Michael Grinder: „It takes me six visits to Russia before...
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Michael Grinder: „It takes me six visits to Russia before I can even start to understand Russians” As we announced, in June Michael Grinder will give his training session in Russia that will be dedicate to the Non Verbal influence. In anticipation it we asked him some questions about his methods and coming training. - Michael, are the ideas of Robert Dilts’ Sleight of Mouth left in the past for you? Or do your methods complete the ones that Dilts offers? - Robert is one of my mentors in NLP, and NLP taught me how to model. When I was trained in it, I was a teacher. I found that most models of communication operate from the inside out – that is, “change the person’s internal state and they will operate differently externally.” This was not appropriate for the educators I was training. Therefore, I switched to an “outside-in” model – change their behaviors and they change their self-image. The second major adaptation from NLP that I did was moving the traditional style of one-on-one communication to the group setting that teachers deal with in their classrooms. The third adaptation was to focus on Non Verbals instead of verbal communication - How did NLP change you and your life? - The single most beautiful gift that NLP gave me was the ability to see and hear patterns of Non Verbal communication. - When, how, and why did you decide to study Non Verbal aspects of communication? - Research indicates that somewhere above 80% of our communication is found in the Non Verbal aspects of the message. I was training in West Berlin – the year before they tore down the wall – where I found and copied down a spray-painted message that said: “we are in love with the influence of power. And we need to be in love with the power of influence.” I have made a study of the difference between the Non Verbals of Power and the Non Verbals of Influence and when to use each. - What were the most surprising and unbelievable results of Non Verbal influence that you remember? - I have a commitment to studying communication and packaging patterns in such a way that other people can get results – not just myself. I openly tell people that to be a Non Verbal communicator at its highest level, you have to accept that you’re in the business of manipulation. But the manipulation is with the control of your own eyes, voice, body, and breathing. There’s some days I cannot manipulate myself as well as I can on other days. To summarize: “I manipulate myself to influence others.”
Transcript of Michael Grinder: „It takes me six visits to Russia before...
MichaelGrinder:„IttakesmesixvisitstoRussiabeforeIcanevenstarttounderstandRussians”Asweannounced,inJuneMichaelGrinderwillgivehistrainingsessioninRussiathatwillbededicatetotheNonVerbalinfluence.Inanticipationitweaskedhimsomequestionsabouthismethodsandcomingtraining.
- Michael,aretheideasofRobertDilts’SleightofMouthleftinthepastforyou?OrdoyourmethodscompletetheonesthatDiltsoffers?
- RobertisoneofmymentorsinNLP,andNLPtaughtmehowtomodel.WhenIwastrainedinit,Iwasateacher.Ifoundthatmostmodelsofcommunicationoperatefromtheinsideout–thatis,“changetheperson’sinternalstateandtheywilloperatedifferentlyexternally.”ThiswasnotappropriatefortheeducatorsIwastraining.Therefore,Iswitchedtoan“outside-in”model–changetheirbehaviorsandtheychangetheirself-image.ThesecondmajoradaptationfromNLPthatIdidwasmovingthetraditionalstyleofone-on-onecommunicationtothegroupsettingthatteachersdealwithintheirclassrooms.ThethirdadaptationwastofocusonNonVerbalsinsteadofverbalcommunication
- HowdidNLPchangeyouandyourlife?- ThesinglemostbeautifulgiftthatNLPgavemewastheabilitytoseeandhearpatternsofNon
Verbalcommunication.- When,how,andwhydidyoudecidetostudyNonVerbalaspectsofcommunication?- Researchindicatesthatsomewhereabove80%ofourcommunicationisfoundintheNonVerbal
aspectsofthemessage.IwastraininginWestBerlin–theyearbeforetheytoredownthewall–whereIfoundandcopieddownaspray-paintedmessagethatsaid:“weareinlovewiththeinfluenceofpower.Andweneedtobeinlovewiththepowerofinfluence.”IhavemadeastudyofthedifferencebetweentheNonVerbalsofPowerandtheNonVerbalsofInfluenceandwhentouseeach.
- WhatwerethemostsurprisingandunbelievableresultsofNonVerbalinfluencethatyouremember?
- Ihaveacommitmenttostudyingcommunicationandpackagingpatternsinsuchawaythatotherpeoplecangetresults–notjustmyself.IopenlytellpeoplethattobeaNonVerbalcommunicatoratitshighestlevel,youhavetoacceptthatyou’reinthebusinessofmanipulation.Butthemanipulationiswiththecontrolofyourowneyes,voice,body,andbreathing.There’ssomedaysIcannotmanipulatemyselfaswellasIcanonotherdays.Tosummarize:“Imanipulatemyselftoinfluenceothers.”
- Couldyousharewithus2-3examplesofsituationswhenyouyourselfwereamazedbytheoutcomeswhichprovedtoyoutheefficiencyofyourmethodandshowedthatitcouldgivepeoplemagicandsuper-power?
- ThemostadvancedlevelofNonVerbalcommunicationhasbeenperception.Toteachperception,IuseamodelthatIcallthe“CirclesofHumanness.”Thefirstimpressionpeoplehaveofeachotheris“appearance,”whichisreplacedinafewminuteswith“behavior.”Thethirdcircleis“style,”thefourthcircleis“values”andtheinsidecircleiscalled“coreidentity.”Ihavediscovered14behavioralmoments(thesecondcircle)whentheindividualrevealstoyoutheir“style”and“values.”Thathasbeenthemostamazingthing–tobeabletopackagethisapproachsothatotherpeoplecanbemorerespectfulofthepeoplethattheycommunicatewith.
