Nattachment EUFELD S MODEL OF - Jack Hirose & Associates...EUFELD , , , , , , , . .

JACKHIROSEWEBINARSLive-StreamedSeminar

March3,20219am–4:30pmPacific

Copyright2021GordonNeufeld,Ph.D.Allrightsreserved.

Thehandoutisintendedforstudentsofthisseminaronly.Pleasedonotduplicatethisdocumentwithoutpermission.FormoreinformaMonregardingtheNeufeldInsMtuteorDr.Neufeldandhiswork,pleaseconsultthewebsite.

www.neufeldins9tute.org

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. Clinical & Developmental Psychologist

Vancouver, Canada

acomprehensivemodelforallagesandapplica2ons

attachment NEUFELD’SMODELOF

ModelofA)achment-Dr.GordonNeufeld JackHiroseWebinars-Mar3,2021

Copyright2021GordonNeufeldPhD 1

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. Developmental & Clinical Psychologist

Vancouver, Canada

a comprehensive model for all ages and applications

Neufeld’s Model of Attachment

Attachment is ....

... the accepted word for the science of relationship

... a term for the human predisposition for togetherness

... the preeminent characteristic of all things, both living and nonliving

... that drive or relationship characterized by the pursuit and preservation of proximity



FUSION

Panksepp’s�SEEKING

JohnBowlby

object relations

theory

particle�attachment

love & the limbic system

Lorenz’s�imprinting

Jourard’s psychological

intimacy

GRAVITY

magnetism

Harlow’s�monkeys

Bandura’s social learning

theory

Takeo Doi’s

‘amae’

identity formation

the !brain chemistry of attachment

Otto Rank

Werner’s orthogenetic

principle self-

esteem theory

Course Outline – 4 Sessions


•theWORKofa)achment

•theNATUREofa)achment

•thePOWERofa)achment

•theINSTRUMENTSofa)achment

toreducesepara,on to

nurturepoten,al

toensuresurvival


•throughpowerfulins>nctstopursueandpreserveproximity



STRESs

ATTACHMENT=SURVIVALandisthusourpreeminentneed

SEPARATIONisthusthegreatestthreat

FACINGSEPARATION=experienceofsepara,on

IF

bothparentsworking

adopLon

school dayca

re

DIVORCE

facingD

EATH

RETIREMENT

moving

another sib

ling isolation

failure

being

LOST

secrets

bedtime

hospitaliza

tion

residenLalschool

disability

losingface

personal injury

lossoflovedone

threats to identity

NEGLECT

ABUSE

loneliness

STRESs

CHANGE

IF

can’tbewith...

notspecialto

...

not unders

tood by ...

BETRAYED

NOT LIKED BY ...

feeling unloved by ...

replaced by ...

isolation

rejecLon

notwanted

discountedby...

lack of

belonging

can’t connect w

ith ...

can’tholdo

n

whenapart

feeling different

losingface

not important to ...

notrecognizedby...

threats to identity

NEGLECTED

NOT HELD ON TO BY ...

lonelinessnotb

elonging

notma)eringto...




