One Crazy Summer...Cassius Clay Clouds Good thing the plane had seat belts and we’d been strapped...
Transcript of One Crazy Summer...Cassius Clay Clouds Good thing the plane had seat belts and we’d been strapped...
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OneCrazySummer
byRitaWilliams-Garcia
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ForthelateChurneLloyd,andespeciallyfor
Maryhana,Kamau,Ife,andOni
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Contents
CassiusClayClouds
GoldenGateBridge
SecretAgentMother
GreenStuccoHouse
MeanLadyMing
CollectCall
ForthePeople
GlassofWater
Inseparable
BreakfastProgram
EventheEarthIsaRevolutionary
CrazyMotherMountain
EveryoneKnowstheKingoftheSea
ColoringandLa-La
CountingandSkimming
BigRedS
ChinaWho
ExpertColoredCounting
CivicPride
RallyforBobby
EatingCrow
ItsyBitsySpider
MovableType
SanFranciscoTreat
WishWeHadaCamera
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TheClarkSisters
IBirthedaNation
StoresoftheNoSayers
GloriousHill
TheThirdThing
So
BeEleven
Afua
Acknowledgments
AbouttheAuthor
OtherBooksbyRitaWilliams-Garcia
Credits
Copyright
AboutthePublisher
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CassiusClayClouds
Goodthingtheplanehadseatbeltsandwe’dbeenstrappedintightbeforetakeoff.Withoutthem,thatlastjoltwouldhavebeenenoughtothrowVonettaintoorbitandFernacrosstheaisle.Still,IanchoredmyselfandmysistersbestasIcouldtobraceusforwhatevercamenext.Thosecloudsweren’tthroughwithusyetanddealtanotherCassiusClay–left–and–a–rightjabtothebodyofourBoeing727.
Vonettashrieked,thenstuckherthumbinhermouth.FernbitdownonMissPattyCake’spinkplasticarm.Ikeptmywhimpertomyself.Itwasbadenoughmyinsidessqueezedinandstretchedoutlikeamonkeygrinder’saccordion—noneedtoletanyoneknowhowfrightenedIwas.
Itookabreathso,whenmymouthfinallyopened,I’dsoundlikemyselfandnotlikesomescaredrabbit.“It’sjustthecloudsbumping,”Itoldmysisters.“LiketheybumpedoverDetroitandChicagoandDenver.”
Vonettapulledherthumboutofhermouthandputherheadinherlap.FernheldontoMissPattyCake.Theylistenedtome.
“Wepushourwayupintheclouds;thecloudsgetmadandpushback.LikeyouandFernfightingoverredandgoldcrayons.”Ididn’tknowaboutcloudsfightingandpushingforafact,butIhadtotellmysisterssomething.AslongasVonettakeptherfeartooneshriekandFernkeptherstobitingMissPattyCake,Ikeptonspinningstraw,makingeverythingallright.That’smainlywhatIdo.KeepVonettaandFerninline.ThelastthingPaandBigMawantedtohearwashowwemadeagrandNegrospectacleofourselvesthirtythousandfeetupintheairaroundallthesewhitepeople.
“YouknowhowPapais,”Itoldthem.“Nowayhe’dputusonaplaneifitweredangerous.”
Theyhalfwaybelievedme.JustasIhadthatsoftplasticarmoutofFern’smouth,thoseCassiusClay–fightingcloudsthrewour727anotherjab.
BigMa—that’sPa’smother—stillsaysCassiusClay.PasaysMuhammadAliorjustAli.IslidebackandforthfromCassiusClaytoMuhammadAli.Whateverpicturecomestomind.WithCassiusClayyouheartheclashoffists,liketheplanegettingjabbedandpunched.WithMuhammadAliyouseeamightymountain,greaterthanEverest,andcan’tnooneknockdowna
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mountain.
Allthewaytotheairport,PahadtriedtoactlikehewasdroppingoffthreesacksofwashattheLaundromat.I’dseenthroughPa.He’snoVonetta,puttingonperformances.Hehasonlyoneortwofaces,nothinghidden,nothingexaggerated.EventhoughithadbeenhisideathatweflyouttoOaklandtoseeCecile,Pa’dneveroncesaidhowexcitingourtripwouldbe.HejustsaidthatseeingCecilewassomethingwhosetimehadcome.Thatithadtobedone.Justbecausehedecideditwastimeforustoseeherdidn’tmeanhewantedustogo.
MysistersandIhadstayeduppracticallyallnightCaliforniadreamingaboutwhatseemedliketheothersideoftheworld.Wesawourselvesridingwildwavesonsurfboards,pickingorangesandapplesofffruittrees,fillingourautographbookswithsignaturesfrommoviestarswe’dseeinsodashops.Evenbetter,wesawourselvesgoingtoDisneyland.
Wehadwatchedairplanesliftupandflyoffintoblueskyaswenearedtheairport.Everytimeanotherairlinerflewoverhead,leavingatrailofwhiteandgraysmoke,BigMafannedherselfandasked,“Jesus,why?”
BigMahadkeptquietlongenough.Onceinsidetheterminal,sheletitallhangout.ShetoldPa,“Idon’tmindsayingit,butthisisn’tright.ComingouttoIdlewildandputtingthesegirlsonaplanesoCecilecanseewhatsheleftbehind.Ifshewantstosee,lethergetonanairplaneandflyouttoNewYork.”
BigMadoesn’tcareifPresidentKennedy’sfaceisonthehalf-dollaroriftheairportisnowofficiallynamedafterhim.Shecallstheairportbyitsoldname,Idlewild.Don’tgetmewrong.BigMawasasmadandsadasanyonewhentheykilledthepresident.It’schangeshehasnopityon.HoweverthingsarestampedinBigMa’smindishowtheywillbe,nowandforever.IdlewildwillneverbeJFK.CassiusClaywillneverbeMuhammadAli.CecilewillneverbeanythingotherthanCecile.
Ican’tsayIblamedBigMaforfeelingthewayshedid.Icertainlydidn’tforgiveCecile.
WhenCecileleft,Fernwasn’tonthebottle.Vonettacouldwalkbutwantedtobepickedup.Iwasfourgoingonfive.Pawasn’tsick,buthewasn’tdoingwell,either.ThatwaswhenBigMacameupfromAlabamatoseeaboutus.
EventhoughBigMareadherScripturedaily,shehadn’tconsideredforgivenesswhereCecilewasconcerned.Cecilewasn’twhattheBiblemeantwhenitspokeofloveandforgiveness.Onlyjudgment,andbelieveme,Big
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MahadplentyofjudgmentforCecile.SoevenifCecileshoweduponPapa’swelcomemat,BigMawouldn’tswingthefrontdooropen.
ThatwaswhyPahadputusonaplanetoOakland.EitherCecilewouldn’tcomebacktoBrooklynorshewasn’twelcome.Honestly,Idon’tthinkPacouldchoosebetweenBigMaandCecileevenafterCecilelefthim.Andus.EvenafterCecileprovedBigMaright.
“HowcanyousendthemtoOakland?Oakland’snothingbutaboilingpotoftroublecooking.Allthemriots.”
PahasarespectfulwayofignoringBigMa.Iwantedtosmile.He’sgoodatit.
AshrillvoicehadannouncedthedepartingflighttoOakland.Allthreeofushadbutterflies.Ourfirstairplaneride.WayupaboveBrooklyn.AboveNewYork.Abovetheworld!AlthoughIcouldatleastkeepstill,VonettaandFernstampedtheirfeetlikeholyrollersatarevivalmeeting.
BigMahadgrabbedthembythefirstscruffoffabricshecouldgetaholdof,bentdown,andtoldthemto“actright.”Thereweren’ttoomanyof“us”inthewaitingarea,andtoomanyof“them”werestaring.
I’dtakenaquickcountoutofhabit.Vonetta,Fern,andIweretheonlyNegrochildren.Thereweretwosoldierboysingreenuniformswhodidn’tlookanyolderthanUncleDarnell—highschoolcapandgownoneday,armybootsandbasictrainingfourdayslater.TwoteenagegirlswithAfros.Maybetheywerecollegestudents.AndoneladydressedlikeJackieKennedy,carryingasmallovalsuitcase.
BigMahadalsoscoutedaroundthewaitingroom.Iknewsheworriedthatwe’dbemistreatedinsomewayandsoughtoutagrown,brownfacetolookoutforus.BigMaturnedhernoseupatthecollegegirlswithAfrosinfavoroftheNegroladyinthesquaresunglassesandsnappysuittotingtheequallysnappyovalbag.BigMamadeeyecontactwithher.Whenwelinedup,she’dtoldtheNegroJackieKennedy,“Thesemygrandbabies.Youlookoutforthem,y’hear.”ThesnappyNegroladyhadbeenniceenoughtosmilebuthadn’treturnedthelookthatBigMaexpected—andBigMahadexpectedthelookNegropeoplesilentlypasseachother.She’dexpectedthisstrangertosay,asifshewereaneighbor,“They’reasgoodasmyown.I’llmakesuretheydon’tmisbehaveorbeanembarrassmenttotheNegrorace.”Ablankmovie-starsmilehadbeenallshepassedtoBigMa.Thatladyhadonlybeenlookingoutforherplaneseat.
Papahadalreadygivenmeapaperwiththephonenumbertoourhouse,whichIknewbyheart,andthephonenumbertohisjob.Hehadalreadytold
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methathisjobnumberwasforemergenciesonlyandnotfor“howyoudoing”chats.Lastnighthehadalsogivenmeanenvelopewithtwohundreddollarsinten-andtwenty-dollarbillstoputinmysuitcase.Instead,I’dfoldedthebillsandstuffedtheminmytennisshoebeforeweleftHerkimerStreet.Walkingonthatmoundofmoneyfeltweirdatfirst,butatleastIknewthemoneywassafe.
PapahadkissedVonettaandFernandtoldmetolookaftermysisters.Eventhoughlookingafterthemwouldhavebeennothingnew,Ikissedhimandsaid,“Iwill,Papa.”
Whenthelinetothetickettakerhadbeguntomove,BigMahadgottentearyandmushedusupinherloose-fitting,violetandgreenmuumuudress.“Bettercomeonandgetsomelovingnow…”Shehadn’thadtofinishtherestabouthowthismightbethelasttimeinalongwhileforkissingandhugging.AflashofmemorytoldmeCecilewasn’toneforkissingandhugging.
Ihadalotofthosememoriesclickingbeforemelikeprojectorslidesinthedark.Lotsofpictures,smells,andsoundsflashinginandout.MostlyaboutCecile,allgoingway,wayback.AndwhatIdidn’trememberclearly,UncleDarnellalwaysfilledin.AtleastUncleDarnellremembersCecilekindly.
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GoldenGateBridge
IglancedatmyTimex.Amongthethreeofus,Iwastheonlyoneresponsibleenoughtokeepandwearawristwatch.Vonettaletagirl“seehers”andnevergotitback.Fernwasstilllearningtotelltime,soIkepthersinmydraweruntilshewasreadytowearit.
Sixandahalfhourshadpassedsincewe’dhuggedBigMaandkissedPaatJohnF.KennedyAirport.ThecloudshadmadepeacewithourBoeing727.Itwassafetobreathe.Istretchedasfarasmylegscouldgo.
WiththeselonglegsI’mtakenfortwelveorthirteen,evenalittleolder.Nooneeverguesseselevengoingontwelveontheirfirsttry.Morethanmylonglegs,I’msureit’smyplainfacethatthrowsthemoff.Notplainasinhomelyplain,butevenplain.Steady.I’mnotnineorsevenandgiventosquealingoroohinglikeVonettaandFern.Ijustletmyplainfaceandplainwordsspeakforme.Thatway,nooneeversays,“Huh?”tome.TheyknowexactlywhatImean.
Wewerelonggonefromthick,whiteclouds,theplanesteadilyclimbingdown.Theintercomcrackled,andthepilotmadeanannouncementaboutthedescentandaltitudeandthatwewouldbelandingintenminutes.Iletallofthatpassbyuntilhesaid,“…andtoyourleftaswecirclethebayistheGoldenGateBridge.”
Iwasnowaliar!Astone-facedliar.Iwantedtosquealandoohlikeaseven-year-oldmeetingTinkerBell.IhadreadabouttheGoldenGateBridgeinclass.TheCaliforniagoldrush.TheChineseimmigrantsbuildingtherailroadsconnectingeasttowest.Itwasn’teverydayyousawalivepictureofwhatyoureadaboutinyourtextbook.IwantedtolookdownfromabovetheworldandseetheGoldenGateBridge.
Beingstuckinthemiddleseat,Iwasmadatmyself.Ofthethreeofus,Iwasthefirsttoboardthe727.Whyhadn’tItakenthewindowseatwhenI’dhadmychance?
InsteadofthesquealIknewwouldn’tcomeoutofmeinthefirstplace,Isighed.Nousecryingaboutitnow.Thetruthwas,onepoutfromeitherVonettaorFernandIwouldhavegivenupthewindowseat.
Thiswastheonlywayitcouldbe:VonettaandFernoneithersideandme
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inbetweenthem.SixandahalfhourswastoolongatimetohaveVonettaandFernstrappedsidebysidepickingateachother.WewouldhavebeenthegrandNegrospectaclethatBigMahadscoldedusagainstbecomingwhenwewerebackinBrooklyn.
Still,theGoldenGateBridgewasgettingawayfromme.Ifiguredatleastoneofusshouldseeit.Andthatshouldbetheonewhoreadaboutitinclass.
“Look,Vonetta.Lookdownatthebridge!”
Vonettastayedtighttoherstubborncurl,herchininherlap.“I’mnotlooking.”
Iturnedtomyrightandgotamouthfulofhairandbarrettes.Fernhadleanedoverfromheraisleseat.“Iwannasee.Makeherswitch.”ToFern,theGoldenGateBridgesoundedlikeSleepingBeauty’scastle.Shehalfwaybelievedinthingsnottrueanddidn’tknowwherefairytalesended.Nousespoilingitforher.She’dfigurethingsoutsoonenough.
Fernwaswrigglingoutofherseatbeltandclimbingonmetogetaglimpse.Thiswashowitwasathome.Whyshouldathousandfeetupintheairmakeanydifference?“Sitback,Fern,”Isaidinmyplain,firmvoice.“We’regettingreadytoland.”
Shepoutedbutsatbackdown.Itightenedherseatbelt.Vonetta’sfacestayedinherlap.Thatwasjustpitiful.
“Golookdown,Vonetta,”Isaid.“Beforeyoumissit.”
Vonettarefusedtopryherchinfromherlap.Shestuckherthumbbackinhermouthandclosedhereyes.
Iwasn’tworriedaboutVonetta.Oncewegotontheground,she’dbehershowyselfagainandthisfraidycatepisodewouldbelongfaded.
AswecontinuedtocirclethebayabovetheGoldenGateBridge,IfeltlikeIwasbeingteasedforthesimpleactofwanting.EachtimetheplanecurvedaroundIknewinmyheartitwouldbemylastchanceandthebridgewassinging,“Na-na-na-na-na.Youcan’tseeme.”
Now,Ihadtoseethebridge.HowmanytimeswouldIbethishighupandhaveasightasspectacularastheGoldenGateBridgerightunderneathme?Iloosenedmyseatbelt,liftedmyself,andleanedoverVonetta’sheadandshoulderstogetalookoutoftheovalwindow.IpressedagainstVonetta.Justalittle.Notenoughtocauseastir.ButVonettaandFern,whowasnowangry,bothhollered,“Delphine!”asloudastheycould.
Headsturnedourway.Astewardessrushedtoourrow.“Sitinyourseat,missy,”shescoldedme.“We’regettingreadytoland.”
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EventhoughtherewereonlyeightNegroesonboard,countingmysistersandme,IhadmanagedtodisgracetheentireNegrorace,judgingbytheheadshakingandtsk-tskinggoingonaroundus.Ishiftedmybehindintomyseatandtightenedmyseatbelt.ButnotbeforeIhadseenorangesteelpokingthroughthickgroundcloudsbelow.Smog.
Therewasnotimetosavormyvictoryorfeelmyshame.Theplanewentroaringdownfartherandfarther.Vonettaheldontomyleftarm,andFern,withMissPattyCake,grabbedmyright.Idugintothearmrestsandprayedthepilothaddonethisbefore.
Theplanebouncedoffthegroundassoonaswehitland.Itkeptbouncingandsurgingforwarduntilthebouncingsmoothedoutandwewererollingagainsttheground,niceandsteady.
ItookadeepbreathsoI’dsoundlikemyselfwhenIstartedtellingVonettaandFernwhattodo.Themainthingwaswewereontheground.WewereinOakland.
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SecretAgentMother
TheNegroladywiththesnappyovalbagdidn’tgiveusaglanceassheclick-clackedonby.Thatwasfinewithme,althoughI’dtellBigMaotherwiseifsheasked,justtokeepherfromworrying.AndI’dmakeitshortandsimple.IonlygetcaughtifItrytospintoomuchstraw.
Withbothfeetsafelyontheground,Vonettabecameheroldself,herfaceshinyandsearching.“Whatdowecallher?”
I’dgoneoverthiswithVonettaandFernmany,manytimes.ItoldthemlongbeforePapasaidweweregoingtomeether.Itoldthemwhilewepackedoursuitcases.“HernameisCecile.That’swhatyoucallher.Whenpeopleaskwhosheis,yousay,‘Sheisourmother.’”
Motherisastatementoffact.CecileJohnsongavebirthtous.WecameoutofCecileJohnson.Intheanimalkingdomthatmakesherourmother.Everymammalontheplanethasamother,deadoralive.Ranofforstayedput.CecileJohnson—mammalbirthgiver,alive,anabandoner—isourmother.Astatementoffact.
Eveninthesongwesingwhenwemisshavingamother—andnotherbutamother,period—wesingaboutamother.“Mother’sgottagonow,la-la-la-la-la…”NeverMommy,Mom,Mama,orMa.
Mommygetsuptogiveyouaglassofwaterinthemiddleofthenight.Mominvitesyourfriendsinsidewhenit’sraining.Mamaburnsyourearswiththehotcombtomakeyourhairlookprettyforclasspictureday.Maissoreandwornoutfromwringingyourwetclothesandhangingthemtodry;Maneedspeaceandquietattheendoftheday.
Wedon’thaveoneofthose.Wehaveastatementoffact.
Vonetta,Fern,andIstoodnexttotheyoungredheadedstewardessassignedtowatchusuntilCecilecameforward.Thestewardessrereadtheslipofpaperinherhand,theneyedthebigclockmountedbythearrival-and-departureboard,asifshehadsomeplaceelsetobe.Shecouldhaveleftmealonewithmysisters.Icertainlydidn’tneedher.
Amaninnavyoverallssweptgarbageoffthefloorafewfeetawayfrom
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us.Hewentabouthisjobwithnoexpression,sweepingcigarettepacksandgumwrappersintoadustpanthatheemptiedintoalargertrashcan.IfIwerehim,pickingupafterpeoplewhocarelesslydroppedstuffontheground,I’dbenothingbutangry.
Theycallitlitteringwhenyoucarelesslydropthings.Theycallthecarelessfolkswhodropthingsbyacutename:litterbug.
There’snothingcuteaboutdroppingthingscarelessly.Droppinggarbageandhavingpuppiesshouldn’tbecalledthesamething.“Litter.”IhadamindtowritetoMissWebsteraboutthat.Puppiesdon’tdeservetobecalledalitterliketheyhadbeendroppedcarelesslylikegarbage.Andpeoplewholittershouldn’tbegivenacutenameforwhattheydo.Andatleastthemotherofalittersticksaroundandnursesherpupsnomatterhowsharptheirteethare.MerriamWebsterwasfallingdownonthejob.Howcouldshehavegottenthiswrong?
Vonettaaskedmeagain.NotbecauseshewasanxioustomeetCecile.Vonettaaskedagainsoshecouldhaveherroutinerehearsedinherhead—hercurtsy,smile,andgreeting—leavingFernandmetostandaroundlikedumbdodos.Shewaspracticingherroleasthecute,bouncypupinthelitterandaskedyetagain,“Delphine,whatdowecallher?”
Alargewhitewomancameandstoodbeforeus,clappingherhandslikewewereondisplayattheBronxZoo.“Oh,my.Whatadorabledollsyouare.My,my.”Shewarbledlikeanoperasinger.Herfacewasmoonfullandjellysoft,thecheeksandjawframedbywhitewhiskers.
Wesaidnothing.
“Andsowellbehaved.”
Vonettaperkeduptoout-prettyandout-behaveus.
IdidasBigMahadtoldmeinourmanytalksonhowtoactaroundwhitepeople.Isaid,“Thankyou,”butIdidn’taddthe“ma’am,”forthewhole“Thankyou,ma’am.”I’dneverheardanyoneelsesayitinBrooklyn.OnlyinoldmoviesonTV.AndwhenwedrovedowntoAlabama.Peoplesay“Yes,ma’am,”and“No,ma’am”inAlabamaallthetime.ThatoldwordwasperfectlyfineforBigMa.Itjustwasn’tperfectlyfineforme.
Theladyopenedherpocketbook,tookoutaredleatherchangepurse,andscootedcoinsaround,searchingfortherightamountforadorable,well-behavedcoloreddolls.BigMawouldhavethoughtthatwasgrand,butPapawouldn’thavelikeditonecent.NowitwastimetodowhatPapahadtoldme:seeaftermysisters.
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“We’renotallowedtotakemoneyfromstrangers.”IsaidthispoliteenoughtosuitBigMabutstrongenoughtosuitPapa.
Theredheadedstewardesswasappalledbymyuppitybehavior.“Don’tyouknowwhensomeoneisbeingnicetoyou?”
Iputonmydumbdodofacetofakenotknowingwhatshemeant.
Whatwasthesenseofmakingthestewardessstandguardoverusifsherefusedtoprotectusfromstrangers?Shethoughtitwasallrighttohavethelargewhitewomangawkatus,talktous,andbuyourattention.Wemightaswellhavestoodbyourselves.
Ididn’thavetoshiftmyeyestoseemile-longpoutsonVonettaandFern.Ididn’tcare.Weweren’ttakingnothingfromnostrangers.
Theladywasallsmilesandsqueals.Herfaceshookwithlaughter.“Oh,andsocute.”SheputallthenickelsinFern’shandandpinchedhercheekfasterthanIcoulddoanythingaboutitandwasgone,asbigasshewas.
VonettagrabbedFern’shand,forceditopen,andtookhernickel,leavingourtwocoinsinFern’spalm.Nousetellingthemtohandthemoneyover.Theywerealreadydreamingofpennycandy.Iletthemkeeptheirnickelsandmine.
Thestewardessreexaminedtheslipofpaper.Sheshiftedfromonelegtotheother.Bothmysistersandme,andherhighheels,werebotheringher.
Ilookedaroundthecrowdofpeoplepacingandwaiting.Papadidn’tkeepanypicturesofCecile,butIhadasenseofher.Fuzzyflashesofheralwayscameandwent.ButIknewshewasbig,asintall,andHersheycoloredlikeme.IknewIatleasthadthatright.
Thensomethingmademelookovertomyleftatafigurestandingbythecigarettemachine.Shemoved,thenmovedback,maybedecidingwhethertocometousornot.Itoldthestewardessbeforethefigurecouldslipoutoftheairport,“That’sher.”
FernandVonettawereexcitedandscared.Theysqueezedmyhandstight.IcouldseeanythoughtsVonettahadaboutrecitingpoetry,tap-dancing,andcurtsyingvanished.ShesqueezedmyhandharderthanFerndid.
Thestewardessmarchedusonovertothisfigure.Oncewewerethere,face-to-face,thestewardessstoppedinhertracksandmadeherselfabarrierbetweenthestrangewomanandus.ThesamestewardesswholetthelargewhitewomangawkatusandpressmoneyintoFern’shandwasn’tsoquicktohandusovertothewomanIsaidwasourmother.Iwantedtobemad,butI
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couldn’tsayIblamedherentirely.Itcouldhavebeenthewaythewomanwasdressed.Bigblackshades.Scarftiedaroundherhead.Overthescarf,abighattilteddown,thekindPaworewithasuit.Apairofman’spants.
Fernclungtome.Cecilelookedmorelikeasecretagentthanamother.ButIknewshewasCecile.Iknewshewasourmother.
“Areyou…”—thestewardessunfurledthecrumpledslipofpaper—“CecileJohnson?”Shepausedheavilybetweenthefirstandlastnames.“Areyouthesecoloredgirls’momma?”
Cecilelookedatus,thenatthestewardess.“I’mCecileJohnson.These”—shemotionedtous—“aremine.”
Thatwasallthestewardessneededtohear.Shedroppedtheslipofpaperonthefloor,handedusover,andfledawayonherwobblyhighheels.
Ceciledidn’tbothertograbanyofourbags.Shesaid,“Comeon,”tooktwowidesteps,andwecame.ThegapbetweenCecileandusspreadwiderandwider.Vonettaspedupbutwasannoyedthatshehadto.FerncouldonlygosofastwithherbaginonehandandMissPattyCakeintheother.AndIwasn’tgoinganywherewithoutVonettaorFern,soIsloweddown.
Cecilefinallyturnedasshegottotheglassdoorsandlookedtoseewherewewere.Whenwecaughtup,shesaid,“Y’allhavetomoveifyou’regoingtobewithme.”
“Fernneedshelp,”Itoldher.ThenFernsaid,“Idonot,”andVonettasaid,“Ineedhelp.”
Cecile’sfacehadnoexpression.Sheswoopeddown,grabbedFern’sbaghandle,andsaid,“Y’allkeepup.”Shestartedwalking,thesamewidestepsasbefore.
ItookFern’shandandweallfollowed.Thegapwasn’taswideaswhenwe’dfirststartedout,buttherewasdistancebetweenCecileandmysistersandme.Mobseasilythreadedthroughandaroundus.Youcouldn’tseeweweretogether.
TherewassomethinguncommonaboutCecile.Eyesglommedontoher.Tall,darkbrownwomaninman’spantswhosefacewashalfhiddenbyascarf,hat,andbigdarkshades.Shewaslikeacoloredmoviestar.Tall,mysterious,andontherun.MataHariintheairport.Exceptthereweren’tanycamerasorspiesfollowingthecolored,broad-shoulderedMataHari.Onlythreegirlstrailingherfromaslightdistance.
Wefollowedheroutside,wheregreenandwhitecabslinedup.Insteadofgoingtothefirstcabintheline,Cecileduckedherheadandsearchedevery
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othercab.Itwasatthefourthcabthatshebentdownandrappedagainstthewindow.Thedriver,wearingablackberet,leanedover,nodded,unlockedthefrontdoor,andsaidsomethinglike“Zilla,”whichIguessedwasshortforCecileinacolored,Oaklandway.
Cecileopenedthebackdoor.“Comeon.”
Iasked,“Canweputourbagsinthe—”
“Girl,willyougetinthiscar?”
VonettaandFernstiffened.BigMacouldbehard.Papadidn’tplayaround.Butnoonetalkedtomelikethat.ItwasjustasBigMahadsaid.Wewereinaboilingpotoftroublecooking.Still,therewasnotimetosoothemypride.IhadtomakeeverythingallrightforVonettaandFernsothey’dfallinline.Igotinfirstwithmybag,pullingFerninwithmewhilesheheldontoMissPattyCake,andthenVonettagotinwithherbag.
Cecileandthecabdriverlitupcigarettesaswedroveon.AtleastPapadoesn’tsmokehisViceroysintheWildcat.Vonettacoughed,andFernlookedgreen.Ididn’tbothertoaskwhatIcouldandcouldnotdo.Icrankeddownmywindowtolettheairin.
Wewerequiet.Ridingalong.GazingoutthewindowsatOaklandandstealinglooksatCecile.BeforeIcouldgetathoughtgoingaboutCecileorOakland,thecabdriverletusoutnottoofarfromtheairport.
“Youliveneartheairport?”Vonettaasked.
Ceciledidn’tanswer.Shejustsaid,“Comeon.”
Aswewalked,shehiddeeperintoherhatandshades,likeshedidn’twantanyonetoseeherwithus.
Wassheashamedshehadthreegirlsshe’dleftbehindandhadtoexplain?Whoarethesegirls?Yours?Whydon’ttheylivewithyou?
Don’texpectnopityfromus.WewereaskedthesamequestionsinBrooklyn.Where’syourmother?Whydon’tshelivewithyou?Isittrueshedied?
CecileplacedFern’ssuitcaseonthebenchofabusstopandsatdown.
“Whyarewetakingthebus?”Vonettaasked.“Whydidn’tthecabtakeus?”
IshushedVonettajusttokeepCecilefromsayingsomethingmean.
BymyTimex,thebuscameinfourminutes.Cecilemadeusgetonfirstandsaid,“Goallthewaytothebackandsitdown.”Whenwefoundseats,
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Cecilewasstillwiththebusdriver,arguingwithhim.“Tenandunderrideforfree,”shesaid.“Nowgivemefourtransfers.”
Ihadbeenelevenforagoodwhile,standingtall;butIsaidtoVonettaandFern,“Ifanyoneasks,I’mten.”
Vonettafoldedherarms.“Well,I’mstillnine.Iamnotgoingbacktoeight.”
Fernsaid,“I’mstayingseven.”
Ihushedthembothdown.Alottagooditdidifthebusdriverheardusgettingouragesstraight.Tellthetruth,itwasCecileIworriedabout,notthedriver.Wedidn’thavetostaywiththebusdriverforthenexttwenty-eightdays.WehadtostaywithCecile.
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GreenStuccoHouse
BigMasaidCecilelivedonthestreet.Theparkbenchwasherbed.Shelivedinaholeinthewall.
Youcan’tsaystufflikethattoakidaskingabouthermotherwhenit’ssnowingoutsideorpouringdownraining.Youcan’tsay,“Yourmotherlivesonthestreet,inaholeinthewall,sleepingonparkbenchesnexttowinos.”
Ididn’tunderstandexpressionswhenIwassix.Thattheywerestringsofwordsspokensooften,thestringfellslack.“Yourmotherlivesonthestreet,inaholeinthewall,sleepingonparkbenchesnexttowinos”soundedexactlyasBigMasaidit.Whenyou’resix,youpictureyourmotherlivingonblackandgraytarfullofpotholes,brokenglass,skidmarks,andblackenedgum,allofthatoverrunbycars,buses,andtrucks.Yousqueezeyourbrainoneway,yourimaginationtheotherway,andseeyourmotherpeekingouttheholesofcrumblingabandonedbuildingstostaydrywhenitsnowedorrained.Youseeyourmothersleepingonsplinteryparkbenchesstainedwithpigeonpoopandasmelly,toothlesswinosleepingnexttoher.Whenyou’resix,youwonderwhyyourmotherwouldratherliveonthestreet,inaholeinthewall,andsleeponparkbenchesnexttowinosthanlivewithyou.
EventhoughI’dfinallyfiguredoutthesewereexpressionsandnottheplain,factualtruth,IexpectedCecileJohnsonto,attheveryleast,bebadoff.Tobeoneofthose“Negroeslivinginpoverty,”asthenewsoftenputit.IexpectedI’dhavetonudgeVonettaandFernintoknowingbetterwhentheyaskedforallthethingswehadathome,likeMr.Bubblebubblebath,extrahelpingsofchickenandham,orbananapuddingonSundays.
WhenCecileslowedherman-sizedsteps,toreoffherbighat,herscarf,andherdarkglasses,weknewwehadarrived.Wefollowedherintotheyardanddownthewalkway.Istaredathereightthickbraidsofunpressedhair,pencilsshovedintheplaitaboveherear.ThenIjoinedmysisters,takingintheshockofherhouseandyard.Theplacewhereshelived.
“Thisyourhouse?”Vonettawasthefirsttoputouramazementintowords.
Tobeginwith,thehousewascoveredinpeaksofhardgreenfrosting.Stucco,Cecilecalledit.Shesaidsheappliedthestuccoherself.Thegreen
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pricklyhousewassurroundedbyadried-outbutneatlytrimmedlawn.Toonesideofthehousewasarectangularconcreteslabwitharoofoverit.Acarport,shesaid.Justnocar.Ontheotherside,ababypalmtreeslopedtowardthesun.Thatpalmtreewasasoutofplaceasthestucco.That’showIcouldbesureitwasCecile’shome,allright.
EventhoughCecilesaidthehousewashersandnottoworryabouthowshegotit,thatwasn’tenoughtosuitVonetta.
“BigMasaid—”
Ikickedherbeforeshecouldgofurther.SheknewbetterthantorepeatBigMa’swords;andifshedidn’t,thatkickshouldhavesmartedherintoknowingbetter.
WhetherCecileheardVonettastartingtoinsultherorifshesawmekickhersecondchild,shedidn’tleton.Shejustsaid,“Comeon,”andputthekeyinthedoor.
Wewalkedinsideandlookedaround.Iexpectedtoseewritingonthewalls.Wavy,coloredhippiewritingallover,sinceshewasfreetodowhatshewantedinherownhouse.Iexpectedtoreadstringsandstringsofwordstappedoutfromherpencilontothewalls.ButthewallsinCecile’shousewereclean,paintedayellowbeige,andhadnowriting.Still,flashesofmemorypoppedbeforeme.FlashesofCecilewritingonthewalls,andonboxes…Flashesofpaintsmells…Papapaintingoverherpencilmarks…Flashesofloud…PapaandCecile.Angrytalking.WhenI’daskedaboutit,UncleDarnellhadsaidthey’dfoughtoverCecilewritingonthewallsallthetime.
“Yourroom’sintheback.Bathroomacrossthehall.Thedaybedrollsout.Thatshouldbeenoughforally’all.”
Fernfoldedherarms,holdingMissPattyCakebyatuftofherpatchy,yellowhair.“Weneednight-beds.Wesleepatnight.”
IcouldtellCeciledidn’tknowwhethertobeannoyedoramused.Shelookedatallofuswonderingnotonlywhowewere,butwhatwewere.
Ferndidn’tnoticethescrutiny.Sheturnedtome.“Idon’tnapinthedaytime.I’minthesecondgrade.”
Nevertobeoutdone,Vonettasaid,“I’minthefourthgrade.”
Cecilesaid,“Ididn’taskforallthat.”
AsIexpected,Vonetta’sfeelingsgothurtbecauseshewasalwaysstickingherselfonstageforeveryonetoseeher.Still,Vonettahadn’tbeenkickedenough.Shewhirledaroundinthelivingroomlikeadance-recitalfairy.
