Peer Leadership

Effective Communication

Communication Importance Nonverbal Communication 10 Tips to Effective & Active Listening Skills Building Effective Interpersonal Communication Sills: Self-

Assessment Exercise DIRECTION DIRECTION Experiencing Communication Blocks: Game and Discussion Active Listening

Communication Importance

The importance of communication can be summed up in only a few words :

Happiness

Success Harmonious relationships with the people around you

Benefits of effective communication :

Rewarding and harmonious relationships with others

Easily build rapport with clients, customers, friends, new acquaintances

Getting what you want

More time for yourself and others Satisfaction and success in life

Failing to communicate effectively :

It is often our failure to communicate effectively that leads to :

Professional setbacks

Personal disappointment

Breakdown of important relationships

Wasting energy and time on frustration and dramas

Not reaching our full potential

Nonverbal Communication

The Power of Nonverbal communication and Body Language

“Sixty percent of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; thirty percent is

your tone. So that means that ninety percent of what you’re saying ain’t coming out of your mouth.” ~Hitch

Good communication is the foundation of successful relationships, both personally and

professionally. But we communicate with much more than words. In fact, research shows that

the majority of our communication is nonverbal. Nonverbal communication, or body language,

includes our facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, posture, and even the tone of our voice.

The ability to understand and use nonverbal communication is a powerful tool that will help

you connect with others, express what you really mean, navigate challenging situations, and build better relationships at home and work.

The power of nonverbal communication and body language

Nonverbal communication, or body language, is a vital form of communication. When we

interact with others, we continuously give and receive countless wordless signals. All of our

nonverbal behaviors—the gestures we make, the way we sit, how fast or how loud we talk, how close we stand, how much eye contact we make—send strong messages.

The way you listen, look, move, and react tell the other person whether or not you care and

how well you’re listening. The nonverbal signals you send either produce a sense of interest, trust, and desire for connection—or they generate disinterest, distrust, and confusion.

Nonverbal communication cues can play five roles:

Repetition: they can repeat the message the person is making verbally

Contradiction: they can contradict a message the individual is trying to convey

Substitution: they can substitute for a verbal message. For example, a person's eyes can

often convey a far more vivid message than words and often do

Complementing: they may add to or complement a verbal message. A boss who pats a

person on the back in addition to giving praise can increase the impact of the message

Accenting: they may accent or underline a verbal message. Pounding the table, for

example, can underline a message.

Nonverbal communication and body language in relationships

It takes more than words to create fulfilling, strong relationships. Nonverbal communication

has a huge impact on the quality of our relationships. Nonverbal communication skills improve relationships by helping you:

Accurately read other people, including the emotions they’re feeling and the unspoken

messages they’re sending.

Create trust and transparency in relationships by sending nonverbal signals that match up

with your words.

Respond with nonverbal cues that show others that you understand, notice, and care.

Unfortunately, many people send confusing or negative nonverbal signals without even knowing it. When this happens, both connection and trust are lost in our relationships.

Consider the case of Arlene:

Arlene is attractive and has no problem meeting eligible men — it’s keeping them that is the

problem! Arlene is funny and a good conversationalist, but even though she laughs and

smiles constantly, she radiates tension. Arlene’s shoulders and eyebrows are noticeably

raised, her voice is shrill and her body stiff to touch. Being around Arlene makes many

people feel uncomfortable. Arlene has a lot going for her that is undercut by the discomfort

she evokes in others.

Arlene is articulate, attractive, and well-intentioned, but she struggles to connect with

others because she isn’t aware of the nonverbal messages she’s communicating. But she

can break this pattern if she learns to pay attention to the wordless signals she sends and

receives:

Arlene notices that her date is tapping his fingers and that she has been swinging her leg

and foot. He looks bored, and she feels tense all over. Taking a long, deep breath and a

swallow of wine, she feels her shoulders drop and her jaw relax. Arlene leans across the

table and breaks into a warm smile. Her date smiles back, and their eyes meet and hold.

She has also used her new observational skills at work and is now much more comfortable interacting with others in that setting.

