november/december 2011

The magazine for the Kidicorp communityFor happy, confident learners

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Welcome to the Kidicorp family. This might be the first time you have read our magazine, Bright Start. If it is, may I welcome you to the Kidicorp family. We began the magazine three years ago to increase our sense of family amongst teachers and to better connect us with our parents and their families. We have found it is a great way for us to tell everyone about the great work our people do to help children love learning.

We named the magazine Bright Start to reflect the importance of education and learning in any child’s start. We are a voice for our wonderful teachers - so you can read about some of the ways they are supporting children’s learning. We also want to provide you with quality parenting information and practical ideas to entertain, educate and have fun with your children.

My name is Wayne Wright, managing director of Kidicorp. With my wife, Chloe we are committed to giving as many children as possible the best learning start by providing centres staffed by qualified teachers in well-resourced learning environments.

Every year children are readied for school by our caring teachers. In many cases our dedicated teachers have spent not just months, but years guiding children to explore, learn and play. All our teaching team put so much into every day of your child’s life. We are very grateful to their commitment and love of children.

This is my chance to wish them a relaxing holiday, may you have some happy moments with your own families and come back refreshed.

To those families leaving us as your children head off to school we wish you well. We are confident that the experiences children have had at one of our preschool centres has set them up for future learning.

I look forward to sharing 2012 with you.

Wayne.

Publishing detailsEditorial direction: Victoria Carter.Contributors: Valerie Davies, Maureen Hawke, Liz Fletcher and Jane Brown-SmithPrinter: Geon Limited.

For advErTISIng and EnquIrIES, PlEaSE PhonE: (09) 250 4136.

Bright Start is published by Kidicorp Ltd.PO Box 276 177, Manukau City, 2241.Phone (09) 250 4136; Fax (09) 250 1072.Email: brightstart@kidicorp.co.nz

No article can be reproduced without permission of Bright Start. ©Copyright Kidicorp Ltd 2010.

Kidicorp is new Zealand’s largest private early childhood provider. over 18,000 children are enrolled annually in Kidicorp centres around new Zealand.

Bright Start aims to increase our sense of family amongst our teachers and to better connect us with our parents and their families.

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contents

4 Shorts

6 our People, our centres

8 Are you a parent or a buddy? by Valerie Davies

11 childcare is okay by Victoria Carter

12 Using music to stimulate learning by Liz Fletcher

16 Why grandparents are important by Valerie Davies

18 Fun that costs noTHInG by Jane Brown Smith

From THe brIGHT STArT TeAm

Wayne with wife Chloe and grandchildren.

“It takes a village to raise a child”“Ma To Marae Te Tamaiti I Whakatipu”

4 BrIGHT STArT

cuddlingDid you know that cuddling your child is the best thing you can do for him or her? Cuddling and touching results in the production of hormones in the brain. These are the hormones that make a baby calm and happy, develop emotional stability, and also make connections in the brain that cause intelligence to develop, meaning brighter children.

Lack of human contact affects children in orphanages and children who experience neglect, meaning they are missing various hormones that make us feel good.

So cuddling your baby, especially when she cries, really matters. And if you think about it, it’s common sense. Who doesn’t want to be comforted when they are miserable? Leaving them to cry, which causes stress hormones to accumulate in the brains, is bad for them, leaving them to feel un-nurtured and insecure.

So cuddling is good for babies – and pretty nice for mum too.

booKS

theVeryhungrycaterpillarBoardBook&Blockset by Eric Carle rrP $30.00 Penguin

This children’s classic evolved from Carle’s interest in nature, an interest he says children share. The Very Hungry Caterpillar tells the story as children count one to ten. Then children can match the numbers and colours with what the caterpillar eats until a beautiful Butterfly is born.

His art uses collage in bright and colourful images. His books give the reader a chance to learn something about the world around them. Carle attempts to “recognize children’s feelings, inquisitiveness and creativity, as well as stimulate their intellectual growth.”

SPecIAl oFFer We have 5 copies of the Scrap book to giveaway. Please put your name and address on the back of an envelope or email brightstart@kidicorp.co.nz with your name and address to be in to win!

heaVenBy Bob graham Walker Books rrP $29.95

A broken, old bus appears one morning outside Stella’s house. On the front of it, held up with packing tape, is a hand painted sign... “Heaven”.

