Mothers at Home Matters Newsletter

8/3/2019 Mothers at Home Matters Newsletter

1/12The newsletter of Mothers at Home Matter, PO Box 43690, London SE22 9WN

Autumn

2011

This summer the nationremembered that the homematters. We wondered why

teenagers were allowed out atnight to run wild and the media

talked of hard-pressed, often

single, parents working night

shifts. Is the penny dropping

at long last? Are we willing to

admit that some of the freedoms

that parents have come to take

for granted actually come at a

price which is too high for thenext generation to pay?

Voices are going up or a moretraditional liestyle, but let us notorget that when we collectively toreup the old conventions we also littereda possible road back with obstaclesthat are going to take a long time todismantle. Te nancial, social andideological impediments that stand

in the way o no more than the kindo simple lie that our grandmothersonce took or granted, even i its onlywhilst the children are young, areconsiderable. It is these impedimentsthat MAHM wishes to address.

Aer considerable correspondence,Anne Fennell and Poppy Picklesrattled the gates o Whitehall andspoke to the Rt Hon Oliver Letwin

MP about the current unairness othe scal system where single earneramilies are concerned. Anne urthersthis theme in her article on the benettraps that drive women to work or very

little recompenseand takes up thethread again in an articlethat demonstrates how the

amily o a higher rate tax payer (evenin the case o a single earner) stands tolose all its Child Benet.

It is the view o too many policy makersthat the Swedish way o lie with itshigh quality aordable childcareis the universal panacea or all socialand economic ills. Alas, an articleby a Dutch journalist and mother oour who lived in that country or a

while, takes the scales o our eyes. Sheeels that its time or parents to startworrying more about the growinggul between parents and the childrenwho spend too many hours awayrom the amily setting. Aer severalgenerations o this liestyle parentshave become de-skilled and theylook to parenting classes or practicalsolutions.

Our usual eatures such as a bookreview, a review o the papers andletters to the Editor lead us, last but notleast, to details o our AGM at the endo November. Please make an eort toattend, or we have a wonderul speakerrom Sweden, Jonas Himmelstrand,explaining where amily politicsare leading his country. He will beollowed by David Burrowes MP,Parliamentary Private Secretary to theMinister or Policy, who will reect

on how the Government can keep thePrime Ministers pledge to be the mostamily riendly country in Europe.

Anna Lines _

From the Chair

Welcome toour new lookNewsletter, the first

official newsletterunder our new name,

Mothers at Home

Matter.

Aer protracted consultationand hard work, we havedesigned a new logo and havere-branded our newsletter.

Tis has been the reason whythis newsletter is reachingyour doormats a little laterin the year than usual! Wewould like to reassure ourreaders that although thelook is dierent the generalstyle and quality o thecontent remains the same.And o course our aim, to

champion the mother athome, is still very much atthe heart o all that we do.


2/12

Contents

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

From the Chair

Rattling the gates ofWhitehall

Why we must sayBye Bye Mummy

Parents ought to beworried

Child Benefit: anothernail in the familycoffin

Motherhood and

fulfilmentMotherhood and theBig Society

What about theChildren? Nationalconference

What the papers say

Book review

Letters

AGM, Facebook

Rattling the Gates of Whitehall

On the 23rd May AnneFennell and I were invitedto the House of Commons to

meet Rt Hon Oliver LetwinMP, who is Minister for

Government Policy.

He is the man under whose scrutinyall policy passes so we could not havereached a more senior man to discussGovernment policy on Families. Atthe appointed time, with eelingso pre-perormance nerves we wereushered into Mr Letwins ofce,

having been escorted through endlesstwisting corridors smelling o mustyold books.

Aer introductions, Anne presenteda spirited appeal on behal o middlebracket single-income amilies, who,under the current tax system, pay adisproportionate share o their amilyincome in tax and receive little or nogovernment support back (once child

benet is withdrawn). Mr Letwinlistened careully beore statingunequivocally that no governmentwill alter its taxation system to supportthose who appear to be in the top 20%o earners regardless o whether theyactually end up with less moneythan those on a raction o theirincome.

Tis was politicalreality and although

he conceded a hinto sympathy underAnnes persistence inpointing out that thenumbers simply donot add up, he did notbudge rom his position.Mr Letwin reiterated that80% o people supportedthe abolition o universalChild Benet, (he was presumably

reerring to the Suns poll o the 4thOctober 2010) and that no one willsympathise with a minority o peoplewho appear to be substantially better othan the majority o the population.

On a more positive note he did pointout that the Conservatives had beenconsidering including ranserable axAllowances in their last maniesto, but

due to the current nancial climate hadhad to remove it. He elt that i we couldcampaign or universal transerable taxallowances, this would benet singleincome amilies across the board.

Although we seemed to come awaywith little encouragement, anyonewho reads Mr Letwins NeighbourlySociety should be condent o hisgoodwill in this area. David BurrowesMP, Mr Letwins Parliamentary PrivateSecretary, who also sat in on ourmeeting, advised us that it is a ministerspractice to call up a thorough briengin preparation or such meetings andso at the very least the issues have beenagged up in the heart o government.