Types of nonverbal communication and body language

There are many different types of nonverbal communication. Together, the following nonverbal signals and cues communicate your interest and investment in others.

Facial expressions

The human face is extremely expressive, able to express countless emotions without saying

a word. And unlike some forms of nonverbal communication, facial expressions are

universal. The facial expressions for happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust are the same across cultures.

Body movements and posture

Consider how your perceptions of people are affected by the way they sit, walk, stand up, or

hold their head. The way you move and carry yourself communicates a wealth of

information to the world. This type of nonverbal communication includes your posture, bearing, stance, and subtle movements.

Gestures

Gestures are woven into the fabric of our daily lives. We wave, point, beckon, and use our

hands when we’re arguing or speaking animatedly—expressing ourselves with gestures

often without thinking. However, the meaning of gestures can be very different across cultures and regions, so it’s important to be careful to avoid misinterpretation.

Eye contact

Since the visual sense is dominant for most people, eye contact is an especially important

type of nonverbal communication. The way you look at someone can communicate many

things, including interest, affection, hostility, or attraction. Eye contact is also important in maintaining the flow of conversation and for gauging the other person’s response.

Touch

We communicate a great deal through touch. Think about the messages given by the

following: a firm handshake, a timid tap on the shoulder, a warm bear hug, a reassuring pat on the back, a patronizing pat on the head, or a controlling grip on your arm.

Space

Have you ever felt uncomfortable during a conversation because the other person was

standing too close and invading your space? We all have a need for physical space, although

that need differs depending on the culture, the situation, and the closeness of the

relationship. You can use physical space to communicate many different nonverbal messages, including signals of intimacy, aggression, dominance, or affection.

Voice

We communicate with our voices, even when we are not using words. Nonverbal speech

sounds such as tone, pitch, volume, inflection, rhythm, and rate are important

communication elements. When we speak, other people “read” our voices in addition to

listening to our words. These nonverbal speech sounds provide subtle but powerful clues

into our true feelings and what we really mean. Think about how tone of voice, for example, can indicate sarcasm, anger, affection, or confidence.

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it

Intensity. A reflection of the amount of energy you project is considered your intensity.

Again, this has as much to do with what feels good to the other person as what you

personally prefer.

Timing and pace. Your ability to be a good listener and communicate interest and

involvement is impacted by timing and pace.

Sounds that convey understanding. Sounds such as “ahhh, ummm, ohhh,” uttered with

congruent eye and facial gestures, communicate understanding and emotional connection.

More than words, these sounds are the language of interest, understanding and

compassion.

Using body language and nonverbal communication successfully

Nonverbal communication is a rapidly flowing back-and-forth process. Successful nonverbal

communication depends on emotional self-awareness and an understanding of the cues

you’re sending, along with the ability to accurately pick up on the cues others are sending

you. This requires your full concentration and attention. If you are planning what you’re

going to say next, daydreaming, or thinking about something else, you are almost certain to

miss nonverbal cues and other subtleties in the conversation. You need to stay focused on the moment-to-moment experience in order to fully understand what’s going on.

Tips for successful nonverbal communication:

Take a time out if you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress. Stress compromises your

ability to communicate. When you’re stressed out, you’re more likely to misread other

people, send off confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy

knee-jerk patterns of behavior. Take a moment to calm down before you jump back into

the conversation. Once you’ve regained your emotional equilibrium, you’ll be better

equipped to deal with the situation in a positive way.

Pay attention to inconsistencies. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is

being said. If you get the feeling that someone isn’t being honest or that something is

“off,” you may be picking up on a mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues. Is the

person is saying one thing, and their body language something else? For example, are

they telling you “yes” while shaking their head no?

Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too much into a

single gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you are sending and

receiving, from eye contact to tone of voice and body language. Are your nonverbal cues

consistent—or inconsistent—with what you are trying to communicate?

http://helpguide.org/mental/eq6_nonverbal_communication.htm

10 Tips to Effective & Active Listening Skills

Listening makes our loved ones feel worthy, appreciated, interesting, and respected. Ordinary conversations emerge on a deeper level, as do our relationships. When we listen, we foster the skill in others by acting as a model for positive and effective communication.