This is a charming story children will enjoy about a little girl, her neighbourhood and how her community comes together to play games, have meetings, and have fun. One day the bus is towed away and Stella must fight to save not just the bus but everything that the bus helped to create. Endorsed by Amnesty International UK it has sold over 2 million copies! For over three’s.

topparentingtip

CorreCTIon. In our last issue we had a story on HIPPY, we should have said HIPPY stood for Home Interaction programme for Parents and Youngsters.

Quick,goodeatingIf you see milk on special, buy an extra one and make a nutritious rice pudding, full of calcium for those growing teeth and bones. If you’re too busy to make it the day you buy, pop it in the deep freeze, and make it when you have more time. Only the full cream milk doesn’t freeze.

rIce PUddInG 600 ml milk 4 tablespoons rice 2 tablespoons sugar

Wash rice and put into oven-proof dish. Add the sugar and milk. Stir all together. Bake for at least two hours at 120 C to 150 C. The slow cooking makes it creamy.

Stir two or three times during cooking. If you boil the milk first it cooks in just over an hour

You can put knobs of butter and sprinkle nutmeg on the top, or add sultanas. Children of all ages can eat this, either on its own, or with cooked fruit.

BrIGHT STArT 5

“The child’s way is like that of the first tribesman to wander over the earth...The instinct to move about, to pass from one discovery to another, is a part of their nature, and it must also form a part of their education.”

- Maria Montessori

WHAT A PArenT SAyS:

Says parent Brylee gibson, “what I liked about Montessori was what I saw. Active, busy independent children displaying curiosity and creativity, who were focussed and self directed. My son was encouraged to act on his own, to do things for himself, to learn naturally. So at home, I have a child who can do things for himself, put on his shoes and socks without asking for help.

“I saw children free to explore and learn at their own pace. I worried that my son wasn’t interested in writing or drawing. “It’ll happen when he’s ready,” the teachers told me,

“of course they were right, and he’s drawing and writing now at his own pace and developing a love for it, after all education is not about filling the pail but lighting the fire.

“Montessori works because the philosophy is simple, the teachers passionate and the environment rich. I’m so glad I chose a Montessori school.”

theBippoloseedandotherloststoriesby dr. Seuss rrP harper Collins $26.99

Everyone has a favourite Dr Seuss book. He made reading to children fun and humorous. He began writing because he ‘lamented the use of boring reading primers in schools’. Now seven never published stories have been found, The Bippolo Seed and Other Lost Stories which will no doubt revive these humorous, rhyming and rhythmic books.

The enchanting stories include The Bippolo Seed, in which a scheming cat leads an innocent duck to make a bad decision, The rabbit, The Bear, and The Zinniga-Zanniga, about a rabbit who is saved from a bear via a single eyelash and The Great Henry McBride, about a boy whose far-flung career fantasies were bested only by those of Dr. Seuss himself.

SPecIAl oFFer We have 5 copies of the bippolo Seed to giveaway. Please put your name and address on the back of an envelope or email brightstart@kidicorp.co.nz with your name and address to be in to win!

iloVemyselfBy angela Smith rrP 20.00 See Kidicorp special

Angela is a life coach who thought children needed to be reminded of how to love and take of themselves. With its simple child like drawings and child-centred language it gives children affirming messages. read aloud, it will remind children that everyone is different, has their own way of doing things, and it’s okay to say how you feel!

For example, on one page it says, “I love myself, when others aren’t nice, I say, please stop.”

SPecIAl oFFer mention Kidicorp when you buy the book and only pay $18.00 including postage and packing. visit www.truepotential.co.nz

6 BrIGHT STArT

Environmental sustainability is part of the daily programme at the Abc Wairau centre, with the children looking after the gardens. Some children have been busy growing a variety of plants in all manner of ‘pots,’ from baby baths to gumboots!

The centre has its own worm farm. Children collect the ‘liquid gold’ and feed the plants. Peas in the garden are measured weekly and the growth is plotted on a chart that displays their progress in a way the children can easily understand.

celebrating daffodil day at Styx mill christchurch.

First Steps Palmerston north knows children love messy play so the teachers made SLIME. “We took it outside and let the children investigate it. We chatted about how it felt playing with bright green slippery stuff! Playing with the Slime or anything similar encourages children to relax and enjoy the process rather then the end result”.