As or us, we gain in experience andour arguments will be strengthenedby such testing as we draw up thelist o more doors to knock on. We

hope that a seed has been sown whichwill eventually lead government tosupport those who have chosen to beat the coalace o bringing up the nextgeneration.

Poppy Pickles _

We regularly send out emails tothe membership but many donot reach you because we donot have your current details.

Please update me asapby email:

Sine Pickles(Membership Secretary)

[email protected]


3/12

Why We Must Say Bye Bye Mummy

Levelling of family income:50,000

45,000

40,000

35,000

30,000

25,000

20,000

15,000

10,000

5,000

Zeroincome

10,000 20,000 30,000 40,000 50,000earned income (gross) >

disposa

bleincome

(net)

>

income supportchild benethousing benet

council tax benetchild tax creditworking tax credit

Key:Single earner family with 3 childrenCalculations based on renting 2-bedhouse in Eneld, London at 230 weekCouncil tax band E

taxfree

allowanceincome tax at

standard rate 20%higher rate taxpayers

income tax at 40%

7,475 42,475

earn

edincom

e

earned

incom

e

(aert

ax)

disposableincome

inco

me

suppo

rt

child benet

housing benet

counciltaxbene

t

childtaxcre

dit

workingta

x

credit

A man with3 children may

be on the minimum

wage or on 40k buthis familys disposableincome will be nearly

the same at about35k.

YouGov poll for Centre for Policy Studies 2009 What Women Want. Sample: 4690 men and women.Calculations use website www.turn2us.org.uk and enfield.gov.uk and are based on April 2011 budget.

Research and article by Anne Fennell

Staying at home is a choicemothers want. In a 2009YouGov poll, 49% of motherswanted to raise their children fulltime & only 1% wanted to goout to work full time while theirchildren were at pre-school age.

Te benet trap where people werepoorer when they worked than i theylived on welare now also snaresthe average working amily, but in adierent way.

Te tax and benet system is a complexone, variable by location, in whichthe several benets and tax creditsincrease with the number o children.Te graph above shows a amily with 3children on a range o incomes. Whatis remarkable is how at the level odisposable income is across a very widerange o wages. A man with 3 childrenmay be on the minimum wage 12kor on 40k but his amilys disposableincome will be nearly the same at

about 35k. Tis may be a triumph orequality but it is almost impossibleor the primary earner to earn extranet income, because or every extrapound earned an equal pound is lostby having to pay more income tax, orthrough the loss o tax credits orbenets.

ake a amilywhose principalbreadwinner earns

a wage o 24k: as anew situation arisessuch as the care o anelderly parent, savingor a deposit or oneo any number o othereventualities, the amilycalculate that their nances needto expand to the tune o a modest 3kextra per year in disposable income.Te rst and obvious question would

be whether he could work harder orlonger, get a promotion or apply ora better paid position? Should any othese routes be taken he may well berewarded by an employer but they will

discover that it has made very littlediscernable dierence. It is barelycredible but it is a act that his wagewould need to double to make that3k.

Who can hope to double their valuein a competitive wage market howeverhard they might study or work? Tatwould be a nancial revolution noamily could seriously contemplate.What they can contemplate is the

mother entering the workorce.

So or a small sum, butone that may be o

great importance tothe amily, countlessmothers are makingthis choice, oensuppressing their

instinctive desire to beat home, and re-entering

the workorce. But ocourse she cannot earn 3k

to get 3k. Te same benet trapensures that she must nd 18k! Tatis more than a ull time classroomassistant earns or 4 days/week ora recently qualied teacher. So she

works at out or the paltry reward o2k or 3k, a rate o reward or eortamounting to exploitation as bad asanywhere in the world and passinglargely unnoticed.

Te system was intended to helpamilies on low incomes but onceit levels to the extent shown then itdestroys aspiration, denies athersthe opportunity to provide or theiramilies, guarantees that mothers willhave to work to make up the dierenceand then makes them work ull time ornearly ull time or very little reward.o his great credit Rt Hon Ian DuncanSmith MP (IDS) has recognised theproblem and his proposed universalcredit is designed to change the waybenets taper o so that eort will reapmore o its due reward. It will still be along way rom earning 1 and getting1 but it is a welcome step in the right

direction.

IDS is not the rst. Many, romBeveridge onward, have recognised thetendency o means-tested benets totrap amilies in poverty. What has notbeen seen at all is how it would changethe very shape o the amily itsel:such that right across the working andmiddle classes even to well-establishedproessionals, we could come to losesight o the possibility o both parentsworking being other than the norm.


4/12

No army of experts will beable to solve the problemscaused by the separate lives of

parents and children.

Proessor o Pedagogics (the art orscience o teaching), Micha de Winter,has written a book entitled Improvethe world, begin with childrearing.He views the behavioural problems othe young, whether medicalised or not,in the light o the individualisation o our society.As a solution he pleadsor a pedagogical civilsociety that createssocial cohesion. Socialchanges can producethe desired eects, butonly on condition thatour society wakes up tothe act that taking care o eachother and mutual attachment are notsubordinate to earning money andpersonal ullment.