In our love relationships, greater communication brings greater intimacy. Parents listening to their kids helps build their self-esteem. In the business world, listening saves time and money by preventing misunderstandings. And we always learn more when we listen than when we talk.

Listening skills fuel our social, emotional and professional success, and studies prove that listening is a skill we can learn.

The Technique. Active listening is really an extension of the Golden Rule. To know how to listen to someone else, think about how you would want to be listened to.

While the ideas are largely intuitive, it might take some practice to develop (or re-develop) the skills. Here’s what good listeners know — and you should, too:

1. Face the speaker. Sit up straight or lean forward slightly to show your attentiveness through body

language.

2. Maintain eye contact, to the degree that you all remain comfortable.

3. Minimize external distractions. Turn off the TV. Put down your book or magazine, and ask the

speaker and other listeners to do the same.

4. Respond appropriately to show that you understand. Murmur (“uh-huh” and “um-hmm”) and nod. Raise your eyebrows. Say words such as “Really,” “Interesting,” as well as more direct prompts: “What did you do then?” and “What did she say?”

5. Focus solely on what the speaker is saying. Try not to think about what you are going to say

next. The conversation will follow a logical flow after the speaker makes her point.

6. Minimize internal distractions. If your own thoughts keep horning in, simply let them go and continuously re-focus your attention on the speaker, much as you would during meditation.

7. Keep an open mind. Wait until the speaker is finished before deciding that you disagree. Try not to make assumptions about what the speaker is thinking.

8. Avoid letting the speaker know how you handled a similar situation. Unless they specifically ask for advice, assume they just need to talk it out.

9. Even if the speaker is launching a complaint against you, wait until they finish to defend yourself. The speaker will feel as though their point had been made. They won’t feel the need to repeat it, and you’ll know the whole argument before you respond. Research shows that, on average, we can hear four times faster than we can talk, so we have the ability to sort ideas as they come in…and be ready for more.

10. Engage yourself. Ask questions for clarification, but, once again, wait until the speaker has

finished. That way, you won’t interrupt their train of thought. After you ask questions, paraphrase their point to make sure you didn’t misunderstand. Start with: “So you’re saying…”

As you work on developing your listening skills, you may feel a bit panicky when there is a natural pause in the conversation. What should you say next? Learn to settle into the silence and use it to better understand all points of view.

http://powertochange.com/students/people/listen/

Building Effective Interpersonal Communication

Skills: Self-Assessment Exercise

In today's team-oriented workplace, the development of good interpersonal communication skills is an important key to success.

The following self-assessment exercise is designed to help you evaluate your own interpersonal communication skills and style, and provide you with helpful tips for becoming a good communicator - and team player!

Communication Skills Self-Assessment Exercise

In each of the following, read items A, B, and C, then mark the one that best describes your communication style. (24 total)

1. ___ A. When conversing with others, I usually do most of the talking. ___ B. When conversing with others, I usually let the other person do most of the talking. ___ C. When conversing with others, I try to equalize my participation in the conversation.

2. ___ A. When I first meet someone, I wait for the other person to make the introduction first. ___ B. When I first meet someone, I introduce myself with a smile and offer a handshake. ___ C. When I first meet someone, I hug the person.

3. ___ A. I usually "warm-up" new conversations with small talk. ___ B. I usually avoid small talk and jump into more important matters. ___ C. I usually avoid starting conversations.

4. ___ A. I make an effort to remember and use peoples' names. ___ B. I don't pay attention to names as I tend to forget them. ___ C. I only learn the names of important people.

5. ___ A. I frequently use courtesy words and phrases - "Please," "Thank you," "You're welcome," "I'm sorry." ___ B. I occasionally use these courtesy words and phrases. ___ C. I never use these courtesy words and phrases.

6. ___ A. I tend to be serious and don't smile often while conversing. ___ B. I smile all the time while conversing. ___ C. I smile at appropriate times while conversing.

7. ___ A. I make eye contact while conversing. ___ B. I sometimes make eye contact while conversing. ___ C. I never make eye contact while conversing.

