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~The Iliad: A Truly Condensed Version

synopsis: (What really caused the Trojan War)

Once upon a Greek time, there were three goddesses (Hera,Aphrodite, and Athene) who didn't invite another goddess, Eris(goddess of discord), to a party. Eris was majorly upset and gotrevenge by making a golden apple, with the inscription, "For theFairest", and throwing it into the banquet hall where the party washappening. Hera, Athene, and Aphrodite each thought the applesurely was meant for her. They, got into a terrible fight andfinally went to Zeus to settle the argument. Zeus, who wanted nopart in this "lose - lose" situation, (for who really wants tochoose between your wife, your daughter, and a lover?), sidesteppedthe issue and told the goddesses there was only bne man, a mortal,who could accurately settle this matter - Paris. Paris, son ofQueen Hekabe and King Priam, was a "ladies man" and currentlyresiding on a deserted island watching sheep because of theprophesy his father had received from a seer. (Something aboutParis going to destroy his kingdom - talk about a father's over-reaction!) Paris had "animal magnetism" to the point that, evenwhile isolated on this uninhabited island, a tree nymph falls inlove with him.

The three goddesses "pop in" to get an answer concerning whowas really the "fairest". Each goddess had a prepared a bribe tohelp convince Paris of her special beauty. Hera told Paris thatshe would help him obtain world domination and become the universalleader. Athene told him that, if she were pronounced the"fairest", she would see to it that he became the world's mostsuccessful warrior and ruler of all he conquered. Aphrodi tepromised to help him obtain the most beautiful woman in the world -the lovely Helen, wife of King Menelaus, of Sparta. Paris, withhis usual "below the belt" intellect, chooses, you guessed it,Helen. (Forgetting the fact that the woman is already married.)The other two goddesses, who are completely "ticked off", threatenrevenge and leave. Aphrodi te then zaps Paris and herself ontoSparta, where Paris kidnaps Helen, and worse yet, violates thesacred Greek hospitality code. Menelaus arrives back at Sparta todiscover his lovely wife abducted and immediately goes to his bigbrother, King Agamemnon - greatest ruler in Greece. Agamemnoncalls all the Greek troops together and sets sail toward Paris's'hometown: the fabled city of Troy. Thus begins the Trojan War.

The Iliad: Book I

At the beginning of the Iliad', the Trojan War has been ragingfor ten years, and Agamemnon is dealing with his own peculiar setof problems. It seems that Agamemnon, on his journey to kill Parisand his family, and raze the city of Troy for fun and profit, hasstolen the daughter of a priest of Apollo. The priest has, overthe years, appealed to Apollo to return his daughter to him.Apollo, who must have been having one heck of a long lunch break,finally hears the priest and sends down a plague upon the Greektroops to punish Agamemnon. Agamemnon, who admits he "1ikes"

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; Chryseis, the priest's daughter, better than his wife, reluctantlysends her back to her father. with his usual "here today - gonetomorrow" attitude about women, Agamemnon then takes the war prizeof Achilleus, the greatest warrior of the entire Greek army, tohelp ease the pain of losing his "toy". Achilleus's war prize isthe lovely Briseis, another stolen woman from the Greek's journeyto Troy. Achilleus returns to his tent after a hard day of killingto discover his woman missing. When Achilleus finds out thatAgamemnon has her, to say Achilleus was not pleased, would be asevere understatement. Only with the intervention of Athene, doesAchilleus keep f~om killing Agamemnon and prevent the defeat of theGreek army in their war against Troy. Achilleus, pouting anddisappointed that he can't~hack Agamemnon's head off, refuses tofight for the mean ol~' oman stealer, and sits in his tentdrinking wine, playing his lyre, and writing poetry. Meanwhile,without their greatest warr~or, the Greek troops are getting theever-Iovin' stuffings beaten\ out of them. End of Book I.

IThe Iliad: Book VI

Remember Paris? Not the city, the guy who started the TrojanWar. At the beginning of B~ok VI, Hektor, brother to Paris, andone of the noblest Trojans in the entire story, is attempting toget Paris to quit hiding in the ladies' sewing room and go outsideand fight in the war he started. Hektor is an honorable man anddearly loves his family. In the days of arranged marriages, Hektorhas surprisingly fallen deeply in love with his bride, Andromache, /whose entire family has been chopped into tiny little pieces byAchilleus. (Remember this war has been going on for ten years.)Paris, properly scolded, puts on his battle gear, but is neverheard about again in Book VI. Hektor, leader of the Trojan troops,realizes that his life could end that day, and goes to say good-byeto his wife and little boy. There, on the ramparts of the city ofTroy, Hektor and Andromache tenderly embrace and say theirfarewells. Andromache's appeal to Hektor, that their son will losehis inheritance and she might be taken as a "war prize" of theGreeks, cannot sway this noble warrior. Unfortunately true of allgreat leaders is this fact - the wellfare of the people of the citycomes before his own family. Hektor returns to the battlefieldwith the hope that this day will bring vitory to the Trojans. Endof Book VI.

