My Super Father-In-Law

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    MY SUPER FATHER-IN-LAW

    "Pilot"

    Written by Rodney Ohebsion

    Copyright 2016

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    INT. BATHROOM - DAY

    HERM (65, black) is holding a wrench. He turns the faucet onand off, while a TENANT (male, 35, black) stands near him.

    HERM

    Alright. As good as new.

    TENANTI gotta say, Mr. Jones. You mightbe a cranky lunatic, but you fixstuff better than any other superin any building I’ve ever lived in.

    HERMAnd I gotta say, you might be anasshole, but.

    TENANT... But what?

    HERMAin’t no but. You’re an asshole.

    TENANTCome on, Mr. Jones. I wascomplimenting you.

    HERMWhat about the whole cranky lunaticthing?

    TENANTWell. I’m just saying. Today, youfixed my faucet--but yesterday, yougot mad at me because my goldfishwas making too much noise.

    HERMThat’s ’cause you got a loud assgoldfish.

    TENANTOr maybe it’s ’cause this buildinghas thin walls.

    HERMAnyways, do you need anythingelse--like maybe a punch in thedamn nose?

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    2.

    TENANTNo. But, uh, how’s Karen doing? Ihaven’t seen her in a while.

    HERMKaren is fine.

    TENANTTell her I said hi.

    HERMI’m a busy man. I don’t got time totell people who said hi to them.

    TENANTYou know, I heard Karen marriedJackie Chan’s cousin or something.

    HERM

    What? No. She married DenzelWashington’s cousin.

    TENANTMy sister said she saw Karen withsome Asian dude.

    HERMKaren is married to a black man.

    TENANTBut my sister said she looked upKaren on Facebook, and it says

    there that her name is now KarenJones Nakamura.

    HERMAnd?

    TENANTMost black men don’t have the lastname Nakamura.

    HERMIt’s a Swahili name. It means mindyour business.

    TENANTLook. There’s nothing wrong with ablack woman marrying an Asian dude.Don’t forget what Dr. King said. Ihave a dream...

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    3.

    HERMYeah--I know about the dream, OK?Don’t be quoting Dr. King to me.I’ll quote Dr. King to you. I wasstanding right next to Dr. Kingduring the Million Man March.

    TENANTWell then you know how Dr. King’sdream was interracial.

    HERMI know how Martin Luther King wasmarried to a black woman, and Karenis married to a black man.

    TENANTRight. Mr. Nakamura, the black man.I guess Nakamura is Swahili for

    bullshit.

    INT. HERM AND BEA’S APARTMENT - DAY

    Herm is talking to his wife BEA (65, black).

    HERMThat kid in 3G--he’s spreadingrumors about how Karen’s married tosome Asian guy.

    BEA

    But she is married to an Asian guy.

    HERMShhh. Not so loud, honey. You knowhow thin these walls are.

    (loudly, to a wall)That’s true, honey. Karen ismarried to a black man.

    BEAHerm, enough.

    HERMHoney. This is Brooklyn--notBeijing. We can’t advertise thefact that our daughter’s with someChinaman.

    BEAHer husband is Japanese.

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    4.

    HERMChinaman, Japanman--he definitelyain’t no blackman.

    INT. INTERNET COMPANY CAFETERIA - DAY

    HARUTO (male, 30, Japanese), TIM (30), and JACK (50) areseated at a table and eating lunch.

    JACKIt’s my birthday today.

    HARUTOOh. Happy birthday.

    JACKThey’re gonna fire me.

    HARUTOWhy?

    JACKWell. I heard the office is gonnaget a cake for my birthday.

    HARUTOAnd?

    JACKAnd I think they know I’m turning50.

    HARUTOAnd?

    JACKThis is an internet company. Onceyou turn 50, they take you out backand beat the crap out of you. Andthen they fire you.

    HARUTOThey’re not gonna fire you.

    JACKI need you to do me a favor. Wheneveryone’s eating my birthday cake,make a few comments that implywe went to high school together.

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    5.

    HARUTOHow about instead of me doing that,I just take you out back and I beatthe crap our of you?

    TIMI’ll do it.

    JACKYou’ll beat the crap out of me?

    TIMI’ll tell everyone that we went tohigh school together. AndI’ll photoshop a picture of us astwo 17 year olds at a Justin Bieberconcert.

    Their boss PEYTON (35) walks up to Jack.

    PEYTONJack--I just talked toheadquarters. They need you tofinish the green project bytomorrow.

