Partners in Play: An Introduction to Adlerian Play Therapy · 3 Process of Adlerian Play Therapy I....

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1 Partners in Play: An Introduction to Adlerian Play Therapy Terry Kottman, Ph.D., NCC, RPT-S, LMHC Georgia State University Play Therapy Training Institute June 19, 2015 INDIVIDUAL PSYCHOLOGY: BASIC CONCEPTS 1. People are socially embedded, and they have a need to belong. 2. People are self-determining and creative. 3. All behavior is goal-directed. 4. Reality is perceived subjectively. 5. People are unique, integrated units and cannot be separated into distinct parts. Lifestyle: general orientation to life; person's characteristic way of operating in a social field; the world and the behavior based on those convictions. Lifestyle is comprised of a person's beliefs about self, others, and the world, and the behaviors based on those beliefs. Children form their lifestyles before 6 or 8; they observe interactions and reactions, make evaluations about self-worth and judgements about the best ways to belong and gain significance. They are excellent observers, but they may not always interpret accurately. Feelings of Inferiority: everybody's got them!! Social Interest: sense of connectedness to other people and to humankind; belongingness in the community of humans. Maladjustment: discouragement resulting from the inability to find a useful way of belonging, poor social interest, being overwhelmed by feelings of inferiority, and or mistaken beliefs about self, others, and the world.

Transcript of Partners in Play: An Introduction to Adlerian Play Therapy · 3 Process of Adlerian Play Therapy I....

Page 1: Partners in Play: An Introduction to Adlerian Play Therapy · 3 Process of Adlerian Play Therapy I. Building an egalitarian relationship A. Initial meeting with the parents B. Meeting

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Partners in Play: An Introduction to Adlerian

Play Therapy

Terry Kottman, Ph.D., NCC, RPT-S, LMHC

Georgia State University Play Therapy Training Institute

June 19, 2015

INDIVIDUAL PSYCHOLOGY: BASIC CONCEPTS

1. People are socially embedded, and they have a need to belong.

2. People are self-determining and creative.

3. All behavior is goal-directed.

4. Reality is perceived subjectively.

5. People are unique, integrated units and cannot

be separated into distinct parts.

Lifestyle: general orientation to life; person's characteristic way of operating in a social field;

the world and the behavior based on those convictions. Lifestyle is comprised of a person's beliefs

about self, others, and the world, and the behaviors based on those beliefs. Children form their

lifestyles before 6 or 8; they observe interactions and reactions, make evaluations about self-worth and

judgements about the best ways to belong and gain significance. They are excellent observers, but

they may not always interpret accurately.

Feelings of Inferiority: everybody's got them!!

Social Interest: sense of connectedness to other people and to humankind; belongingness in the

community of humans.

Maladjustment: discouragement resulting from the inability to find a useful way of belonging,

poor social interest, being overwhelmed by feelings of inferiority, and or mistaken beliefs about self,

others, and the world.

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Toys Needed for Adlerian Play Therapy

You will need to have certain kinds of toys for children to be able to fully express their ideas and

issues. The following are categories of toys that are important to have in your play room:

Scary toys: Children use these toys to deal with their fears, both reality-based and

fantasy-based. This category would include toys like snakes, roaches,

rats, plastic monsters, dragons, dinosaurs, wolf and bear puppets, etc.

Family/nurturing toys: Children use these toys to explore

family relationships, events that happen with parents and siblings, and

for nurturing issues. This category wold include toys like a doll house,

a doll family, people puppets, animal families, kitchen ware, baby

bottles, babies, etc.

Aggressive toys: Children use these toys to express feelings

of anger and fear, to learn to symbolically act out their aggression, to

protect themselves from threats, and explore issues of power and

control. This category would include toys like a punching bag, weapons (including both guns and

knives), handcuffs, a hammer and nails or other tools for pounding, toy soldiers, a pillow and bat,

etc.

Expressive toys: Children use these to explore relationships, express feelings, symbolically

work out problems and solutions, and express creativity. This category would include crayons,

scissors, markers, newsprint, glue, play dough, paints (finger and tempera), an easel, etc.

Pretend/fantasy toys: Children use these toys to explore different roles, express hidden

feelings, try out alternative behaviors, pretend to be someone else, act out situations that occur

outside the play room, and use fantasy to explore relationships and communicate important ideas

metaphorically. This category would include items such as masks, hats, jewelry, purses, disguises,

a telephone, a doctor kit, sand box, a white sheet, zoo and farm animals, and building materials, etc.

