Neuro‐ linguistic Programming

3rd Edition

Neuro‐ linguistic Programming

by Romilla Ready and Kate Burton

3rd Edition

Neuro‐linguistic Programming For Dummies®, 3rd EditionPublished by: John Wiley & Sons, Ltd., The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester, www.wiley.com

This edition first published 2015

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Contents at a GlanceIntroduction ................................................................ 1

Part I: Getting Started with NLP ................................... 7Chapter 1: Getting to Know NLP ...................................................................................... 9Chapter 2: Identifying Some Basic NLP Assumptions ................................................. 19Chapter 3: Discovering Who’s Directing Your Life ...................................................... 37Chapter 4: Taking Charge of Your Life .......................................................................... 59

Part II: Winning Friends and Influencing People .......... 77Chapter 5: Seeing, Hearing and Feeling Your Way to Better Communication ......... 79Chapter 6: Creating Rapport .......................................................................................... 97Chapter 7: Understanding to Be Understood: Meta Programs ................................ 119Chapter 8: Pushing the Communication Buttons ...................................................... 141

Part III: Opening the Toolkit ..................................... 157Chapter 9: Dropping Anchors ...................................................................................... 159Chapter 10: Sliding the Controls of Your Experience................................................ 175Chapter 11: Working with the Logical Levels ............................................................. 191Chapter 12: Driving Habits: Uncovering Your Secret Programs .............................. 207Chapter 13: Travelling in Time to Improve Your Life................................................ 225Chapter 14: Ensuring Smooth Running Below Decks ................................................ 241

Part IV: Using Words to Entrance .............................. 253Chapter 15: Getting to the Heart of the Matter: The Meta Model ............................ 255Chapter 16: Unleashing the Power of Hypnosis ......................................................... 269Chapter 17: Telling Tales to Reach the Unconscious:

Stories, Fables and Metaphors .................................................................................. 283Chapter 18: Asking the Right Questions ..................................................................... 299

Part V: Integrating Your Learning ............................. 315Chapter 19: Dipping into Modelling ............................................................................. 317Chapter 20: Making Change Easier .............................................................................. 335

Part VI: The Part of Tens .......................................... 357Chapter 21: Ten Applications of NLP .......................................................................... 359Chapter 22: Ten Books to Add to Your Library ......................................................... 371Chapter 23: Ten Films That Include NLP Processes .................................................. 375

Part VII: Appendixes ................................................ 385Appendix A: Resource List ........................................................................................... 387Appendix B: Rapport Building ...................................................................................... 389Appendix C: The Well‐Formed Outcome Checklist ................................................... 391Appendix D: Submodalities Worksheet ...................................................................... 393

Index ...................................................................... 395

Table of ContentsIntroduction ................................................................. 1

About This Book .............................................................................................. 2Conventions Used in This Book ..................................................................... 3What You’re Not to Read ................................................................................ 3Foolish Assumptions ....................................................................................... 3Icons Used in This Book ................................................................................. 4Beyond the Book ............................................................................................. 5Where to Go From Here .................................................................................. 5

Part I: Getting Started with NLP ................................... 7

Chapter 1: Getting to Know NLP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9Introducing NLP ............................................................................................... 9

Providing a few quick definitions....................................................... 11Considering where NLP started and where it’s going ..................... 11Offering a note on integrity ................................................................ 12

Encountering the Pillars of NLP: Straight Up and Straightforward ......... 13Discovering Models and Modelling ............................................................. 15

Employing the NLP communication model ...................................... 15Modelling excellence ........................................................................... 16

Using NLP to Greater Effect .......................................................................... 16Understanding that attitude comes first ........................................... 17Being curious and confused are good for you ................................. 17Changing is up to you .......................................................................... 17Having fun on the way! ........................................................................ 18

Chapter 2: Identifying Some Basic NLP Assumptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19Introducing NLP Presuppositions ............................................................... 20

The map is not the territory ............................................................... 20People respond according to their map of the world ..................... 22There is no failure, only feedback ..................................................... 23The meaning of communication is the response it elicits .............. 25If what you’re doing isn’t working, do something different ........... 26You cannot not communicate ............................................................ 28Individuals have all the resources they need to achieve their

desired outcomes ............................................................................. 29Every behaviour has a positive intent .............................................. 29People are much more than their behaviour ................................... 31

