4 powerful things con men can teach you about persuasion

Eric Barker

Frank Abagnale impersonated Pan Am pilots and doctors, traveled the world, and scammed people for millions.

And he was 17 years old at the time.

I wasn't a Pan Am pilot or any other kind of pilot. I was an impostor, one of the most wanted criminals on four continents, and at the moment I was doing my thing, putting a super hype on some nice people. I was a millionaire twice over and half again before I was twenty-one. I stole every nickel of it and blew the bulk of the bundle on fine threads, gourmet foods, luxurious lodgings, fantastic foxes, fine wheels, and other sensual goodies. I partied in every capital in Europe, basked on all the famous beaches, and good-timed it in South America, the South Seas, the Orient and the more palatable portions of Africa. [Catch Me If You Can]

How can some people be so incredibly persuasive?

Looking at what's been written by and about con men, it's not because their marks are dumb.

It is not intelligence but integrity which determines whether or not a man is a good mark. [The Big Con: The Story of the Confidence Man]

In fact, sometimes smarter people are more gullible and dumber people are harder to cheat.

Stupid or "lop-eared" marks are often played; they are too dull to see their own advantage, and must be worked up to the point again and again before a ray of light filters through their thick heads. Sometimes they are difficult or impossible to beat. Always they merit the scorn and contempt of the con men. [The Big Con: The Story of the Confidence Man]

I've posted many times about the psychology and techniques of persuasion (even interviewing the influence master himself: Robert Cialdini.) So what can we learn about convincing people from those who do it most brazenly: con men?

I'm not teaching anyone to be evil. But we need to understand what works at the highest level: those who survive due to influence.

This is what Bob Cialdini did in his groundbreaking book about influence: he studied used car salesmen, multi-level marketers, and other less savory characters who needed the most effective methods. So what four ethical tips can we take away from a study of the scams and cons of grifters?

1) Forget silver tongued — have silver ears

You think of con men as smooth talkers but just as the psychological research recommends, they bond with others by listening.

Probably not one skill exists that can be as encompassing as listening. Listening is a major part of being a social engineer. [Social Engineering: The Art of Human Hacking]

Social Engineering: The Art of Human Hacking is a book about the methods computer hackers use. But these tricks don't involve tech. This is how hackers fool people into giving up their passwords.

What's the book say?

Pay attention, provide proof you're listening, don't interrupt, repeat what they said in your own words…

This is the same set of methods that FBI hostage negotiators use to build rapport. Former head of international hostage negotiation for the FBI, Chris Voss, recommends just that:

The idea is to really listen to what the other side is saying and feed it back to them.

What about with the old school con men? Same techniques.

I couldn't say what you must have to be a good roper, but I can tell you some of the traits you better not have. Never permit yourself to be bored. If you gander around you will always find some mark you can trim. But some heel-grifters think it is smartly sophisticated to appear languid or condescendingly wise. That is really stupid. Tie into any mark. He may have it in the jug… Never interrupt a fink while he is talking. Be a good listener and he will immediately conclude that you are a young man of some note. [The Big Con: The Story of the Confidence Man]

2) Confidence

They're called "confidence men" for a reason. They exude confidence, gain your confidence, and then exploit that trust. Now some of this is plain thrill-seeking fearlessness on their part. Afraid of asking your boss for a raise? Frank Abagnale took the helm of a 747 — and he didn't know how to fly a plane.

I promptly put the giant jet on automatic pilot and hoped to hell the gadget worked, because I couldn't fly a kite. [Catch Me If You Can]

I'm not suggesting you give that a shot. But we're often too cautious and not realistic about the downside of failure — usually all we face is embarrassment.

Research shows confidence — real or not — is extremely powerful.

Don't project confidence to lie and steal but think about what you do on job interviews and first dates.

We all need to overcome our irrational doubts and fears to be our best. "Fake it until you make it" is powerful.

Top con artists, whether they're pushing hot paper or hawking phony oil leases, are well dressed and exude an air of confidence and authority. They're usually as charming, courteous, and seemingly sincere as a politician seeking reelection, although they can, at times, effect the cool arrogance of a tycoon. [Catch Me If You Can]

(More about the psychological techniques used by Navy SEALS to develop fearlessness here. And here is how to be more confident.)

3) Social proof

The author of Social Engineering was busted with a full set of lockpicks, bump keys, and hacking tools. What got him out of it?

A simple business card.

It identified him as a security professional. And nobody knew he had printed it himself.

The only difference was that I had given him a business card. Granted, my business card is not the $9.99 special from an online card printer, but I was amazed that what seemed to have happened was that a business card added a sense of license to my claims. [Social Engineering: The Art of Human Hacking ]

How did Frank Abagnale fly around the world on Pan Am planes while only in his late teens? Simple. He got a uniform.