    JACKYou know, that reminds me of thetime Tim and I were in high school,and they always served us greenbeans in the cafeteria.

    PEYTONYou guys went to high schooltogether?

    JACKYeah.

    PEYTONDuring the same decade?

    JACKYes.

    PEYTONDidn’t you tell me the other daythat your favorite musicianis Gloria Gaynor?

    JACKI didn’t say Gloria Gaynor. I saidJustin Bieber. I’m not old.

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    6.

    PEYTON(robotically)

    Great. Bye.

    He walks away.

    JACKYou think he’s gonna fire me forbeing 50?

    HARUTONo. He’s gonna fire you for likingJustin Bieber.

    A few seconds pass.

    TIMI need to ask you a question aboutyour area of expertise.

    HARUTOCoding?

    TIMNo.

    HARUTOOnline payment processing?

    TIMYou’re getting a little closer--butno.

    HARUTOThen what?

    TIMHow can I pick up black women?

    HARUTOHow should I know?

    TIMYou’re married to one.

    HARUTOOh yeah. Right. Well, I’m not anexpert on picking up black women. Ijust happened to be married to awoman who happens to be black.

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    TIMRight. So you didn’t use, like,some sort of algorithm to get her?

    HARUTOOf course not. Well--I might’ve

    consulted with an algorithm. But Irelied on my heart. Also, I gotKaren really drunk on our thirddate.

    JACKSo how’s your marriage going?

    HARUTOGreat. But tonight, we’re havingour parents over. And there’s noalgorithm that can show me how todeal with Herm Johnson.

    INT. BAKERY - DAY

    Herm is talking to an EMPLOYEE (male, 35).

    HERMI need a cake.

    EMPLOYEEOK. Do you have a specific kind ofcake in mind?

    HERMDo I look like I have time to thinkabout specific cakes? I’m a busyman. I’m a building superintendent.Just give me a cake so I can getthe hell out of there. I don’t wantto spend all day in a bakery, likesome damn idiot.

    EMPLOYEEUm. OK. Well, for a busy man likeyou, I’d recommend our most popularitem: the molten chocolate cake.

    HERMHow much is that?

    EMPLOYEE19.99.

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    HERMYou want me to pay 19.99 for amolten cake?!

    EMPLOYEEI don’t know.

    HERMI don’t need no molten. I just wanta cake--not a freaking volcano.

    EMPLOYEEWell. Our Boston cream pie isreally good, and it’s only 10.99.

    HERMThis is Brooklyn, jack! I don’torder New England clam chowder, Idon’t wear red socks, and I sure as

    hell don’t eat Boston pies.

    EMPLOYEEOK. Well. We have lemon cake for10.99. Do you have anything againstlemons?

    HERMOf course I don’t have anythingagainst lemons! What kind of alunatic do you think I am?!

    INT. SMALL OFFICE ROOM - DAY

    KAREN (30, black) is seated at her desk, and MARV (60,white) and GINA (60, white) are seated across from her.

    KARENAnd what do you typically have forlunch?

    MARVBeer and potato chips.

    KARENFor lunch?

    MARVYeah. I have a few beers, and maybetwo or three handfuls of potatochips or Doritos, and maybe apickle.

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    GINA(to Karen)

    He usually doesn’t have a pickle.

    MARVI have a pickle pretty often.

    GINABut not usually.

    MARVFour times a week.

    GINATwo times a week.

    MARVAre you saying that I’m lying aboutmy pickle consumption? WHy would I

    lie about that?

    GINAYou don’t eat four pickles a week!

    KARENWell, uh--it doesn’t really matterthat much if he eats four picklesor two pickles.

    GINA(to Marv)

    You hear that, Marv? You’ve been

    arguing for nothing.(to Karen)

    Mrs. Jones--regardless of how manypickles my husband eats, should hebe drinking beer and eatingchips every day?

    KARENNo.

    GINA(to Marv)

    You hear that, Marv? She’s anutritionist.

    MARVWell why shouldn’t I have beer andchips for lunch?

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    GINAWhat do you mean why?

    (to Karen)Tell him why.

    KAREN

    Because you need to have actualfood for lunch. Beer and chips havealmost no nutritional value.

    GINA(to Marv)

    Did you hear that, Marv?

    MARVI’m right here, and she said it, soI heard it.

    GINA

    But are you gonna listen to it, andstop having beer and chips forlunch?

