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Stop Foreign AidStop Foreign Aid

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STOP Foreign THEY CAN HATE US FOR FREE

By JoshuaCook

Jan Helfeld, investigative journalist, asked Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) if he was against foreign aid:

“No,” Graham said. “Smart foreign aid, I’m against giving money to dictators, but we must invest in the world. Africa, George Bush did a great thing by helping people avoid being deci-mated by AIDS and malaria. I do believe the 1% of the budget we have in foreign assistance needs to be maintained.”

“But foreign aid is redistribution of wealth right?” asked Helfeld. “No, it’s not,” said Gra-ham. “It’s helping friends and allies at the time you need friends and allies.”

Reuters reported that the U.S. State Depart-ment and foreign aid budget escaped devas-tating cuts in a fiscal 2012 spending plan that Congress has approved, and according to the Huffington Post, the United States recently has

continued to pump around $50 billion in aid to other countries each year.

Ironically, those countries who receive the most foreign aid from U.S. taxpayers are the ones who hate America the most.

Here are the top recipients of U.S. foreign aid who harbors anti-American sentiments accord-ing to a recent survey by the Pew Research Cen-ter.

Egypt – $1.5 Billion Palestinians – $500 Million Jordan – $600 Million Pakistan – $1 Billion

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The Military PressJune 15, 2014

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EDUCATION

“It is time to stop those who get away with acts of corruption. The legal loopholes and lack of political will in government facilitate both domestic and cross-border corrup-tion, and call for our intensified ef-forts to combat the impunity of the corrupt.”

– Huguette Labelle, Chair,Transparency International

Most corrupt countries receiving U.S. aid

SomaliaNorth KoreaAfghanistanSudanSouth SudanLibya

IraqUzbekistanTurkmenistanSyriaYemenHaiti

Foreign Aid isRedistributionof Wealth

In contrast to Graham’s statement above, South Carolina State Senator Lee Bright told theGreenvillePost.com,

“Foreign aid is, in the strictest sense, a form of redistribution of wealth, since it is a transfer of wealth from one group of people to another. As such, it should only be permissible when the action is vital to our national interests. For instance, we should not be in the practice of sending American treasure abroad when the recipients are historically inclined to violent, anti-American action (i.e. the Muslim Brotherhood). There needs to be an

attitude of “America first” that keeps in mind the consequences of inappro-priate foreign entanglements and the buildup of national debt.”

Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) echoes Bright’s statement when recently asked if he is in favor of taxing Ameri-

can citizens in order to give it to foreigners.

“I think there are so many prob-lems with that.

And I think a lot of Americans have

a problem with that, too.”Concerned citizens con-

tinue to voice their frustra-tion with the U.S. government

funding countries with ties to radical Islam and the

Muslim Brotherhood, while states in the U.S. continue to suffer eco-

nomically.

Senator Graham’s Home State Suffers Economically

Recently Forbes.com called South Carolina one of the 11 ‘Death Spiral’ states.

Forbes tells its readers not to invest, buy bonds, or buy real estate in South Carolina because its taxes are project-ed to increase in order to support all the residents that depend on the gov-ernment. Forbes’ math is simple. What gets you on this “death spiral” lists is when you have more takers than mak-ers, when you have more people de-pendent of the government via welfare and government jobs than private sec-tor jobs. Liberty-minded conservatives are calling on Congress to stop funding other foreign countries with taxpayer dollars, especially when the U.S. con-tinues to sink deeper into debt.

During the 2012 Republican prima-ry, Ron Paul said,

“Foreign aid should be the easiest thing to cut. It’s not authorized in the Constitution that we can take money from you and give it to particular coun-tries around the world. To me, foreign aid is taking money from poor people in this country and giving it to rich peo-ple in poor countries.”

Nobel Prize-winning economist Mil-ton Friedman said that “government debt is an unpaid tax bill and must be paid by confiscating money from future workers or from private property.”