nurturepoten,al

toensuresurvival


•throughpowerfulINSTINCTStopursueandpreserveproximity

•throughtheprimalsepara>onEMOTIONSofalarm,pursuitandfrustra>on

cau>on change

closure

FRUSTRATION

PURSUIT

ALARM

EMOTIONALSOLUTIONSTOFACINGSEPARATION

cau>on change

closure

FRUSTRATION

PURSUIT

ALARM

FIGHT FlIGHT

FIXES and FIXATIONS




nurturepoten,al

toensuresurvival



•throughDEVELOPINGthecapacitytoholdonwhenapart


DEVELOPMENTAL SOLUTION TO FACING SEPARATION


nurturepoten,al

toensuresurvival





•throughFEELINGSoffulfillmentaswellasthefu>lityof

fulfillment



DEVELOPMENTAL SOLUTION TO FACING SEPARATION



ADAPTING to the SEPARATION FACED

encounters with futility

• RECOVERY from loss, lack & trauma

• REST, both situationally and systemically

• RESILIENCE in the wake of the tears

• RELEASE �of stuck emotion

• RELIEF from �instinct & emotionally- �driven behaviour

• enables letting go

• cultivates the strength to face separation, including rejection,

disapproval, isolation and loneliness

• able to transcend handicaps & disabilities

• able to accept limitations and

restrictions

• able to accept not getting one’s way

Grieving(ie,sadness)asasolu9ontofacingsepara9on

• prepares one to face mortality



lossofparent

FACINGDEATH

RETIREMENT

trauma

loss of sibling

isolation

rejecLon

unloved

loss of job

hospitalization

differentness

losingface

tragedy lossofchildthreats to identity

NEGLECT

ABUSE

loneliness

MORTALITY

empty nest

notge\

ngone’s

way

Four innate, spontaneous-but-not-inevitable, SOLUTIONS to facing separation

Developingthefullcapacity

fora)achment(rela,onshipas

a‘forever’solu,on)

GrievingtheseparaLonfacedwhereavoidance

isfuLle(adapta,onasthe‘universal’solu,on)

MovedbytheemoLonsofalarm,frustraLon&pursuit(primalemo,onsas

asitua,onalsolu,on)

Realizingone’spotenLalasaseparatebeing(individua,onasthe‘mature’

solu,on)

All FOUR SOLUTIONS to separation require access to FEELING for proper resolution

•whereFEELINGSmustbedifferenLatedfromEMOTION.OnecanfeelotherthingsbesidesemoLon(insLnct,a)achment,bodilystates,pain,wounds,separaLon,etc)andonecanhaveemoLonwithoutfeelingit.

•FEELINGSarebestthoughtofasthecerebralcortex’sinterpretaLonsoffeedbacksignalscomingbackintothebrainfromthebodyastohowonehasbeensLrredupormoved

•FEELINGSarefragileandfleeLng–easilyhurtandeasilylost

•FEELINGSarethesinglemostimportantfactorinhealthydevelopmentandemoLonalhealth,andalsothemostmisunderstoodandoverlooked

•FEELINGSaredefensivelyinhibitedwhendistressedorneedingtoperformandareonlyrecoveredifandwhencondiLonsareconducive

•FEELINGDEFICITSarethecommondenominatorinalmostallproblembehaviourandtroublingsyndromes



For attachment to do its best workone must not only BE attachedbut must also FEEL attached.


nurturepoten,al

toensuresurvival





fulfillment


(aswellasthecoreaPachmentFEELINGSofcaringandresponsibility)

Attachment d

oes its

work through �

INSTINCT, E

MOTION, D

EVELOPMEN

T and FE

ELING



Relationshipcanrestrictemotionalexpression

Emotionalexpressioncanthreatenrelationship




nurturepoten,al

toensuresurvival





fulfillment


(aswellasthecoreaPachmentFEELINGSofcaringandresponsibility)









polarized

hierarch

ical

developmental

•requiresseveralyearsandconducivecondi>onstorealizethefullpoten>alforrela>onshipandsexuality




Thecapacityforrela>onshipisgraduallydevelopedinsixsequen>alphases,eachphaseaddinganewandmorecomplexwayofaPachingtothepreviousformsofpursuingandpreservingproximity.

Becoming Attached

setsthestageforthesexualiza>onofaPachment

setsthestageforfriendshipand

marriage

Condi,onsconducivetodevelopingthefullcapacityfor

rela,onshipinclude:

Becoming Attached

a)awarmenoughinvita,ontoexistintheother’spresence

b)safeenoughfromdisrup,onorlossofconnec,on(includingthefearofsuch)

c)asoRenoughheart(ie,feelingsNOTdefensivelyinhibited)



Theflightfromvulnerabilitycandisruptanddistortthe

developmentofaUachment:

•aretreattoSAMENESSastheleastvulnerablewayofa)aching.Thismodalityfavoursa)achmentstopeers,ofenresulLnginpeersreplacingtheadultsinachild’slife.

