SOLUTION-BASED, BRIEF PASTORAL COUNSELING FINAL PROJECT

BY

MICHAEL V. GRIGSBY

A PAPER SUBMITTED TO DWIGHT C. RICE

IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR

THE COURSE PACO 500

LIBERTY THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY

Lynchburg, VA

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Abstract

I am a retired RN, with over twenty-two years of experience helping people who have

physical and/or mental illness. My experiences with the secular community have impressed

upon me the fact that secular-counseling is not effective in healing the souls of those who are

either in crisis or facing certain trials and tribulations in their lives – their approaches are only for

short-term relief at best. Secular counseling maintains its own hierarchical structure and its own

tenets of faith, which lack God’s direction (Kollar, 1997, 20, emphasis-mine).

I became a Christian in 2008; and since that time God has shown me that when mankind

gives up on their selfish pride and turns to Him for direction, allowing Him to control their lives,

then healing begins to occur and healing becomes a long-term effect, not a short-term remedy.

As such, my overarching goal for life is to become Christ-like; to walk in love, promote joy and

peace, be patient-waiting upon God, show kindness, love God in faithfulness, relate to people

with gentleness, goodness and self-control (Gal.5:22-24, emphasis mine). To become Christ-like

people must give up control of their lives to God, allowing Him to control them; which can only

be accomplished through diligent study of scripture, having a faithful prayer life, having support

from your Church family and by listening to The Holy Spirit.

As pastoral counselors, we can promote Christ-likeness through the use of solution-based

brief pastoral counseling which is based upon the Hawkins’ Pastoral Counseling Scenario and

Assessment Model as well as Charles Kollar’s’ Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling.

After reviewing the case study, I have chosen Brody as the care-seeker who is in the

attending position. Brody has been feeling neglected by his father, especially since the

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accidental death of his mother and sister; and uncharacteristically, his behavior has become more

aggressive towards others.

Table of Contents

Abstract............................................................................................................................................1

Table of Contents...........................................................................................................................22

Part I: The Counseling Setting.......................................................................................................43

Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling Rationale ...............................................................43

Overview of Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling strategy (SBBPC).............................54

Basic Assumptions.....................................................................................................................65

Part II: The Counselor’s Style......................................................................................................65

Part III: The Counseling Structure/Strategy.................................................................................98

Phase I........................................................................................................................................98

Phase II..................................................................................................................................1312

Phase III.................................................................................................................................1615

Phase IV.................................................................................................................................1918

Part IV: The Counseling Summation........................................................................................2120

References..................................................................................................................................2322

Appendix A........................................................................................................................2423

Appendix B........................................................................................................................2524

Appendix C........................................................................................................................2524

Appendix D........................................................................................................................2726

Appendix E........................................................................................................................2928

Credentials.........................................................................................................................2928

Appendix F........................................................................................................................3130

SOLUTION-BASED, BRIEF PASTORAL COUNSELING...................................................3635

PROJECT GRADING GUIDELINES......................................................................................3635

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Part I: The Counseling Setting

Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling Rationale

Our Mission as Christians is to glorify God, through our mission of love for man-kind.

As a Pastoral Counselor, we have been called by God, placed in His service to assist His children

who are suffering a malady of their souls and spirit. Since we are called by God into the service

of counseling, we are compelled by God to seek His wisdom and knowledge to care for His

children.

Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling (SBBPC) allows the careseeker, with the

assistance of God and the counselor to develop goals which provide solutions to the trial and

tribulations they are currently facing in their lives. Counseling must be done a certain way or it

just is not counseling. The two parties, albeit the counselor and the counselee have to understand

God’s intentions within His providence, for progress to occur (Kollar, 1997, 16). Thus,

becoming an expert in the secular field of psychology is meaningless, rendering the study of

positive psychology as meritless, when compared to God’s wisdom. The utilization of a system

that maintains its own hierarchical absurdities and dark tenets of faith provides no inspiration to

the counselor and abysmal hope for the counseled: it is simply coercion (Ibid, 20). Keeping this

in mind, Pastors must abandon their grandiose goals – such as changing a person’s personality or

resolving all of their problems. Our goals to assist those in need of counseling in developing

goals which are created within their own minds – we just assist them in carrying out tasks to

accomplish their goals (Ibid, 44).

As the Creator, our Heavenly Father is the first source pastoral counselors need to turn to

for the wisdom and knowledge needed to counsel His children. The apostle Paul wrote that God

(life) is at work in you who believe (2 Cor.4:12; 1 Thess.2:13 NIV) (Ibid, 21). When God

unveils the eyes of His children, they are enabled to see, “And we know that in all things God

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works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose,”

(Romans 8:28 NIV) (Ibid, 27). Once the counselee understands that God works for the good of

those who love him, they know their control over their lives is in God’s hands and subsequently

despair and anxiety which lead to other maladies begin to evaporate.

Overview of Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling strategy (SBBPC)

SBBPC is a brief interaction between the care-seeker, and the counselor which grows into

an enduring relationship with God. There are no more than five sessions between the care-seeker

and the Pastoral Counselor (PC), lasting anywhere between sixty to ninety-minutes each (See

appendix A). This ‘short-term’ counseling is often equally effective as ‘long-term’ counseling

(Benner, 2003, 42).

Within the scope of the initial visit the PC is to become acclimated with the care-seekers

life, focusing upon building a helping, caring, safe and trusting environment which will promote

acceptance, albeit, the building of a partnership between the PC and the care-seeker. The

partnership begins in the first moments of the first session as the pastor approaches the

parishioner, not as an expert, but as a partner willing to join him/her in developing a new

understanding with new resources for coping with trials and tribulations (Ibid, 50-51).

All counseling sessions will take place at Michael V Grigsby Ministries (MGM), at the

agreed upon time (See appendix A). There are four phases in the counseling process and the

ultimate goal is to work in partnership (i.e. PC, Counselee, and The Holy Spirit) to develop self-

made goals by the counselee and PC assisted tasks which will promote a new life with God.

The four phases are:

Phase I: What is the present problem?

Phase II: What is the preferred solution?

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Phase III: How do we proceed/partner towards a solution?

Phase IV: Who are the people that can best support and assist you during the process of change?

Basic Assumptions

The following assumptions will guide a SFPC process (Kollar, 91-93):

1. God is already active in the counselee.

2. Complex problems do not demand complex solutions.

3. Finding exceptions helps create solutions.

4. The counselee is always changing.

5. The counselee is the expert and defines goals.

6. Solutions are co-created.

7. The counselee is not the problem, the problem is.

8. The counseling relationship is positional.

9. The counselor’s focus is on solutions.

For a full description on these basic assumptions see (Appendix B). For list of Annotated

References which the counselee may use during the SBBPC see (Appendix C).

Part II: The Counselor’s Style

The personality assessment test at Uniquely You Inc.; reveals that I am an “S” type

personality in a guarded environment (Graph 1: This is expected of me; Uniquely You.net) such

as work or out in public and an “S/I” personality type while at home or among friends (Graph 2:

This is me, Ibid). This means I feel people expect me to be both inspiring and submissive, as I

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tend to be more people-oriented than task-oriented. People expect me to be more relational than

functional or project-oriented. Others see me as the perfect people-person. I often have the

motivation of helping others by encouraging them publicly or supporting them privately. Either

way, my passion is to make people feel better about themselves and their situations (Ibid).

While at home or among friends I tend to be more passive then active, yet I can be

outgoing and reserved. People tend to like my friendliness, enthusiasm, and cordiality. I may

rub people the wrong way with my critical and faultfinding attitude. I am not pushy or

controlling unless people try to get me to do things that go against my plans or beliefs. I don’t

have to be in charge. I prefer peace and harmony, as well as organized environments. People

like my multifaceted flexibility, but sometimes would like me to be more decisive and direct

(Ibid).

