Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

10
14 12 2012 Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori 1/10 mariamontessori.com/mm/?p=1674 Maria Montessori Search... Home Learn! About this Website Montessori Overview Infant/Toddler Primary Elementary Adolescent Montessori Graduates FAQs Glossary Find a Montessori School Newsletter Listen! Watch! Dec 4 Owner’s Manual for a Child by Donna Bryant Goertz | Montessori Blog 48 Comments Dear Parent, I want to be like you. I want to be just like you, but I want to become like you in my own way, in my own time, and by my own efforts. I want to watch you and imitate you. I do not want to listen to you except for a few words at a time, unless you don’t know I’m listening. I want to struggle, to make a grand effort with something very difficult, something I cannot master immediately. I want you to clear the way for my efforts, to give me the materials and supplies that will allow success to follow initial difficulty. I want you to observe me and see if I need a better tool, an instrument more my size, a taller, safer stepladder, a lower table, a container I can open by myself, a lower shelf, or a clearer demonstration of the process. I don’t want you to do it for me or rush me or feel sorry for me or praise me. Just be quiet and show me how to do it slowly, very slowly. I will demand to do an entire project by myself all at once just because I see you doing it, but that’s not what will work for me. Be firm and draw the line for me here. I need for you to give me just one small part of the whole project and let me repeat it over and over until I perfect it. You break down the project into parts that will be very difficult but possible for me to master through much effort, following many repetitions, and after long concentration. I want to think like you, behave like you, and hold your values. I want to do all this through my own efforts by imitating you. Slow down when speak. Let your words be few and wise. Slow down your movements. Perform your tasks in slow motion so I can absorb and imitate them. If you trust and respect me by preparing my home environment and giving me freedom within it, I will discipline myself and cooperate with you more often and more readily. The more you discipline yourself, the more I will discipline myself. The more you obey the laws of my development the, more I will obey you. © MariaMontessori.com We are both so fortunate that within me I have a secret plan for my own way of being like you. I am driven by my secret plan. I am safe and happy following it. It is irresistible to me. If you interfere with my work of unfolding myself according to my secret plan and try to force me to be like you in your own way, in your own time, by your own efforts, I will forget to work on my secret plan and begin to struggle against you. I will decide to wage a war against you and everything you stand for. That’s my nature It’s my way of protecting myself. You could call it integrity.

Transcript of Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

Page 1: Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

14 12 2012 Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

1/10mariamontessori.com/mm/?p=1674

Maria Montessori

Search...

HomeLearn!

About this WebsiteMontessori Overview

Infant/ToddlerPrimaryElementaryAdolescentMontessori Graduates

FAQsGlossaryFind a Montessori SchoolNewsletter

Listen!Watch!

Dec4

Owner’s Manual for a Child

by Donna Bryant Goertz | Montessori Blog

48 Comments

Dear Parent,

I want to be like you. I want to be just like you, but I want to become like you in my own way, in my own time, and by my own efforts. I want to watch youand imitate you. I do not want to listen to you except for a few words at a time, unless you don’t know I’m listening. I want to struggle, to make a grand

effort with something very difficult, something I cannot master immediately. I want you to clear the way for my efforts, to give me the materials and suppliesthat will allow success to follow initial difficulty. I want you to observe me and see if I need a better tool, an instrument more my size, a taller, safer stepladder,

a lower table, a container I can open by myself, a lower shelf, or a clearer demonstration of the process. I don’t want you to do it for me or rush me or feelsorry for me or praise me. Just be quiet and show me how to do it slowly, very slowly.

I will demand to do an entire project by myself all at once just because I see you doing it, but that’s not what will work for me. Be firm and draw the line for

me here. I need for you to give me just one small part of the whole project and let me repeat it over and over until I perfect it. You break down the projectinto parts that will be very difficult but possible for me to master through much effort, following many repetitions, and after long concentration.

I want to think like you, behave like you, and hold your values. I want to do all this through my own efforts by imitating you. Slow down when speak. Let

your words be few and wise. Slow down your movements. Perform your tasks in slow motion so I can absorb and imitate them. If you trust and respect meby preparing my home environment and giving me freedom within it, I will discipline myself and cooperate with you more often and more readily. The more

you discipline yourself, the more I will discipline myself. The more you obey the laws of my development the, more I will obey you.

