“Please God; Let me wear high-heeled shoes!”

Last year I suffered a very serious accident involving my back, and

yet the most upsetting part of that, was that all I wanted was to wear

my favourite shoes!

Written By: Kerry-Louise Barnaby

The two most covetable items in any

woman’s life: chocolates and stiletto

shoes. A very wise Forest Gump once

said: “Life is like a box of chocolates,

you never know what you’re gonna

get”. Well let me just say that last

October I was devastated when I had to

swallow the worst chocolate I have

ever tasted. And that chocolate

changed my life forever.

I have been an actress for as long as I

can remember. My mum always said I

could dance before I could walk, I

could sing before I could talk and I

never needed an excuse to be dramatic.

So it seemed only natural that, at the

age of 16, full of dreams, I left the

warm, comfortable shelter of home and

migrated to the big city that is London.

My dream had come true and I was

setting off to spend the next two years

studying Musical Theatre at the BRIT

School of Performing Arts. My life

couldn’t be better.

For the next two years I spent my days

singing, dancing and acting and spent

my evenings doing pretty much the

same. Those two years flew by and

before you could say “Action” I was

playing the lead in a professional

production! Needless to say, I had the

nicest box of chocolates I could have

hoped for; and I never wanted the

chocolates to run out.

However, a box of chocolates can

never last forever - especially when

they’re your favourites. You’re lucky

if they last a week!

Then, about a year ago, while doing

some further training, in Physical

Theatre at East15 Acting School in

Essex, I suffered an injury to my back.

Even now, I don’t really know how it

happened; all I know is that it changed

the course of my life as I know it.

Suddenly I was bed-ridden and facing

the very high possibility of never being

able to move fully again. No more

dancing, no more performing, no more

living! After all, what is the point in

living if you can’t be happy and live

the life you want to live?

As a petit girl of just 4’11”, I am a

heel-a-holic! I can’t get enough!

Super high, platforms, kitten, stilettos,

you name a type of heel and

guaranteed, I will be wearing them!

So you can imagine my despair when I

realised that I could barely walk let

alone walk in heels! And, on top of

that, I didn’t even own any pairs of

flats, well, unless you count my jazz

shoes, ballet shoes or trainers. I was

devastated. What shoes was a going to

wear? What outfits did I even own

that would look right without heels?!

Though, I suppose initially this

question just didn’t matter…

I spent two months, gradually

strengthening my back, attending

physiotherapy and going on 10 minute

walks before I would have to lie down

again. The rest of the time, I spent

with my new best friends. Friends by

the names of: Vogue, Elle,

Cosmopolitan and Glamour.

As days turned into weeks, and weeks

turned into months, and magazines

began merging into one, I happened to

flick past an advert in Glamour. “Ever

wanted to work in Fashion, well we

have the perfect course for you!”

That was it! I could feel the heat from

the light bulb flashing above my head:

“Idea Idea,” it was saying. Why not?!

Why not work in Fashion? Why not

use my experiences to write about how

fashion is more than just choosing the

clothes that you are going to wear in

any given season; they are an

expression of yourself. You are a book

and they are your cover. They help

give the outside world a glimpse into

who you are, what you stand for, and

how you approach life.

Isn’t that what I had learned? That

without my clothes I didn’t feel like I

could be myself? I had just lost

everything. My chocolates had gone; I

was a shoe whose heel had broken and

been unceremoniously dumped. At

that moment I felt like my life was

over, I was finished- until I saw that

article.

Suddenly fashion seemed a very real

possibility. And as the walks

progressed from 10 minutes, to 20

minutes, to one hour, and I began to

gradually heighten again, my heart

began to beat harder than it had in so

long. Colour returned to my cheeks

and fashion took over my

consciousness. I was a woman

possessed. I understood that my

physicality had been damaged

indefinitely and I knew that that

chapter of my life, that box of

chocolates was finished and the line

had been discontinued.

It was time for me to find a new

favourite. It was time for me to start

living again.

With that, I applied to study a BA

(Hons) degree in Writing Fashion and

Culture. I decided that writing about

fashion was my new way to express

myself. I decided that fashion was the

thing that had brought me back to life

and I owed it. It deserved for me to

thank it properly and to repay it by

realising and understanding my

passion for shoes and clothes and

identity and to make other people

realise how important it is in their

lives.

We all go through

times when we feel

low, so low that we

don’t know how we

are ever going to

make it. Carrie

Bradshaw once

said: “Will I ever

laugh again?” My answer to this

question is yes, you will. When?

When you realise that if life hands you

a chocolate that you don’t like, it is

some greater chocolatier telling you

that it is time to taste it, swallow it and

re-awaken your taste-buds. Because

that chocolate doesn’t taste bad, it

tastes different and that chocolate

could satisfy you in ways the old one

never could.