Module 3 Organize Spirit

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Organizational Spirituality: Taking the Corporate High Road

Module 3:

Threats to Interconnectedness:Managing UnintentionalAggression

Copyright TransTalent


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Introduction to Module 3

In this module we will examine threats to a sense of community that are caused by

subtle, but unintentional aggression and we will consider the use of coaching as a

management strategy for this particular challenge.

Information for this module has been taken directly, adapted, and/or

synthesized/integrated from the books Coaching for Performance, In SheepsClothing, Emotional Vampires, and Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving

Broken Promises, Violated Expectations and Bad Behavior (see References page for

full citations).

NOTE: NOTHING IN THIS MODULE IS A SUBSTITUTE FOR APPROPRIATE LEGAL

ADVICE AND/OR THERAPY


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Module Objectives

By the end of this module you should be able to:

Define

Overt aggression

Subtle aggression

Passive aggression

Unconscious acts

List some characteristics of passive aggression

Differentiate coachingfrom therapy

Describe how a coaching approach might be used to manage unintentional

aggression and why it has the potential to be effective

List major caveats relevant to managing unintentional aggression Describe two crucial elements necessary for delivering criticism


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Aggression

Aggression is

a hostile action or behavior. (Davies, 1976)

Overt aggression is

aggression that is obvious and direct. This includes, but is not limited to physical aggression

and assault, throwing and destroying objects, and verbal threats and profanity. (Ivancevich

et. al., 2008)

Subtle aggression is

less obvious than overt aggression. It is hidden beneath the surface of everyday activities

and is sometimes difficult to recognize, especially to people who think the best of others.

(Simon, 1996).

Passive aggression is

A form of aggression characterized by what the aggressor does NOT do rather than whathe/she actually does, for example, the aggressor forgets to deliver what was promised.

(Simon, 1996; Bernstein, 2002).


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Characteristics of Passive Aggression

Forgetting/omitting

Forgetting to complete an assignment; or

Leaving out critical details in a written or verbal report

Procrastinating

Tardiness, including

Lateness to meetings; and

Missing deadlines

Being sick on critical days

Making excuses for the above (including blaming others)


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The Victims of Passive Aggression

are those supervisors, coworkers and clients who were counting on having work by aspecific deadline, or were counting on having the person present for a meeting or an

event.


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Consequences of Passive Aggression

primarily the stress placed on coworkers who may have to

Complete the aggressors uncompleted work on short notice

Review the aggressors last minute submission

Submit an inadequately reviewed or unreviewed product (because the aggressors

portion was turned in at the last minute) Ethics challenges that can arise from errors in inadequately reviewed work.

Miss a deadline

Scramble to reallocate work when the aggressor doesnt show

Waste time (which could be put to constructive use) waiting for the aggressor to show

up at meetings

Wing itwhen the aggressor does not show up for an event (particularly when he/she

has not shared his/her plan)


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The Challenge of Passive Aggression

It is generally believed that passive aggression is an unconscious expression of

hostility/anger/frustration. The aggressor is unaware of his/her motivation. This is

why we call it unintentional aggression. (Simon, 1996).

Unless you are walking in someones shoes, you really cannot know the persons true

motivation for being tardy, absent, or missing deadlines. In passive aggression, the

aggressor actually does NOT seem to know it either! (If they do know, then it is not

passive aggression, but is something else).


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Caveats

Just because an employee exhibits the characteristics of passive aggression does not

mean that is what is going on. There are other reasons that a person might be

exhibiting these characteristics, including, but not limited to

medical reasons

intentional aggression

they lack work flow management skills or need more feedback

they lack task support they need or the are encountering other barriers tosuccess.

other reasons

Avoid labeling people. The characteristics of passive aggression described in the module

are meant to help a manager select a workplace intervention that might help

someone with a specific set of characteristics become more engaged, productive andmore positively connected with coworkers. It is not intended to be used a diagnosis

or label.


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What Does Unintentional Aggression Have to Do With

Organizational Spirituality?

It destroys teamwork/sense of interconnectedness.

The stress it causes has a negative effect on quality of work life for all parties involved

(including the aggressor).

An optimal solution is one that manages the situation so the aggressor has an opportunityto better channel his/her efforts (in a conscious way, rather than unconsciously) and

improve relationships with others.


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Management Intervention

Employees who forget, procrastinate, are tardy/absent might seem to need more

structure and feedback, such as intermediate deadlines and frequent reminders

Micromanaging employees, however, is a great way to kill motivation. Also, as will be

shown, micromanagement can actually backfire in passive aggression.

Ideally it is the employee who should come up with the structure, and using a coaching

management strategyis one approach for doing this.


