Pieces of My Life

8/6/2019 Pieces of My Life

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/pieces-of-my-life 1/195

Pieces of My LifeThe life of someone who learned

everything the hard way.

This book allows you to see life through my

eyes. Travel with me through poetry, quotes,

and short stories that helped me get through

life.

©2009 By: Enjoli Baker this book may only be

reproduced by LuLu.com



- 2 -

Dedication I dedicate this book to my mother who is the love of my life. She always told me that I

could be whatever I wanted to be. Life has been hard and life has been filled with

happiness. I am glad I had a wonderful mother to share it with. Mom I want to thank you

for being you, you’re the best. Mom this one is for you enjoy!



- 3 -

Table of Contents

2. Dedication3. List of Contents 1

4. List of Contents 25. List of Contents 3

6. List of Contents 47. List of Contents 58. Quotes9. This Life……..10. Mind Wonders11. My Thoughts 212. Quotes13. I Want to Tell You a Story…14. Stuck

15. Window to My Heart16. Smoke

17. Figure It Out18. Fire19. Not There Anymore20. Say You Didn’t Mean It21. A Name22. Secret Letter 23. Got to Have It24. Dust25. A Segment26. What Was I Thinking?27. Second Segment28. 3rd Segment29. Believe In Our Love30. Untitled #4331. Now I’ve Figured It Out32. Caramel Charm33. Brown Skin34. What If I35. My Head36. Questions37. Untitled 2238. Suddenly Confused39. Real Feelings 200240. Speak to Me41. Secret Connection42. Untitled #3343. Lifetime44. How Can You Call Yourself a Man?



- 4 -

45. My thoughts 9946. My thoughts 9847. I Don’t Understand48. Lonely Days49. I Waited

50. When Will You51. What Should I Do?

52. Do Not Disturb Me53. You Can Be54. Chill Mode55. What Really Happened?56. Depressed57. A Pause58. Short Thoughts59. True Side of Loneliness60. She

61. The Night62. Isolated

63. Falling Apart64. I Will Never Forget You65. With or Without66. Dear Emotions67. The Lumberjack and the Trees68. The Hidden One

69. Broke Jan 7, 2004

70. Proof that God Loves Me 11/23/2003

71. Lucky Number 7

72. The Week 73. While Waiting to See You

74. Simply Beautiful

75. The Thought of It

76. A New Time in Life

77. Wishing I Was There With You

78. Untitled #100

79. Life….Again

80. For the One Who Had Me….81. A Friend82. A Matter of Understanding

83. All84. Are85. Being a Mother 86. Believe87. Black Brotha88. Black Butterfly89. Black History90. Can I Survive



- 5 -

91. Chances92. Cookies ‘n’ Cream93. Dark Life94. Dear Heart95. Dear Soul

96. Dying Earth97. Do You

98. Don’t Give Up99. Down This Road100. Dreaming101. Empty Reaches102. Falling For You103. Far Away104. Get Out Of My Life105. He106. Heart Of Stone

107. How108. I Can’t Believe

109. I Pretend110. If You Believe111. It Was Me112. It’s Not Easy113. It’s To Good To Be True114. I’ve Learned115. Life In a Closed Wrapper 116. Life’s Story117. Looking118. Many Ways119. Mentally120. My Angel121. My Broken Hands122. My Dream123. My Needs124. My Past125. My Place126. My thoughts 1127. One of Life's Lessons128. Only You129. Reflections130. Seed131. Silent Whispers132. Simple133. Sitting Here134. Slightly Confused135. Sounds of the Heart136. Special Call



- 6 -

137. Suddenly You Turn Around and…………138. The 4 Little Girls139. The Days140. The Desert141. The End

142. The Last Time143. The Lonely Heart

144. The Lost One145. The Love Of My Life146. The New Girl147. There148. Through the Storms149. Tomorrow150. Twisted Mind151. I152. Untitled 2

153. What154. When I

155. When I Went Away From You156. When You157. Wherever You Are158. Wind159. Winning160. You Never 161. You162. You Took Me Away163. Dear Life164. All I Want Is You165. All You Have Done166. Am I Really Strange167. Everyday of My Life168. Feeling Blue169. Feelings170. Forget The Past171. How I Feel Now.....172. Just A Little More173. Last Time for Love174. Leave Me Alone175. Let Me Be176. Life is Like a Highway177. Lonely178. Me First179. My Own Little Park 180. On My Own181. Peanut Butter and Jelly182. Your Love Touched Me



- 7 -

183. Secret Letter#20184. Spring Time185. Suicide186. Sweet Prince187. The Place I Once Knew

188. The Road Ends Here189. Then Came You……

190. Why?191. Who Is He?192. Where to Find Love193. What Is Love194. Voices of The Night195. Turning My Life Around



- 8 -

Quotes

If you want to understand someone open up your heartIf you can’t hear what someone is saying then try to listenIf you want to fight check to see if your battle is already won

If you stop trying you start dyingDoing believing and believing is achievingIf you’re in darkness turn on the lightIf you want to get somewhere quick in your life stop letting people slow you downIf you don’t know where you are going stop movingIf you want to get things done stop giving only 50%If your going to fall in love you must no how to fallIf you want people to think highly of you stop downing yourself If you want to reach the end of the tunnel you must find the lightDon’t go and get something you already hadIf you want something what are you waiting for? Go out and get it

Change yourself before you try to change the world



- 9 -

This Life……..

This life that I have is sometimes horrible; I don’t understand why every time I think I ammaking progress the road just ends. I am tired of never being able to do things myself. Iam tired of living sometimes; I don’t think I am even scared to die anymore. I am sick

and tired of dealing with angry people. Letting them use me when they want to, abuseme, and act anyway they want to. I have dealt with this same situation earlier in life. Andto tell you the truth I am sick of it. I thought things would be better for me somehow but Iguess I was wrong maybe sleeping on the floor is better. Anyway I thought life waslooking up as I moved and went to school. But you know some things don’t get better. Iwas first with this guy, I won’t mention his name. Anyway I thought he was cool but nowI know that when he first showed signs of anger I should have left. I am so tired of him Iam trying to break free but for some reason it gets harder and harder. Lord knows I wantto leave him, because I just can’t take this anymore. I like everyone else in the house buthim. I deserve to be treated better he thinks that just because you spend money onsomeone that means you have done everything. I mean after all I have become more

mature than ever. I don’t club as much as I used to, I don’t even go out as much as I usedto. Right now I should be happy but I am not. After all when things changed they really just stayed the same. I am so stressed out for the first time in a long time, and I don’tknow what to do about it. I need a good friend right now, because there are no instantcures for this type of thing. I mean this other person switches attitudes like I switch panties. And sometimes you should just let things blow over. If you see that things arenot working then find a way to get out of it. Don’t give up like a pure jackass all of thetime. Should I give up school? I don’t think so. But sometimes I want to quit only because of the things I am going through not because of school. Anyway I need help aload off, a vacation simply perfect. When will I ever get a release, a breath of fresh air inmy life? Some people are so immature and what will they do without you not much right? Nothing from nothing equals nothing as far as I am concerned. Lord help me please because this is very difficult for me to deal with. But is it worth dieing for? I guess not or maybe it is. I need something else but I do not know what it is. Is all of this happening because I am missing God in my life? Maybe so but right now I need some clear answers.Help! Well anyway people want to do things on there own time, when you want to talk they don’t. When you don’t want to talk they do and it is like a lose, lose situation I don’tunderstand it at all. And then what makes it so bad is that people know what you have been through and then they want to bring it up like it was something funny. What kind of crap is that supposed to be? I think it is very rude, and when these things happen it is timefor you to go. Anyway I sometimes get myself in a situation where either way I go I canlose something like school, or where I live. And it is like that just because I do not savemoney. Isn’t that a shame? Well I seem to think so. I need to start doing better some how but saving some money and getting the hell out of dodge. I mean the littlest thing that Idon’t do causes me to lose out well not this time. I will not be a fool again and that’s for sure.



- 10 -

Mind Wonders

If you have problems sleeping, think of the homeless who has no where to sleep.If you happen to lose the one you love, think about a person who does not know whatlove is. If you ever get tired of listening to a friend’s problem, think of what a deaf person

will do just to hear anyone. If your car ever breaks down, think of someone who couldnever own a car. If you lose your job think of someone who couldn’t work for twomonths. If you keep making mistakes, think of someone who didn’t get the chance tomake many. If you only own two pieces of clothing, think of someone who has never hadmoney to but any clothing. If you have to work everyday for a week, and make 9.00/hr think about someone who is working everyday for 1 month to fed her family for only3.00/hr. If you get up everyday and your sick, be thankful other people didn’t get thechance to wake up. If you’re tired of eating left-over’s, think of someone who has no left-over’s to eat. If you don’t want to see other people think about the blind who wants to seeanyone.



- 11 -

My Thoughts 2

As I look into the past, there is a dark remembrance. My thoughts are empty there is noenergy. No life but there is pain; the valuable time that I have is never well spent. Butwasted and alone I am, who can I turn to when nothing ever feels right? I come and I go

into another scene, every time your mind wonders. When you want something it never happens. But when you’re not expecting it, it comes. Then you have to dig yourself andyour feelings back up, just to bring a smile upon my face. I want to get back into the spotlight. But yet I can’t get past the dirt I am standing on. But one day for sure I will surface,I will breathe and continue my life, but for now, I have to get past the rushing storm.



- 12 -

Quotes

Don’t dwell on something, because it could very well be nothing at all.If you have a big package, open it, and there you will find your simple solution. Never open a door if no one knocks. It only takes several years to make you think you

have been alive for a lifetime. Your problems are never far away, they are so close youcan touch them. You can not change the past, but you can try not to let it happen again.Secrets will tell on you, if you don’t tell on them first.



- 13 -

I Want to Tell You a Story………….

There once was a boy and a girl who met in a funny way. They were in each other’s classso they really didn’t have much to say. From month to month the girl fell for him becausehe was so fly. Then finally she got with him, instead of some other guy. Then she fell in

love she was committed and faithful, but what she did not know is that he was secretlyungrateful. She held on to her heart and discovered her mind, only to find out that he lefther behind. For some ass or maybe some booty, but we all know players have to do their duty. He came back around so she tried again, but little did she know after all that he justwants to be friends. For one minute or for one hour, love to her is power, she cried her tears after all of these years, sometimes she still gets 38 hot. But little did he know he hasthe only love that can fill her spot. She wanted to run away from him, because she did notthink he felt the same. But little did she know he was already running game. When shethinks of life without him she just wants to die. But will he be there for her in the end? He better try, she has the best love he could ever find, but he doesn’t want to give it a try. Hesays wait she says that’s cool. But really is she going to be the fool? She wants to move

to be by his side, and support him the whole way through, but little did he know she hasneeds to. She will always be there for him but she can’t sit and wait for years. Buthopefully just hopefully there will be no more tears, because she is not a rug but awoman, and as for having her heart you are the true one.