Books, Games, and Toy Catalogs The Self-Esteem Shop, 4607 North Woodward, Royal Oak, MI 48073 (800) 251-8336 www.selfesteemshop.com

Child Therapy Toys www.childtherapytoys.com

Chinaberry Book Services 800-776-2242 www.Chinaberry.com

Constructive Playthings (214) 418-1860 www.constplay.com/family/default.htm

Creative Therapy Store, WPS, 12031 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90025

Magic Cabin Dolls 1-888-623-6557 www.magiccabin.com

Rose Play Therapy Toys 800-713-2252 www.roseplaytherapy.net

U.S. Toy www.ustoy.com

Terry Kottman The Encouragement Zone 1117 Washington St. Cedar Falls, IA 50613

(319) 266-0887 [email protected] www.encouragementzone.com

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Process of Adlerian Play Therapy

I. Building an egalitarian relationship

A. Initial meeting with the parents

B. Meeting the child

C. "What did your parents tell you about coming here?"

D. Demystifying the counseling process for the child

E. Tracking behavior

F. Restating content

G. Reflecting feelings

H. Encouraging

I. Giving explanations and answering questions

J. Asking questions

K. Returning responsibility to the child

L. Using the child’s metaphor

M. Interacting actively with the child

N. Whisper technique

O. Metacommunicating

P. Cleaning the room together

Q. Setting limits (4 steps)

1. States limit in a non-judgmental manner

2. Reflects feelings and/or makes guess about purpose

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3. Helps child to generate alternatives

4. Helps child to generate logical consequences, comes to agreement with

child about those consequences, and follows through with consequences (This step

is only necessary if child continues unacceptable behavior.)

II. Exploration of child's lifestyle

A. Examining goals of misbehavior/purposes

B. Exploring Crucial Cs

C. Exploring personality priorities

D. Exploring life tasks

E. Exploring family atmosphere

F. Exploring family constellation

G. Exploring client’s assets

H. Soliciting early recollections

I. Formulating hypotheses about lifestyle convictions

1. "I am.../I must be.../I should be...”

2. "Others are.../others must be/others should..."

3. "The world is.../life is.../life must be..."

4. "Based on these convictions, I must/should ..."

J. Understanding the client’s private logic

K. Treatment planning

III. Helping client gain insight into lifestyle

A. Metacommunicating

1. Metacommunicating about a single event/behavior

2. Metacommunicating about the meaning of a specific event/behavior

3. Metacommunicating about a pattern within or across sessions

4. Metacommunicating about a lifestyle theme

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B. Using metaphors

1, Using the child’s metaphors

2. Generating therapeutic metaphors

3. Mutual storytelling

4. Creative characters

5. Shared stories

6. Bibliotherapy

C. Directed activities designed to help child gain insight

1. Art activities

2. Music activities

3. Movement and dance

4. Role playing

5. Adventure therapy techniques

6. Sand tray activities

D. Connecting play room behavior to real world

IV. Reorientation/reeducation

A. Helping child generate alternative behaviors for

outside the play room

B. Teaching new behaviors for outside the play room

C. Practicing new behaviors for outside the play room

D. Encouraging

“We’re all in this together!”

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V. Parent and Teacher Consultation (simultaneously working with children)

A. Build a relationship

1. Listen to their story, reflect feelings, paraphrase, summarize, ask clarifying

questions.

2. Talk about stakes in the ground.

B. Explore the lifestyle of the adults AND their perceptions of the child’s

lifestyle AND explore the interaction of the 2.

C. Help parents/teachers gain insight into their own lifestyle, the child’s lifestyle,

and the interaction between their lifestyle and the child’s lifestyle.

D. Reorientation/reeducation with parents and/or teachers.

1. Teach Adlerian concepts (goals of misbehavior; Crucial Cs; personality

priorities; reproving what we already believe about self, others, and

the world; needing to belong; needing boundaries and structure).

2. With parents, teach parenting skills (adjusting to different

personality priorities, fostering Crucial Cs, differential responses depending

on the goal of misbehavior, paying attention to goals of behavior, fostering

mastery of life tasks, helping children move to more positive manifestation

of personality priorities, encouragement, cgiving limited choices,

communication skills, natural and logical consequences, reflective listening,

problem ownership, st not doing things for children they can do for

themselves akes in the ground, creating boundaries and setting up structure,

being consistent, following through, encouragement, spending positive time

with children, setting up compliance, having fun, encouragement).

3. With parents, talk about issues that could be interfering with parenting

and family relationships (personality priorities, personal problems/family of

origin issues, marital problems).

4. 4. With teachers, make suggestions about refining classroom management

skills if needed (adjusting to different personality priorities, fostering

Crucial Cs, differential responses depending on the goal of misbehavior,

paying attention to goals of behavior, fostering mastery of life tasks,

helping children move to more positive manifestation of personality

priorities, encouragement, giving limited choices, not doing things for

children they can do for themselves, communication skills, natural and

logical consequences, reflective listening, problem ownership, stakes in

the ground, creating boundaries and setting up structure, being

consistent, following through, encouragement, spending positive time

with children, setting up compliance, having fun, encouragement).

5. With teachers (if appropriate), talk about issues that could be interfering

with relationships with child and other people in the school.

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Personality Priorities Personality priorities constitute the most important aspect in a person's striving for belonging.

Each of the 4 possible priorities (Comfort, Pleasing, Control, and Superiority) has positive factors

and negative factors. In order to recognize the person's personality priority, the counselor

examines his or her personal reaction to the client, the client's complaints, what the client is

striving to achieve in life, the client's assets, and the aspects of life the client wishes to avoid.