© MariaMontessori.com

We are both so fortunate that within me I have a secret plan for my own way of being like you. I am driven by my secret plan. I am safe and happy followingit. It is irresistible to me. If you interfere with my work of unfolding myself according to my secret plan and try to force me to be like you in your own way, in

your own time, by your own efforts, I will forget to work on my secret plan and begin to struggle against you. I will decide to wage a war against you andeverything you stand for. That’s my nature It’s my way of protecting myself. You could call it integrity.

Page 2: Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

14 12 2012 Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

2/10mariamontessori.com/mm/?p=1674

Depending on my personality, I will wage the war more openly or more covertly; I will fight you more aggressively or more passively. A great deal of myincredible energy, talent, and intelligence will be wasted. You will probably win in the end, but I will be only a weak version, a poor substitute, a forgery ofwhat I am capable of being, and you will be exhausted. Please take the pressure off both of us by preparing my home environment so I can do my work ofcreating a human being and you can stick to your work of bringing one up. I’ll do what I do best and you do what you do best.

I am capable of being the finest example of your best attributes and values expressed in my very own way. If you will prepare a home environment carefullyand thoroughly for me, keep my materials and tools in order and good repair, set the limits clearly and firmly, give me long slow periods of time to work on my

secret plan, I will do the work of developing a new human being, me! Did I mention that I need materials to be set out in every room of the house? I need tohave materials available for quick and easy access wherever I happen to be in the house and wherever you are. I need to have the option of working andplaying close to you. Most of the time, I need to use activities close to the shelf where they belong in order to form the habit of putting away.

My secret plan for developing myself is carried out entirely by hand, hands that is, my own two, to be precise. I am a fine artist, a master craftsman, andrequire the finest tools and supplies. Don’t give me a lot of junk, just a few fine materials that are complete and in good repair. Excess is worse than

unnecessary; it’s distracting. It disturbs my creative process. It makes me irritable and uncooperative. I know it’s hard to believe that through my chosenactivities carried out independently and in a state of deep concentration I am developing my character, but it’s true. I can’t make fine character out of a lot ofjunk in a big mess.

My home is my studio and my workshop, so be sure it is quiet and peaceful. Play soft, soothing music while I am awake. Watch TV only after I am in bed. While I’m up, I will make all the noise we need. Oh, and I need everything to be kept in order. I can’t do my best work in a mess. I don’t know how to

make order for myself but I crave it, so I will need you to do it for me at least three times a day. If you make order for me in a practical and estheticallypleasing way that makes sense to my logical mind, I will gradually begin to imitate you more and more.

Eventually you will be able to require that I put away for myself, when I’m six or so, providing you always remember to check in with me about it three times aday until I’m nine. I can’t cope with an entire day’s accumulation of things to put away, much less an entire week’s worth. I will certainly never be able tocope with a month’s worth of mess. If you get distracted and forget to help me put away during the day and the mess builds up, you will have to put it awayyourself every night.

© MariaMontessori.com

I hate to be so demanding, but I need to have all my supplies organized and displayed in complete sets within my reach so I can get them for myself. If I haveto ask you for what I need all the time, I will begin to feel like either a commanding general or a whining invalid. Stop and think, I could really get into one orthe other of those roles. Neither of us wants that. I need independence like I need oxygen. It brings out the best in me. The time you spend setting up myenvironment will be time you save by not dealing with my petulant, obstreperous, recalcitrant side.

Television is a big interruption in my development. Sorry! I know you don’t want to hear this, I need hands on activities and I need lots of processing time.

TV distracts me from more important activities and fills my head with more than I have time to process. Read to me every day because reading goes slowly,allowing for processing along the way. TV packs more in than I know what to do with, so I shut down and either become passive or frenetic. I know youmight think some shows are good for me, and I know you might think you deserve the break TV provides, but we both pay a heavy price for every half-hour Iwatch.

I can’t resist the TV, but that’s okay because every three-to-six-year-old has a parent, and that’s what parents are for. TV makes me distracted, irritable, anduncooperative. The more I watch, the more I want to watch, so it creates issues between us. If you can’t say no to a daily TV viewing habit for me now,where is my example for developing the strength to say no to other bad habits later? Besides, the more I watch TV, the less I want to be like you. Remember, I imitate what I watch. Oh, yes, nix also to the video and computer games I beg for and all my friends have. Come on, I know you can do it.