America has a $17 trillion dollar deficit and Americans are disturbed by their government continuing to print money to subsidize foreign pow-ers while stacking the financial burden onto their children and future genera-tions. Americans are also disturbed by the Obama administration not follow-ing U.S. laws regarding foreign aid.

Last year, Congressman Jeff Duncan (R-SC) and U.S. Tim Scott (R-SC) spoke to a large crowd at a Tea party meeting in Greenville, S.C.

TheGreenvillePost.com’s Joshua Cook asked both Sen. Scott and Con-gressman Duncan why the U.S. contin-ues to give 50 billion taxpayer dollars in foreign aid to counties who hate us.

Sen. Scott said, “Until we get to that point, myself, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, and others take a strong stand on question-ing what do we get on the return on investment for the money that we are giving out in this world.”

Duncan agreed with Sen. Scott and elaborated further.

“We must stop giving money to countries that hate us, they can hate us for free. We got to quit funding Is-lamic extremist and radicals…if I had my way, we would not fund the Muslim brotherhood at all” Duncan said.


The U.S. is providing hundreds of millions of dollars of foreign aid to some of the world’s richest countries - while at the same time borrowing bil-lions back, according to report seen by Congress.

The Congressional Research Service released the report last month which shows that in 2010 the U.S. handed out a total of $1.4bn to 16 foreign countries that held at least $10bn in Treasury se-curities.

Four countries in the world’s top 10 richest received foreign aid in 2010 with China receiving $27.2m, In-dia $126.6m, Brazil $25m, and Russia $71.5m.

Borrowing from Peter to help PeterYOU’RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

U.S. gives billions in foreign aid to world’s richest countries, then asks to borrow it backMexico also received $316.7m and

Egypt $255.7m.And yet despite the massive outgo-

ings in foreign aid, the receiving coun-tries hold trillions of dollars in U.S. Treasury bonds.

China is the largest holder with $1.1trillion as of March 2010, according to the Treasury Department.

Brazil held $193.5bn, Russia $127.8bn, India $39.8bn, Mexico $28.1bn and Egypt had $15.3bn.

Foreign aid is earmarked for causes including HIV/AIDs prevention, com-bating weapons of mass destruction, fighting tuberculosis, and counter-ter-rorism efforts.

No one thought Eric Cantor, the House majority leader, could actually lose. His primary challenge in his sub-urban Richmond district, from a lo-cal economics professor named David Brat, was thought to be nominal. No sit-ting majority leader has lost a primary since the position was invented in 1899. Cantor, though unloved by many in his party and in Congress, was seen as the speaker-in-waiting whenever John Boehner decided, or was forced, to hang it up.

But all those assumptions went out the window Tuesday night, when Cantor shockingly lost—and by a wide margin. With 97 percent of the vote counted, Brat had 56 percent of the vote to Cantor’s 44 percent.

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EDUCATION

HEALTH

The news has caused grave concern, with Senator Tom Coburn, R-Okla, who requested the report seen by Fox News, calling the policy “dangerous.”

In a written statement Senator Co-burn said: “Borrowing money from countries who receive our aid is dan-gerous for both the donor and recipi-ent.

“If countries can afford to buy our debt, perhaps they can afford to fund assistance programs on their own.

“At the same time, when we bor-row from countries we are supposedly helping to develop, we put off hard budget choices here at home.

“The status quo creates co-depen-

dency and financial risk at home and abroad.”

The news arrives as lawmakers in Washington battle over the conditions for increasing the nation’s ability to borrow money before defaulting on its obligations.

The government reached its $14.3trillion borrowing limit last month and both parties agree that spending cuts are needed, although Republicans refuse to raise taxes that Democrats in-sist on.

President Obama has met with both sides over the issue, but no progress has been made. The State Department did not comment.

By Richard MatzPublisher

Why are so many movie stars liberals and why do many of them support socialist agendas?

I can’t figure it out. Our capitalist system has allowed movie stars to achieve their dreams here in the United States. Here and only here can they achieve those dreams and enjoy all that comes with those successes yet those very people who have profited off our capitalist sys-tem are supporting socialist politicians

Liberal movie starsand ideas.