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The mind and body are interlinked and affect each other ............. 32Having choice is better than not having choice .............................. 34Modelling successful performance leads to excellence ................. 35

Final Words on Presuppositions: Suck Them and See .............................. 35

Chapter 3: Discovering Who’s Directing Your Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37Grasping How Your Fears Can Drive You in the Wrong Direction .......... 38

Distinguishing between conscious and unconscious ..................... 39Understanding your quirky unconscious mind ............................... 39

Delving Inside the Brain ................................................................................ 42Looking at the three key parts ........................................................... 42Recognising neuroplasticity as the basis for development ........... 43

Tracking Information: Your Reticular Activating System ......................... 44Examining How Memories Are Created ...................................................... 46

Encountering post‐traumatic stress  disorder (PTSD) .................... 47Handling phobias ................................................................................. 48Employing the NLP Fast Phobia Cure................................................ 49

Accepting That Beliefs and Values Make a Difference .............................. 50Getting to grips with the power of beliefs ........................................ 50Working with your values ................................................................... 52

Daydreaming Your Future Reality ............................................................... 58

Chapter 4: Taking Charge of Your Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .59Taking Control of Your Memory .................................................................. 59Seeing It Because You Believe It .................................................................. 61

Focusing on blaming others ............................................................... 62Getting stuck in a problem frame ...................................................... 63Shifting into the outcome frame ........................................................ 64

Following the Path to Excellence ................................................................. 64Knowing what you want ...................................................................... 65Becoming smarter than SMART:

Creating well‐formed outcomes ..................................................... 66Using the Four‐Point Formula for Success ................................................. 72Spinning the Wheel of Life ............................................................................ 73Keeping a Dream Diary of Your Goals ......................................................... 74Just Go for It ................................................................................................... 76

Part II: Winning Friends and Influencing People ........... 77

Chapter 5: Seeing, Hearing and Feeling Your Way to Better Communication . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .79

Getting to Grips with the Senses ................................................................. 80Filtering reality ..................................................................................... 81Hearing how people are thinking ....................................................... 83

ix Table of Contents

Listening to the World of Words ................................................................. 86Glimpsing into the world of synaesthesia ........................................ 86Building rapport through words ........................................................ 87Bringing on the translators ................................................................. 90

Acknowledging the Importance of the Eyes ............................................... 91Making the VAK System Work for You ....................................................... 95

Chapter 6: Creating Rapport . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .97Knowing Why Rapport is Important ........................................................... 98

Recognising rapport when you see it ................................................ 99Identifying people with whom you want to build rapport.............. 99

Introducing Basic Techniques for Building Rapport .............................. 102Sharpening your rapport following eight quick tips ..................... 102Viewing the communication wheel and developing rapport ....... 103Matching and mirroring .................................................................... 105Pacing to lead other people successfully ....................................... 107Building rapport in virtual communication .................................... 108

Knowing How to Break Rapport and Why You May Want To ................ 110Discovering how to break rapport sensitively ............................... 110Grasping the power of the word ‘but’ ............................................. 112

Understanding Other Points of View ........................................................ 113Exploring perceptual positions ........................................................ 114Looking into the NLP meta‐mirror ................................................... 114

Chapter 7: Understanding to Be Understood: Meta Programs . . . . . .119Getting to Grips With Meta‐Program Basics ............................................ 120

Looking at meta programs and language patterns ........................ 121Exploring meta programs and behaviour ....................................... 121

Being Proactive/Reactive ............................................................................ 123Moving Towards/Away From ..................................................................... 124Discovering Options/Procedures .............................................................. 128Delving Into the Internal/External ............................................................. 129Going Global/Detailed ................................................................................. 130Recognising Sameness, Sameness with Difference and Difference ....... 133Tackling Time Perspectives ....................................................................... 136Combining Meta Programs ......................................................................... 138Developing Your Meta‐Program Skills ...................................................... 139

Chapter 8: Pushing the Communication Buttons . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .141Understanding the Process of Communication ....................................... 142

