T H E

P U L L - T H R O ’

W ith which is incorporated T he Noumea Nightmare, The Suva Sendoff,

and Samoa Sun.

T h e unofficial organ of the A d v a n c e P a rty of the N . Z . Exped itionary Force, A p ia , Sam oa.

VOL. I. No. II. OCTOBER 24. PRICE: 3d.

NEXT WEEK

WATCH

THIS PAGE

FOR

C A R T O O N

Vicissitudes and philosophy are allied. T h e vicissitude of this w eek 's issue is the failure oi our

C artoonist to cartoon. L et us then philosophise.

TH E POLL THRO’ October 24.

F A C E S O F T H E M O O N . O c t o b e r .

F u ll moon on M ondays and T hursdays. O ther d a ys: em pty. Closes on Satu rdays at 12. ______

T I D E .O u t this w eek. In next w eek.

SU N .A ll buglers w ill arrange for “ son” rise

15 m inutes before R e ve ille .

Births, Deaths, and Marriag-es.

B e r t h s .— Se e shipping.

M A R R I A G E .B e e t l e — M o t h . - O n O ct. 10th, at A p ia ,

by the R ev. Mr. Baldun, M iss R h inoceros B eetle o f M alifa, to M r. Sphinx Moth, o f V ae a . B oth doing w ell. M osquito Island papers please copy.

D E A T H .B e e f . — A t his late residence, Greenm ea-

dows, M aladie John B ull(e) B eef. Suddenly. A g e d 99. Funeral w ill leave the butcher’s shop three tim es each w eek until further notice.

Oe Full ■ Ore’S A T U R D A Y , O C T O B E R 24, IQI4-

GU HSELVES.TH E N atal d a y o f the PULL- TH RO’ has gone ten d ays, and the L itera ry Com m ittee aga in launch

forth into the b arra cks and tents

o f frien d s and contributors another issue. T h is , ispo faclo, is

sufficient ackn o w led gem en t o f the

unqualified success, w ell-w ish ers h ave m ade o f the first number.

If in the first stages d iscou rage

ment did creep into the hearts o f those, w ho instituted the jou rnal,

it received its death sentence, when they w itnessed the reassurin g reception.

Mirabile dicta ! T h e critics w ere k in d ly critica l. H ealth y, honest criticism w e w elcom e. T h e faults

o f a first, n ay even a second issue are in v a ria b ly m any and obvious. But not w ith us lies the entire re

m edy. Y o u , the mem bers o f the A d v an ce P a rty are the producers

o f the m atter we publish . C la ss ification of copy and arrangem ent

o f business detail, in volves the

editorial sta ff in a contest w ith Tim e. C om plain not to us that there is too little o f this, too much o f that. W rite w hat you w ant

S H IP P IN G N EW S.

A R R I V A L S .H ungarian M osquito F ieet from Foxton

Captains W hiteb ait and E els.P eruvian bark. s.s. Bacon. Captain H am

Sandwieh.D E P A R T U R E S .

H .M .S. H arlock.W .H .D . B ell.

E X P E C T E D A R R I V A L S , s.s. N ahvuer.s.s. Potatoes. 102 ton. C apt. (In) Sacks. H .M .S . H om e C om forts. C apt. W right.

and forw ard it to the com m ittee

man in you r C om pany. A ll are

invited to contribute. Y ou have

seen the s ty le o f paper w e intend

I the PULL-TH RO’ to be. Im itate ! — n a y im prove on w h at is best in

j its colum ns. T h e journal is YOUR

! official organ.

TH E Prin cipal event o f the w eek

: w as the arrival on M onday j even in g o f the s.s. “ T ofu a ” from

! S y d n e y and Suva. T h e steam er b rought a b ig A u stra lian and

N ew Z ealan d m ail, con sistin g o f 61 b a g s and 7 ham pers,& 4d there w as great re jo ic in g in the cam ps

at m idday on T u esd a y , w hen the

letters and papers' w ere d istributed. T h e arrival o f the m ail from

hom e is a b ig event in our lives now -a-days. Cut o ff as w e are from the outside w orld, w ith on ly m ea

gre w ireless d eta ils o f happen in gs

in the cockp it o f Europe, filtering s lo w ly through, even w eek s’ old

new spapers are p riceless treasures, w hile letters— w ell every

m em ber o f the force know s full ! w ell w hat his fee lin g s are when

1 a letter from hom e is received .! T h e sco rch in g sun, the mono- j tonous routine of garrison life

are forgotten ; and gone for the tim e being, are m em ories of wet,

lo n ely v ig ils on outpost, and nerve w ra ckin g alarm s at m idnight. E ven the m osquitoes and other irritatin g insects fail to receive their due m easure o f attention,

j and w ho cares if the Sergt. M ajor is still search in g for men

to com plete a patrol. Letters must

com e first. A month has elapsed

sin ce last mail day, and much can happen in a month. G en era lly

how ever, the new s is good ; and

on all sides tit-b its are b e in g

ex ch an ged . “ H ooray !” cries a

ponekeite, “ W ellin g to n has got

i the R an furl y S h ie ld at l a s t ; ” | “ N ew Z ea la n d b eat the E n g lish

! lad ies at h o ck ey ,” rem arks a no

; ther, w h ile R ep u ta tio n ’s dual ! success in the W a n gan u i S takes, ! and H aw k es B iy G uineas, is

ap p aren tly the b ig item in the racy lo o k in g C o rp o ra l’s m issive. T h e M ain F orce, h o w e v e r , is the

! c h ie f topic. E ve ry little item,| re latin g to our com rades in arm s,

is ea g erly sought after, and it is

w ith s tra n g ely m ixed fe e lin g s ! that the new s o f the send off, and

! the subsequent return to port o f

I the force is received. “ A ll ’s w ell j at home, but how is it w ith you,

| m y son ? ” It is M other’s letter, j D ear brave Mother, w hose pride

I in her so ld ier son forb id s the recital o f anxiou s n igh ts and tearful p rayers. A b lu ff good

luck from D ad, an envious bud

get from Tack, gathered in the

alm ost forgotten haunts, and last but b y no m eans least, H E R letter. A ll are full of cheer, all

tell o f the splen did reception a w a itin g us, on o.ir return and as

the last note o f “ L ig h ts out,”

dies s lo w ly aw.»y, it is w ith a fe e lin g of contentm ent that we turn s lo w ly over, fo rgettin g even

the hardness of the p eb b ly couch

in the g lad kn ow led ge, that a l l’s

well at hom e and th it the

A d v an ce G uard is not fo rg )tten

P o llin g in connecti >n w ith the N ew Z ea la n d election s w .is c T ried out d iring the w eek, under the supervision of Mr. J. E. H ull o f W ellin gton . Booths w ere e s ta b lished in the various cam ps and in the tow nsh p, and a b ig m ajority o f the men av ailed them selves o f the opportu nity o f reg is terin g th eir votes. It is understood th at close on 1150 votes w ere recorded. Mr. H ill returned to N ew Z ealan d b y the “ T ofua” on T h u rsd ay.

2

October 24. THE PULL TH RO ’

RUMOURED.

— T h a t it w as the British A rm y that rescued the S am oan B elle from the Y e llo w Peril. W h a t w as the rew ard D ick ?

— T h a t C uracoa, C hartreuse, C li- quot, Pom erey, P errier Jouet, B en edictine, etc., are barred. Is it b ecause we h ave not the m oney, or acquired the p alate for them ?

— T h a t since the pub lic h ave been let into the secret that the T ra n sport O fficer w ill ride Col. L o g a n ’s “ G overn or” in th e------, it has becom e a popular favourite.

— T h a t K ip lin g could find astonish in g m aterial for p oetry and prose if he could but hear a little I o f the repartee, vituperation, and go in g s on in th is little trop ical island.

— T h a t several o f the rank and file from the north o f the T w eed and Palestine, are sufferin g from angina pectoris, fo llo w in g the prom ulgation o f the order com m andin g the stam p ing o f letters.

— T h a t the 3rd A u ck la n d R egt. w ill shortly stage “ T h e M ysterious Mr. W illiam so n ,” or “ T h e Broken G lass .” By the w ay, the m arching o f the T h ird s has improved since the C hinese A d v an ce G uard set them an exam ple.

— T h a t w ashin g-soda m akes an excellen t substitute for b ak in g pow der. It is reg u larly used in the Im perial A rm y, and Sergt. Lee, too, o f the 5th R egim ent, coo ks and m akes scones and R o ly P o lys o f no mean order. T h e sergeant has undertaken to re- sole boots, using the sam e recipe for an yon e who w ill provide him w ith the necessary w ashing-soda.

— T h a t the authorities in N ew Zealan d, on b ein g asked to sup ply the E xp ed itio n a ry A d v an ce F orce w ith literature to read in cam p, at first w ere com p letely non-plussed. But, p u llin g them selves together, they co llected all the copies o f “ Trout F ish in g an d .S p ort in N ew Z ea la n d ,” and a large num ber of S tan dard 3 and 4 R eaders, together w ith all the bound volum es o f the P a rlia m en tary D ebates that they could lay hands on : this is a co llection o f such a varied and cath o lic description that it is felt that every m em ber o f the force must be am p ly provided for.