It makes no sense. Do they feel guilty that they have so much that they don’t want anyone else to live the American dream now?

Socialism equals the redistribution of wealth. Here’s a creative approach to redistributing wealth as offered in a lo-cal newspaper recently.

“Today on my way to lunch, I passed a homeless guy with a sign that read ‘Vote Obama, I need the money.’ I laughed.

“Once inside the restaurant, my server had on an ‘Obama 12’ necktie. Again I laughed, as he had given away

his political preference also. Just imag-ine the coincidence.

“When the bill came I decided not to tip the server and explained to him that I was exploring the Obama redis-tribution of wealth concept. He stood there in disbelief when I told him that I was going to redistribute his tip to someone who I deemed more in need — the homeless guy outside.

“The server angrily stormed from my sight. I went outside, gave the home-less guy $10, and told him to thank the server inside as I had decided that a homeless person deserved the tip mon-ey more.

“The homeless guy was grateful. At the end of my rather unscientific re-distribution experiment, I realized the homeless guy was grateful for money he did not earn. The waiter was angry that I gave away the money he did earn even though the actual recipient need-ed the money more.

“I guess redistribution of wealth is an easier thing to swallow in concept than in practical application.”


ENTERTAINMENT

From MilitaryTimes.comThe Labor Department has pulled

back — at least temporarily — from new minimum wage rules that had led several fast-food restaurants to end their contracts on military installa-tions and prompted others to possibly follow suit.

Labor officials are “reevaluating” wage determi-nations for fast food workers and expect to “reissue industry-specific fast food wage determinations in the near future,” according to a departmental announcement sent to interested par-ties and contracting offices.

At issue are recently implemented Labor Department rules for fast food workers on federal contracts under the Service Contract Act that require an increase in their minimum wage, vary-ing by region.

The rules also require payment of new, additional “health and welfare” benefits at a rate of $3.81 per hour.

In a request for a waiver from these new wage rules regulations, the Navy noted that in six areas in Florida, Cali-fornia and Virginia, the increase in the new mandated hourly wage ranges from 72 percent to 76 percent.

Last year, DoL decided that fast food workers under federal contracts would be subject to these require-ments, and included the codes in their wage determinations, although they had not been in the past. DoL has now removed the codes for fast food work-ers from these wage determinations.

With those rules now removed, con-tracting agencies will have to submit an e98 request form to Labor officials before they set wage and benefit rates for fast food workers in federal con-tracts. Meanwhile, Labor officials ex-pect to finish their reevaluation soon.

In March, McDonald’s restaurants closed on three Navy bases, and Ma-rine Corps officials have said one will close on a Marine base. Another eat-ery, “I Love Country,” has closed at Na-val Station Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.

The majority of fast food conces-sions on Army and Air Force bases are unaffected because they are operated directly by the Army and Air Force Ex-change Service, not by contract.

Russell Beland, deputy assistant secretary of the Navy for military man-power and personnel, had sent a letter to DoL April 8 asking for an exemption from the wage regulations.

In that letter, Beland said Navy and Marine Corps exchange officials esti-mate that unless relief is granted, up to 390 fast food concession operations

On-base fast food outlets get areprieve fromnew wage rules

would close on installations across the U.S. and its territories, with a loss of nearly 5,750 jobs, many held by mili-tary family members and veterans.

Concessionaires can’t increase their prices

on bases to offset increased labor costs, because under most con-tracts they can’t charge more than is charged by similar services within a speci-

fied radius of a military installa-

tion, according to an April 10 letter to DoL signed

by Reps. Joe Wilson, R-S.C., chairman of the House Armed Services Com-mittee’s personnel panel, John Kline, R-Minn., chairman of the House Edu-cation and the Workforce Committee, and 38 other lawmakers.

The lawmakers asked DoL to ex-empt some military morale, welfare and recreation and exchange opera-tions, such as fast food concessions, from the wage regulations affecting federal contractors on military bases.

