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5 Greatest Challenges for Parents in 2013
Dr Michael Carr-Gregg Chils & Adolescent Psychologist
www.michaelcarr-gregg.com.au
Wednesday 21 August 2013
Parenting
There is no
such thing as a
perfect parent
Is this the most vulnerable generation? All families have some
difficulties
What does the latest research
say?
www.missionaustralia.com.au/document-downloads/cat_view/132-annual-mission-australia-youth-survey
What are the problems? l Anxiety l Depression l Substance abuse/Alcohol l Self Harm l Eating disorders l Sexual behaviour Sexualization l 4 year shift l Developmental compression
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2010 2011 2012
School or study problems
27.3% 35.4% 36.5%
Coping with stress 25.5% 37.3% 40%
Body Image 31.1% 33.1% 34%
Tested the views of 15,000 15-19 yo
All parents must have a ‘developmental’ perspective
It’s a staged journey Stages of Adolescence
Early Middle Late
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“…It is sort of unfair to expect teens to have adult levels of organizational skills or decision-making before their brains are finished being built...”
Jay Giedd, M.D. Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and Chief of Brain Imaging at the Child Psychiatry Branch of the
National Institute of Mental Health
A beautiful work in progress
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Parents need to negotiate and compromise
l The surrogate voice of reason l The frontal lobes of teenagers are
located in their parents brains l Asking an adolescent to plan
ahead is like asking a dog to study physics
l Too much freedom is not good l Just as the early teen has not
grown into their body, we know they have not yet grown into their brain either
l Boys are slower….
Communication with young people
“…she had lost the art of conversation, but not unfortunately the power of speech.”��George Bernard Shaw
The 6 golden rules of talking to Young People
1. Give full attention – make eye contact and focus on their content
and be playful
2. Sound interested – tone must match content
3. Ask lots of questions – signals interest and
engagement
4. Feedback – reflect back in a paraphrase what you
have heard
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5. Praise their ability to explain things
6. Help them find their ‘spark’
The question…
What gets you up in the morning?
Tips for good � Communication �with Teenagers
l Keep Calm l Don’t talk too much and
listen more* l Look for compromise and
negotiate l Use humour l set very clear boundaries l avoid confrontations or
ultimatums l only argue over things that
matters
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Tips for good Communication with with OLDER CHILDREN
• do not constantly remind them of past mistakes
• talk while doing something together
• let some things go by you
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Getting enough Sleep
• More than 2/3rd (68.9%) high school students don't get enough sleep on school nights
• more likely than their well-rested peers to drink, smoke, and seriously consider suicide
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 2011
What does the research say is the optimal amount of sleep for a
student?
8.25 -9.25 hours
Source: Understanding adolescent’s sleep patterns and school performance: a critical appraisal. A.Wolfson, M.Carskadon, Sleep Medicine Reviews, Volume 7,
Issue 6, Pages 491-506
Stages of Sleep Sleep sequence
1 2 3 4
432 2 5
• REM stage approx 90 minutes after falling asleep
• The first cycle of REM sleep might last only a short amount of time
• each cycle becomes longer. • REM sleep can last up to an hour as sleep
progresses
Nine secrets of a good night’s
sleep
1. Dim lights 2. Implement a
routine 3. Cool down 4. Minimise
anxiety 5. Avoid
stimulants 6. Digital clock 7. Drinks that
induce sleepiness
l Drinking juice made from Montmorency cherries increases the body’s level of melatonin.
l Drink 30 ml twice a day – sleep for an extra 25 minutes
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Alcohol
Alcohol Alcohol l costs taxpayers an estimated
$15.3 billion every year in l Crime l Violence l Medical treatment l Loss of productivity and death.