•apreferenceforNON-HUMANa)achmentswheretheinherentvulnerabilityofa)achmentisless

•becomingSTUCKinthefirststagesofa)achment(tobewith,tobelike,tobepartof,tobeonthesamesideas)andimpedingthedevelopmentofemoLonalandpsychologicalinLmacy

•towardstheDEPERSONALIZATIONandFRAGMENTATIONofa)achment,wherevulnerabilityislessbutneitherfulfillmentnorfuLlityispossible,renderingonestuckina)achment

TheDepersonaliza,on&Fragmenta,onofPursuit

TheDepersonaliza,on&Fragmenta,onofPursuit

TheabsenceofLmelyfeelingsresultsinlosingtheconnecLonbetweentheseparaLonfacedandthetriggeredpursuitthatwasmeanttofixthis.

Theresultisfragmentedanddepersonalized‘fixes’thataredivorcedfromtheiroriginalpurpose.These‘fixes’ofendevelopintoobsessive‘fixaLons’thatcanpermeateourpersonaliLes.



Addi,onalexamplesofdepersonalizedaUachment

SENSES – obsessions with looks, hugs, smiles, attachment devices, being in touch; fixations with contact & connection

SAMENESS – attachments to roles, groups, teams, race, country; obsessions with fashion and being normal

BELONGING – attachments to belongings and possessions, collecting, hoarding, materialism, acquisition

LOYALTY – obsessions with deference, respect, tattling, obedience, service, side-taking

SIGNIFICANCE – obsessions with approval, rewards, marks, awards, status, recognition, placing, winning, prizes

LOVE – more about being loving and lovable than the person

BEING KNOWN – more about secrets than relationships

SEX – pornography, sex as experience versus relationship

polarized

hierarch

ical

developmental

•explainsshyness,tribaliza>on,defensivedetachmentandthedarkenergyofaPachment



S



proximity resisted & pursued

-+

Pursued Proximity Resisted

• stranger protest• shyness

positive polarity negative polarityshies away from

resists contactalienateslooks down uponyignores & disregardsmocks & mimicsdisownsopposes & betraysholds in contemptridicules and deridesspoils things fordiscounts as not matteringannoys and irritateseschewsloatheskeeps secrets from or creates secrets about

seeks to be with

makes contact endears

looks up to attends & listens to imitates & emulates

possesses is loyal to

holds dearattempts to find favourmakes things work for

seeks to matter toseeks to please

befriendsloves

shares secrets withor keeps the secrets of

attachment polarities

DEFENSIVEDETACHMENTisanautomaLcreversalofa)achmentinsLnctsandenergy

•typicallyinresponsetofacingseparaLonbutcanalsobetriggeredasadesperatedefensetosensoryoverload(eg,typicalinauLsm)

•incontrasttoshyness,thisinsLncLvereacLonhappensinthecontextofaworkinga)achment–themorethea)achmentma)ers,themorethreatenedbyseparaLon

•becausedefensivedetachmentcreatesmoreseparaLonbydefault,ittriggershugeemoLonalwavesofalarm,frustraLonandpursuit

•ifdefensivedetachmentisdeepenoughpsychologically(affecLngtheself)itcancausedisorientaLon

•canbebriefortransitory,orstuckinachronicstate

•mostcommonlyexperiencedasaresistancetoproximity,alossofthewilltoconnect,animpulsetodistanceoneself,orasasuddenlossofcaring



polarized

hierarch

ical

developmental

•enablescaringaswellasthedanceofaPachment&

explainsalphadominanceproblemsincludingbullying




alpha instinctsdependentinsLnctsdependent instinctsseeking providing

to get one’s bearings

to seek assistance

to serve and obey

to look up to

to look for guidance

to wait for orders

to follow

to belong

to comply and conform

to orient and inform

to guide and direct

to protect & defend

to look out for

to possess

to lead

to give the orders

to transmit one’s values

to command and prescribe

PRO

VID

ING

seek

ing



CommonManifesta,onsofALPHAChildren(&adults)

•predisposedtotakecharge,totakeover,totakethelead

•inclinedtocommanda)enLon,totakecentrestage

•movedtotalklouder,totalkover,totalkforanother

•compelledtobefirst,tobethebest,tobeonthetop

•tendtodemanddeference,togiveorders,totakecommand

•insistonbeingtheonetogivedirecLonsanddefinethemeanings

•compelledtotrumpinteracLon,tohave

thelastword

•ofenneedtobeintheknow,tobethemostknowledgeable

Car

ing

Responsi

bility

THENATURALROOTSOFTHECARINGALPHARESPONSE

“neuronsthatFIREtogetherWIREtogether”