I will usually be so consumed with my work and play that I won’t hear you when you speak to me. Don’t make it worse by speaking from a distance orrepeating yourself. Just get down on my level within a foot of my face, get my attention, and look into my eyes before you speak. Then let your words be few,

firm, and respectful. You will save both of us a lot of senseless suffering if you can remember to do that. I know it will not be easy for you to remember, but ifyou work hard you can train yourself to make it a habit. After all, if you don’t do what you’re supposed to do, how can you expect me to do what I’msupposed to do?

If you don’t have the time or energy or, I hate to say it, self discipline to follow through on what you say, just don’t say it. Idle threats and empty promisesmake me despise you. You look foolish, arbitrary, and weak. I know I act like I want to run the universe myself, but that’s just a show of bravado. I really

Page 3: Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

14 12 2012 Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

3/10mariamontessori.com/mm/?p=1674

need a parent to run my world. When I can’t depend on you to mean what you say, I can’t trust you. That causes me to feel deeply insecure and go toextremes. It’s frightening to me because I love you so much. I need to respect you and trust you to say what you mean and mean what you say. You are themost important part of my home environment.

You’ll be glad to hear that part of my secret plan calls for helping you around the house and yard. No, it can’t be when you have time or are in the mood, oreven when it would really be helpful to you. It has to go by my interest. Sorry, I can’t be flexible about that. After all, I’m the one who’s creating a humanbeing. You’re just bringing one up. Well, I guess it won’t really be a help to you at all, not immediately or directly. It’ll really be a big hindrance. I have to be

given the right size equipment, careful demonstrations, and lots of time and patience.

© MariaMontessori.com

Just when I master a certain skill and become capable of making a real contribution, I’ll tire of it and choose not to do it again. Then I’ll want to learn a new

job requiring far more skill and expertise and you will have start all over again. This will happen about once a week for the next six years and take up a lot ofyour valuable and scarce time. In the long run it really will be a big help, though, because I’ll feel so invested in our home and family that I’ll be a lot morereasonable and cooperative about our family’s values and rules. I’ll also be so skilled, capable, independent, and self-disciplined by the time I’m nine yearsold that it will be reasonable to expect me to do my share around the house and yard. I will have developed obedience.

I know my needs are great and many. I know I’m asking a lot of you, but you are all I’ve really got. I love you and I know you love me beyond reason ormeasure. If I can’t count on you, who can I count on? But let’s not kid each other. It doesn’t have to be perfect. I’m tough and resilient. I’ll survive andmake the best of it. Just thought you might want to have the chapter on the Primary Montessori Home Environment from the Owner’s Manual for aMontessori Primary Child. You could make the next three years a lot more fun for both of us by taking care of me according to my needs. Hey, can we justshoot for meeting 50% of my needs? Okay, okay, I’ll settle for 25%.

Love, hugs, and kisses,

Your Three-to-Six-Year-Old

P.S. I know I’m very lucky. Not many children have parents that will really listen and pay attention to their needs instead of just giving in to their whines andtantrums. Maybe they’re scared their kids will stop loving them. Maybe they’re scared their kids won’t be popular. I’ll save that subject for Chapter Six.

The more TV I watch the more I will complain of boredom because I will gradually lose my natural bent for following my Sensitive Periods–you know, thosedrives for certain activities during certain stages of development. Without interference of TV, a restless sense of creative dissatisfaction prompts me to exploremy environment and fix my attention on an activity, concentration on it, and repeat it. Under the influence of TV, that same restless sense becomes a poutymonster called boredom that tyrannizes you and me both, wears on our relationship, and compromises my best development.

Donna Bryant Goertz, founder of Austin Montessori School in Austin, Texas, acts as a resource to schools around the world. Donna’s book, Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful: Preventing Exclusion in the Early Elementary Classroom draws on her thirty years of experienceguiding a community of thirty-five six-to-nine year-olds. She received her Montessori elementary diploma from the Fondazione Centro Internazionale StudiMontessoriani in Bergamo, Italy, and her assistants to infancy diploma from The Montessori Institute of Denver, Colorado.

152 TweetTweet 100 Paylaş 2,3b

Page 4: Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

14 12 2012 Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

4/10mariamontessori.com/mm/?p=1674

48 Comments

1. Becky says:December 5, 2011 at 9:00 pm

This is thoughtful, motivational, and moving. Thank you so much for your time and efforts!