What if I were a pilot? Not an actual pilot, of course. I had no heart for the grueling years of study, training, flight schooling, work, and other mundane toils that fit a man for a jet liner's cockpit. But what if I had the uniform and the

trappings of an airline pilot? Why, I thought, I could walk into any hotel, bank, or business in the country and cash a check. Airline pilots are men to be admired and respected. Men to be trusted. Men of means. And you don't expect an airline pilot to be a local resident. Or a check swindler. [Catch Me If You Can]

Don't fake who you are. But there's a lesson here for all of us. Often we think about proving we're right by the facts but we really don't consider the actual shorthand most people use to determine "truth."

They don't get formal verification; they trust business cards and uniforms.

Don't neglect to do the simple things that project trustworthiness even if they are, in reality, less accurate.

Dress nicely, reference mutual friends and similarity, and convey social proof markers like affiliations with impressive institutions. Social proof is one of Cialdini's six fundamental principles of influence. Don't ignore it.

4) Do your research

My friend John Richardson, MIT lecturer on negotiation, notes:

Success in negotiation is strongly correlated with time spent preparing.

And even impulsive criminals like con men agree.

The third factor is research, the big difference between the hard-nosed criminal and the super con man. A hood planning a bank holdup might case the treasury for rudimentary facts, but in the end he depends on his gun. A con artist's only weapon is his brain. A con man who decides to hit the same bank with a fictitious check or a sophisticated check swindle researches every facet of the caper. In my heyday as a hawker of hot paper, I knew as much about checks as any teller employed in any bank in the world and more than the majority. I'm not even sure a great many bankers possessed the knowledge I had of checks. [Catch Me If You Can]

How did Frank Abagnale research his Pan Am pilot impersonation?

He called Pan Am pretending to be a student.

In the past I'd found my best sources of information on airlines were airlines themselves, so I started calling the various carriers and pumping their people for information… A lot of the things I felt I ought to know, however, were not in the books or magazines I read. So I got back on the pipe with Pan Am. "I'd like to speak to a pilot, please," I told the switchboard operator. "I'm a reporter for my high school newspaper, and I'd like to do a story on pilots' lives— you know,

where they fly, how they're trained, and that sort of stuff. Do you think a pilot would talk to me?" [Catch Me If You Can]

Across so many professions — legal or otherwise — we see the best work very very hard at what they do.

Hostage Negotiation Techniques That Will Get You What You Want

How does hostage negotiation get people to change their minds?

The Behavioral Change Stairway Model was developed by the FBI’s hostage negotiation unit, and it shows the 5 steps to getting someone else to see your point of view and change what they’re doing.

It’s not something that only works with barricaded criminals wielding assault rifles — it applies to most any form of disagreement.

There are five steps:

1. Active Listening : Listen to their side and make them aware you’re listening.

2. Empathy : You get an understanding of where they’re coming from and how they feel.

3. Rapport : Empathy is what you feel. Rapport is when they feel it back. They start to trust you.

4. Influence : Now that they trust you, you’ve earned the right to work on problem solving with them and recommend a course of action.

5. Behavioral Change : They act. (And maybe come out with their hands up.)

The problem is, you’re probably screwing it up.

 

What you’re doing wrong

In all likelihood you usually skip the first three steps. You start at 4 (Influence) and expect the other person to immediately go to 5 (Behavioral Change).

And that never works.

Saying “Here’s why I’m right and you’re wrong” might be effective if people were fundamentally rational.

But they’re not.

From my interview with former head of FBI international hostage negotiation, Chris Voss:

…business negotiations try to pretend that emotions don’t exist. What’s your best alternative to a negotiated agreement, or ‘BATNA’?  That’s to try to be completely unemotional and rational, which is a fiction about negotiation. Human beings are incapable of being rational, regardless… So instead of pretending emotions don’t exist in negotiations, hostage negotiators have actually designed an approach that takes emotions fully into account and uses them to influence situations, which is the reality of the way all negotiations go…

The most critical step in the Behavioral Change Staircase is actually the first part: Active listening.

The other steps all follow from it. But most people are terrible at listening.

Here’s Chris again:

If while you’re making your argument, the only time the other side is silent is because they’re thinking about their own argument, they’ve got a voice in their head that’s talking to them. They’re not listening to you. When they’re making their argument to you, you’re thinking about your argument, that’s the voice in your head that’s talking to you. So it’s very much like dealing with a schizophrenic.

If your first objective in the negotiation, instead of making your argument, is to hear the other side out, that’s the only way you can quiet the voice in the other guy’s mind. But most people don’t do that. They don’t walk into a negotiation wanting to hear what the other side has to say. They walk into a negotiation wanting to make an argument. They don’t pay attention to emotions and they don’t listen.