Alcohol and your kids: a guide for parents and carers
“…There are many good reasons to encourage your teenager not to drink alcohol before turning 18.”
http://www.alcohol.gov.au/internet/alcohol/publishing.nsf/Content/guide-
parent
Alcohol research q 47% of those who begin
drinking before 14 become alcohol dependent compared with 9% who wait until 21 (Hingson 2006)
q 50% of Grade 5 children have had alcohol given to them by their parents (Toumbourou 2006)
Professor Toumbourou Chair in Health Psychology
Deakin University
Source: Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2006 Jul;160(7):739-46.
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a series of large international studies have
uncovered a clear link
If you start drinking before 14 years of age,
you double the risk of alcohol dependence at age 21…
the earlier you start drinking, the greater the
chance of problem drinking later in life.
Alcohol consumption in adolescence can permanently
damages the wiring of the brain
Government Advice
l Children under 15 years of age are at the greatest risk of harm from drinking.
l Not drinking in this age group –(under 15 years) – is especially important.
l For young people aged 15 to 17 years, the safest option is to delay drinking for as long as possible.
http://www.alcohol.gov.au/internet/alcohol/publishing.nsf/Content/guide-
parent
Official Australian Government Advice
www.nhmrc.gov.au/your_health/healthy/alcohol/index.htm#sum
Smart Phone App
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School Formals School Formals
Resilience
“…is the human capacity to face,
overcome, be strengthened by and even be transformed
by adversity.”
First psychological study on ‘resilience’
• studied a cohort of children from Kauai, Hawaii in 1970
Professor Emmy Werner
the first scientists to use the term ‘resilience’ in 1970s
Source: Werner, E. E. (1971). The children of Kauai : a longitudinal study from the prenatal period to age ten. Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press
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Kauai, Hawaii
• High levels of unemployment
• High levels of parental substance abuse
• High levels of mental illness
Source: Werner, E. E. (1982). Vulnerable but invincible: a longitudinal study of resilient children and youth. New York: McGraw-HillNew York: McGraw-Hill
Kauai, Hawaii
• 2/3rds exhibited destructive behaviours as teens (eg: years, chronic unemployment, substance abuse, teen pregnancy)
• 1/3rd did not exhibit destructive behaviours.
Source: Werner, E. E. (1982). Vulnerable but invincible: a longitudinal study of resilient children and youth. New York: McGraw-HillNew York: McGraw-Hill
The 5 characteristics�of resilient young people�
that every parent needs to know
Resilience
Charismatic Adult
Social/Emotional competencies
Spirituality
+ self talk
Islands of competence
And finally - the 8 secrets of happiness
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FLOURISHING = PERMA
• positive emotion • engagement • relationships • meaning • accomplishment
FLOURISHING = PERMA
• positive emotion
l Any positive emotion like l peace l gratitude l satisfaction l Pleasure l inspiration l Hope l curiosity l love
l falls into this category
FLOURISHING = PERMA
• engagement l When we're truly
engaged in a situation, task, or project, we experience a state of flow: l time seems to stop l we lose our sense
of self l we concentrate
intensely on the present
FLOURISHING = PERMA
• relationships l As humans, we are
"social beings," and good relationships are core to our well-being.
l people who have l Meaningful l Positive
relationships l with others are happier
than those who do not
FLOURISHING = PERMA
• meaning l Meaning comes from
serving a cause bigger than ourselves.
FLOURISHING = PERMA
• Accomplishment
l master a skill l achieve a valuable goal l win in some competitive
event l accomplishment is another
important thing that contributes to our ability to flourish.
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Criticism of PERMA
Where is Positive Health?
How do we apply PERMA?
l Using the PERMA Model l Once Scouts are aware
of the things that make up well-being (instead of focusing on happiness alone), it's much easier to live a rich, meaningful life.
PERMA QUESTIONs
l Although Scouts can't be happy all the time, we need to make sure that they often experience positive emotions such as pleasure, happiness, contentment, peace, joy, and inspiration.
l Deep engagement happens when participating in sports, spending time with friends, or working on projects that they are fascinated with.