— T h a t a certain O fficer o f the | 3rd R egim en t is train ing his horse > on nothin g but "pickles"'.

— T h a t the G erm ans h ave run I out o f shot. O f course, E n glan d has A ldershot.

— T h a t the mules o f the M achine Gun Section are very fond of co- coanuts. O ne o f the more enter-

1 p risin g d elib erate ly com m enced to fell a b ig palm b y eatin g through the tr e e : but it w as not until one o f the men overheard him te llin g ! a fe llo w mule to put a sca rf in the

1 other side, that it was deemed ! ad visab le to m ove the mule lines.

— T h a t the P a lo lo fishing the ; other n ight w as not quite all that j it w as crack ed up to be— one ] m em ber o f the force had quite a busy time, co llectin g the em pty bottles flo atin g round the spot, w here th ey had anchored previous to the fishing. A nd his catch w as con sid erab ly more ! than that o f the fishermen. O thers ! w ished th ey had been elsew here when they saw the H eadquarters’ staff cru isin g rou rd too ; but lu ck ily no passes w ere asked for, and how on- w hen they returned to cam p is a m ystery, not yet solved. L u c k ily no serious accidents occurred, but it is quite tim e that our H arbourm aster set a very stiff exam ination for the lo cal p ilo ts— rea lly it is not safe to try to run a h ea vily laden launch over a coral reef under some six inches of w ater. A nd if it had not been for the nautical sk ill o f one o f the party, the R .A .M .C . would h ave had more to do, w ith less hands to help them do it.

— T h a t the R.A .M .C . have felt con sid erab ly hurt at the p au city o f w ork that they have had to do. O n e bullet wound is poor com p ensation for the am ount o f preparation that th ey have in du lged in. “ W h a t is the use,” said one prom inent m em ber o f the Corps last w eek, “o f b ein g prepared to restore a man from p ractica lly nothing, if w e can ’t put our pet

| theories into p ractice ? ” A nd so j w ithout more ado, he proceeded

to b ack his cavalli into the ditch, b y the side o f the road opposite the H o sp ita l— but here ag^iin he w as disappointed. F or a moment

j the sisters stood spellbound, as 1 th ey b eheld a shoe fly out on one

side, w hile the occupant g ra cefu lly w ent out on the other, with the cavalli upside down on the top o f him — but the horse w as a S am o a n ; it had had no mummi apples that day, and so, a lthough one sh aft w as a lon g its back, and the other som ehow entw ined am ongst its legs, it stood p erfectly still, with the result that our scientific friend had to ignom in- iously craw l out, and start to rack his b rains to find some other w a y o f p rovid in g a fit subject for his pet theories.

CONCERNING ANTS.

W o t I says is that there’s “ A n ts” and “ A n ts,” but wot I’m up again is “ A n ts” — D am ’em ! O ld K ip- perlin g ’ as w ritten sum m at about “ U nts” but I guess if ’e were ’ere ’e’d alter it to “ A n ts.” Y e r can ’t get a w ay from ’em. Y e r gits up in the morn in’ orl o f an ’urry, grabs y er socks and finds ’em covered w iv an ts— . T hen yer gets ’old o f other necess’ry garm ints and finds ’em the same, D am ’em. (T he ants, I m ean, not the gar-

I mints, th ey ’re G uv’mint and good !) W e l l ! Y e r goes a lon g to b reak fast, and w hen yer w ants the sugar, yer just ca lls for the “ A n t ’ ill,” and orl y e r cobbers know s w ot yer wants. WThiles y er ’av in ’ yer porrige, yer ’ 11 find one or tw o starts a ’korfin’. ’T ain t no consum ption— it’s just “ A n ts” D am ’em ! Y e r goes on dooty. D on’t m atter wot it is, G arde, F ateeg, or R oot M arch, and yer finds there’s som efing a ’ nibber- lin g at yer b ack bone and im m ed ia te ly thinks o f “ F lees,” but yer ’ron g— its “ A n t s ” - T o r k abaht get ’em orf yer mind, w hy, yer can ’t get ’em orf yer b o d y — let alone yer m ind! A b a h t 12 o c “ C ookus D ore” sahnds,— and then y er sits dahn on and to — more “ ants” —D am ’em ! T h e aftern oon ’s the sam e and so’s the T ea . In the even in ’ yer sits dahn for a quiet pull, at the pipe, and gets covered in ’em. Som e won says he sm ells som efing nasty burnin ’. Y e r looks in yer pipe and find it a fizzlin ’ w iv “ ants.” In desperashun yer goes ter tern in and b low me if the little d evvles arn ’ t orl over y er b lankits.

; A n ts is a darned news a nee, and I wot I says is “ D am ’em !”

3

TH E PULL TH RO ’ October 24.

REVIEW S.

T H E C R IT IC C R IT IC A L .

W e h ard ly an ticip ated th at our first num ber w ou ld so soon be cla ssed a lo n g w ith the p u b lications, w hose opinion and criticism w ou ld be w elcom ed b y the P U L L T H R O ’ L ite ra ry Com m ittee, and so w e are more than honoured to be a sked to rev iew “ T h e F lo ra and F au n a o f Upolu and S a v a ii.” T h e talented author o f th is w ork has con ferred a benefit on the long- su fferin g soldier. N ot on ly is it pub lished at the m arvellous (we m ight alm ost say unique) price of one “ sh e-lin g,” but it is cram full o f useful inform ation, and for the benefit o f our readers w e proceed to cull som e o f the ch oicer fra g ments.

“ E ve ry sch oolb oy know s who w as the fath er o f M alietoa, and w hen M ataafa first met R obert L o u is S tevenson, but we doubt if one in a hundred, even am ong the soldiers o f the Sam oan E x p ed ition a ry F orce can tell 11s how to capture the E g g Fruit. A s is well know n the E g g F ruit cannot see b y d a y lig h t, and consequently, those desirous o f capturin g this sim ple-m inded v eg eta b le must learn to ap proach it ca re fu lly on the le ft hand side, great care b ein g taken not to step on an y cen tipede or other insect, w hose m oaning cries m ight excite the w onder o f the ob ject o f our chase. H av in g approached w ith in range, the next m ovem ent consists in suddenly stretchin g out the right hand and c lu tch in g the E g g Fruit first b ehind the g ills .” — From this point to the co o kin g pot, we refer our readers to the book.

If this m om entous w ork had been published in time, no doubt the P a lo lo fish ing w ould not have been the fiasco that it w as this season, because those who read this book w ill find that the process is s im plicity itself. “ In the still early daw n, during the last quarter o f the moon, the inten d in g fisher must row out to the exact centre of the p erfectly still lagoon (neglect of these points in ev ita b ly leads to disappointm ent), and he must take with him a hammer, tw o la rge nails, an auger, and a piece o f A .S .C . cheese. H av in g arrived at the right spot, he must

nail the boat to the lagoon, then take au ger and bore a hole in the water, la y the ch eese on the edge of the hole and m ake a noise like a turnip. Should this not produce the Palolo, exam ine the ca len d a r for the next m oon.”

S o far, we h ave quoted the passages that relate to that most interestin g o f all subjects, the production o f food, but in conclusion w e must refer to the destruction o f F ly in g F oxes, those> p leasant little anim als, w hose con ju gal d ifferen ces m ake the tropical n ight as liv e ly as Q ueen Street 01* Lam b- ton Q u a y on S atu rd ay night. T h e m ethod is s im plicity itself.

“ G o out into the bush w ith a , d ice box and sh ake it v io len tly . T h e rattle o f the d ice arouses the fly in g fox, and the m oment that j you throw three sixes the unsusp ectin g victim flies for them, as 1 if th ey w ere m angoes, and the i rest is ea sy .”

T h ese excerpts stam p the author as a genius equal to M acau lay and B arry Paine, and endued w ith a w it and lo g ic superior to H arry Lauder. W e intend to w aste no time rea d in g his next book.

C A M P J IN G L E S .

[By M a l i f a .]

O u r Com pany knows P rivate Quinn.H is weakness is slings made o f gin,

But when tales he’s unloading O f shrapnel exploding,

H e ’ll p’ raps put the aspirate in.

Fred A m brid ge is a cheerful lad,His morals anything but bad,

H is truthful w ays will alw ays please,An d if, perchance, a shot he squeeze

Into you r ribs, just crack a wheeze,H e ’s harm less! ! ! f

M ac and Sn ow y out one night (Th e T w o others had no such luck !)

W ere sim ply frothing for a fight.T he fearsom e tales you hear them tell,

W ould make e’en K aiser W ilhelm yell. But O h! the hardness o f their lot,

T h e y never e’en a com rade shot.

F ergie hails from Aberdeen,F inancially lie’s very keen,

A guileless, pleasure lovin g chiel A t tw o a.m. he’ ll hom eward reel.

T h e y say he loves the land o’ Cakes,John W alker’s brew and other makes.

T h e re ’s P rivate H a r t— he’s keen at drill, No movem ent but he makes at will.

T h e y must have caught him on the nod F or now he’s in the aw kw ard squad.

! Pat Hanna was a painter mon,But soldiering he’s taken on.

t It is rumoured that a certain private ill exces sive zeal on outpost fatally wounded the atmos.