COMFORT

Striving to achieve: Comfort, pleasure, ease, being pampered

Wishes to avoid: Stress, expectations, work, responsibility

Reaction of others: Irritation, boredom, impatient with lack of productivity

Assets: Easy going, few demands, minds own business, peaceful, gets along

with other, predictable, mellow, empathic, understanding

Price paid: Underachievement, doesn't get things done, undervalued

************************************************************************

PLEASING

Striving to achieve: Please others; meet the needs of others

Wishes to avoid: Rejection; other people's anger or unhappiness

Reaction of others: Pleased at first, but later annoyed by demands for approval

Assets: Friendly, thoughtful, volunteers, follows rules, nice, reliable, helpful,

responsible

Price paid: Not getting own needs met, worry about others’

expectations

********************************************************

CONTROL (2 subtypes--(a) control of self and (b) control of everything)

Striving to achieve: Control self, others, situations

Wishes to avoid: Humiliation, surprises, being "out of control"

Reaction of others: Feel challenged, tense, angry, frustrated

Assets: Strong leader, organized, productive, assertive, persistent, responsible

Price paid: Lacks spontaneity & intimacy, may have diminished creativity and fun

**********************************************************************

SUPERIORITY (2 subtypes--(a) achievers and (b) out-doers

Striving to achieve: Being more competent, more right, more useful, more good, more

smart, better than others

Wishes to avoid: Meaningless, feelings of inferiority

Reaction of others: Feel inadequate, inferior, competitive

Assets: High levels of achievement and social interest, knowledgeable, idealistic, tries

hard, persistent, perfectionistic

Price paid: Feeling over-worked, over-involved, over-responsible, overwhelmed

Adapted from Dewey, E. (1978). Basic applications of Adlerian psychology for self-understanding and human relationships. Coral Springs, FL: CMTI Press.

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Parental Concerns

COMFORT (turtle)

* their kids are a lot of trouble or work

* they did not expect parenting to be this difficult

* the school is not doing enough for their child

* school personnel are too demanding

* they are feeling pressure from others about their parenting or their child

PLEASING (chameleon)

* they can never please their child

* their child is always angry with them

* their child hurts their feelings

* others are critical, telling them that they are spoiling their child

* their child does not listen to them

* school personal are difficult to please or disapproving of them

* they just want peace at home

CONTROL (eagle)

* their child is out-of-control

* their child doesn’t do what they tell him/her to do

* the school is just not strict enough

* school personnel are always telling them what to do

* they know exactly what to do, and it would work if everyone would cooperate with them

* they don’t want anyone telling them what to do

SUPERIORITY (lion)

* their child is not living up to their standards

* they are the expert on....... (you name it)

* they have worked really hard to be a good parent and...

* they have these qualifications.....

* compared to other children, their child is (better or worse) in these ways

* the school needs to do more for their child

* the school doesn’t recognize them for their efforts

From: Kottman, T., & Meany-Walen, K. (in press). Partners in play: An Adlerian approach to play therapy (3rd ed.).

Alexandria, VA: American Counseling Association.

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Customizing Consultation with Parents

COMFORT (turtle)

* make sure to keep things simple

* do not overwhelm them with assignments or recommendations

* give them a lot of positive attention for their ability to go-with-the-flow

* do not pressure them to make changes or move faster than they wish

* explain that your suggestions will make life easier for them

* try to incorporate family fun in suggestions/requests

PLEASING (chameleon)

* be very clear and concrete in your recommendations

* give them lots of encouragement for efforts, progress, etc.

* make sure they know they are pleasing you/always follow up

* acknowledge them for courage when they cannot please others

* recognize that doing things that might not please others is difficult

* explain that children do want limits and structure

CONTROL (eagle)

* be indirect with suggestions, ensuring that they do not feel like you are

trying to control them

* teach them to give kids limited choices

* resist following up on suggestions

* recognize that they feel anxious when they are not in control

* teach them that they do not win when they are in power struggles

SUPERIORITY (lion)

* acknowledge their expertise

* stress their parenting assets

* make suggestions in the context that “this will make you an even better parent

* avoid getting into struggles about who knows more

* give them lots of things to read and discuss

* acknowledge that they have followed through (let them brag)

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Teacher Concerns When the Personality Priority of the Teacher Is:

COMFORT (turtles)

* the kids in their class are a lot of trouble or work

* they did not expect teaching to be this difficult/stressful

* you are not doing enough for them

* the administration and/or parents are too demanding

* they are feeling pressure from others about their teaching

PLEASING (chameleons)

* they can never please the children/parents/administration/you

* others (co-workers, administration) are always angry with them

* others hurt their feelings

* others are critical, telling them that they are too disorganized, easy etc.

* nobody listens to them

* others are difficult to please or disapproving of them

* they just want peace

CONTROL (eagles)

* their classroom/the school is out-of-control

* the children in their class don’t do what they tell them to do

* the school is just not strict enough

* other school personnel are always telling them what to do

* they know exactly what to do, and it would work if everyone would

cooperate with them

* they don’t want anyone telling them what to do (including you...)