For all the advantages that scienceand technology have brought us,they have also led to a mechanisationo our society whereby time andcare or each other have becomeincreasingly classied as technical,economic actors. At the same timethe babyboomers liberated themselvessuccessully rom the suocating tieso religion and social norms. Whetherintended or not, this process was

accompanied by the loss o associated values such as care or others andsolidarity, even i it was only becauseparents and children began to liveurther away rom each other. In themeantime it is now accepted thatpeople are too busy to take care o theirparents.. Washing my mother? Notor me!. Or Im not a care worker aerall. But at the same time a holiday inuscany is booked.

Without valuesFor decades as a society we havepursued personal development andeconomic progress. Tis has stripped

our society o values. Parents too areencouraged in all quarters to earnmoney and spend it and to delegate thecare o their children to care agencies.

Parents are with their children less andless and that is, in my view, at the rooto the present crisis in child rearing.For parents who do not spend muchtime with their children graduallybecome de-skilled as educators.

Less self-suffcientNot only are they less capable o

supporting their children indaily lie, but also when

illness strikes. Not only,on account o theirabsence, are they unableto notice and tackle

problems, but they hardlydevelop skills and a natural

proessionalism with regardto the raising o children. As a

result children encounter problemsunnecessarily and parents are lesssel-sufcient and more dependent onexperts.

No wonder that the number o childrenwith behavioural problems isrising exponentially and thatparents are glued to thebox watching Te BabyWhisperer, or children goo the rails and parents nolonger know the answer.

Childrens World

Sadly, the situation is unortunateor children too, or they no longerhave a normal part to play in thenormal world o grown-ups, but arekept occupied in a separate childrensworld, which contributes to a senseo uselessness. I theyre lucky theymay kick a ball in a playing eld orthey may go to a climbing wood.But more and more oen, or wanto anything better, they spend hourswatching television or sitting at the

computer, which suppresses urthertheir natural need to move. How canwe possibly be surprised that childrenincreasingly bounce o the walls?

Parenting ClassesNo army o experts will be able tosolve the problems caused by theseparate lives o parents and children.

Apart rom anything, one reasonalone is because the root o theproblem cannot be eradicated with atemporary treatment plan or a tablet.In Sweden, where I live at the moment,parents are reerred en masse toparenting classes. Te knowledge oparents about childrearing here isalready several times more tenuousthan it is in the Netherlands, becauseathers and mothers here have alreadybeen working ull-time or severalgenerations. Swedish parents are lessknowledgeable, more uncertain andless experienced than Dutch parents.

But the guidelines that they do receiveamount, as Micha de Winter explains,to little more than puppy training.Good childrearing does not consisto the ollowing up o guidelines, butthe inculcation o values. Tat callsor strong adults who know rom

experience how a situation shouldbe handled. Its remarkable to see

how people tiptoe around theelephant in the room. For

instead o serious concernsbeing raised regarding thelack o condence amongSwedish parents, they are

given re-assurance and toldto have more condence in

themselves.

However, theres not a single reasonor that. Aer all, i all you ever dowith your children is to put them tobed at night and to do un things withthem at the weekend then you areno childrearing heavyweight. Nevermind, it does not matter. We cannotdo everything. And no doubt in thisway you can give your children plentyo un and love. But do be honestabout this. For you cannot make up

or the lack o parental insight intochildrearing with a pat on the back.

Wendy Schoutenpublicist, archaeologist.

ranslated by Anna Lines _

Parents Ought to be WorriedParents have made themselves increasingly dependent on outside childrearing experts.

Its

remarkable to seehow people tiptoe

around the elephant

in the room.

Improve

the world,

begin with

childrearing

read Anna Wahlgren Modern Times Old-fashioned Children


5/12

Child Benefit: Another Nail in the Family Coffin

These are the stock phraseswhich apparently justifythe last remnants of family

allowance being removed from

higher rate tax payers in 2013.

George Osborne used them on

launching the policy and they

have been repeated since by

Treasury officials and by MPs

to their constituents. And theywere persuasive: 76% of Sun

readers polled in approval.

With all due respect to Mr Osborne,they are plausible nonsense. First ly, lowearners get much more than they give.Since Gordon Brown introduced taxcredits the UK has been exceedinglygenerous in this respect. Yes,individuals on 15k see 2k deducted in

PAYE taxes but they receive back 9kin working tax credits, council taxrebate and housing benets. I theyhave a amily that rises, eg. to 23kwith 3 children. Far rom subsidisingothers, those on 15k receive generouslyrom higher grossing taxpayers and inparticular rom those on the higherrate.

Secondly, although

singles and dinkies(double income, nokids) in the higher ratebracket are in the top20% o households, theydo not get Child Benet socannot be the ones reerredto. Tat leaves the 1% on bankersbonuses that are, but or the ar greaternumber o higher rate taxpayers ononly a little over the 42.5k threshold,i they have 2 children their net income

is in the middle o households. With 3children they are below the average.Tat is now. Removal o Child Benetwill put that higher rate amily into thebottom 40%.