Scenario 1............................................................................................ 143Scenario 2............................................................................................ 144

Introducing the NLP Communication Model ........................................... 144Processing pieces of information .................................................... 145Getting to grips with individual responses .................................... 148

Giving Effective Communication a Try ..................................................... 155

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Part III: Opening the Toolkit ...................................... 157

Chapter 9: Dropping Anchors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .159Starting Out With NLP Anchors ................................................................. 160

Setting an anchor and building yourself a resourceful state ....... 161Eliciting and calibrating states ......................................................... 162Developing your own repertoire of anchors .................................. 164Recognising your own anchors ........................................................ 165

Going Through the Emotions: Sequencing States ................................... 166Altering states with anchors ............................................................ 167Getting with the baroque beat ......................................................... 168Walking in someone else’s shoes ..................................................... 169

Becoming Sophisticated with Anchors ..................................................... 170Changing negative anchors .............................................................. 170Deploying stage anchors ................................................................... 172

A Final Point About Anchors ...................................................................... 174

Chapter 10: Sliding the Controls of Your Experience . . . . . . . . . . . . .175Recording Your Experiences with Your Submodalities ......................... 176Grasping the Basic Info: What You Need to Know Before You Begin ... 177

Associating or dissociating............................................................... 177Defining the details of your memories ............................................ 178Getting a little practice ...................................................................... 182

Understanding Your Critical Submodalities ............................................ 183Making Real‐Life Changes ........................................................................... 184

Removing the pain from an experience .......................................... 185Changing a limiting belief.................................................................. 185Creating an empowering belief ........................................................ 186Getting rid of that backache ............................................................. 187Using the swish .................................................................................. 188

Submodalities Worksheet ........................................................................... 189

Chapter 11: Working with the Logical Levels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .191Understanding Logical Levels .................................................................... 191

Asking the right questions ................................................................ 193Taking logical levels step‐by‐step .................................................... 194Employing practical uses for logical levels .................................... 195

Finding the Right Lever for Change ........................................................... 196Environment ....................................................................................... 197Behaviour ............................................................................................ 198Capabilities and skills ........................................................................ 199Beliefs and values .............................................................................. 200Identity ................................................................................................ 203Purpose ............................................................................................... 204

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Figuring Out Other People’s Levels: Language and Logical Levels ....... 205Teambuilding at Work and Play: A Logical Levels Exercise ................... 205

Chapter 12: Driving Habits: Uncovering Your Secret Programs . . . .207Witnessing the Evolution of Strategies ..................................................... 208

The S–R model .................................................................................... 208The TOTE model ................................................................................ 208The NLP strategy = TOTE + modalities ........................................... 209The NLP strategy model in action ................................................... 210

The Eyes Have It: Recognising Another’s Strategy ................................. 211Flexing Your Strategy Muscles ................................................................... 213

Linking strategies and the logical levels model ............................. 214Acquiring new capabilities ............................................................... 214Recoding your programs .................................................................. 216Grasping the importance of the ‘how’ ............................................. 216

Using NLP Strategies for Love and Success ............................................. 218Loving the deep love strategy .......................................................... 218Influencing people with strategies ................................................... 220Spelling out the NLP spelling strategy ............................................ 221

Chapter 13: Travelling in Time to Improve Your Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . .225Understanding How Your Memories Are Organised ............................... 227Discovering Your Time Line ....................................................................... 228Changing Your Time Line ........................................................................... 229Travelling Along Your Time Line to a Happier You ................................ 232

Releasing negative emotions and limiting decisions..................... 233Finding forgiveness ............................................................................ 236Comforting the younger you ............................................................ 236Getting rid of anxiety ......................................................................... 236Creating a better future ..................................................................... 238

Chapter 14: Ensuring Smooth Running Below Decks . . . . . . . . . . . . .241Getting to Grips with a Hierarchy of Conflict ........................................... 242Drifting from Wholeness to Parts .............................................................. 244

Understanding a part’s intentions ................................................... 244Getting to the heart of the problem ................................................ 245

Help! I’m in Conflict with Myself ................................................................ 246Listening to your unconscious mind ............................................... 246Taking sides ........................................................................................ 246