T h e y say a stripe is w hat he’s ’ arter,But w e’ve “ the chat” from old Joe

[Carter.H e ’ll n ever get his fu llest m easure

T ill Joe unearths the hidden treasure.

A n d now w e com e to G eorgie H ill,W ho ably fills the butcher’s bill.

In cam p w e ’ll never have his m a tc h ;H e rends the cow s w ith great dispatch.

W e know the L o rd w ill him preserve,H e ’s on the strength o f the “ R eserve.”

O h ! H ere ’s a word o f little cheer F or our old friend, one, M ajor B eere ;

Just now fo r crim es he will not cite us, H e ’s laid aside— appendicitis.

N ow here’s a word fo r M ajor C ow les F or on his men he never scow ls.

H e strides along w ith M artial tread,W e ’d have no other in his stead.

A n oth er one fo r Captain N eill,H e does his utm ost fo r our weal.

A com mon thing is eight days “ hard” “ U nshaved!” O n M ondays quarter-

[guard.

A n d now we com e to C aptain R oache T o him we can our troubles broach.

H e greets us all with friendly mien,But underneath it a ll— lie ’s keen. •

N ow M ajor H ead w e’ll next rem ark,Cuts quite a figure in the park.

I ’ll bet he’d look a slashing beau W hen cantering along “ The R o w .”

A final word for Captain Gibbs,W h o ’s troubled with a nag that jibs.

A n oth er ladies man I ’m sure,A n ardent honest-hearted w ooer.

A Sergeant M ajor too w e ken,1 W ho drills the am munition men. j T h e y say its not the lightest rod

H e w ields upon the aw kw ard squad.

A n oth er “ K nut” w e near forgot,W ho with the transport casts his lot.

Is one whose face is never wan,

O ur erstw hile friend L ieutenant Sw an. A n oth er name com es to our mind

W ith bearings gentle and refined,Y e t fearsom e tales he could unfold

T h e R .S .M .— a w arrior Bould,A n d now we com e to Sandy W eir

W ho sports a cau liflow er ear.

A lso the H ielanm an McM orran,W ho ’s com e to w ar w ithout his sporran,

A n d one in whose brain theories lurk,Arid jum bled dream s o f “ H op and K irk ”

j It is stated that a recen tly dis- | covered explosive, and D oherty

D uffs are now b ein g used in Europe w ith d ea d ly effect.

H ats o ff to the F ield E n gin eers ’ j C ooks, w ho h ave d iscovered a ! bran new b reak fast food. It is ' cheap and can be used in an em- ! ergen cy as fodder for the horses.| O fficer, to Juvenile B ugler, in- ! d u lg in g in a luscious pen ’orth of j L im e Juice at n ew ly opened c a n

teen :— “ W ell, m y lad. c m you tell me w h y they ca ll this the ‘can teen ’ ? ” J. B. — “ Y e s S i r ! ” O ffic e r :— “ W h y ? ” J. B .— “ Cos they ca n ’t e’en keep the ants o u t !”

4

October 24. TH E PULL THRO’

RAILWAY SMASHApia E xp ress Derailed

APPALLING LOSS OF LIFE

A ll A p ia aw o k e th is m orning to learn th at duriug the n ig h t a fe a rful c a la m ity had h appen ed , as the resu lt o f w h ich several fam ilies w ill be dep rived o f th eir b read fruit w inners. From sparse d eta ils to h and w e learn that the A p ia E xp ress w as w reck ed at Io p.m. on the V a ite le R oad . T h e dep ositions o f D river S m y rk e w ere taken at the H o sp ita l la te last nigh t, and in his ram b lin g a c cou nt w e g le an ed that he w as tra v e llin g at 80 m iles per hour (m ore or less). It appears th at the new “ W ” en gin e got out o f con trol ow in g to the traces b reak in g , and in less than a m om ent the d riv er had lost the reins. T o m ake m atters w orse the E n g in e sh ied at a co coan u t tree, le ft the lines, and plu n ged over the b ridge. O w in g to the riv er b ein g sw ollen , several p assen gers w ere sw ep t a w a y by the ro a rin g w aters, and the b u gle b e in g b lo ck ed up, the roll has not ye t been called .

C on trary to exp ectatio n s, the am b u lan ce men w ere first on the scene. “ H air P in Jim ’ ' w as eng a g e d in rea ch in g the p asse n gers ’ goods from the h at racks, and the sh rieks from the w reck a g e denoted th at the in ju red were in “ D y e r” distress. O n e p asse n ger’s fo o t w as so cau g h t th at a private had to “ H ew -itt” out w ith a p ick, and a “ G rose” or more passen gers w ere s im ila rly situated.

O f the A p ian p assen gers Mr. C en tip ed e has lost three legs, but can still “ carry on.” S ev era l m osquitoes, w ith p rom isin g careers, w ere nipped in the bud (we have looked up our referen ces on an atom y but can n o t lo cate bud). A n d nephew s w ill h av e to mourn the loss of th eir “ ants,” severa l b ein g m an gled in the w reck a g e . M any “ b ats” and “ cr ick e ts” w ere also am ongst the v ictim s, and it is feared the cr ick e t season w ill h av e to be postponed.

Mr. C H. H ile y , C om m issioner o f R a ilw a y s , has been cab le d for,

and latest a d vices state that he is in fu ll sail on board the “ Storm - b ird ” with the “ A m o k u ra” as escort.

S ad as the new s is, out o f the accid en t much good w ill result, fo r the opinion has ob tain ed for som e tim e past, that the c la ss o f e n gin e w as too h ea vy for the track.

N a tu ra lly m ilitary a ffairs w ere forgotten for the m oment, and all a lo n g the sea front, crow d s ag o g w ith excitem ent w ere d iscu ssin g the calam ity .

T h e funeral o f the victim s w ill ta k e p la ce to-m orrow afternoon, le a v in g the V a ea C am p at 2.30 p.m. T h e hearse b e in g in use, transport cart No. 7 w ill be used, and all ran ks desirous o f atten d an ce are notified that full dress w ill be worn, la v a la v a s b e in g optional.

N o flow ers, b y request, but those so desiring, can b rin g fruit salad and ice cream for the troops.

E N V IO U S T O M M Y .

O h ! its fine to w ear ,an O ffic er ’s sword and stride along so gay,

W ith never a pack or harness to wear, in front o f the crow d all day,

But its heJLat the end .of .the colum n o f route, a sw allo w in g all the dust,

A n d picking you r w eary w a y along till you sleep the sleep o f the just.

O h ! its fine to be an officer man untram m elled by word or rule

A n d look on yo u r men with the lo fty air beloved o f the blase school.

But its different fa r in a dusty tent on bu lly beef every day,

W h en a w ash is a pleasure, and stew s a treat, bare com fort is far aw ay.

O h ! its fine to w ear an O fficer’s star and have the run o f the pubs,

N o harassing cops along the w a y to g ive you nasty rubs.

But its tough for the man in the old black shirt, and sw eat rag o f d irty blue

W ith cash in his hand for forbidden beer, and meals that he m ay not chew.

O h ! its fine to be boss o f Com pany B at the m orning stand to arms,

A n d look around at missing gear, when you rouse at w ar’s alarm s.

But a man has no ord erly in the morn, or o ther official perks,

A n d a missing button upon yo u r shirt will class you am ong the “ shirks.”

But when we com e to the end o f tim e, and finish the great patrol,

T h e man with the short Lee-E nfield gun w ill fill a different role,

F o r w e ’re told that m erit will win the day, and guards will mount no more,

A n d the star and the crow n m ay be handicaps, when P eter opens the door.

Zim & V atso n h ave adopted and w ea r extra ju d ic ia l appearances.

THANK YOU!

T h e L ite ra ry Com m ittee o f the P U L L - T H R O ’, in acco rd an ce w ith the tim e-honoured trad ition , f o r w ard ed copies o f th eir first-born to all the le a d in g papers in the D om inion o f N ew Z ealan d . T h e fo llo w in g are excerpts from the com m ents m ade b y a few o f them on our R egim en tal J o u rn a l:—

T H E E V E N IN G P O ST , WELLINGTON.“ W e received a copy o f the Pull-Thro’

this week. W e w ish to com plim ent the E xpedition on their brigh t and breezy little effort. T h e paper is undoubtedly patchy, but, w ritten as it is by troopers, fo r troopers, under m any disabilities, it probably filled its mission, and raised a laugh.”

T H E N E W Z E A L A N D H E R A L D , A u c k l a n d .

“ In the whirl o f the Q ueen C ity we paused a mom ent to read the Pull-Thro'. W e do not think that the A u cklan d Boys received their just proportion o f attention, but w ere pleased to note that the capture o f the W ire less had been ju stly com m em orated. T h e fact that the H ero was an A u cklan der is taken for granted in the poem . T h e H arbou r looked v ery pretty last night at sunset.”

T H E T R IA D .

“ Pull-Thro' to hand.— T h an k you for nothing. V e r y poor stuff— printing bad, verse dam nable. T h e best thing the boys can do is to keep to their swords and leave the pen alone. T h e Pull-Thro' m erely apes at being w hat the T r ia d rea lly i s : sm art, clever, original, the best.' -fpr the m oney in the w orld . T h e T r ia d is never dull, n ever flat— would rather go out o f issue than be stodgy. W rite at once fo r term s, C are C. N. Baertz, B ox O, S k ite v ille .”

