My heart is now an awful shade of blue

And I long for a love I cannot have

I wish you well and pray life upon you

A husband, a father and a wonderful son

Mother and child; an unbreakable bond

May God bless you over and beyond you

May your mother be proud and stand by your side

You should discount the world and count your blessings

While knowing that your life is one immense lesson

May your chosen wife cover you and humble your pride

Your beautiful dark skin; your God-given smile

For all the world to see

Simply God’s child.

Attention Whore

I watch them as they watch me

And I long to be given individual attention

My long beautiful hair, my deviant smile

And priceless conversation that goes on for miles

I tilt my head a little and look like I’m attentive

But I really only desire individual attention

And if it’s not given I withdraw from your presence

I have no need for you or your inattentive essence

I watch them as they watch me

And I long to be given individual attention

Do not neglect me

Or you’ll be without me

Do not smother me

Or I’ll let you see

The side of me you’ll love to hate

To the very shallow core

Yes it’s me… every girl’s inner Attention Whore

What’s Wrong With…

What’s wrong with trying to give it your all?

What’s wrong with not giving up when you fall?

What’s wrong with loving God and knowing He’s there?

What’s wrong with admitting the love you share?

What’s wrong with listening then telling the truth?

What’s wrong with being a woman and not being loose?

What’s wrong with telling God about your sexual desires?

What’s wrong with wanting Him to take you higher?

What’s wrong with wanting a marriage that lasts 50 years?

What’s wrong with man shedding a few tears?

What’s wrong with the world and why don’t I fit in?

What’s wrong with wanting a life without sin?

What’s wrong with believing in the Word of God?

What’s wrong with being pretty and a tab bit odd?

What’s wrong with living in what God made me?

What’s wrong with not letting anything faze me?

What’s wrong with having issues and looking above?

What’s wrong is that we lack a thing called love

By Myself

A single mother says, “I can do bad by myself”

Yet we always seem to take what’s left

The men who see us as just compensation

A little bit of sex and some dirty conversation

Home cooked meals and lots of relaxation

What happened to waiting for the man of your dreams?

What about looking at it for what it seems?

He seems like a cheater and maybe a wife beater

He seems like a man with no direction

Who only satisfies in the area of erection

Now I’m by myself and again I see

That he never really wanted me for me

Being by myself ain’t looking so bad

Especially when I think of what I’ve had

Not all were bad men

Just not good for me

So I made the choice to set me free

And wait on God to send the man of my dreams

Thought Break

The Submission Test

Most women today have a major issue with submission because it seems to strip away a

part of who they are as a woman. When a woman has searched for love in all the wrong

places and found nothing but men who do nothing, have nothing and want nothing, she

comes to a place in her life where she has had enough and refuses to deal with anything

less than what she wants. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:25,28 – Just as wives must

submit to their husbands, husbands must love their wives, as Christ loved the church

and gave himself up for her…husbands should love their wives as themselves.

What many do not understand is that true submission comes only with true love. A

woman will never want to submit to man who does not exhibit the same love she gives

him. How can she? Any relationship that is not grounded in God (for those who say

they believe in Him) is doomed to fail at some point. Men are not perfect but they are

most certainly needed and God is still creating good men. God created us with family in

mind. When a woman marries a man who is not afraid to show his love for God, she is

more likely to submit. She will recognize he will always try to do what’s best for the

marriage, not just himself, and he will make an effort to include her in the marital

decisions.

Many women say they refuse to submit but they fall short in understanding that every

time they take him back after he cheats or physically, mentally or verbally abuses her,

she is submitting. She is submitting to the abuse, submitting to the lies and submitting

to unhappiness, simply because she cannot be alone. Being alone is never easy but it’s

better to be alone than to be abused. God did not place women on this earth to be

mistreated and the woman is the only one who can decide what she will endure and

what she will eliminate from her life. The wonderful thing about God is that He

understands who we are and what each of us can endure but it’s still our decision to hold

on or let go.

It’s ok for a woman to present herself as an independent woman but never so

independent that she cannot receive love. She also cannot expect respect if her presence

or her actions provoke a man to do otherwise. God can turn any man into a good man as

long as he is willing to walk in what God has for him. The walk one takes with God is not

a walk for the strong. It’s for the weak; those who are tired and are willing to surrender

to something other than the things of the world. It has been said that only the strong

survive but on the walk with God, only the weak endure. Those who weaken themselves

to God’s will are those that exhibit the most strength. It takes an amazing amount of will

to give it all to God, including and especially, receiving a husband. A woman must never

allow her external variables to become internal setbacks. It just slows the process of

growth and the reception of real Godly love.

Love - 1 John 4:8

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

When The Magic Died

As I sat in the window waiting for you to come

Hoping you’d take me to a place far away

I then had to cry myself to sleep

Because the night became a new day

If you had only said you were sorry I would have never had to cry

And that was the day I knew in my heart that the Magic died

I had no one to fill the void you so carelessly created

I just wanted you to take me to a place far, far away

That place where Daddies love their daughters

And shelter them from the danger of the storm

That place where you would never let anyone cause me any harm

How could I still love you when you let me sit and cry?

How could I get you back when I made the Magic die?

As I grew you affected my life and you weren’t even there

Those I met, the friends I made and those who wanted to care

Those who came to fill the void but you should’ve been there

Time will not release us to go and change the past

And the damage you created has gone beyond repair

I’m all grown up and you still won’t try

And that is the reason I let the Magic die

Time With Me

I have prayed and fasted and committed my life

To all the good works of my Lord Jesus Christ

And God now I need You to come and help me

But I can’t seem to hear You, nor can I see

I then heard a whisper directly into my soul

“My dearest child, you must stay bold.

I have created you for works but you forgot one thing,

To spend a little time, with the King.

I have crowned you with an anointing unlike any other

And revelation so strong, you must share with another

But you cannot simply be guided by works

Because that, My child, is what creates the hurt.

You do good things and I commend your deeds

But now I ask you, My child, what about Me?

Can we walk through the park, or just sit in silence?

Can we laugh at a movie or go to a play?

Or should I just let you work and hope for the day

That My child will come to Me and want to spend some time

And appreciate the moments that are yours and Mine.

Do not be deceived dear child of Mine; I do not desire ministry more than your time

Get to know Me; let Me connect to your heart

And then you can be guided and know where to start

I am a jealous God so I want you to see, that all it takes is a little time with me.

Peace – Psalm 85:8

I will listen to what the LORD says; He promises peace to his people, his

faithful servants— but let them not turn to foolishness.