Personal Memoir

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Need more imageryTelling vs. Showing:

Students tend to tell the reader that their “subject” is important or that there is a lesson learned, but they do not show the reader that.

Telling vs. ShowingExample # 1:

“Friendship is important. I realized that we must hold onto the memories that we have of each other because we never know when we will have to say good bye. This was a valuable lesson that I learned and one that I will never forget.”

Telling vs. ShowingExample # 2:

“I see my reflection on the car window with Claire’s face on the other side. Though the frigid air bit at my ears, I could still feel the warmth of her eyes. But as the minivan leaves the driveway, I know that I am not going to see Claire for a very long time. I look down at the raggedy doll she gave me, one black button left for an eye – the other, lost somewhere in the sandbox at the playground, hoping one day a new pair of strawberry blond girls will find it and begin the best years of their lives.”

Telling vs. ShowingWhich example told the reader about the subject of friendship? Which example showed the reader about the subject of friendship? Explain.

Other FeedbackAvoid “Jumping the Timeline” - Must focus on one moment in timeNeeded a Conflict and Crisis (Lesson Learned)Avoid Cliché’sNeeded to focus on community

Grammar Mini-LessonsSpell out numbers 1 – 20Object vs. Subject Form (Pronouns)Inconsistent Verb TensePUNCTUATION!!!

“Me” vs. “I”Me, Tom, and Daniel had to find a way to get there.

Tom, Daniel, and I had to find a way to get there

“Who” vs. “Whom”Can someone please tell me to ______ this sweater belongs?

whomI am very thankful for my mom, _____ is very generous.

who

Inconsistent Verb Tense“It was the best day ever. The park was practically empty, and there were no lines. We climb up the stairs to the first roller coaster.”

“We climbed up the stairs to the first roller coaster.”

PUNCTUATION!!!“This was only the beginning and there were too many things to see the exhibit only lasted one hour. Once we got there we started with the modern art.”

“This was only the beginning, and there were too many things to see. The exhibit only lasted one hour. Once we got there, we started with the modern art.”