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Whirledaroundonherheels—takinginthecleanwalls,thecurtains,abeat-upsofa,afewstacksofbooks,andnotmuchelse—landed,andsaid,“Where’stheTVandeverything?”
Vonettawastoofarfrommetonudgeorkick.
CeciledroppedFern’sbagonthefloorandstartedmuttering,“Ididn’tsendforyou.Didn’twantyouinthefirstplace.ShouldhavegonetoMexicotogetridofyouwhenIhadthechance.”
Itdidn’tseemlikeshewastalkingtous.Shedidn’tevenlookatVonetta.OrFernandme.Shekepttalking,mutteringaboutMexico,throwingherMataHaridisguiseonthebeat-upsofa.
Ourmotherworepencilsinherhair,dressedlikeasecretagent,hadastickly,pricklyhouse,apalmtreewhennooneelsehadone,andclean,paintedwallsinsteadofthewritingIremembered.NowIgotwhyourmotherranaway.Ourmotherwascrazy.
“Comeon,”Isaid.“Let’sseetheroom.Putourstuffaway.”
VonettaandFernraceddownthehall,pushingtobefirst.Cecileyelledafterthem,buttheyweretooexcitedtohearher.
Icameinafterthem.Abedwithabrassheadboardandarmrails,abluecover.Adresser.Agooseneckedfloorlampwithaglassbowlintheshapeofahalf-moon.Itwasmorefurniturethanshehadinthelivingroom.
“Wecan’tallfitonthisonebed,”Vonettasaid.
Iraisedupthebluecoverandfoundtheotherbedunderneath.
“Comeon.Helpmepullitout.”
Wealllatchedonandpulled.Thebedrolledoutintoastairstepofonebedbelowandanotherabove.
Isaid,“Sheshouldhavehelpedus.”
“Surelyshouldhave,”Fernsaid.
“Isleepontop,”Vonettacalled.
“No,Isleepontop.”
FerndidherbestRockytheFlyingSquirrelleap,armsoutstretchedtobellyontothebed.Vonettafollowed,andtheywrappedintowrestling.Iletthem.Theyhadn’thadagoodfightallday.AftersixandahalfhoursontheplaneandkeepingupwithCecile,Ifiguredtheycouldusetherecreation.
Theytookturnsgettingthebestofeachother.Butjustbeforecryingtime
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setin,Ipulledoneofftheotherandsaid,“Youbothsleepontop.There’senoughroom.”
“Whydoyougetabedalltoyourself?”Vonettacried.“You’renotthatbigthatyouneedabedalltoyourself.”
Iwasbigenoughtogiveupafullviewoftheworldonthe727andbigenoughtooutsmartmysistersateveryturn.
“Youcancomedownherewithme,”Isaid,scootingoversoIwasn’tclaimingthewholebed.“Idon’tcare.”
“I’mstayingontop,”Vonettasaid.
“Metoo.”
Welookedaroundinsilenceatthewalls,thedresser.Thegooseneckedfloorlampwithitshalf-moonglassbowl.Itcertainlywasn’tmuch.
Vonettawantedtosaysomething.Shehadthatlook.
“Spititout,Vonetta,”Isaid.
“Yeah,spitit,”Fernsaid.
VonettacuthereyestowardFern.Tome,shesaid,“Delphine.WhatwegottodowithMexico?”
ThatonehadalsothrownmewhenCecilesaidit:ShouldhavegonetoMexicotogetridofyouwhenIhadthechance.Ididn’trightfullyknowwhatthatmeant,butIwasallmysistershad,soIsaid,“That’swherewomengowhodon’twanttheirbabies.”
“ButwhyMexico?”
“AndnotQueens?”Fernasked.
“BecauseQueensistooclose,”IsaidasifIknew.ThenIadded,showingallofmyageandwisdom,“TheybuybabiesdowninMexicoforrichpeople.”
Theybothsaid,“Oh.”
Ididn’twanttosayBigMawasright.Cecilewasnokindofmother.Ceciledidn’twantus.Cecilewascrazy.Ididn’thaveto.
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MeanLadyMing
Westoodasone,lookingupather.Meinthefront,VonettaandFernatmysides.Shewastallandbroadshouldered,wherePawasjusttall.AshungryasIwas,allIcouldthinkwasthattheymadeyoudancewithaboyinthesixthgrade.ThatIwouldneverlookrightdancingwithaboy,andforthatIhadCeciletothank.
Ispokefirst:“We’rehungry.”
Asusual,mysisters’voicesfollowedontopofmine.
Vonetta:“What’sforsupper?”
ThenFern:“Hungry.Hungry.”Sherubbedherbelly.
Wemadeapicture.Uslookingupatherandherlookingdownatus.Intheanimalkingdomthemotherbirdbringsbackallshe’sgatheredforthedayanddropsitintotheopenmouthsofeachbirdsquawkingtobefed.Cecilelookedatuslikeitdidn’toccurtoherthatwewouldbehungryandshe’dhavetodowhatmothersdo:feedtheiryoung.I’mnoBigMainthekitchen,butIwouldhaveopenedacanofbeansandfriedupsomefranks.Icanbakeachickenandboilpotatoes.Iwouldhaveneverletmylong-gonedaughterstravelnearlythreethousandmileswithoutturningonthestove.
Shesaid,“Whatyouwantfromme?”
“Supper,”Ianswered.“It’spasteighto’clock.Wehaven’thadrealfoodsincebreakfast.”
“WithBigMa.”
“AndPapa.”
Ikeptgoing.“Thatwas”—Iglancedatmywrist—“ninehoursandtwelveminutesago.”
Vonettanext:“Airlinefooddon’tcount.”
Fernlast:“Surelydon’t.”
Shewasstilllookingdownatusasifwe’dthrownamonkeywrenchintoherquietTuesdayevening.Thenshespoke.“Where’sthemoneyyourfathergaveyou?”
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Icrossedmyarms.Therewasnowayshewasgettingourmoney.“Thatmoney’sforDisneyland,”Itoldher.
“Togoonalltherides.”
“AndmeetTinkerBell.”
ThiswasthefirsttimeweheardCecilelaugh,andshelaughedlikethecrazymothershewasturningouttobe.“IsTinkerBellgoingtofeedyou?”Shewasstilllaughing.
Wedidn’tthinkshewasfunny.Wesaidnothingratherthantalkbackandgetslapped.
“Look,”shesaid,“ifyouwanttoeat,handoverthemoney.”
Istaredherdown—somethingI’dnevertrywithBigMa.Ceciledidn’tseemtocare.Shesaid,“Fine.Igotplentyofairsandwicheshere.Goonbacktotheroom,openyourmouths,andcatchone.”
Thestaredownendedrightthere.Iunlacedmyrighttennisshoe,wriggledmyfootout,andremovedthemoundoftensandtwentiesPahadgivenme.Ceciledidn’tcarethatthemoneyhadbeenbakingundermyfootsincewe’dleftBrooklyn.Shetookthemoney,unfoldedandcountedthebills,thenstuffedtheminherpantspocket,exceptforaten-dollarbill,whichsheheldouttome.
“Go’roundthecornertoMing’s.Orderalargeshrimplomein…”—shecountedourheadsasifshedidn’tknowhowmanyofusshe’dhad—“foureggrolls,andabigbottleofPepsi.”
VonettaandFernsquealedfortheshrimpandPepsi,forgettingthatthiswaswrong.Ourmothershouldhavecookedrealfoodforus—attheveryleastbakedachicken.Madefranksandbeans.
“Fruitpunch,”Isaid.“BigMadon’tallowustohavestrongdrinks.”
Cecileletoutasinglewhoopofalaugh.VonettaandFernweretooexcitedabouthavingtakeouttoseethatourmotherwascrazy.
Isaid,“WehavetocallPa.Lethimknowwearrived.”
Theychimedin.
“Safeandsound.”
“Ontheground.”
Cecilesaid,“Phone’snexttoMing’s.”
“Youmeanyoudon’thaveaphone?”Vonettaasked.
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Cecilesaid,“Idon’thavenoonetocall,andIdon’twantnoonecallingme.”
WhetherCecilehadaphonewasnotmymainworry.“WehavetogooutaftereighttocallPaandgetthefood?Aren’tyoucomingwithus?”
“Ming’sisacoupleblocksdownMagnolia,aroundthecorner.”Shepointedthedirection.“Phonebooth’srightthere.”
Whenwewerebarelyoutthedoor,sheadded,“AndtellMingtogiveyoufourplates,fourforks,fournapkins,andfourpapercups.Nosensedirtyingdishes.Andyou’renotcominginsidemykitchen!”
Wealllookedatoneanotherandthoughtthesamething:crazy.
IledthewayinthedirectionCecilepointed.Downthewalk,pasttheslumpingpalmtree,andmadearightturn.VonettaandFernasusualnippedtheheelsofmytennisshoes.
Itwasn’tdarkatall,butitwasn’thighdaylight,either.Kidsofallagesstillranaroundplayinginyardsandridingbikesonthestreet.Ibetkidsranaroundandplayedouthereallyearlongandnotonlyinthesummer.WeusuallywenttothesummercampattheYordrovedowntoAlabamainPapa’sWildcat.
Wecameuponsomekidsplayingfreezetag.Theyjumpedfromlivelywigglewormstofrozenstatuesjustaswenearedtheiryard.Wefeltthesmirksofthegapingstatuesonus.Vonettasmiled,welcomingtheirinterestinus.Shewasscoutingoutnewfriendstobewithforthenexttwenty-eightdays.Iletherlagasteportwobehindtowinkandsmileatthem.Youcan’tstopVonettafromchasingafterfriends.
Ikeptwalking,Fernstickingclosetome.Vonettaskippeduntilshecaughtup.
Onethingwasforsure.TheseblocksmighthavebeenlongliketheblocksonHerkimerStreet,butwewerefarfromBrooklyn.Ididn’tknowwhereanyofthesestreetsled,butIwalkeddownMagnolialikeIknewwhereIwasgoing.
Icouldn’thelpbutnoticethatnotoneyardhadapalmtree.Notone.Orstucco.Notonehousewaspaintedthatcrazygreencolor.Iwasthinkingthiswhenbehinduscreptarumblingagainstconcrete,likeabarrelrolling,therollingbrokenbythecracksinthesidewalk.Iturned.
Avoiceyelled,“Gangway!”
Wetriedtojumpaside,butthethreeofusjumpingalltogetheronlygotussofar.
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Aboyontopofawoodenboard—thisflyingTwithtricyclewheelsintheback—rumbledbyandmanagedtoclipmegood.
“Hey!Watchout!”Icalledafterhim,shakingmyfist.
HeonlystoppedatthecornertopickuphisflyingT,carryitacrossthestreet,andlayitbackdownonthesidewalk.“Sorry!”heyelledwithoutturningaround.Thenhegaveitarunningpushandjumpedonit,eventuallylyingstomachdown,hisarmsoutstretchedasheheldontobothendsoftheT.
“Whatwasthat?”Vonettaasked.
“Somestupidboy,”Isaid.“Comeon,y’all.”
IhadtopullVonetta’schinawayfromthedirectionoftheboyontheflyingT.Shekeptlookingevenafterhewaslonggone.
Ming’swaswhereCecilesaiditwas.Aroundthecornerandacoupleblocksdown.Therewasabigsign,MING’S,andunderneathit,redneoncharactersthatlookedlikefightingmenwavingswords.ThetelephoneboothwasalsowhereCecilesaiditwouldbe,rightnexttoMing’s.IplannedoncallingPabeforegettingthefood,buttheboothwasalreadyoccupiedbyalight-skinnedguywithabig,floppyAfro.Hewasturnedsideways,butIcouldseehisprofile,hisbeakishnose.Thewayhepushedhisheadthiswayandthat,suspiciously,whilehetalked.
Westoodwithourarmsfolded,waitingforhimtofinish.Helookedlikeafugitivefromjustice.IcouldspotonewhenIsawone.Iloveagoodcrimestory,especiallyTheF.B.I.Crimeshowscomeonlate,andIsneaktocatchwhateverBigMafallsasleepwatching.That’showthisguylooked.Likehewascallinghismatoseeifthecoastwascleartocomehomewithoutthemoborthecoppersonhistail.
Hesawusstandingwithourarmsfoldedandturnedhisbacktous.Igotit.Hehadalotofdimesandplannedtouseeachone.
WewentinsideMing’s.Wewerebarelyintherestaurant,whichwasn’tarestaurant,justacounterwithakitchenonthefarsideandtwosmalltableswithbenchesonourside.TheChineseladybehindthecountersaid,“Nofreeeggrolls.Nomorefreeeggrolls.”Shewavedherhandslike“Shoo,straycat.”
Ididn’tknowhowtoanswer.Ididn’taskforanyfreeeggrolls.ButweweretheonlyonesinsideMing’s,andshewasstaringstraightatme.
Vonettasaid,“Wedon’twantfreeeggrolls.”
Fernpipedin,“WewantshrimplomeinandPepsi.”
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Vonettasaid,“Andfourplates,fourforks,fournapkins,andfourcups.”
Fern:“Andfoureggrolls.”
Vonetta:“Allformoney.Notforfree.”
FinallyIsaid,“It’stakeout.Togo.”
Iuncurledtheten-dollarbilltoshowher.UsuallyIamJohnny-on-the-spot,speakingupformysistersandme.ButthistimeIwentblankfornoreasonIcouldthinkof.ItwasnicetohaveVonettaandFernjumprightin.
TheladyshoutedinChinesetothebackofthekitchen.Shesoundedevenmeanerthanwhenshe’dsaid“Nofreeeggrolls.”IdecidedthatjustlikeCecilewascrazy,theChineseladywasmean.MeanLadyMing.
Shenoddedtousandsaid,“Okay.Sit.”
Wesatdownandwaited.MeanLadyMingkepttalking.“Everybodypoor.Everybodyhungry.Igivefreeeggroll.Feelsorry.Theneveryonecomeforfreeeggroll.”
ShemutteredonlikeCeciledidandlookedmeanandtiredlikeBigMalooksonwashboarddays.
WhileIwassittingwithmysisters,ImadeupmymindaboutOakland.TherewasnothingandnooneinallofOaklandtolike.IwouldgetonaplaneandflybacktoNewYorkifBigMashowedupwantinghergrandbabies.Iwouldn’teventellCecile“Thanksforthevisit.”
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CollectCall
MeanLadyMinglaidadollarbillandafewcoinsonthecounter.Shehandedmethebrownpaperbagwiththefood,gaveVonettathebottleofPepsiandasmallbottleoffruitpunch,thengaveFernapaperbagwiththeplates,cups,forks,andnapkins.Iscoopedupallofthechange.Therewereatleasttwodimesincoins,whichwasenoughtocallhometoBrooklyncollect.
Whenwewentoutside,thebeakishguywiththefloppyAfrowasgone.WeallsqueezedintothephoneboothwithourbagsfromMing’s.
Ihookedmyfingerinsidetheholeforzeroonthephoneanddialed.TheoperatorcameonandIspokeup.
“Operator,IwanttomakeacollectcalltoLouisGaither.”Papa’spropernamefeltstrangecomingfrommymouth.Isaiditagaincleareralthoughtheoperatordidn’taskmeto.Instead,sheaskedformynameandIgaveittoher.“Delphine.”
There’snothingmumblyaboutthewayItalk.Idon’tswallowmylettersorrunthemtogether.Theoperatorstillasked,“CanIhavethatagain?”asifshedidn’tgetitthefirsttime.Ibrokeitintosyllables.“Del-FEEN.”
Shetoldmetostayontheline.WhileshewasringingPa,IrealizedmyTimexwasstillonBrooklyntimeandthatitwasaftereleveno’clock.Paroseinthedarkforworkandwasasleepbynine.Istartedtowindthestemwhentheoperatorcameback.“Goahead,Miss.”
“Hello?Hello?”BigMasoundedfaraway,butweheardherandweregladtohavereachedhome.
AlreadyVonettaandFernbeganpuppyyelpinginthebackgroundandgrabbingatthephone.Igavethemasternlooktomakethemquitit.BeforeIcouldsay“We’rehereinOaklandwithCecile,”BigMasaid,“Delphine!Doyouknowhowmuchthisphonecalliscostingyourfather?”
Therewasnotimetobetongue-tied.Ispokeup.“ButPapasaidcall.”
“Notcollect,Delphine.Where’dyougetathoughtlikethat?IknewyougirlsshouldhaveneverleftBrooklyn.YouflyouttoOaklandandloseyourlastounceofcommonsense.Letmespeaktoyourmother.”
“She’snothere,”Isaid.“She’sinherhouse.”
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VonettaandFernwerestillshoutingtoBigMaandPapa,whohadtobeasleep.
“Andwhyareyououtinthestreetinthemiddleofthenight?I’mgoingtotellyourpaaboutthis.”BigMascoldedandfussed,runningupthephonebillevenhigher.Whenshewasdonetellingmeaboutmyselfandaboutthat“nokindofmother,Cecile,”Itoldherweweresafeandsaidgoodnight,andVonettaandFernholleredout,“Goodnight,BigMa!AndPa!”ThenIhungupthephone.
AtleastIhaddonewhatPahadtoldmetodo.Icalled.
Cecileguardedthekitchen’sswingingdoorandpointedustothelivingroom,whereshehadlaidoutawaxytableclothonthefloor.Wespreadoutaroundthecloth.Ceciletookovereverything,dumpingshrimplomeinandaneggrolloneachplate,tossingeveryoneaforkandanapkin.
Tomeshesaid,“Pourthedrinks,”whichIdid.Thiswasthemostmotheringwegot,ifyoudon’tcounthercomingtoclaimus.NotthatIwantedorneededanymothering.IwasjustthinkingaboutVonettaandFern.Theywereexpectingamother.Atleastahug.A“Lookathowy’allhavegrown.”Alookofsorrowandapleaforforgiveness.Iknewbetter.
AtleastthatwasonethingCecileandBigMahadincommon.BigMahadnoforgivenessforCecile,andCecilehadnoneedforit.
MeanLadyMinghadthrowninapairofchopsticks.VonettaandFerneyedthewoodensticksandformulatedideasaboutturningthemintohairpins,play-fightswords,andpickupsticks.Cecileendedallofthatwhenshebrokethesticksjoinedatthetop,rubbedthemagainsteachotherlikeshewaskindlingtwigsforacampfire,thenwrappednoodlesaroundthemandshovedthenoodles,shrimp,andsticksintohermouth.
Wewereallstaring.We’dneverseenanyoneeatingwithchopsticksotherthanonTV.We’dneverseencoloredpeopleeatingwiththem,andherewasourmothereatingwithchopsticksliketheChinesementhatIhadreadaboutwhoworkedontherailroads.Sheatehungrily,settingnotypeoftable-mannerexamplesforus,herdaughters.
Cecileknewoureyeswereonher.Withamouthfuloffoodshesaid,“Thoughty’allwerehungry.”
Wepickedupourforksandate.
Whenweweredone,Cecilegrabbedeverythingthathadn’tbeenused—soysauce,spicymustard,herfork,anextracupthatMeanLadyMinghad
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thrownin.Shetoldustostayrighttherewhileshebroughteverythingintothekitchen.Sowestayedput.
Ithoughtshemightwanttotalktous.Findouthowweweredoinginschool.Whatwelikedanddidn’tlike.Ifweeverhadchickenpoxorourtonsilstakenout.WhileIthoughtaboutwhatI’dtellher,weheardaknockonthedoor.Thenanotherloudknock.Wejumpeduptolookthroughthecurtains,butCecilecameoutofthekitchen.
“Getbackintheroom.Get.”
Andwedid.ButIhadcaughtaglimpsethroughthecurtain.IhadalreadyseenthreepeopleindarkclotheswithAfros.
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ForthePeople
WeweretrainedspiesbackinBrooklyn.Scrunchedtogether,pressingourearstothedoor,wall,orair,weusedhandsignalsandmouthedwordsinsteadofwhispered.IfnecessaryIcouldshushmysisterswithaglaretobottleuptheirloosegiggling.Youcan’tgiggleandbeaspy.
ItwasbypressingourearstotheairthatwehadheardPasay,“No,Ma.Theyneedtoknowher,andsheneedstoknowthem.They’reflyingtoOakland.That’sfinal.”IthadbeenallwecoulddonottoletonwhenPasatusdownthenextmorning.
Theknockonthedoor,Cecileorderingustohideinourroom,andherclearingawayallevidenceofuswerenotactionsofamother.Thesewereactionsofasecretagent.Orafugitivefromjustice.Someonewhodoesn’topenherdoorwideandwelcominglikeBigMadoeswhenthedoorbellrings.Hersweretheactionsofsomeonewhowearshats,scarves,andshadestokeepfrombeingrecognized.Kindofliketheguyinthephonebooth.Someoneobviouslyhidingout.
Onceagain,wefellintoourspyingpositions,anglingourselvesatthecrackeddoortosee,whilepressingourearsagainsttheair.FromtherewecouldseepiecesofthethreefigureswhoenteredCecile’shouse.Allworedarkcolors.Onehadonablackjacketandablackberet.Theothertwo,blackT-shirtsandblackberetsoverAfros.Westeadiedourheavy,excitedbreathingtohearwhatwecould.
Itwasn’tlongaftergreetingoneanotherthattheirtalkingturnedtoarguing.Itwastheirvoices,allthreeofthemagainsthers.Itsoundedlike:
“Seizethetime.”
“Forthepeople.”
“Thetimeisnow.”
Versusher:
“Me…”
“My…”
“No…”
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“No…”
Theneachoneofthemfiringoff:
“Thepeople…”
“Thepeople…”
“Thepeople…”
Againsther:
“Myart.”
“Mywork.”
“Mytime.Mymaterials.Myprintingpress.”
“Me.My.No.No.”
IwassuretheywereBlackPanthers.Theywereonthenewsalotlately.ThePanthersonTVsaidtheywereincommunitiestoprotectpoorblackpeoplefromthepowerful;toprovidethingslikefood,clothing,andmedicalhelp;andtofightracism.Evenso,mostpeoplewereafraidofBlackPanthersbecausetheycarriedriflesandshouted“BlackPower.”FromwhatIcouldsee,thesethreedidn’thaverifles,andCeciledidn’tseemafraid.Justannoyedbecausetheywantedherthingsbutshedidn’twanttogivethem.BigMasaidGodcouldnothavemadeabeingmoreselfishthanCecile.Atleastshewaslikethatwitheveryone,notjustus.
Cecilesaid,“Paperisn’tfree.Inkisn’tfree.Myprintingpressisn’tfree.I’mnotfree.”
Oneofthemanswered,“Noneofusisfree,SisterInzilla.EldridgeCleaverisn’tfree.HueyNewtonisn’tfree.H.RapBrownisn’tfree.MuhammadAliisn’tfree.”
Iknewhemeanther,Cecile,whenhesaidInzilla.Ididn’tknowsomeofthoseothernames.OnlyHueyNewton,theBlackPantherleader,andMuhammadAli,whousedtobeCassiusClay.IguessedtheotherswereBlackPanthersorblackpeoplewhowereinprison.IknewAlihadrefusedtogotoVietnamandfightlikeUncleDarnellwasdoing.Istilldidn’tgetwhatanyofthathadtodowithCecile.
Anotheronesaid,“That’swhyeveryonemustcontributetothecause.”
Thethirdvoiceadded,“LikeHueysaid,‘Weshouldallcarrytheweight,andthosewhohaveextremeabilitieswillhavetocarryextremelyheavyloads.’”
Therewerewordsthrownbackandforth.Long,unfamiliarwordsending
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intion,ism,andactic,withmoretalkabout“thepeople”throwninforgoodmeasure,likeBigMathrowingapinchofsaltintothecakebatter.
Theyweren’tjusttalking.ThethreeBlackPantherswererapping.Layingitdown.Tellingitlikeitis,liketalkingwastheirweapon.Theirwordsversusherwords.Hersfalling,theirsrising.Whenhervoicefellaslowasshewouldallowit,shestampedherfootandsaid,“Allright.Allright.Butyougottatakemykids.”Andshortlyafter,theyweregone.
Weretreatedfromthedoorandjumpedonthetopdaybed.Thiswasthenextpartafterthespymissions.Poolingtogetherwhatwe’dlearned.
Vonettaasked,“Isshegivingusaway?”
ThenFern:“Tothosepeople?”
Ishookmyheadno.“Shecouldn’texplainthattoPapa.”
“OrtoBigMa,”Fernsaid.
“Thenwhowerethosepeople?”Vonettaasked.
“Intheblackclothes.”
“Tellinghertocarrytheweight.”
“Talk,talk,talking,onandonandon,”Fernsaid.
“They’reBlackPanthers.They’reprobablywhoshe’srunningfrom.”
Vonettaasked,“WhoaretheBlackPanthers?”
“Youknow.LikeFrieda’sbrother.”ImadetheBlackPowersignwithmyfist.OnlyBigMaandIwatchthenews.BigMaenjoyshearingaboutallthetroublegoingonintheworld.Itisn’tthatsheactuallylikesit.Shejustneedstohearabouteverythingandtalkaboutit.SincePaworksalldayandistiredatnight,BigMagivesmeheropinionswhileIwashdishes.Younameit.PresidentLBJ.HoChiMinhinNorthVietnam.MartinLutherKing’sfuneral.BobbyKennedy’sfuneral.Theraceriots.Thesitins.ElizabethTaylor’snexthusband.TheBlackPanthers.EachholdsBigMa’sinterest.
“IthassomethingtodowithCecile’spaper,”Isaid.
“Andherink,”Vonettasaid.
“Andthepeople,”Fernsaid.
Wecouldn’timaginewhattiedallthreethingstogether.ThenVonettasuggested,“Maybetheywanthertowriteapoem.”
“Aboutthepeople,”Fernsaid.
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“Usingherspecialinksandpapers,”Vonettasaid.
PahadtoldusCecilewrotepoems,butI’dalreadyknownthat.FlashesofCecilechantingwords,tappingarhythmwithherpencil,thenwriting.AndUncleDarnellhadsaidIwasalwaysthere,quiet,inthekitchenwhileshechanted,tapped,andwrote.I’dgetthoseflashingpictures.Butinpieces.
Vonettaasked,“Cantheymakeyouwritepoems?”ThenVonettafixedhervoicedeeplikeaman’s.“Youbetterwriteapoemaboutthepeople,orelse.”
FernandIlaughedather.Shelovedentertainingus.
“Theydon’tsendtheBlackPantherstoyourhousetomakeyouwriteapoem,”Isaid.
Vonetta’seyeslitupfoxbright.Shehadanidea.
“Cecileprintsupherownmoney.Howelsedoyouthinkshegotthishouse?Cecileisprintingherownmoneyinthekitchen.That’swhywecan’tgointhereandthat’swhyshedidn’tcookfriedchicken.”
“Or’nanapudding.”
Ishookmyhead.“Withallthemoneyshe’dhavetoprintuptobuythishouse,theFBIwouldhavetrackedherdownandthrownherinthepokey.”
“Thepokey!”ThatmadeFernlaugh.ThenVonettaandFernstarteddancingandsinging:“Youdothehokeypokeyandyouturnyourselfaround.That’swhatit’sallabout.”
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GlassofWater
IfwewereathomewithPaandBigMa,wewouldhavebeenbathedandinbedanhourandfiveminutesago.Butweweren’tinBrooklyn.WewereinOaklandwithCecile.
IglancedatmytrustyTimex.Iwasn’tmadthatVonettahadgottentheTimexwiththepinkwristbandandcouldn’tholdontoit,whilemineisplainbrownandstillonmyarm.Mybrownleatherwristbandisjustfine.It’stheclockpartthatmattersanyway.Icancountonittokeepthingsrunningonschedule.
ItswaterprooffacetoldmewhatIneededtoknowatninethirty-fiveintheevening.ThatittookthreeminutesforwarmwaterandahandfulofTidesoappowdertomaketherightamountofsuds.Fifteenminuteswasenoughtimefortheday’sdirttofalltothebottomofthetub,whileVonettaandFernstyledbubblebeehivehairdosontheirheadsandbeardsoneachother.ButgivethemoneminutelongerandI’denduppullingFernoffofVonettaandmoppingupsopsofwatersplashedontothebathroomtiles.
AfterIgotmysistersin,out,dried,andlotioned,Itookmybath,settingmywatchontheporcelainedgetokeepaneyeonmyowntwelveminutesinthetub.Thewatchpartmighthavebeenwaterproof,buttheplainbrownleatherbanddidn’tcareforsoapandhotwater.Bath-watermadetheleatherhardandclammyagainstmyskin.Ialwaystookitoff.
OnlywhenIsatinthetubdidIwishmyTimexwasn’tsoreliableorthetickingsosteady.Oh,howIwishedtheminutehandwouldslowdownandgivemetimeforanice,longsoak.WishallIwanted,Icouldn’tleaveVonettaandFernalonetosortoutwho’dsleepatwhatendofthedaybed.ThreeextraminutesinthetubandI’dbesorry.Istucktotheschedule.
Wewereinoursummernighties.VonettaandFernlaysidebyside,theirelbowsproppeduponthehigherbed,whileIsatonthelowerbed.Fern’seyelidsgrewdroopy.Still,sheyawnedanddemandedstorytime.
IopenedPeterPan,oneofthebooksI’dcheckedoutforatwo-weekloanbeforewe’dleftBrooklyn.IhaditallworkedoutandcountedthepagesI’dreadeachnight,dividingthatbytwenty-eightdays.Ihadtwodollarsand
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eightycentsinmydrawerathometopayforthelatefeesfortheremainingtwoweekswhenwereturnedtoBrooklyn.
ThisPeterPanwasbetterthanthePeterPancoloringbooksathome.Itwasarealbook,thickwithmorethanonehundredpagesofadventure.VonettaandFernweresoonunderthespellofPeterandWendyflyinglikefairies.BothVonettaandFerngaveoutthreepagessoonerthanIhadplanned.Iputmybookmark—acoasterfromtheairplane—intherightspotandpulledtheblanketovermysisters.
Asquietasaspy,IunbuckledmysuitcaseandtookoutmyborrowedcopyofIslandoftheBlueDolphins.Iturnedoffthegooseneckedfloorlampandsatinthehallway,wherelightbeamedfromthelivingroom.Cecilewasinherkitchendoingwhatevershedidinthere.
Ifellasleepwithmybookinmylap.Whatwokemewasathump.Throughclouded,sleepyeyes,ImadeoutthebackofFern’srufflednightie.HerlittleheelswereheadedtoCecile’skitchen.Ishookmyselfawakeandjumpedtomyfeet.AssureasIknewCecilewascrazyandunmotherly,IknewImuststopFern.
Itwastoolate.Iwasn’tfastenoughtocatchholdofFern’snightie.Cecilewasrightthere,guardingwhatevershewashidinginherkitchen.
Sleepyandsweetvoiced,Fernasked,“CanIhaveaglassofwater?”
PapacouldneverbringhimselftosaynotoFern.HeleftthattoBigMa,Vonetta,andme.ButCecilesaid,“Drankthewaterinthebathroom.”
“It’snasty,”Fernsaid.
“Thenyouain’tthirsty,littlegirl.”
“I’mnotLittleGirl.I’mFern.”
“Shedidn’tmean…”MymouthspedtoFern’srescue,butCecile’sraisedhandstoppedme.Igotthemessage,andsheloweredherstopsign.
“Let’sgetonethingstraight,LittleGirl.Noone’sgoinginmykitchen.”
It’shardtobelievethelasttimethey’dseeneachother,FernhadbeenaloafofbreadinCecile’sarms.ThatwashowUncleDarnelltoldittome.SomepiecesofitIevenremember.HowCecilehadnursedFern,burpedher,andplacedherinhercribbeforeleavingus.It’sfunnythatCecilehadatleastthoughttogiveFernalastdrink,butallthesameleftFernwantinghermilk.Nowtheystoodacrossfromeachother:CeciletoweringoverFernwithherarmscrossed,andFernlookingupatCecile.Fernballedbothfists,bangingthemagainsthersideslikesheusuallydidbeforeshejumpedonVonetta.
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ItookoneofFern’sfistsinmyhandandeaseditflat.ThenIputonmy“talkingtowhitefolks”voiceandsaid,“Canyougetheraglassofcoldwater?”
I’musedtodoingwhat’shard.Likethreedays’worthofhomeworkinonenighttocatchupfrombeingoutofschoolsick.Likeforty-sixpush-upsinsixtysecondstowinabetwithaboy.LikestandingmeanmouthedoverVonettaandFernuntiltheyswallowatablespooneachofhardpinecoughsyrup.Butsaying“please”withoutactuallysayingittosomeoneyoudon’twanttosay“please”tointhefirstplacetopsthelistofhard.
WhenCecileraisedherhand,IpushedFernback,notknowingifsheraisedherhandonlytopointdownatFern.Ididn’tknowCecileyet.Ididn’tknowhowmeanorcrazyshewas.
Shesaid,“Stayoutthere.”Thenshebackedintothekitchenmuttering,“Didn’tasknoonetosendyouhere,noway.”
Whenthedoorhadswung,Iheardarustlebetweentheflashofopeningandclosing.Likefallleavesrustling.Ilookedupintimetoseewhitewingshangingfromaboveinthequickflashoftheopeneddoor.
Tothenormalkidsinmyclassroom,thatwouldhavelookedcrazy.Whitewingshanginginthekitchen.ButIrememberedstrangethingsthatgotmelaughedatinschool.ThingsaboutCecile.I’dbeendumbenoughtovolunteerfactsaboutmymotherforshow-and-tell.“Mymotherwritesoncerealboxesandonthewall,”I’dsaidproudlyinthesecondgrade.Andthis,thewhitewingshanginginherhouse,wasn’tstrangeatall.ItwashalfwaywhatI’dexpected.Iwouldhatetothinkshehadleftustoleadanormal,cookie-baking,porkchop–fryinglife.
Thesinkranfullforce.Iheardopeningandslamming.Metalbangingagainstthecountertopmaybe.Crackingandshaking.Therockcracklingoficeinametaltray.Moreopeningandslammingagain.Fernclungtomysideandtheninchedbehindme.
CecilecameoutholdingtheextrapapercupfromMeanLadyMing’s.SeeingFernhidingbehindme,shesaid,“It’stoolateforallofthat.Here.Takeit.”