These personality traits have also been revealed by the 360 interview which was

completed by my wife and oldest son. My wife shared, “I see Michael as being responsive,

talkative, enthusiastic and compassionate such as the strengths of the Otter. He is self-

disciplined, and organized as the Beaver;” while my son shared, “ I would compare him to an

otter. This is just by looking at the characteristics of the animals. If I were to just look at these

animals and not have any description, I would compare him to a Lion. The otter’s description on

the website mostly fits him. I do not agree with the negative aspects of the otter though. He is

very sociable, outgoing, funny, and very easy to get along with.”

My primary spiritual gift is teaching, followed by encouraging/exhorting and serving.

My greatest blessing concerning my giftedness is that I am controlled by the quest for truth but at

the same time I can be too hard on people (Ibid24). As an INFJ type (see below), I am also gifted

at exhorting others, but also tend to judge while doing so (humanmetrics.com). I must be careful

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while exhorting others, not to judge them; letting the exhortation provide the judgment

subconsciously if the Holy Spirit decides to do so. I must be careful in the counseling process

not talk too much and/or give my advice since the counselee is the expert and defines their own

goals. Based upon the aforementioned knowledge of my personality type, I will demonstrate FIT

in the following ways when encountering the following personality types:

1. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with a ‘D’

relational style, through the following strategy. As an S/C type, I must pray hard asking the Holy

Spirit to keep my mouth shut while this person rambles on like they usually do. After he/she has

burned themselves out, I will share something like, “let us ask the Holy Spirit to direct us in

determining how we can as a team decide what is the best way to approach this issue” (Ibid 2,

30).

2. I will demonstrate fit with an “I” personality by suppressing my judgment of them.

Exhorting is one of my greatest spiritual gifts, yet, I will need to keep myself from wanting to

give advice early in the counseling process, in order to promote an atmosphere of teamwork and

spiritual growth by the counselee (Ibid).

3. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with a ‘C’

relational style, through the following strategy. As a “C” type myself, I will have to be careful

not to be too cautious when the counselee is contemplating what their goal(s) are, being careful

once again not to give any advice to help them along. I want to ensure the counselee is enabled

by their own God-given abilities to develop any goals the Holy Spirit places upon their mind

(Ibid).

4. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with an S relational

style, through the following strategy. As an “S” type myself, I will have to pay particular

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attention to the counselee who is not willing to admit their instability in a given situation or with

a certain issue, and look for any overt or covert signs which will aid me in reflecting upon the

subjective data they share which will assist them in formulating specific goals and tasks (Ibid).

I will demonstrate FIT with all four relational types by remembering my overall goal,

which is walking in Christ-likeness. I will remember that giving advice is much easier than

listening all the way through someone’s dilemma (Peterson 2007, 105). The objective of

listening is to encourage the counselee through positive feedback after he/she has finished

talking; this will promote the counselee’s ability to form their own goals to assist in solving the

trial and tribulations which they are currently attempting to endure.

Part III: The Counseling Structure/Strategy

Phase I

Pastor Ross called me several days after the Murakami family tragedy and asked me if I

would be willing to work with the youngest boy, Brody, who was a member of our church.

Ross provided a brief history about Brody, sharing that he is a talented musician who played the

keyboard, is active in his High School’s music department, and yet has had some issues with his

Dad over the past few months before the tragedy. A friend of the family, Melissa, had called

Ross to ask for his help since the relationship between the father and son has seemed to have

worsened since the death of his mother and sister. I agreed to meet with Brody the following

day, as he was going to be mowing the church lawn that afternoon after school.

The night before the meeting with Brody was to occur; I did not sleep well to say the

least. Brody would be the first person I would counsel, ironically while completing a class at

Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary in pastoral counseling. I reflected upon “The Hawkins’

Pastoral Counseling Scenario and what I had learned. I wanted to place the four phases of the

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counseling scenario properly in my head; I did not want to forget anything as I knew that God

would lead me to help His child, Brody, through this horrible time he was currently

experiencing.

The next day, while watching Brody mow the church lawn from my office window, I was

reflecting upon the purpose, goal, aim, my responsibility and the guiding assumption of phase

one – what is the present problem; the counselee’s description of the problem; that I must listen

attentively; listening more than talking and that God is already active in Brody’s life (Kollar, 91-

92). After praying for God to touch my mouth and to fill my mind with His wisdom, I walked

out into the back yard behind the Annex where Brody was busy mowing the yard. I sat passively

by wondering what could be going through this young boy’s mind and God told me to get up and

go help him with his chores.

As I approached Brody, having to empty the mower-bag, he stopped the lawn-mower and

noticed me. I introduced myself to him, and matter of factly stated, that I would help him finish

his chores. He nodded in agreement not saying a word, and we proceeded to continue with our

work. Over the next half-hour, we began to interact as any two people would who were mowing

a lawn; I would help him empty the mower-bag, and then go about raking the leaves while he

continued to mow. Noticing that we were almost done, I went into the kitchen, got a pitcher of

iced-tea, and came back out-side to meet with Brody. He was just coming back from the tool-

shed, and we met at the picnic table under the oak tree, where I invited him to sit down, to enjoy

some tea and perhaps chat for a while. He nodded his head once again and without saying a

word we sat down.

I gave Brody my condolences and he thanked me. I knew that we had joined as I sensed

his acceptance of me (Benner 2003, 76). I informed Brody that I had set aside an hour for him

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should he want to talk about anything. Brody said, “That would be cool.” I shared that I wanted

to help him if I could and my hope was for God to give me an understanding of what he was

feeling in his life right then and at the end of our time together, we would decide whether we

would meet again.

He immediately began to open up to me by sharing how lonely he felt. He stated, “Why

them and not me? I feel invisible as my Dad does not even notice me. He just comes into the

room and either walks right by me or begins to talk to Melissa or Josh, but not me. I was talking

to Melissa about all that has happened and when my Dad comes in the room, I am just tuned-out

and turned-off; so I just leave and go up to my room. I think about how he always ignores me – I

asked my Dad to come and listen to my composition and he just starts to do something else and

forgets about me.” He just looked down at the floor, remaining quite for about five minutes.

Brody looks up at me and I sensed that he was not finished so I asked him to continue.

He shares, “the other night at dinner, my Dad yelled at me - telling me to stop twisting my fork

on my plate. I asked him about the investigation and he just yells at me for twisting my fork?

He did not even acknowledge my question; so I just got up from the table and went to my room.”

After a moment or two of silence, He shared, “I came home from school today and Dad was

taking the trampoline down, I just said, ‘Just like that,’ and turned and walked away. My Dad

called out to me, but I just kept walking all the way over here to do my chores.

Sensing Brody had finished sharing, I told him that I would like to take a ten minute

break to reflect upon what he had just shared. I wanted him to do the same, so I shared with

Brody that the break was going to prepare for a transition into Phase two. I asked Brody to meet

me in my office in ten minutes.

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After ten minutes had passed, Brody was not waiting for me in my office. I went to look

for him and I found him sitting under the oak tree where I had left him. Even though he had

shared with me before the break, I sensed his hesitancy to continue in the counseling process. I

asked him if he was alright and if I could share with him what I had been thinking about during

that ten minute break, He nodded in agreement. Knowing that the first task at hand was to

discover ways that encourage the counselee to become a willing participant in the counseling

process (Kollar 1997, 69), I shared with Brody that he had impressed upon me his feelings of

isolation from his father before and after the death of his mother and sister and that he was

hurting as a result of this. I also told him it was not right for him to just walk away from his Dad

when he felt he treated him unfairly or ignored him. He nodded his head in agreement. I shared;

God’s children know that He is working in every life of those He has called according to His

purpose. I asked Brody, do you believe God is active in your life (Ibid, 69) and that He can help

you with your hurt feelings and give you the courage to appropriately challenge your Dad, if you

turn in faith to Him and believe in and follow His direction? He said, Yes I do believe God is

working in my life, as I have felt His presence, especially since my mother and sister were killed.

I knew then that Brody was willing to continue with our counseling sessions.

I sat next to Brody and gently lifted his chin and had him look me in the eyes. I told him

that he did not make his father act the way he does any more than he was the cause of the

accident that took the life of his mother and sister. I shared that sometimes fathers just get busy

and assume their children, especially the strong ones, were capable of caring for their own

mental and physical needs. However, we know this is not the case as you have shared your hurt

regarding the treatment, albeit, the isolation your Dad has made you feel.