2. Susanne says:December 6, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Wow, I just love this “letter telling”. It goes right into your hart. Im so glad I’m a Montessoriparent:-)

3. Marcy says:

December 6, 2011 at 2:34 pm

I’m glad for this part: ” You could make the next three years a lot more fun for both of us by taking care of me according to my needs. Hey, can we justshoot for meeting 50% of my needs? Okay, okay, I’ll settle for 25%.” As a mom to 2 young kids (just shy of 1 and 4 yrs old), reading this post wasmore than a bit intimidating. I know there’s no way I can keep up with all of that (I came close when I had just one child… then the baby came along).Think we’ll all have to settle for that 25%… ; )

4. Jen says:December 6, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Wow. This is absolutely gorgeous. Thank you so much for writing such a beautiful piece and sharing it with the world. I shared it with my readers aswell. Peace…

5. MontessoriVal says:December 6, 2011 at 3:03 pm

It is a lovely text and I’m sure that each parent who reads it thinks “right, I should do this” at some point.

Marcy, the point is not to put pressure on parents, on the contrary.

Do not confuse “natural needs” with “demands”. What 3-6 years old need is to “feed” their sensitive periods and let them do by themselves. This hasnothing to do with responding positively to everything they ask you to do.

When you think about it, meeting their natural needs is probably less difficult than trying to meet 25% of their demands but it still takes effort andsomeone to remind you what to do.

Thank you for doing that Donna, tomorrow I will remember to look my daughter in the eyes when I ask her something instead of yelling it from anotherroom

6. Marnie @ Carrots are Orange says:December 6, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Wonderful! I am going to print this piece out and frame it! Thank you!

7. shabnum Butt says:December 7, 2011 at 5:28 am

That’s a beautiful message!life becomes so easy for a child and for adult if we respect the child’s feelings.

8. RB Fast says:December 8, 2011 at 9:33 am

I am a Montessori administrator and a mother of a 5-year-old. Every word you say is true and you brought tears to my eyes. What a gift it is to do thework of being my daughter’s mother!

9. Julie says:December 8, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I’m with Marnie, this is def getting framed. For home and the classroom! I so need this type of daily reminder when dealing with my amazingly curious

15 month old.

10. Marcy says:December 9, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Page 5: Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

14 12 2012 Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

5/10mariamontessori.com/mm/?p=1674

@MontessoriVal– Thanks for the reply. I don’t think I was confusing the two– I think I do well balancing my children’s demands. It’s the expectationsof how to meet the needs specified in this article that intimidate me. For example: maintaining near-perfect order in the home; always having appropriate,child-sized materials around for them to use; always having the patience to involve them in the work I am doing when they are interested regardless ofthe extra mess and time this takes; always having the patience to let them do a task by themselves no matter how much extra time that takes; neverturning on the TV; etc. These are what intimidate me, and what I referred to when I meant that I think we’ll have to make do with me meeting thoseneeds about 25% of the time right now.

11. Laura says:December 14, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Beautiful… do you have something for the first three years? I have a one year old boy, my first child and would love some more specific inspiration.

12. Melissa says:December 19, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Perfect! So beautifully expressed, and I love that it comes from the child’s perspective. Thank you, thank you – I’m sharing!

13. Kim says:January 6, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Thank you for this! It’s worth reading again and again and again…

14. Iffat says:January 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Great ! I love the aspect that it comes from a child’s perspective and so beautifully expressed.I am going to share it with the parents.

15. Cait says:January 24, 2012 at 9:39 am

This was absolutely beautiful and inspiring. I will try to live up to the expectations of my little girl turning into her own “being.”The only comment I have in regards to the Montessori philosophy is the piece about not offering praise. Doesn’t everyone need to be told they aredoing a good job in order to feel competent? Do any parents have any advice or comments in regards to not giving praise?

16. Donna Bryant Goertz says:January 25, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I appreciate your observation and question! There’s an excellent article on this same website that addresses just those. “I Did It!”

You might be interested in reading Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlisch on the subject of praise. I have a few nice pieces on the topic as well. One of thetwenty presentations I give for parents is called “Specific, Detailed Acknowledgement Instead of Praise.” It encourages parents to observe, describeand reflect back to the child his/her own pleasure rather than praise and evaluate. Through the first way we share the child’s accomplishment, encourageand affirm his/er self evaluation and personal power, support his/er sense of autonomy and validity whereas the second builds a dependency on theopinion of others, moves the locus of value from the child to the adults and encourages extrinsic rather than intrinsic motivation.