Becoming Whole: Integrating Your Parts ................................................. 247Trying the visual squash technique ................................................ 247Reframing – as if ................................................................................. 249

Resolving Bigger Conflicts .......................................................................... 251

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Part IV: Using Words to Entrance .............................. 253

Chapter 15: Getting to the Heart of the Matter: The Meta Model . . .255Gathering Specific Information with the Meta Model ............................. 256

Deletion – you’re so vague ................................................................ 259Generalisation – beware the always, musts and shoulds ............. 261Distortion – that touch of imagination ............................................ 264

Using the Meta Model ................................................................................. 266Taking two simple steps ................................................................... 266Remembering a few caveats ............................................................. 267

Chapter 16: Unleashing the Power of Hypnosis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .269Discovering the Language of Trance – the Milton Model ....................... 270

Comparing language patterns and the Milton Model .................... 271Meeting other aspects of the Milton Model ................................... 272Finding your own preferred model .................................................. 274Understanding the art of vagueness and why it’s important ....... 274

Going Deeper into Hypnosis ...................................................................... 276Becoming comfortable with the idea of hypnosis ......................... 277Experiencing everyday trances ........................................................ 279

Chapter 17: Telling Tales to Reach the Unconscious: Stories, Fables and Metaphors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .283

Processing Stories and Metaphors ............................................................ 284Understanding the Stories of Your Life .................................................... 284

Getting to grips with storytelling basics ......................................... 284Working on your storytelling ........................................................... 285Passing on a gift to the next generation .......................................... 287

Grasping the Power of Metaphors ............................................................. 287Using metaphors in NLP ................................................................... 288Applying metaphors to find new solutions .................................... 289Employing direct and indirect metaphors...................................... 290

Building Your Own Stories ......................................................................... 291Using the personal story builder journal ........................................ 292Discovering more ways to flex your storytelling muscles ............ 293Using subtle persuasion .................................................................... 294Adding loops to your story: And this reminds me of . . . .............. 295

Chapter 18: Asking the Right Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .299Question‐Asking Tips and Strategies ........................................................ 300

Cleaning up your language: Removing bias .................................... 300Recognising that the way you behave is what counts .................. 305Pressing the pause button ................................................................ 305Testing your questions ..................................................................... 306Making positive statements the norm ............................................. 306

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Figuring Out What You Want ..................................................................... 306What do I want? .................................................................................. 307What’s that going to do for me? ....................................................... 307

Asking Questions to Help Make Decisions ............................................... 308Challenging Limiting Beliefs ....................................................................... 309Finding the Right Person for the Job: A Question of Motivation ........... 310

What do you want in your work? ..................................................... 311Why is that important?...................................................................... 311How do you know that you’ve done a good job? ........................... 312Why did you choose your current line of work? ........................... 312

Checking In with Yourself ........................................................................... 313

Part V: Integrating Your Learning .............................. 315

Chapter 19: Dipping into Modelling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .317Developing New Skills through Modelling ................................................ 318

Recognising that modelling is a natural human talent.................. 320Getting to a deeper structure ........................................................... 321

Discovering Modelling Case Studies ......................................................... 322The reluctant exemplar ..................................................................... 323The rainmakers’ dance ...................................................................... 324

Key Stages in Modelling .............................................................................. 325Knowing your modelling outcome ................................................... 326Identifying your exemplar ................................................................. 326Finding a modelling method you can work with ............................ 327Gathering your data ........................................................................... 328Building your model .......................................................................... 329Testing the prototype ....................................................................... 330Refining for simplicity ....................................................................... 331

Chapter 20: Making Change Easier . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .335Finding Clarity and Direction ..................................................................... 336Understanding the Structure of Change ................................................... 337

The Kübler‐Ross grief cycle .............................................................. 337Applying the NLP logical levels ........................................................ 340

Holding On to Values .................................................................................. 346Grasping the Importance of Clear Communication ................................. 346Creating the Mindset for Change ............................................................... 348

Letting go of fear ................................................................................ 348Being willing to experiment .............................................................. 351

Getting Help on the Way ............................................................................. 352Strengthening resources ................................................................... 352Pacing the future ................................................................................ 353Planning the road map ...................................................................... 353