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Brody is SC type. Instead of flourishing in the life God had blessed him with, Brody was

languishing in the past. “Without being overly descriptive, flourishing pictures one moving

toward being the healthy person God intended him/her to be; languishing is moving away from

being the person intended one to be. In this case, due to Brody's interpretation of lived

experience, his SC was moving away from its intended design” (Rice 2011, 1). As a “SC” type

myself, I want to ensure the counselee is enabled by their own God-given abilities to develop any

goals the Holy Spirit places upon their mind and not provide the goals for him myself (Uniquely

You.net). When I asked him what he would do differently over the next week, Brody simply

shrugged his shoulders and said, “I do not know.” So instead of giving goals, I suggested that he

could appropriately voice his feelings to his Dad when he felt he was being isolated or made to

feel ‘invisible’ and in love share with his Dad his need to have him in his life. Brody said he

would try this approach throughout the next week, in every situation that he found himself in his

Dads’ presence. He shared that he would pray for Gods’ wisdom to appropriately challenge his

Dad when he made him feel invisible and would ask for Gods’ strength not to run away from the

situation if things did not work out the way he wanted them to.

I shared with Brody that he had the right attitude. I was also wondering how he felt,

albeit, related to his internal perceptions concerning this issue; So I asked Brody, as of today in

this current situation on a scale of 1 to 10; where one means the worst that things have been and

10 means how you want things to be, where are you right now (Kollar, 154). Brody shared that

he definitely was a one. I told him that I would assist him over the next few weeks in visualizing

how he could create a solution by envisioning a desired outcome and that we would meet at the

same time next week, to which he agreed.

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Phase II

I prepared for today’s meeting with Brody by reflecting upon the purpose, goal, aim, my

responsibility and the guiding assumption for phase two: the counselee is seeking a solution;

and through the formation of a goal(s), he desires to change his relationship with his Dad, who

Brody perceives makes him feel invisible, thus making him feel unwanted; I am to discover how

Brody moves towards a solution through a collaborative effort and by asking focused-based

questions; and the guiding assumption which will be used is - complex problems do not demand

complex solutions and solutions are co-created (Kollar, 91, 92).

Brody returns the next week with his older brother Josh in tow. Brody shares that Josh

wants to shed some light on the current situation. I invite both of them into my office. Josh

shares that Brody came to visit him and the two of them were engaged in a conversation in the

cafeteria at the university he attends. Josh tells me that Brody opens up when people engage and

listen to him, just like I did the prior week. Josh proceeds to tell me that his father, Bruce, shows

up looking for Brody. When he begins to engage Brody in a conversation, my Dad’s phone rings

(he turns away from Brody) and Brody immediately states, “He does not get me – he never will –

the only ones who do are dead; and then he bolts from the cafeteria. Josh then shares that Brody

was with his Dad at the arraignment for the driver, Justin, who is being accused of causing the

accident which resulted in the death of his Mother and sister. After the arraignment, Brody

approaches Justin in the parking lot of the court and sucker punches Justin from behind. My Dad

scolds Brody instead of comforting him when it was obvious to me that Brody was hurting and

as a result wanted to extract revenge on Justin. Finally, to make matters worse, Brody is caught

fighting at school, yet this time when his Dad comes to the principles’ office, Brody reports that

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his Dad told him, “I am on your side Brody,” to which Brody shares this ‘blew my mind,’ as he

seemed to really care about me for the first time in a long time. I sat there in stunned silence!

Gathering my thoughts, I knew I had to stand by Brody’s side and face the concerns and

issues that he and his brother had brought to this session (Benner, 88). I then shared with Brody

that he and I needed to work through this together and thanking Josh for his input, I asked

politely for him to leave Brody and me at that time. Wanting to share these burdens with Brody,

I begin to redistribute the load by encouraging him to express his feelings (Benner, 91). Without

judging Brody for the behaviors which were just reported to me, I simply asked him, “how did

all this make you feel?” Brody shared, he knew that running away from his Dad in the cafeteria

was not what he should have done and attacking Justin was not what he intended to do, his

emotions got the best of him. Yet while all that was not so good, having my Dad tell me he was

on my side, lifted my heart and made me feel close to him unlike I had for quite some time.

Realizing that Brody was an S type, I had to pay particular attention to Brody who was

usually not willing to admit his instability in a given situation or with a certain issue (as he

usually ‘cuts and runs’), and I looked for any overt or covert signs in which to aid me in

reflecting upon the subjective data shared with me in order to assist him in formulating specific

goals and tasks. I then asked Brody to imagine what his life would be like if his Dad paid more

attention to him; what miracle would have to occur? After sitting silently for a couple of

minutes, Brody said that he hated the quiet and his behavior, and would love to have his Dad

recognize and interact with him more, just as he did in the principal’s office. Having my Dad as

my friend and mentor would be priceless! I said, Awesome! You have uncovered your goal.

Now you are a 10 on the scale we previously discussed, as you have realized how you want

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things to be in your life. Now we will both work on ways in which you can remain a 10. I

decided at this time to break for ten minutes.

When Brody and I returned to conclude this session, I asked him, “How could I help him

move in the right direction in his life?” Brody shared that he wanted to forgive his Dad and

Justin, yet he did not know how or even if he should; yet he knew if he did not forgive his Dad,

their relationship would remain strained at best and his hatred for Justin would only grow. I

knew that correcting wrong thoughts and behaviors was not as important as developing new

ways to understand situations (Benner, 92). Brody needed to be given a sense of expectation and

hope for success (Kollar, 63). I shared that Christ says, if you do not forgive men their sins, your

Father will not forgive your sins (Mat.6:15 NIV) and if you are led by the Spirit, you will exhibit

in your life the fruits of the Spirit which are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,

faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Gal.5:18-23, emphasis mine). I asked Brody to think

about these verses and to continue practicing love by telling his Dad how he feels if he is

isolating him and to ask God to help him forgive his Dad and Justin. With that the session ended

and we planned to meet the next week.

Phase III

As I had done before the previous session, I prepared for today’s meeting with Brody by

reflecting upon the purpose, goal, aim, my responsibility and the guiding assumption for phase

three: Brody and I need to continue to proceed by partnering towards a solution towards his

stated problems; we are to work on his vision and what the future should look like with his Dad

and him communicating more effectively; by executing well the tasks associated with Brody’s

goals, Brody can and will accomplish them; and the guiding assumptions are, the counselee is

not the problem, the problem is … and the counselee is always changing (Kollar, 91-92).

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Brody arrives today with an unhappy demeanor. When I asked him how his week went

in regards to forgiving his Dad and Justin, and practicing love by telling his Dad how he feels if

he is isolating him, Brody does not answer these questions and shares with me the following.

While I was at my High School assembly, I was shocked when the principal introduced my Dad

as the speaker. I listened to what he was saying, yet not hearing him really, and then he

introduced Justin to the audience. I got mad and ran out of the auditorium. When my Dad got

home later that day, He asked why I left the assembly. I approached him and told him, “Dad you

do not care what I think, or feel,or about anything I say, and I have got to go to practice.” I

asked what happened next and Brody told me he just left his Dad standing there, as his Dad had

done to him many times before and left the house. Brody shared with me that his Dad makes

him feel like a complete idiot.

I asked him what happened to our agreement as far as approaching his Dad with love and

confessing to him what was really bothering him. Brody just shrugged. Why did you cut and

run again instead of sitting patiently to listen to your Dad and Justin at the assembly? Brody

raised his voice and said, “My Dad has been showing Justin, who killed my mother and sister,

more attention than he does to me. He just yells at me and never has time for me!”