    MARVNo. Because I’m not a bean sprouteating hippie who votes for Obamaand goes to Woodstock.

    GINA(to Karen)

    Did you hear that?

    MARVOf course she heard it.

    KARENWell. Listen, Mr. Jackson. You knowthe main thing I don’t like abouthippies?

    MARVTheir unwillingness to wear normalshoes.

    KARENWell. Basically. I don’t like howthey’re extremists. I’m not anextremist, and I’m not asking youto be one, either. I’m not askingyou to camp out in a Whole FoodsMarket and live on kale and quinoa.

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    MARVQuino-what?

    KARENQuinoa. It’s a food.

    MARV

    It sounds like it tastes like shit.

    KARENWell. Here’s my main message. Ifyou want to eat chips and drinkbeer, you can eat chips and drinkbeer. Just not for lunch everysingle day. How aboutyou substitute, like, half of thosebeers with juice and water, andhalf of those chips with sandwichesor cereal or fruit?

    MARVWell. I, uh, I suppose I can dothat.

    GINA(to Karen)

    And what about the pickles?

    MARVNobody cares about the pickles,Gina!

    INT. LI AND SOO-YI’S APARTMENT - DAY

    This entire scene is in Japanese with English subtitles

    Li (65) is talking to SOO-YI (60).

    LI(in Japanese with Englishsubtitles)

    What do you think Haruto’s wife isgoing to make for dinner?

    SOO-YI(in Japanese with Englishsubtitles)

    How should I know?

    LIProbably some sort of ethnic dish.I believe the blacks call theircuisine soul food.

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    SOO-YIWhat kind of food is soul food?

    LII was reading an article about itthe other day. Soul food is

    biscuits, and macaroni and cheese,and bizarre parts of a pig--withhot sauce on everything, and theblacks wash it all down with sugaryiced tea. That woman--she is goingto make Haruto fat. You shouldteach her how to make traditionalJapanese dishes.

    SOO-YII hardly even know her. What do youwant me to do--start rolling sushiin their kitchen? Anyways--I doubt

    she makes that type of food often.After all--she is a nutritionist.

    LIYou know, I am not looking forwardto seeing her father. He strikes meas the type of person who is alwayslooking to start some shit.

    SOO-YIWell. You are also always lookingto start some shit.

    LINot the way he is always looking tostart some shit.

    INT. SMALL APARTMENT (DINING AREA) - NIGHT

    Haruto and Karen are sitting at the dining table.

    KARENAlright. I think I have the dishesthat’ll appease everyone. Misosoup, quinoa and roasted pepperchili, and mac and cheese.

    HARUTOSounds great. Remind me again whywe’re doing this.

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    KARENBecause we’re, um, a marriedcouple. This is what marriedcouples do.

    HARUTO

    Remember the last time your parentsand my parents were in the sameroom?

    KARENYeah. Our wedding.

    HARUTOAnd at that wedding, how many timesdid your father ask my father toprove that he’s a legal resident ofAmerica?

    KARENTwice. What’s your point?

    HARUTOYour father’s racist. And there aregonna be three Asians here with himtonight.

    KARENIt’s OK. He’ll behave himself. He’sactually a very tolerant guy, onceyou get to know him.

    HARUTOReally?

    KARENOf course not. My dad gets alongwith 5% of black people, and 0.1%of non-black people.

    HARUTOWho’s the 0.1%?

    KARENWell. There was this time my dadsaid hi to our white mailman.

    HARUTOAnd what did he say after themailman left?

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    KARENUm. Something about how whitemailmen steal stamps from blackpeople, and how the zip code 11225is racist.

    The doorbell rings. Karen walks over to the front door. She

    opens it to reveal her Bea and Herm. Herm is holding a cakebox.

    BEABaby!

    Bea walks in and hugs Karen.

    HERMHi princess.

    Herm walks in and hugs Karen. He walks over to Haruto.

    HERMHow you doing, Karate?

    HARUTOUh--my name’s Haruto.

    HERMHaruto, Karate, Roto Rooter,whatever.

    BEANow Herm--don’t be rude. Call theboy by his name.

    HERMOK.

    (semi-reluctantly)Haruto.

    (hands him a cake)Here’s your cake. The mostexpensive one they had.

    BEA(to Haruto)(friendly)

    It’s so nice to see you again,Karate-toe.

    HARUTOUh... It’s Har...

    The doorbell rings again.

    Karen opens it to reveal Li and Soo-Yi.