ThealphainsLncttodisplaceinthecontextofFEELINGSofcaringandresponsibility

bullying

narcissism–whereeverythingisabout‘me’

compeLngwith‘lovedones’forcare

obsessedwithwinning,placing,status,

comingoutontop

ALPHAINSTINCTSUNTAMED

byFEELINGSofCARING&RESPONSIBILITY

fantas

iesofr

ape

impulseto‘lorditover’

driveforsuperi

ority

andsupremacy

exploitaLonofthevulnerable&needy

drivetodominateanddisplace

fueledsla

very

colonizaLo

n,

&ethniccl

eansing

unabletodepend,submitortakedirecLon



the making of the bully response

highly

moved

to displace

Lacking feelings of caring &

responsibility

the BULLY

response

to perceived

weakness &

vulnerability

- to assert dominance by exploiting vulnerability -

Alphachildrenaremorepredisposedto...

•alarmproblems(includinganxiety)becausetheycannotmakethemselvesfeelsafe

•behaviourmanagementproblemsbecauseitdoesn’tfeelrighttodothebiddingofthosea)achedto

•ea,ngproblemsbecausetheyareNOTdependentuponadultsforfoodnortakingtheircuesfromtheadultsincharge

•aUen,onproblemsbecausetheira)enLoncannotbecommandedbytheadultsincharge

•aggressionproblemsbecauseofelevatedfrustraLon,bothsystemically&situaLonally,&theabsenseoffeelingsoffuLlity

polarized

hierarch

ical

developmental

•enablescaringaswellasthedanceofaPachment&

explainsalphadominanceproblemsincludingbullying






toDEFENDitself

towoundorto

SHIELD

toEMPOWERorrenderpowerless

•commandsaPen>onandop>mizeslearning

•empowerstoguide&direct,toconsole&comfort,tocareforandnurture,toorientandmodel,toteachandinform

•awakens&evokesanintrinsicmo>va>on‘tobegood’


thenaturalbutunseensourceof

-intoday’ssociety,isusuallypersonal

-tradiLonallywasarolea)achment

-ifa)achmentispersonal,thepowerisNOTtransferable

-isa‘bo)om-up’arrangement

•seekingtobewith•seekingto

belike

•belongingandloyalty

•wanLngtoma)erto

•likingandcaringabout

•givingone’sheartto

•wan,ngtobegoodfor

the desire to be good is a fruit of attachment

• look up to

• avoid alienating

• take cues from

• attend to• listen to

• defer to

• conform to• model after

• be loyal to

• share secrets with & � keep the secrets of

• take the side of

• find favour with

• make things work for

• assume the values of

• seek to please

• measure up to



EmpoweringEffectofAUachment

•inclinedtoFOLLOW

•likelytoATTENDto

•abletofeelATHOMEwith•pronetoassumetheFORMof

•predisposedtoTALKlike

•apttofeellikebeingGOODfor

•willingtoAGREEwith

•likelytoTAKEDIRECTIONfrom•opentobeingINFLUENCEDby

•predisposedtoMEASUREUPTO

Wearemore…

…thosetowhomweareaUached.

toDEFENDitself

towound&toSH

IELD

toEMPOWER&renderpowerless

•defendsexis>ngworkingaPachmentsthroughSHYNESS





SHYNESSasadefensiveaUachmentins,nct

tobe

SHYistobe

RESERVEDforone’speople

•noma)erhowshyachildmaybetotheoutsideworld,theyarenotshyINSIDEtheira)achments

•whatistypicallyRESERVEDarecertainformsofconnecLvity

likeeye-contact,talking,touch,receivingcomfort,

andevensmiles•hasasignificantGENETICcomponentaswellasshapedbycultureandchild-rearingfactors

•becomesmorePRONOUNCED&potenLallyincapacitaLngasthechild’svillagebecomessmaller,a)achmentsbecomemoreexclusive,andsocietyincreasinglyreliesupon‘outsiders’tohelpraisechildren

•theinsLnctisELEVATEDwhendependencyneeds

arehighasintheyoung&immature

•inchildren,istypicallyMISINTERPRETEDassocialdeficits,socialanxiety,rudenessorinsolence,introversion,anLsocialnature,selecLvemuLsm,parentalienaLonsyndromeandreacLvea)achmentdisorder

•createshugeCHALLENGESforrole-basedteaching,child-care,step-parenLng,fosterparenLng,andadopLveparenLng



toDEFENDitself

towound&toSH

IELD







•defendsagainst‘outside’coercion&influencethroughCOUNTERWILL

CounterWill refers to the instinct to resist or oppose the will of others when the attachment instincts are not engaged.