I then asked Brody if he thought that he could accept someone else who always got mad

and ran away from him when things did not go as they had planned. He shared that he did not

think so and the relationship would probably end. I then asked him, know this Brody, how do

you think your Father feels when you do the same thing to him? Brody sat quietly for a moment

and then shared; I miss my mother and sister and my Dad – I miss my life as it used to be and he

began to cry. I shared with Him how my Dad used to do the same things to me when I was his

age. I did not lose my mother and sister, but I lost my best friend, my God-Father and at the

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same time the love of my life, my girlfriend Debbie. I felt my world crumbling around me. Yet

as I look back on those days and reflect upon whom I was and who you are, I see two very

different young men. I did not know God and you do. That is a huge difference. Do you want

to know why? Brody looked at me and said yes, please tell me why.

I gave Brody a tissue and sat down next to him and reached out to hold his hand and he

grabbed mine. I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13 NIV).

What does that verse mean to you Brody? He shared; God gives me the strength to perform for

His will, for His Glory and Honor, not mine. I told him, that was a perfect account. I then asked

Brody, do you think God gives you the strength to fight or hurt others, or to run away when your

feelings get hurt or you do not get your way? Brody shared that he knew God did not give him

strength for purposes such as these. I then asked him, why then do you do what God does not

want you to do? He shared, that he really had never thought about that. I shared, there are none

righteous, not even one; there is not one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have

turned away; they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one

(Romans 3:10-12 NIV). Brody, I am just like that verse when I choose not to allow God to

control me. Sometimes I am even like that when I think I am letting Him control me. The point

I am making is simply this, fighting the desires of our flesh is a great battle, which takes

perseverance, and we can only win most of the time when we rely upon God and His strength.

Knowing that Brody is a type C, I wanted to ensure that he was being enabled by his own

God-given abilities to develop his goals, so I asked him; do you understand? Brody shared, I

must always place God in every situation in my life if I do not want my flesh to win? I said yes,

but even then your flesh may win sometimes and you must ask God for His forgiveness and to

give you the strength to overcome your flesh. This process is long and hard, but you can do it, I

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am sure. Learn to look ahead into the future Brody, envision what life will be like as you go

through this process. We agreed to take a ten minute break.

Upon our return, I practiced support feedback (Kollar, 159) by encouraging and praising

Brody for his ability to ‘see’ how his actions impacted others and how God is working in his life.

I asked Brody if he thought about anything new in the last ten minutes. Brody shared that he was

still upset about how his Dad had seemed to befriend Justin, and that he was struggling with how

he would give up controlling his life and allowing God to be in control. He also shared that he

felt more like a 5 today and that bothered him too. I told him this is perfectly normal, and the

good news is you and me are moving forward here to a wonderful solution. We closed in prayer

and agreed to meet the next week.

Phase IV

As I prepared for the next session with Brody, I knew that he had been hit by a car,

breaking his arm in the accident. Reflecting upon the purpose, goal, aim, my responsibility and

the guiding assumption for phase four: who are the people that can best support and/or secure

Brody during his process of change; who can promote and support this change; I needed to

connect Brody to the church community/resources; I need to reinforce my commitment to

change through supportive feedback and by arranging accountability though pastoral care and

our small group ministries; and finally, the guiding assumption is the counseling relationship is

positional (Kollar, 93).

I began the session by asking Brody about his accident. He shared that he got mad at his

brother Josh for seemingly taking his Dad’s side, and ran out of the house into the street and was

struck by a passing car. I then asked if he would like to share anything about this accident and

any other events from the past week. He just looked at me and stated, “It was my fault.” “I also

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forgave Justin,” and asked him to forgive me.” I stood up and embraced Brody with a big bear

hug, telling him how proud I was of his taking ownership for his actions. At that point there was

a knock on my office door and when I opened the door, Brody’s Dad was standing there. Bruce

asked if he could come in. I turned to Brody and he stood up and went to embrace his Dad.

Bruce sat down at Brody’s side, taking his son’s hand he looked him in his face and said,

“I am sorry for my absenteeism. I am sorry for having ever offended you. I need you in my life.

Will you forgive me? Brody stood up, as did Bruce and they embraced. This scene made me

cry; as I was overwhelmed by the love God had obviously placed in the hearts of these two men.

Brody now had hope! As hope was built into his interpretive process...he began to flourish as an

Accepting and Warm SC (Rice 2011, 2). God had given both of these men hope.

When we sat down, I shared with the two of them: Your wife and daughter, mother and

sister, were tragically killed in a horrible accident, yet in their deaths God has established a bond

between the two of you unlike you have ever experienced in the past. God has also used this

accident to save the lives of many young men who race their cars, because after you and Justin

shared the story of the accident, these young men have stopped their racing.

Bruce turned to Brody and shared, God’s Son, Jesus Christ, died for mankind, so the sins

of our flesh would be forgiven. In His sacrifice mankind began to understand the Love God has

for His children. Pastor Michael, my Dad and I will honor and glorify God through our love and

forgiveness of others. I know it will be a daily challenge but with God’s direction, your help and

my church family, I know that we can make it; that I can make it!

God led me to pray for His two children. I thanked God for giving the life of His Son,

and for the miracle He had done in the lives of Brody and Bruce, in such a turbulent time as this.

After praying, I continued to offer supportive feedback through my praise of their love for Christ

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and their commitment to Him and to one another. My encouragement was for them to continue

to work towards their goals in life, by giving God the leadership in their lives as Brody has done

over the past few weeks (Kollar, 89).

In closing, I gave both of these men a list of contacts of people from the church which

includes leaders of small group studies for families and individuals; “Stephen Ministers” who

could walk beside them when they are hurting, will listens, cares, prays, supports and encourages

– someone who will just be there; and my personal commitment to assist them both in the future.

Part IV: The Counseling Summation

While counseling Brody, the versatility of supportive feedback was incorporated

throughout the four phases. Through encouragement, not focusing on the anger or hurt issues

that Brody brought to sessions – moving him forward instead of languishing in his sorrow or

aberrant behavior, and by reinforcing what was working in the process of improving his goals. I

felt it was important to revisit his thought processes when he acted out in an inappropriate

manner (i.e. punching Justin, or cutting and running away), because I felt he needed to slow his

mind down to see his actions for what they were – not effective in producing positive outcomes.

These interventions I believe, enables the person to see themselves as if he/she were the by-

stander watching their own behavior unfold. Supportive feedback was extremely important to

utilize when Brody regressed into either a blaming or attending position.

In development of reflective praxis concerning my performance in the four phases of the

counseling process using the GRACE acronym, I would admit that perhaps I struggle with

sharing too much of my history with the counselee, thus perhaps I assisted with goal formulation

and vision clarification a little too much. My SC personality reflects my desire to protect people

from unwanted outcomes due to their behaviors; and when I can see where their behavior is

leading them; my desire is to “short-circuit” their walk in darkness. My mentor, Pastor Ross,

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with whom I will always debrief with after my counseling sessions, reminded me after reading

this paper, that God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according

to his purpose and even though my attempts to protect those I counsel may be heart-felt, I am in

essence circumventing God as he molds His children into being the person He wants them to be,

for His Honor and Glory. Pastor Ross reminded me that my role in the process of pastoral

counseling is to mainly listen; to encourage the counselee when he/she is on track to finding

solutions to their problems, to pray and to pray some more and wait on the Holy Spirit to lead the

counselee, since we know that God is working in their lives.

My prayers will be forthright, asking God to touch my mouth so His words, not mine will

be heard by those in my presence. As I shared with Brody, the process of fighting our flesh is a

long and tedious, yet we can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and this includes

the pastoral counseling as well. I have a positive mindset and my motivation is to improve on

the techniques that Dr. Rice, Hawkins, Benner, Peterson, and Kollar shared this semester. My

prayers are for God to give me His wisdom, knowledge, and patience to assist those He sends my

way in vision clarification which will led them to want they want to accomplish in any given trial

and tribulation.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are

just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if

there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things

which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be

with you (Philippians 4:8). What a wrap to a great project!

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References

Benner, David G. 2003. Strategic pastoral counseling: A short-term structured model, 2nd ed. Grand Rapids, MI.

Cloud, Henry. 2004. Nine things you simply must do: to succeed in love and life. Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson.

Kollar, Charles A. 1997. Solution-focused pastoral counseling: An effective short-term approach for getting people back on track. Grand Rapids, MI.