Fernstayedput,soIwenttotakethecup.Cecilepulledback,spillingafewdropsatherfeet.
“LittleGirl,youbettertakethisifyouwantit.”
Fern’sfistsballedfrombehindhernightieandagainIreachedout,butCecileglared,like,Girl,Iwillknockyoudown.
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FernsteppedfrombehindmeandtookthecupfromCecile’shand.“I’mnotLittleGirl.I’mFern.”
“Well,youbetterdrinkthiscupoficewater,LittleGirl.Everylastdrop.”
Ferndrankitalldownwithoutstopping.Probablytoproveshecould.ProbablytonotstandnearCecileanylongerthanshehadto.Thenshehandedmethecupwithice,andIreturnedittoCecile.
AsmanytimesasBigMasaidit,Ineverfullybelievedit.Thatnoone,notevenCecile,neededtohavetheirwaysobadlyorwassoselfish.ThatshecouldleavePa,Vonetta,Fern,andmeoversomethingassmallandsillyasaname.ThatCecileleftbecausePawouldn’tletherpickoutFern’sname.ButIsawandhearditwithmyownearsandeyes.SherefusedtocallFernbyhername,andthatmadeBigMarightaboutCecile.
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Inseparable
“Ifyougirlswantbreakfast,go’ndowntothePeople’sCenter.”
Wesaidalltogether,“ThePeople’sCenter?”
WithoutskippingabeatCecilesaid,“NexttothelibraryonOrchard.Justkeepwalkingtillyouseekidsandoldpeoplelinedup.”
“You’renotgoingtotakeus?”Ididn’tmeanittowormoutasaquestionandwasmadatmyselfforaskinginsteadofstating.
“Youdon’tneedmetowalkdownthestreet.Theparkisontheotherside.Y’allcanrunaroundafterbreakfastorstayfortheprogramattheCenter.Itdon’tmakemenodifference.”
Cecilepointedafountainpenatme.Twomorepenswerestuckinherhair.“Youtheoldest.Youcanreadstreetsigns.”
Vonetta,indignant,said,“Icanreadstreetsignstoo.”
“Metoo.”
Insteadofsaying“Ididn’taskforallofthat”likeIexpected,Cecilesmackedherpalmagainstherthighandsaid,“Thenthatsettlesit.Stepoutthisdoor,crossthestreet,keepgoingablocktillyougettoOrchard.Ifyoucanread,youcan’tmisstheOin‘Orchard.’Turnleft.Keepwalkingtillyouseethelibrary.Center’sonthesameblock.Can’tmissit.Nothingbutblackfolksinblackclothesrappingrevolutionandalineofhungryblackkids.”
Thenshecutherselfofffromus,tappedherfountainpen,andrepeated,“Blackfolks,inblackclothes,rappingrevolution.”
WehadBlackPanthersinBrooklyn.BlackPantherposterswithSEIZETHETIMEstapledontotelephonepoles.WejustneverhadanyBlackPanthersmarchingdownHerkimerStreet,knockingonourdoordemandingthatwegivetothecauseorcallingussomekindofSisternamewehadneverheardof.
MysistersandIdidn’tmakeamovetowardthedoor.Wecouldn’tbelieveourears.Ourcrazymotherwassendingusoutsidetofindmilitantstrangersifwewantedtoeat.
Shesaid,“Wait.”Ihopedshehadchangedhermindaboutusgoingtothe
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Center.Shewentintothekitchenandcameoutwithacardboardbox,alittlesmallerthantheshoeboxforPapa’sworkboots.“Here,”shesaid.“TakethistotheCenter.GiveittothePanthers.Tellthemit’sfromInzilla.”That’swhatIthoughtshesaid.Inzilla.
Sheputtheboxinmyhands.
“WhodoI—”
“Justfindablackberet.Anyblackberetwilldo.MakesureyoutellthemIgavetothecause.Youtellthem,‘Don’tcomeknockingonmydooraskingformymaterials.’”
IknewIwouldn’tbetellingnoBlackPantherswhatCecilesaid.Thatshegavetothecauseandnottocomeknockingonherdoorforherstuff.Ijusttooktheboxandnodded,becausethat’showyoutreatcrazypeople.Younodandcountdowntwenty-sevendaysforcrazytocometoanend.
VonettaandFernlookedtomeforwhattodonext,andCecilenoticedthis.TherewasnolipsmilefromCecile,buthereyesfounditfunnythattheyalwayslookedtomefirst.
“Comeon,”Isaid.“Let’sgogetbreakfast.”
Wewereabouttoleave,butFernstoppedcold.Hereyesbuggedoutandsheballedherfists.“Wait!Wait!”
VonettaandIwaitedwhilesheranintothebackroom,herstepsallbuffalostomps.Ididn’tmindFern’sstompingbecauseitannoyedCecilethatherhousehadbeeninvadedbyourmouths,wants,andfeet.Itservedherright.
BothVonettaandIknewwhyFernranbacktotheroom.We’dbeenseeingthisgoonforyears.FernreturnedwithMissPattyCakeintow.Fromherlookofdisgust,IbelievedCecilewouldhavespatonherownfloorifshewouldn’thavehadtocleanitup.
“Aren’tyoutoobigtobedraggingthatthingwithyou?”
AsfarasIwasconcerned,CecilehadnothingtosayaboutFernandMissPattyCake.MissPattyCakewastherewhenCecilewasn’t.
NowIsmiled.I’dunderstoodthatFernandMissPattyCakewerelikethatNatKingColesong“Unforgettable.”WhenI’dfirstheardhissatinysmoothvoicesing“Likeasongoflovethatclingstome,”IknewMissPattyCakewaslikethatsongoflovetoFern.
CecilethoughtFernwouldbuckleunderaseven-year-old’sshame.WhenFerndidn’tanswer,sheaskedagain,“Aren’tyoutoobigforallathat?”
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Fernshookfourbraidsandbarrettesandsaid,“No,”takingdelightinansweringnoforno’ssake.No,becauseCeciledidn’thaveahugandakissthatFernexpected.No,becauseCeciledidn’tleapupandgetthatcoldglassofwater.No,becauseCecilehadyettocallFern,Fern.
Vonettagroaned.Shehadfoughtenoughname-callersonbehalfofMissPattyCake.Ihadfoughtmysharetoo,butsowhat.ItwasforFernandherdoll.Exceptforgoingtoschoolandchurch,FernandMissPattyCakehadbeeninseparableforaslongasFernoranyoneelsecouldremember.
Cecileshooklikewehadgivenherthewillies.Sheprobablyaskedherself,Whoarethesekids?
Therewasnouseinstandingaroundforalongfarewellandalistofdosanddon’ts.Weweren’tleavingBigMa.WewereleavingCecilewithherkitchenandherpalmtree.AndjustasIfeltwehadgottenthelastlickbyturningandgoing,Cecilesaid,“Don’tkillyourselftogetbackhere.Stayouttillsundown.”
Wewalkedalongthestreet,amovingtriangle.Meinthefront.VonettaandFernwithMissPattyCakebehindmeatbothsides.
“Iwannagohome.”
“Metoo.”
Iknewwhichhometheymeant.Isaid,“We’regoingbackhomeintwenty-sevendays.”
“Let’scallPapa,”Vonettasaid.
“AndBigMa.”
Isaid,“Notyet.BigMahasn’tgottenoverthecollectcallfromyesterday.Wegottagetupenoughdimestomakearealcallacrossthecountry.”
Vonettasaid,“WeshouldcallPapa.Tellhimshe’smean.”
“Andshedon’twantus.”
“Andshewon’tcookorletusinthekitchen.”
“Togetacoldglassofwater.”
“Inherkitchen.”
“Inherhouse.”
Isaid,“Wewill.Justnotyet.”
Vonettasaid,“IfBigMaknew…”
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“AndPapa.”
“They’dbeherelightningquicktogetus.”
“Yeah.Quicklikelightning.”
Isaid,“We’llneedalotofdimes.”
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BreakfastProgram
WefoundtheCenterlikeCecilesaidwewould.Alineofhungrykidswaitedforbreakfast,excepttheyweren’tallblack.TherewereolderteensinmostlyblackclothesandAfrospostedlikesoldiersguardingtheoutside.Thathardlyseemednecessarywhenawhite-and-blackpolicecarcircledaroundtheblock.
Vonettawasalreadysmilingandshowinganyonewho’dlookherwaythatshewasworthasmileback.Shehadpickedoutthreegirlswholookedalikeenoughtobesisters,eachoneasthickasmysistersandIwerelanky.Theyworewhitebootsanddaisydresseswithflaredsleeves.Theymightaswellhavebeengoingtoago-go,nottoafreebreakfast.
IkeptFernnear,myarmscrossedbeforeme.IwasheretomakesuremysistersandIatebreakfast,andtostayoutofCecile’shair.IfVonettawantedtogetherfeelingshurtchasingaftersmilesandgo-goboots,thatwasonher.
ThePanthersopenedthedoorsandwetrailedinside,thethreeofusstickingclosetogether.Asweentered,IdidwhatCecilesaid.IhandedtheboxtothefirstBlackPantherIsawandsaid,“ThisisfromCecile.”Iwasn’tabouttocallhersomenameIdidn’tknowortellthemshesaidtoleaveheralone.TheBlackPantherguyopenedthebox.Hetookoutasheetfromastackofpaper—aflyerwithacrouchingblackpantherandsomewritingonit—andheldituptoexamineit.Henodded,said,“Thankyou,Sister,”andtooktheboxwithhim.
Thethreegirlsintheflowerdresseswerestandingonlinelookingatus.Vonettatriedtosteermeovertothem,butIdidn’twanttogochasingafterthem.Theirdresseslookedsoniceandnew.Weworeshortsandsuntops,althoughOaklandwasn’tassunnyaswe’dimaginedCaliforniawouldbe.IfoundusaplaceonlinebehindPuertoRicanswhodidn’tlookPuertoRicanbutwhospokeSpanish.ThenIrememberedourstudyofthefiftystates.TheywereprobablyMexicans.
IthoughtBlackPantherswouldonlylookoutforblackpeople,buttherewerethetwoMexicans,alittlewhiteboy,andaboywholookedbothblackandChinese.Everyoneelsewasblack.I’dneverseentheBlackPanthersmakingbreakfastonthenews.Butthen,beatingeggsnevermakestheeveningnews.
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Aswestoodonline,aguywhoshouldhavekeptwalkingstoppedrightinfrontofus.HecrossedhisarmsandlookeddownatFern.
Irecognizedthebeakishnoseonthatnarrowface.Hewastheoneinthetelephoneboothwhohadturnedhisbacktous,likehedidn’twanttobeseen.ForallIknew,hewasoneofthoseintheblackberetsandAfroswho’dcomeknockingonCecile’sdoorlastnight.NowhestoodacrossfromFern,hislegsapartandhisarmsfolded.
“Whatiswrongwiththispicture,”hestatedinsteadofasked.Heknewtheanswer,allright.Iwasprettygoodatreadingfaces.
Hedidn’thavealeatherjacket,buthewasoneofthem.OnhisblackT-shirtwasadeadwhitepigwithfliesbuzzingarounditandthewordsOFFTHEPIGinwhiteletters.HishairwasabiglooseAfrobecauseitwasalittlestringy.StringylikeLucyRaleigh’s,whobraggedaboutbeingpartChickasawinthefourthgradebutbyfifthgradewassinging“I’mBlackandI’mProud”louderthanloudbecauseJamesBrown’ssonghadmadeitthethingtodo.
Thestringy-Afro-wearingbeakmanwasn’tPapa-grownorCecile-grown.Probablyallofnineteenortwenty,buthethoughthewassomething.Hewasputtingonashowforalltheotherblackberetwearers.
Whennoneofusspoke,hepointedandaskedagainthequestionwhoseanswerhealreadyknew.“Whatiswrongwiththispicture?”
Fernpointedbackathimandsaid,“Idon’tknow.What’swrongwiththispicture?”
TheotherBlackPantherslaughedandtoldFern,“That’sright,Li’lSis.Don’ttakenothingfromnoone.”Andtheyslappedpalmsandsaidstufflike“TheseareSisterInzilla’s,allright.Lookatthem.”
BeakMantriedtostanduptohishumiliation.Shakeitoff.
“Li’lSis,areyouawhitegirlorablackgirl?”
Fernsaid,“I’macoloredgirl.”
Hedidn’tlikethesoundof“coloredgirl.”Hesaid,“Blackgirl.”
Fernsaid,“Colored.”
“Blackgirl.”
VonettaandIthrewour“colored”ontopofFern’slikewewereringtossingatConeyIsland.ThiswasbiggerthanSayitloud,I’mBlackandI’mproud.Ifoneofussaid“colored,”weallsaid“colored.”Unlesswewerefightingamongourselves.
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“Allright,then.‘Cullid’girls,”BigBeaksaid,“whyareyoucarryingthatself-hatredaroundinyourarms?”
AnolderteenagegirlinaCalStateT-shirtsaid,“Kelvin,you’recrazy.Leavethosecoloredgirlsalone.”
Big-beaked,stringy-hairedKelvinlookedpleasedwithhimself.
Isaid,“That’snotself-hatred.That’sherdoll.”
“Yeah.Adollbaby.”
“MissPattyCake.”
InspiteoftheCalStategirlandtheotherBlackPantherssayingleavethosegirlsalone,hewenton.
“Areyoureyesbluelikehers?Isyourhairblondlikehers?Isyourskinwhitelikehers?”
Thegirlsaidagain,“CrazyKelvin,stopit.Juststopit.”
CrazyKelvinturnedtoaladywhoworeanAfrican-printdressandamatchingclothwrappedaroundherhead.“SisterMukumbu.Our‘colored’girlshereneedsomereeducation.”Andhewalkedaway,oneofthosepimpwalks,likeHowyoulikemenow?
SisterMukumbujustsmiledathimlikeshedidn’ttakeCrazyKelvinseriously.SheandtheCalStategirlexchangedalook.
TheCalStategirlturnedtowardmeandsaid,“Don’tmindCrazyKelvin.That’swhatwecallhim.He’salittlewild.”
Forallofthat,theeggswerecold,butweatethem,alongwiththebutteredtoastandorangeslices.ItwasbetterthaneatingairsandwichesatCecile’s.
FernhuggedMissPattyCakebutrefrainedfromputtingapieceoftoasttoherdoll’slipslikeshewouldhavedoneathome.Still,theotherkidslaughedatherandcalledherWhiteBabyLoverandBigBaby,exceptfortheboywholookedbothcoloredandChinese.Itoldthemtoshutup.Andthatwentforthethreesistersinflowerdresses.Eventhetallestsister.NoonecouldcallFernWhiteBabyLovereventhoughMissPattyCakewasawhitebabyandFernlovedher.NoonecouldcallFernaBigBabybutVonettaandme.Vonettaatehertoastsilently.WehadcostVonettahersummerfriendswiththewhitego-gobootsandhappeningdresses.ButIdidn’tcare.FerncouldloveMissPattyCakeallshewanted.WecouldcallourselvesVanillaWafers,ChocolateChips,orOreoCookiesforallIcaredaboutblackgirlsandcoloredgirls.
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AndeventhoughCeciledidn’tbothertobringushereorstickupforFern,theBlackPanthershadslappedpalmsandsaid,“ThoseareSisterInzilla’s,allright.”
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EventheEarthIsaRevolutionary
Oncebreakfastwasover,mostofthekidsleft,exceptforadozenwhostayedbehind,includingus.Itoldmysisterswemightaswellstickaroundforthesummercampprogram.Cecilehadmadeitclearshedidn’twanttoseeusanytimesoon,sowetoldSisterMukumbuournamesandfollowedherandSisterPat,theyoungwomanintheCalStateT-shirt,intoaclassroom.
IfeltsillyandwrongcallingagrownpersonBrotherSo-and-SoorSisterSuch-and-Such,butthankstoCecile,wenowhadbrothersandsisterswehadneverbeforelaideyeson.Sure,theysaid“brutha”and“sistah”inBrooklyn,buthereitwasmoreofatitleandnotlikeyouweresaying“him”or“her.”AsfarasIcouldtell,noneofthegrownpeopleattheCenterwentbyMr.,Mrs.,orMiss.IfBigMacouldseehowquicklyourhometraininghadflownoutthewindow,shewouldhavehadusonthenextBoeing727backtoNewYork.
TherewassomethingwelcomingaboutSisterMukumbu,whomIlikedrightaway.IfSisterMukumbuhadmetusattheairport,wewouldhavefeltwelcomedasshesteppedforwardtoclaimus.Shewouldhavewrappedusupinhergreen,purple,andorangeAfricanprintdressandbeggedourforgivenessforhavingleftus.
Wesatatoneofthetwolongtables.TheclassroomwasunlikeanyIhadeverbeenin.InsteadofpicturesofGeorgeWashington,AbrahamLincoln,andPresidentJohnson,therewasapictureofHueyNewtonsittinginabigwickerchairwitharifleathisside.Therewereotherpicturesofmostlyblackmenandafewwomenhunguparoundtheroom.IexpectedtofindDr.MartinLutherKing’sphotographhangingonthewall,butIwasdisappointed.MalcolmXandMuhammadAliweretheonlyfacesIcouldname.Ididn’tknowanyofthewomen,althoughonewomanlookedjustlikeBigMa.Nexttoherpicturewerethewords“I’msickandtiredofbeingsickandtired.”
Onthewallswerebigsheetsoflined-ruledpaperwritteninteacher’sneathandwriting.Thefirstonesaid“WhatWeWant”ingreenletters.Ontheothersideofthewall,anothersaid“WhatWeBelieve.”
Vonettadidn’tseemtocarethatwewereinsomesortofBlackPanthersummercamp,learningtobecomeBlackPanthers.Herattentionwasfixedonthethreesisterswiththeflared-sleevedressesandtheirround,curlyAfros.I
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knewIwouldhearallaboutitlater.Howitwastimeforhertohaveanewhairstyleandthatourclotheswerebabyclothes.
SisterMukumbusaid,“HirohitoWoods.”
Aboyfromtheothertablewithdarkspikyhair,browncopperyskin,andslantedeyesgroaned.Hewasprobablymyage.
SisterMukumbusmiledinspiteofhisgroaning.Shebeckonedhimtoherside,hermanybraceletsjanglingasshewavedhimforward.“Hirohitowillhelpwithmydemonstration.”
Ididn’thavetoturntoseeVonetta’smile-longpout.ItwasjustlikeVonettatobeenviousofsomeoneelsebeinginthespotlight.Hirohitodidn’tseemthrilled.Hepushedhischairbackward,scrapingthefloor,andwentsullenlyuptothefront.ItwasonlyfromthebackofhisspikyheadthatIrecognizedhimastheflyingTboardriderwho’dnearlymowedusdownyesterday.Ihadhalfamindtosockhimgood.
SisterMukumbusaid,“I’mgoingtobethesun,andHirohitowillbetheearth.”Sheleanedandwhisperedsomethinginhisear.Heheavedabigsigh,likehedidn’twanttodowhateveritwasshetoldhimbutwoulddoitanyway.Thesighingwasforuskidssohedidn’tcomeoffassomekindofteacher’spet.
SisterMukumbunoddedandsaidfirmly,“Now,Hirohito.”
Heheavedanothersighandbegantoturnaroundslowly,eachtimetakingasteptotravelaroundSisterMukumbu,whostoodstillandsmiled.Thiswasbetterthansockinghiminthearm.WatchinghimturnaroundandaroundinhisblackandsilverRaidersjersey.Helookeddownandprobablyfeltsilly.Allthekidsintheprogram,includingmysistersandme,giggled.SisterMukumbuwasn’tbotheredbyourgigglingorbyHirohito’ssighing.Shesaid,“Theearthturnsslowlyonitsaxis,whilealsospinningaroundthesun.Daywouldn’tchangetonightiftheearthdidn’tspinonitsaxis.Theseasonswouldn’tchangeiftheearthdidn’ttravelaroundthesun.Thismeansvegetationwouldn’tgrow,whichmeanspoorfarmerscouldn’tharvest,andpoorpeoplecouldn’teatiftheearthdidn’tspinonitsaxisandtravelaroundthesun.Thatonebodyspinninginmotionaffectseveryone’slives.Doesanyoneknowanotherwordfortheearth’sconstantspinning?”
ThatwashowIknewSisterMukumbuwasarealteacher,asidefromherwelcomingsmileandherblackboardpenmanship.Sheaskedateacher’stypeofquestion.Thekindthatsays:Joinin.
ThankstomytimespentwithMerriamWebster,Ihadafewwordsinmind.Rotating.Orbiting.Turning.Circling.Iwantedtojoinin,butIfeltsilly,
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beingoneoftheolderkids.NotassillyasHirohitospinningaroundbuttoooldtowavemyhandfranticallyasalltheyoungerkidsaroundmeweredoing.Theoldersisterofthethreegirlsalsosatonheranswer.Sheprobablyknewtoobutleftituptohersisters,whowantedtobecalledon.
Whenoneofthekidscalledout“Revolving,”SisterMukumbuclappedherhands.Herbanglesjangled.“Yes!Allofyourwordsareright,but‘revolving’isrighton!”SisterPatthengavetheboyacookie.
SisterMukumbusaid,“Revolving.Revolution.Revolutionary.Constantturning.Makingthingschange.”
SisterPatsaid,“HueyNewtonisarevolutionary.Hueymakeschange.”
AndSisterMukumbucontinued,saying,“CheGuevarawasarevolutionary.Chemadechange.”
Astheynamedalloftherevolutionarieswhomadechange,Hirohitocametoacompletestop.Heheldouthishands,adizzyFrankenstein,andstaggeredtohischair.Theboywhowonthecookiesaid,“Nicespinning,TwinkleToes.”Hirohitorestedhisheadonthetableandclosedhiseyes.
Ijustthought,Servesyouright.
SisterMukumbuannounced,“Todaywe’regoingtobeliketheearth,spinningaroundandaffectingmany.Todaywe’regoingtothinkaboutourpartintherevolution.”
Vonetta’shandshotup.Ikickedherunderthetable,butshewasdeterminedtohaveeveryonelookather,whichmeanthaveeveryonelookatus.IforgotallaboutHirohitoandwasnowafraidofwhatVonettawouldsaynext;andsureenough,Vonettasaid,“Wedidn’tcomefortherevolution.Wecameforbreakfast.”ThenFernadded,“AndtomeetourmotherinOakland.”
IfHirohito’sspinningmadeusgiggle,Vonetta’sdeclarationmadeeveryone—exceptmysistersandme,andthestill-dizzyHirohito—full-outlaugh.ThegroupofgirlswhomVonettahadbeenwinkingatwerethemaincacklers.EvenSisterMukumbu,caughtoffguardbyVonetta’sandFern’soutbursts,allowedherselfachuckle.
IblamedVonettaandnotFern,sinceIdidn’twanttheworldtolearnwedidn’trightfullyknowourmother.Fernwouldn’thaveutteredawordifVonettahadn’traisedherhandtospeak.Evenworse,Vonettahadthrownaking-sizedmonkeywrenchintomyplans.IhadhopedtoaskSisterMukumbuaboutthenametheBlackPantherscalledCecileandwhytheycalledherthat.Ididn’tknowexactlyhowIwouldhaveaskedher,butsomethingmademebelieveshewouldknowandthatshewouldn’tmakemefeelbadforasking.
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Shecertainlywouldn’thavegivenmethat“Oh,youpoormotherlessgirl”pitylook.Orthesnooty“Don’tyouevenknowyourownmother’sname?”SisterMukumbuwouldhavegivenmetheplain,pure,teacherlytruth.
ThenVonettaraisedherhandandopenedhermouthandhadtheworldlookingandlaughingatus.Exceptfortheboywhowastoodizzytolaugh.Iwasn’tabouttoaddfueltothefirebyaskingquestionsaboutthingsthatIshouldknow,likemymother’sname.
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CrazyMotherMountain
Aftertheprogramendedfortheday,westayedoutaslongaswecould.Bysixo’clockwewerehungry.Whethershelikeditornot,Cecilehadtoletusinsidehergreenstuccohouse.Whensheopenedthedoor,allshesaidwas“Yaback?”Thenshespreadthetableclothonthefloorandbroughtoutshrimplomeinandeggrollsfromthekitchen.ShehadprobablygoneouttoMeanLadyMing’swhilewewereattheCenter.
WewashedupandsatIndian-stylearoundthefood.IsaidtheblessingandthenIasked,“WhytheBlackPantherscallyouInzilla?”Nouselettingmycuriositygoitching.IfIhadtoasksomeone,Imightaswellgostraighttothemountain.Thecrazymothermountain.
Shegavemeablankstare.LikeIsaidsomethingwrong.Thenshecorrectedme.
“Nzila.”
Inplaceofshrugs,mysistersandIshotoneanotherglances.ThatwasnotaBrooklynsound.OranAlabamasound.Itwasprobablynotevenanhonest-to-goodnessOaklandsound.
InsteadoftryingitoutIsaid,“Whytheycallyouthat?”
Mysistersfollowed.
“Isn’tyournameCecile?”
“Yeah.Cecile.”
Shesaid,“MynameisNzila.Nzilaisapoet’sname.Mypoemsblowthedustoffsurfacestomakeclearandtruepaths.Nzila.”
Igaveheraplainstare.Plainandblank.Itmightaswellhavebeenaneyeroll.Sheprobablyhatedmyfather’splainfaceonme.Thattheplainwayabouthimwastheplainwayaboutme.Ididn’tknowaboutblowingdustandclearingpaths.Iknewabouthot-combingthickheadsofhairandironingpleatedwoolskirtsforschool.
Shesaid,“It’sYorubafor‘thepath.’”
Iknewbetterthantorollmyeyesather“so-called”nameandwhereshesaiditcamefrom.InsteadIaskedherwhereYourRubawas.Shequicklytold
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meitwasapeople.Anation.Inthelandofourancestors.
Vonettaasked,“YoumeanPrattville,Alabama?”
ThistimeIwouldn’tkickVonetta.GoodoldVonetta.PrattvillewaswherePapaandBigMawereoriginallyfrom.Theyweren’tfrombig-cityMobile,Montgomery,orSelma,butfromPrattville.Andtruthbetold,mydaddyandmygrandmamacamefromaone-cowtownrubbingnexttoPrattville.TheyjustsaidPrattvillebecauseitwasmoreknown.
Iasked,“Soyoucanchangeyournameanytimeyouwantto?”
Vonetta:“Toanythingyouwantto?”
Fern:“Toanythingyoucanspell?”
Cecilesaid,“It’smyname.Myself.Icannamemyself.AndifI’mnottheoneIwasbutamnowanewself,whywouldIcallmyselfbyanoldname?”
ThenIsaid,“Ifyoukeepchangingyourname,howwillpeopleknowyouoryourpoems?”WhenmysistersandIspeak,onerightaftertheother,it’slikeasongwesing,agameweplay.Weneverneedtopasssignals.Wejustfireoffrat-a-tat-tat-tat.Delphine.Vonetta.Fern.
Me:“S’poseyougotfamous.Forwritingpoems?”
Vonetta:“Theneveryoneknewyourname.”
Fern:“Andyoucouldn’thide.”
Shesaid,“Mypoemsaren’taboutthat.Fame-seekingpoems.They’rethepeople’sart,”althoughyesterdayshedidn’twanttohaveanythingtodowith“thepeople.”
Isaid,“Whatifallthepeoplecouldreciteallofyourpoems?”
Vonetta:“Andtheysaidthemontheradio.”
Fern:“Andyoubecamefamous.”
Me:“Youcouldn’thidethen.”
Fern:“Surelycouldn’t.”
Shesaid,“Whoyouallworkingfor?Ithinky’allworkingfortheManundercover.TheFBI.TheCOINTELPRO.”
IknewabouttheFBIfromtheSundaynightshowandfromthenews,butwhoweretheCOINTELPRO?Cecileknewshehadusbaffledandtookcontrolofthetalklikeshehadgrabbedboththeballandthejacks.
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“Oh,they’reslick,allright,”shesaid.“Thefedshiremidgetstofrontaskids.Theyinfiltratefamilieswithlong-lostcousinswhodon’tlookathinglikeyou,butyoutaketheminbecausethat’showcoloredfolksdo;andbeforeyoucansay“Waydownhome,”yourlong-lostkinaredocumentingyoureverymovefortheirweeklysecretmeetingswiththeMan.”
“Familydon’ttellonfamily,”Isaid.
“Notrealfamily.”
“Surelydon’t.”
“That’swhatyouthink,”Cecilesaid.ShewentafterVonettafirstbecauseVonettawasneedyinawaythatFernandIweren’t.Hereyesstayedwideandfearful.“Theygetyoualone.Aloneandscared.Theysay,‘VonettaGaither.Doyouloveyourcountry?Doyouloveyourfather?Yoursisters?YouruncleDarnellinVietnamandBigMainBrooklyn?’”AtFern,sheaimed,“‘LittleGirl,doyouloveyourdollbaby?DoyouloveCaptainKangaroo?Yourkinnygardenteacher,grahamcrackers,andstorytime?Well,ifyouwanttokeepallthatsafe,tellusallyouknowaboutthepersonnamedCecileJohnson,alsoknownasyourmother.’”
FernsaidhernamewasnotLittleGirl.ThatshewasgoingintothesecondgradeandthatshewatchedMightyMouseandnotCaptainKangaroo.
BeforeCecilegottomeIsaid,“Theydon’taskkidsnothing.Noonelistenstokids.”
“IfthiswasRedChinatheywould.TheRedChineseCommunistPartydon’tplay.KidsyoungerthanthatLittleGirlturntheirmotherandfatherovertotheRedsfortreasonandreeducation.”
“We’renotinRedChina,”Itoldher.
Tothatsheonlygrunted,like“That’swhatyouthink.”
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EveryoneKnowstheKingoftheSea
Ididn’tcarewhatCecilecalledhernewselforhowmuchdustsheblewoffpathswithherpoems.ShewasCecileJohnsontome,andIdidn’tappreciateherso-callednewselforhernewname.
Anameisimportant.Itisn’tsomethingyoudropinthelitterbasketorontheground.Yournameishowpeopleknowyou.Theverymentionofyournamemakesapicturespringtomind,whetherit’sapictureofclashingfistsoramightymountainthatcan’tbeknockeddown.Yournameiswhoyouareandhowyou’reknownevenwhenyoudosomethinggreatorsomethingdumb.
Cecilehadnotroubledreamingupnamesforus.I’llbetourswerenamesshemeantforustokeepandnotthrowawaywhenwedecidedwehadhadenoughofouroldselves.AccordingtoUncleDarnellandBigMa,shehadhadanamereadyforFern,butPapasaid,“Nomoreofthosemade-up,differentnames.”SoCecilegaveFernsomeofhermilk,putherinhercrib,stoodoverherforawhile,andwasgone.
AlthoughnoonethinksIcan,Irememberatimewhensmokefilledthehouse.Notcoughingsmokebutsmokefromawoman’ssmooth-voicedsinging,withpiano,bass,anddrums.Alltogetherthesesoundsmadesmoke.UncleDarnellwouldsay,“Youcan’trememberthat.Youweretwo.Three,maybe.”ButIdo.Istillsee,hear,andfeelbitsandflashes.Thesoundsofmusicalsmoke.MyheadonCecile’sbigbelly.UncleDarnellsaidthe“Von”in“Vonetta”camefromthe“Vaughan”inthesingerSarahVaughan’sname.AndwhenUncleplayedthealbumsCecilehadleftbehind—theoneswithpiano,bass,drums,andsmooth-voicedSarahVaughan—inmymind,smokestillfilledthehouse.
Cecilecouldgochanginghernameatthesightofrain,butIwasgoingtostayDelphine.EvenafterIlearnedthetruthaboutmyname.Eventhatwasn’tenoughtomakemedropmyname.MynamewastheonethingIdidn’thavetosharewithanothersoulinmyschool.Inmylastclass,threeDebras,twoLindas,twoJameses,threeMichaels,andtwoMoniquessharedtheirnames.TherewasalsooneAnthony,whosemamacouldspell,andoneAntnee,whosemamacouldn’t.Itwasnosecretthey,too,sharedaname.Ifyouhollered“Anthony,”“Antnee,”or“Ant,”bothboys’headsturned.
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Mynamewasmyown,andIcouldn’timaginethatanyoneelsehaditinallofBrooklyn.Nomatterwherewewent:ConeyIsland,ProspectPark,orShilohBaptistChurch.TherewasonlyoneDelphine.
IneverthoughtaboutwhatDelphinemeantorifithadameaningatall.Itwasjustmyname.Delphinehadagrownsoundlikeitwaswaitingformetoslideintoit,likeagrownwomanslidesintoaminkcoatandclipsonrubyearrings.IfiguredsinceCeciledidn’thaveaminkcoatorrubyearringstogivemewhenIgrewup,shehaddreamedupanamethatIwouldgrowinto.ItwasonethingCecilegotright.TherewasnosliceordropofitthatIhadtosharewithmysisters.
Thenthatstupidshowhadcomeontelevision.Theoneaboutthedolphinthatsaveseveryone’slivesandcorralsthebadguysuntilthesheriffarrives.Atrecessorontheschoolbus,especiallyonWednesdays,thedayaftertheTVshowcameon,theboyswouldallsing,“TheycallhimFlipper,Flipper,fasterthanlightning,”orsomethinglikethat.Thenthey’dstartpushingatmetospeakindolphin.
EllisCarterhadbeenthechiefFlippersingerandwhistlerononeparticularWednesday.I’dbeatenhimuprealgood.I’dmadesureitwasasunforgettableabeatingasIcouldgivehimsoitwouldburninthemindsofalltheotherFlippersingersandwhistlers.
WhenIgothomefromschool,myknucklesstillsorefromEllisCarter’sjaw,I’dtoldVonettaandFerntochangetheirclothes.Hangthemupneatly.Thatwouldsavemefromironingthemthatnight.I’dtoldthemtostarttheirhomeworkandI’dbebackinexactlytwentyminutestohelpthemiftheyneededit.I’dtoldBigMaIhadtogetabookfromthelibraryandIwouldberightback.ThenI’dmarchedtothatlibrarytofindoutformyself.I’dgonestraighttothebiggestdictionaryinthereferencesection.Thiswasadictionarysohugeyouneededbothhandstomanageturningthepagesandmakingthebookstayput.
