Overview of Adding Details

1. Show, don’t Tell2. Use Sensory Description3. Move from general to

specific4. Use Similes, Metaphors,

and Personification

Showing vs. Telling

Telling: Telling language uses little to no descriptive details. It’s boring. Blah, blah!

Showing: Like watching a scene. Showing language recreates the experience for the reader.

Example: Showing vs. Telling

Telling:“I milked cows as a kid.”

Showing:“Flossy, our Holstein, with her taut muscles and

sagging udder, tolerated my feeble attempts as a child to extract her milk.”

Example: Showing vs. TellingShowing:“Mama, since pterodactyl

starts with a p and not a t, I’m going to name my pterodactyl ptommy!” said my 4-year-old daughter, Mia, swishing her strawberry-blonde hair and flashing me her impish smile.

Telling:My daughter is so smart!

Sensory Description

SightSoundTasteSmellTouch

General to Specific: Nouns

Nouns are people, places, things, and ideas. Make them specific!

Car yellow 1976 StingrayShoe Jimmy Choo red patent pumpsBuilding Columbia TowerFish Rainbow TroutNewspaper New York TimesTree Big Leaf Maple

General to Specific: Verbs

Verbs are actions. So make them active and specific!

Run Gallop, Lope, or SprintLaugh Chortle, Giggle, or SnortJump Flail, Hop, or LaunchDrink Chug, Sip, or GulpLook Glare, Glance, or Stare

General to Specific: Adjectives

Adjectives modify (tell us more about) nouns. Make them as descriptive as possible.

Beautiful elegant, sophisticated, gracefulRed crimson, burgundy, brick, scarletNice attractive, kind, gentleLoud cacophonous, piercing, roaringSlow unhurried, sluggish, methodical

General to Specific: Adverbs

Adverbs modify verbs. They tell us how the action of the verb was executed. Adverbs usually end in –ly. Try adding them!

• Melissa lectures enthusiastically.• Timidly, the cat crept around the corner.• Martha bitterly cleaned up her children’s

mess.Adverbs can move around sentences!

Similes

• My father skittered around the kitchen like a mouse as my mother barked orders.

• Like caramel, the setting sun dripped into the sea.

• As a gnat, Suzie bombarded me with questions.

Similes add description by using the words like or as:

Metaphors

• My brother is a barracuda in the courtroom.

• The teacher was a hammer, relentless if making a point.

• The trees were gnomes playing in the windy forest.

Metaphors describe by claiming one thing is another, so one thing is associated with the qualities of the other:

Personification

Personification is making something that’s not a person seem to have human-like qualities:

• With their eyes bright, the skyscrapers looked out over the darkened city.

• The kind and inviting rock beckoned me to sit and rest.

Balancing Details

1. Balance highly descriptive sentences by putting them near less descriptive ones.

2. Avoid bombarding with too much description.

3. Make all of your details contribute to a dominant impression.