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Taking One Step Forward ........................................................................... 354Making that initial move ................................................................... 354Celebrating and gaining closure ...................................................... 354

Part VI: The Part of Tens ........................................... 357

Chapter 21: Ten Applications of NLP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .359Developing Yourself .................................................................................... 359Managing Your Personal and Professional Relationships ...................... 360Negotiating a Win–Win Solution ................................................................ 361Motivating and Leading Staff ...................................................................... 362Creating Powerful Presentations ............................................................... 363Managing Your Time and Precious Resources ........................................ 365Being Coached to Success .......................................................................... 365Using NLP to Support Your Health ............................................................ 366Connecting to Your Audience: Advice for Trainers and Educators ...... 367Getting the Best Job for You ...................................................................... 369

Chapter 22: Ten Books to Add to Your Library . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .371Changing Belief Systems with NLP ............................................................ 371The User’s Manual for the Brain ................................................................ 371Core Transformation ................................................................................... 372Frogs into Princes ........................................................................................ 372Influencing with Integrity ............................................................................ 372An Insider’s Guide to Sub‐Modalities ........................................................ 372The Magic of Metaphor ............................................................................... 373Metaphors We Live By ................................................................................ 373Persuasion Skills Black Book ..................................................................... 373Presenting Magically ................................................................................... 373

Chapter 23: Ten Films That Include NLP Processes . . . . . . . . . . . . . .375Avatar ............................................................................................................ 375Ferris Bueller’s Day Off ............................................................................... 376Dune .............................................................................................................. 377As Good as It Gets ....................................................................................... 378Bend It like Beckham ................................................................................... 379Field of Dreams ............................................................................................ 380Gattaca .......................................................................................................... 380The Matrix .................................................................................................... 381Stand and Deliver ........................................................................................ 381Philomena ..................................................................................................... 382NLP at the Cinema ....................................................................................... 383

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Part VII: Appendixes ................................................. 385

Appendix A: Resource List . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .387Contacting the Authors ............................................................................... 387Online Resources ......................................................................................... 388

Appendix B: Rapport Building . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .389

Appendix C: The Well‐Formed Outcome Checklist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .391

Appendix D: Submodalities Worksheet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .393Submodalities Worksheet ........................................................................... 394

Index ....................................................................... 395

W elcome to the third edition of Neuro‐linguistic Programming For Dummies, which is packed with ideas and tips to increase your

success and happiness. Most likely, you’re reading this book because you’ve heard neuro‐linguistic programming (NLP throughout this book) mentioned as you go about your daily life – in companies, colleges and coffee shops. We wrote the original version of this book because our experience of NLP transformed our own lives. We wanted to ignite the spark of curiosity in others about what’s possible with NLP. We also believed that the time had come for NLP to move away from academic‐ and business‐speak to real‐life plain English, and be used by all people who want to make improvements in their lives.

In recent years, we’ve witnessed NLP growing ever more popular. Part of this popularity is because NLP offers enlightening ‘aha!’ moments, and part is because it simply makes sense. Yet the name itself can be off‐putting and the associated jargon may present a barrier to non‐NLP professionals. So a little explanation is required:

✓✓ Neuro relates to what’s happening in your mind.

✓✓ Linguistic refers not only to the words you use in your communication, but also your body language and how you use it.

✓✓ Programming tackles the persistent patterns of behaviour, both effective and ineffective, that you learn and then repeat.

Some people describe NLP as ‘the study of the structure of subjective experience’; others call it ‘the art and science of communication’. We prefer to say that NLP enables you to understand what makes you tick: how you think, how you feel and how you make sense of everyday life in the world around you. Armed with this understanding, your whole life – work and play – can be renewed.