GoodoldMerriamWebster.ItrustedMerriambecauseIthought,insteadofhavingchildrenshedidn’twant,shewrotethedictionary.Shedidn’thaveanythingelsebettertodo,probablydidn’thavesistersandbrotherstoseeafter,whichwaswhyshekneweverywordintheworld.BigMawouldhavesaidMerriammightaswellbeuseful.
I’dturnedtothebacksection,turnedpasttheZwords,pastthephasesofthemoonandthemetricsystem,andfinallytotheGivenNames.IflippedafewpagestogettothefemaleDnames.ThenIturnedandthumbedpast“Daisy.”“Daphne.”“Deanna.”“Deborah.”“Della.”“Delores.”
Andthereitwas.ThenameIhadbeensureCecilehaddreamedupwhile
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shestaredoutthewindowasmusicalsmokeblewthroughthehouse.Thereitwas.Inabook.Brokendownintotwosyllables.Spelledexactlythesame.Thereitwas.Myname.Delphine.
Mynostrilshadflared.Mybreathingraced.Myheartpoundednotonlyinmychestbutthroughoutmybody.
Thischangedeverything.Mymotherhadn’treachedintoherpoeticsoulanddreamtmeupaname.Mymotherhadgivenmeanamethatalreadywas,whichmeantshehadn’tgivenmeathing.Notonething.
Howcouldthisbe,whenawoman’sdeep,smokyvoiceplantedVonetta’snameinCecile’smind?Howcouldthisbe,whenCeciledreamedupanameforFernsomarvelousthattheideaofnotbeingabletogiveitcausedhertoupandleaveus?
Ididn’tneedtoaskanyfurther.Theproofwasrightthere.IsharedmynamewithsomeotherDelphine.Andshe,justlikeI,accordingtoMissMerriamWebster,hadbeennamedforadolphinunderthesea.
AllthistimeI’dbeenholdingmyheadup,feelingsuperiortoEllis,Willy,Robert,James,James,theMichaels,Anthony,andAntneebecausetheywerestupidboys.MyknucklestillsmartedfromsockingEllisCarterinthejawwhilehehadbeentellingthetruth.Ihadbeennamedforadolphin.Abigfishymammalwithawidegrin.
LearningthefulltruthaboutmynamehadbeenmorethanIcouldbear.ThelibrariangotupfromherdeskandputaKleenexinmyhand.Ihadn’tevenknownI’dbeenmakingagrandNegrospectacleoutofmyself,bawlingoverawordinthedictionary.
ThefollowingweekwhenFlippercameon,I’dgottenupandturnedthetelevisionsetoff.VonettaandFernbleatedlikebillygoats,butI’ddonewhatIalwaysdidanddistractedthem.I’dsaid,“Tonightisgameandcookienight.”IbroughtouttheCandyLandgame,pouredthemilk,andpiledanicestackofOreosonaplate.Ihadn’tcaredifIneversawthatgrinningmammalagain.
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ColoringandLa-La
Thenextmorning,Vonetta,Fern—clutchingMissPattyCake—andIleftthegreenstuccohouseandwenttotheCenter,wherewestoodonlineuntilthedoorsopenedforbreakfastbecauseCecilewouldn’tcookforusinherkitchen.Whileweatehotoatmealandslicedbananas,atruckfromalocalstorepulledupanddroppedoffloavesofbreadandcratesoforangejuice.WithinminutesthesmelloftoastedbreadfilledtheCenterandsmallcartonsoforangejuicewereplacedonourtrays.
TheyoungwhiteguyswhodeliveredthebreadandorangejuiceknewthePanthers.Theystayedawhileandchattedwiththem.Ihadmyeyesonthemthewholetime,waitingforsomethingtohappen.IfeltsillyonceIrealizedallIwaswatchingwastalkingandlaughing.WhenSisterPatcamearoundwithabasketfuloftoast,Igrabbedtwopieces,oneformeandoneforFern.Vonetta,whowasbuddyinguptooneofthethreesisters,couldgetherowntoast.
Itwasn’tatallthewaythetelevisionshowedmilitants—that’swhattheycalledtheBlackPanthers.Militants,whofromthenewspaperswereangryfistwaverswiththeirmouthswide-openandtheirriflesreadyforshooting.TheynevershowedanyonelikeSisterMukumbuorSisterPat,passingouttoastandteachinginclassrooms.
Istartedtothink,Thisplaceisallright.Iwatchedthewhiteguysleaveunharmed,laughingeven.Icouldn’twaittotellBigMaallaboutit.ThenIheardCrazyKelvinsay,“That’stheleastthattheracistdogscando,”andjustlikethat,hespoiledwhatIthoughtIknew.
Whenweenteredtheclassroom,wefoundthechairsandtableshadbeenpushedtoonesideoftheroom.Inthemiddleofthefloorwerewhiteposterscoveredwithoutlinesofwavywriting.Westoodontheedgesoftheroomsurroundingtheposters,likewewereondrylandandtheposterswerefloatingouttosea.
SisterMukumbumotionedusin.“Sistersandbrothers,findapostertocolorin.Youcanworkaloneoryoucanworkwithapartner.”
Ilookedouttosea.Thelettersoutlinedinblackmarkersaidthingslike:
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JUSTICEFORALL
ALLPOWERTOALLOFTHEPEOPLE
REMEMBERLI’LBOBBY
FREEHUEY
IhadseenHueyNewtonontheeveningnews,wearinghisblackberetandusinghisbigwords.BigMacalledhim“themaintroublestirrer”becausehewastheleaderoftheBlackPanthers.TheonlyfamousBobbyIknewwasBobbyKennedy.EventhoughBobbyKennedyhadbeenkilled,Ididn’tthinktheBlackPantherswantedustorememberBobbyKennedy.TheyweretalkingaboutsomeotherBobby.A“little”Bobby.AndIwonderedifhehadbeenkilledlikeBobbyKennedy.Whyelsewouldtheywantustorememberhimifhewerestillalive?
SisterMukumbusaid,“Yesterdaywelearnedrevolutionmeans‘change’andthatwecanallberevolutionaries.”Asshespoke,westeppedcarefullybetweentheposters,choosingoneandthenploppingdownnexttoit.SisterPatpassedaroundabucketofMagicMarkersandcrayons.
PartofmefeltlikerepeatingVonetta’swords:“Wedidn’tcomefortherevolution.Wecameforbreakfast.”Butpartofmewantedtoseewhatitwasallabout.ThatpartreachedintothebucketforathickMagicMarker.VonettaandFerneachtookcrayons.FerntookanextracrayonforMissPattyCake.
IdecidedontheFREEHUEYpostersinceIdidn’tknowwhoLi’lBobbywas.FernandIsquatteddownbyourposter.NexttoFernsatMissPattyCakewithherarmsreachingout.Ichosetherightposter.Ferncolorssmallandsnaillike.Therewasnoneedtograbthesignwithalotofletters,sinceitwouldbejustthetwoofuscoloring.Insteadofstickingwithus,VonettaranovertothemiddleAnktongirl—thatwastheirlastname,Ankton—andbegancoloringwithherandheryoungersister.Icouldn’tsayIwassurprised.
ThenIheardthemiddleAnktongirlsay,“What’swrongwithyourlittlesister?”
Vonettatriedtoactlikeshehadn’theardandkeptcoloringthePinPower.
“Whysherunaroundwithherdolly?”
Vonetta,whoisloudandshowy,showyandcrowy,hadtoswallowherwords.“Shelikesit.That’sall.”Vonettanowsoundedlowandsmall,anditservedherright.
IwatchedFernmovehercrayoninsmallblackcircles.Icouldhearhersinging“La-la-la”toherself.Irecognizedthetune.Itwasthe“la-la-la”partinasongthatusedtocomeontheradio.WhenBrendaandtheTabulationssang
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“DryYourEyes,”mysistersandIimaginedtheysangaboutamotherwhohadtoleaveherchildren.Itwastheonlyrealindulgenceweallowedourselvesinmissinghavingamother.BrendaandtheTabulations,Vonetta,Fern,andIsang“DryYourEyes”wheneverthediscjockeyplayeditonWWRL.SoIsangthela-la-lapartwithFern,makinganicewallaroundus,tokeepthatlaughingAnktongirlontheoutside.
Weallhaveourla-la-lasong.Thethingwedowhentheworldisn’tsinginganicetunetous.Wesingourownnicetunetodrownoutugly.FernandIcoloredandsang,butthemiddleAnktongirlwasdeterminedtobreakthroughourla-la-lawall.Shehadherownsongandmadesureweheardit.
“Yoursisterisababy.Yoursisterisababy.”
IexpectedVonettatodowhatwealwaysdo.Fightback.Talkback.PickuphercrayonandscootovernearFernandme.
Vonettasatinasmallheapofherself,lookingsmallerandsmaller,lettingthatAnktongirlsing“Yoursisterisababy”merrily,merrily,merrily.
Istoppedfillingin“FreeHuey.”Iturnedandsaid,“Shutup,”toVonetta’sfriend.
Shestoppedsinging.Thatwasallittook.AndthatmademeevenangrieratVonetta.Shecouldhavedonethatmuchforherownsister.
TheoldestAnktongirlroseupfromherJUSTICEFORALLsign.Shesaidtome,“Youcan’ttellmysistertoshutup.”
Igaveherafull-outneckroll.“Ijustdid.”
Itdidn’tmatterthatshewasalmostastallasIwas,andcouldhavebeenaseventhgrader.ItwastoolatetotakeanythingbackevenifIwantedto.
SisterMukumbuwasrightthereandendeditbeforeitgrewintoanythingtostop.Sheremindeduswehadgreatercausestofightforthantofightwitheachother.
“SisterEunice,SisterDelphine.Shakehands.”
Webegrudginglyshookhands,thenreturnedtoourposters.Ifeltsomeshame,butIwasn’tabouttowearit.IwasstilltoomadatVonettatobethoroughlyashamed.
OnthewaytoCecile’sgreenstuccohouse,Isaid,“You’resupposedtotakeupforFern.”
“Yeah,”Fernsaid.
Vonettasaid,“I’mtiredoftakingupforFern.”
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Fernsaid,justtohavesomethingtosayback,“I’mtiredoftakingupforyou.”
Vonettasaid,“Youdon’ttakeupforme.”
“Dotoo.”
“Donot.”
“Too.”
“Not.”
“Idotoo.”
“Likewhen?”
“Whenyoubrokethelittleblueteacup.Icould’vetold.”
“Bigdeal,”Vonettasaid.ThensheaddedtheAnktongirl’swordtoletusknowwhoshesidedwith.“Bigdeal,baby.”
FernbangedherfistsathersidesandwassettoleaponVonetta,butIgrabbedherinmidjump.“Y’alljuststopit.”
Fernwasneartearsmad.“I’mgonnatell.”
“Whoyougonnatell?Cecile?Shedon’tcareaboutablueteacup.BigMa?Papa?They’remilesandmilesaway,andwedon’thaveenoughdimes.Whoyougonnatell?”
Isaid,“Shutup,Vonetta.”
Andsheshutup.Thatwasallittook.
IhadplannedforustokilltimeplayingintheparkuntilCecilewouldletusinthehouse,butplayingintheparkmeantplayingtogether.VonettaandFernweren’treadytoplaytogether.Ihadtokeepmysistersapart,soinsteadwewenttothelibrary.Vonettareadherbooksatonetable,andFernandIreadHenryandRibsyatthenexttable.
WhenwegottoCecile’s,weputourthings,includingMissPattyCake,awayinourroom.IaskedCecileforsomemoneyfordinner,andFernandIwentouttopickupchopsueyfromMing’s.
Vonettadidn’twanttogo,shesaid.AndthatwasfinewithFernandme.
WecamebackfromMeanLadyMing’s,whowasn’treallysomeanbutwe’dgottenusedtocallingherthat.Ikeptthetwodimesfromthechangetosaveupforourphonecall.Iwassurewe’dneedatleastadollarinchange.Cecilewouldn’tmisstwodimes.Ifsheaskedforthem,I’dgivethemtoher,althoughIdidn’tthinkshe’dask.
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Wespreadoutthetableclothonthefloorandloadedupourplates.Isaidtheblessingandweate.VonettasuddenlybecameChattyCathyallthroughdinner.Ifiguredshe’dhadenoughofbeingapartfromFernandmeandwasnowgladwewerealltogether.ButitwastoomuchChattyCathyforCecile,whotoldVonettatostopdisturbingthesilenceandthatquietwasagoodthing.TothatVonettastartedhummingthatsongontheradiothatgoes“Silenceisgolden,butmyeyesstillsee.”Cecilecouldn’tfigureouthowVonettawashers.BeforeCeciledidsomethingcrazy,IgaveVonettathelookandshestoppedhumming.
AfterdinnerweheadedforourroomwhileCecileputeverythingaway.ForonceIdidn’tcarethatshewouldn’tletusinthekitchenwhereherpapershunglikewings.Ididn’tmindnothavingtowashdishesormopthekitchenfloor.
Thiswastheorderthatweenteredtheroom:Fernfirst,menext,andVonettalast.IshouldhaveknownsomethingwasamissbythewayVonettalaggedbehind.FernandIsoonlearnedwhy.
ChattyCathyhadn’tmissedthecompanyofhersisters.ChattyCathyhadbeenuptodirtytricks.AblackMagicMarkerlayonthefloor.ThesamekindIusedtocolorin“FreeHuey.”
VonettahadgoneoverMissPattyCakewiththeblackMagicMarker,leavingpinklipsandpinkrougecirclespeekingoutonaonce-whiteface.Totellthetruth,MissPattyCakewasneveraswhiteasthedayFerngother.Afterenoughbiting,draggingaround,andlovingup,MissPattyCakewasoff-white,or“lightskinned,”asFernwouldsay.Asitwas,MissPattyCakewasalongwayfromherpinkishwhiteself.
Fernscreamed.Louderthanshe’dscreamedontheConeyIslandFerriswheel.Louderandlongerthanshe’dscreamedwhenthedentiststuckherwiththenovocaineneedle.Fern’sfistsnevermadeittoaball.ShescreamedandthrewherbodyintoVonettalikeamissileflyingintoouterspace.VonettaandFernfoughtallthetimebutnotlikethis.
Cecileburstintotheroomandpulledthemapart.Thatwasthefirsttimeshe’dtouchedeitheroneofthem.
Sheturnedtome.“Why’dyouletthemfightlikethis?”
Ididn’tsayanything.Ijustwantedhertocomeinhereandactlikeamother.Arealone.
“Answerme,Delphine.”
Iraisedmyshouldersupandsetthembackdown.Thatwasmyanswer.
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“Andyou,Vonetta!Whatdoyoucallthis?”Sheheldupherblack-scrawledgrandbabytoVonetta’sface.“Nowonderyoucouldn’tstoplipflapping.”ToFernshesaid,“You’retoobigforthisanyway.”
ButCecilestilldidn’tofferFernahug.Shedidn’tbenddownandwipeFern’stears.Shestilldidn’tcallFernbyhername.
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CountingandSkimming
ItookabarofIvorysoapandoneofCecile’swashclothsandscrubbedawayattheblackinkscrawledalloverMissPattyCake.BigMataughtmetobeahardwashboardscrubber.Tonotacceptdirt,dust,orstainsonclothes,floors,orwalls,oronourselves.“Scrublikeyou’reagalfromaone-cowtownnearPrattville,Alabama,”she’dtellmewhileVonettaandFernranaroundandplayed.“Can’thaveyoudreamingoutofyourheadandwritingonthewalls.That’llonlyleadtoruin.”
IgrabbedMissPattyCake’sdimpledarmsandchubbylegs.Iwentafterhercheeksandforehead.Iscrubbedeveryblacked-uppieceofplastic,wearingdownthatIvorybarfromanearlyfullcaketonearlyhalfflat.Iscrubbedandscrubbeduntilmyknucklesached.Itwasquiteajob.WhenVonettapickedupthatblackMagicMarker,shehadbeendeterminedtomakeMissPattyCakeasblackandproudasCrazyKelvinwantedhertobe.
Isoonfounditdidn’tmatterifIscrubbedlikeagalfromaone-cowtownorifIgaveuponIvorysoapandturnedtostrongercleaners.Whiletheheavy-dutycleanersandscouringpadliftedtheblackfromthewhitebathroomsink,MissPattyCake’sbodywasanotherstory.TheMagicMarkerinkseepeddownintoMissPattyCake’ssoftplasticskin.Atbest,theAjax,Pine-Sol,andscouringpadleftMissPattyCakegray,scratchedup,andstrongsmelling.Hardscrubbingornot,therewasnothingmoreIcoulddo.MissPattyCakewouldneverbeFern’sbabydollthewayshe’dbeenaslongasanyonecouldremember.Ishookallthewaterfromherinsides,driedheroff,thenputherinmysuitcasetospareFernfromseeingherdollbabygrayishandashy.
IwastootiredtotrytomakethisthingbetweenVonettaandFernwiltaway.Thiswasn’texactlyfightingoverwhogetsthegoldcrayonorthelastcookie.IknewbetterthantolookforhelpfromCecile.Worn-out,IbegantoseethingslikeBigMadid.Therewasnopointinflyingusacrossthecountryfornexttonomothering.
Ijustkeptcountingdownthedays.ThebestthatIcoulddowaskeepVonettaandFernseparated.Vonettabathedbyherself,andFernbathedwithme.Vonettasleptonthetopofthedaybed,andFernsleptwithmebelow.
FernnolongerlookedforherdollwhenweleftCecile’sforbreakfast.I
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wouldn’tsayVonettadidFernanyfavor,butmaybethingsworkedoutthewaytheyhadto.
Still,Vonettaremainedproudlydefiant,walkingtwostepsaheadofusandthenleavingusaltogetheroncehernewfriends,theAnktons,wereinsight.SheandJanice,themiddleAnkton,threwpebblesatHirohitoWoodsandfussedoverwhohatedhimmore.
Forsnacktime,SisterPatpassedoutgrapes.Afterweateourfill,SisterMukumbugaveusalessonontheCaliforniagrapesthatwehadjusteatenandhowthemigrantworkerswhopickedthemhadtofightfortheirrights.
Idon’tthinkthelessonwentthewaySisterMukumbuhadplanned.Everyonefeltbadlyforhavingeatenthegrapes.Theroomwasquiet.ThenSisterMukumbuannouncedfreetimeforthenexthour.Allthekidswentwildattheprospectofrunningaroundintheparkforanhour,butFernandIdidn’tfeellikerunningwiththem.
SisterPathadclassesathercollegeandhadtoleave.WhenallthekidsexceptFernandIranouttothepark,IaskedSisterMukumbuifshehadanychoresorifsheneededhelpintheclassroom.NotthatIwantedherembarrassingme,havingmestandupfrontandrotatearoundthesun.Itjustfeltstrange,myTimextickingandmehavingnothingtodo.IfonlyI’dthoughttobringmybookwithme.AlotofgoodIslandoftheBlueDolphinsdidmesnuginsidemypillowcase.
SisterMukumburoseimmediately.Shehadjustthethingtokeepmebusyuntiltheclasscametogetherforartsandcrafts.SheaskedFernandmetocounttheBlackPantherweeklynewspapers,stackingthemcrisscrosseveryfiftycopies.Shesaidtheolderkidswouldtakethemtolocalstoresorsellthepapersthemselves.Shemadeitsoundlikeweweredoingagreatservicebyhelpingthenewspapercarriersbecomemore“organizedandaccountable.”ItjustgavemesomethingtodoandFernareasontostickwithme.
PoorFern.Shedidn’thavetheknackforcounting.ShewasstillangryandheartbrokenaboutMissPattyCake.Shecouldn’tgetpasttwentycopieswithoutlosingherplaceandhadtostartover,againandagain.Mystackofpapersgrewwhileshehadyettocountoutherfirstfifty.
“Can’twejustgototheparkandplay?”sheasked.
Iwastemptedtolethergobutsaid,“Comeon,Fern.Wehavetogetthisdone.Allyouhavetodoiscountouttenandlaythemthisway.Thencountanothertenandlaythemthatway.”
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IfeltSisterMukumbuwatchingasIshowedFerntheshortcut.Youknowwhensomeone’seyesareonyourbackandwhetherit’sinagoodorabadway.Ifeltherwatchingusinagoodway.SoonFerncaughton,countingandcrisscrossing.Herstackofpapersbegantogrow.Notashighasmine,butitgrew.FernwasnowbusyandnotmissingMissPattyCakeforthemoment.
AfterashortwhileIfeltSisterMukumbu’seyesleaveus.Shemusthavefiguredwewereallrightandhadcontinueddoingherownwork.
SincetheBlackPanthernewspapercostaquarter,ItoldmyselfI’donlyskimthefrontandbackpagesasIstackedthepapers.IwouldreadwhatIcouldsee.IknewifIflippedapageoverandreaditlinebyline,Iwasofficiallyreadingsomeoneelse’spaper.OrasPawouldcallit,stealing.
Iskimmedthefrontpageofeveryfivecopies.Igotintoarealrhythm.Countingandreadingafewkeywordsatatime.Therewasmoreartworkthanprintingonthefrontpage,soIcouldn’treadmuch.Onethingwasforsure.I’dknowHueyNewtonifIeversawhimonthestreet.Youcouldn’thelpbutseeHueyNewtonalloverthenewspaper.Hisfacewascockedslightlyintheuppercornerofthepaperlikethepresident’sfaceonadollarbill.NowtheBlackPantherleaderwasinprisonwherehebelonged,accordingtoBigMa.
AsIcounted,IdugHuey’scornerpicture,himwearinghisberetlookingcoolandrevolutionary.Iflippedopenanewspaperquickly,skimmedthearticleinfive-secondglancesatatime,thenflippeditclosed.ThearticlewasaboutHueytalkingaboutBobby.TherewasalsoaphotographofpeopleprotestingthatIwantedtogetabetterlookat.Theywerepeoplecarryingthesamekindofsignsthatwehadcoloredin.Thosecouldhavebeenoursigns.Wewereprobablypartoftherevolution.Wouldn’tthatmakeafineclassroomessay:“MyRevolutionarySummer”?
Iwantedtoreadthenewspaper.Notskim.Notsteal.Iwantedtofoldapaperover,sitback,andreadeveryword.
Imusthavelostcount.IwastoobusyimaginingaBlackPanthercarryingourFREEHUEYsign.Toobusytonoticemyneatstackhadgrownintounevenbundleswitheithermorethanfiftyorlessthanfiftynewspapers.
“SisterDelphine.”
SisterMukumbustoodbeforemewithasmileonherface.
“Nuts!”Fernsaid,becauseSisterMukumbu’svoicehadstartledher,makingherlosecount.Shebegantorecount.
“Yes,SisterMukumbu?”Iansweredweakly.Ihadn’tevenheardherget
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upfromherchairorfelthereyesonmyback.Itwasn’tlikemetogetlostlikethat.
“Doyouwanttoreadanewspaper?”
Andembarrassed.I’mnotthekindtobeembarrassed.Thankgoodnessshewasateacherandnotsomeboywhocouldreadthethoughtsspinninginmyhead.
Inoddedmyyes,whichonlyfeltworsesinceIwasnotanodder.
Idugoutmytwodimesfromlastnight’schange.“I’llbringanickeltomorrow,”Isaid.
Shesmiledandsaid,“Twentycentswillbefine,SisterDelphine.You’reentitledtotheworker’sdiscount.”
Iwastooembarrassedtosaythank-youandgaveheranothernod.ItookmynewspaperandfoldedittwicetoreadaboutHuey,Bobby,andtheprotesterslater.
Now,insteadofhavingtwoofthetendimesneededtocallPaandBigMa,wewerebacktohavingnodimes.FernandIkeptcountingandstacking.
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BigRedS
ThatnightFerncomplainedaboutherachingstomach.Shemeowedandhowledandturnedinhersleep.
“Gositonthetoilet,”Itoldher.Sheclungtomyside,meowingandhowling.Vonettayelled,“Quitit,Fern.Ican’tsleep.”IpaidhernomindandneitherdidFern.IfFerncouldn’tsleep,thenweallcouldn’tsleep,sotoobadforVonettaandtoobadforme.IjustletFerncarryonwhileIrubbedherstomach.Ittookawhile,butshefinallyfellintosleep.
BeforeweleftfortheCenterinthemorning,IaskedCecileforfoodmoneyfortonight’sdinner.IfIcouldholdontotwohundreddollarsoverthreethousandmiles,Icouldholdontoaten-dollarbillforafewhours.Ceciledidn’tbotherwithanyquestions.Shejustgavemetheten-dollarbillandadoorkeysoshewouldn’thavetogetupandletusin.Ithinkanyonestandingatthefrontdoormadeherjumpy.Evenwhenweateonthefloorinthelivingroom,I’dcatchhereyesshifttothedoorwhensheheardanoise.MaybeshethoughtthePantherswerecomingbacktobotherherformoreinkandpaper.
IwasgladCecilehandedoverthemoneywithoutfussorquestions.ThatsavedmefromlyingaboutgettingshrimplomeinwhenIhadnointentionofgoingtoMing’s.Vonetta,Fern,andIhadeatenourlastplateofshrimplomeinandeggrollsfortherestofourcrazysummer.Shrimpandnoodlesswimminginsauceanddeep-friedeggrollshadtakentheirtollonus.NotthatMeanLadyMingwouldcryforherthreecoloredgirls.Shehadothercustomerstoyellat.
AlldaylongattheCenterIcouldthinkofnothingelsebutahome-cookedmeal.WemarchedtotheSafewaystoreafterplayingintheparkforanhour.Myshoppinglistwasburnedintomybrain.Ipickeduponeheadofcabbage.Seventeencents.Oneonion.Eightcents.Twopotatoes.Twenty-threecents.Onepackageofchickenthighsandonepackageofwings.Onedollarandforty-sevencents.Thepriceofthechickenwouldhavebeenthieveryofthehighestkind,accordingtoBigMa,whoraisedchickensdowninAlabamaandhadonlytogopulloneupbyitsneck,killit,pluckit,cleanit,andfryit.Lastly,butmostimportant,Idroppedacanofstewedprunesintoourshoppingbasket.Forty-ninecents.Therewasplentyofmoneyleftoverto
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callPaandtalkforaslongaswewanted.
VonettaandFernpoutedasthegrocerieswentintothebasket.Therewereevenacoupleof“Aw,shucks”andfingersnappingasourdinnerwasplacedonthecashier’scounter.AllthesnipingbetweenVonettaandFernoverMissPattyCakewasnowaimedattheirnewenemies:therealfoodthatwewouldeatuntilwereturnedtoBrooklyn,andme.
Ipaidforthegroceriesandputthechangeinmypocket.I’dgiveCecilethedollarbillsandkeepthecoinsforourtelephonecalltoPapa.
“Whycan’twehavepizza?”Vonettamoaned.
“Orshrimplomein?”
“Because,”Isaid,enjoyingmyroleastheirenemyandbigsister,“that’snotfoodforeverydayeating.”IheldupthebrownpaperSafewaybagwithitsbigredSprintedsmackinthecenter.“Thisis.”
BigMawouldhavebeenproudofmebutalsoangrythatIallowedittocometothis.I’msuresheexpectedthiskindoflivingfromCecile.Frommesheexpectedbetter.
“Phooey.”
“Doublephooey.”
TheycouldphooeyallnightlongforallIcared.
Vonettasaid,“Ihopeyouknowshewon’tletyoucookthat.”
“Notinherkitchen,”Fernsaid.
SoIsaid,“Thenshe’llcookitinherkitchen.”Papa’svoicepouredoutofmymouthlikewarm,steadytapwater.
WhenIputthekeyinthedoor,Isaid,“Gowashyourfaceandhandsrealgood.PlayGoFishuntilIcallyouforsupper.”
Cecilewasn’tinthelivingroom,whichmeantshewasinherkitchen.Ididn’twantVonettaandFerntoseehowafraidIwasofCecile.Ithoughtofhowsheplantedherbodybetweenusandherkitchendoor,daringustotakeastepfarther.Thatshe’dratherletFerndryupofthirstthangiveheraglassofwaterwithice.IthoughtabouthowcrazyCecilewasandthatIdidn’tknowherorwhatshewoulddonext.
NowthatIcouldsmellthecabbageandonionfromthebrownpaperbag,IlostthatfeelingofbeingcalmandbravelikePapa.Ididn’tdarewalkin,soIcalledtoher:“Cecile.”
Itdidn’toccurtometouseherpoetname,Nzila,tomaybesoftenherup.
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Butthatnamedidn’tfeelrightcomingoutofmymouth.
Idreadedthismoment.Dreadedthethoughtofherswingingthekitchendooropenandherseeingmewithabagofuncookedfood.Therewasnoputtingitoff.Icalledtoheragain,thistimelouder:“Cecile.”
Herhandsslappedagainstthecounterortabletopgoodandhard.Inafewstompsthedoorswungopenandshewaslookingdownatme.
Itookastepbackandhuggedthebag.“Ihavetocooksupper.”
Shestareddownatmeanddidn’tspeak.Ididn’tknowwhattodoorsay,soItookthechangeoutofmypocket,allofit,andhelditouttoher.Shetookit.Droppeditintoherpantspocket.Maintainedherlong,hardstare.Ifthatwassupposedtomakemefeelafraid,stupid,andsmall,itworked.
Thenshespoke.“Whyn’tyougotoMing’s?OrShabazz?”
WehaveaShabazzinBrooklyn.ThefishandbeanpieplacerunbytheBlackMuslims.
Ifoundmyvoiceandsaid,“Wecan’teattakeouteveryday.VonettaandFerncan’tstomachit.”
“Youcan’tcomeinmykitchenmakingamess.Thisismyworkplace.Idon’tneedyouinhereturningthingsupsidedown.”
Isaid,“Idon’tmakemesses,”withoutalickofsass.Ispoketheplaintruth.I’dnevermadeamessinmylife.Notevenforthefunofit.
Cecilewentstompingandcursingbackintothekitchen.“Noonetoldy’alltocomeouthere.Noonewantsyououtheremakingamess,stoppingmywork.”
IstoodoutsidethekitchenwiththeSafewaybagheldtighttomychest.I’msuretheSafewaySwasinthesamespotasSuperman’sbigredSwassewntohiscostume.Ifeltrightaboutlookingoutformysisters,butIdidn’tfeelbrave.Allthesame,Ididn’twantVonettaandFerntoseemestandingtherelikeascareddummyholdingabagofgroceries.
Cecilepushedthedooropen.
“Getaspeckofgreaseonmywork…Youhear?”
IknewbetterthantowaitforanicerinvitationandwalkedinsideCecile’skitchen.Itwaslargerthanourkitchenbackhome.Hershadboththecookingareaandaneatingarea,whichhadn’tbeensetupforeating.Therewasalongtable,onlyonechair—hers—andwhatIfiguredwasherprintingmachineontopofthetable.
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Ididn’twanttobecaughtgawkingatherandherstuff.Iwentstraighttothesinkandstartedstrippingtheonion.Washingthecabbage.Washingpotatoes.WashingthechickenpartsuntilIcouldfigureoutwhattodonextwithouthavingtoaskCecileathing.
Shehoveredoverhermachinery,gruntingandcursing.Thenshegotup,pulledopenadrawer,andthrewapotatopeelerandaknifeinthesink.Theknifejustmissedmyhand.Shedidn’tlookoncebutsaid,“Don’tgocuttingoffyourfingers.There’snomoneytotakeyoutothehospital.”
Ifeltherwatchingmeatwork.ThankstoBigMa,Icouldskinapotatowithaparingknifewithoutwastingascrapofwhitepotato.Icouldcutupawholefryertoo,eventhoughthistimeIdidn’thaveto.
Cecilegrunted.“Whatyougonnadotothatchicken?”
Isaid,“Bakeit.”
“Frying’sfaster,”shesaid.
Ipointedtoherpapers.“Grease.”Papa’seasyvoicejustslidrightoutofme,warmandsteady.Icouldfeelmyselfcomingback.Myvoice.Mysteadiness.
“Whatyougonnadowiththepotatoes?”
“Boilthemwiththecabbageandonion.”
“Hmp.”
Therewassomethingaboutbeingherewithherinthekitchen.AndIknewwhatitwas.Ihadaflash.Aflashofus.Quietandinthekitchen.Penciltappingandhervoicechanting.Iblinkedthatflashaway.Ididn’thavetimetobepulledintoadaydream.IkeptdoingwhatIwasdoing.AndthenIpressedmyluckandaskedherforsomefatback.
Anothergrunt.“Nofatback.Nosaltpork.Nopigofanykindinmykitchen.”
Ishookmyhead.PeopleinOaklandweretouchyaboutpigs.Theyweretouchyaboutthepigontheirplatesandthe“pigs,”asCrazyKelvincalledthem,inpolicecars.BackinBrooklyn,BigMawouldn’tstandforcookingwithoutporkonaSunday.Icouldn’tevenimagineCecileandBigMasharingakitchenorlivinginthesamehouse.
Sincetherewasnopork,IusedwhatCecilehad.Butter,saltandpepper,plustheonion.Itdidn’tsmelllikeBigMa’skitcheninBrooklyn,butitwasthearomaofrealfoodcooking.
NowthatIhadourdinnerunderway,IwantedtotakeinCecile’splaceof
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work.Seewhatshewasdoinghoveringoverhermachine,quietly.Carefully.FromwhereIstood,stealingglances,itseemedlikeshewaslayingdownpuzzlepieces.Pickinguponepieceofsomethingandlayingitcarefullydownonherequipment.Pickingupanotherpieceandlayingitdown.Thenshe’dstudythepieces.Justthepieceshehadcompleted.ShehadpulledherselfintoherpuzzlelayingandhadforgottenIwasthere.
IcouldseewhyVonettaandFernwerenotallowedinsideCecile’skitchen.Cecilewasfixedinprayer.Iwasallowedtobethere,butIdidn’tdareclearmythroat,letaloneaskhertoshowmewhatshewasdoing.VonettaandFerndidn’thavethesensetobequiet.
Wespreadthetableclothonthefloorandsatcross-leggedasifwewereeatingMeanLadyMing’stakeoutorfriedfishfromShabazz.WhileVonettaandFernatebegrudgingly,Cecilecleanedherplateandleftthreeblanchedchickenbones.
“Thisdon’ttastelikeBigMa’s,”Vonettasaid.