T H E W A R C R Y .

“ O u r noble leader ^Brigadier Blobbs was dread fu lly shocked to hear, through the ■Pull-Thro', o f the soul-destroying rav ages o f alcohol am ong the A rm y at Sam oa. O ne poor wretch made an open confession o f his backslid ing in his d iary. M ay you have strength to resist, dear b r o th e r ! K eep the mind em ployed. Sell the W AR C r y to the poor heathen. B rother S linking sold no less than 750 copies in W e llington last w eek. G lo ry ! Go thou, and do likew ise .”

N E W Z E A L A N D T R U T H . “ S o m e t h in g S w e e t F r o m S u n n y

S a m o a .“ P o o r P i f f l e r s P u b l ish a P a p e r .

“ Som ething w as doing when the British B oys got going on their paper the Pull- Thro’ . T h e y slugged the sluggish, peppered the pompous, and did nothing to the nobs. T h e y have a dreadful d isadvantage in the dearth o f dear dimpled donas d ivulgin g c/uicey details in the d ivorce court, in having no news o f nestling nuts nosing naughty N anceys in the night tim e. Still w hat they have they dished up O .K . T h e y don’ t w ow se neither— So G aw d bless ‘em .”

5

6 THE PULL TH RO ’ October 24.

B A L L A D O F T H E B H O Y S . j

(Î ast week we had the pleasure of publishing Fragment I. and promised Fragment II. Here it is. As at this distance 'in time some of the references may be forgotten, it would be as well to remind our patrons that the former fragment left off with the arrival at Suva : that die Moeraki had a turtle on board which at first amused and then nourished the men: that the Editor of the Suvan Paper stated that although there was next to 110 one 011 the pier when the ships arrived, the hills around held thousands of enthusiastic spectators : and that the dearth of fruit in tlie fabled Isles of Plenty was a never-ending source of wonder to the Troops).

FR A G M E N T II.

. The troopship fare was rather tame, and palled on the recruit;

(The troopship fare was musty spuds and bits of frizzled boot)

And so the animal within was clamouring for fruit.

Some even thought to swim ashore, but certain shapely fins,

That cleaved the oily surface, made them fearful for their skins;

A sudden snap, and they’d be up accounting for their sins.

No candidates were coming forth for seats among the blessed.

When suddenly a shark appeared quite different from the rest—

l ie sang in lovely harmonies, and liked his little je st;

He handed up bananas that had just begun to sprout,

And watched the Tommy take a bite, and watched him spit, it out.

And when he sold his cocoanuts, his humour didn’t cease,

He traded them to Tommy a t “ Sixy- Pens” a piece —

The real authentic origin of Jason’s Golden Fleece.

The man who wrote the leader in the Suvan local rag,

Filled up a column and a half with patriotic g a g ;

Enumerated all the boats at anchor in the stream,

Expatiated on their size, and used his surplus steam,

In pitching up a prattle of the popular furore,

Such a crowd was on the h ills-so run his little story—

As would cover (let us say), Kaiwarra to Karon.

A Journalistic triumph that! Let him memento mori

(That “ o ” is short for all I know— my Latin’s all to glory)

The Editor’s a decent chap, they wouldn’t like to grieve him.

They wouldn’t be so saucy as to say they don’t believe him.

But if he thinks they saw a crowd, they want to undeceive him.

The troopers noticed fearthworks all along the waterfront,

And waving plumes of Frontiersmen prepared to take the brunt

Of any small invasion that the foe might care to make.

In spite of his anaemia, the Suvan’s wide awake,

And he'd shew up to advantage where his country was at stake ;

Those Frontiersmen had made the town a toughish place to take.

Their carriage was magnificent, and . on j the nimble gee-gee

He looked a very soldier, did the Frontiersman of F iji;

His plumes, and spur, and brazen net, so | pleased the volunteers

They took a few of him aboard by way j of souvenirs.

And now the flagship gave the word, and | all prepared to sail,

In what the Skylarks called a breeze— the troopers called a gale;

And many men were sicker than they even were before,

And swore that they were something fools to leave their native shore.

But obedience to orders kept the head I and hands employed.

—A sort of daily gamble that at first they had enjoyed,

But later they were very bored— we almost said “ annoyed.”

Imagine Tommy Atkins as he’s standing on Parade

In the mazes of Webb equipment painfully arrayed.

A - trace of— well— resentment o’er his countenance would flit,

When an N.C.O. from nowhere would pass the word to “Git—

His putties in his mess tin, and his bayonet in his kit.”

He reckoned that the words of Alfred Tennyson were true.

That “The ancient order changeth yielding place to ne\y!”

Alfred must have served his time and been a ranker too.

For orders there ;we,re plenty, ;and they came in thick and fast.

With each successive' detail aVi improvement on the last,

Till the dear old Webb equipment was another Gordeon Knot,

With its owner chewing canvas, and wishing he had got"

A thousand tongues to help him curse his thrice^accursed lot.

They made him bring his kit bag up, and made him take it back,

And roll his greatcoat bandolier, then out it in his pack ;

Thenjroll the bandolier again, and pile it in a stack.

And if he wore his tunic up he knew it “ for a cert ”

An N.C.O. would order him to change it for his shirt,

And if he split the diff’rance and wore nothing up at all,

He’d heard the sun- would penetrate his neck, and he would fall

A victim to paralysis ; and if he stopped below,

He'dlstray into the Adjutant and then his cake was dough,

So what the flaming deuce to do the Tommy l̂idn’t know.

I

T h e 2d-a-day-G rub-Fund Com- ; pany, Ltd ., o f the 3rd R egim ent, has gone into liquidation, ow in g | to la rge d iv iden ds paid to the ! D irectors. O u tstan d in g accounts j are to be forw arded to Q.M .S. Sh a- ! dow b efore troops leave for Europe.

Wonders of the Pacific.

P A L O L O F IS H IN G .

N o doubt the most rem a rkab le th in g about the P a lo lo fish in g is the strict attention that these worm s p ay to tim es and seasons. F o r an hour or so, for just one d a y in the w h ole year, it com es into sight, and then retires for another y e a r ; and ye t the Sam oan is ab le to p redict its ad ven t with the utm ost precision. T h e m ethod w e are told is as fo llo w s — W h en the A lo a lo and three other shrubs com e into flow er, w hen the trees are putting forth th eir new shoots, then you m ay know that the P a lo lo Moon is near. Y o u scan the heavens for further signs. T h e b elt o f O rion has set, the Man and the D uck, the n ative nam es for one o f the con stellatio n s, can no lo n ger be seen, and then you know that the P a lo lo are clo se at hand. T h e new moon that fo llow s these signs is the one on w h ich to reckon, and its third quarter is the time for the m ysterious worm to com e to the surface.

But a sim pler plan is th is— the calen d a r kept b y the p rincip le ta lk in g man o f each v illa g e : H e has a b asket hung on the rafters, nine b la ck pebbles, nine red and green feathers, and three leaves. E ach d a y he drops a peb b le into the b asket. On the tenth d a y all are turned out and a feath er put

I in th eir p lace, so that a feath er is j put in on every tenth day. O n

the hundredth d ay nine feathers | and nine b la ck p eb bles are turned I out and a le a f put in their p lace, so

that when the b asket holds three leaves, five feathers and four p eb bles the P a lo lo is due next morn-

I ing !i T h is interval o f three hundred 1 and fifty four d a ys is good for | tw o years, on the third it is neces- ; sary to reckon three hundred and i e ig h ty four since the last P a lo lo

fishing.T h is is the m ethod b y w hich

the Sam oans keep the reckon in g. But how does the w orm — deep dow n in the co ra l— know w hen its d a y has com e, and w h y is it on ly found in Sam oa, F iji, and T o n g a ,'a n d then o n ly in certain spots? T h ese are questions w h ich we do not pretend to an sw er for certain ; but ap p a ren tly the Pa-

October 24. THE PULL THRO’

lo lo is not a worm at all, but j som e sort o f grow th throw n off b y a worm , w h ich is found in the coral o f the C h in a sea , just asm uch as round Upolu. T h is worm lives j all the y e a r round in the crack s o f 1 certa in cora l reefs at no great depth b e lo w low w a ter level, and the flo a tin g P a lo lo a re p a rts o f this la rg er worm , w h ich , under som e m ysterious influence, are throw n off on one d a y o f the year. W e h av e not touched on the sport o f the fish in g, but rath er w ou ld we try to probe the m ystery w h y S a- v a ii has P a lo lo tw en ty e ig h t d a ys b efore Upolu, w h y on the north sid e o f U polu there is o n ly h a lf a m ile o f ree f w here this worm lives, w h ile at F a le la ta i the reef has b een fam ous from im m em oria l antiquity. H ere is a field o f in v estigatio n open for an y natura list in the F o rce to m ake his nam e in, and the results m ight ea sily produce a better m ethod o f reck o n in g than feathers, p eb bles, and leaves, or w a tch in g for flow ers and sign s in the sky .

HOSPITAL DUTIES.