The basics of active listening are pretty straightforward:

1. Listen to what they say. Don’t interrupt, disagree or “evaluate.”2. Nod your head, and make brief acknowledging comments like “yes”

and “uh-huh.”3. Without being awkward, repeat back the gist of what they just said,

from their frame of reference.4. Inquire. Ask questions that show you’ve been paying attention and

that move the discussion forward.

So what six techniques do FBI hostage negotiation professionals use to take it to the next level?

 

1. Ask open-ended questions

You don’t want yes/no answers, you want them to open up.

Via Crisis Negotiations, Fourth Edition: Managing Critical Incidents and Hostage Situations in Law Enforcement and Corrections:

A good open-ended question would be “Sounds like a tough deal. Tell me how it all happened.” It is non-judgmental, shows interest, and is likely to lead to more information about the man’s situation. A poor response would be “Do you have a gun? What kind? How many bullets do you have?” because it forces the man into one-word answers, gives the impression that the negotiator is more interested in the gun than the man, and communicates a sense of urgency that will build rather than defuse tension.

 

2. Effective pauses

Pausing is powerful. Use it for emphasis, to encourage someone to keep talking or to defuse things when people get emotional.

Gary Noesner, author of Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator has said:

Eventually, even the most emotionally overwrought subjects will find it difficult to sustain a one-sided argument, and they again will return to meaningful dialogue with negotiators. Thus, by remaining silent at the right times, negotiators actually can move the overall negotiation process forward.

 

3. Minimal Encouragers

Brief statements to let the person know you’re listening and to keep them talking.

Gary Noesner:

Even relatively simple phrases, such as “yes,” “O.K.,” or “I see,” effectively convey that a negotiator is paying attention to the subject. These responses will encourage the subject to continue talking and gradually relinquish more control of the situation to the negotiator.

 

4. Mirroring

Repeating the last word or phrase the person said to show you’re listening and engaged. Yes, it’s that simple — just repeat the last word or two:

Gary Noesner:

For example, a subject may declare, “I’m sick and tired of being pushed around,” to which the negotiator can respond, “Feel pushed, huh?”

 

5. Paraphrasing

Repeating what the other person is saying back to them in your own words. This powerfully shows you really do understand and aren’t merely parroting.

From my interview with former head of FBI international hostage negotiation, Chris Voss:

The idea is to really listen to what the other side is saying and feed it back to them. It’s kind of a discovery process for both sides. First of all, you’re trying to discover what’s important to them, and secondly, you’re trying to help them hear what they’re saying to find out if what they are saying makes sense to them.

 

6. Emotional Labeling

Give their feelings a name. It shows you’re identifying with how they feel. Don’t comment on the validity of the feelings — they could be totally crazy — but show them you understand.

Via Crisis Negotiations, Fourth Edition: Managing Critical Incidents and Hostage Situations in Law Enforcement and Corrections:

A good use of emotional labeling would be “You sound pretty hurt about being left. It doesn’t seem fair.” because it recognizes the feelings without judging them. It is a good Additive Empathetic response because it identifies the hurt that underlies the anger the woman feels and adds the idea of justice to the actor’s message, an idea that can lead to other ways of getting justice.

A poor response would be “You don’t need to feel that way. If he was messing around on you, he was not worth the energy.” It is judgmental. It tells the subject how not to feel. It minimizes the subject’s feelings, which are a major part of who she is. It is Subtractive Empathy.

Top 10 FBI Behavioral Unit Techniques for Building Rapport with Anyone

Robin Dreeke is head of the FBI’s Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program.

In his book It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone he simply and clearly spells out methods for connecting with people.

Here’s a quick breakdown of the methods.

 

1)  Establish artificial time constraints

Nobody wants to feel trapped in an awkward conversation with a stranger.

Robin often begins a conversation with something along the lines of “I’m on my way out but before I left I wanted to ask you…”

Via It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone:

Have you ever been sitting in a bar, an airport, a library, or browsing in a bookstore when a stranger tried to start a conversation with you? Did you feel awkward or on your guard? The conversation itself is not necessarily what caused the discomfort. The discomfort was induced because you didn’t know when or if it would end. For this reason, the first step in the process of developing great rapport and having great conversations is letting the other person know that there is an end in sight, and it is really close.

 

2) Make Sure Your Body Language is In Sync

Make sure your words and body language are aligned and both are non-threatening.

A simple smile is the most powerful nonverbal technique, as Dale Carnegie let us know.

Via It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone:

When you walk into a room with a bunch of strangers, are you naturally drawn to those who look angry and upset or those with smiles and laughing? Smiling is the number one nonverbal technique you should utilize to look more accommodating. In Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” it is principle number two of six.

 

3) Speak Slowly

Quick speech can sound nervous and jumpy, not confident. Crazy people speak quickly; self-assured people speak slowly.

Via It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone:

When individuals speak slowly and clearly, they tend to sound more credible than those who speak quickly.

 

4) Ask For Help

When a request is small, we naturally feel a connection to those who ask us for help.