Hawkins. Study Guide for Hawkins's Pastoral Assessment model and Hawkins's Pastoral Counseling Scenario.

Petersen, James C. 2007. Why don’t we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships. Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications

Rice, D.C. 2011. PACO500 Discussion Board thread between Dr. Rice and Michael Grigsby, Blurb#6:DB5aDiscussingtheFirstStep. http://bb7.liberty.edu/webapps/portal/frameset.jsp?tab_tab_group_id=_2_1&url=%2Fwebapps%2Fblackboard%2Fexecute%2Flauncher%3Ftype%3DCourse%26id%3D_1599973_1%26url%3D

The Power of Connections, DISC COMPARE/CONTRAST ENGAGEMENTS, PACO500, LU, 2011

Weird Guy. Personality types: Lion, otter, golden retriever, beaver.http://weirdblog.wordpress.com/2007/02/22/personality-types-lion-beaver-otter-and-golden-retriever/ (accessed September, 15, 2011)

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Appendix AIntake Form for Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling (SBBPC)

Name: ____________________________ Date: ______________________

Address: _________________________________

Phone: ________________________ Emergency Contact Phone: _______________________

Brief reason for your visit: (If more space is needed, please use the back of this form). ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Informed Consent and Confidentiality Agreement

Counselee is the person named in the above portion of this intake form. The Pastoral Counselor (PC) is: Michael V. GrigsbyAll matters discussed between the counselee and the PC will be held in strict confidence, with the exception of matters that concern child-abuse, harm to self and or others. Charts of notes will be kept in a locked filing cabinet.

Overview of the Counseling Process

The counseling process will be limited to no more than five sessions, with each session lasting between sixty to ninety-minutes. Each session will occur one either a weekly or bi-weekly basis. In the advent that homework is assigned, its focus will be on promoting the goals that you have created to aid you in assisting to solving the issue(s) you are currently enduring. Each session will begin and end with prayer. Before the sessions concludes, a ten minute break will occur in which the counselee and the PC will reflect upon what just occurred in the session and briefly meet again for supportive feedback and future instructions.

Referral Process

In the advent that more counseling sessions are needed or should the counselee feel that they are not receiving the help they need; they are free to seek help elsewhere, or the PC will determine if a referral to an outside counseling agency is warranted; or the beginning of a discipleship relationship may be forthcoming. A Discipleship Relationship is unlike SBBPC and will be discussed should that event occur in the future. Please contact MGM twenty-four hours prior to missing any appointment @ 303-953-1466. If proper notice is not given and the counselee misses two concurrent sessions, MGM will terminate the counseling process.

By signing this form you are stating you are in agreement with the content herein:

Signature of Counselee: __________________________________Date: _______________

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Appendix BBasic Assumptions Guiding SBBPC

The following assumptions will guide a SFPC process (Kollar, 91-93):1. “God is already active in the counselee.” The Holy Spirit is the wonderful counselor, and

He is already working. Our job as counselors is to help the counselee see where God has been already leading him or her.

2. “Complex problems do not demand complex solutions.” All a counselor is looking for is an insight to help the counselee form goals concerning his/ her current problem and partnership in developing tasks to accomplish these goals.

3. “Finding exceptions helps create solutions.” When the counselee can see the exception to the current problem, he/she can develop a strategy to overcome their problem.

4. “The counselee is always changing.” It is important to focus on the positive changes a counselee makes, and the counselor wants the counselee to seize the opportunity and move towards a solution.

5. “The counselee is the expert and defines goals” (Kollar, 78). The counselor is not the expert, only the guide. It is the counselee who must do the hard work, and therefore he or she decides exactly what the goals need to be.

6. “Solutions are co-created.” This means that the counselor and the counselee must work in a partnership with one another and the Holy Spirit to develop a workable solution to the problem.

7. “The counselee is not the problem, the problem is. Traditional psychology labels the counselee, making them the problem. SFPC labels the problem and helps the counselee find a solution to it.

8. “The counseling relationship is positional.” The care-seeker enters into a session with a unique outlook toward that session or the problem itself. The counselor guides by helping a person make wise choices and grow into spiritual maturity.

9. “The counselor’s focus is on solutions.” Guiding the counselee towards finding his/her own solution to their problem and developing goals which help them grow into spiritual maturity are the basic guidelines for staying in solution-focused.

Appendix CGRIEF

Worden, J.W. 2008. Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the MentalHealth Practitioner, Fourth Edition. Springer Publishing Co. ISBN:9780826101204

This book assists those who are grieving the loss of a loved one to find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life.

Walton, C. 1999. When there Are No Words: Finding Your Way to Cope withLoss and Grief. Pathfinder Publishing of California. IBSN:0934793573 

This book is a conversation between a sensitive, articulate victim of sudden, tragic loss, and any person struggling to endure the numbing first hours and weeks of a life catastrophe, assisting with retrieving their lives and purpose.

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ANGER

Hanh, T.N. 2002. Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames. Riverhead Trade. ISBN: 1573229377.

This book is about love in every possible meaning of the word. Discussion revolves around issues that make people angry. We find out that what usually make us feel unloved and then angry are issues which promote dishonor, disrespect, and exclusion. and ignored. This book illustrates how people can get into the heart of these feelings and into the heart and soul of those who treat them in these ways.

Carter, L, and Minirth, F. 2004. The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life. Jossey-Bass Publishers. ISBN: 0787968803

As different as it may seem, outside observers believe that chronically angry people have a strong commitment to keeping toxic emotions alive. Carter encourages people to deal with these underlying causes if they are to have any kind of meaningful victory over their destructive anger.

FORGIVENESS

Kendal, R.T. 2007. Total Forgiveness. Charisma House; Revised edition ISBN: 1599791765

Kendall goes beyond the concept of forgiveness. He illustrates how God not only wants us to forgive, but also wants us to take it to the next level - to bless those we have forgiven. He provides insights to why we may be holding grudges and why some people have difficulty in forgiving.

Enright, R.D. 2001. Forgiveness Is a Choice: A Step-By-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope. American Psychologist Association. 1 Ed. ISBN: 1557987572

Enright leads you through the process of forgiveness all the way through to redemption. His writing style provokes you to think about your ability and attempts to forgive others for your future success in all relationships, while providing freedom from hurt.

DISCOVERING YOURSELF

The Power of Connections, DISC COMPARE/CONTRAST ENGAGEMENTS, PACO500, LU, 2011.

A great way to have the counselee see themselves, without someone else telling them who they think they are.

Weird Guy. Personality types: Lion, otter, golden retriever, beaver.http://weirdblog.wordpress.com/2007/02/22/personality-types-lion-beaver-otter-and-golden-retriever.

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A great way to have the counselee see themselves, without someone else telling them who they think they are.

MARRIGE

Farrar, Steve. 2003. POINT How a man can lead his family-MAN. Published by Multnomah Publishers, Inc. © 1990, 2003 by Steve Farrar International Standard Book Number: 1–59052-126–9

This book is for men who want to be spiritual leader of their families. The author provides many examples of how to be Christ-like in our approaches to everyday life concerning the conduct we exhibit towards our Wife and our children, raising our children and how to be a role-model for God.

Chapman, G. 2007. The Four Seasons of Marriage. Tyndale House Publishers. ISBN: 1414300239

Dr. Chapman describes the emotional seasons of marriage and gives them names using the four seasons. (You can take a free quiz to see your marriage season at www.4seasonsofmarriage.com) Chapman's book provides the language and the guidance for couples to talk about their relationship openly and observationally in the perspective of seasons. There are strategies for happy couples and how to sustain their happiness as well as couples in trouble looking for improvement.

