Non bullying health auxiliary
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Transcript of Non bullying health auxiliary
Creating Non-Bullying Communities
Using radical welcome to build strong community.
What is Bullying?Bullying is when one person uses an imbalance of
power to hurt, humiliate or exclude another over a
period of time.
What is Bullying? Teasing is not bullying unless it is always the same
person being teased. Mutual teasing is an important
part of social interaction.
What is Bullying?Not being made a part of a group is not bullying
unless that exclusion is deliberate and wide spread.
What is Bullying? Losing a fight is not being bullied, unless the fights
are frequent and the person always loses.
The Costs of BullyingVictims of bullying feel isolated, their learning is
negatively affected and it may cause some social
problems in the future. On the other hand most
victims are able to get past the abuse and live
productive lives.
The Costs of Bullying The bullies tend to continue their antisocial behaviour
and have a much greater risk of substance abuse,
abusive relationships and criminal behaviour.
The Costs of Bullying The community is fractured by bullying. This
brokenness affects everyone’s ability to function fully.
Causes of BullyingMany people still think that bullying is just a part of
childhood.
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Bullying doesn’t stop with age. It is a sad truth that we don’t grow out of bullying. In
fact bullying becomes established as management in
work and volunteer situations. Though not as often
physical. The psychological and emotional bullying
that happens in adult grouping is no less isolating and
damaging to the individual and the group. The
learned behaviours of children become our practice
as adults unless we become mindful of them and
make a deliberate change.
Causes of BullyingBullies and victims both have lower social skills and
function differently in groups than their peers.
Causes of BullyingBullies use their tactics to achieve a short term goal.
They are often incapable of conceptualizing long term
consequences.
Causes of BullyingBullies learn their tactics from inconsistent and/or
abusive parenting. They may also become bullies to
stop being victims.
Responses to BullyingMany anti-bullying programs simply shift the focus of
bullying from the victim to the bully. Any response
which shames the bully or punishes the bully will be
seen by the bully as unjust. It will cement the
behaviour rather than eliminate it.
Responses to BullyingRemoving the victim from the situation may be
penalizing the victim for being bullied. Removing the
bully will mean that they don’t learn appropriate skills
for social interaction.
A Community Solution The issue of bullying is a community issue. The
solution is a community solution.
A Community Solution If we are living radical welcome, we must welcome
the bully and the victim into a new way of relating, not
just with each other, but with the community as a
whole.
A Community SolutionWhen a community is integrated and healthy,
everyone learns successful ways of fulfilling needs.
When they have a problem fulfilling needs, the
community responds to help.
Three parts of Welcome DiversityWhen we make a conscious effort to name and
welcome diversity, difference becomes strength. Imagine playing a hockey game with only goalies on your team. We need all kinds of people, the more kinds we have the richer we are as a community. Very often we subtly suggest that difference is weakness. It is in how the leadership in our groups manage people who don’t quite fit in. If they are always pushing them to be like the others, they are not modeling welcoming diversity. It is important to train staff to see many ways of participating.
Three parts of Welcome Diversity
Three parts of WelcomeRelationship In community relationship is at the core. We want to
teach healthy relationships with each other in what ever situation we find ourselves. The first lesson is how the leadership relates to each other. The second is how the leadership relates to the volunteers. This is where it is important to keep an eye on teasing. While teasing is an important tool for building relationships, it can’t be allowed to be one sided or focused on one individual. Having leadership who don’t mind being teased and model healthy exchange is vitally important. The value of names is huge here. When the staff know their camper’s names, the campers feel part of the team.
Three parts of WelcomeRelationship
Three parts of WelcomeCourageCourage sounds like a difficult thing to teach, but
once people know that courage is a response to fear, not the absence of it, it becomes easier. The truth is that taking action in a community requires courage. Suggesting another way of doing things, taking the side of a victim, becoming a friend to a bully all take courage. It also takes courage for a community to acknowledge that bullying is not ‘their’ problem, but ‘our’ problem. Naming things gives us power over them, and naming bullying as a problem in the community will empower solutions.
Three parts of WelcomeCourage
Bullies and the Bible There are lots of examples of bullies in scripture. King
Saul was a bully as were many of the Kings that followed, some of the interaction of the disciples suggests that they had bullies among them. The important thing to note is that violent response to bullying is not what the Bible teaches. What we see again and again through the stories is that the response to bullying was the restoration of relationship. Jesus didn’t throw the disciples out, he kept teaching them and showing them the radical welcome of the Dominion of God.
Bullies and the Bible
How do we respond?Bullying is going to happen. Everyone comes with
their learned behaviours. That means some will fall into bullying behaviour while others have issues that may lead to them being targets. Even if there are no easy targets, the bullying behaviour may still happen. If we respond by coming down on the bully and blaming/shaming them then they don’t learn about relationship. This is where the idea of restorative justice is helpful. How do we restore relationships that have been broken? It is a very different question than whose fault it is.
Making it work The key to creating non-bullying community is the
leadership. Not leadership in terms of telling people
how to behave or not behave, but leadership in terms
of how the people in charge treat each other.
Making it workA vital healthy leadership team will model strong
community and the group will follow.
Making it work Find and encourage the natural leaders in the social
groups. Everyone wants to be ‘cool’. If the cool ones
refuse to bully, most of the others will.
Questions
For more information see http://bit.ly/nonbullying