8. ___ A. While conversing, I hold my head still at all times. ___ B. While conversing, I nod my head at appropriate times. ___ C. While conversing, I nod my head constantly.

9. ___ A. While conversing, I stand one-foot away from the person. ___ B. While conversing, I stand two- to three-feet away from the person. ___ C. While conversing, I stand five- to six-feet away from the person.

10. ___ A. I often stand while talking to a person who is sitting. ___ B. I often sit while talking to a person who is sitting. ___ C. I often lean down while talking to a person who is sitting.

11. ___ A. To end a conversation, I often just leave. ___ B. To end a conversation, I begin to look impatient hoping the person will get the hint. ___ C. To end a conversation, I wrap up with a closing statement.

12. ___ A. If a co-worker has put on weight, I say nothing about it. ___ B. If a co-worker has put on weight, I tell the person that he or she has changed in appearance. ___ C. If a co-worker has put on weight, I honestly tell the person that he or she looks fat.

13. ___ A. When I'm listening to the speaker, I often cross my arms over my chest. ___ B. When I'm listening to the speaker, I often lean back and turn my body away from the speaker. ___ C. When I'm listening to the speaker, I often lean slightly forward and face my body toward the speaker.

14. ___ A. When I cross my leg, I cross my leg facing the speaker. ___ B. When I cross my leg, I cross my leg away from the speaker. ___ C. When I cross my leg, I bob my foot.

15. ___ A. While listening, I tend to be distracted by things going on around me. ___ B. While listening, I listen for meaning and ask questions. ___ C. While listening, I watch the person speak, but I don't "hear" a word.

16. ___ A. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience, I don't comment about it. ___ B. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience, I try to change the subject. ___ C. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience, I try to relate to the person's feelings and show sensitivity to his or her misfortune.

17. ___ A. When I discuss a topic, I tend to talk about and focus on positive (good) aspects. ___ B. When I discuss a topic, I tend to talk about and focus on the negative (bad) aspects. ___ C. When I discuss a topic, I tend to complain.

18. ___ A. When I have a negative opinion or comment, I just say it. ___ B. When I have a negative opinion or comment, I lead in with a positive comment first. ___ C. When I have a negative opinion or comment, I say nothing.

19. ___ A. When I receive unfavorable feedback, I note where I need to improve. ___ B. When I receive unfavorable feedback, I get angry and defensive. ___ C. When I receive unfavorable feedback, I deny the problem, make excuses, or plead ignorance.

20. ___ A. When I give a person negative feedback, I focus on the person's observable work or behavior and offer suggestions. ___ B. When I give a person negative feedback, I focus on what I don't like about the person. ___ C. When I give a person negative feedback, I simply tell the person what to do right.

21. ___ A. When I give a person negative feedback, I do it around others so everyone can hear. ___ B. When I give a person negative feedback, I do it in front of the supervisor. ___ C. When I give a person negative feedback, I talk with the person alone in a private place.

22. ___ A. When I disagree with a person, I listen first, ask questions for clarification, then disagree non-judgmentally. ___ B. When I disagree with a person, I quickly point out the person is wrong and why. ___ C. When I disagree with a person, I say little or nothing.

23. ___ A. When I'm in a group, I tend to frown a lot. ___ B. When I'm in a group, I tend to smile and use humor at appropriate times. ___ C. When I'm in a group I tend to be serious

This last item has four choices (A, B, C or D). Which one best describes you?

24. ___ A. I'm a "hands-on" person. I tend to:

prefer hands-on experiences and activities;

focus on tasks to be done;

refrain from discussions;

think in a logical and organized way;

do things in an orderly way;

have difficulty adjusting to change.

___ B. I'm a "thinker." I tend to:

enjoy listening to a logical presentation of ideas;

enjoy analyzing problems and finding systematic ways to solve problems;

enjoy creating models based on theory and information;

like structure and organization;

act slowly in making decisions;

show more interest in ideas than people.

___ C. I'm an "explorer." I tend to:

try things by trial and error;

explore practical uses for ideas and theories;

make decisions that provide quick solutions;

decide quickly;

take risks;

enjoy change;

rely more on people for information.