Via It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone:

Have you ever felt a pang of guilt for turning down someone seeking help? I have personally found that there is no greater theme and tool for eliciting individuals for action, information, and a great conversation than the use of sympathy or assistance. Think for a moment about the times in your life when you have either sought assistance or been asked to provide it. When the request is simple, of limited duration, and non-threatening, we are more inclined to accommodate the request. As human beings, we are biologically conditioned to accommodate requests for assistance.

 

5) Suspend Your Ego

Avoid correcting people or anything that could be interpreted as one-upmanship.

Just listen. You don’t need to tell your story; just encourage them to keep telling theirs.

Via It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone:

Suspending your ego is nothing more complex than putting other individuals’ wants, needs, and perceptions of reality ahead of your own. Most times, when two individuals engage in a conversation, each patiently waits for the other person to be done with whatever story he or she is telling. Then, the other person tells his or her own story, usually on a related topic and often times in an attempt to have a better and more interesting story. Individuals practicing good ego suspension would continue to encourage the other individual to talk about his or her story, neglecting their own need to share what they think is a

great story… Those individuals who allow others to continue talking without taking their own turn are generally regarded as the best conversationalists. These individuals are also sought after when friends or family need someone to listen without judgment. They are the best at building quick and lasting rapport.

 

6) Validate Others

The simplest way to do this is to listen.

Via It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone:

The simplest validation that can be given to another individual is simply listening. The action doesn’t require any proactive effort aside from the incessant need each of us has to tell our own story…

The difficulty most of us have is keeping from interjecting our own thoughts, ideas, and stories during the conversation. True validation coupled with ego suspension means that you have no story to offer, that you are there simply to hear theirs.

 

7) Ask: How? When? Why?

Ask open-ended questions.

Via It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone:

One of the key concepts that every great interviewer or conversationalist knows is to ask open ended questions. Open ended questions are ones that don’t require a simple yes or no answer. They are generally questions that require more words and thought. Once the individual being targeted in the conversation supplies more words and thought, a great conversationalist will utilize the content given and continue to ask open ended questions about the same content. The entire time, the individual being targeted is the one supplying the content of the conversation.

Dreeke also recommends using a number of standard FBI active listening techniques you can read about here.

 

8) Quid Pro Quo

Some people don’t speak much. Other times you listen too well and people feel self-conscious about talking so much.

In these two cases it’s good to give a piece of personal information for every one they reveal to get a flow going. 

Via It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone:

In my experiences, there are really only two types of situations where I have utilized quid pro quo. The first and more common of the instances is when you attempt to converse with someone who is either very introverted, guarded, or both. The second instance is when the person you are conversing with suddenly becomes very aware about how much they have been speaking, and they suddenly feel awkward. In both instances, giving a little information about you will help alleviate some of the issues.

 

9) Give A Gift

Reciprocation is deeply wired into human nature. When you offer people something, they will naturally feel the need to help you in return.

Doesn’t have to be a big box with a bow on it. Offering someone anything, tangible or not, counts.

Via It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone:

Most people would feel badly if they received a gift and forgot to say or send a thank you note to the giver.  When someone does you a favor you most likely want to reciprocate with gratitude. Great rapport builders and conversationalists use this desire proactively during every conversation. This technique, coupled with ego suspension, are the cornerstones for building great relationships. This is also the easiest technique to utilize, because gifts come in many forms, from non-material compliments, to tangible material gifts.

 

10) Managing Your Own Expectations

If you don’t manage your expectations properly it can lead to disappointment, resentment and anger.

Play it cool. Focus on the other person’s needs and don’t let your expectations rise.

Via It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone:

When we are able to shift or manage our expectations, we reduce potential disappointment. When we are disappointed, we sometimes get angry and may even hold grudges and get hurt feelings. These emotions are not conducive to healthy or long term relationships. These emotions are definitely not conducive to developing quick rapport. The best technique to avoid these emotions is to manage expectations.

A number of the ten methods are similar to those espoused by other FBI specialists I have interviewed, including former head of international hostage negotiation, Chris Voss, and FBI profiler Jim Clemente.

 

The Right Attitude

And what does Robin say is the best attitude to take when trying to build rapport? Make sure the other person walks away better for having met you.

Via It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone:

Before I use these techniques or send any class out to practice these techniques, I remind myself and them of one everlasting rule that will dramatically increase your probability of success; it is all about them. The only goal I have either for myself or the individuals I teach is that in every interaction the other person should walk away feeling much better for having met you. You should brighten their day and listen to them when no one else will. Build that connection where others wouldn’t and you will have mastered both conversations and quick rapport.

Top FBI hostage negotiator teaches you the 5 secrets to getting what you want: What can you learn about persuasion from hostage negotiation?

Chris Voss and I first met four years ago when he was teaching international business negotiations at Harvard University.