“Surelydon’t,”Fernfollowed.
“Weshouldagotpizza.”
“Orshrimplomein.”
CecilereachedontoVonetta’splateandtookthethighthatVonettahadleft.Tome,shesaid,“That’sgratitudeforyou.”
Ididn’tcarethattheywereungrateful.Itoldmysisters,“Getusedtoeatinglikethis.”
Vonettasaid,“I’mgoingtotellBigMa.”
“AndPapa.”
Tothem,Isaid,“Tell.”
Whenweweredone,Cecilehandedmeeveryplate,aftershe’deatenwhateverVonettaandFernhadleft.“Youstartedthismess,Delphine.Youcleaneverydishandspoon.”
Wehadeatenwithforks,butIwasn’tabouttocorrecther.IjusttooktheforkswhileVonettaandFerndisappearedintoourroom.AtleastIcouldlookPaintheeyeandsay,“Yes,Pa.Ididwhatyousaid.Ilookedoutformysisters.”AtleastIgotCeciletoletmeintoherkitchen.
Thensheadded,“Anddon’texpectnohelpfromme.”
Isaid,“Idon’tmind.”
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Shegaveanother“Hmp”andaheadshake.“We’retryingtobreakyokes.You’retryingtomakeoneforyourself.IfyouknewwhatIknow,seenwhatI’veseen,youwouldn’tbesoquicktopulltheplow.”
Isortofknewwhatshemeant,butsomeonehadtolookoutforVonettaandFernwhilewewerehere.
Istackedtheplatesinthesinkandranthehotwater.
“Itwouldn’tkillyoutobeselfish,Delphine,”shesaid,andmovedmeoutofthewaytowashherhands.Thenshewentbacktoprayingoverherpuzzlepieces.
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ChinaWho
SisterMukumbugaveEunice,Hirohito,andmetwoemptymilkcartonseachtofillwithwaterfromthehallwayfountain.TodayourclasswastotakespongesthatsheandSisterPathadcutupintodifferentshapesandmakeprinteddesignsonoldT-shirts.We’dusered,black,andgreenpaint,thesamecolorsastheinkCecileusedforherpoemsandwhateverflyersthePanthersaskedhertoprintup.
AsSisterMukumbureadiedthepaints,Ithoughtofallthosecolors,drippingandsplatteringonVonetta’sandFern’sclothes,andhavingtoscrubthemwithoutawashboard.
“Don’tstartanythinguntilIgetbackwiththewater,”ItoldFern.
Fernseemedoffinaworldofherown.
SisterMukumbuclappedherhands,pressingmetogetgoing.Fernwouldbeallrightfortwominuteswithoutme.
IfollowedEuniceandHirohitowithamindtohurryback.Ihadtoadmit,Ilikedbeingseenasoneoftheclassroomhelpers.VonettaandJanicewereputoutbythefactthattheyweren’taskedtotakeaskipdownthehallwithHirohito.Theyhadbothraisedtheirhandstoaskiftheycouldhelptoo.AlthoughIdidn’tlikeEunicemuch,weglancedateachotherandknewthesamething:ourmiddlesisterswereboycrazyforHirohito.HewasprobablytwelveorthirteenandonlysawVonettaandJaniceaspestshecouldbothmesswithandkeepatadistance.
Hirohitobeatustothefountain.Ashefilleduphiscartons,Istudiedeveryfeatureofhisface.Iwantedtoaskhimhowitfelttohaveslantedeyes,hairlikepineneedles,andcoppery-coloredskin.Whichonewashemore:Chineseorcolored?IfIwereVonetta,Iwouldhaveatleastaskedhimthat,asmuchasshe’salwaysinhisface.Iwouldhaveaskedhimsomethinginterestinginsteadof“Doyoulikeshortgirlsortallgirls?”
Iknewmycuriositydidn’texcusemystaringorwantingtopry.Afterall,Icertainlydidn’tlikequestionsaboutnothavingamother.SoIscoldedmyselfgood,whileHirohitofilleduphissecondcarton:Ishouldkeepmycuriositytomyself;Ishouldnotstareathislongblackeyelashesandcoppery-coloredskin.Besides,Icouldn’tgofromplanningtosockhimtoaskinghim
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aboutbeingacoloredChineseboyinonegoodblink.ButbeforeIhadachancetolookaway,hecaughtmestaringathim.
“What?”
Igaveitback.“DidIsaysomethingtoyou?”Thankgoodnessyoucan’tseecherriesinachocolatebar.I’dhavebeenared-facedroseifnotformyHersheybrowncomplexion.
“Takeapicture.Itlastslonger.”
“Iwasnotlookingatyou,boy.”Girlpridemademeliehardandstrong.
Eunicegavemea“Weretoo”glare,butIcouldn’tletthisboythinkIwasstaringathimevenifhecaughtmered-facedbeneathmybrownskin.Icouldn’tletthisboywithslantedeyesandcopper-coloredskinthinkIthoughtathingabouthim.BecauseIdidn’t.
“Andifyoutrytorunmeandmysistersoffthesidewalkwiththatskateboard,I’mgoingtostomponyougood.”
Wewereaboutthesameheight,butIhadn’tmetaboyIcouldn’tthrowdowntotheground.Butthen,IwastallerthanalltheboysIknew.
“Iyelledforyoutogetoutoftheway.CanIhelpitifyou’reslow?”HewasnoEllisCarter,Anthony,Antnee,ortheotherboyswhotappedmefrombehindandran.Hespokecalmly,withnofearofmyboy-throwingabilities.
“Well,youshouldn’tbeskateboardingwherepeoplewalk.”
“Girl,that’snoskateboard,”hesaid,fullofwhatIguessedwasboypride.“That’smygo-kart.”
“Whocares,Chinaboy.”
Hegavemealooklikehewasgoingtodropbothcartonsandputuphisdukes.Oneeyebrowwentup.“Chinawho?”
Iwasgladhesaidthatbecausemy“Chinayou”shotoutrightontime.
Eunicejumpedinandsaid,“Foryourinformation,he’sblackandJapanese.Can’tyoutellthedifferencebetweenaJapanesenameandaChinesename?”
Ididn’tlikehavingmyignoranceshovedatme,especiallybythelikesofEuniceAnkton.ButthereIwas.Notknowingahalf-Chinesefacefromahalf-Japaneseone.Iwasn’tabouttogetabetterlooksoI’dknowthedifference.Lookingatthatstupidboygotmered-facedinthefirstplace.ThelastthingI’ddowasownuptomyignoranceandthenapologize.
IturnedtoEuniceasifHirohitoweren’tthere.“Idon’tcarewhatheis.
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Hejustbetterwatchoutwhenhe’sridingthatskateboardonthesidewalk.”
Hirohitoturnedandstartedwalkingbacktotheclassroom.“Go-kart.”
Isaid,“Forgetyou,Hirohito.”
Hesaid,“Forgotyou,Delphine.”
ThenIsaidquicklytogetthelastlick,“Neverthoughtaboutyou.”
Eunicesaid,“Isthatwhatyouallsaywhereyoucomefrom?That’ssocorny.”
ForEunice’sinformation,therewasmoretothatrhyme.Swallowasnake,jumpinthelake,comebackhomewithabellyache.Itdidsoundcorny,soIkeptittomyself.“Idon’tcare.”
Shewalkedaheadofme.“IfyouknewaboutHirohitoandBrotherWoods,you’dleavehimalone.”
ThenIgotsuckeredintoaschool-yardcomebackIshouldhaveseencoming.“WhataboutHirohitoandBrotherWoods?”
Wouldn’tyouknowit?Eunicehadhips.ShemadesureIknewthatfactasshewalkedaheadofme.“That’sformetoknowandforyoutofindout.”
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ExpertColoredCounting
VonettaandFernfiguredthatsinceItalkedmywayinsideCecile’skitchen,Ishouldfightharderforotherthings,namelytohaveatelevisionsetinthehouse.ItwasbadenoughknowingourCaliforniavacationwasn’tmuchtohangaback-to-schoolessayon.TherewerenoDisneylandridestowriteabout.NoHollywoodmoviestarsintheSafewaystoretosignautographs.Nosurfingatthebeachorshakingpeachesorplumsfromfruittreesinthebackyard.Therewasn’tevenalong-lostmamahuggingandcryingattheairport.
Isoonsawmysisters’point.Theleastwecouldhavewasatelevisionset.CartoonsonSaturdays,funnyshowsafterdinner,theeveningnewsandtrue-crimeshowsforme.Andofcourse,TheMikeDouglasShowfivedaysaweekbecauseMikeDouglasalwayshadNegroperformersonhisvarietyshow.OutsideoftheFlipperincident,wedidn’tfightoverTV,whichwouldmeanlessnoisetobotherCecile.IfsheboughtaportableTVset,wecouldputitinourroomandshewouldn’thavetoseeusforhours.Thenitwouldfeellikearealvacation.WatchinghoursandhoursofGetSmartandTheF.B.I.withoutBigMamakingusturnthesetoff.
OnceagainIfoundmycalm,steadyvoiceandbroughtourdemandstoCecileatournextsit-downdinner.That’swhatprotestersdid.TheybroughttheirprotestsongsandtheirdemandstotheEstablishment,becausetheEstablishmentwasincontrol.TheEstablishmentwassomeoneoverthirtyyearsoldwhohadthepower.Ididn’tknowCecile’sexactage,butshehadtobeoverthirty.That,plusherholdingontothemoneyPahadgivenus,hadmadeCeciletheEstablishment.Allweneededweresomeprotestsignsandan“orelse”thatwouldn’tmakeCecilemadenoughtohurtus.Withoutan“orelse,”protestersarejustpeoplewithprotestsongsanddemandswhodon’tstandachanceofgettinganything.TheonlythingsCecileseemedtocareaboutwereherpoemsandherpeaceandquiet.Theonlythingweseemedtocareaboutwasourtelevisionset.Armedwiththat,Ibroughtupoursoledemandandstoodreadywithourreasons,asifmySafewaySwerepressedtomychest.
Shesaid,“Nooneneedsatelevisionset.”
“Wedo,”Isaid.
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“Tocatchourshows,”Vonettasaid.
“Yeah,”Fernsaid.“Tocatchourcartoons.”
“Andtheeveningnews,”Ithrewin.Youcouldpracticallyseethewholeworldontheeveningnews.
“AndMikeDouglas.”
“That’sright.WewantMikeDouglas.”
HowelsewouldweseeMotowngroups,JamesBrown,orArethaFranklin?
TheMikeDouglasShowwasn’ttheonlyplacetofindcoloredpeopleontelevision.Eachweek,Jetmagazinepointedoutalltheshowswithcoloredpeople.MysistersandIbecameexpertcoloredcounters.Wehaditdowntoascience.NotonlydidwecounthowmanycoloredpeoplewereonTV,wealsocountedthenumberofwordstheactorsweregiventosay.Forinstance,itwaseasytocountthenumberofwordstheNegroengineeronMissionImpossiblespokeaswellastheblackPOWonHogan’sHeroes.SometimestheblackPOWdidn’thaveanywordstosay,sowescoredhima“1”forbeingthere.WecountedhowmanytimesLieutenantUhuruhailedthefrequencyonStarTrek.We’deventaketurnsbeingher,althoughBigMawouldhaveneverletuswearaminidressorspaceboots.ButthentherewasISpy.Allthreeofustogethercouldn’tcounteverywordBillCosbysaid.Andthentherewasanewshow,Julia,cominginSeptember,starringDiahannCarroll.Weagreedtoshoutout“BlackInfinity!”whenJuliacameonbecauseeachepisodewouldbeallabouthercharacter.
Wedidn’tjustcounttheshows.Wecountedthecommercialsaswell.We’drunintotheTVroomintimetocatchthecommercialswithcoloredpeopleusingdeodorant,shavingcream,andwashpowder.TherewasalittlecoloredgirlonourfavoritecommercialwholookedjustlikeFern.Infact,IsaidthatlittlegirlcouldhavebeenFern,whichmadeVonettajealous.Inthecommercial,thelittlegirltookabiteofbutteredbreadandsaid,“Gee,Ma.ThisisthebestbutterIeverate.”Thenwe’dsayitthewayshedid,inherdead,expressionlessvoice;andwe’doutdoourselvestryingtosayitwiththerightamountofdeadness.Wefiguredthatthatwashowthecommercialpeopletoldhertosayit.Nottoocolored.Thenwe’dgetsillyandsayiteverykindofcoloredwayweknewhow.
WegaveCecileallofourreasonswhysheshouldhaveatelevisionsetinhergreenstuccohouse.Weevenshowedherhowitwouldgiveherpeaceofmindtodoherworkwithoutusbotheringher.Toourreasons,theEstablishmentsaid,“Televisionisaliarandastory.”Butweweren’treadyto
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giveup.
“Theeveningnewscomesontelevision,”Isaid.“That’salltruebecauseit’sonthenews.”
Shegrunted.
“Andtheweathermangivestheweatherreport.That’simportant.”
Anothergrunt.
“AndtheMonkeesdothemonkey.”ThenFernswungherarmsupanddownandboppedherheadlikeago-godancer.
Cecilemadea“what”expression.Flummoxed.GoodoldFern!FernhadmanagedtocompletelyflummoxtheEstablishment.
Andthenwestartedsingingourprotestsong,chewingawayatherpeaceandquiet:“Herewecome.Walkingdownthestreet….”likeDavyJones,MickyDolenz,andtheothersingingMonkees.
ThenextdaywhenwecamebackfromtheCenter,wefoundaradioinourroom,thecordwrappedarounditsplasticbody.Itwasasho-’nuf,left-by-the-garbage-dump,secondhandradio.VonettaandFernsquealedasifthelittlecoloredgirlinthecommercialwerestandinginourroomeatingbutteredbread.
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CivicPride
We’dbeenlearningaboutcivicssincethefirstgrade.TherewasalwaysafieldtriptothefirestationonHenryStreet.Wewatchedthesamefilmaboutthefiremen,policemen,andmayor,whokeptourcommunitysafeandorderly.Thefilm’snarratorremindedeveryboy—fromEllisCartertotheJameses,theAnthonys,andeveryotherpantswearer—thattheytoocouldgrowuptobeguardiansofourcommunity.Wegirlswereremindedthatwecouldlookforwardtobecomingteachers,nurses,wives,andmothers.Poetswerenevermentioned.
AttheCenterwehadacivicslesson.Wewerebeingtaughtourrightsascitizensandhowtoprotectthoserightswhendealingwiththepolice.SisterMukumbuusedtheword“policeman,”whileCrazyKelvin,whofilledinforSisterPat,preferredtosay“theracistpig.”Hebrokeourrightsdownstep-by-stepasiftherewasnotimetolose.AnygivendayapolicecarcouldstopmysistersandmeonourwayfromtheSafewaymarketandsearchourbagofgroceries.Wehadtobearmedwithourrights.
Asthelessonwenton,itseemedlikeallCrazyKelvinwantedwastogetustocallthepolice“thepigs.”HestartedwithHirohito.“Myman,Hirohito,whoknockeddownyourdoorandarrestedyourfather?”
Hirohito’sfacefelltothetable.HelookedworsethanwhenSisterMukumbuaskedhimtorevolveandspinaroundthesun.Hepickedataflakypieceofskinonhisthumb.NormallyI’dthink,Ew,nastyboy.Howdisgusting.InsteadIfeltsorryforhimwithCrazyKelvinpokingathim.
Hirohitoanswered,“Thepolice.”
CrazyKelvinsaid,“Thewho?”
Hirohitosaid,“TheOaklandpolice.”
Thatwasn’tgoodenoughforCrazyKelvin,whomwehadtocallBrotherKelvinintheclassroom.Helookedlikeabony,big-beakedchickengoing“Thewho?Thewho?”Itwaslikethetimeheshouted“blackgirl”atmysistersandme,whileweshoutedback“coloredgirl.”
Itdidn’ttakesharpeyestoseeSisterMukumbuwasannoyedwithherhelperandasusual,steppedintoputanendtoit.CrazyKelvinwassupposedtotalktousaboutourrights,nottostandtheregoing“Thewho?Thewho?”
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Big-beakedCrazyKelvinwasn’tdone.Hesaid,“ThepigsbrokedownthedoorofaVietnamwarhero’shouse.Thepigshandcuffedhimwithoutrespectforhisrightsasacitizen.TheracistpigsthenseparatedBrotherWoodsfromhisfamilybecausehedaredspeakthetruthtothepeople.”
Hirohitotriedtoshownochangeinhisface,buthewaschangingontheinside,wherepeoplechangewhenthey’resadorangry.Helookeddirectlyatme,thenlookedaway.IfeltlikeIwassupposedtosaysomethingtohim,butIdidn’tknowwhat.
SisterMukumbuthankedBrotherKelvinforbeingourguestspeakerandshowedhimtothedoor.
Ferntuggedthehemofmytop.“Idon’tlikehim.Surelydon’t.”
IglancedEuniceAnkton’sway.Ihadjustfoundoutwhatshehadmeantwhenwewereoutbythewaterfountain.ThatHirohito’sfatherwasinprisonforspeakingouttothepeople.Hirohito’sfatherwaswhatSisterMukumbucalleda“freedomfighter”anda“politicalprisoner.”Although,nowthatIknew,Ididn’tfindanysatisfactioninhavingfoundout.
Imagine.TohaveyourfathersittingdowneatingdinnerorshininghisshoeswhilewatchingTV.Tohaveyourfrontdoorblownoffitshingesandthepolicerushin.Toseeyourfatherinhandcuffs,ledaway.
Hirohitodidn’thavetoimagine.Heknew.
Ihadbeenscaredonce.TrulyscaredforPapa.Ithappenedtwosummersago.BigMahadgonebacktoAlabamaaheadofustovisitfamilyandtakecareofherhouse.WehadpackeduptheWildcatandhaddrivendowntoAlabamasomysistersandIcouldstaythereforthesummer.Wehadbeendrivingallday,allnight.Talkaboutbeingalongwayfromhome.Ifweneededtostop,wefoundagasstationoranicecoloredfamilytoopentheirhometous.Aswedrovedeepersouth,downdarkhighwaysandevendarkerbackroads,IfeltlikeDorothyinTheWizardofOz.Itoldmyself,“Delphine,wearenolongerinBrooklyn.”
Papahadpulledthecarofftheroadsowecouldcatchafewhoursofsleep.IrememberVonettasnoringononesideofme,FernwithMissPattyCakeburrowedintomyside.SomehowImanagedtofindmyselfsnoringwithmysistersandPapa.Thentherehadbeenaloudrapagainstthewindow.Ballsofflashlightghostshadflownallaroundtheback-andfrontseats,alloverourfaces.Ithadbeenastatepoliceman.PapahadrolleddownhiswindowandshownthestatepolicemanhislicenseandsaidhewasdrivinghisgirlsdowntoseetheirgrandmainAlabama.Thestatepolicemanhadn’toffereddirections.Hehadn’tcalledPapa“Mr.Gaither,sir,”or“citizen”like
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thehelpfulpoliceofficerinourcivic-pridefilm.IheardwhatthatstatepolicemancalledPapa.Ihearditallright.IheldontoFerntight,afraidforPapa.AfraidPapamighttalkbackorfightback.
WhenwehadarrivedatBigMa’s,I’dexpectedthatPawouldhavetoldBigMaallaboutit.Howwecouldn’tstopandpeeanywherewewantedto.Howthestatepolicehadrappedonthewindow.Whathe’dcalledPapa.HowPapahadn’thauledbacklikeCassiusClayandsockedthepoliceman’sjawintothenextcounty.Papacouldtellsomestories.Hespeaksthemsoplain,youbelieveeveryword.IknewPapawouldhaveentertainedBigMa.
WhenBigMaasked,“How’dthetripgo?”Pahadsaid,“Wemadeitdownsure’nuf.Youknow,Ma.Sameoldsameold.”
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RallyforBobby
WhenSisterPatpinnedthepictureofBobbyHuttontothewallnexttotheotherrevolutionariesIlearnedwhohewas.IfinallyreadabouthimintheBlackPanthernewspaper.ThearticlereportedhowthepeoplewantedtonametheparkafterBobby.Thearticlealsoretoldwhathadhappenedtohim.IkindofrememberedhavingwatchedthenewswithBigMaafewmonthsagoandhearingabouttheshootinginOakland.Nowtheshootingseemedcloser.Morereal.
BobbyHuttonwasthefirstmemberoftheBlackPanthers,otherthantheleaders.Hewassoyoung,theBlackPantherleaders—HueyNewtonandBobbySeale—madehimgethismother’spermissiontojoin.HewasalsotheyoungestBlackPanthertodieforthecause.HewasonlysixyearsolderthanIwas.
ThenewspaperhadsaidhowthepoliceambushedtheBlackPantherswhiletheywereinacarandhowthePanthersfledinsideahouseforshelter.Thattherewasashoot-out.ThatthepolicefiredatthePanthersandthePanthersfiredatthepolice.ThatwhenLittleBobbycameoutsidetosurrender,andtookoffallhisclothesexceptforhisunderweartoshowhehadnogun,theyshothimanyway.Overandoverandover.ThatwasthispastApril.TwodaysafterReverendKingwaskilled.
AfterreadingaboutBobbyHutton,IhadbeguntolookaroundatthePantherswhohelpedoutattheCenter.Andtheyoungonesonthestreets,patrollingorpassingby.Ihadlookedrealhardatthemandhadseenthattheywereteenagersorwerealittleolder,likeSisterPatandCrazyKelvin.Icouldn’tstandCrazyKelvin,nevercalledhimBrotherKelvinorwentoutofmywaytospeaktohim.ButIdidn’twanttoseehimgetshotbecausehewaswearinghisOFFTHEPIGT-shirt.
Readingthatarticlehadmademebothangryandafraid.AngrysomeoneasyoungasBobbyhadbeenkilledandafraidthatifhecouldgetshotforbeingwiththePanthers,maybeitwastoodangerousforustobeattheBlackPanthers’summercamp.Afterall,theyweren’tteachingushowtodealwiththepolicefornothing.AndIwastallformyage.NoonewouldthinkIwasjustagirlgoingontwelve.ThepolicewhopatrolledtheCentercouldbechasingsomeone,burstin,shootfirst,andaskquestionslater.
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Maybewedidn’thavetocometotheCentertolearnourrightsandtohavebreakfast.IfCecileletmecookdinnerinherkitchen,she’dletmefrysomeeggsorpoursomecerealinherkitchentoo.BeinginCecile’shousemighthavebeencrazy.Herhousemightnothavebeensmotheredwithlove.ButbeinginCecile’shousewasattheveryleastsafe.WewerebetteroffinthatgreenstuccohousewithCecile.
WhatwouldPapahavesaidifheknewIwasbringingVonettaandFerntoasummerschoolwherepolicecarsdrovebytoseewhatweweredoing?IwassupposedtolookafterVonettaandFern,notputthemindanger.
IwishedIhadn’topenedupthatnewspaper.IwishedIcouldgorightonthinkingwewerehavingbreakfast,paintingsigns,andlearningourrights.IwishedIdidn’tknowthatIwasmarchingmysistersintoaboilingpotoftroublecookinginOakland.Butitwastoolateforwishing.IknewfullwellwhatIknew.
IcouldbarelygiveSisterMukumbumyfullattention.ShesaidwewouldbeattendingarallytwoSaturdaysfromtoday.SomethingaboutfreeingHueyandnamingtheparkacrossthestreetafterLittleBobbyHutton.HearingBobbyHutton’snamehadshakenmeoutofmythoughts.MyhandshotupbeforeIhadwordsformedinmymind.Iknew“rally”meant“protest”andthat“protest”couldmean“riot.”Afterall,Ireadthepapers.Iwatchtheeveningnews.Aprotestwasneveralove-in.
SisterMukumbuwasstillsmilingwhensherecognizedme.IbetshethoughtIwasgoingtotalkaboutthenewspaperarticleorsaysomethingrevolutionary.Isaid,“I’msorry,SisterMukumbu.ButmysistersandIcan’tgototherally.”IknewIsurprisedherbecauseI’mnotan“Ican’t”kindofperson.Imightaswellhavesaid,“Wedidn’tcomeherefortherevolution.”
SisterPatsaid,“Don’tworry,Sis.IknowSisterNzila.She’llletyougo.”
IgotoverhersayingsheknewmymotherwhenIbarelyknewCecile.Besides,Ihadbiggerfishtofry.Isaid,“It’snotmymotherwho’ssayingno.I’msayingno.Wecan’tgo.”
ThenVonettacalledout,“Wecantoogototherally.”
AndFernsaid,“Wesurelycan.”
VonettaandFerndidn’tknowwhattheyweresaying.Theyjustdidn’twanttobeleftoutofanyactivityconcerningthoseAnktongirlsorthatHirohito,stillwearinghissameoldOaklandRaidersjersey.
SisterMukumbuaskedforrespectandorderintheclassroom.Wequieteddown.Shesaidshewouldspeaktomelaterandcontinuedtalkingaboutthe
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rallyandhonoringBobbyHuttonandfreeingHuey.Thenshesaidtheverythingthatwassuretodefeatme.Shesaid,“Wehavebeenaskedtodoaspecialpresentationattherally.”
Mysisters’faceslitup.
“Wecouldperformaplay,doagroupdance,orrecitepoetry.Orifanyonehasaspecialtalenttodisplay,youcandothattoo.”
Iwassunk.“Talenttodisplay”wasenoughtoswayVonettaandFern.TherewasnowaytokeepVonettafromthrowingherselfonstageafterSisterMukumbusaidthosethreewords.
Vonettaisallhamandshow.Anyoccasion,evenariotinthemaking,wouldhavebeengoodenoughtoperformat.Fernisnobetter.Shesingslikeabird,iscute,and,likeVonetta,cannotresistthelureofapplauseandattention.
Idon’thaveanythingtobevainabout.Ihavenotalenttoshow.EvenifIdid,Ihavenodesiretothrowmyselfbeforepeoplefortheirapplause.IdancebecausethelessonsarepaidforandPapafeelsallgirlsshoulddanceballetandtap.Isinginthechildren’schoirbecauseBigMamakessurewemotherlessgirlsenjoyallthepityinglooksthechurchcanspare,whetherwewantthemornot.
Later,duringfreetime,Hirohitoandtheboysstarteddoingkarateandjujitsumoves.TheAnktongirlshuddledtotalkaboutwhattheywoulddofortheirspecialtalent.Fromthelooksoftheirgesturing,theywoulddanceanAfricandance.Theotherkidsjustplayed.IexpectedVonettatorunoffandjointheAnktons.ButVonettatoldFernandme,“Weshouldsingasong.”
Fernadded,“Weshouldsingasonganddoadance.”
BeforeIcouldsaywhyweshouldn’t,theystarted.
“WecanwaveourarmsprettyliketheSupremes.”
“AndwearourhairliketheSupremes.”
“OrwildlikeTinaTurner.”
“AndtheIkettes.”
“Ooh!Ooh!Wecansingoursong,”Vonettasaid.
“Yeah.Oursong,”Fernsaid.
IpretendedIdidn’tknowwhichsongtheymeant,butIknew.JusttomakesureIknew,VonettaandFernsangthefirstthreewordsto“DryYourEyes”oncue.
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“No,”Isaid.
Theysanglouder.Fern’svoicesweetandhigh,Vonetta’sdrippyanddramatic.
“No,”Itoldthem.“We’renotsingingthat.”
Theyignoredmeandbeltedouttheheartbreakerpartwherethemothermustleaveherbaby.Thentheysangthela-laparts.
Bynoweveryonelookedourway,soIhushedVonettaandFern,whoseeyesshonewithlifeandsparkle.Ihadnohopeofreelingeitherbacktotheirgoodcommonsense.
“Wearenotsingingthatsong,”Isaidplainly.Totheir“Whynot?”poutingfacesIsaid,“Thispresentationisforthepeople.ForBobbyHuttonandHueyNewton.It’snotforsingingaboutyourbrokenhearttoyourlong-lostmother.”
ButtheyinsistedonBrendaandtheTabulations.Theyinsistedonlettingtheworldinontheirlongingforamotherwhowouldn’tcookamealforthem.
Iputmyfootdown.“Wecannotsingthatsong.”
“Cantoo,”theystarted.
Vonettasaid,“Andthenshe’llcometothetalentshowandseeusonstage.”
“Andseehowgoodweare.”
Itdidn’tseemrightthattheythoughtsinginganddancingwouldchangeCecileintosomeonewhocriedforherlong-lostdaughtersorfriedporkchopsandmadebananapudding.Cecilewasn’tthatkindofmother,ifyouwantedtocallheroneatall.Hernamemighthavechanged.Shemighthavebeenlivingontheothersideofthecountry.ButCecilewasplainoldCecile.JustcrazierandscarierthanIremembered.
Itoldthemoutright,“Wecouldsing‘DryYourEyes’likeBrendaandtheTabulationsanddanceliketheIkettes.Cecilewon’tcometotherallyandcheeruson.”
TheysaidIwaswrongaboutCecileandwrongaboutwhatwecouldandcouldnotsingforthetalentshow.
Isaid,“Thosepeoplearen’trallyingforaTVset.They’rerallyingtofreeHueyandtochangethenameofthepark.Themayor,thejudge,andthepolicearen’tgoingtojustsay,‘Finebyus.’There’sgoingtobetroublecookingattherally.”
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Vonettasang,“Spoilsport.Worrywart.”ThenFernjoinedher.
Isaid,“Fine.ButI’mnotsingingwithyou.”
SisterMukumbusaidsheneededhelpwithsomething.Everyoneraisedhisorherhand,butshecalledmynameeventhoughIkeptmyhanddown.Icouldn’tsayIwassurprised.
SisterMukumbusaid,“What’stroublingyou,SisterDelphine?Whydon’tyouwanttoparticipateintherally?”
“SisterMukumbu,it’salldangerous.JustbeinghereattheCenterisdangerous.”
Shewassilentforawhile.“Isee.”Thatmeantshewasn’tgoingtolietome.Iwantedtostilllikeher.Icouldn’tifsheliedtome.
“Ihavetolookoutformysisters,youknow.”
SisterMukumbusaid,“Welookoutforeachother.Therallyisonewayoflookingoutforallofoursisters.Allofourbrothers.Unity,SisterDelphine.Wehavetostandunited.”
Iwasthinking,Alive.Wehavetobealive.Wouldn’tLittleBobbyratherbealivethanberemembered?Wouldn’theratherbesittingoutintheparkthanhavetheparknamedafterhim?Iwantedtowatchthenews.Notbeinit.ThemoreIthoughtaboutit,themoreIhadmyanswer.Wewerestayinghometomorrowandthenextdayandthedayafterthat.Wecertainlyweren’tgoingtobeinnorally.
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EatingCrow
Thenextmorning,Cecilestoodoutsideourdoorandsaid,“It’snineo’clock.Whyy’allstillhere?”
Vonettapointedtome.“It’sherfault.”
Fernjoinedin.“Allherfault.”
“Shewon’ttakeustotheCenter.”
“Yeah.Shesaidwecan’tgonomore.”
Cecileturnedtome.“Delphine,whatdidyoudo?”
IspokeasplainlyasIcould.Therewasnouseinspeakingsmallmouthed.“ItoldSisterMukumbuwe’renotgoingtotheFreeHueyrallytwoSaturdaysfromnow,orcomingbacktotheCenter.”
“Why’dyoutellherthat?”
“It’sdangerous,”Isaid.“ThepoliceshotateenagerforbeingwiththeBlackPanthers.TheycouldshootBlackPanthersandkidsattheCenter.”
CecilelookedatmelikeIwasstupid,butalsowithdisbeliefthatIwasherdaughter.“Didanyoneshootatyou,Delphine?”Hervoicewascalmandclear.Notcrazy.
Ifeltstupid.“No.”
“Didtheypointagunatyou?”
“No.”
“Didanyoneputaguninyourhand?”
“No.”
Cecilesaid,“Y’allgetdressedandgo.Theymightstillbeservingbreakfast.”
Icouldn’tbelieveshe’dmakeusgobacktoaplacewherewecouldgetshot.ButthenIreturnedtomygoodcommonsense.OfcourseCecilewouldn’tcareifwegotshotupbythepolice.
ItoldCecile,“We’llgoforbreakfast.We’llgoforsummerschool.Wewon’tbegoingtonorally.That’sjustapotofboilingtroublecookin’.”
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“Y’alltwo.Getinthereandbrushyourteeth.Washyourfaces.”Cecilecrookedherheadtowardthebathroom.AssoonasVonettaandFerngotupandlefttheroom,shesteppedinclosertome.Iwasgenuinelyafraid.
“Youwatchhowyoutalktome.Y’hear?”
Inoddedinreply,andIwasnonodder.
Shewouldn’tacceptmynod.“No,”shesaid.“Yougotamouth,soIwanttohearyou.”
Isaid,“Yes,ma’am.”Thatold-fashionedwordjustcrawledrightout.
Cecilegrunted.“That’stheproblemrightthere.Hismammy.Yousoundjustlikeher.Likeacountrymule.”IthinkthatsetCecileoffmorethanmysayingweweren’tgoingtotherally.MesoundinglikeBigMa.
Cecilewentbacktoherkitchen,fussingupafullsteamlikeshewastalkingtosomeone.Me.Thatshecouldn’thaveusheremessingupherpeaceofmindandthatshecouldn’tworkwithusinherhouse.Cecilecarriedonafullconversation,onandonaswewalkedoutthedoor.Crazy.
VonettaandFernwereonlytoogladtobeheadedtowardtheCenter.Theycouldn’tstoprubbingitin.
“See,Delphine,youcan’ttelluswhattodo,”Vonettasaid.
“Surelycan’t.”
“’Causewe’regoingtotheCenter,andwe’regoingtotherally.”
“Surelyare.”
“Andwe’regoingtosingoursong.”
“Anddoourdance.”
“Andyoucan’tbeinitwithus.”
ButFerndidn’tgoalongwithVonettaonthelastone,notthatIwantedtobeinit.Still,asmallpartofmewasglad.Fernhadalwaysbeenmine.