For a fascinating and inspiring book on the subject, you might enjoy Alfie Kohn’s “The Problem with As, Praise and Gold Stars.” a more recent bookon that and related subjects is “Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us.” Oh, yes, there’s the startling book of research on the effects ofpraise on children called “The Self-Esteem Trap.”

It seems the research is in on the damage of praise and all that remains is the daunting challenge of breaking the habit. And it is so hard to break thathabit!

17. Eve Herrmann says:February 11, 2012 at 5:31 am

Thank you for this text !I translated it to post it on my web site. You can see this here :

http://www.nido-montessori.fr/#2788071/Attitude-de-l-adulte-suite

Eve

18. Weylin says:March 20, 2012 at 6:01 pm

This was really amazing. I’m a Primary teacher and a father of a 2 1/2 year old and reading this almost brought a tear to my eye. It is very hard in oursociety with our busy lives to address these needs that our children have. I’m a firm believer in the idea that EVERY parent is doing the best they can

Page 6: Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

14 12 2012 Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

6/10mariamontessori.com/mm/?p=1674

with what they have but sometimes reading something like this can greatly expand “what a parent has” to work with. Even if a parent could change theirlives enough to accommodate even one of these universal needs it could make a profound difference in a child’s life, let alone many or all of them. Myonly point of contention is that the title should read “Owners Manual for a Child” All children need these things, not just Montessori children. Of coursethe author knows this but I would feel more inclined to share this with a wider audience on Facebook if the title didn’t sound so exclusive. I’ll probablyshare it anyway. Thank you for your profound insight.

19. Donna Bryant Goertz says:March 20, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Let’s change the title! Absolutely, you are right. Matt Hillis, will you change this title? And, Weylin, email me at [email protected] for a PDF withpermission to copy and distribute attached. Donna

20. Maria Montessori says:March 25, 2012 at 7:44 pm

@ Weylin & @Donna – consider it changed!

Matt

21. Donna Bryant Goertz says:

March 29, 2012 at 7:22 pm

We’ve got you, Matt;and you’ve got us! And this is not a school but a children’s house or a workshop or a studio or a lab or a farm, and this is not ateacher but a guide. and this is not a lesson but a conversation or a presentation or a demonstration.

22. Tommy Dee says:

April 22, 2012 at 9:00 am

Thank you! I am sure you have devoted your entire life in order to be able to write these incredible words of wisdom.They are so true and so touching deep inside every parent’s heart.

I’d like to ask for your permission to translate it and post it on my website.Have a fantastic day,

Anastasios

23. Donna Bryant Goertz says:

April 22, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Thank you for your most kind words. A translation would be serve well! Send me your translation, I’ll have it vetted and send you permission to post.

Please give me your contact info.

24. alma iris mejia says:

May 29, 2012 at 3:27 pm

is so wonderful message for all the teachers and parents. I would like its translation into spanish in my Email address

25. John Snyder says:June 5, 2012 at 9:21 am

Thanks for sharing this brilliant, sensitive and thoughtful meditation with the world.

26. Gabriel says:

August 23, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Dear Donna, I’m crying. Your text is just amazingly amazing… I was a Montessori Child myself and nowadays I work with Montessori teenagers. I amlucky to own one of the most visited blogs about Montessori at home in Portuguese and would be really thankful if you allowed me to translate your text

into Portuguese for my readers. Of course I would give them the link to your excellent website as well. If you think that’s a good idea, I would ask youto send me an e-mail to [email protected]

Thank you very, very much for the increadible insights you give in this text, and sorry for my mistakes in English here!

27. Donna Bryant Goertz says:

August 24, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Thank you! I appreciate your comments. And I’ll get back to you tomorrow, Gabriel.

28. Donna Bryant Goertz says:

Page 7: Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

14 12 2012 Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

7/10mariamontessori.com/mm/?p=1674

August 25, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Gabriel, please send me your translation at [email protected]. I’ll have it vetted and return it to you with permission to distribute. D

29. Donna Bryant Goertz says:

August 25, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Thank you for your kind words, Alma. Send me a translation at [email protected]. I’ll have it vetted and return it to you with permission todistribute. D

30. Donna Bryant Goertz says:August 25, 2012 at 4:03 pm

John, who in AMI could translate this into Spanish and Portuguese? We do have a couple of my articles translated into French, Spanish and Russian.Which ones are they?

31. Tanu Jain says:August 31, 2012 at 12:43 am

Lovely Blog…. I am a working mother of 2 year old and always have that guilt that I am unable to give him sufficient time. But this blog explains me tobe their role model is more important.