SUPERIORITY (lions)

* the children in their class are not living up to their standards

* they are the expert on....... (you name it)

* they have worked really hard to be a good teacher and...

* they have these qualifications.....

* compared to other classrooms, their classroom is (better or worse) in these ways

* the school (administration, you) doesn’t recognize them for their efforts

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Consulting with Teachers When the Personality Priority of the Teacher is:

COMFORT (turtles)

* make sure to keep things simple

* do not overwhelm them with assignments or recommendations

* give them a lot of positive attention for their ability to

go-with-the-flow

* do not pressure them to make changes or move faster than they wish

* explain that your suggestions will make life easier for them

* try to incorporate fun in suggestions/requests

PLEASING (chameleons)

* be very clear and concrete in your recommendations

* give them lots of encouragement for efforts, progress, etc.

* make sure they know they are pleasing you/always follow up

* acknowledge them for courage when they cannot please others

* recognize that doing things that might not please others is difficult

* explain that children do want limits and structure

CONTROL (eagles)

* be indirect with suggestions, ensuring that they do not feel like you are trying to control

them

* teach them to give kids limited choices

* resist following up on suggestions

* recognize that they feel anxious when they are not in control

* teach them that they do not win when they are in power struggles

SUPERIORITY (lions)

* acknowledge their expertise

* stress their parenting assets

* make suggestions in the context that “this will make you an even better parent

* avoid getting into struggles about who knows more

* give them lots of things to read and discuss

* acknowledge that they have followed through (let them brag)

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Goals of Misbehavior

Child’s Goal Child’s

Feeling

Child’s

Actions

Active

Child’s

Actions

Passive

Adult’s

Feelings

Child’s

Reactions

Attention I only count

when I am

being

noticed or

served.

bothers

others

shows off

minor

mischief

class clown needy

shy

uptight

“I can’t”

messy

anxious

lazy

vain

clingy

Annoyed

coaxes

reminds

involved

attentive

busy

Temporary

halt of

behavior when

given

attention, but

later resumes behavior

wants to #1

too helpful

asks questions Power I only count

when I am

dominating or

when you do

what I want.

You cannot

control me.

argues

contradicts

tantrums

dishonest

defiant

power

struggle

disrespectful

lazy

stubborn

disobedient

“forgets”

does little or

no work

passive

aggressive

Anger

challenged

preachy

threatened

provoked

Escalates

behavior when

punished;

works harder

to be the

boss, show you

cannot be the

boss

Revenge People hurt

me. I can’t

be liked. I

need to push

others away

to stay safe.

malicious

violent

bad loser

cruel

steals

wets bed

hurts others

bully

moody

pouty

threatens

withdraws

Hurt

wants to get

even; wants to

withdraw

Becomes even

more hurtful

and escalates

pushing others

away

Proving

Inadequacy

I can’t do

anything

right, so I

won’t try to

do anything at

all. I am not

capable, and I

don’t count.

suicide won’t try

gives up

wants to be

alone

dis-couraged

Helpless

does not know

what to do

and may give

up

Feels even

worse.

Stops even

small efforts.

Adapted from: Pepper, F.C. (198). Why children misbehave. Individual Psychology, 17, 19-37. Original concept from

Dreikurs, R., & Soltz, V. (1964). Children: The challenge. New York: Hawthorne/Dutton.

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Different Types of Power Children--Backgrounds and Play Therapy Approaches

Children with Too Little Power--Do not have age-appropriate control in their lives. May be

overprotected or have parents who have a need to control others. These children

do not get to make any decisions for themselves. They believe that the only way

they can have any sense of control in their own lives is to "steal" power from

others--by getting into power struggles.

In play therapy, the counselor starts the relationship by letting the child

control everything in the play room without having to have to "steal" the control.

The counselor "gives" the child power by letting the child make all the decisions,

returning the responsibility to the child, using the whisper technique to empower

the child, etc. As the child learns to trust the counselor and to feel comfortable

having control without having to "steal" it, the counselor begins to introduce the

idea that they can share power without the child being disenfranchised. In this

process, sometimes the counselor controls the direction of the session and

sometimes the child does. This gives the child the experience of sharing power with an adult in a safe

environment. In parent consultation, the counselor teaches parents to share power with the child by giving

limited choices and letting the child take some household responsibility.

Children with Too Much Power--May be pampered children or parentified children. In a pampering

family, parents let the child run the family. Many times, pampered children believe that they have the

"right" to control themselves and others. In a parentifying family, parents have abdicated power and

responsibility and given them to one or more of the children. Many times, children whose parents are

alcoholics, drug addicts, or mentally ill have too much power. These children believe that the only way for

them to be safe is to be in control of every situation. They do not trust adults to take care of them, so

they try to grab power from others in order to keep safe.