Appendix DMy Relational Style Action Plan

1. My overarching goal for life is: Walking in Christlikeness. Explain: I have been my own worst enemy for over fifty-years. My personality, the size of my body and my mouth has always created “fear” in those who do not know me and at times in those who do. My intentions are never to have someone afraid of me. I want everyone to see the love I have for God and my zealousness in seeking Him. 2. My three highest spiritual gift tendencies are: Teaching; Encouraging/Exhorting; Serving/Ministry/Helps (Uniquely You, 2011, 22). This means I also tend to be more judgmental and even though my intentions are to hopefully prevent those who I am teaching/counseling from experiencing hurt and discomfort, I may cause them myself.3. The overuse of these gifts sometimes makes me dig too deeply, talk too much and take on too much. I may not want to hurt someone’s feeling therefore I sometimes let important details slide. I can even abuse my relationships by not confronting others or overlooking details that people need to know (Ibid). 4. My highest personality profile plotting point in Graph 1: This is expected of me - “S;” (S/I). I think people expect me to be both inspiring and submissive. I tend to be more people-oriented than task-oriented. I feel others want me to be active and outgoing in crowds, but passive and reserved in small groups. People expect me to more relational than functional or project-oriented. Others see me as the perfect people-person. I tend to be very emotional. I often have the motivation of helping others by encouraging them publicly or supporting them privately. Either way, my passion is to make people feel better about themselves and their situations (Ibid).

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Graph 2: This is me -“C;” (C/I/S). This means I tend to be more passive then active. I have strong people skills. I can be outgoing and reserved. People tend to like my friendliness, enthusiasm, and cordiality. I my rub people the wrong way with my critical and faultfinding attitude. I am not pushy or controlling unless people try to get me to do things that go against my plans or beliefs. I don’t have to be in charge. I prefer peace and harmony, as well as organized environments. People like my multifaceted flexibility, but sometimes would like me to be more decisive and direct (Ibid). 5. The overuse of this type sometimes makes me sometimes over use my people skills and neglect being firm against those who may trouble me. I can overuse my analytical skills. I sometimes think too much or long about solving a problem. I may need to make my final decision sooner and more deliberately. I should not overuse my ability to convince and persuade others through verbal and relational skills. I should not abuse those I love the most with caustic and critical words. I should not let my emotions control me. What I say and how I say it can be very hurtful. I should let my sweet and sensitive demeanor override my concerns. I need to be more positive, supportive and forgiving (Ibid).6. My most obvious combination personality and spiritual gift type (relational style) is “C” (Ibid, 24).7. To communicate and relate with others more effectively I should be more sensitive to the needs of others, excited about what they share and patient will listening to others (Ibid, a-14). 8. My greatest blessing concerning my giftedness is that I am controlled by the quest for truth but at the same time I can be too hard on people (Ibid24). As an INFJ type, I am also gifted at exhorting others, but also tend to judge while doing so (humanmetrics.com). I must be careful while exhorting others, not to judge them; letting the exhortation provide the judgment subconsciously if the Holy Spirit so decides to do so.9. I should guard or improve my following spiritual gift tendencies: teaching – not to dig too deeply in my research which could come across as boring to certain groups; exhorting – I love to give advice, but in doing so I may talk too much and serving – I love to help others, yet I need to be sure to not take on too much (Ibid).10. I should guard or improve my following personality tendencies against my desire to be liked by all and being everyone’s friend. I need to be more demanding and decisive. I need to be more confrontational by checking into facts for accuracy (Ibid, 5).11. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with a D relational style, through the following strategy. “D” types – have dominating, directing, demanding, determined, and decisive and doing personality traits. As an S/C type, I must pray hard asking the Holy Spirit to keep my mouth shut while this person rambles on like they usually do. After he/she has burned themselves out, I will sharing something like, “let ask the Holy Spirit to directs us in determining how we as a team can decide what is the best way to approach this issue” (Ibid 2, 30).12. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with an I relational style, through the following strategy. “I” types – have an inspiring, inducing, impressing, interactive, and an interest in people, personality traits. I will demonstrate fit with an “I” personality by suppressing my judgment of them. Exhorting is one of my greatest spiritual gifts, yet, I will need to keep myself from wanting to give advice early in the counseling process, in order to promote an atmosphere of teamwork (Ibid).

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13. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with a C relational style, through the following strategy. “C” types – are cautious, competent, calculating, compliant, careful and contemplative. As a “C” type myself, I will have to be careful not to be too cautious when the counselee is contemplating what their goal(s) are, being careful once again not to give any advice to help them along. I want to ensure the counselee is enabled by their own God-given abilities to develop any goals the Holy Spirit places upon their mind (Ibid).14. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with an S relational style, through the following strategy. “S” types – are steady, stable, shy, and security-oriented, are servants, submissive and are specialist. As an “S” type myself, I will have to pay particular attention to the counselee who is not willing to admit their instability in a given situation or with a certain issue, and look for any overt or covert signs which will aid me in reflecting upon the subjective data they share which will assist them in formulating specific goals and tasks (Ibid).15. To grow more spiritually, I will utilize the following spiritual disciplines: to ask God to encourage and empower me with His Holy Spirit so I may be able to better assist those He sends to me for counseling. I must remember what Micah shares; God wants a right heart, so we are to do justly, love mercy, and to walk humbly with our Lord (Micah 6:8).16. To avoid and resolve conflicts more effectively, I will covenant with God to engage the following protocol: Keep my eyes on Christ, my mind focused on the bosom of our Savior and Heavenly Father, and be sensitive to the direction the Holy Spirit is giving me in any given situation or concerning any issue. 17. My prayer in discovering my relational style and demonstrating fit through my life and profession/ministry is: Heavenly Father God touch my mouth with your hands so that your words will pour forth when I speak. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit with me. I praise you Father for all the work you have done in my soul and spirit and thank you for what you are about to do in my life, and in the lives of those You send across my path; In His blessed and strong Name - Amen

Appendix E

CredentialsI currently working on a Masters of Arts in Religion-Pastoral Counseling Concentration at Liberty Theological Seminary, Lynchburg, Virginia, and Lord willing this degree will be conferred in the fall of 2012. I have a BS in Multi-disciplinary studies (concentration in Theology/Apologetics/Public Policy/Nursing), and an Associates of Science in Registered Nursing, and have completed all the required coursework for Certification as an Addictions Counselor in the State of Colorado. However, I am not a licensed counselor, but my name is listed in the Colorado Registry of Unlicensed Therapists in the field of Addictions Therapy. I have been ordained as a Pastor of the full gospel of Jesus Christ by Harmony Christian Ministries, Wanette, Oklahoma and have served the Lord since 2008. You may request my educational credentials anytime.

Statement of BeliefsWe receive the Scriptures as the Inspired Word of God and as the sole authority in matters of faith and practice. Its understanding of Christian truth as therein contained is expressed by the following declaration of faith:

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A. We believe that the Bible is God's Word, that it was written by men divinely inspired, and that it is the supreme and infallible authority in all matters of faith and conduct. II Timothy 3:16-17; II Peter 1:20-21; II Timothy 4:2; Psalm 33:4; 146:6 B. We believe in God the Father, perfect in holiness, infinite in wisdom, measureless in power. We rejoice that He concerns Himself mercifully in the affairs of men, that He hears and answers prayer, and that He saves from sin and death all who come to Him through Jesus Christ. Exodus 15:11; Isaiah 6:3; I Peter 1:15-16; Genesis 17:1; Psalm 115:3; Exodus 20:5-6; Deut. 7:9; Psalm 65:2; 102:17; Matthew 21:13, 22; Romans 6:23; 10:13; John 14:6 C. We believe in Jesus Christ, the eternal and only begotten Son of God, conceived of the Holy Spirit, of Virgin birth, sinless in His life, making atonement for the sins of the world by His death. We believe in His bodily resurrection, His ascension into Heaven where He makes intercession for the Saints, and His visible return to the world according to His promise. John 1:1-3, 18; Hebrews 1:8; Matthew 1:20-23; II Corinthians 5:21; Isaiah 53:4-5; I Peter 3:18; Romans 4:25; I Corinthians 15:3-4; I Peter 3:22; Hebrews 7:25; I Thessalonians 4:13-18 D. We believe in the Holy Spirit who came forth from God to convince the world of sin, of righteousness, and of judgment, and to regenerate, sanctify, and comfort those who believe in Jesus Christ. John 15:26; 16:8-11; Titus 3:5; I Thessalonians 5:23; Acts 9:31 E. We believe that all men by nature and by choice are sinners, but that "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." We believe, therefore, that those who refuse to accept Christ as Lord and Savior will be forever separated from God. Romans 5:12; 3:23; John 3:16; Acts 4:12; Revelation 20:14- F. We believe in the Church, a living spiritual body of which Christ is the head and of which all regenerated people are members. We believe that a local church is a company of believers in Jesus Christ, immersed on a credible confession of faith, and associated for worship, work, and fellowship. We believe that to these local churches were committed, for perpetual observance, the ordinances of baptism and the Lord's supper, and that God has laid upon these churches the task of proclaiming to a lost world the acceptance of Jesus Christ as Savior, and the enthroning of Him as Lord and Master. We believe that all human betterment and social improvements are the inevitable by-products of such a Gospel. I Corinthians 12:12-13, 27; Ephesians 1:22; I Corinthians 1:2-9; Acts 2:41; Matthew 16:16-18; John 4:24; Ephesians 4:11-16; I Corinthians 11:23-30; Matthew 28:19-20; Romans 10:9-10; Exodus 20:2-3; Galatians 6:10; Romans 13:7-10 G. We believe that every human being is responsible to God alone in all matters of faith; that each church is independent and autonomous and must be free from interference by any ecclesiastical or political authority; that, therefore, Church and State must be kept separate as having different functions, each fulfilling its duties free from the dictation or patronage of the other. I Timothy 2:5; Hebrews 7:25; Acts 15:12-22; Matt. 22:15-20; Rom. 13:1-7; 1 Pet. 2:13-17

Ethical GuidelinesA. Salvation and Baptism. (John 1:11-12; Matt. 28:19-20) B. Duties to the Church 1. To walk together in Christian Love. (John 13:34-35) 2. To strive for the advancement of the Church and promote its prosperity and spirituality. (Phil. 1:27; 2 Tim. 2:15; 2 Cor. 7:1; 2 Pet. 3:11) 3. To sustain its worship, ordinances, discipline and doctrine. (Heb. 10:25; Matt. 28:19) 4. To contribute cheerfully and regularly. (I Cor. 16:2) 5. To carry my membership when I move and to be active in church work wherever I live. (Acts

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11:19-21; Acts 18:24-28) C. Duties to Fellow Members 1. To watch over one another in love. (I Peter 1:22) 2. To pray for one another. (James 5:16) 3. To aid in sickness and distress. (Gal. 6:2; James 2) 4. To cultivate sympathy and courtesy. (I Peter 3:8) 5. To be slow to take offense, always ready for reconciliation. (Mat. 18:15-17; Eph. 4:30-32) D. Duties in Personal Christian Living 1. To give the kingdom of God pre-eminence. (Matt. 6:33) 2. To maintain family and personal devotions. (Deut. 6:4-7; I Thes. 5:17; Acts 17:11) 3. To religiously educate the children. (2 Tim. 3:15; Deut. 6:4-7; Eph. 6:4) 4. To seek the salvation of the lost. (Acts 1:8; Matt. 4:19; Psa. 126:2-6; Prov. 11:30) 5. To walk circumspectly in the world, and to be just in our dealings, faithful in our commitments, and exemplary in our conduct. (Eph.5:15; Phil. 2:14-15; I Peter 2:11-12) 6. To abstain from the works of flesh and cultivate the fruit of the Spirit and righteous conduct. (Gal. 5:17-24; 6:8; Rom. 8:3-8; Eph. 4:18-6:18; Col. 3:1-10; I Pet. 4:2-5) 7. To be zealous in our efforts for Christ. (Titus 2:14

Appendix F Journal

Week 1:#1: Monday, August 22, 2011Reference: “At least five forms of soul care should be a part of the life of every Christian church: Christian friendship, pastoral ministry, pastoral care, pastoral counseling, and spiritual direction” (Benner, 2003, 16).Reflection: This quote reminds me that each of the five forms is a continuum of specialization. As a pastor I may be able to perform in all five forms of soul care, however, it may benefit me, the parishioner, and the church if I do not try to perform all five forms of soul care. Relocation: God, you have given me certain gifts to perform for your glory and honor. I pray that you help me focus on those gifts and use them accordingly. Help me to keep my focus on You, and where You are leading me. I am going to memorize Colossians 3 and know that you will bring these verses to my mind when needed.#2: Thursday, August 25, 2011Reference: “Through their words and their being, they should move people toward a closer contact with God who heals, sustains, guides, reconciles, and nurtures His people,” (Ibid, 40).Reflection: When I became a Christian, I was lead to Christ by a Pastor who counseled with these premises. He directed me to God in all that He shared, and he directed me to God in all that I did. He shared with me the need to turn to God, not to man, for direction in life. My Pastor always told me – “God is sufficient!” That has stuck with me to this day.Relocation: God, lead me, mold me into the man that You can use for a vessel to reveal Your truths to those who are lost and/or in need of being placed back on the path to Your truths. Use me Father God as an earthly vessel for Your voice to be heard by those who need You. Week 2:

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#1: Monday, August 29, 2011Reference: Counseling is not primarily a set of techniques but an intimate encounter and dialogue between two people, (Benner 2003, 57).Reflection: A dear friend of mine recently told me that my messages are too full of my past experiences in life. She also told me that I seem to want to be accepted. Her remarks hurt, yet at the same time “rang-true,” as I have learned to listen to God’s children, knowing that He speaks to me through them.Relocation: God, I need you to empty me of any selfish and prideful behaviors and fill me with your wisdom. I pray in Jesus’s name for your Holy Spirit to teach, lead, strengthen and encourage me so that You will be glorified and honored in all that your servant does.#2 Thursday, September 1, 2011Reference: The goal of the strategic pastoral counselor is to listen empathically to the feelings of the one seeking help, not to change his or her behavior (Ibid, 91)Reflection: Most of the time, I see behaviors in my children, friends and those who I have counseled that remind me of an old behavior I once had. Not wanting them to be hurt by this behavior my immediate inclination is to tell them why this behavior is bad, what this behavior will lead to and that they need to STOP this behavior now that they know where it will lead. Relocation: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 NIV). In His providence God allows what we may think is bad to happen for our temporal and eternal benefit. He is the one who will change the person’s behavior not me. God I pray that you will continue to show me that I am just as unrighteous as the next person, just as ignorant as those who are being tested in whatever trial and tribulation You have sent their way. Teach me Lord to allow those who cross my path to mature spiritual as You teach them how to be Christlike.Week 3 #1 Monday, September 4, 2011Reference: We have new wine in Christ, and this new wine should never be put into old wineskins (Benner, 37).Reflection: Attempting to change an aberrant behavior by the counsel of ungodly men is not only unwise, it is foolish. Isaiah tells us “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). This being the word of the Lord, reveals to us man’s folly. Relocation: God has given us His Holy Spirit to comfort and teach us. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you (John 14:26). We are to rely upon the Holy Spirit to sanctify us, removing the old skin and replace it with the new skin. #2 Friday, September 09, 2011Reference: Once we leave the old wineskin of problem-focused counseling, this approach of describing and clarifying solutions offers a wonderful freedom for both counselor and counselee (Benner, 45).Reflection: Focusing on a problem which we perceive to be the root of our dysfunctional state of mind only leaves us with a sense of unfathomable rationales as to how to fix the problem. We become overwhelmed by the magnitude of possibilities that lay before us offering hope of overcoming the “problem.”