- 14 -

Stuck

As time passes by, I wonder if I will ever make it. But when a chance comes and knockson my door, will I even take it? Am I scared of change? Or do I just feel ashamed of whatI missed? As crazy as my life has been, I barely remember my first kiss. And now the

world passes me by, with everything that’s good. And now I’m stuck mentally living inthe hood.



- 15 -

Window to My Heart

The window to my heart is open welcoming a steady breeze to grab a hold of. But yet it isnot free for the taking. The window to my heart has been shattered many times, but onlyto be put back together. The window to my heart is the eye to my soul that goes deeper

than any fiber that you could imagine. And the window to my heart is still waiting for someone to come and look in.



- 17 -

Figure It Out

Try to figure out what’s in and what’s out, when I need a sexual healing. With your staresand your glares, no one knows and no one cares where you about to go without even adare. Your style and your smile makes me wonder how you travel the mile that you do.

Am I up or am I down? You need to figure it out, and try to hold it down. I’m floatingand I’m free, could it not or could it be. You’re chasing me, and what I’m saying out of my mouth. Just take sometime brotha and figure it out.



- 18 -

Fire

There is a fire that burns inside of me but it’s for you only. It steams up my heart likewater being dropped on hot cement. But so sweet it makes water drop from my eyes. Thesensation of having you near makes the fire reappear when it is ready to blow out. Nice

but gentle there’s a fire in the middle, in the middle of this almond joy. With a carameltwist you can never resist the fire I have for you boy.



- 19 -

Not There Anymore

I loved you and needed you, thought I would die without you. But it’s not there anymore.All the hurt and pain I used to feel are not there anymore. Because I have taken the key put it back inside me, and locked you out of the door. I feel the same well not exactly the

same, because it’s not there anymore. When you held up your hand that should havemade me understand, that this is not what I deserve. I needed you then, but I don’t knownow it’s not there anymore.



- 20 -

Say You Didn’t Mean It

Say you didn’t mean it, say it’s no more. Say you didn’t mean to walk out the door. Sayyou didn’t mean to love me the wrong way. Say I wanted to go but you wanted me tostay. Say you will see me another day. Say you didn’t mean it by the things you said. Say

you didn’t mean it when you wanted yourself dead. Say you didn’t mean it, but tell thetruth. Say you didn’t mean it but wait, I’m leaving you.



- 21 -

A Name

What’s in a name? A name so sweet it will knock you off your feet. A simple phrase thatwill last all of your days, but only you can make it unique. The talent, the smile, or eventhe style can make your name complete. What is a name? A beautiful name and that

name is Enjoli.



- 22 -

Secret Letter

Why can’t you understand the equalization of you and me? Why can’t we do somethingother than what you want to? Your cruel words hurt me more than the things you do.Face it I need time or were through. You think that I am confused but why should I be?

If I am loyal to you and you are loyal to me. Stop playing these games, because it’s ashame that you treat me like you do. You know what I am not trying to be funny but I cando better without you. Why do I stay? I’ll tell you why because I can’t love another guy.You always want me, always calling my name. But do you really know that I feel pain?So what really do you have to gain? You just want me because you love me, and that’s just all. But I am the only one who always takes the fall. I have to admit I’ve got it bad.For me to think that you were the last thing that I ever had. When we are talking and youhang up. I always call right back. You don’t deserve my body but yet I still give it to you.And for what, what do I get? Someone with a late plan who can’t take a hit, listen tothese words that I spit. You make me change my ways like hanging out with my crew.And you never have anything better for me to do. I’m trying to leave my past behind,

thinking that there will be new things to find. But it’s only you. When I’m away from yousometimes your own my mind, I act like I’m ready but I don’t really know. I don’t reallyknow what to do, or really where to go. Can you help me because life is a prison whenyou are in love alone? I want you to leave but I want you to stay. Sometimes I sit andhate you all over again but I know what is up in the end. This is my life I have control.There is something that is keeping me around. But I can’t for the life of me figure outwhat it is, but when I do you will be the first to know. But I’m finished and if you don’tunderstand anything by now I have to go.



- 23 -

Got to Have It

Everyday I sit and wonder what I would do without it, how will I breathe how will I faceanother day? That’s why I must keep it around over and under and on the ground.Everywhere with me it must go, but still I sit and wonder when you asked me to be with

you forever. Why did I say no?



- 24 -

Dust

What should I do about the dust in the room; this is reality so let’s not ever assume thatdust is good while it sits on the shelf. When you know very well you can get rid of ityourself. Why let the particles build until you can’t take the load. You might as well go

on and just explode. Don’t let things sit for a long period of time, because all of the dustmight fill up your mind.



- 25 -

A Segment

Going no where fast, how long will this last? Will it last until I take my breath away?How long can I go on like this searching for something that I am not getting? I look for conversation and I find confusion. I look to move up but I still fall down, I try and try

everyday to make my life better. But it feels like I am just turning around in a big hotsweater, with no air to breath and no place to go, with little squares that I can’t fitthrough. Because I am going no where fast, I’m crying because I’m dieing. I’m at the point where I get nothing, don’t have anything, can’t get anything, but I crave everything.I’m losing my appetite for love, for life, for living. Because I am giving much more thanI’m getting, because I’m going no where fast, and you ask what am I to do now? Butright now there is no rest.



- 26 -

What Was I Thinking?

Why do I have to be where I don’t want to be just because? I have been around this circletime and time again. And I have convinced myself that it is love. I don’t know how tohave feelings anymore, so I look for answers from up above. Some people are not always

what they seem to be. They may be nice to everyone else, but who knows what’s beingdone to me? I am not living life like I’m a precious jewel. I’m more like one who is beingrented, one who is shiny for that day, and then thrown away with the sides slightly tinted.I should value myself more than I do. Because the only mistake that I’m making is beingwith you know who. I still don’t understand why people get the nerve to say things, andthey know that’s it’s not true. So wait a minute, refresh my memory on the reason why Iam with you. You are a weak link in my strong heart, which is another reason I should part. But you know I can honestly say that I wasted my time, because you aren’t worth adime. You hurt me, and blame things you do on other people. Can’t you tell that your seethrough? This is not a game and I don’t have to strike back. Remember what you do toothers always come back; you’re just a little devil, a clever little fellow always doing

something wrong. You can never explain your actions, so you play certain songs, to giveme a hint of some kind, you act like I need you, go ahead you aren’t mine. With you Ihave been a fool once, but I will not be that fool again. Because we both know, andsurely we do, who will prosper in the end.



- 27 -

Second Segment

You can’t begin to imagine just how I feel, I’ve closed my eyes and now my wounds canheal. I never wanted to leave you, but I knew I had to in order for me to be the person Iam meant to be. You cared for me yes that was true, but the only one that could tell was

me and you. You knocked me down but I try to build myself back up. You tore me downand over-filled my cup, why did you hit me when you knew it hurt me so bad you actedlike I wasn’t all you had. You damaged my heart so now I’m throwing you away.Because only then am I likely to have a brighter day.



- 28 -

3rd Segment

I can’t un-wrap your box if you won’t let me. Nor can I chase you if you’re still going tocome get me, I can’t be all yours, if you’re not all mine. Why do you leave your words behind? I think you are losing track of time. For several days and several nights I have

been thinking of you, and about how you shift from day to night, in such a short while.But I don’t really know if I’m feeling your style. Your style is shady, sweet, but it’s allgravy. Because I will figure you out soon. You’re lying to my life, like the sky when it’slit by the moon. All I know that if I can’t hear you, I will be leaving soon. I am blinded by your faith and love in me. I can’t see pass your smiling face, and maybe if you getclose to me I might give you a taste. You know nothing about this love you are receiving.But I know exactly what you believe. You do believe in me and yes that is true, becauseyou’re unspoken words go deeper than you.



- 29 -

Believe In Our Love

Believe in our love in life, in us, in everything we do. Believe in communication inliving, in staying, in me being with you.



- 30 -

Untitled #43

All I ever wanted was you in my life. I wanted you to love me. How hard was that to do?Haven’t I been good to you? What more do you want me to do? I was there when youwere down, but look who you have around. You don’t deserve this love you receive, and

now you’re down on your knees begging me back. But only I know it’s not going downlike that. You lost the best thing that you had. But my heart is the one that’s sad. I thoughtwe had a lifetime together, but now I see a lifetime is not forever.



- 31 -

Now I’ve figured It Out

You said I’m not stupid any more and that I know the game. But what I have figured outis that, that will be the thing that puts you to shame. I was young, dumb and stupid but allso in love. But when you were with those other cats you showed me no love. So love

from me you do not get. Life is a journey and the path to you. I quit no more crying everynight waiting for you. You know why because I have better things to do. I’m tired of your excuses and your lies. Don’t get me talking you might find a surprise you won’t getanymore of this because it is too good for you. But let me tell you what you can do. Youcan turn around and never be heard again. Because I can do better without you, here isthe end. You have something coming soon enough, but since I know your game now youaren’t so tuff. This beef I will squash, because it’s not worth the plate it was served on.So there you have it Mr. I’m too busy for anyone. Well you go ahead and have your fun, because your heartache has just begun.



- 32 -

Caramel Charm

Caramel skin sweet to the touch, and pleasing to the eyes, makes me want to open up andwatch my temperature rise. As you touch me I shiver, because I am fully aware of what

you will deliver. What you will bring to me will bring such joy. Move slow and don’trush, I want this to last forever. Because the way we move is so clear. Can we move asone? Or can we be as to, you on top of me and me on top of you? Enjoyable you may be but my heart still goes boom. It beats faster and faster as we collide all through the room.This is a fairytale night so it must be illegal to meet this way. But the way you touch meis so sweet and it makes me want to stay, all night long in your arms, with those sweetlips, and that caramel charm.



- 33 -

Brown Skin

I travel the length of your brown skin each and every night. When I feel your brown skinit makes me melt away into the incense that is burning and it smells so sweet. Your brown skin drips from the tip of your tongue to the bottom of your feet. Your brown eyes

scream you want to come inside of my brown thighs. But there is a pause in between, because there is a small sip of love between everything that brown skin means.



- 34 -

What if I

What if I were to be like you? And put you through all the things you put me through.What if my game was tighter than yours? What if I locked you out with no door? What if I lived my life like you? And do all of the things that you do? What if I never had time?