M o s p ita l D u ty ’s a v ery fine gam e,O r d e r l ie s all w ill tell you the same,S p o n g in g the patients and tak ing their

temp.,p l a c i n g things straight so the room ’s not

unkem p.1 1 m atters not if they have D ys’ or th e ’Flu,T y p h o id or D engue or T ic-D o lo reu x .A f t e r w e ’ ve doped them we put them to

bed,L u l l them to slum ber by strok ing their

head.

D a i l y and n ightly their wants we attend,U n g u e n ts and gargles supplied w ithout

end.T i e up their wounds w ith much bandage

and plaster—I f they com e o ff— w ell, ye gods, it’s disas

ter !E asily, orderlies have a soft job,S i s t e r s all w ork and o rderlies “ nod.”

(I don’ t think.)

A n o th e r m ystery solved. It now ap p ears th at a certain m em ber o f j the C ourthouse staff, to whom the old s a y in g apropos o f the hairs j o f ones head b e in g num bered, w as ; sa d ly prop h etic, is not g iv en over i to som nam bulism . B ein g pro- ; fo u n d ly im pressed w ith the w on derful fo lia g e o f A p ia , the ch eery optim ist now stands in the rain at m id n igh t b areh ead ed , hop in g for a tro p ica l grow th b y sunrise. N il desperanduni.

A N SW ER S TO CORRESPONDEN TS

C .B .— C erta in ly not. It is a crim inal offence to shoot a m ilitary policem an.

L i l o . — N o, Krupp doesn ’t m anufacture G erm an sausages, but siege guns, which are equally deadly.

J .O .K .— N o. I. Y es, you are quite right. N o. 2. G .O .C . is in com m on use, but J.O .K . is no recognised m ilitary abbreviation, unless it com es to m ean “ Joker O v er K o o lies .” A s k C orp oral 9th P latoon.

STONEY H a l .— I n answ er to yo u r inqu iry re yo u r name, w e find that it com es from “ Stonew all Jackson,” the G en eral, not the cricketer. H e w as one o f the most distinguished Southern G en erals in the A m erican C iv il W ar. A t the battle of. B ull Run before the tide turned in favou r o f the C onfederates, G eneral Bee called to his m e n : " L o o k at Jackson’s B rigade, standing like a stone w a ll.” H enceforw ard he w as fa m ilia rly know n as “ Ston ew all Jackson .” “ S ton ey” som etim es denotes absence o f c a s h !

“ In s o m n ia .” — T h e best cure is regular sleep. T r y a bung hole full o f L a ag er before bed.

“ S e d a n . ” — T he recent reference in the paper had nothing to do w ith “ chairs,” but recalled the unfortunate surrender o f Sept. 2nd 1870 when a French A rm y o f 80,000 under M arshall MacM dhon was surrounded in a defile by a pow er- I ful Prussian A rm y w ith 700 guns.

“ G n e ih o r s t AND SllARNENAU.” — Y ou have evidently m ixed yo u r drinks. H o w - 1 ever to answ er yo u r question whence these .names. England, as you know, | nam es many o f h e r . ships after her | fam ous admirals. G erm any having, as ' yet, no fam ous admirals, honours her | G enera ls by g iv in g their names to their | fighting ships. Scharnhorst (how the | name tastes o f our transport), and Gnei- 1 senau w ere the Prussian G enerals who ■ re-organised their cou ntry’s A rm y after Jena. T h e y adopted a system 'o f short service o f tw o years in the A rm y, which by trea ty was lim ited to 42,000 men. B y this m eans th ey had a small standing arm y, but a large and efficient reserve.

L .L .B .— A s far as possible suitable men are lum bered for such w ork. But w e agree with you that it is easier to draw a con veyan ce in yo u r office in W gtn . than to d raw one here, esp ecially when loaded with sand. But you can’ t expect the local mules and oxen to do it all. Be a sport.

X .Y .Z .— N o. W e think you w ill have difficulty in selling ice to the V a e a C anteen. T h e y alread y get m ore than they can possibly use.

P r i v a t e 3RD R e g t . — Y es. Y o u m ay possibly get som e range practice before long. A t present, it is stated, the Colonel is teaching the N .C .O .’s som ething about m usketry, fo r them to pass on.

D . D i e t s .— A ll w e can say is that “ W ill J is ” going to put the

8 TH E PULL THRO’ October 24.

the la ck o f sleep, cau sed b y constant guard, and p icket duties, and fa lse alarm s, h av e been respons ible for the la rge num ber o f men w ho h ave paraded as “ s ick .” D en gue fev er has claim ed several v ic tim s, w h ilst eye and ear troubles h ave been prevalent. Q uite a num ber h ave had “ chronic dry throats,” but w ith the open in g o f the canteen and bars in A p ia , relie f has been afforded.

E v e ry b o d y has been v ery industrious la te ly , c le an in g buttons and w a sh in g w h ite suits. A fte r all this en ergy had been expended, it w as som ew hat g a llin g to be told that the suits w ere no use, and m ight be used to ad va n tage for rifle c lean in g . T h is w ill certa in ly save the w a sh in g bill, w h ich is a v ery h e a v y one for the men on 4/- a day.

W e are all w on d erin g w h a t has becom e o f the detachm ent sent to N ew Z ealan d w ith the prisoners o f war. Lieut. L u cy , our b o xin g expert is g rea tly m issed.

S ap p er R ogerso n has been called out as a reservist, and le ft for N ew Z ealan d b y s.s. N.avua on the 30th A ugust. H e w ill be grea tly m issed in his cap a city as head w aiter at officers’ mess.

I notice one o f our details, not supplied w ith a rifle, has a large supply o f Sam oan im plem ents of war. H e inform s me that the spears are all poisoned, so that the cam p m ay rest at nights, for no enem y w ould dare fa ce sucli a form id ably arm ed, enem y. [ w ould su ggest a notice be erected, in form ing the enem y that native arms w ill be used b y this detail.

It is not lik e ly that the N.Z. G overnm ent w ill send the aerop lane “B rittan ia” to Sam oa., She would becom e entangledM in the host o f w ireless rumours floating about. M oreover you are much safer on you r “ motor.”

Som e tim e ago, a notice ap peared in orders, to the effect that a case b e lo n g in g to C h ap la in S e g rie f had been lost. W e w ere g la d to learn that the truant trunk had been run to earth on F rid a y, but were shocked to know that the P ad re ’s box w as recovered in the T iv o li. T h e case is no lo n ger in the hands o f the police.

H O W H O G A N T O O K S A M O A

W hile the Public’s been discussing the price of beer and meat,

(And the Public at discussing things can hardly e’er be beat)

There is a greater question that’s been thrashed out at Dunmore,

It’s not the price of shandy but “ Did Hogan take Samoa ?”

“ It ain’t no use” says Alec Paul “ discussing beer or sport;

“ Our talk should, in this crisis, reach a higher plane of thought.;

“ There’s Hock gone from among us, called to duty in the war,

“ And lie’s on an Empire M ission,-to get us back Samoa.”

Now Hogan is of Dunmore, the darling and the pride,

His exploits on the football field have thrilled the public’s hide ;

A t shadow-sparring, drinking beer, he’s champion of the floor,

So we weren’t a bit astonished when we heard he’d took Samoa.

Now the Cableman has told us, in words both trite and rare,

How New Zealand gave the Germans at Samoa a mighty scare ;

But it’s left to one of Dunmore’s own to sift it to the core,

And tell the world, with pride and joy, how Hogan took Samoa.

Jim Allen sent for Hock and said : “ Now lad, it’s up to you

T o show these blanky Germans what a Britisher can d o ;

W e all are in thejsame old boat, it’s either sink or swim,’’

And Hogan said “ I’ll do it, so the Empire’s quite safe, Jim.”

W e wondered, when the troopships left, where ever they were going,

And great was the. discussion among the all-too-knowing:

Some said Picton, others Suva, Fanning Island others swore,

But only, fctogan knew that they were destined for Samoa.

Apparently the man in charge was one named Colonel Logan ;

But the real man behind the gun, the brainy one, was Hogan,

So when the troopships left our Port, and reached the open sea,

Our Hogan climbed the bridge and cried, “ Now listen here to me,

“ I’ve got a plan to catch these 'coves, and collar all their beer,”

(Here he was stopped by loud applause) “ W e'll get off'to Noumea,

Then while they get in large supplies to last them through the war, 1

W e'll double back and catch the cows, and capture old Samoa.”

The idea was a good one, it worked out to perfection,

For the Germans thought they’d gone in quite, a different direction.

Until one morning, suddenly, the watchers on the shore,

Beheld New Zealand’s army steaming on to old Samoa.

The Governor called out to his men, and bared his rusty sword;

Then suddenly exclaimed “ Mein Gott, W ho’s that I see aboard ? ”

And when they cried “ It’s Hogan, and he’s surely coming in,”

The poor old Guv. laid down his sword, 1 and said “ Hoch lad, you win.”Then Hogan went ashore and hoisted

Britain’s good old flag,And to the finest Pub in town he had

them take his bag,And commandeered the private Bar, and

there laid down the law,A s to the future conduct of the Germans

in Samoa.This is the tale as it was told to me by

Hock himself,(Punctuated by the gurgling of a “ Baby ”

on the shelf);And, though by the time he’d finished he

had swallowed quite a score,I said “ Have a glass of beer, boy,” and

H og an took Samoa.