“Should these policy changes be ful-ly implemented, we are concerned they will eliminate jobs, negatively impact recreational services on military bases, and limit the dining options for service men and women on military installa-tions,” the lawmakers wrote.

Navy and Marine Corps exchange officials estimate a combined loss of about $27 million a year in profits as-sociated with food service sales alone.

The companies aren’t paid by the federal government; they rely on the revenue they receive from their cus-tomers, and provide revenue payments to the exchange systems that help sup-port MWR programs.

Covert operation of the‘secret handshake’ captured

The custom is as fleeting as it is elusive. In a matter of a split second, the entire exchange is over, and the people who witnessed the covert operation often never even knew it happened. A challenge coin, tucked in the palm of the United States president, is passed to a member of the military in a seemingly ordinary handshake. For photojournalists who cover the president, immortal-izing the exchange that takes place during that ‘secret handshake’ in a still image is something of a white whale. It’s exceedingly rare that clear photos of such a delivery are captured. Yet, just two weeks ago, the feat was pulled off twice — on consecutive days.

President Obama paid a three-day visit to California, and on his way out to the West Coast, he stopped in Arkansas to meet with families there whose lives were devastated by a recent outbreak of deadly tornadoes. Moments after the president touched down at Little Rock Air Force Base, veteran Associated Press photographer Susan Walsh managed to snap a photo of President Obama mak-ing the hand off to Col. Patrick Rhatigan, commander of the 19th Airlift Wing.

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Jimmy Carter39th President of the United States

Served from Jan. 20, 1977 to Jan. 20, 1981

“We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other’s children.” — Jimmy Carter

World events• USSR invades Afghanistan• Margaret Thatcher elected Prime

Minister in UK• Ayatollah Khomeini returns to

Tehran after 15 years of exile and seizes power in Iran

• 63 Americans taken hostage in the American Embassy in Tehran

• Dictator Idi Amin is deposed in Uganda

• The Sahara Desert ex-periences snow for 30

minutes• The first

black-led government of Rhodesia in

90 years takes power and

the country’s name is changed to Zimbabwe

• Pope John Paul II visits his native Poland, becoming the first Pope to visit a Communist country

• President Hasan al-Bakr resigns and Vice President Saddam Hussein replaces him in Iraq

• Egypt’s Anwar Sadat and Israel’s Men-achem Begin sign peace treaty

• 3,000 Iranian radi-cals, mostly students, in-vade the U.S. Embassy in Tehran, taking 90 hostages

• China institutes the one child per family rule to control exploding population

U.S. news• Population 225,055,487• Life expectancy 73.9 years• Salt II arms limitation talks

signed by U.S. and USSR• During the “Death to the

Klan” march organized by com-

munist supporters in North Carolina, white supremacists open fire killing five marchers

• Eleven fans are killed at a Who concert in Ohio

• Three-Mile Island nuclear accident occurs in Pennsyl-vania

• American Airlines flight 191 crashed and exploded in a field near O’Hare Airport in Chicago

6 June 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

Technology• VisiCalc becomes the

first spreadsheet program• Sony introduces the

Walkman at $200• Voyager I photo re-

veals Jupiter’s rings

Inventions• Snowboard• Commercial

Cellular Network

Popularculture

• YMCA sues the Village People for libel because of their song of the same name

• Sid Vicious, former member of Sex Pistols, dies of a heroin over-dose dur-ing

Walter Mondale42nd Vice President of the United StatesServed from Jan. 20, 1977 to Jan. 20, 1981

1979Jaguar

ChevyCamaro

Pope John Paul II

Ayatollah Khomeini

Top left:Three-MileIsland nuclearaccident. Bottom left: Margaret Thatcher,British PM. Below: The Village People.

Sid Vicious, Sex Pistols


Popular films• Superman: The Movie• Every Which Way But Loose• Rocky II• Alien• The Amityville Horror• Star Trek: The Motion Picture• Moonraker• The Muppet Movie• The Deer Hunter

• Kramer vs. Kramer

June 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 7

BORN THIS YEAR: Above right: Leroy Petry,Army Medal of Honor recipient.