It’s hard to believe that a decade has passed since the first edition of this book was published. Over this period, Neuro‐linguistic Programming For Dummies has presented us with amazing opportunities, primarily in the form of clients who’ve shared their lives, problems and successes with us. We’ve had the chance to develop these ideas into a range of workshops and coach-ing programmes for different audiences. In this fresh edition, we incorporate

Introduction

2 Neuro-linguistic Programming For Dummies

some lessons from our more recent work as well as from the other books we’ve written in the For Dummies series on coaching, confidence and career change. In particular, some of the biggest developments that we refer to in this new edition are in the field of neuroscience, where technol-ogy such as brain imaging is constantly increasing knowledge and possibili-ties. Thanks to social media and the digital world, the way people connect and communicate has changed dramatically in the last ten years, which makes understanding how to build rapport and manage relationships even more important. As the global world in which we live evolves, we hope you find more new ideas here to help you mitigate the negative effects of stress, and have fun experimenting with and applying the tools in the NLP toolkit.

About This BookThis book aims to entrance anyone fascinated by people. Through its expe-riential approach, NLP encourages people to take action to shape their own lives. It attracts those willing to ‘have a go’ and open their minds to new possibilities.

We try to make NLP friendly, pragmatic, accessible and useful for you. We expect you to be able to dip into the book at any chapter and quickly find practical ideas on how to use NLP to resolve issues or make changes for yourself.

In displaying the NLP ‘market stall’, our choice of content is selective. We aim to offer an enticing menu if you’re a newcomer. And for those with more knowledge, we hope this book helps you to digest what you already know as well as treating you to some new ideas and applications. To that end, we make finding information such as the following easy for you:

✓✓ How to discover what’s important to you so that you can pursue your goals with energy and conviction.

✓✓ What the main NLP presuppositions are and why they’re impor-tant to you.

✓✓ What the best ways are to understand other people’s style, helping you to get your own message heard.

✓✓ When to build rapport and when to break it.

✓✓ How to get your unconscious mind to work together with your con-scious mind to make a strong team.

In addition, because the best way to discover NLP is to experience it, take full opportunity of playing with all the exercises we provide. Some of the

3 Introduction

ideas and exercises in this book may be quite different from your normal style of behaviour, but don’t be put off. The NLP approach is about setting aside your disbelief, having a go and realising your potential.

Conventions Used in This BookTo help you navigate throughout this book, we set up a few conventions:

✓✓ Italic is used for emphasis and to highlight new words or terms that are defined.

✓✓ Boldfaced text is used to indicate the action part of numbered steps.

✓✓ Monofont is used for website addresses.

What You’re Not to ReadWe’ve written this book so that you can easily understand what you want to discover about NLP. And, although after all this writing on our part we’d like to believe that you want to hang on our every last word between these yellow and black covers, we make identifying the ‘skippable’ material easy. This information is the stuff that, although interesting and related to the topic at hand, isn’t essential for you to know:

✓✓ Text in sidebars: The sidebars are the shaded boxes that appear here and there. They share personal stories and observations, but aren’t essential reading.

✓✓ The stuff on the copyright page: No kidding. You find nothing here of interest unless you’re inexplicably enamoured by legal language and reprint information!

Foolish AssumptionsIn this book, we make a few assumptions about you. We assume that you’re a normal human being who wants to be happy. You’re probably interested in learning and ideas. You may have heard the term NLP mentioned, you may already work with the concepts or perhaps it’s just a new and intriguing

4 Neuro-linguistic Programming For Dummies

subject for you. You need no prior knowledge of NLP, but this book is for you if any of the following situations ring a bell:

✓✓ You’re tired or fed up with the way some things are for you now.

✓✓ You’re interested in how to take your living experience to new levels of achievement, happiness, adventure and success.

✓✓ You’re curious about how you can influence others ethically and easily.

✓✓ You’re somebody who loves learning and growing.

✓✓ You’re ready to turn your dreams into reality.

Icons Used in This BookThe icons in this book help you to find particular kinds of information that may be of use to you.

This icon highlights NLP terminology that may sound like a foreign language but which has a precise meaning in the NLP field.

This icon suggests ideas and activities to give you practice in NLP techniques and food for thought.

This icon contains practical advice to put NLP to work for you.

This icon is a friendly reminder of important points to note.

This icon indicates real‐life experiences of NLP in action. Some are real, some people have had their names changed and others are composite characters.

This icon marks things to avoid in your enthusiasm to try out NLP skills on your own.