The Iliad: Book XVIII

Before Book XVIII begins, several important events take place.Achilleus is still refusing to fight, and the Trojans have gainedthe momentum in the war. Patroklos, who is Achilleus's best friendand mentor, is now ashamed of Achilleus and tries repeatedly to gethim back into the fight. Achilleus, who doesn't care about hisfriend's op~nion, or if the men he has known all his life aredying, allows Patroklos to wear his famous and easily recognizablearmor. Patroklos hopes that the men will believe that Achilleus

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- has returned to the field of battle and this will give them newinspiration to fight. Great plan - tragic result. Patroklos,wearing the armor of Achilleus, but not possessing his invincibleskill, is killed by Hektor on the battlefield. To make mattersworse, Hektor strips Achilleus's armor from the body of Patroklosand keeps it as a war prize. Patroklos's body, before it can bedesecrated by the enemy, is rescued by the Greek army and returnedto the camp where Achilleus is tolf of his friend's death.Achilleus is angered beyond measure, and vows to avenge his friend.Thetis, the goddess mother of Achilleus, does not want her son tofight any further in the Trojan War for she fears his death.She tries to prevent his returning to the war, but this timeAchilleus will not be dissuaded from the fight. Thetis agrees tohelp Achilleus do the honorable task of avenging his friend, butfirst she will see that the god, Hephaistos, maker of the gods'weapons to create a new set of armor for her son. The rest of BookXVIII reads like a giant tapestry of images about the armor,especially the shield. The description of the shield alone soundslike a museum curator's tour of the Metropolitan. End of BookXVIII.

The Iliad: Book XXII

Armed and extremely dangerous, Achilleus returns to thebattlefield. He has vowed to kill every Trojan in his path, andproceeds to keep his promise. Priam and Hekabe, father and motherof Hektor and Paris, had tried unsuccessfully to keep Hektor withinthe walls of Troy: however, Hektor is determined to fight. Hektor ~approaches Achilleus on the battlefield, and when their discussionescalates to the point of fighting, Hektor realizes, "Gee I couldreally get hurt out here", and begins to run. (Sounds like ForestGump) Round and round the walls of Troy run these two "muy Macho"warriors, until fate, in the form of Athene appears to Achilleus.Athene, still miffed at the Trojans because of Paris, tellsAchilleus to stop running because she has a plan to trick Hektor.Athene, who has the capability of changing shapes, tells Achilleusthat she will pretend to ,be He.ktor's brother, Deiphobos , who hascome to help Hektor fight Achilleus. Hektor sees his "brother",stops running, then realizes he has been tricked. Achilleus andHektor begin to fight, but Achilleus 'clearly has the advantage dueto Athene's help. Hektor is mortally wounded and pleads withAchilleus to return his body to Priam and Hekabe, his parents.Achilleus not only refuses, but swears, as Hektor breathes bis lastbreath, to feed his body to the dogs and vultures. After Hektordies, the entire Greek army comes over and stabs the body. Gross!Then Achilleus pokes holes in Hektor's ankles, attaches leatherropes through the holes, and drags Hektor's body behind a chariotaround the walls of Troy, with Hektor's mother, father, and wifestaring at this desecration. Book XXII ends with Andromache'sspeech of grief.

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The Iliad: Book XXIV

At the beginning of Book XXIV, Patroklos has finally beengiven funeral rites, and Achilleus is still, twelve days later,dragging Hektor's body behind his chariot. Pretty sick behaviorfor a noble Greek warrior! The gods have had about as much of thiskind of shameless dishonorable display as they can tolerate. Zeusfinally demands that Thetis, Achilleus's mother, tell her son torelease Hektor's body to his parents. At the same time, Zeus tellsHermes to guide Priam, king of Troy and father of Hektor, into theGreek camp to safely retrieve his son's body. Made invisible bythe gods, Priam enters Achilleus's tent and throws himself at thefeet of Achilleus to beg for the return of Hektor. As Priamspeaks, Achilleus is reminded of his own dead father and how hemight have reacted if Achilleus were the slain warrior. With thesethoughts in mind, Achilleus releases the body of Hektor to Priamand provides him safe passage out of the Greek camp. Before Priamleaves, Achilleus acts as an honorable Greek host and serves Priama feast, where both men drink and eat together. Achilleus declaresa twelve day truce in the fighting while Hektor's funeral rites areperformed. Kassandra, Hektor's sister, Hekabe, his mother,Andromache, his wife, and Helen, abducted wife of King Menelaos,all give eulogies for Hektor praising his honor, strength, andnobility. Priam orders the body to be placed on the funeral pyre,which had to be as tall as the Empire state Building, because themen of Troy piled up timber for nine days before setting it onfire. After the fire finally dies down, Hektor's bones are wrappedin soft purple robes, placed in a golden casket, and buried in ahollow grave. Trojan guards are placed at the tomb to prevent theGreeks from any further desecration of Hektor, while Priam holds agloriou~ feast in Hektor's honor. Thus ends Book XXIV.

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