Would you help me unwind? What if my love was just like yours? Just like a freezer withno doors. What if I never thought about you? Well then there would be nothing for us todo.



- 35 -

My Head

My head is hurting my heart beats fast I’m tired of my life, how long can this last?Sometimes I want to close my eyes and sleep forever, but even that would be too clever.I’m freezing cold I just want to get away, but for now I have to stay, this world is going

crazy Lord please let me in all I have is you. Who cares about the friends I need to calmdown, but my head won’t listen to what I say. What should I do should I go a differentway? I’m lonely I’m hungry for what I don’t know. My head still hurts so now I have togo.



- 36 -

Questions

When will I get to hold you in my arms again? When will you whisper in my ear and tellme you love me? When will you set aside your pride to tell me your true emotions?When will you pour out your heart to me? When will you love me like you used to?

When will you notice that I am here for only you to love? And when will you notice mefor who I really am? I’ll tell you when, when I’m gone, that’s when you’ll ask when I’mcoming back.



- 37 -

Untitled 22

You are the rose in my garden, the bloom in my life. You are the one that tells meeverything is alright. You are the seed, the root, and the soil. You are the one that makesmy temperature boil. You are the shade on a sunny day, and my shelter form the rain. But

if you are all these things to me why do I feel pain?



- 38 -

Suddenly Confused

I looked out for you I was there for you, when things were going down. When lipslocked, and hips switched, I knew what was around. But I watched you while you weretaking a view. But it’s funny no one was looking at you. Tootsie rolls solid gold, sun

glistening on your skin. I can’t wait oh I can’t wait for you to think I’m letting you in. Soyou want to play the game, and be put to shame. Well I’ll play game number two, Ineeded you before but I don’t need you now. But wait help me out for one minute. Whoare you?



- 39 -

Real Feelings 2002

I want to be with you, but I don’t know how, my heart bleeds your blood but my mindsays not now. How silly of me to sit and try to hear you when you’re not talking.Sometimes it’s even harder to pack my bags and keep on walking. I’ve given you

everything that you could want, but when you’re in my face you want to front. Close your ears and open your eyes. Through those you will find a big surprise, someone that wasthere for you and someone who cares someone you let cry while she was going up thestairs. I love you and that much is true, because I only want to be with you and stare atyour brown eyes even when your not here. Your beautiful to me so what should I have tofear? My love is as strong as it will come. But despite anything you did your still number one.



- 40 -

Speak to Me

Speak to me softly, speak to my mind. Make me remember your words for all times.Make me feel you when your not there. Speak to my heart while you are away; tell mesweet words day after day. Speak to me love say what it means to you to l-o-v-e me. Let

me know what it means to you, when you travel the mile of me. Speak to me love andshow me what you see. Speak to my soul, and tell me what you believe. You are thespoken word of love that I will receive someday in this lifetime. If only we can keepgrowing the seed.



- 41 -

Secret Connection

We have a secret connection that shows obvious affection when we make love. Your brown sugar slowly melts all over me, as you look into my eyes. I’m feeling hot andhazy; damn I want to have your baby. But for what your about to receive, I don’t think

your ready. When I touch your body you will shiver, because you are not fully aware of what I will deliver. This caramel will have you hot and sticky; I like to be on top so Ihope you’re not picky. As we kissed I think back on everything I missed, as you rub myskin and come in slow. I want to shout, but then again I have to keep it on the down low.You always knew I was the one, and the good thing is that our secret connection has just begun.



- 42 -

Untitled #33

I still love you but I need some healing. I remember back in the day when you use to giveme the feeling the feeling that you love me, and the feeling that you cared, and I stillremember all of the things that we shared. I will always love you.



- 43 -

Lifetime

A lifetime with you would be like a sweet candy that melts in your mouth, it will be like asunny day in the south. A lifetime with you would be like frozen ice cream with a warmspoon that makes a dip in it like the moon. A lifetime with you would put the stars out of

commission wait let me tell you what else I vision. A lifetime with you would taste like afruit, juicy inside but don’t eat the peel. Let me tell you what else I feel….



- 44 -

How Can You Call Yourself a Man?

How can you call yourself a man? When you don’t understand a woman you give her what she wants but it’s never what she needs. You can’t see past her smile because youwon’t go the extra mile. She deserves better but yet she settles for you. Why does she do

this? She is not your boo. How can you call yourself a man when communication meanssilence to you? What the hell is she supposed to do? When she has a lot to offer theworld, her long golden brown hair and caramel skin is so easy to get lost in. How can youcall yourself a man when you never know what to do? You try to figure out everythingthat she is going through but the bottom line is you. She is alone when she is with you.But you call yourself a man. She does everything in her power to make you understandwhat she does not. But the only thing you know is her hot spot. She knows that she is awoman; she also knows that you’re not a man. She is tired of trying to mold you; she hasdone all she can. So how can you call yourself a man? Why are you so confused aboutthe news that you saw on the front page of your women’s face? I’ll tell you why becauseyou are blind, and you just want a taste, a taste of her love, and her life, from her point of

view. How can you call yourself a man, when her last name is Campbell, because she’sso mmmmmmmmm good? You wouldn’t know how to roll if she didn’t come aroundyour hood; she is a woman, who is always there for you. How can you call yourself aman? When you know she’s about through.



- 45 -

My Thoughts 99

Life is too short, to let it just slip by, when you get your wake up call. Why do you slowlydie? God wants to save you, but you have to want that to. Stop lying and start trying

that’s what you have to do. Life is like sand that is slipping through your hands, if youdon’t get it together. There are always warning signs made just for you. But again onlyyou can choose what you do. Living today might be your last, so please don’t live in the past. Do what you need to do to get you by, and get you through. Because any life can betaken, and if you don’t watch out it could be yours.



- 46 -

My Thoughts 98

What should you do when your steps are met half way?Should you turn around and wait for a sunny day?

I have been guided in my life, in so many ways.But yet I’m still speechless.I am ready to forget everything and leave this cruel world behind.There is a problem in every direction.But yet not even one solution.Solutions are becoming too far in my confused state of mind.I notice things that other people don’t see is that why certain people do not understandme?When you have new flames, and they die.Do you wonder about it?Or do you just cry?

When you get a new present you say oh my.But your new present gets old and it’s time to say goodbye.



- 47 -

I Don’t Understand

I don’t understand why I can’t find a good man. I’m not that picky but they just want tostick me. I understand that everyone has their flaws, but why does it have to be so

obvious? That all they want to do is sleep with us. We are more than just carpet. I don’tunderstand why sometimes they just won’t park it. I’m tired of all of the games; I’m tiredof all the lies. I’m sick of all that oh you’re pretty and I like those thighs. I don’tunderstand what more I can do. You can be good to them, but that doesn’t mean they will be good to you. I’m not the villain I don’t know why they trippin, but they need to get itright. What am I supposed to do? Wake up alone in bed for the rest of my life? I needsome true love, but still I like those thugs. Maybe I’m going about it all the wrong way, but I still don’t understand why I can’t find a good man. But still no matter what the test,I will not dare settle for less. I respect myself to much to feel the touch of someone Idon’t know. Sometimes I want to though, sometimes I am so lonely I get desperate but Idon’t let it show. But I still don’t understand why I can’t find a good man. I guess there is

none left so I’ll quit while I still can.



- 48 -

Lonely Days

I have spent my lonely days without you. You used to hold me tight, but slowly you letgo. But you always claimed you loved me so, what scars could you put on me? That I

don’t already have. You left me all of a sudden, so you do the math. You will never understand how lonely days will simply make a man, and leave him to wonder aboutwhat would have happened if he would not have made any lonely days.



- 49 -

I Waited

I waited for you and on the way you came, back into my life and still full of shame. Thelife you lived was foul, and I don’t even know how the Lord let you get away. How dare

you not appreciate the love that was given to you? How dare you let fear run you away?Since you have chosen another path, you will never regain the half of everything you lost.You painted a pretty picture, but the paint that you used was not everlasting. Because itran right off the page, maybe you will be better off in another chapter of life.



- 50 -

When Will You

When will you need me? When will you care? When will you figure out that I wasalways there? When will you notice me? When will you give me a call? When will you

try to catch me when I fall? When will you love me? When will you touch me? Whenwill I see you again? When will you send me a message? You won’t do anything until theend.



- 51 -

What Should I Do?

How can I get away from this lonely feeling, when what I need is good conversation andsome sexual healing? How foolish can I be to think who I wanted actually wanted me. As

of now I don’t know where to turn, the object of the game is not to get burned. Should I just crack open the book and focus on what’s inside, or should I just sit back and let itride. But no matter what I’m still lonely, no matter what I think of to pass the time, itdoesn’t go by quick enough. What am I really living for, should I just call this life a bluff? Where are you? Where do I go? One thing is for sure, I never want to be labeled aho. I’m tired of waiting, I’m tired of trying, and I’m only 20 I need someone to confidein. Give me some choices or show me a sign. Because I am on the path of loneliness, andyes I am in the right line.



- 52 -

Do Not Disturb Me

Do not disturb me I’m tired of the games.Do not disturb me I’m tired of dealing with you lames.

Do not disturb me I don’t need your phone call.Do not disturb me I don’t need you at all.Do not disturb me because I don’t have time.Do not disturb me yes I am a dime.Do not disturb me I don’t owe you anything.Do not disturb me you can always keep the change.Do not disturb me I’m to busy to deal with all of this drama.Do not disturb me and make me feel pain.Do not disturb me because I already feel rain.



- 53 -

You Can Be

You can be so great, so wonderful with no one to love you.You can be so unique and sweet with no one to hug you.

You can be so beautiful and caring with no one to hold.You can be so outspoken and sensitive with no one to kiss.You can be so sexy and thoughtful with no one to stare at just because...You can be so smart and fun, with no one to talk to.You can be so lonely and spontaneous with someone there.

Written: Because I was stood up.



- 54 -

Chill Mode

Let the incense burnLet me kick up my feet

Let me forget about my troublesLet me only bite off what I can eatLet me liveLet me dieLet me look at you and ask whyLet me think Let me be madLet me wonder Let me be sadWait I’m not finished but the incense just burned out



- 55 -

What Really Happened?

You looked at meYou started to talk

I looked at youI turned awayI sat upI started thinkingI was lostI said noYou got upYou leftI lay downI started thinkingTears feel

My heart hurtMore tears fell thenI fell asleep

Quote: What is good sometimes is just part of the word.