Other’s WILL

expectations & hope

wants & wishes

preferences & priorities

values & goals

plans & decisions

intentions & initiative

designs & purposes

judgements & opinions COUNTER•WILL

CounterWill serves attachment by protecting against ‘outside’ control and influence

Counterwillwillbetriggeredwhen...

the pressure experienced > the pursuit of proximity

commands > impulse to comply

obligations > urge to make it work

expectations > desire to please

demands > inclination to defer

pressure > desire to measure up

forcefulness > desire to be good



opposiLo

nal

and‘defi

ant’

reacLverebe

llionpredisposedtoanL-socialbehaviour

anda\tudes

pre-occupaLonwithtaboo

passivity

and

procrasL

naLon

reacLvenon-complianceanddisobedience

impulseto

be‘bad’

CounterWillUNTAMEDbyFEELINGS

argumen

taLve

or‘bellig

erent’

allergictocoercion projecLnga)emptstocontrolobsLnate&stubborn

commonlymistakenfor‘strongwilled’

FEELINGScivilizetheCounterWillimpulse

feelingtheIMPULSEtoresistoroppose fe

elingCONFLIC

TEDaboutth

eim

pulse

feelingtheFUTILITYofresis,ngoropposing

•soBensthecounterwillimpulseandfostersadapta9ontoaworldfilledwithother’swills

•makesitpossibletotakeuparela9onshipwiththeimpulse

•developsthecapacityforself-control,resolving

impulsiveness

toDEFENDitself

towound&toSH

IELD


•cancreateaSANCTUARYof

SAFETYinawounding

world




•themoretheothermaPers,thegreaterthewoundingthat

canoccur






- shaming or put-downs

- not feeling liked, wanted or valued

- feeling too much to handle

- peer or sibling rejection

- wounding by others

- not being held on to

- losses and lacks

SELF

OTHER

wemustHAVEtheheartsofthosewewhichtoshieldandprotect

What is anxiety and where does it come

from?

Question # 1

Feelingsthathavebeeninhibitedbounce

backtoenableopLmalfuncLoningandthe

realizaLonoffullpotenLal

Resilience Response

Feelingsthatwouldinterferewithperformingor

funcLoninginstressfulcircumstancesareinhibited

Stress Response vs

TIME(inhoursideally)

• EMOTIONAL PLAYGROUNDS�• SAFE RELATIONSHIPS



toDEFENDitself

towound&toSH

IELD



SAFETYinawounding

world





canoccur




Attachmen

ts need

to be

(ie, a

ttached

to th

ose �

responsib

le) fo

r the p

ower of a

ttachmen

t not t

o backfire.

is more

a matte

r of c

ulture

(inclu

ding role

and ritual) t

han a result o

f biologica

l insti

nct.

PEER ORIENTATION

Childrentakingtheircuesfromeachotherastohowtoact,whattodo,howtotalk,whattowear,howtoexpressoneself,whatis

valued,whatisexpected,whatisrightandwhatiswrong

Thecompe,ngnatureofmostpeeraUachmentstoday(ie,can’tbeclosetobothpeersandadultssimultaneously)pullschildren

outoforbitfromaroundtheadultsresponsibleforthem

THEPROBLEMSWITHPEERORIENTATION

•themorepeersma)er,themoreseparaLontobefaced,resulLnginescalaLnginsecurityandwounding

•robschildrenoftheshieldingandprotecLontheyneedtoliveinanwoundingworld

•robsadultsofthepowertheyneedtoparent,teachandtreat

•canresultinchaoLcpolarizaLon&tribaliza,onwhichinturncancreatea‘lordoftheflies’scenario