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    LI (cont’d)Yes. Hello.

    HERMYeah. Origami to you, too.

    LIOrigami?

    HERMYeah. You know. Isn’t that "hello"in Oriental?

    LINot quite. In Oriental, this is howwe say hello.

    He sticks his middle finger at Herm.

    HERM(to Haruto)

    Is he telling the truth?

    HARUTOI don’t know. I don’t speakOriental.

    HERMWell, I don’t need to speakOriental to know what he said! Hewants to have a karate fight!

    (to Li)

    Ain’t that right, Nakamura!?

    LI(yells in Japanese)

    HERMWhat did you say about my mama?

    LII said, I will do karate. You willdo sumo wrestling, fatso.

    HERMWho are you calling a fatso? Iweight 204 pounds of pure muscle.

    LI(yells in Japanese)

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    HARUTOOK! Enough! Can we just sit downfor a second and, you know, have afew drinks, and have a normalevening with normal conversationsfeaturing normal people?

    HERMWell. I’ll be normal if Mr. Origamihere will be normal.

    LIStop saying origami!

    HERMI can say origami if I want to sayorigami. This is a free country.This isn’t China.

    LII’m Japanese!

    HARUTONormal! A normal conversation!Normal. OK?

    A few seconds pass.

    KARENSo. Who wants a drink?

    BEA

    I’ll take a shot of saki.

    SOO-YIAnd I’ll have a bottle of whiskey.

    (Cut to Later)

    Everyone is seated at a table with place settings, and halffull plates of mac n’ cheese and/or quinoa and roastedpepper chili.

    HERM...So, that’s when I told Barack,"I think you should go intopolitics. You know. America mightnot vote for a legitimate blackman--but they will vote for a halfblack man like you."

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    SOO-YIUh. That’s very interesting, Mr.Jones.

    HERMPlease. Call me Herm.

    BEAHerm. You’ve never met Barack Obamabefore.

    HERMListen, honey. I do a lot of thingsyou don’t know about.

    BEAI know everything you do.

    HERMYou don’t know half as much as you

    think you do.

    BEAI know you’ve been watching HalleBerry movies every day for the pastweek.

    KARENSpeaking of Halle Berry, did youknow that she’s biracial? As in,her parents aren’t the same race.Just like how Haruto and I aren’tthe same race.

    HERMHoney. You don’t know what you’retalking about. Halle Berry’sparents are both legitimatelyblack.

    KARENDad. I Googled it. Halle Berry’smother is white.

    HERM

    I don’t know nothing about noGoogle, or Facebook, or dot coms. Ididn’t get to where I am today bylistening to some internets.

    LIExactly. You got to where you aretoday by listening to the ignorancein your head!

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    19.

    HERMThat’s it, Mr. Origami! It’s karatetime!

    HARUTONo karate! OK?

    (to Li)

    Dad--stop starting stuff. Let’sjust, uh,

    (to Herm)Mr. Jones--go ahead and tell usmore about how you advised Obama torun for President.

    HERMWhat--you don’t believe me?

    HARUTOI believe you.

    HERMIt sounds like you don’t believeme. Admit it, karaoke. You want tocall me the n-word.

    KARENDad--stop trying to start a racewar. OK? And my husband’s nameisn’t karaoke. It’s Haruto.

    HERMWell in English, karaoke and Harutoare both the same word.

    SOO-YIUh. Karen--this is delicious.What’s in it?

    KARENIt’s mostly peppers, zucchini,beans, tomatoes, and quinoa.

    HERMQuino-what?

    KARENQuinoa.

    HERMThat doesn’t sound too good. Soundslike the name of those feathersthat Indians put in their hair. I’mnot down with all that quinoanonsense.

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    20.

    BEAHerm. You already ate a whole plateof that quinoa nonsense.

    HERMThat was when I thought it was

    normal food, and not Indianheadwear.

    INT. KAREN AND HARUTO’S APARTMENT (LIVING ROOM) - NIGHT

    Haruto, Karen, Harm, Bea, Soo-Yi, and Li are seated at atable with poker chips.

    KARENDad. Why are we playing poker?

    HERM

    Because this is the Asia-AfricaOlympics--and the event is TexasHold ’em. Oh. By the way. I gotsome news.

    BEAWhat news? I don’t know about anynews.

    HERMExactly. I told you that there area lot of things that you don’t knowabout me.