The children at montessori Flagstaff Hamilton are using fishing rods to catch wooden fish. This activity is refining their hand eye coordination. The children have a chance to problem solve as they try to get the hook into the wire by the fish’s mouth. The children also chat and socialize while taking turns and waiting patiently for their turn.

Brendan from melling community Kindergarten in Lower Hutt, discovered a seed in an apple he ate! This led to a kindy project of growing and caring for plants. Starting with mung beans, mixed sprouts, strawberries and flowers before moving on to beans and sunflowers in larger containers. The children have inquired, explored, experimented and learned lots. They’ve worked alongside each other, shared ideas and taken ownership of their little gardens.

Children at edukids Taradale had a wonderful ‘from the egg to the farm’, chicken lifecycle learning. Children had rich and real learning experiences as they watched the eggs in the incubator hatch. They counted down the days They learnt about the many breeds of chickens and watched them grow taking care of their daily needs to keep them healthy. They then went on a trip to a farm to release the chickens to their new home (free range).

To support the children gain confidence and control of their body, learn co-ordinaiton, balance, locomotion skills and much more, Wanganui’s Topkids Harrison Street Toddlers and Preschool centres attend a Boogie Buddies session run by the YMCA once a week, The children sing and dance, as well as having access to gym equipment with skilled instructers. These sessions also teach turn taking, positive and constructive attitudes towards competition, as well as respect and responsibility for the group and themselves.

BrIGHT STArT 7

Here’s some of the team at northwood Preschool christchurch getting into rugby World cup mode, they even got their own slot on local television!

The children at this Paraparaumu centre Abc bluegum road have been flat out kneading, stirring, rolling, grating and baking.Centre Director Donna Maddren says the project was an extension of the Healthy Heart award, the centre recently received from the National Heart Foundation. Soup, spaghetti and meatballs, pizza and fruit platters are just some of the delicious masterpieces on offer. While the children bake and create, they are also learning about healthy eating and the processes of getting food onto a plate. The best part of the project? Eating their tasty creations at the end!

Naughty rabbits are something of a theme at ABC! Children and teachers at Abc Waikanae recently spent ages planting and tending to a range of flowers, flaxes and herbs as part of their gardening programme. But they hadn’t counted on Coco the black rabbit!

During the night after the planting project, Coco got out of her cage, and had a midnight snack on lavender and flax.

“She stripped the lavender completely, there were little bite marks everywhere.”

Coco often gets out of her hutch and has adventures including regular visits to the nearby school. Despite Coco’s efforts, the children have done a great job of watering and measuring the plants that are left. Some of the herbs, such as mint and chives have been used in our baking.

L to r, Bronson, noah and Lucas with Coco.

The children from Kids to Five dey St Hamilton had an exciting trip to the Hamilton Gardens where they learned all about where the haka came from and experienced a Maori welcome.

Back in September the team at Abc mahora South Kindy in Hastings planted yummy veges in the garden to encourage and promote healthy food choices. Over the first two weeks children and teachers watched and then all of a sudden one day they appeared to have shrunk!

Was it a bird? Was it a snail? No it was Lollies, the centre rabbit who had enjoyed some “takeaways.” Teacher Tom O’Carroll says Lollies is normally very well-behaved. But it seems our veges were just too tempting!”

The solution: raised garden beds and vege planting in the centre window boxes.

And just in case any crafty sparrows have cottoned on to Lollies’ game … the children added windmills and some shiny decorated CDs in the window boxes to scare them off.

Over in the kindy room at Kids to Five maui in Hamilton, the older children are prepared for school. An exciting curriculum developed with the support of the local school means the children are well on the way to learning the alphabet, letter names and sounds. The programme is children led. Pictured are some children taking turns and playing on the computer.

Pictured is Carley kneading, and Grace testing!

Hamilton’s Kids to Five maui has teachers with over thirty years combined experience in working with infants and toddlers. They know how valuable a variety of learning experiences are from painting to mess play, music and movement and more. Some of the toddlers explored the sensation of paint on them, the patterns they can make, and enjoyed the wonderful freedom of making a mess and being allowed to.

8 BrIGHT STArT

By giving into our children, instead of sticking to well thought out rules, we can create super-brats, the sort we see on TV toddler taming programmes.