Thanks a lot Donna..

32. Siddhartha Mishra says:August 31, 2012 at 1:42 am

Though I am not a good reader, but you will not believe that I have finished the above article in one stretch, The language was very clear, sharp andsimple. Thanks a lot for such a meaningful write-up.

33. Bhuvan says:August 31, 2012 at 4:45 am

It is an amazing piece of writing. Taking a print-out to paste it in my room to remind me that I should be careful with each word I say to my daughterthough she has already crossed the 3-6 yr. bracket (she’s seven actually). Thank you very much for guiding parents like me to develop this parent-child

relationship.

34. khair says:

August 31, 2012 at 5:05 am

Thank you for this beautiful article. Many important points in a nutshell!! I wish it was download-able and printable !

35. Zahra says:August 31, 2012 at 6:15 am

Dear Donna,

Your words do the magic. I was looking for the ways how to become a Montessori educator, and I ended up here, reading your writing. It is amazing.I noticed you have translation here and I used Persian ones just for the curiosity. To tell you the truth, translation gives Persian speaking people no idea

about what original text tries to tell them. It is really useless and irrelevent.Since I have been working as translator for more than 8 years now, it would be my pleasure to help you with that. I was born in Iran and I live in

Canada. We do not have Montessori school in Iran and it will be a good chance for me to introduce the system to the society.Hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,Zahra

36. Beroz says:August 31, 2012 at 7:23 am

Hi DonnaYou have written great words to open the mind of many a parent and a teacher! i was truly inspired by them. i know my faults now. I really need to be

patient wth my younger daughter but honestly many a time lose my temper. Lately she has been gaining confidence in herself and i know my being

patient wth her has worked. if you could help me with some more material do mail them to me.i have never brought them by way of conditions as i wasnever in favour of this and so hv lost my patience over the years. my elder one is 10 and youngie is 9.

Awaiting your reply!love and regards

from a mother who wishes to have that special place in her child’s heart.

Page 8: Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

14 12 2012 Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

8/10mariamontessori.com/mm/?p=1674

37. Donna Bryant Goertz says:September 2, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Thank you for your kind words. How fine it is when we develop more patience and to see the results in our child! I admire your honest self-reflection.

That alone is a gift to your family. Go slowly in making changes and be kind and patient with yourself as well. It is wonderful to be firm and definite, butin a cheerful ant pleasant way. Children need limits and they need for us to stand by our limits with quiet and loving confidence. Keep reading the articles

on this website and there are other helpful websites. I ask our readers to suggest several to you. You might be interested in reading my book “ChildrenWho Are Not Yet Peaceful” for information, inspiration and support. And remember that by two steps forward and one step back we are still making

progress!

38. Donna Bryant Goertz says:

September 2, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Thank you, Zahra, for your kind words. I am thrilled to hear from a native Persian. Please do translate my article and send it to me to review. We have

parents from Iran in our school who will help me review it. Then I will return it to you for distribution among Persian speakers.

39. Donna Bryant Goertz says:

September 2, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Gabriel, thank you for the Portuguese translation. I am very happy to report that this Tuesday I am meeting with the Portuguese parent from our school

who will review your translation with me. I’ll be back in touch with you by email.

40. Donna Bryant Goertz says:

September 2, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Khair, let’s ask ask Matt Hillis how to download in a printable form. Then email me at [email protected] for written permission to distribute. AndI thank you for your kind words. I am happy to be of service.

41. Pam Malboeuf says:

September 3, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Great article. It was sent to me by a student I guide on line at CGMS! I have been a Montessorian for 40+ years and do wish and look forward to anyparent I know reading this, especially at the start of the school year.

42. Clair says:September 15, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Hi Donna

Thank you so much for this beautiful and inspirational piece. Wonderful writing expressing an amazing period in a child and parents life. So many truths!Clair

43. Tammy Simmons says:

October 22, 2012 at 9:25 am

This is beautiful! I am going to share it with all my families.

