Nine Ground Rules for Working With Stories Terrence Gargiulo - 415-948-8087

8/14/2019 Nine Ground Rules for Working With Stories Terrence Gargiulo - 415-948-8087

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NINE GROUND RULES FOR WORKING WITH STORIES

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Incorporate Vulnerable

Authentic

Congruence

ElicitNon-

judgmental

ConnectConnect

Stories

Make

Room

To be effective at working with stories in learning environments, there are nine groundrules to follow:

1. Be Able to Expand or ollap!e a Stor"

Stories can vary in length. Stories can be as short as a sentence or two. In fact I have

been in situations in which a single word becomes associated with a story alreadyknown by the group or that has emerged from my time with them. For example,consider the sentence, The emperor has no clothes.! If a group of learners were

wrestling with a theme of mass denial, the reference to the classic "ans #hristian$ndersen story of an emperor who is wearing no clothes, and the reluctance of peopleto point this out, could bring %uick clarity to learners.


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$s a facilitator, it is your &ob to decide what the right amount of detail for a story is. If youare using a story as an energi'er or to give the group a chance to catch its breath,lavishing a story with rich detail may be a wonderful way of massaging people(s tiredbrains and emotions. )n the other hand, if you are stringing together a complex set ofinterconnections between ideas in a discussion and key learnings, your story will be

more succinct. The composition of the group also factors into your decision of howmuch detail to include. This necessitates that you can reconstitute a story with eitherless or more detail, depending on your analysis of the group and its needs.

*ven if you are not the one telling a story, it is your &ob as a facilitator to guideparticipants to share their stories with the appropriate amount of detail. This is done byacting as a good model, anticipating the tendencies of individuals, and, if necessary,giving them some constraints before they launch into their telling.

2. Incorporate material relevant to the group into stories

+ood storytellers know how to customi'e a story to a group. Think back to when youwere a kid and your teacher personali'ed a story by using your name or one of yourfavorite things as a detail in the story. idn(t you feel engaged and excited to becomean integral part of the story- as your imagination stimulated- The same is true foradult learners. e love to see ourselves in the situations being painted by a compellingstory. )ur techni%ues for incorporating relevant material into stories with adult learnerscan be as simple as weaving in a personal fact to richer ones such as referencing otherpeople(s personal stories. $s you become more adept at this you will find yourselfnaturally weaving in all sorts of artifacts from the group(s process or history. In this waystories cease to be stale since they offer tellers a way to stay invigorated. The very actof weaving in new material with the story will create opportunities for the teller touncover new nooks and crannies of meaning.

3. Be willing to be vulnerable with a group

Stories are not for the faint of heart. Stories open the space between us and others.They are a scared tool for deeper reflection and insight. e have to let go of our needto control the thoughts, reflections, and learning processes of others. In their truestsense, stories are not a behavioral tool for hitting the right button in others to produce adesired, predictable outcome. The experiential nature of story demands vulnerability.$re we willing to learn in front of others- #an we remove the artificial boundaries that

we erect in learning environments to protect our authority- Stories broaden ourawareness before they focus it. Imagine an hour glass. The top of the glass is wide. Thesand drops down through a narrow crack before it falls into a wide basin below. Storiesare similar in this respect. $s we explore the interconnections between our stories andtheir relationship to other people(s experiences the learning environment might feelscattered and chaotic. /eople might ask, here is this going-! Inevitably you will askyourself the same %uestion. 0ntil suddenly the story drops through the narrow hole of

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analytical discourse and opens into a new vista of insight and meaning. The story hasbeen a catalyst for learning and is a new buoy for anchoring future ones. 1one of this ispossible if we do not make ourselves vulnerable with a group. Sharing a personal storyis a wonderful way of softening a group and modeling the openness stories re%uire to

work their magic.