Chris was the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator for years and he currently teaches business negotiation in the MBA program at Georgetown University ‘s McDonough School of Business. He’s also CEO of the Black Swan Group.

The full interview was over 30 minutes long so for brevity’s sake I’m only going to post highlights here.

 ———————————————

What Hostage Negotiators Know That Most Negotiators Get Wrong

Eric:

In terms of basics, what do you think people can learn from hostage negotiating that they don’t learn in your typical negotiating class?

Chris:

…business negotiations try to pretend that emotions don’t exist. What’s your best alternative to a negotiated agreement, or ‘BATNA.’  That’s to try to be completely unemotional and rational, which is a fiction about negotiation. Human beings are incapable of being rational, regardless. There’s a lot of scientific evidence now that demonstrates that without emotions you actually can’t make a decision, because you make your decisions based on what you care about.

So hostage negotiators come at negotiation from a very different perspective. They believe that everything is about negotiation, and that you have to understand how to control and influence and impact negotiations from the very beginning. So instead of pretending emotions don’t exist in negotiations, hostage negotiators have actually designed an approach that takes emotions fully into account and uses them to influence situations, which is the reality of the way all negotiations go…

 

What’s The Biggest Myth People Believe About Negotiating?

Chris:

The great myth out there, and I know why Roger Fisher came up with the idea of BATNA, but the great myth out there is either that you have to have a BATNA, or that you even need to think about your BATNA. The real effect of that is that if you don’t have a BATNA that you like, or you don’t have a BATNA at all, then you’ve just taken yourself hostage and put yourself at the mercy of the person you’re dealing with.

I think that’s a great mistake that everybody makes. They’re worried about their BATNA, and they spend a lot of time calculating their BATNA, when they should be spending time figuring out how to influence the other side. And how to figure out how to listen to them effectively to find out what will influence them…

 

What’s The Best Technique for Influencing Someone?

Chris:

The idea is to really listen to what the other side is saying and feed it back to them. It’s kind of a discovery process for both sides. First of all, you’re trying to discover what’s important to them, and secondly, you’re trying to help them hear what they’re saying to find out if what they are saying makes sense to them.

Someone may have a stated goal in a negotiation, but what they’re trying to negotiate for isn’t going to get them that. You can say, “What are we trying to accomplish here?”  Then, “How is what you are asking for going to get you that?”  If you make them explain it to you, a lot of times both you and them are going to discover whether or not it makes any sense. So you can become a real sounding board in the negotiations to try and figure out whether the solutions match the problems.

 

Is Compromise A Good Thing Or The Very Worst Thing?

Chris:

…A lot of corporate positions are the result of compromise. You’ve got a representative of a corporation who’s representing a compromised point. Their goal may be a compromise that might not necessarily line up with what they are trying to accomplish. The real problem with compromise is everybody talks about compromise as a good thing, that in good relationships you’ve got to compromise. Compromise has come to be known as this great concept. In relationships and politics and everything. Compromise is a good thing.

It’s really one of the worst things in disguise. I was trying to describe this to a woman who is a neighbor of mine just a couple of weeks ago about how much I hate compromise. She said so what you’re telling me is like if a husband wants his wife to get breast implants, and she doesn’t want to, a compromise would be that she gets one… So you’re negotiating with a company, they have a compromised position, that’s what they want. So you’ve got to ask them open-ended questions to get them to see. You’ve got to use basic hostage negotiation skills to get them to hear it and sound it out, so that they begin to see that what they want might possibly be ridiculous…

 

The Two Biggest Mistakes You’re Making In Negotiations

Chris:

I would put it in a tie with, they neglect to pay attention to emotional factors, and they really neglect to listen. I compare a lot of negotiations to dealing with a schizophrenic, because a schizophrenic’s always got a voice in his head talking to him which makes it very hard for him to listen to you.

Now most people in business negotiations, they approach the negotiation, and they’ve got firmly in their mind all of the arguments that support their position. So when they’re not talking, they’re thinking about their arguments, and when they are talking, they’re making their arguments. They view negotiation as a battle of arguments.

If while you’re making your argument, the only time the other side is silent is because they’re thinking about their own argument, they’ve got a voice in their head that’s talking to them. They’re not listening to you. When they’re making their argument to you, you’re thinking about your argument, that’s the voice in your head that’s talking to you. So it’s very much like dealing with a schizophrenic.

If your first objective in the negotiation, instead of making your argument, is to hear the other side out, that’s the only way you can quiet the voice in the other guy’s mind. But most people don’t do that. They don’t walk into a negotiation wanting to hear what the other side has to say. They walk into a negotiation wanting to make an argument. They don’t pay attention to emotions and they don’t listen.

Should you “fake it until you make it”?

You like confidence. In fact, most of us have such a bias toward confidence we prefer it over actual expertise.