    (to Everyone)Now, here’s the news. As you know,the same company owns my buildingand your building. And I’ve done somany good repairs in my building,that they’ve hired me to come tothis building from time to time anddo some repairs.

    KARENOh. That’s great. Congratulations,dad.

    HARUTOYeah. That’s great. I’ve heardyou’re really handy. You know,we’re actually having a problemwith our toilet...

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    21.

    HERMYeah--I don’t start work here untilnext week. In the meantime, justuse some Roto Rooter. Just likeyour name.

    HARUTO

    Once again--my name is Haruto. NotRoto Rooter.

    HERMThat’s why I named my daughterKaren. You can’t confuse that namewith a plumbing product.

    (to Karen)Now, Karen. deal the cards.

    Karen starts dealing two cards face down to everyone.

    HERM

    Let me ask you something, Mahuto.Did you vote for Obama?

    HARUTONo. I don’t vote.

    HERMYou don’t vote for black people?

    HARUTOI don’t vote, period.

    HERMRight. Because you’re an illegalimmigrant.

    KARENLet’s change the subject.

    HARUTOI have a good one. What’s the dealwith white mailmen?

    HERMThe deal is, they steal stamps from

    black people.

    HARUTOYeah. I’ve heard.

    (Later)

    Karen, Bea, and Soo-Yi, and are now watching TV, whileHaruto, Herm, and Li continue to play poker.

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    22.

    SOO-YIThat was an excellent meal, Karen.I’ve never had mac and cheesebefore.

    KAREN

    I’m glad you like it. It’s myfather’s favorite food.

    BEAYeah. Herm has it twice a week. OnTuesdays with me, and on Fridayswith Obama.

    Back at the poker table, each player has two face downcards, and there are four community cards on the table.

    HERMI’m glad the lady-folk have taken

    to watching TV. Poker is a man’sgame. Ain’t that right, Mahoto?

    Haruto puts some chips in the pot.

    HARUTOFifty cents.

    Li folds.

    Herm puts in some chips.

    HERM

    Raise to two dollars.

    Haruto puts in some chips.

    HARUTORaise to five dollars.

    Herm puts in some chips.

    HERMI call.

    Herm deals one more community card. He then puts a lot ofhis chips into the pot.

    HERMTen.

    HARUTOI call.

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    HERM... I got nothing.

    HARUTOA pair of Jacks.

    HERMWhy’d you call me? Because I’mblack?

    HARUTONo. Because you were bluffing.

    HERMOK. I’ll give you that one. But youbetter watch it from now on.

    LII think Africa is losing the

    Olympics.

    (Later)

    They’re playing a new hand. There are five community cardson the table, and Harm and Haruto each have two face downhole cards.

    HERMI check.

    Haruto puts some chips in the pot.

    HARUTOEight.

    HERMI call.

    HARUTO... Good call. I got nothing.

    HERMI knew you were bluffing. I couldsee it in your eyes. I had to lookreally hard, since your eyes areOriental--but I saw the bluff inthem.

    HARUTOUm. OK.

    Herm flips over his hand.

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    24.

    HERMPair of tens. Score one for Africa.

    (calls over to Bea)Honey--go start the car. I’m gonnatake all of Hakuna’s money in thenext hand, and then you and me are

    gonna take off.

    KARENDaddy--his name is Haruto, notHakuna! He’s not a Disneycharacter.

    HERMHoney. This is the Asia-AfricaOlympics. Why are you playing forthe Asian team?

    KAREN

    This isn’t the Asia-AfricaOlympics! There are no teams, andno races! It’s just a marriedcouple and their four parentshaving dinner, and watching TV, andplaying poker.

    HERMHoney. I’m just saying. JerryTucker is still single, he stillmakes $80,000 a year, and he’sstill black--so how come you’re notdating him?

    KARENOh--I don’t know. Probably becauseI’m married to the man I love.

    BEAThat’s a good reason, honey.

    HERMThat’s not a good reason.

    SOO-YIHow is it not a good reason?

    HERMOh. Now you’re arguing with me? Ithought Asian women weren’t soconfrontational.

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    25.

    LIYou thought wrong.

    HERMLet me ask you something. Don’t youagree with me that my daughter

    should be married to a black man,and Mento should be married to aChinese woman?

    LIMy son is Japanese. And his name isHaruto--not Mento. He’s not abreath mint.

    HERMYou get my point. Don’t you preferto have Japanese people marry otherJapanese people?

    LIIt doesn’t matter what I prefer.