Iwasn’tinahurrytogoinsidewhenwegottotheCenter,butIfollowedmysisterswhentheypushedthedoorsopen.VonettaandFerncouldn’teatthelatebreakfastandrejoinSisterMukumbu’sclassfastenough.Ifoundmyselfdraggingbehindthem,feelingbadlyformyself.Nooneevercalledatake-back“eatingcrispyfriedchicken.”Theycalledit“eatingcrow,”andwithgoodreason.NotthatI’dactuallyeatenablackcrow,butwithmywordsstuckinmythroatandmyeyescastdown,Iknewwhateatingcrowwas.I
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knewthathavingtoeatcrowwhenyouwereonceproudandrightwaslikeswallowingahunkoftough,chewycrowmeatthatwasn’tabouttogodowneasy.
SisterMukumbudidn’tmakemefeellikethenothingIknewIwas.Herbanglesjangledaboutherwristsasshewelcomedusbackintoclass.Everyonewaspracticingtheirpartsinaplayfortherally,andshesaidwehadarrivedjustintime.Theycouldusemoreactorsfortheclass’sreenactmentofHarrietTubmanleadingslavestofreedom.VonettawasmadbecauseJanicewastobeHarrietTubman.IknewI’dhearaboutVonettamissingoutonbeingthestaroftheplayforthenextsevendays.
Later,afterSisterPatledusthroughcalisthenicsintheyard,Eunicecameoverandsatwithme.“Thoughtya’llweren’tcomingback.”
“Weweren’t.”
“Thenwhy’reyouhere?”
Eunicehadalotofnerveandalotofmouth,askingmewhymysistersandIwerebackattheCenter.IhadnothingtosaytoEunice.Ialreadyfeltbad.
Ishrugged,althoughIwasnoshrugger.
“Youwerejustshowingoff,tellingSisterMukumbuhowyouandyoursistersweren’tcomingtotherally,likeyou’reincharge.”
“Foryourinformation,Iaminchargeofmysisters.”
“Ohyeah?Sowhyareyouback,then?”
ThelastthingIwoulddowastellEuniceAnktonthatwewereherebecauseCecileshooedusawaytowriteherpoems.
“’Cause,”Isaid.
Icouldn’tfigureoutwhyEunicesattherewithme.Itwasbadenoughtofeelstupid.Ididn’tneedanyonesittingwithmeremindingmeofit.
Mysisterswerehavingagoodtime.FernandtheyoungestAnktongirl,Beatrice,taughteachotherhand-clappingsongs.JaniceandVonettachasedafterHirohitoandhisfriends,buttheywereonlyafterHirohito.He’dzigleftandright,escapingthegirlseachtimetheycamewithintaggingdistance.FinallyJanicemanagedtotaghimandrun.Vonettawasupsetthatshehadn’ttaggedhimfirst,butthatdidn’tstopherfromcacklingandsquealingalongwithJanice.JaniceandVonettawereoneandthesamefool.
Eunicebeatmetomakingasoundofdisgust.
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Isaid,“Iwouldn’thardlybechasingafternoHirohitoWoods.”
“Meneither,”sheagreed.
IhatedtellingherIwasonlygoingintothesixthgradewhenshewasgoingintotheeighthgrade.AtleastIwasaninchtallerthanshewas.Hirohito,shesaid,wasgoingintotheseventhgrade.
ItoldEuniceherdresswasnice.Thensheshowedmetheinsidestitching.OnceIsawthecrisscrossofhermother’sneathandstitchingIdecidedIlikedEuniceAnkton.Shewasn’tthebiggirlwhothoughtherclotheswerebetterthanmine.OrthegirlwhosidedwithHirohitoWoodsandmademefeelignorantfornotknowinghewashalfcoloredandhalfJapanese.Weweretwooldersisterswatchingouryoungersistersplayinggamesandrunningaroundmakingfoolsofthemselves.Wewereboththeoldestgirlsinourfamilies,andweknewthesamethings.
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ItsyBitsySpider
Vonettacouldn’tstoppracticingherpoem.Well,itwasn’thers.ShegotitfromabookofNegropoetsattheCenter.Ifshecouldn’tsinghersong,shewouldreciteapoemallbyherself.
Itwasn’tenoughforVonettatosayherpoem,whichwasactuallyGwendolynBrooks’spoemtitled“WeRealCool.”Vonettatriedtobeherpoem.SincetherewasnoapplausefromFernandmethefirsttimearound,shestartedupagain,aszombielikeasshecould,toimitatethetoughsstandingaroundoutsidethepoolhall.IfBigMaheardVonettaandsawherstandinglikeashiftlessbumonthecorner,we’dbeonthenextplanebacktoNewYorkCity.Vonettawasintoagrooveandcouldn’tbestopped.Shestartedupyetagain,saying
“Werealcool.
Weleftschool.”
asloudasshecould,incaseCecilehadn’theardher.IwouldhavedonebothVonettaandCecileafavorbygivingheraswiftkick,butIdidn’tcareifCecileyelledather.Ididn’tcareifVonettadisturbedCecile’speaceofmind.SoIletVonettareciteonandon
“Werealcool.
Weleftschool.”
Vonettawasaperfectionist,butonlyaboutcertainthings.Thingsthatwouldgethernoticedorearnherapplause.BigMasaidVonettawouldn’tbesuchashow-offifCecilehadpickedVonettaupmorewhenshewasababyholleringinhercrib.Ididn’tneedaflashofmemorytorecallVonetta’scrying.Shecriedloudlyandalot.
OurdoorwasopenandCecilewasinthelivingroom,lyingonherbeat-upsofa.CecilecouldhearVonettaperfectlywell.Vonettahadsaidthispoemseventimessofar.Iwascertainheraimwastosayittentimeseachnight,butCeciledidn’tlethergetthatfar.IttookonlysixangryfootstompsforCeciletomakeitbacktoourroom.
“Cutthatcrapout.That’snotevenapoem.Icouldaknockedthatoutinmysleep.You’dthinkGwenBrookswassomesortofgenius.”Thenshe
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stompedaway,thistimeintothekitchen.Iheardherhandssmacktheswingingdoorhard.
Backinthefourthgrade,myteacherwouldhaveuslayourheadsonourdesksafterwecameinfromrecess.Shewouldrecitepoetrytocalmusdownandgetusreadytolearnmorescienceorhistory.RobertFrost,EmilyDickinson,CounteeCullen,andWilliamBlake—allfinepoetswhomweshouldknow,she’dsay.Well,Iknewareal,livepoet.Ididn’tknowhowfineCecile’spoetrywas,butIhadseenherwritingpoemsinthekitchenandsometimesonthewallsoroncerealboxes.Whoelseinmyclassroomcouldclaimtheyknewapoetandthatshewastheirmother?So,ontheafternoonthatRobertFrost’shorsehadclip-cloppedthroughthesnow,I’draisedmyhandandtoldtheclassmymotherwasapoet.“Now,now,Delphine,”Mrs.Petersonsaid,“nicegirlsdon’ttelltheirclassmateslies.”She’dkeptmeafterschoolandtoldmesheknewthetruthabouthowmymotherhadlefthomeandthatwantingamotherwasnoexcusefordreamingoneup.Icouldn’tleavetheclassroomuntilI’dwritten“Iwillnottellliesinclass”twenty-fivetimesontheblackboard.AndthenI’dhadtoerasetheboardclean.
VonettasulkedsomethingpitifulwhenCeciletoldhertocutitout.Vonettaonlyheardthatherrecitationstunk.Shewasn’tthinkingabouthowGwendolynBrookswasagreatNegropoetandthatCecile,alsocalledNzila,wasprintingherownpoemsinherkitchen.
Lastyear,VonettapracticedhercurtsyingmorethanshepracticedherwingsandtimestepsfortheTipTopTaprecital.Shefellonherfannyinthemiddleofhersoloandwasmiserablefordays.UsuallyI’dpickupVonetta’sbrokenspiritsuntilshewasonceagaincrowyandshowy,butnowIlethersulkaftershereceivednopraisefromCecile.Servesyouright,Ithought.Justtobeevil,Irubbeditinwithaninsult.
“Idon’tknowwhyyourlipishanging,”Isaid.“You’rejustlikeher.”
WebothknewwhichherImeant.Isaidthattomakeherfeelmadontopofbeinghurt.JustlikeIknowhowtoliftmysistersup,Ialsoknowhowtoneedlethemjustright.
“Amnot.”
“Aretoo.”
Wedidafewroundsofthat,thenafinal“Not”and“Too.”
“Okay,Vonetta.SupposeyouweregoingtobeonTV.”
Sheperkeduponthatone.
“PlayingTinkerBellonWaltDisney’sWonderfulWorldofColor.Butit
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wasPTANight.OrSchoolTalentNight.Andyourlittlegirl—”
“LootieBelle,”Fernaddedin.
“LootieBelle,”Ipickedup,gladtohaveFern’ssupport,“hadapartinTheItsyBitsySpider.”
“InherItsyBitsySpidercostume.”
“Andshe’dbeenpracticingherItsyBitsySpidersonganddancefordays.”
“Weeks.”
“Awholetwomonths.TheItsyBitsySpider—”
“Wentupthewaterspout.”IknewIcouldcountonFerntoclimbhighwithhertiny,sweetvoice.
Vonettasattheredefiant,unmoved,provingmypoint.ItwaslikelookingdeadatCecile.
“AshinywhiteCadillaccomestocarryyouofftobeTinkerBellonTV.Butyourpreciouslittlegirl—”
“LootieBelle!”
“LootieBelleisstandingatthedoorinhercostume,waitingforyoutotakehertoSchoolTalentNight.Whatwouldyoudo?”
“That’seasy,”Vonettasaid.“I’dgetintheshinywhiteCadillacwithmymatchingvanitybagandluggage.”
“Andwhataboutyourlittlegirlinhercostume?”Iasked.
“Yeah.WhataboutLootieBellinhercostume,wantingtodanceforhermama?”
Eachandeveryoneofusknewthefeelingofhavingnomotherclappingforusintheaudience.OnlyBigMaandsometimesPapawhenhecamehomefromworkintime.
CrowyandshowyVonettasaid,“Firstofall,Iwouldn’tdarenameheranythingassillyasLootieBelle.AndmylittlegirlwouldbehappyIwasaDisneylandmoviestar.Shewouldtellherjealousfriendsatschool,‘TheregoesmymotheronTV.I’llbetyourmotherjustfriesporkchopsandwringswetclothes.MymotherisonTVflyingaroundinbluefairydust,wavingamagicalwandinacutesparklyoutfit.’”
ThemagicofDisneylandhadwonFernovertoVonetta’sside.Itwasallofthatbluefairydustandmagical-wandstuff.Fern’seyestwinkledasshe
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imaginedhavingacoloredfairymother.IwaslookingtogetVonetta’sgoat,butIonlyendeduplosingFern.AndVonettawasheroldself.
“Andthat’swhyyou’relikeCecile.YouwanttobeafairyonTVmorethanyoucarehowyourkidswillfeelandiftheymissyou.”
“Donot”and“Dotoo”wentonbetweenusuntilCecilestompedbacktotheroomandsaid,“Cutthatcrapout!”
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MovableType
WehadanotherlongdayattheCenter.WhenIcameintothekitchentomakespaghettithatevening,therewasastoolbythestove.ItwaslikeeverythingelseCecilebroughtintohergreenstuccohouse.Secondhand.Still,itwasunexpected,andIwelcomedit.Inormallystoodbythestovequietlywhilethefoodcooked.Myfeetalwaysached,butInevercomplained.Instead,Ishiftedmyweightfromonefoottotheotherandlearnedtomakequick-cookingmeals.Cecilehadallowedmeinsideherkitchen.She’dletmecookdinner,washdishes,andcleanupaftermyself.Butshedidn’treallywantmeintherewithher.Shedidn’twantmestretchingmyneckoverherway,rippingopenthepeacewithanytalking.
Thestoolmadethingsdifferent.Itwasaninvitationformetositdownandbethere.Nottalk.Justcook.Be.Asthespaghettiboiled,picturesflashedinandoutofmymind.FlashesofsittingwithCecileandbeingquiet.Itwasthewelcomethathadbroughtmeback.ThatI’dsatwithherbeforeanditwasallright.Notinthiskitchen,butinthekitcheninBrooklyn.BackwhenSarahVaughanfilledthehousewithhersmokyvoice,Vonettawasfarawaycryingtobepickedup,andCecile’sstomachwasbigwithFern.
Iwouldn’tbeexaggeratingifIsaidIwasbornknowingwhattodowhenIsatwithCecile:Don’tcry.Stayquiet.Wantnothing.Icouldtalk,butI’dlearnedthat,aslongasIwasquiet,Iwasallowedtostaywithherwhileshetappedagainstthewallwithherpencil,wroteandwroteandsaidherrhymesoverandover.Don’tcry.Stayquiet.Wantnothing.
ThenFernhadcome,anddayslaterCecileleft.BigMahadmovedinandtoldPa,“Thatgal’sdumbasadrypump,”meaningme.Cecilewouldn’thavemindedifIhadbeenborndeafandmute,butCecilewasgone.BigMawasanotherstory.IquicklylearnedtospeakuparoundBigMa.
Afterweateourspaghetti,Iwashedthedishesandwipedthesinkdown.
Cecilesaid,“I’dletyouhelpmeifyourhandswereclean.”
Myhandswerealreadyclean.Ihadjustfinishedwashingdishes.ButIsoapedthemwithdish-washingliquid,thenrinsedanddriedthem.
“Standoverhere.”
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Istoodwhereshetoldme.Foralongwhilethatwasallshesaid,thatIstandrightthere.Ilookeddownonaflatframewithwoodenblocks.Onthewoodenblocksweremetallettersfacingbackward.Backward?Theyspelledoutwords,linebyline.Butyouwouldhavetobeabletoreadbackwardtoreadthelines.
Iwantedtobeabletoreadthem.Onthecounternexttotheprintingmachinewasanewlyinkedsheetofpaperwiththewordsprintedintherightdirection.
MovableType
Pushhere
Imove
there
Push
there
Imove
twosquaresover
Buythosesquares
fromundermy
feet
Ilandon
thefreesquare.
Raisemy
Rent
I
Pica
Elite
Courier
SansSerif
Packlight.Leaveswift.
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I’mthattype.
Imove.
NZILA
Shetookthesheetandhungituptodry.
“I’mgoingtopressdownandrollthecrank,”shesaid.IfiguredIwouldcatchon.
Sheturnedtheleveronthesideoftheprintingmachine.Herweightpressedintothemachineanddownonthemetalandpaper.Therollersspunslowly.Thepaperpusheditswayoutontothetrayofbackwardletters.
Whenthepaperwasfullyinked,Ibelievedshewaspleased.Notthatshewassmilingorjollyorsinging.Butshelikedwhatshehaddone.Shestudiedherprintedsheetandheldituptothelight.Thepoeminblackink.Hername,Nzila,inspecial-shapedletters:large,curved,lovely,andgreen.
IthoughtaboutCecile’spoem.Ifigureditwasabouthowshewasthetypetonotbestill.ButIbelievedshelikedthisgreenstuccohouse.Ithinkshelikedbeinginthiskitchen,motheringandprayingoverthisbigmachineandtheseblocksofbackwardletters.ThiswasCecilebeinghappy.
“Seethishere?”
ImusthavemadeamovelikeIwasgoingtotouchit.
Cecilespokesharply.“Isaid‘see,’not‘touch.’See.”
Inoddedandputmyhandsbehindmyback.Iwasusedtobusyhands.Todoing.Ididwhatshesaid.Ilooked.
“Thosearetherollers.Youfeedthepaperthroughtherollers.Youfeediteven.Ifit’scrooked,it’sawasteofpaper.Youcrankitsteadyorit’sawasteofpaper.Wasteofink.”
Iwatchedherfeedthepaperbetweentherollersandturnthecrank.Eachtimetheinkspreadevenlyonthepaper.Shehungeachsheettodry.
“Go’head.”Shepointedtothepaperandtherollersandthecrank.
Ialmostdidn’tmove.
“Comeon.Let’sseeifyoucanfollowdirections.”
Itookasheetfromthepaperstackandhelditfromendtoendsoitwould
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goineven.NomatterhowmuchItoldmyselftokeepsteady,myhandsmadethepapershake.Iwasmadatmyownhands.Ididn’twantCeciletothinkIwasafraidofdoingwrong,butIwas.
Ididn’tlookupathertoseeifIhaddonerightinhereyes.Ijustdidwhatshesaidandturnedthecrankslow,hard,andsteadyuntilthepapercameoutontheotherside,Ihoped,fullyinked.
SheheldupmynewlyprintedsheetandpointedtoaspotontheNin“Nzila”thatmissedtherollers.Sheshookherhead.“Awasteofpaper.”
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SanFranciscoTreat
Ceciledidn’tcarewherewewentorwhatwedidonSaturdaysandSundays,aslongaswestayedfarawayfromherpeaceandquiet.Ourfirstweekend,wehadplayedGoFishandtic-tac-toeinourroomandwaitedforCeciletoannouncethatweweregoingtosomeadventurousplacethatexistedonlyinCalifornia.BythesecondweekendIknewwehadtohaveaplan.SincethesunrosehighthatSaturday,Ifigureditwasagooddaytogotothebeachandcollectseashellsforsouvenirs.Vonetta,Fern,andIhadputonourbathingsuitsandsunglasses,andI’daskedCeciletotakeustothebeach.IhadneverspokenMartiantosomeoneandhadthemgivemethelookthatcouldonlybegiventoaMartian.Insteadofansweringourquestion,Cecilegaveusalookthatsaid,Whoareyouandwhatplanetdidy’allcomefrom?Iendeduptakingmysisterstothecitypool,whereweswamandsplashedaroundwithoutthinkingaboutallthatchlorinewaterknottingupourhair.Whenwe’dcomebacktoherhousesmellinglikechlorine,I’daskedCecileifIcoulduseherhotcombtopressourhair,seeinghowknottyitgot.
I’dexpectedshe’dsaynooutrightbecauseI’dsmokeupherpreciousworkplacewithhairburningfromthehotcomb.Infact,I’dexpectedanofollowedbyan“Ididn’tsendfory’allinthefirstplace.”Ithadn’toccurredtomethatCeciledidn’townahotcomborcurlingiron,eventhoughthatfactwasasbigandthickasherunpressedbraids.She’dsaid,“Naughty?Yourhairain’tnaughty.Itain’tmisbehaving.It’sdoingwhatGodmeantittodo.”ThatwouldhavebeennewstoBigMa.WeneverenteredthehouseofGodwithoutourhairpressedandsmellingofDixiePeachhairgrease.
ForourthirdSaturdayinOaklandIhadabetterplan.Itoldmysisters,“We’regoingonanexcursion.”MissMerriamWebsterwouldhavebeenproud.Excursion.ToVonetta’sandFern’suncomprehendingfaces,Isaid,“We’retakingabusridetoourownadventure.”Itdidn’tmakesensetoflythreethousandmilestothelandofMickeyMouse,moviestars,andall-yearsunandnotseeanythingbutBlackPanthers,policecars,andpoorblackpeople.Iwasn’tfoolishenoughtosetoutforHollywood,Disneyland,orthebeachwheretheyfilmedHappening’68withrockandrollerslikePaulRevereandtheRaiders.Instead,IplannedthatwewouldspendournearlylastSaturdayinCaliforniatravelingacrossthebaytoSanFranciscotorideacablecarandseeChinatown,Fisherman’sWharf,andtheGoldenGate
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Bridge.Now,thatwasanexcursionworthyofaback-to-schoolessay.Evenifwedidn’thaveacameratotakepicturesofusonouradventure,wewouldknowwe’dbeenthere.
Itoldmysisters,“Don’tsayaword.Justletmedoallthetalking.”EventhoughIknewCeciledidn’tcare,Ididn’twanthertosuddenlytakeaninterestinusandaskalotofquestions.Ifsheaskedquestions,I’dhavetospinalotofstraw;andIcouldn’tspinalotofstrawandlookherinthefacethewayI’dliketo.LikeI’melevengoingontwelveandIknowwhatI’mdoing.
“Cecile,weneedmoney.Ihaveall-dayactivitiesplanned,andwehavetoeatwhilewe’reoutdoingouractivities.”
“Yeah,gottaeat.”
IturnedtoFern.Don’tsaynomore,Fern.Shegotit.
“IfIpourcerealforthembeforewego,”Isaid,“I’llonlyneedchangeforthebus,andsomelunchmoney,andalittleextraifyouwantusgonelong.”
Cecilealmostraisedaneyebrowbutnotquite.Shefiguredwewereuptosomethingbutprobablydidn’twanttoknowthedetails.
Shereachedintoherman’spantsandpouredalotofnickels,dimes,pennies,andsomequartersintomyhands.Ineededbothhandstogeteverycoin.Shedealtoutelevensingledollarsfromawadofbillsandgavemethosealso.Iwassogiddyabouthavingallofthatmoney,Ijustdumpeditinmyshoulderbag.Icouldsortitoutlater.JustbytheweightofthesilverandcopperIknewwehadmorethanthefifteendollarsI’dcountedonusgetting.
IatemycerealandwashedthedisheswithmyshoulderbagslungaroundmyneckBrooklyn-style.Thebestwaytoloseyourmoneyistoholdyourbagofftheshoulder,butthisway,withthebagslungcrosswise,youwerereadyforanything.
Aswewerewalkingoutthedoorexcitedaboutourexcursion,Cecilecalledout,“I’mnotcomingdowntonopolicestationifyou’reouttherestealing.Y’allhavetospendthenightinjail.”Thatwasasgooda“Besafeandhaveagoodtime”asweweregoingtogetfromCecile.Wetookitandleft.
Outside,theyardsandstreetswerefilledwithscreamingkidsplaying.ItwasallIcoulddotokeepVonettaandFerninlineformyfullyplannedexcursion.Ihadworkedtoohardwritingeverythingdowntohavethemnotwanttogo.IhadaskedSisterPataboutthebusandcablecar.Ihadgottenallthesightseeinginformationfromthelibrary.Iwasn’tabouttoletakickball
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gameandsomeBarbieteapartiesthrowmile-longpoutsonVonettaandFernbecausetheywantedtostayhereinblack,poorOakland.
Thentheworstpossiblethinghappened.Hirohitocameramblinguptousonhishomemadego-kart.Heskiddedtoastopusinghishigh-topsneakers,rightatVonetta’sfeet.Shesquealedandlaughedandsaid,“Whatchaknow,Hirohito?”ThatwassomecutethingsheandJaniceAnktoncameupwith.Iwassickofhearingit.
“Delphine.Wanttowatchmeflydownthathill?”
“No,”Isaid,whilemysistersscreamed,“Yes!”
IglancedatmyTimex.Don’tstandtherewatchingHirohitoonhisgo-kart,itsaid.TheEastBaybusleavesintwelveminutes.Youdon’thavetimeforthat.
VonettaandFernfoldedtheirarmsandwouldn’tbudge.TheywatchedHirohitodothatrunandflopontotheflyingTandgobumpity-bumpdownthehill.Whenhenearedtheendofthehill,hedraggedhissneakerslikeFredFlintstoneandcametoafullstop.Thenhejumpedupandturnedtous,waving.VonettaandFernwavedback.
“Let’sseehimdoitagain,”Vonettasaid.
“It’saboygoingdownthehill,”Isaid.“Weseenitalready.Let’sgo.”
Icouldn’tsayitwasthrilling,howhejumpedonthatboardthingandrolleddownthehill,twistingtheTleftandrightandthenswervingitaround.Icouldn’tsayhowIadmiredhimfornotcryingabouthisfatherbeinginprisonandfortryingtobeanormalkid.IfyouwantedtocallHirohitoWoodsnormal.Icertainlydidn’twantVonettatogetthewrongideaandthinkIwasasstuckonHirohitoassheandJanicewere.BecauseIwasn’t.Hewasjustaboy,andIdidn’twanttomissthebustoouradventure.
OurbuspushedoutofpoorandblackOakland,wherelinesformedforfreebreakfastsandmenstoodaroundbecausetherewerenojobsandtoomuchliquor.Weweregladtobegoing.Eachofuslookedoutandoffintodifferentdirections,takinginallthatwecould.Finallywewereonourwaytoanadventure.
IwatchedFern,gluedtothebuswindowandsingingtoherself.IwonderedifshemissedMissPattyCakeatall.Howsheloved,loved,lovedMissPattyCakelongbeforeshecouldwalk.SheteethedonMissPattyCake’sarmsandlegs,ateherhairwhenshedidn’tknowbetter,squeezedher,sleptwithher,fedher,andsangtoher.SevenyearsoflovingMissPattyCake
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andnownotonementionofher.
IcanstudyeverymoveFernmakesandstillnotcompletelyknowher.TherearejustthingsIdon’tunderstandaboutherthewayIunderstandVonetta.AfterMissPattyCakehadbeendamagedandputaway,Isleptlightly,expectingFerntoawakenduringthenightmissinghertruelove.NotthatIwantedFerntobeheartbroken.Ididn’twanthertolovesomeoneallherlifeandthennotloveorwantthematall.Evenifhersomeonewasadoll.Thatwasnowaytobe.
IwantedtosaysomethingtoFern,butthenshecuppedherhandaroundhermouthandsquealedanOoh!likeshe’dseensomethingbad,likeanakedladyrunningdownthestreet.Itwasthatkindofan“ooh”squeal.
“What,Fern?”
Hereyesstayedbig,herhandoverhermouth.VonettaandIkeptgoing,“What,Fern?What,Fern?”
Sheswallowedagulpofairanduncuppedhermouth.“Isawsomething.”Shesaiditagain,andhadgonefromagogtobeingpleasedwithherself.“Isawsomething.”Sheclappedtothebeat.Clap,clap,clap,clap.
Nomatterhowmuchweasked,Fernshookherheadno,clappedherhands,andsanghersong:“Isawsomething.”
Fernwaspleasedshehadseensomething,Vonettawassureshehadn’tseenathing,andIrememberedhehadsaid“Delphine.”Delphine.Wanttowatchmeflydownthathill?
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WishWeHadaCamera
OncewearrivedinSanFrancisco,Fernstoppedsinging“Isawsomething,”andwestoppedaskinghertotelluswhatshehadseen.Wegotoffthebusandweregreetedbyhippieshangingoutbythebusstop.Itwasn’trighttostareatthemliketheywereinanexhibit,butwecouldn’thelpit.Wedidn’tseemanyhippiesinBrooklyn,notwherewelived;andtherewasawholetribeofthembeforeus.Allkindsofmostlywhitehippieswithlong,hanginghair.Youcouldn’tmisstheguyinthegreen,red,andwhiteMexicanponchoorthemoppyhaircoveringhisface.I’dhavecalleditanAfroexceptitwasonawhiteguy’shead.Iwonderedifthatmadeadifference.
Thehippiessatonthegrass.Onereadasmallbook.ThreegirlsswayedwhilePonchoManplayedhisguitar.Theymusthavebeenoutprotestingandweredonefortheday.Theirsignslayonthegrass:PEACE.BANTHEDRAFT.MAKELOVE,NOTWAR.
Iwishedwehadacamera.
“Peace,sweetsoulsisters.”PonchoMandippedhisheadasifpointingtohisopenguitarcase.
Idon’tknowwhatmademesayit,butinsteadof“Groovy,man”or“Peace,”Isaid,“Powertothepeople.”
ThenVonettasaid,“FreeHuey.”
AndFernsaid,“Yeah.FreeHueyNewton.”
Thatwaswhenwemether.TheFlowerGirl.Wehadfinallyseenone!Therewereallkindsofsongsontheradioabouthippiegirlswithflowersintheirhair.Shehaddaisiesinherhair;andshedriftedovertous,hereyesalldreamyasshedancedinherflowing,paint-splattereddress.ShetookadaisyfromherhairandgaveittoFern.ThenshehadtogiveonetoVonetta,becauseVonettawasn’tabouttobeoverlooked.
“Peaceispower,sweetsoulsisters.”
Wewantedtocrackupbutsavedthatforlater.WetooktheflowersanddroppedtwonickelsandfivepenniesinPonchoMan’sguitarcase.EventhoughIcouldhavefigureditout,IaskedhimwhereGrantStreetwas.Hepointedeast.Wegavethehippiesthepeacesignandthepowersignand
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walkedovertoGrantStreet.
Wewereexcitedbythesightofmetalrailsinthestreet.Thecablecarwassecondonmylistofactivities.OurfirstactivitywassightseeinginChinatown.
Youknowwhenyou’reinChinatown.ThebuildingsarejustliketheyareinChina.“That’satemple,”Itoldmysisters.IhadseenthepicturesinNationalGeographicmagazineandintheencyclopedia.Nothingcomparedtoactuallyseeingtheroofs,liketiledlampshadesorhats.Dragonsofeverycolor.Gold.Red.Blue.Green.Pink.Bigheadswithlargefangs,bigeyes,monstrouspaws.Weneededacamera.
Wesharedaplateofdumplingsanddrankfreetea.Noneofuscouldkeepthedumplingsbetweenthechopsticks,soweusedforks.Afterthatwefoundaplacewherealltheydidwasmakefortunecookies.Theyletuscomeinandwatchtheladiesslipfortunesinsideflatyellowcookiedough,thenfoldthedoughover.Weboughttenfortunecookiesforadollar.Ourfirstfortunesaid,Youwilltravelfar.Isaid,“Wealreadydid.”Still,Iputeachpink-and-whitestripofpaperinmyshoulderbagassouvenirs.NowwecouldsaywehadrealChinesefortunecookiesinChinatown.
Wegawkedatallthewindowofferings.GreenstatuesthatIlearnedwerecarvedjade.Chinadolls.Fans.SilkandsatindresseswithNehrucollars.Ialmostfeltbadaboutnothavingmoremoneytospend.
“Iwantakimono,”Vonettadeclared.
“Metoo.Ablueone,”Fernsaid.
“AkimonoisJapanese,”Isaid,asifIknewthedifference.“Andwe’reinChinatown.”
“It’sthesamething,”Vonettasaid.“AndIwantone.”
“Itisnot,”Itoldher.“Andwehavefivedollarsexactlyforsouvenirs,soyou’reoutofluck.”
WhilewewerearguingaboutwhatwasChineseandwhatwasJapanese,Inoticedthisfamilyoffivetallblondpeoplestandingnearus.Ididn’teyeballthemdead-on,butIknewtheywerestaringatus.
Myheartthumpedfast.Itwashappening.Thatbadthingthathappenedtokidswhowentonexcursionswithouttheirmother.ItriedtoshushVonetta,whothoughtshewaswinningourdisagreement.Ihadtogetmysistersawayfromthesestarers.Andthen,whatwouldItellthepolicewhentheyaskedaboutourmother?Wewerecooked.
WhenIturned,Ifoundthefivepeoplesmilingatus,theirfacesmade
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longbyhighcheekbonesandlong,whiteteeth.Theywaved.
I’dseenwhitepeoplebefore.OnTV.Atschool.Everywhere.Thesepeopledidn’tlooklikeanywhitepeopleIhadeverseen.Eventheirskinwaspaler,theirhairmorewhitethanyellow.Ilistenedastheyspoketooneanother,probablyaboutus,usingflugal,schlugalwords.Then,insteadoftakingpicturesofalltheChinesepeopleandthetemplesanddragons,theypointedtheircamerasatus.Vonettastartedtoposemoviestar–stylewithonehandbehindherheadandtheotheronherslimhip.IgrabbedVonetta’sandFern’shandsandsaid,“Comeon.”
IcheckedmyTimex.Itwasalmostoneo’clock.ThatmeantourtimeinChinatownwasupandwehadtogoontoournextactivity.Arideonthecablecar.Wedashedovertowheremetalrailsranalongthestreetandwaited.Sureenough,atoneo’clockonthenosewewereontoournextactivity.Acablecarridefromthetip-topofChinatownallthewaydowntoFisherman’sWharf.Weclimbedaboard,andIpaidourfare.Westoodbecausestandingwouldbemorefungoingdownthathill.Andwhatahillitwas.Itwasathrillinglookdown,down,down.Thestreetsrolledlikeadancingdragon.Hirohitodidn’tknowthefirstthingaboutahill.
Weneededacameratogetthishill.Howsteep.Howlong.Werodeitallthewaydowntothewharf,cheeringwitheveryclangofthebell.
Wewerenownearthewharf.Therewerepalmtrees—realpalmtreeswithsturdytrunks.Downhere,palmtreesmadesense.Theystoodaspalmtreesweresupposedtostand.Reachinguptothesun,branchesspreadoutwide.Notlikeasicklychild,toosmallandslouchedoverinsomeone’syardinblackOakland.
Whenwegotoff,wecouldseetheGoldenGateBridgeperfectlywell,butwetookturnslookingthroughthetelescoperightthereonthewalkway.Gazingouttothebridge,IfeltwhatIalmostfeltontheairplane.Itwasthepureexcitementofseeingtheworld.EventheseagullswereseagullierthantheonesthatflewandsquawkedaroundConeyIsland.Thesewide-wingedbirdsseemedbiggerandmajestic,bothclose-upandfaraway.Ormaybeitwasthatwecouldseeandsmelltheoceanandthetar,salt,andwoodfromthewharf.Ibreathedindeeptogetitall.Toobadtherewasnowaytocapturethewharfsmellinajartotakewithme.ForaminuteIforgotIwaswithmysisters.ThenIrememberedwhatPapahadsaid,andIstoppedmyselffromfallingintothewhiffofsaltairandflyingoffwiththeseagullslikesomedreamyflowergirl.Iwashappytobethere,andthathadtobegoodenough.Therewasnoneedtogetglazeeyedandforgetful.
Westoppedinagiftshoponthewharf.Themanbehindthecounterset
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hiseyesonusreallyhard.AtfirstIthoughtitwasbecausewewerebyourselves,soIwhisperedtoVonettaandFerntobeextrawellbehaved.ButthenIheardCecile’slastwordsinmyhead.Hishardstarewasfortheotherreasonstoreclerks’eyesneverletup.Wewereblackkids,andheexpectedustobeinhisgiftshoptosteal.Whenheaskeduswhatwewanted,IansweredhimlikeIwasattheCenter,repeatingafterSisterMukumbuorSisterPat:“Wearecitizens,andwedemandrespect.”
IgrabbedFernbythehandandsaid,“Let’sgo.”
IhadthatBlackPantherstuffinme,anditwaspouringoutateveryturn.Ifigureditwasallright.Papawouldn’thavewantedmetospendourmoneywhereweweren’ttreatedwithrespect.ButIwassureBigMawouldhavewantedustosay“Yes,sir”and“Please,sir”toshowhimwewerejustascivilizedaseveryoneelse.