- 56 -

Depressed

I thought I would never be in this kind of depression. But lately all I’ve been doing issecond guessing. I made it through all of those other times. What’s so different now? I

feel like I won’t float in water, and I can’t survive the rain. What am I supposed to dodepressed like this? Just remain the same. I don’t feel like my self anymore, when I see people I just want to close the door. I don’t feel like talking, I’m not me. But someoneelse I wish I could be. Then and only then might I not feel this way. But I hope thischange soon, because I have no more to say.

Quote: What’s another day, if you didn’t live the last one?



- 57 -

A Pause

You have just stopped my life with one small scene. You looked at me smiling, but insideyou looked mean. The question that you asked me totally ripped me apart form the inside

out. I can’t believe you let those words out of your mouth. I’m thinking I’m in love I’mthinking you care. Your just like the other ones, wait don’t touch me, don’t you dare!You wish you were a man, but you have a long way to go. What did you think I lookedlike yesterday a ho? I don’t really know why I’m writing this because I have nothing left.But if looks could kill, I would have killed you myself. Now my mind wonders andseems to skip the question that you asked. I won’t to say hold up one minute give mylove back. You don’t deserve me, and I know that. But I can’t stop thinking of you, andwhy opposites attract. How could you kill my spirit with just a couple of words? I’ll tellyou right now I wish I was a bird so I could fly far away from you. So you could findother things to get into. You hurt me so bad, but once again I’m through. But thesefeelings I have inside are no longer for you.



- 58 -

Short Thoughts

Just leave me aloneDon’t talk

Don’t look Don’t touchDon’t ask Don’t wonder

Just leave me aloneDon’t think Don’t stareDon’t careDon’t writeDon’t be curious

Just leave me aloneDon’t comeDon’t goDon’t open the door Don’t try to helpJust leave me alone



- 59 -

True Side of Loneliness

I like youTo dislike you

I spend time with youTo miss you later I love youTo hate youI need youTo not want youI want to get to know youSo you can be a stranger I want to share myself with youSo I can be stingyI want you to hold me

So I can feel aloneI want to see youSo you can be forgottenI want to leave youOnly to returnI want to tell you the truthBut it would be a lieI want to be a big part of your lifeEven though I will only be a small portionI want to live only to die inside you



- 61 -

The Night

We got together, we feel in love. We locked ourselves away. As you touched my skin,I closed my eyes and I slowly took in a breath, and the scent of you made me high. As

you gave me something I can feel something that was oh so real. You lit me up like a burner on a stove when it is turned on high. You were as hard as the concrete and as bright as the sun and as we proceeded I knew that you had won. You had finished therace and broke the line. It’s kind of funny how love is always on time.



- 62 -

Isolated

No light No dreams

No seams to hold it all in

IsolatedAlone in the stormFar from the normBut still in view

IsolatedBarely aliveSeverely deprivedRolling in and out with the tide

IsolatedBarely there Not fair Left without a care

IsolatedOver and doneBecause I am only one



- 63 -

Falling Apart

The rain is falling down on me I’m drowning fast but yet I’m still trying to survive whileI’m falling apart.

There goes my heartThere goes my mindThere goes my soulThere goes my willI’m falling apart No love No motivation No strength No dream No directionI’m falling apart

Can’t think Can’t moveCan’t liveCan’t go on because I have fell apart



- 64 -

I Will Never Forget You

I will never forget youThe way you smileThe way you laugh

How you used to hold meI will never forget youHow you were always thereHow you always caredI will never forget youWhat we didWhere we wentThe time we spentI will never forget youBecause the s** was all so goodI will never forget you

But I see you have forgotten me….



- 66 -

Dear Emotions

What are you feeling?And why do you shift day to day?What do you want now I ask?

But there is no reply.You want to be lonely and free.But yet you want to be caught up,in your very own existence.Will you stop shifting and remain balanced for a while?So I can take in my lifeas more than blur.Emotions the key to my world,the constant rhythm to a beat that never stays the same.The ups the downs, the peaks are flowing fast.

But I can’t catch up with them, because I will drown in the river first.And only my emotions will keep me floating.



- 67 -

The Lumberjack and the Trees

There are many lumberjacks.There are many trees.

In society women are beautiful trees.In society men are lumberjacks.Easy women are the thin trees.Women of substance are the thick trees.Women think men are simple.Men think women are complicated.Men chose women and then begin chopping at their trees.Men never just want to be friends with a woman.Two lumberjacks can try to cut down one tree at the same time.And they will compete until the end.Advice to women make sure your tree is strong and lumberjack resistant, if you don’t

want to be bothered.Men love thick trees but, thin trees are easier to cut down.Women are not passive.Women say men are useless without them.Men find out what a woman likes and that’s what they use.Women do the complicated thing by doing what we think a woman is supposed to do.(This is what we think he wants)In the end…Women don’t have to lose, but some of us do. Women are chosen by theLumberjack lured in and then before you know it, women would be better off on theforest alone with no rain or sunshine.In life a tree that is constantly chopped will fall.But all women are not in this case right?Remember when a tree is missing branches or leaves, (this stands for women who have been through a lot.)The tree is still standing so it can still be chopped.Sorry ladies some lumberjacks have a dull axe.But men remember we are complicated so the man will keep on chopping and end upmessing the tree up, (the women).By then the tree is in no shape for any other lumberjacks.But in any other case ladies if your tree is still strong and lumberjack resistant after all of these trials, then ladies you will be the one yelling T-I-M-B-E-R!



- 68 -

The Hidden One

The one who doesn’t have a name the one whose face has never been seen. The one, whoyou give all your love to, is the hidden one. The one you see secretly. The one you never forget. The one, who you spend all your time with, is the hidden one. The one who cares

for you, the one who is your friend, the one you look up to, is the hidden one. The onethat left you, the one who was tired of being hidden, is the found one.



- 69 -

Broke Jan 7, 2004

When you blew all the money you had because you thought it would never run out. Not

realizing you would later be a fool you stuck around and played it cool. You took a

vacation, bought some clothes, went to the club bought some drinks, but little did you

know your life is about to stink. You moved out your mother’s house for the second time,and decided that you were rich. So you went to Florida and got caught up, and almost

became someone’s b****. Now you have no apartment, hate your hometown so no

matter what you are not going back. You look at yourself in the hotel mirror and give

yourself a slap. What the hell was I thinking? Now what am I going to do? You don’t

have money for your car payment so now you are through. You stop by the ATM to see

what you have left it says $300.00. Now you really can’t help yourself. You get a room

for rent that is $250.00 but you realize the landlord acts shi***. So you move out after

pawning all of your stuff. And you eventually find a hostel, we’ll that doesn’t sound to

ruff. You move there for $260.00 a week, but the manager didn’t know your pockets

were weak. He eventually found out and still let you stay, so you start drinking for

Downtown Disney on Saturday. A couple days later you’re playing it cool. But you can’tcall your mama because you don’t have anything going for yourself but school. One night

you meet to people who seem to be nice, later you move to OHIO with them, and damn

there is nothing but ice. You try to find a job like you did in Florida, but you’re still

living like you have three daughters. We all move into a hotel, the new friends that you

made don’t get along all that well. Then one night the phone rings and the man on the

other line is saying get those ni**** out of there now. So we leave in 28 degrees and

sleep in the car for three days, with no food or water wow. We go to the welfare office

tell them our story and get food stamps. And yes you guessed it we slept in the car some

more. Then we found a shelter stayed for two months and it was all over. How we made

it I will never know. But I thank GOD that he rescued us from the snow, and as for the people we thought were friends you’re suffering will never end.



- 70 -

Proof that God Loves Me 11/23/2003

Problem- Lived in the projects for three years

Solution- Now we have a house

Problem-Being bullied in middle school

Solution- GOD stopped that completelyProblem-Being broken hearted after being cheated on

Solution-GOD let time heal my wounds

Problem-Moved to Atlanta with an abuser

Solution-GOD removed him from my life the same day

Problem-Date rape I left college in Atlanta

Solution-GOD healed my pain, and he let me find healing through my new talent as an

abstract artist

Problem-Motorcycle accident in South Carolina

Solution-GOD let me live

Problem-I was put out of my house, I did not communicate with my mom for one year. I

moved in with my grandma.Solution-GOD let me find friends and a place and also lead me back home to my mom

Problem-Moved to Savannah, Ga no job, no money

Solution-GOD let me get money and an apartment

Problem-Dated second abuser

Solution-God allowed me to move on

Problem-Had a hard time getting back in college for the second time

Solution-GOD allowed me to get in

Problem-Became homeless four times in Savannah, Ga

Solution-Stayed with family, stayed with abuser, stayed on the army base, stayed with

friends, GOD lead me homeProblem-Moved back home after all the issues in Savannah, Ga

Solution-GOD put me closer to my mom

Problem-Wanted to give up on life

Solution-GOD gave me determination

Problem-Prayed about change, but saw no change

Solution-GOD changed things eventually

Problem-Didn’t know what to do with my new found life

Solution-GOD let me wake up and I discovered all talents, and put them to use, and

realized I won’t give up and that I am somebody

Problem-Wanted to get in school for the third time

Solution-GOD put me in FMU online

End Result-Decided not to do anything else without being completely ready



- 71 -

Lucky Number 7

Seven centuries

Seven years

Seven months

Seven weeksSeven days

Seven hours

Seven minutes

Seven seconds until I see you

10/07/2005



- 72 -

The Week

Monday- Is a mellow day

Tuesday- Tell all day

Wednesday- Wonder when I will be rich day

Thursday- Thought dayFriday- Fast food day

Saturday- Suit up day

Sunday- Sunny day



- 73 -

While Waiting to See You

I dream of seeing your face every night.

I dream of you holding me tight.

I dream of you telling me your secrets.

I dream of your life merging into mine.I dream of peace and unity between us.

I dream of touching your skin.

But now my dream is over, because you’re finally here, I have been waiting to see you….

10/07/2005



- 75 -

The Thought of It

The thought of me passing you by and you catching my eye will be grand. The gift of

choice and freedom go hand in hand. Shall I surrender to you? Or shall I just move on? I

am so confused on what to do, because I am so stuck on you. What if I let you in and you

destroy my heart? But on the other hand what if I let you in and we never part? The perfect ways you have make me love you more, but I’m not sure about the future and

what it has in store. You don’t understand what the thought of you does to me. My senses

go wild, my heart beats fast, my mind wonders, but will it last? The visions of you

touching every inch of my skin and kissing me softly letting me take it all in are clouding

my thoughts of love. And with love there comes pain, pain to live life, and to start

something new. Did you really ever think it would be me and you? I will never let your

smile get in the way of my thoughts. Because what I possess can not be bought. But then

again it’s just a thought. You don’t see how wonderful you are, and what you hold inside.