THE RED CROSS.

O N E A S P E C T . O N E H O U R . O N E D U T Y .

Scen e : General Ward. Sister Cleopatra in charge.

Enter Orderly Anthony just going on duty,2 p.m.

Sister: A re you on duty now A nth?Ord.: Y e s, Cleo.S is te r : Is the steriliser b o ilin g ?Ord.: No, Sister.S ister: W ell, m ake up the fire and

sterilise these b ow ls and instruments, and there are som e b an dages in the bath, w ash those out and boil them —iand you m ight do these tw o sheets and this guard w h ile you are at it.

Ord.: Y e s sister, (and proceeds to the steriliser).

Sister: O h O rd erly , ch an ge X ’s fom entations, and if he is persp irin g g iv e him a co ld sponge dow n, and m ake G la x o for Y . and Z.

(Here a bell is heard being violen ly shuck. This means a patient requires the attention of the Orderly. The Orderly must needs cut awiy quick and lively. On his way back to the steriliser Sister calls him).

Sister: O rd erly as soon as you h ave the fire going, j u s t ’fill up the d rin k in g bottles on the ice chest, also the hot w ater jugs, — and see that the basins in the w ard are em ptied and the w a ter ju gs filled.

Ord.: Y e s, S is te r; (and again proceeds towards the steriliser).

Sister: Oh O rd erly , just a minute,I want to sh ew you w hat is on the line (goes out with Sister tu Clohes Line). T h o se tw o

tow els and the p y ja m a s b elo n g to X. T h a t b la n ket is Y ’s, and that sheet and guard b elo n g to the D y sen tery w ard. As soon as they are dry fo ld them up, and

October 24. TH E PULL TH RO ’ 9ta k e them to their resp ective p la ces.— A n d you m ight roll up those b an d a g es or g iv e them to the patien t to do.

(Here another bell is heard and away flies the Orderly).

Ord.: V e r y w ell, S ister, I’ ll see to it. .

fit’s now 2.20 p.m. and the afternoon tea is on at 3 p.m. As or derly returns

from ward towards the steriliser once more, he runs against Sister Cleo, who says:I

Sister: O h O rd erly , when the tea is on, X and Z m ustn’t h ave any. X can h av e cocoa, and Z can h av e G la xo. Y o u m ight m ake these, and if you h ave tim e b efo re you get the tea, [ w an t a cou ple o f four-hourly charts.

Ord.: Y -e-e-s. S -i-s—t~ e— r— (and collapses.)

M A U D L IN R A M B L 1N G S(BY D. T.)

The husky N.Z. terrier is not the husky lad,

He was on far New Zealand shore when things were looking bad ;

For with the polls approaching, and the right of beer to choose,

Ten-hardened alcoholics were diverted from the boose.

Raise your voice, ye hardened wowsers of the dandy fighting fifth,

For ten besotted characters have learned the way to th rift;

Send a joyful burst across the sea, of Bung’s approaching doom,

And weave the thread of Temperance upon the crystal water loom.

Though a hundred of the devils spawn, against ye raised their might,

Y e have shewn the Barleycoren’s how the sons of Temp’rance fight.

Tho' the newly baptised proselytes, they tried to smear with mire,

Ten brands from out the burning ye have snatched—and great their ire.

When the emissaries of the trade essayed the upper hand,

Uproarous Jones unloosed on them the ‘ famous ragtime band ;

When they started interjecting, tried to send you on a cruise,

Y e confuted them by striking the “strike- out-the-top-line” ruse.

But there’s one tiling we must all regret, ye guardians of the free,

’ Tis reported that the lecturer is filled with fiendish glee ;

And in company w.th the Chairman of that night to memory dear,

T o the Central with the takings hied to spend on Lager Beer.

T h e C h ie f Justice o f Som em ore is esteem ed as such.

C orporal :— “ Is it T h u rsd a y T o d a y ?” .

P rivate :— “ Y e s th .nks, I am a b it.”

A D A Y AT V A E A CAMP.

(BY A “ K ’NUT” )

W h a t ! R e v e ille a l r e a d y ! It seem s no tim e since “L ig h ts out” sounded ! S o I y a w n ed and tried to stretch m yself. But m y joints w ere stiff and sore. T h a t ’s the w orst o f h a v in g to sleep on the ground, w ith o n ly an oil sheet underneath one. A fte r a w h ile I attem pted to move, and w ith a stru ggle m anaged to sit up, k ic k in g m y toe a g a in st the tent pole in m y endeavours. I fe lt fo r my m atches and attem pted to lig h t the cand le, but the m atches w ere dam p, and I o n ly succeeded in ru b b in g the phosphorous off the tile sides o f the box. H o w ev er one o f m y tent mates, w ho had taken the precaution to put his m atch box under his p illow q uickly had the ligh t burning. A g la n ce at the w atch , and I found the time to be 3.30 a.m. ! T h e b u gler had m ade a m istake o f an hour. T h e la n gu a ge that em anated from our tent on this d iscovery, w as more fo rcefu l than elegan t. But we

| all dressed and la y b a ck and 1 dropped o ff to sleep aga in . “ D ress

for P a r a d e ” w oke us aga in at I 4.45 a.m. so I p icked m yself up

aga in , and fe ll in w ith my platoon ' on the parade ground. Just be- l fore “ F a i l i n ’’ sounded, w e star- 1 ted to drill. A fter 10 m inutes,I coffee and biscu its w ere served

round to all the troops. A n enjo y a b le interlude. I look forw ard each m orning to th is cup o f cheer, as it g iv es us the stim ulus required for drill. W e took our one and h a lf hours’ drill w ith a w ill. It w ill take a good co m p a n y to beat us now at com p an y drill. A fte r parade, a few m inutes to w ash ou rselves, and then b reak fast cam e alon g. T h e sam e th ing, sops

| and b ully beef. Puerile and mono- ; tonous. But the tu ck er w as eaten ; all the same. F or to eat is to live.; It w as m y turn to w ash up the

mess dishes, and I toiled w ith w ater that w as o n ly h a lf warm , yet in h a v in g such, w as fortunate.

A t 9 a.m the b ugles b lew , so ; I fe ll in for fatigu e. T h e first job I w as to clean cam p, then we j w heeled in a q uan tity o f sh in g le 1 for our tent fl jqxs. T h is w as j m ost a ccepta b le , and a great | im provem ent on earth floors.

T h is finished, sw im m ing parade fo llow ed. S o I p icked up my tow el and trunks, m ade out of underpants cut dow n, (not a pair p rovided b y the departm ent, but a private pair) and a w a y w ith the rest to the river. T h e usual duck, and : b ack to cam p. A fe w m inutes spell, and then “ C lea n A rm s P arad e.” Mirabile dictu, the S ergt. M ajor com plim ented me for h av in g m y rifle c lean, and in first c la ss order ! W e w ere soon dism issed, and then w a ited for d inner tim e to com e round. W e w ere all lo o k in g forw ard to a pudding for dinner, for as y e t such a lu xu ry had been non est. Y e s, six w h ole w eeks w ithout the s igh t o f a pudding. But w e w ere doom ed to d isappointm ent, for dinner arrived and— bread, cheese and jam . W e w ere very hungry, so the fare w as eaten. W h en nearly finished, one o f m y tent m ates noticed the cheese m ove, so w e put it in the incinerator, and felt queer for a w hile.

D inner over, I w as g la d to get out into the sh ade of the trees. A t 2 p.m. leave was b e in g granted till 4 p.m. but as I had been out the previous day, I had to am use m y se lf in cam p. S o I took adv a n ta g e o f the leave to w rite a letter home. A.t4 p.m. w e fe ll in again , and had three quarter o f an hour p h ysica l drill. T h is w as a lright, but we w ere v ery hot b y the tim e we finished. T h en I prepared to go out on p icket duty. H ad tea, just the usual hash o f b u lly beef, onions, potatoes and broken bis-

j cuit. I did not feel much like 1 ta c k lin g it. It has becom e so | m onotonous that it has lost, its j pa lata b len ess. N ext I got my ra

tions for the fo llo w in g day, and | fe ll in at 5.45 p.m. E xam in ation I o f arms took a few m inutes, and j then w e m arched off and relieved | the p icket on V a ite le R oad. My I turn for sen try-go cam e at 10 p.m. j and from my station on the | b rid ge I saw m idnight pass, and | my d a y ’s w ork com pleted.

T h e 3rd T o w n P ick et is still | th in k in g o f the m arvellous num-I ber of sugar experts that com e to | the front as soon as there is argu- | m ent about the sugar. N early all ; the you ths in the R egim en t h ave

had at least 20 yea rs in a sugar ! facto ry . (sotta voce).

IO TH E PULL THRO’ October 24

Hochspannung Lebensgefalir

These words, separated by a flaming red arrow, greet one on the door leading to the sanctum of the chief wizard of this Island. For the benefit of the uninitiated we magi explain that this means : H igh Tension, 1 )anger to L ife ; but w h y th ey should not be on the “ W ild C at” too, is a m ystery, because the jou rn ey to the wireless is nearly as dangerous as a sojourn inside its portals, but we w ill let this pass— m erely observing that next time w e w ill not push the engine up the hills, and if the timber trucks jum p the rails, w e w ill advise kerosene and a match instead of jacks.