Above left: Cote de Pablo, actress; Mena Survari, actress; Bam Margera, skaterboarder;

Natasha Lyonne, actress

TV shows• The Dukes of Hazzard• The Facts of Life • Buck Rogers in the 25th Century • Knots Landing

his trial for murdering his

girlfriend• Pink Floyd releases

“The Wall,” with top sell-ing single “Another Brick in the Wall”

• Trivial Pursuit game is launched

• Bungee jump-ing introduced

• Income per year ... $17,500• Minimum wage .......... $2.90• New house ........... $58,100• Monthly rent ................ $280• New car ................... $4,100• Gallon of gas ................. 86¢• Dozen eggs ................... 85¢• Gallon of milk .............. $1.89• Loaf of bread ................. 45¢• First-class stamp .......... 15¢• Movie ticket ................ $2.50

AVERAGE COSTOF LIVING

Popular music• “My Sharona,”

Knack• “Bad Girls,” Donna Sum-

mer• “Le Freak,” Chic• “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy,”

Rod Stewart• “Reunited,” Peaches and

Herb• “I Will Survive,” Gloria

Gaynor• “YMCA,” Village People• “Ring My Bell,” Anita

Ward

1979

ChevyCorvette

Catherine Bachplayed Daisy Duke in

Dukes of Hazzard

Bunge jumping

introduced

Sid Vicious, Sex Pistols

Cast of “Knots Landing”

remember when...


The myth of the ‘pink cloud’

Have you heard of the “pink cloud”? It’s a term that originated in Alcohol-ics Anonymous. Everyone recovering from addiction rides the pink cloud at some point. Many don’t understand it. So now is the perfect time to learn the truth about this thing called the pink cloud.

Pink is not a primary color. It ap-pears on only one national flag in all the world. (The Turks and Caicos Islands flag includes a pink shell.) Things as-sociated with pink include: piggy banks, pink eye, pink elephants, cotton candy, pink-o communists, Pink Floyd, Barbie’s™ pink camper, pink roses and soothing pink stomach relief. Consequently, pink has a hard time inspiring confi-dence. So when you hear mention of the pink cloud, you might not assign much importance to it. That would be a huge mistake.

Of course we aren’t talking about an actual pink cloud; that intensely beautiful mass of water vapor you see hanging in the sky at dusk. Rather, in the context of recovery, the pink cloud refers to a state of mind.

Mention of the pink cloud is found on page 113 of the Alcoholics Anony-mous text Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, which describes the feeling you experience when you finally admit that you are powerless over alcohol or drugs and that your life has become unmanageable. A.A. calls this Step One, or surrender. If you don’t relate to 12-step programs like A.A. or N.A. that’s okay. Think of it as the way you feel after you finally hit “bottom.”

Owning the fact you are powerless over your behaviors marks the begin-ning of recovery. When your ego stops calling the shots, horror gives way to hope. An enormous feeling of relief follows surrender. The bag of bricks you’ve shouldered for so long is lifted, awakening intense emotions long anes-thetized with chemicals. You enter the miracle phase of recovery. You’re float-ing on a cloud; an intensely beautiful pink cloud.

However, there is a tendency at this point to feel so victorious that you stop

ChemicalWarfare

with Keith AngelinMBA, CADC-II, CNDAI

doing the work, Instead you want to celebrate your newfound freedom by shouting out to anyone who will listen. A.A. describes this person as one who completes

Step-One (sur-render) and im-mediately skips to Step-Twelve (sharing the mes-sage with others) without doing any of the work in-between. You can also think of

it as being naive, lazy or overconfident. You might be sober, but you haven’t identified your triggers or cravings nor learned healthy coping skills. You haven’t set things right with the people you wronged. You haven’t developed a new way of living. This is tough stuff that takes time.

Eventually life tap-dances on your head. You’re jolted back to reality by issues — both good and bad — which you haven’t the skills to handle. So you lose faith in the recovery process, sink into depression, and relapse.