Speaking first, speaking confidently and speaking often make you sound like a leader and the people who do that usually end up as the leader — even if they don’t know what they’re talking about:

Via The Invisible Gorilla: How Our Intuitions Deceive Us:

As you’ve probably anticipated, in the actual experiment, the group leaders proved to be no more competent than anyone else. They became leaders by force of personality rather than strength of ability. Before starting the group task, the participants completed a short questionnaire designed to measure how “dominant” they tended to be. Those people with the most dominant personalities tended to become the leaders. How did the dominant individuals become the group leaders even though they were no better at math? Did they bully the others into obeying, shouting down meek but intelligent group members? Did they campaign for the role, persuading others that they were the best at math, or at least the best at organizing their group? Not at all. The answer is almost absurdly simple: They spoke first. For 94 percent of the problems, the group’s final answer was the first answer anyone suggested, and people with dominant personalities just tend to speak first and most forcefully.

It’s even more shallow than that: Doctors who wear the white coat are trusted more than doctors who don’t.

But what’s fascinating is an increasing amount of research is showing that acting a certain way can bring you closer to actually being what you aspire to. Faking it might help you make it.

How can faking it help you make it?

People prefer doctors who wear the white coat — but research also shows that wearing the white coat might make you a better doctor too.

Watching the Avengers might make you more heroic. And if you feel a connection to the Dark Knight, seeing Batman can make you physically stronger.

Sound crazy?

Recent research in the area of embodied cognition confirms you can improve how you think and behave by changing how you sit, stand and move.

Harvard professor Amy Cuddy explains her research on the subject in this TED talk:

To a degree, we may all be method actors — like it or not.

In fact, not faking it can be a problem. Not acting confident and friendly in social situations can create a downward spiral where you make others think you don’t like them. Can you operate in society without faking?

But do you want to be a faker?

There is a danger when faking. You can be caught. And if you’re not, successful faking can be a double-edged sword. Do you really wish to be who you are pretending to be?

As Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote in The Scarlet Letter:

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.

But, to counter, the main theme of Don Quixote was:

If you want to be a knight, act like a knight.

How can you reconcile this? Can you fake it and be honest? Yes.

Think about the best possible version of yourself and move toward that.

How to use con-artist tactics in marketing to persuade ethically September 22, 2014/3 Comments/in Blog /by Chris Kubbernus

Confidence artists, grifters, or con-men…

…as they’re commonly named, are masters of human psychology.

They understand what makes us tick, and more importantly – what makes a mark empty their wallets and bank accounts. Don’t be fooled, it isn’t just the feeble or foolish that can be defrauded of their possessions, many successful and smart people have succumb to well-planned cons – Madoff anyone? Marketing uses some of the same tactics that con-artists have been using for over a century.

But despite the images of sleazy ad-men that come to mind when we think about the topic of con-artistry and marketing, there are some valuable techniques that when done ethically can supercharge your marketing.

Let’s take a look at some of these tactics.

 

How a con works

A con, or confidence trick, exploits archetypal human traits such as dishonesty, greed, lust, jealousy, opportunism, vanity, and trust. Cons typically fall into two categories – short and long. For our purposes I’m going to be show you how to use the long con game as a basis for marketing.

In Confessions of a Confidence Man, Edward H. Smith lists the ‘six definite steps or stages of growth in every finely balanced and well-conceived confidence game’.

 

These steps are:1. Foundation Work – prep work, planning and strategy2. Approach – the first initial getting in touch with the target or mark, often done

carefully3. Build-up – inspiring and nurturing the interest of the target, showing him or her

the chance of profit, fame, or opportunity4. Pay-off or Convincer – the ante that the con-artist will put into the scam

themselves, or a testimonial from another to convince the target5. The Hurrah – the crisis or the climax, typically used to strike a sense of urgency

into the mark6. The In-and-In – the hand-over of money, could also involve the con-artist putting

in money as well, or something else to show faith

Does this look familiar?

Surprisingly it looks similar to a typical marketing/sales strategy and funnel:

 

 Now let’s take a look at this six steps and how to apply them to marketing.

 

Laying the foundation

To lay the foundation you need to first understand your target, or prospect. You need to understand who they are, what they are interested in, what the best way to approach them is, and what tactics will work best against them.

The same is true for marketing. Here is how you get to know your prospects better.

 1. Stalk your victim

Okay this sounds creepier than it actually is. A con-artist will research her target extensively. Find out who they are, where they hang out, what emotions drive them the most, what do they desire? You can do the same. Make a list of all the people that you would like to market and sell to. For example if you’re an agency selling marketing services, you could use LinkedIn, Twitter, and Google+ to find marketing directors or CMOs you would like to sell to. Following them on social media will give you a clear picture of what interests them.

What do they tweet about? What job do they have today? What would be their next career move? Who are they connected to? What do they find valuable?