In play therapy, the counselor working with a child with too much power will establish the idea of

power-sharing from the very beginning of the relationship. These children need to know that they cannot

always control every situation and other people. They also need to know that this is not necessary for them

to be safe. In order to establish this idea, the counselor will ask the child to take turns making decisions

and deciding on the direction of the play sessions.

In parent consultation, the counselor will help to empower parents by teaching parenting skills and

working on parental or marital issues that interfere with the parent(s) assuming age-appropriate power and

control.

Children from Chaotic, Out-of-Control Families--Family is chaotic--no one is in charge. Children

grasp at power and control because life is always out-of-control. Grabbing power is the only way for them

to feel safe. In play therapy--the counselor will use a similar strategy to that with children with too little

power--try to empower them. The counselor may also need to teach survival skills appropriate to their

family situations.

Many times, these parents are unable or unwilling to participate in parent consultation and/or unable

to make necessary changes. However, it is important to try to teach them parenting skills and help them

deal with any personal or marital issues that are contributing to the chaotic family atmosphere. Kottman, T., & Meany-Walen, K. (in press). Partners in play: An Adlerian approach to play therapy

(3rd ed.). Alexandria, VA: American Counseling Association.

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THE CRUCIAL Cs

In order to survive and flourish, children must master each of the Crucial Cs:

COURAGE--Children need courage--the willingness to face life’s tasks and take risks even when they do

not know if they can succeed. Children with courage feel hopeful. They are willing to take

risks and believe they can handle challenging situations. They are resilient.

Children who do not have courage feel inferior to others and inadequate. They do not take

risks and tend to give up without trying. They frequently avoid challenges.

CONNECT--Children need to connect with others. Those who do connect with others, feel secure,

are able to cooperate, and can reach out and make friends. They believe that they belong.

Children who do not have the skills necessary to connect will feel isolated and insecure. They may

seek attention (usually in negative, self-destructive ways) in order to feel that they have a place in a

group or the family.

CAPABLE--Children need to feel that they are competent and capable of caring for themselves. Those

who do feel capable, have a sense of competence, self-control, and self-discipline. They are

self-reliant and assume responsibility for themselves and for their behavior. They believe they

can do whatever they set their minds to doing.

Children who do not feel capable, frequently feel inadequate and frequently try

to control others or let others know that they cannot be controlled. They

frequently become dependent on others or seek to overpower others.

COUNT--Children need to feel that they are significant--that they count. Those

who feel that they count believe that they make a difference in the world and

that they contribute in some way to others around them. They feel valuable and

valued, and they believe that they matter.

Children who do not feel as though they count feel insignificant. This belief is painful to them,

and they may react to their feelings of hurt by trying to hurt others. Many children who feel

that they don’t count develop poor self-esteem and may give up, try to intimidate others, or

overcompensate by acting superior. Other children feel that they only count “if”--their sense

of significance is conditional.

Ideas adapted from: Lew, A., & Bettner, B.L. (1998). Responsibility in the classroom: A teacher’s guide to understanding and motivating students AND A parent’s guide to motivating children.

Newton Center, MA: Connexions Press.

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Adlerian Play Therapy Life Style Conceptualization

Functioning at Life Tasks: (can use scaling to indicate how well client is functioning at

each life task)

School--

Friendship--

Love/Family--

Self--

Spirituality/existential--

Family Constellation/Psychological Birth Order Position and how the child’s perception

of this has affected his/her life style:

Family Atmosphere (including parent(s)’ life styles and parenting styles) and how the

child’s perception of this has affected his/her life style:

Early recollections (themes) and what they tell you about the child’s life style:

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Goal(s) of Misbehavior--manifested in what behavior/how parents deal with problems:

Assessment of Crucial Cs: (can use scaling to indicate functioning)

Connect--

Capable--

Count--

Courage--

Personality Priorities (of child and of parents--how do they interact with one

another?):

Assets:

Life Style Convictions: (* those that are mistaken beliefs/faulty convictions)

I am/I must be...

Others are/others must be....

The world is/life is ...

Based on these convictions/perceptions/beliefs/feelings, my behavior must be...

Private Logic (how did the client get from convictions to behavior?):

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Adlerian Play Therapy Treatment Plan--Child

Assets you want to encourage:

Functioning at life tasks that needs readjusting/balancing:

Crucial Cs/Goals of Misbehavior/Personality Priorities that need readjusting:

Mistaken beliefs/faulty convictions (self/others/the world/life) need readjusting:

Self-defeating/useless behavior you want to change: (put an * by those needed

immediately that you want to prioritize)

Skills the child needs to learn:

Prioritized goals for the child:

Strategies for achieving those goals:

Progress measured by:

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Adlerian Play Therapy Conceptualization/Treatment Plan—Parent(s)

Personality Priorities and Crucial Cs:

Strategies for consultation:

Assets you want to encourage:

Life style elements (e.g., mistaken beliefs, struggles with Crucial Cs and/or personality

priorities, beliefs/rules about parenting, etc.) that may interfere with parenting

success:

New information (i.e., regarding their child’s lifestyle, the interaction between their

own lifestyle and their child’s lifestyle, child development, challenges faced by their

child, etc.) that might help to “reset” the relationship:

Parental functioning at life tasks that needs readjusting/balancing:

Parenting skills needed:

Prioritized goals for working with the parent(s): Strategies to be used: Progress measured by:

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Adlerian Play Therapy Conceptualization/Treatment Plan--Teacher

Personality priorities and Crucial Cs:

Strategies for consultation:

Assets you want to encourage:

Elements of classroom atmosphere you would like to affect:

Lifestyle elements (e.g., mistaken beliefs, struggles with Crucial Cs

and/or personality priorities, beliefs/rules about children’s behavior or

teaching, etc.) that may interfere with teaching success:

Teaching and classroom management skills needed:

New information (i.e., regarding children’s lifestyles, the interaction between their own

lifestyle and a child’s lifestyle, child development, challenges faced by particular

populations of children, etc.) that might help to “reset” the relationship:

Prioritized goals for working with the teacher: Strategies to be used: Progress measured by:

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Metacommunication

In metacommunication, the counselor meta-communicates--that is, the counselor communicates

about the communication taking place in the relationship. By metacommunicating, the counselor can

help children begin to notice and understand their own patterns of communication. Often children are

not aware that they are reacting or communicating in a certain way. Even those who are cognizant of

their communication patterns usually lack the abstract verbal reasoning ability to conceptualize what

these patterns mean about them and their interactions. By commenting about what is going on (and

frequently, what it means), the counselor can help children think more clearly about how and what they

are communicating. Metacommunication is kind of an umbrella skill that incorporates a number of

different techniques. It can involve reflection of feelings, questions, speculation about underlying

messages, interpretation of the meaning of reactions or behaviors, and so forth. The focus of

metacommunication can be on 1. Nonverbal communication on the part of the child (e.g., "You looked over here like you were checking whether it

was ok with me if you played with the dolls.").

2. The child's reactions to the therapist's statements and questions (e.g., "You looked happy when I said we were

going to do a puppet show. I am thinking that you really like doing puppet shows."). 3. Subtle reactions to or feelings about

interactions between the therapist and the child (e.g., "I notice that you seem frustrated when I told you shooting darts at

people is against the play room rules.").

4. Subtle reactions to the relationship between the play therapist and the child or to the play therapy process (e.g.,

I am thinking that you were not very happy to see me today.”

5. Nuances in the ways the child communicates (e.g., "I am thinking that when you feel frustrated your voice gets

louder.").

6. The underlying message in the child’s communication (e.g., as Mr. Fox tugs on my shirt but does not say anything,

“I am thinking that Mr. Fox wants me to get down on the floor and play with him.”)

7. The unstated purpose of the child’s behavior (e.g., “It seems like you always ask questions about the time when we

meet at 5 o’clock. I am thinking you want to make sure you get home in time to watch Zoom.”) There are 4 levels of metacommunication, moving from very simple factual comments about the

present to rather elaborate interpretations about patterns in the child’s lifestyle and ways of relating

to others and reactions to the world: Pointing out that something is happening in the here-and-now without any kind of

interpretation (e.g., “You frowned when I mentioned your dad.”). Interpreting a possible meaning of a behavior or reaction means (e.g., “I am thinking you

are upset with your dad.”) Pointing out patterns in behaviors, reactions, and/or attitudes within a session or across

several sessions (e.g., “You seem to get very sad whenever you mention your parents’ divorce.”). Pointing out lifestyle patterns in the child’s behaviors, reactions, and/or attitudes that typify

his or her personality, coping strategies, interpersonal style, approach to problem-solving and conflict

resolution, self-image, and other aspect of his or her lifestyle (e.g., To a doll who is always yelling at

the other dolls, “It seems as though you use yelling to get other people to do what you want, and I have

noticed that you really like to get other people to follow your instructions. ”). The counselor

can also comment on patterns in the child’s behaviors, reactions, and/or

attitudes that extend into other relationships outside the play room

(e.g., “I have noticed that you like to be the boss in here with me. I

am guessing that you also like to be the boss at home.”).

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ENCOURAGEMENT

Whether the following remarks are encouraging or not will depend on the attitude of the

person saying them. In order for these phrases to be encouraging, you must convey belief in

the child. You must feel trust, confidence, and acceptance, and convey those feelings in your

voice, facial expression, and body language. If you feel impatient, superior, angry, or a lack

of confidence, these phrases will not be encouraging.

1. "You have improved in. . ." "You couldn't do that last week, and this week you did it."

"Wow!!! You're really getting better at that." Progress is extremely important. Children need to be encouraged whenever they show growth and

improvement. Watch very carefully for any signs of positive change and comment on them--whether the

improvement is big or small. Give children hope that they can make major gains.

2. "You thought you couldn't do that, and you tried anyway." "You're really trying hard on that."

"You asked me to do that for you, and you figured it out for yourself."

"You didn't get it exactly the way you wanted, and you sure tried hard." Always encourage children's effort. Encourage them to try things--especially things they think they

cannot do. Children learn through experience and are frequently afraid to try things because they believe

they might make a mistake or fail. They may need your confidence in them to help them to risk making a

mistake.