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Relocation: Building solutions with those we counsel take our minds off the problem and we begin to focus upon the positive reality of a solution overcoming the issue(s) which are problematic in our lives. Realizing that our lives have passed through God’s hands before the foundations of the earth were established and that He is in control of every event in our lives, provides for me a sense of security that I have never had in 53 years of living.Week 4 # 1 Monday, September 12, 2011Reference: Any biblical view of how personality develops must be founded upon sin, separation from God, redemption, and new life. That is, it must be founded upon God’s grace and sovereign plan for each individual life (Kollar, 1997, 55).Reflection: When we are enamored with men’s portrayal of human issues and what lies at the heart of mankind’s mentality, we must remember that God’s wisdom and knowledge make man foolish in comparison.Relocation: As I study in the seminary about you my Father, I ask you to continually remind me that you alone are responsible for my ability to understand the truth as you have revealed it.#2 Thursday, September 15, 2011Reference: It is essential to keep in mind that God has been, and continues to be, thoroughly involved in the counselee’s life before we, as counselors, try to help (Ibid, 69).Reflection: At the age of 19, I thought that my life was spiraling downhill and that God had forgotten who I was, leaving me alone to my own devices.Relocation: In His providence God is in total control of our lives, allowing what we perceive to be bad things to happen, and sin, for our eternal and spiritual benefit. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28 NIV).Week 5 #1 Friday September 23, 2011Reference: He is uncommitted and often uninvolved in therapy (Kollar, 88).Reflection: Over the first fifty years of my life, I was uncommitted and uninvolved in therapy. I knew it all, and did not want anyone to hear my story, much less tell it. My life was in a shambles, and I lived in a dark abyss. Everyone around me was sick of me, including myself. I began to hate them for not showing me how they lived so happily and I began to hate myself because I could not figure it out.Relocation: God is patient and loving. He guides me when I am confused and lost; He loves me when I feel unloved. He shows me that there is no reason to feel unloved when He loves me. I pray when I sin, asking for His forgiveness, for His strength to overcome myself, for Him to save me from me! He responds by directing and leading me. I respond by allowing Him to do so, which is the smartest thing I have ever done and will continue to do.#2 Sunday, September 25, 2011Reference: Most counseling interviews begin with questions such as, “So, tell me, what brings you to see me today? Better yet, the counselor could state an outcome-oriented question such as, What is your goal in coming to see me today (Ibid, 116).Reflection: Some people come to me so distraught they cannot find the words to appropriately state why they are here to see me. Tears overwhelm their mental capacities to think. At these times all I can do is comfort them and pray for God to give them strength.Relocation: God prepare those You send me to counsel with the strength to overcome their feelings which prevent them from adequately stating their needs. Help them to come to me

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with outcome-oriented goals so that through You we can work on developing tasks to reach their goals.Week 6 #1 Tuesday, September 27, 2011Reference: As we have seen, ongoing encouraging feedback characterizes the attitude of the counselor throughout the counseling interview. Yet supportive feedback represents that particular aspect of the counseling interview that comes after the counselor and counselee pause to collect their thoughts (Ibid, 159)Reflection: There have been countless times during counseling session that I have either led or been an observer, that I have witnessed the failure to allow someone to continue with their thought-processes and their conversation is interrupted by the person(s) who are supposed to be listening. What occurs most of the time is the one who was interrupted forgets what they were saying or the impact of what they were trying to say was lostRelocation: After making the commitment to the person who has a higher feeling number (e.g. the counselee), the person with the lower feeling number (e.g. the counselor), is obligated to listen a while because they are calm enough to hear what the talker has to say (Peterson, 2007, 77).#2 Friday, September 30, 2011Reference: If after asking about helpful changes the counselee reports positive change in regard to his described goal, the counselor will then highlight, support, and consolidate this change (Kollar, 180).Reflection: I have been guilty of providing unsolicited, yet heartfelt, advice to those whom I have counseled only to see them forget what I have said or brush it off without a second thought.Relocation: Decode messages by checking your translation with the talker; Ask: “Is what I heard what you meant (Peterson, 144).Week 7 #1 Monday, October 03, 2011Reference: Knowing what to ignore has become one of my most important counseling skills. If counselors do not work to promote change early in the process-if they convey to clients a belief that nothing substantial will occur for a long time-they will more often than not be proven correct (Kollar, 189).Reflection: Placing my own agenda before the counselee’s needs prevents the development of the team work which is necessary to promote the formation and subsequent resolutions of goals – goals which are negotiated between counselee and the counselor which accurately meet the counselee’s needs not those of the counselor.Relocation: When it works well, everyday decision-making includes three steps-sharing, negotiating, and closing (Peterson, 203). #2 Thursday, October 6, 2011Reference: The counseling relationship is positional. A willing position is more readily gained through a focus on a personal goal (Kollar, 192)Reflection: Placing goals that I have made upon those whom I have counseled fails to address the goals of the counselee and reinforces the counselee’s self-doubts concerning their ability to make goals/decisions for themselves.Relocation: Remaining in a blaming position weakens the counselee, resulting in his inability to view himself as part of the solution. Those who we counselee already have God working in

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their lives, so who are we to assume that they cannot seek His help and develop a rational goal and outcome for their problems – counselors are led by the Holy Spirit as are those who are counseled, and as a team, the counselee, counselor and the Holy Spirit will develop goals and tasks to change the counselee’s life.

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SOLUTION-BASED, BRIEF PASTORAL COUNSELING (SBBPC)

PROJECT GRADING GUIDELINES

The following represents an additive grading rubric. Instead of beginning with 400 and losing points for errors, you begin with a 0 and earn points for your work. In determining your grade, three questions will be asked:

QUESTION VALUES TOTAL 400 POINTS

INTRODUCTION OF SBBPC? Question Value: 40 Points

Abstract: Did it introduce context (4), overarching goal (4), andidentify care seeker (2)? Points: 10

Table of Contents: Organized with appropriate headings & subheadings (10), References (4), each Appendix identified (12), and Grading Guideline (4)? Points: 30

PART 1 OF SBBPC: The Counseling Setting? Question Value: 120 Points

Introduction: Overview of SBBPC w/rationale (20) & assumptions (20) Points: 40 Pre-session Package: Essential elements explained (15), adequately

prepared (15) & located in Appendix (10): Overview of SBBPC; Statement of Beliefs and/or Worldview; Ethical Guidelines; Intake Form(s); Informed Consent; and ReferralProcess? Points: 40

Annotated References of 5 subjects: 3 Required - grief, anger, forgiveness;2 student’s choice; and 10 annotated entries/2 per subject? Points: 20

Journal: Minimum of 7 substantive entries (Wk 1-7 = 1 per week) Points: 20

PART 2 OF SBBPC: The Counselor’s Style? Question Value: 40 Points

Identified relational language, described relational style (integratedassessments and course materials)? Points: 20

Explained plan for controlling Relational Style utilizing course resources and placed Action Plan in Appendix? Points: 20

PART 3 OF SBBPC: The Counseling Strategy/Structure? Question Value: 80 Points

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P1: Use of assumptions, clear distinction of phase, aim, role and goal, skill set used to demonstrate fit in aligning w/counselee’s style? Points: 20

P2: Use of assumptions, clear distinction of phase, aim, role and goal, pastoral assessment, skill set used in collaborative goal description and identification of strengths and resources? Points: 20

P3: Use of assumptions, clear distinction of phase, aim, role and goal, skill set used in collaborative development of vision clarification? Points: 20

P4: Use of assumptions, clear distinction of phase, aim, role and goal, skill set used in consolidating change, and partnerships activated to support and secure change? Points: 20

PART 4 OF SBBPC: The Counseling Summation? Question Value: 120 Points

Discussed the versatility of the supportive feedback technique? Points: 20

Developed a procedure for reflexive praxis (15), identified/secured aMentor/Friend (10), and developed debriefing guidelines (15)? Points: 40

SBBPC project was written according to graduate-level expectations, Formatted according to Turabian (7e) Reference Style Guidelines, utilized required resources and at least two secondary sources, withAppendix (single-spaced) and not more than 40 pages (in its entirety)? Points: 60

Grade: 400 Comments: Michael…what a blessing your presence and project have been to me! If you don’t take anymore counseling courses…you’ve already built a strong helping framework. Continue the process of maintaining wise-mentors to influence your personal growth and development. Feed the project with truths, insights, and techniques in tandem with our Wonderful Counselor under the authority of the Word of God within a community of accountability and watch it grow with eternal significance. Keep moving your relational style toward God’s best version of our self in Christ. May your way continue to experience balance and often interrupt heaven!!!

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