Misleading the public in this way andthen quoting their approval to justiypolicy surely makes a nonsense othe processes o democracy. Andthis policy is a nonsense. Asingle earner on 42.5k withour children will lose allChild Benet while theamily next door couldhave double incomes o 40keach putting them in the top10% o households, have onlyone child and continue to receiveChild Benet. ying Child Benet toindividual-assessed income tax bandscreates a new benet trap designedspecially or single income amilieson about 40k where to earn 1 over42,474 would lose them 3,500!

One thing this reveals is that theamily, not the individual, is the logicalunit or economic consideration.

Tis and the poverty-trap eect omeans-tested benets were bothunderstood by Sir William Beveridgein his 1946 blueprint or the WelareState. Since then, attempts to legislatehelp or single mothers and nancialindependence or women generallyhave led us into a tangled mess. In

1989 Margaret Tatcher andNigel Lawson switched the

basis o taxation romhouseholds to individualsand in 1999 GordonBrown replaced marriedcouples allowanceswith tax credits aimed at

reducing child poverty.Tis ideologically inormed

attempt to help children withoutdiscriminating the orm o amilyin which they are raised has led tothe amily in its traditional, andstill ideal, orm being economically

discriminated against.

And here is a postscript. Most o thechildren in poverty supposedly beinghelped have lone mothers but i their

mother secures an earning husband,which should be a happy result or herand them, then most o their benets

are withdrawn. Looking onthe bright side, that means

that Broken Britainmay have ar ewerlone mothers thanthe statistics suggest;they are probably just

prudently not declaringtheir partners. It does,

though, create yet anotherimpediment to marriage, the bestchance o their partnership surviving.

So there it is. Seen through theideological spectacles o classes pitchedagainst one another: lone parents

versus hard working double incomes versus luxury mums at home, it alllooks air enough. But seen in termso the lie choices o one woman

with children, who at some timends hersel alone but wants to nd ahusband and i she succeeds may wantto raise her children supported by hisincome, then at every step o the wayshe is ghting against the system.

We must stop believing thecharacterisation o policy in terms oclasses and retranslate it to ourselvesin terms o one class, one real person

trying to get on. And we must give upthe attempt to be politically correctabout orms o amily, speak out orwhat we think is ideal and press oran economic playing eld that tips

towards it, not away rom it.

All calculations use the websitewww.turn2us.org.uk (registered charity

no 207812) and www.eneld.gov.uk.

Tey are based on calulations aer theApril 2011 budget and cuts to welare.Calculations based on a north London

residence. Rent o a 2 bed house at 230week and council tax 1700 yr. _

Removal

of child benefit

will put that family

into the bottom

40% of

households

The

family, not

the individual, is

the logical

unit for economic

consideration

ITS NOT FAIR FOR THOSE EARNING 1K TO PAY TAXES TOWARDS A BENEFITFOR THOSE EARNING SO MUCH MORE.

THE HIGHER RATE TAXPAYER IS IN THE TOP 0% OF HOUSEHOLDS IN THE COUNTRY.

3,500 is what a single earner higher rate tax payer with three children must earn (gross) extra to replace 2500 child benefit lost.


6/12

Motherhood and Fulfilment

Earlier this year I was askedto be on Vanessa FeltzsTV chat show on Channel 5

as a representative of Mothersat Home Matter and as an

example of a fulfilled stay-at-

home mother.

My counterpart, an unullled stay-at-home mother, turned out to be anexperienced ex-journalist, who had beenboth on the radio and the V. Luckilybeore going on the show, aware thatI was bound to be on the back oot in

terms o ready arguments, I had sent outa general plea to other ull time mothers,asking them to describe what they oundullling about being at home.

O course, when it came to it, and thecamera swung towards me, my mind wentrather blank, but the one point I madewhich I elt was o some value was thatmothers who stay at home arent thinkingabout what is best or themselves, but aretaking the long view on what is best or

the whole amily, including themselves or words to that eect!

However, in the process o gatheringtogether my evidence that being at homecan be just as ullling as going out towork, I managed to re-inspire mysel. Weare all searching or sel-ullment in lie,so i we can get that rom bringing up ourown children, what better way is there!Tere were certain key things that gavemothers ullment:

Being ThereIt sounds very simple, but in a worldwhere time is an increasingly preciouscommodity, simply being there or yourchildren is a key part o being ullled as amother. Laura Boon, mother o Maria 2and Rose 11 months, points out that theullment comes not only rom seeing allo their rsts, but also witnessing theirwhole experience - I dont have to wonderwhat they were doing or 8 hours o theday without me there.

Julia Bonell, mother o three childrenunder 3 says that being a mother athome you have the luxury o time andautonomy and Mel ibbs points out

that I you are really parenting by beingully present then it is the one job thatnaturally takes up all your time .