    HERMBecause you agree with me.

    KARENDad. Look. I get where you’recoming from with all of this.

    HARUTOYou do?

    KARENYes.

    (to Herm)Daddy. I really appreciate how youwant me to be with the right guy.It’s great that you want that, andyou’re willing to insult an entirerace of people repeatedly becauseyou care so much.

    HARUTOI don’t know if it’s that great,Karen.

    KARENIt   is   great. It’s great, honey.

    HARUTOFine. It’s great.

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    KAREN(to Herm)

    Daddy--we appreciate having youhere, and we appreciate what you’redoing. But the thing is, Haruto andI are a happily married couple, andhe’s the right guy for me, and I’m

    the right girl for him--andthat’why there’s no Asia-AfricaOlympics taking place here.

    HERM... Fine, honey. OK. I hear you.

    KARENReally?

    HERMReally. And all I’m saying isthat Jerry Watson is still in love

    with you, he still drives aCadillac, and he’s stilllegitimately black--so after youdivorce Ching Chong here...

    LIMy son is not Ching Chong!

    HERMOK! The poker game’s over! TheAsia-Africa Olympics, event numbertwo: karate! Let’s do this.

    (to Bea)Honey. Go downstairs and start thecar. I’ll get in after the fight.

    LI(yells in Japanese)

    He does some "karate shodowboxing."

    HERMThat ain’t nothing. I boxed 15rounds with Mike Tyson back in 93.

    LIYes. You, Mike Tyson, and BarackObama are best friends.

    HERM(to Bea)

    Honey--go start the car!

    (Later)

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    27.

    Haruto and Karen are clearing the table. Everyone else isgone.

    HARUTOSo. I thought that went well.

    KARENYeah. I mean, the karate fight onlywent on for one round. My fatherusually fights Orientals for 15rounds.

    HARUTOYou know. You’re beginning to sounda little like your father.

    KARENHoney--I’m just saying. Maybe Ishould call up my boyfriend Jerry

    Watson.

    HARUTOHow about you bring him down here,and I have a karate fight with him?

    KARENYou know, in all seriousness, Ithink my father’s warming up to youand your family.

    HARUTOReally?

    KARENYeah. I mean, in a certain sense.

    HARUTOIn what certain sense?

    KARENYou know. I mean, it was almostlike he wanted to tell you,

    (in Harm’s voice)"As far as Orientals go, y’allthree are alright. I mean, I stillwant to kick your ass, Roto Rooter.But I don’t hate you that much."

    HARUTOWow. You really think he wasthinking that?

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    KARENYeah.

    HARUTOGreat. I’m on my way to being yourdad’s favorite Oriental.

    INT. INTERNET COMPANY CAFETERIA - DAY

    Haruto and Tim are seated at a table and eating lunch.

    TIMSo how did dinner go last night?

    HARUTOPretty good. Except for how myfather-in-law called me RotoRooter, and later, a war broke out

    between Africa and Asia.

    Jack walks over to their table and sits down.

    TIM(to Haruto)

    Roto Rooter?

    JACK(to Haruto?)

    What? Did someone call you RotoRooter instead of Haruto?

    HARUTOHow did you guess?

    JACKWell. Not to sound racist oranything, but they do sound alittle similar. So when I heard Timsay Roto Rooter to you as aquestion, I deduced that you toldhim how someone called you RotoRooter.

    HARUTOThat’s, um... some pretty gooddeducing that you did.

    JACKWho called you Roto Rooter?

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    HARUTOMy father-in-law.

    JACKOh. Yeah. Right. You had them overfor dinner. How did that go?

    HARUTOWell. I’ll give you a clue. Myfather-in-law called me RotoRooter.

    JACKWell. My ex-wife’s father calls meJack the Jackass.

    HARUTOHe’s your ex father in law. Herm iscurrent my father in law.

    JACKRight. But when I was married, myfather-in-law called me Jack theJackoff.

    TIMIs that why you got divorced?

    JACKYeah. Well, that and I told mywife, Get the hell away from me,you psycho. I want a divorce."

    HARUTOWell. I’m not planning to divorceKaren anytime soon. And apparently,her father’s gonna be spending alot more time around us, now thathe’s the new co-manager of ourapartment building.

    TIMOh. Well. You know. You’ll figureout how to deal with him.

    JACKOr, you’ll get a divorce, and yourfather-in-law will go from callingyou Roto Rooter, to calling youHaruto the Jackoff.