3. "You would like me to decide that for you, and I think you can decide for yourself."

"In the play room, that can be anything you want it to be."

"Looks like you're struggling with that. Let's see if we can figure out how to fix it together." Never do anything for children that they can do for themselves. Always convey to children that you believe

that they can do things for themselves, make their own decisions, and creatively solve their own problems.

If they are asking for help in a situation that you do not believe they can master, work together to find

a solution, but never solve a problem for them.

4. "Oops, I said the wrong thing. That didn't make any sense."

"I got the wrong marker. I wanted a green one, and I picked up a blue one."

"I'm sorry. I goofed that up. I will do it differently the next time we play this game." Sometimes the most encouraging remark an adult can make to a child is an acknowledgment of a mistake.

By modeling the courage to be imperfect, the adult is sending a powerful message that it is O.K. to make

mistakes, to not always be "right" all the time. This is very freeing.

5. "You really know how to..."

"You look very excited. You look really proud of yourself."

"You can do that, even though you didn't think you could."

"You know a lot about that and you feel good about knowing a lot." It is possible to point out some useful act or contribution in every child. Even a comment about something

small and insignificant to us may have great importance to a child. When you point out assets, focus on

their feeling of accomplishment and pride. This encourages intrinsic motivation, rather than

doing things simply to please others. Avoid evaluative words (e.g., good, well, excellent).

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DESIGNING THERAPEUTIC METAPHORS

1. Decide what your goal in telling the story is.

2. Based on your previous interactions with the child, decide (a) which toys

you want to use in your story, (b) whether you believe that the child will be more

responsive to a story about animals or people or mythical creatures and an event

based in reality or a fantasy/fairy tale situation, (c) how close you can get to the actual

situation in the child’s life, and (d) how you want to deliver the metaphor.

3. Decide when and where you want the story to take place. It is best to

dislocate the story in time, using either the past or the future as the time element of

the story and in space, using some other town or country. Even if the story takes place last week or next

month, in the town next door, by dislocating it in time and space, you create an emotional distance that allows

them to listen to the story without automatically having to think about the possibility that it might be about

them.

4. Describe the scene very clearly. It should not be completely the same as the child's situation but

can have several parallels. The scene can be a natural setting ("in the jungle..."), a mythical setting ("in a place

where all the animals could talk..."), or a realistic setting ("in my old neighborhood when I was a kid...").

5. Describe the characters very clearly. Each character should have a name and physical and emotional

traits as part of the introduction/description of the characters. The characters must include (a) the

protagonist (an animal or person who represents the child) and (b) the antagonist (an animal, person, or

situation that is creating problems for the protagonist). It is also helpful to have a resource person

(someone who can provide advice or help for the protagonist—this character might represent the counselor)

and an ally or two (an animal or person who can provide support for the protagonist).

6. Describe the problem encountered by the protagonist in concrete terms. This problem can be

similar to the situation of the child, but the correlation should not be too obvious. The counselor should not

point out the parallel. It must be entirely up to the child to determine if he or she wants to acknowledge the

similarity. The problem can be related to a person and a relationship or to a situation that is causing the

protagonist some kind of difficulty.

7. As the story proceeds, include different sensory information (visual, auditory, olfactory,

kinesthetic, and tactile) so that the story becomes more “real” to the child.

8. The protagonist should make progress toward overcoming the problem, but there should also be

obstacles. The story needs to include a certain level of struggle so that the child feels that the protagonist

has earned the final solution, rather than simply having it happen. The resource person and the allies can help

the protagonist when needed, but the protagonist should make the decisions and be responsible for the

majority of the effort involved in overcoming obstacles and solving the problem.

9. Describe the resolution of the problem in concrete and clearly defined terms. The resolution does

not have to completely eliminate the original situation, but it needs to demonstrate that the protagonist has

made progress in learning to cope with the situation.

10. Remember your goal for the metaphor as you tell the metaphor--obstacles, the progress and the

resolution should all be related to the lesson you want to teach the child through the metaphor.

11. After the resolution, the characters should have some sort of celebration and affirmation of the

changes in the protagonist. With younger children or older children who are very concrete, the resolution

should blatantly state exactly what the protagonist has learned. With children who are able to grasp more

abstract lessons, the moral or learning does not have to be obviously stated, but it needs to be clearly

illustrated in the story.

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MUTUAL STORYTELLING from an Adlerian Perspective

1. Ask the child to choose several animals, figures, puppets, or dolls, pretend they can talk,

and tell a story using them as characters. You might want to suggest that the story have a

beginning, middle, and an end. [If the child has already told you stories in the session or in other

sessions, you can use those stories as the basis of this technique. You do not need a brand new

story. You can also delay your retelling of the story until another session so that you can have

time to think about what the child’s story means and about how you want to retell the story.]

2. Listen to the story metaphorically. The story might illustrate the child's life-style, a

current situation in the child’s life, the child's relationships with significant others, and various

issues in the child's life. You can use Adlerian conceptualization to help you understand the

underlying meaning in the story. You should consider:

A. What is the overall affective tone of the story? What does the affective tone of the

story tell you about the child’s life?

