My daughter made me 2
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Transcript of My daughter made me 2
Talent Solutions. Delivered. My Daughter Made MeFive Insights That Transformed My Life
Harry GriendlingFounder and CEO
DoubleStar, Inc.
June, 2011
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Intro to DoubleStar
First, most experienced, and largest consulting firm focused on delivering talent strategy, project recruitment, RPO, and workforce analytics solutions on the East Coast
Only firm that has applied and sustained a true consultative delivery model for recruitment services for 18 years
Six-time Philly 100 Company in first 10 years Two-time INC 500 Company in first 6 years Inaugural member of the Philadelphia Business Journal Hall of Fame 100% self-funded out of operating margin 100% debt-free 100% investor-free Executed over 700 high-volume recruiting and RPO assignments for
over 300 clients Repeat business rate of 94% and a client satisfaction rate of 99%
My 6 year-old daughter made me do this
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1993: A Three Alarm Fire in My Life…
My 6 year-old Daughter (Kelly) moved to Atlanta with her mom
As a result, I was close to personal bankruptcy
I had my dream job and I hated it
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The Price of Long-Distance Parenting (pre-Internet)
3 round-trip plane tickets per month ($600-$900/month, plus hotel, rental car, meals, fun money)
2-4 days off per month on a fixed schedule
Flexible time off (sometimes unplanned)
No ready answers to the hard question--- how to have a real, meaningful parental relationship with a child who was 680 miles away?
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My Dream Job was Becoming a Nightmare
Intellectually unfulfilled
Role and people were sucking the life juice out of me
Realized I didn’t like the path I had chosen
Job was working against me--made seeing Kelly harder, not easier
Might be a good time to re-assess things….
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Needs Analysis – Non-Negotiable Requirements
4-5 consecutive days off each month
Extra time off at holidays
Four weeks of vacation annually
Ability to leave on little notice if needed
$15,000 in additional annual to stop my financial bleeding from day-to-day expenses
At least $30,000 in additional annual income just to fund trips
$20,000 in additional annual income to fund current private school and future college trust
Where Oh Where Do You Find this Job?
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Solution—Start a Company! Really? You Serious?
Only solution that answered all needs
But there were a few small problems--– Had no cash– Didn’t know what I wanted to do– No experience; worse, never took a single business course– What could I do that people would pay me a premium for?– It was a counter-intuitive course of action– I would be risking everything– I would go deeper in debt with no guaranteed benefit– “I can’t” mindset. What if I fail? Is there a Plan B?– No time/patience/experience to write a business plan
Killer Revelation: A Paying Customer Solves a Lot of Problems
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10 Steps to Launch My Business in 30 Days
Created a presentation about my non-existent business’ service and solutions
Created a low pricing/high delivery model to instantly differentiate it
Offered a 100% guarantee (unheard of in recruiting) to mitigate client risk of hiring me
Found 5 potential buyers to present it to
Skipped lunch to schedule and attend sales appointments
Sold my first client while still employed
Quit my job on the ‘strength’ of a six-month contract
Took a $6,000 advance on my credit card and got deeper in debt
Bought a $35/mo address in Great Valley and set up my business in my spare bedroom
Decided that desperate men do desperate things, and I’d better get desperate fast
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First Insight: Change Mindset and Get Wildly Out of Balance
Being successful at anything requires commitment. Real commitment. Have to go ‘all in’
No one ever achieved anything great without getting wildly out of balance
Failure is less likely when you know that it’s simply not a option
Move from problem obsession to solution obsession-- the only thing you can hope to control is tomorrow, but you can’t even start to do that if you focus on what’s behind you
Forget the things that you THINK are in your way—they aren’t
Having the WILL to do something is more important than money, experience, or knowledge…or anyone’s permission
Move Mental Frame from “I can’t” ------“I will” ------ “I MUST”
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First Insight: Change Mindset and Get Wildly Out of Balance…
What Real Commitment (“I MUST”)Looks Like
Personal Commitment Business Commitment
No excuses for failing to execute any aspect of the Kelly plan
Words always match my actions Ready to accept huge personal
inconveniences Showing up for important events that
other parents skipped…shock others with my effort
Staying in discipline: Travel + Phone Calls + Letters + Surprises +++
Read everything I can about parenting from afar
Losing sleep to create great outcomes I must be the best dad I can be—no
excuses
No excuses for failing to keep commitments to clients and employees
My words always match my actions Being available to clients on
vacations, nights, weekends Showing up for meetings in snow
storms when their own employees didn’t…shock effect
Stay in discipline: No short cuts; no quality defects; use best practices
Read everything I can to become expert in my space
Losing sleep to create great outcomes I must be the best consultant I can be
—no excuses
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Funny Thing Happened…Solution Convergence
The problems became intertwined; solutions were interconnected
Personal Solution Orientation Business Solution Orientation
Build solutions that increase the value I add to Kelly’s life
Kelly comes first; all decisions filtered though ‘best for her’; I am second to irrelevant