4. Be authentic

hether we are conscious of doing it or not we are constantly evaluating theauthenticity of others. henever we detect even a hint of falseness or any other form ofselfishness or negative intentions in someone we shut them out. $ny hope of building abridge constructed with mutual active listening is completely destroyed and most of thetime there is very little chance of rebuilding it once we lose the trust of others. 2ou mightshare an experience or two as a means of engendering credibility with a group."owever, avoid telling stories for self3aggrandi'ement. It never achieves the kind of long

lasting impacts of reflective, experiential learning that stories are perfectly suited for.

5. Make sure there is congruence between your stories and your behavior

e lessen the potential of our personal stories when our actions and stories do notcorrespond with each other. 1o one is asking you to be perfect. hen leading a group

we often need to accentuate ideals. If there is a blatant contradiction between storieswe tell and how we act, we will ruin the climate of trust, openness, and reflection wehave created by working with stories.

6. licit more stories than you tell

The shortest distance between two people is a story. )ne of the chief reasons to tell astory is to elicit them. Stories act as triggers. e want to draw stories out of people. $sthe number of personal experiences shared increases, so does the %uality and %uantityof experiential learning. *ven if someone does not share his or her story out loud, ourstory will set off a series of internal reflective events. /eople scan their index of personalexperiences to find ones that match or resonate with the ones we tell them. It is notalways a direct one3to3one correspondence. In other words, the stories we elicit inothers will not always have an easy to see relationship to our own. e are afterconnections.

!. Be open" respect#ul" and non$%udgmental o# the stories people share

Treat all stories with respect. hen someone shares a story they have given us a partof themselves. "andle it accordingly. The fragile pieces of our identity rest in ournarratives. 1ever feel entitled to know anyone(s story. /eople will share what they want,

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when they are ready, and in a manner that does not violate their sense of themselves."owever, you will be surprised at how willing and eager people are to exit theprecarious myth of their separateness and embrace a sense of belonging granted bytying their experiences to those of others in a tapestry of shared consciousness.

The most vivid pictures we own are the stories in our hearts. Stories support a lattice ofhuman experience. *ach new story acts as a tendril tying us to the past, making thepresent significant, and giving shape to the future. Stories by their nature are amicrocosm of who and how we are, so be sure you(re always respectful and non3

&udgmental. e can never fully understand the mysteries of someone else(s &ourney.Stories have no need to compete with one another and stories exist to coexist with eachother. $ct as an unbiased, self3aware, gracious curator and stories will usher in acornucopia of delights and wisdom.

&. 'onnect stories to one another

Treat each story as a building block that can be pieced together with another one togenerate greater understanding. Stories left in isolation are like cold statues inabandoned temples erected as grand testimonies of heroic accomplishments but devoidof depth and significance. I developed a group facilitation techni%ue called Story#ollaging4 5described in /art II of this book6 for helping groups see the connectionsbetween stories. 7eave no stone unturned. $s members of a group create a sharedhistory, lots and lots of stories will naturally emerge. 2our &ob is to remember thesestories and constantly look for how they relate to one another. 2ou are also tasked withinciting others in the group to do the same thing.

Stories are reflection in motion. )ne story leads to another and before you know it youhave a mosaic of experiences crisscrossing with one another. Stories are like the tinypieces of glass in a stained glass window. *very time the sun shines through new colorsand shades of meaning emerge. Story listeners function like the sun in our image of astained glass window. This is one of the most exciting things I do as a facilitator. I neverknow what will surface. The stronger the connections between the stories and thegreater the number of connections between them directly correlates with the %uality oflearning.

(. Build in more room #or story sharing when designing learning

Time to retire heavily scripted courses. Facilitating experiential learning with stories isnot for the faint of heart. It re%uires guts, courage, authenticity, and an ability to think onyour feet. "ere(s the secret: once you become accustomed to being in less control andcollaborating with a group the richer and more significant the learning will be. e mustbe willing to surrender a certain amount of our positional power to be effective. #huck"odell, 589996 in his book, ISD From the Ground Up,makes this point in a subtle wayby saying, The better the course goes, the less chance there is that anyone will

