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THE MBT BULLETTHE MONTHLY NEWSLETTER O F THE MIDWEST BUDDHIST TEMPLEMidwest Buddhist Temple * 435 West Menomonee Street * Chicago, IL 60614Resident Minister: Reverend Ron MiyamuraPhone: 312. 943.7801; Fax 312. 943.8069; W ebsite: www.midwestbuddhisttemple.org

Volume 61, No . 10 October 2011WHEN A LOVED ONE DIES

by Bishop Koshin OguiOur sorrow consists not in the shortness of life,

but in our inability to make suprem e use of the present mom ent.John died. I said to Jo hn 'sloved ones, "I believe Johnlived his life w ith his ability an dwith his might in his karmicpath. He shared his life with hisfamily and friends when thingswere good or bad or sad orhappy. I enjoyed playing golfwith him."

When a loved one dies, Iextend respect to the family andfriends who shared his jo ys andsuffering. Also I am sure thatJohn's truthfulness, wisdom,kindness, patience and smilewill never die, but will shine inour hearts and give us the lightof wisdom.

I also admire the family fordeciding on a service which ispractical and meaningful.When someone we care fordies, we have strong feelings.We don't know what words tosay. But when we come to thetemple we light candles andoffer incense and chant sutra.Our mood becomes lessagitated; we settle down . Apeaceful feeling is created.Then the feelings which arise atthe loss of a loved one aresomewhat less difficult for us.When our minds are calmed, wecan become open to the realityof life.

I could say hundreds ofbeautiful words to comfort youin your sadness. You may feelsecurity and satisfaction at thetime of a loved one's deathwhen hearing and thinkingabout many ideas from thevarious religions. But Iencourage you to develop the

J encourage you to developthe ability to face death as apart of life...ability to face death as a part oflife, and from there you mayovercome your sadness andlearn to take care of your life.I have heard people say somany times, "I can't believe it!I just talked to him o n the phon elast night." Or they say, "I haddinner with him two days ago!I can 't believe it!" For twenty-five years as a minister I haveheard people say countlesstimes, "I can 't believe it!" Itdoesn't matter whether youbelieve it or not, it happened.It's beyond our beliefs. Thetruth always manifests itselfbeyond our beliefs.

It is very difficult to acceptthe reality of the death of a

friend or family member,especially when the loved onedies at the age of forty-seven.Is forty-seven young ? Youngand old are interesting concepts.What is young and what is old?Ten years old is old\ Just ask afive year old. Forty-seven isyoun ger than eighty-five. Sothis man died at the age offorty-seven, yet reality is quitebeyond our grief and words.You see, whatever we say orhowever we express ouremotions, the reality is verycruel. And so it is, he died atthe age of forty-seven.

In our western culture wedon't look at such things asburned bodies and the remain-ing bones. Rather we observethe body in an embalmed stateand then cover the body up in acasket. We say, "He went toheav en." But we are kind ofscared to see the reality of itwhich is interesting.Rennyo Shonin, a priest ofShin Buddhism , stated in one ofhis epistles, "In the morning wemay have radiant health; in theevening we m ay be white ashesWhen the winds of uncertaintystrike, our eyes are closedforever. W hen the last breathleaves our body, the healthyContinued on Page 2

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October 2011 Page 2colors of our face aretransformed and we lose theappearance of radiant life. Ourloved ones may gather around

In the morning we mayhave radiant health,in the evening w e may bewhite ashes.and lament, but to no avail."That is a very cruel message,isn't it? When a person dies,loved ones can do nothing tobring the person back to life.Rennyo wrote further, "Whensuch an event occurs, the bodyis sent into an open field andcremated, leaving only whiteashes. What a sad plight." Aswas the custom in Japan in thepast, the family waited until thecremation was over, then theypicked the bones and placedthem one by one into a box.This aids the family in realizingthe death of the loved one.

We will have questionsunless we face the reality thatour friend or family memberhas died. Rennyo is telling usto develop our ability to see ourlife as it truly is, to see thechanging nature of human life,to accept the reality as it comeswith a truthful mind. We tendto see things, including thedeath of a friend or relative,with our convenient mind ofegoistic mind. We even getangry at the person for leavingus by dying. With time, atruthful mind will accept thingsas they truly are.

Ikkyu, a Zen priest, said, "Itis good to die when we die. It isgood to live when we live."Tha t's all! Behind such asimple message, he's sayingHey, you! While we are living,why not learn to concentrate onliving? Even though we may

want to die, we will not die untilthe time comes. Conversely,even though we may not wantto die, we will die when thetime comes.John died at the age of 47.

We may think this is too youngto die. W e generally think that.Even I think that, you know?What age is a good age to die?I asked a lady in our templewho was 103, "Isn't it hard tolive up to 103?" She said,"Ye s." The saddest thing shehad to go through was facingthe death of her own child. Forparents to face the death of theirown child is extremely difficult.So I don't know if living thatlong is good or bad. She was ingood health and cared for by herfamily mem bers. She sharedher wisdom and compassion for103 years. But until the timecomes , she cannot die.

I found it hard to sharewords with a friend who wasbedridden. I bough him a bookas a gift and wrote on the frontpage so when he was by himselfhe could read. Our sorrowconsists not in the shortness oflife, but in our inability to makesupreme use of the presentmoment. He then could reflecton what this message means forhim in his life.

So what does this mean foryou and your life? It' s abeautiful spring day, and yourheart is beating. Yo u're notbedridden; you're able to walk.Yes, you're very fortunate to bein good health, so why not learnto enjoy your life? Th at's agood question, how can wemake ourselves enjoy life?Without the experience ofsadness, frustration, arguments,unhappiness, we would never

be able to realize what

enlightenment means. Unplea-sant, unhappy happenings inyour life are important oppor-tunities to experience, to learnfrom, and then to grow. Soplease don't be disgusted withyourself, nor get disgusted byyour friends, your society, yourcomm unity, your nation or even

Unpleasant, unhappyhappenings in your life areimportant opportunities toexperience, to learn from,and then to grow.other nations. This is the placewhere we are able to experiencelife and the joy of enlightenment.What I am saying aboutlooking at death, acceptingdeath as a reality, is not anegative way of looking atthings. Wh en we truly knowthe meaning o f death and dying,we are able to see the meaningof living. To know dying is tokno w living. We usually thinkwe will live a certain amount oftime beyond where we re livingnow . I am fifty, so I might havethirty years left, and if I live thatlong, I'll be glad.

But, inhalation andexhalation are a matter of birthand death. If your breathdoesn't return to you, you aredead. W e're actually living anew life everyday. BuddhaDharma emphasizes you arereborn every day. Wh en youwake up in the morning, placeyour hands on your heart andsay Wow! My heart is beatingthis morning! Now what can Ido this morning? Live eachday, each new life, live today![This article was taken from Sensei Ogui'sbook, Zen Shin Talks, compiled and edited byMary K. Gove. It is available for purchasethrough the temple for $15plus $3for postage]