B. How do the actions of the characters in the story fit with what you already know about

the client and the people in his or her life?

C. How do the situations or problems in the story resemble situations or problems

encountered by the client in his or her life?

D. Which character (or characters) represents the child?

E. What are the (mis)behaviors of the character(s) who represents the client?

F. How do those (mis)behaviors fit with your conceptualization of the client’s goals of

misbehavior? For example, does the character get into power struggles or try to

prove that he/she cannot be controlled by others as would a person whose goal is

power?

G. How does the character who represents the client feel in the story? For example, has

the character been hurt badly by others and does he/she feel a need for revenge as

would a person whose goal is revenge?

H. How do the other characters in the story feel/respond to

the (mis)behaviors of the character who represents the

client? For example, are the other characters annoyed

by the client-character, which would indicate that the

goal of misbehavior is attention or are they angry, which

would indicate that the goal is power?

I. How would you feel or react if you had a similar interaction

with someone like the character who represents the

client? How would most adults feel/react to the

character’s behavior?

J. If there is some kind of correction or consequences

for negative behavior in the story, how does the

character who represents the child react? For

instance, does the characters just give up as would a person

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whose goal is proving inadequacy?

K. What does the story tell you about the client’s Crucial Cs?

How do the characters in

the story connect with one another? Which of the

characters are capable and in what ways? How do you

know which characters feel that they count in the

story? In what ways do characters manifest courage

or lack of it?

L. What does the story tell you about the client’s personality

priority? What does it tell

you about the personality priorities of the other people in the child’s life? Which

characters seek to be comfortable, to be in control, to please others, or to be

superior to others? How do the characters go about doing this?

M. What does the story tell you about how the client’s view of self?

N. What does the story tell you about the clients’ views about and attitudes toward other

people?

O. What does the story tell you about the client’s usual approach to relationships?

P. What does the story tell you about the client’s attitude toward life?

Q. What does the story tell you about the client’s usual approach to problem-solving?

R. What does the story tell you about the client’s level of social interest?

3. Explain that you would like to tell another story with those same characters. Retell the story,

using the same characters, setting, and beginning as the child's story. You will need to change the

middle and the ending of the story. The altered story can illustrate (a) a more appropriate

resolution of the story conflict; (b) alternative ways of viewing self, the world, and others; (c)

different ways of building relationships and getting along with others; and (d) varied

interpretations of personal issues that may be interfering with the child's ability to function. As

you think about your retelling, consider the following questions:

A. What is your goal in telling the story? What do you want to teach the client with

your narrative??

B. Which character(s) would you leave in? What will you try to accomplish with these

characters? Would you add any character(s)? What traits would you incorporate

in any added character(s)? Why would those character(s) be important with this

client?

C. How can you emphasize the strengths of the client’s personality

priority? How can you make clear the disadvantages of or price paid by

having this personality priority? How can you suggest ways to capitalize on

the strengths of this priority and to minimize the price paid?

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D. Which of the Crucial Cs (positive goals of connecting, feeling capable, feeling as though you

count, having courage) would you want to stress in the story? How can you illustrate

strategies for connecting with others, becoming and feeling capable, gaining confidence in

being significant, and having courage?

E. Do you want to incorporate some kind of consequences

for (mis)behaviors in the story? What kind of

consequence would be realistic, related, and

respectful?

F. Do you want to incorporate some kind of positive consequences

for positive behaviors in the story? What kind of consequence

would illustrate the importance of positive behaviors?

G. How could you redirect any characters who are striving toward

goals of misbehavior?

H. What method of conflict resolution or problem-solving

strategy would you like to illustrate in the retelling? How could

you resolve the conflict in an appropriate and realistic way in the

retelling?

I. How can the characters model more positive attitudes toward

solving problems?

J. How can you resolve the conflict in an appropriate and realistic way in the retelling?

K. How can you incorporate more positive ways for the characters in the story to view

themselves, the world, and others in the retelling? How can you incorporate more

positive attitudes in the characters in the retelling?

L. How can you illustrate more appropriate ways of building relationships and getting along

with others in the retelling?

M. How can you illustrate a variety of interpretations of personal issues that may be

interfering with the child's ability to function in the retelling?

N. What social skills or other skills do you want to illustrate with the retelling?

O. What can I do in the retelling to enhance the child’s social interest?

Kottman, T., & Meany-Walen, K. (in press). Partners in play: An Adlerian approach to play therapy (3rd ed.) Alexandria, VA: American

Counseling Association.

The basic idea of mutual storytelling seriously adapted by Terry

Kottman from : Gardner, R. A. (1986). The psychotherapeutic techniques of Richard A. Gardner. New Jersey: Creative Therapeutics.

Information on the Crucial Cs from: Lew, A., & Bettner, B.L. (1995).

A parent's guide to motivating children AND Responsibility in the classroom. Newton Center, MA: Connexions.