•breedsALPHAchildren,withalltheproblemsthatensue

•fuelsapreoccupaLonwithdigitaldevicesandsocial

media,whichfurthercompetewithfamily

•isnotconducivetofeeling,asthe

vulnerabilityistoomuchtobear

•doesNOTservesurvivalaschildrenwerenotmeanttotakecareofeachother

•destroysthenaturalcontextforraising&educaLngchildren



-thatis,hierarchicalrela9onshipsinwhichcareandinstruc9oncanbedeliveredtothosewhoinneedofit-

CHALLENGE – to embed in CASCADING CARE

•toADDRESSpeerorientaLonandalphastuckness

•tocreateasafeSANCTUARY

forfeeling

•toEMPOWERthoseresponsibletotakecareof/teach/treattheircharges

•toSHIELDagainstexternalwounding

•toevokethenaturalDEFERENCErequiredfortheadults-in-chargetomanagethebehaviour

oftheirdependents

•toprovidePURPOSEandFULFILLMENT

toourelderly

toDEFENDitself

towound&toSH

IELD



SAFETYinawounding

world





canoccur












-COLLECT-

toengageaUachmentins,ncts

-BRIDGE-

anythingth

atco

ulddivid

e

-MATCHMAKE-tocreateavillageofworkingaUachments

•collecttheeyes,somenodsandsomesmiles

•iftheeyescannotorshouldnotbecollected,collecttheearsinstead

•useplayasaprimerforaPachmentaswellastocircumventshyness


PRIME ATTACHMENT THROUGH



NOTwork N

OTforre

al

expressive

PLAY

-COLLECT-


-BRIDGE-

anythingth

atco

ulddivid

e








-COLLECT-


-BRIDGE-

anythingth

atco

ulddivid

e





•bridgeallsepara>on,problembehaviour,

andinsecuri>es

•bridgeproac>velywhenneeded

•useplaytoventemo>onsthatthreatenconnec>on&tocircumventcounterwill




�to the RESCUE �

of both emotion and relationship



venting frustration �through playful

construction

providingasafeplace

forimpulsestoaUack

ordestroy(ie,torelieve

oneselfoffoulfrustra,on)

•destroyinganddemolishing•hiLngandthrowing•kickingandscreaming•wargames,a)ackinggames

•construc9ngandcraBs•organizingandorchestra9ng

•designingperfec9on

providingasafeplaceto

expressfrustra,onbyeffec,ng

change&makingthingswork

•makingthingswork

venting frustration �through playful

destruction

Using PLAY to tame aggression

Using PLAY to CIRCUMVENT counterwillthewillispreservedinplay,makingcounterwillredundant

•playisideallysuitedtomanagebehaviourinchildrenpredisposedtocounterwillandthereforeshouldbetheprimaryinstrumentofchoicewiththesechildren(asopposedtoaugmenLngone’swill,revealingone’swillthroughrewards,orcontrollingtheconsequences)

•playisalsoideallysuitedtomanagebehaviourwherechoicecannotorshouldnotbeanopLon(eg,eaLng,eliminaLng,seat-belts,ge\ngready,dressing,obeyingtherules,meeLngexpectaLons)

•touseplayeffecLvely,onemustfirstletgoofone’sownwork(eg,teachingthechildalesson)aswellasofimposingtheworkmodeonthechild(eg,thinkingintermsofoutcomes)



Using PLAY to CIRCUMVENT counterwillthewillispreservedinplay,makingcounterwillredundant

•turningworkintoplayandinjecLngsomefunintorouLnetasksandchores

Someexamplesofusingplayasaninstrumentofbehaviour

management:

•preempLngtheresistancebyblindsidingwithaplayfulacLvitythatwillgetthejobdone(eg,somemagic,aplayfulcontest,aplayfulchallenge,etc)

•usingplayfulnesstoorchestrate,chide,teaseoradmonishwherenecessary,thussavingfaceandremovingcoerciveness(inasong,inastory,inasingsongvoice,inaplayvoice,etc)

•turningeaLng,toilettraining,dressingandbedLmeintoplay

Using PLAY to safely indulge ALPHA instincts �that could otherwise alienate or wound