T o the mere laym an the inside of the wireless is one confusing mass of intricate m achinery, surrounded w ith the longest glasses for having a drink out of, that man ever saw — w hile outside for 400 feet rises the giant mast with its spreading net of aerials, anchored far back in the bush, w hile its own supporting stays are fastened to great lumps of concrete, strongly defended by blockhouses of the most modern type ; w hile the whole camp is as strongly defended as ingenuity and the A uckland R egiment could possibly make it.

Inside all this, controlling live hundred thousand electrical devils, sits the chief wizard of it all. A t his command the button is pushed or the handle turned over, and at once bright bluegreen sparks fly about, the sound of a rushing, roaring wind is heard, violet flames about the mouths of the drinking glasses, and out into the midnight air springs the message that tells the world that Empires have fallen, or that Mrs. Jones has twins again. So great is the power of the chief wizard that nothing is too large or too little for him not to take notice of. Such is the inside of the wireless to the ordinary soldier ; but for those who know and understand, it is one, of the most important and costly plants in the w o rld ; here within four walls is m achinery costing a quarter of a million pounds— there outside, balanced 011 one glass foot, is a tower w eighing 40 tons ; and it is for this, that few of us even see, and fewer still understand, that we have come aci'oss the Pacific and braved the battle and the breeze. It

m ay seem dull to be in Samoa, and duller still to have had 110 fighting ; but this prize alone is worth more than that, since it is worth the cost of the whole of our expedition, and h aving got it,, we have with it the nucleus of a new colony, w hich in time to come w ill be the stepping stone from one continent to another, as it is at present the half w ay “ talking house” of the Pacific.

H I A W A T H A .

S amoan A d a p ta tio n . H IA W A T H A wasn’t feeling What you’d call distinctly healthy,Ever since he reached Samoah,Ever since he left Nuuzila,His digestion gave him trouble.He had kept his lonely vigil Thro' the small hours of the morning Right until the tropic sunrise.He was not on sentry duty,Nor was he engaged in cooking Coffee for an early route-march.It was just the pain inside him Kept him groaning, always groaning.Kept him always on the qui vive,Made the whole of his existence Centre round the Eill low Pennant.

And the noble Hiawatha,Daily, hourly, growing weaker,Went to see the great Witch Doctor,He who wore the magic Redkroz,And who smelt of weak Karborlik.— (Nothing stronger I assure you).Went into the great'man’s presence,Made a noble low obeisance,And was suddenly ejected.This was done because he hadn’t Got his name upon the parchment That the Doctah had before him.So he went again at even,A s the sun was slowly setting,Groaning, groaning, always groaning.Got his name upon the parchment,Found his place among the others,Who were waiting-for the Doctah.After waiting twenty minutes,No, an hour and twenty minutes,He was summoned to the Marquee,.Gave his name as Hiawatha,And his Regimental Numbah. Wun-bar-twenta-six his numbah,Asked if he were wed or single,Said he didn’t know quite,Said he’d left a squaw at home like,But he’d sojourned in Samoah,Such a Blazes of a long time,Minni might have snuffed the candle, Passed her Checks or Kicked-the-Bucket. Any how he said he cared not,A ll he knew he had the Kolik.Several oth'er things he mentioned,Which were written down on parchment, And the Doctah said the watchword, Talisman or Incantation.Sodi-Sulphate was the word he Said unto the Boddi-Snatchers:And they made him drink'a phial,Told him that his Mess was Tapu.He must dine on what they gave him, Every morning, noon and evening,Sent him out upon his business,Groaning round the Eullow Pennant. Every Morn and every evening,

; Yea and every midday also,Went the noble Hiawatha Groaning, to the Boddi-Snatcher ; Forcing down the stuff they gave him, Arrorute was what they, called it. Hiawatha, being simple/Asked them why straws were in it.Also if the brownish colour Was intended by the Doctor.

. He was told to Cloz— his—Claptrap, Told to go unto the Devvil.Thus was Hiawatha learning Not to question Boddi-Snatchas.But the day was fast approaching,When the noble Hiawatha Was unable to stand upright,Simply lay and groaned his heart out; And the great Witch Doctor saw him, And he pitied Hiawatha ;Thought it time to try and cure him.So he called in at the Wigwam O f the chief of the Witch-Doctahs, Found a bed for Hiawatha,Sent him there to live on nothing, Nothing, nothing, always nothing Was the food of Hiawatha.And the pain died down within him,And the groaning stopped within him ; And he waked and looked around him, Saw old Flanni, ginger, radiant, Standing at'his bed and smiling, Listened to the mighty Baka Cracking classic jokes and laughing From the evening to the morning.Saw the charming, kindly Sistahs Moving round and shedding sunshine By the radiance .of their presence,Felt his inside getting hungry,Knew that he was getting cuied,Begged that he might have his dinner.Mista Baka the facetiousSaid lie’would be most delighted,1 hen he brought— a glass of water. Then the chiefest of the Doctahs,He who rode the noble war-horse Came around to Hiawatha,Tapped him gently on the Tummi

I Said they could “increase his diet.” j Then the Sistah fetched him something,

Arrorute she also called i t : j But it lacked the brownish colour,

And the straws and little lumplets.! Hiawatha didn’t like it,

Said it lacked in bulk and flavour,But he swallowed and grew stronger. Great the joy of Hiawatha.He could go a day and never

) Worry Flannigan or Baka.! Wonderful the Great Witch-Doctah, j And his Wigwam in the mountains,

Aud the discipline he kept there.I Everybody must obey him,| Everybody must respect him.

Once a Sistah asked'him smiling,If the Great Ship sailed that even ;

j And he answered “I suppose so.”That was all the Doctah answered,And the Sistah went on smiling—That w,as all she really cculd do. Hiawatha soon recovered:

| One day in

October 24. THE PULE TH RO ’ IT

A LA SSIE ’S LETTER.

“ Any soldier (who would have liked to receive a letter by this mail and hasn’t), N.Z. Advance Guard, Samoa.”

[Such was the inscription on a letter included in the mail brought by the “ N avua’Mast month. Apparently every man in the force received a letter, us the missive is still in the hands of the postmaster on whose suggestion the text is published.]

W E L L IN G T O N .2nd. Sept. 1914.

D e a r U n k n o w n ,I ex p ect you all are lo o k in g fo r

w ard to re ce iv in g letters b y this m ail, and in case you r specia l fr ien d s in N ew Z ea la n d had not noticed that a boat, le a v in g A u c k lan d to-m orrow ev en in g , w ould tak e corresp on d en ce for Sam oa, I thou ght th at I w ou ld w rite yon a little letter to let you kn ow that you are stdl rem em bered. VVe did not kn ow until a d a y or tw o ago ex a c tly w here you all w ere, bat ev eryo n e w as m akin g guesses as to you r destination, as soon as you r boats le ft our harbour. 1 w on der if you heard that as the “ Mo- n o w a i” and “ M o e r a k i” steam ed past Soam es Island, that a sentry, w h o w as on guard there, noticed th at the sm oke from the tw o fun nels form ed a com plete horse shoe. N o w w a sn ’t th at a splen did om en, or p erhaps you are not superstitious? I h ave to con fess th at I am that w ^y in clin ed, and if I had been on the b oats I should hav e lo ved it. I w j s fe a r fu lly d isap p oin ted that I w as not a boy, fo r I should h ave liked to go w ith you all, ever so much. I w as at the B js in R eserv e on the F rid a y, the d a y b efo re you left, and I quite en vied you you r expedition to the unknow n lands. E ve ryo n e is ta lk in g about the w a r n o w a d a y s ; and it sa y s in the “ P o s t” to-n igh t that the troops w ill be le a v in g for E urope v e ry soon now. W h ile dow n on the w h^ rf last Sund >y, I saw the boats w h ich are to take them on their jou rney. T h e y look so d ifferen t from w h it th ey d ;d a m onth ago. [ noticed the ‘ T a h iti’ e sp e c ia lly , for I h ave a friend 011 board. Men w ere w o rk in g lik e n iggers g ettin g her ready. Som e w ere p ain tin g her grey, w h ich colou r see ns to m ake her huge, w h ile others w ere at c a r p entry w ork, puttin g up extra bunks. It d id n ’ t seem at all like the S ab b a th , for cartlo a d s o f tim

ber w ere lu m bering along, and ev eryth in g in all directions, pointed to w ork.

E v e ry b o d y seem s most patriotic a lly inclined, and such huge sums o f m oney h ave been given to equip our men. I heard that the G ear Co. had an order for 20000 lbs. o f sau sages to be d elivered on board the boats. D o esn ’t that seem a trem endous q uantity, and that is on ly one item. T o -d ay a little bare footed b o y o f eight, dem anded an in terview w ith Mr. M assey, his business b ein g to o ffer his services as a drum m er to the E xp ed itio n a ry Force. W h en Mr. M assey told him that no drum m ers were needed as yet, he ch eerfu lly said that he w ould get in as a bugler, for he kn ew that th ey were needed, and he w as quite as good at p la y in g the b u g le as he w as as a drummer. H e had w a lk ed ever so m any m iles, poor little soul. W e h ave had such b eautifu l w ea th er ever since you left. I hope that you have been en jo y in g as goo d in Sam oa. T o -d a y has just been lik e the h eigh t of Sum mer. G ood n igh t. I hope you are w ell. I must hurry dow n to the train to post this, or else you w ill not get it a fter all, and that w ou ld be a p ity. I love to get letters w hen I am a w a y from home, so I hope you do. Best w ishes and all goo d luck.