Tis is true, not only or toddlers andbabies, but also or mothers o school-agechildren, Emma Cooper, mother o Joel10 and Libby 6, says that Primarily, I wantto be there in the morning to drop mychildren o at school and in the aernoonto pick them up. It sounds like a simplething, but that continuity o care can becrucial or children at an emotionallyvulnerable stage in their lives.

Raising your ChildrenChildren are like sponges. All parents

know that i they ever let slip with a swearword then their children are bound torepeat it at the next most embarrassingopportunity. But this works the otherway round too. Children subconsciouslycopy the behaviour, language andemotional state o their primary carer,in other words, it is rom them that theylearn how to be an emotionally-roundedhuman being.

For mothers who make the choice to stay

at home to raise their children, ullmentcomes rom knowing that no one else getsto teach them these valuable lessons:Melody Berthoud, mother o Clara 3 andWill 1, says or her being at home givesher the satisaction o knowing that I amthe main inuence in their lives, helpingthem to grow into the kind o adult Iwould want them to be, and i it all goeswrong I only have mysel to blame!Laura Boon says that its ullling beingable to choose how we spend our days

together. And Julia Bonell says that youhave the opportunity to spend your timegetting to know, loving and shaping yourown chi ldren.

Developing OurselvesBeore I got married a wise Aunt tookme or a walk in Regents Park to tellme that you cant live your lie throughyour children. I have since ound thisto be true however much you give tochildren, they always want more, andat some point, in order to be the bestmother you can be, you have to rechargethe parenting batteries by devoting sometime to yoursel. Most o the mothers Ispoke to agreed that ullment comesrom doing something or yoursel too.

Julia Bonellwarns thatbeing at homeis a ull time job

though, and you dont get anytime o, so you need to do some things oryou and not just do it all or the children.I make sure I t enough stu I enjoy intomy days to keep me happy. Tats goodor me AND the children! Anne Fennell,mother o our boys, and due to havenumber 5 at the end o November, haslearnt to play the piano whilst being athome as she agrees that to be ullledI believe one has to use ones talents.Mel ibbs nds ullment by creating abeautiul home by sewing and makingthings, as well as continuing her writingwhenever she can.

Expanding the RoleAnne Fennell reects that as her chi ldrengrow up there is a natural wideningo the mothering role , or as we growin condence as mothers o our ownchildren we can start to look outside ourown circle and see other children as thesame as ours and recognise needs. Wehelp out in schools and churches, help

to run play groups, organise communityand school events. So, our ullmentcomes rom our ability to contribute notonly to the amily, but to the communityin which we live.

Diane Aldridge, mother o Matilda6, says that I do spend more time onthe house and doing chores but it isprobably the other stu outside, as parto the wider community, that is the mostullling. Emma Cooper spends one day

a week volunteering at a St ChristophersHospice, which I nd very rewardingand ullling. I eel that is my way ocontributing to my local community andI know the hospice relies hugely on theirvolunteers.

So, to conclude: by collating ourexperiences o how motherhood canbe a ullling role by itsel, we can alsoencourage each other to really enjoybeing mothers, because, as the previousgeneration never tire o reminding us, the

years o raising our children are over alltoo soon.

Poppy Pickles _


7/12

Motherhood and the Big Society

What is a Big Society?Do we need to createone or are we losing the one we

already have by undervaluingwhat mothers at home do?

68% o stay at home mothers help in theirlocal community or at least two hours aweek and 58% work on a voluntary basisor ten hours a week. Mothers with youngchildren carry out more than 173 millionhours o community work each year.

Unortunately when mothers spendlong hours in the workplace, whilst the

children are cared or away rom home,a neighbourhood dies. Tese mothers arethe link between the generations, theyare the Neighbourhood Watch, the partyorganizers, the voluntary workers, theschool helpers and so many other things.Aupairs and carers cannot substitute astheir duties are narrowly circumscribedand their local connections usuallytransient.

What mothers do is hard to calculate inmonetary terms but researchers claim

this unpaid labour saves the governmentbillions and certainly enhances thewellbeing o society.

Together with citizens and

communities, the voluntaryand community sector

sits at the heart of the

Governments ambitions to

create a Big Society.

Te government is exploring newways to encourage volunteeringand philanthropy. Te wholedebate on the Big Society isencouraging individuals andorganisations to think about thecontribution that they make nowand how that might change. [We

will] promote social action bycreating a society where takingan active role in society is bothexpected and rewarded... We...have a common objective; to builda stronger society and improvethe lives o our ellow citizens.Te Big Society agenda is not aGovernment programme; it is acall to action.

Building a Sronger Civil Society.HM Gov. Ofce or Civil Society 2010

...is it not time to be recognised?

Above (clockwise rom le): Armed withbrooms and brushes local mothers clear up thesmashed glass littering local playground whichthe local councillors and council ailed to do

in 2 months. BEFORE and AFER: a 2 yearboarded up local playground - with pressureand design input rom local mothers, a new

playground is nally erected.

Above right: A community charity salsa night,ea with neighbours, Mothers at Home

orming the backbone o PAunding events. Below (clockwise rom right): Mothers athome visiting the elderlyin hopices; they organise

political discussions;they bring together localmothers and toddlers in

play groups; they providevoluntary weekly career

guidance or local collegestudents and weekly helpin school.