___ D. I'm a "free thinker." I tend to:

base views and opinions on feelings;

enjoy tossing around ideas (brainstorming);

approach and view problems and experiences from different perspectives;

rely on intuition, not logic, for making decisions;

dislike structure.

Communication Skills Self-Assessment Exercise

ANSWER KEY

1. Best answer: c. Conversations should be a balanced two-way flow of dialogue.

2. Best answer: b. It's good to initiate the introduction and introduce yourself with a handshake and smile. If shaking hands is difficult, a quick head nod is a good substitute. Initiating the introduction with a smile and handshake (or head nod) helps build rapport.

3. Best answer: a. It's good to initiate conversations with small talk. Topics to warm-up the conversation might include a chat about the weather, news of interest, or impressions about the current activity (if you're at a meeting, staff party, or other gathering, for example).

4. Best answer: a. It's good to call people by name whenever possible. It makes a good, lasting impression, and it makes the other person feel important and special.

5. Best answer: a. Regular use of these courtesy words and phrases is important to show politeness and build rapport.

6. Best answer: c. Smiling when greeting people and at appropriate times greatly helps build rapport.

7. Best answer: a. Making eye contact is important for building rapport. It gives the impression you're interested and engaged in the conversation, and you have good self-confidence.

8. Best answer: b. Occasionally nodding your head to indicate you agree or understand helps build rapport. Again, it shows you are interested and engaged in the conversation.

9. Best answer: b. Your arm's length is the appropriate distance (between two- to three-feet). Standing closer than arm-length makes the other person feel uncomfortable (or feel threatened). Standing a further distance away breaks down rapport

10. Best answer: b. Communicating at eye level helps build rapport. So, if the person is sitting and a chair is available, take a seat! There's one exception - If you walk into your supervisor's office or co-worker's office, it's best to ask the supervisor or co-worker if you can sit down first. Even better - wait for an invitation to sit. The person may not have time to talk at that moment.

11. Best answer: c. It's best to bring the conversation to an end by making a polite closing comment or gesture.

12. Best answer: a. It's best to say nothing. Never say anything that might hurt or offend the person. It's called being tactful. It's always best to give compliments only, and only say things that will make the person feel good.

13. Best answer: c. Leaning slightly forward and facing the speaker shows you're interested, and it helps build rapport. Sitting with your arms crossed over your chest gives the message you are defensive. Leaning back with your body or turning your body away from the speaker gives the message that you are bored, disinterested, or feel in charge. Such body language breaks down rapport.

14. Best answer: a. Crossing your leg toward the speaker shows you're interested, and it builds rapport. Crossing your leg away from the speaker gives the message that you are defensive, disinterested, or feel in charge. In essence, you are putting up a subtle barrier. And if you bob or swing your foot, you're sending the message that you're anxious or nervous!

15. Best answer: b. If you're a good listener, you keep mentally busy searching for for meaning in the message, and you ask questions. This mental "search for meaning" helps keep you focused, attentive, and engaged. If you get easily distracted, try taking notes if the setting is appropriate. Note-taking helps draw and focus your attention as you must mentally "search for meaning" and listen for information in order to take notes.

16. Best answer: c. Showing empathy (sensitivity) to another person's feelings helps build rapport. It's called "reaching out to people."

17. Best answer: a. Focusing on the positive (good) aspects draws people's attention in a favorable way, and people enjoy the conversation more. People are generally more attracted to a person who has a "positive outlook on life." And when it comes to work evaluations, positive-minded people generally do better.

18. Best answer: b. It's best to say something positive first, then express a negative opinion or comment in a tactful way.

19. Best answer: a. When you receive feedback, it's important to know what you do well, but it's equally important to know where improvements can be made to increase your chances for success. Few people do everything well, and you've undoubtedly heard the saying - "No one is perfect." Simply make note of "weak" areas (we all have them!) and make changes needed. Receiving honest feedback is truly "a gift." It usually means someone cares and wishes to see you succeed.