BrIGHT STArT 9

By valerie daviesI listen to a young mother anxiously offering her child a variety of breakfast choices, and trying to please a tyrannical three year old. I hear another trying to persuade an adamant toddler to put on her coat on a freezing day, and giving in, so they go out with desperate mother holding the coat in the hope that the toddler might relent eventually.

Both mothers wanted to make things okay for their child, rather than make an adult decision and tell an infant how things are.

Children need boundaries and clear-cut rules so they know what their limits are. They are actually comfortable with a clearly defined set of rules that they can conform to, and know what is required of them, and what is a no-no. Both toddlers in the two instances I quoted didn’t have these boundaries, so they were playing a game of finding out where the boundaries actually were. They also knew, the way every human being, and even a dog knows when you’ve got someone on the run!

If we were reading a Hans Anderson fairy tale, we would know, without being told, that the little princess who had her every wish gratified, and who dictated to the adults around her, would grow up to be a tyrannical, spoilt, inconsiderate adult. And in the fairy story she would have to learn a severe lesson to learn how to live cooperatively and thoughtfully in her world, before she could live happily ever after.

Today, this mythical fairy story is an every day occurrence, with many parents so anxious to make their children happy, to be buddies with their children, that they forget their roles as parents, and above all, as adults. They want their child’s life to be idyllically happy, and wrongly think it won’t be if sometimes they have to be firm or even tough parents. What they don’t realise is that if children know their parents are fair, firm bosses, there will actually be fewer arguments and less conflict. Parents should be the leaders of the pack.

It’s the job of parents to teach their children how to live in the world. This means learning about rules, good habits, responsibility, self-discipline, and considering others. These things are what make a good citizen, a pleasant companion, and a loyal and loving family member.

But if we don’t teach our children how to behave, and instead give them choices and licence to do what they want all the time, then we are failing them, and creating a generation which may well be called the “ME” generation with very good reason.

Children who start school never having learned to simply do as they are told, create problems at school, as any harassed teacher will tell you. Teachers can find that instead of teaching the three r’s, they are teaching children to behave.

When we let our children run the show, we are giving up our authority, and if children don’t learn to respect and obey authority in the home, then they will not be trained to accept it anywhere else, either. Some experts feel that the very real breakdown in authority, which has meant that twice as many fifteen year olds are prepared to lie, steal and indulge in anti-social behaviour, has been sheeted back to a lack of discipline in the home.

Another trend which modern parents have taken up with great zest is to keep telling their child how wonderful they are... according to some experts this puts such high expectations on the child that many opt out for fear of failing, or in other cases, expect rewards and top jobs to fall into their laps without any effort on their part - because they’re clever and wonderful aren’t they!

In all child rearing as in everything else, there is a middle way. We don’t want to revert to an earlier style of child rearing which was all discipline and no room for flexibility, but we also need to know and accept that normal family life does sometimes mean conflict. Children with character will not become yes-men and women and sometimes they need a reasonable explanation. The older they get, the

10 BrIGHT STArT

more reasonable it is to give an explanation, but that still means sticking to our decision if it is reasonable

By giving into our children, instead of sticking to well thought out rules, we can create super-brats, the sort we see on TV toddler taming programmes.

Yes, sometimes children will want to spend all their time on game boys, texting, or computers, but parents have the right and the duty to draw lines about all these things plus, tidying up clothes, helping with chores and being cooperative members of the family. And yes, this can mean battles of will and arguments. This is what family life is all about, testing boundaries, accepting limits, learning self-discipline and accepting as parents that sometimes our children are going to hate us.

And so often as adults those same children will admit that they were secretly glad when their parents forbade a party or school trip or some other activity that they felt pressured into by their peer group. It’s a great let-out for a child to be able to say, my parents won’t let me.

It’s also a comfort to other parents to discover that there are other parents out there putting down their foot, saying no.

There have always been some children who are one out of the box, a bit hyper-active, a bit over-sensitive, a bit retiring... and it’s up to parents to accommodate their differences... sometimes in despair, with a hyper-active child, parents resort to ritalin... who hasn’t wanted a pill to change their life, or change some one else? But, some parents have found that extra Omega-3 has helped. Some have used it as an alternative to medication.