P h y l l i s .

[Any member of the force desirous of writ'ne to this little patriot, may obtain her address at the Post Office.— E d .]

CORRESPONDENCE.

(To th e E d ito r ).

D ea r Mister E d ito r ,

I haf sometings vot I vant to right you : I did your “ Pull-Thro’ ” mit moch appreciation read. It vos a goot choke; it vos too much a choke. Dere vas too much der vat you call him— Mosquito Peck, and back slaps through der Post Office. V y you not sometings instructive publish. Sometings vot appeals to der Germans as veil as to der Englanders, und ven I say Englander I vos mean der small section of dem dat can der choke understanden ; or else explain der chokes. Who vos Anna, der policeman’s girl ? Dat vos vone question. Und leave der cheese und Stanley Nathan und der Ninth Platoon out of der next paper. Let dem be of der past vot vos bury its own corpses.

As before yours,HANS BU M BLED IN3 ER.

T H E A L A R M ,

or “ The song o f the John W illiam s.”

The Sentry saw the Ship, Sir,And told the Sergeant so.The Sergeant told the Skipper,The Skipper said, “ Ho, H o ! ”Then he climbed the Look-out,*His glasses in his hand,And said to Mr. Reed, Sir,“ The Guns must now be manned.”Then Mr. Reed, he says Sir,“ The guns are all O.K.And all the tents are down sir,And all is as you say.The men are in the trenches W ith rifles to their hand,And when the Germans come, Sir,W e’ll keep them off the land.”But as the ship came closer,W e got a better view ;She sailed in like a warship,Painted like one too.The Captain with a smile, Sir,Perched up in the tree Said, “ A ll you men take cover On numbers 4 and 3.”The ship she dropped her anchor,W e found out our mistake ;And any kind of action Against her could not take,For she was not a German,As she turned out to beThe famous ship John Williams,Her service -Missionary.e Note—The look-out is a tall cocoanut tree, which

has been made climbable by large nails.

When the Barnards cease from barneying And no more that martial ai’r,“ The march of all the Cameron men,”Is sung by Sergeant fair.When the Davies crack no chestnuts,And the Lewis makes no jest,Then will “Knockers” cease from knocking, In the “ Islands of the Blest.”The Moore is to Morocco bound.And Foley’s-getting sand,Budge Oliver’s a carpenter,And W alker lends a hand,And Spotswood now can spell his name And almost any brand.Fred Baker, colonel’s tailor-cook,O f whom the third will rave,Is sometimes known to part his hair And sometimes known to shave.W e trust the news we’ve just received W on’t put him off his oats :They’ve singnalled the appearance O f those rummy German boats.O f prohibition names for Bungs,There’s one that doe; the trick,Proprietor of the “ Tivoli,”Our August Gustave Schick.

Wireless wants to know if mosquito netting is on sale in Apia. “ W e are right out of pudding cloths, ” he states.

“ Will you see that the hotels are closed when the A.S.C. are making up the stores for the wireless, station,” asks “ Sweet Tooth. ” “ W e can tell the difference between sugar and salt” he adds, “but this is a dry district. ”

A n order is not an order until it has been c m nterm anded at least tw ice before b e in g executed.

12 THE PULL TH RO ’ October 24.

MOSQUITO BITES.S m ith y has learn t to ride a horse

and how to use red tape.

C o lo n e .l:— “ W h a t C om pan y do you b e lo n g to, m y man ?”

M y M an :— “ T h e Proteheronga M eat C om pany, S ir.”

T h e 3rd R egim en t is an xiou sly a w a itin g a v isit from the 5th R e g im ental Band. A hearty w elcom e is assured.

N u rsin g Sister, to p atien t just adm itted to H osp ital :— “ H ave you p y ja m a s? ”

P a tie n t:— “ W o rse than that, the D octor says it is pendicitis.”

Cam p C ook to P atriotic M aori troopers en route to E urope :— “ W h a t do you w ant for dinner ■boys?” Patriotic M ao ris:— “ W e w an t te K a i, S ir .”

M any noticed that during “ P rohibition W e e k ” Sam P erry w as g o in g strong on the w ater w a g gon. S a m 's sm ile w ould be w orth a fortune on one o f S ta p le ’s carts.

T h e Port C aptain w ill not supply “ starboard lig h ts” or “ port” except to a favoured few. C o ck ta ils can on ly be ob tain ed from ’the P ou lterer-G eneral, on and after his appointm ent as such.

STATIONERYStationery :: Stationery

P e n s , P A P E R , B l o t t i n g P a d s

I n k , P e n c i l s , E N V E L O P E S ,

Free ! Free ! F ree!

A p p ly at

O R D E R L Y R O O M

O R D E R L Y R O O M

O R D E R L Y R O O M

D on ’t sa y p lease !

D on ’ t ask the C lerks or N .C .O .’s

D e m a n d t h e m f r o m t h e A d j u t a n t .

H e will be pleased.

Printed by H . S. Griffin for the L iterary Com m ittee o f the A d van ce P arty o f the N ew Zealand E xpeditionary Force.

O ctob er 24, 1914.

F O U N D

IT 'O U N D .— A D ow n Bed,— quite a number o f them. O w n er to pay cost of this advt. A p p ly F I T A F I T A Cam p

L O S T .

L O S T .— A n A ppendix. L o ser advises all his suffering brothers to call on P.M .O ., A p ia .

P E R S O N A L .

R O S E B U D . — F org ive your own little P ercy . W ea r a scarlet H ibiscus above your left ear, to shew all is forgiven.

W A N T E D .

T A N T E D K N O W N .— O ur Sum m er ' S tock just arrived. Fur-linecl

Lava lavas,' W oo llen G loves and Scarves (special thick), Snowshoes, Gum- boots, all at cost price, at D avie Micks, T p i T p i Street, A p ia .

N O T I C E S .

j T H E A T R I C A L . - T h e F o rty (?)X T h iev es w ill perform outside the

T ow n H all, Sam oa, at any tim e, i A v o id them.

SP O R T I N G .— V ae a R aces to be held first M onday and T u esd ay in Janu- ' ary, 1915. A l l entries to be fo r

warded by end o f D ecem ber to H am on charge o f H orse Lines, C ygnet Stables.

CU R IO S . -Island Curios m ay be procured at H om e’s store. Y a tes ’ ye llow beads. Ken D a li's ICut-aways.

Isaacs (Icing) Glass and good Stou t T app er Cloth are in great demand. W ard L o cks also in store.

ME D I C A L .- -D r . W illiam s’ Pink P ills for P ale P eople. E x tra ct from letter : “ B efore I used you r pills I

lived at R eading. '' N o w I live in the Isle o f W ig h t.”

9 ® * - W T T - = S 5®

W H Y DON’T i U U GET ON Hi

K now ledge is Pow er IT H E 7TI-I P L A T O O N , 5T H R E G . (IN C O R P .), or T H E L E A R N E D

B R E T H R E N , w ill prepare you for an y ca llin g . A special course o f M ilitary Prom otion :—

4 C A M P S A N IT A T IO NN O N C O M M IS S IO N E D O F F IC E S C O U T SC O O K S , E tc., Etc.

SPECIAL LINES : L.-C orp. B erendson, L L .B ., lectures on '.ti-.----- .. M odels o f Com pendium tand L u c id C on

densation. H e is accom panied b y Prvt. H oskin g, L L .B ., (I don’t think) on the

TROM BONE, PICCOLO, CLA R IO N E TCorp. B usby g iv es a special course o f instruction in A rch ite c

ture. S ee his Pam phlet, “ H ow to build a £ W h a t’s-its-nam e.’ ”Corp. H udson, B.Sc., is the scien ce instructor. P ra ctica l lessons

in b otan y, every d a y — from b u g crushing to mosquito charm ing. H is strong line is A n atom y, to w h ich end he spends several hours per diem at the native b ath in g pool. H e is said to be rather fast.

Prvt. H ow ard. Econom ics and Ju gglin g. A u th o r of “ T rick s w ith C oins,” and “ H ow to m ake the M oney fly .”

W o r k I W o r k I W o r k IIN Y O U R S P A R E M O M E N T S .

T E S T IM O N IA L , (W e receive hundreds such, daily)— .To t h e L e a r n e d B r e t h e r e n in C am p .

D e a r S ir s ,I ave alw ays ad a ham bition to get on. W en I studied yo u r system I

began to rise. I becam e a Platoon Skout, and this gen tlem an in face o f the fact I ad never seen bush before. T hen I rose to R eggerm an tal Skout. I was kicked out o f this, but it was through henvy. Soon I ope to be the Platoon Kom m ander. A ll the blokes is gettin stripes.

Y o u rs ever,M r . SEDD-N.

A lso one from C arranza - - Fooks, Esq., but the ab ove is ty p ica l. A ll com m unications, care BARNEY O ’SHEA, MALTFA.