•throughstories,drama,roleplayandtheatre

•inmusic–providingopportuniLesfordirecLng,orchestraLngandleading

•usinggamesofcompeLLonandconquesttosafelyventthequestfordominanceandsupremacy

•usingplaytoindulgethealphainsLnctsofachildtotakecareoftheadult,tofeedorgroomtheadult,tobosstheadultaround

•playfullyinviLngalphaexpressionswheninevitable-tohavethelastword,toone-uptheother,tocomeoutontop–inordertotakethesLngoutoftheinteracLonandpreserveone’sownalpha

-COLLECT-


-BRIDGE-

anythingth

atco

ulddivid

e





•bridgeallsepara>on,problembehaviour,

andinsecuri>es



•useexis>ngaPachmentstocreatenewaPachments

•endeardependentstothoseresponsibleforthemandviceversa

•useplay(eg,dance,music,stories)toknittogetherthegenera>ons




Someexamplesofmatchmaking

•arrangingintroducLons

•acLngfriendlyorfacilitaLngproximitywithaprotecteda)achmenttoopenuptobeingcollected

•primingdependentoralphainsLnctstofacilitatecare-taking

•endearingchildrentotheirparents,studentstotheirteachers,spousestotheirpartners,andviceversa

•collecLngparents,grandparentsandsiblingsofachildinordertoelicittheirsupportandmatchmaking

the

primary

INSTRUMENTS

ofaUachment

invite to exist and to be oneself

assume the caring alpha

roles

fulfill attachment hunger and come

alongside

TOWARDSFRUITFULATTACHMENTS

Assume a caring alpha lead ...

•ORIENTtheother,servingasa‘compasspoint’

•presentoneselfasanANSWERtotheiraUachmentneeds

•providea‘TOUCHOFPROXIMITY’toholdonto

-alikenessorsimilarity,somethingheldincommon

-asignofsignificance,somethingbeyondtheroleexpectaLons

-atouchofwarmthordelight,somethingthatsuggestsliking

-asignthatwetrulygetthemorunderstandthem

-asignofbelonging,orsomethingspecialthatbelongstous

-atouchofloyalty–thatwewillcometotheirsideandalongside

-somesignofbeingwelcomedandinvitedintoourpresence



Assume a caring alpha role in order to invite and inspire dependence ...

•makeitsafeandeasyfortheothertodependuponyou

•conveyastrongalphapresence,takingchargeandconcealingownneeds,fears,andinsecuriLes

•doNOTindulgedemands-readtheneedsandtaketheleadinbeingtheanswer

•assumethealpharoleswhereappropriate-compasspoint,homebase,guide,agentoffuLlity,comforter

•withchildrenandadolescents,arrangescenarioswheretheothermustdependuponyou

•invitetheevitabletopreserveone’salphaandconveythattherelaLonshipcantaketheweight

Assume the WORK of attachment in order to provide some REST & RELEASE ...

•provideMOREthanispursued

•assumeRESPONSIBILITYfortherelaLonship

•aimtoFULFILL(ie,totaketotheturningpoint)

-enoughwarmthandenjoymenttofeelinvited

-enoughsignificancetofeelimportant

-enoughcontacttofeelconnected

-enoughinvitaLontofeelwanted

-enoughunderstandingtofeelknown

-enoughclosenessandaffecLontosaLsfy

the

primary

INSTRUMENTS

ofaUachment

invite to exist and to be oneself

assume the caring alpha

role

fulfill attachment hunger and come

alongside

TOWARDSFRUITFULATTACHMENTS

rest

safety

depth



Neufeld’s Model of Attachment -COLLECT-


-BRIDGE-

anythingth

atco

ulddivid

e





•bridgesepara>on,problembehaviour,

andinsecuri>es






The help

er’s p

rimary

objectiv

e should be t

o work �

relatio

nship and then

relatio

nship as a m

eans

of addres

sing iss

ues rel

ationship, b

oth past and pres

ent.


-COLLECT-


-BRIDGE-

anythingth

atco

ulddivid

e





•bridgesepara>on,problembehaviour,

andinsecuri>es






What is need

ed most

are

in a world th

at is co

ming undone.








Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. Developmental & Clinical Psychologist

Vancouver, Canada

a comprehensive model for all ages and applications


InformationregardingtheNEUFELDINSTITUTE,includingourVIRTUALCAMPUSandONLINECOURSES

TheNeufeldInstituteisaworld-widenonprofitcharitableorganizationcreatedforthepurposeofputtingdevelopmentalscienceintothehandsofthoseresponsibleforourchildren.Ourwayofdoingthisisthrough

disseminatingthemorethantwenty-fivecoursesthathavebeendevelopedbyDr.GordonNeufeldthat

articulatetheattachment-baseddevelopmentalapproach.Wehaveabout25facultyandover200course

facilitatorsdeliveringourcoursesinmorethan10languagestoparents,teachersandhelpingprofessionals.

Ouronlinecoursescanbetakenatanytimeandfromanywhere.Individualscantakethesecoursesthrough

scheduledonlineclassesorthroughindividualself-pacedstudy.Groupsoftenormorecanarrangefortheir

owncustomizedsupport.Theonlinecoursesconsistofmuchmorethanthevideo-material:studyguides,

discussionforums,supplementalmaterial,aswellasaccesstoalltheresourcesoncampus.

Ouronlinecoursesarehousedonavirtualcampusthatisfilledwithresources,supportmaterialsand

discussionforums.Theonlinecampusisopentoanyonewhohastakenoneofourseminarsorcourses,

whetherithasbeendeliveredlivebyDr.Neufeldorafacultymember,asavideo-coursebyaNeufeld

CourseFacilitator,orasanonlinecampuscourse.Campusmembershipis$150fortheinitialyearand$120

forrenewal.Benefitsofcoursemembershipincludeproductdiscounts,accesstothecampuslibrary,

discussionforums,periodicQ&Aclasseswithfaculty,andmuchmore.Themostsignificantbenefitformany

campusmembersishavingcontinuedaccesstotheparticularcoursematerialsthatcorrespondtothe

courseorcoursestheyhavetaken–ifthatapplies.Ourcampustypicallyishometoabout2500subscribers

andstudentsonstudy-passesatanygiventime.

Ourcoursesareaimedforparents,teachersandhelpingprofessionals.ThePowertoParentseriesistypicallythebestwayforparentstogetimmersedintheattachment-baseddevelopmentalapproach.This

canbeaugmentedbyothercoursessuchasDiscipline,Counterwill,AlphaChildren,Anxiety,AggressionorAdolescence,dependingupontheparticularproblemstheymaybeexperiencing.EducatorsaremorelikelytostartwiththeAggressioncourseortheTeachabilityFactoraswellasthePreschoolerscourseorAdolescencecourse,dependingupontheageoftheirstudents.Thistoocanbeaugmentedbytheproblem-centredcourses.

HelpingprofessionalswilldefinitelywanttotaketheAttachmentPuzzle,TransplantingChildren,ScienceofEmotion,andResiliencecourses.

Seriousstudentswhowanttomastertheattachment-baseddevelopmentalparadigminorderforitto

becometheirwayofthinkingaswellastheirmodusoperandiwillwanttotakethethreeNeufeld

Intensives:MakingSenseofKids,TheSeparationComplexandBecomingAttached.TheseIntensiveslaytheconceptualfoundationsofthisapproachinsuchawaythattheapplicationbecomesuniversal.

OurIntensivesopenthedoortofurtherstudyandsupportforsharingthematerial.Wealsohaveasupport

programforfullycredentialedhelpingprofessionals,aswellasfurthertraininginimplementingthe

attachment-baseddevelopmentalparadigmintherapeuticpractice.

OurnewseriesontheScienceofPlayissomeofDr.Neufeld'smostexcitingmaterial–relevanttoanyone

andeveryone.Play101setsthestageforthemoreadvancedcourses:Play&AttachmentandPlay&Emotion.

NOTEreCampusMembershipQualification:Thisseminarqualifiesyoutoregisterforcampusmembership.Anannualsubscriptionfeeapplies(seeabove).Pleaseindicatethatyouhavetakenthiscourse

whenyougotoregisterforcampusmembershipatourcampusportalpage-campus.neufeldinstitute.org.

ForfurtherinformationabouttheNeufeldInstitute,includingitscoursesandprograms,

pleaseconsultourwebsite-NeufeldInstitute.org.

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