Many parents, because they feel guilty at working and being too busy or too tired to stick by the rules, give in around things like bed-time, play-times, meal-times... They unconsciously feel they are making it up to the child because they’ve been so busy. But parenting is easier, and children easier if you decide on a few reasonable rules and stick to them - even if you think your children will hate you for never

giving in on bed-time or whatever.

Parenting is not about popularity. It’s about bringing up reasonable, decent, human beings with a sense of responsibility, a sense of fun, and an ability to cooperate with others on our tiny planet.

BrIGHT STArT 11

By Victoria CarterKidicorp employs over 1500 qualified teachers who are deeply committed to their work and to ensuring that every child in their care has the best learning start and best emotional support possible, while they are away from their parents. There are some very good in-home carers and also some very bad ones. Just like there are differences in the kind of quality your child will get at childcare. All we ask is that you judge carefully. As this story shows, good quality childcare centres will tend to be better for children than informal and unsupervised care by untrained carers.

In an ideal world some people feel, they wouldn’t send their child to childcare. Conventional wisdom is that children are better-off learning at home.

But most opinions about childcare are based on feelings rather than hard information. There is, however, a body of research about childcare versus staying home with mum.

There used to be a phrase in child psychology coined by the late Dr Winnicott, called “the good-enough mother”, and it gave great comfort to many mothers who worried that they could or should be better mothers. By this phrase, he meant that the mother who gives love, care, comfort, consistency, and a normal family life, is good enough. But what is normal family life today? And perhaps the working mum who enjoys her work but still is there for her children can offer love, comfort, and consistency. And how do you know that the stay at home mum who looks after your child while you work can give these things?

do better in a good quality childcare centre than in an informal childcare arrangement.

Among the reasons for this is that children get to be with plenty of other children in their own age group, and develop both language skills, communication and social skills in this setting.

Childcare centres also have a range of equipment and activities which stretch and extend childrens’ abilities, their staff are all trained to know when a child is ready for the next stage of their physical and mental development and have the skills to support their growth. They understand how to use language, water games, sand play, music, reading, and all the other activities of a good childcare centre to keep children amused and stimulated.

Unlike home-based care there are no periods of watching tv, or waiting while Granny or the caregiver chats on the phone. All the staff at a childcare centre are on duty all the time and available throughout the session. Because there are a number of staff, they can support each other, and swap notes on each child, so nothing goes unnoticed.

For older children the skills they learn at pre-school and childcare centres means they start school feeling confident and able to cope with the classroom.

All this encouraging research means that caring parents don’t need to beat themselves up if they decide they need to send their child to childcare. Too often parents feel guilty when they make this decision, but the evidence shows that mother care is good for children, and so is good childcare.

Source: National Institute of Child Health and Human Early Childcare Research Network Development, “The relation of childcare to cognitive and language development”, Child Development. Vol 71. No 4, July/August 2000.

choosing ChildcareThe things that distinguish good childcare include sensitivity and responsiveness to a child’s needs and signals, happy, supportive and encouraging interaction with the child, which includes being friendly and involving, and above all, chatty, as this extends the child’s communication skills. The other big advantage of good childcare is the cognitive stimulation, meaning teaching, extending and interesting the child, thus giving the child opportunities for physical, mental and emotional growth.

Studies comparing exclusive mother care versus quality childcare and home-based care, show that there was no difference by the age of two in cognitive and language development between exclusive mother care and good childcare centres. In fact, children in formal childcare with professional skilled staff did better than children in all types of care by three years old. The number of hours spent in quality childcare seemed to make no difference to the child’s development.

This research seems to show that exclusive maternal care is not necessarily better than a good quality childcare centre. On the other hand, the same research showed that good childcare centres are better for children than home-based care, whether by family or paid child-carer. Children

children do better in a good quality childcare centre than in an informal childcare arrangement.

12 BrIGHT STArT

I was driving my two year old grandson and he was a bit grizzly. I started to sing a song and very quickly his mood changed and he began to clap. When I stopped he cried out, “more nana,” he didn’t mind the repetition either!His smiling face and laughter told me he enjoyed the music! Music is a powerful stimulant; it can alter a child’s mood instantly aildren so many things, that words can be sung, that they have a meaning. And who hasn’t been moved when they have heard their child singing to themselves.