Study of 2,000 mothers conducted by Mother & Baby Magazineand Tesco Baby and Toddler Club, August 2008.


8/12

Founded in 1994, WaTCH?is a small organisationrun by volunteers whose main

aim is to raise awareness of

the never-changing emotional

needs of the under threes in

our ever-changing society.

The Conference was opened

by the organisations Chair, Sir

Denis Pereira Gray.

Sir Denis spoke o how the importanceo the role o mother is being

underestimated in this era o strivingor absolute equality. A mother hasthree biological privileges: she carriesthe baby, she is able to breasteed andshe produces the hormone oxytocinduring the birthing process whichallows the let-down o milk andbonding with the child. Where theattachment with the mother is notsecured there is evidence o long termdamage to the emotional developmento the child. It is thereore importantthat more choices are available to amother or bringing up children andthat the right choices are being made.

Stephanie Mathivet was therst speaker, a Curriculumand Standards Managerin the Pre-schoolLearning Alliance.She spoke o herexperiences as a single

mother in the 1970s,the heyday o womensliberation and eminism.Te stigma had gone romsingle parenthood and she elt shecould do it all hersel. She workedin a casino and aer three monthsmaternity leave she wanted to returnto work and so began a long period ochildcare. She spoke o the difcultieso constancy and consistency, the

nancial limitations to the quality ocare, the adoration o the child or hiscarer rather than the mother and the

jealousies that provoked, or the casewhen the childminder did not like her

child. Years later she eels that childcareis not the optimum way and had leher child with a sense o rootlessnessand insecurity. For it to work wellthere needs to be commitment romall sides, love, constancy and security.

Our second speaker was Dr SuzanneZeedyk whose task was to demonstratehow the direction a buggy aces aectsthe child. Evidence shows that mucho a childs development takes placein the rst three years and schoolhad little eect on changing a childsdevelopment. At birth the brain is themost immature o the bodys organs,

By one year it has attained 70% o itsnal mass and by three years 90% oits nal mass. Barriers to educationalachievement emerge at as young as16 months. Language development issignicantly advanced where a motherhas been to college or university andthese children achieve better results atschool regardless o which school theygo to. Te National Literacy rust hasdocumented a decline in vocabulary

and delay in the standard o languagein children coming into schools. It wasDr Zeedyks task to discover whetherthe direction o the buggy inuenced

how much parents talk to theirchildren and whether this

has an eect on emotionaldevelopment andlanguage production.

Children naturallyproduce two hormones:

cortisol or stresshormone and oxytocin

or trust hormone. Wherebabies are nurtured and cuddled

oxytocin is boosted. Where babiesare disconnected with their parentscortisol is produced. Tere is evidenceto suggest that there is rising levels ocortisol production in young children.Dr Zeedyk claims that it is the rst timein evolutionary history that babies are

so disconnected rom their parents.Our main mode o transporting babiesis in buggies mostly acing away romus and inants have to endure busyroads. We sleep our children in cots

away rom us, putthem in car seats tothe rear o us andmobile phones andtelevision cut o our connection withthem. Her studies show that where thebuggy aces toward the mother thereis more interaction, more speech,more laughing and making aces.Te inants also tend to sleep more,indicating security.

A third highly topical and emotivesubject that was covered was nurseriesand its practitioners. Julie Revelsand Emma Ackerman work or local

London councils in Early YearsChildcare. Tey spoke o the hugedrive by the previous government andcontinued by the present governmentto increase early years childcare andthe increasing pressure on amilies touse it.

What had once begun inormallyin church halls run by experiencedparents and grandparents based

on old ashioned playulness, wasnow becoming nancially unviableand being replaced by all singing,all dancing clinical institutions,with a high sta turnover rate, oenrun by young teenage girls withoutthe emotional experience o raisingchildren and with low sel condence.Te unique selling point o thesenurseries is the CCV camera,childcare available rom 3 months andopening hours rom 7am to 7pm. Tenthere is the baby room where therecould be up to 30 cots lined up in oneroom. Oen these rooms are crampedwith not much light and babies get togo outside once or twice a week. Teseare not only ound in poor areas but inthe city where mothers have to worklong hours. It was Emma and Julies

job to help the practitioners with thepractical knowledge o raising childrenand boost their sel worth. However,

with government cuts pending, undsor this kind o work may well beaxed.

What About the Children? (WaTCH?) - National ConferenceMarch 011: What Babies Need their Parents to Know

...the

importance of the

role of mother is

being underestimated in

this era of striving for

absolute equality...

Anne Fennell _


9/12

What The Papers Say

Being a good parent is hardA recent report published by Uniceound that many British children areliving in media bedsits within the

amily home, due to their time-poorparents eeling unable to say No totheir osprings demands or the latestentertainment gadgets. Childrensbedrooms contained Vs, theinternet, games consoles and phones,independent o the rest o the amily.Te act that Britons work amongthe longest hours in the EU may alsocontribute to this lack o time in dailylie and parents consequent over-reliance on screen-based babysitters.