Or not. With all due respect to A.A., that is a myth! The truth is, you can ride your pink cloud for the rest of your life. My miracle began October 21, 2008. Life sober has been intensely beauti-ful ever since. Of course there are chal-lenges. But recovery teaches that you can overcome anything so long as you keep things in perspective, stop trying to control everything and focus on just those things you can change by using the tools (i.e. Steps) you develop. Let me assure you, the worst day sober is infinitely better than the best day high.

Simply work a recovery program — rigorously, honestly, humbly — and you will find yourself riding atop your very own pink cloud. Then, whether or not you ever give up this intensely beauti-ful state of mind will be your choice alone. But I warn you, pink clouds, like recovery and cotton candy, are addict-ing!

Keith Angelin, MBA, CADC-II, CNDAI, is a Master’s level, board-certified alcohol & drug counselor, and nationally certified intervention specialist. He can relate to the worst in addicts because he was con-sidered hopeless myself. His 14-year battle with drugs and alcohol included multiple overdoses. His recovery compelled him to re-evaluate his life and share the miracle with others. Recently he authored the “At Home Recovery Workbook.” Learn more at www.InterventionRx.com.

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EDUCATION

Marine is 8th living recipient of Medal of HonorBy Richard Sisk, military.com

The White House announced Monday that Marine Lance Cpl. Kyle Carpenter will become the eighth living recipient to receive the Medal of Honor, the nation’s highest award for valor.

On Nov. 21, 2010, while on guard duty in the Marjah district of Afghanistan’s Helmand province, Car-penter dove on a Taliban grenade to save another Marine.

His wounds were so severe that he was listed as “P-E-A” (Person Expired on Arrival) when the medical evacuation helicopter got him to the aid station.

Carpenter survived even though he flat-lined in the course of one of the 30 surgeries he endured during recovery.

Carpenter survived and on Monday the White House announced that he would be awarded the Medal of Honor by President Obama at a White House ceremony on June 19.

Carpenter, 24, of Flowood, Miss., will be the eighth living recipient of the nation’s highest award for valor from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. He will also be the third Marine to receive the Medal of Honor since Sept. 11, 2001.

View your VA health record on your mobile device

The VA Mobile Health Summary of Care App allows Veterans and their Caregiver to view specific parts of your VA electronic health record on your mobile device(s). This App, one of the Apps featured in the VA Mobile Health Family Caregiver Pilot, helps you and your Caregiver organize vari-ous aspects of your health care infor-mation and gain an overarching under-standing of your needs and progress.

With the Summary of Care App, you are able to receive and view your VA medical information – including

lab results, medications, allergies, in-formation on past and upcoming ap-pointments, progress notes related to clinic visits, hospital discharge notes, radiology results, and more – in one place and from the convenience of your mobile device(s).

You are able to customize your Summary of Care App to see self-en-tered data as well as records from your health care teams about current medi-cal diagnoses. Provider-recorded in-formation includes clinical notes from appointments and discharge details

after hospitalization. You will also be able to view lab results and graph the data over time to monitor your prog-ress.

This App is not meant to replace communication and/or in-person ap-pointments with your health care team. If you have non-emergency questions about the information in your Summary of Care, Secure Mes-sage your health care team or call your local VA Medical Center.

For more info, visit mobilehealth.va.gov.

Marine Gen. Joseph “Fighting Joe” Dunford has been nominated as the next commandant of the Marine Corps.

The Defense Department an-nounced today that Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel had nominated Dun-ford, who currently commands coali-tion troops in Afghanistan as head of the International Security Assistance Force, to be the 36th commandant.

Dunford, 58, previously served as the 32nd assistant commandant of the Marine Corps under Gen. Jim Amos from 2010 to 2012.

During his 37-year Marine Corps ca-reer as an infantry officer, Dunford has spent considerable time in both post-9/11 combat theaters.

Dunford’s nomination must still be confirmed by the Senate during a hear-ing process expected to take place lat-er this year. If he is confirmed, he will likely be installed as the next comman-dant this fall.