Wewalkedfartherdownthewharfandfoundanoldladywithawoodencarttobuyoursouvenirsfrom.Shecarriedmostlypostcards,silverspoons,thimbles,andtinydrinkingglassesthatsaidWELCOMETOSANFRANCISCO.Hercartwasn’tasniceasthegiftshop,butshewastoothlessandhappytogetournickelsanddimes.Sincewedidn’thaveacamera,Ithoughtbuyingtenpostcardsforfiftycentswouldbethenextbestthing.Itoldmysisterstoeachpickoutthreepostcards.OnetokeepasareminderofourSanFranciscoexcursion,onetomailtoPaandBigMa,andonetosendtoUncleDarnellinVietnam.I’dfigureoutlaterwhatwe’ddowiththeleftoverpostcard.AtleastnowwefinallyhadsomethingtoshowforflyingallthewaytoCalifornia.
WetookthecablecartothebusstopandtooktheEastBaybusbacktoOakland.Wetalkedandtalkedaboutallthethingswehadseenandthehippiesandthetallblondwhitepeopleandtheredandgoldendragonsandthesteephillsandthecablecarandseagullsanddumplingsandeverything!Wouldn’tCecilebesurprisedwhenwetoldherwherewewent?
ThenIfeltbadbecausewedidn’tgetheranythingfromthesouvenircart.Ihadn’tthoughtofheratall,andguiltbegantohaveitswaywithme.Itoldmysisters,“We’reselfish.Wedidn’tbuyanythingforCecile.”Beforewegottooquiet,stewinginourselfishness,Vonettasaid,“Shewouldn’twantitanyway.”GoodoldVonetta!FernandIagreedwithher.“Surelywouldn’t.”
Inaway,IwasgladtobebackinblackOakland,thesunstillshining.AsmuchasIlovedouradventure,Iwasalwaysonthelookoutinbetweenjustlooking.Here,Iknewwhereeverythingwas:theCenter,thepark,thelibrary,thecitypool,Safeway,andMeanLadyMing’s.Noonestared,unlesstheywerestaringbecausetheydidn’tlikeyourshoesoryourhairstyle.Notbecauseyouwereblackortheythoughtyouwerestealing.Asmuchaswe
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neededtogooffandhaveourCaliforniaadventure,itwasnicetobeback.Evenifitwasn’tourrealhome.IstillcarriedmyshoulderbagBrooklyn-style,butitwasnowlighterandIwasn’tworried.
WestoppedinsideMeanLadyMing’sandgaveherallthechangewehadleftexceptfortwodollarbills.“Whatcanwegetwiththis?”
MeanLadyMingyelledsomethingmeanbacktothekitchen,andintenminuteswehadabrownbagsmellingoffriedriceandchickenwings.Ifiguredonedayoftake-outfoodwouldn’thurtanything,buthonestly,Iwastootiredandhappytocook.IwasanxioustotellCecileallaboutourvacationday.IwantedtoshowoffhowwellIhadplannedeverythingdowntotheminute,thatIknewwhattodo;andIwantedtoseeifshecared.
Wewereablockawayfromthegreenstuccohouse,chattingandlaughing.Thenwestoppedwalking.Allthreeofus.TherewerethreepolicecarsparkedoutsideofCecile’shouse.Oneinthedrivewayandtwoalongthecurb.Policemenlinedthewalk.Lightsflashedontopoftheircarsontothestreets.Red,white,andbluelightseverywhere.Weinchedup,thehappinessknockedoutofus.
CecileandtwoBlackPanthers.Handsbehindtheirbacks.Handcuffed.Beingledoutofthehouseanddownthewalkway.Icouldhardlybreathe.
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TheClarkSisters
WewereonlyafewhousesawaywhenVonettasaid,“Hey!”IcouldfeelFernwantingtoleapout,readytocallout,butIpulledherbackandshushedthemboth.
“Whatabouttheirrights?”Vonettasaid.
“Yeah.Weknowaboutrights,”Fernsaid.
“Justshhhh,”Isaid.Myheartwaspounding.“They’rePanthers.They’regrown,”Isaid,althoughIdidn’tthinkCecilewastrulyaPanther.“Theyknowtheirrights.”
“But—”
ItoldVonettatobequiet.Wewerenowcominguponthehouseandallthepatrol-carlightsflashing.
Cecilewasalmostastallasthepolicemanwhowalkedhertoaflashingpatrolcar.Hebentslightlytotellhersomething.Shesaidloudly,“Kids?Idon’thavenokids.TheybelongtotheClarksdownthestreet.”Shewouldn’tevenlookatus.
Wewerenowcloser,wherethepolicecouldreallyseeus.Withmyshoulders,arms,andlegsexactlylikehers,Vonetta’sI-don’t-careeyesexactlylikehers,andFernasmallerversionofVonettaandme,Isaid,“She’snotourmother.I’mDelphineClark.”
“I’mVonettaClark.”
“I’mFernClark.”
“Andwelivedownthestreet.”
“WithPaandBigMa.”
“Yeah.Downthestreetinabluestuccohouse.”
“Notwiththislady,”Isaid.
“Notwithher.”
“Surelydon’t.”
TheyhadalreadypushedCeciledownintothebackseatofthecar.
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IsaidtomysisterswithoutlookingatCecile,“Comeon.”Wewalkedpastourmother.Walkedwithourbagoffriedriceandchickenwingsasfaraswecouldwithoutlookingback,myheartstillpoundingandthesmellofthefriedfoodmakingmesick.
WhyhadthepolicearrestedCecile?Shewrote“SendusbacktoAfrica”poemsand“MovableType”poems.Shedidn’twrite“OffthePig”poemsand“KillWhitey”poems,thatis,ifwritingpoemswereacrime.
ItwasjustasSisterMukumbuandCrazyKelvinweretryingtoteachus.InOaklandtheyarrestedyouforbeingsomething.Sayingsomething.Ifyouwereafreedomfighter,soonerorlateryouwouldbearrested.
Fernasked,“Why’dshesayshedidn’thavenokids?”
“Shehadto,”Isaid.
“Why?”
“Theywouldhavetakenusaway,splitusup,andputusinjuvieorsomething.”
Fernsaid,“Idon’twanttogotojuvie.”
Vonettasaid,“Shesuresaiditreallyeasy.‘Kids?Idon’thavenokids.’Itwaslikeshesaid,‘Cooties?Idon’thavenocooties.’”
Iremindedher,“AndwesaidweweretheClarksrealquick.Realeasy.”
“Iwasfollowingyou,”Vonettasaid.
“Metoo,”Fernsaid.
“Well,wehadtosaythat.Didyouwantthemtosendustojuvenilehall?OrcallPaandBigMaandworrythemtodeath?We’dhavetowaitinjuviehalluntilPaorBigMacamefromNewYorktogetus.Youwouldn’tlikejuviehall.It’sjustlikejail.”
Bythetimeweturnedaroundandstartedback,thepolicecarshaddrivenoffwithCecileandthetwoBlackPanthers.
Iletusin.Icouldn’ttellfromthelivingroomwhathadhappenedbetweenCecile,thepolice,andthetwoBlackPanthers.ThedoorhadnotbeenkickedinlikeithadbeenatHirohito’shouse.Ceciledidn’thavemuchinherhousetobeginwith.ThenIpushedopenthedoortothekitchen.OutofhabitVonettaandFernstayedinthelivingroomuntiltheyheardmegasp.Theyfollowedquicklybehindmeandtimidlypeeredin.
Blackandredinkwassmearedacrossthefloor.Tornandscuffed-upwhitepaperwingscoveredthefloor.Drawershadbeenrippedoutofcabinets.
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Largeandtinyblocksofmetallettershadflowneverywhere.BlocksofmetalEs,Ss,As,andTs.Paper,inkeverywhere.Theprintingmachinetoppledover.Rollersknockedout.Legsfrommysecondhandstoolcrackedandsplitofffromthewoodenseat.
Allwecoulddowastakeitin.VonettaandFernwereseeingtheinsideofthekitchen—Cecile’sworkplace—forthefirsttime.Iwasimaginingwhathadhappened.HowCeciledidn’twanttheminherhouse.Inherworkplace.Wheresheonlyallowedme,andonlyatadistance.Thatthepolicemighthavetouchedherpapersorpickedupherletterswithclumsycophands.CecilemighthavegonecrazylikeIknewshecouldhave,insteadofsaying“I’macitizen,andIhaverights.”SheandtheBlackPanthersmighthavedemandedtoseethepolicemen’ssearchwarrant.Shemighthavereachedouttoprotectherpoems.
ThebrokenstooltoldmemorethanIwantedtoknow.
Ifoundthreeforks.Twoonthefloorandoneinthesink.Iwashedthemalongwiththreeplates,andwewentbackouttothelivingroom.VonettaspreadCecile’stablecloth,andwesatdowntoeat.Isaidtheblessing,askingGodtoprotectCecilewhileshewasunderarrest,andthenweate.MeanLadyMinghadthrownintwoextrachickenwings,andthatwasgoodbecausewewerehungry.Hungry,shookup,andtired.
“WehavetocleanupCecile’skitchenbeforeshecomeshome.”
“Why?”Vonettaasked.“Wedidn’tmessitup.”
“Wesurelydidn’t,”Fernsaid.
“We’recleaningthekitchenjustbecause.”
“Because?”theysaidtogether.
“BecauseitshouldlookrightwhenCecilecomeshometomorrow.”
IexpectedalotoflipfromVonetta,withFernonherside.Iexpectedustogobackandforth,themsaying“Ohno,we’renot,”whileIsaid“Ohyes,weare.”
InsteadVonettaasked,“Whatifshedoesn’tcomehometomorrow?WhatiftheykeepherlockeduplikeBrotherWoods?”
“Yeah,”Fernsaid.“Theycouldkeepherandneverlethergo.”
Theywereright.ThepolicecouldkeepCecilefordays.Evenlonger.
Mysisterswaitedformyanswer,butforthefirsttimeIhadnostrawto
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spin.Icouldonlyclearawaythefood,plates,andforks.
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IBirthedaNation
Ididn’tcarewhatBigMasaidaboutscrubbinglikeagalfromaone-cowtownnearPrattville,Alabama.Onlyturpentinecouldwipeawaytheblackandredinkthathadseepedintothelinoleumfloortiles.IwipedupalltheinkIcouldbeforewewenttobedthatnight.Everythingelse—thepaper,themetalletters,andthemessthepolicemade—wouldhavetowaituntilwewokeup.Thedayhadbeenjusttoolong.
WhenIpushedthekitchendooropeninthemorning,theroomdidn’tlookanybetter.StreamsofsunlightshotthroughCecile’scheapcurtainsandpointedoutDelphine,yougotawholelotofworktodo.Alot,girl.
Iwassettodoit.Pickup,putaway,cleanandmopeverything.ButIwasstilltired,whichdidn’tmakesensetome.Ihadsleptevenlongerthanusual.YetallIcoulddowassighheavilywhenIsawtheinsideofCecile’skitchen.Everythingthatmademetall,able,andreadytodowhathadtobedonemademesigh.Ipickedupthebrokenstool—theseat,legs,andscatteredwoodchips—thenbroughtthepiecesouttothetrashcan.TherewasnothingIcoulddoabouttheprintingmachine.Itwastooheavy.Iusedallmystrengthtositituprightonthefloor.Iwipedtherollersandlaidthemontopofthemachine.ThenIcalledVonettaandFernoutofbedandputthemtoworkhelpingme.
WithoutasquawkVonettagatheredupallofthepaper—andtherewasaheavysnowfallofpaper.Shemadedifferentpiles.Thescuffedanddirtypaperswentinonepile.Therallyflyerswentinanother.ThesheetsofpoetrywithCecile’spoetname,Nzila,printedonthebottomwentinanother.Vonettaspentmostofhertimeseparatingoutthedifferentpoems;andinbetween,shereadthem.
IhadFernhuntaroundthefloorforthemetallettersandputthemuponthetablewheretheprintingmachineoncesat.IneverrealizedhowmanymetallettersCecilehadinthedrawersandkitchencabinets.Shehadboxesandboxesofthem.Largeandsmallcapitalsandlowercaseletters.DifferentsizesandtypesofTs.Somemoreboxy,somemorecurved.SomeslantedbutnotlikeHirohito’seyes.Slantedlikealeaningflowerstemonasunnyday.SomeOsandQsandCslongandnarrow.Othersroundandsquat.Allsizes,alltypes.Allover.Wasthis“movabletype,”likeherpoem?Eachletterfreetobeflungtoallfourcorners?
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ThenFernfoundtwoofCecile’sspecialletters.Theonessheusedforherpoetryname.TheNandtheZ.IfoundtheI,L,andA.Ipolishedthosewiththedishtowel.Thesewereaspecialtype.Tallandcurved,hooksontheends,theZcoiledbacktostrikelikeasnake.Inallhercollection,theseweretheonlylettersofthiskind.Iwouldn’tbesurprisedifshehadthrownouttheothertwenty-oneletters,oriftheseweretheonlyonesshehadbought.Justsothatonlyhernamecouldbespelledoutwiththeseletters.
Imoppedtheflooroncethepapers,letterblocks,andmesshadbeenclearedaway.Webroughtallofthelettersandboxesintothelivingroomandspreadoutthetablecloth.WespenttherestoftheafternoonsortingthroughCecile’sletters.Itwaslikeagame.Findingtherightletters,therighttype,therightsize.Iputthe“Nzila”lettersinoneboxbythemselves.Wedidn’tknowifthatwastherightway,butatleastitwasaway.VonettatookoutoneofCecile’spoemsandreadittous.
“Ithinkit’saboutus,”Vonettasaid.“Lookatthetitle:‘IBirthedaNation.’”
“Youmightberight,”Isaid.
“Surelymightbe.”
Vonettasaid,“Weshoulddothispoem.”Shereaditagain.Itwasagoodpoemforrecitingoutloud.Thesameway“WeRealCool”wasagoodpoemforreciting.Andthenwejoinedher.Eachofustakingaline,oneaftertheother.Thenwechoseourownstanzabutrecitedthelastonetogether.WedecidedCecile’spoemwasinawaylike“DryYourEyes.”WedecidedthatitwasaboutMotherAfricalosingherchildrenlikeCecilehadlostus.Ididn’tremindmysistersthatCecilehadleftus.
Thentherewasaknockonthedoorandwefroze.WerememberedwewereinCecile’sgreenstuccohousewheretheBlackPanthershadcomeandthepolicehadcomeandCecilehadbeenarrestedandweweresupposedtobetheClarksistersdownthestreet.NotCecile’sdaughtersrecitingherpoemsinherhouse.
Webecamelikespies.Imouthed,“Bequiet,”andhopedwhoeverwasatthedoorwouldgoaway.Theyknockedagain.Iputmyfingertomylips.ThenVonettapoppedupherheadandlookedthroughthecurtain.
“It’sHirohito!”shecriedout.“WithanOrientallady.”
Ididn’tknowwhattobe.MadatVonettaforbeingherHirohito-crazyself.RelieveditwasHirohito.Nervousaboutthelady.
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Icrackedthedooropen.
Hirohitosaidloudly,“Openup,Delphine.It’sme.Andmymom.”
Hismother?Ilookedatmysisters.Mysisterslookedatme.Vonettaflappedherarmswildly,wantingmetoopenthedoor.Ididn’twantto,butIdidanyway.Hirohito’smotherwasholdingapanwithtinfoiloverit.ThenIfeltrudeandstupid.“Hello,”Isaid.“Youcancomein,butmymotherisn’thome.”
Ihadneversaidthattoanyonebefore.“Mymother,”inarealway.
VonettaandFernwereallsmiles.
Iclosedthedoorquicklyaftertheysteppedinside.
“Iknowyourmotherisn’thome,Delphine,”Hirohito’smothersaid.“Iknow.”
“She’llbehomesoon,”Isaid.“Maybetomorrow.”Thetruthwas,Ididn’tknowanythingaboutCecileandwhytheyhadtakenherorhowlongshewouldbegone.
“Look.Mymommadethisfood,andI’mhungry.Let’seat.”
Tothat,Mrs.WoodsgaveHirohitoaslapagainsttheheadandsaidsomethingtohiminJapanese.Hesaid,“Mom,I’mhungry.”
Iwasembarrassedthatwedidn’thavetablesorchairs.Icertainlydidn’twantthatgoingaroundtheCentertomorrow.Wehadbeenlaughedatenoughforonesummer.ButHirohito’smotherdidn’tblinkoncewhenIsaid,“Wealwayseatonthefloor.”SheputthetinsonthefloorwhileIgottheplates,forks,andthebiggestservingspoonIcouldfind.VonettaandFernjustgiggledandkeptaskingHirohitotosaysomethinginJapanese.Herolledhiseyes.
Wesatdownandatefriedporkchops,rice,andstringbeans.IwantedtoeatnicelylikeMrs.Woodsate,butIatehungrilylikeCecile.Hirohitoatehungrilyalso.Hescoopedmorericeandstringbeansontohisplate,andseeingthatIwasnearlydone,hescoopedmorericeandstringbeansontomine.Icouldn’tlookupathim.Ijustate.
Mrs.Woodssaid,“Weknowthesamethings.Wehavetosticktogether.”
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StoresoftheNoSayers
IgavewhatfewflyersCecilehadprinteduptoSisterMukumbu.She,SisterPat,CrazyKelvin,theladieswhoservedbreakfast,andeveryoneelseallknewthatNzilahadbeenarrested.SisterMukumbusaidweshouldstaywithheruntilNzilawasreleased.
Itwasfunnyhowthingschanged.IfCecilehadbeenarrestedwhenwefirstarrivedinOakland,IwouldhavecalledPa,andPawouldhavemadesuremysistersandIwereonaplanebacktoNewYork.NothingwouldhavemademehappierthantoleaveCecileandOaklandbackthen.Butwehadn’tgottenwhatwecamefor.Wedidn’treallyknowourmother,andIcouldn’tleavewithoutknowingwhoshewas.Icertainlydidn’twanttotellBigMathateverythingshehadsaidaboutCecileforthepastsevenyearswasright.ThatCecilewasnokindofmotherandhadgottenherselflockeduptoproveit.ItwasbadenoughtohearBigMasupposingoutloudeverykindofselfishtroubleCecilewastangledupin.Dayin,dayout,I’dneverheartheendofit.AndtherewasnotellingBigMathatCecilewasafreedomfighter,oppressedbytheMan.Dayin,dayout,BigMawouldgivemyearahurtingoverCecile.
No.Icouldn’tcallPayet.WhatifCecilewerereleasedtomorrow?
IthankedSisterMukumbuforherofferandtoldherasquietlyasIcouldthatwewerestayingwithHirohitoandhismother.Icertainlydidn’twantEuniceandhersisterstoknowwewerestayingattheWoods’house.AlthoughVonettapromisedtokeephermouthshut,Ididn’tthinkshecouldholditin.AnythingtomakeJanicejealous.“Ourmotherwillexpectustobehomewhentheyletherout.Shewon’tbetoohappyhuntingaroundtownlookingforusifwe’renothome.”
SisterMukumbusaidwewouldbesaferwithMrs.Woodsthanbyourselves.SisterPatadded,“TheManisstillwatchingthehouse.”
IaskedSisterMukumbuwhyourmotherhadbeenarrestedinthefirstplace.Shesaidthepolicewerereallyafterthetwowhohadbeenarrestedwithher.Shealsosaidourmotherhelpedtospreadthewordbyvolunteeringherprintingservices.“Informationispower,”shetoldmeasifwewerehavingalesson.“Keepingthepeopleinformedkeepsthepeopleempowered.”
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Cecilewasn’texactlylikeHirohito’sfather,goingaroundspreadingthewordandtellingthetruth.Shefussedaboutprintinganythingotherthanherpoetry.Ididn’ttellSisterMukumbuthat.Andhonestly,IbelievedshesaidthataboutNzilagivingpowertothepeopletomakemefeelgoodaboutseeingmymotherbeingtakenawayinhandcuffs.
CrazyKelvinhelduphisfistandsaid,“Staystrong,myblacksisters.Holdyourheadsup.”
Vonettagavehimthepowersignback,butFernpointedathimandsaid,“What’swrongwiththispicture?”
HelaughedlikeFernwasasillylittlegirl.TosomeoneKelvin’sage,shewasjustthat.Asillylittlegirl.Tohischuckle,Fernsaid,“Goodboy,Fido.”Thenshebarked.“Arf!Arf!”
VonettaandIwereembarrassedandpuzzledbyFerncallingKelvinoutlikehewasadogandthenbarkingathim.Ipulledheraway.
Fernlaughedandhummedherbussong—“Isawsomething”—andclappedherhands.
AfterwepracticedbeingledtofreedombyJaniceAnktonasHarrietTubman,SisterMukumbuannouncedwewoulddocommunitywork.WewouldtakeSisterNzila’sflyersoutintothecommunityandaskstoreownerstodisplaythemintheirwindows.Eachofushadtopresentourselvestothemanagerorowner.Weweretoberespectfulandclear:“Goodafternoon.WearefromthePeople’sCentersummercampandareparticipatinginthepeople’srally.Weareaskingyoutohelpthepeopleofyourcommunitybydisplayingourflyerforthepeople’srallythisSaturday.”Olderkids,likeEunice,Hirohito,andme,alsoincludedinformationaboutfreesicklecellanemiatesting,voterregistration,freeshoesforthepoor,supportingHueyNewton,andchangingthepark’snametotheBobbyHuttonPark.Ifstoremanagerssaidyes,weweretothankthemandtapeaflyertotheirwindow.Iftheysaidno,weweretoleavejustasrespectfullyaswecame.“Headsuphigh.Walkingtall,”SisterMukumbusaid.
Hirohitowasupfirst.HewenttoSaintAugustine’sChurchandgavehispresentationtoapriestheseemedtoknow.Hirohitohaditeasy.ThepriestseemedtobeonlytoohappytotakeHirohito’sflyer.Itfigured.Thechurchservedfreebreakfastsandgaveawaybagsoffoodtopoorpeople.Theywere,asSisterPatmightsay,“downwiththecause,”orasHueymightsay,“carryingtheweight.”Still,Hirohitocongratulatedhimselfasherejoinedthegroup.
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IwassupposedtoaskMeanLadyMing,butIknewshewouldsayyestome.Isaid,“Fern,MeanLadyMinglikesyou.Gogether.”Ifollowedbehindherbutkeptmydistance.Ferncouldn’trememberallofherspeech,butwhatshesaidwasgoodenough.“Goodafternoon,MeanLadyMing.Wewouldliketoputthepeople’sflyerinyourwindowforthepeople’srallythisSaturday.FreeHuey.Powertothepeople.”MeanLadyMingwasn’trankledbythenameFerncalledher.Hercomplaints,allinChinese,soundedjustlikehercomplaintsaboutcustomerswhowantedextraducksauceorafreeeggroll.Thatdidn’tstopherfromtakingFern’sflyerandtapingitupinthewindow.
VonettaandJaniceAnktonapproachedtheShabazzBakerytogether.Anothereasypresentation.ThebakeryhadpicturesofMalcolmXandBlackPowerslogansonthewall.Itdidn’tmattertoeitherVonettaorJanice.Theybothcameoutofthebakerywavingtheirarmslikehomerunhitters.
Black,white,Mexican,orChinese.Bigstores,littlestores.Someshooktheirheadsnorthandsouth,someshooktheirheadseastandwest.Therewereotherswho,inthemiddleofourpresentations,simplypointedustothedoor.Inthosecasesespecially,SisterMukumbupraisedusforhowwellwepresentedourselvesandforhowweleft.Respectfully,withourheadsheldhigh.
BothEuniceandIwentfortheharderones.Storesofthenosayers.Placeswhereweweren’tguaranteedalistenorasmile.We’dbothheardnobefore.Thehardenedlooksofgrown-upswhodidn’tlikekidsorblackpeople,orkidswhowereblack,werenothingnewtous.
AfterEunice’sthirdno,SisterMukumbupulledherasideforalittlechat.Eunicehadahip-switchingwayaboutherwalkthatwouldhavegottenmespokentobutgoodbyBigMa.Whenthestoremanagerssaidno,Eunicewouldsay“Thankyouanyway”thesamewaywe’dsay“Forgetyou,forgotyou”ontheplayground.Thenshe’dwalkherhip-switchingwalkonoutoftheirstore.
IsaidIwouldgointotheSafewaystoreandfindthemanager.Surelythegrocerystoreworkershadseenmysistersandmeskippingthroughtheaisleswithourbasket.Iwentuptothemanagerandsaidinmycheeriestvoice,“Goodafternoon.IamfromthePeople’sCentersummercamp,andIbuydinnergroceriesatthisstore.”Ithrewthatoneinthereforgoodmeasure.JustasIwastellinghimabouttherallyandhowgooditwouldbeforthecommunity,hesaidnoandsomethingaboutitbeing“againststorepolicy.”Buthedidlookfriendly.HedidsmileandthankusforshoppingatSafeway.
Ihadnohipstoswishawaywith.Instead,mylonglegscarriedmedown
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theproduceaisle,pastthebreadaisle,andoutofSafeway.Ihadbeenkeepingalistoftheeast-westnosayersandputSafewayattheverytopofit.Mysisters,Cecile,andIwouldeateggrolls,whiterice,beanpies,andfriedfishbeforewespentanotherpennyinthestoresofthenosayers.
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GloriousHill
Ididn’tknowwhichwasweirder.HavingHirohitoseemeinmypajamasornothavinganychorestodo.Itriedtowashdishesandalwaysofferedtomopthefloor,butforthefifthdayinarow,Mrs.Woodssaid,“Gooutside.Play.”
IfeltlikeawatcherwhileHirohitochasedVonettaandFernaround.Isatontheporchwithmybookinmylap,gladI’dbroughtitalong.Inbetweenturningpages,I’dpeekatVonetta,Fern,andHirohitoplayingMotherMayIorfreezetag.Heknewjusthowtoescapetheirtagsandkeepthegamegoing.IcouldseewhyHirohitoputupwithVonettaandJaniceattheCenter.WhyheletFernchasehimandtaghim“it”whenshewasn’tfastenoughtocatchhim.Hirohitohadnobrothersorsisters.Helikedbeingabrothertomysistersandme.
GratefulthatHirohitowouldsoontirehis“sisters”out,Isettledintomybookontheporch.Icouldfinishthechapterbeforeitwastimetocomeinside.Ireadmybook,brighteyed,breathingheavily,androotedforRontutowinagainstthepackofwilddogs,hisformerbrothers.Get’em,Rontu.Get’em.Ididn’thearthequiet.Thatthesoundsofplayingintheyardhadstopped.Ilookedup,andtheywereallstandingaroundmewithHirohito’sgo-kart.
“Hey.Delphine.”
VonettaandFerngiggled.ObviouslytheywereapartofHirohito’splantosneakuponme.Hesmiled,pleasedtohavecaughtmeunaware.
“Wanttotryoutmygo-kart?”
Irolledmyeyesandtriedtoappearolder.Aboveplayingkidgames.“Me?Onthatthing?”
VonettaandFernstartedscreamingthattheywantedaride.
Hetappedmysneakerwithoneofhisdoggedyhigh-tops.“It’sfun.You’lllikeit.”
BeforethisweekIwouldhavesaid,“HowdoyouknowwhatI’dlike?”Mygoaltocomeoffboredandolderslippedrightoutfromunderme.Inside,IfeltlikeIwasbeingpulledontothesixth-gradedancefloor.Iwantedtogivehimmyhandandlethimpullmeup,butIfelttoobig.Treelimbed.Plain
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faced.I’dprobablylooksillyonthatgo-kart,justlikeI’dlooksillymatchingstepswithsomeboyinthemultipurposeroomatschool.
Iglanceddownatthatsawed-offpieceofwoodrestingontopofametalframewithskatewheelsupfront.Tricyclewheelsintheback.Aropeononeend,acarpetsquareontheother.IhadneverseenHirohitositonthecarpetsquare.Healwaysrodebellydown,armsspreadout,andhandsgrippingtheTbar.Itwasawonderhewasn’tallscarredup.
“Boy,youmustbecrazy.”
“Stopbeingchicken.Youcansteerit.Thoselegs’llreachtheturnbareasy.Justholdontotheropeandkeepitsteady.”
VonettaandDelphinesnickeredatHirohito’scarefreechoiceofwords.
Icouldn’thithimforcallingmealong-leggedchickenafterIhadgobbleddownhismother’sfishandrice.Isaid,“Iamnotgettingonyourstreetroller.Noway.”
Insteadofsaying“Notonyourstreetrollercoaster”or“Yeah.Noway,Jose,”mysisters’voicesfailedtocometomyrescue.Instead,VonettaandFern—mostlyVonetta—screamedanddancedaroundus,pleadingtotakemyturnonthego-kart.
Hirohitoshookhishead,sorelydisappointed,likehewasPapa.“Ididn’tthinkyouwerescared,Delphine.”
“Iamnotscaredofthatthing.”Myvoicehitnotesitwasnotknownforreaching.
“Thencomeon.”
“No.”
“Chicken.”
“Iamnot.”
Heofferedtheropetomeandpattedthecarpetseat.“Justablock.Notevenahill.”
Icouldn’tlethimthinkIwasweakandscared.Girlprideandalowervoicesaid,“I’mnotafraidofnohill.”
BeforeIknewit,wehadbecomeamerryparade.Mesittingonthego-kart,myfeetonthebars,Hirohitobehindmepushing,andVonettaandFernattherear,paradingupMagnoliaStreet.Whatasight.Isathunchedover,holdingontotherope,mybigsneakersontheturnbar.AllIcoulddowaswraptheropetighteraroundmyhandsandpray.
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HowcouldIfindmybalance,letalonetrustit?Surelybalancewasneededtorideonthatrollingcartofdanger.Wherewasmygoodcommonsense?ThecommonsensethatBigMaalwayspointedoutIwasbornwith.Iwasmadatmyselfforlettingthishappen.Lettingthempushmeintoridingdownsomehillonthiswooden,bumpy,hotrodroller.Icouldfalloveronmybutt.Scrapeeveryinchofskinonmylegs,arms,andhands.Icouldlookastupid,scraped-up,tangled-upmess,andontopofitall,screamlikeafraidycatinfrontofmysisters.
Ihuggedtherope.Myheartpoundedthroughmyears,downinmytoes.
Noneofthatconcernedanyoneontheparaderoute.Hirohitopushedhappily.Mysistersskipped,clapped,andsang.Theymightaswellhavebeensinging“Crash,Delphine.Crash.”
ThenHirohitostoppedpushing.Nowthetipsofmyfingerspounded.Wewereatthetop.Thevery,verytopofthehill.
Hirohitolookedatmelikethiswasallfine.Notlikehewasgettingmebackforbeingmeantohim.Mykneeswouldknockiftheyweren’tfrozen.Iwantedtogetupandwalkaway.
“Don’tworry.It’ssafe,”hesaid.“Mydadbuiltit.It’ssturdyandhasnosplinters.Hesandeditdownfordays.Goodjob,right?”
“Right,”Isaid.
“Ihelpedhim.”HeturnedtheTpartsoitswiveled.“Realaxlefortheturns.It’sgoodforracing.Butdon’tworry,”hesaidagain.“Youjusthavetogostraight.Keepitsteady.”Henoddedandsmiled.“Mydad’sgreat.”
Idoubtedhemeanttogetallgirlytalkingabouthisfather.Hecaughthimselfandchangedhisvoice.
“Ready,Delphine?”
Ididn’tanswer.
Hesaid,“Useyoursneakerstoslowdown,thenstop.Justdrag.”Thenheliftedmyfootandputitintherightposition.Thepositionthatwouldturntheheelsofmysneakersasdoggedyashis.“Remember,youdon’thavetosteer.It’sastraightridedown.Justslideyoursneakerlikethis.”Hemovedmyfootslightlysideways.Itwasawonderhehadsolesatall.
Hetoldmetoholdontight.ThenheorderedVonettaandFerntocomeonasifhehadtakenmyplaceastheoldest.Partofmedidn’tlikeitonebit.Theotherpartdidn’thavetimetothinkaboutthat.
“Push!”
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VonettaandFernscreamed,“Yay!”andIlookedup,mad,scared,thrilled.
Ifeltsixhandsonmybackandthebumpygroundbeneathme.Withallthatrumbling,myheadspunwiththesheercrazinessofitall.Beingpusheddownthestreet.MysistersandHirohitocheeringandpushingandlettinggoandtimenottickingbutracingaway.
Itwastoolate.Toolatetojumpoffwhilethego-kartrolled,itssteelskatewheelshittingeverybumpandpebbleonthesidewalk.Ileanedleftandright,tryingtofindmybalance.Thenforward.Left,right,andforward,mydrawn-upkneeshelpingtokeepmesteady.
Therewasacurveinthesidewalk.Notexactlystraight,likeHirohitotoldme.Tomeitwaswinding,anddangerousliketheChinatowndragon.Asthego-kartwentfaster,Ifelttherumblingofthewheelshittingtheconcreteunderneathme.Iscreamed.SoloudIstartledmyself.Ihadneverheardmyselfscream.Screamedfromthetopofmylungs,fromthepitofmyheart.ScreamedlikeIwassnakingandfalling.Screamedandhiccuppedandlaughedlikemysisters.LikeIwashavingthetimeofmylife,flyingdownthatglorioushill.
Vonetta,Fern,andHirohitohadrunafterme,butHirohitohadoutrunmysistersandmetmeattheotherend.Whenwewerealltogether,Hirohitoledtheparadeofhim,Vonetta,andFern,hootinganddancingaroundme.
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TheThirdThing
Whowouldhavethoughttwentyflyerscouldhavebroughtmorethanathousandpeopletothepark?TalkaboutagrandNegro,well,agrandblackspectacle.Peoplesimplycame,fillingupeveryinchofgreeninthepark.Someevenclimbedoaktreesandperchedinbranchesforagoodspot.EverywhereyouturnedtherewerecollegestudentsinT-shirts,signingpeopleupforsicklecellanemiatestingandvoterregistration.BlackPanthersfromaroundthecountry,inskyblueT-shirtswithpicturesofblackpanthersonthem,stoodtall,patrollingthepark.Policemenalsostoodtall,holdingontotheirwoodenclubs.
AndyetIwasn’tafraid.Iwasexcited.