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Coaching vs. Therapy

A coach is not a therapist and coaching is not therapy.

Coaching has as its focus, facilitating the improvement of performance or enhancing

performance.

Coaching can be differentiated from therapy.

Therapyis a medical treatment, involves diagnoses, and can only be performed

by a licensed mental health professional. It is important for legal reasons that

coaching activities not violate this boundary.

NOTE: NOTHING IN THIS MODULE IS A SUBSTITUTE FOR APPROPRIATE LEGAL

ADVICE AND/OR THERAPY


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Coaching Strategy for Managing Passive Aggression

Determine if the behaviors (lateness, procrastination, absence, etc) are isolated incidences or if they

constitute a pattern. If there is a pattern coach the employee, through the use of open-ended

questions (avoiding leading questions and yes/no questions)

Coach/facilitate the employee into recognizing the behaviors that are an issue

Coach/facilitate the employee into linking the behaviors to the impact these behaviors have on

other people Coach/empower the employee into being the one to design an intermediate feedback/deadline

structure

Document goals and progress

Unless you are certain that the employee is reliable, it is generally best to plan accordingly for

high stakes situations.

Note: Whitmores Chapter 4 addresses the use of questioning in detail. In addition, there are a number of trainingaides and books available to assist managers in developing an effective questioning strategy including (Bianco-

Mathis, 2006) The Dialogue Card Deck.


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The Role of Frustration

Since frustration can play a role in unintentional passive aggression, the employee should

be encouraged to see the manager as a resource some one who can be called

upon when the employee is spinning his/her wheels as a result of some stumbling

block.

Coaching the employee through the identification of stumbling blocks and possible

solutions can be constructive.


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Revisiting Feedback

In Module 2, we discussed that feedbackis a critical component of Csikszentmihalyis

flowin the workplace. Crowley & Elster (2006, p. 171-172) stress the importance of

consistent feedback when dealing with passive aggression.

Coaching can provide a specific type of feedback. It fosters awareness and self-

monitoring.

Structured feedback tools can be used, as well. Feedback tools can also provide

documentation of improvement (or lack thereof).


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Role of Disagreement Skills

Some unintentional passive aggression may occur because an employee agrees in a

meeting to something he/she really does not want to do. If this is happening, the

manager may want to explore the need to coach the employee on the skills of

disagreement

This is a key consideration because if the employee does not really agree with the

structure he/she creates, he/she will not buy in and it will not work.


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Delivering Criticism

The convention for delivering criticism has been the criticism sandwich in

which the one delivering the criticism would: Begin with something positive

Deliver the criticism, and

End with something positive.

Patterson, et. al. (2002, 2005) suggest that in difficult conversations, such as those

involving criticism and confrontation, there is a better approach, involving two criticalelements:

Making the person you are confronting feel safe, and this can mean different things

depending on the context; and

Finding a way to demonstrate a shared sense of purpose, and this can be a challenge when

you perceive a chasm in basic values (often a key factor in the conversation to begin with),

but the authors insist it can be done and is critical to success.


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Summary

Passive aggression is characterized by forgetting, omitting, tardiness and absences, andis particularly challenging because it is unintentional on the part of the aggressor. Acoaching approach can be used to enable the employee if guided into providinghis/her own feedback as well as participating in crafting the plans designed toimprove his/her performance.

An employee who needs feedback & deadline structures is less likely to passively rebelagainst these structures if he/she created and believes in the structures.

There is no guarantee that a coaching approach will work, but it has the potential toengage the employee in the design and implementation of a constructive solution.

When criticism must be delivered, two critical elements include 1) making the person feel

safe, and 2) finding a way to demonstrate a shared sense of purpose.


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Module 3 Discussion Questions

When an employee is habitually tardy, forgetful, etc., it can be wearing on the goodwill of

the employees who are victimized by the poor behavior. They can develop

understandable resentment, which can complicate the efforts of the employee trying

to change. Forgiveness has been identified as a quality of the human spirit. To what

extent is it realistic or even appropriate to think that forgiveness can be modeled by

leadership and incentivized in the workplace?


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References

Bernstein, A. (2002). Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Bianco-Mathis. (2006). The Dialogue Card Deck. www.strategicperformance.net/products.

Crowly & Elster . (2006). Working with You is Killing Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work. New York:

Time-Warner Book Group.

Davies, P., Ed. (1976). The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language. New York: Dell.

Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler. (2005). Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated

Expectations, and Bad Behavior. New York: McGraw Hill.

Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler. (2002). Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High. NewYork: McGraw Hill.

Simon, G. (1996). In Sheeps Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. Lafayette: A.J.

Christopher & Company.

Whitmore, J. (2004). Coaching for Performance. London: Nicolas Brealey.

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