YEARSAs we strive towards pure lives, for ourselves and for our kids, we find that these years are integral in setting up relationships and conversations for the coming years. There are various behaviors that you may see from your fourth and fifth grader, and now is a great time to catch them and host discussions on why it is important to make decisions towards purity. Specifically you may see behaviors such as physical violence, cussing, and viewing pornographic images for the first time.

LIFE LOOKS A LITTLE LIKE���

Web

www.verywellfamily.com - 11-Year Old Developmental Milestoneswww.josh.org/resources/just-1-click-away/www.fightthenewdrug.org/

Books

It's Great to Be a Guy!: God Has a Plan for You...and Your Body! by Jarrod Sechler

Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male BrainBy Dr. William M. Struthers Ph.D.

Ask God to equip you with the wisdom and patience to engage with your son in hard conversations. Pray that God would not only use you, but would use others in your son’s life to help them with whatever purity issue they may struggle with. Pray that you and others would be able to show your son what it looks like to pursue after God and live in the light. Thank him for sending Jesus and the sacrifice that purifies us from our sins.

Resources���

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

1 John 1:5-7

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Purity4&5TH GRADE-BOYS

Making pure choices in life is not something that will come naturally for your child. We all live in a fallen world and our tendencies, apart from God, are drawn towards sinfulness. As you navigate the conversations of purity at this age know that your son needs Christ more than he needs behavioral modification, and you have the opportunity to steer him towards Jesus.

KNOW�

Your son will start to say and do things that you would never have thought he would do. In these years it is less about fitting in and more about mimicking the behaviors of others around them. Using cuss words, displaying physical violence, and looking at pornographic images are all things that may begin in these years. All of these are related to seeing what their peers are doing and copying their behaviors.

EXPECT�

The average male begins puberty between the ages of 9 and 14. This is a broad range because each boy is different. All the same, it is very likely for your son to begin seeing major changes in their body during these years. Don’t assume their school and their friends will teach them everything they need to know. Prepare yourself by reading and studying male changes in puberty, both physically and emotionally. This can be helpful for future discussion, but also for your reactions to their behaviors.

PREPARE�

Create clear and healthy language around various topics of purity. With regards to violence, identify the different behaviors that are violent. Help them see the difference between physical and verbal violence. With cuss words, help them identify the things they have heard and what is inappropriate to say. In addition, help them see the proper way to confront someone without harsh language. Lastly, discuss what images are appropriate and inappropriate to view, and why pornography can be harmful.

TALK�

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Right now your son is mimicking the behaviors they see, but soon these behaviors will take a deeper root. They will start to do things because they find self worth through certain behaviors. These two years are a perfect time to capture the behaviors they are seeing in themselves and in their peers, and have preemptive discussions.

Pornography - It is important to help your student identify what a pornographic image is and what it’s not. It is even more important to dig into why pornographic images can be harmful (this conversation can be centered around faith or not). You may think it is early to discuss pornography, yet many boys see pornographic images between the ages of 9 and 11. Often times kids view pornography to fill in the gaps of their sex education. This is why it is important to answer their questions about sex. Below are a few helpful talking points about pornography. There are also some great books written on this topic in the resources list.

• Pornography as an addiction and it’s rewiring of the brain • Hurtful and unreal expectations for our future significant other • Sexual desire apart from our significant other is sinful - fighting our sinful nature

Violence - It will be natural for your son to experience anger. For some boys, this will increase as their hormones change in puberty. It is important to help them find healthy outlets for their anger and frustration, apart from physical and/or verbal violence. This might be trial and error, as everybody is different. Below are a few proven strategies that can help alleviate anger.

• Focused Breathing • Physical Activity - running, a sport, punching bag, manual labor • Laughter • Hyperfocus on Something Else - Drawing, Video Game, Movie/Show

Your son may do something for the first time in these years that may really shock you. Be careful to guard your reaction. Remember, they are often not doing these behaviors out of deeper seeded struggles, such as identity. Rather, they are mimicking what they have seen around them. Often times when a behavior arises for the first time it is helpful to go back to the preemptive conversations and discuss why these behaviors are hurtful.

If these behaviors continue after these discussions then you may begin to use disciplinary actions consistent with how you as parents discipline.

Reaction Conversations

Preemptive Conversations

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