But yet you are willing to be on this journey and still take a ride. You have to understand

that this will be a difficult road, but if you are willing to travel I will hold your hand. All I

need you to do is stay awake and understand.

Quote: Loneliness is a puddle of me, and I am drowning.



- 76 -

A New Time in Life

Ready for love, but not knowing the path, how does it all add up, how do I do the math?

The vision of isolation is so clear and easy to follow. But yet my spirit has become so

shallow. To be alone, to rest alone, to think of life without light, will be life without a

(you). But to put the past behind to let it rest, and forget what I have been through, will bevery difficult for me times two. Where will I go to hide from all things promising? Where

will I find peace and serenity? Is love the answer? Can love happen over and over again,

will I lose or never win? This journey has lasted for a life time in a frame, but out of

mind. As intangible as love may seem, my heart doesn’t understand what life really

means. Sweet chocolate satisfaction is what I wish for, but what about when life offers

much more? Along with new things come changes, changes that I might not be ready for

but yet I adore them at the same time. I care about love, but it is not my friend, because at

the end it is never there. And all that’s left is a puddle of me, exposed, confused, and once

again hungry for more heart, please talk to me, let me know why your refusing to let me

live, give me a sign show some compassion. Make me feel brand new. Let my world

have a broader view. I need a change, a new beginning, so that when love comes back around I will be winning. My broken pieces must first be mended, otherwise life has

ended. To move on, is to press forward, to live, to enjoy the gift of love. But loneliness

must not take over, and isolation has to isolate it’s self from the farthest depths of my

heart, in order for life and love to not be apart. Stay with me, focus on my heart and soul,

and focus on the being that lies in this hardened shell, so that changes can be clear. And

love will remain here. The feelings inside me are so real, so trusted so true, but first a

new time in life must follow through.

Quote: Love is just a wrapper waiting to be unwrapped!



- 77 -

Wishing I Was There With You

Wishing I was there with you so you could hold me and tell me everything will be alright.

Wishing I was there with you so you can tell me I’m your everything, and then I look

back and smile. Wishing I was there with you, so I can feel your sweet kisses on my face.

Wishing I was there with you so I can feel your warm touch on my soft skin. Wishing Iwas there with you. Let’s not let the distance take us to the end.

11/05/05



- 78 -

Untitled #100

What will become of us? Will we remain brand new? Will our thoughts become one?

What will our vision be? What lies ahead of us? Will the long road become a short one?

These are questions that I need to ask? In this thing we have going, we are feeling brand

new, but our feelings are still showing. The cover of your book is worth knowing. But it’sthe inside that keeps things flowing. I wait impatiently everyday to hear your smooth

voice on the line. And when I get the chance to meet you, I wonder what else I will find?

The beauty in the wisdom you possess lights the road to your heart. Your heart may have

been in pieces before but I will never reject you or close the door. I will always be here

for you, even if you just need a friend. Hold me close to your heart don’t let this end.

11/06/2005



- 79 -

Life….Again

Life is full of changes. But if you don’t like the way things are going you should leave

life behind. You should move and run away from life when it changes so suddenly. You

have to be ready because a time will come, when you need to go far away from obstacles

that bind you. Somehow you have to over look things that are going on in your life andvision yourself somewhere else. But remember life is full of changes and you should be

ready to accept the things you can’t change.

11/08/2005



- 80 -

For The One Who Had Me….

I need you, I want you. Why don’t you want me? I need you love to survive the things I

cannot see. Why do you constantly desert me? I was made from you, designed by you,

don’t leave me like this. Without you I am alone, but I am not as hurt as I used to be. I am

over the fact that you must not love me. How could I be rejected so early, so fast? Whatreally happened in the past? Will you ever hold me and say I’m sorry for isolating you

from my heart? Will you think of me while you’re out in the world? Or will be separated,

by life, by love, by circumstances? Don’t let life keep us apart, because I want you to

know you will always be in my heart. Even though I can’t believe you left me stranded. I

know that people deserve second chances. So empty my life has been without you in it, if

you won’t hear me out now, I will be sure to meet with you later in the great thing they

call the sky. Leaving me out in the cold all my life is not a good solution. But please

come back to me sometime soon, before your life makes it’s on conclusion.

11/07/2005



- 81 -

A Friend

A friend is someone you can trust. So why do they stab you in your back? A friend issomeone you can talk to. So why do they act like their not listening? A friend is someonewho will stay by your side. So why do they leave you? A friend is someone who believes

in you. So why do they put you down? A friend is someone who comforts you. So whydo they leave you on the ground? Maybe in this world we have now realized friends can’t be found.



- 82 -

A Matter of Understanding

There is nothing in the streets for me; I would rather be with you. I don’t care what jobyou get, or what city you’re in, as long as I am there to. Can’t you understand I just wantto be with you? I know now that you really care for me. It was you that helped me face

the world. It was you that took me under your wing, and flew me away. So you need tocome back soon. Please don’t make me wait.



- 83 -

All

All this hurt and pain I feel, is it true is it for real?My deepest thoughts can’t compare, to what you do when I’m not there. Vindictive Icould be, but I’m not you and you’re not me. All you do is show and tell, but I’d rather

tell and show. Because all of this mess that you have put me through. Right now I’mabout to go.



- 84 -

Are

Are the truths really false? Is the beginning really the end? Are my lonely days also mylonely nights? When you comfort me, why am I still cold? Are the feelings you have for me real? Or is it just a reflection of how I feel? Are you really mine? Or do you belong to

another? When you hurt me, I don’t heal; this is all the pain that I feel. Are you for real?Could this be true? Are you in love with me? Like I’m in love with you? Or are you justdoing what you want to do? Are you really truthful with me like I am being to you?



- 85 -

Being a Mother

Being a mother means:Working extra hard, cooking everyday, cleaning frequently.

Washing lots of clothes, spending money like water.Looking out for your kids being a role model all the time and last but not least being tiredfrequently.

If you can’t do one thing on this list please never consider having children.



- 86 -

Believe

Believe in God he’ll answer your prayers, he will care for you when no one else is there.All it takes is a little faith, and a little love. To get the gift, that God has waiting for youfrom up above. If you believe, he will always come through, let God show you what he

can do. The pain you suffered, you will suffer no more, you will find the light and he willopen the door. Come in my children, he will say, It is because you believed, that you areaccepted into heaven on this day.



- 87 -

Black Brotha

All my life I’ve wanted a smooth dark skin brotha, to come and sweep me off of my feet,with pearly white teeth, and smooth black hair. I’m down for anything anywhere, smoothchocolate tide taste so sweet. And pleasurable to the eyes, sweet surprise awakens me

with his crystal clear brown eyes. That candy yam smile can’t be beat. Only a smooth black brotha will knock me off my feet.



- 88 -

Black Butterfly

Wings of the night, the beauty of its black body getting ready for its flight. The wings are power, so it will get pass the daylight, and the harmful rays of the sun. At night it hides so

no one can see it. But yet if they did would they believe it? It is free from pain, and cannever be touched. That is why the” Black Butterfly” is respected so much its color andthe power of its wings. Makes it the strongest most powerful black butterfly anyone’sever seen.



- 89 -

Black History

Black history will go on for years and years.God knows we have cried each others tears.We need to stick together somehow in life,

We need to learn how to handle things, we don’t need to fight.

Black history month is a month to remember Because plenty of things went on between January and December.Black history is everyone’s history,It is something that everyone should share.

If there was no black history, we wouldn’t get anywhere.We have learned from our mistakes, and I hope others did to.I surely hope black historyHas the same influence on you.



- 90 -

Can I Survive

Can I survive knowing that someone has left me in the dark? All alone without anexplanation, without a claim, because you weren’t there at night, while I was hurting, andcalling your name. The spark of flame that was left in my heart has been blown out. By

the cruel words you have laid upon me. You think not of what you do, but only of what Isaid or confessed. The love I have for you is strong, and cannot be broken, by bits and pieces of un-living life.

June 25, 1999



- 91 -

Chances

You have to ask if you want to know, if you want to show, first you have to go,everything is done for a reason. Chances have to be taken no matter the season. It takesall the running you can do to keep in the same place. So if you want more out of life, run

in a bigger space. What you perceive, determines what you receive, which determineshow you achieve. So when you take chances always have something else up your sleeve.



- 92 -

Cookies ‘n’ Cream

I am your outer shell, for your inner love. Together our hearts beat as one, one is notgood, there has to be two. The bond that we have formed together is like glue. My heartis flaming all or you. You surround me like a big hug that I have always needed. The pain

that I will always hold on my heart will be forever hidden. But no matter what’s going onin my life, you will never be forbidden.



- 94 -

Dear Heart

I’m very sorry that I broke you; I took the wrong pathway again. But this time I wasworried about someone else’s heart, instead of yours. I know that you have been brokenmany times before. But I promise this time no more.



- 95 -

Dear Soul

I wonder when you will find yourself, and notice that you need love to. When will youcome, and recognize the shady things that people do? The loneliness that you feel is because you brought it on yourself. Because you didn’t think before you jumped in. And

you did not jump out quick enough to save yourself from devastation. Maybe next timesoul you will be wiser. So that next time your time comes along, you won’t jump in at all.



- 96 -

Dying Earth

The air is still, no life is living on earth. It is a noiseless place, with cold blood running allover. There is no wind to play with the trees. All that is left is the remains of what wasonce living. The smells of this place will make you sick, and you will eventually die like

all the others. The poisonous water is so dirty you can’t see through. There is no food,what will you do? The sky is colored gray, the grass is brown. The heated sun hascracked the ground; everything you see around you has broken down. The buildings arefalling apart, it never rains, so they plants won’t grow. This will be our dying earth, nowyou know.



- 97 -

Do You

Do you really want to be with me? Do you want to share my world? Do you really wantme to be your girl? Do you want to share my tears? Do you want to help me with myfears? Do you want to share my life? Do you want to find the key to my heart? If you

want to do these things we will never part?



- 98 -

Don’t Give Up

When you give up before you try, that’s the reason why you fail. You try and try again, but someone is always on your tail. How will you succeed, if you’re not sure you canfollow through? You want to give up, but you won’t back away. Because you know what

you have to do, and you have to do it today. All you have to do is pray the Lord will tellyou what to do, and what to say. Keep your mind open and try again, because you wouldonly be a fool to be a loser and win.



- 99 -

Down This Road

Down this road I will walk with you, while you hold my hand. Down this road I will tellyou my problems and you will understand. Down this road you will be with me, and Iwill be with you. Down this road we will realize there is nothing we would rather do.