Babies are able to recognise their mother’s voice from others. They will register a playful voice they recognise by moving their arms and legs or cooing. A child’s brain develops its full potential when exposed to enriching experiences, like music, in early childhood.

Sadly too many children reach school age with very little musical stimulation. We talk to a child for 12 months before we get a verbal response but it doesn’t stop us talking to our child. It’s the same with music. The more you put in, the more you sing, the more your child and you will reap.

Babies who are sung too will sing. Children don’t sing automatically. Children surrounded by music and singing will sing in the same way that children who are spoken to will speak their own language.

T Butican’tsing….Young children don’t notice if you are singing in tune or not. Children seldom sing in tune between 2-4. They notice if you are enjoying yourself and having fun. They will pick up on your enthusiasm so sing, sing, sing, nursery rhymes or any of the children’s songs you can remember. Then one day when you miss out a word your child will fill it in! Make up songs. Sing what you are doing, “I’m peeling potatoes to mash for your dinner.”

Sing about the washing, mixing the play dough, anything. Find instruments in your

By liz Fletcher

Music using

to learn more

cupboard. A gladwrap cardboard roll on an ice cream container is in my toy box. Cellophane makes a great scrunchy noise, a wooden spoon on an upturned saucepan makes a good drum too. Playing with the instruments and singing encourages creativity, self-confidence and curiosity.

T noticethenoiseTurn the radio or tv off sometime. Encourage your child to listen, use quiet voices. Play a game of guessing what the noise is. Make the sound of the clock, tick, tock. rat a tat tat, who is at the door? Help children appreciate the rain on the roof, the birds singing, a cricket or a waterfall.

BrIGHT STArT 13

T explorenoiseEnjoy music together. Use the radio and dance with your child. Show them how to sway and cuddle to a different beat. Children rarely sit still when they hear recorded music. Give them a ribbon or a scarf to wave and watch as it moves to the music or as they wave it. Action and music are great for muscle control. Help your child hear the rhythm or beat in the music.

Children who are exposed to music and movement find it easier to learn later in life because their brain has been given a boost.

14 BrIGHT STArT

Kids Music Club Brain Food for Your ChildGive your child a head start in life with the KindyRock kid’s music club. We send age related music, activities and tips directly to you, helping you provide a music education for your child from home from birth.

p: 09 292 2121 / e: office@kindyrock.co.nzwww.kindyrock.co.nz * Mention this ad when booking.

Expires 31/12/2011 KCBS1

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newborns:Make music the normTPlay gentle music and combine this with massage. Touch and hearing are the strongest sense for a newborn.

Trock baby in time to the music.

Tlie your child on your tummy and gently move arms and legs. Stroke palms and soles to encourage reflex movement. reflex is the first involuntary movement the infant brain learns to control. gentle and slow is important in the first three months, for baby to process these new sensations. Babies:3-12 months. Repetition is the keyTMove with music: rocking, swaying, lifting high and low, upside down time and tummy time.

TSinging along with music. Sing all the time.

TPlaying with instruments. Shakers and bells that instantly make a sound are great. remember everything will go in their mouths so make sure they have rounded shapes.

toddlers:TMove with music. Move in time to the beat clapping, hopping, jumping, swaying. use props such as scarves, puppets.

TSing nursery rhymes. Sing about an activity you are doing – make up a song. E.g. this is the way we wash our face. Sing a song and get your child to echo, “It’s a lovely day (it’s a lovely day)”. Sing when it’s time to tidy up the house.

TPlay with music. use instruments that are easy for little hands to grip, small shakers, bells, drums or tapping sticks. preschoolers:Tdevelop a good sense of beat by playing and moving in time to the music. It is important to have movements that can cross the midline with your actions (so left hand goes to right knee). Experiment with different ways of moving and stopping. Stop with your arms out, with one leg up, crouched down in a ball etc. Moving backwards, sideways to music.

TKeep singing, it’s a great way to develop language skills, vocabulary, listening skills, syntax as well as a sense of pitch.

TPlay with music. use instruments with different sounds. guiros, triangles, assorted shakers, drums or tapping sticks. Play along to music developing musical and physical skills.

With thanks to Judy Cranston Kindyrock.