5 Introduction

Beyond the BookIn addition to the printed book or e‐book you’re reading now, you can also benefit from reading some access-anywhere goodies on the web. Check out the free Cheat Sheet at www.dummies.com/cheatsheet/NLP for a simple summary of the key points contained within this book. You can print out this really handy sheet to carry with you throughout the day, so you can dip into it for some NLP any time you need to.

You can also access some unique articles about NLP, in addition to this book. To read those, visit www.dummies.com/extras/NLP.

Where to Go From HereYou don’t have to read this book from cover to cover, but you benefit greatly if you capture everything at the pace and in the order that’s right for you. Use the table of contents to see what grabs your interest. For example, if you’re keen to understand someone else, first try Chapter 6. Or if you want to know what makes you tick, turn to Chapter 5 and discover the power of your senses. Feel free to dip and dive in.

When you’ve read the book and are keen to discover more, we recommend that you experience NLP more fully through workshops and coaching. We love learning about the discoveries and successes of our readers, so do contact us to share these with us or to find out more about how NLP can help you thrive along your life’s journey. You can find our contact details in Appendix A.

Part IGetting Started with NLP

For Dummies can help you get started with lots of subjects. Go to www.dummies.com to learn more and do more with For Dummies.

In this part . . .✓✓ Get an overview of NLP and what it’s about.

✓✓ Discover the power of your unconscious mind and understand how your beliefs can impact your reality.

✓✓ Find out how to create the future you want for yourself.

Chapter 1

Getting to Know NLPIn This Chapter

▶▶ Setting out on an NLP journey

▶▶ Exploring the key themes of NLP

▶▶ Getting the most out of NLP

H ere’s a little Sufi tale about a man and a tiger.

A man being followed by a hungry tiger, turned in desperation to face it and cried: ‘Why don’t you leave me alone?’ The tiger answered: ‘Why don’t you stop being so appetising?’

In any communication between two people, or in this case between human and beast, more than one perspective always exists. Sometimes people just can’t grasp that fact because they don’t know they need to change their behaviour to communicate in a way that gets them what they want.

Neuro‐linguistic programming (NLP) is one of the most sophisticated and effective methodologies currently available to help you communicate effec‑tively. NLP centres on communication and change. These days everybody needs the skills to develop personal flexibility. Tricks and gimmicks aren’t enough: everyone needs to get real.

So welcome to the start of the journey, as this chapter gives you a quick taster of the key NLP themes.

Introducing NLPAll able‐bodied humans are born with the same basic neurological system.

Your neurological system transmits the information you receive from your environment through your senses to your brain. Your environment, in this context, is everything external to you, but also includes your organs, such as your eyes, ears, skin, stomach and lungs. Your brain processes the

10 Part I: Getting Started with NLP

information and transmits messages back to your organs. In response, your eyes, for example, may blink. The information can also create emotions, and you may cry or laugh. In short, your thought processes make you behave in a certain way.

Your ability to do anything in life – whether swimming the length of a pool, cooking a meal or reading this book – depends on how you respond to the stimuli on your nervous system. Therefore, much of NLP is devoted to dis‑covering how to think and communicate more effectively within yourself and with others.

The term neuro‐linguistic programming breaks down as follows:

▶✓ Neuro concerns your neurological system. NLP is based on the idea that you experience the world through your senses and translate sensory information into thought processes, both conscious and unconscious. Thought processes activate the neurological system, which affects your physiology, emotions and behaviour.

▶✓ Linguistic refers to the way you use language to make sense of the world, capture and conceptualise experience and communicate that experience to others. In NLP, linguistics is the study of how the words you speak and your body language influence your experience.

▶✓ Programming draws heavily from learning theory and addresses how you code or mentally represent your experiences. Your personal pro‑gramming consists of your internal processes and strategies (thinking patterns) that you use to make decisions, solve problems, learn, evalu‑ate and get results. NLP shows you how to recode your experiences and organise your internal programming so that you can get the out‑comes you want.