Down this road you have been with me through thick and thin. Down this road there willnever be an end. Down this road I will give all my love to you, and down this road I willalways be true. I have been down this road many times but only to find out that you weremine!



- 100 -

Dreaming

As I lay asleep in my bed, I have a lot of thoughts in my head, thoughts of love, andthoughts of life. Thoughts that I might one day be a wife. I hope what I have beendreaming, will someday come true, and when you start dreaming I hope the same thing

happens to you.



- 101 -

Empty Reaches

Do you ever reach for someone and their not there? Then you begin to think that theydon’t care. When your down, their never around. And you find yourself still on theground. You reach over to someone, so they can hold your hand. But instead they look at

you confused, because they don’t understand your bad news. Empty reaches won’t helpat all, because no one will be there when you fall.



- 103 -

Far Away

Far away there is a man.Far away there is a heart.Far away there is love.

Far away there is life.Far away there is trust.Far away there is a place.Far away there is honesty.Far away there is respect.Far away there is pain.Far away there is me, and close to me is you.



- 104 -

Get Out of My Life

Leave me alone, get out of my life. I do not love you; I do not want to be your wife. Donot call me, or write me at all, if you keep on doing these things you’re going to fall .Fallout of sight, fall out of range. If I could buy you a death ticket I would, and tell them to

keep the change. Please leave me alone, get out of my life, your running down a tunnelwithout any light. You are blinded by your own sins, but love always wins. What youhave for me is not love, it is not something sent from above. Get out of my life, and itwill be much better. The storm you have caused, no longer has any effect on my sunnyweather.



- 105 -

He

He would never let a tear drop fall from your eye into the un-rich soul of another person’sheart. Only by his love are you bonded together. He is so busy running after your heartuntil he couldn’t find his own. The pathway that he made can’t be followed, but yet it is

blocked by un-rich love, where no seed can be planted and grown to attach to another,and still you feel alone and lost in love.



- 106 -

Heart of Stone

A heart of stone knows nothing and fears little. A heart of stone is not forgiving, a heartof stone, cares not about what others think. A heart of stone will never fall in love. Aheart of stone is not a healthy heart. And a heart of stone, pumps black blood from its

veins into its dying now infected body. This lonely heart does not know it is lonely bychoice. So therefore a lonely heart has no voice.



- 107 -

How

How could my lifeless life pass so quickly? How come the things I want I never get?Could I be demented or am I just confused? I wonder how I could demolish everything inmy path. Or should I just sit and watch them laugh? Events go by and events take place,

but they still have an everlasting meaning in a specific space a space in my mind that Iam trying to define. I’m lost to the point of no return, I can’t go back. How can I moveon? The shield I once had in front of me has been broken down. Now I am as free asdeath it’s self. But meaningless to say I don’t think I can get pass the pain that is on myheart. So I just sit and think, how...



- 108 -

I Can’t Believe

I can’t believe what I said I sometimes wish that I was dead. How could I be so cruel? Itlooks like I have broken the golden rule. I am about to melt in a puddle, because I can’t believe what I said. I think I should move away or just stay in bed. The tongue is a

wicked object that I have used. I hope no one else spreads the news. Why did I say it? Itwasn’t even right well I guess I have to go now and get out of sight.



- 109 -

I Pretend

I pretend not to know you, but I recognize your face. I pretend not to know your heart, but yet I hear it beating. I pretend not to notice your faults, but yet I start to dislike you.You pretend to love me, but yet I still enclose you in my heart. You pretend to change for

me, but under black lies there are white spaces. You pretend to be with me, and just leaveme alone. I should have known when you pretend nothing lasts long.

Jan 4, 2000



- 110 -

If You Believe

Anything is possible when you believe, your heart can be filled, and your mind at ease.Your soul can shed light on others, and you can get closer to your sisters and brothers.You need to pray if you believe, and if you don’t you will not receive.



- 111 -

It Was Me

Who blamed you for all of the lies? It was me who said you touched my thighs. It was methat had you put in jail. It was me that sent you to hell, it was me that took your love, andthrew it away. It was me that didn’t believe a word you said. It was me who wished that

you were dead. Forgive me; it was me who did all these things. It was me, only me nowwho feels ashamed.



- 114 -

I’ve Learned

I’ve learned that, a broken heart doesn’t heal without a bandage.

I’ve learned that, love takes time.

I’ve learned that, even when you’re with someone you can feel alone.

I’ve learned that, someday you wake up sleeping.

I’ve learned that, yesterdays problems are today’s solutions.

I’ve learned that, even in cloudy air you can breathe.

I’ve learned that, death is a part of living.

I’ve learned that, love hurts, as long as you allow it to.

I’ve learned that, even when you’re blind you can see.

I’ve learned that, you can’t make someone love you.

I’ve learned that, sometimes in life you learn the hard way.

I’ve learned that, in life God comes first.

I’ve learned that, writing is meaning.

I’ve learned that, fire lives within the heart.

I’ve learned that, the wrong places are right on time with the wrong answers.

I’ve learned that, your own steps can get ahead of you.

I’ve learned that, a man with no friends is not alone.

I’ve learned that, people who have a hard outer shell have feelings.

I’ve learned that, children need attention.

I’ve learned that, a mother’s prayer can save your life.

I’ve learned that, I still have a lot more to learn.



- 115 -

Life in a Closed Wrapper

My life has been a closed area, a form of life that is sealed and tucked away. No oneunderstands the level of ground that I stand on. But as their leaning over they want to takea quick look. Just to see if I’m on the ground, or to see if I’m floating. Behind the tears is

a confused soul, which has been misled. The fact is all of the downs out way the ups. Inthe game of chance I have always chosen the wrong card. In my life every little thing hasa big meaning. Everything matters when everything goes right, but when the time is upnothing matters. How do I live with such a closed mind? Why do I not care what othersthink? It is because I am not open for all to see. Deep-sea thinkers, and up in the clouddreamers are precious elements that help you understand life. If your feelings flow likewater, then you need to go at the red light, and use caution at the green one. Life hasdifferent paths, but remember there are always spaces between every line.



- 116 -

Life’s Story

I’ve thought long and hard about my life. And to tell you the truth, sometimes the road isharder than I think it’s going to be. I mean if you have been misused what should you do?Even when I find a new path to go down, it still seems to all be wrong in the end. It gets

so bad until it’s hard to accept things, when they do work out. And in this point in time, Idon’t believe in love, marriage, or sex. I mean really what’s the point in all of it? MaybeI’m too young to understand, but I hope I will understand one day. This is how I see it. If you have something you value and it doesn’t work out the first time, I guess you just let itgo and eventually get over it. But when it happens the second time you become the fool.Or do you? I think that mental abuse stays in the heart for a very long time. And that isthe negative outlook for the future. How many times can you allow yourself to start over?Why not start at all? For me the end has always been the beginning. To be happy is astruggle these days, because love is blind. Once you take a piece of someone’s heart, youhave damaged them for life. If you cross the wrong paths, pieces of the heart are veryvaluable, and meaningful. Sometimes love can over power you, it can make you do

things that you would have never thought about doing. Think with your heart, becausethat is healing, don’t think with love because that’s just a feeling.



- 117 -

Looking

I’ve been looking in all of the wrong places, for a cure without any bad traces. I havetried love, I have tried life, and I still have not found a solution. What could I possibly doto have a good conclusion? I’ve tried everything that I know how, I’ve tried to be a wife,

but that can’t save me now. I guess I will have to pray, but wait a minute, I’m alive but Ican’t move today.



- 118 -

Many Ways

Show me the many ways that you can love me.

Show me the many ways that you care.

Show me how you can treat me better than any other man.

Show me the way; show me that everything will be fine.

Show me everything that is on your mind.

Show me the way to your heart.

P.S. Please do it soon!



- 119 -

Mentally

Mentally my thoughts have been invaded. By wishes, and dreams, that may never cometrue. What I once thought to be true and real, I no longer feel. I feel unbalanced andwasted, and I can no longer be tasted. By anyone who has since enough to understand my

views. Should I give up my golden shoes? Or shall I lay low in the darkness, and watchthe world laugh at me? When I am unleashing what was once tied down.



- 121 -

My Broken Hands

My broken hands can’t serve a put together heart, because mine has not yet been mended.There is no space to put any love in between. My broken hands can’t hold the weight of the world, and it surely can’t bear the weight of you, and all of your lies in between. My

broken hands can’t heal you why? Because I have a broken heart.

Jan 1, 2000



- 124 -

My Past

My past is not of you, I thirst for more of what I can’t drink. I left what I hated, but onceloved. I should have known you could not make a long string short, without cutting it.Why do I still bleed blood from a dry vessel? My past will never be of you but many

different sources that you will never have come from. My future is of you, if we candrink out of the same cup. But yet thirst for more.

Jan 1, 2000



- 125 -

My Place

My place is warm and cozy with a nice fireplace, and an excellent view, soft blowing breeze, beautiful plants and trees. Clear blue sky don’t you wonder why? Because it’s my place, and imagination will take you high.



- 126 -

My Thoughts 1

What good is a message if it is not the whole truth, because the truth always remainsinside? This is where most things start and end. What are you to do? When the peoplearound you want to see you destroyed. You are talked about, and walked on by your own

people. They think that you are changing but yet, it is the world around you. This cyclewill not end unless you change. Let truth be in any message that you so speak, so therewould be no back path into your mind leading others in the wrong direction. There aremessages out there that will change your life, but will you be the one to write it? Will youallow yourself to speak of truth, into the ears of the listening? Or will you continue tospeak to the death? Because you think that they can’t hear you? You will always havetwisted thoughts, in your mature mind. And maybe even sometimes, your thoughts willover power the way you see other people. And yet they can careless what you think of them. But knowing the truth can set you free, in any given situation in life. Lies are justlike double-spaced lines, there is nothing in between. Don’t let your life become a emptyspace. Because there is no truth to fill it in, just hold on to your truths and never bend

them.



- 127 -

One of Life's Lessons

Rain is wet.The snow is cold, after you get soaked.You start to grow old.



- 129 -

Reflections

The reflection of you in my mind, changes suddenly all of the time. The vision of the blue sky behind you suddenly turns gray. I am speechless but yet I have words to say.Your touch is no longer tender; you began to slowly drift away. In these days things are

getting worse everyday. The reflection of your heart, no longer pour out my blood. Your love no longer moistens my lips. The sound of your voice is dying out, in my reflectionof you.