All energy focused on gaining time and increasing quality of time
Make everything memorable... unforgettable is even better
Remove obstacles to focus time on achieving these goals
All energy focused on gaining clients and delivery quality services
Clients needs and what is best for them comes first; my needs are second
Build solutions that improve the quality of a client’s work life
Be memorable… irreplaceable is even better
Remove obstacles to achieving these goals asap
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Second Insight: Focus on the Outcome, Not the Journey
If the outcome is worthwhile, the journey is easy, no matter how challenging it may become
Personal Outcomes Business Outcomes
See Kelly frequently & on my terms
Be a parent who makes a positive impact in her life
Relieve financial pressure on me
Make money an irrelevant factor in her life
Leave her with a legacy to help her launch her life well
Build long-term, meaningful relationships with clients
Be and be known as the best at what I do
Build a company that enables personal happiness and wealth enhancement for everyone (the company I couldn’t find)
Work with people I like Retire Early
Whenever you get tired or get frustrated, refer to these lists
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Third Insight: Avoid the Stuff that Sucks
Don’t copy any stupid thing you’ve seen other people do
Parental Things that Suck Business Things that Suck
Hitting/Physical Punishment Secrets About the Wrong Things Deadbeat Dads/Moms Fighting Over Money Too Much/Too Little Oversight Punishments Not Fitting the Crime Failing to Model Desired Behaviors Monologue/Lectures Not Dialogue Unclear Rules and Boundaries Atmosphere of Fear Badmouthing the Ex No Fun
Performance Reviews Secrets/Rumors/Gossip Time and Tenure-Based Comp Plans Convoluted Comp Plans Egos Running Amok Unhappy People People Behaving Badly Lack of Info/Closed Communication Unclear Direction Atmosphere of Fear Politics No Fun
When in doubt, select the opposite of these behaviors
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Fourth Insight: When Overmatched, Use Judo
Turn all disadvantages into advantages Business Problem: I couldn’t work a standard fixed schedule
Judo Solution: Use a non-standard schedule to impress clients
Standard Work Week My Plan for Differentiation
21 work days/month 25 work days/month
8 work hours/day 12 work hours/day
168 total work hours/month 300 work hours/month
I had 132 extra work hours (40%) available to differentiate myself
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Fourth Insight: When Overmatched, Use Judo
Turn all disadvantages into advantages Personal Problem: I couldn’t be with Kelly every day
Judo Solution: Use distance to make bigger impacts
Standard Parenting Week My Plan for Differentiation
30 parent days/month 4 parenting days/month
1-2 quality hours/day 14 quality hours/day
60 one-on-one hours/month 56 one-on-one hours/month
Everything is routine 3-4 hours of phone time/mo
4-6 letters per month
Original songs
Power of the unexpected
Every second is ‘just for Kelly’
Nothing will be routine
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Judo Everywhere
Business Problem: Had no start-up capital for offices Judo Solution: Create one of the first truly virtual companies
Patenting Problem: I couldn’t help with day-to-day homework… Judo Solution: Implement an irresistible reward system that
provided virtual focus and motivation
Business Problem: I had no clients and no business track record Judo Solution: Offer 100% guarantee—no one else had this!
Parenting Problem: I couldn’t be there for most school events Judo Solution: Surgically show up to make huge impact
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Fifth Insight: Communication is Everything
If you don’t talk to me, you don’t exist Face time matters—you can’t phone-in or email-out the love
Parental Communication Business Communication
Have regular, frequent, meaningful communication
Create memories, not just experiences
Stories are powerful Showing beats telling, but telling
doesn’t hurt Make all communications count End all interactions with ‘I love
you’ The difficulty of talking about
something with a child is directly proportional to the importance of having the discussion
Have regular, frequent, and meaningful communications
Create memorable outcomes, don’t just do the work
Stories are powerful Demonstrate your competence
rather than telling it Plan all non-routine
communications with clients End all conversations with ‘thank
you for trusting me with this assignment’
The more you are dreading a conversation, the more important it is to have it
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How Do You Measure Success?
Parental Success Measures Business Success Measures Your ex complains that you spend
more time with Kelly than she can You know all your kids friends and
they want to hang out with you The principal and teachers all know
you on sight When she’s about 17, your child
realizes that you are goofy and irrelevant, just as if she lived with you full time
70% of your staff has been with you for more than 5 years; 50% over 10 years
70% of your current clients have been with you more than 5 years; 50% over 10 years
72 consecutive profitable quarters Have created jobs that over 100
people have held, providing over $60,000,000 in income for their families
My team thinks I’m goofy and irrelevant
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Final Thought--Aim for Integration, not “Balance”
Integration is a more useful model than Balance— think of life as a complex system with many disparate processes that require seamless integration
Great solutions are like great performances—they look easy because someone spent lots of time out of balance first to create them
You earn the right to be in balance by working hard to create an integrated life—balance is the payoff for out-of-balance efforts
When this is done right, it is joyful
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Thanks for your time and attention
I hope this discussion was helpful