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appreciate the effort that went into it! 5p. ;emember if you tell astory and there is not enough time for people to respond with their stories, whateverstory you tell will be best served by a self3less attitude. 2our story should not be aboutimpressing others or driving a simple point home. 2our story needs to be rich enoughthat it is evoking people(s experiences. Ideally you want to be able to process this withfolks but if there is not enough time &ust be sure your story is rich enough to causepeople to reflect and synthesi'e their experiences in new ways.

lo!#n$ t%o&$%t'

(T%e onl" rea!on to !%are a !tor" #! to el#)#t !tor#e! *ro+ o&r!el,e!and ot%er!. Spend +ore t#+e el#)#t#n$ !tor#e! t%an tell#n$ t%e+.A)t#,el" l#!ten to t%e !tor#e! and -at)% %o- t%e" )an #+pro,e)o++&n#)at#on! and bld !at#!*"#n$ prod&)t#,e re-ard#n$relat#on!%#p!./

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Abo&t t%e A&t%or

Terren)e L. Gar$#&lo 00HSis an eight3time author, internatiospeaker, organi'ational development consultant and group procfacilitator speciali'ing in the use of stories. "e holds a =aster o=anagement in "uman Services from the Florence "eller Scho?randeis 0niversity, and is a recipient of Inc. =aga'ine@s =arke=aster $ward, the 899; "> 7eadership $ward from the $sia /">= #ongress, and a member of ?randeis 0niversity(s "all ofFame. "e has appeared on Fox TA, #1;, and on #11 radio amothers.

Terrence can be reached at terrenceBmakingstories.net, C


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2o&5re tr"#n$ to bld !tron$er -or4#n$ relat#on!%#p!. o you use your listeningskills to connect more meaningful with others-

2o&5re *r&!trated be)a&!e people do not l#!ten to "o&. o you have a hard timegetting your ideas heard or understood-

2o&5re t#red o* endle!! +#!&nder!tand#n$! and )on*l#)t!. o you clash with otherswhen you are faced with ideas and positions different from your own-

2o&5re not re)o$n#6ed #n "o&r or$an#6at#on. o you fail to get the feedback andrecognition you deserve-

Ho- 2o& W#ll Bene*#t

iscover your natural communication skills and start putting them to work

?uild stronger and %uicker working relationships

#onvey your thoughts, ideas, and feelings with clarity, confidence, and sincerity

/rocess verbal information with greater speed and accuracy

>educe confusion, frustrations, and misunderstandings when communicating with

others

1egotiate differences with poise and openness

ork more collaboratively with others to achieve better results Increase your visibility and respect in the organi'ation by strengthening your

listening skills

>educe reactive and negative exchanges with others

=aximi'e your awareness and sensitivity to others and your environment

W%at 2o& W#ll o,er

0ax#+#6e t%e o++&n#)at#on S4#ll! 2o& Alread" Ha,e

evelop awareness of the nine communication skills we all possess

=easure the degree to which you are currently using these skills

/ractice techni%ues for strengthening these skills

ork with a large collection of self3development activities to keep your skills honed

Strate$#e! *or Ta4#n$ #n 9erbal In*or+at#on

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?reak verbal communications into three channels of information 5content, emotion,

intention6

Increase powers of observation

*ngage people communicating with you to increase your understanding

Te)%n#:&e! *or Interpret#n$ t%e In*or+at#on 2o& Hear

#reate a mental picture of what you hear

>elate what you hear with your experiences

Sort through the interpretations you generate from listening to others

raw more reliable conclusions to guide your response to others and interactions

o++&n#)ate -#t% lar#t" on*#den)e and S#n)er#t"

Selecting the right words Finding good experiences and examples to share with others

"ear what you will say before you say it

0se compelling language and examples to paint a vivid picture of what you want to

communicate

Speak with your actions as well as your words

De,elop#n$ 2o&r A)t#on lan

=ake a commitment to try at least two new strategies in the work place

rite a learning plan to continue developing your communication skills

Select a goals partner from the course to check3in with on a regular basis for peer

support and feedback

SEIAL FEATURES

*xclusive $ward inning Tool HR Leader!%#p A-ard *ro+ t%e A!#a a)#*#) H&+anRe!o&r)e! on$re!!?reakthrough #ommunication $ssessment 5onl" a!!e!!+ent o* #t! 4#nd t%atexa+#ne! !tor"3ba!ed )o++&n#)at#on !4#ll!6G

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SKILL DESRITION

1. Tell#n$ Rela"#n$ #n*or+at#on -#t% a&t%ent#)#t". a#nt a ,#,#d en$a$#n$ p#)t&re *orl#!tener!.

Some examplesG

I use anecdotes when I communicate.I vary the tone and volume of my voice when I communicate.