- 130 -

Seed

The seed that you have planted extends your love to my heart. It’s only to ensure that wewill never part. As the roots grow out, I begin to understand, how one seed could holdtogether a woman and a man. I hope we stay on top of the soil, and continue to grow as

one, because the seed that we have, will keep growing towards the sun.



- 131 -

Silent Whispers

You whisper your sweet voice in my ear.But I do not hear you.You talk about your love for me.

But I do not hear you.You talk about how you need me.But I do not hear you.You talk about all of your truths that I think are lies.But I have never really heard your story.Until you looked in my eyes.But I still do not hear you…



- 133 -

Sitting Here

Sitting here in this lonely place, it feels like I have no space. No space to breathe, nospace to move. But it seems like everyone else is in the groove. Sitting here wishing Ididn’t have to go any place I didn’t want to go. But Lord knows the things I go through,

sitting here just wasting time away. Waiting for another boring day, sitting here there isno happiness, and no joy. It’s just like having a broken toy. It is useless; it just sits thereuntil you do away with it. Sitting here I can’t stand to get up; I just want to sit here allday. If you listen to this poem; you will understand how I feel all day.



- 134 -

Slightly Confused

I wonder how he feels about me. Could it be one day or could it not be? Did your feelingschange for me after a while? Or did I just cramp your style? When you call me I’m notthere, could it be that I don’t care? Well all these feelings I have for you, I just wanted to

know if you love me to.



- 135 -

Sounds of the Heart

How softly does the silent wind blow? As you speak of love from your lips, to the depthsof my soul. I hear the beats of your dying heart. You want to speak louder but yet, you’renot sure of your ever changing feelings. You hold deep dark secrets in your heart that you

would not ever share. That is the sounds of your heart, but yet you do not care.



- 136 -

Special Call

The distance between us, separated us for a while. And that made me more willing to gothe mile. To be lonely, and to be blue, I would do anything just to receive that special callfrom you. Just to hear your voice would be a pleasure. It is because of God that we are

together. How desperately I look around, waiting to feel you near. But when I come back down to reality, I realize you aren’t here. I wish that I could trust you, but I don’t knowwhat to do. You’re so far away, I need love to. I promise that I would stay on top of things. And that I wouldn’t let myself fall. But all I’m hoping and praying for is that onespecial call.



- 137 -

Suddenly You Turn Around and…

And you have an incurable disease, there is nothing you can do yet your mind is at ease.Everyday you live like it is your very last. You do not know how it happened, but youthink it happened in the past. Suddenly you turn around and there is no hope, nothing to

hold on to. The next breath you take could be your last. How did all of this happen sofast? The life you took advantage of, you will soon regret. You start to think back on thedays when you used to have fun. Now it seems all o f a sudden you don’t have anyone.You feel neglected and really out of place. Things are getting so bad for you, you feellike you have lost the race. You try to move but you can’t all you can do is pray. Youwant to die, but something still allows you to stay. You are tired of the pain and thesorrow, so suddenly this happened. You wonder will there be a tomorrow. Through theyears you start to waste away and die. All of this happened, but you still wonder why.



- 138 -

The 4 Little Girls

4 little girls were taken out of this world because of the color of their skin; the bomb was planted in a church that the 4 little girls were in. The KKK did not care that they hadcommitted such a sin. Inside I knew that they knew it wasn’t right. Everyone was so heart

broken, nobody slept that night. All the mothers wanted to do is hold their innocentdaughters tight. It is a shame that racism had to lead to death. Jesus Christ didn’t make usall different for our health, and the memory of those 4 little girls, we will alwaysremember. Because no one in this world will ever forget what happened in September.



- 140 -

The Desert

Dry cruel place, no raindrops no tears. Everyone is silent with fears; there is no room for growth in the dry sand. The wind won’t obey any of your commands. The nightsare long, and they leave you impatient to wait for another day. How cruel is the desert,

what a time to waste, with no where to go. In a place full of sin, this is the world that welive in.



- 141 -

The End

The end is where I left you, silent without tears. The end is where you shall stay. Youhave stolen my heart, but like trash you threw it all away. What about everything weshared? And what about all of the sweet things we used to say. Why didn’t I figure you

out before? Why couldn’t I have found something better or something more? But as for you it’s the end, so don’t speak just go. Because it’s you that I once loved so, and nowit’s time for me to go.



- 142 -

The Last Time

I will breathe for the last time.I will cry for the last time.I will love for the last time.

I will be alone for the last time. Now I will see you for the last time.



- 143 -

The Lonely Heart

The lonely heart receives no love; it knows nothing about the heavens above. It will notopen up to anyone; it will die in its own darkness and pain. It will stay away from anyonewithout shame. The lonely heart doesn’t know night from day. That’s why love is never

sent its way; a lonely heart will never recover, unless it finds a truthful lover.



- 145 -

The Love of My Life

I wish the love of my life could be a person with a clear mind, a person with a nice look,a person that touches my soul every time they walk by. A person that knows what theywant to do in life, a understanding person who knows what I feel. And when I find that

special person, they will know how I feel. The love of my life will cause problems, andthere will be much less pain. The love of my life, will always know when you do evilthere is no gain. The love of my life will love me forever, so forever we will stay. Wewill be together and stay together no matter what people say. The love of my life willalways brighten up my day. The love of my life will protect me and not do me harm. Thelove of my life will always welcome me with his open arms. The love of my life will probably be so hard to find. I listen to others hopes and dreams and now I have foundmine.



- 146 -

The New Girl

There was a new girl in town. She had torn clothes, dingy socks, uneven hair, and cloudyeyes. She was very skinny and she didn’t talk much. She lived in a cheap looking trailer park. During the course of her life, her father badly abused her mother. And her father

had repeatedly raped her. She went outside one day to take out the trash. And three kids,all with neat clean cut clothes on. They started to pick on her, and call her names. Sheignored them for a while but after a couple of days, she decided that she could not takeanymore of anything. Her small heart had been as generous and as loving as it possiblycould. So she invited the three kids over, and offered them donuts, which she sprinkledrat poisoning on. After they ate, they left, and her mom and dad ate the rest. The next dayeveryone died, by this time the girl was very pleased with herself. Over the years in foster homes, she began to feel very sick. So her foster parents took her to the hospital, and theyfound out that she had A.I.D.S., of course from her father, and so she slowly wastedaway. But everyone in that town will always remember the new girl. And they also watchclosely who they talk about.



- 147 -

There

There was a snowstorm then, there was a hurricane then, there was a rainstorm then, therewas a windstorm then, and then there was a tornado. But only you swept me off my feet.



- 148 -

Through the Storms

Through the storms you have been my shelter from the rain.Through the storms you have felt my pain.Through the storms you held my hand, and guided me through the blurry chapters that

life has stored upon me.



- 150 -

Twisted Mind

The twisted mind full of confusion and illusions, the visions that you have are taking over your ways of thinking. The darkness surrounds you, your heart beats fast, and youwonder when the twisted thoughts will all past. You reach out and suddenly you

remember no one can help you, because no one cares. Your speechless, scared, and alone,these are the things that you don’t want to be. But you twisted mind has you blind andunable to see. How will you get out into the light? Or will you let your twisted mindcontinue to blind you with all of its might?



- 151 -

I

As I walk into the mist that keeps me lying low. I vision my feelings and they grow all soslow. Because I let the love that was so perfect go. All for something that was not right.How the hell will I be able to sleep tonight? The highs and lows shifts as the wind blows.

The hardest thing knows that I can’t return. Return to the love that I loved, but only for asmall amount. Now I have nothing, and for the most part I am not worth a dime. Becauseeverything ran dry before I knew it was time.



- 152 -

Untitled 2

Not one but two, two is more than one. Anymore than two equals less fun. Confused youmay be, but you think it’s only one me. Who should you turn to, to make sure everythingwill be fine. You can’t tell because even you find yourself hard to define. Does love mean

everything or is it just simple passion? Is it just a phase that you wish you did not gothrough? None of this matters, because if you’re reading this you obviously don’t knowwhat to do.



- 154 -

When I

When I was with you I was whole. When I was with you I never felt old. When I waswith you every touch you gave me, made me love you more. When I was with you, youwere always the key to my door. When I was with you, and it was your last breath, it was

mine to. When I was with you I felt secure and in place. When I was with you I alwayshad a smile on my face. And now I am not with you, so I have to leave this place.



- 155 -

When I Went Away From You

When I went away from you, I thought for thirty days, in many different ways. I felt thatyou loved me, but you didn’t care. I felt I could have trusted you but you were not there. Iwant to be with you, never leave me alone. When I went away from you I left my only

home.



- 156 -

When You

When you kissed me and told me good-bye, I would not lick my lips, even if they weredry. When you left me I tried not to cry. When you said I love you, those words playedover and over in my mind again. When you held my hand I never wanted to let yours go.

When you wanted to take our love further, I had to say no. But when you walked away, I just let you go.

November 1, 1999

Thoughts: My love leaves me once again, but only to return.



- 159 -

Winning

Winning is hard.Losing is harder,Giving up takes no effort at all.



- 160 -

You Never

When she smiled at you, you almost cried. You never did that over me and I almost died.Your day is perfect the moment she passes by. Your eyes connect with hers, when shespeaks. I wish it could be me, one day out of the week. You never pay attention, to

anything I have to say. But the less she speaks the more you want to pay her way. Thelove she gives you is not like mine, you never ever left her behind. My blue sky iscolored gray, with all of the things you say. She is like a pot of gold, what about thedreams that I hold? You would never think twice, about laying your life on the line for anyone but me. Is this how it’s supposed to be? She is a devil in disguise, but yet you’llnever get passed her big brown eyes.



- 162 -

You Took Me Away

You took me away from all that I know. You took me away and I had no where to go.You locked me away somewhere that I didn’t want to stay. I told you no but you kept on,I said stop, and you said go. You touched me in all the wrong ways, now because of you,

I will always have bad days. Didn’t you say you love me? Didn’t you say you cared?How could you do this to me? Do you know what you have put me through? I am unableto do the things everyone else does, because of you. I tried to get away. Was it really myfault yesterday? You overpowered me, you hurt me so bad. But don’t worry you secret issafe with me. If anyone found out what will they think of me? You took me away, because you had something in mind. But I think right now, I’m running out of time tofind myself, and to find you. I am helpless now; I am no one with something to prove, butyet I am still unable to make a move, because you took me away.