“Yousee,”SisterMukumbusaid,wavingherbangledarmlikeawandoverthehundredsofpeople,maybeathousand.
IfeelashamedoftheprideItakeinironingacreaseextrasharp.Ironingasharpcreaseisajobwelldone.Bringingpeopletothisrallywasmagicthathadyousoaringabovetrees.Itcertainlywasworthmarchinguptothenosayers.Inmymind,allthesepeoplecametotherallybecauseoursummercamphelpedtospreadtheword.Theideaofradioannouncements,theBlackPanthernewspaper,andword-of-mouthhadn’tenteredmymind.IfonlyCecilecouldseewhatwe’ddone.AndPaandBigMa.
Theyputtheyoungpeople’spresentationsonfirst,beforeallofthespeechesandthemusiciansandtheadultpoets.Ourplaywasawkward,withSisterPatfollowingusaroundwiththemicrophone,butwecontinuedonasifwe’drehearseditthatway.ThefirsttimeJaniceAnktonheardhervoiceboomoutoverallthoseloudspeakers,shejumpedback.ShesoonovercameheramplifiedvoiceandprovedabiggerhamthanVonettaonhershowiestandcrowiestdays.JanicebrandishedhersilvercapgunatustiredandscaredrunawayslavesmorethanSisterPat’sscripthadcalledfor.AllIknewwasthecrowdlikedit,andthatwasenoughfor“HarrietTubman,”whoproclaimed,“Eitheryouwanttobefreeoryouwanttobescaredslaves!”Shewassupposedtohavesaid,“Ihaven’tlostapassengeryet.”Thecrowdwentcrazy,andJanicesoakeditup.EunicekickedhersisterthewayIsometimeshadtoputVonettainherplace.Itworked.JanicestoppedwavinghersilvercapshooteratusandwentonwiththeplayasSisterPathadwrittenit.
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AfterHarrietTubmanfreedtheslaves,Hirohitoandtheboysshowedofftheirkaratekicksandchopsandjujitsumoves.Eunice,Janice,andBeatricechangedintotheirmatchingAfricanprintheadwrapsanddressessewnbytheirmother.
IwascertainVonettawouldbeeatenupwithjealousyafterJanice’slouddramaticperformancewassoontobefollowedbyherdancinginthatcutematchingoutfit.Instead,Vonettahadbeenawfullyquietwhilewewaitedforourturntogoonstage.IfearedtheworstwithVonetta’ssunkenmood.ThishadhappenedjustbeforetheTipTopTapdisaster.AquietVonettawasascaredVonetta.ThatmeantI’dhavetodanceherpartor,inthiscase,sayherpartifhereyesbuggedoutandhermouthdidn’topen.ThenafterwardI’dhaveto“there,there”herforthenexttwoweeks.
“Vonetta,youready?”
Shenodded.
IfIdidn’tmakehertalk,weweredoomed.“What’sthat,Vonetta?”
Anothernod.
NowIwasmad.MadbecausethiswasthesameVonettawhohadstubbornlywantedtosing“DryYourEyes”beforeallofthesepeople.ThiswasthesameVonettawhohadrecited“WeRealCool”untilitdroveCeciletoacussingfit.ThiswasVonettawhohadsaid,“Weshoulddothispoem.”Andasusual,IwouldhavetogooutthereandfinishthemessVonettastarted.
“Vonetta,don’tmakemekickyou.”
“Betternot,”shesaid.Good.Atleasthermouthopenedandtwowordscameout.“AndI’mready,foryourinformation.”
“I’mready,”Fernpipedup.“I’mreadylikeFreddy.I’mreadyandsteady.IknowaboyinmyclassnamedEddie.EddieLarson,butLarsondoesn’tgowithreadyandsteady.”Thenshebarked.“Arf.Arf.”
VonettaandIlookedateachother,thenatFern.Vonetta,said,“Fern,whatareyoutalkingabout?”
Fernsmiledandsang,“Isa-awsomething.”ThensheclappeditoutlikewewerestillontheEastBaybus.
Thekarateboyshadrunofftheplatformwhilethecrowdstillcheered.Ihadn’tbeenpayingattentionbecauseIwasworriedaboutVonetta.ButwhenHirohitoranover,Isaid,“Thatwasreallyneat.”
SisterPatpushedustothestageandwemarchedoutbeforeallthosepeople.Vonettawassupposedtointroduceusandsaythenameofourpoem
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andthatourmotherwroteit.ButIcouldseehereyesgrowingbigandherfaceashen.IwhisperedthetwothingsIknewwouldgethergoing.Isaid,“Hirohito’swatching.AndJanicehopesyoutrip.”
Vonetta’sfaceripenedtoapeach.ShegrabbedthemicrophonepolelikeDianaRoss,steppedoutinfrontofus—herSupremes—thenclearedherthroat.“‘IBirthedaBlackNation,’byourmother,Nzila,theblackpoet.Allthepowertoallthepeople.”
Thecrowdroaredandwavedtheirfists.Maybetheycarriedonbecauseshewasalittlegirlmakingbigsounds.MaybetheycheeredforNzila,whowasnowaknownpoliticalprisoner.ToVonetta,theycheeredforher,andshewassettoshowandcrow.
Vonetta:
“Ibirthedablacknation.
Frommywombblackcreation
spilledforth
tobe
stolen
shackled
dispersed.”
Me:
“Idispatchedblackwarriors
ragedagainstunjustbarriers
tofindthe
blackandstronghadfallen
divided
deceived
overcome.”
Fern:
“Blackoceansseparateus
torturedcries
songs
ofblackgreatness
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Stillechoinmycanal.”
Vonetta,Fern,andme:
“Hearthereverberation
ofastolenblacknation
foreverlost
toforeignshores
wherethievesdonotatone
andMotherAfricacannotbeconsoled.”
AllthatwasmissingwasCeciletoseeandhearusreciteherpoem.I’msureshewouldn’thaveappreciatedVonettasprinkling“black”intoherpoemlikepepper,butthecrowdlovedit,andwewentalong,followingVonetta’slead,throwinginthewordblackasshehad.Followingeachotherwaseasy.We’dbeendoingitforaslongaswecouldalltalk.SayingCecile’swords,oneafteranother,feltlikewewerebringingherintoourconversationinsteadofturningourvoicesonher,likewehad.
Whenwefinished,weweresupposedtoexittheplatform—mefirst,Vonettasecond,andFernlast.We’dwalkedoffthestageandovertothewing.ThatwaswhatIwascertainwe’ddone.ThenIturnedandsawFernstillstandinginthecenterofthestage.Iwenttogether,butSisterPatwasalreadywalkingout.
Fernwouldn’tleave.ShesaidsomethingtoSisterPat,whonoddedandadjustedthemicrophonedowntoFern’smouth.ThensheleftFernaloneonstage.
Thecrowdquietedandwaited,butFernstoodwithoutsayingaword.AgainIwenttogetlittleFern,butSisterMukumbugrabbedmyshoulder.“Wait,Delphine.Lether.”
SisterMukumbuhadnoideahowharditwasformetowatchmybabysisterstandalonebeforeallofthosepeople.Theycouldlaughather,shoutathertogetoffthestage,orbooherintotears.ButFernballedherfists,bangedthematherside,andthenshespoke.
“MymothercallsmeLittleGirl,butthisisapoembyFernGaither,notLittleGirl.ThisisapoemforCrazyKelvin.It’scalled‘APatontheBackforaGoodPuppy.’”Sheclearedherthroat.
“CrazyKelvinsays‘Offthepig.’
CrazyKelvinslapseveryonefive.
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ThepolicemanpatsCrazyKelvinontheback.
Thepolicemansays,‘Goodpuppy.’
CrazyKelvinsays,‘Arf.Arf.
Arf,arf,arf,arf.’
BecauseIsawthepolicemanpatyourback,
CrazyKelvin.
Surelydid.”
Twothingshappenedjustthen.Really,threethings.
First,thecrowdwentwildforFernGaither.JaniceAnktonfoldedherarmsandtoldEuniceshedidn’twanttogoonstageanddanceafterFernhadgrabbedupalltheapplause.
Second,CrazyKelvinbackedaway.Ithinkhewassearchingforthebestwaytogetoutofthepark,buthewassurroundedbyBlackPanthers.TheyknewwhatFernhadsaid,eventhoughittookVonettaandmealittlelongertoreallyunderstandwhatFernhadsaidandseen.Andwhatitmeant.LuckilyforCrazyKelvin,therewereenoughpolicementostepinandgethimoutofthepark.
It’sfunnyaboutCrazyKelvin.Ifhehadn’tgoneonandonabout“racistpigs,”Fernwouldhaveneveraskedherself,“What’swrongwiththispicture?”I’msureithadmoretodowithMissPattyCakeandhimtellingherwhoshecouldlove.I’msureithadmoretodowithhimtellingherwhoshewas.FernhadCrazyKelvininhersights,andshegothimwithhisownwords:“What’swrongwiththispicture?”
Therewasathirdthingthathappenedjustthen,onlyIdidn’tknowitatthetime.Ceciletoldittomeinaletteramonthlater.Andthatthing,thethirdthingwas,apoethadbeenborn.Itwasn’tLongfellow,Cecilehadwritten,butitwasarunningstart.
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So
Althoughtherallywasstillgoingstrong,Vonetta,Fern,andIcouldn’tgetdownintothecrowdfastenoughoncewehadspottedCecile.Weweren’tthehuggingtype,butwewereallhappy.WewerehappyCecilehadbeenreleasedfromjailandhappyshewastheretoseeusonstagereciting“IBirthedaNation.”ThankstoVonetta,nowpeoplecalledCecile’spoem“IBirthedaBlackNation.”Ihadbracedmyselfforhercrazyangeratusfordisturbingherpoemlikewedisturbedherquiet,butshedidn’tmentiononewordaboutallthe“black”we’dthrownintoherpoem.Infact,Cecilejustseemeddifferentafterhavingbeenlockedup.Sheevenlimitedherdisguisetoherbigshades.Shewasfeelingsogood—inawaythatIthinkonlyIcouldmakeout—thatsheevengaveuscompliments.
Vonettagothersatmyexpense.Cecilesaid,“Seethat,Delphine?YouneedtospeakuplikeVonetta.Now,that’showyoureciteapoem.”ShemightaswellhavesaidVonettawasHollywood’sblackShirleyTemple.VonettalivedonCecile’spraisefortherestofthesummerandintothenextyear.
ToFern,Cecilesaid,“Whosaidyoucouldwriteapoem?”
Fernsaid,“Ididn’twriteit.Isaidit.”
“Surelydid,”Cecilesaid,beatinghertoit;andwealllaughed.WhatCeciledidn’tsaywasFern’sname.Ferndidn’tseemtonotice,butIdid.
IwaitedforCeciletogivememyshareofpraise.Ididn’tneeditheapedonlikemysistersdid,butIknewitwouldbegood,becauseminewouldcomelast.Forachange,Iplannedtorollaroundinitandgrinlikeadummy.
Butthensomeoftheorganizersoftherallyswarmed“SisterNzila”and“LittleNzila.”TheyfussedoverFern,tellingherhowbraveandclevershewas.TheorganizershadalsomadetimeforNzilatospeakofher“unjustarrest,”butCecilewavedheropportunityaway.“Y’allheardmydaughters,”shesaid,moretiredthanproud.“Theysaiditallforme.”
Vonetta,Fern,andIhuggedSisterMukumbuandSisterPatandtoldthemwehadagreattimeatthePeople’sCentersummercamp.Theypraisedourwork.PraisedFern’sbravery.Vonetta’sloud,strongvoice,andmybeingaleaderandahelper.Theytold“SisterNzila”allaboutusandthattheywantedusbacknextyear.
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TherestoftherallywasallthespeechesaboutHueyNewtonandBobbyHutton.Cecilesaidshewasn’tstayingforthat,eventhoughshecouldhavebeenthestaroftheday.Shesaid,“Y’allcanstayandrunaroundwithyourfriends.Tomorrowyou’llbeontheplanetoNewYork.”
VonettaandFernranoffwithJaniceandBeatrice.EuniceandIfoundaplacetositandshareabagofchips.ItoldherwewouldbeflyingtoNewYorkthenextday.Sheaskedifwewerecomingback,andIsaidIdidn’tknow.Isuggestedwebecomepenpalsandwriteeachotherlettersonceamonth.Thatsoundedokaytoher.Neitheroneofuswasreallyatalkerorrun-aroundplayer.Sowejustsatthere.
Hirohitofoundussittingandjumpedintoakaratepose.“Didyouseeme?”
“Wesawyou,Hirohito,”Eunicesaid.“ItwouldhavebeenbetterifyoubrokesomeboardsliketheydoonTV.”Shedemonstratedwithakaratechoptoapileofairboards.
Hedidn’treallylookather.Helookedatme.“Wantarideonmygo-kart?”
Ididn’tknowhowtobewithHirohitowhileEunicewasthere.Ijustsaidnoandlookedatmysneakers.Ifeltmyfacegrowingwarm.Myfeetweretoobig.Toobigforasixth-gradegirl.
“Hirohito,youletagirlonyourgo-kart?Yourpreciousgo-kart?”Icouldn’ttellifEunicewasteasinghimormadathim.
“Yeah.So.”
“YoulikeDelphine.”
IhitherontheshoulderlikeshewasVonetta.Shedidn’tseemtomind.TeasingHirohitoandmakingmefeelsillyseemedtoprovideEunicewithentertainmentandsatisfaction.Sheputherhandoverhermouthtogasp.“Ican’tbelieveyou,Delphine.YoulikeHirohito.You’rejustasbadasJaniceandyoursister.”
ThiswasthesecondtimeEunicehadgottenme,andbothtimeshadtodowithHirohito.Ineverhadanyoneovermelikeasisterorbrotheranddidn’tknowhowtoanswerback.Ididn’twanttodenyitincasehelikedmetoo,butIwasn’tabouttobetheonetosayitinwords.Ihadn’tevensaidittomyselfyet.
Eunicewouldn’tletup.Shewasfinallyenjoyingherself.“HirohitoWoods,Ican’tbelieveyouletagirlrideonyourgo-kart.”
“So.”
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IsmiledwithoutsmilinglikeCeciledoes.Besides.Hecouldhavesaid“Idon’tlikeher”or“She’stootall”or“She’stooplain.”Hecouldhavesaidwhatalltheboysinmyclasssaid:“Iwouldn’tlikeherifshewerethelastgirlonearth.”Instead,Hirohitosaid,“So.”Like“Okay.”LikeitwasokaytolikeDelphine.
Isaidittoo.“So.”
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BeEleven
WetoldCecileeverything.AboutourexcursiontoSanFrancisco,thehippies,Chinatown.Vonettatoldhowthetall,blond,whitepeopletookpicturesofherlikeshewasamoviestar,whichIcouldseeCeciledidn’tlikeonebit.FerntoldhowshesawCrazyKelvinwithtwopolicemenjustbeforethebusroundedontotheBayBridge.ShegaveusanearfulabouthowKelvinalwayssaid“racistpigs,”butheletthepolicemanpathimonthebacklikehewasthepoliceman’sdog.Tothat,Cecilesaid,“Ifyoucanseethat,thenyou’llwritepoems,allright.”
Weaskedheraboutbeingarrestedandbeingapoliticalprisonerandafreedomfighter.Cecilemadeitsoundlikeitwasnobigdeal.“I’vebeenfightingforfreedomallmylife.”Butshewasn’ttalkingaboutprotestsigns,standinguptotheMan,andknowingyourrights.Shewastalkingaboutherlife.Justher.Notthepeople.
Vonetta,wantingmorecompliments,said,“Weputeverythingback,justthewayyoulikeit,”talkingaboutCecile’sworkplace,thekitchen.Ididn’texpectgushing,butitwouldhavebeenniceifshegaveusmorethanthenod.
Wepackedallofourthingsexceptfortheclotheswe’dwearinthemorning.Itwashardtobelievefourweekshadpassedbysoquickly.WhenVonettaandFernhadgonetobed,IwentintothekitchentofindCecilehunchedoverherprinter.Piecesofthemachinelayoutonthetable.Shehadthescrewdriverinherhand,puttingitbacktogetherherself.
AlthoughIdidn’thearthedoorswingwhenIpushedit,shehadandknewIwasthere.
“IcalledyourfatherwhenIgotout,”shetoldmewithoutlookingup.“Delphine,whydidn’tyoutellhimwhathappened?”
Istoodthere,surprised.Shocked.Itdidn’tentermymindthatshewouldhavewantedmetocallPapa.
“Wethoughtyouwerecomingrightback.”
Shekeptscrewinginoneoftherollers,stillnotlookingatmedirectly.“Icountedonyoutocallhim.Tellhimwhathappened.Iatleastthoughtyou’dfigurethatout.You’retheoldest,Delphine.Thesmartone.”
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ShehadjusttoldmeIwassmartandadisappointment,remindingmeshehadn’tsaidonenicethingtome.Notone.
“PapawouldhavemadeuscomebacktoBrooklyn.HewouldhavebeenmadbecauseIdidn’tdowhathesaid:lookafterVonettaandFern.AndthenBigMawouldn’tletadaypasswithouttellingmefortherestofmylifehowyouaren’tnothingbut—”
“Delphine.Youletsevendayspasswithoutcallingyourfather.Sevendays.ThatwouldhavebeenlookingoutforVonettaandAfua.Youshouldn’thavetakenthisallonyourself.Youdidn’thavenothingtodowiththepolicearrestingme.Ididn’thavenothingtodowiththepolicearrestingme.Theycame.TheyarrestedmealongwiththetwoPantherstheyreallywanted.AndLouis’smotherisgoingtosaywhatevershe’sgoingtosay.That’sjusthowitis.Allyouhadtodowascallyourfather.Thatwasall.”
Myeyesstung.Iwasspilling-overmad.Icouldn’tstopwhatIhadtosay,evenifshestoodovermeandbecamemycrazymothermountainandknockedmedown.Iwasspillingover.
“I’monlyelevenyearsold,andIdoeverything.Ihavetobecauseyou’renottheretodoit.I’monlyelevenyearsold,butIdothebestIcan.Idon’tjustupandleave.”
Iwasstillontwofeet.Therewasnostingonmyjaw.Mybacksidehadnotbeentouched.ButIwasreadyforit.Iclosedmyeyes,becauseIfiguredtheslapwouldn’tstingasmuchwhenitdidcome.
InsteadIheardmetalonmetal.Iopenedmyeyes.ThesoundIheardwasthescrewdrivermissingthegroove,hittingtheprinter’smetalinnards.Shelaidthescrewdriveronthetable.
Ihadnowheretogo,butIwantedtodisappear.
Finally,shenoddedtothefloorandsaid,“Sit.”
Ididwhatshetoldme.Therewasalotofsilence,butthenshespoke.
“ItwasjustmeandmymotheruntilIwaseleven.”
Iwasn’tusedtohavingherattention.Havingherlookatmeandtalk.Allthewhileshespoke,shedidn’tlifthereyesfromme.
“Acarhitherandshewasgone.Thatwasit.Myaunttookmeintocleanherhouse.Watchherkids.Isleptonablanketonthefloorinthekids’roomforfiveyears.Iwassixteenwhensheannouncedshewasgettingmarried.Shesaiditwasn’tgoodforabiggallikemetobeinherhouse,seeingasshehadahusband.Shesaidinthelongrunshewasdoingmeafavor.Thenmymother’ssistermademeasandwichIcouldn’teat,gavemetwentydollars,
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andputmeout.
“Isleptinsubwaysatnight.DuringthedaytimeIreadHomerandLangstonHughesinlibraries.Itriedtohideinthestacks,buttheyalwaysfoundmeandshooedmeout.WhenIdidn’thavefifteencentsforthesubway,Isleptonparkbenches.WhereverIcouldhidemyself.
“Delphine,it’sahardthingtosleeponthestreets.Ahardthingforagrownman.Aharderthingforateenagegirl,nomatterhowbigandtallsheis.AtnightItalkedtomyselftostayawake.IsaidthepoemsofHomerandLangstonHughes.Ilikedthewords.Theycomfortedme.Theirrhymes.Theirbeats.Theymadeaplaceforme.Theykeptmestrong.
“ButIwasalwayshungry,andIhadgottensick.Yourfatherfoundmeonaparkbench.HeandhisbrotherhadaniceapartmentonHerkimerStreet.Hefedme.Gavemeabedtosleepon.Ihadn’tsleptonabedsinceIwaselevenyearsoldandmymotherwasalive.
“Louisneverbotheredme.Didn’taskmetodomuchbutcook.Sweep.Washhisclothes.”Shepaused.“Ihadyouthenextyear.Sixyearsfromwhereyouarenow.IhadVonettanext.BothtimeshismothercameupfromAlabamaanddeliveredyouandVonettainthatapartment.SheandIcouldn’tgetalong,soshealwayswentbacksouth.
“ThenIhadthelastone.Thatlittleonewantedoutbadenoughtocomewhenshewantedtocome.Earlyandfast.ShewasbornonaFriday.AllIcoulddowaslieonthekitchenfloorandlethercome.”
Shestoppedforaminuteandsaid,“Youweretherewhenshecame.”
“Iwas?”
“Iwasdownonthefloor.YoustrokedmyhairlikeIwasadoll,butyoudidn’thaveanydolls.Notoys.Yousaid,‘Don’tcry,Mama.Don’tcry.’Ithinkthat’sthefirsttimeIheardyoureallyspeak.Butwhenshecameoutofme,youdidn’tsayaword.Youtookthedishtowelhangingofftheiceboxhandleandwipedoffyoursister.”
Icouldhardlybreathe.
“ThenDarnellwalkedinfromschool.Hedideverythingelseneededtobedone.”
Whycouldn’tIrememberseeingFernbeingborn?Tellingmymothernottocry.WipingFernoffwiththedishtowel.Wherewerethoseflashesofmemory?
“Yourlifeseemshard,Delphine,butitisgood.It’sbetterthanwhatIcouldhavegivenyou.”
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Herewasmymothertellingmeherlife.Whoshewas.HowshecametobeCecile.AnsweringquestionsI’dstoredinmyheadfromthetimeIrealizedshewouldnotcomeback.HereshewastellingmemorethanIcouldremember,understand,picture.MaybeIwastooyoungtoreallytakeholdofitall,butforwhatseemedlikethefirsttimeeverallIcouldthinkaboutwasmyownself.WhatIlost.WhatImissed.Thatnoonesaid,“Good,Delphine.”Nooneeversaidthank-you.Evenafterhertellingmeallofthis,Iwasstillmad.MaybeI’dbeenmadallalongbutdidn’thavetimetojustbeit.Mad.
“IsittruewhatBigMasays?Thatyouleftbecauseyoucouldn’tnameFern?”
Itookhersilenceasayes.Forawhileshesaidnothing,soIguessedshewasdonetalking.Istartedtogetup.
Thenshesaid,“Icould’vetakenyouwithmeandlefttheothertwo.Youhavemymother’sface.Youdidn’tcry.Youdidn’twantmuch.Youdidn’ttalk,butyouunderstood.ButIdidn’thaveapennyinmypocket.IjustknewIhadtogo.SoIgaveVonettaacookie.Thatwasallshewantedanyway.IgavethebabymilkandI…”
Thepictureflashedbeforemeasithadmany,manytimes.
“…putthedollbabyinwithAfua.ThedollIaskedDarnelltogotothestoreandget.ItoldyoutobegoodandwaitforPapa.ThenIleft.”
ShetoldmeeverythingIwantedtoknowandtoomuch.Itwastoomuch.I’dhavetotakeitoutonepieceatatimetolookatit.
Shesaid,“DidIleavebecauseofaname?You’dhavetobegrownfirstbeforeIexplained.IfItoldyounow,itwouldjustbewords.”Shepickedupherscrewdriverandwentbacktoworkingonherprinter.“Beeleven,Delphine.Beelevenwhileyoucan.”
Thatwasit.
InthemiddleofthenightIwokeup.
Afua?
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Afua
“Delphine,Vonetta,andFern!Getupouttathatbed.Comeon,y’all.It’stimetogo.”
Noonewantedtogetoutofbed.Noonewantedtogo.ButCecilestoodinthedoorwayandcalledusonemoretime.
Fernwasthefirsttospringup.“Hey.That’smyname.Ourmothersaidmyname!”
Cecilerolledhereyesandlefttheroom.
Fernwasaregularjumpingbean.“Shesaidmyname!Shesaidmyname!”
Vonettacouldn’ttakeanotherexcitedminuteofFernjumpingontheuppermattress.“Bigdeal.Shesaidmynametoo.”
“Bigdealtome,”Fernsaid.“ShealwayssaysDelphine.ShealwayssaysVonetta.TodayshesaidFern,Fern,Fern.”Shejumpedinbetweeneach“Fern.”“Fern.NotLittleGirl.”
VonettaflungherpillowatFern,butFernwouldn’tbequieted.
Isaid,“That’snotyourrealname.Theoneshegaveyou.”
“Itistoo.”
“Isnot.”
Wekeptitup,VonettaandIonthesamesideforachange.“Istoo.”
ThenIbrokeitbysaying,“YournameisAfua.”
Iwasn’tknownforjoking.ThatsoberedthemasmuchasFern’sname,whichtheybothmouthed.A-FOO-A.
“Takethatback,Delphine,”Fernsaid.“Myname’snotAfua.It’sFern.”
Vonettapointedather.“Ah-hah!Afoowah.Phooey.ChopSuey.LittlePhooey.Allovermyshoo-ie.”
Fernturnedred.ThiswasthepartwhereIwassupposedtoshutVonettaupandtakeFern’sside.InsteadIsaid,“Getusedtoit.YournameisAfua,asinDelphine,Vonetta,andAfua.”
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Fernballedherfingersintoafistandpunchedmeinthestomach.Herhandwassolittle.Ididn’tsay“Ow!”togiveherthesatisfactionofknowingshecausedmepain.Ijustsaid,“Gobrushyourteeth,Afua.”
Later,Cecilesaid,“Why’dyoutellherthat?IfIwantedhertoknowhername,Iwouldhavetoldher.”
Icouldn’ttellifCecilewasreallyannoyedorifshewasjustfussing.IdecidedshewasfussingandthatIcouldn’tgothroughmylifeafraidofwhatmymothermightdonext.Ishruggedandatemycereal.
Delphine,Vonetta,Afua,Nzila.Somenamesmadeup.Somenot.Diditmatterwhattheyreallymeant,orwhereCecilegotthemfrom,aslongasshegavethemtousandtoherself?
Wespentthebusrideandthetwo-dollartaxiridetotheairportmakingfunofAfua.OnceCecilesaid“Cutitout,”thatwastheendofusteasingFernoutright.Still,Vonettaandmyconstantsmirkseruptedintosnickers.Fernstayedmad.
Whenwegottotheairport,CecilecalledPapacollect.SheturnedherbacktousandspoketoPaformorethanfifteenminutes.BigMawouldn’tbehappyaboutthecostofthecollectcall,butIdoubtedPapaminded.
WhilewewaitedforCeciletofinishspeakingwithPa,awhitemancamebyandsaidhowcutemysistersandIwereinourmatchingoutfits.Hestillhadfilmleftoverfromhissightseeingtripandwantedtousethelastofittotakeapictureofus.“Prettygirls,smilepretty!”hesaid.Icouldtellhewasaniceman,butCecileputastoptoitwhileVonettaadjustedherhairband,alreadyposingforthecoverofJet.
Cecilestoodinfrontofusandsaid,“They’renotmonkeysondisplay.”Thenicemantriedtoapologize,butCecilewouldn’thearit.“How’dyoulikeitifsomestrangemancamesnappingpicturesofyourdaughters?”Ifeltbadforhim,butIknewCecilehadtostepin.Anymotherwouldhaveatleastdonethat.
Wesatincomfywaiting-roomseatswithouttalkingforalmosthalfanhour.Thehandsonthebigclockmovedslowly.Fernnoddedmerrilylikeshewasansweringherselforsinging.KindoflikeCeciletappingoutbeatswithherpencil.Vonettafiddledwithherhairbandortwirledherlongestbraidaroundherfinger.Ifollowedthejanitorpushinghisdrymopalongtheflooraspeoplecarryingtravelbagsdancedaroundhimorfoundseats.IstoppedglancingupatthebigclockordownatmyTimex.Ididn’thaveto.Thequeasinesschurninginsidetoldmeitwastimetogo.Andthentheboarding
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announcementwasmadeovertheloudspeaker.
Shesaid,“Goon,”andwewent.
IexpectedCeciletowalkaway.Tocutthroughtheterminalinman-sizedstridesassoonaswegotupandstoodonline.WhenIturnedtoseeifshehadgone,shewasstandingonlyafewfeetaway,lookingstraightatme.Itwasastrange,wonderfulfeeling.Todiscovereyesuponyouwhenyouexpectednoonetonoticeyouatall.Ismiledalittleandfacedfronttofindsomethingtodowithmyself.
VonettaandFernbothheldontotheirownticket.IreachedtotakeFern’sticket,afraidshe’dcrushitthewayshewasholdingit.Shefeltmereachingandpulledherhandaway.Wemovedclosertothefrontofthelinenearthetickettaker.Fernballedbothhands,bangingherfistsathersides,herticketnowcompletelycrumpled.
Maybeshewasafraidoftheairplanerideandgettingknockedaroundbythoseclouds.Maybeshedidn’tknowwhattodowithherhandswithoutMissPattyCake.OrshecouldhavestillbeenmadaboutallthatAfuateasing.Myfirstmovewastocomforther.IwenttoreachouttoFern,butsheboltedfromtheline,ran,andjumpedontopofCecile.VonettaandIdidn’thesitate.Webrokeofffromthelineandranovertohugourmotherandletherhugus.
Howdoyouflythreethousandmilestomeetthemotheryouhadn’tseensinceyouneededhermilk,neededtobepickedup,orwerefourgoingonfive,andnotthrowyourarmsaroundher,whethershewantedyoutoornot?NeitherVonetta,Fern,norIcouldanswerthatone.Weweren’tabouttoleaveOaklandwithoutgettingwhatwe’dcomefor.ItonlytookFerntoknowweneededahugfromourmother.
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Acknowledgments
Therearesomanywomenandgirlsinthisstory.WomenI’veknown.PoetsIgrewupreading.Girlhoodfriends.Throughthewriting,thepeoplewhokeptmeinspiredweremyhurricaneofamother,MissEssieMaeCostonWilliams,myown“Delphine”—RosalindWilliamsRogers,RashamellaCumbo,DebraBonner,RubyWhitaker,andsomanymore.AmongthepoetsIthoughtofduringthewritingwereNikkiGiovanni,GwendolynBrooks,LucilleClifton,SoniaSanchez,andKattieMilesCumbo.Andwherewouldthisworkbewithoutmysister,champion,andeditor:RosemaryBrosnan?
Icouldnothavewrittenthisworkoffictionwithouthavingreadbooks,articles,andinterviewsthatcoverthisperiod.IspecificallycouldnothavefelttheclimateofthetimesfromBlackPantheraccountsandperspectiveswithoutDavidHilliard’sTheBlackPantherIntercommunalNewsService.
Iwantedtowritethisstoryforthosechildrenwhowitnessedandwerepartofnecessarychange.Yes.Therewerechildren.
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AbouttheAuthor
WinnerofthePEN/NormaKleinAward,RitaWilliams-Garciaistheauthorofsixdistinguishednovelsforyoungadults:mostrecently,JUMPED;aswellasNOLAUGHTERHERE,EVERYTIMEARAINBOWDIES(aPublishersWeeklyBestChildren’sBook),andFASTTALKONASLOWTRACK(allALABestBooksforYoungAdults);BLUETIGHTS;andLIKESISTERSONTHEHOMEFRONT.ThelatterwasnamedaCorettaScottKingHonorBookandwaschosenasanALABestBookforYoungAdultsandabestbookoftheyearbyALABooklist,SchoolLibraryJournal,TheBulletinoftheCenterforChildren’sBooks,TheHornBook,andPublishersWeekly.RitaWilliams-GarcialivesinJamaica,NewYork,isonthefacultyattheVermontCollegeofFineArtsintheWritingforChildren&YoungAdultsProgram,andhastwoadultdaughters,MichelleandStephanie.Youcanvisitheronlineatwww.ritawg.com.
Visitwww.AuthorTracker.comforexclusiveinformationonyourfavoriteHarperCollinsauthor.
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AlsobyRitaWilliams-Garcia
BlueTights
EveryTimeaRainbowDies
FastTalkonaSlowTrack
Jumped
LikeSistersontheHomefront
NoLaughterHere
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Credits
Jacketart©2010bySallyWernComport
JacketdesignbyJoelTippie
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Copyright
ONECRAZYSUMMER.Copyright©2010byRitaWilliams-Garcia.AllrightsreservedunderInternationalandPan-AmericanCopyrightConventions.Bypaymentoftherequiredfees,youhavebeengrantedthenon-exclusive,non-transferablerighttoaccessandreadthetextofthise-bookon-screen.Nopartofthistextmaybereproduced,transmitted,down-loaded,decompiled,reverseengineered,orstoredinorintroducedintoanyinformationstorageandretrievalsystem,inanyformorbyanymeans,whetherelectronicormechanical,nowknownorhereinafterinvented,withouttheexpresswrittenpermissionofHarperCollinse-books.
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Williams-Garcia,Rita.
Onecrazysummer/RitaWilliams-Garcia.—1sted.
p.cm.
Summary:Inthesummerof1968,aftertravelingfromBrooklyntoOakland,California,tospendamonthwiththemothertheybarelyknow,eleven-year-oldDelphineandhertwoyoungersistersarrivetoacoldwelcomeastheydiscoverthattheirmother,adedicatedpoetandprinter,isresentfuloftheintrusionoftheirvisitandwantsthemtoattendanearbyBlackPanthersummercamp.
ISBN978-0-06-076088-5(tradebdg.)—ISBN978-0-06-076089-2(lib.bdg.)
[1.Sisters—Fiction.2.Mothers—Fiction.3.Poets—Fiction.4.AfricanAmericans—Fiction.5.BlackPantherParty—Fiction.6.Civilrightsmovements—Fiction.7.Oakland(Calif.)—History—20thcentury—Fiction.]I.Title.
PZ7.W6713On20102009009293
[Fic]—dc22CIP
AC
EPubEdition©December2009ISBN:978-0-06-196667-5
10987654321
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