I allow others to interject their own thoughts and experiences during a conversation.I invite my listeners to interact with me y adding details, anticipating the directionof the conversation, and contriuting comments.

;. Sele)t#n$ #)4#n$ -ord! t%at are appropr#ate to t%e )ontext o* a !#t&at#on to )learl")o++&n#)ate exper#en)e! )on)ept! #dea! or *eel#n$!.

Some examplesGI can always find a relevant experience to share.

!he experiences I share add to the conversation.

I can find experiences to share that communicate who I am.I can find experiences that resonate with my listeners.


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SKILL DESRITION

>. Ob!er,#n$ ra)t#)#n$ +#nd*&lne!! to be)o+e a-are o* t%e #+pl#)#t +ean#n$ #n ot%erpeople5! -ord! and a)t#on!.

Some examplesG

I care aout the success of the people around me.I have a strong sense of my own strengths.

I have a strong sense of my own wea"nesses.

I am sensitive to the energy, moods, and thoughts of others.

I purposefully review the details of my interactions with others.

?. El#)#t#n$ A!4#n$ e**e)t#,e :&e!t#on!. F#nd#n$ -a"! to dra- o&t +ean#n$*&l andrele,ant #n*or+at#on *ro+ ot%er!.

Some examplesGI encourage others to share their personal and professional experiences.

I see" to create a climate of sharing.

I am willing to e vulnerale with others.I tell my experiences to others in ways that encourage them to e open with me.I help others to recall their experiences y rephrasing %uestions.

I help others to recall their experiences y mirroring their language.

@. Re*le)t#n$ Re,#e-#n$ exper#en)e! -#t% )#r)&+!pe)t#on and extra)t#n$ 4no-led$e*ro+ t%e+.

Some examplesGI review my experiences to learn from them.

I relive the thoughts and emotions of my experiences.

I consider my experiences without judging them.

I consider my experiences without interpreting them.I am open to learning from my experiences in new and different ways.

I consciously wor" to understand my experiences in as many ways as possile,which results in a rich variety of insights.

&y current actions are influenced y my insights.

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SKILL DESRITION

. S"nt%e!#6#n$ F#nd#n$ *a+#l#ar pattern! o* #n*or+at#on #n ne- exper#en)e! and )reat#n$)onne)t#on! bet-een t%e+ and old one!.

Some examplesG

I see interrelationships etween all of my experiences.I ma"e sense of new situations y actively searching and extracting "nowledgefrom previous experiences.

I use my experiences to develop new and lasting wisdom.

I use other people$s experiences to develop new and enduring wisdom andinsight.

I connect my insights from one domain of activity to another.

I search my mind for similar past experiences to help me ma"e sense of novelsituations.

I search my mind for previous experiences to help me to see new and differentpossiilities in present situations.

. Index#n$ De,elop#n$ a *lex#ble ,a!t +ental !)%e+a *or retr#e,al o* exper#en)e!and 4no-led$e.

Some examplesG

I find myself thin"ing aout what I learned from my experience.

I can identify life experiences that have contriuted to the development of myvalues, eliefs, and attitudes.

I am aware of my values, eliefs, and attitudes and how they shape myunderstanding of new information and experiences.I share past experiences with others to help them understand my worldview.

I reflect and assess situations as they are occurring.

I review with circumspection my interpretations of what I hear and see around me.

ONTAT 0E TODA2 TO LEARN 0ORETerren)e C =1>3=3@ terren)e+a4#n$!tor#e!.net

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Nine Ground Rules for Working With Stories Terrence Gargiulo - 415-948-8087

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