20. Best answer: a. When you give negative feedback, you should focus on and communicate your observations of the person's work or behavior, not focus on nor judge the person. Focus on performance, not personality (or personal traits). After sharing your observation about the person's work or behavior, offer a suggestion in a tactful way.

21. Best answer: c. It's always best to meet the person privately and away from other people so others can't hear.

22. Best answer: a. It's fine to disagree, but it's important to disagree agreeably.

23. Best answer: b. At appropriate times, it's always good to smile. And when used at appropriate times and in appropriate ways, humor is beneficial for group dynamics. Humor helps "break the ice" when people first meet. Humor helps relieve stress and tension. A humorous observation and comment helps

lower the heat when a heated discussion gets too "hot." And most importantly, humor helps build team cohesiveness.

24. Best answer: The one that fits you! The four choices describe and identify four communication (and learning) styles, and no one style is better than the other. This part of the exercise merely serves to illustrate how people can (and do) think, act, learn, and communicate differently. Each person in a group may have a different style.

How well you are able to recognize, respect, and adjust to other people's way of communicating and "doing things" is a key to success when working with a supervisor, group of people, or class instructor.

For example, if you are a "free thinker" - you like to brainstorm ideas and do what "feels right" - you might find it frustrating working with (or learning from) a "thinker" - a person who focuses on and approaches tasks and ideas based on logic, reasoning, and organized structure. The "thinker" would be equally frustrated working with a person or group that loosely brainstorms ideas all afternoon.

How successfully "opposites" work together largely depends on how willing and well each person is able to adjust to the other's style. Flexibility and compromise are key.

DIRECTION DIRECTION

In our society there is a constant transfer of information from one person to another. You must be careful when you pass information on if you want it to stay accurate. One great example shows up in rules for a game. If you check with people in different parts of the country you will find out that many of the games have different rules. Someone or something changed the rules a little bit.

In this activity someone gets a set of rules and the group gets to see how easy it can be to make mistakes in passing them on. This can be a fun way to see what can happen when information is not passed on correctly.

Objective

For people to recognize the importance of using good communication skills when giving directions and when receiving directions. To recognize the difficulties encountered when interpreting what someone else said.

Description:

Choose a game that has a few specific rules that must be followed in order to play the game (and enough rules to make it hard to remember them all). Prior to the activity select one person and give him/her the direction for the game without telling the rest of the group. Verbally explain the game and clearly state all of the rules.

At the time of the game, the person who has heard the rules will give the directions to the rest of the group without any help from you. Allow the group to play the game once through before having a group discussion or making any corrections or clarifications in the rules of the game.

Discussion Topics:

-Was there any confusion about the rules of the game?

-Why do you thing the game was explained correctly (or incorrectly)?

-What is important to remember when listening to others and when giving directions?

Variations:

Select a game that requires two teams. Separate the two teams and select one member from each team to receive the directions for the game. Each person explains the rules to his/her team. Give each team a different set of directions, on purpose.

Experiencing Communication Blocks: Game and Discussion

Objectives: Group members will:

-demonstrate seven common communication blocks.

-describe how non-listening behaviors block communication

-identify good listening behaviors

Procedure:

Ask the students to count off by two’s. have the 1’s place their chairs (or desks) in a circle facing out, leaving as much space as possible between the chairs.

Ask the 2’s to meet with you briefly. Give each of the 2’s a copy of the “Experience sheet.” Tell them that you will be giving them directions during the activity. When you call out a number, they are to demonstrate the behavior that corresponds to that number on the sheet. For example, when you call out “#7,” they are to start giving lots of advice to their partner. Instruct them to keep the sheet in hand, but not to show it to their partner.

Have the 2’s take their chairs and sit down facing the 1’s, forming pairs. (If a student is left over, ask that student to be an observer during the first half of the activity).

Write the following topic on the board: “What I hope to get out of being in this group”

Instruct the 1’s to start talking to their partners about the topic. Tell the 2’s to demonstrate #1 on their sheet. Allow the students to interact for about 1 minute. Then have the 2’s get up, move to the right and sit down in front of a new partner.