 2. Plan the 5 other stages

Once you know your target, or target group, inside and out you can plan the rest of your stages. Keep in mind that if you need to scale your marketing – and I am assuming you do – you’ll need to build more general programs and tactics vs. just going after individual targets – unless of course you have a targeted selling approach.

A critical element of the success of your plan will be how well your marketing appeals to the archetypal human traits: dishonesty, greed, lust, jealousy, opportunism, vanity, and trust. If you’ve done a good job of understanding your target, then you should be able to pinpoint some of these traits in your target and tune your marketing accordingly.

 

Approach your target

In the Internet age, prospects will find you and your website through social, search, advertising and other channels. Many marketers often leave at least some of this to chance. A good example is SEO and SEM. We can do a lot of keyword research and geo-targeting, but at the end of the day we leave it up to chance that our prospect searches on the keyword or phrase.

However, if you’ve done a good job and you’re ranked #1 in Google, you will have already built up confidence when the target sees your listing and hopefully clicks. This confidence can mean a great deal to the rest of your funnel.

A con-artist will plan their approach meticulously. An introduction from a peer will build the confidence that’s needed for a successful grift. Perhaps a ‘by-chance’ meeting? Or a direct contact with the right demeanour. Whatever the method, here are some tips on how to approach your target wisely.

 1. Make it seem by chance

No one likes to be over-sold to, and cold calls suck. So plan your approach to seem serendipitous. Go to events where your targets hang out, don’t exhibit – trade-show booths don’t build confidence. Engage with people without your sales hat on. Talk to them, be subtle, and be interested in what they have to say. Engage with them on social media, but do so at a distance first – liking, favouriting – and then greater engagement like sharing and commenting.

 2. Have them do you a favour

Okay this sounds a bit weird but follow me for a bit. It’s called the Benjamin Franklin effect. Why? There is a legend that in order to win over a man who didn’t like him, Benjamin Franklin asked the man to lend him a rare book and when the book was delivered, Benjamin thanked him kindly. As a result, the men became good friends.

Scientists tested this effect and found that those who were asked by a researcher for a personal favour rated the researcher much more positively than other groups who weren’t asked for a favour.

I know it sounds counter-intuitive, especially because those of us in content marketing are actually doing the opposite. But if someone does a favour for you, they are likely to justify that you were worth doing the favour for, and decide that therefore they must like you.

 3. Say their name

Want to be liked and well received? A con-artist does, because it builds trust. A con-artist will use tactics like flattery and mirroring your behaviour in order to get you to like them and eventually hand-over your money. You can use some of the same tactics. For example, studies have shown that using someone’s name in conversation can have a profound effect.

Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, believed that using someone’s name was incredibly important. He said that a name is the core part of our identity, hearing it validates our existence.

You might have also seen this tactic used on landing pages on websites you’ve already visited – ‘Welcome back Chris’. Company names are a great way to use this tactic as well – ‘How does XYZ Company rank compared to your peers – find out’.

Hubspot does this on their landing pages and every time I see it, it makes me smile. These types of communication are great ways of influencing prospects and building trust.

 

The build-up

Con-artists aim to inspire. Inspiration and confidence go together. Someone who is inspired to do something is rarely skeptical or doubtful. Inspiration can also bring out two other important human traits for a con – lust and vanity. How so? Well, let’s say you’re attending a marketing conference. You go to some great case stories, and you hear from inspiring industry leaders. You leave the conference energized and full of…lust.

Yes, lust, that’s right. It may be disguised as ambition or professional drive. But you’re filled with lust to be one of those case stories, to stand on that stage – and that my friends is vanity.

What inspires your target? More money? Better business operations? Career advancement? Lower costs? Fame? Your marketing needs to inspire your prospects and

make them salivate over what your offer has in-store for them. You need to pique their interest and keep it piqued – and that’s what we call lead nurturing.

Here are some handy tips for inspiring your prospects:

1. Communicate both intrinsic and extrinsic value 

Whatever you’re selling has value to your prospects, but it isn’t just about the face value or the immediate benefits of your product that will seal the deal.

You need to understand the benefits that appeal to their primal brain. You can use headlines like ‘Save time, money and errors with our XYZ software’, which are extrinsic – especially if your communicating to CFO’s or other financially responsible people. And then use images that convey intrinsic value – like career advancement, sex, and power.

2. Show them the love

To quote Gary Vaynerchuk ‘Can a girl get a little romance?’

Everyone loves to be wooed. To have their feet swept from beneath them. So sweep the leg Daniel-son! Okay sorry, I had to throw in a Karate Kid reference some-where. You can woo your target by playing into their desires and aspirations. Do they desire to be recognized? Mention them in social media. Do they desire to be a first-mover? Offer them a sneak preview into new products. Do they like coffee, tea or coconut water? Send them some.