- 163 -

Dear Life

I really don’t understand what’s going on. Someone that I played kind of came back andhaunted me. Why is it that I can be with someone, but not really get over the other person? But I can’t stand them with anyone else. What am I to do? I want to cry after I

have not seen that person for a long time. Why is it taking so much time to get over this person? I moved on because I thought it would help me, but it made things worse. Iwould give anything to make things right, when you move on things are supposed to get better, and not worse. Will my heart be forever with this person? It seems like I can’tmove on, there is no substitution for what I had. What can I do now though? I am hurtingso much inside I wish someone would fell my pain, and maybe things would be different.I really don’t think that a relationship is right for me because I can’t seem to keep onalive. I try time after time to forget you, but I know that I just can’t right now, it seemslike I will not be happy with anyone else. My love is still as strong as it was on the firstday of new love. I do however love someone else but it’s not that type of love, it’s notdeep enough to penetrate the heart to make it stop beating. Maybe I will move on, but

that would be really hard. After all of this time can love connect after it is old, or after ithas been messed up? I never want to get married; women and men are all bullshit. It’smind over matter, and with me matter took control of my thinking. I am leaving thoughon Tuesday without even facing old flames a second time. Why can’t I just get what Iwant? It’s so sad that I have to live with these feelings. Is it my heart or is it my mind?When I see my so called love I want to burst out with the words “take me back”. But Iknow that even now that would not be the right thing to do. I’ll be back in a controllingworld, but the fact is I deserve everything that I have been getting. But I think it’s timefor things to start looking up. What do I need to do to forget this part of my life? Lord Iam so sorry for what I have done, but my heart is still aching for a certain type of love. Iwonder will I ever have that love again. Maybe, but these strong feelings need to releaseme once and for all. A part of me wants to forget and another part of me wants to alwayscherish and remember, only because now I can’t touch or can’t have what I want. I reallydon’t need what I want or do I? Only God knows what I need but maybe it’s not goodanyway. But a part of me doesn’t even care, I just want what I want and that’s it. But Idid think that I was in a healthy relationship, but maybe that wasn’t good enough for meeither. Well what is good for me then? I don’t want any relationships no time soonthough, I just want to be through for now, because either way I go my happiness will notfulfill me as a whole. So maybe I have changed, because I don’t even have friends, Idon’t need them anyway. I guess when it comes to friends and guy’s things just don’twant to work out for me. Maybe things will look up soon but until then I quit, because Ihave to cleanse myself first.



- 164 -

All I Want Is You

I don’t want a fancy house, and a big car, all I want is you. I don’t want all your money,Is that a problem for you? I don’t need fancy outfits, and a fancy hair do, all I want isyou. I don’t want any fancy pick-up lines, or any expensive blinds, all I want is you. I

don’t want expensive jewelry, or an expensive pet. All I want is you and I haven’t gotyou yet. All I want is you, your heart and soul, because me and you together are as rich asa pot of gold.



- 166 -

Am I Really strange

Am I really strange? I ask myself today, or am I just listening to what other people say?They say I never comb my hair, they say I don’t wear underwear. They say I have boogers hanging out of my nose, they say I have toe jam in between my toes. They say I

don’t brush my teeth. They say I am dirty. And that my lips are cracked and dry, they sayI have little red spots on my left thigh. Well for all you people, who said these things, please get out of my hair. Because now I know I have jealous people talking about meeverywhere.



- 167 -

Everyday of My Life

I have problems, everyday of my life.I get talked about everyday of my life.I get up early everyday of my life.

I deal with people everyday of my life.I learn nothing everyday of my life.So therefore I wish I could change everyday of my life.



- 168 -

Feeling Blue

I am able to breathe, but I’m still feeling blue. I can't forget the past; because I lost you.The sun no longer shines, the stars no longer glow. I’m feeling blue over you now wheredo I go? I'm tired of living this life, if I have to live it without you. That's why I’m feeling

blue over you.



- 170 -

Forget The Past

I know I have done plenty of things, to make this relationship last. But all I am asking of you is to please forget the past. You know I love you, you know I care. For you I woulddo anything and go anywhere. I know you are wondering how I could have done such

things to make this last .But all I am asking you now is please forget the past.



- 172 -

Just A Little More

I have been drinking for several years, now I just need a little more. I have been smokingfor several years, now I need a little bit more. I have done drugs for several years, and I just need a little bit more. I have tried everything and so much more, and my body still

hasn’t shut down. But now I just can’t figure out why I’m 6 feet underground.



- 173 -

Last Time for Love

The love of my life has left me, never to return again. The love that I once knew was mylover and my friend. I never knew that it was the last time for our love, or that it wouldever end. The life that we had together, made the pieces of the puzzle come together, that

my life had been missing. I would give anything to feel your gentle kiss across my lips,yet I can not reach you. I cry at night and call out your name. Do you hear me? Whowould have known, in just a few seconds that you would not be near me? You will liveforever in my heart, and not even death will do us apart.

April 26, 2001



- 174 -

Leave Me Alone

Please leave me alone, can’t you see I am having a bad day. Can’t you see that I don’thave a thing to say? When I’m not talking to you, don’t talk to me, I don’t want to be bothered today can’t you see. I want to be left alone, please don’t call me on the phone. I

don’t want to work, I don’t want to play. Please people leave me alone today, please stopasking me what’s wrong, and do I have a problem? I wouldn’t tell anyone anyway, because no one can solve them. Just get away, leave me alone, and let me hold my headdown. If you bother me one more time, you might find yourself on the ground.



- 175 -

Let Me Be

I don't have time for your lies, because it's causing me pain. If people would just let me be, I would not be insane. They talk about me in my face and behind my back. I am sick of people, why can't they let me be. I do not bother people. They bother me, leave me

alone let me go my separate way. Maybe if you do that we will have a better day. Let me be, my life would be much better, if you only knew why we aren't together.



- 177 -

Lonely

As I sit in my room all by my self. I wonder what it would be like to be someone else, togo shopping with a friend, to get out of the house. People think that I am as quiet as amouse. I think wonderful thoughts like they do to; In fact the road I live by is lonely to.

I’ve walked down that road plenty of times. I wish I could turn back the hands of time.To make my life worth living again, to call someone on the phone and say hi friend! I amso lonely I might go insane, so pray for me that I might find a friend, before my lifecomes to an end.



- 178 -

Me First

When I go to the store, I just cut people in line. Me first I say, so move to the back of theline. I’m first at the ATM machine, I’m first in the class, and I am first at the grocerystore. I’m the first one to get a raise; would someone tell me why I am the first one in a

grave?



- 180 -

On My Own

All my life I've been on my own, I never had a place to call home. No one wanted to takeme in, I try to forget that but it plays over and over in my mind again, on my own withouta friend, trying to start my life over, trying to begin. On my own it's needless to say, I will

never amount to anything anyway.



- 183 -

Secret Letter#20

Sometimes I sit and wonder. How did I ever end up this way? In my life when I want toquit, I keep on going. In my relationships when things were not right, I kept it alltogether. When they hit me and beat me, what did I do? I stayed and I supported them

emotionally. But what do I ever get in return. What money, a ride, computer usage. Doesthis all equal to reward for dealing with all to bullshit. I don’t think I will ever berewarded. Why? Because I am priceless, but it seems after all of this I am sort of losingmyself. After all why do women get involved with such abusive men? Whose fault is itreally? Well I’ll tell you whose fault it is. It is mostly ours, because we notice a sign of ananger problem. But since we are so loving and thoughtful we still stay. Stay, stay, stay arethe key words in this story because this is exactly what we do. We will never leave their sorry butts. Well once again I am in the same bad relationship, and things are not workingout. So this time instead of going around in circles again. Soon as the Lord gives me away out I am taking it head on. And the thing is sometimes I am selfish with certainthings. But I am a very giving person in general. But I get no credit, no love, just

heartache and pain. The good times don’t last long enough for me to enjoy them. I needsomething else though, something more than what I have now. Lord I know that you arenot supposed to hate anyone, but I hate men. I am finally through no more dating for me.All of then are the same. So no more sex until I’m married. What is it about their anger that draws them to me? And I have noticed that they care about your job or rather you’rein school or not. And that plays a big part in the whole thing. They use that against you tokeep you. And they are very judge mental also, verbally and physically abusive, as wellas mental abuse. Well bye for now, no more tears. Bite the bullet.

Written: By the one who is always ran over by others.

Nov 08, 2002



- 185 -

Suicide

I want to leave this world now, because I have no life. I am thinking about using a gun, or shall I use a knife? It doesn't matter what I say or do, I just hope suicide is not a optionfor you. You can say don't do it, or it's not right. But your not the one crying every night,

I will leave now and let this world be, because everything in this world will be better without me.



- 186 -

Sweet Prince

Sweet prince, please come to me with a rich heart. I hope you’re as sweet as you say, sowe will never part. Your eyes are blue like the lit sky. When people see you they have tostop and sigh. Sweet prince you’re as sweet as a jellybean, the sweetest thing I’ve ever

seen, skin of satin, golden brown hair. Sweet prince please come to me, I think it’s onlyfair.



- 188 -

The Road Ends Here

This is the end, I can't take anymore. You have robbed me of my riches and now I am poor. You say hurtful things, you bring me down. Ever since I met you I felt lower thanthe ground. You have so many negative thoughts going through your head. I am surprised

you’re still living and not dead. Everything I say seems to make you think, but I didn'tsay anything when I saw you crying over the sink. The road ends here if you don't get ittogether, because at the end of the road, there is no sunshine in stormy weather.



- 190 -

Why

Why do people run over me, what have I done? I have not yet fought a battle, but yet Ifeel that it has all ready been won. I have feelings to, do people understand? Do theycare? All they care about is what they need, and what they think they deserve. I am tired

of the lies, and everything people say. What makes them think they are better than meanyway? People are selfish; they always want everything to go their way. They never stop and listen to what I have to say. People have their own opinions, and their ownmorals to. Let me do what I want, and I will leave you alone to. Let me be and think theway I want to think. Let me live my life, let me succeed you are holding me from my blessings, because of your greed. Understand me and my justifications for things. Whymust people put me down when they can do other things?



- 192 -

Where to Find Love

You don’t find love down the street, or in a car, or even hanging out at the bar. You don’tfind it in a store; gosh do I have to go on some more? Not in a tree, not in the sky anddefinitely no one who just passes by. You find love in someone’s heart, their soul and

their mind. If you follow what I just said, true love you will find.



Turning My Life Around

I am finally deciding to turn my life around. Oh! How good it would feel to get my feetoff the ground. Well to be frank, I’ll be the best dressed woman in town; I’ll walk aroundwith a golden crown. Real jewelry, name brand clothes, I just might get rid of all these

moles. I make $5.00 an hour, well oh! Gee. I guess turning my life around; will be thehardest thing for me.

Pieces of My Life

Documents

Transcript of Pieces of My Life