Again, tell the 1’s to begin talking about the topic. Tell the 2’s to demonstrate #3 on their sheet. Allow another minute of interaction. Repeat the process twice more, with the 2’s demonstrating #5 and #7.

In the second half of the activity, ask the 2’s to give their experience sheets to the 1’s and move to the inside of the circle. Repeat the process three more times, with the 2’s discussing the topic while the 1’s rotate around the circle and demonstrate #2, #4, and #6 from the sheet.

NOTE: If you have an uneven number of students, choose a new observer during the second half, so that the first observer can participate in the remainder of the activity.

Discussion Questions:

1. What did the observers see that they would like to comment on? 2. How did you feel when you were trying to talk and your partner was fidgeting?

…interrupting? …looking around? …criticizing? …asking questions? …disagreeing? …giving advice?

3. How did you feel when you were demonstrating non-listening behaviors? 4. Which of there behaviors do you think are most common? 5. Why are they called “blocks to communication?” 6. How can you avoid using communication blocks? 7. What does a good listener do?

SEVEN BLOCKS TO COMMUNICATION

“Experience Sheet”

#1 Fidget. Play with your hair and clothes, twiddle your fingers, swing your legs, or tap your foot. #2 Don’t look at your partner. Look around the room, at the clock, at your hands, or anywhere else. Don’t have eye contact with your partner. #3 Interrupt. Every time you partner starts talking, break in with a question or a statement. #4 Ask questions. Lots of them. Every time your partner starts talking, ask a question, such as “why did you do that?” or “why do you feel that way?” #5 Criticize. Tell your partner all the things that are wrong with his or her ideas, clothes, hair, friends, etc. #6 Disagree. Every time your partner says something, disagree. Tell your partner that he or she is wrong. #7 Give Advice. Every time you partner starts talking, make a suggestion. Pretend to know a lot more than your partner does.

Active Listening

Group Practice and Discussion

Objectives: Group members will:

-Explain how active listening fits within the communication process.

-Practice formulating active listening responses in a group setting.

Procedure:

Ask for a volunteer to help you with a demonstration. Invite the student to sit

down opposite you, making certain that all other members of the group can see.

Ask the student to start talking about a current problem or issue that s/he

doesn’t mind discussing in front of the group. Demonstrate active listening. (Reflect content and feelings, show interest and empathy, etc.) Continue until you have been able to offer the student six or eight active listening responses,

or until the student stops talking (whichever comes first).

Ask the group: What was I doing?

Elicit the group’s observations, ascertaining that your listening behavior had specific characteristics. Ask the students if they can describe those

characteristics. Write notes on the board or chart paper, and begin building a model for active listening.

Model several more examples of active listening responses. When you are sure

that the students understand the process, engage them in practice.

Have the group move their chairs to form a semicircle or U-shape. Place a chair at the open end of the semicircle, facing in. Ask a volunteer to sit in the chair, face the person on the left end of the semicircle and begin talking about any

issue or concern that s/he is willing to share. Tell the speaker to pause after a couple of sentences to give the speaker and opportunity to respond.

Help the first listener formulate an active listening response. If the response is

accurate (which you will know by the speaker’s reaction), have the speaker turn to the second listener and continue talking about the same issue. When the second listening offers an accurate response, have the speaker turn to the

third listener and so on …around the semicircle. If the issue is resolved before getting to the end, simply stop.

Repeat this process using additional volunteer speakers. Debrief the speaker and listeners after each round facilitating the discussion.

Discussion Questions:

To the Speaker:

1. How did you feel when you received an accurate active listening response?

2. When a response didn’t quite capture what you were feeling or saying,

what did you do? 3. Did active listening help you sort out your thoughts and feelings about

this issue? How?

To the listeners:

1. What was easiest about active listening? What was hardest? 2. How did you feel when you were giving an active listening response? 3. What did you learn about your own listening behaviors from this

exercise.

Variation: Sit in the speaker’s chair yourself for the first round. This will give you greater control over the process flow, and the students will be able to

observe the way you turn from one listener to the next, depending on how satisfied you are with the active listening response. Remember to switch back and forth between the role of speaker and that of active listening coach.