However, by resisting childrensdemands or the latest material goodsand simply spending time with themparents are giving children what theyreally want. Bob Reitemeier, chieexecutive o the Childrens Society,said the Unice report could have goneeven urther:We need to tackle the pressure thatparents eel in this country to buy

material goods or their children. Weneed to educate parents so they knowwhat their children want, because ourresearch has shown us time and againthat what they want is time togetherwith their amilies.

Tis report is a timely reminder thatparenting is not something that canbe tted around the edges o the daybut a job that requires consistency anddedication.

Te imes, September 14th 2011

Affordable childcare no suchthing!Despite calls rom eminists, activistsand politicians, Minette Marin arguesthat there is no such thing as aordablechildcare. Indeed she states that itis genuinely uneconomic and theonly way most parents can aord it isonly with massive support rom the

hard-pressed taxpayer. So should thegovernment continue, or even increasethis subsidising childcare and all therelated costs? Te obvious answer isthat they shouldnt.

Because, she argues, It is doubtulwhether it is good or young childrento be given over to strangers. It is notdoubtul at all that many nurseries are

barely satisactory. Te act is thatchildren benet rom one-to-one,consistent, long-term attention, whichthey cannot get rom nurseries; andthat the majority o mothers wish to bewith their young children.

Te solution she oers is radical:Whats needed is a revolution in taxand benets. wo-parent amilies onlow incomes should be taken out oincome tax and amilies on better

incomes should get large tax rebatesso that they can look aer their ownchildren.

Sunday imes, 11th September 2011

Time to reclaim the M wordNaomi Stadlen, author andpsychotherapist, mother andgrandmother believes mothering is aword that has allen out o use. In herbooks she marries the words mother

and love. Its about how crucial amothers love is in shaping a baby as ahuman, and why mothers are thereore

vital in society. Te key to this is thespecial, oen silently communicated,intimacy between a mother and herbaby. Intimacy is crucial or a personto realise his or her potential to themaximum. It enables a person toreach genuine original, loving andcreative energy. Mothers do not seemto recognise their importance in beingable to introduce or inhibit this wholedimension or their child.

Te Guardian, 10th September 2011

Was Bad Parenting BehindSummer Riots?Aer our nights o youth-led riotingin cities across the country in August,the nation needs to take a long, hardlook at the way it is bringing up thenext generation. However, rather than

highlighting who to blame, perhapsthis extreme bad behaviour should beseen as an opportunity to promotesupport to amilies, the buildingblocks or a strong society. Te price

o ailing amilies is notonly the immediate cost ocleaning up aer the riots, but also thepotential uture price o criminality,

unemployment, and benets resultingrom a generation o children who havebeen raised without the emotional andbehavioural skills to make a decent lieor themselves.

Te Guardian, 10th August 2011

One Older Mother RegretsChoice to Delay MotherhoodAt a time when the trend in oldermothers is rising, one such motherspeaks out about how she wishes she

hadnt put o having her children. Inthe UK in 2009, almost 27,000 babieswere born to mothers in their 40s,which is approximately three timesthe total 20 years ago. Encouragedby their peers her generation went touniversity and orged careers, whichwas antastic, but there was no realdiscussion as to how a husband andchildren would t in with this. Shestates, just as we were told, alsely, that

we could put o having babies orever,we were never told just how wonderulmotherhood would be.

Te Daily Mail, 27th May 2011

High % of Working Motherscould be Harming ChildrenDespite research showing that motherswho stay at home to bring up childrenwho are better behaved at school, halo British mothers now go out to workbeore their childs rst birthday. A

report by the OECD, entitled, DoingBetter For Families, states worryingly,that the children o mothers who goto work beore they are six months oldend up perorming worse at vocabularytests, reading and maths in school inantyears compared to the children o stay-at-home mums. Children are losingout due to successive governmentspush to get women back out to worktoo soon. Pressure group Family andYouth Concern comments that oo

oen the needs o children take secondplace to the desires o a minority owomen to impose their eminist agendaon every amily.

Te Daily Mail, 28th April 2011----


10/120 Cover image from Remotely Controlled by Dr Aric Sigman,published by Vermilion. Used by permission of The Random House Group Ltd.

Remotely Controlled - Howtelevision is damaging ourlives by Dr Aric SigmanPublished by Vermillion, 8.99ISBN 978-0091906900

As a parent, this book isdefinitely an unwelcome,yet an incredibly enlightening

and important read.

Unortunately or me, the amiliareeling o relie when my toddler sat inront o the television and gave me tenminutes o peace has been turned veryrmly on its head.

