Peer Pressure Fallout

Presenter:

Brian BurkhalterDirector of Care Ministries

Counseling PastorLake City Community Church

What we will cover:• Understanding peer pressure• Associated behaviors - emphasis on bullying• Human brain development• Understanding self esteem / confidence• Parental roles and responsibilities• The importance of relationships• Tools to add to your “tool box”• When to seek help

Drinking from a “fire

hose”• 60 minutes to teach• About three hours of material• 10-15 minutes at the end for QUESTIONS• Break Outs • Resources available to you

TeenagersHave you ever wondered what planet

they come from ?

Peer Pressure Definition“Social pressure by one’s peer group, to take a certain action, adopt a certain value, or otherwise conform”

- or -

“Social influence exerted on individual members, as each member attempts to conform to the expectations of the group”

Associative Behaviors• Taking risks• Bullying / cyber-bullying• Sexual activity• Specific dress (especially girls)

• Self injury• Substance abuse • Acting out / alone or in a group

The Human BrainGod’s Greatest Creation

There are more neurological connections and potential connections in one human

brain, than there are stars in the universe.

The human brain is in a constant state of:

• Development• Adopting

• Re-wiring• Repair

The Pre-Adolescent Brain

1. The world is black and white2. Has trouble with abstract or theory3. Believe they see life clearly4. Tremendous sense of “fairness”5. Quickly changing interests

The Adolescent BrainThe FRONTAL LOBE begins to grow again, causing:1. Abstract thinking2. Creates confusion in them3. Provides for poor short term memory4. Increased risk taking / poor judgment5. Begins to develop = who am I ?6. Messages delivered = “stick”

(especially from parents)

7. Increased reliance on peer acceptance

The Fully Developed Brain

• Current research suggests NOT UNTIL 28-30 years of age

• Unless substance abuse involved which limits things like EMOTIONAL GROWTH

• Full Integration of the characteristics of:1. Emotions / feelings2. Their past3. Logic

People HurtingPeople• One of the first recorded instances• Present all our lives (not just teenagers)

WHY ?1. To exert or gain power / influence / get their way2. To make them feel better about themselves3. The belief that it raises status or societal position4. Simply repeating learned behavior5. Conflict over possessions or people

Bullying“A behavior that hurts another either

physically or emotionally”

• Current “hot” topic• Multiple and diverse definitions• 4 categories :

Emotional Verbal

Physical Cyber

Cyber-Bullying• All forms of technology• Opportunity to be anonymous• Involves larger numbers of people• Increased sense of power and influence• Less effort / perceived less consequence

Many believe: As technology advances, we become less mature emotionally and relationally

Self Worth“Self judgment of a persons ability to face life’s challenges, to understand and solve problems,

their right to achieve happiness and gain respect”A SIGNIFICANT KEY TO:1. Behavior2. Ability to be resilient3. Ability to learn4. Ability to have healthy relationships5. Ability to survive and heal6. Ability to believe and dream

God’s Thought on Self Esteem

In HIS creation of us, God gave us a fundamental question that resonates

deep within us, and is directly connected to our self esteem…

MEN: Do I measure up ?WOMEN: Am I loveable ?

Parental Influence• Begins very early; lasts much of our

lifetimes• Our messages “stick” more intensely

during adolescence……good or bad

Suggestions1. Develop a sense of safety and trust for

communication2. Don’t tease or put them down constantly3. Teach / try not to be critical4. Tell them what they do “right” more than what

they do “wrong”5. Empathize 6. Don’t live vicariously through them7. Remember the LONG term goal = healthy adults8. Be the parent: Kids thrive on boundaries

More tools!1. Self assessment: What are we modeling ?2. Invest in learning:

a. How did God design boys vs. girls?b. How does the human brain work and develop?c. What are some of the “best practices” to produce healthy adults?

3. Fight against the cultural/societal messages like:a. It’s all about MEb. Just be “friends” with your kidc. Divorce is so common now, it really doesn’t affect kids

4. Be honest about how you were raised; seek to do better

5. What does God say about raising kids ?

The Victim of Bullying• Accept and empathize with their level of pain• Don’t minimize or understate the issue• Encourage the expressions of hurt through talking or

writing, or both• Affirm their worth• Expand their perspective• Empower them; help create a plan• LISTEN TO THEM• Affirm how loved they are• “Coming to the rescue” may not be the best option (boys)

Your Child, the Bully• BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF about your child• Seek input from others about your child• Recognize your “blind spots” or “guilt” influence• What is being modeled at home?• Attempt to discover the “why?”• Support the school or authorities if involved• Help create accountability and responsibility• Evaluate current boundaries / create new• Keep the issue current, stayed connected• And……DISCIPLINE

Your Child, Cyber-BullyIn addition to ‘bullying’ suggestions,

Consider a “NO ACCESS – NO USE” policy

It is NOT an invasion of privacy to know all passwords, pass codes, pin numbers, and other access information to

any piece of technology your child uses.

Consider granting yourself the permission, and “seeing for yourself” :a. What are they posting on FBb. What are they textingc. What are they emailingd. What are they tweetinge. What web sites are they visitingf. What about the use of site restrictive software

Other Behaviors• Sexual inappropriateness• Dress (especially girls)

• Self Injury• Substance Abuse• Acting out / alone or in a group

God’s DesignHE created us to be relational with HIM and

others using our hearts, not our brains. If we are relational, then we must have a sense of

priority in our lives, and periodically evaluate that list. Key relational self-assessment questions:1. Where does your child (ren) fit in your priority of life list?2. How much time do you devote to that/those relationship(s)?3. Are you parenting from a position of “guilt” (i.e.. divorce)?4. Are you trying to be their “friend” instead of their parent?5. How much do you listen?6. How many times do you model reaching out for help?

When to Seek Help• Getting past societal / cultural messages• Pay attention to your gut / intuition / Holy Spirit• What does God say about doing “life” together• Great opportunity to “model” for your kids

Recommended BooksThe Relationship Principles of Jesus Tom Holladay

Sticks and Stones Emily Bazelon