3. Feed them information

Content is king, but context is god. So make sure you’ve got a good understanding of the type of information and how it applies to your prospect before sending. Too many lead nurturing and marketing automation programs are one-size-fits-all and lack relevancy. And to make things more complex the marketing funnel isn’t linear, prospects drop-in and drop-out, move down and then back up in the funnel, so you really have to have a good sense of what makes sense. To find out, keep a close eye on their social media habits and website behavior, are they interested in a specific topic that you’re not communicating about? Are they visiting pages on your site that are typically for lower in the funnel? Maybe it’s time to adjust?

The pay-off

Here is where things get more risky. At this point, con-men have roped in a target, they’ve piqued their interest and it’s now about closing the deal. And closing is hard.

A con-artist will now illustrate the amount of returns the mark could expect – by fraudulently putting money in themselves, or showing someone else’s returns – a testimonial as it were. Both of these are pure theatre, there are no returns. The same tactic

they use – you can. However you have real returns and real testimonials – so use em. Don’t have any? Get some? That’s all.

If written testimonials or videos aren’t enough, arrange customer visits. Let your prospect speak freely and openly with another customer of yours, this builds trust like the Amish build barns.

 

The hurrah

Con games at this point need a tipping point, something to drive the decision, because at this point there is a risk of a cool-off period. This is where doubts start to settle in and the high a prospect was feeling from the previous stages is starting to wear off – and fast.

Con-artists will then try and push the target into making a decision through scare tactics for example like “the loop hole is closing”, or “my guy on the inside is pulling out”, or some other type of crisis that demands that the money is delivered asap. I’ve personally seen this tactic used in sales and marketing and it works!

Here’s how you can use it:

 1. Pricing changes

Product pricing changes, specifically upward, can induce buying decisions. To sweeten the pot you can also offer to lock prices, if your product is subscription based or has some sort of yearly or monthly service fee. Give them the ability to have your product at today’s price for next five years.

 2. Quarter-end or year-end sales offers

I know what you’re thinking – not this old trick! You may have been a victim of this yourself or your company does it. The truth is, it works. We all love a good deal and the deals (rightly or wrongly) become better at these points in the year.

You can take advantage of this. Don’t be afraid of offering sales promotions – but be careful of including them in any sort of marketing automation emails or doing it too soon in the funnel, I’ve seen this turn-off prospects – fast.

 3. Use it or lose it

Often, departments have a use-it or lose-it policy towards budget and that means that at the end of the fiscal-year they have money to burn. Use this knowledge to strike when the

time is right by being present and attentive when they come calling. Keep in mind though that you’ll need to be able to act fast, because usually services or products need to be purchased and “on-the-books”, before year-end.

 

The in-and-in

Congrats! You’ve con…erm…nurtured a prospect all the way to a sale. You’ve got their money and their confidence, now you just gotta keep it and grow it instead of heading for Mexico – which I gotta say sometimes seems like the case with some companies.

 

Putting it all together – ethically

Taking all the tactics above and getting them to work for you will be, I dare say it, hard work. But that’s what good engagement is. You need to research and know who you are targeting, you need to personalize communications towards them, you need to educate and inspire them, and you need to close the deal. Why? Because it creates great results. But you must not sacrifice ethics for this.

So make sure you’re golden. If it feels too “black-hat” (to use an SEO industry term) – it probably is.

 

Here are some quick steps:1. Approach them without your sales hat on2. Get to know them and their challenges3. Communicate intrinsic and extrinsic value4. Show them the love, inspire and educate them5. Show them others who have used your product or service6. Make them a deal, and close the deal7. Then show them some more love – don’t go to Mexico

 And I’ll leave you with one final thought: the best con is the one where the victim doesn’t feel they’ve been conned, the same can be said for marketing – it’s best when it doesn’t feel like marketing.

 

References

Carnegie, D. (2006). How to Win Friends and Influence People . Vermilion.

Confidence trick. (n.d.). Retrieved from Wikipedia.com: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confidence_trick

Frankel, T. (2012). The Ponzi Scheme Puzzle: A History and Analysis of Con Artists and Victims . Oxford University Press.

Martin, D. R. (2012). Science Of Persuasion. Retrieved from Youtube.com: youtube.com/watch?v=cFdCzN7RYbw

Mortenson And Rygh. (2011). Con Artists: How To Spot and Stop Them. Retrieved from Mortensonandrygh.com: mortensonandrygh.com/le-conartists

Myers, G. (2013). 10 Psychology Tricks You Can Use To Influence People. Retrieved from Listverse.com: listverse.com/2013/02/03/10-psychology-tricks-you-can-use-to-influence-people

Nahai, N. (2013). Webs of Influence: The Psychology of Online Persuasion . Pearson.

Smith, E. H. (1923). Confessions of a confidence man: A handbook for suckers . Scientific American Publishing Co.