44. Miss Julie says:

October 25, 2012 at 12:34 pm

This touched me and re-inspired the “Montessorian” in me. I will be sharing it with all my daycare parents. Thank you

45. Kim C says:November 1, 2012 at 3:16 am

Dear Donna: Your Owner’s Manual is applicable in so many areas of life, to both children and adults. It provides the fundamental principles forcoexisting peacefully with others, placing primacy on the universal right and obligation of all for mutual respect and consideration. I’m the father of pre-K

and Kindergarten Montessori students, and my exposure to their learning environment not only enriches me and my wife as parents — it also validatedmy perceptions of what’s missing in our workplaces. Too often we see a lot of inspirational talk, but little to no action on those words. I think that’s just

an extension of the difficulty in breaking bad habits that you wrote about in the Owner’s Manual. So I will think about the basic points of your Manual toinspire action in all parts of our lives. Our children, our colleagues, and our community will benefit. Thank you so much for writing it.

46. Donna Bryant Goertz says:November 4, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Page 9: Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

14 12 2012 Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

9/10mariamontessori.com/mm/?p=1674

Oh, i hear you! Habits are so powerful and understanding that is a great motivator for us to do our utmost to help our children form habits that will serve

them well during these years and in their future as adults. The fewer unhelpful habits our children take with them inot adulthood, the fewer struggles theywill be faced with in the habit-breaking department. Of course we all know that regardless of the level of our parenting, our children will grow up and life

will go on. Yet, loving them as fiercely ad we do and recognizing the problematic world they must enter and the challenges they will face there, which ofus can content ourselves with taking the lazy way of relaxing back into habits instilled in us by our own parents and classrooms? Which of us can enjoy

the wide and easy road laissez faire or authoritarian parenting, when with constancy of effort and vigilant mindfulness we can make a breakthrough thatwill serve generations of our descendants? Which of us can resist the call, once we have heard it, to serve our own children and grandchildren and

through them the human family? And ye,t regardless of how compelling the call to make a breakthrough for the joy of the present and the good of thefuture, few of us can achieve this alone. We need a community and we need leaders. Not only does a Montessori school serve our children during the

hours they spend in the classroom communities, it also provides regular and frequent parent education opportunities which acts to form a community of

families with shared values and common practices, a community that supports one another and provides the children with the peers that live and learntogether in a vibrant experience of common meaning and common purpose.. It provides a culture of healthy family life.

Im thinking you might also enjoy a glimpse into the next plane of development, one which will come alto soon for your family–the elementary years. Mybook “Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful” is an interesting and compelling way to look ahead, to see what’s just over the horizon.

47. Shamim says:November 10, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Great effort,It shows how deeply involved you are with children, and how beautifully you have highlighted Dr.Maria Montessori’s quote of a child’sinner voice”Help me to Help myself”

48. Doreen says:November 16, 2012 at 12:02 am

Great work! I have 7 and 9 year olds. Is it too late for them? Iam currently looking for alternative schools/ education system for them because Iam

dissatisfied with the school which offers the British curriculum. I would appreciate some advise/ guidance.

Leave a Reply

Name *

Email *

Website

Submit Comment

Montessori Social Media

Translator

Recent Comments

Adobe Montessori on Keeping It Real – Part I

Donna Bryant Goertz on The Fundamental ChoiceNatalie on The Fundamental Choice

elise on The Fundamental ChoicePilar Bewley on The Fundamental Choice

Montessori Tweets!

Loading …

More Updates

Tags

academics admissions advice alumni behavior books boys children choosing a school community conflict Conventional Education cosmic education creativity curriculum

elementary failure family fathers freedom History home environment imagination independence infant learning love of learning maria Maria Montessori math

montessori motivation parenting parents practical life primary reading research responsibility schools teachers technology toddler community toys

work

Montessori Associations

Page 10: Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

14 12 2012 Owner’s Manual for a Child — Maria Montessori

10/10mariamontessori.com/mm/?p=1674

AMI EAA

AMI USAAssociation Montessori Internationale

NAMTA

Montessori Training

Hershey Montessori Training InstituteInternational Montessori Training Institute

Montessori Institute NorthwestMontessori Institute of Atlanta

Montessori Institute of Milwaukee

Montessori Institute of North TexasMontessori Institute of San Diego

Montessori Teacher Training of Northern CaliforniaMontessori Training Center of Minnesota

Montessori Training Center of New EnglandMontessori Training Center of St Louis

The Montessori Institiute at DenverThe Southwest Institute of Montessori Studies

Washington Montessori Institute

©2012 MariaMontessori.com - All Rights Reserved.

All photographs and videos appearing on this site are the property of MariaMontessori.com.

They are protected by U.S. Copyright Laws, and are not to be downloaded or reproduced in any way without the written permission ofMariaMontessori.com. • Log in