- WhatarethedifferencesofNonVerbalCommunicationthatyounoticedwhileworkingindifferentcontinents?CouldyoupleasegiveusanexampletoillustratethefactthatNonVerbalCommunicationdiffersfromplacetoplace,justlikethelanguages?Or,onthecontrary,demonstratethefactthattherearenodifferences,andthatafterstudyingthebasicnuancesonecanbecomeafriendtoeverystrangerwithoutanywords)?
- Eachculturehasdifferentbaselines:TheNorthernGermansgestureveryclosetotheirtorsoandsometimesjustwiththeirfingers;Bavariansgesture,atmost,withtheirelbowsattheirside;peopleinMediterraneancultureextendtheirarmsoutfromtheirtorsosothattheelbowscanbestraight.
- Oncethebaselineofeachcultureisunderstood,allofour21patternsofNonVerbalCommunicationcanbeapplied.Forexample,let’slookatvoicepatterns.TheNorthernGermanshaveaflatvoiceandMediterraneancultureshavearollingvoice.Weknowthattheflatvoice,referredtoascredible,sendsinformation;whiletherollingvoice,calledapproachable,elicitsinformationorincreasesdialogue.WiththeestablishmentthatNorthernGermanshaveaflatvoice,wecannowsaythatthosewhohavetheleastflatvoicearethemoreapproachableones.WiththeMediterraneans,thepersonwiththeleastrollingvoiceisthemorecredibleperson.Insummary,establishtheculturalbaselineandthenthe21patternsofNonVerbalCommunicationapply.
- WhatarethemaindifferencesofNonVerbalpatternsforcommunicationwith1-2personsandanaudienceof100-1000people?Aretherealotofsuchdifferences?Aretheysignificant?
- Thenumberonevariablewhenmovingfromone-on-onecommunicationtogroupcommunicationistheabilitytoincreaseyourperipheralsight…youhavetobeabletoseewhereyouarenotlooking.Secondly,groupscanbecategorizedbythefollowingvariables:“unformed”,“formedandfunctional”,“temporarilydysfunctional”,“chronicallydysfunctional”,and“healthy”.
- Groupdynamicscanbeunderstoodthroughthesymbolofatriangle.Atrianglehasthreesides;itisthestrongestgeometricshapewehavebecausepressureononesideisfeltequallybytheothertwosides.Thetopcorneristheperson-in-charge,thebottomleftcornerrepresentstheindividuals,andthebottomrightisthegroupasawhole.Byusingthefourcategoriesjustmentioned,theperson-in-chargehasmoreoptionsintermsofwhentofacilitate,whentosupport,whentomanage,andwhentodiscipline.
- Inyourperspective,whatarethedifferencesbetweenAmerican,European,andRussianNLP-
models?- SettingasideNLP,Americanculturetendstobelieveintheindividualtomakeahugedifference.
TheEuropeancultureofleadershiptendstobelievethatthesystemcanmakeadifference.I’mstillwaitingtolearnabouttheRussianmodelofleadership.
- WhyareyoucomingtoRussiawithyourtrainingprogramthisyear?Isitbecauseyouhavetimeforinternationaltrainings,ordoyoubelieveitistherighttimenowforthisparticulartraining?OrarethereanyotherreasonsthatmadeyouplanyourfirstRussianTraininingforSummer2016?
- Asatruesocialscientist,ItrytodisproveallthemodelsandpatternsthatIpackaged.ComingtotheRussianculturewillhelpmefigureoutwhichpatternsneedtobealteredsothatcross-culturalcommunicationcanbebetterunderstood.Wedoneedtospeakandunderstandeachother’slanguages;yetpeaceisoftentimesfoundwhenwerespecteachother’sNonVerbalcustoms.
- WhileorganizingyourRussiantraining,didyoustudyanyspecialfeaturesoftheRussianNonVerbalCommunication?Ifso,whatmaterialsdidyouuse(movies,news,communicationwithRussianfriends)?
- Whenlearninganewculture,thenumberoneskillistosuspendanyinterpretationofwhatyousee.IfindittakesmesixvisitsbeforeIcanevenstarttoapproximateaccurateinterpretations.ThiswillbemysecondvisittoRussiasoIwillbeobserving.
- DoyouknowanythingaboutRussianNLPanditsrepresentatives?Ifso,whatisyouropinion?WhatdoyourcolleagueswhohavealreadybeentoRussiawithtrainingssayaboutRussianstudents,theirmainrequestsanddifficulties?
- IhopetomeetpeopleoftheRussianNLPcommunity.Ilookforwardtomylearning.- DoyouknowYuriChekchurinandMikhailPelehatiy,NLP-trainers,whodevelopedthecomplexof
sleightsofmouth,consistingofwords,gestures,facialexpressions,psychologicaltypes,intonations?
- Idonotknowthesepeople–canyoudirectmewhereIcanlearnaboutthem?- Itseemsliketheyshouldvisityourtraining!So,Michael,dopeoplewhowanttoattendyour
traininginJuneneedany“base”(knowledgeofpsychology,NLP-trainings)todoit?- ThereareadvantagesanddisadvantagestoknowingNLPwhenyouattendoneofmyprograms.For
example,thepeopletrainedinNLP–andthosewhoknowmylastname–willwonderwhyIdonotuselanguagelike“anchoring”andinsteaduse“long-termmemory.”AndthosewhodonotknoweithermeorNLPwillreceiveplentyofopportunitiesindifferentareasfrommytraining.
- Andinevitablemagicbothinbusinessandinlife!Thankyou,Michael!SeeyouinJune!
MichaelGrinder`sSecretsofNonVerbalcommunication
arecoveredbyIrmaKaplanandAlexandraSamarina
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