Remotely Controlled is a real polemic,and Dr Sigman has a good old rantabout the numerous harmul eectso television throughout the book, owhich there are ar too many to mentionin this review. Tere is no doubt that thebook is well researched and excellently

argued, although the evidence o somechapters did seem quite anecdotal.However, the chapter on how V isaecting our children is littered withreerences to legitimate and oen verylarge studies in peer-reviewed academic journals and publications, and theresults o this huge body o research arealarming, and have been sufcient orme to restrict my toddlers V-viewinguntil shes a little older.

elevision interrupts the naturalprocesses that need to occur in ourchildrens brains in the rst ew yearso lie to enable them to orm a sense oreality in which they will then be able tounction. Te interruption occurs whenthe attention centre o the brain, therontal lobe, is distorted by theexcessive stimulation thatV provides, making

it permanentlyless eective andconditioning itwith unrealisticexpectations in

Book Review

short, real lie becomes boring. Tis canbe one o the causes o attention decitdisorders, amongst other problems.Children really need social interaction

to develop this part o their brainproperly, and V hinders this in manyways. What is even more righteningthan the results o this research is thatit is becoming increasingly difcult tocarry out urther scientic research totest these negative eects, as there arealmost no children le in the world whohave not been exposed to V to use as acontrol group.

For adults too, the results o thecollective research are no less gloomy.Even watching a small amount otelevision, such as one hour per day,has been linked to increased anxiety,depression and poor mental health, violence, obesity, lowered libido, poorbrain unction and attention problems.Te average UK household watches orour hours per day.

Dr Sigman laments the distortion o

amily relationships shown on V insoaps, dramas and even reality V, inparticular the portrayal o mothers. Hesays that Full-time mothers are nowoen portrayed as unullled, killingtime until they can get back to work anddo something really worthwhile... theull-time mother who derives a subtle,more enduring orm o reward andsatisaction and a deeper contentmentlacks televisual excitement and an

immediacy. Contentment is hard tocapture on camera. It lasts considerablylonger than 24.6 minutes, so it nevereven makes it to the casting couch.He continues to argue that eroding thestatus o the ull-time mother in thisway naturally results in underplayingthe importance o children in society.

It is not just the imageo motherhood that is

negatively aectedby our televisionaddiction, a broadsweep o social

problems are in part

caused by it; television presents us

with role models not o our choosing,which in turn breeds dissatisaction;it encourages excessive individualismand a sense o entitlement which is aparticular problem or the youngergenerations. All these things (and manymore) are the opposite o those which areknown through wisdom and researchto make us happy solid values, a senseo community, even simple respect orour ellow humans, to name a ew. Andsadly, these negative eects are nowapparent in almost all cultures as Vhas become accessible worldwide.

What really won me over to Dr Sigmanscause in this book, however, were therevelations about how corrupt themedia are in preventing this knowledgereaching us. Te lengths to which evenreputable organisations such as the BBChave gone to withhold and downplay thevast quantities o evidence is shocking.

Te book is worth a read or this alonei nothing else.

Tere are so many books out theretelling us how to bring up our children,what is right and wrong, and usually Itry and avoid them. For me, this bookis an exception. It does preach, but Ithink youll be hard-pressed not tosee the common sense in Dr Sigmansarguments. Remotely Controlled willmake you stop and think, and whether

or not you turn your V o, you wontwatch it with an uncritical eye again. Istrongly recommend it.

Laura Boon _


11/12


12/12

Mothers AtHome MatterCOMMITTEE

ChairmanAnna Lines

020 8653 8768chair@

mothersathomematter.org

TreasurerPat Dudley

01737 832 598treasurer@


Secretary

Lynne Burnham01737 768 705

[email protected]

Membership SecretarySine Pickles

020 8299 0156membership@


Newsletter Editorial BoardAnne Fennell, Poppy Pickles

[email protected]

Media EnquiriesKirsty Robeson01388 527 460

Anna Lines020 8653 8768

[email protected]

Other Committee MembersLouise Kirk

Print & Distributionam-pm Design and Print

01452 332 027

Design EditorLaura Boon

PatronsFiona Castle, Lady Griffithsof Fforestfach, Oliver James,

Patricia Morgan

Please do sign on, register your support and spread the

word.

Mothers at Home Matter is about redefining values,

changing the sound, rehonouring the name mother. It is

also about understanding the impact of economic forces

on the family and to campaign for change in the political

arena where policies adversely affect the family.

Please encourage your friends to join. Write to your MP.

Do come to our AGM in November. See below.

Mothers At Home Matter AGMThursday 24th November 2011

10.30 for 11.00am

The Swedenborg Hall20-21 Bloomsbury Way (Corner of Barter Street)

LONDON WC1A 2TH

Cost 12.50 including lunch.

Bookings: Lynne Burnham 01737 768 705

[email protected]

Jonas Himmelstrand

The Rise and Fall of the Swedish Family ModelSweden is forever held up as the country whose family policythe UK should aspire to. Jonas Himmelstrand, an expert in

Swedish family policy, challenges this view.

David Burrowes MPReflections on British Family PolicyDavid Burrowes, MP for Enfield, Parliamentary Private

Secretary to the Minister for Policy and father of six children

looks at how the Government can keep the Prime Ministers

pledge to be the most family friendly country in Europe.

Our website is currently under construction.

In the meantime we have launched a

Facebook group: Mothers at Home Matter

Mothers at Home Matters Newsletter

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