Music activities for different ages

BrIGHT STArT 15

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By valerie daviesChristmas is the time when we know in our bones that family is more than parents and children - it’s all about the people we grew up with, parents, brothers and sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles, and above all, grandparents.And it doesn’t matter what culture we belong to - Christmas, being holiday time gets to be a family get-together for many people, whatever their religion.

There are two groups of people who revel in it. No prizes for guessing the first group - the children of course, while the other are the grandparents - the youngest and oldest who have an affinity which has always been an aspect of human cultures since the first family group sat round a cave fire.

Just as parents discover that they have a sort of free-masonry with all other parents, so it is too with grandparents. From just being the parents of adults who often find them old-fashioned or irritating, as soon as a baby is born, the grandparents on both sides suddenly have another important purpose in life. They

become valuable again, as baby-sitters, reliable back-stops, rocks in time of stress or trouble, and a resource who have all the experience which the new young parents lack.

And along with the experience comes the knowledge, sometimes the wisdom, and certainly the confidence of having done all this before. So when the new baby first arrives, in all the joy and excitement the grandparents can give the parents the support they need. When the second comes along they are there to look after the first-born, and help in myriad ways when new babies explode into the family circle with all the surprises and stresses they bring, no matter how much the baby is wanted.

As the children grow older, and the parents more confident, grandparents ease back from the hands-on support they give when the baby is small, but their value increases as time goes by. When things are going well, families seem to manage perfectly well without them, but it’s when life starts to hit turbulence, that grandparents re-surface as the rocks

for their children and grandchildren to cling to.

But it isn’t only during hard times that grandparents have their value, of course. While parents value them for their loving support, their grandchildren value them for other things as well.

Grandparents usually give unconditional love, and as recipients of that rare and precious form of love, children blossom, and revel in being with their grandparents.

Often parents think grandparents “spoil” their grandchildren, and it does go with the territory. But there’s more to it than that. For children to be with someone un-critical, who isn’t worried if they don’t eat their vegetables, (their own children have grown up without eating all their vegetables!), has time to jump puddles, watch butterflies hatch, or simply be an admiring audience while they climb a tree, is special.

My granddaughter still remembers us jumping on her shadow when she was eighteen months old. One sunny day with my four littlies in the park, they all decided to move on down a steep bank to climb another tree and play in its roots. “Come on Grannie,” the eldest called.

“It’s too steep for me, darling,” I called back, “you go ahead.”

“But it’s no fun if you’re not watching”, was the reply.

I realised in that moment, that what our grandchildren want is our time, our presence, and our enjoyment of them.’ And in their turn children learn to love, respect and enjoy another generation.

Grandparents of both sexes are the repositories of a society’s culture. They pass on the family history in casual stories, they teach skills and proverbs, share information and spiritual values. They give an emotional and spiritual depth to the family life, and at their best, are emotionally available. My grandmother taught me to knit and sew, skipping-rhymes and prayers. Not many children want to learn these things any more, but they do want to know how to grow things and look after our world, even how to cook. So though many grandparents may not be computer-literate, they have other gifts to share! They have time,

patience and perspective, they have usually mellowed and can bridge trying times with humour and calmness and even wisdom. That newspaper column called “What your granny should have taught you,” isn’t really a joke. It’s stating a truth we all know, that there’s a fund of practical folk lore, skills and information in all cultures which it’s the duty of grandparents to pass on.

The ideal grandparent is always there when needed, and they are never more needed than when illness, death divorce or other disaster hits. They can give both emotional and practical support, and it’s often during divorce that they can be of most use to their suffering children and grandchildren. By not taking sides between daughters or son in law, they can remain a neutral but loving base for both estranged parents and heart-broken children to turn to.

Grandparents can help their grandchildren by listening non-judgementally to everything they pour out, and are often the only people the children feel they can talk to without seeming to criticise their beloved parents. There are some heroic grandparents in our society who have shouldered the job of parenting their grandchildren in their retirement, coping with their own arthritis and infirmities when death, disaster or drugs have robbed the children of their parents. The older generation can give the emotional stability which a family needs in troubled times and in ordinary times.

So at Christmas, when the grannies are wielding washing up mops, or whipping up a spoily pudding, or grandpa is bowling gentle cricket balls to his energetic grandsons, remember that they are integral part of a child’s life…that though they thought being your mother or father was their most important task, now they have one just as important. Families need grandparents. Christmas especially demands to have every member present, and every generation has its part to play. The memories of these happy times with the same rituals and customs and the same people they love last forever in a child’s memory. Whatever the religious beliefs of a family, this experience of inter-generational sharing, laughing, playing and eating makes the festival a time of love for all.