Corps names new commandant


ACROSS1. Wingless bloodsucking insects6. Fasten10. Small island14. Glorify15. Largest continent16. Tidy17. Fertilizer ingredient18. Departed19. Plate20. Dispersed22. Within23. Car24. Judge26. Tibetan monk30. Liveliness31. One time around32. Leave out33. Holly35. Errand runner39. Make pure41. Ambiguous43. Alleviated44. Sea eagle46. Nights before47. Neither ___49. Many millennia50. Fender blemish51. Walk unsteadily54. Potato56. Diva’s solo57. Maternity63. Glance over64. Data65. A tea-like beverage66. After-bath powder67. Counterfoil68. Cambered69. Being70. Only71. Low heavy horse carts

DOWN1. Ward (off)2. 62 in Roman numerals3. Dines4. Beers5. Stripes6. Frivolity7. Variant of an element8. 1 less than 109. Complex in design10. Disinclined11. A river through Paris12. Persists

13. Community spirit21. Student25. Epic26. Prospector’s find27. Dogfish28. A young lady29. Number of people present34. He fears foreigners36. Half of ten37. Not odd38. A musical pause40. False god42. Locale45. Relaxing

48. Negligent51. Flavor52. Killer whales53. Instrument indicators55. Wood nymph58. Savvy about59. German for “Mister”60. Killer whale61. Comply with62. Fathers

PU

ZZ

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PA

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This week’s solutions:

SUDOKUThe rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks

so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9.

Just for

LaughsDrowning

Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help. They follow the sound to the lake and see President Obama drowning. The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore.

Obama asks the boys how he can re-pay them. The first boy says, “I want a boat.”

The second boy says, “I want a truck.”

The third boy says, “I want a nice tombstone.”

Obama asks, “Why is that?”The boy says, “Because when my

dad finds out I helped save you, he’s go-ing to kill me.”

Ever wonder… • Why the sun lightens our hair, but

darkens our skin? • Why women can’t put on mascara

with their mouth closed? • Why you don’t ever see the head-

line “Psychic Wins Lottery”?• Why “abbreviated” is such a long

word?• Why doctors call what they do

“practice”?• Why you have to click on

“Start” to stop Windows 98?• Why lemon juice is made

with artificial flavor, while dish washing liquid is made with real lemons?

• Why the man who invests all your money is called a bro-ker?

• Why there isn’t mouse-fla-vored cat food?

• Who tastes dog food when it has a “new & improved” flavor?

• Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

• Why they don’t make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

• Why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?

• Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Talk nerdy to me…

Knock, knock.Who’s there?To.To Who?No, To Whom.

• What do you say when you’re com-forting a grammar Nazi?

There, Their, They’re…• It’s hard to explain puns to klep-

tomaniacs because they always take things literally.

• C, E Flat and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, no minors.”

• What’s a physicist’s favorite food? Fission chips.

• They say a Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but your really mean your mother.

• What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

• The past, the present and the fu-ture walked into a bar. It was tense.

• What’s another name for Santa’s elves? Subordinate Clauses.

• When I was a kid, my English teach-er looked my way and said, “Name two pronouns.” I said, “Who, me?”

• There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet.

• A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any lug-gage. The photon replies, “No I’m trav-eling light.”

• Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s OK now.

• How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

• Why can’t you trust atoms? Be-cause they make up everything!

Terrible jokes• The midget fortune teller who

kills his customers is a small medium at large.

• The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

• What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.

• You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

• There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescend-ing.

• A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

• Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.

• How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.

• Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

• Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.

• What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

• My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

• What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.

• How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go play on our bikes.

• What do you call dangerous pre-cipitation? A rain of terror.

• Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”

• Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.


The Department of Defense does not endorse any company, sponsor or their products or services. Always wear your seat belt and please don’t drink and drive. Nissan, the Nissan Brand Symbol, Innovation That Excites, and Nissan model names are Nissan trademarks. ©2014 Nissan North America, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Military Press Zone 2, June 15, 2014

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Transcript of Military Press Zone 2, June 15, 2014