To see this process in action, begin to notice how you think. Imagine a hot summer’s day. You’re standing in your kitchen holding a lemon you’ve taken from the fridge. Look at the outside of it, its yellow, waxy skin with green marks at the ends. Feel how cold it is in your hand. Raise it to your nose and smell it. Mmmm. Press it gently and notice the weight of the lemon in the palm of your hand. Now take a knife and cut it in half. Hear the juices start to run and notice that the smell is stronger now. Bite deeply into the lemon and allow the juice to swirl around in your mouth.

Words have the power to trigger your saliva glands. Hear the word ‘lemon’ and your brain kicks into action. The word tells your brain that you have a lemon in your hand. You may think that words only describe meanings, but in fact they create your reality – a concept we explore throughout this book.

11 Chapter 1: Getting to Know NLP

Providing a few quick definitionsNLP can be described in various ways. The formal definition is that NLP is ‘the study of the structure of your subjective experience’. Here are a few more ways of answering the elusive question ‘what is NLP?’:

▶✓ The art and science of communication

▶✓ The key to learning

▶✓ The way to understand what makes you and other people tick

▶✓ The route to getting the results you want in all areas of your life

▶✓ The way to influence others with integrity

▶✓ The manual for your brain

▶✓ The secret of successful people

▶✓ The method of creating your own future

▶✓ The way to help people make sense of their reality

▶✓ The toolkit for personal and organisational change

Considering where NLP started and where it’s goingNLP began in California in the early 1970s at the University of Santa Cruz. Richard Bandler, a master’s level student of information sciences and math‑ematics, and Dr John Grinder, a professor of linguistics, studied people who they considered to be excellent communicators and brilliant at helping their clients change. They were fascinated by how some people defied the odds to get through to so‐called difficult or very ill people where others failed miser‑ably to connect.

NLP thus has its roots in a therapeutic setting thanks to three world‐renowned psychotherapists studied by Bandler and Grinder: Virginia Satir (developer of Conjoint Family Therapy), Fritz Perls (the founder of gestalt psychology) and Milton H. Erickson (largely responsible for the advancement of clinical hypnotherapy). In their work, Bandler and Grinder also drew upon the skills of linguists Alfred Korzybski and Noam Chomsky, social anthropolo‑gist Gregory Bateson and psychotherapist Paul Watzlawick.

From those early days, the field of NLP exploded to encompass many disci‑plines in many countries around the world. We can’t possibly name all the

12 Part I: Getting Started with NLP

great teachers and practitioners in NLP today but you can certainly find a wealth of information online.

In the 1980s, Grinder became dissatisfied with some early coding work done in collaboration with Bandler, which he now refers to as Classic Code. Together with Judith DeLozier, he initiated some new models known as New Code (documented in his book Whispering in the Wind) and he continues this work today with Carmen Bostic St. Clair.

So what’s next for NLP? The discipline has certainly travelled a long way from Santa Cruz in the 1970s, and since we wrote the first edition of this book the interest in NLP shows no sign of waning. So many more pioneers have picked up the story and taken it forward – making it practical and helping to trans‑form the lives of real people. New neuroscientific knowledge offers some scientific explanation for many ideas that NLP practitioners have developed more intuitively. In particular, the world of coaching is heavily influenced by NLP. Today, NLP applications are being used by doctors, nurses, taxi drivers, salespeople, coaches, accountants, teachers, animal trainers, parents, work‑ers, retired people and teenagers alike. In Chapter 21, we list just a few such practical applications.

Each generation takes current ideas, sifts through and refines them, adds knowledge discovered through its own experiences and communicates it in its own way. Information about NLP is now distributed via LinkedIn, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and so on – means of communication that didn’t exist ten years ago.

Much of the development of NLP today focuses on the applications rather than the core models; people who are experts in one field incorporate NLP tools and take them into their own field. If NLP encourages new thinking and new choices and acknowledges the positive intention underlying all action, all we can say is the future remains bright with possibilities. The rest is up to you.

Offering a note on integrityYou may hear the words integrity and manipulation associated with NLP, and so we want to put the record straight now. You influence others all the time. When you do so consciously to get what you want, the question of integrity arises. Are you manipulating others to get what you want at their expense?

To make sure you behave with integrity, ask yourself a simple question: what is my positive intention for the other person in this interaction? If your intention is to benefit the other party (perhaps in a sales situation), you have