Grandparents of both sexes are the repositories of a society’s culture. They pass on the family history in casual stories, they teach skills and proverbs, share information and spiritual values.

Valerie Davies, her husband and one of her grandhildren sharing Christmas.

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By Jane Brown SmithChildren don’t want money, they want love. and when we spend time with them, they feel loved.The Warehouse used to have a slogan that the best thing we can give our children is our time. It’s true, and though children may enjoy a nice big trampoline and other expensive toys, the thing they want most, and love best, is spending time and doing things with their parents.

So here’s a list of fun things to do with your children this holidays that doesn’t cost money, but will certainly make them feel they’ve had fun, and will also make them feel loved. Loved children are happy children, and happy children are easy cooperative children, so it’s win-win all the way.

With little children, remember the things you did. If you’re on holiday or at home, games like three-legged races, sack races (using a pillow case if you haven’t got a sack!), even crawling races, and potato and spoon races, they love. It makes for lots of laughter and good humour. Prizes can be tiny – a smartie or a biscuit. Hunt the thimble can be fun at the beach with a tiny shell that you can all search for on the beach before playing the game at home, or keep a special thimble or other tiny object just for this game at home (don’t forget the “hot and cold” routine, as they get closer to the hiding place, and further away.) My grandchildren went on playing this game until they were ten.

When they’re little, and you’re stuck inside on rainy days, crawling races get them going with lots of laughter and

rolling around. And don’t forget the joys of blowing bubbles, using wash-up liquid and bits of twisted wire. Even older children can’t resist having competitions for who can blow the biggest bubble.

Plan for activities based on the weather. When it’s fine, practising somersaults, and leapfrog keep them active on the grass or the beach, and treasure hunts, (a sweet wrapped in silver paper safe from ants) -and clues hidden around the garden if the children are old enough to read. The prizes can be choosing what to have for dinner, or being able to choose their favourite TV programme. Though

it may seem boring, ball games with mummy and daddy are their idea of fun too, especially when daddy misses a catch, or gets run out.

With slightly older children they love to plan with you, working out which days to go for a long walk, or start their painting project, or decide to do certain things every day, like reading a story together, each child choosing one favourite thing to eat each day in turn, and so on. Planning together makes them feel trusted and included.

Small children love playing with a collection of big cardboard boxes from the dairy, to make into trains and boats and houses. It’s worth

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“Though it may seem boring, ball games with mummy and daddy are their idea of fun too, especially when daddy misses a catch, or gets run out”.

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laying in some pots of paint, sheets of cardboard as well as paper, and plan a theme for every-one to do together (including you), painting a house or the view, or a flower...my seven year old son and his friends spent several absorbing days drawing and planning their ideal house, and at the end of the holidays, you can have an exhibition, and make it an event, hanging up the pictures.

A potato and paint and a piece of paper or cardboard, and you have the makings of potato cut-outs making patterns with the shapes each child (and adult) carves from their half of a potato, then dipping in the paint and pressing out on the paper.

Make the days fun, even when it’s raining. Have a picnic under the dining table, with a big blanket over it, so the children are in a cave, and let them eat fish and chips or takeaways. One holidays we just cooked a huge pudding (Bombe Alaska - sponge, fruit salad, ice cream and meringue popped under the grill in this case, but any special pudding will do) and had nothing but pudding for lunch. My children still remember this with relish. On holiday you can all enjoy the fun of the spontaneous and unexpected, and your children will never forget those days.

Don’t forget the joys of cooking. Children of both sexes love to feel

they can cook, and in the holidays you have the time to teach them simple things like scones, and muffins. When you’re cooking the meal, include them, get them to learn to chop and whip and stir (if they’re not too handy at first, don’t criticise, just encourage - it’s supposed to be fun!). Children love being helpful, and feeling included, so make the most of their enjoyment at helping you. They also start to feel confident and responsible if they learn adult skills. So time spent making, doing, creating things with parents is not just fun, for while increasing the skills, vocabulary and happiness of children, it deepens the bonds of family affection.

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